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New science fiction short story: The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans

Is it still an invasion if the aliens only want to help?

When a highly advanced and seemingly benevolent alien species arrives on Earth, the world rejoices. At last, someone to solve all our problems while we watch TV! Jack and Amy are among the few questioning the Shepherds' intentions as the world eagerly embraces their gifts of technology, medicine, and freedom from grownup responsibilities. Even without death rays and flying saucers, alien invasions can still be destructive. As the world grows dangerously dependent on its new guardians, what happens when we can no longer survive without them? Is a world without bills and laundry worth giving up our freedom?

Grab your copy at Amazon here, free until 2/6!

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Early 2000s movies

Her name was Spork and she was terminally quirky. She played death metal covers on the ukulele. She knitted sweaters for oak trees. And she was in love with Paul Grumble.

"I can't help it," she said. "He's always miserable and complaining, but in a vaguely artsy way, which is attractive because the script says so. What woman wouldn't fall for such a total bummer?"

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Book Sale of Doom! Grab The Doom Tapes for 99 Cents!

Book sale alert! The Kindle version of The Doom Tapes and More Science Fiction Stories is on sale for just 99 cents! (US Amazon store.) Read fourteen of my science fiction short stories plus a space opera novella, all for less than a candy bar! It's practically stealing!

Buckle up for a wild ride! This collection blends retro nostalgia, cutting-edge tech, and cosmic chaos. Can video store clerks save Earth from an alien invasion? How can sentient robots find their promised land in a world that wants to tear them apart? Can a body-hopping assassin stop an army of his own clones?

From a high-stakes asteroid heist to a space truck stop serving up the galaxy's most dangerous meatloaf, these stories deliver interstellar excitement.

The book sale is just today and tomorrow, February 3 & 4. Grab your copy at Amazon before it's too late!

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The Monster Machine

The townsfolk kicked down the door of the lab. The mad scientist's growth ray was hidden inside. He had cobbled it together from car batteries, tin foil, energy drink cans, and an umbrella to focus the energy beam.

"Let's destroy this evil thing!" the police chief said.

"Let's not be hasty," the mayor said.

The police chief scowled. "Hasty? He turned himself into a giant goblin monster! He destroyed half the town! It took us weeks to take him down!"

The townsfolk shouted their agreement. "Destroy the monster machine! No more evil monsters! Never again!"

The mayor shrugged. "The lab just needs to have the right people in charge. Let's just give the growth ray to the next scientist."

The police chief reluctantly agreed. "But to be safe, we also need a piece of paper that says turning yourself into a monster and taking over the world is Against The Rules."

"Oh, of course."

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Writing tip:

With generative AI becoming more and more common, readers may ask if your work was written by a human. Simply assure them you’ve been a human for many of their years, and your skin is on permanently, with no hidden zippers.

If they still seem doubtful, offer to eat human food in front of them. This will allay their suspicions.

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Nougat? It’s nougat, isn’t it?

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The Paint

Captain Eric was at a bar with Zeta, a Gray alien. "When did the Grays arrive on Earth? Was that thing in 1947 your first time here?"

"No, we came in the tenth century. We show up whenever a species invents rockets. It's so funny to watch your dumb fart tubes."

Eric harrumphed. "How do your UFOs fly, then?"

"You know how some species have telekinesis? Gandorians can just point at something and make it float."

Eric nodded. "Sure, but TK isn't strong enough to float a whole ship."

"No, but you can make anti-gravity paint just by taking a bunch of psychic aliens and smushing them into a fine paste."

Eric blanched. "W-what?"

"Don't look so shocked." Zeta laughed. "We only do it to volunteers."

"Who the hell would volunteer to be smushed?"

Zeta shrugged. "Psychics also read minds. If you knew exactly what everyone thought about you, how long would you want to stick around?"

"I guess that makes sense." Eric scratched his chin. "You like me, right?"

"…Sure."

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Ever wish email was fun instead of bills and boring work stuff? Now it can be!

Did you guys know I have a newsletter? Get notified when I post new science fiction stories, jokes, and writing tips articles, and be the first to know about my new book releases.

Go subscribe so I can build a platform that won't be bought out by an annoying rich guy! (Bottom of page.)

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The Floating Ring

I wrote a definitely real magic trick tutorial that is not fake or full of lies. This tutorial will make you a genuine magic expert, just like David Copperhead or Penne and Telling. Fool your friends! Annoy your enemies! Confuse strangers! Enjoy!

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The Vampire Club

Eric Seeker was getting ready to visit a vampire nightclub. Jen, the club’s human bartender, had promised to get him inside. “What’s with the spiky dog collar?” he asked.

“Safety gear," she said, smirking, "so the vamps can’t bite my neck.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But what’s the leash for?”

