ir-abelas-vhenan

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

I imagine that for a while, whenever Varric has the time to put out a new work (as efforts to find Solas ramp up, they always seem to get shorter and shorter but why should he give up one of his last remaining semblances of normalcy?) he makes sure that Cassandra gets an advance copy, and he always signs it with something sure to have her rolling her eyes before eagerly diving in, but it's always accompanied by a note telling her his contacts have updated him on her latest projects and that he's proud of her and if she keeps up the good work he'll have to start bragging that he knows her instead of the other way around.

And then Cassandra gets the news, and I think she goes to her bookshelf, to the prized middle row reserved for only her favorite books, and pulls down the shortest novel by far to read the folded-in letter promising her that this time he's close, this time he's going to bring Chuckles home, and they'll all be able to meet at Skyhold soon for a game of Wicked Grace so she better start working on her bluffing ability again.

I imagine she thinks of her brother, of the ones we lose even when we think we're doing everything right, even when we've already been through so much together that it feels like we've earned the right to stop fearing that today might be the day you say goodbye. They saved the world. He saved it twice. She thought she'd have the time to show him the draft she's been working on just for him, about a brave dwarven hero who makes everyone around him feel just brave enough to do great things.

I think we are only as good as the ones who tell our story, and I think everyone Cassandra speaks to from that day forward knows exactly what the world lost that day.

Do you think Varric ever finished that series Cassandra liked? Do you think Neve would have sent word that Varric was gone? Do you think Cassandra would have reread those books? Do you think she cursed him for always leaving the reader on a cliffhanger? That now she had to decide what she thinks should happen next? The one time she was happy to just let what happened happen? And not feel personally responsible for making sure it turns out alright? Do you think she tries to write? Tries to remember and honor Varric in that way? Do you think she lights a candle for him even though he told her not to bother? No matter how it all started, She lost her friend, and she would never know the ending.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

It's like Cole is always saying, the love was there and it mattered, you know?

I hope he hears about the moment she rests her hand on his shoulder, the last flash of either one being of them together going to a place that will no longer be terrible, and I hope Cole is able to realize that his friends are going to be okay.

when Cole says “He wants when he has never wanted before” and then you remember this letter exists. Solas is thousands of years old and never wanted anything for himself until he meets Lavellan…a mortal who’s a product of one of his biggest regrets. And one that he cherishes more than any of his victories.

no I will never be over Solavellan

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

This so sad Alexa play The Lost Elf Ten Hour Version

just wreck me your honor

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SOLAS || ending slides

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Did Someone Say Running Back to Fiction to Cope??

It's probably safe to call this Me Losing My Mind over Veilguard 5/??

One of the things upsetting me the absolute most is no mention from the Inquisitor about Varric's death. Perhaps the most integral storytelling mechanism and all around champion of reluctant heroes has been taken away from us, and one of the people he was closest to doesn't feel even a little compelled to discuss him with his apprentice?

I'm still a little dumbfounded, clearly.

Even if we as fans didn't deserve better, Varric deserved better. I've always believed that the better the character, the better a death they deserve when it's their time to go.

So anyways. In my smooth pea brain, I can't reconcile a world in which Lavellan shows up with her unconditional love blazing without first confronting and resolving the fact that her love has led to the death of one of her closest friends. So it's back to the drawing (writing?) board to soothe my disappointed soul.

I saw a version of Varric's letter to a Solas-mancing Lavellan that was datamined and ran with it.

One: All the Words Unwritten

Charter,

Yes, the trail went cold, but we haven’t entirely lost it. Solas left us a little farewell note. So I’m not giving up just yet. Maybe it’s gullible of me, but I know the Inquisitor feels the same: Solas isn’t too far gone to save. And she’d never forgive me if I didn’t try. But I don’t think I’m wrong here. Solas didn’t have to warn me and Harding off the chase when he could’ve killed us like the others who came after him. I don’t think he wants to do this. So, I’m taking the chance. Tell the Inquisitor…tell her I’ll bring him back.

—Varric

Her first tear spatters onto the parchment. The final sentence becomes an ink-stained massacre, and she throws it far away before she can lose any more of the handwriting she’ll never again see waiting for her above the seal representing his best friend’s house. Her palms bite into the unsanded wood, welcoming the bite of pain as she shoves back from the recovered tree stump she’s been using as a desk.

“Inquisitor.”

