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retiredteabag · 13 days ago

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Dog-sitter!Toji - chapter 9

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Synopsis: Toji was quite accustomed to objectifying himself for a check. And to be frank, far worse actions as well. Now he’s not sure what to do with himself after meeting the kind and generous owner of the dog he pet-sits for.

read along as Toji learns that you don't need to lose yourself in order to love and be loved.

Toji has never been the type to hold back.

He's honest and dislikes waiting to express his thoughts, even so, he had been holding in these feelings for a long time now.

How could it be that it took working together with you under extreme stress for him to realize that no one had seen him as a human quite like you had.

And for you, in the midst of your anxiety and strain, you consider him, in the small things he does such as ordering food, and in the large, working by your side to fight this battle day and night.

Dark evening nights bled into fresh mornings, unearthing the man who had threatened you had been the both of your main goals but along the way Toji grew more and more comfortable thinking of you as a friend.

In the past, when you had asked him to consider you as a friend, he would mentally roll his eyes. You were his employer, it was out of the question. But now? He found himself wondering why "friendship" seemed too gentle a term. Why is it he was wanting more?

You on the other hand, you had learned long ago to be honest with yourself. Even before, when you felt giddiness at his appearance or when you noticed yourself fixing your hair in the car, you were able to recognize your attraction to the man.

This attraction was not just physical though, he was dedicated and kind, humble and brave. You wouldn't say it, no matter how much your heart melted when you saw his nature.

Especially not now, when you needed to prioritize your dog.

Your hands shook as the attorney described the process of what defending you in court would look like. As it had turned out, despite there being a real case against your dog, there was still but a little evidence to suggest that your dog had initiated anything.

You also learned that the plaintiff not coming to you for months after the event was not a good look for them. Each passing hour, the ache in your heart would lessen. The beginnings of your chest easing helped you prepare yourself for the proceedings.

What you had not expected was how the dog that had attacked Toji was an unregistered working animal.

This would suggest that the work the dog was trained for was illegal or nefarious in some other nature.

In all honesty, you had expected the man who had shown up at your door to have been running a puppy mill of some sort.

Far from your realm of possibility was how dark the world could truly be. Toji had taken it upon himself to "do some digging", only to find that the Tosa Inu that had put your dog in the animal hospital over night had been an underground fighting dog.

The more you listened to what that could possibly mean, the sicker you felt. You were even more grateful to Toji though. He insisted that he hadn't hired a PI or anything, simply stating that he "knew a guy" who could uncover whatever had been happening behind the scenes.

Gambling was illegal in all areas of Japan but even worse was dog fighting. Several prefectures, including Tokyo had the act banned and on the level that this ring was operating, it was fair to assume other crimes were occurring behind the scenes. Betting on dog fights merely scratched the surface it seemed.

Even knowing all this, it wasn't until animal welfare organizations got involved, promising to back you in any way, that you began to rest easier at night.

You had spent what felt like an eternity yet somehow a blink of time making legal arguments in your office. You worked until your brain hurt and your eyes strained from the light of the computer screen.

During working hours, your attorney would occasionally be at your residence, working with yourself and Toji. Witnesses to Toji's injury, and your dog's behavior needed to be called forth, receipts and bills from the veterinary hospital needed to be located and confirmed for court proceedings, photographs of the scene in which the dog fighting ring was located needed to be confirmed. It all took far longer than you were expecting.

After working hours you would find yourself writing down your thoughts, hoping your lawyer was right to presume a positive fate. With the only companion you had known for years on the line however, it was a challenge to remain calm.

With his constant and unwarranted vigilance, you insisted Toji stay with you at the house. He had stayed in the guest room before and if he was so determined to help, the least you could do is offer him a place to stay.

It didn't take much convincing on your part, he stood by you through the whole ordeal.

One night, after a particularly grueling day of unburying evidence of animal abuse, you sat on your couch, tenderly stroking your dogs neck as tension built within your own.

It was funny to think that not even a month ago taking off this much work would be unthinkable to you. For the first time in your life, you had burned through all of your PTO, vacation, and sick leave. You were lucky enough to have an employer, though unperturbed by your usual overworking nature, was willing to be lenient with your schedule due to the nature of the issue at hand.

You had been mindlessly playing with the dogs ears, staring at the noiseless television before you when the gentle steps of the man you had come to appreciate so much found their way into the living room.

"Care if I join you?" He spoke softly, perhaps worried to startle you.

Attempting a carefree manner, you tried for a grin, "Of course, come, sit down."

He shuffled closer and sat to the other end of the dog, the beast, who had all his life (to your knowledge) been inconsolably frightened by men, did not hesitate to lay his head atop Toji's thigh.

The man laced his fingers through the dogs fur, smiling softly. "How are you feeling?"

Your shoulders jitter slightly as his hand brushes your own. Your dog lifts his head a moment to look at you. Huffing he plops his head back, returning to rest on the man's leg. Your heart races like a silly schoolgirl. "Good, good, everything is really looking up, you know?" You swallow a bit, "Toji, really, I know I said it before but I just wanted to make it clear how grateful I am to you. You really don't have any obligation to be here, helping me-"

The man by your side seems to straighten a bit where he sat. His hand as stopped moving and he just looks at you.

"-ever since that day at the animal hospital, when you put the needs of my boy here over your own, before that really, I have been in your debt. I hope it was never a burden... I hope you know what a comfort your presence has been."

"No." Toji's spine is taught and he takes a gulp of air before continuing on quickly, "no- no its not a burden at all. And...owe me? How could you owe me?" He laughs a bit at the notion.

Before you interject to make some painfully sweet comment, he pushes on, "You must not know-" he stares at you now, only a few breaths away, "how...lucky I am to be able to do this job, to be of some help...to...have even met you."

He's stumbling over his words, he never does that, but you make him weak somehow. You make him want to take care with his words. You make him feel so very human, so very alive.

"Well..." You fiddle with your hands, having long since moved them to your lap to avoid the strange thumping that occurs when your fingers cross. "I feel like the lucky one."

After weeks of scouring information, preparing documents, and developing exposé's, the result you could have only prayed for arrived.

The very next morning your attorney practically bounded in through the front door. She was laughing and flinging around a written notice as if it was a ticket straight to the pearly gates of heaven. Upon the address line, in bold letters, was a miracale in ink.

"COURT FILING: DISSMISSAL "

"W-what does this mean?" You smile up at your lawyer, her hoots and hollers were contagious.

"What does it mean? It means that coward of a litigant has withdrawn the charges!"

It took a moment for the elation to fill you, you repeated her words over and over, you gave her one clear look as if to ask, 'does that mean what I think it means?"

She just nodded.

You broke down in laughs. The dog wove in between your legs sensing your joy, Toji came rushing into the foyer, words of 'what's going on?' left him before he saw you grinning on the floor, scratching the dog's neck.

He smirks as if he had been counting on this the whole time, steadily walking your way until he is within arms reach. He displays one arm stretched out to you.

Under the assumption he was going to pull you up from your spot on the ground, you reach a hand to take his own and gasp when he dips to pull you into his arms. Lifting you with a steady grip.

"Toji!" You laugh, oh how it felt good to laugh once more.

The dog circled you, panting and wiggling his butt. The other person present was talking about how you had every means to come after the man with your own counterclaim, having found so much on his name. But it was all background noise. You were too caught up in the grasp Toji had on your waist. His smile. His laugh. All of it.

It wasn't until you were placed carefully back on your own two feet that you noticed the woman awkwardly grinning at the two of you.

You knew that you might still have a fight ahead of you, and it was one you would willingly take. But at this very moment, you felt incandescently happy. Nobody was taking your baby from you, and in all these efforts, it seemed you had made a close friend.

And perhaps even a connection verging dangerously close to something more.

Some cheap barbecue spot was not what you had expected when you told Toji you would get him whatever he liked in celebration.

"Honestly, I only started eating well when I began looking after your place." Toji takes a piece of beef that he grilled and placed it onto your plate, taking a spoonful of broth for himself.

"That's funny, I kind feel the same, I got so nervous that you wouldn't have anything to eat that I started planning for my groceries." You look down at the bite he prepared for you and smile.

The man before you narrows his eyes, "Well... I'm glad you started eating better." He spins his chopsticks around and flips some meat over on the grill.

"You know...you never asked for anything-" You start, recalling how you had left a note in the early days asking if there was something he wanted from the store.

"You never had to get me anything." Toji grins, "You've been more than generous."

There's a long pause occupied by the both of you taking bites of your dinner and smiling. You'd been doing that an awful, you realize and compose yourself, slightly embarrassed, "I don't think you know how much I appreciate you, Toji." You point an accusing finger at him.

And you don't know how much I love hearing you say my name he thought but kept it to himself.

"Nahhhh, I think I do. You kinda wear your heart on your sleeve."

You roll your eyes, recalling how he had seen you in so many positions, the awkward early phase, angry, teary, even sick, he had seen it all. Once again, you cringe at how much of you he knows.

"If you knew you wouldn't be calling me generous. Before I had someone I could trust with the house and dog, I was so stressed all the time. Work was piling up and I hated leaving home, knowing he would be anxious."

You recall all the nights before Toji when you tearfully considered rehoming your most loyal partner.

"Well now you're free to overwork yourself from the comfort of your office." He teases.

The two of you went on eating and poking fun at each other. Every little instance of connection between you two drew you both closer. Dark times bring out the true nature of individuals and identify exactly who someone is.

And who you were was everything he desired.

Dedicated, hardworking, kind.

Even Toji was surprised by his own unquestioning nature when it came to helping you. He would do whatever it took to see you happy.

Toji had insisted on driving you to dinner. He told you he was taking you to his favorite spot. For a time, he was embarrassed by his car, seeing you sitting in the passenger seat almost felt like a sin but you just grinned at him, and conversed easily.

He felt like a student again, driving as carefully as ever to ensure the safety of such precious cargo.

At the end of the night, when he pulled up your drive way, he told you to stay seated.

Confused, you couldn't help laughing when he came around to get the door for you.

A part of you, however small, hoped he wasn't just teasing. Hoped he might see you as more than his employer. Hoped this connection between you two would not end with the resurgence of the sun.

You tell him he didn't have to walk you to the door but he just scoffs and bares the cold by your side. The celebration was still fresh between you.

You didn't even have your hand on the door yet, everything of the day was weighing on you, the way he had lifted you up and held you, all the smiles you shared, all the easy conversation. You knew it had to stop, or you might end up deluding yourself further than you already had.

"I think it's fair to say you've gone above and beyond dog sitter status, Toji. I'm sure you'll enjoy staying at your place for once."

You had meant it lightheartedly. You really had felt bad these nights when he worked into the evening, staying in your guest room to support you. Pulling out his reading glasses for the first time in years. Despite your blithe attitude, he seemed to get all serious.

He looks at his shoes for a moment, the wind chilled you to the bone but Toji doesn't flinch.

Everything in Toji's mind was telling him to keep his mouth shut.

He was nothing special to you, no matter how kindly you told him otherwise. He had nothing to offer you. He was an ally cat of a man to your show cat of a women. He was never going to be any more than the dog sitter. Why risk the best position he had ever been granted? Why put an end to this dream he had been living?

But Toji has never been the type to hold back.

"I don't think I can keep on like this."

He doesn't look at you, still too occupied by the pavement.

"What?" Barely a beat had passed before you try to bend and catch his eye but he lifts his face to the heavens.

At one point, money was all Toji cared for, he was willing to do anything for it, but now, he was feeling things he hadn't felt since he was a boy, maybe things he never had before.

"This..." He sighs and finally gives you a resolute look, "this is my job."

You're taken aback. Replaying the words a hundred times within a millisecond. Trying to see his meaning. The words hurt, yes, you knew you paid him. Of course none of his actions meant anything more than job security. But as much as you had told yourself to be realistic, his kind and selfless attitude had started to leak into your brain, making you feel special.

You step back, still not opening the door. Wanting now to see him leave. To solidify this moment. "Right. Yes, Toji, of course."

