#excuse me sirs i am an autist

[delcat177]

Barbie is a great movie but I actually just. Would rather not about it. It has these very specific ways of showing how girls play with toys and how boys play with toys, and it's like. Ah. Yes. I didn't do either because girl games bored me to tears and boys wouldn't let me play with them.

I wasn't Barbie, I wasn't Ken, I wasn't even Allan. I was unable to relate to human toys. I spent most of my time on stuffed animals, alone.

I didn't have friends.

I didn't super realize this before the movie and it's eating at me now. Why do I always just want to be left alone? Is that so terrible of a goal in life? Why does it feel like it is?

[let-love-run-red]

Boss man: love what do you wanna watch?

Me: I've got my book so you choose

Boss man, smiling at me a bit too long: it would be easy to love you

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 2 Ep 2

"The Night General" AKA Somebody to Lean On

This one came in as a request, and it's one that I'm really excited to do. It's fun to take a look at post-Quarantine House Tim/Lucy in more detail, especially considering Tim and Lucy's movement in Episode 1 of the season via her standing up to him and his respect of her.

SPOILER ALERT: This episode and everything that came before it are fair game. If you wish to remain un-spoiled, please don't read anymore. I do try to write these as though I'm watching them for the first time without knowledge of the future.

Everyone squared away? Then we're ready to dive in.

"Chief Williams added another book to your Sergeant's Exam Reading List." "Split Second Leadership: Leading Men in the Line of Duty." "Men?" "It's from the 60's. How is this relevant to the 21st century policing?" "Ours is not to reason why, Officer Bradford. Read the book." "Yes sir."

At this point, only Tim knows why this is bad news for him. From the outside, it might look like he is being obstinate or lazy. But Tim is struggling.

My little brother has a learning disability. He's a genius with a learning disability. No, I'm not exaggerating.

My brother can't write or spell. He'll tell you an elaborate story with five-syllable words with perfect grammar, but the minute he tries to write it, it looks like a Kindergartner wrote it.

He had a teacher in college who insisted he was faking it and throwing his papers because he didn't have a written diagnosis from a doctor. He dropped out of school. He never finished.

My point? Learning disabilities can happen to anyone and it's easy to be quick-to-judge. No wonder people don't want to share. No wonder there's so much shame and stigma.

No wonder Tim didn't say anything. No wonder he honestly doesn't know... because, in his family, it would be seen as "less than", "not good enough", a "screw-up".

"If I have to suffer, so do you. So, you're going to read this out loud to me between calls. Only way I'm gonna get it memorized in time." "Or, I could drive and you could read it by yourself."

Admit it, Lucy. You're just looking for an excuse to drive! In all seriousness, it makes sense. But, again, it's easy to assume that Tim's pride in being the one to drive is getting in the way of him "taking this seriously".

"It's hard enough to listen to it without your editorializing."

Okay, I am totally with Tim on this one. Sometimes when we're reading to the kids, Matt will do this, and suddenly 10 minutes of calm reading has turned into 30 minutes of kids bouncing off the walls because they couldn't focus to finish the story straight through.

"You're gonna have to re-read all of this anyway to really memorize it." "No. I memorize best when I hear it." "Really?"

I love this shot. Lucy leaning over the book, tight on her face as she processes the information of how he processes.

My Middle is Autistic/ADHD with an auditory processing disorder and suspected reading processing disorder. Eldest is ADD or ADHD (final diagnosis later this month) and Littlest has her full testing for Autism/ADHD at the beginning of next month. I know a lot about people processing differently.

But as Lucy's wheels are turning, she realizes what might be going on with Tim. But how do you broach a subject like that with TO Era Tim?

Lucy's had fun poking at Tim with the parts of the book she likes (especially the value of every officer), but the whole reason she poked was because of Tim's apparent sense of superiority. Yes, she knows it's a veil, but it's still hard to poke through, at this point.

This is different.

"Why?" "Nothing."

Nothing is never nothing. I think I write this once every other Meta. On this show, nothing is never nothing.

"Boot!" "You might have a learning difference." "What?" "Technically, it's classified as a disability, but it really just means that you're wired to process information differently. In your case, through, through hearing, rather than reading." "I don't have a learning disability."

I remember the conversations with my husband for years.

I told him I suspected he was ADD (my mother, brother, step-father, and step-brother are all ADD/ADHD... the only reason we know I'm not is because my little brother wouldn't take his test without me and Mom taking it, too).

Matthew would shrug it off because he didn't have a "Disorder". But when he was 38, his mother let it slip to me that he was diagnosed at 8... and they never told him. They hid it. They didn't want the stigma.

So, he spent his entire life struggling and not understanding why. He got re-diagnosed at 38, and his first morning on medication, he let me sleep in. I woke to him lying next to me, tears in his eyes.

"The clouds are gone," he breathed into the space between us. And then I was crying, too.

He'd had these clouds his entire life and thought it was just how he was. He didn't know there was help. He didn't know his life could be better. All because his parents hid his diagnosis.

We put so much damn stigma on this stuff that humans are suffering unnecessarily for the sake of societal niceties. And for Tim, there's definitely stigma and shame associated with having a learning disability. It's how he was raised.

"A lot of people have them. I bet Isabel helped you in the Academy, read through the materials and stuff." "We're not talking about this."

Talk about wheels turning... we can see Tim's as he thinks about all the times he and Isabel sat up, her reading to him.

He thought it was the sweetest thing, and it became their thing. I bet she read him other things, too, like fiction books, or autobiographies on his favorite sports figures.

But thinking about Isabel (still a very fresh hurt) and the stigma of having a learning disability is too much for Tim.

Because growing up, any "difference" was called out as a failing. Yes, I know those of you in early S2 don't yet know all of Tim's backstory, so I am reaching forward a little on this one.

But, it's important to understand why Tim reacts so strongly and so swiftly.

