#that and knowing when I wake starts the week™️

[cinewhore]

Trying to smother an anxiety attack while on the verge of sleep is like doing a days worth of work

[raileurta]

Hunger

So when a bot doesn't have enough fuel they just slowly decrease in productivity before going into statis right? We humans are very different. When there's not enough food around the human body will go to drastic measures to ensure its existence just lasts that bit longer. It will eat up our own muscles and if driven far enough even eat a family member. I imagine this would be objectively very horrifying to watch for a transformer.

So I'm thinking the autobots and the prime kids are stranded somewhere with little to no food. For the first few days it's relatively normal, the bots are worried but they know humans can survive a few weeks without food but they don't know what it does to a person.

Ratchet being a medic would be the one most observation of starvation side effects. He would see how their cheeks begin to hollow out, their sluggish movement, and the...... irritability. Slowly, painfully the bots watch their human charges slowly descend into madness.

When things start to enter the late game things really kick off. Miko (of course) one day remembers something. Car seats are usually made out of leather which can be very nutritional. Of course she shuts that thought down at first because no way is she hurting her bot friends. Yet one night while the hunger naws away at Miko, she looks to bulkhead's plush seat beneath her and shakily flips flips open her knife. Miko then makes a decision.

Miko doesn't get very far of course because she's kinda trying to cut pieces off of bulkhead. The transformer wakes up screaming in pain alerting the other autobots. It takes him a second to figure out what's happened but when he does he's very confused and also terrified. He manages to shake her out of him, not before Miko takes a decent chunk of leather with her.

The bots try to ask what's wrong with Miko but she doesn't respond, just solely focused on eating. The kids see her and almost instantly figure it out. Whatever survival instinct they have in them kicks in so they try to also take/eat the leather. It turns into this whole messy bloody braw between them where they just go feral™️. After breaking up the fight, the bots finally learn about what starving does to animals.

Finding food becomes even more of a top priority. For the kids safety the autobots restrain them so they can't resort to cannibalism. Until they find actual food the bots do have to use their own leather. They will do whatever it needs to keep their sparklings alive.

They find a deer or something then the kids just tear into it, not even cooking it first. At least two bots threw up watching Raf being fed cut up heart pieces by Jack.

When eventually they do get back they back to society when Miko not crazy with hunger apologizes like crazy and doesn't do anything bad for like two weeks.

The bots also now keep food rations on them, no matter what.

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday!! 💛

I have an on time WIP this week, and not one posted three days late! And I'm even posting this in the morning, as opposed to some point in the afternoon/evening! 😅

Here is a snippet from the next chapter of The Perfect Storm, where the Idiots Who Are Totally Not Pining™️ have a quiet, early morning moment together. It's also Elyse's birthday, but he doesn't know that... yet.

Tagged by @hircines-hunter, tagging @thequeenofthewinter, @skyrim-forever, and anyone who wants to share a WIP 💛

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It was a rare occasion that Balgruuf would see Elyse up and about so early in the morning in Dragonsreach. He had noted that she would often sleep in until later in the morning, but it wasn't common at all for her to be awake before the sun had barely just started to rise.

She was sat over a mug of tea at one of the long tables near to his throne, silently eating what he could only presume was a partially stale muffin from the day before, no doubt grabbed by her whenever she got there because the kitchen staff were barely just awake themselves. She looked tired, as though she didn’t really want to be awake at that time but was forcing herself to be. If that were the case… it was certainly a sentiment which he shared. He slept so lightly as of late it took almost nothing to wake him up, the sound of a guard on patrol in the vicinity of his room rousing him from sleep that morning, and the knowledge of a packed agenda which made him get up and move.

Perhaps he really should begin considering what he had been told time and time again about a door for his room.

Silently, he made his way into the kitchens and picked himself up the last of the muffins from the day before which were still set out, knowing it would still be some time before anything substantial would be available to eat – likely about the time in which his children would be up and about. He then returned to the main hall, and took a seat beside Elyse.

“You’re awake early.”

A quiet mumble which affirmed his statement came from the Dragonborn, accompanied by the sound of her stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. “Unfortunately…” She then straightened her back and stretched her arms out before her, before letting her hands fall down onto the table before her and moving her hand slightly towards the pot near her half-empty mug. “Help yourself to some of the tea if you want any.”

“I’d have to get myself a mug, but if you’re offering…” He stood back up for a moment as he went into the kitchen, only realising just now that his mouth didn’t half feel dry. When he returned, he poured himself some of the tea and went to take a sip.

He was completely taken aback by the sickening sweetness of honey which took over his tastebuds, though had to do his best not to spit it out so as to not come across as rude because she hadn’t needed to offer him any in the first place. Her fondness for anything sugary that he had experienced at the festival at the end of last year appeared to have not been a one-off occasion.

“By the Divines, that is sweet-“ He winced for a moment as he waited for the taste in his mouth to subside. “Perhaps a bit too sweet for my liking, so apologies. You can drink this?”

Elyse chuckled quietly to herself. “I don’t normally have it this sweet… but added some extra honey as a treat for today.”

“And you added the honey directly to the pot? Not to the tea once you poured it?”

“Balgruuf. I’m half asleep. Do you really think that I’m thinking clearly at this point in the morning?”

[sillygoofyqueer]

*checks phone*

*sees new chapter of Three Blades*

*falls out of chair before clicking as fast as possible*

Where do I even begin?? Everything is perfect!! I’ll start from the beginning and work my way through.

Hua cheng and E-Ming have The Best sibling relationship and I love every second of their interactions. Love how they playfully argue. It’s clear they know each other very well. I also love how seamlessly they switch dynamics from a petulant 8 year old to a calm teen assessing the situation.

Speaking of relationships, it’s interesting how seamlessly Hua Cheng and Luo Binghe work together. I guess that comes with the territory of knowing each other for decades if not centuries. The concern they have for WWX immediately after seeing him is so cute. I hope you know I am squealing SO HARD over here.

Hua cheng after learning Wwx is the wielder of the 3rd blade: *shocked pikachu*

Once again I am left wondering why WWX is in a graveyard because, well, yeah. Also still wondering what Wwx gave up but I’m assuming that will eventually be answered. Right??

Yin yu being the only one with enough sense to not only have them set up a medical room but also manage finances is amazing. I am curious how much he pays himself. Part of me is like, ‘he probably cares for them a lot and it’s probably not that much.’ And the other part of my brain is like ‘he has to deal with all their BS. He is paying himself handsomely.’

I hope you know I was cackling throughout the ENTIRE Chenqing and Suibian interaction. They are absolutely insufferable around each other and it’s amazing. Part of me wants to see them united against a common enemy (*cough* the ones who buried Wwx *cough*) because they both care a lot for Wwx so I kinda wanna see them go feral on whoever hurt him. In the meantime I will enjoy whenever they get reunited with wwx and them fighting the urge to kill each other.

Xin Mo is Tired™️ and I feel a little bad but also he had to know something like this would happen with Suibian.

Speaking of Suibian, she had a different name??? Did Xin Mo and E-Ming??? Or is that just a suibian thing?

Wwx waking up like “am I dead? I was supposed to be dead. Why am I alive and in a bed???” Is priceless. Even more priceless is Wwx thinking E-Ming is HC’s child.

Was that a Shen yuan mention I saw?? I heard they were friends but it’d be funny if they were roommates. Like, Shen yuan barely leaves his room and if he does it’s for food, forced human exposure or to rant At Length about novels. So for weeks WWX has LBH and HC going in and out of an apartment they share until Shen yuan is randomly eating in the living room and Binghe walks in and promptly trips over his own feet. Cue later interrogation of WWX by LBH. Idk, just thoughts.

I feel like the fact that WWX’s spiritual veins being reconstructed is important but I can’t tell how just yet. Maybe having to do with his golden core and all that? Idk. Too early to tell.

Love how wwx is nonplussed by literally waking up 4 days after being buried alive and his only comment is ‘guess I missed lunch with my friends :/‘

As always Four, I wish I could give more kudos because your fics always make me ~feel things~. Please remember to take care of yourself and take breaks.

Luna, you make me go feral. Hey. Hey honey bun (/p). Let's start blabbing. Hua Cheng and E'ming are the most sibling siblings out of the siblings. If that makes sense. However, sometimes E'ming says the most in depth things in his eight year old form and Hua Cheng will bully him instantly by being like "oooh, little baby trying to be smart?? Shut up." And just shoves him from any elevated space possible. I link it back to whenever my youngest brother tries to argue with me and I'm just like "You can't talk back to me, you're like..five." (he isn't). When E'ming is in teenager form, Hua Cheng is more likely to pick him up and dangle him around a bit, before dropping him in a general direction and seeing what he does. Luo Binghe and Hua Cheng have spent centuries upon centuries practically living together, of course they bond and are such close besties (family) that their swords (who expected to have to sort of manipulate the bond to make them feel like family ((like the previous god trio))) kind of watch in relief and awe as they do. When Wei Wuxian comes in, he's obviously in a dangerous situation and it's like...an almost instantaneous Protective™ reaction because oh my god tiny little teenager (not a teenager) is our missing friend (brother) and is bonded to our swords' missing partner (sister). They'll be even more Protective™ friends (older brothers) as they get to know the baby through his personality and are like..."ohh yeah, baby brother." Hua Cheng learning that this almost-fully dead teenager (young adult) is the third wielder: Somebody come pick up their definitely traumatised son before I adopt him into my not family- I dunno what you're talking about, Wei Wuxian's just chilling...in a graveyard....after almost being buried alive........usual stuff for a guy like him!! And, I swear on all that is holy (my life), you will learn what he sacrificed. Eventually. I've had threats (/j) of people coming to my house so they can find out what it is. You'll find out in due time. There are clues, alright? I swear. I prommy. There's a clue right from the first chapter. I pwomise. When I get to Yin Yu's perspective, it's going to be the most underpaid yet overpaid worker dealing with his maddeningly rich bosses having insane problems that he shouldn't be dealing with but is because he loves those guys. Until the new 'boss' comes in, causing a brawl between spiritual weapons and is the most rabid "working-class guy who's out of his depth in this new role" ever. I can't wait to explain it more. The way he pays himself varies wildly depending on how he's feeling: "Oh, I don't want to take advantage of their kindness, I love it here" *watches Hua Cheng sob violently into a portable Dianxia statue as he tries to sign off on the taxes agreement because there was another unsuccessful search* "...I'm giving myself a raise." Suibian and Chenqing are like two cats who hate each other, hissing and scratching - however, the moment Wei Wuxian is in view they're like little angels, kicking each other whenever he turns away. They actively curse each other out, even in weapon form, just having constant back and forths whenever Wei Wuxian's even lightly distracted. Xin Mo finally understands what headaches are and is constantly suffering trying to keep the two under control like the good older sibling that they are - they do understand that Suibian is Like That™ because they're certainly...interesting - while E'ming watches them all end up brawling because of course Xin Mo resorts to fighting to fix things as a former war god's sword.

I like to think of Shen Yuan's friendship with Wei Wuxian as 'this guy I tried to give money because I thought he was homeless is actually pretty cool and I let him stay at my apartment occasionally. We go to cafés together and he enjoys my bitching.' But I will not rest until I have Luo Binghe tripping over his own feet at the sight of this ragged nerd.

Wei Wuxian has woken up in this strange room and he is this close to losing his mind, but he falls back on COMEDY when he's confused. He isn't usually this trusting but Hua Cheng has answers and a son sword child thing that Wei Wuxian can respect. And hey, all I'm gonna say is that he's used to being in precarious situations. He's more worried about disappointing his friends than himself. He's also secretly extremely worried about another person (**cough cough** foreshadowing **cough cough**)

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation: Cat-FISHER [19]

A/N: in honor of 50k on Wattpad, LET'S GET ITTTTTT!!!!

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VIOLETVIOLENCE: it's really pathetic that i have to pull you aside like a child to tell you to tone down your shit.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: grow up.

SALLYFʌCɜ: grow up? look who's talking. might i remind you of a verbatim quote by yours truly... "lint licking, cunt flap, cum infested puss bubble of a fucklet"

VIOLETVIOLENCE: i give back what i receive. you can dish but you can't take?

SALLYFʌCɜ: i can take twice as much as i dish.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: i'm so sure that you can. fuck off, sal. quit being an asshat.

SALLYFʌCɜ: so now it's asshat? what happened to llcfcipbf? you're losing your creativity. do better, your fall from grace is disappointing even to me

VIOLETVIOLENCE: fuck you.

SALLYFʌCɜ: i'm sure you want to

He's real fucking cheeky. Excited, if you will. What's gotten into him?

Three days ago, while purposefully and pleasurably butchering Sal's character in Dead By Daylight, if anyone would have told me that the bane of my miserable existence and I would have a personal chat box open— I'd have laughed in your face. I'd have gone full Edgar Allan Poe. You would be in a Speed Bump Grave™️. I'd hear your phantom heart beat under my floor boards.

And now, here I am, simultaneously working through the worst shift of the week and having to bitch at Sally Face Fisher via discord DM's.

I don't know what I've done. Maybe it's just my existence, I'm not sure, but he's targeting me. It's horrifically bad. Every message from him, even if he's in the middle of conversing with one of the other of The Faces, has something about me included. And it is always shitty.

I'm not scared of him, how could I ever be? So I opted (more like I was seconds away from punching his scrotum through my phone screen) to reach out to him personally and nicely ask him to stop... okay so that's obviously a lie but I had to threaten and insult him back. It was the only way I'd feel better.

But now I'm stuck with this loaded last message from him and I have no idea how to continue. Because it's a repeat. A repeat of that fated Discord call that threw my entire existence askew for a week. Or four. Maybe I'm still askew.

His necklace isn't under a shoe in the farthest corner of my room for no reason, after all.

Today was supposed to be simple. Not easy because working at the diner is never easy, but simple. Simple fucking worked. And now I have this conversation with Sally hanging over my head when I was actually looking forward to what's meant to come after I finish my shift.

