#the only critiques she had for me that I need to improve on in order to get a promotion is that I don’t necessarily speak up

[deadleafpard]

Hello I had a check in with my boss today. And I’ve felt like I was making more mistakes than I wanted to be making. But a reasonable number of mistakes for somebody who started 2 months ago. But she told me that actually she’s really impressed by how few mistakes I make and how much attention I pay to what I’m doing and that it’s directly related to why I was given a really big responsibility recently and like. I was very chill about it this morning but now that I am home and in my bed. oh

[wutheringmights]

After I finished reading The Epic of Gilgamesh today, I entered a fugue state where I sat down and read the entirety of Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce.

On the record, I have had a lifelong love and adoration for Pierce's Tortall books. I first read the Song of the Lioness quartet when I was 11, and they rewrote my brain. I love them so much. I reread them and the other Tortall books on a semi-frequent schedule.

It's been a while since I reread any of the Alanna books, if only because my sister took our shared copies when she moved out. I've been meaning to buy my own set for a long while now but haven't been able to justify the purchase. The other week, I just so happened to find the first two volumes at my local indie bookstore. I bought them immediately, as well as ordered the third and fourth book. (And discovered that the store owner knows me by name-- when I went to pick up my order, she saw me and said, Hi Frankie! I got your books over here.) (I may be spending too much money there.)

So I have been in a bit of an emotional rut these past few weeks. Work sucks. Life stinks. The temptation to run off to Tortall and curl up in the fantasy story that captivated me as a kid has never been stronger.

Ergo, I ran off to read the first book as soon as I could.

If you're looking for any critique of this book, series, or Tortall in general, I will never give it. Sure, it's problematic and dated, and in many ways imperfect, but someone else can list out all of its issues. They're all perfect to me.

Anyway, the book. I should say something about this book in particular.

One thing I appreciate about Pierce's writing is how she handles school settings in fantasy. Learning and training is so mundane. All of her heroines have to work hard and put in extra hours of study in order to improve, much less keep up with their peers. It's so normal that it circles around to being weirdly refreshing.

Also, there is still no other fantasy author who handles period talk and birth control the way Pierce does. We make fun of the trope of fantasy birth control nowadays, but I rarely see it presented as it is here: as a part of normal puberty lessons and given long before sex is in the girl's radar. And even today with the glut of YA fantasy stories out there, I still have yet to see menstruation be portrayed as frequently or as bluntly as Pierce writes it.

There was a period of time publishers really tried to push the Tortall books as straight YA, which doesn't work for that reason alone. You gotta market them to middle schoolers. They're the ones just starting puberty talks, and getting scenes like this is so good for their brains.

Moving on: I fucking love these characters. Alanna was an icon of brash, temperamental heroines that have shaped my taste to this day. I love how even in the first book, Jon is kinda shitty. I adore George Cooper. Talk about a taste maker the way this man sets a standard.

I just can't be coherent when it comes to any Tortall books. I have no thoughts. Head empty. I am going to binge the rest of this series as quickly as I can before my library book comes in. Then normal book content will resume.

Before I go, I need to talk about the book covers.

Growing up, my sister and I had these covers:

Which, god. I love them. The black is striking. The art is incredible. Alanna looks so good. They were the perfect pocket-size too. I was going to buy the same edition for my copies, but instead I got the 40th anniversary reprints:

Not bad at all! These books have had some seriously bad covers, and these look great! Very anime, which will appeal to the 11 year olds who need to have their socks rocked by this series.

But, man. I really miss those black covers. One day I will splurge and buy a second set of them just so that I can stare at the art.

[muzaktomyears]

Of the many attractive girls who hung around the Casbah, one in particular caught John's eye. She was an elfin blonde with a tense, wounded look, whom he nicknamed Bubbles, for lack of a proper introduction and because it so unsuited her. In fact, all the guys had noticed her watching them. While not a beautiful girl, she was catlike and intense, in a mysterious kind of way. She also was eager to meet them. "It must have been all over my face that I fancied John," recalls Bubbles, whose real name is Dot Rhone, "but once it became clear he had a girlfriend, I lost interest." Instead, she approached Paul with game determination, pretending to be faint in order to get him outside, where they could be by themselves.

Once alone, an "immediate attraction" developed between them. Paul discovered in Dot a person who hardly fit the profile of the other girls at the Casbah. She had grown up in a better section of Liverpool called Childwell, around the corner from Brian Epstein, the Beatles' future manager. But "it might have been two different worlds," Dot says, her humble situation being anything unlike Epstein's glaringly "posh" circumstances. "I didn't have a normal childhood. My dad was an alcoholic; he never hung on to any money. And the only reason we lived in that neighborhood was because a sickly aunt left the house to my mother." A year younger than Paul, Dot had gone to Liverpool Institute High School, "the girls' school across the road from the Inny", but had left in June, taking a clerk's job at the Dale Street branch of District Bank in order to support her family. Paul, she believes, was attracted by how needy and impressionable she was, which put her under his sway; she found him "adorably handsome, opinionated," and loaded with confidence. "He came from the first family I'd ever known that cared about each other so much," Dot says. "Everyone would gather around the piano, while Jim played songs like 'You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby', and sometimes [he] would sing with Paul and Mike." At a deeper level, they undoubtedly recognized the loneliness in each other's lives, each absent a parent - in her case because of addiction. [...]

As 1959 drew to a close, the boys spent more time with girlfriends than with one another. John and Cynthia, according to friends closest to the couple, were "besotted with each other". For his part, Paul stopped playing the field and settled down with Dot Rhone. As a couple, they had an appealingly unthreatening air. They discovered each other to be solicitous and sensual, gentle and clumsy, with Paul at times taking on a paternal and sympathetic role. Once, at a friend's house, Dot happened to mention that she'd been standing all day and he began to massage her feet, stroking them as though they were precious pets. And yet, at the time the gesture felt almost preposterous.

Eventually Paul's attention grew relentless, almost disparaging. His simple gregariousness turned uncompromising and willful. Paul was immensely charming, but there was a darker side. He had a need - Dot believes a compulsion - to control every situation. As John had done with Cynthia, he began to pick out her clothes, redesign her makeup. Dot remembers how much it pleased Paul to stand beside her and study her appearance, then, in a roundabout way, critique the way she looked - and suggest how to improve upon it. On one occasion, he insisted that she have her hair done and produced money to pay for it. Not wanting to displease him, Dot went off to the beauty parlor. "Unfortunately, they did [my hair] in a terrible-looking beehive", she says. "Paul was furious when he saw it. He told me to go home and not to call him until it grew out again."

She detected other changes in Paul that proved equally disagreeable. He had an almost stuffy, explosive air of self-importance, with his simple superiority, cool poise, and weatherproof rightness. He scorned any sign of self-confidence in her. And Dot, pricked by love, submitted. As a rule, she did not impose her will on him, certainly never when they were among friends. She would sit quietly and smile tensely for entire evening at the Jacaranda while Paul and John discussed music. If Paul glared, she would freeze like a rabbit. "We weren't allowed to open our mouths", Dot says of her and Cynthia's attendance at these nightly discussions. "They'd talk all night, and we just listened."

The Beatles: The Biography, Bob Spitz (2005)

[showtoonzfan]

I will never not fucking hate this take with all my fiber being. The take of “In order to criticize media, you must make said media first on your own, otherwise your words are useless”, like how people have told me “You think you can do better? Go make your own show!”. Like….PLEASE shut the fuck up, whoever has this mindset needs to wake up and get their heads out of their entitled asses. The worst part is that that’s not the worst take here. The other one is the one I hate the most, the “You have to acknowledge and appreciate the HARD work that went into making this you don’t understand!”

I am so….fucking tired of this toxic ass outlook on how we have to suck up to said media and “appreciate” the hard work that went into it, as if that’s automatically going to make our critiques MAGICALLY go away. Like yeah, you made a movie, yeah, you animated something, yeah, you wrote a book, good for you, I’m happy, but since when did working hard on something automatically mean you’re above criticism??? You learn this shit in fucking school. If you worked hard on an essay yet didn’t do well, you working hard doesn’t automatically mean that the teacher can’t criticize your work. You working hard on a test doesn’t automatically mean that the teacher will let you off the hook for screwing the answers up. People can improve, people can ALWAYS work to be better. People can give credit where credit is due, but that doesn’t erase anything else. These people are fucking clowns and so is Vivziepop, because she liked this tweet and SHE HERSELF has flat out said she feels this way before:

“I can take criticism” my fucking ass. 💀

Like….Viv, I don’t know what to tell you this but I’m not going to suck your dick and praise you for creating an indie animated project and push aside all of the issues I have with your writing solely because of the fact. You created an indie pilot. Cool beans. Good for you. Yes, the Hazbin pilot had talent and passion poured into it. Yes, the Hazbin pilot had effort put in, yes, ALL of your projects have effort put in it and it’s amazing how successful and famous you are, but nobody should have to stroke someone’s ego just because they worked hard and made something big. Disney’s Frozen was a huge and successful hit but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give it a pass and magically ignore all the issues I have with it. At the end of the day Viv’s writing is still dogshit and I’m not going to ignore it just because “she worked hard”. Like…genuinely I need people who have this mindset to grow the fuck up, get out of their diapers and stop acting like toddlers who need their hand to be held and act like they deserve to be praised nonstop.

Like………Imagine if one day Steven Spielberg just came out and went “Hey guys I was a huge inspiration of your childhood and a very successful man who directed smash hit movies that changed the entrainment industry for the better so that automatically means you can’t criticize me or ANY of my movies, only praise please because I worked so hard!” It just doesn’t fucking work like that.

[impossiblesuitcase]

No way you haven’t been asked this question before, but I’m what order would you rank the ships? Im going to go out on a limb and guess that you’d put kaider first

I've never been asked that before, so thank you :)

Kaider

Cresswell

Jacinter

Wolflet

Now my explanations.

Kaider is kaider. What more is there to say? I don't think I need to explain my love for them. Just look at my blog. I think they are the best couple in terms of chemistry, friendship and combability, but not necessarily the couple that developed the best. Let me explain.

Cresswell. For controversy purposes, I ship them when they're both legal adults. I think this is the best couple in terms of development. The other couples started out with obvious romantic inclinations, whereas Cresswell was the couple that seemed least plausible. What with little interest on Thorne's part and Cress's misguided infatuation, romance seems laughable.

Take the other ships and remove all the obstacles of war and prejudice and evil queens. Each couple could start dating relatively easily, except Cresswell. They would still have the issues of him not feeling worthy of her, and her believing he doesn't like her, while he believes that she fell out of love with him.

That's why their relationship to me is the best developed. It goes from improbable to possible. I also love how through Cress we see a different side to Thorne, more vulnerable and honest and less unabashedly flirty.

Jacinter. Abrasive man becomes soft only with gf. Whimsical girl messes with him constantly knowing how he feels. They're great, but placed lower because MARISSA PAID THEM NO ATTENTION. THEY KISS TWICE IN THE WHOLE SERIES.

Wolflet is great. Don't get me wrong. They balance each other out well and them retiring to their little farm is such a cute mental image. I mostly place them lowest because I wish Wolf had more character development independent of Scarlet. He becomes so obsessive about her that the second she's missing he becomes a danger to those around him e.g. choking Cinder in Cress.

This never really improves; in W&N 2, Wolf defects to Lysander's pack. Iko asks Scarlet if she trusts Wolf with Cinder's life, and Scarlet can't say that she does, as his growth as person has been mostly confined to their relationship and not himself. It's not really an issue with their relationship but rather a critique on Wolf's characterisation, however it does still push their ranking down.

[behyunki]

hyunki answers some questions

hyunki followed the directions that a woman he'd never met before rattled off to him, standing in his directed spot. she didn't seem to have the time for him to do be doing as instructed. the gift of gab was something he possessed, and usually an interview wouldn't scare him. they said it would be short and quick. last time he answered interview questions he got called a liar.

fun. he was supposed to be trying to have fun and enjoy these moments.

when the interview arrived, hyunki greeted them politely. all he could do was be honest now.

"how did you feel about the mission"

how did he feel about this mission? hyunki hadn't given those feelings much consideration through all of this. "i expected we would perform a signal song, just like last year did," he began, "but 'do better' itself was a fun song and i enjoyed it. we got to work with a lot of amazing people in order to make our performances the best we could. i'm sure it will only get better when we're in a group!"

