#that someone could in fact not give a shit even if they say they do
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
No. I wasn't missing the point of most criticism. Literally, I saw post after post of people saying they wished the characters could be mean to each other. Some posts were more specific, like "I don't like Taash," (and I'm sure you can imagine what THAT'S about) and some were more ambigious but cited DA2 and how everyone was bitchy toward each other.
I honestly don't care where you work and what you do, because hopefully most of us after the age of 30 have experienced an adult job where we have to be reasonable with our coworkers, even if we strongly disagree, or outright dislike them. I had the suspicion that most people who think that there is "no conflict," or "low conflict" or "bad writing" in this game haven't experienced this kind of setting in any capacity. What I'm now hearing is that you might have, but you didn't absorb any of the dialogue, or switch out your party to listen to banter, which is an essential function for picking up information in any DA game.
I walked around Arlathan with Lucanis and Harding, and they have a whole ongoing conversation in which she threatens him with one of her special arrows. And he agrees that if Spite should take him over, she should do something about it. Harding isn't frightened, because Harding isn't a pushover, but she's not taking any shit either. Did you walk around with just the two of them right after recruiting Lucanis? Did you frequently visit the rest of the companions so that you could see just how much Lucanis and Davrin *didn't* get along? Neve mentions what sounded like a knock-down drag out fight.
**Just because this isn't explicitly mentioned to you doesn't make it bad writing - it means you haven't had the time we had with Inquisition to play the game over and over and switch out your party so you can see everyone's interactions with each other. You will actually have to play the game multiple times and switch your party out a fair amount in order to see these interactions. Or wait for people to post them to tumblr. You can complain about how unfair this is, or remember that Inquisition has 10 years on this game, and it's been out for just shy of a month.**
Why in the absolute fuck would Davrin manufacture conflict between himself and someone he could easily conjecture isn't pro-slavery based on the fact that within five minutes he could find out she's from Dock Town, she's a private investigator working with the Shadow Dragons, and LITERALLY WHEN YOU GET ONTO THE DOCK WITH HIM, her first priority as she's running back to Minrathous is to say "if the dragon wrecks havoc, the Venatori will take over." Davrin isn't an idiot, he could pretty well surmise that she's not "pro slavery" with only the barest of interactions and Rook saying "yeah Neve's cool."
Why would Neve yell at you? Why is it bad writing for the writers to give Neve a personality you don't agree with, because you're uncomfortable with how she reacts? Neve's an adult who is used to working on her own and people not showing up for her - she says this MULTIPLE TIMES - it's actually a large arc of bonding with her, as a friend and a lover. She's not going to scream at you, she's so far past the point of being loud about disappointment, she's on the other side, for one, and for another, she does in fact understand that the entire North of Thedas is on fire and blighting Treviso is pretty fucking bad when it has no major defenses. Rook doesn't endlessly apologize. She came back after a short pause and while I didn't have her healing abilities after that, it didn't take long for me to boost my bond with her back up and feel like we were friends again.
This honestly feels like you're having a personal reaction that you need to examine, and it's not something to do with the writing, since the game mechanics and the dialogue don't actually bear out what you're putting down here.
All of the companions who have conflict initially have to figure out how to trust each other and it sometimes takes most of the game for them to do that. If you didn't spend the time listening to their banter as they work their way through it, that's not Bioware's problem. That's you. And...I don't want to have repeated conversations where I go into Emmrich's (my romance) room and "vent"? I didn't do that with Cullen. I didn't do that with Anders. Why would it suddenly be a thing here? But if you listen in to people's conversations, they do express dismay and doubt and fear about the various quests they've been on. Again, it feels like you didn't spend the time eavesdropping or taking people out and listening to banter.
I have no idea what you're talking about with flirting. I flirted with every companion at first even though I knew I was running for Emmrich, and all of them responded according to their personality. I romanced Cullen in Inquisition, and he was pretty quiet initially, until you get to Skyhold, and similarly, most of the companions here retain a certain reticence until the game progresses. But if you're looking for people who get flustered - Lace and Bellara absolutely do! And Emmrich isn't flustered, but he's taken aback a few times before he collects himself and flirts back - though whether you'd actually recognize it for flirting, I'm starting to wonder. The fact that you can't tell with Neve is actually making me tilt my head at the screen, and I say this as a self-confessed disaster who is very very bad at knowing someone is interested. Even I can tell what's going on in DA romances.
