#taking car of the body
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I NEED to persist for my family and friends
It is all exploding inside what,where,when,who,how
I.Don't.Know
#r ant#I am completly blind#It's so hard#taking car of the body#myself#what should I do#i am not well
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Little preview (first 8 pages) of my Comic "Nachtklang"! Little reminder that the pre-order for the Comic is still up until the 1. march! (You can also read it on patre0n ofc!)
#nachtklang comic#comic#harringrove#harringrove comic#steve x billy#billy hargrove#steve harrington#billy x steve#hurt Billy because Steve needs to take care of him!#S2 AU#would have loved a S3 with them interacting other than slamming their cars into each other#Now they are slamming their bodies against each other instead
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it's time for Creechers!!!!!!!!! and Quinn's stupid priorities
#spoilder'd even tho you probably already know who this is#a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears#body horror tw#gore tw
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Sometimes, I forget that there are people who find protagonists like Izuku, Tanjiro and Yuji "boring" because "they exhibit typical shonen protagonist traits" and one of them woukd be "They're nice, they're kind, they're all sunshine".
Which, okay, have your tastes, that's fine.
But when it comes to characters who are kind and/or nice, there's layers to them.
Just because a character is nice, doesn't mean they're kind and vice versa.
A character can be the most evil one in that story and still show kindness to some people somehow. A nice character may be the one to do immoral things, Yuji being an example.
The reasons for why a character is nice and/or kind varies, too.
Some are just genuinely born that one. Some may be selective as to who they show those sides, too, because of their own morality. Maybe, a character is being kind or nice to also manipulate others. Some characters may choose to be kind because who will, despite the cruelty of the world?
Also, I feel like, even with people outside of a fandom, they hear or seen a character being nice and kind, they just stop at that and don't think they're capable of being ruthless.
Like, Tanjiro canonically has a pure soul, but multiple times he has shown he is not only a menace in a fight, but he has shown to be one in casual situations. Sometimes, he's not even aware he is because he is so nice.
Izuku, he's a sweetheart, too. But even he will just shut off that "sunshine" to literally tear into you. He has been told in canon to hold back his emotions, the most prominent one being his anger. When he's angry, go apologize!
Yuji, look, let's be real... he is sunshine and rainbows, but that boy is probably the least sweetest one out of these three examples. Hold back? Yuji don't know what that is. No, no, he really don't. I kid you not, this kid doesn't. You can't even use the fight against Junpei as one because he punched Junpei UP into a window. Had Junpei not have that shikigami, he would have gotten major injuries.
My point is!
Just because a character is kind or nice or both, it doesn't mean...
A) it's the only trait they have.
B) they're not capable of not being kind or nice.
I think some see nice and kind and associate it with being "soft" in a derogatory manner.
Which, first off, there's nothing wrong with being soft.
I'll be honest, it will sound silly (go ahead and laugh actually, I encourage it), but if you asked put a character like one of the mentioned protagonists in front of me along with their villain and asked me "who I'm more scared of" I'm pointing at the protagonist.
Listen to me. Don't let that cuteness fool you.
With a villain, I am well aware of that villain being evil and will hurt me no matter what I do.
With someone like Yuji or Tanjiro or Izuku, they look nice, they look kind but it's like you have to be careful to not to trigger them in a way to set them off. You're caught off guard but those sweet faces and then next thing you know, BOOM! You got knocked out.
If anything, as much as people like to clown on these characters, they're only just following the footsteps of the ones before them.
Just like those legends, they started from the bottom and grew stronger over time and even with being a chill person or don't want to do evil, that doesn't exempt them from being not "a sweetheart".
I said it before, but a sunshine character to me is a character who is warm but lethal, like sunlight.
#shoot if anything i say some of these protags are a little crazier than the last ones...#like I'm sorry but they do things that I'm like 'OKAY WHAT THE FUCK?'#tanjiro out here headbutting the shit of people and taking sickles through.#THAT WAS PAINFUL TO LOOK AT#izuku could have killed katsuki in that first fight or just injured him badly#his fights... he knows to hold back because of his body AND honestly because of others#like when you think about izuku did have the capability to off someone#murder just don't be on his mind#yuji... listen he can throw cars and will do it enough said#he knocked out bullies like they were curses at like 13-14 years old and looked at the last guy with a glare so chilling...#it's like watching season 0 yugi all over#cute but then boom oh i could gravely injure you ha ha#just kiya's thoughts#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#deku#itadori yuji#yuji itadori#tanjiro kamado#kamado tanjiro
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commission for @albatris !! i absolutely adored drawing their oc and it came out so well! (this piece cost: 75 USD)
comms are still OPEN! if anyone is interested please DM me
#art#art on tumblr#commission#commission art#digital artist#artist on tumblr#digital art#please commission me#g0re#g0recore#cw g0re#cw gore#tw g0re#cw blood#blood#vampire#oc#but not my oc#commissions open#open commissions#commissions#tw body horror#horror#vampiric#vampire aesthetic#vampire oc#a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears
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#I found a deer with her throat cut and I had to Google and found out whoever did it knew what they were doing it was horrific and didn't#make any sense as a car hitting her and them taking her out of her misery because of where the blood starts and her body was dragged but#I would like to hope that it was just her getting hit and running over there and the hitter/throat cutter was being kind by not letting her#die slowly and painfully because that is best for me personally#so anyways they did it perfectly I do live in a rural place so it makes sense they'd know how to#also hate this new update my tags don't look like tags
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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fuck the institution of marriage i am nobody’s spouse let alone a stay-at-home one
