#surprisingly this wasn’t in reference to that but you could interpret it that way

[dualitieds]

Get wormed, idiot

[seungkwansphd]

room for interpretation - 3

pairing: lawyer!jeonghan x lawyer!YN word count: 9.9K synopsis: as top of class, you and jeonghan had been many things to each other. enthusiastic rivals, begrudging allies, and…parties to a jokingly written (but legally binding) marriage contingency contract? this piece of paper would’ve been long forgotten had an unexpected merger not thrown you back into each others’ lives. themes: fluff, rivals to coworkers to tentative friends to lovers, “if we’re both single by X age” marriage contract, IDIOTS2lovers, fake dating, miscommunication. this is just a romcom.

You must be losing your mind at least a little. This was the conclusion you’d come to over the weekend. You’d spent the better part of Sunday thinking about Jeonghan, the contract, and your feelings. You’d basically said that you wouldn’t mind being married to him, but that didn’t mean you actively liked him, right? So now you were slightly panicked that you’d maybe confessed something to him that you hadn’t meant to.

“How’d it go?” Maja burst into your office, demanding an update.

“Good!” you spun around to face her, eager to think about something other than Jeonghan. “They treat prospective clients the exact same way that Jillian said they treated employees. The whole place stank of elitism!”

“What did they say?”

“A lot of veiled language around ‘clients have to match the image of the brand’ and how they ‘look for a certain type and demographic of people’.”

“Yuck,” Maja blew a raspberry and gave a thumbs down. You agreed.

“And Jeonghan did a good job at playing fake fiance?” Maja couldn’t help but pry. She’d been wondering all weekend about that.

“Weirdly, yes,” you shrugged, “He’s surprisingly attentive. 

“Huh,” Maja, “Surprisingly?”

“He remembers little things that I wouldn’t have guessed he would remember.”

“I mean, you guys are friends,” Maja felt the need to remind you. Even if you didn’t accept it or realize it, your relationship with Jeonghan was in fact quite close.

“Yes! Everyone and their mother would like me to admit that I like Jeonghan. I’m friends with Jeonghan!” you threw your arms up suddenly, startling Maja.

Her eyes bugged out of her head at ‘I like Jeonghan’. Did you mean like…romantically? Or more as an extension of ‘I’m friends with Jeonghan’? She had a feeling that the question would be poorly received, so she withheld it for now.

“Sorry, it was just kind of weird. Pretending to be engaged, and then remembering the marriage contract, and then pretending to be married. I might still be processing.”

“Marriage contract? And why did you have to pretend to be married?”

“So,” you pointed at her, “When the person at the wedding venue asked us how we met, Jeonghan brought up the fact that we signed a marriage contingency contract in law school. In this fake world, of course, we realized we liked each other before the contract had to be enforced.”

Maja blinked. She was barely keeping up.

“So honestly, I had forgotten about that until he brought it up! But yeah, we did sign that, which was silly. But then we got food after the consultation and the waitress kept making eyes at him. Apparently he didn’t like that, so he kept referring to me as his wife, because we were wearing rings.”

Maja’s head spun.

“Hold on, let’s back up a second. You two signed a marriage contingency contract? What the hell does that even mean?”

“Okay, so,” you inhaled before launching into the full backstory for Maja.

You did your best to explain the context of Peter’s divorce, his declaration that law was for lonely losers, and your subsequent insistence that that didn’t apply to you. She nodded as you explained how smugly sure Jeonghan had been that you couldn’t get married and make partner before thirty and the resultant bet and contract.

She wasn’t nodding because it was reasonable, by any means. No, the whole arrangement was unhinged. She nodded because it could maybe make sense if there were repressed feelings on both sides. And even then, it was a stretch.

“Why would you sign that?” she found herself asking indignantly. Even as a non-lawyer, it seemed ill advised.

“I mean I was such a hothead in law school. I couldn’t stand it when Jeonghan called me chicken. The other thing I realized, like literally this weekend, is that it would be okay if I were contractually obligated to marry Jeonghan. Now that things with Flynn are over, I’m not gonna make the thirty year cut anyways!” you shrugged and laughed.

Maja squeezed her eyelids together. You were being an idiot of grander scale than she could’ve ever anticipated, it seemed. Maybe more than her gentle nudges were needed. Perhaps it required an actual act of God.

“You know what?” you pointed an accusatory finger at her. You had meant to stop thinking about Jeonghan! “I’ve spilled a lot of beans just now while your beans have stayed in their container. What the heck is going on with you and Harris?!”

“Ah,” Maja scratched the back of her neck. “You’re right, I’ve been keeping that to myself. Why don’t we do something fun this weekend and I can catch you up?”

“Yes!”

Maja shot you a quick thumbs up before returning to her desk. Her eyes flitted to Jeonghan’s closed office door. She wondered how much information she could get out of him if she tried.

…

Maja checked that the coast was clear as soon as Jeonghan left his office. She’d been snooping on calendars and seen that he had the next two hours blocked off. He’d taken his laptop with him, so she was confident that she could snoop freely for the next bit. Trying to appear as nonchalant as possible, she ducked into his office and started peering around. She didn’t honestly know what she was hoping to find. She doubted that Jeonghan kept a journal full of his secret feelings about you, but she would settle for something…anything!

“What’re you doing?” Peter appeared suddenly in the doorway.

“Nothing! Um…helping Jeonghan sort his paperwork,” she shuffled piles of papers haphazardly together on his desk.

“You never help with administrative tasks,” Peter narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s really going on?”

“I…, uh,” she floundered for a moment before giving up the charade completely, “I’m snooping. I think something’s going on between Jeonghan and YN.”

“Oh!” Peter’s eyebrows raised with surprise, “Like…in a good way or a bad way?”

“Like…I think they liked each other. And maybe still like each other.”

“Love!” Peter gasped, clapping his hands together. “Let me help. What are you looking for?”

Maja rolled her eyes. She should’ve known this would be Peter’s response.

“Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. It’s not like it’s the Victorian era and they keep secret correspondence or something,” she shook her head, ready to give up.

“Ow, shoot!” Peter whisper-shouted as his shoulder brushed against Jeonghan’s diploma, knocking it off the wall. The loud crash that accompanied it made Maja want to melt into the floor.

“How did it not break?” she marveled with wonder before realizing it was plexiglass. She flipped it over to put the diploma back in place and was surprised when multiple sheets of paper emerged. “What in the world…,” she murmured. Peter had made himself scarce after the ruckus, so she was able to read in peace.

“I, the undersigned, consent to…,” she read the text and realized that this was the contract. It was a fairly short document and while no judge in their right mind would enforce this, it was technically binding. She set it aside before fixing Jeonghan’s diploma and hanging it back on the wall. Maja thought briefly about what to do with the contract, but ultimately settled on leaving it on Jeonghan’s desk. She’d thoroughly undone whatever organization system he used to separate his papers, so she could at least make this easy for him.

…

Jeonghan let out another long exhale. He’d blocked off a few hours in the law library so he could work without being distracted by the view of you through the window. He’d also spent his Sunday thinking of you. He’d have no way of knowing it, but he was far less conflicted than you were. He liked you, was attracted to you, and would be happy to date you. After all this time, both apart and together, he just…enjoyed you. Whether you were making his blood boil while butting heads or making his heart flip flop as his fake fiancee, he liked you.

He knew he likely had some work to do in order to show himself to you in that light, but he was willing. You already spent an atypical amount of time with him, so really there were more than enough opportunities. He typed up a few more sentences before someone burst into the office unceremoniously.

You’d jumped when your phone had started ringing in your hands. Flynn was calling weeks after your break up, so you’d panicked and ducked into the law library.

“Hello?” Jeonghan’s eyes widened when it was your voice that answered. Your phone wasn’t on speaker, but the volume was high enough that he could also hear the person on the line.

“Hello? YN?”

“Flynn, is everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s okay, thanks for asking,” he chuckled and you smiled reflexively. It was easy to relax into his laugh.

“Um, so why are you calling?” you asked, slightly awkward.

“Right to business as usual,” Flynn laughed again.

Jeonghan’s pulse raced. You were still facing the door, so he felt like he was eavesdropping, but it also didn’t seem right to speak up, so he just sat in this one-sidedly tense situation, frozen.

“Listen, I’m calling, um. Because I’ve been thinking…I just miss you. Uh, I know I struggled with your lack of work life balance, but…I’ve been wondering if we should give it another try?”

Your eyebrows shot up with surprise at the same time Jeonghan’s furrowed. You’d been thinking maybe he’d left something at your apartment and wanted to pick it up. You exhaled sharply and turned, pressing your back to the door.

“Flynn, I-,” your eyes met Jeonghan’s. You hadn’t realized he was there.

His eyes pinned you against the door and the words caught in your throat. Heat crept up your neck and the room suddenly felt foggy. You tried to form words that wouldn’t come.

Jeonghan tried to keep from frowning. Your ex wanted to reconcile, which made him want to throw your phone out of the window, but he refrained from showing this. He tried not to react in any way because he needed to understand more of where you stood and what you wanted. His wants regardless.

You blinked at Jeonghan, eyes searching his irritatingly placid face. You were surprised when you realized you were looking for some sort of indication or tell from him. In the past he’d been quite clear that he didn't care for Flynn. Why did it frustrate you that he wasn’t showing that to you again? Now?

“YN?” Flynn’s tinny voice shook you both out of your reverie. Jeonghan held your gaze, nodding as if reminding you that you needed to answer.

“I-,” you closed your eyes for a moment to filter through your thoughts and decide what you wanted. “Flynn, it’s so kind of you to call. I…don’t think we should give it another try. I actually feel really good about our split,” you answered honestly, eyes opening again.

“Ah,” Flynn was clearly surprised. “Well, thank you for being honest. I, uh, wish you the best!”

“Thank you,” you said as you met Jeonghan’s eyes again. Your heart pounded wildly as you ended the call and excused yourself from the library.

Jeonghan’s hand rose to his mouth to cover a wide smile of relief. He spent the next minutes trying and failing to focus and smiling into his palm. After accepting that he wasn’t going to get any more work done, he returned to his office. He cocked his head when he noticed the papers on his desk. This was definitely not how he had left them, but he found he didn’t really care.

The only document of note was the one he’d set his laptop on top of. Furrowing his brow as he pulled it out, his eyes scanned through it until he realized what it was: The ContractTM. Where had this come from?

With revived focus and interest, he reread the pages in their entirety. He found himself chuckling at his past self as he did so. Maybe it was just that hindsight is twenty-twenty, but Jeonghan found himself truly marveling at the document. While on its surface it was just an oddly written contract, it could also be read as a love letter to you from an emotionally constipated idiot. All this time, you’d been someone very special to him and it had taken him all this time to realize it.

…

“Mandatory happy hour,” you read the calendar invite you’d just received from Peter. You looked to Maja, who shrugged in response.

“Guess I’m busy tonight,” you gave your computer a lackluster thumbs up. Your pulse sped up slightly as you watched Jeonghan walk into his office.

You were feeling some awkwardness after he’d witnessed Flynn’s attempt to reconcile. It was your fault for barging into the library, but you wished he’d said something, cleared his throat, anything to let you know that he’d been in there! You felt vulnerable to Jeonghan in a way that made you feel shy around him now. You hated it.

