#the fact that i left the first episode feeling disappointed

[kittyphoenix12-xx]

the way the beenado was marketed vs the execution was a bright red warning sign huh

[blitzwhore]

So. Stolas is an alcoholic. That much is very clear at this point in the show and has been for a while now. He binge-drinks to cope with depression and with his life problems at large.

What's interesting is that he's far from the only character in Blitzø's life who is an alcoholic. In fact, substance abuse seems to be a recurring theme in the show. At least three other people Blitzø was or is really close with (potentially four, if we count his father) have struggled with substance abuse: Verosika, Barbie, and Fizz.

And the show has made a very clear point that both Verosika and Barbie have been in rehab. Not just that, but it's also emphasised that they're both still struggling with addiction (Verosika still drinks at her concerts, "clutches onto Beelzejuice bottles like they're the last cock in hell", and writes magazine articles about binge drinking being sexy; Barbie still peddles heroine, though not H8). Clearly, for both of them, this is an ongoing issue presently in the show.

So, with all of that being said, I recently saw someone theorise that, in a future season, Stolas is going to go to rehab, too.

I thought it was certainly a possibility, and one that I would personally love to see explored. So I've been thinking about it... and I remembered this:

The beginning of Unhappy Campers, and Blitzø breaking into rehab to go visit Barbie.

Now, I think a lot of people (myself included) felt surprised and a bit disappointed the first time we watched this episode, because our initial assumption was that Blitzø was trying to visit Stolas. It just made sense! Stolas was hospitalised right at the end of the previous episode and texted Blitzø that he could visit if he wanted to. (At this point, we also didn't know Blitzø had trauma surrounding visiting loved ones at hospitals). And suddenly they hit us with Blitzø seeking out Barbie out of the blue? So many of us were left wondering... why? Yeah, people have mentioned that maybe feeling like he could've lost Stolas prompted Blitzø to try to mend a different broken relationship, one that he felt he had more chances of fixing. But the timing, as well as the non-immediate revelation that it's Barbie he's looking for, is still... strikingly suspicious, isn't it?

And just now, after all this time, it hit me.

What if this is foreshadowing?

What if, all along, they were telling us Blitzø will visit Stolas at the hospital in the future... when Stolas is in rehab?

[celestialprincesse]

Since ur taking requests… could I request this please? It’s okay if you don’t want to do it :)!!

Fluff!! 141tf trying to communicate with a new addition.. cause she doesn’t speak English as a first language.

Simon trying his hardest to be less sarcastic and damp his dry humor a bit so it doesn’t come off as scary or confusing to her, or soap doing that thing where he speaks slowly to get his point over. Gaz learning slangs and her language cause he’s a sweetheart fr and price already knows her language and she’s her bestie now.

<3

𐙚⋆°.

You'd only been called in to help TF141 as backup, a less conspicuous translator intended to help gather information on a covert mission - a quick in and out. Simple enough, right?

Simple enough, if any of them had a basic understanding of any language besides English. You know enough, but it can only get you so far.

Currently, you're sat in the common area, a pair of headphones smushed in your ears as you occupy yourself with an episode of 'Friday Night Dinners' - Laswell had suggested watching what she described as 'quintessential English telly' to get a better grip on the humour you were sorely lacking in an understanding of.

In fact, you're so immersed, and actually entertained, by the sitcom, that you don't notice a gruff "brew?" coming from Simon's general direction by the kettle.

"Oh, pardon?" You question, noting the way Soap's lips curl into an amused smile at your propriety, and Simon forgetting that most of his phrases and slang wouldn't be understood outside of a Manchester pub, let alone England.

"Cup of tea." Price cuts in, seeing the way your brows furrow with confusion, and slight disappointment at feeling left out, all of them bonded by their shared language - all but you.

"She'll have a builders, one sugar, splash of milk." The captain grunts in Simon's general direction, somehow having memorised the way you take your tea, and recited it before you can even get a word out. Honestly, you don't even like English tea that much, but you'd copied the way Gaz made his tea on the first day you'd arrived here, and made a habit of it since.

"Actually, I bought some herbal." He chirps up from the corner, taking off his cap to run a hand across the tight coils of his hair before replacing the union jack accessory. "Trying to cut back on caffeine." Gaz lies, not wanting you to feel like any more of a fish out of water. He's seen the way you'd scowled upon first arriving at the barracks to find the only drinks available being in the heavily caffeinated genre.

Despite their grasp on your language being far from fluent, they're trying in the ways they know how, and that's enough for you.

𐙚⋆°.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

I've been thinking about Futtara pretty much non stop since it aired and I rewatched the episode and I have a couple of thoughts. First of all, I've read the novel sex scene so I'm aware of the differences. But here is why I don't have a problem with it. I have no idea how they arrived at that scene in the novel. I have no idea of the conversations they had before. Since that scene is so different, perhaps in the novel things leading up to it are also different so no use, in my opinion, to compare the two at this moment. I understand some people's disappointment with this part, even before the translation was known, but that wasn't really the case for me. So this is my view on the episode, and I respect that people had different feelings about it. Anyway...

Like I said before, it was never about the sex. Not really, as @emotionallychargedtowel l said here, and I agree, sure the sex was important cause it was the catalyst for everything so far. Them not having it and wanting to and all that came with that. But the way I see it, the actual sex was just the last step in the progression of these two coming together and by extent cheating on their partners. I should say that the flatmates relationship continues to be the most nebulous so I'm not sure, if it would even be called cheating, but since Sei said that keeping a secret was the reason for him to be in that room in the first place, I'm gonna use the general term of cheating for both of the pairs for now.

"I'm not gonna break or anything." - Sei

One of the things I really liked about this whole episode was that I felt like Sei was just wanting control for once. He left the house, he wanted to go to Hagiwara, he wanted to be touched and he wanted to have a secret from Fujisawa. He's been caged in for so long, that those emails and this relationship, more than just allowing him to have sex, it allows him a freedom he's been missing. Their house is this still place, untouched and unspoiled by exterior forces, but it's also a fragile state of things. Because all it takes is a small change in their routine to bring it all down. That first email exchange was the first disruption in this home, in this stillness. And from there, every day the ripples get bigger until something breaks and cannot be easily put back together.

"To think nobody wants this body. What a waste." - Sei

I love this sentence. Because it can go both ways. Yes, Sei is speaking to Hagiwara, so of course he means Kaori, but I also think he's talking about himself here. Because although he has expressed desire for Fujisawa, he never had that returned. So in a way he never really felt that anybody wanted his body too.

"Saying something like that is unfair. Felt like I was gonna cry." - Hagiwara "You're neither bad nor dirty." - Sei

I'm not taking anything away from the sex itself, and the fact that they are finally able to have it. But in the end, more than it is about the act, it's about validation. And that's why this is such an emotional moment for Hagiwara. I think he had given up on that. On being able to show all of himself and feel accepted. For the first time in a long time his desire was not met with rejection or perceived disgust. And again I think Sei is talking about himself here too. He has tried more than once to get this from Fujisawa, but he was always rebuffed and in a not so subtle way. So he has come to accept that, in this context, what he's been feeling is bad or dirty.

"Nothing will change. Nothing will be destroyed." Sei "We promised right? We wouldn't destroy anything?" Sei In the hotel room. / At the end in the office.

This is where things really get messed up. I think Sei and Hagiwara before they had sex, where looking for some of the same things but also something different. Sex, obviously, connection and validation. Everything I mentioned before. But for Hagiwara, it quickly became about something else. It was about sex first, then it was about sex with Sei, specifically. He no longer simply wanted to be touched, he wanted Sei to be the one to do it.

For Sei, I think he had a plan in mind. Just get the thing done, and get out. Almost like an item to check off a list. And somehow he thought that after it, he would be fine, and he could just carry on with his life as it had been so far. And not destroy what he had with Fujisawa. Like sex was the problem, and once he had it, everything would be fine. So the life he had at home was still untouched, if all he got from Hagiwara was something that was absent there.

"What are we going to do now? Now that it's come to this... What are we going to do?" - Sei

He never entertained the possibility that it would be more than that. That it would go beyond the sex act. And all of a sudden, Hagiwara is bringing emotions into this, that go beyond the physical and Sei is a bit lost. Cause he needs to be able to go back. And this is where the nature of the flatmates relationship becomes an important piece that it's still mostly missing. Why does he want to go back? Why is it so important that this doesn't destroy what he has with Fujisawa? Does he love him? Does he feel indebted to him? Has he been conditioned in some way? Or does he believe that that is all he deserves?

He left that hotel room, and a part of him believed, that everything that had happened there, stayed there. It only existed in that place and time, and wouldn't touch anything beyond it. He went back to what his familiar. The glass box Fujisawa built for him. But things are not so easy for Hagiwara. He let feelings in and they follow him beyond the walls of that hotel room. And the fact that Sei seems so unaffected by it, hurts him deeply. Because he thought he found himself an equal, that since he understood him, he would also match him emotionally after the fact. But Sei, is not capable of that. Or not willing at least.

I'm trying not to focus on the preview right now, as difficult as that is, and just look at what we know so far. And I need to understand Sei better. I need to know what is motivating him right now. What exactly is he holding on to with such determination?

[k-pepp]

Rewatching the final episode and thinking about Wille assuming Simon was over him. When I first watched it, I was confused why he would assume that. But thinking again about how Wille grew up, it makes sense. In the one and only scene in which Wille's mother actually tells him she loves him just the way he is, it's immediately followed by conditions of when and how he can be who he is.

From everything we've seen, Wille has not been shown unconditional love. In the times when Wille felt he has disappointed his family, he never got assurance that they still loved him. In fact, they've left him to be alone. Love is not a separate thing that stays constant no matter the surrounding events. To Wille, they are always connected. So when the next closest person in Wille's life got hurt because of Wille / Wille's circumstances and he decided to leave, even though it's completely different situations, the loneliness that Wille felt was still the same. So Wille fell back on the only understanding of love that he had.

In S2, Simon makes it very clear that the reason he can't be with Wille is because he's hurt and doesn't feel he can trust him, but Wille still comes to the conclusion that Simon just doesn't love him anymore.

In S3, Simon ends things because of Wille's situation. And even though Wille tells Felice that he understands Simon, he ultimately defaults to what he knows. Someone in his life is hurt because of him and he's been left alone. Which means that person's love will also go away.

That's why the last thing Wille says to his parents is so important. He knows he's disappointed them again. And he knows they're not going to reassure him that they still love him. So he's going to do what they never did for him. He's pulling away from the monarchy, but not his family. His love for them is unconditional.

[writing-the-stars]

Mikaelson Ball (Kol)

Pairing: Kol Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

Summary: After a thousand years apart, you reunite with your long-lost love. However, all is not as it seems.

Warnings: ANGST (Like a sickening amount. I laid it on THICK this time), Talks of Death and Murder, Canon-Typical Violence (Really just a small confrontation that happens in the episode). Let Me Know If I Forgot Something

Word Count: 6.6k (I wasn't even expecting it to be this long!!!)

A/N: Hey guys! So, just wanted to let you know this is my last Kol fic (unless a request is submitted). I have debated on whether or not I should even post this, but I worked REALLY hard on this and I would be sad to let it go to waste. This is one of the first TVDU fanfictions I started YEARS AGO, so this fic has been through a lot. In fact, it's been through so much that (depending on y'all's feedback) it has the potential to become a two to three part series (maybe 4, but I hope I'm not THAT verbose). As I was working I realized how long it had gotten and cut it in half, so Part 2 is mostly done and needs some edits, but if you all want it, I could post it very soon. Anyway , long author's note this time around. All of this is to say, this is one of my babies and I had a lot of fun working on it. I'm super proud of it and I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!! (TL;DR: This is my last Kol fic (unless a request is submitted) and has the potential to be a multipart if you all want it)

Masterlist | TVDU Masterlist

A storm of emotions brews within you as you anxiously await your reunion with the man who was once your everything. A thousand years have passed since you last saw Kol, and the uncertainty gnaws at you. Do his feelings still remain? Did your love really survive the passage of time?

A thousand years is an eternity— a vast expanse of time that undoubtedly swallowed all the moments you shared. The possibility that he has moved on weighs heavily on your mind, as cruel as it seems. After all, you’ve been dead.

Your stomach tightens with a wave of panic. What are you doing here? you question. The thought of turning around, leaving this past behind, grows increasingly tempting. Walking away seems like the safer option, a way to protect your fragile heart from the weight of inevitable disappointment. Just as your feet begin to move, the voice of Esther— unmistakable and clear— pierces the air, as if she knew exactly what you were about to do.

“I want us to be a family again. And to prove my good intentions, I have brought a gift.”

The door swings open, and there you stand, feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable beneath the astonished gazes of the five people who were once your family.

They look... different. But unmistakably the same.

Your heart lurches as you take in the sight of them, their familiar faces now etched by the passage of time. Elijah stands to your right, his once-shoulder-length hair now cropped short, and his attire— a tailored, sophisticated ensemble— commands an air of authority you didn’t recognize from the man you knew. Beside him, Finn’s leather attire and long hair suggest a nod to his former self, though a sense of quiet power surrounds him. In the back of the room, Niklaus looms, his sharp gaze cutting through the air. His presence is menacing, dark and commanding, a notable contrast to the man from your memories, yet the edge of familiarity remains.

To your left, Rebekah dons a stunning red piece that resembles a dress, radiating timeless grace. Her beauty is still as striking as ever.

And finally, your gaze finds him. Kol.

The moment you’ve both longed for and feared.

Anxiety grips you as your breath catches. Time seems to slow as you take in the sight of him— so like the Kol you remember, and yet... so different. His hair is styled similarly to Elijah’s, sleek and sophisticated, and his attire— though foreign— seems to suit him perfectly, giving him an almost regal quality.

But it’s his eyes that stop you cold. His gaze locks with yours, and the world falls away. He looks at you with the same eyes that once held yours with such warmth and passion, promising you forever.

Your pulse quickens. The same mischievous glint dances in his eyes—an emotion so familiar and intimate that it stirs something deep inside you. For a heartbeat, you feel as though you’re standing in the past again, caught in that beautiful, tragic moment when he first swept you into his world.

