#attitudes towards torture survivors

[semiweirdshipper]

Killers reactions to doing trials in swimsuits (Hooked on You addition).

Notes: Sfw. Non-binary reader insert.

-

Bubba Sawyer

He's absolutely embarrassed. Ashamed. Humiliated. And disgusted. Not only is nintey percent of his body exposed, but his face is showing as well. While he did find the hot-dog themed swimshorts oddly endearing, the joy was short lived.

During every trial, Bubba spent most of his time hiding his face underneath his straw hat while staying in secluded areas. If anyone tried to approach him, he would rev up his chainsaw to scare them away. Just go away. He didn't want to be seen like this.

While other survivors mocked and made fun of him, you were more understanding.

From a distance, you would call out to him to try and gain his trust and comfort him. Everything was going to be alright, you would say, and you would gently explain to him the severity of completing trials. There was no need to be embarrassed. In fact, you thought he looked cute and handsome.

Bubba found himself motivated and comforted by your words, and soon he began to do the trials without mercy. Anyone who mocked him would be shredded to bits.

Expect lots of half naked hugs and kisses at the end. He was so grateful to you, you have absolutely no idea.

Michael Myers

Is this a joke? Seriously? Is this a joke? Did the Entity really think this was funny?

Michael, not only frustrated by the lack of shoes and warm clothing, was utterly infuriated. Stomping around in orange and black swim-trunks with a literal, broken shell to stab people with, it was safe to say that Michael's attitude became even more brutal.

Another aspect that angered him was how almost every survivor began to tease and flirt with him as if he were some piece of candy. Some of them even tried to touch him, but their greedy paws would be quickly lacerated.

This lack of respect made him so angry that he began to commit overkill in every single trial. However... There was one survivor who didn't treat him any differently when he had to wear his swimsuit.

You.

As if nothing had changed, you treated him with respect. You didn't tease him, stare at him, touch him or try to flirt. Instead you did the trial like you were supposed to and minded his severe fits of rage. Michael even suspected that you might have been helping him to kill other survivors...

In an act of appreciation, Michael let you live most trials, and he hardly ever harmed you. After this entire event, he might even cling to you a little bit more.

Pinhead/Elliot Spencer

Was it a swimsuit? Or some kind of bizarre bedroom cosplay?

Pinhead's "swimsuit" was an array of harnesses that covered his chest, thighs and hips. Small chains hung from his nipples, and only a leather, black speedo with matching chains covered his crotch. His thoughts?

It was actually kind of nice.

No opened wounds, no cuts, and no bones or flesh hanging out? Pinhead could do with that. Sure he still had his pins and piercings, but he had adapted to those. And while it did get cold some times, nothing really changed. He was used to pain and rough environments.

But it was kind of annoying to witness the mixed reactions from the survivors. Some acted out in disgust and others in desire or mockery. Pinhead didn't let it get to him much and simply did the trials as he was supposed to.

Though he did notice that your desire towards him had heightened, and you became more eager to hide and run away from him during trials. It was amusing. He had always tried to get you to accept his offers for pleasure, but you were too shy and scared. But now?

Call it immature, but Pinhead was loving hunting you down and giving you no choice but to look at him. The feel of your desire and innocence was so endearing to him, he couldn't help but to playfully torture you.

Perhaps soon you would break under the pressure and accept his offers?

Evan MacMillan

Screw the Entity. Screw the survivors. And screw this stupid, dumb, ridiculous swimsuit!

If anyone thought they had seen Evan angry before, then they'd better think again. Because this time? This time he was absolutely furious. Why?

Try accidentally stepping in a trap with no boots on. Try doing a trial in Ormond. Try getting outrun constantly. And try getting grabbed and gawked at all the time.

It was safe to say that Evan's behavior during trials became increasingly dangerous when he wore his striped swimsuit. Many survivors teased about the size of his bulge and made a habit to try and grab him for fun. The outcome? Certain, painful death.

Evan was tired of this stupid situation.

The only break he got was when he had trials with you. Finally, someone who didn't play the "ball grabbing game" and actually did the trial accordingly. He respected you for that. And the fact that you didn't treat him any differently than normal was also appreciated.

If ever Evan came across you in a trap, he pretended to overlook you and simply walked by. You seemed to notice this as well, and soon you began to actively help him trap your perverted team members.

Hmp. You were pretty awesome, you know? He could hang with you.

Albert Wesker

The Entity really needed to work on it's fashion skills. Honestly. Did it really think this was his style? First off, the shorts were too colorful and far, far too short and tight. Wedgie much? Also, what cheap sunglasses. And why the silky black button-up and neck bandana? And were those... Flip-flops?

Most trials, Albert felt quite embarrassed and rather ridiculous, but he did good not to show it. While few survivors did make fun of him, he simply snapped back and told them not to be so jealous. And the other survivors?

The other survivors acted like he was made out of gold and jewels.

Eventually Albert grew to enjoy the attention. Of course he'd rile up this many survivors. How couldn't he? He was handsome and toned and oh so sexy. It was only natural that everyone either be jealous or attracted to him.

Except... You.

You didn't pay any attention to him. You made no faces, no comments and no reactions. Even when he tried teasing you, you wouldn't really respond with anything other than annoyance. And that bothered him.

Soon you became his top priority in every trial. While it was irritating that you didn't respond to his obvious charm, he did find it fascinating. It meant that your mind worked differently and you didn't let yourself get distracted. You were actually becoming super attractive to him.

He wanted to see how far he could go with you.

Pyramid Head

Let's put it bluntly. His swimsuit... Was seaweed. Yes, seaweed, with a dash of barnacles and slug shells here and there. He looked like a monster that crawled out of the ocean. And did this astonishing array of seaweed stay in place very long? No. No it did not.

The Executioner didn't care about clothing though. He was used to being barefoot and half naked. Natural elements didn't bother him that much. This fishy "swimsuit" was nothing more than an obstacle and a gift.

See, of course the survivors were going crazy because of his exposed body, but that only made it easier to kill them when they tried to get too close. It was so convenient that the Executioner didn't even have to fight much anymore, the survivors just came right to him to be killed.

The Executioner knew that it was perversion and desire that brought the survivors to him, but he wasn't interested in any of them. The only thing he did in response to their attraction was kill them.

But you? You were different.

You did have desire for him, but also respect and modesty. You put the trial and your objectives first, and you stayed composed when coming into contact with him. It was such an astonishing strength. The Executioner couldn't help but to envy you.

Maybe some time in the future he could approach you with his real face and show you gratitude for how well you behaved during this outlandish experience?

-

And that's how they became... Hooked on You!

[mercy-misrule]

mouthwashing spoilers, discussion of fictional sexual assault, fictional abuse of a disabled person, references to real life injury

This is a weird rambling thing, informed by my own experiences. I am a sexual assault survivor, but I am also a survivor of life threatening accident that left me entirely physically dependent on medical staff with a long recovery time. I am aware that this is not a pov a lot of people have, and it means I'm thinking about things a little differently.

If you haven't experienced the healing process from a life threatening injury, its hard to explain. But here are some thoughts.

So one of the things that I think is interesting about the fandom reaction to Curly is an odd thing I've seen. A fanwork thing where people write Curly as a victim of sexual assault by Jimmy where the result is that Curly is a more sympathetic victim, a 'real victim'.

This isn't all fiction exploring this, and this isn't stated in their texts, nevertheless, it's impossible to read otherwise.

And I get it, I get why people are exploring that as an option, as a concept. Maybe its revenge, maybe its more relatable, maybe it's simply because that's a fictional concept that they want to write. And that's a creator's prerogative. This isn't me criticising what people want to explore.

What bewilders me is that it makes me feel like people missed the hugely sexual implications of Jimmy's assault and continued violation of Curly's bodily autonomy. It's like, folks are you reading this right?

So Mouthwashing has textual sexual assault, it's right there, Anya is the victim of Jimmy's violence. He attempts to take away her life by crashing the ship, he attempts to remove any choice she has in what happens to her body after she reveals she is pregnant.

He does not care about her, it is pointed what a non-person she is in his eyes. He only cares about his reputation, his control over the situation, what people say about him. His job, his prospects, all of which are dependent on Curly.

And Mouthwashing has textual violation of a disabled person's bodily autonomy. Jimmy hurts Curly when forcing him to take his meds, beating him at one point, where in the end Curly is weeping.

A man who wants nothing but control, couldn't control Anya or Swansea or Daisuke despite his best(worst) efforts, but he has absolute control over everything with Curly. Curly is moved without his consent, touched without his consent, treated like an object, like food, tortured, and finally 'saved'...without his consent.

Without a voice other than cries of pain, or hissing laughter, Jimmy has the control he needs.

