#than many of my peers
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Genuinely such a fucking trip to hear my father parroting white genocide bullshit. Oughhh the white people are disappearing from these places oh noooOooO I “wonder why”... Disrespectfully what do you think you achieved by marrying a Japanese woman from Japan and having three entire half Japanese, Not White children with extremely obviously Not White names that you agreed to give them? Do you think that perhaps, maybe, this is what is happening to make white people ~mysteriously disappear~ ? Genuinely what the hell are you on. Look any of your three children in the face and tell us any of us looks convincingly white. No one can even tell I’m mixed race at all do you think anyone would be counting me as part of the white population when conducting the census to find where the white people have disappeared to. Do you need the white people to carve a mysterious message on a tree detailing where they’ve gone that you can also ignore so you can keep puzzling over this mystery
#AAAAAAAAUGHH#MOTHERFUCKER!!#Con stop yapping#my white traits are that I am slightly paler than many of my full East Asian peers and that I have stupid fine hair#historically we have continued to have incidents when people (in japan) will suddenly find out I’m not full Japanese and this is some kind#of a problem bc they couldn’t tell or whatever#buddy.
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[chanting doggedly into my bathroom mirror while white-knuckling the sink] i will not envy those who have things i do not want i will not envy those who have things i do not want i will not envy those who have things i do not want
#sometimes i see people posting instagram pics with their childhood and college friends and i'm a little jealous#then i remember that there are like. reasons i'm not in touch with some of my former childhood and college friends#and i still have my best friend from college and many wonderful people in my life#i just briefly got caught up the fantasy where that part of my life was entirely different than it is#honestly justice for those of us who didn't have that good of a time in school socially speaking#i think i thought in college i would end my streak of being a kid who was better at talking to adults than my peers#but i just went to college and was like damn why do i get along so well with my middle-aged professors#like i have great mentors and i'm very grateful for them and for the friends i have#i just sometimes wish i'd gone somewhere with fewer proto-finance bros#personal nonsense
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hiya l'il-- medium?...large?? Assorted Sizes-Guy
oh thanks! i could always use more spices-
. what am i supposed to do with this.
#surrounded by henchmen (smaller Me's) i peer reproachfully into my inbox#2: ...get him pregnant?#*slaps 2 upside the head* you absolute GOON he's ALREADY pregnant we can't get him DOUBLE pregnant#2: well... why not? if creatures can have two uteri then i don't see why--#Me: *drags my hand down my face* yes i know but. just. dont#3: Picture this. your snake wife is so full and round (because who knows how many snakelets are in there)#3: one day he has to stop working much earlier than usual. u kno. cuz of the MASS. and he starts getting insecure about his body changes#3: so he touches his tummy . looks up at you with those big eyes and murmurs 'am i... unsightly like this?'#3: and u whisper reassurances to him while kissing his face#3: then u promptly rail him on the nearest comfortable surface to erase any doubt of him being unattractive#Me: ..............WHAT THE FUFK?#3: *shrugs aggressively while maintaining eye contact*#Me: NO. pregnancy isn't even our kink. why are we-#3: not YOUR kink maybe#Me: *incredulous stare* how the-- you know what . Go to the timeout zone. i'm not dealing with this today#4: the ask says 'snakumo' though. Wouldn't he be in snake form then...?#3: so? THIS CHANGES NOTHING.#Me: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#3: *rolls eyes and mutters while walking away*#5: who's greg?#4: dude you can't be serious. if WE know the meme then YOU know the meme#5: i'm serious. i haven't been online in 16 years#4: look. when you wonder if sex will hurt baby top of head-#Me: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS?#2: because we are currently engaged in a circle of ppl squicked by pregnancy... who must make pregnancy jokes#4: it's all about the joke potential ya see. gigglemaxxing#Me: *massaging my temples* i'm not ready to be a father. i never will be.#6: KNOCK HIM UP AND EAT HIS EGGS SO U CAN KNOCK HIM UP AGAIN. NO ONE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE A FATHER !#3: (muffled from a distance) HELL YEAH BROTHER#Me: SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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what even is an AI-powered google search . what even is an AI-chat . I’ll kill you