This is probably a lost cause, but I urge you to either spend time playing the game again, or watch someone else who really loves DA (and is Veilguard positive) play so that you can watch without being in the thick of it, and hopefully experience more dialogue and different choices.
No, I'm not done yet, I'm house sitting and she left me snacks and soda and not even god could keep me from venting my spleen at this point.
"I wish the companions were meaner to each other in this game, like in DA2."
While I think there's a larger argument to be made discussing the similarities between DA2 and Veilguard, I need everyone to get so close to me right now about a glaring difference:
DA2 involved a ragtag group of assholes with their own agendas coalescing around Hawke's personality or exchange of favors. There was no larger "goal," except maybe Varric's expedition - everything else is encountered as circumstance. You wend your way through your companions' stories while a city winds ever tighter into itself, a spring about to literally explode.
There's zero reason for these people to be nice to each other. They have no point in being around each other except Hawke. They can bitch at each other all they like.
Rook becomes Varric's second in command (I've seen one post say it's about 6 months before the events of the game) with an explicit purpose: find and stop Solas. Harding and Neve are recruited as experts in their respective fields for this particular goal. When it all goes to shit, Neve recruits another expert, Lucanis, to deal with the fallout, and Harding finds Davrin, *also* an expert in his field (monster hunting). When Rook has to make a particularly consequence heavy decision, two more are added to the crew: Emmrich (Fade expert) and Taash (dragon expert). All of these people are extremely competent, and know from the jump that they have one particular goal in mind.
They join ready to work together on Day 1 because if they don't, there's simply no other alternative. It's lights out. Even when they mistrust each other, the direness of the situation is not lost on them. Infighting serves no purpose. That's why the struggle is directed inward: clean up your own house, so we can move as a single unit.
Honestly the fact that what people took away from this game was "I wish my friends were meaner to each other" and not "wow, I wish we all worked together to keep evil dictators from taking over" is fucking mindblowing when I sit back and reread this.
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been thinking a lot today about how easily people condemn Solas for making the choices he did or for so regularly refusing the help and love his friends or a romanced Lavellan extended to him and how that's a very easy thing to do from behind a screen in a fictional game where you are able to (with very few exceptions) curate a world in which your allies are loyal and your decisions will go the way you'd like them to.
And yeah, it's a game and that's kind of the point, but if I were to look at it a little more deeply (and who am I kidding, I got back on this website exclusively to process the aftermath of Veilguard) I'd say that there's so much to be found in wondering if the protagonists in any of the other games would have fared better in similar conditions.
Apparently I can't stop making long posts, so buckle in.
What would Morrigan have become in a world where the Warden never stumbled upon her cottage with Flemeth, if she never got the chance to see more of the world and decide what she wanted out of it? With just her mother (who, coincidentally in this Solas-y discussion is also kind of Mythal) and no support, who is to say what she would have unleashed upon the Korcari Wilds one day when the confines of her cage became too much?
What about Leliana? She, too, suffered at the hands of a very controlling abuser who tried to convince her that one lifestyle was all that her future held. What do we think she would have become if not for a chance meeting in Lothering with someone who could help her face down the woman that molded her?
Fenris, a character MANY people are just fine with was incredibly ready to kill a mage on sight if need be, no questions asked. Where do we think his story goes if he doesn't have someone in his corner early on enough in the game? If he doesn't get caught by Danarius, he's almost certainly going to end up on a murder spree, and he doesn't even have Justice whispering in his head to do it.
Cullen. Just all of him. It's an absolute miracle he hasn't snapped by the time you encounter him in Inquistion, and even then you get the benefit of intervening at a critical point in his story several times over.
Almost every other character could face this analysis and I think we'd reach a result that suggests perhaps the only thing keeping them lovable is your playable character's investment in their well-being.
Enter Solas. We don't meet him when he's twenty to thirty something and on the precipice of falling down a dark path. He's been there for literal millennia already, and with the exception of one close friend he's been alone. And not even Felassan is enough because of the years Mythal had prior to that friendship to make Solas exactly who she needed him to be.
I've had shit friends before that aren't just good at isolating people, they're naturals. I barely made it through high school with my mental health in place (in fact, looking back, it almost certainly wasn't). When you think you've got a true friend and they need something of you, it's so easy to blindly follow them because you think your love is enough to mark someone's soul as trustworthy. Solas doesn't learn that lesson until it's too late, and even when he does he can't turn back: the spirit that was once Wisdom has been exposed to several of the worst ancient elves to ever exist and now he has to stand his ground rather than let it all fall, because that is what Pride would dictate. Admitting that the person you gave your love and labor and time to is a monster is hard. And he was alone.
