#that plus other pain
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old man core ^_^✨
^ feels like someone stuck an ice pick in between the bones in its hip
#uugghhhbbbbb#that plus other pain#aough#save me drumbot brian#drumbot brain#drumbot brian save me#old man core
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I'm just such a big fan of Edwin having some permanent issues after a second trip to hell and the final run in with Esther.
I like the idea that he actually has to sleep now. Nowhere near what a living human needs but more then he ever needed before. Maybe sleeping for several hours every few weeks.
Iron wounds take longer to heal, even though Edwin has always had a higher pain tolerance due to his experiences in hell.
When he's really tired, things start to hurt. Tender pain along all his joints, the spots where the demon spider found it was the easiest to tear him apart.
He get bruises under his eyes, headaches, occasionally a little chill, stiffness, and just a general aching all over his body.
It's hard for Edwin to sleep, for several reasons. Nightmares, anxiety, restlessness, and just being stubborn.
The vulnerability of sleep is terrifying.
The idea of leaving Edwin alone somewhere to sleep, even in their office, has Charles skin pickling. Especially knowing Edwin is also reluctant to sleep without him there.
So, Edwin does not sleep alone. Ever. Occasionally he gets left with Niko, and sometimes Crystal, but it's for very brief amounts of time before he's back with Charles.
It should be embarrassing to have these issues now, and it is, but they're even closer after Port Townsend and it's not something Edwin can avoid. He has to sleep now.
Really, it comes down to does he wants to keep it to himself and nap when no one else is around to avoid feeling weak? Or does he want to sleep with the comfort of knowing someone is with him and hell won't take him before he even gets a chance to wake up?
It comes down to how fearful is he of something dragging him off into hell again and the answer is apparently incredibly so.
Also, if he's going to look vulnerable and weak then it might as well be with Charles, who's seen him at his worst.
He tries not to overthink how pleased Charles is each time Edwin seeks him out for a nap or how good it feels to be held, the safest place he can think of is in Charles arms or under his sharp watch.
Charles hovers, and he's aware of it. He can't convince himself to stray too far from Edwin. Part of it's because he's protective, reluctant to leave Edwin in anyone else's hands when he's more vulnerable then before.
Part of it is selfish, he's a little possessive. A sleeping Edwin is not something anyone else needs to see. Edwin in pain is not something anyone else needs to see.
Crystal had recently demanded they have a bed available in the office for when her and Niko stayed over, even though they rarely use it. It's soft, covered in pillows and blankets, and Edwin has taken to hiding away in it when he sleeps. Crystal looks incredibly pleased when it slips that Edwin uses it and Charles is hit with a intense wave of fondness for her.
No one needs to see Edwin like this. Especially not when he loses a lot of his layers and curls up in something more comfortable. It leaves him vulnerable, his throat and wrists bare, and looking smaller without all extra clothing.
Nobody needs to see how he only really lets himself sleep when Charles is in bed with him or close enough in the room to reach out for if needed. He watches Charles do whatever it is he's doing with half lidded eyes, a strip of green that stubbornly stays visible until Charles is closer.
In the beginning they thought it was something temporary. Ghost don't need to sleep, Charles never sleeps. Sometimes he can get himself to relax enough that it's almost like sleeping but it's not anywhere near actual sleep.
They think it's just him trying to make up what Esther took.
But it keeps happening. Again and again.
And it makes them both anxious. Charles is worried about why Edwin suddenly needs to sleep but Edwin is worried about the actual sleeping part.
He does not want to sleep. Sleep means dreaming and nothing good will come from his dreams, he's sure of it.
It's also scary. Sleep is a weakness, it leaves him vulnerable and unaware. He doesn't want to sleep.
In those first few weeks where they all still thought this would pass, exhaustion caught up to him one evening as they were finishing up a long case. Charles was out and he couldn't even think about how wonderful it would be to go to go lay down because Charles was not there.
The office was too quiet. It made him restless and he would have paced but he was feeling especially sore that day. His hands had ached while he was writing and he had to stop frequently to flex them.
He was weak, alone, and rapidly sliding into a decreased mental awareness due to exhaustion. It's not a situation he liked.