“Y/N,” he breathes, his voice thick with disbelief. His tone lingers in the air like a prayer, the name a soft, desperate whisper. It feels like an eternity since you last heard him speak your name.

Kol had long resigned himself to the belief that he would never see you again, after your death a millennium ago— the true love of his life. Your loss had driven him to madness, compelling him to descend into the darkest recesses of his vampiric existence. For centuries, he had nothing to hold onto, nothing to desire or cherish.

And yet, here you are, standing before him— alive— and just as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on you. The youngest Mikaelson son is rendered speechless as he struggles to hold onto this fragile thread of reality, having only dreamed of this moment. 

Unable to stop yourself, you move toward him, your feet unsteady as you draw closer. Kol’s eyes soften, disbelief giving way to awe as he steps forward, his hand gently cupping your cheek. His touch is so tender, so tentative, as though he fears you might vanish.

A smile stretches across his face— small, incredulous, but genuine. The same smile that once set your heart on fire.

You smile back, the flood of emotions overwhelming you. “Hi, Kol,” you whisper, your voice trembling with the joy you thought you would never feel again.

Without another word, he pulls you into a kiss— deep, urgent, filled with longing and a desperate love that spans a thousand years. His lips press against yours as if he’s trying to make up for all the time lost, all the moments stolen from you both.

When the kiss breaks, he pulls back just enough to whisper against your lips, “Darling, I’ve missed you so much.”

His voice is raw with emotion, a depth of feeling you thought might have dulled with time. But there is no denying it— his love for you remains. He still loves you.

“I’ve missed you too,” you reply, a fresh wave of tears spilling down your cheeks as you gaze at him, overwhelmed by the tenderness in his expression.

You turn your gaze to the rest of the Mikaelsons— your family— who are still staring at you with wide eyes. Shock, awe, and disbelief reflect in each of their faces. You’ve been gone for so long, and your death left scars on them all.

You let out a soft laugh, brushing the tears from your cheeks, and speak the words that have been in your heart for so long, “I’ve missed all of you.”

For a moment, the room is silent, the magnitude of your return sinking in. Finally, Elijah speaks. “How is this possible, Mother?” he asks, turning to Esther for an explanation. The rest of the family follows suit, each of them seeking the truth in their eyes.

Esther steps forward, a serene smile gracing her lips as she addresses them. “On the night of Y/N’s passing, I managed to preserve her body,” she explains, her voice calm and measured. “I kept it hidden, safe within the caves from which I was resurrected. Though Y/N is not bound to us by blood, she is a cherished member of this family. We would not be whole without her.”

As Esther finishes her explanation, the Mikaelsons— one by one— rush toward you. Rebekah is the first to reach you, pulling you into a tight, emotional hug, her tears blending with your laughter. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispers through her tears, holding you close.

The others follow, each one enveloping you in their arms, their joy and disbelief palpable. Kol stays close by, never letting you slip from his side, his hand always finding yours, his gaze never leaving your face.

The night passes in a blur of hugs, laughter, and tears. And as the reunion unfolds around you, you realize that all those years spent in darkness and sorrow have finally come to an end. You are home. And you are loved.

-*-

“Rebekah, tell me how handsome I am,” Kol calls out from in front of what you’ve learned to call the mirror. The thing still fascinates you— how it reflects your image so clearly, no magic involved.

“Ah, Kol, you know I can’t be compelled,” Rebekah replies from beside you, prompting a soft giggle from you in response.

Kol frowns dramatically, swiveling from the mirror to cast a mockingly reproachful look in your direction. A playful gleam dances in his eyes, and you can’t resist returning his gaze with a cheeky smile.

“Great, she’s just returned, and already you’ve turned my wife against me,” Kol remarks, his tone light but feigning frustration.

You snicker, your eyes flicking to Finn, who had been watching from his fitting. He turns now, offering a knowing smirk to his youngest brother. Rebekah, pleased with herself, flashes a triumphant smile before resuming her focus on her freshly painted nails.

It feels so natural to be here, like you’ve never been gone. The easy camaraderie you share with your family slips seamlessly back into place, like a favorite memory that never quite fades. The banter, the jokes, the teasing— it’s all so familiar. For the first time in a long time, you feel something like peace.

“I think you look fetching, Kol,” you say, your voice warm as you shoot him a smile that matches the fondness in your words. He turns back to the mirror, a pleased smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he admires his reflection once more.

“Thank you, darling,” he replies, his voice soft with affection. He straightens his jacket— a suit, you’ve learned. The look fits him well, but it’s his self-assuredness, his confidence, that makes the moment feel so... right.

The door slams open with a violent force that rattles the room. Niklaus storms in, his fury unmistakable, his aura thick with rage. “You went after Elena?” he roars, eyes blazing, “What is wrong with you?”

Your stomach drops at the sudden shift in atmosphere, the lightheartedness evaporating in an instant. You realize with a sharp jolt that his wrath is directed at Rebekah, and you feel an uncomfortable knot tighten in your chest.

The Niklaus you knew— once gentle and kind— feels like a distant memory now. The years have twisted him, and his anger has fermented into something far darker. The warmth in his soul has been mutilated to a volatile, vindictive cruelty.

You think of what Kol told you, the countless betrayals, the violence. The times he daggered his siblings, locked them away in coffins, and manipulated every one of them to suit his whims. You shiver involuntarily, the stories of his temper leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

“Here we go,” Rebekah mutters under her breath, her voice still laced with amusement as she watches Niklaus’s fury unfold. You notice the small, almost imperceptible smirk tugging at her lips. She’s always enjoyed riling her brothers, a quality you’ve always admired her for— her fearless audacity. She isn’t afraid of Niklaus..

“Do you want another dagger in your heart?” he threatens, his voice laced with menace. 

You tense, your body instinctively bracing as you position yourself closer to Rebekah, ready to protect her if necessary. The weight of Niklaus's fury settles over the room like a storm, thick and oppressive. Though his anger intimidates you deeply, you can't help but feel a surge of determination. Not this time. You've only just been reunited with your family and you’re not about to let him tear them away from you. Not without a fight.

Even though you were warned about Niklaus’s drastic transformation, witnessing it firsthand is nothing short of jarring. The man who once exuded warmth, tenderness, and a kind of charming vulnerability now stands before you— his presence dark, heavy, and filled with an unrelenting malice. His eyes, once soft and capable of genuine affection, now gleam with a cold, calculating cruelty that sends a shiver down your spine.

The contrast is staggering. Gone is the brother you remember—the one who, despite his flaws, had moments of kindness. In his place stands a figure that commands fear, his rage so palpable it feels like an almost physical force in the room. His words cut through the air like a blade, each syllable dripping with venom, and you feel the pull of that darkness like a weight on your chest.

You glance at Rebekah, who, though clearly unfazed by her brother's outburst, has a flicker of something in her eyes—something you can’t quite place, but it’s there. A weariness. A resignation, maybe. She’s endured Niklaus’s wrath for so long that it no longer rattles her, but you know it’s still painful, still damaging.

“More dagger threats? Don’t you have any other tricks up your sleeve?” Kol taunts from behind Niklaus, his voice dripping with mockery and a hint of challenge. The boldness of it makes you wince.

You turn to your husband, your eyes wide with silent pleading. You’ve heard that Kol, more than any of the others, has borne the brunt of Niklaus’s wrath. How he’s been daggered more times than anyone could count, all for daring to cross Klaus in even the slightest way. You cannot stand to see him suffer that again— not when you’ve just found your way back to him.

Niklaus barely spares him a glance, his expression dismissive. “Oh, go back to admiring yourself,” he replies, almost lazily, his eyes flicking back to Rebekah as if Kol’s words were no more than a minor distraction.

You take a step closer to Kol, your hand brushing against his arm as you whisper urgently, “Kol, don’t—”

But your husband, ever the provocateur, ignores your warning completely.

“And who are you, my father?” he retorts, a biting edge to his voice, the sarcasm unmistakable. You can feel your heart sink. The last thing you want is another confrontation between them, especially when there’s so much unspoken between them already. But Kol is Kol—reckless, defiant, impossible to hold back.

A deep sigh escapes you as you close your eyes in frustration. This was never supposed to be the way you reunited with your family.

Niklaus, for his part, is barely fazed. “No, Kol,” he says, his tone chillingly cold as he steps forward, his imposing presence growing with each movement, “But you’re in my house.”

The tension in the room thickens, and you can practically feel the electricity crackling between the brothers. The history between them weighs heavily in the air, and you know how far this could go if Kol doesn’t back down.

You open your eyes, but Kol’s gaze remains fixed on Niklaus. There’s no retreat in his posture, no hesitation. The challenge has already been issued.

“Then perhaps we should take this outside,” Kol says, his voice firm, steel running through every word as he faces his older brother with defiance.

The air feels heavy as you step toward Kol, the tension in the room palpable— Niklaus’s silence speaking volumes. He doesn’t need to say anything for you to know the danger in the air

“Kol, stop,” you urge, your hand landing gently but firmly on his chest in a desperate attempt to calm him. The contact should have grounded you, but instead, it feels as though you're pressing against a solid wall of muscle and defiance. His body tenses beneath your palm, and the force of his presence is enough to make your heart race.

The silence stretches, thick with the weight of the standoff, until Esther’s voice cuts through it like a blade, sharp and commanding. “Enough!”

She enters the room with her usual grace, but her modern appearance— fitting seamlessly into the façade you’re all working so hard to maintain— reminds you that beneath her calm exterior, Esther is no stranger to control and power. With a glance that commands attention, she directs her words to Niklaus.

“Niklaus, come.”

He hesitates, throwing one last simmering glare in Kol’s direction before reluctantly following her out. Kol remains unfazed. His smirk remains firmly in place, his eyes glinting with the satisfaction of having provoked his older brother.

Once the door closes behind them, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You turn toward your husband, giving his shoulder a firm smack. It won’t faze him, of course, but it’s all you can do in the moment to express your frustration.

He turns toward you, his eyes wide with feigned innocence, though the playful spark in them betrays any semblance of remorse. “What was that for?” he asks, his voice light, unbothered.

“Why did you have to provoke him?” you admonish, your tone a delicate balance of exasperation and concern, “We’re trying to live peacefully, remember?”

Kol just chuckles, the sound rich with amusement. That familiar smirk of his reappears, and before you can protest, he leans in to plant a kiss on your forehead, his lips lingering for a moment as if to soothe the tension in your own body.

“Darling,” he murmurs with a soft chuckle, “it’s all in good fun.” He pauses, his gaze steady on you, warm with affection. “Niklaus wouldn’t dare break one of Mother’s rules,” he reassures you, his fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from your face.

Your breath catches at the tenderness in his touch, but you aren’t fully swayed. “Kol…” you begin, but he cuts you off gently with a playful nudge, clearly eager to move on from the moment.

“Now,” he says, a mischievous glint still in his eyes, “go finish getting ready. We wouldn’t want to keep everyone waiting.”

He gives you one last smile before turning to leave, still carrying that lighthearted arrogance that both frustrates and charms you in equal measure. You let out a weary sigh, shaking your head, as if to physically rid yourself of the frustration bubbling beneath your skin. You know better than to argue with Kol when he’s in one of his moods. As much as you want to argue, to make him understand, you recognize the futility in it. Kol is Kol— charming, reckless, and utterly impossible to control.

You can’t help but watch him for a moment, the conflicting emotions swirling inside you. A soft rustling sounds from across the room, and you catch sight of Esther’s figure as she steps toward Finn, summoning him for what is likely another private meeting. You’ve become all too familiar with the urgency in her tone these past few days— the need to push forward, to set everything in motion before the final hour.

That sharp pang of guilt hits you again, this time deeper, sharper, as the weight of your purpose presses down on you. You remember the true reason behind your return— why you were brought through the veil of the Other Side. You were meant to help Esther destroy everything you had once loved. Your family.

When Esther first appeared to you on the Other Side, she came as an unsettling whisper— offering you a chance to return, to see Kol again. But with that offer, came a price. She spoke of vengeance, of the Mikaelsons’ monstrous sins, and the desperate need to put an end to their immortal lives. The thought of betraying them, of helping the woman who had once so desperately tried to save them, had felt impossible. You had never seen the Mikaelsons as monsters, and the very idea of murdering them was abhorrent to you.

Theirs had been the only family you’d ever known, and even after death, your love for them, for Kol especially, had never wavered. How could you betray them?

And yet, the pull of Kol’s memory was undeniable. The desperate yearning to hold him, to be close to him again after all those years, twisted your heart into something darker, something willing to overlook the weight of betrayal in favor of a fleeting, fragile reunion. Two weeks. That was the offer. Two weeks to be with him again, to feel his presence and love one last time.

Now, it feels like a hollow, idiotic decision. To sacrifice his life— for two weeks. How had you ever thought that could be enough? After all, you had died to save him once, only to throw his life away for a moment of personal happiness. The enormity of that decision makes your chest tighten, suffocating you in its finality.

You glance over at the Mikaelson siblings, their voices drifting through the air, light and carefree. Kol, teasing Rebekah as she rolls her eyes. Elijah, offering a rare chuckle at one of Kol’s more ridiculous remarks. For a moment, the room feels suspended in time. The warmth, the joy, the familiarity of it all. It feels so... so normal.

But all you can do is offer them half-hearted smiles, your thoughts lost in the suffocating weight of the knowledge hanging over you. By the end of the night, you will be sealing their fates. The pain in your chest flares again, sharper now, as you look at Kol. His smile— so effortless, so genuine— shatters you. How could you do this? You think, heart heavy with regret.

Their laughter echoes in your ears, and it suddenly feels cruel. The humor, the happiness— it’s a cruel irony, knowing that it’s all about to be torn apart.

-*-

“The doppelgänger has arrived,” you announce, feeling her energy the moment she steps through the mansion��s doors. Your voice is steady despite the churning in your chest. You try to ignore the unease tightening your stomach, but it’s no use. The guilt of the plan looms ever larger.

Esther looks up from the table, her fingers poised over the arcane materials laid out before her— materials meant to bind the Mikaelson siblings together in a way that could never be undone. A soft smile tugs at her lips, one that’s full of satisfaction, like a puzzle piece finally falling into place.