*clears throat* well, you know what? nevermind everything single thing i have just said
#mizu please come back it’s been a year and the kids miss you#i can’t do this alone#i promise i’ll be good#abuse me#beat the dog shit out of me#cheat on me#hit me with your car#step on me#spit on me#kick me#take my body and soul#😭😭😭#i’m sorry#i ran out of anti-delulu pills#i just can’t shut up about mizu being hot#hahaha#hornyposting on main#blue eye samurai#bes#bes mizu#mizu bes#mizu#blue eye samurai mizu#mizu blue eye samurai#happy bi visibility month#by the way
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« That's not what I meant to say at all / I mean, I'm sick of meaning / I just wanna hold you »
“ Captain of the First Division of the Defense Force— Narumi Gen, spotted late at night with what seems to be a possible love interest. Those within the vicinity say that despite the cold act the mystery person is putting on, they seem to be not only indulge in the captain’s clingy and over-the-top gestures but also enable it as well— last seen leaning in towards the captain when he wrapped an arm around them. Some sources go as far as to claim this is the most at ease they’ve seen the captain off-field. Stay tuned for the latest updates!.. ”
#felumi#take this from my hands before I spot more things to fix…#my art#narumi gen#voidcat.selfships#song is bodys by car seat headrest… (returning to my roots as god intended)#self ship
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GUESS WHO JUST TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID
FML
#whining#medical stuff#I was supposed to get my Covid booster tomorrow#and flu shot on Friday#was also going to finally take the car to the body shop today#WELP#so much for getting shit done
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on a scale from Nat Rentalcar Finch eating god in a fervent rage to Tris Atdao Greer embracing the monstrous with unrivaled kindness how well do you straddle the line between psychosis and apocalyptic divinity and deal with being a vessel through which terrifying energies are channelled
#thinking on nat finch being a vessel for the garble and tris greer's delusion that he harbours the source of the apocalypse#thinkin about the garble's underground network of shifting caves and body horror and the apocalypse's Town That Is Alive#thinkin about nat The Tower finch bringing a cruel system crashing to the ground#thinkin aboht tris Strength greer embracing both the end of the world and himself with total love and kindness and#breaking cycles of viciousness and violence#love and violence and bravery in both#atdao#a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears
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...
#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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red boys?????????? red boys 😌😌😌😌
#sentai#go onger#hurricaneger#zyuohger#liveman#carranger#kakuranger#gingaman#super sentaisuke#everyone is here. it counts. sentaisuke+#to no ones suprise its all birds cars and ninjas#and ryouma lmao hi ryouma#i love him so so much but like fuck man if i ever have to draw his outfit again i'm going to chew my laptop charger in half#every time i look at yusuke i want to grab his cheeks and shake him violently#would he like it?????? probably not but i imagine he'd put up with it for at least a few seconds#been doing a lot of full body/pose practice by drawing their ending dances#the two here are not an accurate reflection of just how many i've drawn lmao#finally drew sasuke in the pants. also decided he needed a crop top its an actual crime that he doesnt have a crop top#yusuke takes one look at him and just breaks down into tears#red racer + speedor crossover plot nonsense pls enjoy#kuru kuru doru doru engine magic if you will#i'm in my red period. picassoing up in this bitch#2023 art tag
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Current count since I last slept: 41 hours.
I think I've capped out at 46 before, I'm not sure because my worst fit of insomnia had me in no position to check times. But I'll say 46. So if we hit 48 we're setting personal records!
#i do not want to actually be awake#my body just physically cant process stress#'oh zee why cant you be in a car?'#this. this is why#and you might think: 'oh this cant be because you were in a car!'#it is. it so totally is#and also stress#but mostly i blame being in a car#everytime i get in a car i get sick#motion sickness vertigo dizziness insomnia#my body is violently against automobiles#which is actually so annoying because i finally own one of my dream cars#and wanna know when i last drove my baby?#A YEAR AND FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO#Also please for the love of fuck do not suggest anything to help me sleep#i. have. tried. it.#when im dealing with insomnia like this the only way it stops is preceiotion strength meds or my body calms itself the fuck down#no teas no melatonin no meditating no lettuce water no hot milk NOTHING will work#and also even prescription strength meds dont always work when its like this i have woken up like two hours after taking some b4#when my body doesnt want to sleep it will not sleep#you can tell how little sleep im running on based on how unhinged these tags are
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"when did destiel sex happen for the first time?" i love that i'm living so far in my own obscure deluded doomed by the narrative canon-compliant version of surprisingly wholesome but tragic destiel that the only right answer isn't even an option on polls: stanford era.
#deancas#it's like.#you're in a car with an ugly old angel and he looks at you like he has loved and known you for years but you just met#and he wont tell you that he's hiding something from you but he's hiding something from you#and he reaches over and you let him hit bc you're lonely and he's saying all the things you wish your father told you#like he discovered a belief in a future where you'll have eye crinkles and your brother at your side and a home with your own bedroom#and you feel your heart taking root in your body until one day you wake up with a headache and no memory of him or the past 2 months at ALL#and you never have time to wonder about it bc its october 2005 and you have 327 episodes of horrors ahead of you#and they all happen exactly like they do on screen. destiel was real but it was also dead before the story even started#(other than that they only had sex in purgatory which dean came to regret bc it made him realize he's not into cas like that#and he had only invited him to his benny fuckfest bc they're friends and it seemed rude not to)#and dean never ever learns that they once were lovers. and for cas there's nothing to remember bc it hasnt happened to him yet#its beautiful. to me.#also slightly embarrassing for me as a person but nevermind that
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