I brought my mask with me today. My plan is to immediately go back to that mask store after my shift and convince the sweet woman who helped me to sign her work, give me her name, a business card— literally anything so I can tell the world who gave me my start. But now I'm anxious enough to plead not guilty by reason of insanity due to not-so negligent or accidental arson. And on top of that, I'm starting to map out an intricately laid out plan for Sal's Speed Bump Grave™️. Today's ordeals have taken my mind by storm and I'm about to bring everyone down with me in this descent toward madness.

I'm just angry. And bothered. And low key wanting to message Sal back with, "Yea, I am. What are you gonna do about it?" But I must stay strong. I must soldier on. I know the repercussions, I've tasted them for myself— felt them burn my lungs to a crisp. I went through what felt like decades of chain smoking in just mere seconds.

And it's all because of—

A chime rings. A chime that came from my phone. It echoes through the diner's break room, startling me so hard that I nearly leap out of my chair. It's like waking up from a dream where you suddenly start falling.

What was that? What just popped up in my notifications?

Unknown: are you a poe fan, by chance?

My kingdom. My entire kingdom for a chance to start making a Speed Bump Grave™️. For myself? For Sal? For the inexplicable human race? I don't even know anymore.

I thought he'd given up on Lexi. So what the hell is this? Why now? Why today? Why right after he finished— flirting? Baiting?— me.

My mind goes blank. Maybe... maybe he's onto me. Maybe he knows. That I'm Lexi. And now he's finally decided to enact his revenge. On today of all days, when I feel so sick with anxiety and paranoia that I could throw up every square inch of my bowels. My feminine rage is so ragey that I wouldn't be shocked if I sprouted a pair of testicles just so I'd have an excuse for whatever bruised masculinity I'm experiencing right now. Sal must be projecting on me all the way from Nockfell.

Never in my entire life have I felt so hopeless, so cornered. Every time I feel this way, I think it can't possibly get any worse.

And yet.

Me: umm, can't say that i am! don't know much about him.. but how are you, sally!

I don't know what's possessed me. In a normal world, I would have blocked him by now. Or better yet, if I wasn't so disgustingly deplorable and had a damn backbone, I'd have texted him a picture of myself and said "Haha, gotcha bitch!"

The sad truth in this way-too-real life scenario is that I don't have a backbone. And I'm too far gone to go back. I can't revert. There's a part of me that still holds onto my first live interaction with Sal. I just can't get the memory of him— smooth, gentle, kind, and likable— out of my head. No matter how hard I try.

One thing I can be proud of is the amount of petty packed into the fact that I never saved his number in my phone.

Unknown: good. perfect, actually. i brought some poe with me today, a story i think you might like

Some kind of doom-ish feeling washes over me. Like a storm cloud forming above my head. Poison seeping into my pores, infesting my blood. I don't like the way he said that. I don't like it at all. It feels a lot like the time some kid threw up all over me in second grade.

I'll never forget the sickening chill that spread through my body as soon as I realized what happened to me in the middle of educational centers in Nockfell Elementary. This situation feels threateningly similar.

Me: oh cool! so i guess you'll be having a chill reading day? wish it was me :,)

Unknown: not quite. but hey, are you working today?

That storm morphs into a hurricane. And there's twin tornadoes in the background, growing closer and closer to make a torrid, lethal combination. I have to take this in stride. Be smart, y/n. Whatever hell may come, handle it accordingly and do not make mistakes.

Me: ah, no! out of town to visit family :) really, crappy, awkward family get together... yikes...

He'll totally buy that right? I didn't overdo it. It was perfect. Overdoing it would have been an entire paragraph about how much I hate my mom. This is good, this is fine. I'm totally not breaking out into a cold sweat with clammy palms to match.

Oh, God. What if he sent someone to spy on Lexi? What if he hired some murderer off the dark web to take care of me and clean up the mess? I wouldn't put it past him. And this scenario isn't even worst case!

Worst case... I don't even want to think about it. I can't.

Unknown: damn, lex... on the day that i'm finally back in la and you're out of town? :(

Oh, thank God I'm a paranoid chicken shit.

Then again, fuck the fuck off. It's worst case scenario, the thing that I didn't even want to think about. The thing I wouldn't allow to cross my mind.

What do I do. What do I do? I leave work— that's the smartest decision. Naturally, this is the place he once went to and, out of boyish fantasies, he'll probably come back here with some expectation that Lexi will miraculously pop up despite her being in like... Iceland or something, whatever it is I manage to come up with in my next text to him. Which—

Unknown: i'm at the diner rn. was hoping we'd get to hang out this time. when do you get home?

Oh, no.

It's a fucking disaster on top of twenty other disasters. This is what a pregnancy scare must feel like. This must be the equivalent to walking into a room full of snotty, sick toddlers. This is dropping an uncut birthday cake.

I think I'm gonna puke.

I look up from my phone and take in the empty break room surrounding me. The off-white, paint-chipping walls are closing in. I have no escape— this is prison. Trapped in my mind's clawed vices with no way out. Except, my mind's fears have transcended into reality. My worst fear has come true and I had no time to prepare for it. The time is nigh. Ruin is, unfortunately, now.

Think, y/n. It's not so bad. I can just leave through the back door and tell my boss I'm sick again. The door is literally to my left.

But to get back to my apartment, I have to cross in front of the diner that's full of windows. Sal is here, meaning he's paying attention to everything in hopes of finding me... even though I told him I'm not here.I just know he's that kind of romantic, if he even qualifies as such.

He'd spot me in a heartbeat and that can't happen because maybe Vi's mask concealed Lexi who was hidden beneath, but he's about damn near fucked Vi. He knows her body better than she does herself— than I do. Fuck, I have so many different personas I can't even remember that they're all me.

Clusterfuck. That's what this is. A massive clusterfuck, all of my doing.

I'm going to have to bite the bullet. That's my only option. And by bite the bullet, I'm going to fight tooth and nail to keep this bit going. I should just admit the truth, but I'm not humble enough for that, apparently.

My chest begins to ache. It's a slow-to-develop pain that only catches my attention when it hurts a little too much. And then the shallow, short breaths follow. And then the phantom feeling of something lodged in my throat, blocking my airways and filling me with dread.

This is a panic attack, one that is long overdue. One that still can't breach the surface quite yet. I need to make sure I'm home free first— I can weep and be dismayed later. Because the harsh truth is, yes this fucking sucks, but it's not going to kill me. It's just hard for me and my body to truly get a grasp on that.

I swallow down the anxiety that's billowing in my body like linens ominously drying outside a house in the middle of nowhere. I take a couple deep breaths, calming the doubt and fear raging within. My limbs shake a little less, my breathing is better controlled, and my chest doesn't hurt half as much. The pain is still there, but this is bearable. I can do this.

I rifle through my cubby which doesn't give me much to work with. I don't have a change of clothes. I have nothing to hide me, not even a hoodie.

"You... good, y/n?"

I whirl around, hope scraping at the insides of my cranium. Fuck yes. Best lobotomy ever.

I could really cry right now because this is a clear sign that I'm not as alone as I think. Even if it feels like I am, even if my dear coworker Ophelia can't really help me out all that much, she can definitely help me in some way.

I don't have to girl boss everything on my own.

"Lia," I start with, breathless as I practically teleport over to her with the quickness of my panicked steps. "Do you have something I can change into? I can't explain right now but... I would really appreciate your help."

Her big doe eyes take me in curiously, one of her perfectly arched eyebrows raised in question. She bats her long lashes, seemingly processing what I've asked of her before giving me an answer.

"Um, I was planning on going out after my shift tonight? Would a dress work?" She grimaces a bit, probably worried that she won't be able to help me out because Ophelia is just like that.

"That would work fine!" I say excitedly, but think better of it, my hopes crumbling a bit. "But I don't want to take your outfit for the night. I can probably come up with something else."

Lia rolls her eyes lightheartedly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I follow the action, noting her long and sharp blood red nails. I gulp, looking back into her pretty ebony eyes. "Y/n, take what you need. You know Mike can drive me back home to get another outfit! We don't live too far away, and we don't need to be in Anaheim until 9 anyway. Do what you need to do-- you know I'm cheering for you, girl."

I grab onto her hand and hold back the intense admiration infecting my soul. I'm giving Ophelia the most visceral care bear stare I can possibly muster up and she notices, giving me a cute little upside down smile.

"You are an angel," I whisper, "And your future husband is too. Power couple of the heavens, really."

Lia giggles and bends her head down, forcing her pin straight black hair to fall into her face, thus accentuating the really eye-catching red money pieces that match her red nails. I aspire to be this woman. "It's not that serious, Ducks," she says, using my dads nickname for me that she overheard a couple months ago. She thought it was precious, so it stuck. "Let's go get you changed, 'kay?"

Change, I do. But I see where she was concerned about me wearing it too. It's for clubbing, cock-tailing, socializing for sure, but... I can make it work. I've got this. It'll be fine. Thank God I am an avid Doc Martens-wearer. Doc's go with absolutely anything.

Lia has taste too, it's a short, little red dress with spaghetti straps that flares out at the ends. It shows a lot of leg, but not much of anything else. I can't imagine how amazing she must look in this.

"You're super sure that you're okay wearing this?" Lia asks, looking over me. "It looks great on you, I'm inclined to tell you to keep it, honestly."

I scrunch up my face. "No, I'm giving it back to you tomorrow," I laugh gently, using my phone camera to try and get an idea of how I look. I can't see much, which is kind of a blessing because I might hate it and be too afraid to brave LA if I end up not liking it.

"I won't argue with you," Lia sighs, patting my back in a reassuring way. "So do you want to talk about what's going on?"

"Um," I murmur, a shiver running down my spine. I almost forgot why I'm having to do this. It feels like hours have passed, but it's only been five minutes at most. "It's very hard to explain, but I might have to get you or Mike involved, whoever's hosting today." I can't help but grimace as the words leave me, but it's the unfortunate truth that I'll have to talk to one or both of them. I'm ever so slowly hashing out a plan in my head.

Sal is undoubtedly going to ask about Lexi, and what the hell am I supposed to do whenever someone goes, "Lexi? No Lexi has ever worked here." So I have to bite the bullet, again, and stick around to at least inform Mike or Lia about that part of my major, gargantuan fuck up. That also means there's a good chance that Sal will see me, but he'll likely ignore my presence, and then I can slip away quickly.

"Mike is up front and hosting today," Lia says, frowning at me. She's so pretty, like if Marilyn Monroe was alternative. Goth mommy and whatever. No shame on my part.

The chef's booming voice carries into the break room, Lia's name floating along with it. She winces at the sound, flinching in surprise. She gives me a pitiful look, tilting her head almost as if to apologize for having to do her job. Poor little love, she is.

"Will you be able to talk with Mike?" She asks me, heading for the door.

I nod hesitantly. "Yea, I'll get to him. Thank you so much for all your help, Lia. I really appreciate you." I send her my most genuine smile, one that she returns.

"Anytime, y/n! You look beautiful, by the way. Go knock 'em dead, literally or figuratively!"

And she's gone, but she hyped me up in the gentlest way possible. Bless her dark, lovable heart.

I take a breath-- a deep, fortifying, 'ohfuckohfuck' breath that does nothing to calm my soul, but I try to trick myself into believing that it worked... at least somewhat. Then I move over to my work cubby (because we're all still in primary school according to my boss) and grab my old backpack that I bring every day. It's raunchy at best and holding on by a thread. I kept it from my high school days. It's a plain black Jansport with coffee stains on the bottom and questionable white splats that are front and center for everyone to see. I'm pretty sure it's just crusty white paint that I never bothered to peel off, but I won't correct anyone if they guess something else. What's the fun in that, right?

I open the zippers and dig in, working past a random beanie from winter, pads and tampons, and a makeup bag. All the way at the bottom, buried under my other things for protection, is my mask. I put it on then look down at myself one last time.

The flashy red of the dress I'm wearing does not match the deep violet of my mask but not everything can go right, so I'll take my little loss. Things could be worse-- oh wait, they are. Sal Fisher is outside this room. Whoops, forgot things were already devastatingly bad.

I run my fingers over the forehead of my mask, feeling that ache creep into my chest again. I wish things weren't going this way. I wish I was brave enough to go outside and just keep working. Because I'm undoubtedly going to lose my job after today. I'm backing myself into a corner, even risking my finances because of this guy that I'm too scared to face as my real self. I've reached peak pathetic.

My dad must be disappointed to have such an incompetent daughter. No wonder my mother and I don't speak anymore.

I swallow past the uncertainty, the guilt, and the unadulterated fear gnawing at my soul. Then I follow through with my plan by throwing my backpack onto my shoulder and pushing the back door open despite knowing that this is not worth it. It's not worth it at all.

I circle around the outside of the diner, heart rumbling like an earthquake as the putrid scent of garbage wafts into my nose from the dumpster I'm currently passing in front of. The sounds of cars honking, people laughing and chatting idly.

Los Angeles is the people's place. It hosts all necessary components of life, some more than others. Socialization, food. It's a dopamine powerhouse. But when it's me, when I've been living here for over a year and seeing the same things every single day, it's stripped me of all my feel-good chemicals. Especially right now when LA is only bringing me problems and trouble (Sal Fisher).

This doesn't feel real. I can't believe I'm doing this to myself. I can't quite wrap the fact around my head, that I'm about to be in Sal's general vicinity yet again. I thought I had time.

I turn the corner, coming out onto the sidewalk in front of the diner. I don't stop in my stride, eyeing my apartment building that isn't very far from me. A five minute walk. I'm almost home. Almost free. I just have to get inside the diner, unfortunately inform Mike of the tea, and hopefully dodge Sal. So long as I keep my eyes on the host table, I may not even have to see him. I might just be psyching myself out. Everything's going to be just fine!

My heart is in my throat, my limbs jittering nervously as I push the glass door open and look forward, noting the short line of people waiting for seats. Sal isn't one of them, so I assume he's been seated already.

I walk past the people in line, getting a few looks from them. That'd be the mask's fault.

Mike's looking down at his seating chart on the host table, most likely mapping out where someone could go whenever I stop in front of him, placing a hand on the table to discreetly get his attention.