Give me Morrigan after centuries with her mother. Show me Leliana after the years have become a blur and the only voice whispering in her ear is Marjolaine's. Show me the innocent mages that don't make it through if all Fenris has for years and years and years are the scars Danaris left him and the means to make more. Show me Cullen if he stays in a chain of command under a Knight Commander who knows exactly what he fears and holds it over his head for so long he forgets what it was like to be an excited kid begging the templars for training because he just wants to keep people safe.
We get companions in these games who are broken by the time they're twenty. Solas has spent thousands of years in servitude to a cause of a woman he believed to be his only friend. He doesn't know who he is without her influence, anymore, only exists physically in the first place because she asked it of him and then asked again and again and again. He doesn't have a witty band of merry fools to pull him out of that cycle. He has Felassan, but he has him during war after war after war in the hopes of freeing others from the very situation that torments him.
Trauma from war affects everyone touched by it, nevermind the fact that Solas is actively responsible for saving the lives of thousands and feels each life like a weight around his neck because maybe he can save them like he cannot save himself. We should always be worried about the people trying to do the most good. Who is looking out for them? Why are they so determined to help others? Could it be that it's something they wish others had done for them?
Solas certainly feels comradery with Felassan from working together to free slaves from the very people he helped put in power because Mythal told him it would be okay only to leave him with the pieces, but even the Solas that Felassan knows has been turned into an attack dog shying away from the touch of the very person it desires to be near above all others by the time their relationship forms.
The fact that Solas is able to try and show the Inquisitor who he is at all is a miracle as far as I'm concerned, a sign of a peaceful spirit of Wisdom who loves knowledge for the sake of it finally sensing that there might be a chance to embrace its nature again.
Yeah, if you give him what he has come to expect from people with power, if you let near-absolute power over the masses corrupt you, he's going to bristle and try to shut your inquisitor down.
But if you show him even the smallest bit of kindness? If you treat him like the starving wolf he talks about and feed him instead of fighting him? God, it shatters his entire existence.
It's called a cycle of abuse for a reason. Finding friendship, finding the love of your long-ass life can be the first step in realizing there's better out there. But the time it takes to learn that? When you're too weary to even reach out for help in the first place and afraid of every kind word or gesture because you've never known such tenderness (on a platonic OR romantic level, both matter so so much) before?
Part of the compelling tragedy of Solas is that it's almost Orpheus-like how he knows what he has been made into and still cannot stop himself from yearning for more, from turning around to see if just this once something has changed. You can't convince me that he hasn't spent years hoping that someone will hear the legend of the Dread Wolf and see it for what it is, a leash the Evanuris created for Mythal's whipping boy to ensure that even if he ever escapes them, the people he fought to save will hate him. And I cannot blame him for the shock and terror that consumes him when he realizes someone finally has.
You give me any of dragon age companions after the amount of time Solas spent under Mythal's thumb without your character's intervention and you tell me how that looks.
You tell me if they're able to change at the first sign of something that feels too good to be true.
And then, I want you to tell me they're any less worthy of trying to save, especially when you know how good their best can be.
Solas might be hard for some fans to love, but it's only because he serves as the perfect representation of the beast we are all capable of becoming when the love that sustains us, assuming we receive any at all, is laced with poison.
The journey out of that place, out of a literal prison of regret, is brutal, and I'm thrilled that even with the many things about Veilguard I'm still struggling with, we have the chance to let Solas try again with the help of those who love him not because he never fell down, but because they believe in the beauty of a future where he gets back up again.
#solas#solas meta#solas spoilers#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#solavellan#morrigan#lavellan#datv spoilers#datv#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#mythal#felassan#dragon age spoilers#dragon age meta#veilguard#fenris#cullen#leliana#varric#varric tethras
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
I know I said Steve is more math smart than english smart and that he'd have a hard time in history as well... but he should also be very political and know what the fuck he's talking about.
Punk Steve is rather popular, yet the ideologies and politics that are associated with the punk movement seem to be forgotten whenever he's brought up, which is a real shame cause I think he'd really agree with it. Like, let's say before he discovers punk, the clothes or the music, or the hair, he reads a lot of books.
