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arcadejohn127-9 · 4 years

Note

Heyyy, I hope you’re doing ok! I love ur blog and I know we’re strangers who will possibly never meet but Recently, the little things have pushed me over the edge and close to an anxiety attack I presume but I’ve been using knitting and crochet to cope. It sounds weird Ik, but may u do the brothers and Undateables with an MC who does that and MC just ends up making so much stuff in one day that she gives it away to them. I’m so sorry if it’s weird, pls feel free to choose whether to do it or not but this blog has made me a little happier than before, thank you for reading and being here!

I actually use to do knitting, never finished anything and lost interest but it was really calming and fun. Couldn't keep my attention for long as it was very repetitive and got boring quickly but I always just genuinely enjoyed it despite that?

Stress knitting seems like the most wholesome way to handle anxiety and stress, it helps you focus on something else, you're being productive and having fun aswell as being safe! Though do be careful with the needles

And thank you for being here and supporting me, I'm glad I could make you feel even a little bit happier, a small amount of happiness is better than none! So thank you for making my night with how kind you are! Your habit and anxiety relief isn't weird at all, I don't see how it could be weird tbh

Sorry this took so long, I feel stupid now but I got really stumped on some of them on what to make but now I'm laughing at myself due to how obvious they were

Lucifer:

You made him mug holders and now it's all he uses

"It's very useful, I'll take extra care of it - no need to worry."

He can handle the heat but he must use what you've made

You even made a massive sweater and socks for Cerberus

How you got his dogs measurements is beyond him but it was the most prominent things he uses from your biggest pile

But he was no fool, he knew you

He knew your habits and how you've grown more anxious

He isn't always the most available person with his emotions and with his schedule

But he was always willing to listen to your issues

Mammon:

You made him a money pouch - how could he not be happy??!!

He loves jingling it to hear all his latest 'finds'

What was even better you made him a sweater he got to wear for his modeling job and show off to Everyone

That article was an interesting find

"CHECK IT! everyone loved your sweater! I say we can make a bussiness with this."

But when you come handing him a large bag full of your latest projects he can't help but raise a brow

He's greedy, he loves being showered in gifts

But he knew you, he took note on your emotional

He got pouty but he hugged your shoulders

Reminding you that you can always come to him and he'll make you feel better

Levithan:

You made him knitted wrist support, for his long gaming sessions

He wears them pretty much everyday at this point

Not only are they comfortable and helpful

But you made them! Specifically for him! For him to use! YOU MADE IT!

Has bragged to his gaming friends about it one too many times

"My player 2 is obviously better than yours, does yours knit cute things for you? I thought so."

Also you made him a crotchet plush of his favourite animal crossing chatacter, he prefers the Devildom version of the game but he's a sucker for bright cute things

Anything he could he'd either put in on his desk or on his figure cupboards

But when you come in with a massive pile, strained smile he felt himself panic

You both have anxiety, you were comrades in it! So of course he knew how knitting was part of your coping mechanism

He felt annoyed and worried on why you weren't coming to him but quickly calmed himself down, when he saw he patted your head

Explaining you can always come to him because you're in this together

He definitely stole a line or two from his latest favourite media

Satan:

Crotchet chair cat paw socks was his favourite out of the pile

"They're little paws..... I need these for all my furniture!"

His second favourite is the baggy sweater you knitted for him

He's going to cherish these gifts until he dies

Which could be never

Though even in death he'd be keeping what you've made him

Worried about the massive increase as he knows it's coping for your anxiety

He's read books about anxiety so he has a fair amount of knowledge on it

Insists you can always come to him when you're worried

Asmodeus:

He adored everything you made!

The sweater had little holes in them? He doesn't care and even smirks at the holes

"wanting to expose my beautiful skin~? I don't blame you."

Made a scarf? He'll wear that instead of his usual black one

Just knitted squares or unwearable things? Proudly shows off your work

Is concerned you've been so ridden with anxiety

He wants to help as much as he can, he has teas and bath scents for these kind of things

Just say the word and he'll bring all of it out

Beezlebub:

A crotchet layered burger he can take apart because it's velcro-ed together??!

It's like a real burger!

He tries not to bite or chew on it but it has happened before

Would feel awful if he accidentally ripped it

"I love it, are you going to make more?"

Didn't expect for you to actually make more

As time went on he learned that it helps you calm down from anxiety

So he especially didn't expect you to come in with a massive bag full of your latest creation's

He immediately got worried

You wanted to show them off to distract your mind but he just grabbed your head

Gently moving it so you looked at him

He told you he wants to help and he'll be there for you, no matter what and no matter when

Belphegor:

You made him w blanket - you know how young children are normally seen with baby blankets? Just always carrying them around

Yeah that's him

"You can't make me take it off Lucifer-! This is MY gift from (Y/N) and I'm going to make sure everyone sees it!"

Always showing off the blanket you made him by carrying it around or having it wrapped around him

He loves it! He also loves the pillow covers you made! It helps spice up his pillow collection

But you can't hide your anxiety from him, he goes out of his way to give people it

And soon he found out how kitting was a coping mechanism

He felt a little special you were making him things because it calmed you down but also worried about your mental health

The concern RISED when you were in the attic, placing and organising the big pile you had

He hugged you and flopped onto the bed

Telling you that he'll look after you and you can tell him what's wrong, stress naps are always welcomed with him

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

Didn't expect to find such a huge pile of new stuff in his room

He saw mug holders and mits

Horn warmers

And his favourite- a shawl with tassels, he immediately wrapped it around him and refused to take it off

He's going to wear this everywhere no matter his outfit

"Barbatos can be strict but I'll wear this no matter what, if I even see a spec of dirty on it I'll make sure to get it cleaned with delicate care."

But then it hit him, you become more active with your hobby when you become anxious

He immediately got to you, asking you if you're okay

He's ready to charge your whole class schedule if he has to

Barbatos:

You crocheted desserts and he never felt so much warmth and love in his heart

Almost collapsed from sweetness when he found a knitted pair of gloves in the big pile of your creation's

Appreciates the gifts alot

"these are marvelous, I look forward to see what else you make."

Brings you calming teas as a thank you, understanding your anxiety must be high

Offers a shoulder to cry on and happy to take time out of his schedule to listen to your worries

He asks you to teach him so he can make things like you

He wants to repay you for all the things you've given him

Solomon:

Has a whole room dedicated to everything you've ever made and given him

Whenever he has guests he likes to take them to check out your creations

"Come and admire my collection, My apprentice made these, aren't they neat?"

The potion sacks you've made are extremely useful

Aswell as the coldrain mat

Can sense your anxious energy in the newest creation's and gets concerned

He'll invite you over to talk about what's wrong

Let's you to take your time incase you're comfortable to talk

Simeon:

His favourite amongst the massive pile was a cute crotchet octopus

It was nicely stuffed and felt so nice to rest his head on

Others that peaked his fancy were the long wrist warmers you made, the way you made it made it look like lace

Aswell as a shawl and the very well made bag to store his books in

"You're so thoughtful, I'll treasure them all."

But he noticed just how worked up you've been and knew your anxious habits

Sat you down for tea to ask what how you're feeling and if could help

Also offers to be a guardian angel and make sure you don't get so anxious

If he can he'll wear an entire outfit made out of your knitting

Luke:

Is in awe how much you gave him

Almost died with Happiest when you knitted him a new hat

The crotchet wings you made just made him bounce with joy

He loves everything!!!

"I'm going to wear everything you've made and carry the little crochet puppy with me everywhere! I promise I'll take good care of him!"

Though will always check in on you

Once he's learned you do it more or only when you're really anxious he'll want to do everything he can to help

Has looked up guides on how to help people with their anxiety and panic attacks

He's going to be your guardian angel!

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snowboiwinwin · 3 years

Note

can i req for victon reaction when bff! s/o constantly confessing but they think of it as a joke until s/o distances and gets close w another member 👉👈

pls make it a fluff i dont want to cri lmAo

+ im so sorry if this is so detailed sksbskdm

+ take ur time and thank you!

Hi love! 🥰 Thank you so much for your request, I really appreciate it! I’m sorry it took me quite a while to finish this... I’m also sorry if they’re all repetitive! I hope you like it though! 🥺

--------------------------------------------------------

Seungsik:

i find it quite hard to figure this guy out tbh

obviously he is super kind and sweet, but i have no clue how he would react with his best friend confessing

as a friend he is reliable, honest and very supportive

he is just a great shoulder to cry on

not someone to belittle you or not taking your worries serious

so obviously you fall for him... he is your rock

although he is the oldest and knows a bit about love

i think he would ignore every single signal you send him

like he would be absolutely oblivious and have no clue about your feelings

your confessions? he thinks they are a crazy prank you pull on him

and that really frustrates you... it also hurts ngl

so you decided to take a step back and try to get your feelings under control

but to no avail

Byungchan, the only one of the bunch who is able to tell you’re in love with their leader, tries his best to help you through this heartbreak and somehow manages to distract you with his funny antics

when Seungsik notices you coming over to the dorm less and less and Byungchan always talking about you... he starts to feel weird

maybe jealousy? he really doesn’t know

so he confronts you one day, as he is not one to get into conflicts with his children, and he does that in a very calm and mature manner

no screaming or shouting, just two grown-ups having a serious talk

again, you tell him;

“Seungsik, I. Am. In. Love. With. You! Can you finally be a grown-up about it and stop laughing at my face, accusing me of ‘pranking’ you?!”

he would be soooo taken aback cause

you love him? for real? tf? when did that happen?

but after the initial shock, he is quite relieved

“I thought you were dating Byungchan... you almost broke my heart.”

you slap his shoulder lightly, crossing your arms and pouting

“you broke my heart first with you constant rejection!”

I’m sorry... but if you would let me, I would love to be your boyfriend. Cause I love you too.”

Seungwoo:

this baby would be SO confused

you constantly want to talk to him in private and then just say “i love you”

he will always reply with an “i love you too” and a big smile on his face

that you are actually confessing... well he really doesn’t get it

he thinks it’s just your way of platonically saying that you love him

and you might be too shy to say that in front of the guys

soooo yeah, he thinks you’re just being his great friend, making him feel loved

he obviously appreciates it and does not understand why these private conversations always seem to ruin your mood

Hanse is the one who kinda notices your sour mood whenever you had a talk with his bro

so of course he confronts you about it and you tell him the whole story

if anyone knows Seungwoo, it’s definitely the boys

and Hanse has actually great advice for you... or so you thought

“Seungwoo is VERY oblivious. Sadly, you will have to think of a grand gesture, or else he will just think of it of something friendly and platonic. Even if you would surprise him naked on a bed of roses... he would still be confused and not get that you’re in love with him.”

how are you supposed to do this? what kind of gesture is grand enough?

Hanse is no help in coming up with an actual plan, don’t get your hopes up

therefore you just go with the flow and ask yourself “what feels right?”

food is apparently the key to the heart, so you settle on a romantic picnic, at night!

Seungwoo is obviously surprised with how secretive you act and what brings you to the park at night

but when you sit him down and tell him sincerely about your plan and what made you do all of this

he is speechless

mind: blown

he did not see that coming

but after the initial shock has set in, he surprises you with a big smooch

“I love you too. Romantically as in my girlfriend.”

Chan:

he would know

and it wouldn’t be a secret that he knows

you have talked to him about it plenty of times

but when he explained that he doesn’t want a relationship just yet, you understood

putting labels on what you guys have, is making him anxious

he knows he can’t be there like a boyfriend should

so knowing he isn’t your boyfriend, pressured him a lot less

you promised you would wait until he was ready and that’s what you did

sometimes it got really frustrating and you tried to distract yourself by hanging out with Seungsik

he is such calm and gentle guy, not hyper like the rest (minus Hanse)

so most of your days are now spend with the leader, obviously very friendly dates, you are not looking for another guy to mess with your feelings

Chan of course noticed how you hung out more with his member than with him

and suddenly he started to fear losing you

because let’s be real, Seungsik is beautiful and he has a great personality

Chan then looked for Sejun and asked him for advice

he feels stupid - how can he say he isn’t ready for a relationship and then be jealous of you hanging out with other guys?

that is not fair on you at all

“channie! you are in love. we know, i know, everyone knows. why are you like that? go and get your lady, please!”

and although he wanted nothing more than to punch Sejun in the face, he decides to finally make your guys’ relationship official

when you arrive at the dorm, it’s show time

“Hey... I don’t wanna beat around the bush... I’m ready.”

“Ready for?”

“Ready to be your boyfriend.”

“What if I’m not ready to be your girlfriend?”

“Don’t mess with my feelings.”

“Joke, let’s make out.”

“I already regret it.... but hey, I love you.”

Sejun:

soooo you guys are a very special pair of friends

you guys have been inseparable since birth

but along the way, you guys decided to become friends with benefits

the rule: no catching feelings

and it worked out fine

until you kinda developed a small tiny crush on the beautiful man

but obviously this is a secret - you don’t want this arrangement to end

Sejun has also developed feelings but obviously you are not aware of that either

both of you are quite oblivious

due to your guys’ arrangement, you never got your hopes up

but although Sejun fulfilled your needs, you still craved for love

and Chan was seemingly offering you that kind of love

you aren’t sure about that yet, but he has asked you out on a coffee run (date)

when Sejun found out, he was furious

because yes, you aren’t his girlfriend and no one knows you guys are sleeping with each other...

BUT how dare Chan make a move on his bestie?

and love of his life... tf?

after your date with Chan, which was so beautiful

you got a message from Sejun

typical booty call

kinda sad and hurt, you still walk towards the boys’ dorm

Chan is quite surprised to see you yet again but doesn’t ask too many questions

Sejun is already in his room, more than ready to get right into the chill part of netflix and chill

this time it feels different though

as if he is more caring

he handles you a lot gentler than usual

and is constantly asking if you’re okay

not that he usually isn’t caring but he is not as aware of your feelings during the process

after you guys are finished, he pulls you super close

also very unusual

after a while just cuddling, he finally speaks up

“I think I’m ready.”

“For what?”