“Excellent. The plan is coming together perfectly,” she says, her tone airy with triumph. Rising from her seat, she glances between you and Finn, her pride radiating from her. “I am proud of you both,” she adds, her gaze lingering longer on you, and you can almost feel her approval burn through you like a silent command.

Finn responds as expected, a soft bow of his head, the quiet humility of the eldest Mikaelson always present. You, however, simply offer a carefully controlled smile, masking the turmoil stirring inside you. You’ve spent enough years under Esther’s influence to know how to wear a mask, but it’s never been more difficult than now.

Esther clasps her hands together, her face hardening into something resolute. “You two should join the ball before anyone becomes suspicious. I’ll join you shortly,” she says, her voice cutting through the air with a finality that brooks no argument.

You nod, but the command weighs heavily on you..

With a curtsy that feels forced, you exit the elder witch’s chamber, Finn falling into step behind you. The click of your heels echoes through the hall as the two of you walk in silence. It feels like an eternity before you finally break it, your voice quiet but laced with an undercurrent of disbelief.

“Are you truly willing to sacrifice your life to further Esther’s plans?” you ask, unable to mask the bewilderment in your tone. Finn has always been loyal to her— his willingness to follow her blindly never ceased to astonish you— but this? To give up everything, including his life, for something that is, at its core, a betrayal of his own family? It doesn’t sit right.

Finn’s answer comes without hesitation. “I am,” he says solemnly, his face unreadable. “I am deeply ashamed of what I and my siblings have become. Mother’s plan for us is a gift—a freedom from the shame of our monstrous existence.” His words are heavy with conviction, but beneath them, you hear the faintest hint of desperation.

You nod, trying to suppress the growing ache in your chest. You understand him in a way— you once believed the same things. Esther’s words were like gospel to you back then. She had saved you, taught you to believe in her cause.

But somewhere along the way, that idealism faded, the weight of reality replacing it. You cannot see the plan the way Finn does, with all its promise of redemption. The quiet tragedy of it all makes your heart ache. You wish he had outgrown this naïve faith, the same way you had.

Your disappointment must be evident, because Finn leans closer to you, his expression softening just a fraction. He whispers, “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

You freeze at the question, your stomach dropping. “Of course not,” you reply, feigning offense, though it’s more out of instinct than anything else. “The balance of nature was disrupted when Esther granted you immortality; it’s only right that this imbalance be corrected.”

Finn nods, satisfied with your false reassurance, and heads off toward the doppelgänger. You can hear his footsteps fade, but your thoughts remain with him, tangled in a web of guilt and regret.

As Finn disappears from view, you let out a brief, quiet sigh, the weight of your decision pressing down on you like a physical burden. But it’s quickly overshadowed by the sense of someone approaching— him.

Kol’s presence fills the space behind you with warmth, but that warmth does little to thaw the coldness seeping into your bones. The comfort of his nearness is only a fleeting reprieve from the crushing reality of your guilt.

The moment he draws near, you stiffen, and you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze. His presence, as always, is magnetic, but now, it feels like a slow burn— intoxicating and dangerous. You’ve never been able to hide anything from Kol, especially not the way you feel about him, but right now, the weight of your betrayal is too much.

“There you are, darling,” Kol says, his voice warm and affectionate, like a comforting balm to your restless heart. His eyes sparkle with that mischievous yet sincere gleam, and for a moment, the weight of everything else fades as he steps closer. “I’ve been searching for you everywhere.”

The sincerity in his tone makes everything feel even more unbearable. It twists in your chest, amplifying the heavy knot of guilt lodged there. You want to meet his eyes, want to return his affection with the same warmth, but the deception you're entangled in is too overwhelming. His words should bring you comfort, but they only serve to heighten your sense of impending betrayal.

Kol stops in front of you, his gaze drinking you in, and you catch the awe in his eyes— the way he looks at you now, as if you were a treasure he’d long lost and finally found again, makes your heart ache.

“You look absolutely ravishing tonight,” he murmurs, the words like velvet, and it causes your cheeks to flush a deep crimson. The compliment, so effortlessly given, only deepens the knot inside you. You want to smile, to accept his praise with the same joy he’s giving it, but it’s difficult to reconcile the beauty he sees before him with the dark truth lurking behind it.

You lower your gaze, unsure of how to handle this moment where his admiration feels both like a gift and a weight. Kol notices the way you shy away, and his smile only grows, delighted by your modesty, though there’s a tenderness in the way his eyes soften.

He steps closer, his hand lifting your chin with a gentleness that feels like it’s meant to reassure you. Your heart skips a beat as his fingers graze your skin, so familiar, so Kol. When his gaze locks onto yours, it’s as if the world falls away—there’s no Esther, no plan, no guilt... just him.

And then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

The kiss is a spark of warmth that spreads through you, igniting a flutter of butterflies in your stomach. It's the same feeling you had when he kissed you all those centuries ago, when you were alive, when you could never have imagined the distance time would create between you.

You want to lose yourself in the tenderness of the moment, to forget everything but Kol and the love he’s offering, but the sharp edge of reality cuts through the haze. This is not a simple reunion. This is not the sweet promise of forever. This is a stolen moment, tainted by the knowledge that you will soon betray him in ways you can't yet fully comprehend.

When Kol pulls away, his eyes remain locked on yours, his smile gentle and full of affection. “I am so happy to have you back,” he whispers, his voice low and soothing.

His words are meant to comfort, but instead, they deepen the ache in your chest. The warmth of his sentiment is a stark contrast to the cold reality you’re living. You want to tell him everything— that you’re not who you used to be, that you have to make hard choices, that your love for him is bound up in a betrayal so great it makes you sick— but the words won’t come. Instead, you just stand there, caught in the weight of your own silence.

The tenderness in his gaze is so overwhelming, it makes your heart ache in ways that no longer feel sweet. The shame creeps in, tightening its grip, suffocating the joy that his presence should bring.

You wish you could feel the same peace, the same certainty that Kol exudes in this moment. But the truth is, you’re already drowning in the lies you’ve woven, and the deeper you go, the harder it will be to come back up.

Elijah’s commanding voice cuts through the heavy air. "Attention, everyone," he calls, the authority in his tone silencing the room instantly. His intervention is a welcome relief, allowing you a moment to steady yourself before Kol can ask more questions, questions you’re desperately trying to avoid.

Kol’s arm remains possessively around your waist, as he guides you toward the grand staircase— a protective gesture that, for all its warmth, feels like a chain locking you to this moment. The familiar sensation of his touch should comfort you, but tonight it only adds to the weight pressing down on your chest.

“Welcome. Thank you for joining us,” Elijah continues, his voice carrying effortlessly across the room. His presence always commands attention, and tonight it is no different. As you stand on the grand staircase with the Mikaelsons, you scan the crowd below, hoping to catch a glimpse of the doppelgänger. If you can speak with her, if you can convince her to leave before Esther has her ear, maybe you can stop this madness. Maybe you can save them.

But deep down, you know it’s futile. Esther’s plan is already set in motion, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

“You know, whenever my mother brings our family together like this, it's tradition to begin the evening with a dance,” he announces smoothly, with just the right mix of warmth and command. His words stir a strange mix of nostalgia and dread within you.

You knew this night would come— when they would all stand together, united for the first time in a thousand years. And yet, as much as you’d once longed for a reunion like this, now it feels like a cruel joke. The only reason you’ve been brought together is so they can die.

You feel a shiver creep down your spine as Elijah continues. “Tonight’s pick is a centuries-old waltz, so if all of you could please find yourself a partner, join us in the ballroom.”

Kol’s hand tightens gently around your waist, pulling you a little closer. You instinctively lean into him, seeking the comfort of his touch, and for a fleeting moment, it feels like the world could be perfect again. You exchange a look with him, both of you remembering the first time you danced this waltz— back on your wedding day, a lifetime ago. The melody, the rhythm, the elegance— it all floods back to you in a rush.

For a brief moment, the weight of your guilt lifts, and you allow yourself to smile up at him, sharing in the memory of a love that once seemed untouchable. The familiar waltz fills the space, and you can almost pretend, just for a second, that everything is as it should be. 

As the dance continues, your heart grows heavier with every step you take, the crushing weight of your impending betrayal sinking into your bones.

You feel nauseous. The closeness of Kol’s embrace, once a safe haven, now feels like a prison. The tenderness in his touch only serves to amplify the guilt that gnaws at you, relentless and unforgiving. Every step of the waltz feels like a step closer to your destruction.

“Are you alright, darling?” Kol’s voice, soft and concerned, pulls you out of your spiraling thoughts. You blink, meeting his gaze for a split second, but immediately look away. You can’t bear to see the warmth and love in his eyes— eyes that once trusted you without question, eyes that you’re about to break forever.

You nod faintly, too scared to speak, afraid that your voice might betray the turmoil inside you. Kol studies you for a moment, a flicker of worry crossing his features, but he doesn’t push. Instead, he pulls you closer, his hand moving to the small of your back as he leads you through the steps of the waltz with practiced grace.

As the dance progresses, your heart races, each step you take with Kol serving as a cruel reminder of what you stand to lose. The beauty of the moment, the elegance of the ballroom, feels hollow now. Every spin, every glide across the floor, only deepens your sense of isolation, as if the room is closing in around you.

You try to focus on the music, on the rhythm, on the familiar warmth of Kol’s touch, but it’s impossible to ignore the gnawing truth: by the end of the night, you will have sealed their fates. And no amount of dancing, no amount of love, will change that. You need a way out. You need to stop this. But how?

Kol, ever perceptive, senses your unease. His brow furrows in concern, his gaze flickering down to you as he keeps the dance steady. “Y/N,” he whispers softly, his breath warm against your ear, sending a shiver down your spine despite yourself. “You’ve been behaving strangely all day. What’s wrong?”

The sincerity in his voice makes your heart ache. How can you lie to him again? How can you wear this mask when he’s so close, when he’s giving you the same love he always has? You know you’re being unfair to him, to the love he believes is unshakable, but the truth is, it feels impossible to escape the web Esther has woven around you.

You sigh, forcing yourself to meet his gaze, hoping to keep your facade intact. "Nothing," you reply, the word coming out more breathlessly than you intend. You attempt a nervous giggle, a small, hollow sound that you hope will deflect his concerns. "I guess I’m still adjusting. This new world is so different from how it was a thousand years ago."

Kol’s eyes narrow slightly, and though he doesn't speak, you can feel the weight of his scrutiny, his gaze probing deeper than you would like. You’ve never been able to fool him for long. Kol always did have a knack for reading between the lines.

He slows the dance, his hand resting more firmly at the small of your back, pulling you even closer, his body a solid warmth against yours. The intimacy of the gesture should comfort you, but it only heightens the sense of isolation gnawing at your insides. He’s here, so present, so full of affection— and yet you’re already slipping away from him.

For a long moment, you hold his gaze, not daring to look away. You know that breaking eye contact will only give away the truth of your turmoil. His stare softens, but there’s a glimmer of doubt in his eyes that you can’t ignore. Still, after a beat, he seems to let it go, accepting your lie for the moment.

He pulls you closer, his arm circling you tighter, and you feel the gentle pressure of his embrace, as though trying to shield you from the weight of the world. “I’m here, darling. You can tell me what’s bothering you whenever you’re ready,” he murmurs, his voice laced with tenderness, the words offering a strange comfort even as they add to the burden.

You want to tell him, you really do. You want to share your fears, your guilt, your plans to stop Esther— but you can’t. Not yet. So instead, you bury your head against his chest, feeling the familiar steadiness of his heartbeat. The rhythmic sound should be soothing, but tonight it only reminds you of the time slipping away.

The music swells again, and for a moment, you allow yourself to close your eyes, to block out the noise of the world and lose yourself in the movement. The feel of his arms around you, the steady cadence of the waltz, the warmth of his breath—everything about this moment feels like a lifetime ago.

If this is all you have left with him, if your time together truly is limited, then you will savor every second. The guilt of your deception, the knowledge of what’s to come—it presses against you with suffocating force, but you push it down, deep into the pit of your stomach, refusing to let it destroy this last dance, this last moment of peace.

Kol doesn’t know. He doesn't know that the very family he’s protecting will soon turn on him. He doesn’t know that the love you share, so fragile and delicate, is the price for your family’s survival. But for now, you let him hold you. For now, you let yourself be consumed by the beauty of this one final dance.

As you sway in Kol’s arms, his touch steady and reassuring, you let your breath slow, feeling the weight of the world lift just a little. He’s right there with you, strong and unwavering.

His love, so constant and true, is a balm for your frayed nerves. You allow yourself to bask in it, closing your eyes and surrendering to the comfort of his presence.

Kol notices the subtle shift in you. The tension in your shoulders loosens, your movements more fluid as you relax into him. He looks down, his umber eyes scanning your face with a mix of affection and concern. Your serene smile doesn’t escape him, and for a brief moment, the weight on his own chest lightens. Still, the unease in his eyes never quite dissipates. He can’t ignore it—something is wrong, and he knows it.

Gently, Kol presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, the tenderness of it making your heart ache. You open your eyes, meeting his gaze, and you’re once again drawn into the warmth of his soul. His eyes—the deep, endless umber that always felt like home to you—hold a question, unspoken but palpable.

You return his smile, a bittersweet ache in your chest. Here, in his arms, everything feels right. He’s here. He’s with you. And yet, the world outside this moment is crumbling. But for a fleeting second, you let the world blur, wishing this moment could last forever.

With a soft exhale, you tilt your head slightly, closing the distance between you, and press your lips to his in a kiss that’s both tender and desperate. When you pull back, the words slip from your lips, whispered in a voice barely louder than the music around you.

"I love you, Kol. Forever."

His eyes soften, his lips curling into that familiar, affectionate smile— the one that makes your heart ache in ways you don’t want to acknowledge. "Forever," he echoes, his voice thick with emotion, as if he knows, just as you do, that forever feels like a fragile thing when everything around you is crumbling.

If you want to be a part of my tag list, please submit an ask specifying series, fandom, or all and I will happily add you (If you don't specify, I'll just assume you want to be on the general list)!

Taglist: @chaoticfanpeach @hazgold @devotedlycrookeddonut @catmikaelson20

[lime-bloods]

I decided to take the plunge and look for responses to this update on Twitter, and was disappointed to find a lot of people expressing that they thought this episode was pointless trauma for trauma's sake, when I thought it communicated its point very effectively.