And look how his attitude changes towards Curly the more control he has over his body. When Anya is still around, he's swearing at him, beating him into needless submission. As the game progresses, Jimmy starts to hold Curly up as this object of salvation, as this vessel through which all of Jimmy's faults and guilt are washed away.

This focus, this obsession, the alternating between berating and violence and idolisation is subtextual in its sexuality. But it's there. Even when you move past the obvious mirror of violence of Jimmy standing over a helpless Curly in bed, hurting him, putting his hands on him.

We already know that Jimmy assaulted Anya while in her bed, she tells Curly this implicitly when she asks about the lack of locks on bedrooms.

What I find interesting about this all is that we do not see the violence Jimmy inflicted on Anya. We see the aftermath, we hear his words, and we see her reactions, but we do not see the act.

And its a very good and frank piece of storytelling, about the mundane horror of day-to-day life living with your abuser. We don't need to see the instigating act, the central piece of violence, because we are seeing everything else.

Whereas, this game is all about witnessing exactly the violence Jimmy inflicts on Curly, and contrasting it with the absolute indifference he has for Anya, his other victim. He fixates on Curly, he's got nothing in his head but Curly, and any other thought that tries to creep in, we watch turn into nightmares that he's desperate to run away from.

It's almost like watching Curly be brutalised is a stand in for the brutality that Anya experiences. Not as a revenge or anything, but as a story beat reminding you that this is happening, has happened, will happen again. Jimmy will always be hurting someone.

But what I think is fascinating is that there is this (I am not talking about shipping. This is not meta about shipping) almost romantic displacement of affection from Jimmy to Curly, shocking in its intensity to the same level of his disdain and apathy towards Anya.

It's a mirror of how Jimmy feels about himself. He views Anya as a failure, not competent, and that's how he is in reality. He puts all his failings on her, he lashes out at her, blames her for Curly's suffering, for his potential punishment.

He praises and berates Curly because he wants to be what Curly was. A respected captain, a person that people are happy to be around. But he berates Curly because Curly isn't what he views as his ideal self. Curly doesn't throw his weight around like Jimmy wants to, Curly is passive and a people pleaser. Jimmy doesn't respect him, even as he wants to be him. He doesn't respect Curly because of the the way Curly gives into him, supports him.

There are so many moments of desperate horror in this story but I keep being drawn back into the unending nightmare of Curly being dependant on people disintegrating around him

Anya withholds treatment, not maliciously, but she does, because it's too triggering for her. And then Jimmy steps in and it's always bad, even when he's not trying to make it so.

Curly lays there and sees the ramifications of his inaction, his cowardice and then is revictimised over and over, humiliated over and over.

The best chance of care he's got is a woman he fundamentally failed, harmed in unbelievable ways and is now being terrorised by the man who hurts them both and she keeps asking Jimmy to hurt him.

And he has to sit there as she does, as she eats the only things that are making his existence survivable, and he's responsible for it! He gets to watch the consequences of his inaction, he gets to lay there and watch a woman die and he doesn't get to do anything else except exist until Jimmy appears again , which is worst of all.

You don't get to pick your carers, at some point. Sometimes it's people you feel a burden too, or people you've hurt, in a hundred different ways. And sometimes it's people who've hurt you and still tell you how much you mean to them, how important you are to them, how much they love you. And they don't stop hurting you or other people and you. Cannot. Stop. Them.

[smuttykdrama]

[Hyunsu x Fem!Survivor!Reader / Sweet Home Season One]

Warnings: Depression, ED if you squint, Cha Hyunsu needs a hug, Self loathing, Eunhyuk is an ass in this, Kissing, Hyunsu is baby boy - .

Plot: You and Eunhyuk have been best friends for as long as you can remember, but your eyes are on Hyunsu. You comfort him as he goes through a hard time after going on missions for Eunhyuk.

Story under the cut!

"What does it matter to you if he's in pain or not? He's a monster who could turn at any time. He's in there to protect us."

Eunhyuk paced around outside Hyunsu's room he was confined in, scowling at you.

"(Y/N). This is my last warning. Don't get close to Cha Hyunsu. He'll only hurt you if he turns. I need to protect you-"

You sighed, angrily folding your arms, tears building up in your eyes. How could Eunhyuk, your best friend, be so cold towards another? Hyunsu was basically a prisoner in this place. They made him work all day and night exploring the building and fighting monsters, leaving him exhausted when he got back. At this point, you doubted that Eunhyuk even fed him or took care of his half healed wounds.

"Ya, Lee Eunhyuk, how could you be so thoughtless? Hyunsu has done nothing wrong. He's still human, like you and me! How could you lock him in that room and starve him?! Not to mention leaving him to heal by himself!"

You yelled furiously, really upset. You were the only one who dared approach Hyunsu, and you could tell he wasn't doing well mentally or physically.

"He isn't a human. He's a monster. I can't risk you getting hurt trying to fix him."

Eunhyuk stated calmly, unfazed by your outburst. He grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.

"I'm doing this for you. Feel this? My heart beats only for you, so why? Why are you so obsessed with Cha Hyunsu?"

His voice seethe with jealousy. Ah. So torturing Hyunsu was Eunhyuk's way of showing his jealousy. You always knew that Eunhyuk had a crush on you ever since middle school. But as you grew older, his attitude became more stoic and stern.

"I don't give a fuck about your little crush on me, Lee Eunhyuk. You've hurt my Hyunsu, and you're going to pay for it one day. Leave me. I'm going to see him and you can't stop me."

And with that, you walked away, entering Hyunsu's room. Eunhyuk was stunned and angered, but knee he couldn't stop you. You'd soon find out not to trust a monster. As you stepped inside, you softly called out,

"Hyunsu?"

He immediately recognised your voice and ran over to you like a lost puppy. His averting eyes and soft voice made your heart flutter. He rubbed his arm gently, mumbling.

"(Y-Y/N)? Oh...hi."

Hyunsu greeted, his head hanging low. You were appalled by the mere sight of him. He had torn clothes, bruises everywhere, half healed cuts, and looked genuinely exhausted.

"Hyunsu...how have you been?"

He looked down, gulping nervously.

"Fine.."

"Cha Hyunsu. You don't look fine...how long has it been, sweetheart?"

His head snapped up in confusion.

"How long since what?"

"How long since you've rested and had a meal?"

Hyunsu anxiously twiddled with his fingers, unable to keep still. Over the past week, you'd become someone very precious to him, ever since you'd stopped him from ending his life. He didn't want to tell you the truth. He didn't want you to worry about him...but Hyunsu knew that you'd find out eventually.

"Five days, noona..I haven't slept..the monster..it's hurting.."

He whispered sadly, unable to contain his depressed thoughts. He continued,

"I'm a monster. Monsters don't sleep or need food, right? And I'm In here because I'm a threat to everyone. Noona, it's dangerous, you should leave."

You were stunned; to see such a sweet person talking down on themselves felt extremely sad. Hyunsu's eyes filled with tears as he turned away from you, prompting you to move closer, until your front was completely up against his back. You back hugged him, snaking your hands around his waist.

"Hyunsu...you're not a monster. You're our savior, I can't imagine how exhausting this has been for you. To protect everyone. all while keeping a distance, unable to interact properly. I'm sorry about Eunhyuk and the others. They don't understand."

A tear slipped down his sunken cheek.

"Hyunsu - ah, I've brought you some food."

You said, breaking the hug and offering him some ramen. Hyunsu's eyes went wide as he saw the food. He was starving, but didn't want to trouble anyone anymore.

"I'm a monster. I won't die if I don't eat."

He stated simply, turning back around again.

"But..Hyunsu..that doesn't mean you won't feel hunger."

"I'll just...not eat..."

He insisted stubbornly. You sighed angrily and lifted his chin up with yoru hand suddenly.

"Cha Hyunsu. Eat. Eat or I'll force feed you. Then get some sleep. I'll lay with you."

You ordered him gently, but firmly, glaring into his eyes. He finally gave in, grabbing a few pieces of the ramen from you before retreating to his bed. You pulled up another chair and sat next to him, watching him consume the noodles. After a moment, he put down the bowl and turned to face you.

"Thank you, Noona...nobody else had bothered to visit me.."

Hyunsu got up from the makeshift bed and leaned over, placing a soft kiss on your cheek. Your face burned bright red as he shyly and softly kissed you.

"God, Hyunsu. Stay safe on your missions for Eunhyuk, okay? You're mine. And I don't want you hurting what's mine."

Hyunsu could've died. You. his Noona...liked him? Even if he was a depressed, tired monster, you accepted him.

"O-okay..."