#truly . truly . it boils my blood#like . you type in your query . it answers . when it’s a straightforward question it’s often times correct . cool! where the fuck are you#getting your information from#it is not transparent with its sources . literally anything is better than using ai chat becaue at least you can check the sources#people shit on wikipedia but at least it’s actually fucking peer reviewed and i can verify myself through the many sources they require you#to link . jesus christ#jay rants#throttling every single stupid tech bro and big dumbass tech company thats forced ai down our throats#to the point where it’s actively started impacting my studies . none of our profs can implicitly trust us anymore and instead of receiving#the time we need to write a coherent and well thought out essay at home we have to write one in class in an hour/an hour and a half . lord#if ur gonna fucking plagiarise at least be a moral plagiariser and actually collect the information yourself instead of relying on a self#cannibalising synthesis machine to do it for you#longing for the return to when machine learning was still used as a complementary tool in professions where it was actually useful
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checking out theodore tugboat right now and all I can say is that foduck would really benefit from reading the dsm v
#zin.txt#my beautiful princess with various personality disorders. please talk to me.#I don't think I'm joking like atp he's DEFINITELY an undiagnosed autism and ocd haver. maybe bpd too.... many such cases#which is why he's always like ''I don't know why I feel like this''or ''I'm so sorry I don't know why I did that''#him get upset over his coworkers stopping in the middle of work#going back and forth between valuing himself and feeling incredibly lesser than his peers because he is told to guard the docks#and cannot go out to the ocean#thus making his V title ''not worth anything'' according to him#''Im so important and nobody will get their job done without me''#[5 minutes later]#''I am not a part of the team because I cannot go out to the ocean and my Vigilant title has no meaning''#also the way he views his friends always changes like#one minute he's doting on them and cheering them on#next minute he's angry and agitated and dislikes them#next minute he's alll sorry and worried and anxious. curious indeed#living rent free inside my head and his neighbors are gordon and boomer
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I love the cod age discourse bc it’s always like omg X has to be at least 40!!? That means X is 50+?? As if that’s not the prime for most (active!! healthy!!) men agahsk
#one of my best friends is 78 LOL and he moves around better than half my peers deadass#(23)#It’s just so funny so many people think u turn to ash at 35#like no baby that’s if you live… a sedentary life.#these men are moving !!!
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have not left bed today + found out another friend got locked up + want to beat up every single adult that saw what was happening to me and looked away or actively made it worse
#personal#vent#suicide mention tw#i need to call her. last time we talked she said she was going to kill herself if she got incarcerated again#i love her. nothing makes me more angry at so many systems than trying to do suicide support with my friends who are locked up#trying to do this shit over the phone with people listening in. trying to figure out what meaningful support we can even give#because when she says that death is better than months of solitary i know exactly how she feels and what she means and i cannot fucking#most of the skills mainstream peer support has ever taught me are useless in that situation and my best is not enough#there are so many places that need to be burnt down.#there are so many people i love who are not out and it starts to kill me a little bit#and cops are starting to fuck with us here more. i've gotten bruised up a couple times from being shoved around#nothing too bad yet but just#jesus christ#sorry for coming on here to vent all the time but my offline life is a little crazy at the moment and half this shit i can't talk about irl#i honestly think i need to like. start learning how to fight properly again. bc i have so much anger right now#and learning how to actually fight sounds like a better idea then fucking off and getting into random fights like i used to#idk. will look into it
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You know after finding radical feminism, and engaging with the theory seriously, I understand now what it means to be empowered. In the genuine, legitimate way. I feel like an actual human being, an actual animal, with actual thoughts and feelings that are HEARD. And UNDERSTOOD. By so many women of whom I was taught to dismiss and scorn.