He looks startled for a moment before tilting his head up, brows scrunched together as if to say 'The audacity!' but then he sees me and his eyes widen a bit. And then I'm not sure what his next expression says.

"What the--" he chokes out, "Shit! It's you? Hold on-- wait-- mind-fuck--"

I lift a finger to my lips, eyes wide as I hope he takes the note to shut up. Adrenaline is starting to spike in my veins and if he draws anymore attention to us, especially since my mask is already drawing enough, I'm going to piss myself right here. And sue him for public embarrassment, or whatever that thing is. Public defecation? No, that's public defamation... anyway.

Michael's mouth snaps closed, but he keeps watching me. I watch him. We just watch each other as I forget absolutely everything I had planned.

I swallow, blinking at my friend and coworker. "Mike," I say quietly. He flinches at the sound of his name. "I need you to do something for me and I am sincerely sorry about this but..."

"Yea, Yea, y/n-- um, what should I call you...?" He cuts himself off viciously, slapping a hand over his mouth. At least he cares.

I lean my forearms across the table, settling my weight against the front to relax myself at least a little bit. I'm so tense. I feel eyes on me. I need to get out of here.

"Don't call me that," I say lightheartedly, puffing out a breath. "Just call me Vi. For now." I lick my dry lips. Mike of all people finding out about my identity as VioletViolence is the very least of my worries. "There's a guy in here. He has blue hair, can't miss him. I'm sure you already know who he is. He's looking for a girl named Lexi and he'll probably ask his waiter about her. Just say that Lexi isn't here today, you don't have to answer anything else about her."

"I'm guessing... you're Lexi?" He winces, leaning forward a bit.

"Wow," I say sarcastically. "How did you figure that out?" I send him a little smile then focus on the task at hand yet again. "Anyway, I need you to be his waiter. Please. I'll take your entire shift on Friday. I will do anything." I tilt my head down, peering up at him through my lashes in an attempt to portray how badly I need this.

Mike's brows bunch together again and he mutters, "Yea, of course. Whatever you need. But it's-- he came in with the rest of The Faces. Do you want me to... entertain them too? Do they know about Lexi?"

The world stops turning. Everything pauses, no one's moving anymore and I feel like I'm going to vomit with fear, burst with excitement, and pass out right here from exhaustion. The plan I had is ruined, and I couldn't be more equally devastated and exhilarated about it. Ash is here. Larry's here, Todd too. What the hell is going on?

I blink, the action bringing me back to the present.

"Hey, is that Lia's dress--"

"The Faces are here?" I cut him off, holding a hand out in pause, trying to drill this information into my head. Trying to make it real so I can come up with a new plan.

Michael watches me like I'm stupid, a rueful expression on his boyish face. "Yes. I already said that they're here. Why are you wearing my girlfriend's dress?"

"Because we're fucking on the side and she came all over my work outfit." I watch as he makes his little offended face, and my tongue prods at my cheek as instant regret slaps me in the face. He's trying to help me, I shouldn't be giving him this attitude. "Sorry," I admit. "You know that's not true. I'm just-- I'm on edge."

"That's okay," he says hesitantly. "You know I'm going to get you back for that, anyway."

I pinch my lips together, accepting yet another minor defeat. "Fair." I shrug. "I was going to go back home and leave you to the wolves but... I'd rather risk myself. Ash is my best friend. You won't have to handle them alone now, so yay!" I give him a cheerful grin that I'm really not feeling. I even throw in jazz hands.

Michael runs his tongue over the surface of his teeth, clearly not looking forward to the fiasco I've dragged him into. "Alright," he settles on, sighing as he looks down at his feet while grabbing another menu. "Let's see how you manage to back yourself further into whatever shitty corner you've created. I'm eager."

"I'm sure," I grind out, knocking down all the fear that overtook me on my way here and replacing it with impenetrable, desperate yearning to find my friends. I finally cast my gaze around the diner, quickly zeroing in on the one head of blue hair in this entire building. They're seated at a booth all the way at the back of the restaurant and next to the bar, the one place that's away from most prying eyes. A request of theirs, I'm sure.

But my next question, now that I know everyone's here, what the hell are The Faces doing in Los Angeles? And why wasn't I told?

Ash didn't say a word to me. Do they not want me around? Maybe they don't like me as much as I thought they did. Maybe Ash would rather hang around with other friends than me. And that would make sense because we never see each other, besides Vegas, of course. But just thinking about it makes pain erupt throughout my entire body, a pang in my heart. Especially while watching the back of Ash's head tip down while Larry laughs in front of her. Sal and Larry, I can see them, but Todd and Ash are facing away from me.

Another deep breath.

"I'm going to head over there," I tell Michael, looking over to him again. He's watching me closely, his expression of pity mimicking Lia's from earlier. The sight makes me a little sick.

"Alright," he says gently. "I'm going to be there to take orders soon. I hope everything goes well. Don't be nervous."

I huff out a humorless laugh. "Are you and Ophelia psychic or something? Or is my face just that readable?"

He shrugs, grinning slightly. "I can't see your face, so I guess we're psychic. I'll be in your dreams tonight."

That makes me laugh. It wasn't forced or fake, it was genuine and I need that right now. I think Mike knows that too.

I start taking quick steps over to where The Faces are, nerves slapping at my insides to make me turn around and forget that I ever saw them. I'm attacking myself with my own mind, and my mind is attacking my body in turn. Mental illness is crazy, right? Death by anxiety and whatnot.

But, you know, I'm already here. My job is in purgatory, I'm five steps away from them and Larry has noticed my movement, his head twisting toward me to see who's growing near.

Poor Larry. When he sees me walking toward them, he shakes his head and rubs his eyes like he doesn't believe what he's seeing. He looks at me again, and that's when his eyes start to widen, when his jaw drops. And he doesn't say word, that open mouth just turns into the brightest smile I think I've ever seen.

Seeing his excitement makes my insides flutter about and I feel a little better about actually going over to them. Imagine I get there and they shoo me away? But I can tell that Larry won't. That look on his face screams barely held back hugs.

I gulp, trying to ignore my major cotton mouth. I need water. Or tequila. Something.

I also don't give my brain even a second to psych myself out. When I reach the table, I simply plop myself down beside Ash and act like it's a normal, every day thing for me to do.

All heads turn to me (Larry's never turned away from me to begin with) and then I hear a quiet, uttered, "Fuck" followed by incessant, eardrum bursting squealing in my ear.

Arms. A lot of arms. A ton of squeezing. Lots of kisses all over my mask and face. And all the love makes me think that my sweet Ash had a good reason for not informing me of her visit.

I struggle, but I throw my arms around Ash too, squeezing every little inch of her that I can get. Her sweet, coconut and strawberry scent overwhelms me and I feel so at peace. So calm. Home. Back in Nockfell. Comfortable.

Her hair is in my face and I know she's crying because my bare shoulders are wet, thanks spaghetti strap dress. I don't care though because I'm seeing Ash again much sooner than I imagined I would. I thought it would take us years to have some time together like we did in Las Vegas. And Ash is so emotional, I feel like she's being ripped apart by the sight of me alone-- that's both adrenaline-inducing and terrifying.

This is a nightmare, but a dream come true at the same time. I'm so glad that I was paranoid enough to force myself to tell Mike about the Lexi situation. Things couldn't be any better.

"Ash, fucking let go, man. It's my turn." Larry's voice is right next to me, and then another pair of hands that envelop my waist whole. I'm then yanked out of my best friends arms and spun around to face Larry who hugs me so tight that I have to stand on my tiptoes.

I shut my eyes, grinning as I reach my arms up his back, hugging him the best way I can as he nuzzles his face against my mask. The smell of cigarette smoke and pine trees lingers on his clothes, yet again overwhelming me with familiarity. The smoke is a more recent addition, but he's always had a unique scent to him that's always reminded me of Christmas in a way.

The scruff on his cheeks scratches against my jaw, his skin is warm, his grip tight. I really miss home... and LA is not home. Home is back with all of my friends. I don't want to stay here anymore. I don't want to be where they aren't.

Larry takes a deep breath into my shoulder, likely bathing in my comfort just like I did with him. Then he backs up, holding me at arms length and I look up with tears welling in my eyes no matter how much I wish they weren't there. I hate crying, especially in front of other people, but I'm just so happy. It's like the anxiety I felt while walking over here never existed.

"What the hell are you doing here, Vi!?" Larry exclaims, dragging his hands up my arms to cup my face in his large palms. "I thought you lived in Connecticut?"

I place my hand on top of his, a spark of what I thought was fantastical anxiety rushing through me at the instant fuck up I've just made. Again. Crap. I forgot that Ash told them I live in Connecticut...

"Uh," Ash voices beside us, her tone taking the form of the smartest kid in class who's about to correct a mistake. Todd-coded. "I said she's from Connecticut, not that she still lives there." Good save, Ash. "Word choice is important, Lar! Pay attention!"

Larry's eyes swing between Ash and I before settling on me, stars dancing in his irises. "Wait, so do you live in LA, then?"

I can't help the excited little grin that's slowly climbing onto my face. It's Larry's turn to squeal as he suddenly realizes.

I look back over to Ash, catching Sal's gaze momentarily before I look over at Todd to wave. He waves back at me, a soft and pleased smile on his thin lips.

"So," I say, letting go of Larry whenever he backs away from me. I sit beside Ash again, leaning against her side as she throws an arm around my shoulders. "Why are you guys here?"

Ash hisses, frowning suddenly. I frown back, wary of her reaction. "Crap!" she exclaims, rolling her eyes. "Well, I was going to surprise you and the guys. But I guess you ended up surprising us instead..."

"Oh, so it's not just y/n that we're visiting while we're here? You knew Vi would be here too?" Todd asks, chewing on his bottom lip contemplatively.

Another spark of nervousness. They're here for... fuck, all three sides of me are expected in this situation. This... maybe was not really worth it. I'm erasing all the sides of my corner. Everything's starting to get really small and very tight.

Ash side-eyes me, a discreet little look before she answers Todd. "Yea, but I'm not quite sure where she is in LA. I'm going to have to call her later to get some updates on her whereabouts."

"I could just call her now. I'm super excited to see her, I'm sure she'd love to meet Vi too-- oh, and to tell her why we're here!" Larry says, excitement making him shimmy around in his seat as he pulls out his phone.

My body reacts instantly, tensing up like a cat in shock. Ash jumps too, nearly leaping over the table to stop Larry. "No! She's working!" She yells. It's so loud that you'd think she's trying to flip Larry's phone away from him with sound waves alone. True Stranger Things style.

"Oh...kay..." Larry trails off, pulling his phone closer to him so that Ash can't reach. "It's not that serious. I'll call her later, then. What's your deal?"

I swallow. Her reaction was really too much, but at least she's trying to cover for me. I would've sat there and let Larry call while my phone went off in my pocket.

Ash clears her throat, sitting back now that she threw the scenario into the trash. It was rocky, but her deflection was successful. "I know, just don't bother my girl while she's making money," she says matter-of-factly, holding her head high.

I note the way Sal shakes his head across the table. I haven't acknowledged his presence, nor has he acknowledged mine. It's awkward for the most part, but I think that awkwardness is only stemming from me. He seems to be perfectly in control with his short sleeved, black Iron Maiden shirt that shows off his tatted arms. I guess the LA summer heat was too much for him to wear a hoodie for once.

His electric eyes meet mine, no emotion in the endless depths of his irises. Like he couldn't care less that I'm here, which sounds a lot like him. And still, I fidget in my seat under his gaze. Can't help myself.

The edges of his dagger tattoo peek out from behind his hair, the shape of his Adam's apple clear due to the sun shining in through the window, casting shadows in all the right places. Necklaces are around his neck, some kind of silver chain and and old, really intricate cross necklace hanging right below it. And then his hand comes into view, the one that folded into a fist as a result of my touch just weeks ago in this exact restaurant.

There's something different though as he moves to grab onto the drink in front of him, dragging it closer.

The bottom of his prosthetic lifts as he sips from his straw, but that's when I notice what's different. It's a new tattoo-- Saniderm wrapped around his hand. It looks like... a skeleton hand tattooed onto his own. It's pretty sick and I'm so tired of him having great taste in art. Damn. Now I have a terrible excuse to stare at him some more when I shouldn't look anywhere near him at all.

On the other hand, have I ever mentioned how much of a blessing Michael is?

"Hi, everyone," his cheerful voice effectively distracts me from ogling Sal. I look over to my friend, noting his pink cheeks. Huh. "I'll be taking over as your waiter tonight. Your waitress had to leave," he glances at me as if to tell me that I made a good call by stepping out when I did. That's exactly the moment I realize that we're sitting in my section of the diner. Talk about a close call.

Okay, I should get the hard part over for him right? To thank him. I've got this. "Oh, hey, Mike!" I say, "Long time no see."

Poor Mike looks at me like a deer caught in headlights. "Hey... Vi..." he says quietly. Oh, Michael, please don't crap out on me now... I'm going to have to buy this man a cake for carrying me like this.

I smile at him awkwardly, trying to bypass this horrible excuse of an excuse that he and I are about to do horrible improv for. "So, how's Lexi?" I don't dare look a Sal whenever I say the name, but I do feel a shift in the energy at the table. "It's been weeks since I last saw you guys."

"Lexi doesn't work here anymore," Michael spits out nervously, sweat beginning to build on his forehead. Oh no, don't fucking fumble the bag, Mike!

I give him a look. One that has so many emotions and so many questions, but I just force out a simple, "What?" because what else do I say to that? Things are already beginning to go terribly. But it's okay. I'm a pathological liar at this point, and a catfisher? Maybe? Ha... Cat-FISHER.

I'm going to have a panic attack.

Michael pinches his lips together, red-faced as he glances at Sal. I turn my gaze to Sal too, noticing the way he's eyeing Mike like a hawk.

"Lexi is my girlfriend and she doesn't work here anymore." Michael says, his tone brave and assertive, but his facial expression says an entirely different thing.

Great heavens. Okay, so he's radically screwing everything up but that's okay— I'm a flexible person. He's... doing his best. I can work with this. I hope.

