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lay-z · 1 month ago

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tw: 18+; drunk!Johnny; drunk shenanigans; established romantic relationship; domesticity; abrupt ending (sorry🥺)

Picking up Johnny after he had some drinks with his teammates at the local pub—only to have him make grabby hands and groping you as soon as you're within arm’s reach.

You manage to manoeuvre him into your car like some drunk kitten, stumbling all over the place but right where you want him to go.

Eventually, you manage to bring him home—herding him once again like some German Shepherd who’s already sick of its job—but the real fun only begins there, when Johnny, the horny mutt he is, starts coming onto you again.

He's whiskey-dicking, which makes him even more whiny and needy as you sit him down on the closed toilet seat to get him undressed and ready for bed.

“C'mere, sexy, lemme make–make ye feel good,” he slurs, hiccupping in between words; his deep voice even raspier now and biting liquor thick on his breath. “Gonna rock–fuckin' rock yer world.” He groans into your neck as he makes you straddle him while you try to do his skincare routine (the one you've enforced); getting moisturizer all over your shirt and neck.

“Jesus Christ, Johnny,” you sigh, rolling your eyes with a chuckle at his attempt to get his limp dick to work as grips your hips and grinds his own upwards sloppily.

“Ye wet f’me, baby?” he asks huskily, bright blues glossy and half-lidded as you cup his face with both hands to tip it back and massage the face cream into his dry skin, scratching his stubble lightly.

You snort, drawing your eyebrows together in amusement. “No, I’m tired and you’re drunk… you silly man.”

Getting him to brush his teeth proofs even more of a struggle when he keeps sticking his toothbrush too far into his throat, causing himself to gag and whine and nearly throw up several times until you snatch the toothbrush from his hand with a huff to do it for him.

“Can’t believe I’m engaged to a toddler,” you mutter, clutching his jaw tightly in your left hand to brush his teeth with your right while he chuckles; broad shoulders shaking even harder when his drool and minty foam drip from his mouth.

“Ah f’exy ‘oddler,” he mumbles with his mouth full before puffing out his bare chest like a lovestruck peacock and flashing you a toothy, foamy grin.

Once you get him into bed and switching off the light, you heave a sigh of relief, though before you can even try to get comfortable on your side of the bed, Johnny is already scooting closer from behind; moulding himself around you and wrapping his strong arm around your waist to pull you against his chest in a vice like grip—knowing there is no escape now.

“John,” you groan in exasperation when he starts grinding his soft cock against your clothed ass while his warm breath puffs against your neck with a soft, needy whine.

“Luv’ ye, princess. Need ye,” he mumbles in between the sloppy kisses he’s peppering along the curve of your neck. “Always need ye so fuckin’ much. Cannae sleep withou’ my perfect wee teddy bear.”

Staring into the darkness with pursed lips, you try your best not to laugh at your man’s drunken antics and declarations of love while you let his greedy hands continue to grope and squeeze you, deciding that he simply needs the enrichment before he’s going to fall into a coma.

“Are you done yet?” you deadpan, raising an eyebrow when he huffs in return, and you feel the buzzed sides of his head brush over your skin along with the fluff of his mohawk when he shakes his head, nuzzling his face against your shoulder blade. His hand, already snuck under your top, splays over your lower belly before he dips his fingers below the waistband of your leggings.

“Jus’ missin’ m’stuffing now, don’t ye.”

A pause.

“Oh, because I’m your stuffed animal?” You chortle, squeezing your thighs together to keep his fingers from slipping between your folds to tease your slit. “Right… nice one.”

“Aye.” Johnny chuckles and nips at your earlobe while he rubs his fingers through the patch of your trimmed pubes insistently like a grizzly pawing at a bees nest, unable to get to your goodies while you feel him getting more riled up and frustrated by the second. “Och, please, hen–” he grouches, pinching your sensitive skin and tugging on your pubes until you gasp; arching your ass back into his crotch. “Jus’ lemme pet her f’a wee bit.”

“Ow, Johnny! Are you mental?” you squeak, cheeks flushing with warmth as you squirm in his embrace while he muffles his laughter by pressing his face between your shoulder blades; obviously having the time of his life.

“Nah, jus’ always crazy about ye, m’luv.”

#cod drabble #john soap mactavish #call of duty #johnny mactavish #johnny mactavish x reader #soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #cod #soap x reader #soap x you #john soap mactavish x reader #johnny mactavish x you #cod blurb #soap mactavish x you

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kechiwrites · 6 months ago

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return of medic!reader x simon, birthday shenanigans + jealousy?