They weren't apart for long those days, and still aren't, so Charles is back pretty quickly but it's long enough that Edwin was struggling. He blinked sleepily at Charles, with eyes that itched when they shouldn't have, and he must have looked terrible because Charles straightened up a little bit and his eyes jumped around the room before he relaxed.
He said something, dropped his bag and walked forward until he could put his hands on Edwin and that's it. Edwin leaned forward until he was relying on Charles to hold him up, turned his face into his neck and passed out still standing up.
It doesn't get that bad again. Charles is good about noticing when Edwin starts to slow down, and when it takes him a little longer to string his words together or explain himself. He picks up the way he carries himself different on day where things hurt a little more or how he rubs his temple when he feels a headache coming on.
He herds Edwin to bed like a sheep dog and makes sure everything is locked up so they won't be bothered. Edwin had managed to find a spell that would keep anyone else, living and none, out of their office when activated. It's perfect for extra privacy and security.
Charles hates that Edwin was hurt enough that he needs this now, and he hates seeing him wore down and exhausted... but part of him loves these days.
Edwin sleepy and soft, usually pulling Charles down with him until they're under all the blankets and pillows, tucked on their own little world.
He clings when he sleeps. He buries his face in Charles throat and under his chin like he's trying to hide, presses in as close as he can until they're completely tangled together. Not that Charles has any problem with that. He runs his fingers over skin in soothing gestures and pulls him in close if he starts to show any signs of a nightmare.
He wakes up with hair sticking up and clothes rumpled, blinking at Charles a few times as he tries to wake up enough to remember what's happening. Sometimes, Charles gets lucky and Edwin will stretch out like a cat before readjusting himself to be close again and doze off for a little longer.
It knocks the breath he doesn't need out of his lungs and love sits in his throat until it threatens to choke him.
Sometimes there are nightmares and Edwin shoves himself away desperately with a pained and fearful noise that has Charles cringing. Edwin stares at him from the other side of the bed, eyes big but unfocused in a way that shows he's not actually seeing Charles. He's tight, tense and completely locked up. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. They're both still laying down, and Charles doesn't move even though he wants to. He starts talking, low and soft, keeps doing that until Edwin starts to relax again. It's a slow process and it takes a while before Edwin is relaxed enough that Charles can reach out and coax him back closer. He's exhausted after those little episodes, too tired and his body too sore from being so tense to put up much of a fight as Charles tucks him in close again. Sometimes he's asleep before they're even settled back in, limp with sleep as Charles rearranges him in a way that won't have him aching when he wakes up.
Sometimes Charles is too wired to lay down, even if cuddling is great motivation, and he keeps himself busy while Edwin rests. Sometimes they're in the middle of a case and there's still work that needs to be done, so he does what can while until Edwin is back up and functional.
It's a powerful feeling, having Edwin trust him so much and so openly. Sometimes Charles has to check on him, the quiet and unmoving lump on the bed making him nervous until he looks him over, just to make sure everything is okay. It's hard to tell sometimes since they don't breathe like the living, and Edwin sleeps so quiet. He doesn't even flinch at Charles getting close, nothing triggering those survival instincts gained in hell that would have him awake and moving if it was anyone else this close.
God help anyone stupid enough to try something when they're like this. He'd fight anyone who disturbed them, anyone who woke Edwin up from his much needed rest or threaten to cause them harm. It burns under his skin and it makes his teeth itch.
Nothing would separate them. Nothing could take them away from each other.
#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda#chronic pain edwin keeps me going#you know he's gotta be all fucked up from everything#plus if Esther figured out she could use him then you know there's going to be others who are going to figure it out and give it a try too#anyway#solving cases with greyskyflowers
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I lived, bitches.