Hyunsu smiled, taking your hand in his. You ruffled his hair.

"Good boy."

Eunhyuk stares at the door.

[f3mme-f4tale]

☾ bound by bloodshed ☾

part one

part two ⇢ word count: 3.4k potential warnings: none really this chapter, except for minor mentions of violence, language, and alcohol. just as a reminder, there will be mentions of blood and gore, sexual content, dark thoughts, violence against women, cannibalism, body horror, and torture later on pairing: seattle!ellie x female reader ☾ mood board

A crash exploded outside on the streets, catching both young women off guard, a few people pounding on the door for shelter. The door remained locked, agonizing screams flooding the streets. They both approached a high window in the far corner, peering out of the grimy glass to see that a pipe bomb must have gone off where a group were traversing. Bodies were strewn about, limbs mangled, and various shades of blood splattered across once barren brick buildings. Chunks of cement mixed with the inner workings of bodies, creating a rancid cloying odor. Fucking hunters.

Eager for action, the adrenaline coursing through Ellie moved her body towards the adversity. Your heart raced. You couldn't help but be awed by the sheer violence of the hunters, especially their thirst for action and their gleeful attitude in the face of such gruesome brutality. You turned away from the window abruptly, feeling disgusted with the cruelty of man. You and Ellie had fought your fair share of hunters, but seeing them hurt even the most vulnerable of people just for the fun of it made them both sick.

Ellie nearly doubled over at the sight herself, despite her own high kill count. A little girl was scratching intensely at shrapnel that invaded her small stomach, its contents nearly spilling out of her. Ellie assumed the older boy lying beside her must have been her brother, whose chest cavity had been ripped open and throat chewed to shreds. A man – a beast – was eyeing the sight from afar with crimson dripping from his mouth. Ellie’s companion soon joined her alongside the outside of the dilapidated building. The explosion alerted any infected in the area of the commotion, a man agonizingly crying for his mom sending the aforementioned beast, a runner, directly for him. You aimed your weapon towards the infected, Ellie pushing it down. 

“He won’t make it regardless,” she says, referring to the battered nature of his legs, pulverized to a pulp. You both remained hidden within the confines of shrubbery, a few more infected alerting their incoming presence with shrieks, ominous clicking noises accompanying distant gunfire. The rest of the group of fateful travelers came barreling through the remnants of the explosion. 

The two women remained silent and still, their backs pressed up against the prickly shrubbery as they listened to the infected getting closer and closer. Their breaths were slow and steady, neither wanting to make any noise that might draw the infected to them. You couldn't help but think how cruel the world had become, that people had to live in this constant state of fear.

Eventually, after the infected had finished off the remaining survivors and the hunters had decimated the last clicker – Ellie shifted her position to get a better view of the carnage, her body stiff and her fists clenched tightly. She couldn't help but feel a mixture of rage and strange admiration for the brutality of the hunters. A coldness seeped into her soul, these hunters showing no remorse for what they had done. She motioned for you to flank the other side of the building, the hunters beginning to spread out to search for any remaining stragglers. Nodding in agreement, the hunters' heavy footsteps and breathing permeated the air. 

You hid behind a dumpster, waiting for your target to come further down the alleyway. You couldn't help but feel a chill in your bones, your heartbeat pounding hard in your chest. Your eyes were locked onto the target, the hunter coming into view. Taking a deep breath, you steady your aim. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ellie use her switchblade to cut her opponent's neck silently, his cries muffled by the congealing liquid around his neck. Once you released the trigger, stealth would no longer be an option.

You were eager to demonstrate your skill with a gun, as this newer assigned patrolling schedule had you paired with Ellie – someone who is notoriously known for climbing the ranks quickly. You knew each other through Dina, which you were pretty sure Ellie had a crush on despite the other woman being in an on-again off-again relationship with a man. Getting Ellie to talk about any portion of her personal life outside of surface level topics was like pulling teeth. 

With a final glance at your friend, you then released the trigger, sending the bullet straight into a hunters neck. He immediately collapsed, his body lying lifeless on the ground. The few remaining hunters began shouting orders to one another, chaos once again enfolding. You ducked inside the building, taking advantage of a smashed window to gain a better vantage point.  In a hurry to reload your pistol, you accidentally drop a few shells on the ground, the clattering of the ammo echoing through the building. 

Ellie had made her way towards the site of the explosion, a large piece of cement aiding as her shield from enemy fire. The heat of missed bullets pulsed against her skin, her breathing becoming uneven. She kept her attention focused on an individual flanking her, throwing a glass bottle to distract the incoming attack. You took out the woman shooting at Ellie with two bullets to the chest and one to the knee. As the final hunter studied the remains of his comrades, the brunette knocked him over by the blunt end of her pistol, sending him doubling over. Utilizing her switchblade as leverage, she pushed her enemy against the wall of the dilapidated building, but not before the hunter slashed Ellie’s arm with a piece of the broken bottle. The cold steel of the switchblade wove its way through the hunter’s leather breastplate, piercing the harsh skin and cracking against the skeleton. Warm, dark blood festered from the wound. 

"You alright?" You ask, reloading your gun and nudging Ellie's shoulder. Ellie snaps her head over to you, staring at you a bit irritated.

"I'm fine," she mumbles, wiping her switchblade on her jeans before storing it into her back pocket. She gripped her left forearm tight, her fingers coming away copper.  

"God, what crawled up your ass," you reply under your breath, rolling her eyes. Swinging your bag off your shoulder, you dump out half of its contents. Ellie gave another irritated response. Although her voice is stern and cold, you  can still hear the exhaustion and frustration in Ellies’ voice.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she reiterates, struggling to pull a moderately clean bandage around the wound. 

"Quit acting so macho," you scold, successfully retrieving a bottle of alcohol from the bag. You screw off the top and douse a cleaner rag, waiting for Ellie to give in. Ellie's eyes soften and she sighs deeply, finally accepting the help. She carefully pulls back her sleeve, exposing her bloody wound. You press the rag firmly against Ellie’s arm, trying your best despite your own limited medical knowledge. "Well, I'm no doctor, but I think you're going to live." Ellie snickers quietly, her mood beginning to lighten a bit. 

"I hope so." She replies, shifting in place from the rag's pressure against her wound. She sighs and finally laughs. You help her roll an ace bandage around her arm to stop the bleeding and keep it clean. 

"You're bleeding a bit too," Ellie says, her voice coming off as slightly concerned. You glance down at the red line on your abdomen, not noticing its presence until Ellie mentions it. Its presence catches you off guard, and you quickly glance back up at her. You feel your heart beginning to race again at her sudden switch in demeanor, though it's quickly interrupted by a sudden shooting pain that quickly fades into a dull soreness. Your hands pull up the bottom of your shirt, revealing the supple skin garnished with a shallow flesh wound. 

You can feel Ellie's eyes on you with a slight hint of suspicion, which causes a slight urge to impress her to bubble up within you. You're unsure of how to go about it, but you can't help but try to look completely unconcerned about the injury. The pain isn't too bad, and the wound looks more superficial than anything, or at least that's what you're trying to make it look like. Pushing the shirt back down, you try to make light of the situation by using a bit of humor, hoping it'll distract her from questioning the situation too much.

“C'mon," you motion back towards the forest with her head. "Let's finish patrol and then get back to Jackson. Jesse is gonna flip that he missed a hoard.” Ellie chuckles again and nods, although you can feel her eyes continue to narrow, searching your face for any hint of deception. 

"Only because he made that stupid bet about kill count," she finally replies, standing up and collecting her stuff.

"Got any plans when we get back?" you ask, pulling your backpack back on and putting your gun away. Ellie shakes her head. "Nope. I'll probably just hit the sack," she sighs, shrugging her shoulders. 

“No movie night with Joel?” you ask tentatively, knowing it's a sore subject. Ellie glances away for a second. She shakes her head again, although much more reluctantly. “You’re going to have to talk to him sometime Els.” Her expression immediately darkens, glaring at you. 

“Thanks for the reminder,” she mumbles. It’s obvious she’s suppressing a lot of strong emotions. Her cheeks flush and her breaths grow shaky and quick. You keep quiet, instantly regretting treading that line. You both make your way to where the horses are stowed deeper in the forest, away from signs of ruined civilization. Ellie mounts Shimmer as you struggle untangling the reins of a pinto gelding fittingly called Dawn. It isn’t until the two of you are hours past the hunter site and several feet from the Jackson gate that Ellie suddenly dismounts her horse and stops to look at you. “I’m sorry for getting mad.” She apologizes, voice soft, her tone still hinting at lingering irritation. 

“I get it, if it’s any consolation,” you begin, reaching forward to pet Dawn. “At least partially.” Ellie frowns, knowing she really doesn’t.