"who was most helpful in your preparation?"

"all the coaches were super helpful." hyunki hated asking for help, but he'd resigned to knowing he needed other side opinions if he was going to do better, no pun intended. "they all gave really great advice, and never hesitated to give feedback when i needed it," he detailed further. "if i had to pick one, sarang's advice was probably most helpful for me this time around."

"you placed close to last. how did that make you feel? how do you plan to improve?"

he could have seen that question coming a mile away. "it wasn't exactly pleasant to see my name so close to the bottom," he admitted. they didn't need to know he cried once he got home. "but it did make me want to work ten times harder to show everyone here and at home that i'm much more than what i showed in the audition." hyunki would figure out a way to keep his routine up if he had to. "and i am going to keep dedicating myself to practicing diligently in order to keep showing off more and more of my skillset."

"last question, how confident are you in this performance in comparison to your audition?"

thank whatever god exists out there. "i....think i did well, i hope i did," hyunki giggled, a bit nervous about how the judges might react to him. he wasn't sure how he would handle another round of negativity. "i worked exceptionally hard, and felt more confident this time around. i had the critiques to work off of and those all gave me a good starting point." if a good starting point was no confidence. "so, yeah, i feel a lot better this time around."

[findinginga]

Welcome to "Mother Russia"…

 ...and learning to navigate a different world!

I have always welcomed the opportunity to travel and am not put off by unique cultures.  I would not regard myself as fearless any longer.  The wisdom that comes with age does indeed temper the unbridled enthusiasm of youth.  However, I do reflect on my life experiences and draw upon these for the reassurance I need to overcome obstacles.  After all, I spent time in the US military and jumped out planes and repelled from helicopters.  I faced those fears and survived better for the challenges that they posed.  However, I was being chauffeured through the streets of St. Petersburg in the early evening of an October night.  Try as I might, I was having difficulty deciphering the signage of the passing office buildings, stores and shops.  Familiar as some of them were, I had not learned the Cyrillic alphabet and my Russian language skills were non-existent.  I could only guess at purpose and meanings.  It was comforting to see some passing trucks with English markings and I wondered for whose benefit these were so labeled.

After about a 20 minute drive from Pulkova Airport, the driver pulled up to the entrance of the hotel where I would be residing for the next week.  I was able to use my limited Russian vocabulary to thank the driver.  The DOM Boutique Hotel on Ulitsa Gangutskaya was somewhat non-descript from the exterior.  Entering the hotel and ascending the half flight of stairs to the lobby revealed a charming and comfortable environment.  I was greeted by a bell boy (in the case a man older than I) who spoke a bit of English.  His English was far superior to my Russian so; I was not in a position to critique.  He escorted me to the check-in desk where I encountered a strikingly beautiful and leggy blonde who performed the process of collecting the necessary information.  Accompanied by the elderly bell man, I located the elevator and found my room.  At this point I had been traveling a full 24 hours.  It was roughly 8:00 pm Moscow time (the same time across all of Russia).  With the assistance of scan codes and a multi-language menu, I ordered dinner.

After dinner, I texted Inga on Instagram. (as a part of my travel plans and to improve communications with Inga, we agreed to use Instagram accounts to IM and abandoned GMail)  We made plans to meet at 1:30 the following afternoon at a coffee shop I located using a Google search.  This was a little bit of a walk for me but I welcomed the idea of stretching my legs and getting a look at the area.  I was careful to select a location where there was a clear route, on a major street.  Getting lost straight away on the trip was an unpleasant outcome I wanted to avoid.

Prelude to meeting Inga...

At about noon on Friday, 22 October, I received a message on my mobile device from Mikhail Levko, the PI I had engaged.  Mr. Levko revealed that Inga and Eva had boarded a 10:00 am train from Pskov enroute to St. Petersburg.  He also reported that they were traveling without Denis, who had not made any travel arrangements and was determined to be in Pskov.

In addition to this information, Mr. Levko also reported that the business which delayed the departure of Inga was related to a meeting she attended to co-sign a mortgage loan with Denis.  He wrote:

Denis Reshetnikov is noted to own:  А) Apartment: Pskov region, Pskov, Baltiyskaya str., 16 sq.m.14.  B) Plot outside the city: Pskov region, Pechora district, Vidovichi village.  C) Skoda Superb car, state number E 244 KU 60 

Ingeborga Reshetnikov:   At the time of checking, there is no registered property for Ingeborga. But as Denis's wife, she has the right to a marital share (50%) of the total acquired property. 

 If all of that were not enough, Mr. Levko added:

Additionally, we would like to note that when checking the credit history, it was found that Ingeborga had changed her passport of the Russian Federation. She allegedly lost the old one. It may have been done on purpose to remove the marriage marks that she may have shown you.  In the accounting of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, the passport was lost.  The new passport - 58 21 405297 was issued on 21.10.2021 by the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Pskov region. 

So, roughly an hour before my first meeting with Ingeborga I was reassured that I was not walking into a set-up with Denis; however, I again learned that Inga was withholding information from me and her dishonesty was evident by the findings of the investigator.

I now needed the walk to the coffee shop just to cool off...

[undeadorion-archive]

Oh boy more college related drama. It's getting to be more and more clear that this shit is all made up and no one knows what they're doing.

I'm taking a class to learn illustrator. But the teacher has decided it's basically a formal art class and insists on class critique and feedback. She also enforces extremely vague and arbitrary limits on the assignment and doesn't actually explain where the cut off is.

The current assignment is to use simple shapes to create an image based on a photo. Logically, we should be allowed to do anything within the constraints of using only specific tools.

So I set up a project that would be a challenge for me. It involved the ultimate challenge in complex shapes: Hands. I created the base shape then clipped about 20 rectangles to it in order to create a gradient. We're supposed to turn in our progress.

Apparently I didn't do it right. She wants it obvious we're using simple shapes, I guess? But her example to make it fit was to just clip a bunch of diagonal lines to the base shape. So I asked how that was different from what I did. She insisted the hand was a solid color.

I kept asking for clarification so I could understand why and where the limit was. Instead of explaining, she just said this:

I don't, though!

So I gave up on that track and came up with a whole new approach. And still she made weird and vague demands that I change it. She'd said to duplicate and enlarge one of the shapes to create "energy lines" around it. The problem was...the shape in question was negative space. I had black bars laid over a gradient, then cut the base shape from the bars to create an illusion that the shape was there. There was nothing that could be duplicated. It was literally empty.

When I questioned this, she hit me with "well you have to learn to accept feedback, because some day you'll have clients and coworkers." Feedback isn't blindly accepting what you're told to change, though! You need to understand the reasons for the change so you can fix it properly. So I just told her I'd been doing freelance for a decade and understood the feedback cycle.

She back pedaled a bit, but still made the suggestion of adding a thick, black, cartoony outline to one of the shapes insisting it added depth. I don't think she knows what that word means.

Lesson of this story: don't blindly accept feedback. Even when it's coming from a teacher, if you don't understand the reason behind it, it's not good feedback. The purpose of feedback and critique is to learn and improve. If you just start making changes because someone said to, then you're not learning anything. And if you don't understand the purpose for those changes then you can't apply that to similar situations in the future.

I think what she was trying to say was the base shape needed to be bit more clearly defined or needed some sort of shading to emphasize the volume. At least that's what I think she meant by "depth". But she refused to elaborate or explain.

[demacianhcart]

"If one came to your house, waved something potentially dangerous on your face while saying a threat, would you want them to stay there?" Shyvana replied. Yes, she had mentioned magic was being eased in, that was why there were, before the evacuation there were small displays of magic. Nothing too eye catching, but it was there. Even so she could not trully expect to be able to voice an obvious threat and not have an consequences of her actions, yes?

"Feeling and voicing those feelings are two completely different things, and I think we both know that." This stranger clearly knew somethings, things that were known only by those in Demacia at the time. Was she there when Sylas broke loose? While Jarvan ahd made some questiononble orders, she had been the first to point out that at the time, nothing had been done and he had reverted some of his statements at the time. Now what everyone wanted was peace.

Still, she needed to know who this one was, especially since Nith seemed to know much more than an ordinary visitor of Demacia shouldn't. Worse case scenario.... well, she was hers to arrest if needed and she would discuss this problem with Jarvan so he could make sure to give her the chance he saw more fit.

What to do? If she allowed this one to dictate what she could or not do, her autorithy as guard, not to mention safety and other things, would be put at risk. If she just ignored the other's request for talking, then it would backfire as well since it would imply the king's reign was not one open to constrututive critiques and improving. At least, that was her interpretation. Ugh, she would have a talk with Jarvan to not deploy the Dragon Guard for this sort of duty again, or at least keep her out of it if possible. Too much at stake for someone like her to deal with.

"Alright, you have one chance to pleed your case. If you fail... well, you already know the outcome." Shyvana said after a few heartbeats. "Come with me." She added. The dragon lead Nith to a secluded room, inside one of the official quarters.

"Speak."

Something about everything the woman mentioned didn't seem to her to be mere coincidence or a mistake. She began to think about why she included herself when she mentioned dragons or why there was supposedly magic allowed in Demacia. Thinking about it, it was the second time she mentioned it so she couldn't be referring to potions or other similar things. Territories, dragons, magic… something… something sounded similar. As if he had heard it before. A gossip, rumor, lurking in the cells.

If she wanted to ask her about it or be clearer about what gave her doubts she would have to consult her somewhere else, not exposed to the public eye. And above all, she could not allow herself to be banned from Demacia.

"As far as I can see we have three options: Discuss it elsewhere." -she said it in a very calm and confident manner despite the half-dragon's imposing stance.

"If you say that magic is being allowed, then mention that for making only visual use of mine I'm going to be banned isn't that a bit... discriminating? Considering I haven't used it for any purpose other than visual? I haven't created fire, assembled a pillar of ice, let alone 'used a beam of light that can bring down city walls'."

She took a breath and held her basket close to her chest once more. She knew things, things that it was not in Shyvana's best interest to mention in public.

"And second. Yes, I said that, but clearly I haven't committed anything and I'm not going to. It was a past tense sentence, which means my thoughts were those at the time, years ago. Many may not speak up because of the fear they still feel considering the RADICAL actions the KING took back then. Like killing many mages and soldiers. Banning others. Locking others in cells and forcing them to drink a liquid similar to poison to them…. Yes, I believe one, if not, SEVERAL thought the same as I did back then."

She took a deep breath. "So, where should we talk?"

[levi-my-beloved]

Birds of a Feather

Chapter one

Pairings: Canon!Levi x F!reader

Content warnings: violence, swearing

Word count: 4K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in the Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened to be Humanity’s Strongest… and your ex.

A/N: asdfghjkl hello there. so, this has been on my brain for a while now, so i started this as just a drabble. what i thought would stay as just a drabble turned into this 22k+ multi chapter fic because i have zero self restraint or self respect. i’m currently finishing chapter 5 as this is being posted, but i want to keep chapters posted around once every two weeks so i can keep up with the workload. maybe once a week if i start feeling spicy. yeah plot twist this is actually the second time i’ve drafted this up. the first time i managed to get everything done and in order and then manages to delete the entire post with my huge disgusting thumbs. Genuinely felt like crying for a good half an hour.

This is also my first Levi fic! yay! lmk if it sucks and idk i’ll cry or something. nah, in all seriousness please send me criticism cuz i really want to improve and critiques are the best way.

𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔

“How down, Raven?”

“Six feet.”

Within the dank confines of a stinking alleyway, two green capes marked with the Military Police insignia crept ever closer to the taller, run-down building upon which you and your little squad of Shadows were now perched. No sunlight illuminated your position. Not that you’d ever seen the sun, or know what it even looked like, but you based your guesses upon the pathetic rays shining through the grates littering the ceiling of the Underground City.

The language you used with your Shadows, coded words translated to:

‘How do you want them to be dealt with?’

‘Death.’

It was something developed by your late guardian and mentor, Viper. See, you all had aliases in The Nest, your criminal organisation. The leader was often referred to as The Raven, however your mentor preferred to use his own nickname, stemming from his own reputation.

Then come the aliases for your Shadows. Prongs was your second, a tall, stern looking man with the black mask of a stag settled across his features.