His dad has a bunch of history and law books lined up on his self in his office, and ever since he was young, Steve would pick one up and read it hiding in his room before Richard got home. He wasn't supposed to touch the stuff in his office, but he just got curious. The more he reads, the more he learned about the government and the system and the police and so on.
Then, as he got older, he just kept reading. Not just older books, but newsletters and articles. He kept up with the news around the world and in America, and the more he learned, the more pissed he got. All his friends were joking about how hot Ronald fucking Reagan was, that they just didn't even give a shit about how bad he was as a president. Every time he brought it up, people acted like he was overreacting or some crazy liberal that they didn't want to associate with.
So he stopped bringing it up. Clearly, people didn't want to hear his opinions on the current War on Drugs and the police. Plus, everybody got this weird look when he talked about it. Some of his friends would scoot away from him, others would awkwardly chuckle and stop talking for a while, like they were scared someone would over hear him.
He wasn't stupid, he knew Hawkins was a conservative town. If he wanted to keep his peace, he'd shut up when he knew when to. Which just so happened to be all the time. But that doesn't mean he stopped paying attention, in fact, he started paying a lot more attention after the whole "Oh there's a weird hell dimension under our town where people could be killed in and the government is covering it up to protect their asses? Typical"
But he still doesn't talk about it as much as he wants to. Around Robin and Eddie, he'll mention things once or twice, but they don't really pay attention to Steve's opinions on those types of things, or if they do, they believe he learned that stuff from them.
So anyway, yeah. This headcannon comes from the idea that his dad is a lawyer of some kind, and Steve was raised surrounded by political talk all the time.
#steve harrington#smart steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#slight mention of steves friends pre season 1#politics#stranger things#stranger things headcanons#punk steve harrington#i like the headcannon tho i dont think hed get much into the style of it#but he definitely gets into the politics#its sad how little people talk about it whenever punk steve is brought up
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
It was just a small piece of arbitrary dumb luck that put an end, around age 14, to the long-standing tradition of me spending alternate weekends at my dad's place--I would certainly not have had the confidence to make the first move re cutting that off myself, not for some years yet--and I still occasionally feel a swell of gratitude for that happenstance. The years immediately following were by no means happy ones but they could have been so so so much worse.
#if you're imagining something very gruesome you don't need to it wasn't like that#it's just that spending time around him and his family sucked and made me hate myself#and I had to do it SO much for so long even though nobody wanted it#and I had so many other things to hate myself about#I would like to be able to counsel to my young self to consider the possibility#that someone could in fact not give a shit even if they say they do#and also that someone could in fact be drunk even if they say they aren't#especially if they are drinking lots of alcohol all the time#selfposting#uninteresting
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love being obsessed with metalhawk and starscreams dynamic despite the fact it happens so early on in RID and he's barely a character who's there
#THE GRAND SCHEMER. / * OOC . ❞#coughing up blood#its the fact that metalhawks one of the first few people to actually extend like.#not even trust really. but like the benefit of the doubt to starscream#and when all the megatron shit happens#with prowl getting fucking. bodysnatched into a combiner and megatron basically is keeping her hostage#metalhawks the only person who gives a fuck!!#metalhawks the only person coming to get her and hes like oh its because we're close :]#and starscream fucking SHOOTS HIM because like#i dont know how to explain this but#starscream is for sure fucked up for this and its a shitty move im not trying to be like oooh look at my baby#but like shes literally watching her first chance at making something for herself and finally having control over her life be ripped away#from her BY MEGATRON AGAIN and hes MOCKING her for thinking she could ever do this and like#idk what to say i think her killing metalhawk was kinda a trauma response to her situation.#of like oh this guy is in my way to getting power at something since they were against each other in the votes and all#so in this state shes like. i dont care that we're friends hes in my way and kills him#AND THEN AFTER THAT SHE VISITS HIS GRAVE AND SAYS SORRY LITERALLY ALL THE TIME AND IS LIKE. WE WERE FRIENDS IM SO SORRY.#IM LITERALLY ILL ABOUT THEM but its such a nothing thing to give a shit about#anyways that was long. i love starscreams fucked up dynamic with someone she murdered
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont like saying astarion is my least favorite of the companions because it makes me feel like im such a "look at me im so special" guy but he honest to fucking god. is my least favorite. i cannot keep silent on this matter. i think hes a good character, i think neil did a fantastic job with him, but also hes committed the unforgiveable sin of annoying me and for that he gets one thousand years in brain jail