You gasp, and it annoys him more than it should. Probably because you’re always telling him to shut up when he’s in the med bay with you. It’s the fifth gift today, and you’d think the shine of them would’ve worn off by now. Gaz snuck in quietly before either of you had noticed him, brandishing his own offering for "everyone's favourite medic". A pair of moon-eyed recruits bearing chocolates and a card signed by most of the base. McTavish, the mutt, brought you flowers, in a vase, fucking ridiculous, bold, bright sunflowers that light the entire infirmary up.

“‘s cause you’re always wearing yellow.” He’d shrugged, and the smirk he levelled Ghost with begged for a fist.

The rapidly growing pile of presents is an eyesore. They’re giving him fucking heartburn. It certainly didn’t help when you hinted the Scot was your “favourite patient”.

Horseshit.

“Simon.” You murmur, turning to lovingly place Gaz's teddy bear in nurse’s scrubs next to the other tributes, patting its little head before levelling your stare at him. “You’ve been here all day. I get that you’re attached to me-” he snorts derisively at that, as if it’s a joke, as if it’s not true.

“But,” you push on, eyebrow sky high on your all too lovely face, “don’t you have work to do? Paperwork? Bullying recruits? Getting shot or something?” You purse your lips and Ghost stands from the examination bed he’d been sitting on to crowd close and kiss you, soft connections of his lips to yours.

“You are haunting triage, Ghostie.” you warble between pecks.

“Never that.” He mumbles tiredly against your mouth, lets his head hang down so you can slip your fingers under the back of his mask, scratch at his nape with your nails so good his leg nearly starts twitching.

When he can finally bring himself to withdraw, he makes sure to knock Nurse Teddy to the floor.

“Simon!” You scramble away from him, bending low to collect the stuffed toy off the ground, worried about dirt collecting in the plush’s fur. It provides the Lieutenant ample time to advance on you, to keep a hand on the small of your back and press against the curve of your ass, only two layers of fabric away from being totally exposed.

He might be developing a thing.

#kechiwrites #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #medic!reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #takes place before choking hazard

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pleasestayawayidonotlikeyou · 5 months ago

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How do they sleep?

Masterlist

Well, hugging you like a teddy bear of course! These skeletons can't keep their arms and hands to themselves when sleeping, and the fact that you're just so soft doesn't help them!

Sky, Lucky, Rot, Axe, Ted, Spade, Bee, Killer, Papyrus, Red, Berry, Mutt, Hound, Venus.

With a hand around your waist, it's not very affectionate yet it's what they like plus it's perfect for both winter and spring!

Smoke, Nightmare, Dream, Blue, Cross, Cash, Sans, Rus, Edge, Killer, Cross, Butch, Cosmo, Butcher, Star.

You're the one holding them, maybe because of a problem they have or simply because it's comfortable!

Coffee, Sans, Willow, Honey, Comet, Meteor.

They don't really like affection, but they will hold your hand while sleeping, it's their way to say "I'm with you" nonverbaly.

Rasp, Dust, Error, Wine, Noir, Boss, Mal, Mars.

They don't sleep and simply spend the night watching you. It's not creepy, right?

Ink, Fresh.

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vixstarria · 1 year ago

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Mark me as yours

This takes place immediately after and is interlinked with 'Missionary with the lights off' but from Astarion's rather than Tav's POV - check it out if you haven't already, the fics complement each other.

Soft sassy Astarion, F!Tav, Gale, minor appearances by other origin characters, Astarion POV

Fluff, humour, banter, pining, non-explicit sexual references

A day in camp in the life of Astarion. Features brooding, sewing, doing laundry, being dramatic, engaging in improper use of archmage of Waterdeep, reading erotica, and more!

Approx. 2,000 words

AO3

You frowned at the stuffed bear you held in your hands, weighing up your desire to showcase your skills against the absurdity of the task at hand.

The whole thing was coming apart and needed to be washed and restuffed if you were to do this properly. What was inside, anyway? Fur..? You supposed you could go hunt something furry. Or maybe save yourself the time and just give Scratch a quick partial shave, he wouldn’t mind – the mutt lying at your feet was stupid enough to like you. To prefer you over anyone else, in fact.

You reached down to give him a fond, absentminded pet.

And then there was the matter of not letting it burn to a crisp the moment Karlach touched it.

