#the bachelor au

[restricted-on-13th]

Kaishin but it's The Bachelor

Be warned: this is a long post

I'll make at least 3 follow-up post for this, one for all the scenes I lost (ohmyfricking, my ice skating scene, ferrish whell confession, amusement park date, meteor shower escapade, night dances and my tango dance which is half of the masquerade, the outsider povs too sooooobbb) and the other two for Shinichi as the Bachelor instead or a mix of the two

Now for those who don't know what The Bachelor is, it's a dating reality show where at least 30 candidates are given chances to go on a date with the Bachelor (the person they are actively courting) This has rounds where each contestant is given roses by the Bachelor, signifying they are staying on the show, or aren't given any which means they are disqualified. There are events and dates in this show too along with activities where sometimes, the candidates or the Bachelor can choose the venue or site. Click this link to understand more, you can watch videos to get a handle on it too. I only watched some of the Asian spin offs of this show so it might be a bit different for me. (I might also have some original setting that might be different from how the reality show worked)

My setting includes:

-A walk-in wardrobe for the contestants (includes already styled outfits for the whole look, this is a life saver to Shinichi as a candidate who walked out and immediately got dissed on his clothing by the other candidates, the staff and the viewers (later when the episode was aired) he was sent back inside the wardrobe and chose the clothes off a mannequin instead even though it wasn't a feature of the show to take the whole outfit but it was later added due to Shinichi, he also met a candidate called Mimeko who is a seamstress who he asks for help too, she also joined the fun in dressing up Shinichi)

-A viewer voting polls for the dates and contestants (explainable, have fun ;) )

-Introductory video that is shown in the episodes, the bachelor and the candidates each have one (I don't remember if this is part of the actual show but im adding this for original setting if it isnt, this can go 2 ways: each of the candidates videos would be while they are introduce in episode one, meaning everyone will see in the show, or it can also be only shown to the bachelor, the viewers and the staff instead without showing anything to the candidates, only having watch their own and the bachelor's introductory video instead)

30 girls/guys or mixed cause we're being inclusive- The Bachelor staff in this au, post-conan timeline and far off into the future. Shinichi is working as a consultant and private detective, he's also known as a closed off famous detective that managed to take down an organization (BO) at the age of 19 going on 20, he's also been credited to working with multiple international law enforcement notably with the FBI, closing multiple unsolved and dangerous cases that involves high profile criminals. He doesn't have social media (to the loss of his fans) but is regularly covered by the media, leading him to have a large media presence as a detective (very professional, bro does not share life details or preferences easily, fans commonly and constantly bemoan the fact that the man is married to his work). He grew up from a haughty teenage detective meddling in crime scenes to the now beloved Ice Prince of the media, having visuals passed down from his mom that make you think he's an idol/model or enough to make you bent (while not as large as his female fans, he does have a sizable male fans). He also is biologically younger, it being one of the lingering effects from APTX as the poison literally destroys his cells and fats to turn him into a kid (seriously, how does bro survive that?), I always headcannon that Shinichi, after taking the antidote, would suffer from side effects for a while. In this au, he survived largely unscathed, only with a decreased immune system after taking the antidote and looking younger than all of his peers as he got turned back to the age he took the poison, so teenage body, when he's supposed to be 19-20. With also taking a hit on his immune system, his growth also got stunted meaning that after recovering his strength, health and immune system for like a year, he's much more smaller than Adult Kaito here in the show.

He's now 27 and after surviving attempts on his life, bless his heart, Shinichi is sent off to The Bachelor without his consent.

Sonoko, Ran and Yukiko planning in background, days pass, shoves a contract to the reality show to Shinichi's face with his signature forged already

Cue multiple near begging, near bribing, and near escape from Shinichi

The girls reason would be after a multiple failures in matchmaking, setting dates and introducing Shinichi to just about anyone (either he attracts murderers, creeps, stalkers or he just ends up befriending the person they introduced to him, its mostly the females that he befriends though, all the women he met and befriended has a tacit understanding of Shinichi being too much like kicked puppy that they can’t help pity the guy when it's so obvious he's not into it but still respects them, his friends goodwill and his mother's desire for grandkids, it also doesn't help that he's like a girl friend, understanding girl talks, shopping, being a dork that's so earnest even when he sucks ag giving fashion advice to his GirlFriends and the adorable mothering he does for the shounen tanteidan, some even privately think that damn this guy is a better girl than me or suspects he's gay due to remaining single for long and the SIGNS)

He is ;) he just doesn't know it yet

They're getting desperate here and it doesnt help that Shinichi is too much of a taciturn ass in dating, having little to no love life or worse, a disaster in his love life (Shinichi's love life is NOTORIOUS, not only in divisions one but in all law enforcements he works with, it also doesn't help that he gets psychos, yanderes and criminals as his partners and when they inevitably get possessive, pissy and angry at either Shinichi or people close to him, resulting to threats that are almost often publicly stated,

Cue the media storm and coverage cause man's love life is publicly known as a disaster

yes, there have been multiple memes about Shinichi's love life, Shinichi is unaware of the memes)

Sonoko: That detective geek can't possibly seduce my Kaito-sama! (She wants Shinichi to introduce Kaito to her and they'll have their wonderful love story UwU)

Ran being the good big sister: Shinichi needs someone by his side (preferably, not murderous)

Yukiko: Shin-channnnn, you need a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend or you'll end up single past your prime! I need to see my grandchildren soon! (Also low-key worried that Shinichi is going to be eternal single and she doesn't want him to be lonely)

Now this could go in a number of ways, Shinichi as The Bachelor or Shinichi as a candidate for The Bachelor (Kuroba Kaito, up and coming Magician who has won multiple international awards due to his Magic shows)

I need you to check Exhibit A and B to get what I mean regarding ELO and Non-ELO, its below 'As a Candidate'