After a moment or two more of consideration, you shook your head. It would be fine. It was fine!

Jeonghan ran his tongue across his teeth as he read the calendar invite from Peter. While a mandatory, company-wide hang hadn’t been his ideal next step, he supposed it was still an opportunity to spend time with you. He had been thinking, overthinking really, ways he could spend time with you that were less casual than the current post-activity meals that you often shared. Your relationship revolved heavily around work, so at some point he wanted to move away from that, but he also wanted some reassurance that you were even interested.

…

“Are you walking over now?” Jeonghan called from his office when he saw you and Maja conferring.

“Yes! Would you like to join us?” Maja invited him.

“Please,” he nodded, logging out of his laptop quickly. It was just a few minutes more before he was ready to go.

“Alright, mandatory fun!” Maja pumped a reluctant fist before leading you towards the elevator.

“Mandatory fun,” you chuckled weakly as you followed her.

“Ready for mandatory fun?” Jeonghan nudged you with his elbow as he settled in next to you.

“So ready,” you laughed.

You actually weren’t dreading it that much. Peter’s unseriousness as a boss meant that after-hours work events were often quite fun. It would be interesting to see Harris in a social situation, but you genuinely liked a lot of the associates, so honestly it would be a good time. As long as you could keep a reasonable distance between yourself and Jeonghan, you could be okay.

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed. You were being unusually quiet.

“How was your day? How’s the wrongful termination suit going?”

“Oh, um, good,” you nodded. Why was this elevator so slow?

Maja furrowed her brow. Jeonghan was trying and you were giving him absolutely nothing.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to visit the employer again? There was a coworker that could be a key witness if you could get into contact with them!”

“I-,” you glared at Maja.

“Oh, do you want to go back? I’ll go with you,” Jeonghan offered.

“For your client,” Maja implored, but you could see the mischief playing across her lips.

“Maybe, it might not be necessary,” you shrugged.

“Okay, just text me if it is. I’ll make myself available,” Jeonghan nodded.

Maja was suffering in silence. She wondered if she could have the elevator to herself for a moment while you two walked to the bar.

“YN! Jeonghan!” Peter greeted the two of you enthusiastically when you walked in.

“What about me?” Maja glared playfully at Peter.

“Maja, my favorite girl!” he folded her into a hug that she immediately pulled away from.

Harris appeared behind Peter and you tried to hide a smile. This casual check-in with Maja was obvious to you, but you knew no one else was aware of the relationship yet.

“Hi Harris,” you smiled at the other managing partner before slipping away towards the bar. Maja followed.

“You’re acting weird,” she declared, leveling you with a stare. “What gives?”

“What?”

“You are being so short with Jeonghan. Did he upset you or something?”

“I mean not specifically, but in general he is upsetting to me.”

Maja narrowed her eyes at you. You were so full of shit! Yet you had given her space about Harris when she’d needed it and so she supposed he could at least try and reciprocate.

“YN!” your junior associate, Kevin, appeared suddenly at your side. He placed his chin on your shoulder, which was silly because he was a full two heads taller than you. Kevin was like a big puppy and he looked up to you like an older sibling.

“What’s up?” you couldn’t help but laugh at his antics.

“The advice that you gave me on that fraud case totally worked!” He stood up excitedly. “As always, you are the greatest!”

You grinned up at him. Kevin was straightforward and genuine in a way that you liked. You could trust the things he said without wondering about ulterior motives.

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed as he watched you and the world’s tallest Kevin at the bar. You two seemed wildly incompatible, yet you clearly enjoyed Kevin’s company and that surprised Jeonghan. He wondered whether that was what you looked for in a partner. Someone goofy and easy?

“You are thinking very hard,” Joshua appeared suddenly, teasing him in a sing-songy voice.

“I am not,” Jeonghan found himself denying immediately.

“Lies,” Joshua’s eyebrows raised before his head snapped in the direction Jeonghan had been looking earlier. The most devious smile curled onto his lips when he saw you. Jeonghan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Explain.” his evil twin demanded.

“There’s nothing to explain,” Jeonghan insisted. He wasn’t willing to share this with anyone yet, not even Joshua. He had just barely admitted it to himself.

“Well, I haven’t gotten to know YN at all since the merger, so now’s the perfect time,” Joshua managed to sound sweet and menacing at the same time.

“Wait,” Jeonghan called weakly. Was he ready to give this up?

Joshua turned back and looked down at him expectantly. Jeonghan glared at him for a moment before looking away and Joshua finished his beeline towards you. For all his soft smiles and sweet demeanor, he was such a little shit when he wanted to be.

“Oh, Joshua!” you were surprised when the attorney joined you at the bar. Aside from his commitment to work life balance, and also due to it, you didn’t know Joshua very well.

“You all looked like you were having too much fun for me not to join,” he smiled at you. Kevin gave him a jovial fistbump and he was folded into the group seamlessly.

You tried to ignore Jeonghan’s eyes on you, but you could feel them. You’d noticed Joshua teasing Jeonghan about something, but even before he had made his way to you, you’d felt Jeonghan’s gaze on you. You couldn’t seem to help the way it made your pulse stutter every so often. You wished it would stop.

“Joshua, you and Jeonghan are close, right?” Maja asked.

“As close as one can be with a workaholic,” he teased.

“Did you know that he and YN went to school together?”

“No, I didn’t,” Joshua shook his head. He looked at you with new appreciation. “Was he as big of a pain in law school as he is now?”

You shifted your gaze to Jeonghan and considered him. A smile lit up your face before you answered yes.

Jeonghan stood up. That was enough of standing on the sidelines.

“Talking about me?” he asked as he slipped behind you to order another drink.

“Only bad things, I promise.”

“Well, even if your attention is elsewhere, I’m glad I’m still on your mind,” he murmured for only you to hear.

You blinked, trying to keep a sheepish grin from spreading across your face. The edge of jealousy you heard was giving you major butterflies.

“YN?” you heard your name, snapping you back to reality.

“I’m so sorry, I did not hear you,” you shrugged sheepishly. Jeonghan looked down to hide a self satisfied grin.

“We were thinking of sitting outside on the patio,” Kevin repeated himself, jerking a thumb towards the door.

“Oh sure! It’s nice out,” you nodded, moving away from Jeonghan in an act of reflexive self preservation. It would be great not to be on edge all night if you could manage.

The outdoor seating was mostly picnic bench-style, so your group split in half to slot yourselves into them. You stayed close to Maja throughout the shuffle, which resulted in being sandwiched between her and Jeonghan. Wonderful.

You didn’t really absorb another word that was said the rest of the night. Every time you tuned in, the conversation had drastically changed from the last time you’d been listening. Eventually you gave up. Instead, your mind zeroed in on every shift and movement that Jeonghan made. A few minutes after sitting down, he turned to face the group more directly and his legs straddled the seat of the bench. What this meant for you was that his legs were now more or less draped around you, boxing you in. 

Maja struggled to hide her giddy grin as she watched you from the corner of her eye. Whether he was aware of it or not, Jeonghan was definitely staking a claim. Most of the firm knew that you two spent a lot of time together, both professional and extracurricular, but these subtle physical proximities reinforced and cemented the closeness you shared.

“Oh? Jeonghan, is that you?” a new voice pierced the air.

“Ah?” his legs brushed against you as he turned to identify where the voice had come from. “Ah, Soonyoung?!”

“Jeonghan, it is you!” a young, vivacious man called more excitedly this time. Jeonghan stood to embrace him. “Just my luck running into you!”

“Oh, why’s that?” Jeonghan slung an arm around his shoulder, moving to catch up with him.

You exhaled a small sigh of relief as Jeonghan left to chat with his friend across the bar. You brought your chin to rest on your upturned palm as you watched them. A soft smile settled on your lips. Jeonghan’s expression was so dynamic as his friend talked. He was a much better listener than he’d been in college.

“YN,” Joshua’s voice pulled your attention away. “How is your wrongful term case going?”

“Oh! Mostly good, though I am a little worried about the jury selection. You never know what you’re going to get, right?”

“That’s true,” he laughed. “Is Jeonghan still assisting on that case?”

“Well, no. He was never formally assisting. I just needed a fake fiance for a day, so he got roped in, I suppose.”

“He volunteered!” Maja piped in unhelpfully.

“Oh, did he?” Joshua’s eyes widened with surprise. “That’s odd!”

“Is it?” your brows raised, “He loves butting into cases that aren’t his!” you laughed good naturedly.

“Hm, not the Jeonghan that I’ve come to know,” Joshua shook his head with a bemused smile. “He’s different with you though, I’ve noticed.”

You looked towards Jeonghan again. He was staring at you with an expression on his face that indicated he needed extricating from his situation. You blinked slowly before turning back to Joshua.

“I think he needs help,” you laughed. You and Joshua chatted about made up topics for a few minutes longer before you got up to retrieve him. You were delighted to learn that reveling in Jeonghan’s misery was an interest of Joshua’s as well.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” you cleared your throat as you approached the pair. “Can I steal him back from  you…soonish?”

“Oh please! We’ve discussed what I needed to discuss. Now I’m just blabbing his ear off. I’m Hoshi, by the way. You are?” Jeonghan’s friend stood up to shake your hand.

“YN,” you smiled, “How do you two know each other?” you couldn’t resist asking. You knew you were meant to be extricating Jeonghan from the conversation, but the opportunity to learn about this person from Jeonghan’s life was simply too tempting to resist.

Hoshi launched into a long and animated story of how he and Jeonghan met on the playground at Maseok Elementary school. Hoshi was an excellent storyteller and regaled you with no shortage of entertaining stories about Jeonghan. One that particularly made you giggle was the story of Jeonghan, upset over something and trying to make a show of it, losing his balance and rolling down the stairs instead.

Jeonghan covered his face with a hand. He should’ve known that Hoshi would happily volunteer all of his most embarrassing tales. He almost stopped Hoshi from telling the snake story until he saw the smile that had lit up your face.

“Friggin’ idiot,” you laughed, covering your mouth with your hands to hide a smile of utter delight behind it.

The words were insulting, but you said them with a warmth and affection that spread through Jeonghan’s chest like fire. Damn, he really did like you didn’t he?

“Hey are you ever coming back?” Maja shouted from across the bar.

You and Jeonghan looked at each other before smiling at Hoshi sheepishly. Jeonghan ensured that he would be in touch with Hoshi soon before you returned to the remainder of the firm that was still out.

“How was your little sidebar?” Peter asked.

“That was an old friend who happens to be in need of a lawyer, so we may have a new client,” Jeonghan shrugged casually.

“Oh I could kiss you on the mouth!” Peter clapped him on the back excitedly. At your bemused glare, he added, “With your consent, of course.”

Jeonghan let out a puff of laughter. Peter had ceased to surprise him long ago.

“Okay, I’m tired, I’m ready to go home,” Maja announced after a rather spectacular yawn.

Harris stood and the rest of the associates followed.

“Hey, you’re not taking the bus home, okay?” Maja pointed a finger at you as you closed your tab. “Jeonghan, will you drive her?”

Jeonghan nodded, silently thanking Maja for her observant and protective nature.

