#thats the only thing ive ever truly wanted to do with my life

[arreish]

Why can't I earn money being a stay at home mom? Like not millions or anything. But a liveable wage?

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[orcelito]

Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

[dawnleaf37]

plants are such organism

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I do kinda hope we get a sequel, it’d be nice to be able to talk about Lorabetta again

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[halitis]

do i have anything anything against jason as a character? no. i actually like him quite a bit! i think hes really interesting!

BUT DO I THINK SOME JASON FANS ARE FUCKING DUMB AS FUCK?!?? YES BITCH WHAT THE FUCK?

im gonna go through all the shit wrong with this comment thread one by one because jesus fucking CHRIST!!!!

1. "that thing" first of all. What. she is literally just a evil-aligned poc woman. she has been raised in this environment and as a result of that this is really the only life available for her and thats the tragedy of her character!

2. "why did she get with roy" THEY ARE FUCKING SOULMATES. THEIR ENTIRE THING IS THE INHERENT LOVE THEY SHARE FOR EACH OTHER WHILE ALSO VALUING THEIR MORALS ABOVE EACH OTHER. IT IS THE COMPLEXITY OF RAISING A CHILD TOGETHER AND ALSO TRYING TO FIND MIDDLE GROUND. IT IS BEGGINT THE OTHER TO CHANGE AND KNOWING THEY WONT.

3. "MY BABY JASON" YOU CANNOT SAY THAT AFTER YOU JUST INSULTED JADE.... LITTERALLY CANNOT. the biggest fucking hypocrytical statement i have ever fucking heard!!! bro!!! jason is Nawt a good person! he just flat out isnt! he has done so much horrid shit, not just to his familt, but to roy's family too. like he is not ur sweet innocent traumatised boy, he is a fucked up grown ass man who was hurt and decided to take that pain out on others. he is no fucking different from jade except he thinks hes doing rhe right thing, at least jade knows she isnt

4. "lian baby mama is jason now" ive talked abt this before, but sexism in fandom spaces when it comes to mlm ships is so fucking common it is fucking absurd. why are women only used as babymakers for ur gay characters?? why can they not be complex characters while men can???? it is fucking absurd how common it is in dc fandom and i frankly dont know why im shocked by it! women are regressed to one of three roles: evil villain who abused male love interest, baby maker, BAMF with no complexity or character at all and it is honestly so fucking tiring and just, boring to read??? like how do you not just hate it??????

5. "unemployed" honestly. i have no words. all im saying is it is No Fucking Shock that the woc is being pushed into these awful stereotypes.

now we are up to the worst part. the final comment...

6. "how are you gonna sleep with my man" ROY LEFT JADE. NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. roy was on an undercover mission and fell in love with jade and got her pregnant! he left because he would not be able to arrest her!!! all she fucking knew was one of the first people she truly ever loved had fucking gotten her to trust him and then left her, she had to deal with that pregnancy BY HERSELF. SHE LITTERALLY SAYS SHE SPENT THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY WAITING FOR ROY TO COME BACK TO HER, AND SHE WASNT EVEN MAD SHE STILL LOVED HIM.... she didn't even realise his identity for years!

also why is it always the woman's fucking fault if she gets pregnant? it takes two to tango! roy is as equally responsible for that pregnancy as jade is!

7. "AND THEN LEAVE YOUR KID" OH MY GOD.... [EXPLODES YOU WITH MY MIND] JADE. CANNOT. LEAVE. THE LEAGUE. BUT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO RAISE A FUCKINF CHILD THERE BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT ITS LIKE!! SHES BEEN THAT KID!! jade knows fucking better then to delude herself into thinking she can raise lian safely while still stuck in her life, but lian is her number one priority always!! forever!! she pushes roy and lian away because she knows she is dangerous for them and because she thinks she doesnt deserve to have them and that love in her life!!!

8. "lian should be embarrassed to have her as her mum" i actually fucking wish nothing but hell upon you. have you not fucking read. just a single thing in ur life actually? just like actually can you read??? because i have met TODDLERS with better media literacy than you. LIAN HAS ISSUES WITH HER MOTHER. THIS WAS A BIG PART OF HER STINT AS SHOES. SHE IS DEALING WITH THE COMPLEXITIES OF LOVING HER MOTHER, THE WOMAN WHO LOVES HER AND CARES FOR HER, WHILE ALSO ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT SHE ISNT A GREAT MUM.

im sorry this is so messy and has so much shouting it actually has me fuming when people r so fucking stupid, idc if you dont like a character but dont just ignore all the bits of a characyer that make them redeemable or interesting to prop up ur male blorbos????