Kaito, after hanging up the metaphorical cape on the mantle (He and Conan had a goodbye meet where Conan is soon going to leave so he can live his original life where they chat and talk all night long, both enjoying their limited time together, Kaito knows Conan is a teenage detective and has a crush on his Meitantei, he couldn't deny it anymore especially after finding out what happened to the other but he won't act on it while the other is pint sized so he just enjoys their time together, but in ELO, even though he already had pretty much all the clues, he respected Conan's privacy and didn't try to find out his real identity but in non-ELO, Kaito did snoop and found Kudo Shinichi though he didn't act on his crush as he knew the other still had Ran and needed time to get his life together) He comes back to Japan from Paris, having received an internationally acclaimed award in stage magic, is either in this reality show due to his Mom (Yukiko and Chikage setting their sons up together where Chikage actually spills this to Kaito, where him being his devious cunning self in Non-ELO, after having found out that all these years, Ran and Shinichi didn't get together and actually settled into a familial friendship instead, being presented the opportunity to snatch his Meitantei, takes it) or for his work (like connections wanting to support him so they gave him the opportunity to be in this show which Kaito agreed to due to being amused and curious and doing it just for formality's sake)

(Introductory video- I'll add it later as I have to rewrite it again along with at least 8 scenes that got deleted too :( )

As a Candidate:

Shinichi as a candidate is just Shinichi, he won't hate on the mysterious bachelor but that doesn't mean he's not grumpy :)

Shinichi also doesn't recognize Kuroba is Kid while Kid can either recognize Shinichi immediately or doesnt recognize him

When the bachelor (Kuroba) is first introduce, Shinichi just writes him off, preferring to brood and be annoyed, thinking escape plan after escape plans. He can't just run off without a proper excuse though, due to the contract that says he need to stay for the whole duration of the show until he's disqualified, he shivers to think of himself as a candidate in this awful reality show, and also because Yukiko called up her connections (the Producer Director of the show) to "pretty please make Shin-chan stay there, I just want my baby to get laid" which is just a thinly veiled command of "don't let him escape, I. Want. Those. Grandchildren." So he reigns himself to going along with it for now, ie going on those dates.

Exhibit A: Shinichi bonds with The Bachelor, Kuroba (he can know or not know about Shinichi being Meitantei) and becomes his shield for Begone Thots after Kaito (Shinichi can know about this or doesnt know, Kaito might also be purposely doing this cause you know, this might all be Kaito courting Shinichi hehehe, or Kaito doesn't recognise Shinichi and just outright thinks it would be funny and he wants to at least have someone on his side to use as a metaphorical human shield) shares his fake love life, drawing pity from Shinichi (staging many opportunities where Shinichi actively engaged in dates to help Kaito due to feeling sorry for the man and a kindred spirit to which Kaito knowing who he is, would gladly take it, or Kaito not knowing who he is, would slowly fall in love with him)

Exhibit B: Shinichi actively antagonises Kuroba to "get the hell out of this reality show quickly by being disqualified by the angry Bachelor" (Kaito can know about Shinichi, to which he's lovingly infuriated with Shinichi and want to either smack or kiss him, or to Kaito not knowing about Shinichi therefore is angry back until Shinichi also starts to dislike the guy, now this can go into the Enemies to Lovers Trope :) imagine the reactions of the viewers at the end of the reality show, Im calling it Eemies to Lovers Offshoot or ELO for short)

I can see Shinichi calling Takagi in the middle of the show, begging (bribing, blackmailing) to deliver case files to him. He'd be a candidate in this offshoot, with the candidate's phones being confiscated so he staged a little heist to steal a phone, mostly because it was written in the contract for Shinichi so yes, its targeted ;)

cause Shinichi, you don't need your files and work while on a reality show, you workaholic tehee~♡ -Yukiko)

3 outcomes possible you can combine ;)

The deed was caught in camera only due to Kaito suspecting Shinichi doing something and what do ya know, Heisei Holmes performs a heist (they dont recognise each other offshoot, ELO route)

The deed caught in camera only due to Kaito amusingly following Shinichi (he knows Shinichi as meitantei but Shinichi doesnt know him as Kid)

It wasn't explicitly caught in camera and only became known when at a later episode of the Bachelor, Takagi came with the case files, leading the staff currently at that time finding out about the little heist. Of course, the production staff reviewed their videos and recordings and was able to find small snippets of Shinichi's planning, lending an amused, indignant, and speechless air to everyone inside the viewing room. (Later episode that aired where Takagi arrived with the files involved a small snapshots of clips of Shinichi planning and a small clip of Shinichi walking down the hallway for a staff only room and a bathroom, confidently while sneakily striding and leaving the hallway with a skip in his steps and a small smile, there was an explanatory text that rolled up in the screen after this explaining how the staff found out about the Little heist the famous Heisei Holmes did, after this is a clip of a confrontation by the Producer Director to Shinichi with the director just asking which phone he used to contact Takagi-keibu and Shinichi just gives a smug smirk as he sharply glances back at the PD pointedly) (this can be ELO or not-ELO route)

There would also be a scene in the middle of the date where Shinichi goes along (or snarkily if its the enemies to lovers trope/ ELO) with Kuroba and he excuses himself to the bathroom, going inside the stall to immediately try to escape.

Cue Kaito waiting outside thinking why the hell is his date taking so long inside the bathroom (grumingly in enemies to lovers or ELO route, or amusingly if Kaito knows Shinichi and he just cracks jokes about how this is like being on a date with a girl then drawing references of Shinichi being the girl then Shinichi having wifey vibes just without the ability to cook elaborate recipes, yes, shinichi can cook basic meals in this au, nowwwwwww with this statement about Shinichi not being able to cook elaborate meals? Shinich fans zoom on this, why? Cause this little tidbit of fact isn't a widely known fact except for the Very Dedicated Old fans of Shinichi cause man is tightlipped about his private life. Most surface level fans just assume he can cook and with most defaulting that since he's mister perfect then he's able to cook like 5 star chef but nooooo, thats not it. The statement of about Shinichi not being able to make elaborate recipes cements to the oldies in the Lovers of One-Truth club, oldest Shinichi stan fanclub, that Kuroba might potentially or actually be a Shinichi stan. Viewers and fans start a whole commentary and discussion about this theory on twitter)

Shinichi comes out of the bathroom with a glum face (right after escaping through a bathroom window, running from the PD who while walking around the place, bought a milktea while at work and was enjoying the view, was caught slacking by Shinichi who they found was unexpectedly escaping through the window *spider man meme pointing at each other* , running and dogding the hordes of staff the PD called to catch him, the PD gets called back to work, until he gets tackled by one and gets put through the most intense retouching of makeup and clothing in under 1 minute by a terrifyingly capable makeup artist and fashion coordinator)

Shinichi stepping sleepily into the living room while the candidates lounge around Kaito in the late morning (buttering him up, acting coy with him or just having a nice conversation while Kaito there is being a charming gentleman) Kaito then cheerily says "Kudo-kun, good morning!" as Shinichi just coldly steps aside him ignoring him or more like not computing anything then makes a beeline for the kitchen, hovering right in front of the coffee machine and making eyes with it (homoerotic, terrifying and intense)

The atmosphere in the living room just drops after that cold shoulder, silence pervading as the camera rolls and records it.