Like I stopped shaving a few weeks ago. I feel empowered to do that, having been given the tools to stand up against the glares and the snide comments.
I stopped wearing makeup a few months ago. I felt empowered to do that, realising that my actual human face is worth something more than a decoration.
I started eating well and working out. I felt empowered to do that, having come to the realisation that I'm a human being with thoughts and desires and what the fuck was I doing with my life if I wasn't becoming the buff, athletic, energetic woman I dreamed about becoming as a child.
All of these things are not offered by liberal feminism. All of these things are sidelined as a choice that some women...."you know the type"..... did when they were scared and angry and stupidly lashing out at the poor men and their 'simple expectations for women's hygiene'. BULLSHIT.
I'm working on grounding myself in my own pov, one that isn't an invisible male audience. I'm arming myself with the knowledge to fight back against anti-feminist movements, and how to identify them. I'm working on centring women, and thinking critically about my own actions in relation to ALL of this.
How the fuck have I missed all of this for the majority of my life. I am a HUMAN BEING???????!? NOT A DECORATION????!?!?!???? Literally mind blowing, and
I never noticed it until now????????.
Every woman in my life is traditionally feminine. I believe they will shun me for being an extremist if I express my anger at the patriarchy. Idk but if this is extreme what the fuck is normal. Who made this up. When can I kill him 😭
#a rant today followers#spurred on by the violent urge to shave#and me impulsively buying a razor after i threw mine out#its HARSH#i havent shaven but its such a compulsion and i just feel so sorry for the women who think its a choice#theyve never tried to stop and it shows#i had to make a decision that felt like i was literally pushing against the coding walls in Detroit become human#random ref but whatever#i have a long way to go and im not confident that i wont buckle sooner or later#but im breaking it down#nothing has empowered me more than the things people have FOUGHT for women not to understand#seeing men as second class citizens (as mean as it is)(even just ideologically) has leveled the playing field#and explained so many of my male peers actions in ways that i couldnt articulate before#its literally even now. how is this a fate worthy of death in liberal circles#anyways here's to a long a prosperous ugly feminist phase 🥂#theres nothing more beautiful to me#feminism#radical feminism#radblr#radical feminist#radical feminist safe#radical feminists do interact#radical feminists do touch#radical feminist community#radfem#radfems do touch
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Idk it's weird because when discussing discrimination against trans men specifically, people tend to bring up like... being told men are gross or that you're betraying the feminist cause or something. And while those are shitty and mean-spirited things to say to somebody, what I would actually identify as a kind of specific systemic form of discrimination is the exclusion of transgender men from studies and surveys, and the relative ease with which people simply forget that we exist. Erasure, basically. Which honestly, seemed to be discussed more before the advent of whatever the current movement around trans men's struggles is called now, because there wasn't a metric fuckload of incomprehensible discourse surrounding it.
Most other things that seem to come up, while very real and very shitty, are not unique to us per se, though I do feel we are often left out of the conversation because it's assumed that they won't apply to us (ex domestic violence, fear of sexual assault, fear of being seen as a predator, accusation of transitioning for fetishistic purposes, assumption that we are transitioning to escape being gay, being denied access to fertility procedures without detransitioning, on and on and on). Which is also annoying.
I just find myself irritated by the current movement around trans men's experiences because there's some really pervasive problems in there that I do feel are systemic and underaddressed, mixed in with some stuff that's a problem but better addressed by putting one's energy into existing movements, mixed in with bonkers intercommunity drama that only matters if you're only friends with other queer people in an accepting area.