#ramblings#something about him felt so??? pretentious. to me. idk. like he was always looking down upon me#i dont personally resonate with him or his story in the slightest AND several of his conversations made me uncomfortable#and then you can say 'oh well gale is kind of pretentious too and hes your favorite' but like. it feels different?#gale could explain magic to me for hours and id quietly listen even if inalready knew it#i could probably do a whole back & forth of 'that reminds me' 'oh that reminds me' 'well THAT reminds me' with gale#meanwhile astarion speaks and even with literally 3 options for dialogue idk what to say#like theres a lot ab astarion that doesnt resonate with me but ultimately his biggest sin#is just reminding me of being sixteen finally getting a seat at the table with classmates only to constantly feel like a loser#being this already insecure teenager constantly expecting people to be putting me down in ways my autistic brain cant comprehend#i dont like not knowing whether someone is genuine or not. after nearly 400 hours i still cant read astarion#meanwhile gale looks at my sorcerer durge starts explaining some magic and my brain immediately clocks it as autistic infodumping#i did romance astarion btw. i havent completed either of those runs but ive romanced him twice#and both times i didnt feel comfortable with it AT ALL until act 3.#& the impression he left on me is in fact fully subjective. i dont give a shit if i misinterpreted it. because thats just how i felt
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
((I want everyone to keep something in mind in regards to this blog and this is going to sound like a general, common sense post (and in a way it is) but it's also hi I'm in your house, whispering into your ear, telling you to call ga//amestop and ask them if they have bat//tleto//ads---, blah blah, basically it's personal too:
With me, regardless of blog or content, both communication and engagement go hand in hand. Communication and engagement needs to go both ways.
I love posting and reblogging memes and calls and will continue to do so but you folks---old mutual or new mutual doesn't matter---need to take the initiative yourself sometimes too. Be enthusiastic. Be spontaneous. Be proactive. I don't want to ask people to write with me all of the damn time nor do I want to chase after people all of the time because if I have to do that constantly over and over again it starts feeling incredibly one sided even when it isn't (because ofc people have lives, specific interests, anxiety, and whatever else which are all things that I deal with myself and I understand how that can stop someone from doing something, but that's how it feels especially over an extended period of time) and I don't need to explain how disheartening and draining that can be.
My seeming to interact with only one person---and for both of my blogs it's @magioffire and we all know that---it's not because we're being stuck up, elitist or whatever inane and incorrect term people want to throw at our feet it's because we engage and communicate. The give and take between us (both from an ic and ooc standpoint) never feels imbalanced or even transactional (I really hate using that word but, again I gotta stress this, that's how this makes me feel) and I have never felt like I needed to chase them down for an interaction or had to fight for a scrap of their time---which feels like a feat bc Blair has a lot of people scrambling at their door---and I cannot tell you how huge that is. That sounds like a huge sweeping thing to say, I know, but I mean it in all of the little ways too. I could post some stupid bullshit on here; not a starter or a meme just a little random muse thought or observation, and 100% of the time here comes Blair telling me what they think or adding on to it or just...whatever. They're here for both me and my muses for the big and small things, whenever I've asked and, more often than not, when I haven't (or couldn't) and that's incredibly important. It's that kind of stuff that makes what we have special and that's putting it super lightly. And yes, our relationship both as friends and as writers has developed over a long time, and we did click immediately that's true, but there's never been any doubt to cast upon the work and effort both of us have put forth.
And this post isn't to say that I'm demanding constant or immediate attention from you all---because, again, we all have lives, health issues, etc, etc, and all of that takes precedence over a hobby as I've said before and will say again and again---but....put some effort into it when you have the capability. Yes, like the calls that I post or send a meme in, absolutely, but also message me on your own and ask a question or shoot a muse a random prompt or just @ me in a post. Show me some enthusiasm and engagement on your end because right now it feels like I'm doing all the work all of the time and that's tiring. I'm tired of handing stuff to people all of the time---I'll keep doing it, obviously, because I need and want to engage on my end and love throwing stuff at people and providing opportunities---all I'm asking for is understanding and reciprocation.
If you can't reciprocate for whatever reason? Tell me.
If you're unsure about something, no matter what that something is? Tell me.
If you need help or even a specific kind of accommodation in order for us to start interacting or continue interacting? Tell me.