I have this image of him and I duking it out in my head. I have him by the collar, shaking him around like a ragdoll while I scream in his face that he's fucking up the plan. And in my mind he's just taking it because he's playing pure sub right now. I'm not even this submissive-- Michael is straight up breaking the BDSM spectrum.

I shove down my nerves and tilt my head at him. "Okay," I start with, slowly, feeling out what little room I have to work with. "I already knew she was your girlfriend," I say, raising my eyebrows even though he can't see. Saying this feels less incriminating for some reason. But I notice Sal snap his head down to the table. I almost feel bad. "But why doesn't she work here anymore?"

Michael looks off to the side, tapping his fingers against the menus in his arms. "Um, she's... she is..." I narrow my eyes at him. He's not even answering the question. I try to communicate with him through eye contact, bellowing at him to not. Fumble. The. Bag.

He gapes at me like a fish, our intense eye contact freaking him out even more. I sigh to myself. He fumbled whatever bag I'm going on about before he even got to our table.

He finally finds his voice after a second and says, "Lexi is working. At a... sperm... bank."

It takes every little inch of my being not to burst into tears. Holy hell. If anything I'm glad he fucked this up because the sperm bank excuse is hilarious no matter how you look at it. Even better is that it's so ridiculous and random that it's going to distract the entire table from the way he's royally screwing up this conversation.

Ash snorts beside me. Larry chokes on his coke. Todd is silent and so is Sal. Maybe the sperm bank thing will officially scare Sal away from Lexi. Yea-- this could work.

"That's a unique job," I struggle to push out, my voice wavering despite trying to forget what Mike just said. But it's hovering in my mind, like old memes from Vine that still make me cackle to this day. I really wish someone would have caught this entire interaction on video.

Michael glances to Sal again. And that's when I turn to find that the bluenette is glaring at my coworker with his arms crossed over his chest, a dangerous glint in his pretty eyes. Wow. That's a scary look, one that he hasn't even pulled out on me yet.

Mike is gaping again, trying to get words to, you know, word. I try to help him by saying, "I hope she likes it there! That's a big deal." But the words don't register in his mind. I can tell by the look of terror on his face, his gaze still glued to Sally.

My friend takes another second to gather himself, and right as a syllable leaves his lips-- one that he used his one working brain cell to come up with-- Sal interrupts him. He took perfect advantage of Mike's vulnerability.

"I'm not sorry for flirting with your girlfriend."

My eyes squeeze shut as butterflies slap at the lining of my intestines. This is ridiculous and I shouldn't feel flattered. I tilt my head down for a moment, trying to gather my wits. I figured out everything for Michael and I, but I didn't take Sal's response into account. I didn't think he'd have a response to begin with. I never would have thought he'd come up with this either.

"We'll, um," I say hoarsely, clearing my throat to regain my voice, but my heart is flitting about with excitement. I wish Sal never would have spoken. I look up at Mike, sending him a dismissive smile. "We'll order in a little bit. I'm still not sure about what I want. Thanks, Mike."

I've never seen someone scurry away so quickly before in my life.

"Is Lexi the chick you were trying to see over here?" Larry asks as soon as Michael's gone. I bite down on the inside of my cheek, watching as Sal glares at his step-brother. Yikes...

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom," I say, scooting out of the booth before anyone can stop me. I need to not be here right now. Ash is quick to stand up behind me, grabbing onto my hand. I turn, fearful that she's going to stop me, but she just smiles and juts her head forward, signaling me to keep walking.

I hope she doesn't ask me about Lexi. You couldn't even beat this information out of my dead body.

Ash and I take a singular step toward the bathroom, only to get stopped by my least favorite customer. I just want to die at this point. The stress is not worth anything. Not at all.

I've said before that many of the men that come into the diner are assholes of the patriarchy, the ones that tell me to stop talking and make them a sandwich, or comment about women's bodies. The shit that ticks me off beyond belief.

This man in particular smells like mildew and three years of straight sleep and bad breath. He's also not a looker, mind you. And then he's an asshole on top of it? I hate when my boss sends me to his table.

Even worse is watching him eye me after calling out to Ash and I with the words, "How much do you charge?"

My eyes narrow and the boys go quiet behind us. We're close enough for them to hear, especially for Ophelia to hear behind the bar.

She glances up at me, cleaning a glass and frowning.

I look back at the man. I never bothered remembering his name. "Excuse me, sir?" I ask, confused. I don't want to converse with this dickface.

"You're dressed like a whore so you gotta be selling yourself right?" he continues, a humorless chuckle following the grubby words.

I open my mouth then snap it shut, heat taking over my body. I'm embarrassed, really insecure about myself now, and pissed off. He thinks he can just say shit like this to anyone? What a pathetic joke.

Usually I can't do anything about this man since I'm the one serving him, but he doesn't know who I am and I'm not working at the moment. I can reign whatever hell that I want.

But I'm also exceptionally tired. Tired of this horrible job and little pay. Tired of holding up some persona that's already beginning to crash around me. Just tired.

"I'd rather look like a supposed whore than look like I just stepped out of the dumpster, sir. Have a day," I say dismissively. I don't have time for him and I've said my piece. If I go on any further, I'll get kicked out anyway and I've already given my coworkers enough trouble today.

'Have a day' is my favorite thing to say to customers who piss me off because they don't know if I forgot the 'good' or purposefully left it out. It's ominous and vaguely threatening.

Ash and I go to the bathroom and we don't stay there long. Neither of us talk. She just waits for me, like she knew I needed space but that I also needed her companionship. Just a moment away from the mess. Silence. Which is so much more than appreciated, I can't even begin to explain how much I adore my best friend.

She watches me wash my hands through the mirror, her arms crossed over her chest and a content smile on her lips. As we start to walk out, she says, "I'm not sure how long you'll be able to keep up the lie about y/n." and she's right. I'm going to face a dead end soon here. "You're obligated to have a sleepover with me tonight so we can come up with a plan, and so you can answer some major questions I have about you right now. My spidey senses are tingling super hard."

Her hand rubs my back and I nod, smiling thankfully at her. Of course she has questions. My entire presence here is questionable right now.

We resurface next to the bar, but looking up at where our booth is shows that it's empty. I'm about to voice my confusion to Ash, but then I notice Lia running around the bar to get to us.

My eyebrows scrunch together as my coworker stops in front of me, eyes on Ash before they focus on me. She mulls over her thoughts for a moment, gaping just like her boyfriend does. Did the boys do something bad?

"We had to... We kicked Sally Face out," is what she says, shocking both me and Ash.

"What?" Ash asks, startled. "What happened?"

Ophelia blinks at Ash, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "He, uh, he walked up to that... that guy at the bar. Kicked his stool out from underneath him. Then he asked me for a drink. Malibu and pineapple."

Ash sighs and I blink at Lia. I don't even know what to think. Did Sal do that for me? And to ask for my favorite drink on top of that...

No. It's impossible. There's no way he would. He just did it for the sake of feminism. That feminism that is nonexistent when it comes to me. Yea, he definitely didn't do that to avenge me. And he was probably just in the mood for alcohol and pineapple juice right? He could never remember the one drink I ever brought up around him. There's no way.

"Sal doesn't even drink all that much," Ash hisses. "What the hell is he doing?" She bites down on her thumb nail, free hand on her hip.

I swallow down all the emotions building up in me. There are so many that I don't even know how to distinguish a single one right now. This is too much. This entire day is too much.

"Okay," I whisper to myself. "Thanks, Lia," I say gratefully. "And thank Mike for me, too, please. I'm going to get everyone out of here before-- yea." I nod to myself, but it isn't very reassuring.

Lia grabs my hand. "We didn't call the police because that asshole had it coming, but someone else might have. It's better to go now."

I nod again, taking yet another deep breath before guiding Ash to the front doors of the diner. The boys are standing right outside, no doubt waiting for Ash and I.

I feel very similar to the way I did when Sal ended our shit-uationship. I'm so confused and so hopeless, but hopeful. So pained, but relieved. I don't know how to handle the way I feel. I can't work myself out of this awful situation now because he's here. He's here and his hair is billowing softly in the wind, showing off his tattooed neck. And a cigarette is between his index and middle finger as he looks out at the jam-packed street. And then his boot is stomping out the butt of his cigarette on the ground.

The nail in the coffin is when he bends over to pick up the cigarette butt and throw it into the trashcan right outside the diner. He would be perfect if he wasn't such an emotionless prick.

I want to cry. I want to feel him again. I want to shoot him with a paintball gun one more time. I want to run my fingers over all his tattoos. I want him to shiver in fear and pleasure because of me. I hate him so much that it's become obsessive.

I lick my lips as I come to a top in front of my friends, more notably, right in front of Sal.

He turns away from the trashcan behind him, his shoulder-length hair following his movements. When he notices me, he stops and stares disinterestedly. The action is so forced though that it feels like it's hiding something else. Like he doesn't want me to know what he just did in the diner.

I watch him. My eye contact is a threat, a warning, a question, begging. Everything, I try to show him through my gaze.

And then I nod at him subtly despite myself. Even if it wasn't for me, he put that guy in his place and I think that's something to appreciate. But at the end of the day, he still left me upset and he's an asshole so I can't find it in myself to physically tell him thank you. The nod will do.

I turn my attention to the rest of The Faces. "I can make brunch in my apartment if that works with y'all?"

And that's how I've made another mistake today. That's why The Faces are walking down the streets of Los Angeles, my apartment just two buildings away.

There's so much wrong with this decision I've made. I should have never invited them over. What if dad is home? He shouldn't be-- but still. There's so much that could go wrong.

But the walk is going disturbingly well. Ash and Larry ooh and ahh at the streets of Los Angeles— which are normal to me. But I understand the charm too. I was very fond of LA when I first came here.

We walk into my apartment building, everyone speaking a little quieter as we traipse through Lobby. I don't speak, I just listen. And I take it that Todd and Sal are doing the same.

My apartment building is nothing special. It's boring, it's the lowest end of mainstream you can get. It's like a 90's apartment in Manhattan, but make it modern and LA. To put it short, it's the cheapest Dad and I could find here.

Having The Faces step into my territory feels like a time bomb ticking down the last few seconds. It's scary, and it puts me in a vulnerable position. I don't have much of a choice— I'm the one who thought of this idea. And I feel like I owe it to my friends to make them something to eat after they got kicked out of the diner. Not that it was my fault, but it was my customer's fault. I feel guilty for some unreasonable reason.

There's always risk though, and I run through my list of said risks as we take the elevator to my apartment. Being in someone's living space is daring, considering that family stuff is all around. Photos on the wall, artwork with family name's on them, doctor appointments and reminders on the refrigerator. Everything is risky, risky, risky.

Lucky for me, dad and I still haven't quite settled in yet. It's been a year, but we're also both constantly moving around. Dad is in hotels for weeks on end and I work most days. We unloaded and fixed our necessities, but other than that, our walls are bare and nothing of note is on our refrigerator. I should be fine.

We finally empty out into the hallway that leads to my apartment and I have to swallow down the anxiety rushing through me. Nothing has gone wrong and I can only hope that the last leg of this walk will go well for me. I just want one thing to go right today, just one. That's all I'm asking.

I get to my door, I shakily slide my key into the lock, and I open it and let all my friends in, watching their eyes bounce around the living room. I nearly slam the door shut once everyone is safe and inside.

I got my wish. Thank you to whoever granted me a little bit of peace on this unfortunate day.

"You need to get a new carpet."

It's the second time I've heard him speak today. The raspy, monotonous, alto tone of his makes me pause. He wasn't insulting, the way he said that was just commentary. But his voice alone feels like a declaration of war and all the panic and fear I've been enduring for the past— what? Half hour?— is replaced with some kind of desirous agony. Like I've been waiting for him to just... just speak.

"You have a problem with everything, don't you?" I respond, my voice biting into the stale air of my living room. I should've simply asked why he felt that way, but I have reasons. For example, the shit I've put up with today has me on edge. Another reason is Sal bombarding me on all ends without him even realizing it, then being so tense with all these horrible decisions I'm making. I'm really itching for a fight right now and I know I can get it from him. I can practically feel my eyes dilating with the excitement that's ransacking my body at the mere prospect of an argument.

Sal's head turns over his shoulders, body somewhat rigid. One hand in his pocket, the other with the fresh tattoo resting at his side. His eyes are narrowed, scrutinizing me and no doubt wondering who the hell I think I am.

"There's a giant fucking stain on your black carpet," he snaps, gesturing his tatted hand at the light green splatter that dad fussed me for weeks ago. That time I was watching The Faces' Youtube video and spilled my damn mint chocolate chip ice cream. When this entire thing between Sal and I was started. Because he had to go and judge me without getting to know me first. "Be happy I even mentioned it," he mutters, tone clipped.

"You think I didn't notice?" I laugh humorlessly. I wasn't lying when I said he has a problem with everything. Seriously— he just stepped foot into my home and has something negative to say about it. "And why don't you guess who's fault it is that the carpet is stained, huh?" The words rush past my lips, all hardly held back fury and expectation for the worst.

Sal tilts his head in a way that begs me to try him again, then turns his entire body to me. He shuts his eyes and holds up a hand, pausing before saying, "It surely isn't my fault if that's what you're implying." He even adds a snort at the end.

"Actually," I say cheerily, chin up and head high because it's quite literally all his fault that I dropped my ice cream whenever I heard him talking about me all those weeks ago. "Yea it is. I was sitting right there," I point to the edge of the sofa nearest the stained part of the carpet. "While listening—"

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, and I did it to myself. Again.

How could I be so stupid? Here I am, openly and happily about to expose my true identity just to make a point. Just to be right. To win. To gain some catharsis from a meaningless argument.

I snap my mouth shut, swallowing over the relentless pounding of my heart. I blink at Sal who's waiting expectantly for me to finish what I was saying. What do I say? How do I save myself?

My palms sweat, my legs quake. Oh, this is so bad. Is this my real downfall? Is this where I break? It's going to happen. I'm going to pass out or have a psychotic break. Maybe I'm going insane— maybe I've been clinically insane for weeks now. At least I could plead not guilty at my murder trial. I've had a lot of murder on my mind today, haven't I?