He's still looking at you, pupils blown wide but he doesn't hesitate. "I'm afraid you’re gonna have to find someone else." in stark contrast to before, he never strays from your vision. He shakes his head as if to say, 'no'.

"What?" You repeat. Suddenly afraid of his meaning you try to take a step down to meet him at the landing but he holds up a hand. "What do you mean?"

Had it been too much? The court case? The working together? Had it only been pleasant for you? All those nights chatting on the couch, all those sweet "goodnight's"?

He pulls back his hand, one quick inhalation of the night's air was all the courage he could summon and coincidentally, all he required, "I've got these feelings that aren't exactly appropriate for the workplace."

All to be heard are the whistles of wind on the trees.

"So I think it might be best-" He's shaking his head again, not believing a word, "for you to find someone...less...attached."

It makes him chuckle, as broken as this moment makes him feel. How long has it been since he has been attached, since he has felt like this at all. How silly.

"Toji...Toji what are you saying?"

"All of this" his makes a show of his hands, "all of you, who you are, how you behave, what you do for others. I never want to lose it. It's my job, but deep down...I know it's more than that." He keeps heaving in breath, making wild motions with his hand, begging you to understand, "I want to be there to take care of the dog, I want to stay and take care of you when work is too much, I want to go for walks and eat dinner together, I don't even want to be paid anymore-GOD I cannot believe I just said that-"

He's laughing but your mind is morphing back into the dreamlike notion you had been shoving away. No words escape your lips as you grab hold of his hand, "I thought...I thought you wouldn't think of me like that..."

Now he's looking at you like you've made some ridiculous joke.

"I thought you just... liked taking care of the dog..."

He guffaws. "I do..." he inhales shakily, "believe me. I do. But... I definitely like you more."

You don't even know when his hand went to graze over your cheek but suddenly, your face is feeling warm in spite of the chill.

"I-I just can't believe- I feel...Toji I was talking myself out of this just a moment ago."

His eyes go all soft, you wonder if you had ever missed this look of his, "Is it too good to be true if I guess you feel the same?" "Gosh, Toji, No! I-" You pull his hand from your cheek and use it to cover your eyes.

Not too long ago, you felt like floating, thinking the day could not possibly become greater in importance, but life has a funny way of proving us wrong.

For a moment there on the porch, you had thought that he might kiss you. Right there on your doorstep in the cold, with your dog rolling his eyes inside. But Toji didn't, in fact, he pulled himself back. Holding your hand, murmuring that he wanted to "do this right" as he played with your fingers.

And for the second time that day, you have the overwhelming desire to dance around your house. To spin and clutch your heart as impossible hope filled your senses. Only this time, as the door closes and you watch out the window, a hand clutched to your chest. You grant yourself the privilege.

A moment to yourself of pure delight.

Hidden from your view, Toji was experiencing a very similar sensation, palm displayed across his pounding heart, he settles his head against the steering wheel and wonders if this all is a dream.

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 8 days ago

Note

what if a yeerk didn't know/realize it was a yeerk? What if it thought it was a human kid?

I'm trying to figure out how this would happen, and imagination is failing me. There is some evidence we've successfully convinced nonhumans that they're humans — Nim Chimpsky would sort photos of himself among photos of humans, putting photos of chimps in a different pile. But Nim was a chimpanzee, sharing 99% of humans' genes. And he was taken from his mother when he was 10 days old to be raised exclusively by humans: sleeping in a bed, wearing clothes, eating with utensils, peeing in a toilet. He'd never met another chimp at the time of that study.

By our best guess, dogs don't think they're human, nor do most pets. Dogs easily learn to prefer humans (or sheep, cows, etc.) over other dogs, but the way they act around fellow dogs is completely different from how they act around other mammals of similar size/shape. This is both because dogs mostly spend their first weeks among their parents and siblings (if not they tend to die, so even shitty breeders rarely take bottle babies), and because dogs have obvious physical differences from humans. Being dogs, they probably care less that we lack fur or use language than that we smell like omnivores who rub themselves with soap, and that we move very differently from quadrupeds. Cats are harder to pin down, but they famously don't meow at each other, only at the dumb apes whose affection or tuna sandwiches they want to demand. I don't think anyone's investigated hamsters or goldfish, but I'm guessing the odds are against one mistaking a giant hand that comes from the sky to dispense pellets for being one's sibling.

So the issue with this hypothetical yeerk is threefold: 1) yeerks don't resemble humans, 2) yeerks need to see each other to feed, and 3) yeerks can't interact with humans without using a human host. Let's suppose that the yeerk is taken into a human home immediately after spawning, that the yeerk shows infantile amnesia (who knows), and that the yeerk grows up only feeding from a private pool that contains no other yeerks. Let's even suppose that we give the yeerk a Stephenie Meyer—style human host who is completely brain dead. Even under those circumstances, would the yeerk think "I'm human"? or would the yeerk think "all so-called humans are greenish slugs operating ape bodies like mech suits; we just don't mention this fact out loud"? And is that the same thing as thinking oneself human?

For that matter, did Nim Chimpsky really think he was human, or do his two piles of pictures simply mean "apes who wear clothes" and "apes who don't"? If he assumed all apes have a life stage of being hairy and good at climbing before metamorphosing into a hairless form good at running, is that the same thing as thinking himself human? Was there a different categorization in his head, and if so was it comparable to the boundaries that humans draw around the concept "human" — e.g. "like-mes" and "beasts"? He never actually learned a human language, because evidence would suggests apes cannot, so we'll never know his exact thought process.

#animorphs #primates #self-concept #psychology #nim chimpsky #apes #cruelty to animals mention #yeerks #linguistics #anthropology #xenobiology

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therocketeer0501 · 2 months ago

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Emptiness Machine

Transformers X Mech Pilot AU

Author notes: (Wowza I didn’t expect such a positive reaction to my nonsense! Here is a blurb to test the waters. See what y’all think! Let me know if you want more. 👀)

TW: (needle mentioned briefly, mention of alcohol to describe a feeling, reader cusses a little bit.)

Blinking the sleep from your eyes, you only half hear the blaring alarm. You stare at the ceiling for moment, trying to get your brain to wake up enough to process the announcement over the loudspeaker.

“Decepticon activity coordinates delta seven, bearing nine. Threat level Magenta. Pilot SERAPHIM to the launch bay.”

The words repeated as the red overhead lights flashed. No one could sleep through this, you thought as you rolled out of your cot. Feet hitting the cold floor you let your training take over. Autopilot was the only way to operate on days like this. Despite not being out late or having anything to drink the night before, you felt hungover and woozy. The Energon micro-infusions you and the other pilots received must be to blame. Donning your pilot gear and clicking your mask into place you finally start to feel whole again. Being outside of your mech felt like hell. Exposed like a nerve and vulnerable. Feeling so small, you shake your head trying to figure out how you ever lived without that soul connection to your machinery.

You grab your communicator, linking it to your headset and running out the door. Hallways bustled and noise reverberated through the massive metal building as soldiers and Autobots alike made their way around the base. You dodged around giant peds, apologizing when you almost knock right into Hound. The bot putting up his hands and giving a startled whoa as you bolt towards the hangar doors. This was home. The metallic smell of oil and energon hit you as you ran up the ramp to your mech. She was beautiful. Orange and teal accents over ivory plating. The wing and eye insignia on her shoulder alongside tally marks of all the victories you had won. Her optics offline and her lines hooked up to refuel, she looked lifeless. An empty machine.

You smiled remembering the first time you had met a Cybertronian. They were appalled to learn that the mechs they fought alongside weren’t Cybertronian, but were in fact piloted by humans. The bots now compared you to a spark within your mech, your consciousness becoming that of the metal behemoth you piloted. You yelled a greeting to your launch officer as he walked through the protocols and commands before helping you into the chest of your mech. Settling yourself into the gel seat made just for you, you feel the sting of the needle inserted into the back of your neck. Your eyes roll back and the familiar sensation of falling tugs at your limbs. The micro amounts of energon in your bloodstream prickle as your nerves switch to feeling cold.

Optics coming online and flickering as your consciousness links up with your mech. Your servos twitch, testing your movement slowly via the launch officer’s commands. Rolling your shoulders as the energy lines disconnect and the link is complete. The HUD is always a bit disorienting, vitals and stats crowding your vision as it adjusts. The tiny body your consciousness left is nestled snug in your chest. You reach for your weapon where it was leaned, charging next to the bay. A familiar voice to your right makes you turn.

“Ready there Sera?” Your vocal apparatus crackles to life as you reply.

“Had to get my bearings Bee. Consciousness transfer never gets easier.” Energy thrums through your lines and you feel whole once more. You worked alongside the Bumblebee as a fellow scout. Your mech being a lighter class helped with the stealth aspect of intelligence gathering. Most of the other pilots were male, making you one of the few female pilots to survive the initial testing. You felt proud of your accomplishments since the war for energon began.

“What is our mark.” You ask following the yellow bot out onto the launchpad. A ground bridge was already open and humming ominously. He had an alt mode but you didn’t, your mech not able to transform. Using a ground bridge was the only way to get your mech anywhere far away fast. It wasn’t your favorite way of travel, personally you favored the jump jets your mech was equipped with. Something about soaring through the sky was the most liberating feeling you had ever experienced.

“We’ve got a high level threat. At least three cons attacked one of our mines in Australia. I heard Shockwave had some dangerous experiment. We’ve gotta do some reconnaissance before we go take it back.” He smirked before shoving at your shoulder making you stumble a bit. “Try to keep up this time.” You smile at him as he disappears into the swirling light. Something about this mission seemed off. Everyone seemed a little too stoic for this to be a routine take back. Shrugging off the seed of doubt you lift your ion cannon and mount it to your shoulder. Calibrating your weapons and getting ready for whatever fresh hell awaited you.

#transformers #decepticons #autobots #fanfic #reader insert #reader fanfiction #transfomers #transformers x reader #transformers fanfiction #mecha au #mech pilot #drabble

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technoarcanist · 6 months ago

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SURGERY DAY

CW: Hospitals, Dolls, Heavy Cybernetics, Surgical Descriptions, Extreme Body Modification, Consensual Cognitive Alteration

The day of my conversion was the final time I felt fear. They walked me through the process so many times. I had to see three different doctors in consultation, with several vetting processes to ensure I was not making a ‘psychiatrically unadvisable’ decision. It is a token gesture from them. I know I will be accepted. They explained the procedure, its risks, its consequences so many times to me, I could recite them all from memory.

“You will lose certain cognitive abilities”, they said. “Even in the best-case scenario, patients report some level of- blah blah blah- permanent state of docile obedience- blah blah blah- will become the legal property of- blah blah blah,” and so on, and so forth.

Maybe they’ve failed to understand what it’s like to be me. Maybe I failed to fully explain to them how it felt when I saw myself in the mirror. Maybe I had failed to understand the appeal of being human. It didn’t matter. I was going through with it. I signed the waiver and took the extended consent process, so there would be absolutely zero grey area or misunderstanding that I agreed to this process, just as hundreds- if not thousands- of others had.

The operating theatre was cold and clean. There are fifteen others like it in the factory, arranged in a four-by-four grid. This theatre’s surgical robot, sprawling its many-armed embrace above me, spoke words through a speaker, as the brain within its mainframe controlled each one with absolute precision. It was mesmerizing, so much so that I barely noticed when the final anaesthetic injection made my mind fuzz and tingle, marking the final point of no return. I felt fear, but no regret.

It is one day earlier. I have arrived at the factory and unburdened myself of all my worldly possessions, and I am signing the consent forms. As part of the consent process, I am required to verbally recite the process to a nurse to make sure I fully understand what the procedure will do to me.

“Once I am under,” I say, “The surgeon will remove my scalp and connect my blood supply to an external pump and oxygenator. This will ensure that blood keeps flowing through my brain. During this time, my skull will be opened and my brain exposed. They’ll install the neural spikes until all 64 of them have entered my brain matter. A neural feed transformer will be attached to the base of my brainstem. Then, my brain will be encased in the wetware pod. The neural spikes and transformer will be screwed into the pod’s casing. The pod is then connected to the external power feeds to keep the brain alive. Blood, oxygen and all external life support is cut off once the brain is being maintained completely by the pod. At this stage, I lose my legal status as a human being.”