Now 3 outcomes yet again hahahaha:

Kaito takes offense to his cold shoulder (unintentional) and it both further angers him with Shinichi thus giving more fuel to the ELO trope where the morning scene is then repeated in later episodes of the Bachelor, it's only Kaito and Shinichi in the living room where Kaito soon takes notice that Shinichi didn't mean to offend him and just isn't really a morning person

Kaito takes offense to this and Shinichi, playing into this misunderstanding to get disqualified early, doesn't clear it up and this also plays to ELO

Kaito is amused by this as he knows Shinichi, even in his Conan days, takes time to compute and understand the living world in the mornings and that coffee is his life blood (non-ELO)

Before I forget, Why is Shinichi not outright getting disqualified? There are 2 reasons I made up for it, you can choose:

One- I'm using one of my original setting here, instead of that setting only affecting dates and which candidate gets to participate in date chances, I'm adding a feature where it also affects who gets to stay in the show via the giewers voting the candidate they want to stay. Shinichi is constantly getting voted by his fanclub (for the sake of getting Shinichi a normal lover, wink wink), the internet trolls (in ELO route, it's funny cause Kaito clearly dislikes him or in non-ELO route, it's funny cause Shinichi clearly wants to get disqualified) and his friends, colleagues and family (The police force, the FBI, you can throw in the Interpol there, basically all of the law enforcement he worked with, since he also worked on cases internationally, you bet that's a lot and that's still not counting his family and friends where you can also bet that Sonoko would absolutely throw some cash to get people to vote Shinichi, she's not really doing it of course but she will, if given the chance, maybe half for Shinichi's sake but also half for Shinichi to suffer)

This would basically be that one idol in a Chinese idol show, here's for more details. (Yes, I am laughing my ass off right now)

Two: You can ignore number one as this reason is actually logical and very simple, Kaito doesn't vote Shinichi off

In ELO route, he doesn't disqualify Shinichi as he already dislikes the guy and he's only here for formality's sake so he's using Shinichi as an unofficial meat shield (Shinichi is not aware of this) from the other candidates (not that it works much)

In non-ELO route, it's because he wants Shinichi (duh) so he wouldn't want to get him disqualified but if he doesn't recognise Shinichi, same in the ELO route, he uses him as a meat shield though much more official where Shinichi actively tries to spend time with Kaito and get him to enjoy their 'hangouts' and also decidedly a lot less more grumbling as their introduction here didn't sour relations yet (if it's intentionally in Kaito's part in notifying Shinichi about his status as a meat shield to ask for help to get him away from the other candidates so he can spend more time with Shinichi, well, you choose :) )

Now extra scenes:

Boat date

-An event where each candidate would take a 30 minute date on a boat in a lake, the candidates found out about Kaito's Ichthyophobia, only Shinichi took it seriously and didn't laugh or found it funny and where he actively tried to get Kaito to enjoy the date, even in ELO route though a lot more unenthusiastic in making it enjoyable. Kaito later takes note of how Shinichi acted about the reveal, either thankful or thinking that the guy ain't so bad afterall. Kaito's fans, some of Shinichi's fanclub and the viewers also took notice of Shinichi's act and it started a very small subset of Kaishin shippers.

There would also be a few candidates who never actually took the phobia seriously or worse, think they can fix it. They would take their date chances and order food with fishes or actively go to a place with fishes and do those activities. Kaito would either try to endure, frankly say he doesn't like it, or storm out if he can't handle it anymore. Shinichi would later find Kaito in the dorms crying about it where he'd frankly tell him that "People who don't understand his phobia who actively make fun of it or expose him to it isn't worth giving his time for. People who do try to understand it are the ones worth considering and keeping around. "(Wow Shinichi are you advertising yourself? But seriously, even in ELO route, I can see Shinichi comforting Kaito about his phobia. Dislike or not, he'd tell him his opinion frankly and bluntly. He'd offer a shoulder to cry on or for someone to lean on but he'd still say his piece in the most firm gentle voice yet blunt manner of speaking.) Shinichi would then tactlessly blurt out "And hey, if someone wants to kill you, they just need to trap you in a room full of it". This startles a laugh from Kaito as Shinichi sheepishly scratches his head, face a bit flushed from embarrasment as Kaito says "Your head is just full of murder cases, huh? Kudo-kun" (This wouldnt be caught by a camera, this would be Kaito's own private moment, not shared with any of the public)

Garden picnic date alongside a lake

-It's an outside date where all of the candidate are participating, there are candidates who approached kaito during the date but there are also some who enjoyed the view. (Kaito later approached them instead) He entertained and did some magic for them. Shinichi had already split off from the group early on and found an isolated place near the lake under a tree where he read a book, there's only one cameraman who came with him, this can go into the ELO route where Kaito found Shinichi tried to at least be civil but Kaito, knowing from prior experience how rude the other can be, retorted rudely. This would go into a fight (verbally, I think they won't trade blows at least) where Shinichi would end up (accidentally) pushed into the lake. Shinichi would storm out of the garden in wet clothes, flushed with anger in Kaito, where Kaito would be frustrated, angry and slightly apologetic (he'd also take note that the other looks fine in wet clothes, the white polo didn't help) There would also be backlash to Kaito from Shinichi's fanclub and some of the viewers, where some would actively hate Kaito or viewers now disapproving of the magician. This would actively make Kaito think unfavorably on Shinichi, now actively wanting to disqualify him for it but knows he can't cause it would be a media storm. Now considering that there's a viewer poll setting in this au, there would be people banking on Shinichi getting disqualified or Shinichi's fans not voting him for dates. This works as Shinichi wasn't chosen for the dates after this but of course, Shinichi doesn't get disqualified (unfortunately, for Kaito and Shinichi) this also gave rise to the internet trolls who voted Shinichi for dates instead (this also worked after the unvoting fiasco, leading to dates where Kaito and Shinichi is staring with each other in silence until someone inevitably breaks it)