[cabaretbabe]

in retrospect, after rewatching and coming back to s4/5, it's very noticeable that the writers were setting up sawyer and juliet. like, maybe from her introduction??

as a kid, (thats how long ive been a fan lmfao) when lafleur premiered i found their pairing to be sudden and a little jarring. but really paying attention to their character arcs (and also just growing up), it's obvious it couldn't have been anything but them.

sawyer spent the first half of his story fighting personal growth at every turn because he believed he didnt deserved good things. and kate, as much as i adore my girl, didnt provide much of an alternative as she felt the same way. she ran from any affection and stability and as a result reinforced sawyer's belief that love was not something he was designed for. she played him like he played others and while it was definitely karmic, he took that as a further sign that pushing people away was the only way to protect himself from his feelings. and when he had the chance to reach out to kate and change things in s3 and s5 he hesistated, because he knew she was never his to begin with.

now bring in juliet, someone who spent her whole life catering to the needs of others while being deprived of her own. someone who has had her agency stripped away by the second man in her life that's exploited her kindness and brains for his own benefit. and she meets jack, and does all shes ever known. she plays the role that he (and ben) want her to even though she knows he loves kate and will always pick her over juliet, because thats who she is at heart. she gives to others what she can't have. in her mind, she also doesnt feel like its in the cards for her. her sister is the only true love she's ever known and that too was stolen from her. she's accepted that she'll keep giving, and never get it in return.

and youd think at first, these two people won't work together. cant work together. sawyer is an asshole who lashes out , who hurts people before they can hurt him, while juliet does the opposite. she's incredibly kind and strong and giving but suffering just as deeply.

and that's just it. juliet is to sawyer what he is to her: an equal. she sees him. really truly sees past his bullshit. she meets him and he's james immediately, because she doesn't buy the act. the cutting remarks, the sarcasm, that's his hurt on full display and it resonates deeply. she encourages him to express his emotions; to talk honestly about how kate has hurt him because jack hurt her too and she gets it. she sees the scared little kid in him and she nurtures that, pushing him to grow and genuinely take care of himself. she wants james, not sawyer, for the first time in his whole life.

and in return he chooses /her/, too. not for what she can provide for him, not as a savior or a doctor or an other, but as a human being who deserves safety and security, and flowers. he holds her trauma; embracing her strength and wit and how she challenges him every day. he loves that she banters with him back until he starts self-deprecating and she calls him on it, because she knows he can do better. he adores her candor. they hold each other accountable and ride for each other and build a life together that neither believed they'd ever get. and even in the end they're terrified of losing each other when the losties return, because they believed they were intrinsically not meant for happiness. that's why their relationship is fated and so beautiful.

because they will always, always have each others back.

[angsthology]

GENRE: COMEDY

a series of drivers in different sitcoms. thats it. thats the only description i can give.

originally, this was a series inspired by this tiktok i saw then @disneyprincemuke (no one's surprised anymore) corrupted me into actually making it BUT! i wanted to have my own twist to it so here it is;

special mentions to @foreveralbon @localwhoore for... being there

also i gotta be honest the deeper u scroll the more sloppy i got with the ideas cause i fr ran out of sitcoms (that ive watched and/or may not just be in my list for future watch since i ran out) and ideas so im sorry folks 🫠 also no promises on this series well

some of these MIGHT change because i am stupid. and, yeah.

the good place # mv1

he tried to kill you... nay, he did kill you, that’s why you’re here. and now he’s your alleged soulmate?

community # sv5

in life, it seems the only thing you’re ever good at is “trying again” but when will it stick?

how i met your mother # ls2

it’s almost like the world is against you being happy. but of all people, why did it have to be him?

new girl # cl16

crazy how one of your best friend’s new roommate was destined to be yours forever and you didn’t even know (apparently he did, though)

abbott elementary # gr63

the new first grade teacher seems to be unable to function when you’re around, wonder why that is?

modern family # eo31

when and how did your dads managed to get someone so cute to rent your upstairs apartment?

brooklyn nine-nine # pg10

since when did captain holt had such a cute, —daughter?

schitt’s creek # aa23

nothing really to smile about in your life. but i guess he’s kinda nice

2 broke girls # op81

typical max black lore drop, apparently she has a brother now?

reboot # ln4

they gave you one condition: be in this relationship or not be in the show and who are you to say no? you’re new after all, who did you think you were?

what we do in the shadows # cs55

you’ve lived long enough, really. but not long enough for this to be your first experience at being part of a truce

superstore # yt22

you hated your coworkers for not believing that you have an actual boyfriend. proof? hm, got that from the internet, call? did you hire someone to do that?

friends # ls18

jack and judy geller are one hell of a matchmaker, whether they did it on purpose or not

veep # lh44

you honestly can’t stand him sometimes. you truly don’t know what his problem is but who knows maybe he’s just english.

victorious # zg24

you guys are so cute, it’s quite sickening. literally.

icarly # ms47

you two were... inseperable. until—he seperated away, i guess. but hey! he’s back apparently and there’s really nothing you can do about it except try to keep the heart eyes too a minimum

AGAIN; absolutely no promises cause im shit <3

plus i dont rlly know why im doing this considering i currently have a pretty demanding life but oh well!!