“Whatever,” She manages, heading back towards the gate. You sigh and rub your fingers against your forehead, dismounting and following your friend. 

“Well, if you want to come over, I’m sure Dina would love to see you,” You offer, trying to push past the awkwardness. Ellie stiffens a bit, shrugging. “I have booze too.” She doesn’t respond, but doesn’t break away from you either after returning your weapons to the armory. Ellie’s expression hints at something on her mind, but she doesn't address it. The pair talk to a few of the council members about the details of their patrol and the unexpected ambush. 

"Dina? Jesse?" You call out upon entering the front door of your shared accommodation, waiting to hear a response. There's a few seconds of muffled whispers before Dina walks out of the kitchen. Her and Jesse were clearly arguing about something, but they paused when they noticed the pair by the front door. 

"How was patrol?" Dina asks nonchalantly, despite the irritated look on Jesse’s face.

"Well, I plan on getting sloshed. Joining?" You raised your eyebrows.

“That bad, huh?” Dina replies. Dina and Jesse share a brief look, still having some tension between them. The two of them give a simultaneous shrug, seeming to agree that it's alright. "Sure. Why not," Dina finally answers.

"Fuck yeah!" you cheer, setting your bag down by the door and making your way to the small kitchen. Jesse gives Ellie a side hug, which Ellie seems to laugh at. The pair's playful banter seems to ease the tension a little. You smile softly at them and then begin your quest to find said booze, Dina hovering over her shoulder. 

"I could use a few shots right now," Dina says.

"Of course my queen, I shall acquire said beverages," you jokingly mock a British accent.

"My hero." Dina replies, feigning a dramatic tone. She then glances over at Jesse, who's struggling to hide a laugh. After a moment, you turn to Dina, the playful manner quickly diminished.

"You two alright?" you whisper, Dina eyeing your hand wrapping around a dusty, but quality, bottle of bourbon. 

“Oh,” Dina sighs, “We’re fine. Just the same old, same old.” You shrug in response, sensing Dina’s wish to drop the subject. 

"M'lady" you say, bowing slightly and offering Dina a glass of the dark liquid, doing the same for Jesse – which earns a snort – and then to Ellie, who hesitates to take the shot, but nods nonetheless when she sees everyone else do so. "And of course," you finally raise your own shot glass, knocking shoulders with Jesse. "One for the squire herself," You finish, before downing the drink.

"M'lady, might I suggest cocktails?" You raise an eyebrow at Dina, willing her to go along with the bit. 

“Only if my faithful knight joins in on the fun,” She replies, matching the exaggerated accent and blowing a kiss at Jesse. He bows before her. 

“Ah yes, your brave, strong knight,” you look over to Jesse and Ellie. “And what say you, knight?” You gesture to Ellie, who rolls her eyes at the implication. 

“Hey!” Jesse quips, his ego wounded by the insinuation. 

“Quiet now, lapdog,” She says to Jesse, barely keeping her amusement contained. He recovers after a few seconds and tries to compose himself before speaking in a mockingly annoyed tone. 

"I am her most loyal servant, and I will do whatever my queen commands of me."

“Ah, yes, yes. Very well,” you continued, fumbling around for a few mason jars hiding within the confines of the makeshift pantry. “The options are dandelion wine or dandelion wine,” you suggest, holding up two jars and dropping the accent. Ellie glances between the jars and sighs jokingly, "Ugh, such a wide variety of choices."

“You try haggling more out of Eugene,” you scold, heart swelling at the comradery once again being restored between you two – at least temporarily. When Ellie picks up the jar, her fingers graze yours for longer than necessary as she takes the drink. An involuntary sigh escapes her as she swallows the first sip of the tart liquid, and you catch a glimpse of her throat as its muscles flex.

The action sends your breath catching in your throat, your heart skipping a beat at a very simple gesture. Then she takes another sip, looking away from you with the corner of her lips curling up slightly. You're taken aback by the sudden shift in her manner, and you have to take a few deep breaths to not give away how affected by it you are.

She leans back against the counter and rests her elbows against the countertop, your eyes seem to brighten at the movement, Ellie catching the way your gaze settles on her arms. Her eyebrows raise in a subtle hint of a dare, her attention fixed on you as if she was waiting for your response.

Before you can respond, Dina's voice breaks the intense moment, her voice full of amusement. "You two gonna keep staring at each other or can I get my drink already?" she asks jokingly, causing both of you to blush in embarrassment. You try to suppress a grin as Ellie lets out a small chuckle, though she still can't seem to look away from you.

⭒⭒⭒⭒

Ellie's restless energy is palpable, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the couch as she gathers her courage to broach the subject weighing heavily on her mind. It’s the next day and she’s been on edge ever since she overheard Tommy talking to a few people on the council about the run in from the hunters the other day. 

“Hey, Joel?” she voices, glancing over to where he is sitting at the dining table reading a book. He dogears the page he’s on and shifts his position to look at her fully. 

“What’s up kiddo?” he asks, giving her a small smile. His expression is a blend of curiosity and concern, silently urging her to continue.

“I uh, I overheard Tommy earlier,” she starts, chewing on her bottom lip. She knew how Joel would react and her stomach sat unsettled at the impending argument. “I know that he’s assigning a group to go scout further out, to make sure those hunters aren’t regrouping.”

“Let me guess: you want on board?” He questions her, his clear apprehension only serves to fuel Ellie's simmering frustration.

“There's this old abandoned military base about a couple days' journey from here. I heard rumors from some travelers passing through that it might still have some untouched stockpiles of medical supplies and ammunition,” she tries to reason. “They’re probably hiding there.” Ellie's patience wears thin, her frustration bubbling to the surface as she bristles against Joel's attempts to control her.

“That sounds risky, Ellie. Military bases are usually crawling with infected,” the older man remains unmoved, his resolve unwavering as he struggles to reconcile his fears with Ellie's desire for independence. “Let's say I agree to this crazy plan of yours. How do you propose we make it there and back safely?”

“I've been studying the maps and planning out the route! I figure if we stick to the backroads and avoid major settlements, we should be able to minimize our chances of running into trouble,” she argues. Her hands are waving all around in the air, her determination physically seeping out of her. “You don't get to decide what I can handle.” Joel's defenses crumble under the weight of her accusation, his shoulders slumping in resignation.

“Alright, Ellie,” he sighs, running a hand over his face. “I’ll talk to Tommy. If things start to go south, I want you to turn back and come straight home, understood?” She gives him a curt nod, relief flooding her system, unable to shake the feeling of suffocation that comes with being constantly sheltered. With a nod, Joel returns to his book, though his mind remains preoccupied with thoughts of Ellie's safety.

“Dina and Jesse going with? What about your new patrol partner?” he asks, flipping a page. He no longer is looking at Ellie, but she can feel his judgment radiating from across the room. 

“I don’t have to go everywhere with them…” Ellie mumbles, back to mindlessly drawing circles onto the couch. She knows he won’t budge on this though, she was already pushing her luck. The silence between them makes Ellie feel uncomfortable, an unease creeping up her back. 

“Oh c’mon, you’re smarter than that Ellie,” Joel speaks up with a gentle reminder, his attention drifting back to his book. Ellie's face is flush with anger and resentment, even though she knows he's not trying to be patronizing. His voice holds a subtle edge though that she can't help but feel as a jab at her. She’s sick of every single interaction turning into a tense back and forth that leaves her exhausted. Joel remains silent, unaware of her mounting frustrations.

Joel finally sets down his book, giving up on trying to get through the chapter, meeting Ellie's gaze with a subtle nod. He takes a deep breath and sighs, his shoulders dropping a little as the strain releases from his back. "Look, I trust you know what you're doing," he says, sounding much calmer and more genuine than she's used to from him.

Ellie stares at him blankly, unsure of what he's referring to. She knows he's not talking about her ability to hunt or take care of herself, and for some reason, she's irritated by it. His trust feels like a slap in the face, almost as if he's implying she needed his approval to do anything. She clenches her jaw and forces herself to remain silent, swallowing the words of defiance on her tongue.

Joel sighs once again, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms as he gazes out the window. Ellie holds her breath, watching the small cracks of sunlight reflecting off the snow that blankets the trees outside. There are no words exchanged for several moments, neither of them wanting to be the one to initiate conversation. Ellie is almost glad for his silence. The soft hum of the space heater, the sound of their breathing, and the gentle breeze outside are comforting. She wants to just forget about whatever just happened between them, as she's sure Joel can tell.

a/n: hi all! i've been sitting on this idea for while and i'm still apprehensive about it. i haven't read a lot of darker ellie fics and i dont really know if people would be interested in it. any feedback is appreciated it :)

[lost-inanotherlife]

Lost S1 Rewatch after 20 years - scattered thoughts

Charlie is creepy as fuck. He's extremely volatile and while I understand that he's going through recovery and that's certainly tough on anybody, let alone a plane-crush survivor stranded on a crazy island, I still read his behavior towards Claire and, to a lesser extent, Hurley, kinda creepy and not-cool weird.