This can also go into the non-ELO route where Kaito instead found Shinichi, where they actively engaged in a conversation without being rude to each other, enjoying the conversation until Shinichi, still a bit sleep deprived from the early leave in the morning to get on time on the scene for the garden setting, dozes off against the tree (kaito is staring and you can't blame him, for someone like Shinichi who often makes cold expressions (often not intenionally, he's just thinking or deducing) or sometimes sneering, its fascinating to see him asleep, face's now set in soft lines. Now if you want it more cliche, Shinichi grumbles and squirms until he finally found the comfortable position, only this position is leaning against Kaito with his head on his shoulder's. (Kaito is screaming inside from how cute and adorable Shinichi is in his sleep)

Pool date

-Shinichi thanks his lucky stars that he doesn't have to take an outfit from a mannequin or coordinate an outfit (often asking his fellow candidates for help to avoid getting criticised) he just grabs a hoodie and swim trunks, taking a book with him and sunglasses. (Going to the pool to read a book.....) Kaito would get accosted by the candidates in the pool while Shinichi is just in the shade (reclining chair, juice in hand, lemon tea, not too sweet with ice and a straw) with a few candidates who prefer to not get wet or doesn't know how to swim. (In ELO route, Kaito would scoff at Shinichi and think how haughty he is, just like any detective he met except tantei-kun)

Shinichi would actually get to bond here with one of the candidates who can't swim (a timid shorter girl who is a seamstress with dark brown hair and wide brown eyes that seemed to dislike him) she initially thought Shinichi was a rude and haughty person (shes a Kaito Kuroba fan) but after getting to know him, she starts to see that he's a pretty nice guy. Shinichi, after talking with her, takes it upon himself to at least help her and teach her how to swim. He gets up from his spot as they both walk to a corner of the pool (the kiddies part or the shallow part) where Shinichi taught her how to swim and float, the very basics to which Kaito interferes in the lesson.

In ELO route, Kaito would interfere in slight disdain that Shinichi might be trying to woo a girl while in a reality show where it's Kaito who is supposed to be courted (wow possessive much?) but found out when he stayed there for a bit while Shinichi was teaching, he stared at Shinichi while Shinichi was getting unerved but resolved to ignore the stare as much as he can. The girl (Im naming her Mimeko) being taught just being 'Don't mind me, you can oggle him Sir as much as you want, thank you very much, he's all yours.' (she's also a Kuroba Kaito fan, she's also a closeted fujoshi while she's just discreetly watching) that he was just being helpful. Kaito gets curious then and stays there for a bit while he also joins in teaching Mimeko-chan about swimming. He thinks that Shinichi is also pretty cool (and sexy, especially when he moves that sunglasses of his head while in the pool, all wet from swimming as he smirks. And never forget adorable, when he beams and smiles when the girl gets the technique he showed right)

In the non-ELO route, Kaito gets jealous of the girl being taught by Shinichi. He subtly signaled to Mimeko-chan that 'he's mine' by volunteering himself to be used as example in swimming or Shinichi is showing an example of it (like kicking his legs while doing the strokes where he asked kaito to hold him while he demonstrated it, Kaito doors as he's told but does it more suggestively, holding his hips instead of his waist while glaring at the girl. Suffice enough she gets the message and also mouthed "need help?" (she's having the time of her life helping her idol and these are two hot men, who wouldnt?) Kaito looks at her and was about to jerk his head in agreement when Shinichi comes up for air and looks back to the girl saying "That's how you do it, did you get it?" Mimeko hastily nods as Kaito smiles innocently at Shinichi, suffice to say that Mimeko did not get Kaito's examples of swimming and only got it right when Shinichi does it (Kaito got a hold on a lot of places that day, mostly Shinichi's waist, hips and chest, ELO route be missing out here)

The Infamous Sherlock Holmes vs Arsène Lupin Fight (almost exclusively for ELO route)

-One fine late morning (cause Shinichi ain't functioning at early morning) Shinichi and Kaito butt heads about the discussion on which is better, Sherlock or Lupin? (This scene would be earlier than most I've written here as I didn't actually write the scenes in chronological order, just when they came in my mind) Shinichi would be trying to find something he can use to make Kaito displeased with him and finding out about him liking Lupin was a good start in getting disqualified. He started the conversation regarding Lupin then said he doesn't like Lupin. Kaito then would ask him what he likes then Shinichi would reply "Sherlock Holmes, of course" then give a throw away comment that Sherlock could capture Lupin and that Lupin is just a thief, he doesn't get the allure of the criminal. (Shinichi just wanted Kaito to dislike him, he was not prepared for what comes next) Kaito takes offense and says "All you detective's are the same! Lupin is a gentleman thief, he can outwit your Sherlock!" Then Shinichi takes offense then starts the fight between two Sherlock Holmes fan and Arsène Lupin fan, from a civil discussion to a verbal dogfight until inevitably Kaito insults Shinichi as a detective and Shinichi insults Kaito as a magician. This is the start of the ELO route. (If you wannt to include this in a non-ELO route then both would still come away from this with Kaito being slightly infuriated and want to kiss him senseless to shut him up, with Shinichi being annoyed with Kaito)

[georgiapeach30513]

That September Night, Part 1

Summary:   Unlucky in love, you go against everything you have ever believed, and signed up for The Bachelor.  You didn’t want to, but didn’t want to miss out on the experience.  You didn’t expect the bachelor to be the ridiculously handsome Nick Vaughan.  Didn’t expect an instant connection.  But you also weren’t prepared for the drama, the anger, the hate, the worry, the constant cameras, or Nick’s need to steal you away from the cameras any chance he could.