[sillyyuserr]

posting again at nearly 1am :P

another small analysis (if you can even call it that)

what im going to be talking about takes place in jshk, chapter 79, a quick recap. This is during the red house arc, and at this point in time kou and nene are in the red house, whilst akane and teru are at the shrine talking to what seems to be either a worker at the shrine or a family member/family friend of teru’s (and aoi’s in the far shore but shes not very relevant in this chapter).

after they fail to get something out of the “family friend”, teru exhaustedly lyes down and starts “ranting” to akane ab how hard his life is

and whilst doing this they somehow get to the topic of aoi. And akane starts to wonder if teru GENUINELY likes her. And i mean we can kind of tell he doesnt, but its still a little odd to see him act like this

does he like aoi? We never truly will know, but theres alot of things implying he doesnt like her (and vice versa) but im too lazy to go digging those up so just take my word for it 😭

but akane doesnt even look mad here??? he’d usually either bitchslap someone for talking ab dating her or even hitting ppl with a fucking spiked bat who glance at her

but this? who knows. And not to mention teru looks almost sad when akane mentions him possibly liking her. Almost as if he misunderstood his intenions??

This is very interesting to me, he looks almost distant, but not in the way of no one understands him or he wants to get away from everyone but in the “im trying to tell you what i mean but you’re not getting it” kind of way.

you see it too right? Pls tell me im not insane 😭

but why is he looking like this at akane? Well lets come up with a few ideas. one reason could be because he’s possibly “hinting” to akane that he likes aoi, although this doesnt make much sense considering he literally asked him that straight up and thats his literal direct response.

another reason could be that he’s sad akane’s brought-ten up her again. Not because he dislikes her, but maybe a little reminder that akane still likes aoi, and that he’s still JUST out of his reach.

After that akane talks about going to save aoi on his own since teru’s being a sad sack and wont do it himself, leading up to these 2 panels.

LIKE UHM???? HOLD ON

Lets look closer here 😭 not only does he have the most love-struck eyes ive ever seen, but also he’s blushing??? ON BOTH SIDES?? Also the way his expression takes up the entirety of the upper half of this panel shows us that this is kind of important and for us to really pay attention to it.

ive seen him make this face TWICE. Both times looking at who you may ask? Take a guess

I have so many takes on terukane but no one wants to listen to them so i go to tumblr and share with my singular follower💀 im not even exaggerating

One sided terukane makes me SICK 😭

[plaidos]

Hey, im just sending this bc i started thinking about this again this morning and now i can't work bc of it but i need to. So uhh just to get it out of my head: I know im trans in some way, i usually use genderqueer, sometimes agender, but who knows ive wondered if im a trans guy even tho i dont think so? - but in my life i just kinda live as a cis girl bc once i figured out i though just knowing it and having it figured inside of my head was enough but uhhh. I think i also don't wanna do anything about it bc my dream would be to truly not be perceived as any gender ever but i know thats impossible and the idea of trying and that not working would only bring more attention to my gender and I just want people not to think about and i think if i just not do anything about i can just pretend its not a thing? Like if i have to go through trying to be perceived as i want and people go against it and i have to be aware of how people perceive my gender i think it would make me feel so bad i might just drop dead. So yeah i always thought i was never gonna do anything about my gender even if hormones sound pretty good bc for practical reasons it would be easier to not think about it. But i kinda started wondering if this could just be dysphoria? Does it sound like dysphoria? Idk i just wanted an opinion about it? Ive been thinking its just more practical to avoid it altogether since i dont think i have dysphoria and since i feel like shit when thinking about it and if i dont do anything i dont think i feel like shit? But maybe i do feel dysphoria and i just have been ignoring? Idk thats all i just needed to get it out of my head so i could work

this sounds like dysphoria to me. i mean like… are you happy living as a cis woman for the rest of your life? does that make your happy? or does it kinda make your heart sink? like this is a genuine question; nobody can answer this but you!

[pinazee]

Daredevils!

Overall, not one of my favorite episodes but by far my favorite ending because oh boy what a gut punch of feelings!

First, look at how he set this up. There is no way shawn thought this would work so he 100% knows these kids are only there to see him crash into this kid. Also, im guessing the actor for gus was unavailable, but i like to think hes not there because he knew Shawn always intended to crash into him.

Lol what are you talking about henry? He’s got like 9 years of life here and a third of it was in diapers. Stfu

This is random, but is this the only time we’ve seen the pinball machine? I dont recall it being in later eps. I’ll have to keep an eye out now.

So far my favorite pineapple reveal. Should i start playing find the pineapple?

Shawn can read lips ✅

Probably the dumbest thing Shawns ever done. also, I’m guessing Vancouver roof tops were out of the question, cause that green screen be working real hard haha

The first time i watched this show i was in middle school, so all of the references, went completely ignored by me. Now im picking up on references ive never heard before. Like who Aldo nova is.