“Is there a flame ward enchantment on this..? Can you reapply it?” you asked Gale, who was nearby at his usual spot by the fire, concocting something edible for the rest of your group.

“There is and I sure can,” he replied.

Great. You had gotten yourself into a group project with the wizard to rescue a teddy bear.

“Don’t tell me this is what Wyll was so concerned about earlier...” Tav had finally made it out of your tent and sat down next to you, looking somewhat less disheveled than how you’d left her.

“The bag of holding finally tore. Naturally I was the only one competent enough to fix it.”

You gestured with your thumb towards a towering pile of assorted crap that Wyll and Lae’zel were still sifting through: Lae’zel inspecting and setting aside any weapons and armour she deemed worth keeping, and Wyll sorting through an array of scrolls and potions no one was ever going to use, or would forget were in your possession if the need for them ever did arise.

“Darling, this is your fault, you know,” you added. “Must you pick up everything?”

“Karlach made me do it. Also I don’t know what you’re talking about, I am prudence and sensibility personified,” she said.

“You’re uh... You’re also bleeding,” Gale said, pointing at her neck.

A trail of blood had started running down from the puncture wounds, which must have reopened.

Shit.

Before you could reason yourself out of it, your instincts kicked in and you pressed your mouth against her neck, licking the blood off. By the gods, she actually leaned into you as you did that, not away. You glimpsed a guilty, sheepish smile she threw at Gale, as you pulled away.

“Idiot... Here, apply pressure, I’ll get the amulet,” you said.

“I’m the idiot?! You’re the one who ran off to resolve a sewing emergency, like a good little seamstress, before sorting me out!”

You strode over to your tent, in part to grab the amulet of Silvanus, in part to discreetly tuck away the erection that had immediately started developing as soon as you tasted her blood.

Hells, am I 239 or 15? you thought, annoyed with yourself.

“An amulet? I was wondering why you’d stopped visiting me in the mornings...” you heard from Shadowheart.

“We have a system,” Tav replied.

“Clearly,” laughed Shadowheart.

A scene from the night sprung up in your mind as you went about your day:

She’d fallen asleep on your shoulder, half lying on you, her nose buried in your neck.

It was... nice. Really nice. And you didn’t think this bizarre scenario would ever happen again.

And yet, pleasant as it was, she still felt too far. You needed to feel her closer. Perhaps you were being greedy, but after all these years, why should you get anything less than exactly what you wanted?

Carefully, very carefully lest she stir awake and leave, you rolled over onto your side, holding her against you.

She was still asleep. Good...

You cautiously slipped lower and lower until your head was at her chest, delicately wrapping your arms around her torso.

Then she stirred.

Shit.

Without waking, she sighed, drawing you into a tight embrace, clutching you against her chest, complete with throwing a leg over your hips to pull you even closer.

You finally relaxed, your arms wrapped around her waist.

Perfect...

She felt so warm... She smelled of comfort.

You could indulge in this for the night. You would wake up before she did anyway.

You drifted away, lulled by the beating of her heart.

You didn’t have any nightmares that night.

“Is your boyfriend coming?” you heard Karlach somewhere in the distance.

You cringed at the juvenile term. Still, you were curious how she would answer.

“He’s on laundry duty,” she responded. “Just us gals today.”

“So your idea of doing washing is to pawn everything off to me,” said Gale.

“Vampires and running water, remember,” you said. “Also you don’t look like you’re exerting an awfully large amount of effort yourself... Although I must admit, this is ingenious.” A little flattery wouldn’t hurt.

Gale sat at a riverbank at a deeper section of the river. Some sheets and clothing were being tossed and spun in a small bubbling whirlpool within the water, together with foaming slivers of soap.

“Surely few archmages possess such finesse and creativity?” you continued.

Gale sighed and motioned for you to throw your bundle in as well, expanding the whirlpool.

“Just toss your shirt in too, it's splattered with blood,” Gale added wearily.

Her scent lingered on it. The last thing you wanted was to wash it off.

You pulled the shirt over your head and hurled it into the whirlpool.

“Not Tav’s creative nailwork, I presume..?” Gale asked with a wince, looking at your back.

“Nope” was all you said, as you pulled a book out from your pocket, making yourself comfortable on the bank. To his credit, the wizard did not probe further.

‘Mark me as yours’

Those words had been echoing in your mind over and over all day.

It couldn’t have meant anything.