Don't just assume that I don't want to write with you or that you can't ask me for things. Don't assume that I'm being a snob or whatever else just because I seem to be paying attention to a certain mun full time because do you know what that actually is? That's friendship. That's effort. That's me giving back what I've been given. That's me reciprocating the enthusiasm, love and creativity that I've been handed, nothing more. There's nothing unobtainable or gatekeep-y about that either, you just need to be earnest and forthcoming with me and I can assure you that I'll return the favor in kind.))
#;;ooc: mun muttering#long post#this isn't a guilt trip of any sort (it doesn't even feel right calling it a vent tbh) I'm just being earnest in my point here#I'm tired of constantly pulling teeth (and this is an issue for both old and new mutuals rather than one over the other)#it just....doesn't feel good. there shouldn't be this much of a struggle for *any* of us#and are we all going to end up on the same level as what I have with Blair? No absolutely not and that's not what I'm asking for#the difference between them and you all is the lack of struggle and just...the earnestness to put it mildly#I'm honestly tired of people trying to give me shit for writing w/ them so much because??? why wouldn't I???#getting mad because I'm having a blast with someone who wants to write with me and actually does/tells me? that's nothing to be jealous of!#in fact you should strive for it yourself!! you could have it all too if you just crawled out of your own hole and thought for a second#I am incredibly fucking lucky and blessed to write with Blair; they've greatly influenced me both as a person and as a writer;#and every day I return that kindness and attention with more (hopefully) great content regardless of what or who we're writing#because they do the exact same thing for me every single day and that should be celebrated#stop wasting time trying to pit people against each other or feeling left out and actually step in yourself#I've said this before and I'll say it again: the main thing holding you back from interacting with me is you#so think about it and just...get over whatever is telling you that you can't and just do the fuckin thing. come have fun
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone please manifest that i wake up a normal person tomorrow because i am treacherously close to going on a fucking warpath
#nightmare.personal#omg ha ha ha classes are starting soon orientation is over isn't this going to be so fun <- on the verge of killing someone#it's not even classes that's the issue it's the fact that college is like. oh time to reinvent yourself#but like that's so not working. people aren't LIKING me.#and it's not that people hate me like i've made good connections with a decent group of people#spent all day with these two guys basically. my roommates seem to appreciate me. have a few others in the bag.#but they're not liking me that much. like. okay. i'm just going to say this#because i have a girlfriend i don't WANT people to try shit with me#and because i have a girlfriend people DON'T want to try shit with me#and that is The Fucking Problem I Think#because i can't feel attractive if nobody is telling me i'm attractive#because it sounds so. fake. from my girlfriend. like she obviously doesn't see it. obviously.#but people finding me attractive is the basis of how i can function as a human being#it's so fucking frustrating. i'm doing EVERYTHING i can. i'm being adaptable and spontaneous and reliable#and i'm funny and honest and i'm validating. i'm hitting everything.#and it's not working well enough. and classes will start and nobody's going to give a shit anymore#and it's like if i killed myself or something literally nobody here would care. because we don't know each other yet#and nobody at home would know for a handful of days aside from my family like obviously they exist so that's an issue#also i like being alive so that's kind of the main barrier to this plan but the point stands that like#something could happen to me and nobody would care#also side note it's really cool that i've balanced online stuff and real life stuff so now#i barely talk to the people i know online who would actually support me and mostly talk to real life people who probably wouldn't#isn't that so cool. hashtag living. being on tumblr makes me actually want to kill myself i want to delete discord SO bad#because that actually wouldn't make a difference for more than like 3 people here. what's my argument actually i'm contradicting myself#the reason i'm not being liked is because i'm not a likable person and that is definitely the crux of this issue#but if people don't start wanting me right now it's actually going to be so bad for so many people#if i go into college with no friends i cannot express to you in words how much i will take down with me#i will library of alexandria myself i do not even care. someone call me attractive and mean it. give me a fucking chance#suicide tw
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time my mum throws yet another hissy fit although I can understand she’s being stupid and I let her yap to her hearts content cause she can never quit complaining, for some reason I’m so mildly bothered that the irritation makes me angry at every other thing.