Gemcitabine and capecitabine are actually pancreatic cancer treatments and they even showed it correctly (the one being an IV the other a tablet) so major kudos to psych for the attention to detail.

As for the lassie sideplot. Eh. I can see what Vick was trying to say, but at the same time, if Lassie is getting complaints because he’s throwing little tantrums then Vick should have handled it instead of telling Juliet to. Plus, Lassie is the type to respect authority, so it would’ve meant more if it had come from her anyways. Though, i do find it funny that Vick told her to handle it, and Jules’ interpretation of that was “i gotta find him a date,” when she probably meant like, beat the sense into him haha i will say though, i liked the resolution of Lassie going from i don’t need your help, to please, i need your help. I think thats good growth for him, but i think it was a little sloppy in the execution. I think it could’ve been better if lassie actually did get in trouble with Vick and Lassie had to work on not letting his personal life affect work as much and make that the focus. OR, if you wanted to keep the relationship stuff, you could forgo Vick getting involved at all and keep it simple. Jules feels bad for lassie getting rejected again and tries to set him up the whole episode, then when they have that bit with the prostitute, thats when he accepts her help (because again he has terrible instincts. Like, how did he make it this far as a cop. Truly astounding.)

Wait i have the answer to this! Let me check my notes:

By this point in the series- 6

NOW ABOUT THAT ENDING! Ohmygod! First of all, one of the rare Psych ep’s that doesnt have an actual murderer or even victim. They just got swept up into a poor dying mans attempt at suicide. I love that Shawn doesn’t tell anyone and is honoring his right to die. I think thats a very bold message to make on a cable show. But i also love that hes actually really nervous because he does want to convince him not to go through with it. and then after he left, Its one of the few occasions where we can actually see him questioning if he made the right decision. You can see how much he hopes his words resonated with him enough that it saves his life. Plus it was so smart to keep the camera on Shawn to watch his reaction. It kept you in that tense moment with him so you can feel the relief shawn has when he landed the trick. Such a great scene and possibly one of my favorites in the series.

P.S this is my favorite bit lol Gus is so much funnier to me this watch. I think the first time i watched Psych i pitied him a lot, so that anytime he looked kind of foolish i just felt bad for him haha but damn, Dulé is so freaking funny

[kindred-spirit-93]

jazzy!! & apollo

hello yall im back on my bs (biscuit soliloquy) with my wonderful oc jazzy and a modern au i came up with when i opened my eyes this morning lol. u can find a little lore on ma blog under the #jazzy tag :3

--

aight so for context a few months ago while deep in the trenches of my greek mythology obsession i made a minor underworld diety oc who goes by kore or jazzy. shes my favourite muffin and i love her.

and after reading one too many apollo fics here lmao i really wanted to explore his domains (which i find endlessly fascinating bc its all my favourite things in one: medicine art literature) and learn more about him as a god via a character study of sorts.

(ive yet to write anything for them lol but when i do it will be great :P)

--

anyway back to the story they are teachers!! bc im currently rethinking my life choices and having fun imagining what my life could have been like things went differently (11/10 recommend. great for the blorbos). babys first midlife crisis at the ripe old age of 21 lol

so without any further ado, them <3

HHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY BABIES

*slaps hands* aight so context and premise:

cant be bothered to come up with alternative names and clever refernces for everyone so theyre keeping their greek names lol.

not everyone in the pantheon will make an appearance, this aint keeping up with the olympians (until it is)

the setting is vaguely british lol bc its where i grew up and am more familiar with the system and the norms. ish

they teach both primary and secondary school students (this afaik doesnt exist in the uk but it does here so yeah. will elaborate later)

greek mythology adjacent at best i regrettably know very little of the mythos and my one and only reference is theoi. i will do better i promise. as soon as i graduate

in the mean time pls feel free to tell me all about ur fave myths and works and recommend stuff :D!!

--

art stuff, character design, notes

apollo has heterochromia :3 dunno if u can see it but his eyes are olive green (right) and a teal (left). representing the suns reach over land and sea. ALSO FRECKLES >:D

my girl jazzy has the most boring brown eyes ever. no pools of honey or flecks of gold. just good ol dirt brown. *foreshadowing*

short curly hair somewhere between brown and black for her, and floofy kraft singles waves for him XD

jazzy is a knitwear gremlin (like urs truly lol), 24/7 turtlenecks cardigans jumpers scarfs all of it. her hands (and extremeties) are always cold bc bad circulation and probably dehydration. shush

palettes are warm and earthy for jazzy (wow im so subtle) and cool celestial for apollo (and artemis hehe)

so thats mostly greens esp olive, brown and beige and a healthy sprinkle of rose. le aesthetic is forest/ gremlincore for my girl

and lots of blues esp navy and shiny silver and gold for chaotic academia sunshine boi (TIL astroacademia is a thing and like wow)

arts and moodboards and quotes in this century trust

jazzy is of average height (which to me is 160cm hhhhh and apollo is taller at 180cm. do ur own math we use metric in this household)