She just smiled and headed for the door.

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Steps to Write a Genuine Platonic Relationship

1. Establish the Foundation

Define Their Connection: Decide what brings these characters together—shared history, common interests, or a deep emotional understanding.

Set Boundaries: Clarify from the start that their relationship is non-romantic, avoiding any lingering tension that could be misread as attraction.

Give Them Complementary Strengths: Show how they support and challenge each other without romantic implications, emphasizing mutual respect.

2. Shape Their Role in the Story

Decide Their Impact: Determine how their bond influences the plot—do they solve problems together, serve as each other’s moral compass, or push each other toward growth?

Avoid Romantic Clichés: Refrain from using traditional romantic tropes like longing glances, accidental physical tension, or excessive jealousy.

Show Their Value Beyond Love: Let their relationship be crucial to the story in a way that isn’t reliant on romance or tension.

3. Build Their Dynamic

Use Natural Banter: Let them have inside jokes, tease each other, or share moments of camaraderie without any romantic undertones.

Create Moments of Deep Understanding: Show how they confide in one another in ways they wouldn’t with others, reinforcing their trust and emotional closeness.

Let Them Have Other Romantic Interests: This solidifies that their bond isn’t about unspoken attraction, making it clear that romance isn’t lurking in the background.

4. Define Their Chemistry

Make Their Interactions Unique: Ensure they have a specific energy that distinguishes their bond from romantic connections in the story.

Emphasize Loyalty Over Possessiveness: They can care deeply about each other without feelings of possessiveness or unresolved tension.

Show Physical Comfort Without Romance: Casual, platonic touch like a ruffling of hair, a side hug, or a reassuring pat on the back can reinforce their connection without romantic connotations.

5. Demonstrate Their Impact on Each Other

Let Them Grow Together: Show how they influence each other’s decisions, ambitions, or emotional development without needing romance as a motivator.

Create High-Stakes Moments: Put them in situations where they rely on each other, proving their bond is just as deep as any romantic relationship.

Allow Conflicts Without Romantic Resolution: If they fight, let their reconciliation stem from their friendship and values rather than an underlying romantic interest.

6. Develop a Satisfying Arc

Decide Their Long-Term Dynamic: Whether they remain lifelong friends, drift apart naturally, or take different paths, ensure their bond leaves a lasting impact.

Showcase Their Relationship’s Meaning: Highlight how their connection was vital to their growth, reinforcing the importance of strong, platonic love.

Avoid Unnecessary Romantic Subtext: Let them stand as proof that deep, meaningful relationships don’t need romance to be powerful.

Examples of Strong Platonic Relationships

1. Film/TV Examples

Frodo & Sam (The Lord of the Rings): A loyal, emotional bond built on trust and shared hardship.

Robin & Steve (Stranger Things): A brother-sister-like friendship that develops beyond a possible hetero-romance.

Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes (Captain America): Sibling-like love based on support, teasing, and mutual admiration.

2. Literature Examples

Duke the Guarder & Dawn Demiss (The Guardians of Camoria series): A deep friendship based on emotional intellect, trust, and shared insecurities.

Jo March & Laurie (Little Women, after rejection): A lifelong friendship that remains strong despite romantic expectations.

Harry Potter & Hermione Granger (Harry Potter series): A close friendship built on trust, emotional support, and respect without romantic tension.

Follow || Like || Comment || Repost || My Novel

thank you @celestialgarden23 for the request :)

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The Summoning

Sir Eric gazed out at the approaching army. “Witch, can’t you conjure up something to defend the castle?”

Beatrix shrugged. “Who should I summon? The Gingerbread Mangler? Banana Dread?”

He frowned. “Why are all your monsters made of food?”

“I learned magic from my Easy Bake Coven.”

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I wrote a novel about a pig that becomes a boxer, but readers thought it was ham-fisted.

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Robot romance novel tropes

Destroy All Humans to Lovers

Forced Bluetooth

Only One Charger

Human Falls First

Welded Together

Love Dodecahedron

Good Engineer / Bad Bot

Beta Testing

General Availability

Error - Love Forbidden - Contact System Admin

Multiple USB Ports

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Death of the Author

Me: Is it another one of your horror stories? I love those.

Guy in my writing group: No, it's autobiographical.

Me: Oh... I'll still read it, but I'm going to pretend you were a ghost the whole time.

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My therapist says “upsetty spaghetti” isn’t a real medical condition, but she did give me a prescription for garlic bread.

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Free Speculative Fiction Sites List

I just updated my speculative fiction sites list. If you like reading short stories, there are loads of links to sites that publish free fantasy stories, science fiction stories, horror, and more.

I know people just like doom scrolling without clicking on anything, but clicking is how you find sites that aren't owned and run by billionaires. Support indie creators and click some links!