One of its main points of course is the truism that "recovery isn't linear". Vriska's echeladder at the end of the chapter symbolises this; not only does it include "regression roast" among its rungs, but it's the first echeladder thus far that Vriska has actually failed to complete by the end of the episode; Scratch expresses this point literally by shrinking Vriska down, reversing the literal growth Vriska has experienced over the course of page 666. Consequentially, the Doc Scratch chapter lacks any kind of catharsis at its conclusion, and as a result it does feel really awful to read, but the deliberate choice behind this is clear to see.

While cliches about the intricacies of recovery from trauma do not, in and of themselves, make for a particularly profound message, this chapter also more importantly gave us a clear vision of what Vriska needs to work on next in order to move on from this obstacle: her compulsion to constantly be acting, always moving forward, is in fact part of what holds her back.

This manifests itself most glaringly in Doc Scratch, who positions himself as an impulse that Vriska cannot ignore - echoing Hussie's commentary that "He's always there at the right moment to nudge people in the direction of doing the nasty thing [...] they already know they want to do." - with English removed from the picture, the threat Scratch poses is now simply the fleas he's left in Vriska's mind. No matter what she tries to "do over" within the Plot Point, the decisions she made in the past are still part of her life, and there's always the possibility that she will make decisions like those again. (there is nothing new in Paradox Space.) But from the beginning, Vriska's brash decisionmaking is also exactly what leads her into Scratch's parlor in the first place: she has an eternity in front of her to just spend time with the friends she's made amends with, if she wants to; but even when the challenge facing her is literally just growing and maturing as a person she tries to blaze ahead and take the quickest path through it. And Aradia foreshadows this in the first chapter when she warns that Vriska's attitude is defined by "direct acti0ns"; so long as she obsesses over cause and effect, the repeating patterns that shape her world and her life will always be in her blind spot. (Perhaps that's why she wears an infinity loop on her missing eye?)

This chapter also shakes things up in an important way by turning our understanding of Vriska's echeladder candle on its head. We've had the vague sense that it's been "burning down" to something since the first chapter, but with Gcatavros advising Vriska this week that she needs to slow down "sO YOU DON'T BURN OUT," it suddenly seems like the candle burning down isn't necessarily all a good thing. Her interaction with Scratch is filled with allusions to this; there's a "convenient timer" keeping track of Vriska's life in the Plot Point that she's not paying attention to because she's too busy looking forward, and he sees her off with a coded warning that her "Light" may soon run out just as it did when she was a child. Ultimately what this latest chapter has brought to the table is stakes; by demonstrating that it's still possible for Vriska to face losses on her journey through the inferno, we can no longer be so confident that the "Hell Tiers" have to be a straightforward "upgrade".

[blanceyblance]

A study on Lance's underrated role on the team. Pt 3

Allura pt 2

We continue with how Lance was a support to Allura after Keith left.

First we got the scene where Lance finally unlocks his sword. Allura says that Lance has "greatness in him" and Lance makes a comment about how Shiro has not noticed it.

Allura agrees that Shiro has been difficult lately, and Lance immediately forgets his own disappointment to assure Allura about Shiro's good intentions and how its normal to disagree since both are under a lot of pressure.

Again, another show of Lance putting the team's needs ( the need to have both leaders as an united front) over his own discontent, while also reassuring Allura, something she acknowledges.

Lance also has shown how much he trusts Allura's abilities in Naxzela, when he reaches to Allura because he believes she is capable of powering Voltron.

And he is right.

But he doesn't take any credit. For Lance this was Allura's doing completely, and he looks very proud of that fact.

Finally, we have this moment, after the truth of Lotor is revealed and Allura feels betrayed.

Lance is quick to check on her and Allura also easily talks to Lance about how she feels, and while Allura's distress was high here, we also have seen her push her feelings down and put on a brave face before, the fact that she can show herself vulnerable with him does show how she has grow to trust him.

She is also the one that initiates the hug.

The fact that he later scoffs at the idea that Allura may like him to Veronica does indicates that this was just a moment of him supporting a friend, his feelings for her had little to do with what he did.

At last I wanted to mention this moment in the episode where they drift through space.

In this instance, Keith and Allura start to argue but Lance doesn't say something until Keith makes a low blow and mentions Allura's relationship with Lotor and insults her death father.

This is after Lance still was carrying out Keith's orders to sound off and helped Keith calm down.

He seems angry and jumps to defend Allura.

Like I mentioned before, Lance takes Allura's safety very seriously and is constantly anxious and worried about her when she has to go through dangerous missions.

A lot may see this as Lance being "controlling" but is actually very in line with his character, Lance doesn't like to see his loved ones risking themselves.

I didn't want to add comments on s8 since they were dating at that time so one could argue their relationship played a heavy role onto Lance's actions, but Lance's relationship with Allura lets us see more of this side of Lance, a very fussy and doting one.

Aside of the feelings one may have of the ship, Lance did try to support her and kept her safe as best as he could (and as best as he understood)

It may come in another post but the AL relationship is interesting in the way the roles of "Valiant Hero" and "Doting Love Interest" is gender reversed, with Allura as kind of a Messiah figure and Lance as a moral and emotional support. I can see why many see the similitudes they have with Katara and Aang from ATLA.

Ok, kind of went out of topic here but I wanted to comment on that

Next time is Pidge's turn!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

[mangora]

Something I think about a lot is the people who went to school or lived in the same neighborhood as the ROTI cast seeing them on TV. Everyone in Cameron’s neighborhood knew that a kid lived in that house but they never knew or even really saw him; and now they get to know him for the first time, and they feel this weird mix of pride for him, as well as melancholy or even anger at the fact that he was kept inside his whole life. Lightning was a star in his community and everyone thought he had an idyllic life, until they saw the finale and found out how much pressure he’d been under all those years, and they can’t see him the same way when he comes back. Zoey was an outcast at her high school and was ignored or even picked on by most of her peers, and they only realized how much of an impact that had on her when they watched her struggle to make connections over and over again until she lost her first real friend and snapped. No one liked Scott, everyone thought he was an asshole and knew he only got by via cheating and lying— but seeing him near catatonic after that shark attack, they can’t help but feel horrified on a deep personal level, and remember some of the good or just pitiful things Scott did, and wonder if he really deserved something that terrible. Jo was bullied but never seemed intimidated or effected by it; when everyone sees her struggle with her body image, or worry about the things she hasn’t done yet, or slip up and smile or help someone out, it both makes them realize that she’s weaker than they thought and also that they’re wrong for being happy about that. Similarly, Mike was widely treated as a freak and a delinquent, and had barely if any friends; seeing him open up about his DID on TV and learning where DID comes from created this sense of crushing guilt and horror for everyone who’d ever picked on him or written him off or spread rumors behind his back. Anne Maria was beloved by people at her school and in her neighborhood, and seeing how people like Zoey treated her and watching her lose was devastating. Brick was always known to have a heart of gold, and while seeing that on TV was inspiring for some of his friends and peers at boot camp, it made him a new target for other kids and commanders, who saw him as soft and effete and not worth wasting time on. Sam never had many friends due to his nerdy interests and social awkwardness, and after seeing how kind he was on the show, everyone wishes they’d given him a chance. Seeing Dawn properly mad at Scott during her elimination is super uncanny to everyone who knew her as the calm and collected local cryptid, and it reminds them that she’s human (or at least humanoid) and makes them take her more seriously. B’s community was rooting for them, since everyone knew how smart and thoughtful they were; seeing him get deadnamed by Chris and then get taken down by Scott made them genuinely mad on their behalf. Watching Dakota’s last moments as a normal human girl was horrifying for everyone who knew her, especially because after the episode aired there was nothing they could do about it. Staci went on the show as the annoying girl who lied for attention, and she left the same way; no glory, no gold, just humiliation.

And this isn’t even mentioning what their families felt watching the show, whether that be fear or pride or disappointment or anger— either at Chris and the show or even at their own child, in some cases. Like, could you imagine coming back home to your family, your friends, your neighbors, your teachers, your coworkers, after they’d seen you at your worst or most vulnerable on international television— after everyone who’d ever scrutinized or believed in you watched you lose big time. The horror and/or tragedy of ROTI doesn’t end or even really start with the radioactive island; the things that led them there and the things they returned to could be dismal or scary in their own ways.

Anyways I’m so normal about them rghhhhhh

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 4

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

Hiii, I'm back at it again <3

I'm not gonna write a proper introduction this time around. You know the drill. Enjoy!

(And if you're new here, feel free to check out my posts on the other episodes linked above first.)

Pronoun situation: In my first meta post I kept up with their pronoun use on a scene by scene basis. Just like in ep3, I won't do that in ep4 either because Fadel and Style consistently use the rude guu/mueng pronouns for each other throughout the entire episode without any significant pronoun changes.

To recap: Last time we saw Style, he had just been left lying on the cold hard ground with a punch to the gut after having hooked up with Fadel in a random storage room. Just like at the end of ep2, at the end of ep3 they did not part on the best of terms either.

No. 1: Blissful Dreams

Even though the hook-up ended rather painfully for Style, and even though the hook-up itself may not have been quite what Style dreamed of, it's still left quite a mark on him. So much so, that he even dreams about it that night. So much so, that this dream even affects him in real life the next morning.

"Crap," Style swears. This wasn't the plan. Style may have a bit of a problem now. And over the course of this episode we'll find out just how much of a problem Style actually has now, because the dream hasn't only affected him physically, but the reality that inspired the dream has also affected him emotionally.

No. 2: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The majority of the interactions Style has had with Fadel so far have ended with Fadel either forcing Style to leave (even to the point of physically dragging him away) or with Fadel abandoning Style. Even if from Style's perspective it may not seem like his actions have much of a positive effect on Fadel, I think deep down he does sense that he's managing to worm his way into Fadel's life after all. In any case, Style is not giving up no matter how many times Fadel will ditch him. However, since none of the strategies he's tried so far have seemed to really bear fruit, he now changes course again: disappear for a bit, so that he'll miss you. This strategy works exceptionally well, but Style won't know about it until about two thirds into the episode.

No. 3: Blue-Balled

Despite his resolution to stay away from Fadel to make him miss him, Style fails to hold out for long and is back rather sooner than later. As @secriden points out, Style "comes running to Fadel the second he hears about Fadel asking about him" (quoted from @secriden). Style even explicitly says that he hadn't planned on stopping by, but then "some auntie told me someone asked about me". Style has tried out a new strategy that he hasn't gone with before, learned that it actually did have some sort of affect on Fadel, and immediately rushes to confirm this for himself. Within the first 30 seconds (20 seconds, to be exact!) of Style entering the kitchen he asks Fadel twice if Fadel has missed him. It's literally the second and the fifth sentence out of his mouth when he shows up. This is important info to Style, he needs to know if Fadel has missed him and he needs to know immediately. Style has already started to develop positive feelings towards Fadel over the course of episode 3 and their little storage room fling has influenced that development even more. Style needs to know if Fadel feels the same way. In fact, he downright assumes that Fadel feels the same way: it's in the way he is so satisfied and smug when he walks through the door. Style is very happy about this.

Fadel, however, shoots him down. Style's smile fades, but I don't think it's necessarily because he's hurt or disappointed or wasn't expecting this reaction. No, Fadel has reacted like this to about 90% of the things Style has said to him the entire time they've known each other. Style backs up a bit, but the way he looks at Fadel seems curious, like he's searching for something, like there is a question on his mind. Why does he STILL keep insisting like this, why does he STILL go for rejection when evidence points to the opposite?

Reminder: Last time the two of them saw each other, Style was way out of line and Fadel ended up punching him. Style was also quite upset that Fadel would sleep with him and immediately ditch him. In their last meeting, they didn't part on the best of terms.

So Fadel claims he didn't miss Style (despite evidence saying otherwise) and that Style annoys him because he messes up Fadel's routine and Style thinks about it for a moment, contemplates what Fadel's problem could be with him this time that could make him act like that and then comes to a conclusion as to what it might be:

He lets Fadel know that he's not angry at him for what happened the night before. When Style says "I was asking for it", I'm not entirely convinced he's referring to his unserious behavior at the group meeting. I'm not sure he's actually realized that his behavior was disrespectful. After all, he was "rewarded" with sex for it. Plus, the next thing he says is: "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are". I think this refers to their confrontation and verbal exchange right around Fadel punching Style. I already touched on Style not being scared of Fadel in my ep 3 meta:

Fadel threatens to punch Style if he doesn't move but Style refuses to stand down even though he knows very well from personally witnessing it that Fadel is perfectly capable of punching him if he wished to. Despite that, Style is not scared of Fadel. [...] When Style says "You like me" I don't think he necessarily means it in the sense of you're in love with me or you're crushing on me. I think he [...] is making it very clear just how confident he is about Fadel not hurting him. [...] It's a counterattack to Fadel's threat.

(Bolded for emphasis)

Style was very fearless the night before, which is why I think when Style says "I was asking for it" he's referring specifically to how Fadel was threatening him and how Style put up a fight in response. He "was asking for it", because he didn't move out of Fadel's way despite Fadel making it very clear what the consequences of Style's stubbornness would be. Fadel got scary in their last meeting, and now Style tells him "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are, I’m hooked". While in episode 3 the "I'm not scared of you" was implicit in his actions, Style now tells him explicitly in words.

If you've read my episode 3 meta, you'll know that a running theme throughout the entire post ended up being the question of whether Style really meant all the things he said (esp the flirty things) or if it was all just empty words. Here in the kitchen? Style means every single word, every flirty sentence that he utters. In episode 3, when he bugs Fadel at the running track or when he tells Fadel that he likes and wants him right before they hook up at the end of the episode, there is such an air of loudness to his demeanor. In contrast, when Style tells Fadel "I'm hooked" and asks him what he has to do to win him over, there is much more tranquility to it. Even his voice is calmer, there is no trace of his usual dramatic flair. Style is much more grounded here compared to some of his flirting (attempts) in previous episodes.

