#the witcher modern au

[humblebardd]

Jaskier: you know why I called you in here, right?

Geralt: yeah, because I accidentally sent you a dick pic—

Jaskier: *stops pouring two glasses of wine* accidentally??

[fandom-junk-drawer]

Modern Day Geralt and Jaskier being two halves of the same idiot

[blooms-in-april]

Writing a Witcher Modern Au and struggling on what Witcher equivalent jobs these motherfuckers would have. Looking for advice!

As of now, it has been mentioned Lambert was briefly a trucker (for ease of movement) but now I don't know WTF he's going to be employed as. He could go back to school for chemistry? Maybe become a bomb squad specialist? Auto body worker? Dunno.

Eskel has a modded out truck called Scorpion so maybe he also works in auto stuff. But he also has goats and loves animals. So vet? Game warden? Livestock vet? I dunno.

Geralt had a job that allowed/required him to travel as well and Jaskier traveled with him to do gigs. (Jaskier is still a musician). Geralt has also killed bad people/monsters as a "favor" in this modern AU. So bounty hunter? Hired muscle/bodyguard? Was he part of a "White Wolf" gang? He also has a horse (Roach) whom he loves so maybe also traveling game warden/livestock vet?

I'm currently envisioning the Renfri incident as him being hired as a bouncer for a club called Blaviken and Renfri and her gang entering to kill Stregobor and shoot the place up, so he kills them and ends up briefly in prison.

Vesemir is ex-army and owns Kaer Morhen (a deteriorating old mountain chalet) and fostered/adopted the three brothers. Other than that, nothing.

Aiden- no idea what his job was other than it required/allowed him to travel in such a way he was able to interact regularly with a traveling trucker Lambert.

Yennefer is a doctor of some kind, probably a neurosurgeon/ psychiatrist. Triss is probably a child psychiatrist/pediatrician. Guxart- no idea except he was in the army with Vesemir.

Please help me out any way I can! I'd really appreciate any insight. Only note is I don't want any of the witchers to be wealthy/super well paid. The fic in question for this is Herodias, it's on Ao3.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57342463

[fandom-junk-drawer]

@0dde11eth @i-pet-spuders @help-help-i-need-an-adult @everything-but-the-not-natural

The shirt Jaskier was wearing when he met Geralt

shirt that says i get dads pregnant

[cirillaofcitron]

Oh damn, I just checked when I last updated Hypothermic… it’s been over 4 months 😬

I’m trying to get back in the groove with some smaller works before I pick up this wip again. I have so much planned for this AU it’s crazy. If life will allow it, I’ll be back on my feet soon. But for now! Ask box prompts/one shots!

[araneapeixes]

witcher giiirrllll

[jae-art-x3]

Redrawing a screencasts from the first season of The Witcher Netflix buuuut feelin like possibly making it a modern au drawing SO I need help deciding the vibes for Geralt and Jaskier

And I guess I’ll add a poll for a quick help option but please send some specific thoughts and I’ll tag you in the final :)))

[cirillaofcitron]

Oh I adore the “what is your deal?” thing in Modern AU’s. Neither know what exactly is going on because every time either of them think they’d figured the other out, something happens to contradict it. Which, obviously, results in more confusion than anything… and no one actually makes a move.

My AU has a third person be the reason they finally get their heads out of their asses and talk about their feelings but if they weren’t there? They’d ABSOLUTELY follow the “one that got away” trope. Geralt absolutely would let Jaskier go with a broken heart. He would think about Jaskier for ages after too, never really getting over it.

thinking about Geralt and Jaskier being best friends in highschool and neither of them exactly knows what their orientation is, but they both know that if the other was interested in them they would go for it, but since neither of them is 'out' neither of them says anything. and after graduation they go to separate colleges and drift apart.

Then years later they meet at a pride event and they're both wearing bi flags and as soon as they see each other, all their old feelings come rushing back. They go home together that night, move in together the next month and are engaged by the end of the year.

[thedemonofcat]

Jaskier is seated next to Geralt and Ciri on a plane.

Ciri drags Jaskier into her games of pretend.

By the end of the flight, she is convinced that Jaskier is her new best friend and the perfect match for her dad.

The plane touched down after a grueling fifteen-hour journey from the US to the UK. Ciri, bursting with youthful energy, chatted excitedly with her newfound friend as the trio headed towards the baggage claim.

"You should join us for dinner," Ciri suggested eagerly.

"Ciri, I'm sure Juilan has other plans," Geralt interjected, his protective instincts on high alert. From Juilan Pankratz's accent, it was clear he was a local.