Pairings:  Nick Vaughan X Reader

Rating:  fluff

Warnings:  mild language, the start of gossip, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  3.9K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics​

You smile as you look around the third location of The Bubble Bea Beanery.  What started as a cute quaint coffee and tea shop had turned into something so much more.  Growing beyond your expectations.  The new site was coming along perfectly.  You didn’t even have to tell your assistant what you wanted, she just knew.  It had the same vibe as the other two locations, but each store had its own unique spin and personality.

Your cousin yells your name as she slings the door open,and you turn to greet her.  Spinning around in the store with your arms spread wide and the biggest smile on your face.  You were so proud, “So we need to talk,” Chelsea starts off, without even a short sweet hello.  

“About what?” Chelsea was always up to something, and always getting you in trouble.

“You know I love you, and I love what you’re doing here.  The Bubble Bean is adorable.”

“But?” There was always a but.  Especially with the way she had approached this conversation.  

“You don’t have anyone to share it with.”

“Ugh,” you scoff, rolling your eyes as you head towards the storage room.  Chelsea follows you, wanting to start speaking, but you cut her off, “Do you not think I haven’t tired?  You act as if I hole up alone every night in my apartment.  I don’t.  I just don’t think there’s anyone worth my time.  I would rather be single than settle, and…why are you smiling?”

“I did something stupid, but it paid off,” you open your eyes wide as you hold out your arms, glaring at her.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You are smiling, and you said you did something stupid.  I’m not doing speed dating nonsense.”

“I’m not asking you to.  I…I can’t proceed down this path without your consent.”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what it is,” she counters.  Following you as you walk further away.  Starting to pack up bags of coffee beans.  “I’m trying to help you.”

“No.”

“But I want to help you.”

“Absolutely no.”

“Please, just hear me out,” sighing, you stop your movements and give her your undivided attention.  “It’s not the best timing.  And before you say anything, just listen.  I know you’ve got the third store opening, and there’s still so much to do, but I signed you up for something.”

You roll your eyes because it was always something she was wanting you to do.  Cousins, but also best friends.  She found love early, and had children early.  Now she wanted to live vicariously through you as you navigated trying to find someone that was worth having more than three dates with.  “You were approved to go on The Bachelor.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“The season you're on has a music producer named Nick Vaughan on it, and…”

“Shut up!  The Bachelor?  Like the show we have a FaceTime call every Monday night to watch?” Chelsea nods her head, and reaches into her pocket for her phone before she shows you a picture, “This is Nick?”

“Yep.  And I know what you’re thinking…”

“He’s hot.”

“That is not at all what I thought you were thinking.  But I’m going to shut up, you work it out in your head.  Can I make a bubble tea?”

“No,” you groan, trying to think things through logically.  What would it actually feel like to date a guy that was obviously dating twenty other women?  To know that you weren’t the only person he was talking to.  You wouldn’t be the only person he was spending time with.  Was developing sincere feelings even possible?  You enjoyed the show, but that didn’t mean you wanted to be on the show.  That was a lot to think about.

“We’re on time crunch.  There’s other girls that want to be on.  And they chose you.  I don’t know what the criteria is, and I’m not going to pretend to know, but The Bachelor with that hot guy.  What do you have to lose?”

“I’m opening up a new store.”

“And Claudia has made all the decisions.  You just told me that yesterday.”

“But it’s not open.”

“Claudia and you hired several new employees.  Rick is going to test them on their coffee making skills.  Babes, even though you’ve got a new store opening, you’ve got this down.  It’s completely perfect.  And you can do this.  You can go on this stupid show and have fun.  Maybe make out with a hot guy, and make your last boyfriend that lasted a total of three months, jealous.  You could have that hot man make out with you on camera, and try and get it in.  And every man that used the excuse that they weren’t in the right place in their life can swallow rocks while you fuck Nick.”

“You can’t do that.  It’s what the fantasy suite is for,” it actually didn’t sound like a bad idea.  It sounded fun.  But could you trust everyone on your team to make this store happen?

“Okay, you get to travel, have fun, meet this incredibly hot guy, spend time with women exploring different locations, and then there’s this possibility of finding love.  How bad could this be?”

“Why would you say that?” You ask, childishly stomping your foot.  She knows how superstitious you are, and that was not necessary.  “You have ruined everything now.”

“So does that mean you’re going to go?” Chelsea taps her knuckles on the cabinets three times before you ever nod your head yes.  You were going to do it, but it was only to have fun.

Nick rubs his hand over his brows, scrunching his eyes.  He is annoyed.  “Why am I doing this again?”

“It’s good publicity,” Nick’s hand slaps down on the arm of the chair as he glares over at his manager.  “You said you didn’t have time to date, and you weren’t into just sex.  Here you go.  You get to date twenty-six women at once.”

“Sounds exhausting.”

“And they all know that you’re dating all of them,” Nick rolls his eyes, settling back more into his chair.  Dating around out in the open when you were the only male, and the women lived together, “Nick, it’s for a few weeks.  What is the worst that could happen,” Nick’s eyes turn into saucers as he stares over at his manager, and Mickey taps his knuckles on the table beside him three times.

“Seriously?  You know I hate sentences like that.”

“And I did your odd little ritual or knocking on wood three times.  You signed the contract though.  You’re doing it.  Just have fun.  Meet women.  Enjoy yourself.”

Nick did not think he would enjoy himself.  He thinks this show is going to be corny.  The only thing he can hope for is maybe some fun.  Maybe get to meet some attractive women.  But he knows the drama is coming.  He knows his normally private life is going to be exaggerated to make it look more exciting on television.  Fake dates, and too many women; a lot could go wrong.

Nick looks out at the property of the mansion, shaking his head.  The women are gorgeous.  They seemed interesting, and first impressions aren't everything, but there was nobody he had met that he actually saw himself with.  There could always be something more.  But it was starting to feel monotonous.

Gorgeous women.  And this was just speed dating.  It is all it was.  He says his hellos, nodding his head.  He’s polite, and notices the camera.  They all put on a show for him.  They wanted him to remember them.  And still they blurred together.