#if you find this stance objectionable PLEASE message me and don't block or silently seethe at me. please.#because i genuinely find this interesting and i think it's a shame that it seemed to devolve into pointless infighting so fast#like i would love it if somebody wrote an up to date book about feminism and trans men because of this. or at least made a good reading list#my investment in this is primarily because i am A. a feminist B. often perceived as a woman and C. a trans man myself#and i feel that there is a profound difference between how i experience misogyny and how cis female friends do#and has been pretty much since i got old enough for my peers to consciously express sexism#and i would very much like it if somebody smarter than me put that into words#like to be clear there's not really a ' side ' i would pick on this#other than like transmisogyny is a huge problem and most people are unwittingly transmisogynistic#and that trans men deal with a lot of bullshit wrt other people's baggage about maleness and are largely invisibles to many cis people
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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Me upon realizing that I can just have an AU instead of writing an entire fanfiction about an idea I had in my head once:
#i didn't even realize this was a possibility until today#i don't want to like. write a whole fanfiction. i have an outline in the works and i theoretically COULD. but.#unfortunately i like the idea of all the random events happening in my head instead <3#and an AU means that i can just continue to throw things in whenever i want forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and THAT is the beauty of an AU i think#i also feel like it'd let me play with the worldbuilding aspects a bit more than a fanfiction????#one time i had to write a short story for class like... many moons ago...#when i say that i really mean “right before covid hit” but regardless#the story ended up being ten pages long bc i was building the world. i still think about that. like. girl?#you really put your heart and soul into 10th grade english didn't you#i remember that assignment so vividly because my friend was like “holy guacamole iiboronii i'm not reading all of this”#(peer review you know the drill)#but honestly i was just glad that our teacher let us have a creative writing assignment shoutout to my tenth grade english teacher#anyways i'm calling it an AU now but i will not be telling anybody what it is about because. well.#it's just really really REALLY self indulgent and has like. nothing to do with the plot of the lorax LMFOJGOA;JFAD;JG#i'm checking the google doc now i'll come back if i decide that i want to share#we'll see xoxo
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Some pretty silly takes coming out of Batman fandom as to what it's like to be raised by a British person. Bruce wouldn't be unable to speak with an American accent—he's been surrounded by American accents his whole life, and he'd probably avoid drawing unwanted attention.
Much more likely he'd tell his friend at school that he had "rocket salad" for lunch and 20 years later it's the only thing that person remembers about him so they STILL tell that not-actually-funny 'story' to everyone at high society parties. At every party. Until Bruce regularly fantasises about hitting them with an actual rocket.
#clark thinks bruce is in love with his childhood friend from the immediate physiological response upon seeing him#bruce is actually about to have a hate aneurysm because Charles is going to tell the fucking arugula story again isn't he#like it's cute to think of Bruce as having an accent#but that stuff is bullied/peer pressured/unconsciously trained out of 99% of kids under the age of 12#my dad moved young enough that his accent switched to american (& switches back in England)#so I didn't have a parent with a real accent#but I had several other second generation friends (british and otherwise) whose parents had accents#and they didn't have accents either. after being raised their whole lives by people with them.#most kids rely more on their peers and local culture for reference than their adult. consciously or not.#BUT!! so many people are missing out on the other second generation stuff!#I bet he learned his spelling from Alfred#I bet Alfred tried very hard not to use slang but still used regional terms#so 8 year old Bruce would run into the kitchen and ask for a bacon butty#and Alfred would be like. only if it has vegetables in it. I can add lettuce#and then Bruce would make a face because Alfred always adds too much lettuce and not enough butter
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btw for the record if we have ever been in a situation where we had to stop being friends for whatever reason, i will still always hold you fondly in my heart. i will still think of every kind and small moment we had and i will miss you with every atom in my body. i will wait for you to come back and if you return, you will be no less of a friend to me than the day you left. i have no friendship decay
#xero says things#SORRY. SORRY. i know being suddenly emotional on main when i'm usually being silly is ridiculous but i felt the need to say it#i know this seems like a weird scenario but genuinely i have been in so many situations now where parents or peer pressure has made me-#-lose friends and mutuals#and sometimes i know we can still keep contact—just without the parents or the other person's followers knowing#but sometimes i visit their blogs using incognito browsers and i know they aren't coming back#and maybe i'll getvover it soon! maybe this feeling will pass quickly#but for the past 2 weeks i've just been missing my friends. i've been missing them a lot#so. uh. to make a sad post a little more cheerful#to all the friends who still talk to me or ignored what other ppl said about me#thank you#thank you so so much#you mean more to me than i can really express via words rn#vent#< for blacklisting bc i ended up getting more emotional in this than i intended LMAO
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Sapphic YA Book Rec: Good Moon Rising by Nancy Garden
1996 follow-up to Annie on My Mind, this time featuring 2 girls who compete for the lead role in their high school theater department.