Morrigan’s voice doesn’t register, hardly rises over the sound of blood rushing through her ears like an open wound. Gods, wrong comparison . But there it is, playing out against the darkness of her eyelids every time she blinks to try and stem the flow of more tears. The wound in Varric’s chest, gushing with no one to hold pressure over it, to ensure the rise and fall of his sternum until help could arrive, no one to watch his back because the woman who did it best is no longer able to. This too, is her fault, and there has hardly been a conversation in the years that followed where she hasn’t looked into Varric’s quieter, sadder eyes and wanted to beg him for a forgiveness she knows he’d have frowned at her for needing. 

It had been her job to keep him safe now, her promise to Hawke that the choice to become another martyred hero in Ferelden’s bloody history wasn’t in vain. And here was the proof at last that she was every inch the fantasy-addled fool bards wrote about when inspiration ran dry. Here was the proof that her hope was a mantle, weighing down everyone around her until there was nothing left but blurred ink and bloodstained pages in the famed Inquisitor Lavellan’s wake. 

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing my Mind over Veilguard 4/??

I think what's killing me the most is this "have your cake and eat it, too" mentality EA-as-Bioware has ushered in with this game.

To try and perfectly walk the line of giving old fans what they wanted/deserved and new fans something to just jump into was a tall fucking order given that they fired so many writers, and I personally feel like they fell way short.

Part of that, I think, comes from the fact that while it's certainly helpful to play Origins and then DA2 before you reach Inquisition (I'm speaking as someone who played the games backwards), I don't think Inquisition left off as a complete story the way the first two did. We had a world on the brink and pieces on the board that had so much personal stake in staying on it until Solas was handled. We had, whether the head devs wants to accept their failures regarding it or not, an entire Keep of previous choices that could have and should have informed the world going forward. I'm not saying it was sustainable to keep raising the stakes on those choices. I am saying, however, that with the time it took to get this game to us, more than three sanitized choices deserved to matter before Bioware closed the chapter on its strongest line of storytelling and moved on to RPG Lite. To give that up, to choose a new and uncertain fan base over an already dedicated one, is disappointing.

And to that end, even if we weren't going to get the Inquisitor again (which, at this point, I'm kind of thinking we should have, even if just for parts of it), I had near-constant exhaustion finding a shred of story that connected us to the previous games and then realizing it had been done in an unsatisfying way (hi, Dorian/Isabella/MORRIGAN).

I wouldn't have cared if this had been its own standalone game. There were parts of it I enjoyed, and I'm sure I'll be here shouting about those things too, soon enough. But the fact is that for every thing I appreciate about the game there are about ten more that make me mourn the nine years I spent eager to see what was coming next.

TLDR: You cannot show me a watered-down game that stands on the shoulders of stronger writing, plot, narrative, characters, etc. and the built world and depth of three previous games and multiple supplementary written works, and then expect me to be wholly accepting of the result. Veilguard gutted the rich body of work that came before it, threw enough bone shrapnel into the mix to keep people desperate to see a conclusion to events that had been building up for in-game years hanging on, and then discarded the rest with a casual sort of "deal with it, we're making way for the new" attitude.

Welcome to the new, I guess.

I intentionally waited a few days after finishing the game to sift through everything and not just rage-post immediately, so hopefully this comes across as relatable to those on a similar page and not as me telling you that you should hate the game too if you in fact are very happy with it. (Put another way: I'm not here to change minds, I'm here to scream into the ether)

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

And that's on gnawing on every scrap we've been given for nine years. Do Rook and Solas have some of the best banter in Veilguard? I tend to think so. But I attribute that to a failing on other written lines more than anything else. It's a well-done look at two characters posturing themselves into the ground, a trainee-turned-leader learning on the fly and guarding their true self against the inventor of that particular game. It's like pitting two double-sided mirrors against each other. Fen'Harel shows Rook what he wants them to see. Lavellan saw Solas because he couldn't hide.

I've seen it said that Rook is a better romance option for Solas because unlike Lavellan, they know who he is from the get go. So let me make something clear:

Rook does not know Solas better than Lavellan does. They know his history, his crimes, even his regrets, but what he shows when they talk to him is very much a mask.

Fen'harel is not who Solas is. As dishonest as he was about his past during his time with the Inquisition, he also came the closest to being himself ever since he took a body.

In sappy terms, he hid his deeds and plans from Lavellan, but not his heart. With Rook, it's the opposite.