He looks over at the producers, giving them a curt nod as he sighs.  “How long is this supposed to last?”

“You signed the contract,” a nameless, faceless producer reminds him.

“Right.  Is that all of them?” He had been standing here for ages.  When they shake their heads, he lets out a dramatic puff of air.  “She’s late?”

“Yes.  Her driver.”

Nick wants to fire the driver.  “Is she the last one?” Another nod from the producer.  This is what he didn’t like.  Things weren’t in his control here when in real life they normally were.  He was the director of things in the studio.  He told other’s what to do.  And now he was being controlled by people he didn’t know and a bunch of giggly women.  He is already exhausted thinking about it.

“Finally,” Nick whispers as headlights shine on the damp pavement.  

Pursing your lips, you exhale slowly as the car rolls into place.  He looks annoyed.  This was a terrible idea.  He couldn’t even look at the car.  The driver couldn’t find your location.  You knew you were going to be the first to be sent home.  You couldn’t even see his face.  He was disinterested before even meeting you because of something beyond your control.

Grabbing onto the door handle, you pull the lever, and step out of the car.  Nick’s head tips forward, and your eyes lock in with his crystal blue eyes.  “Hey,” he says with a boyish grin.

“Hey,” you smile back.  His pictures didn’t do him any justice.  He is handsome, but it was so much more than that.  There seemed to be a young mischievous quality about him.  You give him your name, and he pulls up your hand up to his mouth, kissing over your knuckles.  

“I’m Nick.”

“I know,” he hadn’t dropped your hand, and you had no intention of removing it.  “I’m sorry.  I’m nervous.”

“I was,” you clear your throat, looking down to the ground.  It was too soon.  You did not want to be the one saying you were in love the first night.  “So…uh…what do you do?”

“I own a couple coffee shops.  Putting up the third.”

“I love coffee.  What’s it called?”

“The Bubble Bee Beanery,” Nick’s eyes somehow get brighter, and his smile widens.  His thumb starts making shapes on the top of your hand, and you become even more nervous.  Who was this man to get you to act like a school girl?

“You’re a New York girl?” Staring at him confused, you nod your head.  “Upper East Side?”

“Yes,” your word drags out.  Had he done some research on you ladies, and he just knew it was you.

“I love the Bubble Bee.  My order is the Metropolitan.  I don’t always get to go in there; my assistant gets it most of the time.  I prefer the flagstone store.  And…that’s yours?  I’ll admit the bubble tea is not really my thing, but the coffee is top notch.  Naming specialty drinks after parts of the city is cute.  It’s just good coffee.  Not too gimmicky.  And you did this show for what reason?”

“To hopefully find love.  Isn’t that why you signed up?” You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him, even if you wanted to.  He still hadn’t quit touching you.  His hand was steadily in your own.

“Yeah.  Yeah, I did,” his eyes coast up and down your body, admiring every bit of your soft curves.  You are surprising to him, in the best way possible.  Not at all stuffy like the other girls.  There was a playfulness.  A soft quality.  While everyone else was just trying to be sexy, you are being lighthearted.  

“You should probably head in for cocktails.”

“Will I get to talk to you the rest of the night?  Or are you going to mingle some more?”

“I have to mingle.  But I definitely want to see you out in the garden.  Just you and me.  Bring a drink,” a producer beckons Nick over to him, and Nick runs his thumb and forefinger over his beard.  Making you weak, and visioning sinful thoughts about him.  Maybe this experience isn’t going to be too bad.  And maybe you could at least have some fun.  You did like what you were seeing.

It feels weird to be in a house of women that are looking at one guy.  The same guy that you couldn’t keep your eyes off.  The very man that you had to keep telling yourself that he was not locking eyes with you.  He couldn’t be sitting on a couch with four other women, and his sight drifting to yours.  That was most definitely not what was happening.  Never.

Nick stands from the couch, giving each lady a nod before walking right over towards you, his hand going towards your free hand, “What are you drinking, bellissima?”

“Are you Italian?”

“Not that I’m aware of.  But beautiful just seems a bit too cliche tonight.  Bellissima has a spark.  What’s in your cup?”

“It’s a whiskey sour.”

“Hmm,” he says with a grin, pulling your hand into his.  “Follow me.  Let’s get a bit of privacy.

Holding onto your hand, he leads you outside, and you hear whispers immediately.  Could feel eyes stabbing in the back of your head.  You were going to be talked about.  You had seen the show enough that anytime a girl was pulled away from the group, everyone had something to say.  You didn’t go to Nick, he came to you.  Now you were a target.

He sits down, and pulls you right along with him.  His arm wraps around you.  “If we were here, I would have already taken you home.”

“What makes you think I would have followed you?  I’m not that kind of girl, Nicholas.”

“Oh, she likes using the whole name when she’s calling me out.  So, what kind of girl are you, Bella?” Your brow perks up, and you find yourself leaning slightly more into him.  “I can’t go around calling you bellissima in front of the other ladies.  They’ll get jealous.  So, Bella, what kind of a girl are you?”

“Someone who wants a partner.  I can do life by myself.  I just want to enjoy life with someone.  I don’t need a man, I want a man.  Have our shared moments, create new memories, and have fun.”

“Well, this show is for marriage,” you’re not an idiot.  You knew it was for marriage, and respond with a grin, and a slight nod.  “Clearly, you want to be married, so that’s good.”

“And what about you?  Is marriage something you’ve wanted?” There is something oddly liberating about not holding back with this line of questions.  Both of you knew the end goal, and that was marriage.  You didn’t have to go through months of dating only to realize he didn’t believe in marriage.  Or waste your time because you were not the girl he wanted to marry, he had a different vision.  It was always an excuse, but it was never you they wanted.

“I’ve always wanted marriage.  I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.  I find women nowadays don’t align with what I want.”

“Oh,” he had to have a flaw.  And here it was.  He was going to tell you.  He had a sick idea of a housewife that had no personality.  Of course he had to have something wrong with him.

“I want…I think people see me as a way to meet celebrities.  I want to be able to bring my girlfriend, or wife with me to parties, and events.  I just don’t want her to run off with one of the artists I’m working with.  They have the fame, and the adoration.  I have the talent behind the scenes, why would they want me?”