Justice for Shannon. Let's give her credit for impromptu translating from French into English while everybody gives her shit because she's not sure whether she can do it or not and doesn't want to mess up. Sorry if she's just a normie human being and not a highly-trained torturer or a crafty confidence man. Yeah, we should apologize to her.

Not looking for Claire was a dick move. The girl is about to give birth in 1-2 weeks, gets abducted by a someone who infiltrated the survivors, tried to murder Charlie and is now possibly hiding with Claire in the jungle... for almost a week? And people be like: well, I guess shit happens, amirite? It irks me a lot, ngl.

The structure of the episodes, the command of narrative techniques, the use of very specific and recurrent symbols... superb writing. Yes, there are some minor mistakes, some inconsistencies and some stuff that I personally don't like and yet... After 20 year this season still EATS.

After 20 years I still hate the "Love Triangle" trope. I hated it 20 years ago and things haven't changed, maybe they even got worse. Yes, I'm referring to the Kate-Jack-Saywer of it all. I used to ship Kate and Jack but, upon rewatching s1, I find that Jack is sometimes a bit of a dick towards Kate while Kate unnecessarily keeps doing these little manipulations when it's clear as day that Jack's got it bad for her and she already has him wrapped around her finger. I like that Kate and Saywer immediately clock each other as outcasts and outlaws and flirt their way around it but I think Kate dumps on him the same attitude Jack dumps on her and I'm like "please leave my man James out of your little machinations to play the doctor, thank you".

Speaking of, I know that a queer watsonian reading of Lost is... well, I don't want to say "impossible" because nothing is, but it is not an easy feat. Having said that, my headcanon is that Jack and Sawyer are the real soullmates, their chemistry is off the charts. I know that they've created these two cishet characters exuding straightness from every pore but there's so much of that between the two of them that it actually circles back to being very queer when they interact.

[mllemaenad]

As I trudge my poor 76 Resident (Tessa!) through the Mire portion of Fallout 76's main quest, up to her knees in sludge and forever running from enemies that prefer melee combat ... I am reminded how intensely I dislike Vault 76's overseer.

Specifically, this is what's pissing me off at the moment:

Overseer: Overseer's log. Free States Bunker. Sam Blackwell and Raleigh Clay. Those damn traitors and their secessionists turned their backs on America to form their "Free States." Concrete bunkers. You'd never get that past a Vault-Tec Radiation Proofing inspection, that's for sure. Sounds like they let go of their paranoia long enough to seek out help from the other survivors. Just have to hack this terminal. See what they left behind in there, and what they wanted to do. – Overseer's log, Free States Bunker, Fallout 76

Lady. What the actual fuck are you talking about? They were right! The Free Staters were right. Vault-Tec was lying about the purpose of the Societal Preservation Program! Most of the people who went into vaults died horribly! There are dead vaults present in this actual game! There actually was a shadow government barrelling inexorably towards nuclear war, and only preparing for the survival of its members! In the world of Fallout, these are not wild conspiracies – they're actual events for which you can find evidence.

No shit the bunkers wouldn't have passed a Vault-Tec inspection. No secret nozzles to spray poison or disease on the hapless vault dwellers, no microphones to spy on their conversations, no secret labs or torture chambers, no weird list of rules they must follow or die – I mean, what were they thinking just surviving like that? Just eight-to-ten concrete rooms that turned out to be completely adequate at keeping out radiation thank you very much.

And she bloody knew this stuff! Part of her backstory is that she broke off her engagement because if she was married she'd have to be overseer of Vault 101 (an experimental vault that would have left her trapped underground for the rest of her life), and if she wasn't she could get a cushy job in a control vault.

Granted, she's making the recording as she enters Abbie's bunker. She would not have all the details on how involved the Free Staters were in combating the Scorched plague and attempting to stabilise Harper's Ferry. But calling people who accurately assessed the state of the pre-war world paranoid traitors is a fascinating choice.

It's not that I actually think these attitudes are surprising in a Vault-Tec employee. Yep. That does sound like how they'd think. It's just that I am reminded that I'm going to have to bite the bullet eventually and go do quests with her ... and I am looking forward to that even less than I am getting mobbed by the next group of radtoads that decides poor Tessa looks like breakfast.

[leprosycock]

in your Ludwig deep dive post you said you hate Blaire, why? I don't feel like looking her up, and I like how you write

a lot of reasons. i guess "hate" is a strong word, but she is a self-pitying narcissist who constantly complains on her main that she has no friends and nobody listens to her and she's too anxious to fly and everything sucks and the whole world sucks and everyone should feel sorry for her because she is one of the most tortured people alive as an incredibly rich z-list celebrity. one of her best (and only) friends, maya h1ga, was caught harboring a predator and advising a survivor of sa to sit down and shut up and qt only dropped her for a few weeks because she was making her look bad and the second that people seemed to forget that maya had done anything wrong, qt took her back and immediately resumed their weekly podcast (which makes fucking 50k a MONTH on patreon, mind you. PER MONTH). she has a history of being incredibly unstable, cruel, and vitriolic towards other creators, particularly other women, who usurp her in a match or a speedrun or just happen to show her up in any way. she dismisses all criticism against her as sexist.

she has said many times that she actively hates being a content creator, but it makes her tons of money, so she won't stop doing it, even though she also constantly complains about it. she was a full-time baker before she started streaming and because she refuses to go get a real job again, she makes it everyone else's problem, which is endlessly frustrating. (the stuff that she makes on stream is also generally awful but that's just kind of funny.) she needs to make several thousand dollars a week so she can buy a week's worth of taylor swift tickets (which she went to while having covid). she flaunts her wealth to excess and that just kind of bothers me.

another thing she does that frustrates me to no end is that she will consistently insert herself in the middle of drama that has legitimately nothing to do with her in any capacity and she will side with the bigger person who she knows will get praised and defended and heard by their audience, so she has absolutely nothing to lose by picking a side even when she thrusts herself into unnecessary conflict with total abandon. it's confusing and infuriating and i don't know why she does this other than to farm engagement.

another thing she does to farm engagement is use big names to pull in audiences for her channel. she insists on hosting events on her platform and her platform ALONE, refusing to let other people stream events that include them on THEIR channels, because she thinks this will steal her ad revenue. she also refuses to let other ccs show the streamer awards on their channels because SHE needs that money and ALL OF IT SHOULD GO TO HER. as someone who already basks in crazy amounts of money from her podcast, she really doesn't need to fucking do this and she does it anyway because she is self-obsessed.

that's generally why i dislike her. she rubs me the wrong way and i don't like the attitude that people can only dislike her because wahman and streamer gf. there are very legitimate grievances with her and dismissing them out of hand doesn't do anyone any favors

[yallemagne]

Whenever I see people on the hate train against Jonathan -- it doesn't seem as common nowadays, but they're apparently still alive and roaring in their circles jiogep -- it's soooo funny how they use Mina as a scapegoat for their anti-Jonathan rhetoric but can't think of a solution to Mina being "overshadowed" other than... erasing Jonathan from the narrative and/or replacing him with a new guy. They don't share this attitude toward Van Helsing though, which I find curious. I mean, perhaps they have some bitterness towards the guy, but never have I seen them speak on that... nope, it's just vitriol for Jonathan.

This is a rant.

A lot of people like Jonathan. Sure, sue us. And there is generally a problem with female characters being less prioritized in fandoms than their male counterparts. But the cultural impact of a few tumblr users calling Jonathan Harker their blorbo will never stand a chance against the wider interpretation of Van Helsing.

All of Mina's accomplishments and ideas are attributed to VH in many adaptations and readings, and she gets pushed to the side and downgraded into a screaming damsel who, in the worst cases, is depicted as encouraging Dracula's sexual crimes. Mina isn't the only victim of this flanderization, all the protagonists in Dracula are often dumped for the sake of raising up Sexy Tortured Hunky Helsing, but it's especially offensive to see this highly intelligent and resourceful female character have all her intellectualism stripped and given to an older male character. In fact, the very older male character who endangered her life because he doubted her mind and infantilized her!! The irony hurts!!