Tim ends conversations before he can lose his cool. Losing control could lead him to become the person he hates most in the world, so he does everything to avoid it. But, he's been on edge all year.

Hell, for more than a year. Because ever since Isabel disappeared, he lost that one little piece of his life that made sense.

Then, this ball of sunshine came into his life, blinding him with goodness and light. He tried at first to temper it, but I fully believe that the longer he's in her glow, the more his eyes adjust, and the more he shifts to helping refine her rather than dim that glow.

"Watch your tone, Boot." "Oh, you don't get to call her 'Boot', Rex. You're retired. She's the police, now."

Boom, Baby!! Tim Bradford putting an asshole in his place will always be good television.

"Let's see your bail bonds license and the warrant on your jumper." "You let her talk to you like that?"

Bitch, you don't want to see how I'm gonna talk to you if you don't back off. Tim's not biting on the "camaraderie" angle, here.

As tough as Tim can be, as much of an absolute ass as he can be... he's a stickler for the rules.

"Look, the hole you're in has nothing to do with Lopez. But she's gonna pay the price when the commander's son goes belly-up halfway through training." "I told him it's not her fault." "Yeah, so tell him, again. Lopez bent over backwards for you. She protected your ass when any other TO would've sent you packing. You owe her your career." "I know."

Don't. Mess. With. People. Tim. Loves. Tim and Angela's friendship is one of my favorite relationships on the show. Tim just stood up for Lucy and here he is standing up for Angela.

Now, I'm not saying Tim loves Lucy, yet. We're a long way off from that, if these two get their act together. But, I think it's important to see his consistency.

Tim's Tests might make him seem unpredictable, but there's a reason and a rhythm for everything that he does. And when it comes to his friends—to the people he loves—he's always going to stick out his neck. Even if it means risking himself.

"Do you want me to read to you?" "No." "Come on."

Now that she knows he has a learning disability, she wants to help. Now that he thinks she thinks he has a learning disability, he wants to run.

Lucy is a gentle, kind, loving human. She wants to help. It's her default state. But accepting help goes against everything that was ever beaten into Tim.

It was fine when he was ordering her to read to him. But now that there's a stigma involved, he doesn't want it.

"You have to learn it." "I can do that on my own."

See? And Tim's not trying to be an asshole. He's trying to 'be a man', 'cowboy up', and 'do it on your own'. You know... all the bullshit men are too-often taught from boyhood.

He's shying away from Lucy's help because he's ashamed.

Alright, Future Rachel needs to tell you that Tim Bradford hasn't had an easy life. His childhood was less than ideal. His marriage seemed good until it wasn't.

Seeing the worst in himself is easy, but having others see him as weak in any way? He can't have that. He puts up all this bravado and these thick walls around his heart to protect himself.

Lucy just found another tiny crack in his defenses. And instead of letting her light in to help heal his hurts, he's afraid it will burn.

"Training for the rematch with Nico?"

Tim's blowing off steam. That fight was tougher than expected, and Tim's going to do everything he can to stay in top shape. But, he's also processing.

Lucy processes by talking things out. Tim processes with a punching bag and sweat pouring down his brow. The beautiful thing about people is how different we are, yet we find a way to coexist. We learn to speak one another's languages.

My husband's a BIG gift person. He loves to give and receive. I struggle with physical possessions because of how I grew up.

But I know that small gifts throughout the year help him remember I'm thinking of him (buying his favorite coffee... a latte from the local café). And he knows making me a chai latte at home, or holding me when I'm upset lets me know he's thinking of me.

We love one another. We just don't experience love the same way. Same is true for Tim and Lucy. We're in the phase of them learning how to speak one another's languages. This is crucial if they're ever going to be in a romantic relationship.

Tim greets her almost with a smile as he turns to face her.

"Here." "What's this?" "It is 'Split Second Leadership: Leading Men in the Line of Duty' the Audio book." "The book's out of print. There's no audio book." "Yeah, which is why I recorded one for you."

"Lucy Chen, will you marry me?" I mean, that's what he's supposed to say, right? That's what you would say, right?

Because, let's break this down for a second—she stayed up all night doing this. This morning when she asked him if he wanted her to read to him, she knew what his answer would be.

But then they had this stressful-ass day, and she had to wait for the file to finish rendering, which might've taken all day because audio files with any quality are a beast.

Look, I was a voice over artist for over 20 years. I only left the studio where I was a contract player because I couldn't afford a home studio and now live over an hour from the studio. So, I've done a lot of commercials, on-hold messages, and, yes, books.

The kids especially love my reading of "Elmo Visits the Dentist" that they can listen to on YouTube whenever they want. Why go into all this? I know how long it takes to read a book aloud at a pace that is easy for others to process.

Immediately after learning that her TO needed to listen to learn, she took the damn book home (because she was the one holding it the next morning) and she recorded herself reading it for him.

She likely got no sleep as she set it to render and upload into the device to hand to him while she got ready to leave for work.

I bet she even went home, grabbed the device, then ran back so she could give it to him.

This is a labor of love. No, she's not in-love with Tim. But she cares about him. And this ball of sunshine is radiating in his life more and more.

We are post Quarantine House. We are post Lucy calling Tim on the Isabel stuff she should have reported. We've established that they trust one another.

But this is next level. Six months into her training, and Lucy's already breaking through so many of Tim's walls.

"Uh, listen, I talked to Isabel and from what she said, it's clear you're a kinesthetic learner, which just means you need to listen while you're being active in order to absorb things."

Girlfriend just called up her future husband's ex like a boss. Again, she did this yesterday. Lucy wastes no time when it comes to Tim. Keep that in mind for the future...

"There's no shame in it. Really."

Watch his face. His jaw clench. His body relaxes as he sighs. His eyes soften. Because, all his life any sign of being "different" was weakness. Any sign of being "not good enough" was punishable by pummeling.

Isabel didn't realize he had a learning disability from what we can tell. She just knew that he'd ask her to read to him. My husband and I used to read to one another (pre-kids) and it was a tremendous act of love.