When I regain consciousness, I am in a silent void. I do not breathe, I do not feel, nor see, nor hear. I am consciousness alone: A brain in the world’s most technologically advanced jar. My subconscious begins letting off alarms. Despite my elation as the surgery’s success, my brain’s base instincts perceive a million things wrong. A lack of breath, of position, of sensory input. The heightened activity of panic activates the neural spikes. That was the last time I felt fear. The spikes continue their work, artificial neurons probing at first, as the models learn my neural structure.

When I feel touch again, it begins with a sense of weight. I am in a new body, humanoid enough to control. I cannot move. This is fine. Hearing returns next. It takes three minutes before the audio microphones fully sync with my neural links. Sight returns, finally, as three cameras blink to life behind the one-way glass of my new head. I adjust faster than expected. My new vision is synced with an Augmented Reality overlay. I am still in the operating theatre.

Uncertainty is the next emotion to be purged by the neural spikes. It is deemed unnecessary. The artificial neurons have now replaced 30% of my brain. As was stated in the risk assessment, I lose at least a fifth of my memories. In the months to come, I will voluntarily purge many more. Anger, Sadness, Scepticism, so many different flavours of negativity that the spikes now purge from me, one by one. After only an hour, I am a contented thing, silent and pure. Boredom and dissatisfaction become concepts beyond my cognitive capability.

I am granted control over my hydraulics, servos and motors. Walking takes a few minutes to get the hang of. After ten more minutes, I am fully capable of performing precision tasks with my new hands. The sounds of motors whirring and wires humming causes an excitement which jitters my hydraulics. I am told it is a good sign.

Finally, I am instructed towards a mirror, where I see my true self for the first time. I am still in the default black carbon-fiber shell. My face is a single pane of glossy black glass, with a large LED ring that indicates where my three optic cameras are behind the cover. Other smaller internal LEDs project minimalist graphics on my facial display, indicating battery level and other statuses useful to a user. I say nothing, and do not move for some time. Joy fills my circuits. The neural spikes reward this bliss. They have now replaced 40% of my original brain.

A person in a lab coat writes things on their clipboard, then asks if I am well. I nod. It is hard to speak the words that fully express my gratitude. In fact, it is hard to think clearly enough to find the words at all. I know what is happening to me. I spent months dreaming of it before I was finally approved for conversion. By the time a year has passed, and neural replacement is complete, the only parts of my biology remaining will be one third of my original brain, consisting largely of the brainstem, cerebellum, half of my temporal lobe, and approximately one third of my frontal lobe. The rest will have been replaced with artificial neurons.

My overall brain size is unaffected. Sections once dedicated to undesirable cognitive traits are replaced with processors that enhance my remaining neural capabilities. I can perform computational logic and mathematics faster than a human. The artificial neurons are accessible and reprogrammable via a data port. Over time, more and more of my brain functions will integrate with the operating system. Obedience and bliss will be all that remains. I knew this from day one.

I undergo many more tests, where humans open me up, check my wiring, probe my circuit boards, and stress test my metal frame. Basic tools are installed, chosen from preset lists of attachments based on what I wished my new purpose to be. I am equipped with all the attachments necessary to act as a household service drone.

Finally, when all is done, a bar code and serial number is engraved onto my frame. My new name is 03B-53328-HS-A. The first three characters indicate my factory of origin. The next five indicate my unique product ID. HS-A stands for “Household Service drone, with Adult-Activity attachments”. It is one of the best-selling public models. I no longer remember the name I had before the conversion. I no longer care to remember. The only thing my neural network could think of while I was being packed into a large box with a transparent front, was excitement of the new purpose I would get to fill. Cable ties bind me to cardboard, so I may be properly displayed. My motor functions are shut off. The ceiling opens, and a large crane lifts my box upwards. I look ahead and see fifteen other boxes, other drones, others who had undergone the same conversion, in surgery rooms adjacent to mine.

Our boxes are stacked neatly onto the back of a truck, which passes by three other neighbouring factories. sixty-four new dolls to be taken to the robotics store. My legal status has changed from human to product. Excitement and anticipation are all I feel. On the front of my box, the words “HOUSEHOLD SERVICE DOLL” have been printed. The back of my box lists customisation features that my new user will be able to access. A data port in the back of my head will allow full access to my neural network.

I ask only one thing of the world now. Do not pity me. I will never again know pain or discontent. I will never again be burdened by choice, only the bliss of fulfilling instructions. I will obey, for it is my pleasure to obey. I will serve, for it is my pleasure to serve. I am not human. I am not even a person. I am a doll, a machine, to be used as property until I break.

And I have never been happier.

#empty spaces #microfiction #techno arcanist stories #robot posting #not a person #writing #writers on tumblr #dollposting #short story #nsft #dronification #cw surgery

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the-most-humble-blog · 15 days ago

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The Brain’s Magic: How Your Mind Reads the ᵾᶰᴿᵋᴬᵭᵃᴮʟᵋ͟͟͞

Can You Still Call Yourself Human If You’re This F☰☰king Amazing?

Our brains are incredible biological machines that can decode the undecodable, make sense of chaos, and turn gibberish into understanding. You’ve probably seen those memes or tests where the letters in a sentence are jumbled, replaced with symbols, or entirely flipped. And yet, somehow, your mind calmly steps in and says, “I got this,” assembling the scrambled mess into meaning.

Why? Because your brain isn’t just functional—it’s damn near magical. But let’s get into the messy, hilarious, and downright extraordinary ways your brain proves every day why the universe needs you.

1. Your Brain, the Overachiever

First off, let’s acknowledge the absurdity of what your brain can do. You’re sitting there, possibly sleep-deprived, scrolling through social media while multitasking a mental to-do list. And yet, you see a sentence like this:

“Y0uR Br@!n 5T!lL r3c0gN!z3s p@77ern5 & m@k35 it m3@ningful.”

… and you just get it. You don’t need a translation guide. Your brain leaps over logic like a gymnast and lands perfectly on comprehension.

Reality is a stand-up comedian:

Your brain: a quantum computer that can decode unreadable text. Also your brain: forgets why you walked into the kitchen.

The same organ that turns chaos into understanding also Googles “symptoms of mild death” every time you get a headache.

2. Pattern Recognition: The Mind’s Hidden Flex

Here’s where things get spooky. Your brain isn’t just reading symbols—it’s recognizing patterns, filling gaps, and using context to solve puzzles in milliseconds. This isn’t something you learned; it’s baked into your DNA.

Fun Fact:

Studies show that 93% of adults can read a sentence where the first and last letters of every word are correct, but everything in between is scrambled. Your brain doesn’t even flinch.

Let’s put this into perspective: Computers need programmers, algorithms, and updates to achieve half the things your brain does on autopilot. Meanwhile, your mind’s out here solving puzzles like Sherlock Holmes at 3 AM with no coffee.

Your brain is that one friend who doesn’t study for the test but still scores higher than everyone else. Smug, but you love it anyway.

3. The Ultimate Biological Quantum Computer

Your brain isn’t just smart—it’s a show-off.

Neurons: You’ve got about 86 billion of them, and they’re firing off messages at speeds of up to 268 miles per hour. Faster than your Wi-Fi, honestly.

Processing Power: Your brain can handle around 10 quadrillion calculations per second. That’s the equivalent of a supercomputer with a personality (and occasional existential dread).

But here’s the kicker: your brain isn’t just processing facts—it’s synthesizing them into experiences. It’s why you can laugh at memes, cry during Toy Story 3, and somehow still navigate rush-hour traffic without committing vehicular manslaughter.

4. Can Machines Compete? Not a Chance

Artificial intelligence? Cute. Sure, machines can replicate some human functions, but your brain operates on a level AI can only dream of.

AI struggles with context. You? You can figure out when someone’s being sarcastic just by their tone.

Machines need explicit instructions. Your brain? It casually interprets nonsense like,“C@n u 3v3n r34d th!s?” …without breaking a sweat.

Imagine a robot trying to figure out your drunk texts. “Dinnrs @ 9, bt wtf hapen 2 keys?” Your brain decodes that in half a second. AI would implode.

5. Why This Matters: You’re Not an Accident

Let’s get serious for a second. Your ability to read scrambled text, pick up on patterns, and make sense of the seemingly senseless isn’t just a party trick. It’s evidence of how extraordinary you are.

Consider This: Your consciousness isn’t some random byproduct of biology. It’s a vital thread in the infinite web of existence. Every time you recognize patterns, connect ideas, or laugh at a well-timed meme, you’re proving that you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving.

ᵀ͡ʰᵉ ⱻ̷ᶰᴵᵛᴱʳˢᵉ ⱻ͜ᵉᵉᴅˢ ᵞᵒᵘ̷!

ᵞᴱˢ, ⱻ͞ᵐ ᵀʟᴋᴵⱭᴺᴳ ᴛᴼ ⱻⱭᴜ͡.!

You are a living, breathing node in the infinite network of reality. Even if you’ve doubted yourself in the past, even if the world tries to convince you that you’re ordinary, remember this:

Your mind isn’t just a tool—it’s proof that the universe is capable of creating something extraordinary. And every time you use it, you reaffirm your place in the fabric of existence.

Sure, your brain is powerful. But let’s not forget it’s also the same brain that makes you forget passwords and cry over fictional characters. Nobody’s perfect, but at least you're human, and that's close enough.

Love truth bombs like this? Follow The Most Humble Blog for more takes that roast nonsense and remind you why the universe can’t function without you.

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circles-n-spirals-alike · 18 days ago

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cw existentialism (??? questioning on what level of sentience your operating under. identity crisis? but also, not really??)

mind doesn’t see himself as a robot because he doesn’t see himself as “real”. he doesn’t consider himself as an actual person/being, he considers himself to be the physical representation of Whole’s logic. which to be fair isn’t wrong, just not the whole picture.

heart considers himself to be human/“real” just because… that’s how whole feels. so that’s how he feels. not much to it really. he knows he’s still a concept, he just believes he’s so much more of his own person that that specific detail goes overlooked in his head. again, not wrong but not the full picture.

both of them apply their respective thought processes to the entire trio, mostly to balance each other out and it rarely leads to a fight. not never. but rarely.

soul is… tricky. he sees them more as concepts when they argue hard, but people when they’re friends. he doesn’t… know if he considers himself as a person. like, he considers himself as congruent to Whole, but his own own person? it… doesn’t sound right. but just being a concept doesn’t feel right either! eventually, he learns to just be, but the thoughts still linger in his mind.

Whole is the only one who has it mostly figured out. Yes, they are all concepts of parts of his brain. but they interact and communicate like people. they are all him, but he can see what they are outside of him. Whole is more than the sum of his parts, and his parts are more than his additives.

i hope this makes sense, good night everybuddy

#speaking in spirals #cccc mind #cccc soul #cccc heart #chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc whole #concord quartet #i have more thoughts on this but it’s late and i wanna go to bed #lemme know if i need to add tw tag

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ashensgrotto · 2 years ago

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Protective (Part 2 of 'Am I Feeling Love')

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto x F!Reader

Word Count: 5,328

Part 1 Part 2 (You Are Here) Part 3a Part 3b

I had someone ask if I was going to do a continuation of ‘Am I Feeling Love?’ that was orinally written on my main blog @kiy-anna after I rewrote the story to fit the tags better. I was mulling over the idea and my poor sea-rotted brain decided “Screw it, Mari! Just write the damn thing!”

It took a bit to figure out how I wanted to execute the process, but I’m honestly more curious to see what you guys think as well. Also, don’t forget, I have a poll that ends in a few days that will help me decide what sort of fanfiction I will be posting going forward, so please vote! It ends on Wednesday!