“No, I-,” your protest died in your throat when you saw her withering stare. It was late anyways, you wouldn’t mind the ride, to be honest. “I can ask someone else, if it’s out of the way for you,” you turned to Jeonghan.

“It’s on the way,” he shook his head. He had no idea whether this was true or not, but he wasn’t going to give up this opportunity.

“Okay,” you nodded.

You felt inordinately nervous as you followed him to his car. Jeonghan had driven you places plenty of times before, but it felt a little different this late after-hours. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as he drove.

“Did you enjoy your mandatory fun?” you finally asked, unable to take the silence anymore.

“Huh?” Jeonghan was startled from his thoughts.

He’d been deeply ruminating over if, whether, and then how he was going to walk you to the door and ask you out. He wanted to wait until the Mock Trial season was over so you wouldn’t consider it another meal of convenience.

“Jeonghan?” you were confused when he didn’t answer.

“Sorry, yes, it was fun. Added bonus of running into Hoshi,” he shook his head slightly.

“I enjoyed running into him too,” you grinned cheekily at him.

“It seemed so,” Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you, but it was good natured.

“Thanks for the ride,” you smiled at Jeonghan as he pulled into the parking area at your place.

“I’ll walk you up,” he decided as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“You don’t have to do that,” you cocked your head at him.

“I know,” he half-smiled at you and continued anyway.

You tamped down a prickle of nerves as he followed you to the building entrance. You turned to face him because you felt like you needed to say something before going inside.

“Thank you for the ride,” you waved awkwardly at him, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jeonghan nodded, feeling stuck as you turned to enter the building. At the last moment, he grabbed a hanging tie on your bag and jerked you back towards him. Now or never.

“Hey, uh…question,” he cleared his throat when you turned confused eyes towards him. “When Mock Trial season is over…would you want to go to dinner with me?”

“Oh?” your eyes widened. That prickly tingle was back again.

Jeonghan watched you think. It was like the day he’d watched you talk to your ex over the phone. It felt similarly nerve wracking waiting for you to render a decision.

“Yes, I would like that,” you finally nodded, offering him a small smile.

“Great,” he broke out into a smile and you both exhaled small breaths of relief. “How about the Friday after their final trial?”

“That works for me,” you nodded. You didn’t need to check your calendar, you never had plans.

“Okay, let’s plan for 7. I’ll work out the other details,” he nodded before releasing his hold on your bag. You exhaled loudly after you were safely inside. Was this a date?

…

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed as he stared at the casefile on his desk. He should be ecstatic. Harris and Peter had just assigned him a major Merger & Acquisition project. This was a huge step in building his corporate law portfolio, yet he couldn’t help but feel annoyed as it required him to be onsite. Your dinner date was just two weeks out and he really had no way of knowing how long he’d be required to be out of town.

“Hey, I heard you got an interesting case! What is it?” you popped your head into Jeonghan’s office. You were itching to know.

“Merger and Acquisition,” he responded blandly.

Your nose wrinkled. You had never been one for corporate law, so this was a rare case where you had no interest whatsoever. It was, however, surprising that Jeonghan wasn’t more visibly excited.

“Why do you look so un-psyched? You like this shit,” you furrowed your brows at him.

“I am, but I have to be on site for it…in Minneapolis.”

“Ah,” you nodded. You had to travel for work every so often and it was never as fun as you’d think. Staying in a hotel with an unfamiliar bed and weird pillows was just mildly annoying enough to drive you crazy. “Minneapolis is fun though!”

“There are things here I’d rather be doing,” an eyebrow jerked up with slight irritation. He hoped you would catch his drift.

“It’ll all be here when you get back,” you were trying to be encouraging.

Jeonghan tried to be reassured, but the unreasonable fear that you would change your mind about wanting to go out to dinner with him while he was gone lingered. He wondered if he could take that Friday off and fly back for the weekend.

…

You sighed as you walked back to your car. Jeonghan was out of town, which meant you were now advising both teams. You adored all of the students, but their instincts to try and weasel out information about the opposition’s strategy was making you a little crazy. You missed being a two-person team.

Your stomach grumbled as you entered a restaurant. This was your favorite place for solo dining. On top of the food being good, they had single person booths equipped with phone charging outlets where you could eat in peace. As you sat down, you realized just how long it had been since you’d stopped in. These days, more often than not, you had Jeonghan to eat with.

“Ah, YN! Where the hell have you been?” the hostess, Evan yelled excitedly when you walked in. “You finally find someone who will date you and your crazy hours?”

“Why would you think that when I’m back here to eat by myself?” you threw your hands up playfully in response. Your mind wandered to Jeonghan, but you brought it back quickly. 

“I guess so, you lonely spinster,” Evan chuckled affectionately as he led you to a booth. “You know the deal, so let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do,” you nodded as you took a seat. You submitted your order through the tablet and scrolled through your phone as you waited.

Your mind inevitably wandered to Jeonghan. You wondered whether he’d gotten into Minneapolis without much hassle and how the merger seemed so far. You even went so far as to draft a text message to him, but did not actually send it. He could contact you if he wanted to. You returned to the article you’d been reading, but it wasn’t much longer before your phone rang, alerting you of an incoming video call from ‘Yoon Jeonghan’. How was that for timing?

“Hello?” you answered while fishing in your bag for headphones.

“Hey, it’s Jeonghan,” you laughed. You knew that already. “Is practice over?”

“Yes,” you replied, waiting for a moment for the audio to switch over. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he replied, turning his camera on. “I was just thinking of you so I thought I’d call to see how it went. Thank you for pulling double duty, by the way. I wish I could’ve been there.”

“Me too,” you chuckled, propping your phone up so you could see him. “You should’ve seen the way Farah’s eyes bugged out when I told them where you were. Yet another weirdo who likes corporate law,” you teased. Farah was wonderful, but you just truly did not understand the draw.

Jeonghan laughed before reaching offscreen to grab a pair of chopsticks. You watched as he pulled them apart and jabbed them into something in a bowl.

“Oh are you eating? Me too,” you remarked, showing him a spoon that was handy.

“Yes. It’s been a long day, I’m starving,” he nodded before shoveling noodles into his mouth.

“How has the merger been, by the way?” you 

“Fairly aggressive so far,” Jeonghan shook his head. Once his immediate hunger was sated, he shared more details about his day. The timing was just as well because Evan brought you food and you could listen and eat.

Jeonghan smiled as he watched you eat dumplings rather expeditiously. While his day had been busy and consumed with the merger, he hadn’t been able to keep his mind from wandering to you. He’d finalized his plans to fly home on Friday in time for your date, which filled him with a nervous excitement. He planned to surprise you, so he didn’t share for now.

“How is Hoshi’s case?” he asked before bringing his water to his lips.

Your eyes lingered on his hand for a moment too long before you answered. Hoshi was quite the character. You weren’t exactly sure he had a solid case against his business partner, but you were still in the fact finding stage of things.

Jeonghan nodded while his server brought him the bill and informed him that he should pay at the hostess stand. As he stood, he let you know that he would be back soon and instructed you to wait for him. He knew you likely wouldn’t, but he was curious how long you might hold for. He laughed when he returned to a stern text from you asking not to waste your time. You’d waited all of two minutes before ending the call.

…

Jeonghan squeezed his eyes shut. The attorney for the opposite side of the merger was driving him insane with his idiocy and dramatic flair. His eyes flitted to his phone, he wondered if you were free.

[yjh]: ‘my opposing counsel is a moron’

You laughed.

[yn]: ‘i wonder if he attended Thee Law School That Shall Not Be Named’

[yjh]: ‘i’m not even sure he’d be admitted there’

You snorted. While you knew it was unreasonable, dunking on your law school’s longest standing rival still tickled a special spot of joy in your heart.

[yn]: ‘otherwise, how’s it going?’

Jeonghan glanced up surreptitiously before responding. Things were going smoother than the first days. Leadership of the acquiree had come to terms with the transaction. At this point, the opposing counsel was more of an obstacle than anyone else.

You raised your eyebrows as you read his response. You wondered if this attorney was struggling to change mindset and was still taking an oppositional approach.

[yn]: ‘may want to reinforce that his clients have accepted the acquisition and continue to redirect/reroute to them as appropriate’

[yjh]: ‘would rather just strangle him’

[yn]: ‘i will not represent you when it inevitably goes to trial’

[yjh]: ‘but you’re the best 🥺👉👈’

[yn]: ‘i’m aware :)’

Jeonghan snorted before tucking his phone back in his pocket. Incompetent Opposition LawyerTM had returned so it was back to business.

…

[yn]: ‘you should go to the MIA!’

[yjh]: ‘what is that?”

[yn]: ‘Minneapolis Institute of Art.’

[yn]: ‘this weekend is their annual Art in Bloom event!’

[yn]: ‘your timing is perfect!’

Jeonghan was pleasantly surprised as you proceeded to blow up his phone, explaining that the Art in Bloom was an annual event where floral artists were invited to create arrangements that were inspired by or complements to art pieces that were housed at the MIA. Apparently it was a free annual event that you were very excited about.

[yjh]: ‘it’s too bad you’re not here with me.’

‘Here with me’ stuck out to you more than you cared to admit.

[yn]: ‘send me pictures if you go! plz & ty’

Part of you did wish that you were in Minneapolis with Jeonghan. As much as your friends disagreed that it was a cool city, you enjoyed it. It had so many things that you enjoyed.

[maja-stic]: ‘are you ready? i’m leaving now, be there in 15’

[yn]: ‘yes! see you soon :)’

You flipped back to Jeonghan’s messages and were delighted to see he had decided to take your advice and promised to send you pictures. You nodded happily and finished packing your bag. You and Maja had a date at the mall. You were in the market for new trousers and she was shopping for home decor items.

[maja-stic]: ‘here’

“Hello hello! I missed you,” she greeted you with a smile as you climbed into her car. Being with Harris really looked good on her, she seemed so happy these days.

“I missed you too. Freaking Harris monopolizing all of your time,” you feigned outrage.

“You’re always welcome to hang out with us,” she offered as she drove.

“I don’t think I want to third wheel my literal boss,” you chuckled.

“I-,” she glared at you, “He is also my literal boss.”

“Yes, and you chose to get involved in a sordid, workplace relationship. That’s not my fault!” you teased her and she reached over to pinch you.

“Ow! I’m gonna report you to HR!” you shouted.

You both broke out into a peal of giggles as she turned off on the exit to the mall. After completing your ritual of getting soft pretzels and bubble tea, the two of you began shopping in earnest. You alternated between clothing and home decor and as was typical, both ended up buying things you absolutely didn’t need. As time went on, Maja noticed that you were more and more wrapped up in your phone. At the beginning of the trip, you’d been invested in finding pants, but once you’d found two pairs to your liking, you’d been checking your phone like crazy. Sometimes there was nothing to respond to, but more often than not, a smile crept onto your lips and you tapped back a quick reply. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Who do you keep texting?” she demanded, curiosity bubbling.

“Oh, my friend is at a museum and they’re sending me pictures!” you avoided answering the question directly.

“Oh? Let me see!” she poked her head over your shoulder. She had a burning gut feeling.

You flipped through the photos that Jeonghan had sent you. Maja cooed appropriately at the floral arrangements, but was disappointed that they didn’t give anything away. It had to be Jeonghan, right? You didn’t have any other friends!