But Lucy put a name to it. And Tim's been spiraling out about it ever since. Because there's a stigma that comes with words like that, tragically.

"Honestly, it's probably why you excel at being a cop."

Tim absorbs her words. She doesn't think he's a freak. She doesn't think he's a project. She doesn't think he's broken. She thinks he's a good cop.

Her view of him hasn't changed because of his learning disability. This is so important.

My Middle has been Autistic his entire life, right? But we only got the official diagnosis when he was 5 because he stopped eating and was rapidly losing weight. A family member actually said "How can I be [related to] an Autistic child?" I said, "You've done a fine job the last 5 years."

Who he is didn't change with his diagnosis. But there are always people who recoil at it because of the stigma associated with it.

Tim was afraid Lucy would think of him differently... but she doesn't. She still sees Tim as the hard-ass, soft-hearted, semi-asshole she has to deal with every day for another six months.

And, strange as it sounds, that's the most reassuring thing Lucy could say to him.

"Thanks."

Lucy ducks her head in a nod as she leaves. It's so sweet. Lucy knows him well enough to understand this is difficult for him. She has a strong understanding of psychology, and a growing understanding of Tim Bradford.

Sticking around won't help him. Letting him get to work will help. She knows him well enough not to hover, and she knows better than to expect compliments from Tim at this phase.

Hell, that "Thanks" was unexpected and I'm surprised she was able to keep moving after she heard it instead of calling it out.

Maybe she just really needs the sleep after all she's done for him. She deserves it!

"Split Second Leadership by Curtis Philbrick, read by the best Rookie you've ever trained."

Tim can't help but smile at that. And it's a real smile. The kind the shows his teeth and reaches his eyes. The kind Lucy won't see, yet.

Lucy offered Tim a piece of herself when she handed over that audio recording. No, it's not romantic. But it is a gift, nonetheless. This was above and beyond anything required of her as a Rookie—she did it as a friend.

And Tim accepted the gift. I don't think we talk enough about this. Lucy sent him food one episode ago and he told her she "shouldn't have". But there's no fighting this gift.

Because the events of 2x01 were a big shift for these two that we don't talk enough about. Lucy making it to the halfway mark and doing well on her exam. Lucy calling Tim on his shit when he tried to distance himself from her by being extra assholery. Lucy going beast-mode chasing that fake cop.

And here we are in 2x02 and Tim who was humbled by Lucy one episode ago is now unintentionally wounded. Because he thinks she sees him as "less than". He thinks her opinion of him somehow lessened because he's been raised to see a "learning disability" as a bad thing.

When Lucy turns it around at the end and says it's his super power, that's powerful. She helped him see himself in a different way. The king of coming at something sideways has met his match. So, what could he say after a gift like that? He wouldn't reject it. He couldn't.

Because Lucy gave him the gift of a shift in perspective. And those readers who are from the future, like me, know he'll repay that gift in a huge way in that same room not too long from now.

They're not in love, yet. But they are on their way to friendship, and learning one another's love languages on the way. So if when they finally arrive at love, it'll be a deep love. It'll be a love that grows. It'll be a love that thrives.

Because true love often takes effort... but it's worth it.

Tim Pays it Forward

Look, Tim takes care of his people. We already know that. But I also like to think that Tim recognized something of himself in Rex thanks to Lucy's kindness.

Rex doesn't like asking for help. Neither does Tim. But if Tim isn't careful, he could end up like Rex.

Now, Rex likely didn't have a Lucy. But, he does have a Tim. And that's damn good, too.

As ever, thank you for reading. This one is one I'm super passionate about with my family history and the children I'm raising.

Now, I'm not going to pretend it's all peachy-keen. It can be really, really tough raising three neurodivergent children, and there are very bad days. But for Tim, his learning disability really can be a super power.

Also, oh, isn't it fun watching Tim and Lucy of Season 2 on their way? So much fun!

Hope your weekend's been lovely! Mine's been so quiet, it's lovely. Currently have three Littles in bed with me as we have a pajama/movie day. It's the little things!

See you on the next!

[delcat177]

I came out here to have a bad time and I'm feeling very supported right now

I just realized I'm doing the thing where I was depriving myself of sleep to feel like I have more "free time" and, well, we all know that's not good. After all, intentional sleep deprivation is just stealing from your future self so that when you do have free time, you won't have the energy to enjoy it.

So if you're also depriving yourself of sleep right now to claim back a sense of autonomy and free time: it's okay; you can go to bed too.

Anyway. Night all.

[delcat177]

Feel free to elaborate in tags/replies, I know mine is a mix but C is what got my ankles in trouble in the day

Remember to be careful toe walking, and if you have chronic leg pain, consider getting checked out by a podiatrist for tendonitis--it's frequently congenital with neurodivergence, because we absolutely need more Shit To Deal With, but is very treatable 💖

🌈🐶🐶🐶

[sangaverage]

SEPTEMBER 27TH

I don't know of this will mean anything to anyone but my S/O let me fully "vamp out" around him today, (I have never fully around him and try to keep an eye on it) I was nervous at first, I've freaked people out with it before so naturally I was sceptical of him, but he told me it was okay and that he was fine with it and well... I legit happy cried, I haven't gone fully vamp/ showed of my entire Vampyre side in absolutely forever, but he was there for me and gently telling me it was okay the whole time even said if I wanted to, to let it all out I could do so (gently), and I just...

🥺

EXCUSE ME!?

Sir?

Sir,

Do you realise what you have done?

You realise you are stuck with a permanently "Unmasked" Vampyre Now?

(I can't think of a better term sorry, reminding folks I am however also autistic so this feels like it applies X2 here!)

Ah It's nice to fully be my full Vampiric self with someone it's been ages!

I couldn't have asked for a better S/O & (mostly energy) Donor!