“To go a step further.”

“... you wanna try anal?”

“WHAT?! NO!!! I wanna date you, you dumb idiot.”

“Okay, works fine by me. I wanna date you too.”

“Great, now shut up and kiss me.”

Hanse:

he is so in love with you

absolutely head over heels in love

but he does not dare to say a word

to him, he is bad news and you definitely deserve better than him

but that’s bullshit cause Hanse is god-like

his confidence hits an all time low when it comes to you

with you it’s different

when he is with you he feels loved, he loves himself and he just enjoys your presence

Hanse knows whenever he hangs out with you, there is no judgement and he can be himself

so obviously he is in love with you, how could he not?

but there was Sejun, the attractive hulk

Hanse loves his friend but the way you look at him and how you always seem to hag out with him, makes Hanse feel sick

he isn’t one to be jealous though

you deserve all the love and happiness

even if he isn’t the reason for it

for you, Hanse was never more than a friend

but nowadays, the way he carries himself, you do kinda feel attracted towards him

and as Sejun is a naturally flirty guy, you go to him and ask him if he has noticed anything different about Hanse and how you can try and steal his heart

unfortunately Hanse overhears your conversation

and let me tell you

HE IS SO HAPPY

he can’t get rid of the smile on his face

but he doesn’t say anything and walks to his room, happily swinging his hips

after your talk with Sejun, you decide to go home but not before saying by to Hanse

as you walk into his room, he immediately pulls you into a tight hug

“I love you so much. I heard everything you said to Sejun and I can’t even put into words how happy I am. I love you, so fucking much, please let me be your boyfriend.”

“I want nothing more than for you to be my boyfriend. I love you too Hanse.”

Byungchan:

i feel like it’s a regular occurrence for you guys to prank each other

so obviously when you tell him you love him more than a friend, he bursts out laughing and asks you where you hid your camera

this is obviously very frustrating

how on earth are you supposed to tell him about your feelings in a serious setting, when nothing you guys ever do is serious?

after various tries, you decide to give up

you cannot waste your time when he clearly isn’t that interested in you

so you distance yourself and spend more time with Subin

Subin is quite the opposite of Byungchan

he is way calmer and more relaxed than your best friend

it’s a nice change

Byungchan notices how you start watching YouTube videos with Subin instead of him

which he doesn’t care about at first, cause you are allowed to have other friends too!

but when all you ever do is hanging out with baby Subin... he feels horrible

and he gets mad

and he acts on impulse

he is usually very peaceful an solves arguments ina calm manner

but when he sees Subin, he immediately starts to accuse the boy of stealing you from him

Subin is take aback at first but then turns furious as well cause he is well aware of your feelings for the lanky giant

“If you weren’t an idiot that constantly reject her, you wouldn’t need to cause such drama!”

“What do you mean? I am not rejecting her?”

“But you are! She is so in love with you and all you ever do is laugh in her face! Imagine how she feels.”

Byungchan is shook

so he immediately calls you and arranges a meeting

all this time you confessed you were actually serious?

he feels so horrible

he never meant to put you through all of this

before you can even greet him, he smashes his lips against yours and kisses you as if his life depended on it

“Woah, what was that channie?”

“I love you. And I know you love me too. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise!”

“I love you too. I’m so glad you finally know.”

Subin:

i’m so soft for Subin

he is such a cutie

he is very young, so I think he might not really know that he is feeling butterflies in his stomach and not just the food he is digesting

telling his hyungs about how he feels weird around you nowadays and them being like: our baby is in love!, has him confused

is he really in love?

you bet he googles his “symptoms” to see, what the internet says about all of this

and good news: all the sites tell him, he is indeed in love (with some expectations but he trusts his hyungs)

but how is he supposed to tell you?

to him you are this unreachable goddess he will never be good enough for

he is a baby, there are more mature guys out there that are far better for you than him

especially Chan

he is also your friend, you guys get along so well

and while Subin is happy you love his friends as much as he does

it breaks his heart little by little every time he sees you with his favorite hyung

little does he know that Chan knows how in love he is with you

it’s not like Sbin tries to be subtle at all

but you are so focused on your friendship, you don’t realise all the little things

so one day Chan sits you down and asks you a bunch of stupid questions

“Don’t you think our Subinie is super sexy nowadays?”

“He is definitely boyfriend material.”

“I would love you two to date!”

Subin walks into the dorm and overhears you guys

he is so embarrassed

so he storms in and drags you into his room with no words spoken

“what was this all about?”

you ask confused

“I think I might be in love with you.”

Subin stutters, cheeks and ears tinted red

you smile softly and press a sweet kiss to his pouty lips

“good thing i might be in love with you too.”

“WHAT?! FOR REAL?”

“yes... so what do you say? should we date?”

“uhm... I would love to! Yes!”

#victon #kpop #scenarios #headcanon #seungsik #seungwo #chan #sejun #hanse #byungchan #subin

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twstmischief · 4 years

Note

AHHHH I LOVE THE PLATONIC KISSES!!!! CUTE CUTE CUTE!!!! If you do spin-offs can I get Riddle, Jack, Floyd, and Vil 👉👈

I thought I was being repetitive tbh but since you want a spin-off I’ll give ya a spin-off!!~~

~ Riddle agreed with helping you in the horseback riding club. So it was you two helping with the horses. After that was done you had kissed his head and said “Thanks for letting me join! I love you!” To him before leaving.

~ He was so confused, his face was as red as his hair and his mind was running in circles and his heart. Oh don’t get me started on his heart, it was beating one million miles a minute!

~ He had to calm himself down by asking Trey to make him tea. This was the first “confession” he’s ever gotten and didn’t know how to handle it!

~ The next day he had asked you to meet him in Heartslabyul’s garden. You two were sitting alone in the center of it and when you asked what that “I love you” and kiss meant, you gave him a smile and mentioned because it was because he was your best friend.

~ His mouth gaped. Oh. Oh god. Right. Platonic relationships exist. He was so stupid to even try and think of anything else. Ha... right.

~ You and Jack were doing exercise early in the morning, you wanted to try his workout routine, and being the tsundere he was said, “Fine, but not just because you asked, but because I think you need the muscle.” After you finished you kissed him on the cheek and said “Thank you! I love you!” Before leaving him.

~ Okay. This wolf was so, so confused. Was this some type of thing humans did after a workout?! No, wait. He’s seen Vil workout and that never happened. Wait he’s seen confessions. Oh my god! That’s what that was! His face turned red, even more than it usually did.

~ He couldn’t think. This was the first time that ever happened! Wait, wait. He’s seen Vil get confessions. How did he handle them?! Well actually. Vil usually rejected them, and he didn’t want to reject you. Right?!

~ The next day when he saw you in the cafeteria talking with your friends, you looked happy, but when you saw Jack you looked at him with the happiest looking smile on your face and waved to him. He went up to you and asked to talk with him in the hallway. Then when it was you two alone in the hallway he asked what that whole “I love you”-kiss thing was about.

~ When you happily explained it was because you were glad he was your closest friend. That’s when his heart shattered! He’s read about platonic from romantic and he was sad that it wasn’t the latter... but you looked at him so happy. So... He just needs to play it off like he never thought of it that way... right?

~ Floyd was teaching you basketball just because you thought it’d be cool to learn the sport after that was done you got a text from the A-Deuce combo that they needed help studying and had to cut the practice short. You ended up jumping up to give Floyd a small kiss on the cheek and saying the words “I love you!” To him as you left the gym.

~ It took him less than a second to realize what happened and he yelled out “Shrimpyyy~!” To try and get another kiss from you, however Jade and Azul needed his help in Mostro Lounge, so it looks like he couldn’t get another kiss from you.

~ While he was working in the Lounge he seemed surprisingly happy the whole time, and his mood didn’t change. And even Jade noticed and asked what was going on. He explained that “It was nothing~!” With a smirk.

~ The next day that you came into the gym to practice with Floyd he immediately tackled you into a hug from behind. You let out a small yelp, but didn’t really mind it. Floyd then asked, while poking you all over the face if you really did love him.

~ You let a out laugh and replied with a role of the eyes and said yes because he was your best friend and you love him the way he is. That response just caused him to be upset and he let go of you. He ended up pouting and “being really tired” (his wording) just a waste of hope that he had.

~ Vil was doing your makeup it was really nice just you two and you sometimes laughed when he tickled at your face with concealer or lip stick and he told you to hold still, but you couldn’t hold it. Then when you got a message from one of the first years to come help with school work had to excuse yourself and gave Vil a “Thank you! I love you!” and kissed his cheek, not remembering the lipstick you had on.

~ He was surprised at the response you gave him. He wanted to yell at you for ruining his make up, but no words came out, his mouth was silent and left a gape.

~ The third year looked at himself in the mirror. He touched his gloved pointer finger at where the lipstick mark was. Right now, he personally didn’t mind it at all. Even if it did ruin his makeup.

~ The next time you came to his room to get your makeup done while he was doing he asked about why you kissed him and those words you said.

~ You were confused for a moment but then realized what he meant. You smiled at him and said he was your closest friend and your glad that he is. He stopped for a moment and went silent. Oh sweet oblivious darling, you just friendzoned the wrong man.

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst #riddle rosehearts #jack howl #floyd leech #vil schoenheit

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zalrb · 4 years

Text

OKAY. SINCE ANONS SEEM TO BE INTERESTED. HERE IS MY DAWSON’S CREEK 1X01 REVIEW.

@jayciethings IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

1. I think the opening scene does a good job in establishing the central struggle of the season and it does it in 3 minutes: 1) things need to change and Joey wants them to 2) Dawson doesn’t see why anything has to change and doesn’t see what Joey is trying to say 3) burgeoning sexuality 4) Joey-Dawson friendship.

2. I also think the Joey-Dawson friendship is also established really well and it’s actually a time where dialogue and action work in tandem. They give a brief history/overview of their friendship: “you’ve been sleeping over since you were 7″ “i’ve seen you pick your nose, scratch your butt” while also showing them watch tv, playfight and ultimately end up sleeping in the same bed, like they did when they were 7.

3. I actually don’t find the dialogue as annoying right now.

4. I will forever be angry that they didn’t pay to have the original music with their scenes because Dawson’s Creek is not Dawson’s Creek without “I Don’t Wanna Wait”.

5. “He did it again, he grabbed my ass.” “Like you even have one.” Joshua’s delivery is perfect because it’s resigned and un-offended.

6. “I’m Jen.” “Oh right, the granddaughter from New York.” That actually isn’t clunky. It’s a good way to do exposition.

7. “You look different.” “Puberty.” LOL Joey Whitter sass.

8. Honestly, at least so far, Joey’s behaviour makes sense for a 15 year old girl who is in love with her best friend who doesn’t see her as a sexual being and then has to watch him salivate over The New Girl. No, that isn’t Jen’s fault but sometimes people on this site act like teenagers or adults for that matter don’t have messy and not-so-great emotions/reactions to things. Unless, apparently, they’re men who are rapists and serial killers, then the understanding is boundless.

9. It’s actually refreshing to hear “Mr. Leery” “Mrs. Leery” since teens in shows now just call adults by their first names, which I would NEVER do. I still can’t do that. If I had to address initiumseries’ dad it would be Mr...

10. I also think it’s funny that this dialogue is being made fun of but this kind of cadence and irony is the kind of thing shows go for now -- Riverdale tries to emulate this and I would argue Euphoria tries to do an edgier version of this. Like Nellie insulting Pacey, that kind of tone is what they’re trying to go for with Cheryl.

11. I’ll admit this is more fun than I thought it would be so far.

12. I LOVE WHAT’S EDGY FOR THE NINETIES. SHE IS IN A SUNDRESS. SETTLE DOWN.

13. “I have it on pretty good authority that mothers have excellent sex.” LOL Pacey, dick move.

14. Renting The Graduate, how on the nose.

15. THEIR CLOTHES ARE SO 90s.

16. The soundtrack pisses me off so much.

17. Oh Dawson. I knew so many self-important, I’m-so-deep-I-like-these-kinds-of-movies or -this-kind-of-music boys in high school. Like I find it so typical that he thinks his obsession with Spielberg would interest Jen.

18. Dawson taking Jen to his studio is like Klaus taking Caroline to sees his drawings.

19. Oh man, I remember being a kid and watching these teen shows with my cousin and seeing how Capeside High School was with everyone on a quad and throwing footballs and being like HIGH SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE LIKE THAT and my cousin just being like

20. I like how Dawson’s Creek is the whitest show and they still managed to have more Black extras than Gilmore Girls.

21. Dawson and Jen actually have a nice chemistry. But everyone is coming on super strong with Jen and she’s just kind of like, this seems normal.

22. The film teacher is a dick for no reason. I’ve had my fair share of dickish teachers but this is excessive right off the bat.

23. Lol poor Jen, she really is trying with Joey.

24. I like how a status of Joey’s class is the fact that her sister is engaged to a Black man *eye roll*

25. I don’t know of any school where teachers ate in the cafeteria with the students. In my school there were teachers who supervised the cafeteria but that’s it. Wow, I spent like no time in my high school cafeteria.

26. “I’m having a climax issue”

27. Tamara, Ms. Jacobs, you should be in jail.

28. I like how this school LOOKS like a school.

29. Ugh, a trans jokes. Ugh, there was so much of that in the 90s.

30. “Nothing has to change. We can talk about anything.” Honestly, from a screenwriting point of view, this is a solid pilot. I remember in a screenwriting class I took, we studied The Social Network and every 10 pages someone calls Zuckerberg either an asshole or a jerk or something in that vein as a way to reiterate a key part of the theme of the movie and while I don’t have the pilot script in front of me, DC does reiterate the theme of the season frequently without it being repetitive.

31. The dialogue isn’t as hyperbolic as I remember tbh. And I’m going to say it again, shows are aiming for this, even the one episode I saw of the Winx Saga, when they try to flirt about mansplaining, when she’s fighting with her mom about how she’s not a feminist, they’re trying for this. But DC manages to make it more natural and it’s because the Core 4 have a charm. Even if you hate Dawson.

