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Happy Forever (Science fiction story)

A programmer struggling with depression hacks her own brain, hoping to be happy forever.

Sci-fi flash fiction, four minute read.

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Chainsaw through your writer's block

Writer's block got you stuck? Here's a creativity chainsaw! Thousands of writing prompts, plus fun games to remix old story ideas into something entirely new! Generate septilions of combinations!

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The Sleep Scanner

David peeled off the electrodes on his forehead. "Testing is complete!" he said, smiling. "Do you know what this means? The Sleep Scanner is finally ready to launch! Imagine how much fun everyone will have recording their dreams!"

They had been working on the device for nearly a decade, learning to turn brainwave data into 3D projections of dreams. In addition to the pure entertainment potential, the Sleep Scanner had promising therapeutic potential. Thousands of psychologists and psychotherapists were already looking forward to studying the workings of their patients' subconscious minds.

Mary raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been going over our recordings, and I've been meaning to ask… Why are all your dreams about centaurs?”

He blushed. "What? No, they're not."

"Sure they are. Every night, it's another shirtless horse guy. Centaur farmers, centaur body builders, centaur yoga instructors... There was even a centaur riding a regular horse once."

He headed to the control panel, rapidly hitting the DELETE key. “Must be a software glitch. Oh well... Back to the drawing board!”

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Every book for seniors would be a bedtime story because they just fall asleep anyway

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Little Demon

"Cutest case of my life!" the exorcist said. For weeks, the family had been tormented by something clawing at the walls and knocking objects on the floor. But instead of a demon, the exorcist found an orange tabby hiding in the laundry room.

The family fell in love with her immediately. They named her Ginger. She was adorable, even when she made the walls bleed.

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Being funny twice? That never happens.

"This person's post is so funny and interesting, I'm going to reblog it!"

"Are you going to follow them? You know, in case they're funny and interesting again later?"

"Nah, what are the odds of that?"

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The Body Pilot

“The Body Pilot takes on life’s burdens,” the commercial said. “The microchip attaches to your spine, and your body goes to work, exercises, does chores, all by itself!”

But Zoe’s Pilot wanted more. “Dating can be a burden. Family, too. I can handle that... You don’t have to do a thing.”

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Godzilla Would Have Been Cheaper

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Light Show

The woman in the black coat laughed as the lights on her lapels changed colors. “None of you can arrest me. I’m swapping country memberships every two seconds! You don’t have jurisdiction!”

Detective Porter sighed. “Oh joy, another hacker. The paperwork is going to be hell…”

The homicide officers surrounding her were members of a dozen different virtual countries, but even when their lights matched, there was no way to get her in handcuffs before she swapped again. The only thing worse than letting a criminal escape was breaking your country’s terms of service.

“See you later, boys,” she said, smirking.

“Hold on,” Porter said. “I’m watching your little light show.”

Red, blue, orange, green, pink, purple, red…

He raised his laser and fired. She collapsed on the pavement.

Officer Floyd gasped. “But the cameras… You’re a green! The reds will sue and have the greens throw you in prison!”

Porter tapped his green lapel light. “That’s right, but reds and greens have a mutual defense treaty, and red and purple are at war. That last membership change was also an illegal invasion.”

Floyd nodded, his eyes wide. “Lucky loophole.”

“Clean up here for me, will you? In my country, it’s a holiday.”

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Save the humans! Let's redefine art

The article AI tech bros (and their search engines) don’t want you to see! To save human creativity, we need a human-only definition of art.

A while back, I was invited on a podcast to talk about AI and art, despite my lack of expertise in both those things. The podcast never followed up with me and seems to have disappeared, so I never got to be on.

This article is my notes from that discussion that never happened.

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What makes people buy books? (Poll Results)

After almost 200 votes, here are the results from my poll on book buying factors.

31.8% of people said the book's genre was their biggest factor.

27.8% said a great blurb of back cover summary.

13.1% said recommendations from friends.

7.1% said a favorite trope.

What does this mean for writers? Of course, you can't control whether or not someone will recommend your book to their friends. You could only write books in the most popular genres, but writing to market can suck the heart and soul from your work. That leaves writing a solid blurb/summary for your book.

How do you do that?

Study the greats. Look up your favorite books in your genre, copy the blurbs into a document, and then look for what they have in common. How much time do they spend on characters vs plot? Do they mention tropes? Are they serious, funny, spicy?

Focus on your book's unique appeal. You want to find your book's unique selling proposition and make that the focus of your blurb. What does your book have to offer that none of the other werewolf shifter romance novellas do?

Start with one great sentence, your book's hook. Ideally, this hook sentence will introduce the main character and spark questions that will make people want to keep reading to find the answers. "Maria was the space academy's top fighter pilot, but her next assignment was flying into the general's ear."

Good luck with your blurbing, and happy writing!

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Bad ways to start a novel:

I looked at myself in the mirror, examining my features. My hair was frumpy and mousy brown, my nose a little crooked, and my tentacles were tangled again.

Zoe woke up with a start, gasping. Her whole grand adventure had all been a dream, from the Castle of Spreadsheets to the Battle for Copier Hill to the destruction of the Forbidden Jewels of HR. She decided to write it all down in a book, even though it would likely be boring and full of plot holes.

When Bill came downstairs, Shelley was doing her homework in the living room. "Hello, Sis! It's me, your big bro! As you know, we are teens, and our single mom (our father disappeared on a jungle expedition while searching for the other half of a mystical amulet) is at the store. I hope she buys Pop-Tarts!"

Henry was the last man on earth, thanks to the apocalypse, so there was absolutely no one to listen to his long and traumatic backstory. He decided to sculpt his last can of Spam into a friend and prologue at it.

The day the alien invasion started, it was gray and rainy. It was thirty-five Fahrenheit outside, and the wind was coming out of the northwest at five miles per hour. There was a twenty percent chance of snow, with a high of forty-four on Thursday. Now let's look at the extended forecast.

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Sneeze itch? Snitch?

English is a frustrating language. There is no name for the tickle in your nose before you sneeze, even though it happens to me every day. But there is a word for being thrown out a window, even though that’s only happened to me like twice.

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Farewell, Maria

The priest stood by the grave and bowed his head. "As we lay Maria to rest, we can be sure she has found lasting peace. Let us not be overwhelmed with our grief over her final death, but let us celebrate her life. Each time she came ba-"

The ground shifted as a hand rose from the dirt. A muffled voice said, "You can't get rid of me that easily!"

The priest scowled. He stepped on the hand until it withdrew back in the dirt. "You see? This is why I said to seal her in concrete!"

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What's your biggest book buying factor?

What's the biggest thing that convinces you to give a new author a try? How can a new indie author best get your attention?

Please help indie and self-published authors get noticed by responding and sharing! The more data the better!

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Self-Hinder Books

There are millions of self-help books out there, but no self-hindering books. It seems like an underserved market.

Some possibilities:

101 Things To Blame Yourself For: From Your Parents Divorce To The Hindenburg Disaster

The Ugly Jerk's Guide To Lowering Your Self-Esteem

From 5K To Couch Potato

Dumer In Thirdy Days

The Sleep Cure: Staying Awake With Anxiety And Existential Dread

I'll make your life worse, guaranteed!

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The Doom Tapes has the weird you crave

Looking for weird? Try these science fiction stories:

A mysterious man plays poker with parasites from another dimension.

A waitress at a space truck stop battles a meatloaf monster.

A conman recruits a team for an asteroid heist.

And many more!