How are you so understanding? It's great but you can tell I'm not used to it.

fang dividers: mmadeinheaven

[raayllum]

Wildly accusing anons of having some internal ableism doesn't really hit hard when said anon is personally familiar with non-verbal communication, not that you'd be aware so it's very fair

I wasn't trying to come across rude, I'm sorry if I was, I was just asking if you want to like, look at the creature you are discussing being pregnant and acknowledge it is written as a child, like it's very blatant, the crew weren't exactly subtle? fantasy creature or not it's still an uncomfortable concept to expand upon?

If you are personally grossed out by it, you can blacklist my "tw pregnancy" tag, which I've used for various posts regarding any character being pregnant for a few years now. If I am on the defensive, it's because of the (minimal, but still upsetting) albeism I've seen directed toward Amaya in the fandom over the years for her being deaf and mute.

Now, my opinion is informed by me being Autistic who also works with some Autistic children as a tutor, and I probably don't have to tell you this but am not going to assume, but there are many many behaviours neurodivergent adults do that get labelled as "childish" and then used as an excuse infantilize you. This is doubly so for someone like me who is also asexual (and concepts of sex and adulthood being weirdly interwoven in puritan North American bullshit).

You can see Sir Sparklepuff as a child if you want to, but given that he walks on all fours, secretes goo, eats uncooked bugs with his bare hands, and is a butterfly born from little bug pal and has innate knowledge to guide the group given to him by Aaravos, an ancient elf, I think it's a bit of a stretch. In a lot of ways he is far more comparable to being a mute, more benevolent version of Gollum, from Lord of the Rings. Y'know, down to the hobbling, loincloth, and acting like a guide?

In my eyes there are only two moments where Sir Sparklepuff acts remotely like a child (I suppose) and that's when Viren takes him by the arm to guide him, and when he does his happy clap (which adults can definitely do the last one).

One of the things I talk about a lot in regards to 10+ years in fantasy writing and writing groups is how sometimes fantasy has things where there is, legitimately, no real world equivalent unless you're bending your back to break it. For example if you want to ship Aaravos with anyone who isn't another (currently non-existent) Startouch elf, you are dealing with an age gap of literally thousands of years, even for an adult male in his 40s. So Viren is fully an adult, and yet his 'experience' of adulthood still pales in comparison. There are a lot of other reasons these two would be / are a clusterfuck of a relationship (which sometimes, is precisely the point), but on the basis of age - would it not always be too big of an age gap to breach?

Sure maybe, if you're not willing to engage with the Fantasy, indeterminable elements of a Fantasy story.

Your perception regarding a character who's status is ambiguous as best and what makes you personally uncomfortable regarding them does not have to make me uncomfortable. I can have a radically different perspective than you and it is not wrong for me to make content that aligns with my own perspective. It's also not wrong for you to be uncomfortable with it by accordance of your own perspective, plenty of things in fandom make me uncomfortable, I just blacklist tags or unfollow and don't go into people's inboxes about it.

I would also argue that most people, myself included, have internalized albeism to work through, because we live in ableist societies, and we never stop being allies to people who's experiences are different than ours. It's not necessarily a flaw or a moral judgement, it's a fault line and sometimes it can be good to consider those variances. The fact that you assumed, rather than me just having a different interpretation of the character (that he's more like a highly intelligent animals), that I must have the same as yours (that he's a child - which the best bit of evidence would probably be the fact he's recently hatched, and you didn't bring that up) and therefore reached a bonkers conclusion (I'm writing about a child being pregnant) says something noteworthy about perhaps your familiarity with ideas and literature in ways that are radically different than just your initial interpretation or viewpoint (which is not wrong, but everyone's is accordingly limited unless you expand)

It also assumes that I have to have black and white thinking rather than engaging in something ambiguously, i.e. the same way I can engage with and make content about Rayllum that is platonic/QPR or romantic, rather than just sticking definitively to one viewpoint or dynamic, I can also engage with things that have different views of Sir Sparklepuff in fandom because unlike canon, things that would normally cancel each other out as definitive interpretations do not exist in a more ambiguous fandom space

If you are interested in more thoughts regarding Sir Sparklepuff you may interested in an upcoming oneshot I'm working on titled "twice as many stars," in which I take us down the existential horror story that is his existence - a sentient life, created for a singular specific purpose and then abandoned by said creator who does not care for him at all, completely unaware he is living (presumably) on borrowed time and that the family he loves has varying degrees of affection for him in turn.

[delcat177]

Can confirm. This is how to set up to ask someone to get closer to them, at which point the questions asked should involve "do you mind me asking personal questions?" up front. If they do mind, don't ask them anything you wouldn't want to be asked.

This is basically the Goodall approach, you acclimate at a natural pace into the tribe. It's person-to-person, ape-to-ape.

But the natural approach is good too! Hanging out in a Discord server and observing how other people act...God, are we still using "lurking"? It's lurking. Then you get confident enough to say something, and that moves you from "lurker" stage with "Hey, this is my first post here, long time lurker, but I just wanted to say..." and then you'd say whatever and the ice would be broken. If we're not using that, we need to use that, it's *really* useful in getting past the anxiety of being seen for the first time. Probably look this particular shit up I'm fucking old GENERALLY HANGING OUT IS FINE s what I mean

I hope it goes well for you, friend-o <3 It's really hard to put yourself out there, and you're trying hard and asking questions. That's fucking tough, it's a genuine struggle to try to get from point A to point B in neurodivergence because of terminology differences *exactly* like this, and you're doing it anyway.

Thasscool <3

ok uh. how do you hypothetically say "i want to study you" in a friendly way

so far the best I've got is "can i join a discord derver that youre in so i can observe you in your natural habitat"

[whumpy-wyrms]

Hello hi! Just read the newest chapter and I am Insane

I saw the update and I was so excited I nearly dropped my phone, I was almost normal enough to read it when I saw the wing whump tag, the crowd went insane and it ended up taking nearly 15 minutes for me to start actually reading.