Who we see in Veilguard is not some kind of "Solas unmasked", it's Solas who has returned to wearing the mask he was allowed to shed for a little while and hide the fact he'd ever worn it.

The raggedy apostate who plays mental chess with Bull, trolls Sera, beats Blackwall at diamondback, who nerds out about magic with Dorian and approves of helping every single hinterlands peasant you encounter, that's the real Solas. Keeping his past a secret is what allowed him to stop being what his service to Mythal and his people made him into, even if for just a little while.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing my Mind over Veilguard 3/??

I'm going to have to go and pull the lines later but I can't stop thinking about every time in Inquisition Solas got animated about a spirit being taken and turned against its purpose.

How the only time he is truly desperate for violence against another is after his friend, a spirit of WISDOM, is torn from the fade she is content to stay in and warped into a pride demon to serve at the whims of others.

How in the Temple of Mythal a man of cleverly and carefully chosen words shoots out a curt "no. Do not ask me again" when the Inquisitor asks if he would consider taking the power from the well of sorrows only to be beholden to Mythal's will in return, and furthermore how devastated and furious he is when the inquisitor (and specifically Lavellan lest we think I'm not still spiraling) takes that risk.

And it's all because he knows exactly the kind of damage it does, the path it sets you on, and worse, he did it to help and now walks that path alone and the first thing in a long time to make him question those sure steps holds a love he cannot let himself accept because it would mean laying down the world that broke him and the mantle he wore in service of a friend and letting it all be lost for good.

What the absolute hell, Trick Weekes.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

DATV Spoilers - The Handling of Previous Story/Lore In DATV

Quick PSA: If you’ve read my post on the lore/story threads dropped – it’s not a list of what I expected or even wanted to see addressed/answered in DATV.

It’s pretty much a given that Kieran and the Architect were never going to come back in any meaningful way, I understand that. Questions about what happened to Anora, Anders, Cullen’s clinic etc...never expected to get an answer about them – at all. The line of succession in Ferelden and Orlais? I expected that sometime down the line it would have to be streamlined into one option for both nations, not a problem – there’s so many choices it’s impossible to account for, and I understand that.

A codex entry or letter would have been nice – but my expectations for DATV was solely for a good story that added to the lore and world of Thedas. Instead, it felt entirely reductive – glaringly so when you account for the ‘Executives’ twist. The slavery in Tevinter is non-existent, the Crows being an organization that indoctrinated children is never touched upon, any mystery of ancient Tevinter and the elves is answered (badly!), the Dalish have effectively disappeared and become the Veil Jumpers...it all feels so hollow, so shallow, that I ever cared about these things in the first place.

There’s no DLC planned – the team is working on Mass Effect 5 now. There’s no conclusion to the fate of the south of Thedas outside of two codex entries and some dialogue. They can patch the Executors cutscene out, maybe - perhaps they could even do the same to anything relating to the south of Thedas. Yes, these areas were not completely destroyed by the Blight – they can rebuild – but it comes across as being so meaningless that I ever cared for these places in the first place. To learn that after ten years of waiting all we cared for get devastated and left in limbo...it’s hard to put into words the bitterness I felt at that realization, and seeing that final cut-scene drove the nail into the coffin of how foolish I felt for even caring in the first place.

The issue is that the dev’s gave us only three choices, told us that as the story was contained to the north of Thedas – that our other choices weren’t relevant to the rest of the game – that their intent was to not effect anyone's head-canons...before doing so with ‘the blight has devastated most of everywhere you went previously’.

These were story/plot threads that were woven throughout the narrative of the first three games – the things that made me care and become invested in the world of Thedas to begin with. In a game that was set-up to be a direct sequel to Inquisition and Trespasser I hoped that, at least, what was brought up in Inquisition would be mentioned.

Perhaps my list is a little too detailed with plot threads and issues – if anything that can be attributed to the incredible world-building done in the first three games! I love those games, I love the world of Thedas...which is why this game utterly baffles me with its choices.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard is a good game but not a good Dragon Age game.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

@jbeefletcher I am seen in this moment lol. I'm too drained to even articulate all the ways in which I'm yearning for the game that could have been but this is a really strong start

Thots and feelings about Dragon Age : The Veilguard (I'm disappointed)

DRAGON AGE : THE VEILGUARD SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (CRITICAL)

I truly cannot believe the direction they went for this game.

Everything in Veilguard, from equipment and combat to the story, characters and lore - EVERYTHING has been simplified and sanitised to the point of complete sterility.