Juilan smiled warmly. "Oh, I don't have many plans aside from visiting my sister. I'd be happy to show you around if you'd like."

"Yes, please!" Ciri beamed, giving her father a pleading look until Geralt reluctantly agreed.

"Here, let me give you my number," Juilan said, pulling out his phone. After they exchanged numbers, his luggage appeared, and he prepared to leave. "Well, I must be off."

To Geralt’s surprise, as Juilan stepped away, his relaxed demeanor shifted dramatically. A crowd of paparazzi descended upon him, cameras flashing.

"Jaskier! Over here!" they shouted.

In that moment, Geralt realized the truth—Juilan Pankratz was none other than the famous folk singer, Jaskier.

[artistsfuneral]

[A recording of a privat Emergency Hotline]

"Kaer Morhen Monster Processing, Vesemir speaking."

"My name is Lambert Hendriks. I need someone to kill monsters for me."

"Listen, kid, this is not a joke number. I'm not responsible for whatever laundry heap is casting shadows in your room. Where are your parents?"

"I'm not stupid. There's actual monsters in our house."

"Boy, this-"

"My father killed my Momma three days ago. He ran away after that and left the door open. She's starting to smell and it made monsters come inside. My father has a rifle but I'm locked into my room and my last lock pick broke, so I can't get it by myself."

[a pause, the sound of shuffling]

"Where do you live, kid?"

"He took us to a cabin in the woods. Near the Griffin Reservoir. I remember a road sign with a really big dick graffiti on it. We drove into the woods right after we passed it."

"Alright kid, that's good, I'm fairly close by. Think you can hold out a couple of hours?"

"I guess so. They're clawing at the door, but I pushed my drawers in front of it. I don't have any money, but-"

"Don't worry about that, kid."

"But it's important! Witchers get paid for killing monsters. I don't have money, but my father stole something before he got into the fight with Momma, so you can have that. Law of surprise, right? Whatever you see first, you can have it."

"Okay. Alright. We'll do that. I'll be there soon."

[End of the Recording]

(not seen in this, Vesemir having to enter the house through a window and the first thing he sees is Lambert, locked up in a tiny room, chained to his bed, with a kitchen knife in hand)

[lansalla]

ok guys, but in Modern AU Jaskier and Radovid would still be an ideal couple

[humblebardd]

Jaskier: hey, do you have a bag I could borrow?

Geralt: the only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.

Jaskier: literally all you had to do is say no.

[fandom-junk-drawer]

Geralt and Yennefer dealing with Jaskier and Ciri's nonsense

[wehavekookies]

First of all, how are these five years old already.

[fangirleaconmigo]

Modern AU where Jaskier posts all of his song to youtube. He doesn't have very many hits so he doesn't think much about taking them all off one day when he is rethinking his social media strategy.

He is shocked when his handsome but introverted neighbor (Geralt is his name) calls him at one am panicking. (The man has never even used his number. Jaskier came up with some painfully transparent excuse about a neighborhood watch just to get him to take it.)

Geralt's daughter Ciri has woken up with a nightmare and apparently the only thing that gets her to sleep is Jaskier's singing. However, Geralt is panicking because can't find his videos. He rambles about not being able to find them anywhere and he feels stupid, bad at social media, he shouldn't have called, etc.

Jaskier is intrigued. "I didn't even know you knew about my music."

"You mention it every time I see you in the hall."

"Oh, you are unbearably blunt. Touche, touche. In my defense, I didn't know you listened when I rambled on."

"I do." His neighbor sounds affronted.

"Alright then."

"Is that a yes? You'll sing to her?"

Jaskier isn't done questioning him. "You really play her my music?"

*Pause*

"She hears your music."

"How."

"I might listen to your music at night. To wind down. She just overhears. She's gotten used to it."

Jaskier feels quite smug. "Well alright. Anything for my fans. Put the little one on."

Geralt rolls his eyes but smiles and puts the phone on speaker. Ciri shrieks with delight to hear Jaskier's voice. After she falls asleep, Geralt sneaks out of her room whispering a thank you.

"You know," Jaskier says playfully. "My voice is better live. I could come over sometimes to sing you lullabies in person."

Geralt is glad you can't hear a blush over the phone.

"Yes. Ok."

"Yes?" Jaskier crows.

"Yes. I'd like that."

--fin

Inspiration

[cirillaofcitron]

Lambert "Bellsy" Bellegarde, #27, an absolute menace on the ice.

Fic pending. It will take place after I finish Hypothermic and be set immediately after the final chapter is uploaded... whenever that ends up happening. We still have a ways to go.