I am insane, your writing is so beautiful.

(This is just me reacting to the entire fic I'm sorry (no I'm not), you don't have to respond to this one)

Anton, the wet cat of a man, watching the trees for an hour each day and counting that as touching grass enough.

He deserves immortality, I think he should get it, he can be trusted yes.

Hjshjshsjsgsjhsjshjshj he's being accommodating with the lights and the textures my heart- (we stan the tisms supporting the tisms)

"But hey, it's for science!" My Absolute Beloved, Anton can do whatever he wants to do he deserves it.

When the when the when the when the autistic wet cats of men communication (Anton and Dew talking at any given time)

The flinch going to the table >>>>>>>

THE LYING ON THE FRONT >>>>>>>>>>>> OHOHOHO YES

GLOWING GREEN LIQUID IN A COMICALLY LARGE SYRINGE YESSSSSSSSSSSSDHSHSFFHSDHHSHKDJFHSHDSJJ i am so normal about this i swear

The descriptions are so beautiful and vivid, have I mentioned I love your writing?

The Cloth Gag Yes

I just had to put my phone down for a second at that line woa I'm not usually one for duct tape gags, but this may have changed my mind on that front

When the man is in Pain and the other man is sat Criss-Cross Apple Sauce

He is in pain for weeks oh my with only Anton for company oh my he is going as insane as I am

He is Breaking someone get him a plushie this is beautiful I am handing him a chicken plushie because he is

the wings The Wings THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE WINGS THE

YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

HE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN HE DESERVES A COOKIE

He is Breaking poor guy ohno

""I'm tired of being scared of you,"" I Am On My Knees Good Sir I Didn't Need My Heart Anyways It's Okay

I am holding him so gentle

A lil kiss on the forehead if he's okay with that

Hold lab birb gentle like hamburger

I am giving him a week's paid holiday somewhere maybe just home for a bit (oh wait that's the lab now isn't it :3 )

What's the Anton doin

A COOKIE

YEASSSS

THE BOI GOT ONE YIPPEE

I was going to say give Dew a weighted blanket but I guess he has one already huh

"maybe four weeks? Fuck, that was insane." I'LL TELL YOU WHO ELSE IS INSANE OVER THIS

"keeping Dew from moving an inch away from his captor?"

Damn that line. Someone fetch me my fainting couch. I must be dramatic and think of this line often.

Anton you're not the birb here why are you cooing

"excusing Dew's mention of his old life just this once" Dew should slip up :3 as a treat :333

Anton is but a silly guy. A harmless, silly guy.

He has never done anything wrong ever. I support Anton's rights and wrongs. But he has not done wrongs. He is so. He is a little guy, ur honour. He should be allowed to do whatever he wants in life.

Birb instincts *sounds of wait hold on wait I need a minute wait*

Dew's got wings now yay :3

Also his clone doing his own top surgery is even better.

Have a good 24 hours!!!! I'm going to go try to be a little less insane about this I swear (difficulty impossible)

Also I wrote the live react thing in a word doc and it ended up 661 words long! Sorry for so much!

AHHH KJDFGSJGF TYSM I LOVE GETTING ASKS LIKE THESE!!!

A CHICKEN PLUSHIE FOR DEW OMG im definitely gonna draw that now :))

Anton and Dew are both silly little guys living in our silly minds rent free

us when Anton does Anything: its okay he was just feeling silly :3

anyway i was giggling kicking my feet the whole time reading this,, these asks make me so happy :) its still such a surreal feeling having people react to my writing and ocs this way AHHHAJSKDGAKJ this means So Much to me you don’t understand. thanks so much again for the support it makes me so happy people like my writing and characters!!!!! :)

[sickstag]

you honestly never stop to flatter me. i'd love to know you better sir, but i'll never want for you to feel pressured to do something you feel uncomfortable with. i really like to know a person better when i'm interested in them, which is a silly reason i know. i really want to be more active and consistent here, so anything can be an excuse to write you, i genuinely can't get enough of this and of you, of course.

-🦌

This is going to be a bit of a longer post because I am autistic and will therefore be going insane at the chance to talk about my interests.

So firstly in terms of my appearance, I’ve actually been wanting to face reveal here for a while (I posted about it earlier, infact) but I don’t want to be found by my irl’s, currently— I’m alternative and sit somewhere between traditional emo and what I call ‘your southern gothic older brother’. I have 11 piercings and 2 tattoos.

I’m an artist and a writer (which I’ve mentioned previously here), I write religious/ erotic horror, surgical gore and slice of life stories with themes of religious and generational trauma as well as queer relationships. I put my whole life into my projects (of which I have 4), writing and art are my passions. They are my life.

In order of development status (most to least), my projects are named:

The Purpose of a Hunting Dog

This Heavenly Feeling

Your Coyote Looks Like a Dog

God’s Free Will

I also have 4 short stories related to these projects, titled: ‘Do House Cats Get Cabin Fever?’, ‘Wild Whistle’, ‘Colostrum’ and ‘Who’s The Lamb?’.

I’m also Christian (sort of), hence why, if you’ll ask me about my projects, you’ll notice that they’re all religiously centred in some way. I adore reading about Isaiah, Joseph, Jesus and Judas specifically. I’m also known for having a pretty heavy priest kink but that is besides the point. Conveniently, Christianity is also my special interest.

I go to college 3 days a week (studying Graphics Design, Illustration and Game Arts) and work (with animals) during the other 4, so I don’t have a lot of time for anything more, but I try my best. I am also an editor in my free time and I tutor younger art students.