For example : the fact that so and so hasn’t responded in 51 years, fifty more people haven’t even given so much as a single darn to ask why I haven’t replied yet or use those two brain cells of theirs currently fighting for third place to realise huh, maybe she’s going through a hard time ! Maybe you know like a decent fucking human being I could leave her a little note saying she can answer whenever she feels fit enough to do so but that I care for her, and the fact that I am irate by how care and compassion is offered on a silver platter to so many yet for me I have to beg and do the most absurd and pathetic displays to achieve even the slightest speck of kindness, and if I DONT do all of that in the one in a trillion possibility of me receiving kindness for free it makes me so disgusted and afraid because why the fuck would you do that, in fact why the fuck would anyone even do that even if I gave them my whole heart and soul anyways. All I am is less than dirt by way of reason given how I have been treated, and although I’m unsure as to why I am and that I can never fully understand the reason for why I’m not worth a single thing, and why I am worthless, i understand that that’s how the world works and I ought to adapt to my role and take it because nobody will stop for me
#‘u guys have seen how fast life can be taken from you’ well I hope it comes faster bc I have been praying for the end to come#for years yet nothing#I have not only been let down by this world#but I have been let down by God so many times it’s genuinely baffling#why can’t He just kill me already#I don’t even care anymore about the method#I don’t even care if it’s the most excruciatingly painful thing#if I get ripped in half or have my organs harvested or tortured for however many days#I think I just need to go and i need to go NOW.#practically the only real consistent wish I’ve had in my life is that I am to be something important to others#someone irreplaceable#but I am not even noticed much less replaced#and how a girl could yap on about her insecurity abt her bangs and within an hour she gets heaps of comments#yet for me ? when I write odes to death every other Tuesday it’s whoopsie who gives a fuck about her I hope she dies#that’s precisely how it looks like to me#I think everyone does wish death upon me for the simple fact that nobody asks#nobody cares and nobody tries to help#actions speak louder than words and everyone’s actions are very clear to me#clearly someone throwing a pity party over themselves for fucking bangs is definitely a cause for concern yes yes ! worthy of twenty notes#within the span of a single hour 🥺🥺🥺 but of course I don’t deserve shit so that’s why nobody gaf 🙂↕️#dora daily#my only request is for all to be blunt and clear that I am worthless in their eyes.at least my mum reminds me often.why can’t yall do the#same. at least she is honest and not mincing her words. listen I can handle much more than anyone thinks I’m not as sensitive as everyone#makes me out to be. so freaking tell me how horrible I am tell me that I am a chore to speak to that I am a burden and weigh u all down#and that I am some infinitely unimaginable list of negative attributes and that’s all I’ll ever amount to because I would send my dearest#thanks for you being so brave and saying it to my face. rather than being a coward and a fool for hiding behind flowery words and meaningles#nothings uttered just for filler. newsflash I can read intents and in between the lines well but I am not a mind reader nor does anything#imply that I can read minds. yes I can discern intents and the smallest signals but I CANNOT read minds#why you won’t catch me hold hope that anything I make will get hype so I won’t post it on this platform and if I do I won’t tag it#and why do people always get fed up or think I’m lying or smth when I insist I’m sick like wtf. or they act like I’m lying by embodying the
1 note
·
View note
Text
~ ~ ~
#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick#is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself it’s inevitable that I’ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasn’t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging#and show my support and that I’m here for him cause tbh I’ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ain’t no thing#but after a week of wondering why he’s been distant and not wanting to be around me when I’m saying I just need some time with a friend he#finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little#pieces be fitting and I realize that he’s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking I’m gonna try to flirt with him#or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and#should know I wouldn’t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus he’s basically like a brother to me#and I have an AFAB partner so it’s not like I’m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every#interaction we’ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be#upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too#because of course he can’t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking#guessing game. and now I also can’t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well won’t take things I say/do the wrong way.#can’t trust that my best friend won’t see me in a poor light now because it’s clearly been affecting the friendship#and like totally that’s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didn’t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time#instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit#can’t rely on him or trust him or anything and what’s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? I’m at the end#of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and#won’t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody#good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause that’s what really#matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they don’t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of#just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled#with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. can’t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because#I’m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and#be able to let it go but I don’t fucking know how and I can’t keep losing friends because it’s killing me#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
think I might be going through a depressive episode AND my birthday is a in a few days...
COINCIDENCE???