Style is being serious when he says "[I]t doesn’t matter how scary you are, I’m hooked", he really means it. But Fadel only looks at him for a moment, squints his eyes briefly, and wordlessly directs his focus back on his herbs, signaling to Style Yeah sure whatever, I don't care, you're a burden and an inconvenience to me. This is yet another very predictable reaction and Style isn't surprised by it, but he's definitely a little annoyed now that he's still not getting through to Fadel, that Fadel still won't admit that he does want Style around and has started taking a liking to him. So Style leans closer to Fadel again and asks what it will take for Style to win him over. Again, Style is being serious about it, his usual over the top flair is missing. He isn't doing this for show, he's not playing anything up because someone else asked him to or because he'll gain something out of it. Style is asking because he genuinely wants to know for no one but himself. Style genuinely cares now.

But Fadel tells Style to fuck off. Not literally, of course (his actual words are "Get out of my face"), but "fuck off" is certainly the subtext of it. And that subtext reaches Style clear as day. Instead of following Fadel's order, he's gonna be a little shit about it now.

"Fuck", you say? Gladly. Malicious compliance with the subtext. Style walks around the table. "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge."

Again, this time around I do think Style means all the flirty shit that he says. It's in the way his tone is much more calm and quiet and how everything he says is much more deliberate, much more calculated. It's a similar vibe to that time in the gym when he told Fadel to call him any time if he needed a spotter, which, if you've read my first meta post of this series, is a scene you'll know I've determined to be the first time Style genuinely flirts with Fadel for the purpose of flirting and not for any other motivations such as revenge. And now here in the kitchen he's also flirting for the purpose of flirting again. His words aren't just empty words.

Another way we can tell that Style genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants right there and then is by the way he gets handsy. In episode 3 he doesn't really touch Fadel when he spouts all the sexual innuendos at him at the running track. The only time Style touches him in that scene is when he squeezes Fadel's man boob in order to emphasize the word "heart". Or in the storage room, even though he claims to want Fadel, Style doesn't touch Fadel either during that entire conversation before they get it going. In fact, the only time he touches Fadel before Fadel starts kissing him is to remove Fadel's hand from him. In contrast, the sauna scene in episode 2 showed us that when Style actually, genuinely wants to sleep with Fadel, he'll start touching Fadel in suggestive places, will even go as far as shamelessly stick his hands down Fadel's pants (or, uh, towel in that case). And even though he didn't exactly get handsy with Fadel at the work-out bench, despite my claims of this interaction being the very first time he genuinely flirts with Fadel, well... Style may have not been handsy, but he sure got kneely:

In the kitchen in episode 4 every flirty thing Style says is an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants again (Oh, how very much the storage room fling has left its mark on Style!). Style genuinely wants this, genuinely wants him. Every single one of Style's actions underlines that as well. And then Fadel actually maneuvers him onto the kitchen table. Style is elated.

At this point I want to once again take a little detour to @clemelntine's meta on each of the boys' sexual fantasies of one other and what that means for the storage room hook-up. If you remember, she writes:

No matter how much he annoys Fadel in the day to day and how much he seems to take the upperhand in those interactions, when it comes to sex he likes in the idea of letting Fadel do what he does/wants.

Not only do we see this play out in the storage room in the way Style gladly gives Fadel full control over his body, but we see this pattern continue in the kitchen. Style is very proactive in showing just how much he wants to get into Fadel's pants but the moment Fadel seemingly folds and goes along with it, Style lets Fadel put him on the kitchen table with no resistance whatsoever and eagerly awaits whatever Fadel has in store for him this time, letting Fadel have full control over the situation and his body again.

Whenever Fadel has blocked or rejected or ignored Style in this scene so far, it has not come as a surprise to Style a single time. This is what Fadel does. Style is used to it. It might annoy or disgruntle him at times, but overall he is used to it. But when Fadel drops "You won’t ever get what you want" and leaves him hanging? This time around it hits Style completely out of left field. Style was so caught up in his euphoria, that he didn't see this coming at all (unlike me, the audience, who was just sitting there going "ohh shit oh damn this is gonna be another fake-out" the moment Fadel grabbed Style's waist and turned him towards the table dfjkdf). After all, Fadel did sleep with him the night before, and so Style probably completely forgot that Fadel could dump him at any moment. In fact, he was probably confident that Fadel sleeping with him the night before and now asking about him at the market when Style failed to show up were signs that Fadel had started to develop feelings for him as well. And if Fadel has feelings for him now, then he would likely also want this, so why would Fadel ditch him? But Fadel does. Style is angry and he's hurt and he's disappointed, but Fadel's rejection hits him so much out of nowhere that I think he actually takes a while to process what has just happened and how to feel about it and how to react. Usually in situations like this, Style will put up a fight with Fadel until one of them wins, but this time around he is so stupefied that he immediately moves towards the door when Fadel shoves him towards it without firmly standing his ground and fighting Fadel about it first. Style does yell at Fadel that he won't let Fadel ditch him and when Fadel comes at him again, just for a short moment Style is about to stand his ground, but then Style shoves him away and leaves the kitchen angrily, instead of fighting him.

While I do think Style is hurt by Fadel's actions, I think anger and shock are his leading emotions here as he storms off. I think the hurt only really properly starts coming out and taking over once Style's shock has worn off and he's processed the situation.

No. 4: OnlyFans

The immediate shock of the situation has now worn off, Style has had a little time to process and now he's ready to fight again. There is still so much anger in Style, but now we can also see just how hurt he actually is. This is even more evident when we go back to episodes 1 and 2 where we've seen this whole thing play out before: Fadel humiliates Style in private and Style retaliates by humiliating Fadel in public. Fadel drags Style out of the diner by his feet in the privacy of the closed restaurant. Style yells at him in front of everyone at a busy market place in return. Fadel leaves Style hanging in the privacy of the diner kitchen whose only staff is Fadel himself. Style yells at him in front of every customer at the restaurant in return.

When Fadel drags Style out of the restaurant in episode 1, Style is of course angry and humiliated. And sure, it did hurt his pride, but it's mostly just that. Fadel, at this point, is mostly just some weird, grumpy dude to him that he has now been hired to hit on. Back then Style wasn't expecting that fake-out either, but it doesn't leave him as stunned as it did this time in the kitchen. In episode 1, he even tries to fight Fadel. He can't do much while he's being pulled along the floor, but as soon as Style is back on his feet he immediately starts raging at the door, pulling at the handles and banging at it. In the kitchen, Style is too stunned to put up a fight and actively runs away instead of fighting Fadel.

When Style yells at Fadel in the market place, while it comes from a place of revenge it's still something he does for show. His words are loud and dramatic and they're for everyone around them to hear more than they are for Fadel himself. It's all a public performance to Style. And the audience is everyone at the market. It's about making everyone see how "bad" of a guy Fadel is and it doesn't really matter whether Fadel is listening to his words or not as long as his words reach his true audience and they believe him. Style is clearly having fun yelling at Fadel while also using the chance to blow off some steam from his previous annoyances with Fadel. When Fadel yields, Style immediately lets it go and chills again.

When Style yells at Fadel at the diner, he's once again causing a scene in public, but this time his words are for Fadel to hear, not for the strangers around them. The fact that there's strangers around them is just a welcome bonus and I think in that moment Style doesn't even really care if any of them are actually listening in or not, as long as his words reach Fadel. Style's voice is sharp as a knife, sharper than we've ever heard it before, and every sentence he utters is a stab at Fadel. When Fadel hands him the apron and tells him to leave, Style agrees, but he speaks out a warning first ("But just keep in mind: Nobody gets to nail and bail me."). His fighting spirit has come back, and when Fadel launches a counterattack ("I’ll be the first"), Style does not back down this time around like he did earlier in the kitchen. It's Fadel who walks away this time and Style reminds him that he'll continue to fight him ("A guy like Style won’t back down"). It's only when he walks out of the restaurant that he turns his argument with Fadel into an actual public performance. It's only when he invites everyone at the restaurant to take pictures of him that his words are for show and for his audience to hear.

We've just watched a situation that we've seen before play out but this time around it's very different. Because this time around Fadel actually means something to Style. And this time around Style has already slept with Fadel, which also meant something to him. I'm not entirely sure Style has quite figured out what exactly it all means to him and I also don't think he's head over heels in love with Fadel yet, but he sure is starting to have many emotions. While Style was also enraged back in episode 1 after Fadel dragged him out of the diner, his anger has leveled up now because this time around, underneath all of that anger, Style is also very hurt. They were starting to make progress and Style even got to celebrate small victories along the way (Fadel making him a burger, Fadel actually sleeping with him, Fadel asking about his whereabouts). Style was starting to get somewhere with Fadel, was slowly starting to develop some feelings of his own for Fadel, and Fadel just goes and kicks down Style's sandcastle. What's more, Style has made it very clear to Fadel how he feels about getting nailed and bailed, and then Fadel just goes and does it on purpose.

Style is so angry and hurt that this time around just one public yelling isn't enough. This time he goes for a round 2.

No. 5: A Ruined Man

Style is back at the support group. This time it's not to find out more about Fadel's backstory, this time he is here because he has a message for Fadel. And this time Style's distress isn't cringe, because this time the situation is serious to him. He is seriously angry, and he is seriously hurt, and it's important to him that Fadel is fully aware of it, aware of what he's done to Style.

"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they don’t even know how deep they have cut you."

Oh, Style. I hope you don't end up eating your own words later when Fadel finds out why exactly you were hitting on him and trying to get him to fall for you in the first place.

No. 6: Are These Systoms of Being Pregarnt?

This time Fadel is so done with Style that he drags him away in front of everyone else instead of waiting until no one is around. And Style is finally able to have somewhat of a civil conversation with Fadel again. While he is still angry at Fadel since they still haven't cleared up their quarrel, he is no longer outright yelling at him or attacking Fadel with his words like he was at the diner or in the group meeting just now. The tone of his voice is softer and also his dramatic flair is back when he goes on and on about how he might as well be pregnant. And we also learn what exactly it is that Style wants from Fadel: "You slept with me, so take responsibility for it."

I've already talked at length about why I think Style isn't one for casual, no strings attached one-night stands in my ep3 meta, and Style's words here highlight this once again. The storage room sex mattered to Style. And I don't think it mattered to him because it was a step closer to fulfilling the mission he's been sent on and a step closer to getting the car of his dreams.

If you read my ep3 meta, you'll know that I mention a couple of times that Style is developing "positive feelings" for Fadel. Phrasing it like this rather than phrasing it as "romantic feelings" or "starting to like" was a very deliberate decision. Because I don't think Style was quite there yet in episode 3. He still had many other ulterior motivations and intentions going on, be it Kant's "hit on Fadel so I can get to Bison" mission that Style gets a car out of or Style being nosy about Fadel's lore. If you remember, at the beginning of this meta when Style woke up with a boner I said Style may have a bit of a problem now. The problem is his own feelings – this whole episode hasn't been about Kant's mission or the car anymore (or about Style finding out Fadel's backstory). Instead, this whole episode we've been exploring Style's real feelings, his own desires. Style has started to care when it comes to Fadel, has started to genuinely want him. Style is starting to genuinely like Fadel now. He even lets it slip during the support group meeting:

"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they don’t even know how deep they have cut you."

And yes, one could argue that he's been saying he likes Fadel ever since Kant set him on Fadel and that Style, in fact, has said he likes Fadel many, many times before, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. But I think this time it is in fact different. I think this time he means it. Because if it was just a lie, if those were just empty words, then Fadel dumping him in the kitchen wouldn't have hurt so much. And at this point, I think Style's hurt isn't only about being dumped in the kitchen but also about being ditched in the storage room. Style may have said he won't hold what happened back then against Fadel, but maybe deep down he does. Because the storage room sex mattered to him and at this point of the episode maybe it matters to him even more so than at the beginning of the episode or at the end of episode 3. Not to mentioned, he really doesn't like getting nailed and bailed. You slept with me, so take responsibility for it.

No. 7: I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You. Not Even a Little Bit. Not Even at All.

"You're not killing me or anything like that, right?" Style says as they're walking out of their last scene and Fadel promptly takes him out to the woods into an abandoned greenhouse. They still haven't cleared anything up between the two of them and Style is still kinda angry, which is why I think that when he says "Are we doing it outdoors? Your taste sure surprises me" he says it mostly to piss Fadel off, not because he wants to flirt or actually do it with him in that moment (oh but just you wait another few minutes 🤭🤭🤭).

Fadel once again just wordlessly walks away from Style. Instead of following him, Style stays back at the car, kinda annoyed. We don't know how long exactly Style was waiting, but either way, I think he does lowkey start to get freaked out a little. He wants to go home and starts looking for Fadel.

"I know you’re gonna kill me and hide my body in the woods." Oh Style, sweetie, no. Careful with your words. Apollo's ball of prophecy and all that. Right after that, we get yet another reference to Style not being scared of Fadel. When he enters the greenhouse, searching for Fadel while monologuing, he shouts:

But I ain't scared of you!

Fun fact, in Thai he actually phrases it as "You think I'm scared of you?":

มึงคิดว่ากูกลัวมึงหรอ [mueng - kít wâa - guu - gluua - mueng - rŏr] you - think that - I - scared (of) - you - [question word]

It is night-time, Style walks along dark aisles in search of Fadel who ran away from him and is currently nowhere to be seen, when suddenly, out of nowhere Fadel appears, shoves him into some furniture (ish) and angrily yells into his face: "Who sent you?" Oh, wait, wrong episode.

User @secriden wrote an excellent post detailing the parallels between the ep3 storage room scene and the ep4 forest scene, but I actually think that the beginning of the scene is much closer to a different scene that we saw in episode 2: the locker room scene. It's interesting because this is the third time this episode calls back to the first two episodes. It starts with the parallel of Fadel's fake-out, then we had the parallel of Style publicly humiliating Fadel, and now we have a call-back to the locker room scene, which will soon turn into a parallel of the storage room hook-up. The parallels do be paralleling this episode.