A little expression of some vampire fetishism finally poking through – you shouldn’t have expected any different from her, she did offer you her blood consistently, not even asking for anything in return.

Still, you’d felt like something inside you might burst from your desire and thrill when you heard those words.

And then everything that followed after...

You had actually lost yourself for a short while. Not dissociated and detached. Lost yourself. In bliss. In the scent of her skin, in the sounds of her need for you, in the sensation of her blood merging with yours and flowing through your veins.

And now she was walking around somewhere, with telltale bitemarks on her neck for all the world to see. Scandalous...

No, it couldn’t have meant anything.

‘Mark me as yours’

Still... What a pleasant little fantasy...

‘Yours’

“You’ve been smiling at that page for ten minutes straight now,” Gale’s voice snapped you out of your musings.

“It’s my favourite page,” you retorted.

“What’s it about?” he asked snidely after a short pause.

“I have no idea,” you confessed, begrudgingly, snapping the book shut. If the wizard knew what was best for him, he would abstain from any further comments.

“She’s quite fond of you,” Gale said sombrely after another pause.

“Is this about to turn into one of those ‘You break her heart – I'll break your face’ talks?” you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

“Oh gods no,” Gale laughed. "No, I would go straight to incineration... You just strike me as the type that needs to have the obvious spelled out for them.”

“I am not entering this type of discourse with someone who’s presently washing my spend off my bed sheets,” you said, laying back and shutting your eyes, to bask in the sun. No answer followed.

Not even a minute had passed when a shadow fell over you.

Odd, you thought. There hadn’t been a single cloud in the sky.

You opened your eyes to see a giant water bubble hovering a few meters above you. Was that... a bedsheet floating in the middle..?

Worth it, you thought just as the undulating bubble spilt and crashed over you.

You coughed and spat, trying to untangle yourself from the sheet, as the unleashed torrent nearly swept you off the bank. And yet, above all else, you found yourself curious.

The water had no longer been running as part of the river, true, but given its sheer volume and the velocity at which it hit you, it should have hurt more than merely your pride.

You made it to the edge of the bank, and cautiously dipped a finger in.

Nothing...

You proceeded to submerge your hand, then your entire forearm, to your elbow.

Nothing.

Of all things... Why this? Why not your reflection? Why not the blood craving? Oh well. Beggars, choosers...

You were laughing.

“This tadpole,” you turned and shouted at Gale, unabashedly stripping yourself of your pants, as Gale turned away, muttering something about going blind, “is the best thing that’s happened to me in centuries!”

The best? Maybe second best? It had some tight competition, but you supposed nothing would have been possible without it, so it reigned supreme.

You leaped into the river, diving and letting the gentle current carry you downstream for a while.

You knew what you would be doing later that evening with her.

“What have you got there?”

She slid onto your lap like a cat that refused to take ‘no’ for an answer as it sought attention. You had been idling away your time by your tent, with some pulp you had picked up earlier. The rest of the group had been drinking and roasting something at the campfire.

“Trash. Disappointingly boring trash, this time,” you answered.

“No pulsating flesh tunnels in this one?”

“Alas... There were not one but two mentions of ‘velvet-wrapped steel’ however, and plenty of ‘sword-sheathing’.”

“To the hilt?”

“Is there any other way?”

“Wouldn’t want to sheathe it only partially, I suppose...” she mused. “Come join us. We found some half-decent wine. And you don’t have to be alone all the time, you know.”

“Spare me, I’ve had enough of Gale’s lectures and Wyll’s tales for the day. And besides, ugh, all those chewing noises!” You made a gagging sound.

None of them want me there.

“Oh don’t be such a delicate princess,” she rolled her eyes. “How’s this: it’s our joint meal time. It would be rude and completely unfair to exclude anyone. You should sit down with everyone, bite down on my wrist and make a great deal of slurping.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Delightful. Simply delightful.

“It will be funny!”

“I fear you might be the only one laughing, darling.”

That is hilarious, I can just imagine Gale squealing or getting sick.

“Is there anyone else you’d care to make laugh?” she asked with a slight upturn of her lips.

Not in the least.

“I could die again knowing I have accomplished something if I ever make Lae’zel laugh. But perish the thought – I am perfectly happy right here with my literature.”

“Well, if you don’t want to join the group, perhaps I will stay and you can...” She snatched the book from your hands and tossed it aside, leaning in and bringing her lips up to your ear. “...Release your kraken in my field of rose petals,” she purred in a sultry voice.