But there's a knock at the door and bless the heart of whoever is about to punch my door hinges off. Any other situation and I'd be losing my mind over someone knocking so hard, but my savior is behind this hunk of wood.

I let out a shaky breath and tilt my head downwards, pretending like I'm too fed up to continue my argument. It's perfect. The best excuse.

But Sal's eyes burn into me, the scrutinizing, heavy blue trapping me in my own guilt. A narrow waterway hidden behind the confines of his prosthetic, haunting me day and apparently at night too. I find myself stuck, my gaze piercing his and waiting for something that will never come. I don't even know what that something is.

"Never mind," I grunt, spinning on my heels and taking a singular step toward my door.

I twist the knob, relieved by the silence behind me. No one cares enough to ask what that was about. I escaped... somehow.

And then I swing the door open, gaze up at the last person I expected to see, hear a resounding and excited, "Bitch!" and intellectually (smartest decision I've ever made) slam the door back in their face.

Oh no. Oh no, oh fuck.

I forgot.

____________

A/N:::::: 50K is such a dream come true and i really wish i could find more words to explain how excited and whole i feel. when i first started writing at 13, i was also reading on wattpad and fanfiction.com. I saw all these writers getting so many views and comments about their works, and i wondered if that would be me some day. i worked hard for the first couple years of my writing career and my only reader was my lovely sister (thank you amititty) and i realized that i needed to do something different. i started practicing more, and then i got into fanfiction rather than just fiction. and that's when something changed. i'll never forget the day when maybe today got 1k views-- i cried and wept like a baby for HOURS because it meant the entire world to me. little 18 year old ryver had no fucking clue that we'd get this far. that 1k on my trial book would turn into 50k on the next. i'm in tears typing this right now, in disbelief. every single one of you are my reason for writing, for brainstorming, for getting through my day... i consider you guys in everything i do. all the love in this world-- every ounce of affection, of adoration, of admiration-- does not compare to how special all of you are to me. you are all so dear to me, my friends and penpals that keep me going and remind me that the world isn't all bad, that not everyone is bad. so thank you for following me down this road and i hope we can continue like this. i wish we could all stay this way forever! but maybe, just maybe, i'll get to sign published copies of my books for you guys someday. get to follow through on my dream to hug all of you. there's never a way to tell what the future holds, but i believe it's pretty bright. thank you. i love you all with all the working neurons in my brain and numerous blood cells in my body <333

so about this chapter-- i have been looking forward to it since the very first chapter of this story. a lot of things have changed since then, including the chapter, but i still think the contents are a nice surprise and fucking HILARIOUS >.< i just hope you guys like it too! it was kind of hard to get out because i had all these ideas and images and feelings that i desperately needed to portray perfectly, but some things are just unable to be captured by words. my goal was to get as much as i was feeling onto paper (or computer?), so i hope you guys feel all the fear, desperation, and admiration going on! i deleted, retyped, and deleted again so many scenes and parts of this. and jesus christ this is an exceptionally long author's note MY BAD

anyway, as always, you guys own my heart and i love you to infinity and beyond!! i'll link pictures of y/n's red dress and sal's tattoo below <3

p.s. i have an announcement coming soon! nothing big, but i am trying something new so stay turned :3

[ajokeformur-ray]

GOOD personal news!!!! (I am Proud™️ of myself)!!!!!

So, okay. I am slightly hesitant to share this in case it's only temporary, but @darklylucid very kindly told me to share it because it's good news and it's something to be proud of!!!❤️

TW; talks of negative anti-depressant side effects and me being irresponsible with prescribed medication, mentions of nausea and bad periods, mentions of health anxieties such as being sick as a result of medications and self-starvation (it's all because meds made me feel so sick I couldn't eat etc.), talks and discussions of stress, anxiety, depression and cognitive behavioural therapy, talks of doctors visits, one mention of covid boosters and bad side effects from that, one mention of passive suicidal ideation, this is a positive post but please read with caution if anything in this tw paragraph may upset or offend you!

I started therapy for my stress and severe anxiety five weeks ago. When I started, my anxiety and depression scores were both at 21/21. I was, essentially, a walking anxiety attack experiencing passive suicidal ideation.

Today, two weeks after uni officially started and five weeks after starting therapy, I scored 12/21 for both anixety and depression for the third week in a row, meaning both have improved to being moderate without medication!!!

(We all remember the absolute fear surrounding that fiasco and I still say medication wasn't the right treatment plan for me. I do have a prescription but I never picked it up and I won't pick it up because of how bad the physical side effects were. The nausea got so bad I was actively starving myself for seven weeks because I couldn't eat anything, while in the middle of end of year assignments and my job pulling me in for overtime constantly. My health anxiety, generalised anxiety and lifestyle couldn't sustain it. Everyone told me to "give it time", but after seven weeks of the worst periods I've ever had in my life and of constant nausea, I couldn't take it anymore so I quit my medication cold turkey without consulting my doctor. The medication was hurting me and not even working; I felt worse physically and mentally and my anxiety was still there, except I also felt like a zombie. I was offered a different medication but I never picked up the prescription for it out of fear that this would continue, since all SSRIs have the same side effects. I have told my therapist this and though she doesn't know any details beyond "I don't want to take it", she supports my decision. A week after I stopped my medication, my periods returned to normal and the nausea disappeared, my appetite came back and I felt better. I refuse to try again and have decided to focus on my therapy as the treatment plan. Medication isn't right for me and that's okay.)

I don't know if this improvement in my anxiety and depression is because of the therapy or because I now wake up at 3am to study before I go to work, which means that I study when I am fresh and well-rested, go to work, then come home and only have to relax, which means more free time. This decreases my stress, which lowers my anxiety and therefore improves my depression (my anxiety was so severe it caused the depression; they are not two separate conditions in my case), and means I can eat and sleep better and more.

The lifestyle switch and therapy both started at the same time, so I can't say for sure which has led to the improvement in my mental well-being, but I find myself not caring all that much. I am healing, I am doing well, I have had one anxiety attack in the last month, and that's... the news I wanted to share. My hair is gorgeous, I am eating and sleeping well, I am happier, healthier, I am not behind in uni, therapy is helping me... I'm not perfect, that would mean I don't exist, but I am healing and in a good place right now. I'm not sure if this is temporary, since uni has just started and I won't know until Christmas since that's when they throw us in at the deep end with the syllabus, but I still wanted to share this news.

I didn't think I could handle therapy, uni and my job at the same time, let alone looking for work experience in the mental health sector, but here I am, doing what I thought I couldn't, and dare I say it... I'm happy. I caught myself smiling while brushing my hair this morning, and apart from a few weeks ago when the covid booster gave me chest pains for a week, I can't remember the last time I had a tight chest due to stress and/or anxiety.

I can't thank you all enough for your friendships, encouragement, love, support, comments, asks... you've all helped me so so much, you do help me, and now I'm feeling better, I'm going to be looking at focusing on writing again. Especially since I'm not sure if this is temporary or not - but I feel hopeful for the future and for myself, for the first time in... a decade or so. I think I'm gonna be okay and right now, at least, I'm proud of myself.❤️

[lawfulneeds]

szayelaporro rant just to feel something . So . he is my beautiful husband yes i know i call him my wife but he is my husband. i am the girl uke bottom idiot woman in this relationship #wedonthavesex BUT i am his princess . because sometimes freakishly tall scruffy asian men need to be princesses ok ? and NO i am not talking about nnoitra (i technically kinda am but id rather kill myself than let myself rant about nnoiszay) but my sweet angel is actually crazy right so like . Why tf would i an exception, but i dont think he experiments on me because he thinks im weak and is like “No, Jack, I’d rather keep you alive. You make good company. Smile.” (yes he says smile out loud, so do i and the rest of my family tree) id like to think he just rubs my head like im not even a being to him and moreso just a specimen who follows him around (SORT OF LIKE HOW NNOITRAS LIKE ‘tesra just follows me around’ BUT NNOITRA AND TESRA ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND WAY MORE COMPLEX IN A WAY ILL SAVE FOR A DIFFERENT TIME) also i hc szayels touchy ^_^ because despite not getting close to his enemies, he’ll caress and lean on the other espada (and the fracciónes too don’t think i forgot) so he just fucking pets me and is like “Aw. How cute, you’re so compliant I almost thought you were braindead!” and then i drool 🤤 ANYWAY. i have a couple strands of hair on my head that my brother likes to call feelers, so i believe they like to feel szayelaporro. WHO HAS THICK HAIR . AHEM…MY THICK HAIRED, WELL MAINTAINED KING. sorry my canon headcanons. he lets me run around inside of his palace and sleep on his bed but im not allowed to touch any equipment 🩷 he genuinely thinks im fucking stupid but like . I’m not (ive analyzed more than he knows) so it’s whatever szayel [insert lawfulneeds beating card here] but i love him! and he loves me! he gives me like some clothes he has and is like “Here. So you can still detect me with your scent.” and it’s lowk sweet ty my angel but hey What? appreciate dat shit on yhwach but do you think im a dog? but hes right i like to Smell him [smiles like the image of squidward where hes like guys it’s okay] i also like to lick him mmm [stomach growls] but im really normal about him. Smile. its also canon in szaylaw lore is that he hits me with his clipboard, on the head, over the head, on the side, in my stomach, on my dick, and other various places and im like “? what i even said” or it goes something like [CENSORED] [REDACTED] [ARCHIVED] [SPOILERED] [BLURRED] [DELETED] [VANISHED] but he also likes to just straight up no diddy beat me [insert lawfulneeds beating cards again] but its one of his many green flags™️ so if you judge him i will fucking kill you until you wake up dead so leave my husband alone!!!!! [clings to him yaoi style, slaps his ass and you hear a screenshot sound] i also just remembered that my brother headcanoned that he annoys nnoitra with his yapping of me and it’s like aww :3 he gaf… but i think it’s more like “(playing with his hair and staring at the ceiling dreamily) Nnoitra you don’t understand. I need him dead.” “(praying mantis accent) do you want me to kill him????? tf?” “(his pupil twitches like in the anime where it just shakes) NO. i mean it in an AFFECTIONATE way you BRUTE. like how i talk about YOU, when i say i want to RIP YOU APART.” “(his eye opens and somehow get more buglike) WHAT DO YOU MEAN BRUTE????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN RIP ME APART????!?!?!?!l” then the two start arguing and maybe even kiss in the middle of it, which confuses the spectating tesra who is trying to calm nnoitra down like “(trying his hardest not to baby voice nnoitra) no nnoitra you’re the strongest espada, szayelaporro doesn’t know what hes talking about” and szayelaporros like “strongest espada? im surprised hes even at number five!” then nnoitra gets even angrier so it doesn’t get any better and its like oouuu….yikes. then it happens again same time next week. but that’s all i have to say about szayelaporro as my husband. Gulp. [turns off livestream]

[illumiera]

sending you yet another ask. ‘Q’ and ‘U’ for ellie and miraak, and ‼️ for you! :3

thank you for yet another delicious ask, jules! 🤲

✨ ask game! ✨

Q. first act of non-sexual intimacy (e.g. washing the other's hair, taking a bath together, sharing food)

ah, I love this question! for Elentari and Miraak's first act of non-sexual intimacy, I'm tempted to say it comes shortly after they escape Apocrypha. he sleeps a long time after his resurrection—two weeks, really snorking those mimis—and she spends a lot of this time sitting at his bedside, guarding him as fiercely as a dragon does its treasure. in fact, how about I let her tell you about it? 😼

She swears to herself that she won’t reach out for him, not even when his brows furrow and his clawed fingernails dig into the embroidered quilt. It’s too dangerous, knowing what she wants and yet can’t allow herself to have. Her dragon soul and her mortal heart are both greedy things, after all, and neither will be sated with just one gesture of tenderness. She’ll stay still, or sit on her own hands if need be, but she won’t do anything more than watch and make sure he’s safe this first night—and then he starts to toss his head and thrash, straining away from something or straining towards it, and before she can finish damning herself for it, her fingers are twining in his hair. “Drem, Dovahkiin,” she murmurs as she brushes spun-gold strands from his burning forehead, as she undoes his tangled braids and combs them smooth so gently that she doesn’t detect even the slightest wince, and as she discovers that his hair is so, so much softer than she could have imagined. “Nid faas het, zu’u kaat. It’s not real, whatever you’re seeing. It might have been once, but you’re not there now, no matter how much it feels like it. You’re here with me, safe with me, in the Fourth Era, and—” Despite herself, her fingers have drifted down to skim from his temple to the pale, thin scar slicing his cheekbone; they trace the length of it once, twice, as she wonders why he kept it, skilled mage that he is. “And I really would like for you to wake up and see it.” It could get a person drunk, this—this touching. Just as Elentari decides against intoxicating herself further and makes to pull away, his hand flies up out of nowhere and seizes hers. “’Sili.” She doesn’t dare breathe, healer’s excuse at the ready, but instead of waking and eyeing her like she’s some sort of madwoman—a not-inaccurate assessment given the circumstances, she can’t help but think—he folds his fingers between hers, snaring her as surely as if in any spell, and sighs, “Stay.” And whatever his dreams are, she can’t leave him to face them alone. So she stays, perched there on the chair with her hand in his, until the hearthglow dims to embers that limn the places their fingers meet in muted molten candle-gold, like sunlight, like cleansing fire.

U. first pet-names/nicknames they give each other

this is where I rub my hands together like a mischievous raccoon—because of the Time Nonsense™️ I like to play around with, this one has two possible answers!

in the Fourth Era, Miraak calls Elentari dii rinisil or rinisili not long after they meet. he intentionally mistranslates or implies that it means "the equal to my soul", but she soon enough realises that it actually means "my same-soul", which feels like a totally different thing. they have a lot of pet names for one another (they're disgusting.), but this one gets a lot of use.

meanwhile, in the Merethic Era, Miraak (who isn't yet Miraak at this point) meets her in a dream and calls her kundruniik, or "light-bringer", since he doesn't know her actual name and won't learn it for thousands of years. you could say that this is the first name she was ever gven, way before her parents ever named her Elentari.