Then came Wolf, and you swore the first time you’d set eyes on him, you thought a titan had wandered into the city. He was enormous, all 6ft 6ins of him carved in hard muscle. Slicked back silver hair and a beard that to rival a bear. Similar to Prongs, a mask sat upon his face, resembling that of a snarling wolf.

Following him was Verdant, Scales and Diablo. Your power trio. Though their special talents lay in different professions, get these three together and they were borderline unstoppable. A white mask decorated with three broad maple leaves obscured Verdant’s pretty features, Scales sported a bronze half mask etched with a snake-like diamond pattern, whilst Diablo, your trained escort, had opted for something that accentuated her own gorgeous features, a mask of black leather arcing high onto her brow on the left side, whilst the right arced low by her jaw. Though you were already spoken for, you couldn’t deny the beauty of Diablo. She did wonders when prying information between the legs of a moaning MP.

To your left crouched the twins, Una and Leaf. Una was gifted her name by none other than you yourself, after seeing her accuracy with a rifle. A single shot was all it took, from any distance. She wore no mask, something you’d allowed simply because she’d complained about the sight obstruction when lining up a shot. You’d agreed, but only under the condition that she wore a low hood. Her fiercely protective brother Leaf had chewed you out for that, but you knew he meant well. Leaf was good at what he did, excellent, in fact. Which was part of the reason you kept him on as a Shadow. The larger part was that you were damn fond of him. Of all of them, in fact. You loved every single one of your Shadows. Every single damned member of The Nest, you adored. You were their leader, afterall.

A masked helmet of black leather, similar material to Diablo’s, perched snug upon your own features. The hooked beak and obsidian feathers of a raven decorated the necessity, covering your face and hair, though leaving your lower features visible. It was a rite of passage, for you especially, and it signalled the start of your leadership.

“Una, set up. Verdant, Prongs, roundabout. Wolf…” your eyes slid to the giant man on your right, a dark smile slicing across your mouth. “Heel.”

The boulder of a man visibly sagged, clearly disappointed at your orders whilst the others sprang into action. Prongs and Verdant leapt across the rooftops in separate directions whilst Una removed her rifle from her back, parting her heavy cloak to reveal rounds and rounds of bullets strapped across her body. Leaf nestled closer into her side, whilst the other four took a step back. It was obvious you’d all been at this for a very long time, despite the twins not looking a day older than sixteen. In fact, most of your squad was younger than you, save for Wolf and Prongs, who had served their respective roles twice previously.

Sitting back on your heels, you watched your team get to work, the warmth of pride blossoming in your chest. Whilst you knew Prongs and Wolf were already incredibly skilled, the rest had flourished under your leadership. It had been ten years since you’d witnessed MPs put a bullet through your mentor’s skull. Ten long years since you’d taken up leadership and expanded the reaches of The Nest. Honestly, you were pretty proud of yourself, and none more so than when you watched your Shadows do what they do best.

Taking care of unwanted visitors.

Una took aim, resting the butt of her rifle in the crook of her shoulder, staring down the makeshift scope. She would be ready to take care of the two soldiers if either Prongs or Verdant failed to eliminate their targets.

Speaking of which…

That kernel of pride ignited as your (E/C) eyes followed Verdant’s careful, calculating form dropping from the rooftops above the alleyway, in sync with Prong’s own movements. The two assassins swooped with the grace of a stooping hawk, the silver glint of metal caught your eye as they both brandished their blades, before sinking the steel into the necks of the two soldiers. You didn’t need to be closer to see they were both dead. Expert precision. Deadly accuracy. That was why these people were your hand-picked Shadows. And why you were the most formidable gang leader in the Underground City. Your little criminal organisation had expanded into something to rival the killcount of Kenny the Ripper. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.

Una lowered her weapon, strapping it back in the buckles between her shoulder blades.

“Finished.” she simply stated, turning back to drop down between the shattered tiles and splintered ceiling beams that marked your entrance and exit to this lookout point.

“Rendezvous back at The Nest,” you ordered flatly, before dropping forward and into the alleyway below.

“Anything?” you ask, a brow raised behind your raven mask as you saunter over. Prongs held up two sets of blades from one of the crimson bodies now gathering dirt and grime. Useless to you as they were, but somebody would definitely find an interest in them. Verdant seemed to be struggling with the straps of whatever gear these mosquitoes used to fly around. You’d never been able to figure out how to use it, but that shit made good money when in doubt. However, your usual buyers had disappeared off the face of the city, and you’d noticed a decline in gear sales since then. Gritting your teeth, you shook your head to Verdant, laying a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t. It’s not worth it. The thug trio haven’t been back in years. I doubt they’d return to us now,” you explain softly, prompting the girl to stop her struggles and huff defeatedly. You’re heart ached softly at the thought of him, but you pushed the feeling down.

“Here,” she muttered, handing you another rifle. It seemed to be a newer model, something of an upgrade for Una.

“You did good, Ver. I’m proud of you,” that seemed to immediately lighten the girl’s mood, her eyes shining behind her mask as her mouth widened into a toothy grin.

“Thanks Raven!” she beamed, before scampering off back to The Nest, almost forgetting to take the gun back from your outstretched hand in her haste to make it back and tell everyone she’d received a compliment from you. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence. Rather it only happened once in a blue moon…

A huffed chuckle had your head turning and eyes narrowing to your second in command.

“Can I help you?” you ask, your tone dripping with the poisonous threat of hell if he chose his next words poorly. But Prongs continued to smile ever so slightly, shaking his head.

“Not at all, Raven. It’s just, in the last few years, since you drafted her into the Shadows, she’s really come into her own,” Prongs explained simply, shrugging as she stooped to kick over the now drained corpse, hoping to find anything useful. You bristle ever so slightly. That was something you hated. Compliments. How the fuck were you supposed to respond? You tried to think back to when Viper tried to teach you simple social skills.

“Uh, yeah. She has,” you respond, keeping your features as neutral as you could as you turned away, beginning to trudge back to The Nest.

“I’m serious, Rave. You’ve done incredible things for us. You know Viper would be proud of you. I am too. But…” Prongs trailed off, clearing having something to say but not knowing how to say it.

“Go on. But what?” you pressed, wanting to hear what your second in command had to say.

“Well, don’t you think it’s a bit much? Rave, it’s been years. Eyes have started looking in our direction since those three vanished. You don’t think we should be lying low for a bit? Calming suspicions instead of rousing them?” Prongs offered gently. You knew, deep down, he was right. But some notable gang disappearing hasn’t stopped you before, and it sure as hell wouldn’t stop you now.

“I’ll talk to Scar about it,” even just the mention of your advisor, and wife’s name gave your stomach butterflies. Scarlett Obsidine, your other, and better, half. After the disappearance of a certain dark haired man, Scar was the woman who comforted you, and though you missed him dearly, your heart managed to haphazardly piece itself back together and love all over again.

“Rave, listen—“

“Let’s go,” Prongs closed his mouth, the tone of your voice stating clearly that this matter wasn’t up for discussion. Especially not with him.

⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈

“You know he’s right,” you couldn’t help but sigh when your wife’s soft tones calmed your irritated mood. Soft hands gently kneaded at the tense muscles in your shoulders, forcing them to relax as a tired moan escaped your lips. Leaning back, you peer into her shining sapphire eyes, locks of brunette framing your face as she took the sides of your cheeks in her hands and leaned down, softly pecking your lips with her own. You couldn’t help humming a smile against her mouth, reaching up to deepen the kiss, but she pulled away before you could.

“Scaaaaar…” you pout, looking up at her mischievous smirk as she winked playfully.

“(Y/N)...” Scarlett sighed, swinging her legs over your body to sink into your lap, one thumb now caressing one of the most prominent features on your face. A nasty, jagged scar ran down from the the top of your forehead, over your right eye and finishing just past your jaw bone. One (E/C) iris lighter than the other as a result of the old wound. Soft lips chase away the shadows of your past as Scarlett replaced her thumb with her mouth.

“(Y/N), I don’t want to find you dead in some alleyway because you picked a fight you couldn’t win,” a finger poked your chest as she huffed above you, feigning irritation. You roll your eyes, (E/C) landing on your gear now strung across the table. That raven helmet almost calling to you as you shook your head. Disagreeing with your wife was never a good idea, but you were feeling particularly bold this evening.

“Look. So many jobs have opened up recently. We have so many opportunities to make this life more comfortable. More jobs means more money, more money means we can afford the gate toll and actually see the world above ground. And I can finally buy you an actual ring.”. Technically, you two weren’t married. Who the fuck would be stupid enough to perform marriage ceremonies in the underground City? But, it was easier than saying you were devoted to each other in every single way.

Lightly smacking your chest, Scarlett raised herself from your lap with a hefty sigh. “One of these days (Y/N), you’re going to be captured or killed,” she said quietly, unable to meet your eyes. “And then what the hell will I do…?” Scarlett had now completely turned away from you, shoulders hunched. Running a hand down your face, you pick your sore body up from the chair, reaching her in a matter of strides.

“I can’t give this up, Scar. You know that. You knew that when you chose to be with me. You knew The Nest was always going to be my priority,” you held out your arm, hand hovering over her back, not sure whether to comfort her or let her go. The admission almost had her in tears, you could tell by the way her shoulders shook ever so gently.

“You still miss him don’t you?” It was her vulnerable, defeated tone that alerted you to the slight change of topic.

You fell silent, not really knowing how to respond. Yes, of course you missed him. You loved him more than anything. But those days are over, you knew that. You’d cried enough those following nights after his disappearance.

He was probably dead anyway.

“Of course I do,” you wouldn’t lie to her. That wasn’t fair. But you knew the truth was just as painful for her.

“Will I ever be enough? Will I ever be enough to replace him?” the sound of her voice had your heart in pieces. You loved Scarlett. You really did. But your heart wouldn’t let you love her wholly. Part of yourself will always be dedicated to that grumpy kid you’d fallen for all those years ago.

“Scar… I—”

“I know,” she whispered, stepping forward away from your outstretched grasp. “I know,” you watched as the woman you loved, and who loved you, stepped from your shared quarters, hovering in the doorway. “I’m sorry I asked,” she closed the door as she left, leaving you a frustrated, conflicted mess.

⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈⎈

“Understood, I’ll bring them in right away. Thank you Niles,” The Commander of the MPs stood opposite Erwin, arms folded. An expression of irritation plastered on his sunken features. Erwin simply sighed, realising Niles was wanting to stay for this seemingly impromptu meeting. With a nod of his head, a cadet rushed off to find the two soldiers mentioned in their little conversation. Being Commander of the Scouts often had its perks, like having cadets around to run errands for him.

Niles cleared his throat, taking a seat on the green leather sofa within Erwin’s office. “You sure he’d help us? I mean, it wasn’t too long ago he actually decided killing you was probably a bad idea.”—he raised a thin brow, peering at Erwin with barely concealed suspicion—“I’m pretty sure the Underground City would be the last place he’d want to return.” a knock at the door cut their conversation short, both turning their heads as Erwin called;

“Enter.”

Hange was the first to make her presence known, poking her head in as she opened the door. A smile adorned the slightly dishevelled section commander, her hair sticking up in all directions. Clearly she had been in the middle of something when Erwin requested her presence.

“You asked to see us, Erwin?” her eyes sparkling with curiosity behind her glasses as she stepped through the door.

“Tch, just make it quick, I have shit to do,” the monotone voice of Levi behind her made Erwin pinch the bridge of his nose. How many times has he told him not to talk to him like that?

“Yes, come in and make yourselves comfortable.” Hange immediately took up a seat next to Niles on the sofa, Levi preferring to stand against the now closed door, arms folded. Erwin’s sharp eyes shifted to Niles, an indication for the MP Commander to speak.

“Well, no point in beating around the bush. We’ve received an anonymous tip about some criminal gang that’s been plaguing my soldiers in the Underground City.” Levi visibly stiffened at the mention of his old home. His jaw tensed in anticipation. There would be only one reason he would be called into such a discussion, and the answer was a firm no.

Without his permission, his mind flashed back to a (H/C) girl, her face etched with that ever mischievous smirk. He quelled the thoughts as quickly as he could. He needed his wits with him, and allowing his mind to wander back to what he’d left behind wouldn’t help anything. Besides, the likelihood of you being alive was close to none.