“Stop,” you choked back a snicker.

“Get tangled up in my beef curtains?” she continued with the same tone.

“You’re disgusting.”

“Sink your meat shaft in my cream tart!” she persevered.

“By the gods, woman, I am never having sex with your again.”

“Suckle the nectar from my weeping core!”

“Alright, fine, I’ll go, anything is better than this.” You got up, pushing her off your lap.

“Taste my forbidden, oozing fruit, Astarion!” she cried out from the ground behind you as you covered your ears and shouted “LALALALA”, making your way towards the campfire.

You would endure the prattle of your companions.

Then you would take her for a moonlit swim in the river.

Then you would see if she might spend the whole night in your arms again.

Perhaps she could sleep in your shirt and leave her scent on it again – it was foolish to sleep completely in the nude out in the wild after all, what if there were intruders?

Everything was going according to plan, you reminded yourself.

~~~~~

Next in series - Down by the river

Series master list

AO3

Tags: @littleenglishfangirl @something-pithy @darlingxdragon @tallymonster @tragedybunny

Also @spacebarbarianweird - you haven't asked for a tag but sounded interested

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion x tav #astarion romance #astarion x reader #astarion POV #gale dekarios #bloodweave more like beefwave #archmage of waterdeep as a washing machine #the narrator may be somewhat unreliable #reflections on author's own inventory management

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konigsblog · 1 year ago

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Okay, but what do we think about Stalker!Price?!

cw: stalking, panty stealing/sniffing, perv!price, stalker!price, recording. dead dove: do not eat. 👀

oh, stalker-price... :( he's your captain, and knows he shouldn't follow you around on your leave, but he just has to make sure you're safe and sound, that nothing is bothering you, that's all !! ...just don't pay attention to his stuffed pockets, with lace panties hanging out of them...

stalker-price will record you, especially when you're showering. he'll break into your apartment and sneak a camera behind the curtain, getting a beautiful view of your bare, soapy ass. it's perfect material to jerk off to, although, sometimes he'll check the camera hidden in the teddy bear he bought you, seeing you hump it like a dirty mutt.

of course, it's wrong for him to follow you around, even on dates. but, he means no harm, just making sure you're safe, while threatening your date to fuck off and to never contact you again. ;3

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ghostlyangels1204 · 1 year ago

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Simon would make a good dog dad- that's it, that's where my mind is rn <3

“Absolutely not”.

Price was full of shit. That much he knew. And with this new bright idea, Simon’s new concern had been confirmed. His Captain had absolutely gone mad. One too many bumps on the head, he reasoned, had dealt too much damage- pair that with his ‘old age’, and Simon considers sending him to a care home.

There was no doubt in his mind- he was not having a slobbering, shitting furry nuisance by his side 24/7. What the hell was Price thinking? “I don’t need no’ furry mongrel. I’m a soldier not a dog walker Cap’.”, “The K9 handler’s wife just gave birth- fella needs time off, so I thought, why not give her to the softest soldier I know?” He knew Price was pulling his leg. “Just give it a week, eh Si? Seven days and if you want rid of her, she’s gone and some other poor sod can have her to cuddle at night.”

He stares down at the puppy, no more than a few months old, who is happily chomping down on the laces of the captain’s boots. Looking up, he meets the eyes of Price, “If it shits in my boots once, I’m handing it to you personally.”

The first few days went as expected, Simon wanted to die.

4am scratching at the door to go potty. Stealing his boxers when he needed to get dressed, (Johnny took extra entertainment at that one- even forming an alliance with the puppy to hide his clothes from him during his shower- he got two weeks of cleaning the barracks for that one), and she seemed to have a special fixation on everyone’s shoe laces, nipping and tugging at the cotton until blood flow was cut-off from them being wound too tight. He wasn’t made for the level of patience required. Sure, he had to deal with new recruits daily- their brazen, ‘-I-know-it-all’ attitudes that would someday get them killed… but shouting at them would result in at least a modicum of change.

That result cannot happen as easily with dogs.

But Price began to notice a shift. The team sat down for dinner, exhausted after a hell of a long day of drills. One person was missing from the table, however, Simon. They reasoned that he must be showering or something. But when he enters the mess hall, they notice the ‘small sergeant’ by his side- head bopping up and down as she patters next to her foster handler. He sits down with a huff, and she dives down under the table, spinning in circles before curling up next to Simon’s feet. She rests her head on the toe of his boots before closing her eyes.