--

finally concept idea, plot if u will, notes and backgorund info too:

the first thing i thought of when i opened my eyes was literally apollo and his nine daughters the muses. let me finish

i wish i was joking lol it instantly gripped me but alas i had to go to uni and so it stayed on hold and i havent studied more that 3 pages bc im thinking about them

and by thinking i mean going over the same scene in my head and not doing somethinguseful like say expanding lore. as one does.

anyway yes we have apollo the girl dad of all time who has 9 wondeful daughters of varying ages from fist year of uni to toddler

still mapping out details like if from same mother or several relationships. idk what im doing pls respect my privacy at this time

apollo has 2 degrees bc its cool af to me (my dad has two masters and its been on my bucket list since. i dont know why i am the way that i am either) one in nursing and another in english literature (and a masters in translation bc i can)

he teaches english and history tho and the art afterschool clubs. yes clubs plural. i am insane and so is he.

jazzy is a biomed graduate and is currently pursuing a masters in forensic toxicology (sucks that i hade organic chem this would be fun to write) so she teaches bio. probably part time idk.

i will get to the details of lore and what theyre like and their work ethics etc but i is tired and id really like to finish some work before bed lol so goodnight for now and enjoy and feel free to ask stuff ig :3

[chasedeys]

i saw @cazluvsu make one and i decided to do one!!! and yap about it too lmao

i fear they are. my life now. truly how.

bengals. how can i even begin to explain them. joemarr. but outside of the joemarr of it all. all these fucking men outside of these two who have somehow managed to just. their entire fucking roster. tee fucking higgins. trey. their 23 rookies room. the new rookies. and their insane fucking lack of pr training. their vets. the idea that i have to let go of mike hilton. and joseph ossai. and bj hill. and everyone else. the hell is that. never in my life did i think i'd care for shit like this. anyways may i direct you to my pinned and my live blogging to see what i mean or smth idk. this entire blog is my thesis for my love for them.

oh my heart.............

vikings. aaaaaaaaaaa. yes it was because of beloved pretty perfect pr princess justin jefferson. but then....koc. i didnt even fucking KNOW coaches moved this way 😭. the way i want to. write them fucking. but also. holding hands and living in a bayou together. and sams shit. and like. i watched their social media stuff. and sure i never really got into their roster the way i got into like. the bengals and i don't think i ever will but like. jesus. they're so fucking charming truly every tiktok featuring josh's tiny ass mic is a treat because like. that segment on what's the weirdest shit in your locker and its truly weird like my coach is hotter than your coach mug and the hawk statue and the naruto (?) backpack instead of fucking months old cornbread rotting in the back. thats some good shit. also i think their locker room is the best LMAOOO actual healthy lighting that doesn't sting the eyes and they have like a little fireplace??? its so cute they sometimes plop down there and do their mini mic interviews there aww. also cams cellyssss that have gone viral as hell. cuteeee.

lions. i get that like it's like so weird to deeply adore teams from the same division but please look away 😭 god i blame casey for this they're soooo <33333 jah and montyyyy they're so cute hello. hello how can i not adore them 😭 jamooo and amon ra who speaks like 10 billion languages no that's an exaggeration sorry but like. my thing for wrs and also he's suchhh a bitch and when people get so fucking annoyed about it i get 😭😭 and also enamored by jared goffs like. 0 aura and miniscule charm lmao. that interview clip of him getting bracketed by jah and monty lmao and TERRIONNNNN fuck. i knew NOTHING about him BUT??? he's so???? that rookie dumbassery charm 😭😭😭😭 thank you casey for putting me on the lions and sending me that clip of him falling down the fucking stairs and taking a MOMENT to contemplate his life on the bottom steps lmfao oh my god......and dj reader augughguhg i miss you.....come back but like.....i don't suppose you will......

ravens. again....division rivals aside.......lamar jackson........derrick henry.........ive written my thoughts on them lmaoooo oh but i need to learn more of their roster </3 don't fw their defense i can't lie LMAOOO but like. kyles a cutieee auguhguhg and marlons tweets on his cat being a MAN have been truly hilarious. looking very much in anger when facing the bengals though 😀 the multifacetedness of like. sports watching and rpf. which. is multifacetedness a word which word is the correct word sorry idk but basically. oh my heart is correct for this tiers title 😭. its so fucking funny im sorry they're all in the same afc nfc north division what the hell am i on about. i think this could be like. the tier below too? but like. i know exactly how i know them and how they've bewitched me 😭 thinking again the lines between this tier and below. are blurred. but anywAYSSSS.

not but how. do i know them. how have they bewitched me.