32. Who is Dawson’s dad. Is he in something else?

33. No, I just think he looks like Dr. Cox.

34. Dawson’s rant about sex not being important is hilarious. Yes, Dawson, you’re just pursuing Jen out of intellectual and philosophical desire.

35. I like how Joey is supposed to be a tomboy just because she’s the only girl/woman in Capeside who doesn’t wear a sundress.

36. Poor Jen.

37. Joey is super dramatic, I get that, but I kind of love it because I’m going RELAX but the way I would to a teenager. Like CALM. DOWN. Also “all I do is understand” is something that we needed to see more of before that argument.

38. Dawson, you never ask anyone else any questions about themselves, lol.

39. “How can you say you were just renting a movie??” Pacey is such a fifteen year old and I do wish the show would just ... let him be one? And what I mean by that is Pacey is supposed to be the friend with the edge, the fact that he “pursues” Ms Jacobs is supposed to attest to that fact, it’s framed as taboo and yet they’re presented as being on equal footing, even the way her date moves to grab him out of his seat when the fact of the matter is, he’s a kid, and if the show didn’t actually make the Tamara/Pacey relationship a storyline and made it about another way teenagers have certain idealized perceptions of relationships or apply kid knowledge to adult situations which still makes them kids, it would’ve been interesting too.

40. Dawson is literally dressed in different shades of beige. If that doesn’t say everything you need to know about his character --- which is intentional. But like jfc man.

41. I love that they can’t say “masturbate” so she has to say “walk your dog” I LOVE THE NINETIES.

42. And you know what, after that question was asked, the sheer heartbreak on Joey’s face and the sadness in Dawson’s eyes is done really well.

43. LMAO SO ANGSTY. No one does angst like the 90s.

44. And legitimately, the ending of this pilot is great screenwriting because a change is noted, the beginning of the episode, Joey does end up staying the night, the end of the episode she leaves because they both realize it’s true that things are changing and yet Dawson answers her question about what time of day he masturbates and to who because they’re still Dawson and Joey. And that’s the way a pilot should be written.

OK. I’ve done it.

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letromantorchwicklive · 5 years

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One Thing Analysis

Kill for kill Eye for eye Blood for blood It’s time to die Retribution tastes so sweet

- We've got her clear, unbridled rage peaking through. Neo's on a mission and it's sole purpose is to kill. Not just that, it's a justified hunt. It's fucking retribution. What happened was unjust and wrong, cruel and shouldn't have happened. She doesn't know what else to do, the only thing that's helping her right now is this.

Gone's the light That he gave Now revenge is all I crave Retaliation soon complete

-A good reference to Roman's namesake and insight to just how much he mattered to her. Remnant is consistently referenced both visually and verbally as a world full of darkness. The darkness is given form through the Grimm and Neo's talking about the only light she's had to survive this darkness. Plus! She's admitting to her desperation for revenge and how it drives her. The tag line of "retaliation soon complete" is also showing, very clearly, that she knows her target or targets (I say target, singular tbh) and is closing in. She can touch the end goal, she's almost there. So close she can taste it.

I was nowhere I had no one I felt nothing Lost without a voice and on my own Then the candle's flame Brought a brand new name But now you've stolen everything and I'm all alone

- Neo has now, canonly, had an incredibly lonely life. Either metaphorically (like, poor family life) or literally (STREET RAT STREET RAT). She's felt all alone, choosing to feel nothing rather than constant pain. Pain and suffering, of course, attracting Grimm. She's also canonly mute! Something I know a lot of people have been on the fence about, but lacking a proper way to communicate would easily have isolated her further throughout her life. Roman was the first person to show her genuine positive attention. "Candle's flame" meaning both light and warmth into her life for the first time in- well, ever. "Brand new name" could also be metaphorical. She could be talking about being named, his name, or him bringing new meaning and life to the one she already possessed. Now, the love they shared for one another (in however you see it- excluding Father&Daughter it’s not canon guys they were both adults) is gone and she's been thrust back into the cold dark world Roman helped her to escape in the first place.

I had one thing And you've taken it from me A single light A single friend But you've made that end

- This is pretty straight forward. Neo had one thing in her whole life that mattered- Roman. He was the single most important thing to her to ever exist and she's livid. Not only did she love him and he love her, they were best friends. Equals. Partners. Neo's also staring down at the single person she blames, Cinder. These words blame one person and one person only. This song is introduced at first sight of Cinder, aimed only at Cinder. The wording calls for attack on one person. When Cinder redirects all blame for Roman's death to Ruby, it doesn't pick back up. It's quiet- Neo's thinking. She's making a new game plan, one taking into account Maiden Powers.

There was one thing To help escape the misery And now it's all disarrayed You took my whole life away You've sent me back to nothing Now you'll pay Pay

- A lot of this is straight forward, like the last verse. Roman meant everything to her, he was all she had and the only thing to make her happy. Not happy again, happy period, because she had been so absolutely fucking miserable by herself. Look at Weiss- who grew up alone and miserable aside from her sister. Look at Ren and Nora- who had only each other. Roman and Neo weren’t necessarily the big bad guys we were shown- they were doing their jobs. So many of these little tidbits in the song are alluding to direct correlations in the main cast of heroes, just if they were in a different place and different time. She’s also screaming (repeatedly, might I add) that her whole life is literally in shambles. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no structure, no Roman. Neo says it herself, “You took my whole life away.” Again, this is directed singularly. She’s reinforcing her singular target- Cinder and she will pay.

Life for life Death for death Tit for tat Just one last breath Absolution's nowhere near

- I mentioned it before in my analysis over Cinder and Neo’s brawl, but man is Neo out for fucking blood. This is archaic law, in our world. I mean this literally- Hammurabi’s Code were the first historically proven, written and widely known set of laws. He’s the reason we have the “eye for an eye” saying and Neo is only accepting this kind of justice. As long as Cinder is alive, breathing and even remotely well, Cinder isn’t going to be free of her guilt. The only way that she could ever atone for being the cause of Roman’s death is with her own.

Cue the scene Now it's time Reparation for your crime And judgment day is finally here

- Neo’s become Judge, Jury and Executioner. Will Cinder rise to a good afterlife? That’s none of her business, her business is sending Cinder to wherever she belongs. Neo’s so fucking ready to finish this, to get some closure

I have waited for this meeting For this moment Dreamed about the day I'd make you crawl

- Neo wants more than Cinder’s death. Neo wants begging, pleading, desperation and fear from her. This is probably the only thing that’s kept her going since the Fall of Beacon after finding Roman’s body. This rage is absolutely what fueled her survival through the Grimm infested waste lands that are unoccupied areas of Remnant. Neo wants to make Cinder taste the hell she put them through and to face the same end that so forced upon Roman after it all.

What a sweet release When you rest in peace Vengeance- Justice- Finally mine And I'll watch you fall

- RIP Cinder, there’s no escaping any of this for you. Neo’s determined, this is the only thing she can focus on, the only thing that brings even the slightest hint of relief in her life without Roman.

I had one thing And you've taken it from me A single light A single friend But you've made that end There was one thing To help escape the misery And now it's all disarrayed You took my whole life away You've sent me back to nothing Now you'll pay

- We’ve returned to the chorus, even angrier this time. Out of everything to receive repetition in this song, this makes the most sense. It’s displaying her grief and rage eloquently while showcasing her determination. Neo’s always been shown as incredibly capable, handling herself well and almost always with a level head. It seems Roman was the key to that- they had a security within each other that kept them both level headed. The thoughts “Roman’s alive” and “Neo’s alive” must have been their calming mantras. Sure, Roman would have instances of frustration, but when it came to battle he was always calm and collected. Even more so when fighting along side Neo, but the moment when his mantra of “Neo is alive” can no longer be taken as fact, or could be in serious jeopardy, his collected demeanor is out the window. This fight against Cinder is has Neo struggling to remain level headed. She’s becoming impatient, itching to finally finish off Cinder, bored that it’s not more fun and still enraged that this woman is so selfish as to not realize why she’s grieving in the first place. Neo’s mantra is gone, and it can never come back.

You destroyed my life After years of suffering Finally had a place to go to But not anymore And now it's war And there won't be peace ’til I get What I came for

- Cinder is responsible, and Neo won’t let her back out of it by throwing the blame onto Ruby like there’s nothing she did wrong. Neo spent untold number of years alone, scared, sad and found solace in Roman. They probably found solace in each other, home was where ever the other was. Someone to trust no matter what, years spent together and full of love and respect. His death ripped that away, so now it’s fucking war. Neo vs Cinder, the fight to the death and she’s not going to fall for some scapegoat in the form of a 15 year old little girl. Neo had been in Ruby’s position before, fighting for your life and the life of the people person who mattered more than anything to you and terrified of not succeeding. No, Neo knows that the grown woman who refuses to accept any form of blame is responsible. That doesn’t mean she wont bide her time until the perfect opportunity strikes. Oh no, Neo is not on Cinder’s side. She’s on Roman’s side and even his death won’t change that.

💖💖💖 -Mod Neo

#rwby #neopolitan #neo politan #cinder fall #roman torchwick #mod neo #sorry this took literally forever guys #also sorry if you think of roman and neo as father and daughter but shes literally a grown woman #and also like i swear theyre in the same age bracket #but any way here you all go!!

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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh S3 Ep40: Thus Finishes the Filler Duel Not Even the Main Character Felt Like Watching

It’s been upwards 100 degrees over here this past week, which may not seem like a whole lot, but it sure is when it’s humid and you don’t have air conditioning. So, I’ll be surprised if I even finish this one episode this week because honestly? I just want to shove McDonalds dollar cones one after the other into my face.

So...how far are we again? Yes. That’s right...um...nothing is happening. Absolutely nothing is happening in the show right now. Seto and Joey are having a pissing match and then Marik and Marik had a pissing match (Marik and Marik came to a draw, I guess), and then these two finally noticed that Yugi and Tea totes bounced like 15 minutes ago.

In reality, Tea and Yugi were not trying to confess any feelings before the end of the world. Either because they have none, or because Yugi can’t tell you if it’s Friday or Thursday without pausing for a couple of seconds and then blurting out “Bakura just went out for a walk, he’s totally fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about?????”

Instead they’re talking to Ishizu about her brother troubles.

Sidenote, I’m still figuring out all the font changes so sorry about how I’m changing font colors yet again. Since Ishizu’s font looks indistinguishable from Kaibas, even with the gradient overlay, I decided to give her a golden outline.

Especially up against Pharaoh’s Papyrus font, this is just a comedic number of graphic design mistakes in one place that I’m doing on purpose solely because there’s just so many damn characters. It’s a good thing none of you take this show very seriously because I am just...butchering the graphic design here like damn. Like I am SO sorry. I feel like I need to apologize to every graphic designer on Earth I am just SO sorry.

Thing is, it kind of works because Ishizu talks like someone on another plane anyway.

(read more under the cut)

As Tea comes to, Yugi runs over and adds yet another entry into his massive book of secrets he keeps in his Regina George hair.

PS I like that they tried to make Pharaoh look guilty, but the closest they could get was unfocusing his eyes a little bit and leaving his very tiny mouth hanging.

Also, yes, they did have Tea say aloud that it is a full mile between where Joey is dueling and where Tea and Yugi are currently standing. I don’t...fully understand why Joey and Kaiba walked a mile from here to do their duel, but just in case you were wondering how many steps Yugi got today in those belted shoes--it was a lot.

WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL HER THIS?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

In the actual dialogue of the show Yugi pops up, and goes “should I tell Tea?” and then goes “second thought, never mind” and just zzzt--goes back to being invisible.

What does he mean by “second thought” here? Like it would be so terrible that she couldn’t handle it? Is that what he’s saying? That it would compromise Tea in some way? Like there’s NO reason not to ever tell your not-a-girlfriend-in-any-way that PS, I, a person who is possessed by a ghost, just found out that you are also totes possessed by a ghost.

I mean she’s had to have figured it out just kinda already by now, she’s had to have had a dream or two about eating spiders in Marik’s home tomb and playing basketball with Odion and thought “what a vivid memory I’ve never had.” But nah, they just...

...why bother? Why bother when instead, this episode can focus on the cards, which almost seems extra long this time because it’s like...you’re just trying to distract me from the insane thing that just happened. You’re just trying to distract me from THIS perfect Soap opera scenario, that you set up here in order to write about, and then just...ran away from at the last second.

The potential of what this whole sequence could have been. Whatever. This is a show about cards after all. Gotta sell those cards. The nice thing about Yugioh is that there’s really never a reason to get too worked up about it because it is...at it’s core, just a great way to sell cards.

Joey makes sure to lecture Kaiba much like Yugi did last time, and TBH, Kaiba gets a LOT of lectures this episode. It makes sense because Kaiba never learns and is really far up his own ass, but also it was sort of like...repetitive. These kids keep trying to be Kaiba’s friend by just dunking on his self esteem constantly and it’s like...this is why he’s not friends with you. It’s...yes this guy is mean, but all y’all are also very rude.

Joey, who was like “Kaiba you have got to calm down and just enjoy yourself” and then turns around and does this.

Ishizu decides to plot dump again, by giving this information that we’ve never heard of before this moment.

...really? Really, Ishizu? So we know for a fact that Pharaoh is so clueless that he will never, ever read the God Card. Despite the fact he is Pharaoh? OK then. Great. It’s really great to know that Pharaoh is that illiterate. This is canon.

So Seto decides to screw it and just blow everything up. Which honestly, is a great way to deal with the Ra card situation.

You’d think, maybe Mokuba has an issue with blowing up the Duel tower since it has everyone else on it, but no, that’s not the issue Mokuba has with blowing up the Duel tower.

He can’t blow up this island into even smaller pieces than it already is because Seto can’t smile anymore.

OK Mokuba.

So, after finding out that Joey lost and then having no real surprised reaction to that, they just turned right back around. It’s definitely leg day for Tea and Yugi.

Scorned by his little brother, Seto decides to help Yugi and watch a card game. Which...I mean that’s what would do it. Only Mokuba can get Seto to do anything remotely reasonable.