“She needed a run around- little mutts’ wound up. Won’t sleep tonight if I don’t tire her out…”

The rest of the men smirk to themselves- Price always knew to trust his intuition.

And when day seven came around, Simon didn’t mention anything. Price knew he never forgets anything, so he was actively avoiding it. Avoiding having to admit he maybe, just maybe… liked having her around. He knocks twice on his office door, a gruff, “come in” allowing him to enter the Lieutenant’s space. Price does a quick scan of the room, eyes landing on the prize.

She’s cuddled up on a bed Simon had ordered for her, the pastel pink standing out like a sore thumb in Simon’s dull, grey office. The bed is nicer than his own, two blankets decked out with floral patterns covering the pillowy surface, a small teddy bear tucked under her chin as she sleeps the evening away.

One look is all Price needs, his eyes plead both, “Don’t even start,” with, “Please don’t make me give her up.”

“Made a friend?” Price teases, opting for a softer approach. He has no intent of taking her away, just wants his soldier to admit, that maybe he in fact, was wrong.

��Like you wouldn’t believe…”

Word Count: 662

#cod #cod mw2 #cod mwii #ghost cod #simon riley fluff #simon riley headcanons #simon riley #Price #john price #captain price #mw2 #simon riley dog #simon riley imagine #simon riley headcanon

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kyrithenerd · 2 months ago

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EMMETT CULLEN HEADCANONS

"Hey honey, what's this?" At everything you do

he's defo a teddy bear

Constantly hugging you

Kind of pda, bro genuinely can't stop being next to you

Sends you gym pics

"Honey look how much can I squat" or sum like that

Always says you're perfect, doesn't care about weight or anything

He's a goofball so he has a hard time realizing when he should be serious

Guard dog vibes, won't let you get hurt

At school he makes sure (if you're not against it) that your relationship is top gossip

If you're an artist he's next to you watching you sketch

Has bro-nights with Jasper and Edward, but he still sends you pics

If you're human, he takes a long time to tell you that he's a vampire, he's afraid that you reject him for it

If you're a vampire, hunting dates are a MUST

Showers you with Chocholate (or whatever sweets you like)

"Honey check out this new recipe I found" FOR SOME REASON I JUST SEE HIM AD A COOK. He defo cooks even if both of you are vampires, if you're human... Oh boy.. he constantly gives you what he cooks

Travels with you a lot of times

If you're a werewolf, he calls out Rosalie for calling you a mutt. Homey doesn't tolerate wolf-racism.

Tries to get close to Charlie (if he's ur dad) and actually manages to get liked by him.... After months of trying

Buys you flowers, he's a gentleman (he sometimes ruins the bouquet but he tries)

Surprisingly clumsy

He loves how you get along with his family, especially Alice, obviously.

Wears matching outfits with you<3

He's such a jock that it's hard to tell he's a vampire

"Honey are you cold?" Whenever you're cuddling

Calls you honey all the time if you didn't notice already

Totally black cat x golden retriever duo

Constantly asked you what he should wear

Always compliments you

Kills the bugs for you, strong guy you got there.

Absolutely the jealous type, duh

Picks you up and spins you around bc he can

You guys move in together after getting married (obvi)

When he spotted you walking down the aisle, the others swore he teared up (even if vampires can't)

Got so mesmerized almost forgot to repeat his vows

If he gets you to go to the gym with him he flexes like crazy trying to show off

That's all for today, if you'd like something requests are open<3

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multiheadcanons · 28 days ago

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THE MERCS AS MY CLIENTS. WHAT A WEEK ITS BEEN AND AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS ITS ONLY WEDNESDAY.

scout: shittily bred pit bull mix named bosco. comes in and asks me to shave the dog because the shedding is bad. i have to tell him that’s not how shedding works and i won’t be doing that. he is the only client in this list i would even feel remotely confident contesting with. talk him into the cheaper option; a deshed treatment and regular visits. becomes a good client of mine! doesn’t tip, but that’s okay.

soldier: well bred, if only overweight english bulldog named colonel pigskin. i am to address him with his title or soldier will raise a fuss. brings him in for the works. everything i could possibly add on, add it. and he better have a handkerchief and it better be america themed or so help him god. tips four bucks every time. i keep him as a client because i know nobody else will take him with his insane aura. dog fucking reeks every time. takes three washes to even begin to break the stench. but a sweet dog. bites for nails.