(also, in the Merethic Era, Ellie is the first to use rinisili for him, though Fourth Era Miraak doesn't remember that until she restores his memories to him...)

‼️ free space! tell us about a notable "first" in your writing journey!

answered here!

[thewingedswine]

Stripes by @psychoticdraconis✨

It’s been an eventful year for me, and I’ve lost a lot of friends in the wake of all the time I’ve spent in the hospital. I’ve had my gallbladder and part of my pancreas removed, a lobe of my liver, some bone in my cheek and jaw, and it was topped off with a pulmonary embolism just a few weeks ago like a macabre cherry on a melting sundae✨ I’ve spent every waking moment for the past 365 days wondering if my body is going to eat me; wondering if maybe this time when I am rushed to the emergency room, it will be my last.

The friends that were only with me for what I could provide for them are gone now. I’m not that good at making new ones. So when you started commenting on every chapter, telling me you were with me, asking if I was okay, following all my accounts and holding my hand every day in my dms, i want you to know it meant something. It wasn’t just the silly progression of internet friends for me. I love you with all my heart, M, and I want you to know that as long as we’re friends I’ll be happy to write for you. I’ll be happy to be a horny Degenerate™️ with you, and share your hardships and laugh with you for as long as I live. Thank you for the art, and thank you even more for sticking around💕

[reverie-starlight]

Bestie, my love, light of my life (for reals :( ) I’m in my thoughts™️ thinking about atsumu being like. Super, always prepared with a plan b whenever your plans get changed bc he never wants to disappoint you and I’m soft smh 🥺🧡 going above and beyond to make you happy; pls feel free to feed me because the brainrot is so real????

gn!reader, pure fluff <3, but mentions of anxiety and feelings of helplessness but like very minor. no angst.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UMMM OKAY YES. as someone who absolutely hates and does not respond well to change, i would be sososososo appreciative of this??? i really drew from personal experiences here- 

like?? he would so totally have a plan b because he knows you don’t like it when the things you planned together don’t go the way you wanted, he knows it makes you anxious when things you thought you had control over get seemingly ripped away from you by the universe. 

but he knows you never end up making plan b’s on your own because once you get excited about something, you let yourself think there’s no way it could end up not happening. and you know you shouldn’t set yourself up for disappointment, but it’s so easy to forget about a plan b when you’ve figured out everything to perfection.

which means he makes sure you both have a back up plan so you still feel like there’s a sense of security when it doesn’t go to plan. 

(a smol sidenote abt the lengths atsumu would go for you: if he could, he would totally take on the fates in a fist fight if it meant keeping a smile on your face forever.)

he doesn’t always need to come up with a backup plan but he has one anyway!!

the night before he has to use his plan b for the first time, you're sitting in bed and excitedly rambling on about everything you're going to do the next day ( for the third time that week since you planned it) as he gets ready for bed.

he has a smile on his face that you don't see because you're staring up at the ceiling instead. "okay so we're going to wake up early and head to the café for breakfast, then the zoo, because it shouldn't be busy on a week day... and after that I thought we could head over to that new photo op place with the cool backgrounds and take some cute pictures. it's been a while since we've done our own mini photoshoot. does that sound okay, 'tsum?"

"it sounds perfect, baby, thank you again for planning it all out."

you give him a shy smile and shake your head a bit. "it's nothing, I'm just glad you're going to enjoy it too. it's not often we both have a day off together, so I wanted it to be perfect."

except the next morning you head out only to find that the café you wanted to try out was closed. you frowned, but atsumu just took your hand and lead you back to the car. "it's okay! I know another place we can go, it's not too far out of the way. you'll like it, I promise."

you debated for a second, not sure if you should just wait for it to open or go along with your boyfriend's idea. but ultimately he convinced you that it was much better than throwing your schedule off by a couple of hours.

he heard you sigh as you got into the car and shook off the minor setback. it was one thing, surely the rest of the day will go as planned, you reasoned with yourself and turned up the music a bit, wanting to sing along with atsumu as he drove.

thankfully you ended up adoring the place your boyfriend suggested, and you were in much better spirits the next time you got in the car.

you weren't aware, but he was happy that the first part of his backup plan came in handy.

the next item on your list was the zoo. you were ready to walk off your meals and look at some cool animals, now, but the second you arrived in the parking lot, it started to rain.

and not just a light drizzle, either, it was pouring.

"what?!" you yelled, "I checked the weather three times yesterday and once before we left, it wasn't supposed to rain! I mean, I brought umbrellas just in case, anyway, but we can't walk in this!"

you looked so distraught that atsumu reached over to rub your arm. "baby, it's alright! here- we can sit in the car for ten minutes and if it doesn't let up anytime soon, I have an idea for what we can do instead."

a whine escaped your mouth. "but 'tsum, our plans-"

"it'll all be okay, y/n/n, I promise. do ya trust me?"

you nodded and gripped his hand. he brought them up to his mouth and kissed the back of yours a few times. "I know you wanted everything to be perfect, but don't let a couple changes in our plans ruin your mood, alright, sweetheart? anything I do with you is perfect for me."

"you are disgustingly sweet, I love you so much," you laughed at him as he let out a shocked sound.

ten minutes later, the rain still hadn't let up and he drove you over to the aquarium a few blocks away. truthfully, when he found out you'd both have a day off together he had planned out his own day for the two of you just in case something like this happened. he'd never tell you unless you explicitly asked, but it was something he always did for you.

and thankfully, his plans weren't so different than your own. café, then animal themed attraction. then a mini photoshoot (because he knew you were getting antsy with all the "fan" accounts of his bringing up how you guys never post each other anymore so it must either be a PR thing or a breakup). then home for dinner and hopefully lots of cuddles after.

he pulled into the parking lot and he noticed your eyes light up a bit. "the aquarium? atsumu, you genius!"

he grinned and sat a bit straighter in the driver's seat. you were never shy about complimenting him or feeding into his ego.

after parking the car and reaching for the umbrellas, he glanced at you. "get ready to run, there were no spots open close to the entrance."

you nodded and got out of the car, undoing your umbrella and making a mad dash for the building. the both of you were laughing the whole time, earning some stares from bystanders.

once you were inside, you purchased your tickets and made your way through. atsumu would never admit this either, because he hated to see you disappointed, but he was glad the zoo didn't work out. now he got to see your eyes shine brighter, both with excitement and the reflection of the water from the tanks as you stared at the sharks in awe.

it was safe to say he definitely admired you more than the sea life.

you left the aquarium a few hours later happy and holding a stuffed dolphin that he insisted on buying you from the gift shop. you glanced up at the sky before stepping out from underneath the entrance. "it stopped raining, finally."

he took your hand and made way to the car. "photo op place next?"

you nodded and got in the driver's seat. "my turn to drive, you don't know how to get there."

"GPS exists, baby."

you gave him a deadpan look. "last time we used GPS we were half an hour late to your brother's dinner reservations because you insisted you knew a faster route."

"in my defense I didn't think there would be so much construction."

"mhm, just let me drive."

"...fine."

twenty minutes later, you were trying not to pop a blood vessel while you spoke to the lady at the reception desk. "but there's nothing on your website about needing to make a reservation! it literally says that walk-ins are an option!"

"I'm very sorry, but there's a limit to how many people can enter the rooms at a time and we're at max capacity right now. the next available time we can get you in is next week, if that's alright."

you wanted to cry. atsumu could see you struggling to stay calm and quickly sent the lady a charming smile. "no, that's alright, but thank you anyway! have a nice day."

when you got back to the car, you finally gave in to the stress that had been building up all day. you were thankful that atsumu always had a solution to your issues that worked out, but you felt so out of control now that literally everything you planned for the day had gone wrong.

tears welled up in your eyes and atsumu rubbed your back. "it's okay, baby, let it out."

"I just wanted our day together to go smoothly, and I know you said earlier you were happy with anything but I had it all planned, 'tsum. and it ended up being a really nice day, I'm happy about that, but I feel so useless! I hate it when things don't go to plan."

"I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry what ya had planned didn't end up happening, it's frustrating. I hate seein' ya disappointed, but think about it- we stayed on theme with what ya originally had planned. it didn't differ too much."

you shrugged and nodded a bit. "I guess..."

he wiped away a tear and kissed your cheek. "can I take over one last time? we can still do our photoshoot. I know a real pretty place, much better than whatever this place had to offer for sure. and then dinner and what we watch tonight is all your pick."

you glanced at him and nodded, attempting a small smile. "sure, 'tsum... thank you. this might have been a lot worse if you hadn't been here. I appreciate you, you know how to make me feel more secure in moments like this. I love you."

he winked and smiled back at you. "anything for the love of my life."

fine, maybe things hadn't totally gone to plan, but you were learning to let go of that. you trusted atsumu, so you just had to trust that everything would be okay so long as he was involved. he always made sure of it.

(and in the end you got some really amazing pictures that definitely silenced those accounts saying you broke up. obviously no one would assume that after atsumu posted a... just slightly too-hot-for-instagram photo of the two of you posing with his hands all over you in front of some roses...and then one more from the very end of the night when you were cuddled up in bed.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I... kinda don't love how this turned out I won't lie. I don't hate it, but I'm scared I didn't do it justice, I'm so sorry emmy!! but regardless, I hope you enjoyed, this prompt was SO CUTE!!! and thank you for sending it innnn <333

have a nice day everyone :)

pls consider reblogging, it helps me out <3

[honeyhobi]

Hello! Don't feel pressured to make something with this but I figured I would send one in ❤️🐈 Spider and/or any other characters you're feeling inclined to write, and a combination or just pick which ones work of; 2 (time loop), 39 (avoiding a conversation), 49 (self-sacrificial)

Put That Guy In A Situation™️ Ask Game!

Crossposted on AO3

2. Time Loop and 49. Self-sacrificial + Spider Socorro

Content Warnings: Brief Father/Son Incest, Non-con, and Major Character Death

It happens the same way every time. 

The Sea Dragon crashes. A battle breaks out. The surface of the sea alights with fire. Neteyam’s eyes go lifeless. His blood stains Spider’s hands.

Then he wakes up in the morning in that tiny bunk on the ship, with his murderer’s monster’s rapist’s kidnapper’s father’s head between his legs. This many repetitions into the loop, things that were once funny to relive have become constants that Spider uses to stay sane. Wainfleet burns his tongue on too-hot coffee during breakfast in the commons. The days (weeks, months, eternities) old bruises on his hips start to turn from purple to green. One of the crewmembers in the control room during the debriefing on the tulkun hunt from yesterday (yesterday for everyone else, fifty-eight days ago for Spider) slips a hand under his tewng, only to get his nose promptly broken by Zdinarsk. 

And just when the start of midday comes around, Quaritch spots the Sullys and some Metkayina kids trying to free a tulkun from one of the Sea Dragon’s trackers. It all goes downhill from there. 

He’s tried to change it over a dozen different ways. He’s used his mouth to distract his father from going out on deck, but someone else always spots the kids anyway. He’s tried slowing the crew down by throwing a fit in the control room, in the dining commons, out on the deck when Prager pins Lo’ak face down on the ground. Every single time they just lock him up below deck and forget about him while he drowns with the sinking ship. And when he doesn’t change anything, just goes through the motions of the loop in hopes that something will miraculously be different this time, he ends up back here. 

Here, on an outcropping of rock, with the waves lapping at his feet and Neteyam’s blood spilling everywhere.

“I want to go home,” Neteyam says through ragged breaths. His voice is small, scared, a reminder like a poison arrow right to the heart of how young he is. Younger than Spider, even though he always acted otherwise.

Jake cradles his son’s face, and almost subconsciously Spider mouths along to his next words. ‘I know, I know. We’re goin’ home. It’s okay.”

But it’s not. Because Neteyam still goes wide eyed as he looks at his dad, not quite seeing him but instead seeing right through him. He gasps, “Dad, I—” 

And that’s it. In every version that Spider has ended up here, Neteyam never gets to finish his sentence. 

“No,” Spider whispers, but his voice is lost beneath Neytiri’s same awful, wailing scream. 

“No. No, no, no. Neteyam!” 

Lo’ak sits back in shock as reality sets in. The Metkayina girl that Spider learned is named Tsireya somewhere around loop thirty cries quietly to herself. Jake pulls Neytiri into a hug, but it doesn’t make a single thing better.

“Dammit!” Spider shouts, slamming his fists against the rock. His knuckles split and ocean water intermingles with his blood, and the sharp sting of it only fuels the fire in his chest. He looks up to the sky, at the disappearing sun as eclipse draws nearer.

He screams, “What do you want from me? What could I possibly do that’ll be enough to end this?” 

Eywa does not respond. He screams again, wordless and agonizing, beats his hands against the rock again and again even as Jake and Tsireya reach for him. They call his name, restrain his arms so he can’t hurt himself anymore. He fights, hissing and spitting and yelling nonsense. 

“Get off me! Don’t, don’t touch me! Daddy, don’t! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s my fault, get off!” He’s probably crying. He always cries. 

This is supposed to be Neteyam’s moment. Spider is being selfish for taking the attention away from a grieving family, but it doesn’t really matter. They’ll have a million more chances to grieve if things keep going the way they are. Spider will have a million more chances to watch as the breath leaves Neteyam’s lungs, and Spider wants nothing more than to be the one bleeding out on these rocks instead—

He abruptly stops struggling against Jake, who at some point has pulled Spider into a restraining bear hug. The sky goes dark as eclipse cuts through the day, but Spider has never before seen a light as bright as this one. Jake loosens his grip minutely.

“Spider?” He asks. His voice is rough with tears. “Are you back with me?”

Spider nods his head wordlessly, and Jake lets go. He moves around to be in Spider's line of sight, his hands up placatingly like he expects Spider to lash out at any moment. But Spider has never felt calmer than he has at this moment. 

“I figured it out.”

“Figured what out, kiddo?” Jake's tone is patronizing in its gentleness. 

“What I have to do to stop this.” Spider doesn’t explain further, because any moment now Jake will stop listening as Quaritch starts speaking into the comms. 