So, as Yugi is being lifted up to the duel tower, Seto just kinda walks over impromptue of nothing and does this.

One of the few instances that Seto throwing a card isn’t an attack move and he still does it in attack posture.

So I guess the next 10 episodes of this season are just Yugi trying to figure out what the hell cryptic thing Seto gave him to understand the already cryptic Ra card. Can’t wait.

And if you just got here, this is a link to read these recaps from the beginning in chrono order.

#Yugioh #ygo #recap #photo recap #s2 ep 40 #I can't believe we're almost through s3'#yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba #mokuba kaiba #tea gardner #joey wheeler #tristan taylor #duke devlin is still mystifyingly here #like what if seto actually blew up this island and that was the thing that killed duke devlin #like imagine the obituary #ishizu ishtar

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years

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663.

The Collector : What is in your Nine Inch Nails collection? What are you favourite items to own? >> I don’t have an NIN collection. I just took this survey because it seemed to have okay questions when I skimmed it. (Only these first four are questions about the band, lol.)

Deep : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Music Video? >> Closer, I guess. It’s the only one I remember aside from Only, which wasn’t all that interesting (song’s catchy, though).

The Frail : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Album? >> The Downward Spiral, I suppose. Never really thought about it. Year Zero was good too.

All The Love In The World : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Song? >> I don’t have one. There are a fair few that I like, of course, but I’ve never looked at one and thought “this one is my absolute favourite of all the NIN songs I know”.

Happiness In Slavery : Do you enjoy your job or school life? >> I don’t have either of those and I’m quite content that way.

Burning Bright (Field on Fire) - Do You Feel That During The Years As You Have Grown Up, You Feel Reborn? >> Death and rebirth is kind of just a theme with me, in general.

The Fragile : Do You Think You Can Fix A Broken Person? >> I think a person that feels broken can eventually come to feel less so. I don’t think that it’s anyone else’s responsibility to guide them there. I do think that other people can be a vital source of support and encouragement during that process, if they choose to be.

Ringfinger - What Are Your Feelings On Marriage/Relationships? >> I think marriage and romantic relationships are, you know, great. I don’t necessarily want to partake in romance, myself, but I see their value for others. (And, obviously, I see the legal/social value for marriage, seeing as that’s mostly why I agreed to it in the first place.)

Terrible Lie - What Is The Biggest Lie You Were Ever Told? >> I have no idea. One time my father didn’t tell me our puppy had run away or gotten loose or whatever until I kept asking where he was. I thought that was dumb.

Help Me I Am In Hell - What Is Your Worst Nightmare? >> I have no idea.

Gave Up - What Is Your Go-To Thing To Calm You Down When You Are Pissed Off? >> Venting to Can Calah. It’s about the safest thing I can do, because I tend to behave irrationally and potentially make things worse when I’m upset.

A Warm Place - Your Favourite Place To Be? >> In my bed, tbh.

While I’m Still Here - How Would You Like To Be Remembered? >> I’ve never given it much thought. I figure it’s beyond my control anyway.

Copy of A - Do You Believe We Are In A Simulation? >> No, but I’m always willing to entertain the idea for thought experiments.

The Becoming - Can You Open Up To Other People Easily? >> Not. At. All.

Underneath It All - Are You Over Your Worst Experience? >> Of course not. Repetitive trauma has left indelible marks on my body and mind. The more I try to pretend otherwise, the worse things get, so I might as well acknowledge it.

Love Is Not Enough - Do You Believe In “Second Chances”? >> Sure. They just don’t have to come from me.

Sunspots - Are You Afraid of Growing Older? >> Nah. I am afraid of becoming infirm, or losing senses, that sort of thing. But not just of growing older in general.

Sin - What Is Your Ultimate Pleasure? >> I have no idea.

Something I Can Never Have - If You Could Say Anything To The One Who Got Away, What Would It Be? >> I don’t have anyone like that.

Dear World, : How Do You Sleep? >> Fitfully, a lot of the time. I was sleeping consistently well for a while but in the last few months it’s been a roller coaster.

I’m Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally : Have you ever lost someone who meant everything to you? >> Sure. Eventually, I figured out that no one can actually mean everything to me, and cut that maudlin shit out.

La Mer : Do you love the ocean or do you have a fear of it? >> I love it and I fear it.

March of the Pigs : Do you eat meat? >> Yeah.

Closer : Do you choose to follow a religion? >> I’m considering it, but it’s a constant source of debate in my head right now. Mostly because I have this idea of religion as a restrictive thing, something that would take away from my personal sense of freedom rather than complementing my search for meaning or whatever. It’s something I feel like I need to discuss with someone other than, you know, my own self, to get some perspective aside from my own, but I have no idea with whom.

Starfuckers Inc. - Celebrities You Think Are Attractive? >> Meh.

Shit Mirror - Are you afraid of where the world is currently heading? >> No. I understand why people are, of course. I just... personally can’t afford to expend any energy on fearing for the future. I have enough on my plate with the present.

I’m Afraid of Americans - Do you follow politics or do you choose to stay out of that stuff? >> I choose to keep my political consumption to a minimum. For one, it legitimately doesn’t interest me most of the time. But also, like... it’s all a shitshow. I don’t think my life is enriched by knowing every little thing going on in Washington, or obsessively watching Democratic debates to figure out who is “best”. I don’t fucking know. I can’t be bothered. I’m legitimately just going to vote for whoever ends up on the blue side of the ballot in November, and hope for the best.

In This Twilight - If the end was nigh, how would you choose to go out? >> I mean, I doubt I’d be able to choose.

Year Zero : Do you have plans for the apocalypse? >> No. I don’t believe in the apocalypse and I tend not to plan for things I don’t actually expect to happen.

The Downward Spiral : Do You Feel Like You Have you reached your lowest point and have you recovered since? >> I don’t know if I’ve reached my lowest point. I’ve reached very, very low points. I think that’s enough. I’d rather not try to see if I can get lower.

Hurt : If you could, would you re-start your life again? >> Please, god, no.

The Wretched : What Do You Hate In Life? >> I hate the lasting effect of trauma.

The Lovers : Do You Have Any Vices? >> Sure. Drinking, mostly.

Maybe Just Once : Do You Feel Like a Lucky Person When It Comes to Love? >> I don’t really know what that means. I’d dare say that I’m pretty unlucky in love in general, because I... have not ever had much of it.

Gunshots by Computer : What Are Your Thoughts On Modern Technology? >> I mean, I love it? It has its downsides like anything else, but I love it all the same.

That’s What I Get : Did You Ever Have an Emo Phase? >> Nah. I pretty much stuck with goth through everything.

Not So Pretty Now: Who Is Your Most Disliked “Celebrity”? >> ---

Every Day Is Exactly The Same : Do You Feel Like You Are Stuck In The Same Routine In Life? >> Well, right now, I kind of do keep to the same routine all the time. I don’t think that I’m necessarily stuck, I just... live like this. It’s fine, for the most part. I’ve had a lot of excitement in the past, it’s not necessarily how I want to live my life all the time.

Get Down, Make Love : Do You Have a Cover Song That Tops The Original? >> Yeah, there are quite a few covers that I prefer to the original. Dream Theater’s cover of Rainbow’s Stargazer is an example.

Screaming Slave : Do You Prefer Heavier Music or Softer Music? >> I like both.

Ahead of Ourselves : Do You Think Toxic People Can Change? >> I think anyone can change. Whether they will or not is the question, not whether they can.

Leaving Hope : Is There A Song That You Listen To That Just Emotionally Destroys You? >> Sure, I guess.

Somewhat Damaged : Have you ever been in a full on physical fight? >> Yeah.

Piggy : Have you ever been betrayed in some way by a person you cared about? >> Eh, maybe. That’s not really the verb I’d use, though.

Lights In The Sky : Thoughts On The Possiblity of an Afterlife? >> The possibility is always interesting to consider.

Big Man With A Gun - Are You For Capital Punishment? >> I really have no opinion.

Eraser : What Would Your Ideal Final Words Be? >> ---

Ghosts I-IV : Do You Have Any Supernatural Beliefs? >> Some would say. Those aren’t the words I would use, though.

You Know What You Are? - Thoughts On Fake People? >> I don’t know any fake people.

Home : Where On Earth Right Now Would You Like To Be? >> I’m fine right here. We just washed bed linens and it’s always nice to burrow into a clean bed.

I’m Not From This World : What song just gives you the creeps? >> I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about a song.

And The Sky Began To Scream : Thoughts on How To Destroy Angels? >> I like a couple of songs. I haven’t really heard anything aside from that one EP, because I kind of keep forgetting to check out their other works.

Tapeworm : Do you have an embarassing illness/accident story you are willing to share? >> I don’t have any stories like that.

Fist fuck : Do you have any kinks/turn ons/turn offs? >> Yes.

Everything : Do you feel free? >> I guess. I never really thought about it, but generally, yes, I am free.

The New Flesh : Favourite horror film? >> I don’t know. I am very fond of the Hellraiser franchise in general, but not necessarily because of the quality of the films, if that makes sense... Oh, there’s also Event Horizon, that’s a horror movie and an overall favourite of mine.

#surveys #survey #themed survey

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fmddevin · 5 years

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take care of me: daein’s story of fear.

scenario: so this is about the very first time daein tripped on acid & also his first bad trip. so....you could say he was pretty scared. big reason he doesn’t do lsd much. word count: 2,200 😳 notes: please know this isn’t saying if you get high you’re the same as very stupid kim daein. this is just his experience where tbh, a lot contributed to his bad trip. just please be safe & smart ok!!!!!!! and also, he’s dumb, especially in this phase of his life, and says/does some dumb things!! they don’t reflect my views. in fact...i cringed writing 98% of this. but also! if things like drugs & overdose and anything else in the tags make you uncomfy, please don’t read this...it might bother you! there’s also quite a bit of cursing. and i hate this & it’s not good AT ALL but i’m running out of time so i have to post it. anyways that’s all, ily all <3)

everything started off fine.

everything started off perfectly fine, and that was the scariest part.

there he was, in the center of the room, staring down a girl with her friends on the other side of the room. he was still too sober, too bored, and was wondering where a few drinks could land him by the end of the night. truth be told, the usual routines were getting to be repetitive - get drunk, find a girl, land in bed by 3am, kick her out before his parents woke him up in the morning. but that was becoming a little too predictable, and tonight daein was craving a change of pace. he’d even gotten their early, thinking that getting there at the start of the party would hype him up. he only intense disappointment of a near empty room, not yet at it’s peak.

“you don’t look like you’re having much fun.”

huh? he can’t tell if he said it out loud over the blaring music, but from his furrowed eyebrows he’ sure the girl in front of him can sense his confusion. he scans her over, but nothing’s coming to him. no name, no potential friends - hell, did she even live here? because he swears he’s never seen her before, and if he did he would’ve tried talking to her a long time ago. “i mean - i guess. i might dip - party’s kinda dead, you know?”

she takes a step closer, and her unexpected proximity almost causes him to step back. “or maybe you’re just dead. what’s your name? i might be able to help you out,” she offers, gesturing across the room. shit. she wanted him that quick? that was a record, and he’s already getting himself ready to go before she turns around to him.

“i have a friend here, he’s probably got something that’ll make you have some fun. i’ll tell him to hook you up.” for a second, he has no idea what she’s saying, and the only thing that’s really processing is that he won’t be getting laid tonight. deflating in every sense, and mouth agape in embarrassment as she talks, he can only mumble a small thanks as he follows instructions. really, he had no reason to comply, but trusting a random stranger seemed like the most exciting opportunity that would come to him for a while. only after she continues he gets it, and as he’s following her across the cup littered room he sees him. he would’ve just dismissed the guy in the corner of the room as a wallflower if he didn’t know any better, and although he’s getting the gut feeling that he shouldn’t be doing this he walks up to the expectant male.

“first time?”

“uh...no, dude. i’ve smoked plenty of times.” for a guy who pretends to be such a badass, he obviously’s the lamest of the bunch, because the other two begin cackling at his response. was that the wrong thing to say? so he laughs, along with them, pretending he’s in on a joke - even though it might be him.

“you’re funny. but for real, you’ve tried acid before, right? i don’t want to give it to you if you can’t handle it, man.”

shit. acid? shit. this was really….really getting real. here he was, thinking he was getting a discount on some weed, when peeking out between the other’s hands is something much smaller than what he was expecting. he’s puzzled, but tries his best not to show it and shake the feeling off. “nah, im good. just a little nervous, that’s all. i haven’t….done this in a while, so….yeah.” by now he knows he sounds stupid, but this wasn’t what he signed up for when he agreed to come to this party. but what was he supposed to do? he had asked for fun and here came his saving grace - who was he not to accept an offer given to him so conveniently? fear is only reluctance about the unknown, he reminds himself. he’s not really scared to try it, he’s just scared because he doesn’t know what to expect.

daein’s a sixteen year old phony, a kid from florida who smoked his first joint and thought he was the big man on campus. hell, he barely got away with sneaking that past his parents. how was he going to manage this? alcohol was predictable. he knew his body, and knew he could recover by the time he was supposed to be back from a “sleepover” with his friend. he’s never done anything above those things, and quite honestly is scared to try. but it wouldn’t hurt, just this once. he’s not going to let some nerves ruin his fun, right?”

“so…? you joining, or what, man?” daein’s lost in thoughts until he becomes aware of the awkward stare off, coughing uncomfortably. “oh - right, right. how much?” he asks, bringing his hand toward his wallet before the other brings it back down. he’s told not to worry about it, that it’s on the house - as long as he comes to him next time he wants to buy. just like that, it’s in his hand - what was it, exactly? a little square, almost like a piece of paper. it took multiple shots to knock him out cold. it was hard to imagine this would do anything.

looking around the circle they’ve formed, he’s watching to see who’s going to go first. not so much because of his nerves, but more because he doesn’t really know shit about what he’s doing. other kids might have learned from the movies or watched their friends, but these saturday night sneak-outs were the only times daein really got a glimpse of the real world. if he wasn’t here, he was at home studying, sleeping, or eating. but always, always under the watch of his parents. they were like hawks, which may have explained his desire to act out just this once where he wasn’t under their control.

everyone brings the thin slip to their lips - daein follows suit. everyone puts it under their tongue - he follows again. it’s like a game of simon says, except daein doesn’t really know what voice in his head is telling him to do all this. do i swallow it? do i chew? but no one else seems to do much else, so he lets it do it’s job.

now, the party’s starting, he thinks. except….it’s not. an hour passes. hell, wasn’t this stuff supposed to mess you up? he can barely feel a difference and it feels like he’s been waiting for hours. “i don’t feel shit,” he rather obnoxiously complains, only feeling the same boring buzz of alcohol. he wants more than this.