“So is it a botanical garden? It seemed like flowers and also art?”

“No, it’s an art museum. They do an annual special exhibit of floral arrangements.”

“Ahh, cool,” Maja nodded before unlocking her phone to do some googling. It didn’t take much sleuthing to deduce that this was probably the Minneapolis Institute of Art’s Art in Bloom exhibit. The pieces of information puzzled themselves together in Maja’s brain and she gasped, giving you an accusatory stare.

“You lying son of a gun!”

“What?” you feigned ignorance, but you knew your goose was cooked.

“You’ve been texting Jeonghan all day! You-,” her outrage choked out the rest of her sentence. “Right?”

“No,” you denied reflexively.

“Give me your phone then,” she stood with a fist on her hip and the other hand outstretched. “If you are truly not texting Jeonghan all day on a Saturday then give me your phone.”

“I-,” you sighed, giving up the pretense, “Fine, you’re right. Sue me!”

“I will!” she replied. She was overwhelmed by a mix of indignance, vindication, and excitement that was showing up in an overly combative manner. “Sorry, I just…I am surprised! And processing.”

“We’re just talking,” you tried to play it down, but you knew it was more than that.

Over the past week, your communications with Jeonghan had grown more frequent than they’d even been with Flynn. You looked forward to his nightly calls and you’d accepted that you were feeling something for him that was more than a casual friendship. Something that made you feel nervous yet hopeful that he meant your next dinner as a date too.

“You are thinking way too hard about him for this to just be talking,” Maja shook her head firmly. “You don’t have to tell me, but…I don’t believe it’s just friendly texting.”

“It’s so embarrassing to say it out loud, but I think I like him,” you rolled your eyes at yourself. “Freaking Jeonghan.”

“Hehe,” Maja was grinning from ear to ear. “I love this. You two make sense together, like come on! I love love.”

“You sound like Peter,” you gave her a pointed look.

“In this case, I’m happy to,” she beamed at you proudly. “Do you guys have anything planned? Have you set like a date date?”

“We were supposed to get dinner next Friday, but since he’s still in Minneapolis, I’m assuming we’ll reschedule once that’s done?”

Maja nodded. That made sense. The rest of the shopping trip was filled with a peppering of questions about your newly realized feelings and fighting off Maja’s occasional offers to Facetime Jeonghan together. It was way too early for that.

…

The next time you spoke on the phone, you were the one who called Jeonghan, which made him want to kick his feet with delight and triumph. He was, however, on his way back to the hotel so that would have to wait.

“Hello?” he sandwiched the phone between his shoulder and ear as he entered his hotel room.

“Hey, do you have any experience with beverage labeling compliance?”

“What?” Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed. Not the greeting he expected.

“I’m at the grocery store,” you said, as if it explained anything. “I’m looking at this weird canned beverage that claims a million benefits that I find difficult to believe.”

“Hm, I wonder if it’s technically a supplement. Much more lax on that side.”

“Really?” you squawked. “Shouldn’t supplements be more tightly regulated?”

Jeonghan shook his head. This was yet another corporate law elective that you had elected to ignore.

“You’d think so, but no. FDA is dreadfully underfunded when it comes to inspection and enforcement. It’s almost a free for all unless you have significant market share.”

“Huh,” you narrowed your eyes at the can before moving down the aisle. “Well nay to that, then, I suppose. What are you up to?”

“Just got back to my room. Another long day, so I am ordering room service and not moving once I lay down.”

“Ah, I’ll let you go then.”

“No, don’t,” Jeonghan shook his head vehemently, “Stay on.”

“Do you need to at least call room service?”

“No,” Jeonghan shook his head as he toed off his shoes, “I can order online.”

“Ah,” you nodded.

You continued through the grocery aisles, plucking an assortment of items that you could throw together to make dinner. You were well aware of the differences in regulation between supplements and foods. The beverage’s nutritional claims had been a flimsy excuse to call him. It’d only been a few days since he’d left for the merger, but you felt it. The firm was quiet without him and you found yourself missing your thinking partner. Maja could only assist to a certain level before you needed someone else…well, needed Jeonghan.

“Gosh, I’m tired,” Jeonghan huffed and you heard what sounded like him flopping down into bed. There was a bit of soft rustling before he spoke again. “What should I eat?” he asked, putting you on speakerphone and pulling up the room service menu.

“I don’t know,” you rolled your eyes, “What do they have?”

Jeonghan was inordinately pleased that you were humoring him. In months past, you definitely would’ve hung up at this, admittedly, unreasonable question. He was very much reading into the fact that you hadn’t. He took his time reading the menu to you while you checked out with your groceries.

“I think…well, it’s humid today in Minneapolis, right? I don’t like heavy foods when the weather is sticky like that.”

“How do you know it’s humid?”

“I…,” you had looked it up earlier.

“Did you check?” Jeonghan’s eyes lit up. Had he been around other people, he would’ve had to cover his mouth to hide the beaming smile on his face.

“No,” you denied it too quickly.

“You were thinking about me,” he teased in a sing-songy voice followed by the sound of rustling sheets. You couldn’t see it, but he was kicking his feet like an absolute fool.

You had every plan to say something in your own defense, but you suddenly realized or remembered that he was laying in bed. This sent a jolt of heat up your neck. You really shouldn’t feel this way in a grocery store!

“Well what did you decide to eat?” you asked as you drove your car home. You smacked yourself on the forehead. This was an incredibly inane topic for you to be entertaining, but you didn’t want to end the call either.

“Oh, I haven’t yet,” Jeonghan focused his attention again. “I do think I’ll take your advice. Something light sounds nice.”

You had finished putting away groceries by the time he’d submitted his order. It had been a long day, so you went to lay down as well. You landed with a quiet thud and you shifted slightly to get comfortable.

“What are you going to eat?” Jeonghan asked.

“I bought groceries, but now I don’t feel like cooking them,” you laughed, “I think I have some hard boiled eggs in the fridge.”

“No. Stop,” he said sternly. “That is pathetically sad. You can’t just eat eggs for dinner.”

“I mean who’s gonna stop me?” you teased.

“YN.”

You stilled. Hearing Jeonghan say your name in an admonishing, scolding tone sent a shiver down your spine. Not unpleasant by any means, but surprising. You took a few shallow breaths, forgetting to reply.

“YN?” Jeonghan his voice sounded in your ear again and you shuddered.

“Yeah?” you replied, but it was breathy. Thin. You squeezed your eyes shut.

Jeonghan swallowed. The effect that he’d heard in your voice shot through him and surprised him. He wished he was home.

“I’m gonna order you food,” he decided, clearing his throat.

“No, you don’t have to do that,” you shook your head.

“I know,” he brushed off your protest and pulled up his phone. “Ah, Krazy Bao delivers,” he thought aloud as he submitted your order.

You blinked at his memory. It still surprised you when Jeonghan was attentive like this.

“What’s your address again?”

You contemplated withholding it from him, but he promptly reminded you that he could look it up in his Google Maps search history. Damn his brain.

“Okay, ETA is forty minutes,” he confirmed, satisfied with himself.

“Thank you,” you muttered, face half buried into a pillow.

“You’re welcome,” he laughed. “Tell me about the rest of your day.”

You thought for a moment, trying to decide what to tell. Honestly the days had been boring since Jeonghan was gone. The other associates’ offices were further away from your corner and so you’d mostly been working and chatting with Maja occasionally. She and Harris were now at a point where they spent most evenings together, so you felt more alone than normal. You didn’t share all of this with him, of course, but found more than enough topics to last through both of your dinners.

“It’s getting late,” you yawned.

“It is,” Jeonghan nodded, sleep was creeping up on him as well.

“I can’t wait for you to get back,” you muttered as you dozed off, “I miss you.”

Jeonghan’s eyes snapped wide open.

‘I miss you’

“What did you just say?” he asked in disbelief.

The only answer you had for him was light snoring, so he ended the call.

‘I miss you.’

He hadn’t realized he’d been wanting to hear those words until now. The brief shock of adrenaline subsided and he laid back down. The next two days couldn’t pass quickly enough for him.

…

You felt like a chicken with its head cut off. Things had been so overwhelmingly busy for the past weeks that you felt just one very minor inconvenience from exploding. Mock Trial had finally wound down, but now you were assisting with Hoshi who was quite the handful. You probably would have fired him as a client already, but this was technically Jeonghan’s case. But he was gone and Hoshi was…a lot.

Soonyoung, who preferred his ‘Doing Business As’ name of Hoshi, was embroiled in a fairly pointless lawsuit with his business partner, Seungkwan. The pair of them were equally hotheaded and emotional and some days it felt like they were engaged in the lawsuit just so they could fight with each other on record.

“What time is the mediation for Hoshi today?” you called out of your office door to Maja.

“Six-thirty,” she replied. 

“Gah!” you let out a squawk before returning to work. You needed to run over to campus to meet with your mock trial team one more time before heading to Seungkwan’s lawyer’s office for mediation. After this week was over, you could take a bit of a breather. You just had to make it until then.

As you drove to campus your mind wandered, as it usually did now, to Jeonghan. Tonight would’ve been your dinner (date?), but he was still in Minneapolis. You’d assumed it was canceled. You’d figure something out once he was back.

…

Jeonghan sighed with relief when he finally deboarded the plane. It had looked a little hairy for a moment, but he’d made it back on time. He had enough time to get home, shower, change, and meet you at the restaurant. If he didn’t hit traffic, he might even have time to pick up some flowers. Nothing showy, as that wasn’t your style, but you had so enjoyed those cabbage roses in the wedding venue garden when he’d gone undercover with you.

…

You silenced your phone before you walked into the conference room with Hoshi. You were meeting with Seungkwan and his lawyer today for another, hopefully final, mediation session.

“Are you ready?” you asked Hoshi with a hopeful smile.

“Yes! I will let you answer all of the questions even if Seungkwan goads me!” he answered you, a look of determination across his face. You hoped that would be true this time.

“I guess they really do let anyone in these days,” came Mr. Boo’s drawling voice and Hoshi looked ready to launch himself over the conference table.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. This was going to be a challenging mediation.

…

Jeonghan’s eyebrows were furrowed. You were late. It hadn’t worried him for the first few minutes, but it was now quarter past seven and you hadn’t responded to any of his texts.

“Hello sir,” a waiter dressed in all black came to check on him. It was a fancy restaurant, so the service was unfortunately attentive.

“Yes, I know. I don’t know where she is,” Jeonghan replied, clearly ticked. “Let me give her a call to see if something happened.”

“Of course,” the server ducked away to share the update with another server.

Jeonghan could feel his irritation rise with each ring of the line. He ran his tongue across his teeth with annoyance until it finally went to voicemail.

“Hello, you’ve reached YN-,” he cut off your voicemail with an irritated push of the red button.

“I guess she’s not coming,” his eyebrows flicked up with annoyance when the server came back to check in again.

“Ah, I see. Would the gentleman still like to dine with us today?”

“No, thank you. I’ll get the check and get this table cleared out for you.”