#pain isn't too bad so far but I assume that will change tomorrow because day of you usually still have some anesthetic in your system#also I'm PRETTY sure they fucked up and gave me too much anesthesia because I've had surgery five other times and never been hit this hard#including the major ankle surgery a year ago which was fine#and they clearly wanted to move me out but it took well over an hour for nausea to stop#at least the nausea has finally stopped though#and they had to keep putting the nasal cannula back because I wasn't breathing deeply enough on my own and my O2 stats were too low#so yeah I think the anesthesiologist did not do Fat People Math correctly in the same way that manufacturers of plus size clothing#sometimes try to make it bigger all over and fail at making a garment that fits#surgery itself was apparently fine and very textbook
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"Suddenly the world was gray and dull and my heart was so heavy I felt like I couldn’t move, let alone make it back to Treasure Town. But because of Echo’s last wish… I was able to keep living.”
--- --- --- --- ---
SORA : (Partner)
Abilities: Justified / Inner Focus
Nature: Gentle / Hardy
Moveset: Aura Sphere / Metal Claw / Poison Jab / Dragon Pulse
#It's my baby girl!! My sweetiepie!! Sora the light of my life my bestest girlie#Her own character sheet to go along with Echo's since I had so much fun making that one and obvs Sora needed to be given as much love too#Sora learned Poison Jab as a riolu back when she was mistrustful towards Grovyle and wanted to thrash him around#nowadays she feels bad about knowing the move when her intentions for learning it were to get an upper hand against him in battle#but she also refuses to unlearn it and keeps it as a reminder that sometimes your own expectations about others are wrong in the end#plus the idea of someone as sweet as Sora knowing a poison-type move just makes me go crazy. did you expect a fairy type move or something?#Cause no. She'll literally stab you to death with literal poison because she can if you upset her or Echo.#And to anyone wondering about the large scar on her tail... yes it is literally a hand-print courtesy of Dusknoir#insert the universally traumatic “YOU TWO ARE COMING WITH ME” classic Dusknoir villain-arc moment#(he then proceeds to grab Sora by the tail and drag her into the dimensional portal but she struggles and he loses patience)#(so he unleashes a point blank will-o-wisp that causes so much pain she is too busy recoiling and screaming to make an escape)#Hey Dusknoir it was kinda f'ed up to permanently scar a kid like that ngl not your best decision I hope it doesn't haunt you forever#Echo still hates him for it and I'm not sure she'll ever let that particular event go even after they reconcile#also I gave Sora the ability Justified because of the implications that her partner is a dark-type and she also has darkrai-related trauma#the idea of her attack stat raising if Echo accidentally hits her with a move??? like Sora is so scared her stats literally go haywire#that's my idea of angst and it keeps me awake at night#sora/lucario#Team Wish my beloved...#pmd ocs#pmd eos#pmd2#explorers of sky#my art#click for better quality tumblr compressed it like garbage D:
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one complaint i do have is that ppl will sometimes comment on the fact that house never uses his cane on the proper side as if the show did it on accident when it's mentioned more than once that it's the wrong side, and people tell him this, and he knows it and still does it like that anyway . mostly because he's contrary and will go out of his way to try and prove that his way is better even when it's patently not, also at least partly because he's afraid of what would happen if he wasn't constantly suffering more than he needs to be, because that's the underpinning feature of his life and he doesn't know what he'd be without it. like the episode where he was in that parking space spat with the other doctor so to prove a point he went around using a wheelchair all week and is more or less pain free and clearly enjoying himself (to say nothing of his incredible smugness at having what he sees as extra disability points) but as SOON as the bet/point-proving is up he fucking . goes back to his regular life. with the cane that he knows he could use differently but doesn't and the back pain and the painkillers in excess of safe levels and the etc etc etc. king of learning zero lessons and preferring things to be worse because he doesn't know what to do with better!