pyro: brings in a small super-mutt on enough trazadone to kill a horse. in the system as a shih tzu named princess. if i can get to the dog while it is still absolutely tripping balls on its traz, it’s honestly not a bad time. quarter inch all over with a short teddy bear head, bob the ears, trim the tail, potty trail. is honestly very cute when it’s done. but it will always be a dog i have to push through. i get two hours before the dog starts fighting. and it’s enough to make me stop services. asks for nail polish. when i accomplish it they tip twenty, no tip if there’s no polish. i do my best to paint the dogs nails. irregular client, but the dog is short enough that it’s not a problem.

demo: beautiful, old scottish terrier named jodie. an honest to god menace to society but i would never ever tell demo that in a million years. she’s perfect and i love her. it shocks him because he’s been fired by other shops. i tell him she’s an old lady with a high maintenance trim and she takes a lot of time. standard scottie trim, long skirt, like barely off the ground. it is an honest challenge and i never think she looks good. demo has never, ever complained, even when i directly ask him. genuinely makes me want to cry because it is a battle when she is on my table. jodie has dementia and does not know where she is half the time, and is blind and deaf the other half of the time, so she is an all day process.

heavy: blue maine coon named feliks. leash trained. the cat looked to be a normal size in his arms. he weighs in at 27.5 pounds. comes in for a bath and a thorough brush, no clippers nor scissors are to even hover around the coat. dude’s like triple my size so i say “absolutely sir, i will contact you when services are rendered.” feliks is in stellar condition. an absolute star when he’s checked in. i take my time, and the cat reacts with little interest in my badgering. which frankly, when you’re that big and a cat, is an honest to god blessing to my arms. yowls in the bath, but does not try to escape. okay with the dryer on a low setting. must be an express, which halves my bookings for the day. when i tell heavy the price the first time he frowns. tells me to double it. he pays that price and leaves no tip, other than i leave room to be taken advantage of with those pricings. irregular client, but faithful. it’s always a joy when they come in, even if he doesn’t know it.

engineer: brings in a shepherd mix named bingo. comes in for an outline trim. bingo has two dew claws on every foot. bingo would be cool if bingo didn’t feel the need to shit fifteen times on my table and then yell at the top of his lungs when i start trimming his nails. bingo would be uber cool then. but instead, three baths and a couple deep breaths later, i send engie a text letting him know services have been completed. i up the price three times during the process, and the man will still tip. a regular client, which i am not particularly pleased with. but he’s cool enough. if bingo can chill out i’ll lower his price. he never will.

medic: brings in a jet black pomeranian named hypatia. i call her nightmare. her and her owner are absolutely horrid. he will not fill out paperwork, we have to physically place ourselves behind his car to get a signature, and he is annoyed about it. brings in a note with chicken scratch of which all that is legible is his phone number and “call for questions, do not text” that essentially sums up to tight outline trim with a full mane. nicer on the phone than in person, but he will spend twenty minutes making sure i know how to do my job. i chalk it up to him being european. picky, so i take my time on her. he never tells me this dog is trained in german, so it is a consistent fight to render services until i just start trying other languages. once i realize she is trained, just not in english, it is an infinitely easier time with her on my table. makes her owner much more bearable, though i am never happy to see him on the books. does not tip, never seems happy with the finished product, but is a regular, consistent client. so he pays well in the long run. if i ask whether he even likes my work he will wholeheartedly say yes, and i’m not sure whether to believe him because his mannerisms never change. but i start painting her nails. that gets a good reaction out of him.

sniper: rat terrier named dog. chill little thing for a rat terrier. face feet and tail, no spray no bandana. does not like the dryer, so he takes longer than he feasibly should for a little rat terrier. that is the most annoying part of his process. will watch whatever show i have playing on my phone while i work. it’s a good distraction. has weirdly human eyes. when i ask snipes about dog he says he found him in a dumpster and tried to foster and failed. so now he’s got a dog. i think it’s funny, and the dog wasn’t horrible, so i give him a discount. tips whatever small bills are in his pocket, so anywhere from two to ten bucks. smallest tip i ever got was a quarter from him. it’s the thought that counts? twice a year client. i don’t even know why he brings the dog in at that point. nice to make small talk with, though.