Now, I am pissed that the vast majority of people will always see VH as the ultimate champion against Dracula and view Mina as nothing more than a wayward virgin in the devil's clutches, but I don't direct that anger toward Van Helsing and get pissy any time I see him. But people who are still furious that love for Jonathan Harker exists do precisely that to Jonathan. And when I try to figure out why VH is not attacked with such venom but Jonathan is... it doesn't look good, chief.

In general, an older, accomplished man with a lot of say in group decisions against a younger, inexperienced man with little say in group decisions. An enforcer of gender roles against a challenger of gender roles. A man who said to Mina's face that he doubted her intelligence against a man who eagerly kissed her when she displayed her skills in deduction... Who is the evil gigachad? Truly neither of them, but I hope this illustrates my point. VH's authority and sexist beliefs are already a bit of an obstacle for Mina (one she thankfully overcomes) and yet her supportive husband is seen as the problem. Not because he's not supportive enough, but he's just too charismatic.

You don't need to write Jonathan out of the story to put more focus on Mina. Bram didn't feel the need to do that when he summarized his entire novel as being about Mina's gallant bravery, so why would you? Unless maybe... it isn't wanting more focus on Mina as a female character but rather a call for less focus on Jonathan as a male survivor of assault.

It's incredibly telling when they go beyond erasing Jonathan and actually replace Jonathan with a new man that their problem isn't that Mina's supposedly being overshadowed by her male love interest, it's that Mina's male love interest is not an overbearing hypermasculine figure. Mina, who had an equal partnership from the beginning, is told "nonono, you have to get with an awful man... and transform him into an okay husband". I don't know about you, but that does not sound like putting Mina at the forefront whether that new man is an OC, a character from another novel, or Dracula himself. That sounds more like twisting her into being the catalyst for an awful man's character growth. WHICH WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH OF IN FICTION.

And hey, lissen, you can read and write as many reimaginings of Beauty and the Beast AU Dracula as you want, but stop lying and claiming it's for Mina's sake, like fuck dude, your taste in men is not Mina's, she much prefers her gothic heroine of a husband over your saviour complex nonsense.

[bluehawkdustorm]

Y'all notice that each Space of the Shatterverse focusses on one of the core cast (respectively: Tails, Amy, Knuckles)

and then we have Eggman, split into five ironic 'aspects' (not four!), all in one place somehow, not appearing in any of the other worlds,

Shadow occupying the void,

and each of the ShatterSpaces focusses on an ironic reversal of that character's core emotional traits?

Amy, best known for melting the hearts of robots and trauma-fuelled Dark'ness The Edgy Hedgehogs for the sake of All Of The People On That Planet, becomes Thorn Rose, who condemns her friends to a slow death instead of having a conversation.

Knuckles, whose life (and attitude to it) are defined by his duties, becomes Dread, whose life choices, gags, and serious moments alike showcase his total lack of responsibility.

Tails, whose conflicts have always centered on his loyalty and his struggle for independence, becomes Nine, a hyperindependent survivor who repeatedly recreates his own worst traumas by perpetuating the cycles of distrust and betrayal.

What's more, the ShatterSpaces they come from are no accident, and seem to be a kind of subconscious monkey's-paw-esque wish fulfilment, designed to torture each ShatterSpace's "anchor" with their best nightmares.

Nine's hyperindependent genius excels in a world of machines and metal, where he both can and *must* be invisible amongst his peers, can and *must* create high-tech solutions for high-tech problems. Yet he hates New Yoke City and everything about it, longing for a quiet, lonely escape like his workshop, or (better yet) the Grim.

Thorn fashions herself as nature's ("the Green's") protector, devastated that people disrespect nature and "take". How interesting that The Friends mirror Eggman's usual role here; he's always been the industrialism to Sonic & friends's "eco-terrorism", and if the ShatterSpaces are a twisted form of wish fulfilment, wouldn't Amy have wished for nature to win? But Amy is a giver, so something deeper gets in there: friendships that demand she keep giving until she snaps, and snap Thorn does, a single, impulsive choice that threatens to isolate her forever.

Dread gets a ship instead of an island -- a vehicle he can steer toward whatever he wants, instead of an anchor whose protection demands that he want for nothing. But with the world open to him, Dread retreats and hides in decadence, afraid to face the one thing he wants most.

... and Shadow occupies the void, because of course he does.

[cogentranting]

Ok jokes aside, here's what's interesting about the end of season 3 arc with Jack.

When the other survivors start thinking that maybe Jack has switched sides and is with the Others now, the thing is that that's plausible. Not so much that he would switch sides on them-- Jack would never-- but the idea that he might take a stance that's more neutral than his people are comfortable with, to have a truce with the others, that's within the realm of possibility. Because Jack can be very level-headed, very pragmatic. So for a while it seems to make sense that Jack has gotten overly comfortable with the Others. After all, Jack had the easiest time during the period of captivity. He's inside, he's getting real meals brought to him, they're trying to win his trust so they're communicating with him, no one hurts him. Yes he's a prisoner, and yes he knows that they're using him and threatening him, but when you compare that to Sawyer (who definitely had the worst time): Sawyer's in an animal cage outside, he's forced to do physical labor, he gets beaten, tortured and nearly executed, and unless I'm mistaken he's subsisting the whole time on just water and fish biscuits. Then you add on to that the fact that Jack was able to strike a deal with the Others to get off the Island, and they take him back to the barracks and let him stay in an actual house and move around relatively freely. The idea that he might have softened in his attitude toward them feels within the realm of possibility.

And then they flip the script. You find out that just the opposite is true. If anything, Jack is probably dealing with that time in captivity worse than Sawyer and Kate. Jack didn't just let it go that they kidnapped him, threatened him and his friends, and kept it in a cage. Jack Shephard has never let anything go in his life. But in the aftermath of Ben's surgery, a flip switches and Jack's actions become much more calculating. And no one suspects this because, while Jack often keeps secrets about what he's planning, he usually makes no secret about how he's feeling. But this time, as soon as Kate and Sawyer are safe, Jack buries his anger. Hides it away. And in the aftermath of the sub blowing up, he puts on a face like it's all water under the bridge while all the time plotting to escalate things and go to war against the Others. And we really see what's been driving all that in the moment when Sayid tells Jack to lead the group to the radio tower instead of being the one to stay behind to shoot the dynamite, and Jack bursts out with this rage that he should get to be the one to spring the trap because he "owes them".

It's Jack reaching this boiling point, not just after being kidnapped and held prisoner and having the woman he loves threatened, but also just after 3 months of leading this group while the Others have hunted and toyed with them. Earlier in the season they said that Jack was a leader and a great man but that that made him lonely and angry and scared. And that's what we see come out in the last couple episodes of the season. Jack leading but it leaving him lonely and angry and scared. And that leadership and those emotions are so wrapped up in and around each other that its hard to tell if this is a high or low for Jack in his larger arc. Is this Jack who has been separated from his people and unable to lead them all season finally stepping back into that role as he needs to and stepping to actively protect them-- Jack getting to fully embrace his role as leader after being separated for a time? Or is it Jack so thrown off by his own anger and fear that he's starting down the path that will prove to be his biggest mistake? Is the flashforward in the season finale-- which is undoubtedly a glimpse of Jack's absolute lowest point-- a contrast to his return to leadership, or the inevitable consequence of the steps he takes on the Island?

[bitterarcs]

Turbulent dreams were reserved those with working hearts and souls —  and as everyone knew, ShinRa employees contained no soul nor a consciousness. Reno did not linger on his past. The past deserved to stay where it belonged, wisdom carried by people traumatized by it the most. The mind willed what it willed, and if Reno even bothered to linger on the thought, he imagined his childhood was tormented with dreams instead of nightmares when long days tumbled into slumber. People only had nightmares when they had something to fear, and the only thing the redhead had feared as being awake and alive.

Slumber was an escape where imagination took him far from Midgar where the stars were clear and the sea was beautiful. This was, of course, idle thought for Reno most certainly did not think about his past too closely. Despite the things screamed at him by terrorists and civilians harboring fear and hatred towards ShinRa, he slept perfectly well! Even drunk, even after a rough mission landing him with a smattering of injuries, he slept like a content dog. Slumber was either dreamless or brimming with dreams, however he could recall when working for ShinRa brought forth a night of tossing and turning.

The guilt he had heard so much about. Completing the mission and following orders were the backbone of being a Turk ( and a ShinRa employee in general ). Even if it cost your limb, even if you had to murder your family —  orders were orders. Turks lived and died to their loyalty to the company, yet in the wake of Sephiroth’s unhinged treatment of Nibelheim, Reno did discover a moral compass was hidden inside of him the entire time. The things he had witnessed and the things he had done himself . . they were gruesome. What did it matter then that Sephiroth went mental, and what did it matter that Hojo intended on either killing the survivors or torturing them?