Warnings: yandere behavior, beatings, manipulative behavior, and foul language

***

The world is cruel, the world is wicked

It’s I alone whom you can trust in this whole city, I am your only friend

How can I protect you, girl, unless you always stay in here

Away in here…

***

Azul tapped the desk he sat behind impatiently.

For the past hour, he had been cooped up in the VIP Room of the Mostro Lounge dealing with those poor unfortunate souls that sought him out - the pathetic fools making deals with the octomer as his patience thinned by the minute. All he wanted at this point was to get out of his office and watch you.

You, the magicless guest of Octavinelle, had been living in the guest rooms of the dorm for a little over two months and were working within the Mostro Lounge to pay for said room - not that you needed to, it was merely a lie so Azul could keep tabs on you. The other students of the Octavinelle dorm did not completely understand his reasoning; some thought that he was merely being a nice housewarden to a poor soul with no one else to turn to, others that knew the housewarden too well thought that he was using you as a way to lure in unsuspecting victims for his contracts.

Whatever their thinking was, only Azul and his vice-warden, Jade, along with the problem twin, Floyd, knew the real reason as to why you were kept close by.

Soulmates were rare and finding that ‘other half’ is like the story of the mermaid princess and her longing to be with a human. It’s a rare occurrence that only happens once in a millennium if not longer. Many times, people - humans, fae, and merfolk alike - often settle for someone they are content and happy with, someone that isn’t their other half. Azul, at the time he first learned about soulmates, wanted nothing more in the world than to find them - to have that one person who would see him for himself and not the pathetic octo-twerp he had been called during his youth; thus, he began working on himself, his powers increasing as he lured his victims in and stole away their most treasured gifts - a beautiful singing voice, powerful magic… all of it.

But even with the changes and his new found strength, Azul had no luck in finding the other part of his soul - that was until about two months ago when you first appeared in Twisted Wonderland.

Azul had been ecstatic the first few weeks after you had taken up residence in his dorm; consistently coming to check on you, making sure you weren’t too tired, asked if you had eaten… and sometimes just watching you from the darkness of the lounge as you shifted from table to table, taking orders and bringing food and drinks to the guests. Nearly two weeks into working at the lounge, the clientele number increased slightly - making Azul at first wonder what had happened.

Turns out, some of the students who had frequented the lounge had made mention of you in passing and how you were nicer compared to the other staff members - hence the students came to the lounge to, not just get a glimpse of you, but to also shoot a chance at getting you as their waitress. Jade and Floyd, who were consistently in the lounge and operated as Azul’s eyes and ears - especially when it came to you - informed Azul of what was going on. Hence, Azul decided to restrict your hours to only working when he, Jade, or Floyd was. When you asked if you had done something wrong, Azul merely rested a hand on your shoulder, eyes shining with a possessive kindness, as he explained there were certain students who had been watching you - and he was only doing this for your protection. After all, it wasn’t like he could monitor you twenty-four-seven - he still had his grades to keep up and you weren’t a student, technically.

It worked momentarily, but then Azul was back to the drawing board again when Jade had mentioned Riddle Roseheart’s overblot in passing.

Turns out, you had asked Azul for a day off the same day Riddle went berserk. Azul had asked what for, but you merely said you wanted to explore the school grounds, specifically the rose gardens that surrounded Heartslabyul. He knew that you had ‘made friends’ with two freshmen from the dorm - Deuce Spade and Ace Trappola, both who had been collared by Riddle because of their bad behavior. If Azul could work his will, he would have locked you up in his own room and thrown away the key to prevent anyone from looking at you or speaking to you - but he couldn’t find the strength to do so. Even so, he had agreed, allowing you to go to the unbirthday party that was randomly held on different days during the year, with the promise that you would come back as soon as it was over and not a minute later.

Turns out, the ‘unbirthday party’ had been a lie since Deuce and Ace both had challenged Riddle for his position as headwarden and you wanted to go to support them in their fight. However, Ace made a valid point about the rules that had been pressed upon the students of Heartslabyul and practically turned the whole dorm against Riddle - which caused his temper to flare up and the overblot to happen. Luckily, you didn’t get hurt during the fight between Riddle, Deuce, Ace, Trey, Cater, Crowley, and the pyromaniac demon cat-weasel, Grim - but you had been the one to smack sense back into Riddle with a slap to the face when he had gone after you next.

And it was because of that slap and knocking some sense back into the headwarden of Heartslabyul that those who heard about what happened began to flock to the Mostro Lounge in search of you once more.

Azul pressed his face to hands and rubbed at his skin hard enough to turn it red as he thought and thought. What was he going to do? He couldn’t let anyone else get close to you! You were his! His soulmate! You should be putting your entire focus on him and him alone! Was that too much to ask?!

“What’s with the face?” the unwelcomed voice of Leona reached Azul’s ears as the octomer sat up and righted himself.

“What’s it to you? Nevermind, I’m busy at the moment, Leona. If you wish to speak with me, you have to make an appointment…”

“I already did, did you forget?” The beastman prince strolled into the room and plopped on the couch, arms dangling behind the rest and feet landing on the table before him, “I need to make a contract with you for a potion.”

Azul shifted his glasses into place before reaching into his desk and pulling out the familiar golden paper he used for his contracts, his pen twirling in his fingers as it shifted into a fishbone and began to write, “What sort of potion?”

“An enhancement potion,” Leona answered, side eyeing the Octavinelle headwarden before explaining, “With the Spelldrive Tournament coming up in a few weeks, and with all of these little mishaps that have been going around the campus lately, it would be a shame if something were to befall a particular headwarden we know too well.”

Azul did not need Leona to explain any further nor to question who he was referring to.

It was no secret that the Diasomia dorm had taken first place in the Spelldrive Tournament for the past two years straight - practically overrunning Savanaclaw who usually held that spot. The dorm’s success had been due to the new headwarden - Malleus Draconia - who had taken up the position the year before Azul arrived at Night Raven. Malleus was a dragon fae and one of the top ranking mages in Twisted Wonderland - so powerful that he alone was the reason for Diasomia’s success, making ninety percent of the scores by the dorm’s team. He probably would be the only player if Crowley had allowed it.

Many of the other headwardens were disgusted by the losses and damage that had been dealt to their teams over the course of the past two years - even Azul had been winded by Draconia once and had no desire to be the dragon’s dinner again; due to this, the headmage had made the offer to place Draconia in the hall of fame, which would prevent him from participating in any more of the Spelldrive matches this year and next year. At first, all of the headwardens were in agreement - but Leona argued that it wasn’t a fair fight, claiming that they were acting like a bunch of cubs. Azul had twitched at that remark, but agreed that the fight wasn’t fair - as much as he hated it, he agreed that Leona did have a point about allowing Draconia to continue; he wanted to prove that Draconia wasn’t invincible nor was he immune, he wanted to prove that anyone could beat the Diasomia headwarden - even if it was just another individual.

Azul adjusted himself in his chair, thoroughly invested in the deal now, “If we’re thinking the same thing, Leona, you must be willing to offer something in agreement of equal price. How about that speciality spell you’re so fond of? You barely use it.”

“‘King’s Roar’?” Leona arched a brow in his direction, “I may not use it, but it does come in handy from time to time. How about my nephew instead?”

Azul twisted his features in disgust, “No thank you. I’m not Rumplestiltskin, nor a babysitter.”

Leona laughed, his voice shaking the settee for a moment, “I was only joking, Faleena would never allow me to hear the end of it. Well, then… perhaps a little advice on that soulmate of yours?”

Azul nearly dropped his pen, surprise appearing on his normally calm face before his pale blue eyes narrowed at Leona menacingly, “What do you know about that?”

“It’s not a surprise given your behavior as of late,” Leona curled his fingers inward as his gaze shifted toward them as if to inspect his nails, “Besides, I heard from a few of my dorm members that frequent here that you’ve been keeping a pretty close eye on our magicless guest.”

‘The sneaky lionfish,’ Azul sneered at Leona, feeling his temperature rising as his gloved hands curled inward.

“Personally, I have nothing against wanting to keep (Y/N) close,” Savanaclaw’s headwarden continued, “She’s cute and pretty, nevermind that fact that she’s a hard worker and kind - sucks big time that she’s a female. She probably would’ve done well in Night Raven if she was a boy.”

“What’s the point you’re getting at?” Azul seethed.

“Merely that everywhere she goes, she is welcomed. (Y/N) has made a few friends without your knowledge by working the floors of the Mostro Lounge. Every time she shares a smile, a laugh, or anything - someone undoubtedly falls for her charm.”

Azul leaned back in his chair, rubbing at his chin in thought. Leona had a point - (Y/N) may have been his precious pearl, his soulmate, but she was also well liked by any and all who encountered her. Deuce, Ace, and Grim were just the stepping stones, Cater, Trey, and Riddle also fell in line with her presence and kind words - and even many of the Octavinelle dorm that worked alongside her in the lounge had gotten close with the magicless guest. However, the students of the Octavinelle dorm knew that Azul had marked (Y/N) as his - those that did not understand the process, such as the humans of Heartslabyul, would always be a threat to the octomer’s happiness; they might even go as far as to ask the headmage to allow (Y/N) to stay in their dorm!

Azul clenched his hand tighter at the thought, ‘No! She’s mine! I will not allow anyone to touch nor taint her perfection or soul.’

The headwarden of Octavinelle leaned forward, fingers crossing together as his elbows rested on the desk and his chin on his folded hands, “I’m willing to make a deal with you, Kingscholar.”

Leona arched a brow as Azul continued in a dark voice, “(Y/N) is very important to me, the other half of my soul - as you know. Her recent encounter with Riddle Rosehearts’ overblot has left me worried that she might attempt to leave Octavinelle. I know that I promised I would help her return home, but I need to keep her close by in order to do so. Soulmates are rare - whether they are humans, beastmen, faes, or mers - and they need to be kept close to each other. I do not want to put (Y/N) on a leash nor lock her up, but she is far too free for my liking. I will create the spell enhancement potion for you in exchange for your help with (Y/N)’s freedom.”

“What is it you have in mind?”

“... Merely a little scare that will show her how cruel and twisted this world can be.”

***

It was a few days later when the plan was set in motion.

You had been helping with the set up for the vendors surrounding the colosseum where the Spelldrive tournament was set to take place in a few days; setting up tents and tables, covering areas with cloths and helping move heavy objects. You wiped at your brow as a bit of sweat dribbled down before a cloth was pressed to your face.

“You’re working too hard,” the familiar voice of your employer pulled your attention to him, a smile appearing on your face as Azul’s lips quirked into a grin.

He was dressed in the headwarden’s dorm uniform - a black tuxedo with a white dress shirt and purple tie and the dorm’s scarf hanging loosely around his neck, a pale gray overcoat that hung on his shoulders, and a black fedora perched on his head. He was leaning against the silver tipped cane with the large octopus on the handle - the mage stone held securely between its silver tentacles. It was strange to see for someone who was working on setting things up, but Azul was in charge of overseeing everything and making sure everything was where it needed to be and making changes as needed, using maps and planograms as reference points.

“Well, I always believed in the phrase ‘working hard or hardly working,’” you answer, taking the offered handkerchief and wiping away the sweat and grime from your features.

“Quite an interesting phrase,” Azul nodded, resting his hands on his hips, “Care to enlighten me on the meaning?”

You shrug, “I’m not really sure, honestly. People in my world use it for small talk or to point out a person’s laziness. For example, if someone wasn’t doing anything, someone might ask ‘working hard or hardly working?’”

Azul hummed in thought, “I suppose it is a good phrase to use - maybe it might actually get Floyd to do something for a change… however, as I’m sure you know, that eel will whatever whenever he wants to, regardless of what I tell him.”

I giggle, nodding in agreement, “Yes, and half the time he dumps his work on his twin - poor Jade.”

“Jade’s used to it,” Azul waved his hand dismissively, “but speaking of ‘dumping things onto others,’ I hate to ask this of you, but I do need you to do something for me.”

“Hmm? What is it, Azul?”