cowboys, panthers, texans. right so the reason they're not the tier below is because i ship a whole lot of them. cowboys jesusssss micah/tre oh my god. ceedak. well i know only these 4 clearly but like. they're soooo. i read a micah/tre fic of just. insanity. am patiently waiting for a chapter 2 truly adore micah and trevon (WHO'S SO FUCKING PRETTY BTW.....so pretty........so confused on how people say he's not as pretty as stef. diff type of pretty but PRETTY NONETHELESSS how. the fuck. am i not looking at the same person or. 😭😭) <3 and ceedak! though i don't fw their fics in ao3 mostly because its doused in infidelity and i am just. not that. i do fw them soooo well goddd just did a whole spiel with casey abt them and joemarr bc of the pfw aus tennis open thing that was fun <3 and panthers bryceeee i adore himmm bryce/cj bryce/andy insanity and like. xavier who's soooo fucking charming and the rest of their roster who im still learning. that you leave that baby alone clip 😭 cute as hellll dare i say their oline would burn the earth down for him etc etc. and texans!!! cj babyyyy and stef.....truly his insane lore. to this day still being written holy shit he just can't help himself can he 😭 will he be at the weddi- ANYWAYS. tank and joe mix. derek stingley jr lsu bb whose one single comment on ja'marr's ig that one time endeared himself so firmly to me too etc etc. begging for a probowl interaction bless. so anyways. tier of their own <3

👉👈 1-2 have enamored me i fear

giants, commanders, jaguars. grouping these three together yeah you guessed it because of the 2023 lsu trio soulmatism lmaoooo. truly the only reason they're in this tier sorry 😭 god jayden/malik are so. and btj who's the only one ja'marr hasn't followed back apparently 😭 what is in the waters in louisianaaaa but anyways isn't it so fucking cute how malik and btj came to jaydens first playoffs game like....are u fucking serious......nevermind how maliks literally divisional rivals 😭 SOOOO compelling how they're drafted in the same division btw LMAOOOO playing each other twice.....Nice.....the Narratives of like. the giants possibly drafting A Very Nice Very Good Very Handsome Very Insane QB that might replace the shit out of jayden is like. hm. hhmhmhmm. i have. Thoughts (didn't shedeur throw with malik in the middle of the street at night lmao). BUT ANYWAYS. moving on. ALSO. like. there's that clip of jayden bullshitting on how he's faster than malik and btj and the two scoffingggg 😭 REMINDS ME OF HOW joemarr shits on each others speed sm does he shit on justins too im sure he does god that's cuteee what is WITH qbs and their wrs and shitting on each others speed ANYWAYS AUGHGHG SORRY-

browns, steelers. divisional rivals which is mostly why im so taken with them i can't lie lmaoooo. like. something so prideful about being from the afc north idk. and like. saying shit like 'thats afc north football babyyy'. snow game like i even understand what snow feels like lmaooo. the fighting dirty aspect that pisses me off and honestly delights me at times except how it doesn't bc like where the fuck is our (bengals) defense. where the fuck is it. anyways opoy being 2 from the bengals 2 from the ravens?? amazing. dpoy having one from bengals, browns, and steelers. mvp from bengals and ravens. like that's so. the fact that no one from this fucking division has one division champ for three straight years (and browns has won. none. which. well.) which is fucking. ridiculous. i am so fucking done with this division goddddd. but like. so heavily enamored truly <3 also i adoreeee grant delpit 😭 because of lsu. and that ja'marr and him started commenting on each other's ig again after the game that's like. so cute. to me. G mf $.....yeahyeah thats hard........cute as hell how old are you two...........let me keep you.............and also najee harris <3 top three beautiful nfl men (with ceedee and fred, excluding my bias of joemarr 😔)

chargers. blame their social media presence truly UNMATCHED. daiyan henley........hand in marriage. right the fuck now. no really. their kicker is cute as hell, justin herberts refusal to like. appear in camera is charming to me i can't lie, their team's chemistry is honestly so cute! wish i knew more to actually like. know more abt them lmao. but again. their tiktok videos. unmatched. if the bengals and the rest of the nfl PLEASE learn from them......

bills, eagles, niners, dolphins. casually-ish? beautiful men and rpf standpoint RIPE with it. stosh.....😭 keon coleman my beloved how are uuuuu lmaoo. aj brown ehehehehe i do think i ship him with jalen idk they're cute as hell the book thing is still so fucking hilarioussss HOW do they keep digging themselves a hole making people doubt their friendship is the thing 😭 jalen made a stupid joke how he's never once saw aj read and i do NOT think ANYONE LAUGHEDDDDD meanwhile aj (whos fucking gorgeousssss btw oh my god. oh my god...) showed a reporter his lovingly underlined and highlighted book and it got sold out im crying they are not real people akdkljkslf they KEEP putting themselves in these Situations also devonta smith who looks all but 12 oh my god and saquon <3 who's fucking gorgeoussss with his dangly earringggggggg aaaaaaaa love me a man with a dangly earring. also sydney lol i suppose he'll get a ring first (wink wink nudge nudge but aggresively FLY EAGLES FLYYYYY!!). and niners frock <3 fred warner beautiful gorgeous fred warner and brock purdys insane loreeeee. i also got enamored by deebo lmaooo he's so fucking 😭 girl learn whennn toooo shutttt the fuckkkk uppppp 😭 god that was. his shit was so. ANYWAYS. dolphins tuaaaa!! do you know that tiktok of like people reacting to him running and sliding after he returned from his concussion ir 😭 crying. another coachfucker btw.....hilariousss to be typing this abt tua bc in my head he's wayyyy softer abt it than jjkoc 😭 mike augugughhh he's also like. very endearing. and speaks in a very 'girl are u high' manner. the way he reacted to news of people dressing up as him was hilarioussss.