The server nodded and returned shortly with a bill. Jeonghan paid for his one cocktail and then headed out to his car. Before starting it, he tried calling you again. He tossed his phone into the passenger seat before heading home. As he got closer, the irritation subsided and was replaced by a sense of worry. Even if you were standing him up, he would’ve liked to know that you were okay.

…

“How could you possibly suggest that?” Hoshi and Seungkwan gasped in horror at both you and your opposing counsel.

You shook your head. You and your opposing counsel had just devised an ingenious way to split assets of the business quite equitably between the two partners. You’d thought they would be elated.

“What are you, King Solomon? We can’t cut our baby in half like that!”

“Absolutely not!”

“At this rate, I’m second guessing the entire lawsuit to begin with!”

“Me too!”

Your head spun. You weren’t even sure who was saying what at this point, only that your plan had backfired spectacularly. Seungkwan and Hoshi made eye contact for a few moments before launching themselves into each other’s arms for a rather spectacular hug.

“What is happening?” you whispered to Seungkwan’s lawyer.

“Lord if I know,” he wailed, looking ready to pull his own eyebrows out.

“Brothers!” Hoshi and Seungkwan pulled away triumphantly. “Cancel the lawsuit, we’ve reconciled!”

You were torn between stabbing the both of them and cry-laughing because it meant you could go home. You went with the latter. Seungkwan’s attorney had the good idea of documenting the decision signed by all parties and as soon as that was done, you were free to go.

When you pulled out your phone to check the time, your heart leapt into your throat. Three missed calls and several texts from Jeonghan. What was going on?!

Jeonghan pretended to consider not picking it up when you called, but ultimately couldn’t help himself. The curiosity had been eating at him for hours now.

“Hello?” he answered gruffly.

“Are you okay? I was in mediation with a client so I just saw your texts and calls. Are you okay?”

“Mediation? Why were you in mediation?” Jeonghan asked, his tone somewhat strained.

“Because you pawned Hoshi off on me,” you rolled your eyes.

“Did you forget what day it is?” Jeonghan inquired snippily.

“Friday?” you answered, slightly confused.

“We were supposed to have dinner!”

“But you’re still in Minneapolis?”

“Try again,” Jeonghan’s tongue clicked.

“...You’re home?” your eyes widened.

Jeonghan let out a small noise of confirmation and a mix of feelings washed over you.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? I assumed we were canceling!”

“Why would you assume that?! I didn’t tell you because I wanted to surprise you?”

“Well you were the one who saddled me with the world’s most insane client!”

“And you’re the one who stood me up on our first date!”

You stilled. You pushed your adrenaline aside and focused on what was important. Jeonghan had come back all the way from Minneapolis for your date. Which was in fact a date and not just wishful thinking on your part.

“It’s fine, we can just reschedule. Hopefully the merger will be over soon-”

“No!” you cut him off, opening your car door. “Where are you? I’ll come pick you up! It’s eight, we can still have dinner.”

“I-,” he chuckled. Within moments you were headed towards his place.

Jeonghan glanced at the clock as he waited. He couldn’t recall the last time he had been picked up for dinner and he had to laugh. His relationship to you was anything but traditional, so really it made sense for you to have accidentally stood him up and then come pick him up instead.

Despite that, he was excited to see you. The past weeks apart had cemented just how important you were to him. He missed hearing your thoughts, bouncing ideas off of you, and spending time with you. He thought about you for so long that the buzzer was what pulled him back to reality. He buzzed you up and wondered whether you’d be amenable to a simple night in.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” you burst in unceremoniously.

“I wanted to surprise you!” came his bemused reply.

“Well I wouldn’t have scheduled mediation if I’d known you were coming back,” you fixed him with a stubborn look.

“I know,” he de-escalated the situation completely, grabbing you by the wrists and pulling you towards himself. “Hello.”

“H-hello,” you swallowed, nervous at his touch.

“I missed you,” Jeonghan smiled softly down at you. “I’m not mad. I’m glad you came.”

“I-,” your adrenaline fueled nerves melted into relief and your heart stuttered in your chest. “I missed you too.” 

“Do you want to go out? Or do you want to stay in?” he asked, pushing a few stray hairs out of your face.

“I wouldn’t mind staying in, to be honest. I need to give you an earful about Hoshi,” you couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m sure you do,” he smiled at you. “Go sit down and I’ll grab you a drink.”

“Wait, before you do,” you caught him before he could step away completely. You tugged him in by the front of his shirt and pressed your lips to his. His arms folded around you and his lips curled into a smile. “I missed you beyond a reasonable doubt,” you smiled cheesily at him when you pulled away.

“My god,” Jeonghan rolled his eyes affectionately at you, “I like you so much.”

back to index

[zumbieve]

Here’s a bit of information about Chaos Deprived! Again, thank you for letting me talk about it, I think it’s pretty interesting!

So it’s part “Shadow was created by the Ancients” and part “chaos energy exists in the Boom Universe”. There used to be chaos energy around the planet, and a lot of it was used in technology. Everyone was used to feeling it flow around them, and some had more chaos energy in them than the average person. The more chaos energy, the better you can sense it around you.

When Shadow was created, he pretty much had the most chaos energy of any living being. He had enough to need four inhibitor rings on himself at all times to keep from self destructing and can still use said energy after all.

One day, the chaos energy from outside sources seemed to just… deplete. It started fading, and people started to panic because this energy could control the very fabric of reality. People who had chaos energy inside often took charge because being close to them brought a sense of familiarity and safety.

The thing is, it wasn’t disappearing. The chaos emeralds and master emerald felt that they needed to change places, and that’s what happened.

Over the decades, the chaos energy in bloodlines died, and it vanished completely from the planet. Well, almost. Shadow’s the only one who survived the downfall, and he most certainly feels the effects. Not physically, but more emotionally and mentally.

Not having chaos energy from outside sources surprisingly made him feel unsafe and that he had to put up a guard all the time. It was like being deprived of something essential. That’s where the name of the AU, “Chaos Deprived”, came from. He strongly believes that he’s the last that’s left of chaos energy because he no longer feels it anywhere on the planet.

But what if one day, a meteor with a small crystal containing the tiniest amount of chaos energy crashed on Bygone Island? What would happen if in an attempt to befriend Shadow and turn him to their side, Team Sonic gifted him the crystal?

You know what they say; A little kindness goes a long way. And this one just might rekindle a hope in Shadow that he lost long ago.

Honestly, this is mostly just my idea of why we don’t see chaos energy stuff in the Boom series, and say that Shadow’s attitude is all an act he puts up.

I love this??????

Honestly i never thought of seeing the lack of chaos and master emeralds that way.

Despite how annoying it is to me, I like the idea of chaos and master emeralds not mentioned at all because it gives freedom for interpretation and ideas.

Also shadow needing to live (?) off of it is just Muah

I could be wrong but is the small crystal a reference to sonic prime or im just tripping. 😭

Im glad you decided to share your wonderful au with me.

[edzephyr]

did you write that kohlinar thing yourself??

corrupted by the color of passion has me rending my clothes like in biblical times i'm

the whole thing is painfully beautiful, of course, but that phrase in particular just stabbed me right im the heart

Yes: I did an audition tape for something, and these days on film I recognize the subtle ‘kirkisms’ so I sometimes pull out little clips/stills and play with them. The gif-maker was corrupting but it suddenly gave me the idea of Spock having taken one tape of Kirk with him and it getting damaged somehow, and him reflecting on what he was doing.

If you watch The Motion Picture, there's a key difference, in my view, between the series and then, and it's (as others have referred to) the knowledge of what they are to each other. There's a whole new intensity to it, and the tension is mesmerizing. The idea of Spock purging all his emotions seems absolutely connected to Kirk (especially if you read Gene’s novelization). The most interesting untold Trek story is that one. That story has never been, to my knowledge, explored in the way the source material cries out for, in canon or 'legends' (Trek books/comics), though fanfic has surely ventured into the ballpark. The Motion Picture was what kicked me off in Trek proper, and after watching Wrath I went back to the beginning. Glad I did, because by the time I got to #3, where Kirk lies, cheats, steals, sacrifices his career for Spock, who is more important than anything, as though he were a part of him, I had the requisite grasp of the character arc and that relationship to fully appreciate it.

Acting is a strange alchemy and sometimes you find people who play magically well off each other. As an actor I’d liken running a scene to a moment of dreaming, the kind of dream where you’re not really yourself, and is surprisingly slippery when you step out of it. It’s odd watching playback and seeing things you weren’t conscious of at the time. I only mention it as people speculate a lot about how Kirk and Spock were created, and that amazing relationship. It’s littered with moments that really strike me as this kind of spontaneous ‘chemistry’, and yet there’s also the sense it wasn’t all left to chance. I refer mainly to the aspect that goes beyond a bounded notion of friendship; as others point out, there’s a terrific amount in the writing, editing, the photography – all these things are storyteller’s tools on film – that feed into it. Whatever the case, what’s there is there. It’s not hard to understand why the specificity of these characters, and their relationship, is important to fans, and re-interpretations don’t always land.

I have various friends in the industry and in fandom who articulate similarly, but I could talk forever about the original series and movies. I could walk you through Where No Man Has Gone Before, where immediately you have not only physical synchronicity, but a subplot that lays down the keystone and tone of their relationship: if it wasn’t at that point the intent of the writing, it’s in what the actors were doing innately. And I would say this is a salient point: you have scripted lines that have little to them, but are imbued with a whole different quality in delivery. It’s incredibly true in acting that the way the actor delivers the lines can change the whole meaning of them, or add to it. The final piece, and its meaning, is in the final print. And then the viewer becomes co-author in their interpretation of it.

Some things I love/ to look out for in The Motion Picture [SPOILERS]:

The parallel between Decker-Ilia/V’Ger, and Kirk-Spock. It’s very clearly set up and plays out beautifully. A great narrative device.

That moment when Spock walks onto the bridge, when his eyes fall on Kirk and the glimmer of what’s restrained. Kirk is...less restrained in how he looks back at him.

The way Spock ignores Kirk, or Kirk has to repeat himself, while Spock is suppressing his reaction to Kirk to the extent he’s not even able to respond to normal questions or asks.

How Kirk has lost his gilding: he’s darker, thinner, harder edged, and when Spock starts talking about monitoring their communications, Kirk is gazing at him, glassy-eyed, with undisguised, undiminished love and pain - it says everything.

How Kirk thinks getting the Enterprise back is the answer, but he’s still a mess until Spock gets there.

And while a fundamental part of Kirk and Spock’s arc is concluded in The Motion Picture, the movies journey into the next phase of their lives. I was talking recently to someone who is a good friend of Nic Meyer and it brought to mind all the symbology of The Wrath of Kahn – continuing into The Search for Spock, I think my favourite analogy relates to Orpheus and Eurydice: there’s a great post floating around where even the imagery is eerily close.

So yes, I do know the source material very well, and it certainly sparks the imagination

[potteresque-ire]

Commentary ~ Little Red Little Green Episode 18, “Fruits & Found Family”

Link to original post in Chinese, posted 2021/05/23. Link to official English translation.

(Disclaimer / Notes + Commentary under the cut!) (TW: possible eating disorder)

Disclaimer / Notes:

While the posts by Little Red Little Green (LRLG) are among my most favourite candies, I’d like to remind everyone that they are fake rumours, and should be read and enjoyed as such. ie, all CPN below!