Links to download:
Internet Archive (to borrow)
Anna's Archive
Singlelogin.re
LibGen
#book recs#sapphic ya#nancy garden#annie on my mind#good moon rising#*kicks the door down* WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!! A PDF SCAN IS FINALLY HERE INSTEAD OF THAT CRAPPY TINY EPUB I HAD TO READ FOR 10 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!#it's very similar to Annie. which isn't a bad thing if you're a fan. hell yes 2 cakes etc. (i definitely won't deny it though)#rivals to lovers version of Annie. what's not to love?!#i've always personally preferred this one for several reasons. larger cast of teen peers. all characters centered around working on#the Big Play makes the whole plot a smidgen more grounded than Annie's courtroom pastiche (not that i don't love it)#plus. well. doing theater and reading The Crucible are exact activities from my own teen years. so it's the same appeal of featuring art#but more personal and relatable lol. and yes i did first read it at the time when i was in school but i sincerely still like it to this day#that *cannot* be said for most other books i read in that era; both older and newer; both YA and not YA!#of course you have to be down with YA which it's fine not to be. but imho there's a layer of intrigue to both books due to their age#that makes it a somewhat different exercise than broader 'trying to read YA as an adult'#there's actually a third one of hers- yes basically another take on the same story again- called Nora and Liz that's for adults#which i would recommend instead if you truly cannot rock with YA. although... stylistically... it's not really that different either. lol#anyway stan PEAK in the IDEAL FORMAT FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the third site is actually of course zl*b but they have so many seo issues with scammers that i think it's best to not use that name at all#@ the sole Annie stan i saw in the tag: pspspsps#oh wait: like its predecessor the book is largely About homophobia. queen garden never skipped an Issue for each book. so tw for that
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thinking about the fact that i was so socially awkward as a teen that the school wanted to me out of class to attend "social skills classes" once a week (to which i attended one and demanded i be removed from the program cuz it was just me and about a dozen equally uncomfortable probably-autistic kids who also probably did not want to be there, being forced to do icebreaker activities by deeply condescending special education teachers)
how did i not receive an autism diagnosis til i was nearly an adult and specifically advocated for myself to be taken to a professional to get checked out for autism and adhd???
#eliot posts#i'm really curious whose call it was to put me in there#it wasn't my parents because my mother was Outraged that her kid got put in a special ed type class and signed the papers so i could leave#so like. what teacher made that call.#and what exactly sparked that#was it my general being a loner or was there An Incident#i don't remember exactly what grade i was in. probably 8th or 9th?#so still kind of stuck in my ''convinced myself i was just Better than my peers and that's why i didn't have many friends'' phase#following that was a phase where i got over myself but was kinda just shy#and then a phase where i went okay fuck it we ball and acted weird but in a way intended to be funny#that annoyed some people but some people enjoyed. by then i figured ''eh i aint seeing most of these ppl ever again after graduation''#i had some friends in high school bc of marching band but they were all in different grades than me#tho even then i was only close w like 2 of them and the rest all seemed closer to each other than to me#edit: dug through my blog and it was 7th grade (yeah ive been on here that long)#so this was before i even had my marching band friends. but probably after my singular friend from elementary school moved away?#i forget if he left in 6th or 7th grade#(im still friends with that friend. he's great we love him)
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kandi doodle warmup muahaha
#kandidandi drew a thing#kandidandi#owha birb#i need to draw something other than sun and moon today#*peers over at my too many oc's*
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