“Section Commander, I don’t suppose you would have heard of the group but Captain Levi here surely would have done. The Nest.” Niles continued, now eyeing Levi to gage his reaction. And for a man whose emotions were usually on a tight leash, this seemed to be what cracked his impenetrable walls. His eyes flew wide open, frantically searching between Niles and Erwin. They couldn’t be serious. The Nest? That was where Farlan and Isobel used to—

Shit, he really needed to keep his thoughts at bay. But what he did know was that The Nest was an impenetrable fortress of criminal activity. Trying to mess with them was suicide.

“Judging by your reaction, I’m going to assume you are familiar with them, Levi,” Erwin’s surprisingly calm tone eased the growing tension in the room. Taking a subtle breath to calm himself, Levi’s eyes narrowed to his commander.

“Yeah. I know of it. Why?” it was a rhetorical question, he already knew why, but he wanted to hear it from Erwin himself. Hange looked incredibly confused, looking between the men in the office, trying to glean something, anything, about what the hell was going on.

“The Nest? Why are they so bad?” she asked, not afraid to show how completely oblivious she is to anything that doesn’t concern titans or science. Erwin gestured to Levi.

“Levi? Care to explain? You probably know more than myself and Niles combined,” though his voice seemed kind, there was a slight edge to his deep tones. One that didn’t go unnoticed by Levi.

A heavy silence filled the room as the Captain wracked his brain for all the information he could think of regarding the organisation. It seemed like hours before he finally spoke.

“Well, you got one thing right. The Nest is a criminal organisation. A nasty one at that. Merciless bastards. Whether you’re a soldier or a citizen, they don’t give a shit. They’ll leave you a broken, bloodied mess in the street. I don’t know much about their leader. Only that he took over from the previous one around ten-ish years ago. Since then, they’ve expanded their shitty little gang and taken over an entire section of the city,” he explained, poison lacing his tone. It wasn’t that he was above the whole gang thing, oh no. It was more the state Farlan would be in before he left to meet whoever the fuck led that group of demons. He’d never seen his friend so anxious. So afraid.

“You never met him? Their leader?” Erwin inquired, lacing his hands together on the desk in front of him. Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“If I had, I would tell you. But I know he’s smart. And not the good kind of smart. The kind of smart where he would always be ten steps ahead of you. He has a small group of trusted criminals surrounding him at all times, called his Shadows. They’ll be the ones to look out for,” Despite his voice sounding bored, Levi’s heart was racing. They couldn’t seriously be thinking of facing The Nest, could they? But something in the expressions of both Niles and Erwin told him he was wrong. Dead wrong.

“They’ve been picking off my soldiers. Always in the same places as well. I was going to leave it, just tell them to avoid certain areas until this tip. Their next job. We know what it is,” Niles interjected, looking down to the floor, his own mind a whirlwind.

“And you want to intercept them. The same way you did with me, right?” Levi finished through gritted teeth. This was absurd. There was no way they could pick them all off. Unless… that wasn’t the goal. Levi’s grey eyes widened slightly, realising what they wanted to do. Yep, this was total suicide. Hange clapped her hands together almost excitedly, as if she was also able to read Erwin’s mind.

“You want to capture him! The leader! Ah! This all makes so much sense now, I was starting to wonder why I was here,” the scientist mused almost to herself, before jumping to her feet. “This is the perfect opportunity to test some of the concept traps I have in mind. Obviously for titans they’d need to be much, MUCH bigger. And of course a few modifications would have to be made so they could adapt to size and body type but oooooooh this is so exciting! I’ll start right away!'' Without allowing anybody to get a word in edgeways, Hange dashed back to her lab to begin her preparations.

“Thank you Erwin, the Military Police will remember this,” Niles said, before he too was rising from his seat. Throwing Levi an unsure glance, he made his way towards the door, only to be shoved into the hallway by Levi, who promptly closed the door behind him.

“Don’t.” he simply said, turning back to Erwin who was peering at him, his expression puzzled. Levi rolled his eyes again, clearly having to clarify what he meant. “Don’t pursue them. It’s suicide,” The Commander’s expression relaxed slightly in understanding.

“We don’t have a choice, Levi. Not only are hundreds of MPs being slaughtered down there, but relationships between the Scouts and the MPs are strenuous at best. It would be in our best interests to—“

“Bullshit.”

Erwin sighed again, having to hold his tongue. Snapping at Levi now for his language would only rile up the man more.

“Levi, we already have a plan in motion. There are soldiers down there now meeting whoever gave us that anonymous tip to further discuss the job The Nest has taken. It’ll be fine, but you’re going to have to trust me.” Erwin’s eyes bore into Levi’s own, the man once again asking his Captain to trust him in a risky call he’s made. Levi’s done it so many times before, why was it so difficult now?

It took yet another pregnant silence before Levi eventually yielded.

“Fine, but don’t be surprised when we’re once again forced to retreat with our tails between our legs.” it was a savage comment, but one that Erwin didn’t take to heart as he watched the raven haired man leave. Yes, this was a risk, but all his risks so far had worked out fairly well. There was no reason why this one would fail. No reason at all.

Levi leant against the door to Erwin’s office, looking down the hallway before letting loose a long breath. Not only would he have to go toe to toe with The Raven, but he also had to face so much of his past he’d wanted to forget. Fuck, this was a terrible idea. Why did Erwin always have to gamble? It was exhausting for everyone else involved.

Folding his arms, the shorter man strode back to his own office, lost in thought the entire way. Would he see you again? Were you even alive? Did you know just how much he had missed you. Just how much he’d wanted to see you again. To hold you again.

Did you know he’d looked for you? How his heart shattered over and over again each time he found no trace of you. He’d never accepted you were gone. Always holding onto that thorn of hope that maybe, just maybe, you’d survived.

Collapsing in his chair behind his desk, Levi unlocked the bottom draw and gently pulled it out. He delicately picked out a small, ebony bird feather you’d crafted into a quill pen. Even though neither of you knew how to write, you knew back then how much he had wanted to learn despite never voicing it directly. All those nights spent copying out basic letters from discarded newspapers and wanted posters. You always had this way of reading his mind.

The smallest fond smile crept across his usually bored face. God he missed you. It had been years and he still missed you like he only lost you yesterday.

[itzyourgirlnat]

Not a science fan

It’s a monday evening, you and Kara are eating peacefully.

‘So, your school called me this morning’ she said while eating.

You immediately stopped eating and raised your head to look at her.

‘whatever they said I did it wasn’t me’

‘What? Kid, no! You didn't do anything wrong’ she stopped for a second ‘Did you?’

‘No! of course not’ you said while choking a bit.

‘Anyways, they called me to know if you were attending “the ceremony” this Saturday. It seems that you didn't confirm your attendance?’

‘oh, OOH’ Of course, the ceremony, you completely forgot about it.

The thing is that when this school year began, you were supposed to take physics. However, you hated it. Ok, you didn't hate it, but you definitely weren’t a fan (which is hilarious since your mom is literally one of the best scientists on the planet). But the funniest part was that even your teacher knew, actually it was him who recommended you to quit his class. At first you were shocked because science is something you’ve always done, what could you do instead of that? That’s when he suggested the newspaper along with a class specialised on writing. It is true that you’ve always been good at writing stories, but you never considered taking it seriously.

Anyways, literally the next day instead of learning about physics you’re learning the basic elements of a storyline. The surprising part was that after that class, you completely fell in love with it and, since then, you started working on a simple storyline that ended up being much more complex and longer than you expected. You wanted to talk to your moms about it, but when all happened you weren’t seeing them that much, and once you were, you just didn't have the courage to do it. A thing that stopped you was that both Kara and Lena were geniuses when it comes to science. But the main problem was with Lena, you’ve spent so much time with her in her lab in L-Corp, and even if you didn't enjoy it as much as her, every time you spent with her there was such a bonding experience that you couldnt tell the truth. So you just avoid the topic, even if you knew that one day they would find out.

Going back to the ceremony, that story you first started writing ended up becoming a book. A novel that you had to present in order to pass the class. What you weren’t aware of at the time was that the best ones would compete in a contest that involved schools from all National city. And, last week, you were given the news that your story was one of the finalists.

While you were scolding yourself mentally for not declining the invitation Kara had put all the food away and was now cleaning.

‘What’s that ceremony?’ she questioned while turning around to look at you

‘It’s nothing’

‘Y/N’

You sighed

‘I wasn’t planning on going anyways’

She did the famous crickle and that’s when Lena entered the kitchen

‘Hi loves’ she kissed Kara and then kissed you cheek.

‘What are you two talking about?’

‘Your daughter was invited to a ceremony’

‘Really? what is it about?’ she questioned

‘It's nothing, just an award ceremony’ you got up and started walking towards your room.

‘Wait, so you are nominated for something?’

‘It seems like it’ you sighed ‘but it's nothing and I wasn't planning on going’

`Why?’ Kara asked

‘What for? I’m not gonna win and I don't really care if I do’ you walked towards the door

‘Well I do,’ Lena said. ‘Can we go?’

‘The principal told me that we could’ Kara said

‘Guys it's really not necessary’

‘Of course it is!’ Kara said

‘Wait, is it that science competition?’ Lena asked

Oh no

‘Emm no’

‘Then what is it?’

They both looked at you. You took a deep breath

‘Its, its justforasillybookIwroteforaclass’ you said as fast as you could

‘Wait wait , wait, what?’ Lena said

‘Did you say you wrote a book?’ Kara said walking towards you

‘Umm yeah’

‘Why didn’t you tell us?!’

‘When did you say the ceremony was?’ Lena asked

‘Saturday. Y/N why didn’t you say anything?’

You were about to answer when Alex called her sister. Soon enough she had to leave for a Supergirl emergency. Thank Rao

‘We’ll talk about this later’ she said before leaving

You were already going to you room when Lena called you to sit with her

‘So, Y/N, for what class did you have to write the book for?’ she said, raising her brow. Oh no, she knows, she totally knows

‘Please don't get mad’ you said

‘Why would I?’

‘Ok, so, its for a writing class that I’m taking’

‘Really?’

You nodded

‘Why would that make me mad?’

‘Because I’m taking it instead of physics. Sorry I didn’t tell you, I swear I’ll join physics again if you want me too’ You looked away from her expecting an angry response. Surprisingly, she grabbed your hand and squished it gently

‘Y/N, I know’

‘What?’

‘Did you really think you could just change your classes without me finding out?’

‘Yes?’

She chuckled

‘Of course not. in fact your physics teacher told me about the newspaper and the writing class before telling you’

‘So, YOU’VE KNOWN ALL THIS TIME?’

She was now laughing hard, but she soon hugged you. After some minutes she let go of you and placed a lock of you hair behind you ear

‘and you’re not mad?’

‘No! I mean, it did hurt that you didn’t tell us but, it's your life and if you prefer to attend that class I support your decision’

‘I’m sorry. I just didn’t wanna make you feel disappointed and-’

‘What? Honey, you know you could never disappoint me’

‘I know, it's just that science in general is something that you really enjoy and that I’m supposed to be good at. But it also made us spend a lot of time together at L-Corp. And, I love spending time with you, I guess I didn't want that to end’

‘Oh Y/N. Look, just because I enjoy science doesn't mean you have to like it too. Besides, spending time together doesn’t have to involve science. When I take you to L-Corp it's nothing more than an excuse to spend time with you. But we could do other things, all I care about is spending time with you’

It was now your turn to hug her.

You cuddled for a while and when you were about to fall asleep in her arms she asked ‘Why didn’t you tell mom? I mean writing is kind of her thing’

‘I was planning on doing so, but I’m not very good at it, and I wanted to improve before I show her’

‘What did we tell you about being perfect Y/N?’

