#thats how far ive gotten | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

perilegs · 14 days ago

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i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"

#i get that some trans men need to fight themselves and everyone around them to feel ''man enough'' in like a semi toxic masculinity way #but its kinda tiring to hear ngl. im sorry you feel that way and i know not having been born cis sucks and i understand your emotions but d #you have to make them my problem. like idk i feel like my transition DID take work and #personally for me my top surgery scars are a positive reminder of how far ive gotten #when i pay them any attention. which is not very often #man im just existing not analyzing every part of my body at all times #yknow. some ppl sound like they watched a bit too much of a certain youtuber who was rancid about other trans men and talked about stuff li #like how theres a mens and womens way to flip your middle finger and stuff.#sight thats so besides the point #anyways i am open to hearing opinions that differ from mine and i want to do that but some people you just dont vibe with #leevi talks #obvs no hate to this creator btw. he speaks about stuff very well but some little word choices here and there rub me the wrong way #and he has good points so far i am intrigued of what he has to say i just needed a break to bitch so i can continue #edit: no this video isnt even good. like i dont agree with bioware but he sounds like hes just on purpose misunderstanding everything #so he has more stuff to get mad about for his video #is it ragebait

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hermitcraftx · 2 months ago

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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.

no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this

#which is imo how a fandom space should be #i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by #i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post #not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird #doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like #the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out #of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators #which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills #which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing #some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was #like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like #idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette #and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like #which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences #which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8 #idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative #and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to #bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos #whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason #jamies bad posts #talking in tags #serious posts #<- ig??? idk

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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waywardsalt · 3 months ago

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anyways. my very first attempt at malenia

#elden ring #my post #this starts late (?) bc i didnt want to get the cutscene in the clip but fumbled to start the recording bc she does kinda rush you #and i was not at all prepared #anyways im genuinely tempted to just write a long post dumping my thoughts on malenia and her fight and how im puzzling through it #ive reached peak intrinsic motivation elden ring #the only reason why i probably should wait to make the post is bc ive only gotten as far as first phase half health #i have another recording thats abt a minute and a half long attempt and i gave it a few tries today #its worth mentioning that the night before i decided to finally start fighting malenia i told my friend (who managed to beat her) that bc #a lot of the last few endgame bosses didnt take me too long to beat i was worried that malenia wouldnt take me very long #and he just told me she would throw me into a meat grinder. and i lasted 12 seconds against her after that intro cutscene #anyways the fact that she's a very straightforward and easy to see boss makes it very easy to break her down and figure out how she #works n why she's hard and figure out a plan and everything i really like it. no particle effects just some sparks and sword trail lines #i keep getting caught by her flurry attack n today my plan (while talking to my friend) was to figure out why i kept getting caught by #it despite it being very obviously telegraphed n then putting together why i struggle with it. its REALLY fun to think technically abt her #anyways. fun part abt me getting killed by the grab + impale is that i honestly wasnt sure if that was actually implemented in the game #bc id never seen it in gameplay and. here we go. ten seconds in there it is

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thats-sir-dyke-to-you · 2 months ago

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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity #i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed #that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time #or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better #not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person #i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice #no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it #i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy #(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all #and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel #what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish #ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals #and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing #or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more #i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness #disability #chronic pain #spoonie #one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me #i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to #i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything #stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much #and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go