“dude, is this all you’ve got? you’re fucking weak. come on, i told you i’m not a lighthead. do you have anything else?”

“trust me, just chill out for a bit. it’ll kick in - i swear, you don’t need anything else.”

daein’s eyes plead for a reconsideration, but by the look on this guy’s face he’s not going to risk it. fine, he thinks. he doesn’t want to help him out? daein’s gonna speed up the process.

“pussies.” another shot.

but now….now he’s feeling something. the teen swears its because that one last shot gave him that extra push he needs, but after a while he’s not convinced that’s it. because it’s like a feeling in his chest, a feeling that’s getting bigger and bigger until it’s almost boiling over. he feels like he has bubbles in his stomach.

skip forward thirty minutes later, and it’s really kicking in. holy shit. he can feel every one of his toes, he swears, and when he tells his friends they tell him he’s gone crazy. it feels like the lights are getting hotter and hotter, and he wonders if it’s because he’s been dancing or it’s just his imagination. and honestly? he feels good. it’s like he’s really in one of those coming of age movies, everything seems so fun and everything is so funny. it’s like he’s dancing on the clouds, and daein gives himself a pat on the back for ever thinking this was a good idea.

it was different, but definitely manageable. this is nice, this is fine, he thinks. but the problem is, it’s like he’s going up an elevator he can stop.he wants everything to….stop here, but it’s not. fuck - how’s he going to get home.

now he’s got a new goal - have someone take him home, and take him home now. the feeling in his chest hasn’t subsided, and something’s telling him he hasn’t reached his peak high yet. what the hell was he going to do if he saw his parents like that? it was one thing climbing a fence drunk, but this….this was definitely different. he doesn’t have a clue how he’ll be able to sneak into his house like this - hell, he can hardly make it across the room. everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion around him, like he’s the only one who knows what’s going on. louder than the music, the voices, everything, he can hear his heart. it gets louder, louder, louder - shit, was it gonna beat out his chest?

“shit, is it gonna be out my chest?”

“what, is what gonna be out your che - man, what’d you take? you look awful.”

he knows that, but what can he do about that right now? he’s hot, at least, it feels like he is, but everything about him seems heavy and he’s not even sure he can wipe the sweat from his forehead. it seems like he has a piece of crinkled plastic over his eyes, like something’s stopping him from seeing clearly. he can’t see. it seems like every time he panics, he feels worse, and although he tries to calm down he’s not doing too good.

“home - i’ve gotta head home - now.”

“no can do. ask….tyler or something, i don’t know. i’m headed out with marina.”

“but-” he’s never heard himself this desperate. “-please.”

“sorry, devin. duty calls.”

duty calls. that’s his thing. and now that he’s the one asking for the ride, he realizes how shit the phrase really sounds. he’s the king of egocentrism, because all he can think is aren’t i more important? but he’s getting too unbothered to care, and through hooded eyes watches the other leave through the back door.

he makes the mistake of slumping down into the chair, and with how heavy his body seems it feels like he’s sinking into the carpet. he has to remind himself that he’s okay, that everything’s just an illusion, but it’s hard to remember when he feels like he’s falling further and further into the ground.

he’s sitting down, and still, it’s all just too much. he wants to throw up. there’s nowhere to go - his friends are assholes, and his parents will beat his ass. so he figures he’s a badass and can wait it out, and tries to close his eyes. but that doesn’t block out everything. he still hears the loud noises, feels the bodies brushing past him, feels like someone’s moving his chair around and around again. and for the first time that night, he realizes how alone he can feel around so many people. because he has no one. his heart’s getting louder, still. he’s slumped over a chair in the middle of a party and he thinks he’s gonna die. all he can think is -

“how the hell did i get here?”

hot. cold. hot. cold. from breaking out into sweating fits to random spurts of chills, everything’s out of wack. and the funny part? he’s not even blaming it on the acid, he just wishes he knew where the thermostat is. but he can’t even find out, because the soles of his feet feel as if they’d got shackled down. he can’t go anywhere, and this is not ok.

he knows he needs to calm down, but the more he worries the faster the room seems to spin. the louder it seems to get, and the more daein wishes that it would all just stop. when he tries to get up again, only this time, he really feels like he’s headed for the floor.

until there’s nothing, nothing but darkness.

#( & development. )#fmdtask008 #pls don't read this actually #like if u rlly want to just wait until tomm #when it's edited please i'm begging #drugs tw #alcohol tw #smoking tw #death mention tw #uhh #vomit tw #v brief #i think that's it! sorry i pressed post b4 i tagged the triggers!!#phew

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a-toast-to-my-real-friends · 5 years

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LOVER RANKINGS

Alright, y’all may or may not know, I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Chad Willard posted his Rankings and Reasons for her newest album, Lover, and it inspired me to do the same. So, for the two of you who care about my personal Taylor opinions: here they are.

I haven’t sat with Lover long enough yet to really figure out where I am with it. Speak Now is my peak Taylor Swift album. I love the honesty and vulnerability on all those songs. My emotions oftentimes seem overwhelming, irrational, and illogical, and I feel like a crazy person because I tell myself, “Johnathan, you shouldn’t feel this way, so and so hasn’t done anything wrong, if anybody knew you were THIS upset about THIS situation, they’d all laugh and tell you to relax and calm down and that you were acting crazy.” And oh buddy, if I weren’t acting crazy before, best believe I’d act crazy after.

Speak Now makes me feel like it’s OK to be overwhelmed by my feelings, and Taylor does such a great job of saying exactly how I feel.

So I say all that to say, I’ll probably compare every Taylor album to Speak Now. Does Lover make me feel the same way Speak Now does? Yes and no.

I like Lover a lot. To be fair, I have listened more to the first half than the last, only because by the time I get to “Death By a Thousand Cuts” I want to go back and listen to “I Forgot that You Existed” again. I’m going to agree with what Chad said that Hannah said: “our enjoyment of her songs oftentimes stems from where our current relationship status is.” I’m so happy that Taylor is in such a healthy, great place emotionally, and that she’s so deeply in love – and the songs she’s made are SO GOOD; but I think I’m having a difficult time enjoying them the way I would if I were in a solid, committed, tried and true relationship. I listen to “I think he knows” and “Paper Rings” and “Lover” and instead of being all glowy and glittery I just feel – sad, I guess. Which maybe explains why I like Speak Now so much, because a lot of those are sad and Overwhelmingly Emotional.

Anyway, TO THE RANKINGS!

18: False God. I just think it’s sonically boring. It’s not fun to sing along to, and the lyrics don’t do enough for me to raise it any higher. I’m gonna give it a little bit longer, maybe it’ll eventually grow on me, but it’s dangerously close to becoming a skip.

17: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. I’m going to get dragged for this, but it’s got the same chord progression as “So it Goes” from REPUTATION, and tbh, that one is a skip for me too. Maybe I’m not deep enough or politically educated enough to see all the brilliance behind it, but I’ll give it points for the line “It’s you and me, that’s my whole world,” though.

16: It’s Nice To Have a Friend: Meh. This just seems like a list of unrelated things she’s done with Joe. Again, maybe I’m not deep enough to understand the brilliance, but what is she trying to say? And the song is so repetitive, it doesn’t keep my interest. All this snow, ya know?

15: The Man. It’s a fun song, good beats, fun to sing along to. But as a white male, the content is unrelatable to me. Which is the point, I suppose. The song isn’t meant for me. I appreciate it, for sure, and I think it’s important, but I just don’t feel the way she feels, so it’s just strange to sing along to it. I don’t wonder if I’d get there faster if I was a man, because I am a man.

14: Soon You’ll Get Better. OK, I LOVE this song, to be clear. It’s so sad, so relatable, so pretty to listen to. Hello Dixie Chicks, glad to have you back. I cried the first time I heard it, because I’ve followed along with her mom’s struggle with cancer, and I’ve two really close friends who have lost parents recently to sickness, and the thought of them feeling this way just breaks my heart. The only reason it’s so low on my list is because I like the other songs so much. Here’s where it starts to get difficult for me.

13: London Boy. This one is a lot of fun, it’s fun to sing along to, and I like the fast rappy bridge. Gotta work on getting those lyrics down. I also like the small details about the steps that we all take in relationships, specifically meeting all of his best mates and listening to his stories from uni.

12: ME!. Brendon Urie come through with those vocals. I think I’m a little biased towards this one, just because of the video, and the excitement that always surrounds a new Taylor era. It was the first thing we saw post REPUTATION era, snakes into butterflies, all the bright colors in the video, the peppy catchy chorus. I also strongly relate to “I know that I’m a handful baby…but I promise that nobody’s gonna love you like me.”

11: Daylight. Highly relatable content here. I always say Taylor knows exactly where I am and what I’m going through. Speak Now, I was living in New York, struggling in every aspect, and spent a lot of that era feeling pretty lonely and crazy, broken, losing friends and missing them but not knowing how to say any of that to them. Red was a carry-over. 1989 I had moved to Orlando, was living in the Wolf Den with a bunch of doods that I loved, everything felt neon and electric and exciting. Reputation I had been kicked out of my house and betrayed and felt very snake like, unforgiving, and hard-hearted. And February of this year, I moved into a house I had found, picked amazing people to move in with, and felt in control of my life again. And if you happen to follow Taylor culture, that’s the same month she posted the picture with the seven palm trees to her instagam, which kicked off the whole Lover era. I say all that to say, it was time for me to step into the daylight and let it all go. To be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, or haunt me in the middle of the night. I only want to see daylight and think of that that special person, you know?

10: Afterglow. Hello Speak Now. It’s all me, in my head. I’m the one that burned us down, but it’s not what I meant. I don’t want to do this to you, and I don’t want to lose this with you. It’s the perfect example, IMHO, of unconditional love. Here’s all my crazy. Here’s all my insecurities. They’re going to rear their ugly head, will you please love me even with those? Here’s what I need from you in those moments of temporary emotional insanity: Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind. Tell me that I'm all you want even when I break your heart. And when you do that, I’ll say “I’m sorry that I hurt you.” What a beautiful picture of loving and being loved in return.

9: You Need To Calm Down. I dunno how closely y’all follow my antics on Facebook, but when this video dropped, I casually posted it because I liked the message. As a believer in Christ, I feel the Christian community has done a HORRIFIC job of loving the LBGTQ community, and my simple post BLEW UP, proving my point. Sidebar, I also link the first listen of this song to being in Toy Story Land with Topher, Jessica, and Leslie, huddling around my phone under the giant Christmas lights for our second dive into New Taylor.

8: Paper Rings. Ok now it’s starting to get super hard narrowing it down. We’ve entered my True Jams™ section. The only reason this is at the bottom of my True Jams™ section is because I ain’t in love like this, so where I want to feel like glitter is exploding inside of me, I just feel like dried glue the glitter was meant to stick to. I love how deeply personal it is, I love the specificity, and the song is a BOP. Standout lyrics: “I’m with you even if it makes me blue,” and “I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays…”

7: I Think He Knows. A Bop. Fun. Sexy. Coy and flirtatious, while also owning her power. The rappy bits. I’ve never felt a longing for somebody’s body just by the way they hold a cold glass, but boy, does this song make me want to. What specifics, what detail. Also – “I want you, bless my soul.” HONESTLY. BLESS IT LORD.

6: The Archer. Giving me those Speak Now vibes. All my heroes die alone – I jumped from the train, I ride off alone. The LONGING. The wanting to be wanted. Knowing you’re good enough, knowing you have a lot to offer – but also knowing that it’s so much that maybe nobody can handle it all. I’ve got so much to offer, who could ever leave me? I’m too much to handle – god, who could put up with all of it?

5: Cornelia Street. My God can I relate to this. I’m ALWAYS looking for the ending, for someone I love to tell me they’re leaving because being with me is too much. I always prepare for the worst case scenario. And only recently have I started to believe that maybe the worst case won’t always happen? Maybe somebody will stay? But man, my natural impulse, my knee-jerk reaction, will always be to get as far away from any and all memories of the good times. I don’t want to be reminded of the beauty and joy and greatness because it will just keep reminding me that I don’t have it anymore, and there’s nothing I could do to get it back.

4: Death by a Thousand Cuts. Ahhh, yesss, Taylor. Speak to me of being left and of the heartbreak that brings. Also, make it a bop. I constantly find myself looking through the boarded up windows of past relationships, and I see the chandelier still flickering and see all the beautiful moments, though they may have lost the radiance they once had. Saying goodbye is the worst, endings are the worst, new beginnings mean something else ended stale. Also being given up like I was a bad drug – reminds me of a line from “Better Man”: “You pushed my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun.” Pure Taylor and I’m here for it.

3: I Forgot that You Existed. On repeat. Will dance and sing to this endlessly. Also always here for a good snarky twist of the kinfe.

2: Lover. Again, the longing. The vulnerability. Asking the questions that are scary to ask, that people would think you are insane for asking someone. Loving somebody so much that you put everything else aside, and all you want is to ask, “Can I go where you go?” Clingy. Needy. Co-dependent. As brave as it would be to ask a question like that, the fear of being seen as any of these things will keep most from doing it. Which probably hinders more than it helps, because if somebody loves us, truly loves us, we should be able to ask that without any fear of anyone or anything. But I’ll sing it and pretend.