My favourite shows are:

This Is Going To Hurt

Devilman Crybaby

Baby Reindeer

The Dark Crystal (remake)

Arcane

Hannibal (sort of. It’s complicated)

And my favourite movies are:

Princess Mononoke

Everything Everywhere All At Once

As You Are

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame

Re-Animator

Guardians Of The Galaxy 3

Controversially, I’m not big into music, but I listen to a lot of:

McCafferty

The Front Bottoms

Mitski

Destroy Boys

I also listen to a lot of musical playlists such as Falsettos, Jesus Christ Superstar and the broadway version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

My favourite books are:

Good Omens

Lambs Of God

Hannibal

After The Fire

The Last Days Of Judas Iscariot

Lapvona (which I reference frequently in my writing)

When I have the time, I like to go to Costa (specifically the new, rose themed pink one that just opened in my city), and a place called Coffee #1. I am a big coffee guy. I’m also working on a church photography project, so you also might find me getting early off of the bus before work to do photo shoots. Oh, and I rollerblade on Saturdays (rarely, if I’m not working) and love going to museums (especially ones about medicine or art). I don’t have any friends and enjoy doing things by myself (for the most part), such as going to the cinema. I am big into writing essays and movie reviews.

Random but I also adore North American wildlife. I love deer and caribou and wolves. I also love sheep and doves.

Hopefully this wasn’t too much information to digest, I can’t be normal about anything I enjoy and I don’t get asked very often.

[delcat177]

I have recently learned picturing your own guts multiple times a day because they're doing things and you gotta is not actually considered the norm

The size of this realization is kind of unfairly large, the same as finding out that drinking water is not supposed to cause painful throat spasms is unfairly large

Visceral hypersensivity changes everything apparently

[delcat177]

-Correct wording is/was very important to you

-You read the manual on video games to play them correctly

-You read Calvin & Hobbes and went "yes, correct, me"

coming from an autistic person, here are some things that MAY mean you’re autistic.

-you had abnormal & intense interests when you were a young child (even 7 and under). for example: pirates of the caribbean, wilderness survival, fighter jets, etc.

-you were called “quirky” as a kid. in the tone that’s a polite way of saying “weird.”

-as a kid, you got along much better with adults or older kids instead of your peers. perhaps you were called an “old soul.”

-a lot of your peers didn’t/don’t like you, and you didn’t/don’t know why.

-you walked on your toes as a kid, maybe you still do.

-your body movements can be described as “stiff” and it’s noticeably different from your peers. especially as a kid.

-you tend to have a monotone voice unless you forcibly emote.

-you had a very rich inner world as a child. for example, preferring to talk to your imaginary friends, even as you passed the “typical” age for that.

-you talked/talk to trees or other inanimate objects.

-you have bad proprioception, which means you have a hard time knowing where your body is in space. this can manifest as clumsiness, bad hand-eye coordination, bumping into walls or tables, misjudging distances, etc.

-you crave stimulation such as spinning around, rocking back and forth, hanging upside down, etc.

-you have bad auditory processing skills. for example, when someone speaks to you, you HEAR them perfectly well, but it may take you longer to PROCESS/UNDERSTAND what they say.

-you often speak too loudly or too softly without realizing it.

-you are bothered by things that other people tune out or don’t notice. for example: the sound of electricity or your own heartbeat, tags on clothing, sock seams, slightly flashing lights, traffic, the texture of your skin, etc.

-pretend play was difficult or impossible for you as a child.

-you practice/practiced smiling, small talk, facial expressions, etc in the mirror.

-you mimic what the people around you do in conversation, or in any social situation, to help you fit in.

-you often express yourself by quoting lines from your favorite media. more than just for fun - to a level where people don’t just laugh along and “get it,” but think you’re weird or don’t understand what you mean.

-you have a difficult time regulating your body temperature, and might swing between being too hot and too cold even though the actual temperature hasn’t changed.

-you have an unusually high pain tolerance. alternatively, you may have an unusually low pain tolerance.

-you can’t stand or sit still. you are always swaying and/or shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

-you have bad interoception, which means you often don’t realize that you are hungry or thirsty or need to use the bathroom until the sensation is painful.

[delcat177]

I keep having these days where I don't know why I'm in such a choppy mood. I sit around feeling anxious and restless, stewing in malaise and reasoning with myself that I have no reason to be feeling that way, I'm making great progress, etc etc.

The bad mood remains. I feel the lizard brain whining, the inner child throwing a tantrum, and it slowly begins to dawn on me that my ears hurt a bit.

Ear pain is one of the great equalizers. It's up there with barking your shins for being so universally, uselessly miserable that the toughest buck in the cowboy club would be pardoned for crying over it.

But I don't realize it, until I have gone through tangible hours of trying to treat myself psychologically and finally listen to the tantrum and lie down horizontally that I realize not only are my ears not just "hurting a bit" but are full-blown aching--and what's more, so is my entire skull, my neck, the socket of my bad eye, because what's actually got my system out of whack is barometric sinusitis, and buddy, that is a Legitimate Hell of a Thing.

I'm not asking for pity or headpats. I am trying to understand how it is that I block out pain so hard. I know that autism is part of it, but I don't know if that's the hypersensitivity or having had to develop pain blocking *because* of the hypersensitivity.

It is so troubling to me, looking back over my past, how many times legitimate health issues flew under the radar because I didn't have the language to communicate what was happening. Children, and not just autistic children, live raw lives without knowledge of what's happening to them or methodology to translate that to adults. It's a harrowing thing to realize.

Anyway I did lie down and my ears went brrrrrr and I'm feeling my sinuses decongest, which is one of the great equalizers in the other direction. The preacher at Fundie School, a thoroughly deplorable man, once wandered on one of his tangents through the sheer bliss of your nose clearing near the end of a bad cold, of snuffling in novelty of fresh, cool air, and in that, I have to agree with him.

Equalizers and counterbalances. I dunno. Sometimes I write words.

Love and peace, Vash the Stampede style, to everyone struggling with barometric issues right now <3 It's a hell of a storm, and it's okay if your head hurt and it sucks, we can all be whiny bastards together o7

[specialagentlokitty]

Tony DiNozzo x Autistic!daughter!reader - understanding

hey idk if you still take requests but i saw one of your gibbs x autistic daughter readers and was wondering if you could do one like that but with tony?? please id love that! im autistic and i love the gibbs story that i read! i’m gonna read more of your work! good job!! 💚 - Anon💜

Sitting in the principles office, you were kicking the wood of the table as you waited for your dad to turn up.