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yutamayo · 3 days ago

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byeeee

#me literally thia afternoon discarding anime and posting about how i wish i had never gotten into it and how no one should watch anime but #really it was just about me slipping on seperating the fictional horrors from my actual horrors so watchong yuji claw at the ground #wasnt a “off gege ur horrible” it wS more of a #“i cant breathe im going to die i cant handle this life this is too much there is too much pain i wish i never put this visual in my mind”#and “genuinely i cant stop sobbing im so fucked up by this i remember reality now this is not good for me im going to fucking break”#but then i went back to “damn rhere are some good paralells i can make from this” and then saving the parallels in my to do list #so #shoutout mental illness #but really shoutout the terrifying ordeal of exostence and feelings i cant wait for my brain to get back to the usual compartmentalizing #and by compartmentalizing i mean detaching from reality bc i wont lie its great and it works and it does get better you just #have to get better at actively disociating. like fr practice stepping away from your feelings and accepting that nothing matter except what #u want to matter. and only let things that dont hurt matter.#once u get good at that its smooth sailing #❤️#mind over matter and manifest away ur mental illness #a.k.a. dont think just blank out the present until a treat shows up and then when that treat is done exit back into the blankness #fr im still alive bc of this srs theres nothing wrong with erasing the bad stuff #repression gets a bad hype bc ppl always confuse it with shit that will “come back to get u later lol thats only if ur not good enough at it #ive had minimal problems bc of this so far i rarely get triggered like that yuji thing came and went #forget everything until you want to absorb things that u want to absorb. repress if it keeps u alive. actually repress is a bad word for it #i feel “delete it” works better bc u shouldnt push it down #just delete it #teru mikami style #proof that light yagami did nothing wrong #gremlin hours #no. motivation quotes and life advice hours

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lostandbackagain · 3 months ago

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like. only engaging with art made by women is an insane way to cope but I can name one toxic woman in the whole industry and the men who've ruined their own music forever are innumerable.

#man what do you do #that was my bias. is all their music gonna be spoiled for me now?? goddamn #i know thats a selfish question to ask rn but like ive not gotten any better at coping over the last five years #with the number of secretly evil men in entertainment #and i still dont know how to answer 'now what' for myself #it's always my bias too 😭 the skz dude ravn now taeil #it's not a nice feeling to keep guessing wrong. especially with moral ocd #idk. knives at suju's throats they're the only men that havent disappointed me and im Scared #part of why i decided to get into them was because it seemed like all their ugliness had already been aired #so far thats held true.. truly will have to take time off work and maybe start therapy if it comes out any of them are secretly evil #sorry im just talking just rambling bc if i get it out of my head i won't turn in into an obsession #says kenna

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hollow-vok · 26 days ago

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Ohh im obssesed

#uprooted #uprooted naomi novik #solya #marek #my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them #i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them #you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER #they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho #but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters #even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said #or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him #i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie #marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that #thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst #and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part #i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters

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ritz-regrezzez · 4 months ago

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hi hi! just promoting my new self-care kit account @cozy-kit-cafe !! i worked really hard on it and i think it came out pretty cute :3 send me a request if you'd like!

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edgarallanpoestan · 10 months ago

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i apologize to my roommate, who i sometimes heard talk to her bf and id say nothing but like. the nicknames seemed like too much and i love to be a hater in my own mind

except then i got an affectionate partner and im coming up with letter combinations that do NOT form words, but they are him. and this isnt even out loud this is IN MY MIND!!! IN MY MIND I AM DOING THIS!!!!!! what tf has happened

#bee buzzes #i get a message i go 'ohh my bapa my guy my“ actually i wont continue that shits embarrassing #but like. u get the picture #what in the fuck happened dude #i get ONE bf and i start acting all mushy and whatever like. okay #im not like this w my gf we call each other dear and thats IT and its only bc of a joke #one day soon im gonna be saying pookie bear and idk how ive gotten this far #but this is a formal apology to my roommate #girly i didnt get it. im sorry that i didnt get it

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goneinthemourning · 7 months ago

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oh this is going SWIMMINGLY. /srs

#ive never gotten this far into plotting something ever and how fast ive done it too ive figured so many things about writing out that this a #ll just makes sense and is working and looking nice and im having fun #im not delusional though i know that by next week i could have totally forgotten about this and moved on but hey thats a next week issue #crimson chatters #im plotting a fanfic btw #fanfiction #writing

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milkbreadtoast · 1 year ago

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someone called me 1 of their fav twsb artists....🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