It mattered. His morality could turn a blind eye to the torture of people for information, but the sadism in the Professor’s eyes chilled him to the core. He felt disgusted in ways that reminded him of his childhood; he loathed it. SOLDIER would have never been what it was without Professor Hojo’s work, yet how could ShinRa employ such a vile person? He disliked questioning ShinRa, for it threatened to unravel his psyche. So, Reno didn’t. He was more than alleviated when his fellow Turks refused to follow through the orders. The following nights, however, when their asses weren’t being reamed for disobeying, were stormy. Eyes shut and mind did not find rest.

Images of dismembered bodies, burning patients, and Hojo’s lips turned up in a salacious manner haunted his private time. Fuck the imagination. Rude nor any other Turk divulged if they, too, had nightmares, so Reno kept his mouth shut. The Turks worked and they worked hard. Exhausted expression and sand-paper attitude were blamed on the severity of the work ahead of them. He dreaded his body’s natural desire to sleep . . to pass out when he withdrew from it for more than two nights. Reno didn’t want it. He didn’t want the guilt, the morality, the nightmares. An AVALANCHE member would have surely taken delight in the turmoil, maybe even hope a Turk would betray the Electric Company. Betrayal, of course, did not come nor did mind even conjure it. It was just another week working for ShinRa. The nightmares died off soon enough.

                             🔃  137   — nightmares.  @poeticphoenix​​                                                                   (   is this a love confession, genesis ??  )

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

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Disclaimer

[sexhaver]

bairnsidhe makes a point of grouping atheist "white men" separately from atheist "queer people, immigrants, trauma survivors, etc". Can you think of any circumstances where these categories might not be mutually exclusive? If so, how do these circumstances undermine the rest of bairnsidhe's analysis?

What tone is bairnsidhe's first paragraph written in? What tone is the second one written in? What do these tone choices tell us about bairnsidhe's attitude towards these respective types of atheists?

What was the rhetorical goal behind bairnsidhe using the "voice" of a white male atheist to refer to being tortured in the fires of Hell for eternity as "one (1) single consequence"?

BONUS (+5): Can you spot any parallels to the "noble savage" trope we covered last class in bairnsidhe's characterizations of minorities as emotional and white men as rational?

Based on the first and last sentences of their addition, what do you think forrestchyld's attitude towards white male atheists is?

When forrestchyld refers to "respecting those who practice religion in a proper way", what do they mean by that? Do you think they would entertain the idea of "respecting those who do not practice any religion"? Support your answer with evidence from question 5 above.

The thing about the religion post is how people defending the original bairnsidhe comment are just incapable of reading tone, apparently. I mean the bairnsidhe post is *clearly* sneering at people whose atheism comes from "I don't think gods exist actually" and ascribing sympathetic motivations to ~minority~ atheists (which don't have all that much to do with atheism but whatever). They're not hiding their contempt, it's the entire point of that post.

And then these people are like "Where in that post does it imply that "the only valid reason for atheism was religious trauma""

i know we like to joke about how people on here with bad takes have no reading comprehension but that reply is the purest example of it i've seen to date. im gonna start putting open ended responses after especially bad posts as a public service

[oneshortdamnfuse]

I think the reason people call Billy homophobic is because people automatically couple racism and homophobia when these two forms of bigotry are not mutually inclusive. There's little to no evidence that Billy is homophobic, even if the Duffers want people to think he is they didn't show it at all. They are definitely the kings of Tell In Interviews but don't show on screen.

I already talked about why, as a writing choice, it made little sense to make Billy - an abuse survivor - The Racist on the show, especially since they do not in any way address systemic racism in Hawkins, but that doesn't change the fact that his attitudes and behavior still read as racist to viewers. So I'm not going to deny that.

Whether or not you think Billy is racist is beside the point. Intentions don't matter. The effect matters. I don't think denying it helps, because his attitudes and behaviors are still harmful no matter the motivation and he still needs to make amends for what he said and did. I just don't think the Duffers had good intentions behind that choice, and it makes me angry that they pushed for that.

However, I very much resist the notion that Billy was ever explicitly or implicitly homophobic. He wasn't. I find it funny that people aggressively double down on this point by suggesting he would be actively abusive towards other queer characters just because they are queer. I don't necessarily think he would be and there's little to no canon evidence that he would be.

He's one of the few characters who receives homophobic abuse. As a child, he's punished for being soft by his father in much the same way Will would be had Joyce let her ex do so. His dad straight up calls him a f****t. So, it's interesting how people can't see that he's actually been a victim of that kind of abuse his entire life even with it being so obvious.

I think white fans especially automatically couple racism and homophobia because they think their queerness absolves them of racism so they cannot possibly imagine someone being racist and queer. I also think it's funny that especially white queer people fantasize about him calling them slurs when he's never canonically called anyone a homophobic slur. It just screams 'I am victimizing myself to justify hating him' and 'I am oppressed as a queer person so I can't possibly be racist.'

It's also just really funny because Steve is everyone's favorite now but he WAS a homophobic bully. Like, it's literally canon. Sure, he was able to change but that's because he was given the opportunity to do so. I know many people argue Steve is redeemed while Billy is not. However, Billy leaves everyone alone after their fight and then he is basically tortured and killed for an entire season. It's not exactly a fair opportunity for redemption.

[ever-is-typing]

OMG YOUR PFP IS AMAZING can I please get a joseph scenario where he underestimates the reader? Like at first they come across as weak/super anxious but when it comes down to the wire they’re an absolute badass?

note: aw thanks anon 😊 (robbie is literally baby I love him sm) in other news YES A JOSEPH REQUEST IVE WANTED TO WRITE FOR HIM SINCE FOREVER ☺ WOOOO- also this is gonna be a drabble just because that's the kind of mood I'm in 😉 warning its fucking horrible (note within the note O/P stands for occupation!)

🤺📷 Joseph (Photographer)📷🤺 with a (secretly badass) reader

Warnings: Joseph is a sadistic dweeb and gets trolled

There you were. Y/N L/N, otherwise known as the O/P. Infamously weak, infamously timid... and really, who could blame you? This death game was stressful enough as is- being the last survivor left never did anything to calm ones nerves.

Two of you were already gone, sent back to the manor over what felt like eons ago... it should have been three, but one somehow managed to slip through the exit gate at the very last moment. Your head was foggy, so remembering when was hard, but it didn't change the fact that it had happened.

Miracle or not, one survivor had escaped so far. Not that that mattered, really... all the survivors just wound back up at the manor in the end.

Really, Oletus Manor's games were hell incarnate. Being forced to play felt like mockery from whatever force kept your soul bound here. You endured endless cycles of death and rebirth, an endless struggle for escape that could never be reached-

And yet, despite all of this, there was no despair.

Could this single escape give you hope that a tie was possible? Your fate in this match was yet to be determined...

At least, that was your perspective on all of this. Or, rather, what the hunter had assumed your perspective was.

To Joseph, all of you survivors were the same. Pathetic, miserable worms writhing beneath his heel- you all screamed the same, you all thought the same, you all played the same.

It was so dreadfully boring... and you, the poor, shivering little O/P, were certainly no exception of this. If anything, your shamelessly anxious sniveling only made him loathe you more.

He approached your incapacitated body from behind, looming over you with an unimpressed sneer. The chase had hardly lasted more than a minute- a pathetic effort on your part. You were so close to the dungeon, too... even now, you were still inching towards it, small hands desperately clawing at the dirt for some sort of escape...

Not that that mattered in the end. No matter how close you had come, this match belonged to Joseph. And he was fully bent on ending it.

He harshly dug his heel into your back. Your yelp of pain sent a shiver of satisfaction through him, yet no feeling of sadistic pleasure could compare to seeing your face twist in pain as you were hoisted onto the balloons.

The way those gashes and cuts adorned your delicate face, the way you were silently seething through this torture... it was absolute perfection.

"You could always surrender, my dear. We both know that you've lost." He taunted, a haunting chuckle rolling off of his cracked grey lips.

"Save yourself the anguish, save me the trouble of tying you down?"

"....."

When you didn't reply right away, Joseph was slightly irked. Peasants were meant to speak when spoken to. How could you insult him like this?

When he stopped to glare pointedly into your eyes, he was taken aback- he expected a very specific expression from the meek little O/P. An expression of panic, fear, shame and pain... one that you were depriving him of.

Instead of the cowardly demeanor he had been hoping to bask in, you met his steely glare with one of your own. There was a bitter fire blazing behind your eyes- a fire of some indescribable determination and spite.

Joseph was entirely baffled. What was the meaning of this? Survivors, they had never glared at him with such a passion, especially not one as weak as you. Had all that you had endured caused this change in attitude to spark?