You didn’t even understand why you were being sent home, you did nothing wrong.

Some kid was annoying you, decided to take something from your desk so you pushed him over his chair.

To you that was fair, it wasn’t like he was badly hurt or anything. But no, instead you were getting punished from something he started.

“Are you ready to apologise?” The teacher asked.

“Burn in hell…” you grumbled.

Kicking his desk again, you picked yourself up, dragged the chair across the room and settled for sitting in the corner as you glared across the room.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.”

You watched as your dad walked in, take a look at you in the corner before walking to greet the principle.

“Mr DiNozzo, thank you for coming in. As you’re aware, (Y/N) is being suspended for pushing another student over.”

Tony frowned, looking between the pair of you again.

“Is there a reason?” He asked.

“She claims the other student took a fidget toy from her desk, which are banned by the way, but we failed to find anything on his person to suggest he’d taken it.”

Tony sighed, running a hand over his hair as he sat on the other chair.

“Sir, with all due respect I am aware they’re banned. But you and your teachers made an exception as (Y/N) has autism, she needs them. My daughter isn’t a lair and if she says this kid took it then he did.”

“That doesn’t excuse her pushing him over his chair.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t. But is he being punished?”

The principle went silent and Tony scoffed.

Getting up, he walked over to the corner and leant down to look a you, offering you a small smile as you averted your eyes from him.

“You okay?”

You nodded.

“Sorry dad…”

“Don’t be. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Tony held out his sleeve, letting you take hold of his blazer as you stood up and he grabbed your bag for you before turning to the principle.

“You need to do better.”

With that, Tony took you out of the school.

You didn’t say a word until you climbed into the car, sitting in the passenger seat you were fiddling with the little cube on your keys as you looked at everything but your dad.

“Hey.” He whispered.

You briefly glanced over before quickly looking away.

“You did nothing wrong. Yes, you shouldn’t have pushed him but you didn’t do anything wrong. Okay?”

You gave a small nod and Tony sighed, holding out his hand.

You looked at him and grilled his blazer as he gave you a warm smile.

“We’re gonna head back to the office, and you’re going to help me annoy some people then we’ll head home, okay?”

“Okay dad… thank you…”

Quickly letting go of his blazer, you settled for tapping your hand against your leg in time to the music playing through the speakers.

Tony smiled softly at you and started driving.

Every so often he’d look at you, making sure you were okay.

“Dad?” You asked.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to do school anymore…”

Tony sighed. His heart broke.

You used to love school, but now it was being so hard for you. There was nothing he could do to help, it was all down to the teachers and their lack of interest to learn about you and your autism.

He didn’t know what to do.

“Let’s talk to gibbs, okay? He’ll know what we can do.”

You nodded your head, going back to looking out the window

[teacupcollector]

My Missing Piece - Part 2

Avengers x Autistic Reader,

Eventual Peter Parker x Autistic Reader

Summary - After harsh words are said by the Avengers you decide to put your powers to the test and forget everything about them. With only a note of where to go you can only hope that this Peter person can help you figure out what really happened.

Warning: A lot of angsts, discrimination towards a person with autism. 

 A/N: This is not how all autistic people act. I am only going off of my own experience since I also have Autism.

You wake up to the feeling  of water on your face. You open your eyes to see  the grey New York sky. Your vision is blurred by the rain drops in you eye. You sit up and look around and see cars and people passing by. You begin to think of why you are here and how you got here. You see duffle bags next to you and open them. You recognize some of the stuff inside. 

You come to the conclusion that you erased your memories. You rummage around looking for the Journals you always use when suddenly you see ink on your hand. “Check pocket?” As you reach for your pocket a burst of lighting flashes above the city. The roaring thunder that comes afterwards is just as scary causing you to cry out and cover your ears. Once the thunder stops you go for your pocket again but lighting strikes and you scream out again. You zip up the duffle bag and run further into the alley way. You see an industrial  trash can and climb in closing the hatch. Your eyes can’t seem to stop overflowing with tears. You squish yourself in between the trash bags as the thunder seems to be quieter in the trash can. You move your hand into your front pocket and pull out a note. It has an address of a person named Peter. You decided when the weather cools down you will head out. You clutch everything you own and close your eyes.