In the locker room, it was Style who dropped a "love confession": "I like you. I liked you the moment I crashed into you that night. It was love at first sight. So damn romantic. Straight out of a movie." But now in the greenhouse it's Fadel's turn. Fadel ambushes Style, shoves him against the bars and starts raging. Fadel has yelled at Style a lot over the past few episodes. He yells at Style to reprimand him, to shoot down his advances, or to tell him to piss off. When Fadel yells at Style, it's all about his feelings of disdain he has for Style. So when Fadel says "I don’t like you messing up my life. My life has been planned out. You’re disrupting it," Style sighs a little and braces himself for yet another fight against Fadel:

But then Fadel goes off-script. "I don’t like myself when I look for you on the morning jog or at the market. I don’t like waiting to see if you’d show up at my restaurant or my go-to club. You— I don’t like you being in my life and changing it."

This is a new one. Style listens intently.

Fadel continues. "I don’t like feeling like this." Style has all his focus entirely on Fadel and his words now. He squeezes his eyes just the tiniest bit. And I think this is where Style starts to figure out the core of Fadel's problem.

"I don’t like it!", Fadel yells and Style looks at him with so much resolution and with so much understanding.

And then Fadel drops: "I don’t like that I miss you."

Fun fact about the word คิดถึง [kít-tĕung]: apart from "to miss", it can also have the meaning of "to think of, to think about". So another possible interpretation and underlying meaning of this line is "I don't like that I think about you."

Something vital that I want to bring up at this point now is something that @secriden has pointed out in her meta:

It's incredibly important that Style waited at this point. Style, who talks endlessly and without thought. Style, who demands that his story and his thoughts are aired first. Style, who has been telling Fadel this lie time and time again before Fadel’s feelings made it true... Stops. Waits. Stays silent. Because Fadel had to get there himself or not at all.

And get there, Fadel did. Fadel has just spilled that he thinks about Style, that he misses him. That Style's efforts have been worth it. That Fadel has started caring the way Style has started to care. Style looks at Fadel, takes it all in.

Style finally understands Fadel's problem, finally understands why Fadel has been acting the way he's been acting.

When Style kisses Fadel, there is so much purpose, so much intent to it. Style has something to say, something important, and every single thing on his mind, every single emotion, he puts it all into that kiss. And what he has to say is:

Yes. The caption in the gif is different from the official English subtitles. Because Style literally says:

มันโอเค​นะเว้ย ที่จะมีความรักอ่ะ [man - oh-keh - ná wóiie • thêe - jà - mee kwaam rák - àh] it - okay - [particle] • that - will - be in love - [particle]

And this is a distinction that is important to me personally. Phrasing it as "It's okay to be in love" is by far more specific than "It's okay to love" and I think this particular word choice hits Fadel harder as well. Fadel likes control, he likes knowing exactly what's going on at any given moment. But then Style shows up as a whirlwind in his life, bringing disorder to everything. Fadel is starting to develop feelings that he can't control and it freaks him out.

When Style kissed Fadel in the locker room it was an attack in the battle he was fighting against him. When Style kisses Fadel in the greenhouse, it's for reassurance. Style puts everything he wants to say with "It's okay to be in love" into that line. It's okay to let go. It's okay to let things take their natural course. It's okay to be in love. You're allowed to have feelings. It's not a bad thing. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.

And with this we go into the parallels to the storage room scene. If you remember my ep3 meta, then you'll remember how I said that Style didn't really mean it at the time when he said he wanted Fadel right before they hook up. This time he didn't say a single word about it, but his actions show that he does want Fadel this time. Once again I'm gonna steal a thought from @clemelntine's meta:

[Style] isn't entirely giving in/passive in the situation, though. He still has a hands on Fadel holding him close/in place, and does seem to want to touch him. No matter how much he wants Fadel to service him, he isn't gonna let him do it all on his own. He too wants to explore Fadel as well.

We can really see that this time around. Unlike in the storage room, Style has his hands all over the place: on Fadel's throat, underneath Fadel's shirt, in Fadel's pants, pulling Fadel closer with his arm around Fadel's neck. What's more, there's significantly more eye contact. Fadel actually looks Style in the eye now. It's still not as much and as intense as in Style's fantasy, because they're still not quite there yet emotionally, but it's a start. They've both started to develop some actual feelings, and this time around they're also both aware of it. Of their own feelings as well as the other's feelings. Where last time they were acting purely on physical attraction, they're much more emotionally involved this time around. Emotionally they're much more on the same page this time around. And it's beautiful.

Also, I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet, but we are all aware that they show us pretty much the entire act from start to, uhhh well, finish, right? Right?? 🫣

No. 8: Be My Boyfriend

Not for the first time Style says he wants Fadel as a boyfriend. Unlike the other times though, Style actually means it this time around. His words are no longer for show, no longer a performance that will be rewarded with Kant's gratitude and his car. Style is being 100% serious about being Fadel's boyfriend. The car is more of an afterthought (and one that he will get to, because a deal is a deal, and he's been in love with the car much longer than he's had any positive feelings for Fadel for, but still. Right there in the woods, I think the car isn't really on his mind at the time).

Style means every flirty thing he says. He means it when he says "You’re mysterious and alluring. You’re quiet, but sexy as hell". If you remember, during the kitchen scene I mentioned that Style wasn't as loud in the flirty things he said, and we can really see that in the aforementioned line and also when he says "[Having a boyfriend is] great. You have someone to embrace, to love, and to…" These lines are much less loud and less performative than compared to everything that came out of his mouth in ep3 on the sports field.

By the way, I need you all to know that this exchange:

F: I’ll stick with jerking off. S: I’m sure.

Actually goes:

F: I can jerk off by myself. กูชักว่าวอยู่เองได้ [guu - chák wâao - yùu - eng - dâai] I - masturbate - be - (by) oneself/myself - be able to S: I know you can do it yourself. รู้ว่ามึงทำเองได้ [rúu wâa - mueng - tam - eng - dâai] know that - you - do - (by) oneself/yourself - be able to

And where did we get a similar exchange before? That's right. In that very scene at the sports field that I just mentioned:

F: If you want it that much, then go jerk off. ถ้าอยากมากเนี่ยก็ไปชักว่าวไป [tâa - yàak - mâak - nîia - gôr - bpai - chák wâao - bpai] if - want - much - [particle] - then - go - masturbate - go S: I know it can be done alone. รู้มันทำคนเดียวได้ [rúu - man - tam - kon diiao - dâai] know - it - do - alone - be able to

The words they say are similar, and yet these two exchanges are very different from one another. Just like in the kitchen, Style's flirting in the woods is much more grounded. It's not the same performance as it was in episode 3. And just as I said in my ep3 meta, it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, not when he's putting up a show:

The inauthenticity in [Style's] insistent approach is what makes him annoying in those scenes [the running track and the market]. And it's also not what works on Fadel – it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, like when he was helping him wait tables (which Fadel recognizes by rewarding him with a burger) or when Style was being playfully flirty in the sauna (which results in Fadel fantasizing about him at night).

What's interesting, though, that even though this is the very first time Fadel actually engages in Style's friendly banter and amiable conversation instead of ignoring him or yelling at him or telling him to piss off, at the beginning of the conversation Style doesn't have Fadel quite just yet. Actually, no. That's not accurate. Style is being genuine, has been genuine all episode already and so he does reach Fadel in the beginning of their conversation. Fadel is finally engaging, is finally getting involved. But then Style loses him again at a certain point. And it's specifically when he says:

But isn't it better to have someone like me with you?

Up until this very point, Fadel was mostly turned towards Style. He's smiled, he's laughed, he's rolled his eyes in amusement and he's actively taken part in Style's conversation. He's been more open with Style than he's ever been before. But now? He stares at Style for a moment, then turns away from him, closing himself off from Style again.

And it's interesting that this is happening at this specific point, because their entire conversation has mostly surrounded sex (adjacent) things and physical attraction. They literally start this conversation referencing their hook-up from right before, Style calls Fadel sexy, and then alludes that he wants to sleep with him again. And I think by the time Style says "I know you can [jerk off] by yourself. But isn’t it better to have someone like me with you?" Fadel is at a point where he's like Oh, so you only want to be my boyfriend just so you can do me again, huh? So this is all I am to you, huh?

Fadel isn't cool with that and so he starts to shut himself off from Style again. Style is rejected again. Style turns his head away from Fadel, sighs, raises his eyebrows, and I think he realizes (at least subconsciously) what Fadel is unhappy about, because the next thing he says the moment he's turned back to Fadel is:

What you said to me just now... I feel the same way.

And again, he's being sincere. His voice is calm and grounded, there's not a single trace of his dramatic antics. And that line and coupled with that sincerity has Fadel listening up again:

"Be my boyfriend," Style says and Fadel listens even more closely. "Give me a chance," Style says and Fadel looks away, laughs, and replies "You don’t even know me". Fadel's words are a challenge, but this time there is no malice, no anger, no annoyance in his voice. His voice is soft. Fadel poses a challenge, but it's not an invitation to fight. Or rather, it is an invitation to fight, but it's a very different fight from before. And Style is only happy to take up said challenge: "And what about it? I’ll learn more about you when you’re my boyfriend."

And for what he says next, I'd love to share a more literal translation with you again. In the English subs Style talks about being 100% in and it being Fadel's turn to let him in, which, yeah, it's the gist of it. However, in Thai he uses the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] again, which I've already talked about in my ep3 meta because Style has used that word before during that scene where Fadel hands him the burger. The day after posting that meta, I actually asked my Thai teacher about this word in class (and nearly died in the process) because I hadn't discussed this word with a native speaker for my meta and while I had discussed this word with my Thai language learning buddy after he brought it up when I was trying to explain the German phrase "sich einlassen auf" (@ German speakers: เปิดใจ is very similar to that!), I just couldn't remember it well and wanted to double check just in case. According to my teacher, it's a word that is used to talk about opening up to something or about giving things a chance, but the literal translation is "to open one's heart" (เปิด [bpèrt] = to open / ใจ [jai] = heart, mind) and I think the series makes use of that literal meaning for a nice metaphor/image here. I think Style's choice of words is very deliberate:

I've opened my heart to you 100% already. กูเปิดใจให้มึงร้อยเปอร์เซนต์แล้วนะ [guu - bpèrt-jai - hâi - mueng - rói - bper-sen - láew - ná] I - open up (one's heart) - for, to - you - 100 - percent - already - [particle]

Only you remain. เหลือแค่มึงอ่ะ [lĕuua - kâe - mueng - àh] remain, left - only - you - [particle]

How much will you open your heart to me? จะเปิดใจให้กูมากแค่ไหน [jà - bpèrt-jai - hâi - guu - mâak kâe năi] will - open up (one's heart) - to, for - I/me - how much

Fadel, who has enclosed his heart in thick, high walls, is being asked how many doors leading up to it he is willing to open. Style subtly reminds Fadel that a relationship consists of two people, but leaves the decision of just how close Fadel will let Style get to his heart entirely up to Fadel. Because that's Fadel's choice to make.

While Style is talking, Fadel is listening intently, really taking in Style's words and contemplating them:

He's quiet for a moment after Style is done telling him You have full access to my heart now. I'm willing to give you a chance. I've done my part. The choice is on you now. Will you grant me access to your heart, too? Will you give me a chance as well?

Fadel thinks about it for a bit more, then laughs a small laugh, throws his head back, and goes "Yeah. Fine." Style is confused. Fadel then explicitly agrees to be his boyfriend. Style's eyes widen. He can't believe his ears. He has to ask for confirmation, has to make sure he really heard it right:

We're boyfriends, right? เป็นแฟนกันใช่มั้ย [bpen - faen - gan - châi mái] be - boyfriend, girlfriend - each other, together - right?

Fadel confirms. Style is absolutely over the moon and showers Fadel in kisses.

Do I think they're already in love? Not exactly. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time to look at Fadel as closely as I have been looking at Style (I need 48h days fr 😭😭) but when it comes to Style, I think even if he's not in love just yet, this is the start of something real. We saw in episode 3 that he was starting to develop positive feelings towards Fadel, was starting to genuinely have a good time hanging around Fadel, but he still had ulterior motives in the foreground of his mind. I think when he hooked up with Fadel in the storage room that kicked off something within him because, as I've made very clear in my ep3 meta, to Style sex isn't just sex. Because if it was, his journey this episode would have been going very differently. But throughout this entire episode Style has cared, he has cared so much to the point he's gotten really hurt. And his joy when Fadel agrees to be his boyfriend? That's real. And I don't think it's because he's about to receive the car of his dreams as a reward. If it was, I think Style would have been much more smug about Fadel agreeing to be his boyfriend, would have been much more self-satisfied underneath all that happiness. But Style's joy here is pure. And he doesn't brag about finally "winning" Fadel over, doesn't hold it over his head in a smug HAH, you gave in to me, I'm the one who won our battle of wills, look how cool I am sort of way. Style's joy is real, but what he's feeling is not quite love at this point. But so what if they're not in love just yet? Like Style said: They can get to know each other fall in love when they're boyfriends.

No. 8: Apollo's Ball Of Prophecy Is Real

Remember how a couple of paragraphs ago I said the car was just an afterthought, that Style would still get to? Well, he's getting to it now. He shows up at Kant's place and "When should I come and get your car?" is the first thing out of his mouth right after his hellos. Kant reminds Style of their deal and asks if Fadel has agreed to be Style's boyfriend. Style says "yes", shining brightly as the sun as he says this. And the way he shines while dropping this info to Kant makes me once again think that his happiness here is more focused on Fadel rather than the car. Style is a little smug now, but it's mostly before Kant mentions the words "Fadel" and "faen" together in one single sentence (yes, I had to go with the Thai word for boyfriend just for the alliteration lol). When Style says yes, Fadel is in fact his boyfriend now, the subtext I'm hearing is not something along the lines of Yeah, I finally got him, so where's my beloved car at, bro, we had a deal???? but what I'm hearing is more like Yes!! He is!! Can you believe!! Fadel is my BOYFRIEND!! Omg!! I did it!! Just like we'll see in the flashback to the "be my boyfriend" scene right after, there is something rather pure about Style's complete and utter joy at the thought of Fadel being his boyfriend.

Style relays the "be my boyfriend" conversation to Kant and it's only after that that Style really starts bragging: "Your best friend is a genius, isn’t he? I told you I can get anyone." And yeah, undeniably this is about the fact that he's getting a car out of it, but I also think that he would have bragged about it even if the deal with the car didn't exist. Kant and Style seem to have the sort of friendship where they always brag to each other about their love lives. We were shown this in episode 1 when Kant goes to see Style at the garage and Style immediately asks for the tea on his night with Bison, pretty much begging Kant to brag about it when Kant tries to change the topic to something else. Style would have bragged about Fadel to Kant no matter what. Besides, why wouldn't he go get the car, despite actual feelings being involved now? A deal is a deal, and if he can get the car of his dreams and the boyfriend of his dreams out of it, that's even better. Best of both worlds. Who wouldn't say no to that?