1: Cruel Summer. SO. SINGABLE. I love the chorus. It gets stuck in my head. I love the lyrics. The frailty. A relationship that started as friends with benefits, her saying “it’s cool, no rules,” when secretly she’s falling in love and fears saying it, because she thinks it’d be the worst thing he’s ever heard. Yeah, OK, please stop reading my diary, girl. But the best part is, IMHO, he feels the same way about her, and also has feared speaking up, which is why he’s grinning like a devil, because he’s so happy because he feels the same way. 10/10 cant’ stop listening.

And there you have it, folks. Time may change my rankings, relationships may change my rankings, but from where I sit, 10 days in, these are my thoughts. If you made it this far, I’d love to know what you think of the album, and your rankings!!! As if I’ll ever pass up a chance to talk about/listen to someone talking about Taylor Swift. Sound off!

#TAYLOR SWIFT #lover #swiftes #swifty #taylurking

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moiraineswife · 7 years

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Autistic!Kaz Headcanons

Just bc I can. You should all read @barrelrat‘s initial post about this that initially got me thinking this way/that inspired a few of the following. But basically I couldn’t sleep last night so here we are.

-Kaz longing for the quiet, peaceful familiarity of the farm when he first comes to Ketterdam. The city is too big, too loud, too bright, too crowded, too much. Everything overwhelms him for the first few weeks, and he clings to Jordie as the only stable, familiar anchor that he has.

-He picks up magic/sleight of hand quickly/easily because in addition to being a special interest, the constant, repetitive movements he practiced over and over again necessary to let him master the skills are stims. He does this a lot unconsciously. One of his favourites is manipulating small stacks of coins in his hands, or shuffling packs of cards.

-One of the things that makes him so successful with magic, with conning, with life tbh is his Need to know why. (this is canon, and I love it, so it’s not really a hc but see if I care) His plans are so detailed, so meticulous, and generally go so well because of how thoroughly he understands each and every detail of them. It’s not enough to know that, for instance, Wylan’s timed bombs will go off when he says they will, Kaz needs to understand the mechanics behind them. This helps him spot weaknesses, flaws, and patterns, and is one of the things that makes him so successful.

-Kaz being touch averse before Jordie’s death. Only now there are images and grief attached to the aversion. That makes it worse but also, in a twisted kind of way, better. Because at least now there’s a Reason behind it, and he can understand it.

-Kaz plans everything. From breaking into the Ice Court, to basic, every day to-do lists. He can do it all mentally, and keep track of everything that way, but he likes writing it all down. IT’s a way of taking control and it’s grounding/calming. Probably has an old blackboard/some chalk in his office at The Slat. It’s stimmy and it means he can doodle elaborate lists and plans all over it.

-Most of his stims are small things that he can hide. The streets worked out the notable ones from him a long time ago. He strokes the head of his cane, tracing all of the deep lines and groves in it, lingering on patches that are especially smooth. He flexes his hands - the feeling of the leather gloves curling around them is especially Good. Is also prone to leg dancing and finger tapping (especially to music. He picks out the beats of any nearby music and taps along to the them) But they’re all things that he can be discreet about. He used to hum, but when he was abandoned on the streets it was too much of a giveaway and he trained himself to stop.

-Kaz saying he has a headache when he becomes overloaded because he doesn’t know how else to explain that he needs to leave this place now.

-First signs of him heading towards a meltdown is always irritability. He becomes v easily frustrated, snaps sharply if interrupted, becomes frantic if he can’t easily find something, and is agitated and irritated by even small sounds in his vicinity. Will murder you for being too Loud when he’s like this because he just can’t deal with it.

-Never has meltdowns in front of other people. He instinctively suppresses them in public/on a job. This typically causes a massive shutdown afterwards. he locks himself in his room, turns off all the light, and buries himself in his bed where it’s dark and quiet. He refuses to see anyone during that time, and everyone knows not to bother him/to let him recover in peace.

-Has shutdowns more frequently than meltdowns. Becomes nonverbal during them, very withdrawn and unresponsive - typically the only communication anyone gets out of him then is nods/shakes of the head.

-Bad trauma days make his sensory issues much, much worse. Some days he can’t leave his room because the very feel of the air on his skin is too much. He won’t even let Inej see him on those days, he needs to be alone to be able to meltdown/stim and process everything the way he needs to.

-Occassionally becomes utterly Consumed by short but very very intense special interests. Once developed one in baking, it only lasted about a week but it was Intense. He was covered in flour for days and was constantly trying new things, and tweaking old recipes to make them completely perfect. Only Kaz could turn cake-making into a form of science. He experimented with different methods of mixing, different amounts of flour, the order he added the ingredients in etc etc etc. The Dregs were baffled but delighted. Nina swears she has never eaten better waffles in her entire life.

-His cane becomes a comfort object, he gets really angsty if he doesn’t have it close at hand at all times. His gloves are comfort objects too, even if he manages to stop wearing them all the time, he always keeps them on him. Inej brings him back a small, smooth, polished stone she found on her travels - it becomes a comfort object, too. He always has it in his pocket.

-Can recreate maps/building plans he’s studied incredibly accurately....But he has no sense of direction. Frequently gets lost in The Slat. Only manages to navigate the city bc he’s carefully memorised maps/routes/landmarks.

-APD has him threatening to gag Jesper at least twice a week because ‘I can’t process two different speakers/conversations at once, Jesper shut up.’

-Loves listening to Wylan play flute. Will legit sit and listen to him quietly for hours. Wylan starts noticing when Kaz is getting overloaded and, if he’s able, will discreetly play for a little while to help ground him.

-One time Inej changed her perfume an he became so irritated and bothered and he couldn’t understand why which was almost more frustrating. Eventually she realised what was wrong.

-Hates clothes with high/tight collars, they feel like they’re strangling him.

-I’m not entirely sure if this is possible Heartrender wise, or rather, if it was possible pre-parem but, like, humour me okay? He asks Nina to use her abilities to lessen the quality of his hearing/eyesight/touch, just slightly, and only for short periods of time, but it really helps when he’s becoming overloaded.

-Will cut you if you fuck with his routine/his plans in any way. (Always has v precise, detailed plans and no, we can’t go there first, because if we go there first then x, y, z will happen, and we won’t be able to do that, and the world will end no just everybody do as I say I have worked this shit out)

-Absently stroking Inej’s hair = The Best Stim.

-The pickiest of picky eaters.

-Kaz ‘I don’t like new things’ Brekker. Nina despairs over him bc he orders exactly the same thing every single time they go out for anything to eat.

-One time a restaurant took his item off their menu and Kaz Twitched uncomfortably until the owner told him they kept a few of the necessary ingredients on-hand for him so he could still have it. All of Ketterdam relaxed and a shrine was later built to this good woman’s sense.

-Had to carefully teach himself to read each individual person’s tone/expressions/body language etc for each job. He constantly studies people and improves his understanding of them - it’s like watching for tells in a fight/card game, but with everything. Keeps very detailed, very extensive notes. Doesn’t realise that not everyone has to do this until Nina spots his notes on her and is just like ??? Kaz ??? is this necessary ?????

-Dsypraxia!Kaz - performs incredible precise, delicate, deft lock-picking one minute. Bangs into the corner of a desk the next bc it was moved an inch to the right of its usual spot.

-One day, Mathias decides to be ‘helpful’ and sets about fixing up The Slat. Kaz walks in and freezes. ‘No.’ ‘But the floorboards were creaking here so-’ ‘No.’ ‘The roof leaked a little, I thought-’ ‘No.’ ‘The carpets were-’ ‘No.’ ‘The paintwork could use a little freshening u-’ ‘No.’ Kaz threatens to drown him in the fresh tin of paint he has open and ready next to him and methodically undoes all of Mathias’ fixes until the Slat is creaking, whistling, leaking, and tripping people up as it should.

-One time Nina got bored and decided to rearrange the furniture ‘for a change’. This did not go down well.

-Gunshots are sensory hell tbh.

-Views literally everything in terms of business arrangements bc it’s the only way he’s learned to really make sense of social interactions?? People are loyal to him bc he knows their secrets, and bc he’s the most beneficial to their interests than any other gang leader in Ketterdam. People will do favours for him bc he’s done things for them in the past/would do in the future. ‘I will make you waffles today, and you will promise to help me with my sensory shit at a later date when I need you to. The deal is the deal.’ ‘Uh...Kaz...We’re friends?????’ Kaz: *this does not compute* *Nina sighs and just nods and yes, yes, u strange boy, just prepare me my waffles*

-He slowly starts to understand things on a more personal/intimate/informal level when he’s with Inej and they start getting closer. But he still, at the end of the day, rationalises/makes sense of everything via a structure that’s simple, and logical to him, and that’s by viewing it as a job. Inej is patient with him, and pretty understanding...As long as he never gets to the point of, like, ‘I have kissed you three times today, this equates to a ten minute leg massage, I would like to cash this in now, please.’ (He never does. (Except once when he was teasing her about it and she just like ffs, kaz, u had me for a minute there.))

-Has a ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ with a stray cat he insists he hasn’t adopted. He feeds it and gives it somewhere warm to sleep. In return it is an A++++ stim toy. V soft and it’s a great, warm presssure stim when it curls up in his lap which is obviously the only reason he lets it do this. But he has not adopted it, this is strictly a business arrangement- I can see you rolling your eyes at me, Nina. (Its name is ‘Demjin.’)

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dindadeel · 7 years

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Character / Storyline / Whatever-you-called-it Analysis: Mystic Messenger

I really want to credit the artist, but unfortunately I, too, stumbled across this image on the web. If any of you know the owner of this picture, please let me know. Oh, and if the artist does not allow me to repost this picture, please let me know to as I’d be more than willing to take this image down if the owner does not allow me.

Oh my darling,

If only I dare to publish my (twitter) second account here, (will not happen, since I want to say things under privacy, too) you guys would’ve known my obsession over this Korean game called Mystic Messenger.

It is a female-oriented otome (dating) game. You’ll play as this Main Character (MC), so far Cheritz (the developer) has released 6 routes, which you can play depending on which character you want to choose.

So after playing each route and finishing the secret ending, here’s my thought overall.

(lol I actually already wrote a review on my 2nd account, but I’ll write a repetitive thing here lol don’t mind me).

This is a long ass post btw, if you’re not up to that, then you’re free to browse anything else. But if you do want to stick around, feel free to grab some ice tea (I’m recently into honey lemons) and some pockys.

When starting Mystic Messenger, there’s 3 options to choose; Casual Route (free), Deep Route (80 Hourglasses), Another Story (300 Hourglasses). Hourglasses is basically like coins that you can exchange to unlock features throughout the game. You can still proceed with the game without it, but you’ll definitely get more benefits with these hourglasses (e.g.; unlocking new routes like Deep Route, making phone calls, participate in chats that you missed, etc).

You can find more about Mystic Messenger here if you’re a beginner to the game.

Now on to the analysis!

(WARNING: SPOILER ALERT)

If you’re hoping for your-typical-shoujo-storyline-i-met-a-prince-of-my-dream, well you’re wrong because Mystic Messenger is here to fuck you up and make you emotionally attached to fucking fictional characters.

I’d like to think each and every route is a different universe every time I chose a new route (believe me, you’ll have hard time restarting your day after the 11th day). But I cannot help to feel that every route is actually linked to one another and the final ending is Seven’s route. (Yes you can fight me but thats the fact because Seven’s always have this additional thing in his route and he even owns the secret ending, technically).

However, another story (aka V route) is another different universe, because the storyline is a little bit distorted than the original 5 stories (well, it is an additional story).

The reason why I wrote a Tumblr post is because I got a bunch of bullcrap I need to write after finishing V route and Secret Ending.

First of all,

What the actual fuck?

Okay, everything was all good and jolly when you start playing Casual Route. I guess they called it Casual Route because it literally give you the tiniest bit of the secret of RFA. It literally means nothing if you compare it to Deep Route, Another Story, and Secret Endings. In actual fact, even in Jumin’s route, it don’t give as much information.

On casual route, it is very fitting to the name; very casual. It just gives you all these simkung moments with your character of selection. Sure, every route all-in-all asking the MC to ‘help’ the character from their wounds.

(list is based on my recommendations on taking which route first)

Jaehee - To choose her dreams or live on social prejudice

Yoosung - Dealing with his depressions and confusion after Rika’s passing

Zen - Overcoming his insecurities and his past

Jumin - Expressing his emotions when the world seems like tangled threads

Seven - Making sure he is belonged in this world and to be a place where he can call it home

V - Letting him know that he should love and put himself first

Tbh after finishing all routes, I cannot help to think that this whole mysme universe is started as a couple quarrel. But it is a twisted and complex couple quarrel. Basically it all turned murky when — turned out both the couple did not realized that they’re in a toxic relationship.

I’m gonna talk not only about any specific route, but the universe as a whole. Mainly towards Secret Endings in which branched from Seven’s, but the inputs came from every route regardless.

Rika had an illness to begin with. She struggles with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and (paranoia induced) delusions. Now this woman (haha please note on how I address her because I put my whole feeling on it) tried to hide it (and she succeeded) from the rest of the member, except V, who’s her fiancee and the one she trusted wholeheartedly. I guess her intentions are good, because she don’t want the rest of the member to worry about her. All she ever wanted to do was to create RFA in hope she could help people with her charity parties and where people with different background and social status could mingle. But again, she’s dealing with a mental illness and I guess she needs someone to know her as a whole, which is V.

This is where everything went wrong, I guess.

Rika does not represent people with mental illness. Cheritz just need a character as an antagonist, or there won’t be any storyline, hahaha.

Don’t get me wrong. V is a loving man. His intentions are also come from a good heart. V loves Rika wholeheartedly. He loves Rika with her flaws, too.

But their actions were like a ripple in a calm water. A single drop could disturb the whole surface.

V comes from a wealthy family, alongside Jumin. He was brought up to act like one. His father brought him up so that he could continue the family business, like Jumin. However, V’s mother was a musician. In fact, his family business related a lot in art & creative industry. So he have this ‘artist blood / tendency’ within him. I think his father opposed him on being an actual artist, so instead he became a photographer. This is where he encountered Rika.