‘I know, but ieu is a Pulitzer winner. I doubt I’ll ever be at her level but I wanted it to be at least presentable before showing it to her. I want her to be proud’

She caressed your cheek

‘She’ll always be proud of you. Well except if you murder someone or do something very terrible like that’

You laughed at her comment

‘But I’m sure she’s dying to read it’

‘Thanks mom’

She kissed your forehead and at that moment through the window Kara entered

‘Hi guys’

‘Hi’ you both said turning your heads to look at her

You looked at Lena, who somehow guessed what you were thinking (like always) and nodded

‘I wanna show you something’ you said to Kara before sprinting towards your room. Before anyone could say anything you were already back with a your book in your hands

‘Here’ you said giving it to Kara ‘The binding is pretty simple but the full final story is in there’

She was looking at the novel in her hands

‘You wrote this?’ her eyes were starting to water

‘Yeah. Please have mercy while reading it, its not -’

‘It's perfect’ she then hugged you harder than she had done in a long time 'I'm sure it is'

‘Does this mean you’ll go to the award ceremony?’ Lena ask

‘I mean I have nothing better to do this Saturday’

That same night Kara started reading your book. It was actually 3 am when you woke up to go to the bathroom when you saw a light coming from their bedroom. You walked towards the light and saw Kara still reading your book out loud with Lena on her lap listening. They were so invested in the story that they didn’t even notice you. You decided to give them some privacy and went back to your room.

The next day you were so nervous, you knew that they had been reading your book but were too scared to ask for their opinion. Luckily between school and practice you didn't have time to think much about it. After a long day you finally got home and as soon as you entered the door both of your moms ran to you.

‘Y/N! when Rory is at the cave under the fire palace and gives Camila the silver stone and tells her that is her turn to take care of it, does it mean he has accepted that he won’t see her again?’ Kara asked very seriously

But before you could answer her question Lena asks ‘But if that is true why does he continue to deny the fact that he won’t be able to see her again during the next four chapters?’

You chuckled ‘Wait you’ve already read it all?’

‘Yeah and we have questions so please tell us’ Kara asked

You spent around an hour answering all their questions about your book. This made you incredibly happy since they were both so into it

‘You’re gonna write a sequel right?’

‘I wasn’t planning on doing so’

‘WHAT?!

‘But Y/N it's not only an incredible story but the way you portray society and all the critiques you make are perfectly made. I mean this is more than a fantasy story’ Kara exclaimed and at that moment you couldn’t hold it anymore and started crying. She panicked and hugged you immediately

‘Did I say something wrong?’ she asked very worried

‘Do you really like it that much?’ you asked

‘Of course I do! Not only because you wrote it but because it is really good’

‘Then I’ll have to write another one’

‘Please do’ Lena said ‘And no pressures but don't take long because I need to know if Rowan survives’

You all laughed

‘I knew you'd like him’

It was three days later, Saturday evening, you were all getting ready to go to the award ceremony. A week ago you didn’t care about this event, but now, after your moms read your work, you were really nervous. You walked to the kitchen with the outfit you had chosen earlier (a dress or a suit,... something elegant of your choice).

‘Wow, you look great’ Lena said

‘Like mother like daughter I guess’

She winked at you. Soon enough you were all in the car and suddenly you were already sat in the auditory surrounded by other nominees and even a couple press members.

‘Nervous?’ Kara asked who was on your right

‘Kind of’

‘Don’t be’ Lena who was on your left held your hand

A few categories were announced and yours was the next

‘Hey, whatever happens we’re very proud of you’ Kara said

The following things happened very quickly. Suddenly your name was called and you were walking towards the stage after Lena literally crushed you with a hug. And five seconds later you were with the second prize in your hands. Once many pictures were taken you were walking down towards your moms when a man in what looked like a very expensive suit approached you

‘Congratulations’ he said

‘Thank you’

‘I’m Anthony Lee’

‘Ar-are you serious? you’re the owner of one of the most important publishing houses of the city’

He chuckled

‘I see you know who I am’

You were about to reply when you heard Kara calling you.

‘I don’t want to take much of your time, just wanted to ask you to continue writing, you’ve clearly inherited your mothers ability with words’

You blushed

‘Well thank you’

He gave you a card with a phone number and an email

‘Please, if write something else send it to this email and one day we may work together’

With that he kindly said goodbye and left. You then walked towards your moms and Kara immediately hugged you.

‘Y/N you did it! I’m so proud of you!’

‘Congratulations darling’ Lena said squeezing your arms

‘Thank you guys’

‘Who was that man that approached you?’ Kara said

‘That was Anthony Lee’ you said

‘No way!’ Kara replied

‘Emm a bit of context please?’ Lena said

‘He’s the owner of one of the biggest publishing houses of the city!’ Kara said almost jumping

‘He told me to send some of my future work so that one day we can work together’ you said blushing once more

‘Are you serious?!’ Lena said

You nodded. Immediately they both hugged you and somehow Alex was soon hugging you and then Kelly (it turns out your moms couldn’t hold it and told almost everyone about the ceremony). You then went to a restaurant to celebrate and had an amazing time with everyone.

Once in your car on your way home you said ‘Hey guys?’

‘Yes baby?’

‘Thanks for making me go, it was really fun’

‘Well, we didn't do you much. You were the one who won’ Lena said

‘I got second place’

‘Same thing to me’ she replied to which you all laughed.

It had really been a very unexpected week.

************************************************************************

Hi !! Just wanted to let you all know that you can send me request anytime and that the ones that I already have received will be done as soon as possible :)

(thanks for all the support btw I really appreciate it)

[acesydneysage]

The end goal of representation politics, as flawed as it can be, isn't to abolish acting and to have characters only be played by people exactly like them. There's a specific history of oppression that makes certain things problematic. That's why whitewashing is a thing and blackwashing is not.

Cultural erasure is sad and disappointing, but the reason people don't treat it as something as bad as whitewashing is because it's categorically not, it does not have nearly the same history of violence attached to it.

The US doesn't have a history of minstrel shows about eastern Europeans. There isn't a problem with lack of pale skin representation. If what you're interested in is pale skin and not actually a complex portrayal of Slavic cultures, there's plenty of content for you out there.

There can be perfectly valid and respectful critiques, expressed politely. Russians have actually being demonized on Western media, so I understand wishing for a Russian actor, I did too. But it's more a matter of authenticity in the portrayal, having a different type of white guy play Dimitri is not whitewashing. But you can be wary about how good a job he can do, certainly.

As for Rose, I wish her Turkish ethnicity had been actually represented, and you can be black and have Turkish heritage at the same time. That would have been cool, but it's not the actress' background as far as I know. I don't know if casting would be different under different circumstances, without covid restrictions, but it is what it is. I wished she had been Turkish in the movie too, but I still watched it, and I think Sisi will make a beautiful Rose.

To be honest, a lot of Turkish people look white to me, but if their experience is racialized in the US I won't erase that. But I think they look white to a lot of people who are raging right now too, because lots of them are much more focused on the exact shade of Rose's skin than in her actual heritage, funny that. Or they're praising white actresses who are also not Turkish at all. Very intriguing. The things people will pretend to care about in order to dress up their racism in social justice language are astonishing.

And Lissa was never albino, btw. Would be cool to have more rep for that, but she wasn't it. Most other characters are American, and they're descended from Europeans because that's how white Americans work, it's stolen land, they aren't native to it.

Hopefully the writers of the show will do alot of research and know what they're talking about, and portray the slavic inspiration of the books in the respectful and complex way these beautiful cultures deserve.

But you know what other culture the books draw heavily from too? You know what these books written by an American woman that deal with racism as one of their central themes also take inspiration from? The culture and oppressive structures of the country she lived in her whole life.

The oppression suffered by dhampirs is very related to racism and specially antiblackness/misogynoir experienced by people in real life, so using their plight for inspiration while featuring next to no black people in the books isn't great. I'm happy they're changing that at least, it's an improvement. I think the themes of the books could be enhanced by these choices.

The same way, if we get to Bloodlines, if you're gonna have a conversion therapy inspired plot you should have more queer rep. If the main couple draws from the struggles faced by interracial and queer couples, there should be more representation.

The cast looks beautiful and I need to see them actually acting to know if they're good. You're allowed to care about external descriptions of the characters. But in my opinion capturing the spirit of the character is much more important, and real life sociopolitics should be taken into account.

You can't please everyone, and you're never gonna get exactly what's in your head. But most of the fandom is grown adults now, and you should be able to handle disappointment without having a breakdown or harassing anyone. Keep things civil.

[falconcoast]

growth | kaeya x reader

part one of the human condition; the weight of the world.  

kaeya x gn!reader

upholding your family’s legacy is the reason you overwork yourself into your grave. kaeya only wishes that you see that you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, and are good as is.

masterlist!

author’s note; i had a rough competition week, so this was a vent piece. honestly was a fun work to write :D next up will be dainsleif!

the gunnhildrs only bred excellence. 

this, from a young age, you knew. 

when you were 10, you watched as jean absolutely demolished the training dummy. she wasn’t much older than you; the ripe age of 13. each of her moves were precise, knocking down each of the training dummies with precision and ease. her excellence was a pursuit to please your mother’s rigorous training program. unlike the few memories of your father, she was intensive on the hopes of the both of you becoming a knight. your father, as little as you knew about him, wanted the exact opposite. so, decidedly, you followed your mother’s wishes, just as jean did. 

your mother sat on the bench next to you, blue eyes sharp and analytical and calling out to critique her form. to be honest, you just wanted to go out and play games, but your mother would be disappointed at any notion of otherwise. 

“y/n,” she said as jean continued to hit the dummy. 

“yes, mother?” you replied, looking at her curiously. 

“next year, on your birthday, you will also take part in jean’s study and training to become a knight. is this what you wish for?”

“yes! i want to become a knight like jean, too!” you responded eagerly, though you knew it was not really a choice. everything you did, every word that you spoke, would be for mondstadt, as always. 

“good,” she replied, watching as your sister wiped the sweat off of her brow. “i only expect the finest work from you. because what do we do this for?”

“for mondstadt, as always.”

the day before your 11th birthday, jean took you with her to the knights of favonius headquarters to speak with the calvary captain. a young man with long, bright red hair stood tall. a boy about your age stood next to him, with bright blue eyes and hair. “jean, wonderful to see you on time,” he said. “i have the files you requested on the hilichurl camp south of windrise.”

“thank you, sir diluc,” jean replied as she took the files before looking down at you. “y/n. back straight. should mother see you like this tomorrow, you will be scolded.”

your back straightened at the notion, tensing up. “yes, jean.”

“oh? another gunnhildr upholding the family legacy?” diluc said with a raised eyebrow. “if your sibling is anything like you, i look forward to seeing their work in the years to come.”

“they will make our mother proud, that is for sure,” jean replied. “and what about young kaeya? is he going to be training to be a knight?”

“yes, he will, soon enough,” the calvary captain said. “lest he should want to look at taking over the wine industry, kaeya, too will become a knight.”

the boy next to him only smirked. “i have no interest in father’s wine. i know that i will to overtake you one day.”

“big talk for someone who can’t even beat me in sparring.” 

“hey! i’m improving!” kaeya countered, to which diluc only ruffled his head. 

“it will be a joy to see those two grow as knights together,” jean nodded her head.”but we have no time to dwell on the future, as these camps need to be cleared out. come along now, y/n. say the line.”

nodding your head to the two brothers, you saluted in perfect form. “for mondstadt, as always.”

your 12th birthday came and went. you were gifted a shiny new sword, ordered specially by your mother. jean gave you a chestplate and books full of mondstadt’s past and present ballads. there was no grand party or celebration for you. all it was a physical rite of passage for the gunnhildrs.  

when you put on the armor and held the sword in your hand, you decided to dedicate your life to the family motto.  

“for mondstadt, as always.”

it wasn’t a question of if you would become a knight, but rather when. 

when jean was 14, she became a knight. immediately, you watched as she bloomed into a brilliant young warrior. when you managed to catch a glimpse of her from her busy schedule around mondstadt, she was fierce leader. the people of mondstadt were enamored with her, constantly asking for her help.

and, as a gunnhildr would, she provided.

you knew that she was the great expectation for you, and it became an obligation to overtake her. 

your rigorous training continued as you mastered the art of the sword. not a day went by where you wouldn’t demolish a training dummy until it was unrecognizable. you recited back to your mother the history of the gunnhildr clan until you knew it like the back of your hand. 

when you got exhausted from your work, you remembered who it was for. all of your training would pay off to please the gunnhildrs, to please mondstadt. on rare nights, your older sister would look over your training, but not without voicing her concerns. “you’re overworking yourself, y/n,” she would say as you took a deep breath before continuing to work on your footing. “i know you want to become a knight badly, but you’re 12--”

“and a half,” you piped in before rolling your shoulders. 