It’s not glossing over some minor lore points to make itself less daunting to new players. It is completely erasing or ignoring major points of its own lore in order to be palatable for the widest audience.

It should have been a direct sequel to Inquisition, but is instead a complete 180 from it. It is so completely disinterested in continuing on from other games that it actively tries to pretend that the 3 previous games didn’t happen. To make it absolutely clear that all of your characters, decisions and experiences from the previous games couldn’t matter any less, it basically turns all of Southern Thedas - every area we have ever been to or interacted with - into a giant smoking crater. Everything we’ve done in any of the previous games is undone. All the areas that we helped, the people that we saved, all the peace and order, all the political stability or instability, all the structures we established or destroyed - gone. Destroyed off screen. Like it never even happened. Wiping the slate completely clean so it can march forward with this new terrible direction and not be burdened with trying to tell the same cohesive story that it’s original player base were fascinated with and waited 10 years for.

All they had to do was continue telling the story they were already telling, in the world setting they already established. If BioWare were so indifferent about making a Dragon Age game with any semblance of cohesion or follow through, then they should have just made a different IP that would have quitely flopped like Anthem did.

And to all the dudebros saying this game is failing because of woke, fuck you. This game is failing because they gutted everything that made it a unique, interesting and immersive world in lieu of churning out a generic, soulless fantasy MMO to sell as many units as possible to people who never gave a shit about Dragon Age before.

After waiting 10 years for this, after seeing the constant nightmares of its production cycles (plural), mass staff layoffs, mass quitting and the overall apathy and exhaustion of everyone involved, I’m beyond disappointed. I’m crushed.

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Merrill would be like "for show and tell today I have brought blood magic" and Aveline would flip the table

The DA2 crew deserved these team meetings. They would have had even worse arguments. Made fantastic use of all being in the same room to argue each other's ears off at the same time.

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Bringing this back in these trying times. Honestly I would have killed for this.

i put a concerning amount of effort into this

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Losing My Mind Over Veilguard 2/??

When I say losing my mind I well and truly mean it, unfortunately.

A cathartic exorcism of my grievances is surely coming, but right now all I want to do is go watch an Inquisition through Trespasser Solas romance compilation and draw every parallel my tired brain will let me.

Do I do that? Do I take notes and share them?? What are weekends for if not this??

Pray for me tomorrow

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing my Mind over Veilguard 1/??

I'm so curious to see/hear where others are at while stewing in the aftermath of this game.

So far I feel like I'm seeing a few main camps.

Team "I love it :)"

Team "I love it and I don't get why you're upset, stop being upset you're ruining it for everyone"

Team Conflicted/in Mourning, and of course

Team Solavellan.

Right now I think I'm somewhere caught between those last two.

I feel crazy even being here, but that's what the power of these first three games does to me 🤷‍♀️

This blog has floated in and out of a few different interests but a constant was always dragon age, and now when my mind is in a million different places, it feels as good a time as ever to use my little chunk of the internet to process. I'm so sorry for the unraveling that's sure to follow in the coming days/weeks. But Solavellan is back, baby, and so are we.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Me: Well. That was 88 hours of desperation for a few seconds of payoff. Now that I've finished the game, I can be normal again. Whoo. Ten years. And it's over. And now there's room for something else!

Me, ten seconds later: time to watch a full Solas romance compilation and see everything you missed before. Time to start back at origins and make every choice through the lens of knowing it's all building up to the love story you never asked for but are now being reminded that you obsessed over for a solid few years. Time to play Veilguard again to find every moment where the masterpiece that is the inquisiton score peeks through (The Lost Elf oh my God).

I tampered down every expectation, team, and even the tiny bit we were given is dragging me right back in.

Close enough, welcome back Solavellan hell 💀🥚🌿🤚

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

All I want. Is to make a list of the parallels we could have had.

From "you came here to help, Solas. I won't let them use it against you" to the apostate surrounded by soldiers

to Lavellan learning about Mythal, about a spirit taken and twisted into something he wasn't all to aid her, finally seeing him again, and having the chance to tell him it doesn't have to be that way anymore.

"You came here to help (her), Solas. I won't let them use it against you." to a broken god bent from the weight of wearing a role he never wanted.

He doesn't need Mythal's blessing. He just needs someone who saw who he once was and never asked him to be anything else.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

i put a concerning amount of effort into this