“Why would they not?” He gives you a serene smile, but you know he’s been hurt.  From the sounds of it more than once with a cheating girlfriend.  “If someone is going to leave you like that, or cheat on you like that, they never loved you to begin with.  It was a means to find someone else.  I hate cheaters.  I’ve never understood it.  Just leave.  Cheating hurts everyone involved, and nobody realizes that until it’s too late.  Oh…”

You take a deep breath in as Nick’s nose touches your own.  His cologne mixes with the beer he had been nursing, and it makes you dizzy.  It isn’t until he pulls your drink out of your hand that you realize that your legs were laying over top of his.  Things felt comfortable, and you had only met this man.  

“I’d like to kiss you,” Nick’s lashes flutter on your cheek, and you want nothing more than to touch his lips with your own.

“You say that to all the girls here,” it was the first damn night, and every movement of your mouth has your lips brushing up against his.  

“They’re boring.  Let me kiss you,” you respond by puckering your lips and pulling him into you.  You had told yourself that you wanted to have fun, and didn’t want to hold back.  You didn’t believe you could find true love on this show, but getting to kiss a sexy man was worth it.

“She’s already kissing him,” Nicole says as she marches back to the other girls.  “She’s going to be a problem.  She’s a fast mover.  She probably said something to him when they first met.  He couldn’t take his eyes off her.”

“It’s the first night.  She’s just trying to get a rose,” Holly sighs.  Everyone was here for the same thing, and that was him.  It sucks that she wasn’t the one to get a kiss, but she couldn’t fault you.

“No, they’re totally making out.  It’s the first night.”

You have to pull away from Nick, gasping for air as you stare into those bright blue eyes.  Noticing all the different shades that made up the color blue that was unique to him.  “You felt it?” He whispers.  “Don’t play games, Bells.  I’m not.  You’re getting the first impression rose.  I’ve…I need some air.”

There was a difference with kissing him.  Nothing had ever felt better.  Nothing has ever even tasted better than his lips.  His tongue.  And there were cameras capturing it all.  Even the tightness of his pants, and quick departure.

Jena grabs the card, squealing as she starts to open it, “Make sure you’re laser focused,” after she says your name with the other group of girls, you lose interest.  You are going on a group date, with something that involves lasers, and you are getting to see Nick again.

“So is he a good kisser?”

“Hmm?” Looking up from your bland coffee, you stare at one of the nameless contestants.  You couldn’t keep up.  There were so many of them.

“You going to play innocent when Nicole saw you and Nick kissing.  So was he any good?” You didn’t have to listen to this.  You aren’t opposed to making friends, but the point of the show wasn’t them.  It was him.  “That bad or that good?”

“What do you want me to say?  Nick and I kissed.  I’ll admit to that, as to everything else it doesn’t matter.  I’m going to get dressed for the date.”

“He left the cocktail hour.  Barely talked to anyone.  Maybe her kiss was the one that was so bad he couldn’t stand being around her.”

“She got a first impression rose.  I don’t think it was a bad kiss.”

“And he still asked her for a group date.”

They weren’t slick, or quiet.  No wonder there was always so much drama on here.  You could hear everything.  And you learned quickly that if you didn’t hear it someone would tell you what you missed. A constant trying to pit everyone against each other.  It was going to be a long seven weeks.  If you made it that far.

Laser tag.  Of course that’s what the date card meant.  And of course you being caught making out with Nick had everyone immediately wanting to go up against you.  Not all could.  You had to be put into teams.  Your team got lucky, you’re an excellent shot.  

“Oof!” You choke out as someone pulls you into a hidden alcove of the arena.  Back slamming against the wall, and then the softest touch of his fingertips run down your side, “Nick, we can’t…”

“I had to see you.  There’s never enough time with you.  There’s no cameras here.  And I can’t stay away.  You feel it right?” Biting at your lip, you nod your head.  Trembling as his hands grips to your hip.  Fingers digging into your skin, while his thumb makes shapes on your stomach so tenderly.  His hand rests on the wall beside your head, and you suddenly understand all those romance novels.  This is the perfect angle for him.

“You’re getting a rose,” he informs you, biting at his lip.  Unsure of whether this was part of the show or not, but you liked it.

“I don’t need you to tell me that.”

“I want to be open and honest with you about what I’m thinking.  You’re getting a rose.  You’re not going anywhere, and from how I feel right now, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.  I need you to stay and see where this goes.  Kiss me.”

Shaking your head no, you pull him closer.  Your hand drops the laser gun and you run you shaking fingers up his back, “You better kiss me, or I’ll make sure Nicole gets a good shot at you.”

“This is too fast,” was it the show or getting caught up in the feelings that made people fall so fast.  When you watched the show you laughed at these women.  Now you understand.  You could see it happening, and feel it right before your eyes.  It didn’t even feel free.

“So?  This is not a normal way of dating.  This is entertainment for millions, and this kiss is just for us.  Kiss me like you wanted to last night.  No cameras.  No bullshit.  Just…” your hand coasts to his neck, and you pull him into you.  Slotting your lips on his, and the hand beside your head moves to the back of your neck, and he presses his weight into you.

Breathless isn’t even the word.  It’s shocking.  Lightning sparks through your veins when his tongue licks over your lips, and you grant him access.  Whimpering in his mouth, and clinging to him so tightly.  This wasn’t a normal first kiss.  This was just the beginning of passion.  Had this alcove had more room, you would have been pulling him to the floor.  

Nick starts ghosting his lips down your jaw, settling on your neck, and gives you a tiny little nip.  Rolling his hips into your body, “Nick, we can’t.”

“I want to.”

“I want to, too, but,” your words drown out as his mouth dips even lower on your body.  “Nick, please.”

“I love that word coming out of your mouth,” you mewl as he kisses down your chest.  Fingers weaving through his hair.  “My god, Bella…”

“Stop.  Stop stop,” he stands up immediately, staring at your kiss bruised lips.  “They already hate me.”

“I saw the footage.  It seems to just be a couple that hate you.”

“I watch the show.  I know how girls can be.  Just…I like this, but we have a contract.  And not all of us want to buy ourselves out of it.  This was fun.”