#personal bs#ignore me just rambling#yea probably honestly#like...only tangentially related probably tbh#like...not about the getting older#i'm kinda past that point other than my body is just...so bad#but like...y'know it's whatever it's a number i don't really care#it's just everything else#and how when it's your birthday all the sudden people give a shit about you#and treat you like you're special 'cause 'it's your special day'#like...there are so many other days of the yr you could choose to be nice to me#but sure...ONLY ever pick this one goddamn day#like for the last several yrs i always joke once it reaches march#like 'ohhh it's my birthday month everyone! be nice blah blah blah'#but then like the closer it gets to my actual birthday i just DREAD it#and i think this is actually the most i've dreaded a birthday in a long fucking time#like i hate that i can't even halfass enjoy it#i've just been crying on and off for the last several hours#it's almost 5:30 am and i should go to bed#but i'm trying to calm down a bit before#so decided to do my classic...#make a stupid ass post on this stupid ass website#that no one will read and will never be interacted with#which is...fine whatever i get it#not saying this to shame anyone into reaching out#just stating facts#but typically just...typing it out helps me feel a bit better#which is the main goal#on the off chance someone is reading all these tags...thanks for reading i guess#i'm fine i'll be fine
0 notes
Text
I really don’t wanna be that guy but completely honestly why does anyone think that a petition is going to do anything
#and look im saying this as someone who signed it JUST IN CASE. okay. before you come for me#but im serious its almost comical to me how useless the whole thing is.#they KNOW how well liked it is. they SEE the fanbase and its reaction and the sheer amount of fanworks and so on that have been posted#within the show’s (tiny) lifespan#and they cancelled it anyway.#so just reiterating what they already know and already considered in their decision is. utterly futile#not to mention they just. wouldn’t give a shit about a petition anyway#this is netflix we’re talking about. it’s not their first rodeo#they can do literally anything they want. there’s no way we can make a dent big enough to get them to cave that’s like. just a fact#I wish it wasn’t but. 99.9999% certainty on that#best we could hope for is being picked up by HBO and even that is basically impossible due to legal implications and#more than anything due to the resignation of the cast and crew- yockey’s already posting spoilers and shit. so. yeah#anyway. yeah I wish petitions worked but. I don’t know why anyone thinks of netflix highly enough to believe they’d look at a fan-made#petition and give a shit and suddenly change their minds#they don’t care about us! they don’t care about the cast or crew! they do not care! sorry#im sorry im really very sorry for being so cynical but. how can’t I be#rambling
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s incredibly important to me that the anime decided to include this scene that wasn’t in the manga. In the manga, Maomao does pass out in Jinshi’s lap after saving him from what was obviously an assassination attempt.
HOWEVER, the manga cuts off at this point, keeping strictly in Maomao’s perspective, and cuts straight to when she regains consciousness in bed after being treated for her injuries. The manga doesn’t show how she got back. They SAY how, and she briefly mentions, “wow that must have been embarrassing; he carried me back,” but we don’t SEE it. We don’t get to feel the true impact of what that means. But the anime DID show us, and holy shit.
They SHOW us how taboo this is. They show Jinshi carrying her out of the temple, after a public attempt on his life.
They show us the shock and horror on Lakan’s face as Jinshi silently walks past him. Horror at the state his daughter is in, horror at another man—a man with a status he could never dare to question—staking such a public claim over his child, horror at the fact that he could never have this level of closeness with her (as Maomao would never allow it).
Everyone hides their gazes, as is their custom when someone of his rank passes by, but the air is different this time. Jinshi is furious, he’s terrified, and he could not give a single shit about how inappropriate it looks to these palace officials.
The shot that slowly follows her trail of blood—even though it’s a small detail—that in particular leaves such a intense impression of how poignant this is for him.
Maomao talked about this scene in the manga like it was nothing to her. She did what she set out to do: she saved the person who was targeted by the attack. She didn’t even know the target would be someone she knew. But she has no idea that this happened afterwards as a result of her bravery. To her, it likely wasn’t even an act of bravery at all. She acted on impulse; she did what she knew was the right thing to do.
The anime didn’t need to include this, because the manga didn’t show it. But damn, I’m so glad they did.
#the apothecary diaries#kusuriya no hitorigoto#maomao#jinshi#lakan#apothecary diaries#apothecary diaries maomao#knh#knh episode 19#apothecary diaries spoilers#knh spoilers#neo queen serenity’s posts#jinmao#jinshi x maomao#maomao x jinshi#apothecary diaries jinshi#jinshi apothecary diaries#kusuriya anime#knh maomao#knh jinshi#knh manga#knh ep 19#mao mao#tad#apothecary diaries meta
13K notes
·
View notes