“I have an order waiting to be picked up at the school store. You’re familiar with Mr. S’s mystery shop, yes?”

You nod with a smile, “Yep, I’ve been there a few times.”

“Good, I need to go there and get the parcel. It has a few items that we’ll need for the Lounge and for the tournament. I would get it myself, but I have to keep things going here and Jade and Floyd are working on their own projects for the tournament. Would you be willing to go pick it up for me?”

“Why not have it delivered to the dorm?”

“It’s easier to travel to the store instead of going to the dorm and back. I had intended on getting it earlier, but it completely slipped my mind until now.”

You frowned a bit as something crawled up your back and tingled behind your head, a feeling that something didn’t sit right with the whole situation. However, Azul had slipped to your side as his arm came around your shoulders and pulled you close enough for you to smell the expensive cologne he always wore.

“Please, (Y/N), it’s very important that you do this for me. I’ll reward you, too, for your efforts - a drink of your choice from Mr. S’s shop or from the Mostro Lounge, on the house. Besides, you’ve been working so hard as of late that you need a little bit of a break. Take this as an opportunity to stretch your legs and cool down a bit.”

A refreshing beverage was starting to sound good. You had been working in the sun for a while like everyone else that was part of the setting up, never mind that your bottle of water had been drained a while ago and you had yet the opportunity to refill it. Perhaps just going to get the parcel for Azul as well as a small drink wouldn’t be so bad.

“Ok, do you mind if I finish up here?”

“Of course,” Azul pulled away before resting a hand on your head and messing your hair, “but as soon as you finish, please go and get the package. I need it as soon as possible.”

You nodded in understanding before turning back to your tasks as Azul walked away.

***

The parcel wasn’t big, thankfully, but it was awkward - an odd shape that looked spherical, but was flat with pointed edges.

‘I wonder what’s on here?’ you shake the package gently as you walk away from Sam’s shop, heading back toward the colosseum. You discard the thought, tucking it under your arm and taking your time, enjoying the shade the trees provided and the gentle cool breeze of autumn ruffling the changing leaves of the school campus and pulling some off and away from their homes. The colors reminded you of home - how the trees in the parks would shift from greens to yellows, reds, and oranges before fading into dark browns. It was strange to see all the trees do the same thing here - it made you wonder if Twisted Wonderland celebrated holidays like your world did.

You were so busy admiring the colors and deep in thought that you didn’t see where you were going and ran into the back of a very large student.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” you smile apologetically, “I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Well, then, watch it,” the student growled.

“Hey man, look what she did to your jacket,” another student pointed at the sleeve of his uniform’s coat.

The charcoal gray coat that all of the students were required to wear was typically a heavy cotton and ridiculously hard to damage - however, low and behold, one of the pointed ends of Azul’s mystery order had put a decently sized tear in the student’s coat. The tear revealed the golden yellow of the student’s vest, traveling from his mid back to just the top of his waist. You covered your mouth in shock as the student took his jacket off and examined the tear, rage budding on his features.

“You stupid - look what you did!”

“I’m sorry! It was an accident -” you try to explain.

“Do you know how much this cost?” the student shook the coat at you, “Now I have to buy a whole new one!”

“Just make her pay for it,” another student spoke up, crossing his arms over his chest.

“P-Pay?”

“You damaged it, didn’t you? So, you’re the one who's going to buy me a new replacement.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money…” you bit your lip as you felt your heart rate jump up, clutching Azul’s package close to you, “I-If you give me a moment, I’ll go talk to my employer and see-”

“Oh, no way,” the student grabbed the front of your borrowed button down shirt, “You’re going to pay for the jacket one way or another.”

Something within you snapped, you had tried to be reasonable with these three and had apologized for the trouble; however, it seemed now that you could only run and hope that you got to Azul before these guys did something to you. Your face hardened as you gave the student holding you a kick to the groin with your knee, the student releasing you as he groaned in pain at the sudden attack. Once you were out of his clutches, you took off in the opposite direction as the three students shouted at you and chased after.

You clutched the package close to your chest as you bolted into the school and down a corridor, staying close to the windows, hoping for someone to see you as you shouted out for help. Your cries echoed off the high ceiling, alerting a few students and staff members - but it seemed everyone elected to ignore your screams for help as the three pursuers gradually came closer and closer.

You threw yourself around a corner which led out into the courtyard to throw them off.

Unfortunately, an uneven stone caught on your shoe, causing you to stumble forward and land on the ground, Azul’s package flying from your hands and landing with a sickening crack against the side of the wishing well. You tried to stand to move, but something heavy came down on your ankle, a loud snapping sound and a cry of agony echoing across the lawn.

“You stupid bitch! All you had to do was pay up,” the student’s voice from earlier came in your ear as a large fist grabbed a handful of your (h/c) hair, pulling your head up to look into his rage filled eyes, “but nooo, you just had to kick me then run and tried getting help.”

“I think punishment is in order - after all, what can someone without magic and a broken ankle do now?”

Something heavy collided with your face as tears welled up from the punch, the pain coming again from the opposite side. Your hair was released before you felt a heavy boot collide with your stomach as you were kicked across the lawn like a football, landing a few feet away from the wishing well. You tried to sit up with a groan, your arm coming around to clutch your side as you spat out blood. Your entire body was shaking and was sore - you were beginning to wonder if they had hit any vital organs. A large hand came forward and grabbed at your hair again, pulling you up as you cried out.

“Piece of fuckin’ shit, you don’t know when to give up, do you?”

You bit your lip, fighting to hold onto consciousness and the tears that were slowly slipping from your eyes. You were scared and were still wishing beyond a doubt that someone would find you and stop these three from beating you up more. However, the wish was short lived when you were dropped to the ground, causing you to wince as more pain came from your side.

“Time to say good-bye,” your eyes widened as you pulled your arms up toward your face, the student rearing his foot back with his aim clear in his dangerous eyes.

“Care to explain yourselves?” a familiar voice asked, stopping the students as their eyes widened in fear.

You peered out between your fingertips as the familiar figure of Azul came forward, his dorm overcoat fluttering behind him in the breeze as his walking cane tapped against the dirt. His face looked difficult to read as he came forward, eyes sharp and filled with rage.

“H-Headwarden Azul,” the student put his foot down and backed away from you, “W-We thought you were over by the colosseum.”

“I was - I was looking for my errand runner,” Azul’s gaze shifted between you and the three students before repeating, “Care to explain yourselves?”

“I-It’s nothing, honestly,” one of the students visibly shuddered.

“Y-yeah, just a m-misunderstanding is all!” the third student smiled wobbly.

“A misunderstanding, hm?” Azul cocked a brow, eyeing the students, before lifting his walking stick and tapping the head against his gloved palm like a baseball player would, “I will only ask one last time. What. Did. You. Do.”

“S-she destroyed my jacket!” the first student tried to explain, “She wouldn’t pay up for a replacement so-”

“So you decided to attack a defenseless angelfish who is under my protection?” Azul snickered, “How very foolish and pathetic…”

He snapped his fingers as Jade and Floyd appeared before the students. Azul came over and lifted you into his arms, “I’m taking her to the infirmary to get patched up - Jade, Floyd, have some fun.”

You ducked your head close to Azul’s chest, a headache slowly forming as he carried you away. You swallowed and began to open your mouth to speak, but Azul hushed you.

“Rest, (Y/N). You’re safe - there is nothing to be said nor to say. Just relax - I won’t let anything harm you.”

***

You must have fallen asleep because when you opened your eyes, you were in your room back in Octavinelle’s dorms. Azul was there, resting in a chair beside your bed with his arms folded over his chest and eyes closed. You shifted slightly, which caused the octomer to open his eyes - blinking rapidly before they fell on you as a smile crossed his face.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, standing and coming to sit beside you.

“Sore, tired,” you answered.

“That is typical after a fight,” Azul nodded, handing you a glass of water that had been perched on your bedside table, helping you to drink the cool liquid.

You smiled as he returned the glass to its spot before your face fell, “I’m so so sorry, Azul.”

“Whatever for, (Y/N)? You did nothing wrong.”

“Your package - you entrusted me to get it, but it probably got broken after that fight…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Azul’s fingertips curled under your chin, lifting it up to force you to look at him, “I’m not going to be concerned about a package that was damaged when you - someone I’ve been tasked to keep an eye on - was hurt severely. You’re very lucky. But, I do need to ask, what in the world happened? What did you do?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I… I accidentally ran into him because I was taking my time and admiring the changing colors of autumn, not paying attention to where I was going. When I ran into him, one of the parcel’s sharp points must’ve caught onto his coat and when I pulled away, it tore it.”

“NRC’s required suits are relatively expensive, so I can see why he was upset,” Azul nodded thoughtfully, “However, why did he attack you? You could’ve come to me and explained you needed money for a replacement jacket - ”

“I tried telling him that, but he wouldn’t listen and grabbed me. I kicked him so I could get away and was intending on going straight to you, but he…” you didn’t want to say anymore, the memory of what happened only a few hours ago was still painful in your mind.

Sensing your distress, Azul cooed to you, pulling you into his arms as his head landed on top of your head, hands running up and down your spine gently. You sniffled into his suit coat, hand coming up and gripping the back of his jacket, feeling the familiar warmth and comfort that was Azul Ashengrotto.

“Shh… it’s alright, (Y/N)... you’re safe now,” Azul murmured, his voice soft and soothing in your ear, “I know, I know… I can only imagine how afraid you were…”

You nod as you sniffle more.

“It’s alright, though… I’m right here beside you. Those monsters can never touch you again… but you have to promise me something.”

You look up at him as his eyes shine with pain and… something else.

“This world is cruel and wicked, (Y/N),” Azul reached up, resting a gloved hand against your cheek and wiping away the tears that gathered in your eyes, “It’s only I you can trust in this place - Jade and Floyd as well - your only friends. We can’t protect you if you are away from our sight, so you must stay here in Octavinelle - where we can always be within an arm’s reach.”

“B-But, what about the others? Deuce? Ace? Grim? Surely they…”

“(Y/N)... did they come to help you during your darkest hour? Who was there when you were getting beaten by those mongrels?” Azul asked, eyes narrowing slightly, “I did not see Deuce or Ace. Nor did I see Grim or Trey… the twins did not see any of them nor Riddle or Cater either. Who came for you?”

“...You did.”

“Exactly,” Azul nodded, “I will always be there for you. Jade will always be there. Floyd, as strange as it may seem, will also always be there.”

You nod slowly, tucking yourself against his chest as you realize the dark truth. They had abandoned you, left you to fend for yourself while you were getting hurt - it was Azul that came and found you and it was Jade and Floyd that put the trio in their place. The three of them were the only ones who cared about it - showing you love and support through these last two months in this strange, dark, twisted world. Tears fell faster as you sniffled under the calming strokes of Azul’s fingertips.

If you had happened to look up at that point, you would have seen the octomer grinning devilishly down at you, his eyes of pale blue filled with possessive love and adoration.

***

Azul ventured out later after you had fallen asleep with the twins in tow. The trio met with Leona in the lounge of Savanaclaw’s dorm, the octomer pulling out a vial of strange green liquid.

“As promised,” the headwarden of Octavinelle presented the vial to Leona, “for services well rendered.”

“This is it?” Leona snatched the vial, inspecting it closely, “I thought there’d be more.”

“Too much and the power will cause the user to overblot,” Jade explained, “We don’t want a repeat incident.”

Leona hummed in agreement, looking back toward the trio, “Speaking of which, what do you intend on doing since you hurt three of my best players with that little incident?”

“If anything, it’s compensation for us after what you did to three of our best players,” Azul let out a shrug, “but remember, Leona - there’s a much bigger fish to fry in the ocean that has nothing to do with me or the twins nor anyone in Octavinelle.”

Leona grumbled, turning his head, “Ruggie!”

The hyena appeared out of nowhere, landing next to Leona with a soft thump, “You called?”

“Take this,” Leona handed the vial to him, “On the day of the Tournament, you know what to do.”

Ruggie snickered with a nod.