idrk them tbh

broncos, seahawks, packers, titans, jets, rams, bucs, bears, raiders, cardinals, falcons, saints, patriots, colts. i don't really know them 😭 like i do know several players on them and like am enamored by a lot of them! but like. that's it. no vesting interest. idk. bo nix, ps2, dk, jaire alexander, jordan love, tb and chido ofc i misssss them ugh, davante, sauce, garrett, puka, caleb and rome, maxx, kyle murray ig, jb3 whom i also misssss wow, oh clyde, etc etc etcccc. not much vesting interest? other than like. oh you're gorgeous oh you're talented oh hey i follow you oh hey ja'marr likes you (lmao) but then. well.

why is there hate in my heart.............

chiefs. ..............look. i swear. LOOK. GODDDDD. i swear. i did NOT hate them 😭 even that second game. i was like. holy shit. isiah pachecos fucking. gorgeous. damn. (see: my ja'marr/pacheco thoughts.....that i still think to this fucking day 😔) i didnt even think i could find it in me to be an actual sports fan that could hate a team BUT THEN. 0 to fucking 38. i don't even care if it was against third strings that shit is DIABOLICAL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 hate. hateee in my fucking heart. travis coming up in his fuckass podcast (i like jason btw 👉👈) how he'd play them in a walmart parking lot and that shit had me in tears they WOULD is the thing 😭 ja'marr would honest-to-god organize that shit himself 😭 god. godddd i can't even. but anyways. rpf standpoint......😔👍 compelling. and the recent game. ehEM. anyways...fuck the chiefs............

anyways. what brought this on. who even knowssssssss.

[sacredfang]

Hello! I’ve been making a game and wanted to make a character with npd to mix up the character dynamics. The thing is, as you probably know, npd is so stigmatized, which means it’s literally impossible for me to research. So, if possible, I would like to hear some of your experiences with npd (how it makes you think and behave, that type of thing). If you don’t want to answer, feel free to ignore this.

its kind of hard to explain but i can try my best QvQ!

its pretty self explanatory! i do objectively tend to think i am above people when first meeting them. the only people i truly feel are my equals are my very good friends and partners! bit beyond that, even other friends im not as close with, i believe i, and my friends, are better then them. not even necessarily in a malicious way. its subconscious

i do get envious and jealous quite frequently. over someone elses success, their talent, their clothes, or even them getting the attention from someone I want that attention from. obviously it can range, but jealously is fairly prominent in my life. however i usually dont let it impact how i act and treat others. im aware a lot of my jealously is irrational so i dont let it guide me. i also HATE the fact i get jealous. like. im above jealously?? im too good for that??

i tend to believe i am the priority in peoples lives. that i deserve their #1 spot of love and admiration. im objectively very self centered. but despite this, i do attempt to put people i care about first. it may be first instinct to put myself first, but ive learned that in some cases its important to give others more attention, especially if i truly care about them.

punches to the ego are never fun. even small comments that arent meant to be taken seriously could feel like a personal attack. like someone just offended my entire bloodline. especially when it comes to losing a game or an argument. ive found that when people insult my sense of morality it can easily cause me to crash. a lot of my pride is put into being a good person, its what makes me so confident im as good as i am! so when someone implies or even directly states they think i was in the wrong or that im not a good person, i loose my marbles. specifically when i believe im in the right. if i can see a mistake and agree i did something wrong thats different, but when i think my slate is clean, i take full offense to those accusations. i ESPECIALLY cant stand being spoken down to or patronized. that shit drives me INSANE

i also hate being wrong. or proven wrong. or people acting like im wrong. it makes me want to claw a wall. this also applies to positive things! like, for example, if i tell my friend i think theyre pretty and awesome, and they deny it, i get PISSED. like. are you telling me im WRONG? YOURE BEAUTIFUL

and of course i struggle with empathy. i can be compassionate, caring, kind, and sympathetic, but empthy is out the window. i struggle to connect with certain troubles or feelings someone is facing because i cant ever understand how they feel in that moment. objectively, i could understand why they are upset, but i can not relate to those emotions. an internal reaction i often have is thinking theyre over reacting, or that they need to suck it up. even if i know thats not really true.