Or could it be that Y/N's spirit was never extinguished in the first place?

Those questions lingered in the Photographer's mind for a brief moment after your gazes locked. He was still confused... intrigued, even.

But you saw the way his sneer dropped. He wasn't as focused as he once was.

This was your chance.

And by God, Y/N L/N, you were about to take it.

The next moments were a hazy rush for the both of you. Every event played out like still images on a camera reel- a final burst of energy caused Joseph to drop you out if shock, while a well-placed kick to the shin bought you some more time.

You could hear him roar in anger as you dashed away, heaving for breath. Your body was practically dead at this point- begging you to stop, to succumb and let it all be over.

Joseph wanted this to be over too- he no longer brandished his sword as the composed gentleman he was alleged to be. Unmistakable outrage and fury made it's home in his blackened eyes. How dare you try and escape him?! The game was lost! There was no hope. Not for you, not for your team, not for any lowly survivor who dared to challenge him-!

You stood atop the dungeon in silence. Joseph stopped to observe you one last time.

There was a very heavy stillness to the scene- like a moment frozen in time. Both of you glaring at each other, both of you knowing that you would jump down the moment he so much as breathed at you.

Either way, your escape was inevitable.

This silence persisted for another brief moment.

Then you cracked a smile.

"You could always surrender, my dear. We both know that you've lost."

And then, with a polite curtsey, Y/N L/N the O/P obtained a miraculous tie.

Your steely defiance was many things to Joseph. He couldn't even begin to process his feelings as you had made your uncharacteristically daring escape.

He knew that he was angry. Outraged by your mockery and disrespect.

He knew that he was intrigued. This change in demeanor was something unexpected- something different. Was the meekness a front for something else? Had he underestimated Y/N L/N?

But then... then there was a feeling that surprised and confused him even further. Some strange sort of... satisfaction. This was something that only he got to see.

Your fiery glare, your steely determination... that was for his eyes only. He was the only one who got to see that side of you... and there was some sort of twisted beauty in that.

He couldn't wait to see it again.

[phantomdoofer]

This is my WoL's second round as an adventurer, so he's got some Views:

1. He was still in the New World, recovering from the trauma that ended his first adventuring career.

2. When his sister disappeared, a few years earlier than #1.

3. His is very similar but it helps him find things people want to be hidden too.

4. He didn't until recently, his chocobo Fionn.

5. He's from a small settlement in the Northern New World called Llymlaen's Mercy. His parents disappeared on an exploration and he was raised by a family friend with his sister.

6. He was extremely angry and upset, because he'd seen it before. He saw a few massacres during his first career.

7. He had flashbacks to his sister's disappearance during a mission. It did not go well.

8. Nope, he was 100% OK with how it went. He knows sometimes you've got to tear things down first.

9. He sympathizes with him while simultaneously knowing he's far too dangerous to be allowed to roam. He knows what it's like to have no direction in life.

10. He was hurt by Hydealyn and Middy but understood once they explained themselves. However he now has a serious complex about people explaining themselves first.

11. He sees both sides as victims.

12. He tends to see all sides, and is an omnidiciplinarian, no, no real change.

13. He loves lightly trolling Shtola. They're vitriolic best buds.

14. Thancred. He knows he's hiding his problems rather than fix them, and he knows from too much experience that ends badly.

15. It's never really on his mind. He's a bit of a trolly flirt, but it's never more than teasing.

16. His problem is, while he seems laid-back, he can't relax. There's always something else he wants to do. The Scions occasionally have to threaten to knock him out.

17. Easily Merlwyb. He's a big fan of her "f it, I'm doing the right thing" attitude. Nanamo got on his nerves a bit a first but she's growing in his estimation. Kan-E he feels like needs to have a Word with the Elementals, before he does.

18. He accepts that this is the role the world has chosen for him and just does his best. He didn't seek it out but damned if he isn't going to try.

19. He struck them down without much remorse. They chose their path.

20. He loves the Azim Steppe, the openness of both the land and its people is refreshing.

21. He's done them all, so they're all canon. He like the Ivalice raids the most though.

22. Being an omnidiciplinarian that'd be way longer a story that I'll write right now. Lol

23. He enjoys Hildibrand's shenanigans. He got on his nerves a first but eventually he learned to just Roll With It.

24. He has severe abandonment and guilt issues. He's not afraid of being alone, he's afraid of being abandoned. Ultima Thule was torturous for him.

25. He's pretty internalized, so not really.

26. As said before, he has severe survivor's guilt and abandonment trauma. If someone he values disappears he will drop everything and tear down heaven and earth to find them, and heaven help anyone who tries to stand in front of him.

27. Much like Zenos, he knew it had to be done. He completely sympathized with Hades and Elidibus, but he didn't hesitate. Graha's constant sacrifice talk got on his nerves immensely though.

28. He was cautious. He knew they were being used, but he wasn't above doing the same. His betrayal towards the end was barely a surprise, but his cruelty was shocking.

29. Oh, he knew something was up, but he was willing to let it play out.

30. Highest: seeing the night come back in Holminster Switch and seeing how happy everyone was. Lowest was when everyone was panicking trying to save him from becoming a Lightwarden. He seriously considered trying to throw himself into the Rift just to save everyone.

31. He thought he was a bit idealistic but a good kid. He also knew sometimes you have to do not-nice things to achieve victory.

32. Oh heavens no. That kid gave off "I'mma fuck you over at the first opportunity" from the instant he saw him. He only resisted running him through on sight for political reasons.

33. She went way, WAY too far but he understood. Again, didn't stay his hand.

34. He tries to be a good person, and he's a bit of a goofball, but he's far too jaded to not realize sometimes you have to be an asshole.

35. Everyone he's killed, he's had to. He hates it, but my headcanon is he gives everyone a chance to change their mind. And he tries to drive them off instead of kill most of the time. But if he feels they're irredeemable, or too much of a threat, he'll run them through on the spot.

Found some questions rummaging through the xiv tags while I wait for this social event to start so send a number and I'll answer it? Feel free to reblog and do the same.

1. Where were they during the Calamity? 

2. How did they acquire their Echo? 

3. Does their Echo function like it does in the MSQ? Or is there a twist to it? 

4. Do they have a canon mount or minion? What's its name(s)? 

5. Where are they from? What was their childhood like?

6. How did they deal with the massacre on the Waking Sands?  

7. How did they deal with Haurchefant's death? 

8. How did they feel about the liberation of Ala Mhigo? Do they feel it could have been handled differently? Where they at all bothered by how they were involved? 

9. How do they feel about Zenos? 

10. How do they feel about their relationship with Hydaelyn? Midgarsormr?

11. Were they more sympathetic to the dragons, Ishgardians, neither or both? 

12. How has their job affected whatever headcanon version is of the MSQ if any? 

13. Are they close with any of the other Scions? Who do they get along with the best? 

14. Of the Scions, who are they most worried for? 

15. Is your WoL promiscuous? Celibate? Or just waiting for the right person? 

16. What does your WoL do to relax? What sorts of distractions do they seek? Do they foster any bad habits as a result?

17. Who is their favorite Alliance leader? Who do they get along with the best out of them? 

18. Does your WoL fully embrace their role as the WoL or do they try to remain humble? 

19. What do they think of the Heaven's Ward? 

20. Of all the places they've been to, which is their favorite? Do they like to go back there? 

21. Are there any raid storylines (Ivalice, Coil of Bahamut, Werlyt, etc.) you consider to be canon for your WoL? Which ones don't you consider canon? 

22. Do you  have a unique tale for their job class or is it pretty much like what it is in the game?

23. Are there any side quest storylines that you're particularly fond of or think of as being canon to your WoL's experiences? 

24. Does your WoL have any phobias? 

25. Do they have any habits or rituals that they do to soothe themselves? I.e. Playing with their hair, chewing their lip, fidgeting, etc. 

26. Do they suffer any traumas from any of their adventures? How do you foresee this affecting them going forward? 

27. How did the events of Shadowbringers impact them? 

28. Were they suspicious or open to Emet-Selch's presence when he first appeared? 

29. Did your WoL suspect anything was amiss with Urianger or the Crystal Exarch? Did they feel betrayed? Upset? When the truth finally emerged? 

30. What was their highest point in Shadowbringers? Their lowest? What caused it? 

31. What were their first impressions of Hien? 

32. Did they trust Asahi right away? Why or why not? 

33. How did they feel about what happened with Yotsuyu? Did they feel like she was justified in her actions?

34. Would you say your WoL is fundamentally a good person? Or are they a bad person that's been persuaded to do the right things? 

35. How do they feel about the fact that they've killed a lot of people and/or things?