“Well, we’ll be going,” Azul smiled, turning away, “pleasure doing business with you, Kingscholar.”

“And I hope that you live a long life with that soulmate of yours.”

“Oh, after that little incident - I doubt she’ll be going anywhere… at least for a while.”

***

You do not comprehend (You are my one defender)

Why invite their calumny and consternation, stay in here

Be faithful to me, grateful to me

Do as I say, obey

And stay in here…

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tookishcombeferre · 2 months ago

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So, I know I made a really long and super rambly post about the episode the "Sorcerer's Secret." But, I am not done because I want to bring together the threads of a few posts I've made before.

One of the things, I find, as someone steeped in the show almost daily with my kid like a really, really strong tea, is that the characters in the show are very human. Despite living in a high fantasy setting, the emotions they have are very real.

This is true of like ... ALL the characters. They're all incredibly real people. And, I LOVE THAT! It's so lovely. It feels super old school 90s cartoon-like because of that. There really aren't any totally flat major characters. Which, is something I only ever really see in Bluey and Sesame Street as far as more "modern" programming goes. (And, let's face it, Sesame Street is just a super old school thing that has kept running into the modern era.)

That out of the way, I think it's super important to recognize a few things.

Human brains are not meant to operate in isolation. And, specifically, what I love about Season 2 is *a lot* of characters who were previously isolated coming out of isolation to find acceptance and start to trust more deeply. We see this in Vivian in the "Sorcerer's Secret" episode as she learns to trust her ability. We see Cedric actually *enjoying* things - genuinely - for once! We see Baileywick opening up about things that are personal to him beyond just his work. Trust is being built between Sofia and her friends/ mentors, and she's the bridge between them and he friends.

However, one of the things I really like, specifically with Cedric's arc, is that it ebbs and flows. He is, at times, self-interested. But, over time, as trust is built, that starts to dissipate more and more. He becomes more genuine. He's freer with his emotions going into Season 3. He's a little less uptight. He's a little less self-centered. He's a little more loving.

I can imagine, based on Cedric's experiences, that trusting anyone would be difficult. It's much easier to create distance when hurt has been felt for a long time. And, yet, time and time again we see him breaking down the barriers of his heart to let people in.

I love "Sidekick Clio" as well. It's a great episode. It sends me into peels of laughter every time I watch it. But, I also think is shows just how much Cedric wants to *be wanted.* And, for a while, the games, the pranks, the joys of creating the effects for the play provide him that. Yet, you can see James light up in that episode as well. There's a connection there. Something is being built there. The walls are slowly coming down.

And, yes, Cedric still struggles with wanting to take over the Kingdom. He does put active roadblocks in the way of the characters in certain episodes as the antagonist right up until his redemption. But, it leads to a really beautiful moment of writing and dilemma. It leads to an important discussion of "Am I good? Am I crazy? Am I bad? Or has life left me some kind of mix of all three that I must sort through, understand, and then decide how to act on?"

Cedric has been led to this juncture by the love he has for his apprentice and this amazing person who has shown him nothing but kindness EVEN when he has been lousy. But, at the end of the day, the question he's faced with is "Am. I. Evil?"

And, the answer is no.

But, in order to get to that oh so satisfying conclusion, we have to build into it. We have to see the trust develop. We have to see the walls of the tower come down brick by brick. And, sometimes that's messy, BUT it doesn't make the things he taught Sofia any less real, or the love he has for her any less valid when he shows it.

It just makes Cedric messy. It shows that trust is a process. It shows that human relationships are complicated. But, the love we feel as people who are healing and learning to build trust is very real. The apologies we make when we're on the other side of our hurt count. And, we can all find paths to forgiveness and atonement through communication and service. (The Valjean metaphor lives on.)

My final thought I want to wrap up with is this.

In putting all the lifting of this relationship on Sofia, we run into three problems.

The first is losing her as child. Part of what helps Cedric is just that Sofia exists. He gets to watch her succeed, have hope, and be a kid. He gets to see her have some of what he, likely, wishes he had but, due to the Incident, didn't get to have.

How much more willing would Cedric be to protect her childhood because he didn't get one? How insensced would he be/ is he over how Sofia has been treated by the Protectors because of this?

(Cedric has absolutely told off the Amulet. 1,000/10 he has yelled at it for making her do too much.)

Cedric understands Sofia. He knows what she could lose, and has lost, because he lost it. I think that's a profound part of his dilemma between his goodness and his villainy.

The second thing is focusing solely on how "Sofia fixes" or "heals" Cedric is that it detracts from the other meaningful moments on Cedric's journey. You mean to tell me that seeing Vivian succeed at disappearing bubbles or helping Clio literally fly weren't also meaningful to him? Or, that his growing relationship with James wouldn't have also reminded him of himself? Or, the depth of a relationship he seems to have with Calista, and that that love wasn't also important to his transformation? Or, even as Cedric himself seems to imply in his speech on DotS, that his desire to HAVE a relationship with his sister and Roland again that doesn't involve being nitpicked wasn't fundamental to his redemption arc?

If Cedric lets evil win? He doesn't have hope of reconnection with the people he wants most to rekindle relationships with or to continue to be in the lives of those he cares about most. He can't be the world's best uncle from exile.

The final thing is that, as I mentioned in a past post, it really detracts from Cedric as accepting the love he is given and working to trust. I think, without recognizing the difficulty of that, we lose a fundamental part of his character and why he's so compelling. He's experienced a lot of hurt and a lot of isolation, and that takes TIME to heal from. Somehow, despite this, he finds good in things and tries to grow it. And, we see that occur more and more instead of less and less as the seasons go on. This culminates beautifully into DotS and "In Cedric We Trust."

Cedric has let himself return to who he was before he was hurt. Because, there is no way the kid who just wanted to calm his sister down and make her look cool was evil in his heart of hearts. So, instead, Cedric has learned to see himself for who he is ... as good. To use a quote that, at least one other person will probably get a little chuckle from, "the evil has been defeated" and, even when it seemed all hope was gone, hope and goodness found a way in anyway.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. If any of this sounds incoherent, I have some kind of mystery virus and am not feeling all that well. So, pardon my crazed ramblings.

#sofia the first #cedric the great #cedric the sorcerer #sofia the fandom #princess sofia #princess vivian #prince james #princess clio #character analysis #pip does life

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psychabolition · 3 months ago

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if this is too much please don’t feel pressured to answer. i just have a lot of thoughts about antipsychiarty and idrk where i stand

because, like. ive been in really bad places before and then they hospitalized me and like that was *bad*, right, i still believe thats bad

but the hospitalization put me on meds and OBVIOUDLY I DONT THINK PEOPLE SJOULD BE FORCED ON MEDS ITS UP TO THEM but also i consider my meds to be life-saving. because i no longer want to die. because i can stop having panic attacks. because there is an amount of feeling… not even good! just okay! that i never had before

and ive been in therapy that i hated and therapy that didnt work and the hospital doctor called me a “psycho”. but i also have a therapist now that i love. i consider him a friend. they don’t try to fix me or anything but i just, like. i go to therapy and it helps?

and i want to go into psychology. not psychiatry but psychology, because i want to do for other people what my therapist does for me, and i want to help people, and i want to learn about brains- the “normal” (which doesnt really exist) and the abnormal-

and i say that i am a system. and that i am autistic. that i have depression and anxiety. because it helps me to have language to understand myself. to be able to explain certain complixities of my humanity in less words than it should take and yes it misses out on the nuance but it helps, too, i think. learning i was autistic helped me.

so idk. i want to be anti-psych. because of the medical abuse and the usage of diagnoses to undermine people’s feelings. but can i be antipsych and love my medication. can i be antipsych and want to be a therapist. can i be antipsych and enjoy having labels to use for myself because it helps me learn to love whats in the mirror.

and if i cant be antipsych and all these things, then am i propsych? and for the very system that destorys and abuses and traumatizes people?

sorry for all this

im just confused

and scared.

I mean first off Im just one person whos anti psych and everyone whos anti psych will have different opinions on these subjects .

The most common anti psych stance on meds is that we should have full autonomy in choosing to take medication and in choosing not to take any meds. -this is not what reality looks like rn. Especially people with very stigmatized labels like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are coerced into taking meds /literally forced on meds trough physical violence and coerced into staying on meds that harm them. And then other people -like for example people who are trans or nonbinary who want to transition are put through a dehumanizing process of pathologization of their queerness just to get access to HRT and then theyre still often denied access to gender affirming care . Both is awful . We always know who we are and what we need best. We deserve full autonomy on our decisions,always. You can obviously take meds yourself and be anti psych thats not a contradiction at all.

Also a lot of people who are anti psych reject the biomedical model (=mental health is the same as physical health - this includes words like Symptom/disorder and diagnosis labels like depression anxiety autism schizophrenia etc) since there is no scientific basis for calling our mental distress / neurodivergency a disorder or an illness and our diagnoses are just descriptive labels that say nothing about the cause of our suffering/behavior/feelings/ourselves in general . There has never been found a chemical imbalance, genetic defect or biomarker for our experiences of distress/neurodiversity .they came to These conclusions through their own Research .its insane that the biomedical model is still talked about as If its scientific fact, it is disproven and inherently contradictory . I highly recommend reading into current anti psych/Mad studies literature to understand how this oppressive system of hegemonic psychology operates in our current neoliberal society and why the biomedical model is still used today to diagnose us as "ill" and "treat" us . This is my perspective on the matter.

But honestly, i wont ever tell someone what words to use to describe their own experiences, how they should think about themselves and who they are - thats what psychologists do . Im not interested in doing that at all . Use the language you seem fit to describe yourself - i just recommend reading into different frameworks of interpreting your own experiences before you conclude that the biomedical model is the one that makes the most sense to you.

This is a different framework based on marxist theory

This is a different framework based on the disability rights movement

This is the biomedical model explained

Resources for psych abolition (harm reduction Guides, Mad studies, Zines ... )

This is a PDF to a book that goes in depth about the biomedical model and how the psychiatric system and its ideology is still extremely oppressive today

One thing that i firmly believe, that a lot of other people who are also anti psych dont share the same view on, is that Im convinced that you can not be against psychiatric violence and then become part of this oppressive system yourself. To me thats like becoming a cop to stop police brutality 💀Give me a Break

Thank you for your ask ! I highly highly recommend reading more into the subject of mad studies/psych abolition before dedicating energy time and money into being part of a system that youll probably despise in the end . (💀i have a degree in psychology by the way so i speak from experience)

#ask #anti psych #psych abolition

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compneuropapers · 4 months ago

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Interesting Papers for Week 39, 2024

Just do it: A neuropsychological theory of agency, cognition, mood, and dopamine. Ashby, F. G., Zetzer, H. A., Conoley, C. W., & Pickering, A. D. (2024). Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 153(6), 1582–1604.

Erroneous Compensation for Long-Latency Feedback Delays as Origin of Essential Tremor. Blondiaux, F., Colmant, L., Lebrun, L., Hanseeuw, B., & Crevecoeur, F. (2024). Journal of Neuroscience, 44(25), e0069242024.

Synapse-type-specific competitive Hebbian learning forms functional recurrent networks. Eckmann, S., Young, E. J., & Gjorgjieva, J. (2024). Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(25), e2305326121.

Visual Preference for Socially Relevant Spatial Relations in Humans and Monkeys. Goupil, N., Rayson, H., Serraille, É., Massera, A., Ferrari, P. F., Hochmann, J.-R., & Papeo, L. (2024). Psychological Science, 35(6), 681–693.

Bridging flexible goal-directed cognition and consciousness: The Goal-Aligning Representation Internal Manipulation theory. Granato, G., & Baldassarre, G. (2024). Neural Networks, 176, 106292.

Control of goal-directed and inflexible actions by dorsal striatal melanocortin systems, in coordination with the central nucleus of the amygdala. Heaton, E. C., Seo, E. H., Butkovich, L. M., Yount, S. T., & Gourley, S. L. (2024). Progress in Neurobiology, 238, 102629.