overall, im very self centered. im low empathy, quickly irritable, i hate being vulnerable, i yearn for admiration, i dont like being looked down, i tend to talk over others, jealous easily, overconfident, fantasize about power and sucess, believe im special, im pretty, who wouldnt love me? and when my sense of pride is hit, i crumble. its easy to split on someone if they are apart of it, even accidentally. and grudges are upsettingly frequent aswell

i try to be private about my personal life. i hate when people know too mucu about me. what if they used it against me? what if they think im weaker than i am? or the ideal version of myself ive created to be viewed is shattered?

however i can be very open and affectionate to my friends and partners (the fear above is still ever present though) the only person i trust fully with my feelings is my best friend who Also probably has npd. so. but i HATE pda.. unless its me. im allowed to do it. but if anyone else does it im fully of hate

i can love. i can kiss i can hold with ease, but when i love it feels suffocating. i feel like i need to tear my partner open and make him hurt just so he knows how much i love him. existing without him is like being deprived of air. he is my equal and he is everything. and i dont want him to treat anyone else like he does me, becuase i am HIS partner and he is MINE. no one else gets that treatement. im downright obsessivive lowkey (highkey)

i also struggle to fathom the concept of people disliking me. if they dislike me then fuck i dislike them too! tf! they can go die!

in the past ive had a few cases of demonizing people to give myself a reason to dislike them or to ditch them. especially after theyve upset me. these days im pretty good at communicating when im upset and fix it, but when i was younger i would just place the blame on their shoulders and book it. not my proudest era

ive learned to handle these traits fairly well with common sense and consideration. i may not have empathy but i still care about being a good person. so even when its instinct to think one way, i force myself to rationalize. to go "Well. No actually you arent the most important person in the world. idiot." so i can keep my shit together lmfao. i care too much about people (and my morals) to let myself fall into my urges and irrational thoughts. i always do my best to approach criticism with an open mind, and id say i do pretty well at it!

ive also found that due to this, i get really anxious at the idea of people being aware of my npd. being aware that i think this way. knowing that they very well could change their opinions of me based off this one fact. its freaky as hell

im sorry if this doesnt make a lot of sense. im the worst lol

[hyenagurl]

genuine question but how do you as a radical feminist stomach having a boyfriend in this political climate & how are you not counting down the days until he shows how misogynistic he is? or has he already done it and you’re just okay with it? sorry if its personal, i’m just in a situation rn & not many of us date males

its a fair question and i appreciate it. i have a lot of thoughts about it bc i’ve considered this a lot so sorry for the long reply:

the sad truth is the bullshit and trauma ive had to deal with has simultaneously given me both high and low standards in different ways, if that makes sense. i have the maturity and self esteem to not tolerate weird toxic bullshit anymore and know what i like, but at the same time i finally have someone who genuinely doesnt treat me like a sex object and listens to me when i speak and doesnt bore me, or disappoint me, or gross me out. right now im at a time in my life where thats what im looking for. if that sounds mundane and un-special, thats because it is lol. this is what i want in a man right now, bc i never totally wanted a relationship to begin with. before my current bf i was fine with the idea of only having casual stuff and just doing my thing (even if it didnt go well for me when i did, but thats the guys fault). but then i happened to have a person in my circle of close friends that i knew for years that liked me, and so far ive never seen him act like a tool, so i simply decided to give it a chance - thats all it comes down to. i take it day by day and enjoy his companionship while i do, and i care for him… but im not going to totally emotionally depend on him for a while. if and when i fall out of love with him, i know i can handle it and do whats right. if that makes sense.

thats my perspective on MY relationship though. to answer in a broader sense, im keenly aware that hes never gonna truly understand my deep mistrust or contempt of men in the way other women do, but i accepted that the same way that i accept that i cant make every women embrace feminism or separatism. right now im happy to discuss and plan for separatism when im older and more stable, and my goal is to tell other women about it. and to always, always, always have VERY high standards, to know yourself completely so you know exactly what you want in life, and that a man is ultimately just… an option in a woman’s life. not mandatory for a happy existence by a long shot.

thats what it comes down to. women are, right now, not very primed to completely write off heterosexual romance, both bc economically its harder than ever to live on your own or only with other women, and culturally to swear off men completely. that sort of shame it gives you isnt easy to shake off. look at the backlash that resulted in 4B taking off online. my answer to it: if youre gonna buy into it, make sure you protect yourself first and foremost, period.

so those are my reasons for a rad-leaning women in a heterosexual relationship. i do not encourage women in my life to be with a man ever, but i dont care if she chooses to, either. i try not to describe myself as a feminist for this reason, even though i love discussing and reading about it, because feminism is real political activism that takes full dedication and respect, and i accept that i cannot give it what it deserves at this point in my life. but that doesnt mean i cant learn more about womens liberation and history.