But Style's happiness gets smacked right out of him via Apollo's ball of prophecy as he learns that he should really be very careful what he jokes about. He almost spoke Fadel taking him out to the woods to kill him into existence. Fadel is a hitman. Style's panic gets the better of him. He has seen, felt on his own body even what Fadel is capable of. He doesn't like Fadel that much yet, so he's outta there before he gets to experience first hand the real depths of what Fadel can be capable of if Style gets too annoying. Car be damned. Style may be unhinged but he isn't suicidal.

Kant, however, manages to talk Style into helping him and staying with Fadel anyway. Now, you could say Style is unhinged for agreeing to help Kant instead of firmly refusing his request and getting out of this mess before it gets worse, but I think in that moment Style is genuinely afraid that Fadel WILL kill him if Style breaks up with him, breaks his heart right after Fadel has finally, finally given him closer access to it. And Style has had to work very hard for said access, so he knows very well how big that decision was for Fadel to entrust Style with just a little bit of his heart. And if Style then goes and breaks that little bit of Fadel's heart that he was given in the very next moment? That's a death sentence on Style's head right there.

And another reason why I think Style agrees to continue working for Kant's mission is that Style likes to help. I've already touched on this in my ep3 meta:

Style likes to help. We see this in the way he agrees to help his best friend by hitting on some weirdo guy (yes, of course he's also getting a car out of this deal, but I think part of the reason why he agrees to the deal is also because he genuinely wants to help Kant find love), we see this in the way he immediately takes orders from customers no questions asked in episode 2 right before he meets Bison, and we'll see this even later this episode [ep3] when he throws himself into the fight despite having no fighting skills whatsoever, just because he thinks three against one is unfair and wants to help.

Helping people is something that comes easy to Style, something he doesn't really have to think about, and so when Kant practically begs him to help Style can't do anything but agree to help Kant because not helping would go entirely against the nature of his character. Also, who could resist First's puppy eyes? Valid, absolutely valid. I, too, would fold like thin paper if First looked at me like That.

No. 9: Over Your Limit

Style is at the gym, probably in an attempt to work off some of the overwhelming emotions that Kant's reveal has left him with. What's interesting is, as @secriden noted, that Style decided to go there during daytime. From episode 2, both we, the audience, as well as Style know that Fadel likes to go to the gym at night specifically to avoid crowds. It's probably safe to assume that Style went there during the day specifically in order to avoid Fadel.

So Style sits there, lost in his memories, recontextualizing everything that happened at the greenhouse, processing Kant's news, rethinking his decision. Unfortunately for him, he's already made his choice the moment he agreed to help Kant, and so in the end Style goes Fuck it, I'm doing this.

Unexpectedly, Fadel shows up. Style hadn't been mentally prepared for that and despite his fuck it attitude just mere seconds ago (17, to be exact), his instincts kick in and he panics. Everything within him is screaming at him get away from this man, your life is in danger and so Style immediately rejects Fadel's offer for help: "I can’t do it anyway. I was pushing my limits."

Style is pushing his limits. Hitting on a guy? Sure, that's fine. Making him his boyfriend, despite said guy having walls as thick as the Great Wall of China? A little challenge, but nothing Style can't handle. But dating someone who is a professional killer, someone who is capable of taking lives and might very well be capable of taking his own boyfriend's life if need may be? That really is pushing any limit Style could ever have even as much as dreamed of. He can't do it.

But despite every instinct within Style telling him to run away, Style doesn't, because that would be suspicious and Style can't risk Fadel getting suspicious because that would seal his deathly fate even quicker. So Style hesitantly leans back and lets Fadel help him. And here at this point, I just wanna give a little shout out to Style raising his eyebrows and sighing a little after they're done, like whew, I survived that, I'm still alive, because it makes me giggle:

When Fadel alludes to wanting to have sex, Style plays dumb. Style has used this strategy before when he wanted to find out the connection between Fadel and the host club, but where in ep3 Style was playing dumb in order to gain Fadel's trust, here at the gym Style is playing dumb in order to delay having to get close to Fadel again (much less sleeping with him) while he figures out a way to get out of it. When Fadel cuddles up to him, it's the last straw. Style's panic takes over for good and he makes an escape. But then Fadel calls out to him, asking him to wait. Shit. Style's fight for his life is not yet over. Style stops, trying not to be suspicious or to do anything else that would give Fadel a motive to kill him.

Fadel walks up to him and wipes the sweat of his face. Where before Fadel's touch has recently been making Style feel good, it now feels very threatening instead. Yet, at the same time it's also a kind and caring gesture, which is something that isn't lost on Style.

Style very much notices the care in Fadel's action, but his new perspective on Fadel makes it hard for him to embrace and appreciate the kindness of it. And the kindness and care also contradicts the image of the ruthless killer Style now has in his mind of Fadel. These two contrasting aspects simply do not go together. Unable to cope, Style runs off.

The Attempt of a Conclusion

Where Style had just a little bit of a problem at the beginning of the episode, by the end of it that problem has grown much larger than he could have ever anticipated. Over the course of episode 3 we saw that Style was slowly starting to develop some positive feelings for Fadel, was slowly starting to actively enjoy hanging out around him, was starting to get curious about Fadel of his own accord and not for motives connected to the deal. Yet, the deal was still very much always there. In episode 4, however? Style might not have entirely realized it yet, but that deal is no longer relevant to him. Not showing up to the morning jogging or at the market might still have been a planned strategy in the mission Kant gave him, but that mission goes right out the window the moment he hears that Fadel had asked about him. When Style goes running to Fadel the second he is told that Fadel had asked about him when actually Style could and probably should have played his game a little longer, really letting Fadel stew, from that moment onward it's all about Style's own feelings rather than the car. And everything he does this episode is led by those feelings. Over the course of this episode we see that Style has genuinely started to like Fadel. And he had to. He had to start liking Fadel before learning about Fadel's real job. Because the higher you are, the further you fall and Style accidentally having caught feelings makes the drop down worse, for both Style, the character as well as us, the audience. Style genuinely likes Fadel now, and if that wasn't enough of a problem already, the man he likes turns out to be a professional killer.

Crap, indeed.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

[angelshizuka]

One of the more annoying criticisms of Helluva Boss is the amount of people saying plot beats get introduced and go nowhere.

It’d be a criticism that would hold more weight if the show A) had more than 20 episodes out B) wasn’t still ongoing.

Like my dudes, we still have TWO seasons of this show left to go, 30 episodes TOTAL.

This is a criticism you give a show that has multiple seasons of loose plot threads and unresolved conflicts, but Helluva Boss isn’t even at the halfway point of its full story yet.

It only FEELS like it’s taking forever to get to the point because the show has been airing since 2020 and episodes take an enormous amount of time to produce because it’s an indie show!

Patience is a virtue.

That's exactly it, though!

We're literally only 20 episodes into a 50 episode INDIE show and even with all the "plot hole/rushed" complaints, it still has had more plot and character development than a lot of corporate shows have after like twice or triple that (or 6 times that if you're ML).

But yeah, I get being disappointed if things didn't happen once a show has ended, because that's a permanent confirmation you'll proably never see it (and even then you need to be able to take a step back and analyse how much of it was wishful thinking/personal preferences vs actually needed in the story).

I mean, I can definitely be impatient myself and I've only been here since April last year, so obviously don't know the hiatus struggles (for this show, I've experienced plently of hiatuses with other franchises), but especially with all the fan engagement, interviews, previews ect. we get, it's not like we're left hanging.

And in a way it taking so long also has it's pros. This is just rough speculation NOT fact, but let's say s3-4 takes another 5 years to completely finish, that'll mean that the show has had a 10 year run since the pilot. While most corporate shows would've pumped out those 50 episodes in 2-3 years and then drop the show like it never existed in the first place.

[thethirdromana]

I'm watching the edited version of the War Games (it's on BBC4 right now and my parents wanted to see it), so, have some thoughts.

I'm normally a bit iffy on colourisation but this is genuinely very well done. The titles are gorgeous.

Squishing it into 90 mins makes the opening very zippy. The pace feels a shade too quick if anything.

It also gets a bit weird when the cliffhanger is turned into continuous action.

This is despite the fact that they only cut about 10 mins of episode one.

They drink a lot of tea in the War Games but it comes across as even more when you cut out of the non-tea-drinking bits.

OK, there's some very fun editing around the redcoat and Buckingham remembering the mist coming down. (Dare I say possibly an improvement on the original?)

But then it goes back to feeling too zippy, but least because episode 3 is brutally cut. Very little of it left.

Gah, I'm trying to like this, because it's clearly been lovingly made and the colourisation is genuinely superb, but the grinding relentlessness of the War Games has been replaced by rattling through the plot at a frenzied pace and it's not really working for me.

Ooh, Murray Gold's Master theme has been added over the War Chief's appearance. Not sure how I feel about that, but it's certainly an interesting choice.

They've dealt with the cliffhanger issue at the end of episode 4 by taking it out entirely.

The little added CGI bits are not hugely successful - they look oddly plasticky. Which is a bit disappointing, because have I mentioned how good the colourisation is?

It's taken my dad until the episode six cliffhanger to note the place where the original cliffhanger was.

(My mum has given up because she doesn't like how much fighting there is. Not sure if the original edit would have been any better on that score.)

Episodes 6 and 7 are so thoroughly chopped up that it's tricky to trace the original storyline. It's neatly done but it's not really the War Games any more.

More of the Master's theme when the War Chief admits to knowing the Doctor.

My dad comments that this bit seems like it was inspired by the Prisoner (which he also watched when it first aired).

It feels a bit weird when it switches from Murray Gold to 1960s incidental music.

This really centres the War Chief et al over the rest of the storyline.

"Complete loyalty and devotion" - oh, Jamie. This loses a lot of character beats in favour of the Time Lord-centric storyline, but not all of them.

Oof, their last desperate attempt to escape is still just as grim and desperate in the edit. Like there's still part of me wondering if they might somehow get away this time.

There are new Who-style images of Gallifrey on the view screen.

"Is the next episode The Trial of a Time Lord?" asks my dad, who has seen all of Doctor Who, but mostly not very recently.

The middle bit of episode 10 is cut, which means that I can watch the ending without crying for once.

Lots of establishing shots of Gallifrey.

The too old/too young/too thin shows a series of New Who Doctors. Not entirely sure how I feel about that choice either.

And it ends with the Doctor regenerating in the TARDIS - again, New Who style - before the date ticks back and forth erratically between 1970 and 1980, a joke that will appeal to a small number of people that includes me, and finally the very opening scene of Spearhead from Space.

I think if you accept the premise that a 90-min version of the War Games could be done, it's about as good as it could be. A few of the choices make it pretty clear that this is primarily for a New Who audience - particularly that it becomes a very Time Lord-centric story - not really for existing fans of the War Games.

Still, I wasn't expecting to love the colourisation as much as I did, and it made me wish I could watch a colourised version of all 10 episodes.

[fish-champ16]

spoilers for tdp s6

i just finished S6 of the dragon prince and all i want to say is that the writers and Claudia's VA cooked this season.

Claudia's wailing in the first episode when her father left her?? and then again in episode 9?? it was heart wrenching i felt so much pain and empathy for her. it was reminiscent of azula's breakdown (are we surprised tho) Raquel Belmont deserves AWARDS after these performances ohmygod.

Soren and Viren lore?? fucking insane. i actually cried when Viren revealed the details of the spell to save Soren. HOLDING HIS WIFE BY HER HAIR AND TRAPPING HER AGAINST THE WALL TO TAKE HER TEARS?? that shit was horrific to hear and the fact that we SAW some of it?? thank god we actually didn't get the entire flashback because i honestly think the entire rating of the show would've changed from that scene alone. im honestly glad that viren did burn his confession instead of giving it to soren because that would've affected the season's finale ENTIRELY and i cannot even think about how soren would feel about finally confirming that his father did love him less at some point in his life.

Viren did earn some sympathy from me, especially with how much emotion Jason Simpson put into his acting this season however i cannot forgive him.

LEOLA

HER WHOLE STORY. THAT FACT THAT THIS IS ALL OUT OF REVENGE FOR AARAVOS'S YOUNG DAUGHTER. the rage and the grief he felt feels was valid esPECIALLY FINDING OUT HIS PRISON WAS IN A SEA OF HIS TEARS?? IN THE CRATER OF HIS DAUGHTER?? SURROUNDED BY HER BONES?? HORRIFIC. personally i also would've gone on my revenge arc too, especially with Sol Regem. His bitch ass CAUSED THE EXECUTION OF A YOUNG GIRL. if i ever catvh Sol Regem out in these streets it's on site

that whole scene geniunely had me sobbing. both Erik Dellums and Ridley Simpson gave such an amazing performance for such a short and soul-shattering scene. the writers did fantastic with the script and story-telling this season because i never thought i'd feel empathy for Aaravos but here we are

my only complaints this season are that some of the dialogue or at least the emotion in the dialogue felt flat and it was weird because some scenes set up these big emotional turning points but the actors delivery weakened that. some scenes the animation looked a little flat too but tbh that's been a complaint of mine since the show has come out.

but im also just disappointed in the fact that they couldn't have drawn ezran and callum in sleepwear?? like hello why are they sleeping in their everyday outfits?? RAYLA has sleep attire (as she should tho love her) and ezran also should've been given some sort of formal attire for his aunts WEDDING TO THE QUEEN OF SUNFIRE ELVES. like what was going on there guys

[nerdishpursuits]

My partner pointed out that the show might simply be trying to tell a story, loosely, conveniently and selectively anchored in 1958. For all we know, its aim was never to impart lessons. For all we know, any conclusions rest with the audience, subject to personal interpretation and bias: a desire for a certain outcome or scene, a need for justice to prevail in a fictional world (since life itself is terribly unjust), a hunger for the heroine to triumph over the villain etc.