“and the knights would most definitely not be okay with someone who is quite literally a child into their organization. you still have at least another year to go; you cannot rush the process of being a knight.”

“but i want to prove myself! i need to show what i’m capable of being a hero for mondstadt, like you are!” 

the blonde only shook her head with a bittersweet smile. “it’s not so fantastical to be a knight, y/n. you can be a hero in ways that don’t overwork yourself. come now, let’s take a break.”

you never followed after her. 

sometimes, during your jog around the city, you would see the blue-haired boy. kaeya had gotten significantly taller, but his boyish charm stayed the same. near the window to diluc’s office, he worked night and day to beat up a single training dummy. he, too, had the great expectation of his brother to overtake. 

one day, you asked to spar with him, as all of your dummies had gotten beat up. “oh? a great gunnhildr wants to train with a lowly boy such as myself?” he teased.

“if you don’t want to, that’s fine, i’ll just--”

“relax,” he only laughed, twirling a silver sword in his hand. “i’m not your sister or your mother, no need for formalities. and besides, i could use a little training myself.”

unbeknownst to you, it was the start a blooming friendship. kaeya’s banter kept you coming back to him to spar, along with his refined sense of humor. he let you voice your complaints of jean’s concerns, and he voiced his own of diluc’s concerns over him. kaeya wasn’t half bad of a sparring partner either; his precise movements always kept you on your toes. with a little more time, you and kaeya were well on your way to becoming a knight at an age younger than jean.

sure enough, on the day of your 13th birthday, you and kaeya became knights. by then, he was 14, the same age as when diluc became a knight. a whole year younger than your sister, you had become a knight. there was a little shine in your mother’s eyes as you told her the news. “as a true gunnhildr should.” 

“yes, mother,” you said as you sheathed your sword and embraced her. “i’m really a gunnhildr now, aren’t i?”

suddenly, it was like you had finally fulfilled your family’s prophecy. your legacy was preserved into the familial history. you could become the hero like your sister was. you could be the reason why mondstadt smiled in a way that your distant sister, barbara, could. now, all there was to do was be the best knight possible, and you would be upholding the gunnhildr motto. 

and then jean became the dandelion knight, at age 15. 

when grand master varka announced the news at dusk, kaeya was next to you, making amiable conversation as you finished your missions for the day. a crowd gathered around the steps, as kaeya and you nudged your way into the crowd. jean stood tall at the steps of the headquarters, even while on one knee. the sword graced her shoulders once, then twice, before she rose. you couldn’t even comprehend the words the grand master said before you backed away from the crowd, only to bump into your mother. her eyes glimmered as she looked at your older sister, pride evident. she didn’t even notice you. 

you looked once at your sister, who waved to you and your mother with an easy grin. you then looked at your mother, who still didn’t cast her eyes on you. and you looked at kaeya, who was reaching out to catch your hand. you moved from his range of grasp, shaking your head. “go enjoy all of the celebrations with jean, okay? i still have work to do.” you whispered, voice leaving your throat, before slipping from the crowd. 

there is still so much work to do, you thought as you ran down the streets of mondstadt. there is so much to do to make the gunnhildrs, no, to make mondstadt proud. tears creased your eyes as you headed towards a setting sun as you passed the city gates. maybe jean was right. a child wasn’t meant to be a knight, especially a child who cried over such trivial things. 

you held no contempt for your older sister. in fact, you were proud of her. instead, you were mad at yourself. why weren’t you moving at a rate like she could? how could you be more like her? when would your vision grace you? now? never? 

you wanted your mother to look at you with the same pride in her eyes, you wanted the people of the city of freedom to at least see you on the same level as jean, you wanted more than what you currently had. but, patience was not on your side. you wanted to be the best, and you wanted it now. 

by the time you collapsed, tears streaking your cheeks, you had fallen at the base of the anemo archon’s statue at windrise. sobs shook your body as the moon rose in the east, accompanied by the soft chirps of cicadas. staring at the statue of the young boy, you let the winds flow through your hair, almost as if the winds would carry your wishes and sorrow away along with it. “barbatos,” you whispered as your head hung low, head pressing to the steps of the statue. “guide me.”

only hours later were you found by kaeya, who ranted on and on about how worried he was about you. his blue eyes were wilted with concern when he found your slumped figure at the bottom of the statue. “do you know how worried i was when you didn’t come back after an hour? i mean, you could’ve been seriously hurt, or worse!” he ranted as he sat down next to you. he looked radiant as dawn broke and soft winds fluttering at his long hair. “i mean, how did you even end up here, y/n? what work did you need to?” 

as you shifted to look at him, cheeks fresh and sticky from tears, you let out a humorless laugh. “i had work to do for mondstadt, as always.”

after jean became the dandelion knight, you were only driven to work harder. the next three years were a pursuit of excellence. like your sister, you grew in ranks quickly, becoming co-captain of your squad, alongside kaeya. kaeya was a brilliant leader when working alongside you. missions were planned out to max out the potential of your team, and he never failed to keep the morale high. everyday ensured perfection if you had your co-captain beside you. like yourself, kaeya dedicated himself to upholding his duty.

until he failed.

diluc and his father were heading home from the younger’s 18th birthday party. you and kaeya were still at the party when it happened, enjoying the rare moment where you could actually relax. it wasn’t until a bystander burst through the door, screaming about ursa the drake when you and kaeya went running. 

“we came to help! are you alright--” the younger brother cried before his voice halted, stopping in his tracks. his sword hit the ground with a soft clink, shaking slightly. 

“oh my gods,” you said, taking two steps back. “master diluc--captain kaeya--”

the scene was simply horrific. there lay several bodies, crisp white shirts dirtied with mud and blood. diluc’s white gloves had been painted bright red, accompanied by the soft calls of “father, father”. the caravan was destroyed and unrecognizable, and suddenly, the usually clear skies of mondstadt brought in a storm. 

the heavens poured, weeping for the loss of a wonderful man. 

the week after diluc’s departure from the knights and mondstadt and crepus’ funeral, kaeya alberich was not the same young man with boyish charm, as much as he tried to cover it up. he had matured, citing his father’s wishes that he had to preserve as the reason to why. 

but not only was his father’s death the source of kaeya’s change, but when he walked into headquarters that sunday afternoon, he had a little cryo vision sat at his hip. 

you bit your lip as he greeted you a good morning. of course, you were overjoyed to see that the gods had looked down upon your best friend; he was the hardest working boy you knew. yet, a part of you was screaming in jealousy of him and disappointment in yourself. when would the gods look down upon you and recognize your work? 

and then your distant sister gained her own hydro vision. 

you were relaying some files for the church when she appeared at the front steps. she had a bright smile as always, eagerly taking your papers. “lovely to see you, y/n!” 

“you gained a vision?” you asked incredulously as your arms went slack. 

“yes! a few days ago, i was blessed enough to be granted a vision from the hydro archon. it’s so exciting, isn’t it? i can only hope to do more good for the people of mondstadt.”

“yes, yes, barbara,” you replied with a salute. “you will do good for mondstadt, as you always have.” 

like you felt when jean became the dandelion knight and when kaeya had gotten his vision, you didn’t hold a grudge for barbara. instead, again, you were upset with yourself that your efforts weren’t recognized by the gods. would a day come where the archons would smile upon you? 

it only drove you to push past your limits. to live up to the gunnhildr family name, you needed to also get a vision. any consolation from jean over how you didn’t need a vision to live up to the family name were promptly discarded. any notion of comfort from your mother was perceived as pity. any voice of concern from your barbara, who you hardly knew, were thrown away. 

you began putting more than your all into your work as a knight. kaeya would accompany you and your squad to clear out hilichurls, but you always stayed overtime to survey for any additional camps. every free moment you had, you beat up training dummies until they were just dust in the wind.  and finally, you offered your help to the people of mondstadt. 

when asked why you were so eager to serve, you only smiled. “it’s what a gunnhildr does; serve for mondstadt, as always.” 

your extra work didn’t go unnoticed by jean, but not in a good way. when she called you into her office, you knew you were in trouble. “you’ve always been like this, but this is kind of ridiculous, y/n. clocking in almost 20 hours a day is incredibly unhealthy on someone who has a growing body like yourself,” she scolded in afternoon sunlight. 

“can’t i say the same about you, jean?” you countered, crossing your arms. “you go to bed at three in the morning and are just fine.” 

“that’s different. i’m 18, and you’re 16. you need a break,” your older sister replied before reaching into her drawer and pulling out a bright book. “which is why i’m recommending this novel for you to read during lunch instead of ‘forgetting’ and doing surveys of the outskirts of town instead.”

you looked inside the cover, reading the synopsis. “you want me to read a romance novel instead of training? that’s stupid. a gunnhildr needs to be serving mondstadt, not waste away days in fantasy.”

“oh? disrespecting your superiors?” jean teased as she crossed her arms. “at least try it for me, please. i promise it’ll relax you, even if only a little.”

you did, actually, read that trashy romance novel during your lunch breaks. it was quite alluring to you; the push and pull between the enemies that soon turned into pining lovers, the beautifully written descriptions, and the characters kept you from overworking yourself. 

unfortunately, it didn’t come without a little teasing from kaeya. 

“oh? is that y/n actually relaxing for once and not overworking themself into their grave?” he said as he sat next to you at your seat at good hunter. you made an uninterested noise until he eventually snatched the book out of your hands.

“k-kaeya!” you reprimanded as you practically wrestled with him to grab your book back. “that was given to me by jean, you can’t--"

“oho! a romance novel!” the calvary captain grinned as you groaned, shoulders slouching. “i never knew you were a hopeless romantic. perhaps that means you have a secret love for someone as well?”

“w-what?” you said with flushed cheeks. “don’t be ridiculous! who would even harbor the same feelings i do for them? no, scratch that, who would i even have feelings for?”

“maybe someone like me?” he said, voice suddenly quiet and soft. suddenly, the space between the two of you seemed a lot smaller than before. you could map out the curve of his cheekbones and the soft silk of his eyepatch. his eyes were serious with anticipation as they gazed at you, brilliant blue glimmering in the sunlight. suddenly, he laughed, smile creasing his cheeks. “kidding, kidding, y/n. i know you don’t have time to think about love.” 

“i…” you replied, voice trailing off as you gazed at his soft and distant smirk. his blue hair fluttered in the wind as he awaited your response. kaeya alberich reminded you of the love interest in your novel and your heart sped up. “you’re right. i must be serving for mondstadt, as always.”

to jean’s disappointment, you didn’t relax. in the wake of your incident with kaeya, you found yourself avoiding him and working by yourself. he was right; you weren’t in a position to think about love or romance at all. 

the three years that followed continued the almost decade long chase for a vision, for a way to live up to the family motto. your gaze never strayed from your ultimate goal, shelving away any ideas of relaxation. 

you spent long nights out in the fields, destroying any monster you found and dismantling their camps to bits and pieces. those nights, in your opinion, were the worst. as much as you enjoyed solitude away from your team, your thoughts were only shrouded in the great expectation that you had to fulfill. jean, barbara, and kaeya all had their visions, and you didn't want to fall behind. 

some nights, when you failed to clock in after a day or two, kaeya would be sent out by jean to search high and low through the anemo archon’s land to find you. when he did eventually find you, you were already battered and bruised, armor dented in odd places. you always ignored his presence, continuing to fight hilichurls or walk towards your next destination. “you need to take a break, y/n!” he would say as you would roll your eyes. 

when there were no more camps to clear out, you let yourself take a moment to talk to kaeya. your friendship had been lessened over the past three years, with him being swept up in his duties as cavalry captain, and you as captain of your own squad. those nights were just like when you were just junior level knights, messing around during missions and having fun. now, you were all grown up, and such fantastical wishes should only belong to the children and people of mondstadt you protected. 

kaeya became more beautiful on those nights as well. the wind would run through his long hair, carrying along his laughter. his azure eyes would shimmer with playfulness when you laughed at his jokes. even as he had matured into a young man, he never lost his flattering charm. no wonder so many of the elderly wanted him to be their son-in-law. 

in nights alone, where the cavalry captain wasn’t beside you, you would think about him in a way that a best friend should not. your thoughts would spiral towards a kaeya that sweet talked you with a silver tongue, a kaeya that would do more than accidentally brush his hand with your own, a kaeya that could maybe love you. 

every time you thought about it, you only laughed bitterly. “i have work to do for mondstadt, as always.”

it was the eve of your 19th birthday that changed your entire life. 

the sun had long set over the cliffs of cape oath and barbatos’ winds guided the soft scent of salt from the sea as you headed towards the next hilichurl . stars peppered the sky, and you could almost believe that you were the only person in teyvat. until, for the fourth time that week, kaeya was sent out to nag you to come back home. “y/n, there’s no more for you to do! can you come home with me already?” he called distantly, but you scoffed as you pulled out your sword. 