#watched that episode the other day and it's not really pointed out or commented on at all#but while in most episodes we see him take a pill at least once or twice. he doesn't in that one for the duration of the week#visual nod to the fact that he's not in as much pain plus his generally pleasenter mood#house md#it's a little nitpick but ppl will talk like the show doesn't know he's using it on the wrong side. no it's character it's deliberate#he's resistant to change including (especially?) positive change and this is one of the illustrations of that#q
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Hey guys did you know that tomorrow will make one full year since season 2 episode 39 of Prime Defenders 😁😁😁😁 And in less than 2 weeks from now will be one full year since the end of Prime Defenders season 2 😁😁😁😁
#jrwi pd#jrwi prime defenders#I'm perfectly fine being patient because I've really been enjoying these newer campaigns#and I know Bizly said in the s2 ep 40 rolled that he wants to plan things out a ton for s3 in the same way he did during the first PD break#plus Bizly is literally running a campaign right now it makes sense that PD won't be back for a bit#but god I miss the campaign dearly#I get his sort of reluctance to return based on how he talks about PD in the TMK QnA#the Mutants and Masterminds system is huge pain in the butt compared to the other systems they've played for JRWI#but please I need my elf boy back#I need to know how the story ends
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Oh yeah also this scrungly ass computer doodle from when I was trying (failed) to write shit today <3
#my art#fan art#danny phantom#I want to stick Danny in a time loop. unfortunately the only way my brain processes time loops is in a video game way#which is. SUCH a pain in the ass.#I’ll get it one day but til then I lie on da floor uwahhh#I do have cool ideas working w/ that tho. plus it’s a dif (more self-indulgent) direction then other people go in!#plus it actually makes me interested in working w/ clockwork because he’s more directly tied into the fabric of the story yk?#idk. prolly not explaining myself well. if u care ask me specific questions that might help ^u^!#otherwise. guy alert ^
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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Day 113 | id in alt
It's Fushiguro's fault that he does it every five seconds. He lives and breathes mahoraga.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#tokyo trio#low effort Fushiguro makes a COMEBACK#everyone knows he does that everyone just stares at him like a freak#in the middle of posting this i had to draw CRAZY Kugisaki n maki it was INSANE#ive been writing some stuff and i will continue to write because i love staring at Kugisaki's forehead#i hope the bantu knots look good#im experimenting with hairstyles bc i fuckin LOVE that shit#also picking up#Kugisaki isn't dismissive of Mai's struggle and pain its just that Mai is a bitch and uses the struggle as an excuse to harm others#she has canonly seen people get ostracized i mean her town was XENOPHOBIC AS FUCK#Kugisaki wasn't liked at all either she most likely fought just about everyone. only reason the townspeople liked fumi was because she was#wasn't like Kugisaki because Kugisaki fought back 10 times harder plus the whole murder thing y'know it happens#shes wack like that#she understand Mai and Maki so much and is low-key a hypocrite for judging mai but i think she knows that shes extremely self aware#probably the most self aware first year btw#this is some life tips from yours truly to the people that read these tags#do NOT argue with a political science major on human morality they will piss you the fuck off#i did. i ended up causin them to leave a chat because i was so mad they called something heinous “tame”#it happens.#unfortunately
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Needed to finalize the t4t voice and claw of koda and here they are.
#carbon turns to diamonds and wood turns to ash#they look at each other knowing they will come back to one anothers arms over and over no matter the reincarnation#winters tattoos are like lace#my headcanon is that high up kodan tattoo themselves via scarring and burning#because painting yourself is a lot and i like to imagine in ceremony they use red paints#like they will add more via paint but theres nothing more devotional to a god you commune to like tattooing.#plus the kodan are kinda like pains part of the process so…#anyway actual tags#gw2#guild wars 2#gw2 art#guild wars 2 fanart#raes art#guild wars 2 art#kodan#furry#t4t#trans characters#trans ocs#realizing i have a thing for short men with their tall ladies this is like the third kodan couple inhave thats like that
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how hard is it to learn to draw on a laptop with Krita? I don't have a touchscreen and can't afford one, so it's just me, my touchpad, and my crappy pen
@spookypanda04 @amaiguri @teacupsandstarlight y'all do digital art right?