Rika, on the other hand, did not came from a good childhood memory. She was adopted. However, turned out the adoptive parents regretted adopting Rika (that’s a fucked up parents to begin with. I mean, you HAD a choice to PICK your child for God’s sake. You’re not stuck with whatever-God-gave-you on your womb but you GET to choose, either the gender nationality race whatever suits you best and you STILL regret it?). She always felt that she does not belong anywhere and don’t have any place to harbor. She always feel empty.

Now when Rika met V, it felt like a faith to both of them. Rika was the empty canvas. She never knew how it felt to be loved. V, on the other hand, does not know how to give love, as he was always brought up in prince-like manner, and his mother was not able to be there to teach him how to love. So when he encountered Rika, I guess in his artistic mind, his love was like this massive artwork, ready to be painted on Rika’s blank canvas.

Both of them thought that their love was like the sun in the sky.

Why the sun?

Well, the sun is the source of living being. No matter where you are, it will shine. Even when the clouds are there to cover it, the sun is still there, giving you all the warmth. But the thing with the sun, in my opinion, yes it is warm, but there are times where you can get burn to crisp if you stand too long below it. You can get blind if you stare too much. Why, you can even get skin cancer if you’re not well protected.

Both of them could not express their love... as a couple. One wants to accept everything and one is willing to give everything. But the thing is... everything has its own limit. Sure, it feels like they’re meant for each other, however I think it is a toxic relationship as no one in that relationship know how to say no and to stop. V being too philosophical attracted to Rika’s innocence. Back to my canvas-paint theory, it is like Rika is the blank canvas, and V is willing to paint every single space within Rika. So much it turned into obsession. So much that Rika’s actually suffocated from it. Rika’s running out of space.

Sally’s death was the trigger. Rika was in the verge of breaking down. She said it was her fault. Said nobody would love her if they know how dark she is. She is actually ashamed of her illness and struggles, and she wants people to see her as a savior instead. V, who love her so dearly, instead of stopping her, said;

“Even if you strangle my neck, blind my eyes and break my limbs... I will still love you.”

THAT IS FUCKED UP OKAY. Now, if you have a loved one that’s struggling with these conditions, you do not add fuel to the fire. Don’t encourage them to hurt people! What V did was to turn the switch in Rika. In her innocent thought (at first I could not believe Rika was this stupid, but then again, she had her condition), it is okay to be abusive, as V said, he will still love him regardless. THIS. WAS. THE. FUCKING. TRIGGER.

Rika hurt V on purpose due to him trying to stop Rika on creating this cult where she force happiness onto people, drug them so that they would not know any pain. I know V had a good intention trying to stop Rika but I cannot stop thinking that he’s the one who made Rika to had this thought. It was the seed he planted on Rika. He was expecting a beautiful flower to bloom from it, but a monster sprouted instead because of the way he tended the seed.

Due to that, Rika left V for three main reason;

V opposed her idea on creating this everlasting paradise

She thought that V did not love her anymore because she thought V is disgusted with her monster side and the last thing she wanted was for V to leave her side

She knows what she did was wrong. She might be distorted, but she is good by nature. So when she realized she injured V severly, she is actually scared of herself. What if she hurt V even more in future?

And this is where everything went from what the fuck to what in the actual motherfucking fuck?

So instead of spilling the truth, V, being a chivalrous man he is, decided to keep it as a secret. He stated that the reason he kept it as a secret because he did not wish to put Rika under a dark impression. He wants Rika to be seen in her glorious days, as a brilliant young lady which everybody love and adore.

He decided to make Rika’s departure from RFA as her passing. He made up this story that Rika decided to take her own life. Jumped out the cliff, he said, so none of her remains were to be found.

I know RFA trusted this man 100%. But there’s a reason why Yoosung always doubt him, because I will certainly do, too.

First, do you think it is fair for the rest of RFA to be treated that way? To live their life in lies? I mean, come on, she’s basically everyone’s center. If someone that was that close to me, suddenly her fiancee come to us and said she took her own life but her body was never to be found, I would use every measure to fins her (I believe Jumin was loaded enough to do so).

That aside, does V never consider the rest of RFA’s feeling in the first place? Does he think it was okay for him to lie to them? If only they did not discover the truth in Seven’s route, he will even keep it to himself. I could not help to feel that V is selfish, in a way he wants to keep Rika to herself. He is the one who Rika trust as a whole, and he’d like to keep it that way.

In Casual route, there’s no sign that Rika’s still alive. At the end of each casual route, V is always nowhere to be found. He is either not attending the party, announcing that he’s about to be blind, or just ‘let’s not discuss it now” / “I cannot tell you now”.

IMAGINE how betrayed everyone was when they found out that Rika was still alive and V decided to keep it as a secret. To make things worse, Rika even created this illegal cult. If they truly cared for Rika, I bet they would even love her and help her from her darkness. Hell, Rika was their savior in some way. I just don’t get the logic behind V keeping it from the rest.

For Zen and Jaehee, it might not be a significant lost, just a sense of disappointment. They’re not directly involved in Rika, emotion wise. Jaehee was merely Jumin’s assistant and she respected Rika. Zen was a bit closer to her, as Rika was his fan and the who ‘discovered’ Zen and help him with his career. But other than that, they did not share any emotion bond with Rika.

Yoosung though, he saw Rika as his own big sister. He saw her as his role model. He looked up to Rika a lot. So it is understandable that he was struggling after Rika’s passing, in the most unreasonable reason ever. Especially when Rika only showed her good personality. Who could accept that reason?

Sometimes, people said ignorance is a bliss and that is exactly what happened to each of their routes. They NEVER know. But that is the sad thing. They WILL never know. But if they WERE know the thing that happened behind their back, imagine how hurt they will be? Especially in Yoosung case, where he even get depressed over Rika.

Anyway, it gets even more disappointing for me for the deep route guys. If I were to talk in detail, it will take another dedicated post because it is a deep route hahaha I guess I was deeply attached to them (lol).

By know I guess everyone can grasp on how hurt Seven would feel. His brother was taken by someone that he trusted could take care of him. HIS FUCKING FAMILY. The only person in this universe that he share his blood with and his very existence is the most precious thing. Due to this stupid lover quarrel, Rika just fucking took him and drugged him so that he could work for her and made him hate his own brother.

WHAT THE FUCK. This is a one sick lady. But whats even sicker is the fact that even knowing this, V did not give Seven any information. He just stick with “I can do this myself, so that none of the member will get hurt”. ITS HIS FUCKING TWIN BROTHER FOR ALL THE GOD’S SAKE. How stupid you could be?! He is more than entitled to know anything about Saeran. Even if love my s/o to death, if he done anything as outrageous as this, I would definitely call for help. This even involved other person’s closest relative!

Another thing to point out is why can’t Seven left any note to Saeran? I know it took awhile for Rika to take Saeran out of Seven and Saeran’s mother. But afterwards, when Saeran was under Rika and V’s care, he could leave a note to him. A simple post-it will do, if he was that scared to be traced. Let Saeran know that the reason he left first is to protect him. Why can’t he do this? I mean, its not like Seven never met V, if in this sense we put Rika under bad light.

Why does V think he is entitled to keep this as a secret? I could see why Seven was in rage when he found out about the whole truth when he about to rescue MC at Rika’s apartment. His reunion with his long lost brother was suppose to be sweet, but no, he was brainwashed and hate him to the core. And even when Seven asking for the truth, V still dare to lie.

But what is even more saddening is Jumin position. Surprised? Well, I guess it is unexpected as he is not a part of Secret Endings. He is constantly suppressing his emotions too. But that is even worse.

The fact that Jumin is V’s closest friend. In his route, Jumin even told MC that the only people that he could trust was V and Rika. I get that couple only share some things among themselves, but imagine how Jumin would feel when he knows two people he trusted the most turned out hiding such big secret?

He trust V decision, always. When everybody seems to doubt V, he will be that very last person to agree with V. He will never hide anything from V, and even when V hides something from him, he will always said that “V’s always like that. I will trust his decision nevertheless”. The only thing that he didn’t tell V was probably he had feelings for Rika, too (fuck this thing. Jumin’s my man don’t you lay your hand on her Rika (lol)).

Speaking of that, Jumin was in fact treasure Rika, too. He claimed that Rika was that very few people that was able to make him open up and let him expressing his emotion.

He had feelings for Rika, but knowing that Rika never saw him that way and only love V, he suppressed his feelings and decided to just watch from far.

He even treasures Elizabeth the 3rd. Elizabeth the 3rd was so dear to him because it was from Rika, and V named her. The Jumin that we know now is head-over-heel over cat, but in his conversation with Rika on his route, he was not particularly interested in cats to begin with. Jumin’s fucking loaded, if he really likes cat, he could’ve bought the rarest breed of all and enjoy its beauty. But everything changed after Rika gave him Elizabeth the 3rd. He treasured every fragments Rika left him with. He didn’t even finish the book that Rika gave him.

So imagine, imagine it, my dear friend, how unfair his situation is. He already decided to be a bigger man and root for his best friend’s relationship. But turned out his most treasured people are keeping this huge secret. Imagine how disappointed he would feel when he knows Rika was brainwashing Saeran. Imagine how he would’ve felt when V decided to quit RFA on Seven’s route. Imagine how confused he would feel when V is always out of reach on everyone’s after ending. Imagine how painful it is for him to see Rika was beyond repair on V route, the two people he wished for happiness, turned out to be destroying each other?

Imagine how broken he would’ve felt when he attended V’s funeral at Secret End, knowing that his best friend’s own fiancee was the one who lead him to death, and the fact that he has to stay composed in this situation?

There’s a reason why I like Jumin so much. Not only his capability on stay logical (though sometimes can be interpreted as emotionless), but the fact that he never beats around the bush. He never sugar-coat his words (except during his route when he acts like a stupid love bird—no complain about this tho).

Yes, he is not perfect, even on his route he could be irrational sometimes with his obsessiveness. But knowing his upbringing and his background, its understandable he’s acting this way. But in the end he even tried to overcome it and when V came, he believed in V almost immediately. Even when MC’s life was somewhat along the line.

That is how much he trusted V and how deeply he cared for him.

V, on the other hand, was so drowned on his own ideology of protecting everyone to even notice this. Do you think its fair? Does he thinks its right for him to keep the truth from everyone, when Jumin’s always there for him?

Jumin is even willing to go extra mile for V. I guess sadly V doesn’t see Jumin in the same light.

I know this post somewhat treating V as the main villain. I swear, on V route I tried to save him like everyone else. Rika was truly a sick woman on his route. I really loathe her. As Seven said, she was beyond repair. But again, I couldn’t help to feel sick over the fact that both Rika and V are still hiding Saeran/Ray’s existence, even when Saeran blow himself, ON SEVEN’S AWARENESS.

Even under this fiasco, V never tell anything to anyone. He didn’t even tell MC as far as I know.

Ray... he was the main victim. He was tossed here and there without him able to control his own consciousness due to the drug.

I don’t want to blame V. I really want to hate Rika because Cheritz created this character for us to hate to begin with. But then again, I can’t help to think that the root of this problem is both of them. Both of them acted like they want to save people, how they don’t want to bring pain to innocent souls, but in the end, with their lies and their acting like a goody two shoes,

how many souls did they hurt?

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barkphomet · 7 years

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TIPSY OC RAMBLES AB KIT

man im using kit to explore A LOT of shit

tbh he’s a semi self-insert with the things im using him to explore. he’s a vulture boy - he’s sort of an OC manifestation of my own vulture shit - so partially he’s somewhere to dump my misc “yeah i tried to scrape a flesh pancake from the pavement earlier cus his had an intact head but i got maggots in my shoes lol” experiences

and also. ALSO. HE’S A STUPID TRANS BOY who isn’t actually insecure ab it, bc yeah he’s quiet and seems a lil shy and insecure but he actually just doesn’t give a fuck about you or anyone else, not just some pretentious bullshit but legitimate NO FUCKS GIVEN. and his trans shit is partially based on my own, and partially based on some shit a trans friend told me ab how he always questioned why trans shit mattered and how any of this is legitimate if gender roles don’t fucking matter. stupid toxic masculinity and a lot of things to stem from that - but no one ever gave him an actual answer and tbh im kinda dancing with that in kit. what place has our trans shit without gender roles. what actual bullshit is this nonsense

aaaand he’s a fucking exploration of me finding out at 20 damn years old that im probably autistic lmao. he’s an exploration of getting overstimmed by the stupidest shit and having to stick my hand in a pile of maggots to calm down despite a little bit of water making me feel every microscopic ridge in my fingers. he’s my inability to fucking read people. every stupid autistic detail. self dissection? why not just. develop it into an oc instead.

kit has layers and he thinks he doesn’t care. he thinks he knows himself, and that the world doesn’t matter and he doesn’t matter and he just needs the present world to stabilize himself, and it doesn’t fucking matter as long as he can cling to some bullshit excuse to continuous existence. but. you know what. this fucker CARES and boy does he have some buried existential crisis in that stupid unfashionable jacket. you hear that kit. ya hear that. you don’t know why you exist and you’re terrified you might be correct that there’s no purpose to any of this, and even more than that you’re about to shit absolute bricks at the repressed realization of how controlled you are by norms and society and everyone around you.

fe, bitch. you have it. have fun being a faggot ESTP. how does that tert fe feel motherfucker

he doesn’t know if there’s anything at his core. he pretends he knows all his layers, and he pretends he’s repressing knowledge of layers even below those. but are there layers at all? is he just empty at his core, some fucked up caricature of a human being that’s carrying on but in denial about the insignificance of its own void? he’s scared, my dude. he’s terrified and does everything he can to avoid it. 593 lmao

god. jesus. the savior. he’s seen it. he’s seen it reflected in the tv and internet and every screen on fucking earth, he’s seen the face of god in the news and he knows we’re all fucked and he sees it too in the maggots and bugs and every goddamn insect he swallows. he devours the poor man’s jesus and vomits it out in the same sentence, and repeats it day after day in a ritual of repetition to stave away the realizations.

so then tell me, kit, what are you going to do about it? probably nothing you avoidant fuck. other characters always think he’s non-avoidant but no..... my dude.... how the fuck are you so misinformed this guy is the definition of avoidance

he is, of course, the flesh of god. he is fated to mutation and by every eldritch fucker in existence is he gonna be torn into what they want. so he’s got a choice - are you going to rip yourself apart into a shape you desire, or let someone do it for you? the mutilation is inevitable, so better take it into your own hands.