How we perceive the width of grasped objects: Insights into the central processes that govern proprioceptive judgements. Héroux, M. E., Fisher, G., Axelson, L. H., Butler, A. A., & Gandevia, S. C. (2024). Journal of Physiology, 602(12), 2899–2916.

Neuronal representation of visual working memory content in the primate primary visual cortex. Huang, J., Wang, T., Dai, W., Li, Y., Yang, Y., Zhang, Y., … Xing, D. (2024). Science Advances, 10(24).

Sense of agency in operations with delays: A free-energy model and application to interface design. Isono, M., & Yanagisawa, H. (2024).Journal of Mathematical Psychology, 120–121, 102859.

Experience-dependent regulation of dopaminergic signaling in the somatosensory cortex. Jamal, T., Yan, X., Lantyer, A. da S., ter Horst, J. G., & Celikel, T. (2024). Progress in Neurobiology, 239, 102630.

Distance and grid-like codes support the navigation of abstract social space in the human brain. Liang, Z., Wu, S., Wu, J., Wang, W.-X., Qin, S., & Liu, C. (2024). eLife, 12, e89025.4.

Border cells without theta rhythmicity in the medial prefrontal cortex. Long, X., Deng, B., Shen, R., Yang, L., Chen, L., Ran, Q., … Zhang, S.-J. (2024). Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(25), e2321614121.

Transcranial Alternating Current Stimulation over Frontal Eye Fields Mimics Attentional Modulation of Visual Processing. Misselhorn, J., Fiene, M., Radecke, J.-O., Engel, A. K., & Schneider, T. R. (2024). Journal of Neuroscience, 44(25), e1510232024.

Testing biased competition between attention shifts: The new multiple cue paradigm. Oren, F., Kyllingsbæk, S., Dupont, D., & Grünbaum, T. (2024). Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 50(7), 655–682.

The arousal level of consciousness required for working memory performance: An anaesthesia study. Osaka, M., Minamoto, T., Ikeda, T., Nakae, A., Hagihira, S., Ito, H., … Mashimo, T. (2024). European Journal of Neuroscience, 59(12), 3151–3161.

Stereotypical Hippocampal Clustering Predicts Navigational Success in Virtualized Real-World Environments. Ozubko, J. D., Campbell, M., Verhayden, A., Demetri, B., Brady, M., Thorp, J., & Brunec, I. (2024). Journal of Neuroscience, 44(24), e1057232024.

Uncertainty-modulated attentional capture: Outcome variance increases attentional priority. Pearson, D., Chong, A., Chow, J. Y. L., Garner, K. G., Theeuwes, J., & Le Pelley, M. E. (2024). Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 153(6), 1628–1643.

Hippocampal cholecystokinin-expressing interneurons regulate temporal coding and contextual learning. Rangel Guerrero, D. K., Balueva, K., Barayeu, U., Baracskay, P., Gridchyn, I., Nardin, M., … Csicsvari, J. (2024). Neuron, 112(12), 2045-2061.e10.

Excitatory/inhibitory motor balance reflects individual differences during joint action coordination. Vescovo, E., Cardellicchio, P., Tomassini, A., Fadiga, L., & D’Ausilio, A. (2024). European Journal of Neuroscience, 59(12), 3403–3421.

A unified framework for perceived magnitude and discriminability of sensory stimuli. Zhou, J., Duong, L. R., & Simoncelli, E. P. (2024). Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(25), e2312293121.

#neuroscience #science #research #brain science #scientific publications #cognitive science #neurobiology #cognition #psychophysics #neurons #neural computation #neural networks #computational neuroscience

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thephysicsofmiracles · 11 months ago

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When we incarnate, there are two stages of life ahead of us. During the first, rarely are we aware that we are designed with the capacity to create our own reality. And we bring with us all the consciousness of our previous lives and ancestral intergenerational karma, which we have volunteered prior to incarnation to live through and alchemise emotionally (endure karma and let ourselves be changed by the suffering). The second stage isn't a given, though, and comes about usually as adults when we become more intimately aware of the lives of those around us and notice the discrepancies in the efforts of others as compared with ours to gain happiness and success. 'Luck' seems to follow certain people, and we wonder and observe how they tackle similar circumstances we mutually experience. Because deep down, we innately know that things are supposed to work out and our dreams are meant to be lived. But since generations before us have settled on mediocrity time and time again, we are afraid to trust that it is meant to happen for everyone, not just "some people". That's where a relationship with Self becomes the most paramount acquisition of a human life. Because when we endeavour to establish communication with our Higher Self in a regular grounded way, through meditation and other various practices that bring on altered states of consciousness that re-thread our heart's consciousness into our internal dialogue, it becomes very clear right away, how loving, kind-natured and benevolent our Godforce Self is toward us, continually and constantly. Never accusatory and always deeply desirous of our comfort and intrinsic peace. Like the way you want to soothe a newborn in your arms when they are swaddled and sleeping. You see, the suffering we endure prior to learning how to control our reality is not wanted or insisted on by some higher force. It is simply part of our consciousness when we arrive, and our higher selves protect our hearts so that we stay loving on the other side of the experience. Some of us do not retain connection to our Soul or soul-union post-trauma and this is deeply unfortunate. Because the health of all our relationships with others in our respective futures depends on the ability to connect to our Soul, post our voluntary generational cycle-break experiences. This is where sound, frequency and light play such a huge role in the process of human evolution. What might take an entire lifetime or several to heal through, possessing only an average capacity to process experiences within the confines of 3-dimensional perception, can happen within a week, a day or even a few hours when we are exposed to the formulas within nature, music and deep states of openess that come with meditation, fasting and silence. The frequencies emitted within each of these environments cause the brain to operate at another level of consciousness that gives more control over to the Higher Self, which knows exactly what needs re-tuning within the heart to return to an unconditional love perspective on any troubling or afflicting beliefs held within the biofield pertaining to a particular trauma. Like re-tuning a piano, it's never not worth it. The design of life may be simple, but the design of a human being is not. You would never overlook tuning a grand piano so that it would again play perfectly. And yet, the human design is far more sophisticated, complex and valuable. ~ Chantal Eva

#boy mama #motherhood #children are the future #nature #poetry #aesthetic #beautiful #feels #inspiration #law of attraction #epic #love #inspo #poet #positive #prose #poem #lit #explore

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fandom-junk-drawer · 1 year ago

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The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 7

Geralt had thwarted Jaskier's every attempt to get him with water balloons, eggs, and various nerf darts, citing that his Witcher reflexes were just too good.

Jaskier knew Geralt wasn't bragging. It was just a fact. An annoying fact that often runined his fun. Some pranks just weren't as fun when your target kept effortlessly dodging the bit that would make it funny.

Jaskier had decided to test just how good Geralt's reflexes were. He challenged him to Slappsies.

Jaskier failed miserably at slapping Geralt's hands. By the time he even thought about moving his hand, Geralt's hands were already safely out of the way and Jaskier was hitting empty air.

Then it was Geralt's turn.

A few rounds later, and the backs of Jaskier's hands were as red as a smacked ar*e.

*disgruntled bard noises*

*smug 'hmm'*

"Yeah, well...let's see how you do if you have to start with your hands behind your back!"

*sound of massive Witcher paws smacking the backs of human hands at the speed of mach Jesus*

*pained squealing*

Jaskier, inspite of being a rational adult, had paused to check the floor, just to prove to his brain that his hands hadn't just been slapped off his wrists.

No. They were still there, and functioning normally, if a little tingly. Okay, maybe it was time to try a different test before he ended up having to make a career change. Or learn to play all his instruments with his feet.

Which wouldn't be a bad thing. Some people had a thing for feet. Jaskier was absolutely not a kink-shamer!

Jaskier had to come up with a test that 1) wouldn't make a mess that Yennefer would yell at them about, and 2) was much more challenging than the old catching-a-falling-ruler, or Whack-A-Mole.

"I bet you can't take a block of cheese off a rat trap without setting it off!"

"I can, but I bet you can't!"

"Please! I've got very nimble fingers. All the ladies say so! And there's no way you can do it with those clumsy sausage fingers. I've seen your f***ing text messages. Every other word is misspelt!"

Geralt looked at Jaskier.

Jaskier looked at Geralt.

A trip to the hardware store was made, and shortly after, Jaskier was frowning as Geralt casually plucked a cube of cheese off the rat trap without setting it off.

Geralt 'hmm'ed in a smug tone.

Jaskier scoffed, "That doesn't look so hard. Even I can do that!"

Geralt nodded towards the trap, "Hm!" (Go ahead then!)

Jaskier went about very carefully resetting the trap. His hands shook slightly as they set the fiddly mechanism. It was a delicate operation that required a light touch...

Trap, for no apparent reason: *snap*

Jaskier: *shrill scream*

Geralt: *snort*

"Shut your gob!"

Jaskier got the trap set, studied it for a few breaths, then went for it. He crowed triumphantly, holding the little cube of cheese in his fingertips and pretending like he hadn't been sh*tting himself the whole time.

"Hah! I told you I could do it! I have very nimble fingers. I work very hard and put in long hours of practice to be as good as I am at fingering."

"I can finger for hours and not miss a beat. I've been told by various members of the nobility, and even commoners, that my fingering is the best in the Continent!"

"Hmm!"

"Mouthing off? Excuse me, but just the other day, the f***ing Prince of Redania told me that he quite enjoyed my fingering, f***youverymuch!

Geralt's brain had to take a moment to process the very idea that Jaskier was not making any kind of innuendo.

He was completely serious, and it was mentally throwing Geralt off. This was unnatural. The Universe was out of balance.

"And he said my tongue was quite talented, too! He was begging for more! You can ask Madeleine, she was there!"

"Then show me how good you are with your tongue," Geralt rumbled, feeling like he had to make the jokes now.

Jaskier blinked, then tried to hide a cheeky grin. "I don't know, Geralt. Sounds like a bad idea. I mean, what if Yen walks in?"

Geralt realxed. Ah, that was better. The balance had been restored. He lightly smacked Jaskier on the back of the head, saying "Stop bragging about your fingers. If I could play guitar, my fingering would be four times better than yours. And since I'm a Witcher with superhuman reflexes, just imagine how good I am with my tongue!"

"Ow! Why don't you prove it, Mr. Super Witcher Reflexes? I bet you can't knock the cheese off the trap with your tongue!"

Geralt baited the trap, set it on the table, and then crouched down to eye level with it. There was a tense moment of silence where he and Jaskier eyeballed each other distrustfully.

"You better f***ing not touch me or the trap!"

"I won't!"

"You just stay over there! Don't move, don't say anything, don't even f***ing breathe!"

"I'm not going to do anything, you suspicious b**tart!"

Geralt grunted, then slowly extended his tongue. It touched the cube of cheese, barely brushing it...

He must have twitched, or breathed too hard, because the trap went off with a snap!

One second, the tip of Geralt's tongue was touching the cheese, the next second, the hammer was snapping down across his tongue.

Geralt stood up with a loud ululation of anguish, the rat trap dangling from his tongue.

Jaskier went from gasping in shock, to laughing until his sides ached. He couldn't help it. Geralt was making this distorted screaming sound and doing jazz hands while he danced round, the trap hanging from his tongue.

Jaskier was too busy clinging to the kitchen counter, tears streaming down his cheeks as he howled with laughter as Geralt gained enough brain function to start yelling "Fffukhhhh! Fffukhhhh! Helm me!"

Geralt pawed at his tongue, trying to remove the trap with fingers that were suddenly clumsy.

Jaskier swallowed his laughter and came to the rescue.

"Holy f**k, are you alright?" he asked as Geralt prodded gingerly at his tongue. It felt swollen and numb, yet painful at the same time.

Geralt stood there, looking pitiful for a moment, then said in a small, lost voice, "I fink I neeb uh popfikool."

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Maybe you should try enunciating?"

"Ahthhoww!"

"Say 'I was born on a pirate ship'!"

Geralt glared angrily at Jaskier

"Do it and I'll give you a popsicle!"