#digital art#i just wanna draw dragons#and my drawing hand gave up a few years ago after a bad fall#so pen and paper is very painful for me#plus all the other digital art benefits
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can't believe this hasn't been said before but unhinged!scarlett and unhinged!dave would be an iconic duo. shame pi didn't get a second season bc these two in an alliance would basically succeed in destroying the island, they'd wipe everyone out
the fact that they're both versions of the nerd character so they're already smart in their own ways, the fact that they have absolutely zero fucks to give anymore, their individual darker sides have come out (whether it was hidden consciously (scarlett) or unconsciously (dave)), and they've each attempted to kill/seriously injure one or more contestant(s) (and mess up the island in the process) just to reach their end goal. imagine if these two found a common goal somehow, literally nothing could get in their paths (except possibly each other)
#these two in an alliance that ends with one or both of them turning on the other would be wild#tbh i know ppl talk abt wishing roti getting a second season but the potential in a second season for pi?? there is so much!!#literally half the dynamics have changed and so have personalities for most of the characters in pi#max and scarlett's dynamic change and their shifts in characters#topher could easily shift from chris lover to chris hater. two extremes!!#he just wants to get chris fired or in pain or smth lmao#dave becoming more competitive and less romantic he turns more heartless (and a bit more reserved and unpredictable)#his heart is there its just v shrouded. and repressed memories dave of the finale!!#he knows smth big happened but the memories of exact details are fuzzy (when that mental curtain is ripped away its gonna be chaos)#amy and sammy's change in dynamics. sammy standing up for herself!!#i wanna say sky would join a second season to get a chance at the money (im a shawn winner truther)#but idk if after all that she'll want to lmao#but skave dynamic total shift if sky comes back!!!#dave doing anything to get her eliminated sky slowly starting to retaliate#it'd be interesting to explore ella and sugar's characters if they've changed or not#evil scarlett who doesnt hide it!!#jashawn ain’t gonna join i think lmao they deserve a nice break plus they split the million so#rodney who is still a romantic but starts to understand the truth of boundaries and the rose colored glasses start to break#(he gets a sexuality revelation when he crushes on one of the guys)#just imagine how wack things would have gone with a second season#the different interactions and alliances and friendships and enemies#and the interactions/dynamics in the first season def would have changed in a second one#this is making me remember the whole layout for a second pi season younger me wrote with new and old contestants#anyway! second season pi was so deserved it would have been wack#noahtally-famous#total drama#td dave#td scarlett#tdpi
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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Forever mourning the loss of Three Dates with Marvin and Whizzer and the This Had Better Come to a Stop reprise. Marvin and Whizzer fixing their relationship? Marvin working to fix his mistakes and change his behaviors? Whizzer giving him another chance but not forgetting what Marvin did to him? IM SICK
#RAHHHHHHG#i feel like we just didn’t get to see the work it took to rebuild their relationship in the final show#sigh#Marvin sounds so soft in these songs it physically pains me#there are so many other good songs but I wish these ones stayed the most#plus theres the added bonus of double dating homosexuals#‘Life is funny aha funny’ just goes hard too#falsettoland workshop#falsettoland#falsettos#the marvin trilogy#whizzvin
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i sprained my wrist but duty calls
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masumi arakawa#ichiban kasuga#snap sketches#OW#i WAS inspod by my y7 gameplay last night but while i was watching this cutscene and going He's So Sugoi#i realized he DOES have a mole on his neck :) so i WASNT going crazy yay me !!!!!!#i tried drawing with one hand.. it was annoying this is awful#its not impossible it just takes so LONG plus im less willing to stress over details which. arguably good but I Dont Like It#THIS LIL THING TOOK A SOLID HOUR BYE LMAO#w/e it was worth exploring the option. its not impossible so i can just continue to practice off screen#pray my other wrist gets better so i dont take nine years to draw tho#'snap are your shortcuts really THAT important' YES#even if ive redone some shortcuts o be cnnected to my pen and tablet i dont have all my shortcuts#even then moving to click the buttons on my tablet takes about as much time as it would to click them on my keyboard#ok this is pain bye#hopefully i feel better soon i keep having thoughts i wanna share and i like to do so Without taking days on One post
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Frontiers on the brain
#shannon's art#A tiny minuscule fraction of the thoughts in my brain regarding this game#we all know we wanted tails to catch him#((and for sonic to suffer longer—a sketch for another day))#also sega please let sonic acknowledge his friends' pain#in my mind there’s an epic version of the frontiers ending that includes the best of both the dlc and the original#punkinspice and I were talking plus other thoughts on top of that#man#late night sketches#sonic frontiers#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#tails the fox#miles tails prower#amy rose#knuckles the echinda
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