#kit #MY SON #oc tag

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amazingbees · 7 years

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astro recs !!!

hi folks, this is fr my v lovely mutual @berry-happy-tokki !!! <333 she’s rly adorable & soft & super positive & kind & i love her sm !!!!! must b protected @ all costs, v precious ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

anyway, fr astro recommendations, i have 2 categories !!!! rly soft & happy songs & songs that w ill make u c ry ac tu al te ar s ((& ill also summarize the title track songs rq bc im rly weak abt astro & i wanna Type abt them until i can t feel my fingers anymore sORR Y YOu do nt have to rea d it all i wo nt get upset i promis e))

/((also u prolly already get this, but if u start w/ listening to all the title tracks it helps u get a rly good grasp of the band & find out their most catchy songs, but also if u decide to take a look @ those later they can b rly special to watch fr the first time !!! both paths r good & valid & a Fun Time !!))

((anyway, lets start w/ the sad songs tho bc i wanna get those outta the way so we can just focus on being happy later oK))

INNOCENT LOVE / 픗사랑 - ok srsly,,,, dont li ste n until ur r eady to Cry,,,,, bc u Will cry & theres no g etting arnd that,,,,,,, but anyway !!! the vocals r 👌👌👌 !!!!!! theres piano & a rly nice slow rap & the song is rly emotional & sentimental & u’ll,,,, , u’ll Cr y ok !! ((some rly good high notes too !!!!!))

YOUR LOVE / 사랑이 - ugggggggh,,,,, ok,,,, sr sly,,,,, if u think abt it this song is kinda Repetitive but its so so good ok,,,,,,,, their voices,,,,,,,, the rap,,,,,,, its all just so Good,,,,,, but its Sad !!!! like, Inspirational sad tho, & it kinda Moves u, idk ???? ur crying, but u feel so..... Exfoliated & refreshed

GROWING PAINS / 성장통 - this one is just a lil less sad, a lil more Mellow !!!! its pleasant & a nice easy listen !!! good fr background music((, until it gets to that One Highnote, bc, like, its v difficult to focus on anything else but ur rapidly descending tears @ that point tbh))

MY STYLE / 내 멋대로 - idk how to describe this brand of Sadness(tm),,,,, maybe like,,, Opera Sadness ??? its like, Dark & Heavy sadness instead of Soft & Light sadness???? idk if this is making sense, b Ut :”) its kinda different from astros regular style !!! which is kinda cool & fun !!!!!

BECAUSE ITS YOU / 너라서 - this one is sad only bc it makes me so emotional oh my go d ,,,,, , ((also theres harmonization & a few minor chords & tha t,,, hi ts me in th fe eling s,,,,)) the lyrics r rly rly romantic & touching & i just,,,,, w e dont Deser ve th em

gREAT MOVING ON, LETS B HAPPY NO w ok ((jk u’ll still cry, but itll b tears of Happiness from here on out, promise))

CAT’S EYE / 정화 신은 고양이 - i just wanted to start this list off w/ smth rly fun & interesting & ok, like,,,,, this song is so Unique? ??? it has such a special/specific aesthetic & like,,,, theres rly nothing like it, it makes me cr y ((ive never seen high school musical but i imagine its a similar aesthetic idk??)) also !! the audio quality might b kinda weird, but idk ?? i find that kinda charming fr the song tbh :””)

COLORED / 물들어 - i had an Obsession fr so long, omf !!!! i just love this song sm !!!! its rly fun & pure & u can just !!! have a Good Positive Time w/ this song !!!! ((u might get a lil emotional tho & thats natural, dont fight it its o k)), there r a few minor chords thrown in in a way thats fun & keeps things interesting !!!! v difficult to get bored w/ this song !!!!!!

FIREWORKS / 불꽃놀이 - BOYBAND VIBES OK, i get so m any classic american boyband vibes from this & thats prolly just b me, but ???? idk !!! this song kinda sounds like a sunset to me, for lack of better words !! nice & calming ((feels a li l sad in the beginning but dw !!! it picks up p quick !!!! <33))

COTTON CANDY - this is so light & nice !!!! its from the winter themed album & u can Feel it in the song tbh !!!!! reminds me of christmas, i love it alot !!! reminds me of an anime fr some reason !!!!!

YOU & ME (THANKS AROHA) - this is also just rly light & nice, it reminds me of going ice skating w/ someone u love !!!!! i dont wanna ruin this song fr u, give it a listen even if its the only one u click on !!!! <333

MORNING CALL / 모닝 콜 - fr some rea son ,,, ,, this k inda reminds me of a commercial or country music or smth i dk,,,, to me it feels like sunshine & orange juice & fresh picked blueberries !!!! i love it !!!

POLARIS / 북극성 - this one is just Fun !!! youthful !!!! u dont have to think to much to listen !!!!!!! + the beginning is rly pleasant to listen to, i love <33

ok,,,, so if ur still He re ((or if u skipped down, thats fine !!! <33 i write alot & not a lot of it makes sense tbh)) here’s a brief summary of the title tracks, bc they each have such a Specific, Unique aesthetic & i love them all !!!! ((they all fit into the light, happy section dw, dw :””) ))

HIDE & SEEK / 숨바꼭질 - v youthful & sunny & innocent !!!! boyish & cute & pure & wholesome & a rly !!!!! good time if ur sad !!!! <333

BREATHLESS / 숨가빠 - Summer Fun(tm) !!!!!! colorful & refreshing, like having some rly cold pop after being thirst fr a long time !!! v freeing !!!! ((thats the entire concept wOOps)) v bright/light !!!

CONFESSION / 고백 - the concept is Autumn ,,,, & i t fits so we ll,,,,, v Crisp, yet calming ???? feels like a slightly biting breeze on ur face in october or november !!! a bit more mature than the other concepts, but still bright & has a lovely chorus !!!! ((th mv gets kinda sad but thats oK BC THEY L OOK SO GOOD IT DO ESnt even m aTTE r))

BABY - the song that made me stAN TH e m;; vv different in concept from the others !!!! this one is a bit more techno-y & mature !!! like, astros mvs r progression from Small Child->elementary school->high school->yOUNG AD UL T;; everyone has their own color & theme in the mv, but they all unite & fit so well in the song !!!! still bright, but more like cyan rather than sunshine yellow ????? modern & refreshing, v nice & lovely, the mv will make u cry i promise its so cute pls stan this mv it wont let u down

((anyway, thats it friend !!! thank u sm fr looking @ my trash !!!!! stay amazing, love u !!!! <33))

#248.txt #why am i so extra #love u tho tokki !!! <3 #astro #pls stAN THE SE B OYS THEY'RE SO PU R e #((also btw i heard u stan akmu & ????))#((hey me too ???? hmu w/ ur favorites bc id love to cry w/ u sometime :") ))

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neurunique · 5 years

Text

Hopefully this app don’t crash

Cause I’m about to write a RitalinRealisation🌈

First things first, I write so much shit before I get to the final point. So if ya get impatient skip to the end but trust me it’ll be WORTH IT.

was sitting in bed studying chemistry work when I realised something.

So for most of my life up until I started medication, I had symptoms of “bipolar 2”, ADD, autism spectrum, obsessive compulsive... etc. let’s just go short version and say I’m on the spectrum with a bit of manic depression occasionally (it’s honestly so rare I tried medication for it once and I turned into a zombie and I’ve received cognitive therapy for it so I’m STABLE that’s the main part) with VERY TEMPORARY and STRANGE attention span.

So let’s talk like... obsessions or “special interests”.

Whole life filled with obsessions where my brain just would. Not. Even. Try. To pay attention to ANYTHING other than the special interest; every conversation dictated by it etc, people be like can you talk about anything else? Like looool. Funny to look back at that (I still do it occasionally. It ain’t a bad thing I love it just damn it had some impact on those around me) and so when I got super obsessed my BRAIN would be like I Am SO HAPPY, I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS, THIS IS SO INTERESTING! TIS IS MY LIFE NOW. EVERYTHING REVOLVES around it, and it’s all I want to do, EVER. So like naturally my school grades were up and down during obsession phases, like, sometimes I’d get straight A in assignments I could relate TO THE OBSESSIONS. Like fuck me the train of thought would just COME. So I was good at that, most reports from school were like “Petal is amazing at what she’s INTERESTED IN but won’t even THINK about trying what she isn’t” (could’ve used Ritalin a long time ago tbh but irrelevant). Anyway anyway . DOPAMIne. That’s what I realised today. DOPAMIne and obsessions ! I draw write sing imagine... to do with the obsession and then bam dopamine. High of life . Who cares why, fights at home or rejection from peers it’s FINE I just DOPAMINE. It’s all I needed. And so yes, whenever I GO OFF MY MEDS IVE NOTICED

That like (why is Tumblr’s enter gap so huge ) I get that obsession mindset again, like I can’t do anything without the special interest. With my meds, the interest is still there, but my dopamine or mood is like LEVEL and not DEPENDENT on the obsession. Like I can do shit, study and converse and socialise and learn social skills I never did , with the dopamine levelled our. So like Ritalin doesn’t give me skills, it gives me balance . and when I go off it, I get “manic” as others see it, however it’s literally just the increase of dopamine due to the obsession dependence returning (literally opposite of drug dependence; the drug is the antidote and my brain is the dependence)

I’m literally just Sherlock Holmes addicted to my brain like a narcissist

AnywAaaay

So the times I’ve written bullions of fanfics about sonic? ~”manic episode” as they say MORE LIKE SUPER INVOLVED IN MY SPECIAL INTEREST

Gaming for ten hours to make one goal? Not manic just hyper focused because I love the game and the act and the repetition .

So yep. The conclusion is essentially this: my special interests are pervasive as fuck and luckily I can manage them with the use of awareness of sugar intake and dopamine levels otherwise influenced by things apart from medication; Ritalin helps me regulate dopamine but to be honest it sends me to sleep half the time (probably cu when I have the dopamine already, it’s like no sleepy time no mania for you); and it helps me be human - for the most part! I still burn out like a motherfucker, even on it - social interactions are draining during times of adjustment or stress (mostly always); I can only manage one or two a day now that I live with my partner. I could literally achieve a fucking whole novel if it was about my obsession (current ones are seven deadly sins and sonic of course although that ones kinda melting a bit, BAN FOR LIFE) without Ritalin to regulate myself, like I don’t feel dead inside on medication as some peopl describe it , I more feel like I can put aside those intense urges and addictions towards my obsessive behaviours and just carry on and FOCUS on things that aren’t the obsessions

Honestly if it wasn’t for the fact I get special interests, most of my symptoms would just be ADD. But ASD INCLUDES like special interests and social cues deterance (I been learning thougu, thanks to focus being level). So yeppp.

Oh also, Ritalin is more effective for me than Dexies because:

Dexies actually increase dopamine directly whereas Ritalin is simply a “dopamine reuptake” so like in my mind I feel like it doesn’t release dopamine , it simply does what the brain needs (my brain). Hence why people probably prefer aderall over Ritalin for study drugs whereas Ritalin helps me actually function,

If I’m tired, it’ll wake up a bit. Or it’ll send me to sleep. If I’m deep in mania or dependence on obsess, it’ll send me to sleep or bring me back to reality.

Antipsychotics don’t work on me; they make the world blurry and fuzzy and confusing; I am not psychotic and it doesn’t calm me down and it just makes me more anxious.

Tried to ask for benzos for when I’m anxious but doctor was like no ;.; good thing I am relearning my therapy skills.

I am extremely high functioning as an aspie, but the requirements to work thirty hour week jobs or 9-5 will just never be there for me. In terms of social burn out, even once I’ve leRned all I can about people and friendships, my brain will not be able to process it. If I live alone it’s easier but I love my partner So. I need so much alone time and he knows that, sometimes I feel bad but it’s just who I am. And I have tried to work normal hours before but I just can’t. Inwant to be able to work from home one day, whether it’s art (gosh I wish) or research... people mistake me for having depression or social anxiety but while I have a few symptoms of both at times (anxiety is super severe tbh) it originates from things like social burn out and claustrophobia. I am managing though and doing therapy SOON yay. I just had to write all this cause I’m trying so hard in real life not to explain my Behavior, something I done my whole life; now that I have been screened and I’m being officially diagnosed with spectrum disorders it’s just so tempting to rigt my wrongs with people by saying hey! This is why I did stuff that was confusing!

Aspergers doesn’t define me though nor is it my identity; I’m still ME the me I’ve always been; it’s great to get help for it but I really have to pay attention to my strengths and meet goals. Cuz it’s so exciting to have these revelations !! Hence text post!! But when I say it in person I speak too fast or too slow or I mumble and people think I’m MANIC (yes I appear manic but honestly just excited orndopamine releaze) by the way don’t ever tell someone they come across as manic unless you know the legit symptoms and you can differentiate between someone who’s excited about a special interest or realisation, or whatever, and actual manic episodes (they tend to last over a week and are accompanied by many symptoms including no sleep or food aswell as sometimes a lot of things beyond physical capabilities; sitting on the toilet writing an essay while relaxed and in the middle of assignments ain’t mania Jsyk) lots of my aspie friends get super happy about stuff or connection and we seem manic but we ARENT so just listen to the exact words we use and respond accordingly. Like... that’s just me tho. Sometimes I’m upset and it’s different, that’s just regarding conversation about shit I’m excited about~~~

SO YEP 👍 THATS MY RANT THank you Edit: I am manic bipolar

#personal #this definitely doesn't represent everyones brain #its just mine #everyones brain is different #neurunique #asd #aspergers #autismspectrumdisorder

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