“the gunnhildr legacy waits for no man, captain!” you responded before sprinting straight into enemy territory. a dozen or so hilichurls stood before you as you began handling them one by one. kaeya’s voice continued to ring into your ears, becoming closer as he also began fighting alongside you. 

“what are you even doing this for?!” he said, voice exasperated as his back hit yours. “you say you do it because you have to live up to your family’s legacy, but what about yourself? you’re working yourself into a grave to be a quote unquote, real gunnhildr!”

“what do you mean, kaeya?” you grunted as you slaughtered another monster. “of course that’s what i’m a knight for! it’s all that the gunnhildrs are!”

“you do it to please your mother, to please jean, but you’re exhausting yourself in the process. what do you need to prove? why don’t you serve because you like it?” he said as ice frosted the mask of his enemy with a snap of his fingers. 

“i live to serve for the people of mondstadt, that is why i’m a knight! i’m supposed to be the sword to jean’s shield!”

“if that’s the case, then why do you compare yourself to jean? to barbara? you’re good enough, y/n! everyone knows this!”

“to who?! if not to the people of mondstadt, if not to my mother, if not to my sisters, then who?” 

“to me!” kaeya suddenly yelled, and you paused, nearly losing your footing. “you’ve been brilliant to me since i saw you with jean at headquarters. the way you carry yourself with grace and you always have perfect stance and moves leaves me in awe. you’re always so kind to the people who ask for your help, and you leave me breathless.”

your eyes widened at the implication of his words as you finished off another hilichurl. slowly, you turned to face him, as he prepared to take on a mitachurl. “do you even know what you’re saying, kaeya? don’t you know what you’re implying?!”

“i meant it,” he looked back at you with a gentle smile, ignoring the roars of the mitachurl. “i--”

“wait, watch out!” you called as the monster prepared to take aim with its axe. your feet could only take you so far, and it was only a second too take when you saw the man go flying in the air. he landed with a grunt by the cliffside, and rushed to his side, kneeling. “kaeya, are you alright?!”

but the deafening roars of the mitachurl blocked out any response. with panicked eyes, you looked between your injured best friend and the mitachurl that was getting too close for comfort. with a start, you held out your arm to shield kaeya and the other to point at the monster. you swung your arm with perfect precision that your mother taught you years ago, and closed your eyes, bracing for impact.

an impact that never came. 

the anemo archon’s winds flowed through your hair, soothing your tense body almost instantly. the mitachurl was fading away now into ashes, leaving only the rustling of the long grass. immediately, you snapped out of your daze and looked to a still down kaeya. 

“kaeya!” you called, and he did not respond. kneeling, you shook at his shoulders. “hey, wake up! i-it’s down, you can finish your sentence now! t-there’s still so much i need to say to you! kaeya, please…” 

you let your hand caress at his cheeks and leaning down to press your forehead against his. closing your eyes, you prayed as hard as you could to barbatos. suddenly, a voice piped up. “that was so hot of you to kill that mitachurl in one hit.”

gasping, you pulled him into your chest, smacking his back. “oh, thank the gods! you’re alive!” 

“do you really think a single hit would really take me out?” he teased as he hugged you back. “i had a feeling that you could handle it on your own.”

“and so you abandoned your own duties as a knight? how crass,” you laughed, dropping your arms to your lap, where you felt an unfamiliar object. staring, you and kaeya watched as your hands uncovered a small green orb, no bigger than the size of your fist. it glowed just like kaeya’s vision., glimmering in the fading moonlight “oh my gods!”

“you got a vision!” kaeya yelled with joy, holding you close. looking to the stars, you profusely thanked barbatos for your ability. “and an anemo vision like your sister! you’re brilliant, y/n. i knew the day would come when the gods would look down and smile upon you.”

you looked at kaeya, staring into the deep of his starry eyes. ¨did you mean what you said? that i was good enough for you, and for everyone else?”

“of course i did. your ambition, even when sometimes overwork yourself, is admirable,” he said with a grin, reaching you to hold your cheek. 

“and...and did you mean it when you said i leave you breathless? you know what that implies, right? it means that you’re…”

“yes, i did,” he said with heated cheeks. “i’m in love with you.”

“oh…” you said, face bloomed with heat. 

“is that okay with you? i don’t want to force my feelings on you, or--”

“stop,” you smiled with a shake of your head. “i love you too.”

at the break of dawn, you kissed kaeya softly, holding his face. he held you in his arms, whispering soft “i love you”s along the cliffside. for once, you let yourself relax into his arms. you were more than content to take it easy in his arms. 

it was then that you knew; you didn’t need to prove anything to anyone but yourself. that was what it meant to serve for mondstadt, as always. 

taglist; @unreconciledstars​ + more if ya dm me! :D

[miraculouscontent]

Didn’t Need Burrow (August 7th-September 13th)

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Ladybug and Chat Noir will be asked to participate in judging a competition that Marinette and Adrien are both a part of. Ladybug will want to vote for herself as Marinette, but Tikki will tell her(once detransformed and while she is snacking) that she can’t because then people will know that Marinette is Ladybug. Chat Noir, meanwhile, will freely vote for Adrien with no repercussions or drawbacks, and Adrien will end up winning the competition. Marinette will admit that she was “so silly” to even think of voting for herself, especially since “Adrien needs the award more so that I do” despite being rich, white, male, and “perfect”(oh, I’m sorry, “purrfect”!), since all of Marinette’s legitimate problems of anxiety, dyspraxia, and the like get thrown out the window because the writers’ perfect sunshine boy incel stand-in has a “saaad home life!”, and Marinette needs to give him pity and put his feelings above his rather than wish for her own success. Cuz Girl Power.

tbh, given the leaks script, I’d reverse that and saying that Adrien voted for LadyNoir as Couple of the Year.

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Marinette and Adrien will reveal their identities, and Marinette actually WILL be disappointed that the boy who goofed off in fights and didn’t take no for an answer is none other than her perfect modeling celebrity crush. However, rather than this being a point towards Adrien needing to learn how to improve himself and accept Marinette’s feelings, this scene is used to make HER look bad(because of course it is) and she is blamed for expecting Adrien to be perfect(despite being encouraged and told to see him as such), and told that she should be happy that Chat was hitting on her even when she didn’t like it or it got in the way of battle plans, likely by Alya, because it was her true love under the mask all along. Eventually she “learns her lesson”(ick) and comes to accept Adrichat for who he is, warts and all. Bonus if she has a flashback to when Chat said “if you saw me without my mask you wouldn’t be able to resist me” as she realizes that he was right.

Didn’t Need Burrow? More like “Didn’t Need to Think About This”

i hate it

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Luka will be Chat Blanc "2.0"

But Luka doesn’t have Chat-level favoritism going so Bunnyx won’t be there to defend him from consequences.

Anonymous asked:

We will have Ladybug!Alya in Marinette's akumatization episode. Obviously everyone would think that she is "better" than "old" Ladybug. (Bonus points if Ladybug!Alya don't "alienate" Chat Noir, mostly by catering to his whims)

Oh, of course! No one will miss the “old” Ladybug.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Bob Roth is akumatized into Rip Off, a supervillain with power to copy anything he sees (including powers of heroes)

Okay but that’s genius.

(I know we already had it in “Miraculer” but I like this more.)

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Now that Luka knows their identities, he will push the Love Square in a romantic manner. Stans would be totally fine with this because it doesn't interfere with their endgame :)

Well, obviously!

I’m just waiting for them to basically say that the secret identities don’t matter and, because they like one side, also means they like the other side.

Because forget nuance, am I right?

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: In the end, (after Adrienette gets together) Narrator reveals himself (herself?) as Alya with words "that's how I helped my bestie [Marinette] get a relationship with love of her life [Adrien]" or something similar.

wait, Alya, are you filming a Ladybug biography

why did you include all the humilation

why

That explains her making herself look good though.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Luka will finally reveal that he knows Heroes' secret identities... to Alya, who obviously decide to hide from Marinette that Luka knows her identity (Bonus Points if reason provided by Alya why she is doing this is utterly ridiculous)

AAAAAAAAAAAA

I guess Luka would have to realize that Alya knows. Bonus if he tells her Chat’s identity too so love square shipping can commence.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: "Knitting Fairy" will be name of Marinette's akumatized form.

Can you say “reused design”? I certainly can, we’re used to it.

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow:

Luka keeping his knowledge about the identities (esp. Ladybug’s) will somehow blow up in a way for the writers to paint him in a bad light, probably ending with Marinette not trusting him. (As well as no hint of irony that Adrien did the same thing for completely selfish reasons in Chat Blanc).

MiraculousMX: Platonic soulmates!

us: Source??

Anonymous asked:

DNB: If LS gets reversed, Adrien complains about Marinette having other friends. Not just being friends with Luka or any other guys, but friends PERIOD, showing the same jealousy/desire for his 'love interest' to be isolated as Chat Noir. These MASSIVE RED FLAGS are treated as Just More Innocent Sadrien Things, because he's sOoOoOo Sad and SoOoOoO Lonely~

Oh god, now I had an awful thought that this is where Adrien getting jealous of Luka, and Luka feels bad/”knows what’s best” so he either ditches Marinette/finds an excuse to leave or makes sure that Adrien gets his time with her.

Because it’s the love square so it’s “important” that Marinette spend time with Adrien.

Anonymous asked:

Dnb: assuming the Senti-Adrien theory is true, in the season finale, Viperion joins the fight, stops SM from using the ladybug an cat miraculi by going back in time only to use them by himself, wishing for Adrien to be a real boy (and love Marinette). Of course Luka needs to give something in exchange, worst case scenario, his life.

That got really dark.

Though tbh with how much they push Luka and Marinette around, one of them will probably have to give up something huge for Adrien (they both already sacrificed their relationship, so--).

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: If Chat Noir joins Shadow Moth then he is treated by both Gabriel and Heroes as his greatest asset, even through he is still complete joke that is defeated by rest of Heroes faster than Mr Pigeon in "Timetagger". (Bonus points if Heroes defeat him by "Backhand Offhand", Offscreen or he is defeated by "Friendly Fire" from Akuma of the Week due to his own stupidity)

tbh I could probably do more sad math with “how often Chat Noir/Cataclysm is useless,” bonus if it’s put up against characters/Ladybug stroking his ego.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Adrien's fears concerning Ladybug are made more explicit through a nightmare/vision (possibly akuma-induced) of Ladybug calling him unreliable/saying she doesn't need him anymore because she has partners she can actually COUNT on. Naturally, this is treated as Pure Sadrien Hours rather than a fair critique. Bonus if he ditches/forces her to beg for his assistance AGAIN to soothe his poor bruised baby ego.

*“Malediktator” flashbacks, but Adrien instead of Chloe*

Anonymous asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien/Chat Noir skips out on a fight/akuma attack for some spiteful, selfish reason or another. Ladybug handles it without him, either completely through her own skill or with help from Rena/other heroes. Adrien then angsts about 'not being needed', with Marinette's 'Mistake of the Day' being that she didn't cater to his pity party due to being too busy DOING HER DAMNED JOB.

me seeing that one leaked script where they talk about how Chat/Cataclysm would make things easier: *sigh*

Anonymous asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: Plagg will encourage Adrien to act even more selfishly, skipping more battles and being even brattier. This is so his stans can blame Plagg for being 'a bad influence' on their perfect angel, even when it's clear the two of them are on the same wavelength. Oooh, he's twisting his rubber arm; how AWFUL--! Adrien would NEVER do all these Awful Things he's already done if he didn't have Plagg~! What a bad kitty~!