If what the audience desires isn’t accomplished in some way? We are left with a storyline that ''teaches'' victims to keep silent, to not seek justice (for it cannot be obtained through legal means), to not seek retribution (for it will benefit the abuser and further punish the victims), to swallow one's anguish and rage and bottle it up (if not, dire consequences await). It would also teach that a woman's partner wouldn't understand her either, calling her 'unrecognizable' (when she is the one who knows her best) and setting herself apart, tacitly claiming moral superiority rooted in disappointment (when this was never about who’s the better person, because they both are)

This episode I am on the fence about what they've done with Fina. The fact that she cannot see nor understand Marta's anguish, her ire and helplessness? That she doesn’t try to put herself in her shoes? The fact that, to our knowledge, she has not once asked Marta how she's handling everything, if she's alright? (and I'm not saying that she won’t do all of that and more, in the nearby future, that they won’t sit down and have a heart to heart where they finally lay all their cards on the table) However, concerning this moment in time? I’m shaking my head.

This is a partnership. I understand that Fina has been through hell and has almost made it back, that she's usually a 'shoot first, ask questions later' kind of a person, impulsive to a fault, wise and rational in the aftermath. However, Marta has been through hell as well, only hasn't quite made it back. She’s shown Fina the way out but Marta herself? She’s stuck in the dark, all alone and desolate. I also think there's more nuance to this than Fina being disappointed because Marta 'promised' (I’m sorry but Fina didn’t exactly make an impassioned speech to Marta about the reasons she wanted her to not seek justice. And an impassioned speech? That’s something Marta would have heeded, the way she always has. To some, Fina’s rather abrupt demands might be enough? To me? Because I said so doesn’t fly. Neither does the callous this isn’t about you, it’s about me when it’s clearly something that impacts them both) Furthermore: Fina’s “I look at you and at times I don’t recognize you”? In my opinion? By far the most inconsistent and incongruous line ever written for this pairing.

Marta’s greatest fear is being like her family. It’s what keeps her up at night, what torments her. Fina knows this and yet she says something like that. For all she knows, her comment could be taken as painting Marta with the same brush as her family: like she can’t see Marta a secas anymore but only Marta de la Reina. Hopefully not? But if I were Marta? (I’m more dramatic than her and these long-winded posts are proof of that) This would feel like you’ve stabbed me. As for Fina’s “at times”? Which times exactly? The times Fina said that an irate Marta is a Marta you don’t want to cross paths with? To me, this entire scene comes across as either :

1. A nonsensical (no one knows Marta the way Fina does and the show has continuously emphasised that Marta wears no masks with Fina)

2. Fina being forlorn that Marta didn’t share things beforehand, which doesn’t align with their MO as a couple who shares everything - which I agree with (however, Marta not sharing makes sense given she’s been wanting to give Fina room to breathe and heal and Fina herself suffering from PTSD; and let’s not forget, for all they’ve shown us, Fina never shared her entire truth with Marta either: only that it was Santiago and that she froze up in fear, unable to defend herself; no mentions of feeling filthy, no mentions of fearing Marta would not look at her the same way)

Marta has been needing an outlet, a way to vent her frustration and powerlessness against a corrupt and unjust system that punishes the victims and rewards the abusers. No one has offered a shoulder. No one has cared to listen, to really listen. No one has ever tried to understand where she’s coming from. They're all just finger-pointing and claiming moral high-ground, comparing her with her murderous brother or telling her that, if not careful, she's in danger of becoming an awful person. I find it mind-boggling, to the extreme.

At this point, I honestly need for Marta to suffer an injury. I'd like to see how Fina reacts to that. How wholesome and perfectly innocent her response would be. Would she feel the overwhelming need to punish whoever hurt the woman she loves, would she feel unbridled wrath, violent in her desire to punish, to protect? Or would she simply tell Marta to forgive and forget, to turn the other cheek? After all? The meek shall inherit.

To me it seems that as of late, there’s no room for Marta: for her feelings, for her decisions, for her desire. In the beginning, they made room for it - she could be herself with Fina. However, this episode, Fina doesn't feel like a safe space for Marta. It feels like she's casting judgement and I find it rather odd, given their trajectory (and yes, even with Fina having being assaulted, this is a nonsensical - Fina herself feared being judged and found lacking by Marta, yearned for her understanding and love: and she received both, in spades. I hope she affords Marta the same, for she deserves no less. I’m trusting we’ll see that in future episodes. If not, we can also blame it on the screenwriters not devoting more time to their healing)

Personally, I’m not a fan of Marta being villainized left and right as much as I’m not a fan of Fina as the final arbiter of truth to whom Marta must bow. This isn’t a who’s better than who situation and it never was. It’s about communicating and finding solutions together, creating a safe space for each other and growing together as both individuals and as a couple.

That being said: it feels the intent is to go scorched-earth on Marta: to isolate her, to punish her, to set up the scene for the next big curveball. And they're achieving it. Should Fina turn her back on Marta now? She'll have lost her North and it will break her. The consequence? It'll be a coin-toss as to how she'll react and how self-destructive she will become. I may be wrong, I often am, but they could be setting up the stage for them to grow apart for a while (not that they haven't already, in some ways)

I also can't believe Santiago manages to waltz into Marta's office, having the audacity to call her a degenerate. Truly, the only way out of this hellish roundabout is his death. There's no other option. Damián paying him off didn't work, Marta paying Eladio to roughen him up didn't work. Nothing seems to work when attempting to banish this vermin. Extermination remains the only way.

At least we're getting really satisfying scenes between Marta & Damián (though I hate Damián’s message to Marta that she’s to blame for not having chosen to stay put) and Marta & Tasio. I never thought I'd see these characters bonding the way they do, and it's heartwarming to watch.

Remains to be seen if the tune ends up being punishing Marta instead of punishing a rapist. Or simply showing how misogynistic society was and continues to be. How there’s no mountain Marta cannot climb at work but when it comes to the personal, and whom she loves the most, it’s a different kind of beast and one she’s not faced before (ergo, she’s out of her element, filled with rage and helplessness, disoriented in the face of discrimination and sexual abuse - her MO has always been controlled, reserved and strategic, the very opposite of this turn of events which has flung her out of orbit, burning the candle at both ends)

Of course, there might be no tune at all: just writers out to create drama, without a care in the world, without a thought to be spared. Just writers being messy, the way life tends to be, while their audience hopes it’s so much more. We might be giving them too much credit: credit for thinking things through, credit for considering the impact of their creative choices, credit for wanting to tackle social issues with respect, empathy and a desire to effect positive change. It could be all of that. It could be none of that.

[inkandarsenic]

I had a dream last night that could have been a fic and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t.

It was Buck and Eddie like after the last episode after Eddie was like “this changes nothing between us” and at first, everything was fine and normal but then it became very apparent after like six months that something very much had changed between them, like Buck was still dating Tommy and Eddie was still dating Marisol and in the field they were as in sync as ever but then everywhere else there was this weird distance between them? Like they were still best friends but like fundamentally they were Buck and Eddie instead of BuckandEddie like they used to be and everyone else in the 118+ could see it and they couldn’t

And then suddenly they could see it, because Buck was at Eddie’s and something happened and he needed to change his shirt but he realized that for the first time in years, probably since Eddie got shot, Buck didn’t have anything of his at the Diaz house. A couple weeks later, Eddie was telling the 118 a story about Chris and Buck had no idea what’s going on in the story and they (Buck and Eddie) were talking about it and they realize that it’s been a while since Buck picked Chris up from school or just like had a day that was just the two of them. And then there was some gathering at Eddie’s house instead of Bobby and Athena’s, and Buck makes cookies at his loft and brings them and Maddie points it out, and Buck has a mini crisis as he realizes abruptly that he is a guest in Eddie’s house and he was looking around and the couch was new (Marisol had convinced Eddie to buy a new one) and he hadn’t even realized.

And then Eddie and Marisol and Buck and Tommy were going on a double date at Olive Garden of all places but Marisol couldn’t make it, so it was just Buck and Eddie and Tommy and it was awkward and Tommy was like “look i haven’t known you guys as long as everyone else around you but even I can tell that there is something not right here and you need to talk it out and fix it because you’re both not the same with your lives being almost completely separate, it’s like not natural for you two.”

And they start talking except it kinda devolves into grocery store fight 2.0, about Buck not being there for Chris and not being around except this time it’s kinda on both of them and it’s really no one’s fault but it’s kinda both their faults. And this argument makes its way into their work life where they’re just not as in sync in the field.

And then something happened on a call (unclear what) that wasn’t really anyone’s fault but Buck blamed himself and the current issues he’s having with Eddie, and asked Bobby to be put on B-Shift for awhile and it was just super awkward in the firehouse and Bobby was talking to Eddie and was like “I don’t know what’s going on but whatever it is you need to fix it” and Eddie was like “I dont know what’s going on either, Buck and I just aren’t the same since he started dating Tommy” and Bobby was like “maybe you need to evaluate that because that’s something that only seems to be affecting you.”

And then like a week later, Eddie and Marisol broke up, and Marisol was all “it’s because of Buck isn’t it, you love him more than me.” And Eddie did not work through that, he just went to Buck’s despite still sort of being in a fight and they got drunk on Buck’s couch and Eddie kissed Buck just kinda out of the blue and then was like “fuck I didn’t mean to do that” and left.

Buck told Tommy immediately the next time he saw him (because he learned his lesson from Taylor) and Tommy was pretty cool about it but he was also like “hey maybe you should think about that because you don’t actually seem all that upset by the fact that Eddie kissed you just that he kissed you while you’re dating me and I feel like that says something” because Tommy is a real one.

After like two weeks wherein Eddie goes to great lengths to avoid Buck outside of calls despite being on the same shift again, and Buck talking through it in therapy and with Maddie, Buck breaks up with Tommy (who again is very chill about all of it and is like “we can all still be friends just give me a little space for a while”) and then he drove to the Diaz house and Eddie saw him pulling up and met him outside and it was raining so they really should have gone inside but I digress. And Eddie was like “Buck it’s like midnight what are you doing here” and Buck was all “i broke up with Tommy because you kissed me” and Eddie was like “fuck I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that I never meant to get in between you two” and is just sort of spiraling and Buck can’t get a word in so instead Buck kisses Eddie and Eddie is just like “Oh. So you aren’t mad.” And Buck laughed and was all “No I’m not mad I’m in love with you”

And then my neighbor’s kid started screaming and woke me up so I didn’t even get to see the ending and I’m kinda mad about it because I wanna see how everyone else reacted to all of this

[aakaneeee]

ALNST: WHAT'S NEXT, MY PREDICTIONS, MY IDEAS.

(art by me)

We know technically nothing about what will follow, except that one of our contestants is becoming the human he never got to be, and the other is completely losing the humanity that made her, her.

But, I've had this idea of a frame that we could see, and I couldn't stop myself!

I feel like there will be a break in-universe between Wiege and what is next. I mean, Luka will probably need some medical procedures done, because I cannot imagine him being able to move on without his health suffering. Which makes me even more upset, because what if Heperu will see it as "disobeying", and punish him in the way only he knows?

I see him becoming a lot more human after Wiege, as I've said. I don't think he'll really want to do what Hyuna told him: I don't even see him wanting to live after this. I've had a small idea of him trying repeatedly to commit, but being "saved" by Heperu, but again, I have no basis, so these are just assumptions. It wouldn't be far off of Vivinos' alley, that's for sure.

I'd love for him and Mizi to team up, but honestly, I'm extremely 50/50 on whether it would happen or not. I have 2 ideas: either they do team up, somehow manage to get along, which would make sense for the "mizi loses everyone she loves" trope (if Luka would simply die without her caring, it wouldn't make so much sense for him to be the only one left with her), and possibly dies in an accident (I tend to believe in the "Mizi will blow everything up" theory, according to the Patreon post from while back), or because of his illnesses, or they don't team up, Round 5 is redone, and it's Mizi's time to mock him (which im not sure if she'll have the energy for).

I am hoping for the first one though, because I want Luka shown in a good light before he isn't alive anymore.

Another theory that I had, but it's not very likely, is that they don't end up killing Luka off because let's be honest, he'd be doing worse alive than dead. Again, it probably won't happen, but I think it would be a really painful route to take, to show that the worst possible outcome, at this point, isn't even death.

The thing is, I don't think we have to worry about Luka's death too soon. I am not sure about the probability of the others coming back. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised if it happens, than be disappointed if they are truly gone. So, if they don't come back, we'd have about 4, 5 episodes with the 2 characters left, so I don't think they can afford to kill him off yet. (Considering Round 6 was approximately the half of the series, and the Vol. 1 album's number of songs, that's the amount I calculated we'd have left.)

Honestly, this is the factor that makes me doubt most of my own theories: I don't know how they would be able make any of these possibilities that long.

Which brings in the idea we might have some videos about the Actor AU, or Modern AU? I don't really believe this, but it would be interesting. Anyways, whatever they have planned for these next episodes, is going to be huge.

I really liked the structure of Wiege: openly centered on Hyuluka, but shows the other pairs multiple times (which, again, ties to my analysis of Hyuluka representing all of them, from before and from what will follow.)

I think it's more plausible we'll get flashbacks from Season 49, like Hyuna's loss and how she went past the system, or Luka's absolute win and how he reacted. Anyways, I'd love to see more of them, since they are still very mysterious (but I'd say they are more known than Sua now).

I personally want to see the exact details of Hyunwoo's death. It's been insanely hyped, in my opinion, we see clips of it both in All-In and Wiege (I'd like to add how fond I am of the fact that both episodes that have Hyuna as center don't have a 'Round' name), but never outwardly shown, so it must be a pretty big plot twist, or revelation. I'm still a believer of the "Hyuna killed Hyunwoo" theory, albeit a bit more reserved now, but we do have that frame in Wiege where Luka is crying, clinging onto Hyuna, and Hyunwoo trying to break them apart. (I love the small showcase of his humanity.)

I might have more to say, so I will probably add onto this if I do, but for now, I can only say I cannot wait, and that I'm terrified for this week's ALNST friday.. I actually tried my best to finish this way before the ALNST friday, so I could say what I have to say completely blinded, and I'm excited to see what of this will be valid in the end :)