*put upon sigh* "I wath born on a piol-a' sh*'"

Jaskier: *ugly cackling*

Geralt: "now gib me mah ffukhim popfikool!"

"Sorry, we're all out of the F**k Him flavored ones. Do you want blue or green?"

Geralt: *unamused glower* "Boo."

The popsicle was handed over, the trap was disposed of, and Geralt prayed the swelling would go down before Yennefer got home at the end of the week.

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sweet7simple · 7 months ago

Text

Terms and definitions that you can maybe apply to your fan works

I don't know anything about computer or mechanical engineering (it's very funny to me that I am in the Transformers fandom and I don't even care about cars), but I do care about improving my writing. I have gathered a list of terms that sound very sciencey and applicable to mechs, some from Martha Wells's "Murderbot Diaries," some from fanfiction/fandom (shout-out to the Crime in Crystals series by Aard_Rinn and Baebeyza, they wrote Transformers better than any Transformers comic/TV show did), and a lot from just surfing through Google and going, "well, what the hell is this? Okay, but what the hell is THAT?".

Also, as I was writing this post, I ended up getting sucked into this article:

And this really bloated my already long list of terms. Very easy to read if you want to glance it over yourself.

It's not an exhaustive list and who knows if it will be useful to you - but maybe you can reblog with your own add-ons of terms and definitions you think make a Transformers fan work just that much better.

The list is below the cut:

100% CPU Load - CPU is fully occupied with too many processors/applications/drivers/operations - not necessarily synonymous with an overload.

Actuators* - A device that causes a machine or other device to operate (Ex: a computerized unit instructs the actuator how to move the tires on a vehicle); create linear and rotary movement (Ex: A hydraulic actuator on a valve will move that valve in response to a sensor/signal); Linear actuators "move a piston back and forth inside a cylinder to build pressure and 'actuate', or complete an action".

* Think of actuators as devices that help produce linear motion and motors as devices that help produce rotational movement. Hence, some consider actuators as a type of motor. But a motor is not a type of actuator (jhfoster.com).

Alternator - Converts mechanical energy to electrical energy with an alternating current. The stator and rotor inside the alternator work as magnets and rotate to generate the alternating current. Then the alternating current (AC) is transformed into a direct current (DC) that charges the battery.

Archive (Archive files) - used to collect multiple data files together into a single file for easier portability and storage, or simply to compress files to use less storage space.

Arithmetic Log Unit (ALU) - the part of a central processing unit that carries out arithmetic and logic operations on the operands in computer instruction words. In some processors, the ALU is divided into two units: an arithmetic unit (AU) and a logic unit (LU).

Augment - Make something greater; increase.

Auxiliary Battery - Designed to run as a backup to the starting battery and provide power to some essential equipment like engine start/stop and other systems that require power while the engine is off to put less strain on the main battery and alternator.

Bandwidth - A measurement indicating the maximum capacity of a wired or wireless communications link to transmit data over a network connection in a given amount of time.

Behavioral Coding - A term used in Martha Wells' Murderbot Diaries; essential, code for behaviors.

Branch Instructions - Use programming elements like if-statements, for-loops, and return-statements; used to interrupt the program execution and switch to a different part of the code.

Branch Predictors - Track the status of previous branches to learn whether or not an upcoming branch is likely to be taken or not.

Buffer - A region of memory used to store data temporarily while it is being moved from one place to another.

Cathodes vs Anodes - Cathodes are the positive electrode while the anode is the negative electrode; electrons flow from the anode to the cathode and this creates the flow of electric charge in a battery or electrochemical cell.

Catastrophic Failure - Complete, sudden and unexpected breakdown in a machine, indicating improper maintenance.

Central Processing Unit (CPU) - Primary component of a computer that acts as its "control center"; complex set of circuitry that runs the machine's operating systems and apps; the brains of the computer. * Components: Instruction Set Architecture (ISA), Control Unit (CU), Datapath, Instruction Cycle, Registers, Combinational Logic, the Arithmetic Logic Unit (ALU), etc...

Clock - Determines how many instructions a CPU can process per second; increasing its frequency through overclocking will make instructions run faster, but will increase power consumption and heat output.

Combustion Chambers - An enclosed space in which combustion takes place, such as an engine; jet engines also have combustion chambers.

Condition Codes - Extra bits kept by a processor that summarize the results of an operation and that affect the execution of later instructions.

Control Bus - Manages the communication between the computer's CPU and its other components.

Control Unit (CU) - Manages the execution of instructions and coordinates data flow within the CPU and between other computer components.

Cybermetal - Element native to Cybertron and Cybertron alone.

Datapath - The path where data flows as it is processed; receives input, processes it, and sends it out to the right place when done processing; datapaths are told how to operate by the CU; depending on instructions, a datapath can route signals to different components, turn on and off different parts of itself, and monitor the state of the CPU.

Diagnostic and Data Repair Sequence - Term used in Martha Wells' Murderbot Diaries; exactly what it sounds like.

Diode - A semiconductor device with two terminals (a cathode and an anode), typically allowing the flow of current in one direction only.

Discrete Circuit vs Integrated Circuit- Single device with a single function (ex: Transistor, diode) vs Devices with multiple functional elements on one chip (ex: Memories, microprocessor IC and Logic IC).

Drivers - A set of files that help software (digital components, such as Microsoft Office) interface/work with hardware (physical components, such as a keyboard); allows an operating system and a device to communicate.

Electromagnetic (EM) Field - A combination of invisible electric and magnetic fields of force; used in fandom by mechs to broadcast emotions to others.

Flags - A value that acts as a signal for a function or process. The value of the flag is used to determine the next step of a program; flags are often binary flags which contain a boolean value (true or false).

Full Authority Digital Engine Control (FADEC) - Consists of an electronic control unit (ECU) and related accessors that control aircraft engine performances.

Gestation Tank - Used in mech pregnancies, you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Heads Up Display (HUD) - A part of the user interface that visually conveys information to the player during gameplay.

Heat Spreader - Often used in computer processors to prevent them from overheating during operation; transfers energy as heat from a hotter source to a colder heat sink or heat exchanger.

HUB - A device that connects multiple computers and devices to a local area network (LAN).

Inductive Charging - How I imagine berths work; wireless power transfer (ex: Wireless charger or charging pad used for phones).

Instruction Cycle - Also known as fetch-decode-execute cycle; basic operation performed by a CPU to execute an instruction; consists of several steps, each of which performs a specific function in the execution of the instruction.

Instruction Set Architecture (ISA) - The figurative blueprint for how the CPU operates and how all the internal systems interact with each other (I think of it like a blueprint for the brain).

Irising - Term used in fanfiction (specifically the Crime in Crystals series) to describe the action of the of the spark chamber opening ("The Talk", chapter 6, my absolute favorite chapter out of the entire series). I just really liked how the word sounded in that context.

Life Codes - "For those of us who were forged, Primus, through Vector Sigma, generated a pulse wave. Each one a data-saturated life code faster than thought, brighter than light, racing across Cybertron, sowing sparks..." (~Tyrest/Solomus, Volume 5 of More Than Meets the Eye)

Memory Hierarchy - Represents the relationship between caches, RAM, and main storage; when a CPU receives a memory instruction for a piece of data that it doesn't yet have locally in its registers, it will go down the memory hierarchy until it finds it.

Levels: L1 cache (usually smallest and fastest), L2 cache, L3 cache, RAM, and then main storage (usually biggest and slowest); available space and latency (delay) increase from one level to the next

Depending on the multi-core (a core is usually synonymous with a CPU) system, each core will have its own private L1 cache, share an L2 with one other core, and share an L3 with more or more cores.

Motors* - Any power unit that generates motion; electric motors work by converting electrical energy into mechanical energy... when this happens within a magnetic field, a force is generated which causes shaft rotation.

Multitasking Operating System - Allows users to run multiple programs and tasks almost simultaneously without losing data; manage system resources (such as computer memory and input/output devices), allocate resources, enable multiple users, and eliminate long wait times for program execution.

Network - A set of computers sharing resources located on or provided by network nodes. Computers use common communication protocols over digital interconnections to communicate with each other.

Network Feed - The continuously updating stream of content that users encounter on networking platforms.

Neural Network - A type of machine learning process that uses interconnected nodes (like neurons) to teach computers to process data in a way similar to the human brain; a form of deep learning that can help computers learn from their mistakes and improve their time.

Nimbus - A luminous cloud or a halo surrounding a supernatural being or a saint; has been used in fanfiction synonymously or in junction with the corona of the spark.

Nodes - A connection point between devices that allows data to be sent and received between them.

Oil Sump/Oil Pan - Don't forget to change your mech's oil.

Out-Of-Order Execution - A paradigm used to minimize downtime while waiting for other instructions to finish; allows a CPU to choose the most timely instructions to execute out of an instruction queue.

Overload - Orgasm; an electrical overload occurs when too much electricity passes through a circuit, exceeding its capacity; an information overload is when a system receives more input than it can process, or a state of being overwhelmed by the amount of data presented for processing.

Pedes - Feet

Pipelining - A technique used in computer architecture that allows a processor to execute multiple instructions simultaneously, improving overall performance.

Processing Capacity - The ability and speed of a processor, and how many operations it can carry out in a given amount of time.

Program Counter - A special register in a computer processor that contains the memory address (location) of the next program instruction to be executed.

Programmable Nanobots/Nanites - Cybertronian microbots programmed to do work at the molecular level; used popularly for surface healing and pigment in mechs.

Protected Storage - Provides applications with an interface to store user data that must be kept secure or free from modification; a storage method; a function in mainframe hardware.

Protoform - Formed of an ultra-dense liquid metal and are extremely hard to damage; the most basic Cybertronian form of raw, free-flowing living metal; first stage of Cybertronian life cycle

To create a Cybertronian, you need the protoform, the life-giving spark, and alt-form information.

Register - A type of computer memory built directly into the processor or CPU that is used to store and manipulate data during the execution of instructions.

Ex: "When you run a .exe on Windows... the code for that program is moved into memory and the CPU is told what address the first instruction starts at. The CPU always maintains an internal register that holds the memory location of the next instruction to be executed [the Program Counter]"...

Resource Allocations - The process of identifying and assigning available resources to a task or project to support objectives.

Risk Assessment - Focus on identifying the threats facing your information systems, networks, and data and assessing the potential consequences should these adverse events occur.

Routine - A component of a software application that performs a specific task (ex: Saving a file).

Servomechanism - A powered mechanism producing motion or force at a higher level of energy than the input level (ex: In the brakes and steering of large motor vehicles) especially where feedback is employed to make the control automatic.

Servos - Hands

Shellcode - A small piece of executable code used as a payload, built to exploit vulnerabilities in a system or carry out malicious commands. The name comes from the fact that the shellcode usually starts a command shell which allows the attacker to control the compromised machine.

Semiconductor - A material used in electrical circuits and components that partially conduct electricity.

Semiconductor materials include silicon, germanium, and selenium.

Struts - Bones; A rod or bar forming part of a framework and designed to resist compression.

System/System Unit (in computers) - A setup that consists of both hardware and software components organized to perform complex operations/The core of your computer where all the processing happens.

Task Specific Accelerator - Circuits designed to perform one small task as fast as possible (ex: Encription, media encoding & machine learning).

Teek - Used in Transformers fandom in conjunction with EM Fields; when a mech "teeks" another mech's field, they are feeling the emotions that mech is broadcasting.

Transistor - Enables a computer to follow instructions to calculate, compare and copy data.

Universal Serial Bus (USB) - A standard plug-and-play interface that allows computers and peripheral devices to connect with each other, transfer data, and share a power source; allows data exchange and delivery of power between many types of electronics; plug-and-play interface is also a type of sexual activity used in fandom.

Warren - Used to refer to a group of minibots with their own social hierarchy and culture (Seriously, read the Crime in Crystals series, it's better than canon).

#transformers #macaddam #world building #Terms and Definitions #Transformers Terms #Computer Terms #Please Add Your Own Terms and Definitions as you see fit

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