“Maybe, we’ll do it again?”

It was cruel.  Having to follow someone else’s rules, and not just your own.  They weren’t even Nick’s rules, but the studios.  “You know where to find me,” you playfully answer, and his eyes drift down your body as you begin to leave.  

“I’ve got a rose just for you,” and let the games begin.  

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season​ @marveloustaylortot​ @pono-pura-vida​ @sstan-hoe​ @missusbarnes-rogers​ @peaches1958​ @seitmai​ @smile1318​ @andydrysdalerogers​ @cjand10​ @midnightramyeoncravings​ @maroonsunrise83​ @kmc1989​ @patzammit​ @misshinson​ @jlw2334​ @sebsgirl71479​

[hinacu-arts]

[karizard-ao3]

Eren on the Bachelor! (which I have also not seen). The producers are constantly stressed about ratings because they keep having to cut scenes of Eren whining on his dates with the other girls (he tried to refuse but they reminded him he signed a contract). They end up having to edit clips from his dates with Mikasa so he looks more happy and the fans are very quick to notice!! And I hc Historia and Ymir are contestants (Hisu is pretty and blonde and Ymir was just looking for work when she signed on) and they secretly start hooking up while filming the show which stresses the producers out even more because now they have to also edit out clips of these two making out in corners while Eren is (poorly) pretending to be on dates!

Yes exactly. Yumihisu are for sure hooking up and not even trying to hide it, given that Eren has turned this entire season into a farce.

And the producers are really struggling to make any of the non-Mikasa dates look fun at all because, while they can get decent Eren clips from his time with Mikasa, the other women on the dates are visibly not having a good time. At every rose ceremony he just gives the first one to Mikasa and dumps the rest on the floor, so even if he wasn't sitting there at dinner and asking them questions about Mikasa or getting their opinions on his love poem for Mikasa or getting input on the baby names he likes for his future children with Mikasa, they already know they're going home at some point and that all this is a massive waste of time.

[whollysensei]

he raised Simon to his feet… so they could collect him from his offal

[not-kat]

randomly got the urge to revisit an old flame

[disgracefulthings]

MDZS fix-it AU where Shang Qinghua saves Wei Wuxian and the Wens from the burial mounds, for a price...

Shang Qinghua, handing WWX a contract: Just sign here and I will provide food and shelter for you and your people

Wei Wuxian: What's the catch. No one does anything for free

Shang Qinghua: I bring up what I'm owed in the third paragraph

Wei Wuxian, reading out loud: ...'Shang Qinghua, and only Shang Qinghua, has the right to write about Wei Wuxian's love life in any manner he sees fit.' Why would you want this?

Shang Qinghua: Look, are you going to sign it or what?

[scurvyboy]

ur realivity falls stan seems like hed wear the "❌️single ❌️taken ✅️gamer" t shirt

you are absolutely right

[ryuki-draws]

That's all that's left. Fifty-seven pages of research, two bottles of morphine and one ticket back to the Capital. The train departs at dusk.

An illustration for a Patho AU inspired by Bulgakov I'll probably never write properly but it's been worming in my brain for over two years now.

[karizard-ao3]

Imagine, if you will, Eren on the Bachelor (which I have never seen) and Mikasa is one of the contestants. First episode, Eren's standing up there with the requisite number of roses, wearing a tuxedo or whatever they have them do. The music swells. Close up shots of the lady suitors looking nervous. Cut to Eren. He takes a deep breath, then goes to deliver his first rose. He approaches Mikasa and we see her relax, glancing around at the other women and wondering who will be moving on in the competition with her.

Then Eren shoves his entire armful of roses into her hands and shouts, "Fuck the rest of this show. I'm marrying this one! Gimme the ring! I'm proposing!"

Obviously, this does not fly with the producers and they force him to carry out the rest of the season, but he can't be tamed and he spends the remaining episodes throwing himself at Mikasa and ignoring everyone else. It is the most boring season of the Bachelor anyone has ever seen but there's nothing anyone can do about it and it's kind of cute so people keep tuning in.

[hayheadd]

pathologic x warrior cats !!! bachelor mock cover

I think I am getting better at these though I really wanted to have the title at least be red-tinted (pathologic!!!) but that's hard to do with the blue background so an alt version + textless

Once again... 6 large stars and some uhh symbolism like the uhh you know symbol of medicine being a snake. snaked around some elongated object

Click for Haruspex route cover here‼️‼️‼️

Check out my entire account for all the pathocats content ever‼️‼️‼️

happy pathologic month once again

[phoenixyfriend]

Obi-Wan as the Bachelor and the Big Deal of it all is that the whole "meet my family so we see if you mesh" is like Episode Two instead of near finale because Anakin keeps showing up with Ahsoka in Tow.

The production team can't figure out how to keep him from breaking in like nightly. He just crashes dates because that's HIS older brother and Anakin himself needs to approve but also! Obi-Wan's attention belongs to Anakin, obviously.

Obi-Wan's apologies are token. His teenage brother is part of the package. Also the teenybopper, but she's less of an annoyance.

Yoda is the producer and we need a host. The problem is that I ship so many people with Obi-Wan that I can't think of awiuegfhpaosidjfa

Qui-Gon or Dooku can host. Or Plo?

People that are on the show:

Quinlan

Luminara

Jango

Cody (Jango's cousin)

Alpha (also Jango's cousin)

Bail (openly poly)

Satine

Siri

Hondo (somehow)

Mace

Ventress

Maul

Kit Fisto

Other? I'm sure I have more but my brain is Not At 100% so I'm sure I'm missing something obvious.

I have like 15% understanding of this show.

[himeofshyness]

When you think you've finally settled on the NPC you want to marry, but then you meet another interesting character and suddenly want to pursue them too. You’re curious about their story, but your heart won’t let you divorce your current spouse—so you start a new save file. Then another. Each one with a different farmer OC, each with their own love interest and story. Before you know it, you've built an entire farming game world where your OCs coexist. And now, every time you find another NPC attractive, you have to create yet another OC, complete with a backstory, personality, and design… until it becomes a full-blown creative headache. 😵

[yescking]

i hhave no idea what this is

[haharuspex]

red means i love you idk