The English translation linked above is the only one authorised by the Fake Rumour House; therefore, please treat all content below as a very casual, very *unofficial* convo between fellow turtle friends! ❤️💛💚

With Chinese being a highly region-specific language, my reactions to it is necessarily filtered through my background, which is, admittedly, somewhat removed from Gg’s, Dd’s and LRLG’s. However, it is not uncommon for even c-turtles (and several times, LRLG themselves) to be lost with what they read / heard due to regional differences ~ which reflects the reality of communicating in the Sinosphere. In fact, the regionality of the dialects used by different “characters” in LRLG’s dialogues is among the most critical elements that make these posts so authentic-sounding, and so difficult to replicate. A fun activity of following LRLG is to watch c-turtles patch their regional knowledge together, from local slangs to food choices, to make sense of what’s going on. 

Okay, with that all said *phew* ... onto the commentary! “p. X” refers to the panel number in the official English translation (there are 7 total in the Twitter post). 

p1. “Fairy”

Likely referring to the similarity between Gg’s current role for 玉骨遥 (The Longest Promise) and LWJ. Dd was praising Gg for being “fairy-like”; Chinese “fairies” (仙) have a certain style especially in visual media, similar to ... LWJ’s ~ otherworldly, white robes that billow in the wind, peaceful to the point of distant, scholarly, delicate. In between the lines, Gg likely said he was simply playing LWJ (hence, the ”act another me” in the translation), which Dd protested... and said Gg was simply playing himself. Whether that means DD IS NOT LWJ!!!!! 😡😡😡 or something else, we’ll know what we get to watch the show!

p1-p2. “Heat”

Yes about the Chang’e 嫦娥 reference!! Despite Houyi 后羿 shooting down 9/10 suns and saving the day, his wife is, indeed, more famous (and therefore the star, the more powerful one), because she’s frequently featured in Mid-Autumn festival art, along with her pet rabbit 玉兔 (”Jade Rabbit”),:

(Chang’e with her bunny, traditional Chinese painting. Source.)

Below is Gg’s rendition of Chang’e / Jade Bunny pair ~ Chang’e being the superman in the drawing while Jade Bunny is crouching on the planet!! 

Guess of the missing convo from Gg’s side: Gg had wanted to bring something to Hengdian (where the filming of The Longest Promise was taking place) to cool himself down, and Dd had said it wasn’t necessarily. Hence Dd’s “My bad my bad” and the promise to send that something to Gg.

The loveliest line in this segment for me—and for many c-turtles— is the one about white hair. Turning grey a common, but very old-fashioned way of expressing worry and poor Dd, who hasn’t even turned 24, is claiming he was turning white because he got so worried every time Gg complained about the heat (Aww). 

Turning grey with worry isn’t limited to romantic situations — it may happen to doting parents with wayward children, for example, or to ancient patriots over their crumbling kingdom. However, it’s also one of the more (very!) dramatic ways to communicate tragic love in Chinese fiction before Western influence allows “love”, as a term / word / character, to be used explicitly in writing romance. 

Here’s a little example, a little diversion that may be of interest. Those who are familiar with the Wuxia classic Return of the Condor Heroes 神雕俠侶 by Jin Yong 金庸, whether it’s the book or its numerous visual adaptations, may remember how the hero, Yang Guo 楊過, went white at his temples overnight after his Shifu and lover, Xiao Long Nv (小龍女), didn’t show up at the cliff at the end of his 16-year wait for her.  

Set photo from a TV adaption of Return of the Condor Heroes, 1995. Turtles may find the actress playing the perenially white-wearing, calm-to-the point-of-aloof Xiao Long Nv, Carmen Li 李若彤, familiar ~ she also played Lan Yi in The Untamed. 

The 16-year wait, the invitation to Carmen to play Lan Zhan’s ancestor (when the two shared similarities in aesthetics and personality), were two of the three references from Return of the Condor Heroes I picked up from The Untamed (the last one was more specific—WWX mentioned Yang Guo’s master 獨孤求敗). This tribute is unconfirmed, but MXTX did say before that Jin Yong’s works were her inspiration. I also read a (small) discussion on whether LWJ’s hair carried a few pieces of white in the final episode, or if the lighter strands in it were a trick of the sunlight. (Here’s a screenshot of the approximate place to look!!) 

While I lean towards the latter (the sunlight), turning white with worry, with love, is a tradition in Chinese storytelling. Here’s a little something I’ve noticed too, on this note ~ both in the actual interviews and in these fake rumours, Dd’s word choices, the way he conveys emotions are sometimes surprisingly traditional. It can be because of his background (which would require a study of how Luo Yang people and Koreans talk); it can be because the traditional way of talking allows for fewer words to be said, fewer things to have to be explicitly explained (example: LWJ), but the effect is that Dd has supplied the most romantic lines in LRLG’s posts because of that ~ romantic because it harks back to the rhythm, the themes of old poetry, of ancient stories that, as were true everywhere in the world, were about love. 

Okay, back to the rumour (and hoping Dd won’t look like Bad Wig Yang Guo in a few more summers!) ....

The line after the one about white hair ... the way I understand the original Chinese sentence is “Heat is The Reason”: ie, anything Dd wants Gg to do and Gg disagrees, Gg would use heat as The Reason (R) to not do it. This anything may be eating, for example, which also has a strong possibility as conventional Chinese wisdom says that heat causes people to lose appetite. Dd’s worry would therefore be: Gg refusing to eat because he claims it’s too hot to do so.

“Corny joke” ~ the Chinese for this is, literally, “cold 冷 joke 笑話”, which becomes a pun as the gzry (team members)’s joke was about the (cold) winter and black hair. So... Dd threw a corny joke to combat a corny joke :D .

p3. “Apple”

The first half I also had to rely on c-turtles to help me interpret what it meant! Regional dialects aside, LRLG has captured dls’s very quick wit, the way his ideas freely hop from one concept to the next and this hopping carries traditional + popular cultural references that I know only a fraction of, not being a local after all. 

I’ve read an additional interpretation of this segment: “big fruit” 大果兒 (as in dls: “Those are all big fruits, all big fruits”) is a Northern Chinese, traditional slang for women—dls might have connected that with the previous line in the convo about being Guowang, as explained in the translation, and “big and juicy” + “touch to feel” being suggestive phrases. Then, given the rare usage of the big fruit = women slang, dls expressed surprise that Dd understood what he meant, went on to say he expected Gg to know it (implying Gg could’ve taught Dd the meaning) ... 

Which led to the entertaining part of this segment. Dd was like “You guys (= Gg + dls) talked?” Dls appeared to have thought of the scenario customarily inviting this question (scenario: someone on the verge of catching their spouse cheating) and began playacting that scenario, started to stammer ... as if he had just been got caught trying to chat up someone’s spouse  ~  ”I-I-I....how to say it ...”. Dd caught on dls’s playacting and went along, continued with the “accusation”: “You’re stammering”. Dls then noted that Dd’s accusation was scary and Dd smiled, ending the playact ~ so, ah, readers, never mess with Dd’s spouse!! Dd gets scary!! 

(BTW: ”nijia na kouzi” 你家那口子 was explained in the translation for a reason ~ It’s a warm, friendly term for a dear friend’s spouse. 😊)

p4. Lychees

Lychees. Has everyone tried them? It’s important not to over-eat them though...

In which the “Feeding Gg” saga continues! This segment is one of those that are wonderful for fic writers who wish to capture Gg and Dd in words. Gg, like many brought up in traditional families, has trouble saying “no” outright, which is often considered rude. As such, he resorted to delay tactics, something he had also done with the fried noodles in The Makeup Room BTS. 

In the BTS, his delay tactics had been to argue that Dd hadn’t eaten his box of noodles and therefore, he couldn’t start (~2:35 mark)—as proper manners indeed dictated. In this dialogue, his delay tactics was to say he’d eat the lychees later, that the lychees would make him too full for the proper meal (rice). 

A cute thing about this convo is that rather than pouting and grumbling his only being LWJ’s replacement (as he had hilariously done in the BTS), Dd had, apparently over the last three years, become an expert on countering such delay tactics. He peeled the lychees, which not only removed a major obstacle for eating, but also set a timer as peeled lychees get dry quickly (and Gg, despite being a picky eater, didn’t seem to like to waste food). He said the fruit could make appetiser. He got the help of their team members, who assured Gg that two lychees would be all right.

Gg’s response to the assurance... takes a little time to explain. 

The original Chinese line for “Great, great, you’re so awesome” was 絕了絕了你們絕了。 “絕了”, a popular phrase used by Chinese netizens, was repeated three times.

絕, literally, means the extreme, the absolute, the end. 絕了 means pretty much the same ~ a thing that is 絕了 is standing en pointe at the edge of the cliff that is The Absolute End of a spectrum. It is the Ultimate. It can't be surpassed. It’s unbeatable. 

絕了 is usually used in a positive sense, as in the English translation, with the positive being implied. If I say the LWJ photo above is 絕了, for example, I don’t need to specify that the extreme in 絕 stands on the good end. It’s understood given the audience of this post are mostly turtles (HELLO *waves*). We’re all heart-eyes here. We agree, without saying, that this photo is The Top, The Pinnacle; it can’t be better. 絕了 is higher praise than Excellent; it’s so good that there are no adjectives for it. Its own presence defines How Good It Is. 

But 絕了 doesn’t have to be positive. If my audience is Su She ... he’s likely to take the same “This LWJ photo is 絕了” to mean the Mariana Trench kind of Absolute—the bottom of the bottom, the Unbeatable, Adjective-Defying Worst. 

絕了 allows for that understanding too.

In this scenario, I interpret Gg’s 絕了 as taking the meaning of both extremes (which make it a fantastic phrase choice!): that Gg thought Dd and the team members were being both the Absolute Best (for thinking of Gg, caring for him) AND the Absolute Worst (for going against his wish to not eat!) Gg’s 絕了 also signals defeat; if Dd and his team members were The Absolute ... Whatever, then poor Gg had no choice but to yield to their wishes. I can already imagine his “I can’t believe I lose this way” Look (see: every rock-paper-scissors he lost, which was ... pretty much all of them), mixed with, perhaps, a healthy amount of bunny tooth warning (how dare Dd et al banded up against him)...

Those bunny teeth had to be taken care of, right? And so Dd went on to say lychees being good omen that ensure things would go smoothly for the eater... targeting Gg’s being a, as c-turtles call it, 小��信 (literally, “Little Superstitious”, a young + adorable + superstitious person). Dd said that to help Gg justify the choice to eat, to make Gg feel better about his defeat. 

(Of note: I had actually never heard of lychees being associated with good luck before, and a quick search online also didn’t yield any result. This could be a relatively rare association Google failed to catch ... or something Dd made up on the fly to make Gg happy.) 

(Lychees have, however, been associated with romance. If Emperor’s Smile 天子笑 was The Love Drink in The Untamed, then what is Concubine’s Smile 妃子笑? Answer: it’s the RL name of a type of lychees, lychees being the fruit very much adored by Yang Yuhuan 楊玉環, the consort of the Emperor Xuanzong (685-762 BCE) of the Tang Dynasty and one of the four most beautiful woman in Chinese history. Since lychees had only been grown in southern China, the emperor had had the fruit couriered, in express mode involving many horses, to the palace up north to please his favourite wife. Lychees had become a symbol of love from that historical tale.)