“rubber arm” jdfkgjndfjgfg

tbh Plagg already is super laidback and doesn’t really like transforming/complains about going into battle, so this isn’t much of a stretch.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: "Gabriel Agreste" or other episodes will reveal that Gabriel flew many, if not ALL of the same Red Flags his son displays on a regular basis. The narrative treats this as though this makes Gabriel more 'sweet, sad and sympathetic' rather than illustrating that both of them are dangerously entitled and generally awful.

This sounded really intriguing as a sort of “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” thing until that last sentence kicked in.

That’s damn accurate to what they’d do too, ugh.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Plagg is the one that discovers that Gabriel is Hawk/Shadowmoth, but is forcibly sworn to silence by Adrien. Bonus if Adrien somehow gives this command without learning what Plagg is trying to tell him -- i.e. he get irritated and orders Plagg to shut up in a way that bars him from EVER saying what he was attempting to say -- so that Adrien's stans can claim it was all a big misunderstanding and blame Plagg entirely for it. Or Marinette. Somehow.

Oh oh oh!

Alternatively, Adrien silences Plagg without realizing that he has that kind of power (like saying, “you can’t tell anyone!” and we see the magic hit Plagg’s mouth), so the fandom can say, “HE DOESN’T KNOOOW THAT HE DID IT.”

Anonymous asked:

dntb: Luka is gonna be villianised in some way for not telling Marinette he knows the identities of both of them

Meanwhile, Alya, slipping the bouncer her free pass.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: After one of the kwamis ​​makes one snickering comment too many, Marinette snaps and tells them all to shut up (with obvious outcome). Narrative obviously equals it to scene between Gabriel and Noroo from "Sandboy" (Bonus Points if Narrative deems Marinette worse than Gabriel, because "Gabriel forbid Noroo from talking as joke")

oh my goooooood

Marinette: *snaps because she’s stressed out*

the fandom: SHE SO MEAN!!! ;o;

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Adrien's reveal as Sentimonster just for additional souce of "sad points" for him

this DNB: i am inevitable

mystic-lionroar asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: The writers' Status-Quo allergy kicks in when someone very pointedly implies Chloe, Lila and/or Gabriel work for Hawk Moth with how many Akumas they tend to cause... only to get reminded point blank that "Hawk Moth is the sole one responsible for this mess, no one else". Cue two episodes later, both the characters and the writers' memories of this scene are erased. What erased it? ╰( ･ ᗜ ･ )╯Why, Marinette can be held responsible for this one, of course! (Me: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻)

╰（‵□′）╯

OH MY GOOOOD

“Crocoduel” also basically already blamed Marinette for two akumatizations so at this point we’re just waiting.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: To further cement the whole 'destined to be' shlock, after the shock of the eventual reveal wears off, we get a call back to how frequently Chat Noir told Ladybug that they were meant for each other and that she 'was the only one who didn't see it'. Marinette agrees that she was silly and foolish for not recognizing it sooner, parroting Adrien's bullshit in order to further cement the notion that she's HAPPILY accepting her 'fate' to be nothing more than his personal prize.

You can’t see it but I have my head in my hands in grief.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Adrien's gross sense of entitlement towards Ladybug will become even more explicit, with him angrily ranting about how he DESERVES to 'get the girl'. No matter how awful and nasty he gets, the narrative continues to treat him as though he's 100% right to be pissed off at her for DARING to have agency or thinking she has a say in things. As clearly, the biggest mistake Marinette has ever made is thinking she gets to have Opinions or make her own decisions. G-girl power...?

Marinette needing to be constantly told what’s best for her by other people and it’s okay because she needs to accept+follow all opinions.

end me

Anonymous asked:

DNB: The double standard between Adrien and other characters will be more noticeable. Adrien will still be put on a pedestal.

Because no one will notice Adrien if they didn’t put him on a metaphorical and physical pedastal.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Foxy Cat and CaraBug

omg Fox Adrien.is one of the worst hero choices I’ve ever heard fjdgjfjdglfkdg

I could at least see why Marinette thought that Adrien fit the snake since the narrative gushes for him so hard.

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow: As a result of being written by a straight white male writing team, the show starts to use Marinette’s girliness against her. From her love of pink being mocked to the kwamis admitting(in the spirit of another DNB) that they don’t respect Marinette because she’s “too girly”, to her fashion designing being treated as a cutesy but ultimately fickle pastime(in the spirit that all teenage girls’ interests are treated), the show absolutely throws Girl Power out the window in favor of giving Marinette absolute hell for daring to present herself in a traditionally feminine way, treating her femininity as the butt of a joke that no one is laughing at. Bonus points of someone says(or even outright tells her to her face) that she’s “such a girl”, as if that’s supposed to be an insult. Alternatively, this happens to Rose instead of Marinette, as she’s just as girly if not more so than her, or it happens to both of them(regardless of whether or not it’s at the same time).

WOOOOW

I mean, honestly, yeah.

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Things other characters did that were bad will be retconned into things that Marinette did instead, or will otherwise be retconned into being her fault, no matter how improbable or contradictory. Meanwhile, bad things characters did to Marinette or good things characters did FOR Marinette will be retconned into nonexistence.

I MEAN THEY BLAMED MARINETTE FOR “SILENCER” SO--

MATTER OF TIME.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Simultaneous Akumatization of Manon, Chris, Ella and Etta, obviously when they are babysat by Marinette, because otherwise ML Writers wouldn't be able to paint it as Marinette's fault

oh god

please no

I mean, not even just to blame Marinette for it, but I can’t even stand these kids when they’re on their own, MUCH LESS TOGETHER.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: If Adrien gets akumatized, then it would be just Chat Blanc with shoulder pads and crown

Is this a reference to my Miracle Queen post?

Because yes.

Anonymous asked:

Didn't need burrow: In Hack-San Chat Noir will pull a Sentibubler and refuse to listen to Alya with the Ladybug Miraculous as he doesn't have a brain unless he can progress the not so progressive four-sided Hellfire, which is actually still the best-case-scenario. I mean he could just not come at all, since he's only there to flirt with and seduce Ladybug with unfunny jokes.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Adrien causes problems because of Alyabug.

ugggggh

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Alya will immediately have access to things like the creation of charms despite how long it took for Marinette to be able to do that.

Wait--

If she doesn’t, did they literally just give Alya the ladybug miraculous because they knew that Markov wouldn’t have a way of hiding the amulet on him and they didn’t feel like putting it on his model???

Anonymous asked:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Alya’s Ladybug name is “Coccinelle” aka “Ladybug” in French. Or something equally lazy such as The Red Spotted One or the Scarlett Beetle. Even if it sounds cool at first glance, it will ultimately boil down to a plain and obvious name, because apparently EVERY superhero’s name has to so blatantly relate to the animal their Miraculous is based off of. For some reason. Somehow. -_-

fhkgjfdkgdfg okay but “The Red Spotted One” made me laugh.

Anonymous asked:

Hack-San DNB’s:

• Chat Noir will be upset that Ladybug trusted her miraculous to someone else.

• There will be a comment on how Alya was a just as good, if not better Ladybug than Marinette.

• Alya’s performance as LB will be used as another instance to show Marinette made the ‘right choice’ telling her her identity.

• Using the Horse to teleport back instead giving the earrings to Alya will not be mentioned as an option.

• Scene of Adrichat being sad about ‘feeling replaced’.

Especially on that “comment that Alya is just as good, if not better,” one, it probably won’t even be used as a reassurance for Marinette like, “oh, that’s good to know that I’m not the only one who can be Ladybug,” it’ll just be praise for Alya.

Anonymous asked:

Hack-San DNB: Chat Noir gets angry with LB for not telling him she was leaving & she has to apologize for it.

(Despite making sure there was a backup Ladybug to protect Paris, unlike Chat in the NY special who left the city completely unprotected).

Convenient.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: "Dearest Family" (episode where both of Marinette's parents are akumatized) will be about Marinette learning "true value" of Chat Noir

Either that or incorporating Adrien into the family.

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Psycomedian will be blatant Joker rip-off

You can just say “all akuma in the season will either be rip-offs of themselves or past akuma,” it’s okay. :P

Anonymous asked:

Another DNB for Hack-San, since we see Jagged Stone in the trailer, so if they show it..:

The “most precious possession” of Jagged’s will be Fang and not, y’know, either of his children.

I missed that trailer.

Honestly there could be some funny moments with the concept, but if Jagged is the only joke made about it then yes, I will be very bitter.

Alternatively, Jagged picks his guitar instead.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: In the Alyabug episode, Alya will either be Practically Perfect In Every Way™, or will royally screw up in a way that will somehow lead to Marinette. Either way, Cat Noir will flirt with the new Ladybug, or pull a Sentibubbler. Or both. There may or may not be a comment about how Alyabug's costume is so much better than Marinette's despite being a fashion designer.

dkfgkjdfgjf I adore how this whole thing is just, “there’s so many ways it could go wrong!”

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

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[mermaidsirennikita]

Ok I haven't read TVWLM in a while but does Edwina having "genuine feelings" for Anthony change much?? I'm seeing people freaking out about the dreded love triangle and I remember the love triangle being a big part of the book? Idk it's just every anticlimactic to have Edwina go actually I didn't care about Anthony or becoming a viscountess go off Kate be happy with the guy who's been courting me for weeks. That feels like such a cop out to me if there are no hard feelings.

The love triangle was a big part of the book, lol. Kate and Anthony aren’t married until 70 to 75% of the way in. He has no plans to marry Kate until he has to; she has no plans to marry him until she has to, and even when she’s aware of her feelings she fully allows him to keep courting Edwina. On their wedding night, he calls her beautiful while he’s literally INSIDE HER and she’s like oh my god stop you’re imagining Edwina. Edwina doesn’t have feelings for Anthony and she finds another guy, yes. But she doesn’t find this guy until after Anthony marries Kate, and she seems to have every intention to consider his suit seriously due to her circumstances. She needs a rich man, he’s not only rich but good looking and not abusive. It’s a pretty prominent storyline.

As I’ve said before, I find it pretty emotionally inauthentic than Edwina is just like oh well whatever about Kate and Anthony marrying. Like. She’s 17. This handsome, wealthy, charismatic older man was flirting with her and attempting to woo her for weeks. I can buy that she didn’t have a big infatuation for him as the show’s version does, but I can’t buy that she wouldn’t be confused and a bit weirded out by it at first. My question for Kate would be, did you want him this whole time, and if so, why didn’t you tell me and why did you risk me marrying someone you’d be pining after during my marriage. Edwina not having any questions and being purely happy for Kate is a handwave, and she’s a flat character for it. Edwina on the show, it seems, is actually being given some depth and that actually sounds like an improvement. I see people critiquing the idea of this rich white guy being chased by these two brown women, and I hope that doesn’t happen. But I also think it would be problematic if Edwina just existed to be a flat obstacle who’s happy to step aside, especially as a woc. Kate being a woc and having a rich character arc doesn’t cancel out the problems that would occur if Edwina basically existed to be cast aside a la Marina in s1.

And also, it’s kind of boring for TV if a character that audience spends time with is just like…. So bland. Not into a guy but letting him court her, happily hugging her sister when she gets the life that up into a few days ago, was presumed to be hers in the near future. This doesn’t mean Edwina has to be in love with Anthony or long term resentful of Kate…. But I do think she has to have feelings about the whole thing in order for her to be a believable character.

The big reason why people don’t like this is that they think it would taint~ Anthony and Kate. As if the best fictional love stories aren’t messy ones, first off—but I get that it’s not to everyone’s taste. To me, if your measure of a tainted story is one in which people exhibit bad behavior, though…. They’re already there. Anthony was fully intending to marry this teenage girl and fuck around behind her back to his heart’s content, before realizing that he actually had a massive boner for her sister. That’s not pristine behavior!

I think people want s2 to be a merry sunshine story where Kate and Anthony find love in a hopeless place and never look at anyone else ever and everyone loves them and claps when they get together and they just overcome their various traumas by valiantly holding hands against the thunderstorms. And for most people, myself included, that would be very boring. It’s also just not what happened in the books. Anthony deadass fucked the shit out of her and then ran out the door because he was afraid of being in love with her. She sat there holding in her feelings for months because she was just going to be tragically in love with a man who didn’t love her. These are not logical people. They should be human, just as Edwina is human.