“Stop wha–” Right on time, Jake's focus turns inwards as his earpiece comes to life.

And Spider moves into action. Before anyone can shout in alarm, before they can think to stop him, he rips off his mask and chucks it as hard and as far as he can into the ocean. 

“No!” Lo'ak yells and reaches for Spider's hand, but he’s too slow. 

Even Neytiri sits up from hunching over Neteyam's body to cry out in denial. Tsireya probably doesn't quite understand the importance of the mask, but she immediately dives into the water after it anyway. She won't find it in time. Spider takes a giant gulp of toxic air, relishes in how his lungs reject it even as they try to pull more in. His fingers go numb, his vision blurry, and then his head is on somebody's lap.

“What did you do? Spider, what the fuck did you just do!” Someone shouts above him. It doesn't matter who.

“It's okay,” he tries to tell them, but he isn’t sure it comes out that way. 

“No, you stay with me, boy! I can't lose another son!” That’s Jake, he realizes, screaming his name and shaking him relentlessly as if that'll stop the inevitable. 

Spider would feel more guilty about putting them through this if he didn't already know they won't remember it in the next loop.

“It's okay,” he says again. “You're gonna get him back.”

He knows what to do now. Eywa has given him this chance to perfect every detail down to the second just so he can save Neteyam. Maybe it's just the lack of oxygen talking, but Spider can't find it in himself to be afraid. He was never supposed to make it out of this loop.

His vision tunnels into darkness and the last thing he hears before he goes under is:

“Spider! Spider! Spi—”

And he begins again.

[jazzythursday]

Hi!

Your writing is so beautiful! Your characterizations of Wylan and Jesper are incredible in your oneshots and especially in Everyday, Just a Little or a Little Bit. Seriously, I think about that fic all the time. It's perfect. Sweet and angsty, domestic and wholesome. Are you interested in writing more for Wesper? Do you have any more ideas or WIPs that you'd like to write?

-sixofcrowdaydreams

I’m crying? This is incredibly sweet thank you so much 🥹💖

Wesper and the crows literally got me through the last year and are still my main source of serotonin atm so I promise I’m not even close to done writing about them yet!

I also think about Everyday… every day lol, I really do. I have a handful of offshoots and bonus scenes from that fic I still want to write/finish (Jesper’s pov of a few moments, his talk with Nina after Wylan leaves in ch3, so much with the bookseller from ch1 etc), along with a few wips and a giant list of ideas I haven’t even started.

Currently I’m working on my gift for an exchange we have going over on the @i-can-read-to-him server (which is becoming both incredibly stressful but also so so exciting with every scene I write) I wish I could talk about it but it’s a surprise™️ for the moment. It will hopefully be ready to start posting next week!

Until then, here's a snippet from one of the bonus scenes in Everyday. It's from the part in ch2 where Jesper comes back to the Slat after being jumped by debt collectors. (Fun fact: the original scene was supposed to be this version, but when I actually went to write it it was feeling too clunky with the rest of the chapter, so I changed it to the posted version)

Wylan wakes up alone one morning. 

He knows, immediately, that something is wrong. The only disturbance of the covers has been made by himself; the other side of the bed is untouched, except for where his hand had landed on Jesper's pillow during the night. The rest is left unruffled and empty.

He hadn’t come back.  Jesper had been sent on a job the night before that hadn’t needed a demo man. Wylan told him he’d wait up, and Jesper told him he didn’t need to. Wylan had planned to wait up anyway. 

Apparently, it hadn’t worked. Wylan does not remember falling asleep, and yet it’s undeniably morning now. Still early enough that the sun isn’t quite peeking through the curtains, but he can tell it will soon.

He tries not to get worked up. He gets worked up anyway. No matter how much he tries to rationalise it, there is a deep pit growing in his stomach, convincing him that something is very wrong. He gets out of bed and leaves the room. He doesn’t bother with boots, just creeps down the hall in his socks.  It doesn’t take long to hear voices. They filter out from Kaz’s office, freezing Wylan in place.  “You still might need a medik,” he hears—Nina’s voice. She sounds tired. “How many times do I have to tell you two I wasn’t trained for proper healing?” 

“You're doing fine.” Jesper. Jesper’s voice. He sounds… dim is the only way Wylan can think to describe it. Tinny. Like the rich, mellow timbre of his words have been syphoned off into something thinner. He coughs wetly. “Gold stars all around Neens, really.” 

“I’m not above knocking you out, you know,” Nina says, but even without being in the room he can tell there’s no real threat in it. It’s soft, fond, and concerned.

Wylan’s heart feels like it’s detached from his chest. Like it’s somewhere else entirely, and wherever that is, someones squeezing it very tightly. He walks closer, almost hovering outside the threshold. He places a hand on the knob. 

It’s been a very long time since Wylan has felt out of place with the Crows, but as he opens the office door, he cannot help but feel—not unwelcome, but uninvited, and left out of the loop.

Unnecessary, his mind supplies, and he tries very, very hard not to give it a chance to amend, worthless. 

He balls up the cuffs of his shirt—it’s one of Jesper’s, though Wylan can’t remember when he’d taken it up as his own. Long enough that it doesn’t smell like Jesper anymore, just Wylan, which is a tragedy—and casts a look around the room, feeling awkward and out of place and comparatively underdressed in only his sleep clothes and socks. 

Kaz looks as he always does, except worse. His hair is falling uncharacteristically messy over his face. He turns sharply from where he’d been facing the window when Wylan enters, eyes even darker than usual.

Nina looks worried, a deep weighty frown on her face as her hands press against Jesper’s abdomen. 

And Jesper looks— 

“What happened?” Wylan balks.  Everyone is staring at him now, and Wylan hates it, hates this, but it all pales in comparison to the awful feeling tearing itself through his chest at the sight of Jesper, Jesper’s face—

“Jes—” Wylan’s voice breaks.  

“I’m fine,” Jesper assures quickly. Nina scoffs. She takes her hands away from Jesper’s stomach to cross them over her chest. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine!”

“You’ll be fine when I say you’ll be fine,” Nina mutters.  

Jesper tries to smile at Wylan, tries to give him a surreptitious thumbs up with the hand farthest from Nina, tries to wink of all things. It doesn’t make Wylan feel any better. It also looks like it hurts, because both Jesper’s eyes are puffy and red, and the side of his face sports an angry mark that’s still bleeding sluggishly from his eyebrow. His jaw looks sort of swollen too, and he grimaces at his own smile, so it must hurt.

Looking at it makes Wylan want to cry, so instead he looks at Kaz. 

“What happened?” he asks again, very quietly. 

“Debt collectors. And an idiot.”

“Kaz!” Jesper protests. Kaz shoots him a glare that pierces slightly duller than usual, which makes Wylan worry even more. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Jesper tries again. 

Wylan doesn’t respond. He keeps looking at Kaz. 

Kaz sighs. He sweeps his hair back in its usual style and pushes up from the window. “He’ll be fine. It’s not good, but nothing with debt collectors ever is. I’m working on it.”

This ask was such a lovely thing to read on a very tough day, so again, ty 🥰

[eddieintheupsidedown]

this was supposed to be a super short draft but i got carried away and now it’s 2k words and cross posted on ao3

————————————

au where vecna didn’t happen and steve and eddie became buddies purely through association with dustin

eventually steve has enough of the kids™️ always talking about dnd without knowing what’s going on, so he joins them just to watch. eddie doesn’t like gawkers at his dnd sessions so he invites steve to hang after the session to come up with a character so he can join the next session and steve happily(?) obliges

he feels weird about steve the hair harrington being in his trailer at night but hey if dustin likes this guy then he must be at least a little bit cool

one night they get together to work on steve’s character and decide to have a few beers. those turn into a lot of beers and before he knows it, steve is passed out on the couch in the trailer, spilling the rest of his beer over his shirt in the process. eddie is asleep right next to him, their legs tangled together

they wake up the next morning to eddie’s alarms, he actually makes an effort to get to school on time now. this is his year after all! both boys jump at the sound of the alarm clock and steve scrambles to grab his stuff, noticing how sticky and gross his shirt is from the beer he spilled

eddie offers him one of his shirts, goes to look for a clean one (he hasn’t done laundry in a while, don’t tell his uncle) and the only clean shirt he finds is one of his 3 hellfire club shirts. because of course he has 3 of those. he throws steve the shirt and picks a semi-clean one off the floor for himself.

steve pulls off his sticky shirt and goes to put on the hellfire club shirt “thanks…does that mean i’m officially in the club?”

eddie’s breath hitches in his throat, as THE steve Harrington is shirtless in his trailer. he’s seen him shirtless before (steve used to love pulling off his shirts after winning games) but never this close up, and he doesn’t know why his stomach feels like that right now. all crazy and excited. oh no, he can’t even reply to steve’s dumb question so he just shrugs and turns away, before changing his own shirt

they take steve’s car to school, eddie doesn’t know how he’s gonna get back home later but that’s not a problem for right now. people very obviously stare at him when he gets out of steve’s car. Harrington and then freak hung out? no one wants to believe it. and then steve steps out of the car. the flannel he’s wearing unbuttoned. showing off the hellfire club shirt that’s obviously not his size. it’s just a little too small for him

people start whispering right away, coming up with all sorts of wild theories because no one wants to believe those two could be friends

they part ways to get to their respective classes, but when steve sits down at the hellfire table at lunch, the whole cafeteria goes silent. no one dares to say anything, not even eddie who usually can’t shut up. steve doesn’t seem to notice though, he sat right next to eddie and after eating a few bites, turns to him and starts talking about his dnd character creation again

this continues for a few weeks. they hang out after school to teach steve dnd, get drinks together sometimes, steve actually starts coming to hellfire weekly and joins the campaign, although not without protest from mike, which is promptly shut down by eddie and will

Eddie’s hellfire club shirt is still sitting in steve’s closet. he wore it a few more times since he got it from eddie. doesn’t mind that it doesn’t really fit him. slowly he notices how nervous he gets around eddie, when he tells robin she slaps the back of his head and calls him an idiot, she was probably the first one to notice the massive crushes the two guys have on each other. but steve refuses to admit it. he can’t.

once wayne comes back from his business trip, they start hanging out at steve’s house instead. they sit in steve’s room just chatting. about movies, dnd, school.. anything really. they both enjoy how comfortable they are in each other’s presence, but neither of them has the balls to admit it. one thing leads to another and eddie decides to sleep over at steve’s house. steve tells him to grab anything from his closet as pajamas if he wants to.

he doesn’t know what he expected to find in steve’s closet, but it sure wasn’t a bunch of shirts just shoved in there and then… the hellfire club shirt, folded carefully and placed on the top shelf. his hellfire club shirt. he should probably take that back and get steve his own shirt that actually fits. but he can’t bring himself to take it. he’s seen steve’s face when he wears it to school. so he just picks a random shirt from the messy pile on the middle shelf

the shirt is too big on him when he puts it on. not awkwardly big, just a little oversized. he doesn’t mind. he also doesn’t mind the way the heat creeps up his neck when he notices steve’s scent on the shirt. at this point he’s admitted his crush on steve to wayne , who encouraged him to go for it. wayne has seen the way the two boys look at each other when the other isn’t looking. he’s not stupid. but eddie is afraid, doesn’t know how to even start a conversation like that or if steve will hate him and kick him out and never speak to him again. he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they have formed

steve’s bed is huge, his couch isn’t. so they decide to just share the bed. eddie gets his own blanket and pillow and they build a small wall of pillows between them, neither of them know why they did that but they just did. as they both lay there, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep, eddie says something. so quietly that steve can hardly make it out.

“i’m gay”

steve thinks he must be imagining it, his half asleep brain conjuring up wild dreams of his crush also being into men, “cool. me too”

Eddie freezes. did steve just say he’s gay too? his heart is racing in his chest and he doesn’t dare to move a muscle, scared that he’s asleep and if he moves he’ll wake up. but both boys are awake and just admitted their biggest secrets to each other. steve slowly turns to eddie, they didn’t put a pillow up between their heads, and looks at him. “did you just say something or did i dream that?”

eddie still doesn’t dare to move, he breathes out a quiet “yeah” and closes his eyes tightly, scared steve will kick him out now. but steve turns back, looks up at the ceiling again “cool cool…”

neither of them speak about this conversation after that moment. eddie stops asking steve to hang out after school, says something about having to help wayne with some work.

the next hellfire meeting is weirdly awkward. everyone in the room can tell but no one knows why.

eddie doesn’t even know why he’s avoiding steve. maybe because he doesn’t want the chance of rejection by his crush feel real. maybe he’s avoiding confronting his feelings about steve.

after their dnd session steve drives the kids home, he offers to take eddie back home too and the other boy shyly accepts. steve drops the kids off first. the trailer park is closer to his house so this makes the most sense. when it’s just the two of them in the car, an awkward silence settles in. neither of them dare to speak, until steve parks infront of eddie’s trailer. they can see the lights on inside, wayne is home. but eddie doesn’t leave the car. he sits in silence and stares out the window.

“i’m gay” he says, playing with his rings, “i just..: want you to know in case you wanna like… stop being friends”

steve nods, “i know… i heard you when you slept over. and it’d be kinda weird for me to be homophobic, considering i’m like.. super gay too. i didn’t really know until recently though. robin helped me figure that out, i guess that’s why i never really dated a girl for more than a week. well except nancy. but now nancy is like family so maybe that’s weird too” he keeps rambling on, until he hears eddie chuckle. he hasn’t heard that sound in too long, and only now realizes how much he missed it. eddie invites him into the trailer, they watch a shitty movie together and have a beer. at the end of the night steve goes home.

they go kind of back to normal after that. except for one thing. there’s so much tension between them. they still hang out and drink, just like before. but now they both know. the chance of something happening between them isn’t zero. even robin notices when eddie comes to pick up steve from family video one night.

it takes them a few more weeks to address the tension. they’re sat on eddie’s couch, closer than they used to sit, their legs barely touching, each with a beer in their hands, when steve turns to eddie. he didn’t expect the following words to come out his mouth but they do, with no warning and no filter.

