#the batman!​alfred pennyworth

[stargirlfics]

”making a movie” 😏 with Alfred

Whew the thoughts this immediately gave me! The thought of creating a private little video for the two of you, between the two of you, yeah that’s hot!

Here’s a quick moodboard I made to set the mood 🎥

Just thinking about warming him up to the idea, I feel like it’s probably not something Alfred has done before in his sex life but the idea is intriguing—he’s willing to try anything if you’re down and wanting so he figures why not?!

Maybe he already has a lewd photo of you tucked in his wallet or in a private file folder on his phone from the occasional spontaneous moment but something about this; taking the time to set up the camera, discussing it together, the obvious anticipation starting to build as you do, it really would be like foreplay.

You decide to keep it pretty candid and natural, not wanting to perform for the camera necessarily but rather it be something authentic and intimate for you both so you’re eagerly waiting on the bed while Alfred props up your phone or one of his camera’s and though you almost forget it’s recording the second he cups your chin to kiss you, there is something erotic about knowing it’s there.

Knowing you’re being watched in a way, that you’ll play the video back later watching it with him just to see all the passion in the way you fuck each other, how you look at each other, the dew that will stick to your skin the more you intertwine your bodies. It’s everything!

Oh…don’t think about Alfred positioning you so the camera will have all the perfect angles and goddd the way his hands would be all over you like he’s showing off his favorite parts of your body, taking his sweet time to loosen you up and turn you on even more.

“There you are.” he would coo next to your ear, “I love how much you want this. Fuck, I could watch those legs fall open for me all day.”

You’re already reaching for him, body buzzing and eager for more when it does something else to you entirely to watch him touch you where you need him most, the slick sounds of two fingers sliding over your pussy just for his head to dip and his mouth takes their place.

He’s a lot more feral in how he devours you, something about making a movie in the back of his mind as he draws out every expert flick of his tongue, unapologetic about the mess, just content to hear you enjoying yourself.

“Oh, I know I know darling. Let me have it and I’ll fill up your pretty cunt just like you’ve been asking.” The growl is so deep it gives you chills and your eyes flick towards the camera for a moment before rolling shut, coming around thick fingers pressed so deliciously against that spot that has you seeing stars.

Even when you’re trying to catch your breath, limp against the sheets Alfred doesn’t relent, his mouth trailing over your skin, across the curve or your hip and down your tummy, up to your shoulder and eventually settling on your lips in a shattering kiss.

You’re hungry for it, for him, swallowing his groans, his oxygen and your own whimpers while your bodies find each other easily. Legs parting to wrap around his waist so you can feel him too and it has you crying out when he rocks into you, any sense of self restraint fully done away with now.

Please wtf I need him so bad!!!

And when he’s finally sinking that thick cock of his inside you I just know he would talk you through the entire moment, gently turning your head to face the camera and telling you to keep your eyes on him. Our beloved knows exactly what kind of visual and auditory porn you’d want, period!

“Such a good girl, taking it like this. You’re doing so well, sweetheart.” While he’s stretching you out, hips pressing you into the bed can you imagine…bye I am passing away!

Then you’re losing your mind a bit later when you ride him and he’s so generous with his praise and encouragement that you’re bouncing on his cock just a little harder, just a bit faster and you can tell he likes that you’re just as feral and wanton for it as he is, it’s all about matching each others freak, babyyy!

You almost forget you were filming any of this when you’re finally spent and sleepy, whining when he moves from your embrace to turn off the video but he’s slipping back into bed as quickly as he’d left, bringing the camera with him so you could look at what you’d just made.

Barely five minutes in and you’re squirming against him, a fading ache of what just transpired still pulsing in your core and once again your heartbeat quickens when you glance at Alfred and see him already looking at you with that expression in his eyes again.

Till the paint peels off the walls I say

—

Ugh I wanna be his little movie star! 🌟 Thank you for the thirsty thought, anon. Hope you enjoyed!

[mantareidraws]

Giving battinson the big birb hug he so desperately needs 🫂

[prlssprfctn]

I know the fandom mostly agrees that Jason is that one always unemployed sibling in the family, but let me offer you a slightly enhanced concept - unemployed sibling Jason, who is the busiest sibling in the family.

No one can get hold of him. Like, ever. And it is not like he is lying, he is genuinely always has something else to do! Something random and unexpected, and, honestly, all his family can think is: what the hell?

Bruce, frowning: Remind me again, why the dinner in the circle of the family today doesn't suit your... schedule?

Jason, shrugging: I have a book club evening in the nursing home. We are discussing Margaret Atwood's Penelopiad tonight. Can't miss it. Also, Jennet-

Alfred, confused: Who is Jennet?

Jason: One of the old ladies in the nursing home, duh... Anyway, yeah, Jennet is having a birthday. She would be hella mad if her favourite grandson missed it, you know?

Bruce: ...Jason, you are not her-

Jason: (leaves)

Dick: Hey, wanna join me for tomorrow morning's training?

Jason, sighs: Sounds nice, but I have classes tomorrow.

Dick, confused: Classes? Since when you are enrolled in college?

Jason: Oh, no. I am a substitute teacher in one of the school's around.

Dick: WHAT-

Damian, calling Jason in the middle of the day: Can you pick me up from school? Others are busy, there is an emergency in the town.

Jason: Damn, sorry, kid, but I am not in the country right now. By the way, do you want to talk with your mother?

Damian: ...What that supposed to mean? Where are you?