The next time you wake up it is by the sound of a scream. You wake up to see a woman  holding a trash bag screaming her head off. You quickly grab your stuff and climb out. You then go to the entrance of the alley way taking a right. You look around and see that it is a blue sunny sky. You must have slept through the night. You spot and look around and sigh. You see people around you covering their nose and making disgusting looking faces at you. to avoid looking back at them you dig in your other pocket and approach a parked taxi. “Excuse me?” You call as you knock on the window. He rolls down the window and makes a face of regret. “Jesus what do you want kid?” He asks holding his nose. “I need a ride to uh... This address?” You show him the address and he just shoves it back to you. “You aren’t riding in my car go somewhere else.” You sigh. “Please... Just give me directions and I’ll walk... He is the only person that can help me...” The guy sighs. “Uh okay... Head down this street for 3 blocks, take a right for one block, then a left. That will be the street. As for the house I don’t know.” You smile and give him the money. “Thank you sir!” you say and walk away. The man looks shocked but takes it anyway. You follow through with the directions and find yourself on the right street. You begin looking at the individual apartment building. You walk into the appropriate lobby. You ultimately decide to take the stairs until you get to the right floor. You follow the room numbers then knock on the designated door. A woman answers and she looks shocked and relieved. “Oh thank god (Y/N)” She gasps and brings you in for a hug but you cringe away. “H-How do you know my name?” You ask and She looks confused before coming to the realization. “Oh honey... You forgot again didn’t you?” You hesitantly nod. “Come in please?” She asks and you nod slowly stepping inside. “I... I am suppose to ask for a person named Peter? I am only allowed to talk to Peter and no one else.” She nods “I’ll call him. In the mean time would you like to take a shower?” You nod “Okay hold on. She says as she walks into a bedroom and brings out two pairs of sweat pants and t-shirt. “These are the softest ones Peter has would you like to feel them? You can choose either or.” You nod and run your hands along and inside the clothing  and take the clothes that seem the most comfortable. “Okay sweetie I will put your other clothes in the washer just put them in the hamper.” You nod and follow her to the bathroom. She lets you walk in and shuts the door. “Towels are in the cabinet!” She calls out and walks away. You begin to think to yourself as you step into the shower. You try and piece together what happened. Never have you had a note written to yourself. When you forget it is common knowledge to find your journal but all you could do is find your old journals and not the one from the past few months. You came to the conclusion that  you made yourself forget. You decided not to question your decisions . After bathing you step out and get dressed. As you are doing this you hear a door slam and another voice. “Where is she? Is she okay!” The male voice asks and you step out of the bathroom quietly and walk down the hall to the living room. His head turns to you and he cries out. “(Y/N)! He walks up to you but you hold your arms out trying to stop him. He stops immediately . “(Y/N) I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Peter...Peter Parker...” He says and you lower your hands. “(Y/N)... The last 12 hours have been absolute hell please... Please can I hug you?” You give a hesitant nod and he slowly walks up to you and wraps an arm around your waist and the other around your shoulder. He places your head on his chest and entangles a hand in your hair. He lays his chin on your head. “Why do feel like crying when I look at you?” You ask sniffling. “Go ahead and cry okay? I’m right here.” He says tears of his own falling down his face and he buries his face in your hair. You slowly feel yourself relax and wrap your arms around him as you begin to cry. “I won’t leave you okay? I am right here.” Peter says as he places a kiss on the top of your head.

After a few minutes your tears cease. You let go of him and he does the same gently gripping your hands. “You really scared me...” He says and you nod. “I’m sorry but how do I know you?” You ask and another tear leaks from Peters eyes. “Um Well... Can you come with me to my room? I want to help you remember...” You slowly nod and he lets go of one of your hands and slowly guides you inside of his room. “I have a desk chair or you can sit on either of the bunk beds if you’d like.” You nod and look for a few seconds before ultimately choosing the bottom bunk bring your knees up and toward your chest. “So um... My name is Peter and we have been friends for about 2 years now I think...” He says as he sits in the desk chair “How did we meet?” “I-I’ll get to that but I need to ask you a question first.” You slowly nod as you move your legs to a criss cross position and rock back and forth. You were getting anxious and Peter seemed to understand that. “You... You remember you have powers right?” You nod and he sighs in relief. “Okay so what is the last thing you remember?” You look down and begin to think. “I remember being found... I think... I think I was in some sort of... ditch? A man with an eye pa- “ You let out a scream and grip your head. “What is it? What is wrong (Y/N)!” He asks and you shake your head as the pain dies down. 

“For what ever reason I chose to forget I guess my brain doesn’t want me to remember...” You say mumbling. “Can you answer a question for me now?” He nods “Why did my note say that I can’t trust the Avengers? Why did it want me to find you?” He sighs and looks away. “All I can really say is that... That they hurt you really bad and I guess you felt that forgetting was the best option.” The look on his face looks like a mixture of hurt and anger his hands are clasped together. His knuckles are white and the veins from his hands up his arms are bulging with anger until ultimately disappearing under the flannel he is wearing that is bunched at the elbows. “Well How did we meet?” You ask trying to change the subject. He seems to relax and smiles. “Oh! Give me a sec I’ll show you!” He says before going over to his desk and opening a drawer. He walks back over to you slowly and holds out an assortment of notebooks. “What are these?” You ask looking up at him. “They are notebooks... Kind of like your Journals...” He says his face flushing in embarrassment. You open them to see different dates and logs from the times you must have spent with him. There were pictures and doodles  as you skim through it. 

You flip to a picture where you have noise canceling headphones leaning your head against Peters shoulder and his arm wrapped around your shoulder. There were fireworks of all sorts of colors in the back ground. It seemed to have been taken is a selfie style. “Oh that one is my favorite!” He says with a smile. “We went to Central Park to watch them. I have never seen your face light up like that before. You were really excited!” He says but you looked confused. “I never had these headphones... Where did you get them?” You ask and he chuckles. “I made them for you. OH! Here!” He says digging through his bag before pulling out (Your Favorite Fidget Toy). “I made this for you it uh... It also has a sensory brush but I couldn’t really fit it on so it is separate.” He says handing you the sensory brush and the fidget toy. You look at them in your hand and begin to sniffle. “Hey, hey, hey... What’s wrong?” He asks kneeling in front of you. “Is it bad? Do the bristles hurt? I can change it if you want!” He says trying to say it as calmly as he can. You shake your head and set the fidgets down and wipe your eyes. “Thank you... This is so nice! No one has done this for me before!” You say with a sniffle and he lets out a sigh of relief. “How about you rest. Or you can read these unless you want me to read them to you.” You yawn slightly. “I know it is early but is it okay if I take a nap? I slept in a garbage can last night because of the rain... Gave this poor woman a heart attack...” He chuckles and nods. “Okay top bunk or bottom?” He says pointing back and forth. “Which one do you sleep in?” He shrugs. It doesn’t matter.” You nod and snuggle into the bottom bunk. He goes over to his closet and pulls out some blankets. “Here. You can have some options. I am going to be in the living room I am going to talk to Aunt May about stuff.” You nod as you slowly drift to sleep. Peter walks out and begins to review what happened in the last 12 hours. Taglist:

@big-galaxy-chaos @the-empty-chxld @peachykeen3502 @dottirose

[delcat177]

I would NEVER