Did Gg get Dd’s message then, the love and care packaged in those peeled, sweet fruit awaiting his bite? Yes, but not without a little more fight! “Eat eat eat, (I’ll eat) until you go bankrupt” is a literal translation of his final line. Tonally, I can see the following as being an alternative translation: 

“Fine fine fine. I’ll eat, it’s not like I can bankrupt you by eating anyway!”

If it sounded a little sulky, that’s because it did ... a little sulky AND fiery. As expected from our favourite Chongqing Big Pepper 😂😂😂 (Poor Gg).

Dd smiled at that, needless to say. He won!!! He got Gg to eat!! The world shall rejoice!! 

p5. “Showtime”

There’s a show coming up for Dd (the YH concert maybe?), and Gg offered suggestions. 

The sweet point of this segment is about half-way down the conversation, in the piece of paper 📄 Gg gave to Dd (after “This is for you.”). Dd took the paper, noted the many words on it, and started saying 我把我整個靈魂, translated as “I bring my entire soul”.

c-Turtles have, based on these words, hypothesised that Dd was about to read out a quote that Gg had written on the paper, with the list of items Gg thought Dd should take, before Gg stopped him with a call of his name (“WYB”). The quote was included on the translation (”I give you my entire soul...only, a little good, love you.”) I have also talked about the same quote, in more detail, here.

I’m equally stumped on the final line of this segment. (Sorry!!)

p6. “Found Family”

It’s a heartwarming segment. While LRLG had previously noted that the TTXS bros had communicated with Gg, this segment made clear that they care for him like they do for Dd ~ as family.

* dls mailed Gg a lot of fruit for sharing with the film crew. “Family member needs to be impressive” is a rough translation, but this line does defy simple translation because 排面 a highly cultural concept that has much to do with the equally complex, Chinese concept of face (which this article explains... somewhat adequately). The message to take home is that dls cared enough about Gg that he wanted to make sure Gg wouldn’t lose face in front of the film crew; that, by having enough gifts (fruits) for everyone, Gg wouldn’t be viewed as cheap or inadequate or stingy, or whatever adjective that wouldn’t befit his top idol status. Because dls saw Gg as a member of his family. 

* The prescription from hg had been mentioned in a previous LRLG rumour. 方子 is a Chinese medicine prescription, which, unlike Western formulations, is individualised both to the discomfort / ailment and to the “body constitution” of the person who'll take it, the latter deciding the kind of ailments the person is susceptible to, and which ingredients are expected to be more effective. Chinese medicine also places a strong emphasises on long-term conditioning, whether it’s for recovery from a certain condition or for general good health. A good 方子 is therefore a far more complex and personal thing than, say, a scribble of “paracetamol” / “acetaminophen” on a piece of paper. :D

* fg’s gift for Gg (xx) is something for the waist. A brace support, maybe? For example?

My favourite line in this segment is when hg asked what will Gg and Dd do when they reach hg’s age. Given that the last two items (the prescription and xx) were health-related, I interpreted it as hg worrying about Gg and Dd’s health when they grow old... with all the health problems they already have. It’s the kind of thing a worried parent say to their children ~ my mom has said the same thing to me as well. 😢

p6. “The Cat Paw”

Not quite sure what’s happening here ... not sure what the cat paw is. (Sorry!!) But that é in the translation is Dd’s signature laugh (collection here), which is written as 鵝 (”Goose”) in Chinese 😂.

p7. “The Cat Toy”

Dd appeared to be shopping for a cat’s toy (something that can “hook the cat” in the translation, such that the cat can entertain itself and not rely on human companionship as much). Gg had already bought the toy though and sounded quite proud of it, told Dd to return the toy. The implied cat was, of course, Nut (堅果 Jianguo)... which had been repeatedly referred to in LRLG’s posts as Gg’s daughter.

p7. “Cool vs Cute”

Gg is often viewed as cute, and Dd as cool. Did Dd dislike Gg taking cute pictures for public consumption? Were they scheming an exchange of image? :D

And that’s it for this issue! Ooh, this took unexpectedly long ... I apologise for the ridiculous delay between the original post and this commentary! 

(I wrote half of it, then RL struck and I forgot about it.) (I’m hopeless.) (I need a 方子 for poor memory!!)

[obsessedwvampbois]

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐋 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬

Oh boy so this is gonna make people really mad. I have listened to a total of 52 songs from the Diabolik Lovers franchise (that I could find) and ranked them for the hell of it. For this ranking I will be including all character songs, openings (both anime and game) along with the remixes. I will not be counting solo versions of songs (eg. Gin no bara), soundtrack bgm or the endings themes.

My ranking is based on these things:

how well does the song fit the character/s or game, both in lyrics and aesthetic

the overall production and performance of the song

is the song a bop? would I willingly listen to it again?

Couple of disclaimers: I do not speak Japanese so I will be crediting the translations of each song as I go through them along with any think pieces / essays that I come across. If there is any song I missed, please let me know and I’ll slot it into the rankings, its hard to find one source that has all the songs recorded. Finally, just a reminder because I know I'm gonna make someone mad, this is my list! If you don't like it make your own or ignore mine, I'm only one person and my opinion is not final!

With that in mind, my rankings are below the cut

*Least Best*

These are the songs I will probably never listen to again. I have a few gripes with them that I'll talk about in my explanation.

52. 誓いのカンパネラ (Chikai no Campanella)

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

This song is just super underwhelming overall. The guitar is my favourite thing about the song but that's it. There is so much build up for a boring chorus. The lyrics don't have much for me either.

51. 血戦のDies irae (Kessen no Dies irae)

Tsukinami Brothers

~translation~

On the opposite end, this song is so overwhelming. There are so many elements to follow and its hard to keep up. This is the first time I'll bring it up but the volume of the voices is so quiet compared to the backing track, its frustrating. The lyrics is what brings it up a notch as it talks about the day of wrath (dies irae) as the day the founders take over. I was also low key hoping to hear some version of the dies irae song hidden in the background but I couldn't hear any.

50. S.O.S-ΑtoΩ-

Tsukinami Brothers

~translation~

This song just feels so forgettable, I just feel like there isn't much to comment on. There are some interesting lyrics sprinkled out like comparing literal self mutilation to abstinence. Also the actual delivery of 'S ah O ah S ah', I can't take it seriously.

49. Dystopia

Kino

~translation~

This had an interesting start because I hadn't heard anything similar for DL but then after a few lines the tone change was just a nope for me. Again, Kino's voice is super quiet and the constant barrage of all these instruments that don't really gel together its confusing. Overall, it didn't leave much of an impression and I couldn't really visualised DL in the song.

48. 吸愛ラビリンス (Kyūai Labyrinth)

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

Praise for the saxophone! Props to that because it shines here and is really the only memorable thing besides that final line of the chorus. The song does give the vibe of the Vandead Carnival with its more playful energy though. The lyrics feel really typical, like there are so many times I read lyrics about drinking blood before I get bored.

47. 極限(UNLIMITED) BLOOD -Remix ver.-

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation w/ original ver.~

I don't think I really need to hear EDM/dubstep and Diabolik Lovers again thanks. It feels super dated and the vocoded singing is a little much for my taste. Good source material and the stripped back vocals at some points is quite nice.

46. 愛しきPain (Itoshiki Pein)

Subaru

~translation~

First off please never let me see Subaru near a fedora again thanks. Overall I felt bored with this song, like its nice, but that it. There are similar sounding songs that just hit home similar themes a lot stronger later on. The best part of this song is the spoken word but it feels weird for Subaru to be singing such a slow song.

45. Luv Apple Juice

Ruki & Azusa

~translation~

Yes, I am counting Ruki's spoken word, its my list. Lyrics are a must read with references to Adam, Eve and Eden throughout. Again, the voices are super quiet and with how fast paced the instrumentals are its annoying. The tempo also backfires because these are two of the more 'chill' characters. The last complaint is that the speed of Ruki's speaking compared to Azusa's singing just isn't right.

44. DIE IS CAST

Kou & Yuma

~translation~

This has to be my least favourite opening to a song, the staccato is just really grating to me. The way I'd describe the chorus is loud, the same note over and over again isn't appealing. The lyrics are an interesting read but nothing feels super important. The highlight of the song is the pre-chorus, thanks production!

43. カレイドナイト (Kaleido Night)

Kanato & Subaru

~translation~

This song is just generic, like overall. The sound, the lyrics, the production. There just wasn't must for me to listen to without zoning out.

*Average*

These songs don't leave too much of a lasting impression on me, but I still enjoy them.

42. 苺の罪 (Ichigo no Tsumi) (strawberry sin)

Reiji

~translation~

First of the generic rock songs! I couldn't really find much in the lyrics of note I think the actual performance of the song is my favourite element here.

41. 真夜中の饗宴( MIDNIGHT PLEASURE) -Remix ver.

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation w/ original~

One the best part of the original is that opening section with the steps, it creates some nice anticipation for the coming song. The chorus this time round feels a little low energy after the hype of the pre-chorus. After watching the actual opening with the remix, I kind of wish they had the voice over, the song is so chill the last chorus could have it to make it feel more grandiose.

40. ZERO

Subaru

~translation~

Second generic rock song, this time it actually suits Subaru's brand! The lyrics do have some hints to Subaru as a character which is better. My sustaining thought is that this sounds like an off brand Arcadia.

39. Bloody★Mayim★Mayim

Sakamaki Brothers

~translation~

This has to have one of the strongest hooks for DL. For how many people sing in the song, it's easy to keep track of and the chemistry between them all is in sync. The main issue is that it feels like its missing some element to make it shine, the lyrics aren't in-depth too which brings it down another peg. The bridge/interlude is the best part though as I can visualise some mini story within the song here.

38. ADDICTED (2) PHANTOM

Ayato

~translation~

This song would be so much higher if I felt like it was more memorable cuz the lyrics here really shine. My interpretation is that this is Ayato questioning where his love stops and his sadistic nature to satiate his desires begin, can he separate the two? He both loves and despises the idea of draining his s/o dry. Another gripe with the song is that its not quite Ayato's aesthetic sonically.

37. Kindan no 666 (Three Six)

Kou & Azusa

~translation~

What puts this song so low is the majority of the instrumental, it takes a backseat here when I feel there could be more added. Props to percussion, drums are great though. After watching the MB opening so many times its hard to not see DL. Lyrics match with this one line here describing Kou in a nutshell:

"Sin spread from mouth to mouth, saying 'I’ll be gentle' pulls the trigger on a casual disaster!"

36. Iolite (アイオライト )

Shu

~translation~

I don't know why the producers associate electro-pop with Shu, I can't really see it much. I think they should have gone full glitch-pop instead considering how the song does a deep dive into his mind and thought process. Again, I think the voice is also quiet here but the instrumentals have some great moments, especially the strings.

35. 常夜KNOW UNDERSKIN

Sakamaki

~translation~

Well this gives Sakamaki vibes, nice guitar! Again, I like how it isn't overwhelming despite the amount of people involved. Lyrics aren't super impactful but super catchy.