Jason: I was planning to visit All-Caste, but first decided to meet up with Talia. I am kinda in Egypt right now, anyway.

Damian: ...

Tim, already used to Jason's constant busy status, sighing: I bet you won't agree if I call you on the lunch tomorrow?

Jason: Uh, no. I have plans. But if you tag along with me, we can get lunch together later.

Tim, surprised: ...Okay. What do you have tomorrow? Knitting club? A shift in library?

Jason: Nah, graduation ceremony.

Tim: Right, you are a substitute teacher.

Jason: No, no. My graduation ceremony. I am getting my PHD in literature.

Tim: SINCE FUCKING WHEN-

[noka-exe]

doomed family

[spicy-apple-pie]

Dick's puppy dog eyes are extremely powerful

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[frownyalfred]

using “Agent A” as Alfred’s code name and using “B” for Batman’s shortened name in the field suggests there’s a world where “Agent A” is shortened to “A” and everyone in Gotham and on the Watchtower is terrified of him. because they’ve met B. and if this is B??

[kad3spad3]

I love how they simply can’t fathom their father doing that. “What the HELL did you just say?!” The shocked face Duke has. Jason and Dick looking disgusted. Love this page

Comic: Batman #33 (2016-current)

[freefallintothevoid]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

[sidewalk-cracks]

Bruce, visibly overwhelmed by Emotions as he watches a ten-year-old Dick goofing around in the batcave: Alfred. Alfred I think I'd die if something happened to him

Alfred: *carefully doesn't say that he thought the same thing when Martha and Thomas placed a newborn Bruce in his arms for the first time because he knows that'll completely destroy the little emotional bandwidth Bruce has*

[stargirlfics]

As much as Id love for Alfred to fuck me while he’s naked him being in his waistcoat and sleeves is just as hot. I think he’d also like having you naked while being fully clothed

You’re right and you should say it! I also think he’d like you being bare while he’s not, especially if he knows how he dresses is part of the turn on for you!

He has no business looking that good in a waistcoat like there was really no chance for us, they made him look like a hot old man, we can’t be blamed!

But I mean think about his sleeves being rolled up and maybe his tie is a little looser but he’s still looking handsome and so proper with the waist coat and the crisp collar of his dress shirt and you’re pressed against him, the feel of the fabric and the prickle of his beard against your sensitive skin while he fucks you absolutely wrecking you along with the knowledge that he’s got you completely naked and right where he wants you! It’s so 🥵

Need it so bad! Just visualizing clinging to the fabric of his shirt where it’s stretched over his strong shoulders and how much he’d actually like his clothes being wrinkled and tugged at because it’s by your hands and as much as he likes being able to feel your skin on his, something about this really does it for him too

Do we see him? Insane! Andy Serkis stop looking hot, when? Never

[patronsaintofpink]

"erm actually Batman didn't teach any of his Robins how to handle a gun—" absolutely NOT. In Alfred Pennyworth's household? Don't make me laugh. Every single one of those kids have perfect trigger discipline.

[bats-and-the-birds]

So, when the Batkids get hurt, like, seriously hurt, they logically know that they best place they could go is the batcave. Fully stocked infirmary, the most updated medical technology possible, and Alfred to give them tea and sew up all of the wounds that they can't quite reach.

However, if any of them are even mildly beefing with Bruce, which they almost always are, they'll be damned if they're gonna face The Disappointed Bat Glare (tm) while also bleeding out, much less the speech that will inevitably follow.

This leads to either

A. The batkids sneaking into each others apartments and safehouses to get help, aka

Tim: -humming to himself as he flicks on the lights of the common room at Titans Tower-

Dick: -slumped on the couch dripping blood from two stab wounds- Hey, Timmy. Could you get your med kit?

Tim: -brief high pitched scream- FUCK!!! -long silence- Yeah, sure.

Dick: Great. Also, Bart heard me calling for you in the dark, and he thought I was a ghost of some sort. I think he ran to Mexico to get away, so you might want to track him down.

B. The batkids attempting to sneak into the batcave and patch themselves up without Bruce realizing they were ever there, aka

Jason: -sneaking through the medical bay in the dark, trying to silently open drawers when the lights suddenly come on-

Alfred: -standing by the light switch- Master Jason, may I inquire as to what you're doing here?

Jason: -actively gushing blood from his side- ....Nothing.

Alfred: Do you require stitches?

Jason: ....No.

Alfred: -actively pulling out the supplies to stitch up his wound- If you say so, Master Jason.

[prlssprfctn]

Bruce, sighing dreamily: I miss times when little Jason wanted to be like me. He was so cute.

Dick, frowning: Man, be fr, you were his dad, yes, but not the role model. Me, from the other side? Yep, yep.

Bruce, murmuring under his breath: I find it hard to believe that any teenager would want to be more like a guy who wore the Discowing suit.

Dick, gasping: What did you say?!

Jason, sitting between them on the coach: It was Alfred.

Bruce and Dick: What.

Jason: I said, my role model was Alfred.

Bruce: But-

Jason: He taught me how to shoot. And gave me his recipe book. And I was desperate to get his sympathy, so I cleaned all the manor myself. I mean. You two were fine, but you were ridiculous — I never wanted to be like you when I grew up.

Dick: Ouch.

Alfred, smiling: The last time I rested well was when Master Jason was Robin. Needless to say, I definitely approve his attempts to make me proud.

[noka-exe]

Damian Wayne comes across a classic christmas carol known well among the children of gotham… pt [1/?]

[wellensittich01]

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.