spy: the most snobbish poodle owner you’ve ever met, but god is the dog gorgeous. snow white coat, feels like a pillow. dog’s name is beau. gets a continental trim with poms on the feet. topknot long enough to reach jesus. this dog takes me all day. and he is the only dog i can put on my books. and spy is never happy with the finished product. there is always something that can be done better. comes in every three weeks and it’s a nightmare. he wants to talk every time to go over notes and fixes. eventually i ask him why he continues to come to me if he doesn’t like my work. he responds “i don’t want someone else; i want you to get better.” which like, so do i, but not with him as the client. beau is an unremarkable dog otherwise. but it is teeth gritting when his owner is in that building. everyone cries when he starts bringing his cat in, too. we fear we may never escape him.

A LITTLE EXTRA

pauling/admin: miss pauling brings the administrator’s nasty, rotten old bichon mix under the alias “fido” every six to eight weeks with very specific instructions. when miss pauling is in the building, it is almost like every animal becomes twice as anxious. and i really wish they would stop coming. i’m almost willing to leave the industry entirely. the administrator sends pauling with pictures of dogs that do not even remotely look like her dog, and i am crossing my fingers and praying i do it close enough that i don’t get a complaint, but that she decides she can find better. flat out refuses to sign paperwork, and we kind of just shrug. i am consistently filled with dread that the dog is going to drop on my table. it’s old enough to drink.

saxton hale: incredibly aggressive belgian malinois named hastings. must be muzzled while handling feet or he will bite. bites at the water, bites at the dryer, whips around when i’m trying to brush, gives me multiple heart attacks. i charge a pretty penny every time hale comes in, because his dog is taking active years off of my life. hale himself is not the worst guy in the world to interact with, and he understands that his dog is a lot to handle; but his dog is a complete liability and he won’t get the thing trazadone. he honestly thinks it’s funny that i am the one who took the dog on. he respects the moxie. doesn’t feel bad if i get bit though.

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beenbaanbuun · 11 months ago

Note

darling being left alone with yeosang for a long period while addams!matz has to leave for a few days (business or what have you)

yeosang dreads that shit as soon as they tell him. he KNOWS darling is gonna test his resolve and he KNOWS how it's gonna go, but darling's just so excited to stay with him, and hongjoong makes some passing joke about yeosang being the "guard dog"

so now he's like "well someone has to :|" but his tail is wagging anyway

oh this is adorable and i need to talk about it!!

okay, so the only two people taking it well would be san—he gets to go with matz as a chauffeur and is thanking the gods that he doesn’t have to be alone in the house with darling and yeosang for 2 days—and darling herself. whilst she isn’t necessarily happy about her precious mommy and daddy abandoning her for a couple of days (hongjoong’s dramatics are really rubbing off on her) she’s also well aware of her own capability. sure, she hasn’t had to take care of herself in a while, but it’s not like she’s forgotten how to cook and wash her own hair, right? she’ll be fine! and it’s not like she’ll be alone…

but yeosang is very much planning on her being alone for most of the two days. with no hongjoong or seonghwa there to distract her, all the attention will be on him. it’s fine for an hour or two, but a whole two days? he’ll barricade his bedroom door if he has to!

“you’ll take care of her, right?” the usually strong and dependable seonghwa asks yeosang with a shaky voice, and the wolf realises that perhaps he’ll have to spend more time with you that he initially planned on. that’s if he doesn’t want to get punished when you inevitably tell on him for ignoring you. with a tight smile he pulls darling into his side and nods. his tail flicks a little when she nuzzles into neck with a grin.

“of course he will, cara mia,” hongjoong mutters with danger in his voice. yeosang takes it for what it is, a warning—protect their darling or face the consequences. yeosang mentally resigns himself to being darling’s personal teddy bear for the next couple of days, and all his hopes of peace and quiet melt away before his eyes. “i’m sure the guard dog will keep her safe, won’t you, mutt?”

“someone has to, right?” darling just curls further into the wolf’s side and the tell-tale thudding on his tail beating against the ground gives up the game. he cant exactly pretend not to be at least a little excited when his tail is thumping against the floor like a drum beat. “the poor thing has been overly spoiled by the pair of you! you can’t expect her to look after herself, can you?”

and again, darling can look after herself and everyone in the room knows that. it doesn’t stop the knowing smile that gets passed around, though; she can look after herself, but she’d much rather leave that responsibility up to the men that she has wrapped around her pretty little finger. life’s so much simpler when all she has to worry about is being doted on…

#ateez x reader #matz x reader #yeosang x reader #opposites attract universe

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