“i like you. kiss me”

and eddie stares at him, jaw almost hitting the floor. he slowly puts his beer down on the coffee table, steve copies him. both still staring at each other. “what are you saying harrington?” eddie leans in close. very close. steve can smell the beer on his breath but he doesn’t back off. he leans in closer, looking eddie in the eyes.

“i like you. kiss me” he repeats, still staring.

and so eddie does. he gently places his hand on steve’s cheek, pulling him closer before connecting their lips. steve kisses back with no hesitation, his arms finding their way around eddies neck to pull him closer, if they could they would fuse together into one being, that’s how close they are now.

eddie uses his free hand to hold steve’s hip, gently pulling him onto his lap, where steve’s legs instinctively wraps around eddie.

they don’t take it any further. they just sit like this and kiss for a good 20 minutes, only pulling away a few seconds at a time to catch their breaths, before diving right back. Once eddie finally pulls away and looks at steve, he sees how red the other’s lips are, his face is flushed, hair messy and he’s staring right back at him. they sit like this and just stare at each other for another 5 minutes before eddie speaks up.

“so this is how king steve kisses? i get all those girls now” steve chuckles and lighty hits his shoulder, before burying his face in the crook of eddie’s neck. eventually they fall asleep like this, without speaking another word.

eddie wakes up first the next morning, he carefully lifts steve off himself and gets up, trying to throw together something that resembles breakfast with the limited supplies the tiny kitchen has. he finally find some probably stale cereal and prepares 2 bowls for them, turning around to the couch, where he sees steve. He’s now awake and carefully watching eddie, biting his lips and fiddling with his hands.

“Mornin’ Big boy” eddie smirks and hands steve the bowl, sitting back down next to him.

they sit and eat in silence for a while, spoons clinking against the bowls. eventually steve looks at eddie, the same adoring look in his eyes as he had the night before. and then steve takes all the courage he has and kisses eddie again and within moments they’re entangled, the same was as the first time they kissed.

they spend the rest of the day together. between kissing and whispering sweet nonsense to each other, they figure out that they’ve been crushing on each other for months now. since before steve came to watch hellfire. steve has been crushing on eddie since the day he snuck into a bar and happened to catch a corroded coffin set. eddie has been crushing on steve since steve nonchalantly picked up a pen for him in the hallway 2 years ago.

it still takes them a few days to officially start dating but when they do, they don’t hide it. they don’t openly tell anyone, except their friends and uncle wayne. but they also don’t shy away from hanging out in the school courtyard, at family video every day and wherever else they manage to find time together

[starleska]

[oh hey ig what im talking about may still be new. Uh. Maybe slight spoilers for Avery Pokémon’s Sync Pair Story in Pokemon Masters EX?]

Star, I must repent. I think I followed you at the tail end of your Avery obsession. I must admit, I did NOT get it, I did not see The Vision™️

But things changed, you may already know, but I downloaded that mobile Pokémon game, Pokemon Masters EX, bc I’m broke and know no other option; Avery was put in the game…like…yestetday?; I go “OO! Star’s guy!”; I obtain Avery; etcetera etcetera, yada yada

It’s 5am, I’m sitting someone else’s house with little to do bc I was watching a family’s dogs while they were on a weekend trip. I open the app and decide to play the little side story for Avery bc ofc I love the 💖Lore💖 and thought it’d be cool to gain clues on who he is (bc there’s no introductions in the game, really. You just go in and they expect you to already know these guys…I, in fact, know none of these guys).

Avery greets the player and starts briefly talking about his powers, his family, his Slowpoke, gym leading, etc. (probably just referencing what already happened in Shield but-) and I’m like “…omg…he is lovely <3”

and. then I see him “teleport”. For the first time…I…HE DID SAY “oh I was supposed to have all these powers but only got Telekinesis” BUT. I WASNT . I WAS NOT READY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING!!!! BUT IT WASNT THAT TURN AROUND AND FULL SPRINT AWAY INTO THE NIGHT, LEAVING THREE (3) OF HIS POKEMON JUST SITTING IN FRONT OF ME, VIBING

I don’t remember what noises I made, but whatever it was, I startled awake all four of the dogs I was watching. I was almost SOBBING. That got me so bad. I still look up at the ceiling everytime I think about it.

Tragically, my YouTube search history is rapidly becoming a mess as I try to find every compilation of this guy ever,

bahahahahaha YES!!!!!! WELCOME TO THE AVERY CULT!!!!! oh it's so funny that as roach brainrot takes over my whole being, Avery finally gets you. we really can't control when that little light switches on and makes us insane, can we? 🙈💖

gosh i ought to check this Pokemon Masters EX game out-

MY LOVE!!!!!!! 🙈💖🙈💖🙈💖 OHHH so that's why i've seen so much gorgeous art of Avery over on Twitter over the last week!!! i thought people were just finally waking up to what a handsome and funny guy he is 🥰💖 i'm so, so happy he's become your husband too...you have to be confronted with what an elegant little weirdo he is to truly fall victim to his charm!! (i'm not gonna lie when i read you calling Avery 'Star's guy' i got so giggly 🙈🙈 now he's OUR guy!!!) oh my god. TELEPORT IS WHAT GOT YOU???? i'm in PIECES 😂😂😂 we love our silly fellas with a big slice of pathetic, don't we. bless his heart he's so troubled and has so much familial angst yet is equal parts bishie bully and ready to break down in tears at ANY second!! when did he start doing the teleport thing, do you think? has anyone ever told him how ridiculous(ly pretty) he looks? 😖💖💖💖 that art you've drawn of yourself is making my sides shake that is EXACTLY how i felt when i first saw Avery. just one look at his outfit and i was absolutely gone 😭😭 omg my goddd though Kayleigh McKee, his voice actress in Masters EX, does such an amazing job, i'm gobsmacked!!! i was kicking my legs hearing him laugh so haughtily 🥴💖 hufjgk i would kill to have him in a longer anime episode please good lord...!!! Mr Big Hat over here would be so terribly smug to know he's gotten you all flustered 🥴💖 very much looking forward to the inevitable ship art of yourself and Avery (and of course your other Pokéblorbos, because we can never have just one!! 🥰)...gosh you're making me want to draw him!!this is that time where i promote the hell out of my extremely talented friends who've drawn lovely art of Avery and my OC Nix (AKA Crystelekinesisshipping 😉): art by @/mruuhaha, art by @/MrKlausSelfShip, and art by @theredmists 🥰🥰 and to feed your little Avery fixation, i made this silly little AMV for him when in the throes of my own 🔥 lying down, blood on my face. there are too. many. pretty. characters. in the world. how dare you bring Avery back i am trying to rizz up a French bugman 😂😂 Lorelei, it is a pleasure as always!!! thank you for bearing with me while i've been crushed in fixation hell, you're a champion and i am IMMENSELY looking forward to reading through your Avery brainrot backlog 😉

[ghostbeam]

i want to know about the ozspike lore 💢💢💢‼️‼️‼️

I would die for all of u pls know this I’m gonna use this as like the general lore so pls bear with me I’m insane

SO spikeoz has a very long and complicated history lots of coming together and not seeing each other for a while and coming together again and also we are the song steamroller by Phoebe Bridgers okay thank u🫡

What u first must know about us is that Spike meets me before he meets any of the other members of the bebop (which strei asked how we met so I’m gonna go into that in a different ask ajsjsjsjsj) but this is kind of the reason our dynamic is the way it is because I meet him at a very big transition period in his life and he meets me when I am at a standstill

Another thing about Spike is that he is in love with Julia which is kind of why we are the slowest of burns she is a big thing for him and also something I don’t want to push aside and I also won’t let him push aside either. I want him to be completely moved on and not dwelling on his past when we finally get together which causes a lot of frustration for Spike.

I won’t go into the whole process of me joining the bebop in this ask but I basically get injured and Spike brings me back so that Jet can look at me and I end up having to recover on board which leads to me just moving in and no one really knows when it happened (much like the other members) but I’m there now and honestly I fucking love it I’ve never felt more at home ANYWHERE which is incredibly tragic if u know how bebop ends</3

So now I’m seeing Spike every day which is terrible for me (girl who has been in love with him since the moment I saw him and his stupid hair) but kind of great for him (guy who sort of can’t stop thinking of me and also needs to get over the woman who left him to run away by himself all those years ago) which yayyyy the dynamic is kind of not good™️ because why is spike thinking of me as some sort of rebound a little bit no!!! I will not have that!!!!

Spike has always been charming and flirty but he is sort of amping it up now that I live with him and I’ll be honest I am weak!!!!! The tension is too much our attraction is growing I can only resist for so long!!!! So obviously he finds me trying to find something to eat at 3am and sneaks up on me and makes me scream loud enough to wake everyone up except he covers my mouth and now I’m pressed against him and 😳😳😳 and spike is so cute in his pajamas and messy hair and he looks down at me like!!!!! Like he wants to eat me!!!!! And so we kiss in the middle of the night and then I run away and I don’t talk to him about it for like weeks and he keeps trying to get me alone but I won’t deal with it until Jet sends us off together to get info for a bounty and then we have to talk about it

And he is basically just like I want to be with u but I tell him we can’t until he lets go of Julia which honestly pisses him off because he really thinks he has but hasn’t and I know he’s not over her and he’s just like if u don’t want me u don’t have to make up an excuse just say it and like that kinda drives a wedge between us for a bit

But unfortunately I am right about him not being over her bc the events of Jupiter jazz parts 1 & 2 happen where Ed finds something w the code name “Julia” on her computer and Spike jumps up to chase after it immediately and so urgently that he doesn’t even think twice about it and when Jet and I follow him out to the hanger to argue w him about going and he and Jet get into that fight Jet storms off and Spike looks at me and he knows I was right about Julia but he doesn’t say anything and flies off and so the events of the episodes happen and Faye is found and everything and Spike isn’t any closer to finding Julia but the night he gets back he slips into my bed and is kind of just like pls just let me lay here with u and I’m a sucker so I obviously do

And we don’t talk about it but it starts a new habit of the two of us doing that staying the night in each others rooms and the lines of our relationship are more blurred than ever and honestly it scares the hell out of me which ends in me leaving the bebop and I’m on my own for a bit except spike has had Ed track me down for the months I’ve left so he knows exactly where I’ve been and I only return during the ep pierrot le fou bc Faye makes me come back bc spike goes after that dude alone and super injured and will probably die so I go w her to help and she’s one of the reasons I stay the second time bc Faye does not express any feeling of want or need towards anyone and she doesn’t really express it to me but she’s kind of just like this lunkhead keeps almost dying now that ur gone and ur the only one who can do my nails without getting polish all over the sides so I think u should move back

And so I do and god I can’t believe how long this is but U GUYS ASKED!!!!! So I come back and Spike kind of avoids me the first couple of weeks until he finally snaps and is just like this is fucking stupid I love u and u love me and that should be enough!!!! And at this point I cannot keep pushing me away because!!! He said he loves me!!! And he does!!!!! And so we do give it a shot and it’s really fucking good until. Until the real folk blues and he’s leaving to go end vicious and I’m like screaming at him trying to get him to stay and he’s kind of just like YOU said we weren’t gonna work until I let go of this but now he’s going somewhere that he most certainly will die and I’m selfish and I’m telling him that I don’t care about any of it anymore and he like cannot promise me he’ll come back for me even tho I’m begging him to because he knows he probably isn’t coming back alive and I’m defeated obviously cause he’s never gonna listen to me and so all I can do is hug him and tell him I’ll see him when he gets back🫶

[littlemisskittentoes]

hi friends!! this is a bit of a divergence from my usual posting, so feel free to scroll away. but, tonight i had a really big milestone accomplishment in the fact that i shared a poem about my journey in ed recovery for the first time at an open mic night. with holidays as centered around food as they are, i often find myself struggling, despite being someone that has been “in recovery” for years. tonight i felt confident enough to read a poem about those struggles and had multiple people approach me with praise, and thanking me for sharing some visibility. all in all, it’s just a Big Scary Thing™️ that ended up being a very positive experience, and i’m pretty proud of myself for it!

as a little treat to myself, i’d like to share that here!!

a content warning for musings and struggles with ed and sa below the cut. take care of yourselves, chickie wings 💖

What They Won’t Tell You About ED Recovery

Even after passing the benchmarks

of the scale, and realizing,

yes, of course, something as inanimate

as food cannot possibly harbor a sense

of malicious intent.

Even after you’ve begun to

see your reflection in the mirror,

rather than a demon marionetting

something bloated and round in your place.

Even after you’ve conceded

perhaps you don’t need to prove

to be deserving in order to drink

something more calorie-rich than water.

They will not tell you of the days,

years into the future, that your throat

will still call itself home to a colony of ants

burrowing through the muscle

when you begin to lift

a fork to your mouth.

They will remind you ceaselessly

it was never about the food—

it was about the way he crafted shackles

around your wrists in his own hands,

about how your body relished

in absolute stillness, no matter

of how loudly you scolded yourself

to kick, to scratch, to bite, to move.

They will tell you it’s all about

reclaiming control.

But they won’t tell you that even after

the years of therapy, and the weeks of

not even thinking his name,

his shadow will haunt

a random night’s rest,

and leave your body

convinced, yet again,

stillness is the only guarantee

for survival.

They won’t tell you the wash

of bile against your teeth

will have already made a tattoo of sorts,

brushing a yellowness there that refuses

to fade, regardless of how fiercely

you scrub, pink toothpaste foam

in the sink from tender gums,

or how many white strips

pressed between lips.

They won’t tell you that you will miss

the hunger pangs waking you

with the firsts dregs of daylight,

your heart’s angry pace

after climbing stairs.

They will not tell you these things

you had begun to crown as

accomplishments will not be

so easily forgotten.

They’ll assure you that

in time, you’ll start to

find beauty in the “healthy”—

in the way the thickets of hair

sprouting along your spine

will begin to thin, the lanugo blanket

finally a relic of the past.

And they’ll even be right

when they say it.

Yet, still, they won’t consider

to warn you that

there will still be nights you think,

regardless of how wrong

you know you are,

how weak one must be,

to not be able

to starve correctly.