34. 冷たい血 (Tsumetai Chi)

Ruki

~translation~

You have to read the lyrics while reading this, please! Its surprisingly wholesome and emotional overall. Again, there is the issue of the voice being way to quiet as the instrumentals swallow him whole after the second clock tick. The delivery is really well timed and production does a great job adding elements that works with the lyrics. There is a subtle echo to the voice that feels super enchanting as he comes to terms with the fact that he has fallen in love. Biggest drawback obviously is that this is just spoken word.

33. KISS♥MARK

Shu

~translation~

This song delves into the more perverse side of Shu, but we haven't really reached the level of Laito (we'll get there). The phone feels a little out of character but it suits that narrative. The straight cut out of music for the intermission was a bit abrasive but the transition back to music makes me forget about that with how slick it is. At least its better than a generic rock song.

32. カモフラージュ (Camouflage)

Shu & Laito

~translation~

What a great match up for subject matter, my interpretation is a denial and inability to accept oneself, ultimately using a mask to hide. So please look up the lyrics for some gems. However, after the 'against the blood' nothing really hit that same point sonically, furthermore its not the most aesthetically fitting for the two characters.

*Great*

These songs I actively enjoy, think about and do listen to occasionally and would recommend you check it out too.

31. >REDRUM<-

Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

This song is full of anagrams in the lyrics, I mean look at the song title. Its super catchy and is hard to forget about. The bridge is the weakest part of this song but it is made up by the distortion of vocals after the final chorus.

30. Fanatic of Night

Sakamaki Brothers

~translation~

Well time to party, talk about a bop and a half! Its just so fun, even though its to exactly DL to me, but that's Lunatic Parade for you. Shout out to the guitarist and percussion once again.

29. Bad Howling

Shu, Ayato & Kou

~translation~

This is super catchy, its nice to hear Kou in the opening song this time round, it spices things up. Theres some really nice elements played with the vocals as they sing over one another that is really well balanced. The biggest peg down is that I don't get super DL vibes and the lyrics aren't the deepest.

28. I.M.I.T.A.T.I.O.N. G.A.M.E

Kino

~translation~

Overall this song is a little generic and doesn't sound like DL but! There is a lot to love here too. Starting off with the performance, I really like the vibrato in his voice and the decent of notes at the end of the chorus is just, yes. It a nice hook and the lyrics are pretty good too. My only other complaint is that the drums mask some smaller elements in the background of the song which would have been nice to hear more in the forefront.

27. 極限(UNLIMITED) BLOOD

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

This is where the rankings get pretty hard cuz I wish this was higher but oh well. the dramatic shift from the opening piano to the song is so abrupt but it gets you pumped. The intermission does a good job of changing things up without cutting tension. The lyrics themselves seem to be from the view of the Adam project during more blood and the unquenchable thirst they get in the story.

26. アルカディア (Arcadia)

Ayato

~translation~

Immediately I get Ayato vibes from this song and the rapping does help too with a nice flow that isn't too jarring from the rest of the song. These lyrics are basically Addicted2Phantom on steroids, I can't see anyone else other than Ayato in them.

25. Kekkyoku Night

Ayato

~translation~

Don't know why but the guitar melody just seems like I had heard it before but I can't put my finger on it. The bass is super slick here and I really enjoy it. The vocal distortion at the start of the verse sets a scene for him to hunt down this person and its a narrative choice. The main issue is that I wish there was a little more pizzaz to the chorus.

24. Kaikan DEATH-TRUCTION

Kanato

~translation~

Spoilers but I have placed both a Kanato's songs pretty high up so this was a little bit of a let down after the other two. The main issues here is that I don't really get too much of Kanato in the song and the yelling before the chorus is a little much. This, to me, is a self reflection from Kanato which is a good switch up from his last two songs. Overall, the song is abrasive in a good way that isn't overwhelming and the 8-bit section is my fave.

23. 血濡れた密会 (BLOODY SABBATH)

Laito

~translation~

Oh boy, look these lyrics up for a good time. This song is about his hook up with a women with the song getting progressively darker as it goes on. Nice psycho reference but I don't know if it does much in the end. Really catchy hook and the escalation of the final chorus is just so good. Also I'm just going to leave this line from the song here:

“You wend all out with the rodeo girl play? So then, let’s grind!!!”

22. 幻日理論-Parhelion Logic

Ayato

~translation~

This song is meant to be kind of an open letter to Cordelia and my word these lyrics are haunting. It fits the vibe of Haunted Dark Bridal so well, super strong overall. I just wish there was a stronger performance vocally.

21. 暴言シンドローム (Seiron Syndrome)

Yuma

~translation~

Yuma, to me has some pretty good observation skills and its really highlighted here. The first line just hits the nail on the head in terms of how rough he is both in and out of the bedroom. This song is the best of the 'generic rock' with production being really smooth despite the high energy, it matches him really well. First line:

The pain of your sprained neck won’t subside

20. 蠱惑のParade (Kowaku no Parade)

Reiji & Kanato

~translation~

We got another catchy banger here! This song just screams 'the two of us are here to hunt you down and we won't stop till we get a taste.' I mean this song is super pleasing aesthetically and great lyrics to boot!

19. KILLYOU,AGAIN

Azusa

~translation~

The strings are an immediate attention grabber and its hold it throughout the whole song. Super catchy, and these lyrics are Azusa, especially this chorus. Id be interested to hear what people think about the second verse in particular cuz there's a lot to read into:

"In a worn out state of mind, no matter how many nights we question it... We’ve idealised too much."

18. SQueeze…

Subaru

~translation~

Okay before anything else, the squeeze at the start is goofy, I can't take it seriously. Anyway, I can't help but tap my foot to this song. Third times the charm, finally hitting Subaru's aesthetic to a T. The voice is a little quiet on the track but what takes over just sounds so good. The contrast of the bell and the guitar is just, yes thank you. The pre-chorus is a nice mix up to the status quo and these lyrics are great too.

17. 愛の檻 (Ai no Ori)

Ayato & Laito

~translation~

The opening is a nice tone setter for a haunting head bopper. These voices work together so well, just like how the sirens work with the strings. The singular violin during the bridge is great, praise to anyone who can do that my god. The string motif climaxes at the final chorus and it creates an awesome song!

16. 月蝕(Eclipse)

Kou, Yuma & Azusa

~translation~

Well we have a nice build up ballad here. The opening is a little out of place but I forget about it as it builds to this final chorus with the tempo getting faster and faster. The stripped back production also ends up aiding the song in the end with its punches and message. Speaking of which; I get the idea this is about watching some either currently or in retrospective how their personality changes after turning into a vampire; a loss of innocence. How fitting for the Mukami's.

“Despising the sunlight that filters through the blinds is only inevitable, I suppose”

*Faves*

This is what I think the best of the best is. It reflects the themes, ideas and characters of Diabolik Lovers in the best way possible. When people ask me what music from the franchise to listen to, I point to these songs.

15. Count off

Kino

~translation~

There is so much to talk about here, this is a mix of singing and spoken piece and it works so well for me. The delivery over this contagious beat I can't help but get hints of a k-pop vibe here. The movement to singing then vocoded voice are interesting and fun. The bridge switch up too is great, my only wish is that the choir hand a little more presence in the final chorus cuz its fun the first times round, it would be a nice call back.

14. A Certain Prophet's Fate [とある預言者の、運命 Toaru Yogensha no Unmei]

Reiji

~translation~

I can visualise a Nutella Kookie moodboard with this opening alone. To me, this is Reiji explain his views on women with allusions to Faust too, not the Ikemen version relax. there are some cool allusions to his mother in the lyrics too. The bass is so cool to listen out for and the guitar nodding to the chorus at the end is a nice way to end. I was just hoping for a little continuation to the opening like Reiji finding this person escaping on horseback.

13. CHAOS☆PARTY

Laito

~translation~

Aaaaaand another innuendo song from Laito, what a surprise! The jazzy, circus-pop vibes are super fun and catchy, I love it. It's like an upgraded version of Bloody Sabbath to me. The distortion on the guitar is also great to listen out for.

"Don’t decide where’s the critical point, grind as you feel it,

Till the moon oh, mockingly"

12. Mr.ButterflyMask

Reiji

~translation~

The opening may be cliche but it works so well, this is such a deep dive into Reiji's psyche; his mother, inferiority complex and village burning to name a few. The actual song is easy to remember which makes it even better here, the descending notes at the end of the chorus is a highlight.

"Burnt black, that awful land mark"

11. 真夜中の饗宴 (MIDNIGHT PLEASURE)

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

The song to start it all, thank god it's such a highlight. I get so hyped from hearing the opening footsteps; mirroring the prologue with You stepping into the mansion for the first time. I feel so nostalgic for this and I'm hyped to play the game every time I hear this. The spoken section is the high point in terms of the HDB aesthetic but these lyrics maaaannn:

"With a scream that shatters the moon itself I’ll give you this extraordinary pain called “love”!"

10. Guilty×Guilty!!!

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

I'm gonna get crucified for putting this above midnight pleasure but my list and this is my fave game op. The only peg down is the lyrics but it makes up so much for the actual sound variation. The unnerving energy from this scifi-y noise, it screams danger with the Tsunami arrival. The variation between the two verses in robs what places it high and the bridge is excellent to boot.

9. Farewell Song

Shu

~translation~

If I had to make one song recommendation outside of DL with this list it is this song here. The lyrics and melody match up the same way and both are strong in their own right. Onto the song, these lyrics really shine wrangling with ideas and the thought process of depression; something that hits close to home for me. With the inclusion of the destructive nature vampires its truely impactful. The sound of the song aids these lyrics too while all sounding like Shu.

Without pause, the drops of a drizzle had begun to weep...

...Comforting the screams of the things you’ve touched"

8. Mr.SADISTIC NIGHT

Shu, Ayato & Subaru

~translation~

This is my favourite opening of all the games and anime and it is the most on theme with the DL franchise, not just the one game. The guitar rifts at the start are just sooooo iconic. The actual line "Mr Sadistic Night" is delivered so well too. I mean the song speaks for itself. I will make the observation though that this song is the epitome of kids unknowingly singing a song with dirty lyrics.

"If I’m so aroused by the snare of your enticing blood

Tonight, as I thrust deep into you, a lust for death awakens from within you!"

7. 悪魔的（Devil's）Spire!!!!

Kou

~translation~

This song is just Kou at his best, I can imagine him singing this at a concert as a debut single. It has all the elements of a catchy pop song with some sinister elements that just reflects his personality. Production has my praise here too. The song seems to be a friends with benefits situation Kou has as he recounts the tale. Also, more innuendos:

"In the deep red velvet sheets, Do you want to taste my forbidden syrup?"

6. Operation X

Tsukinami Brothers

~translation~

Haven't seen these guys in a while! You can tell production had fun adding all these medical sounds in the back like the sirens and heart monitor. The song itself is super catchy too, that bass just hits you at the core! The lyrics look like the Tsukinami's observation of You as she has become entangled with all these vampires and the situation just seems to spiral even more out of control.

"The risk spreads further the deeper you get involved...

...The more you give up, the more that guy mocks you"

5. GRATEFUL★DEAD★MARCH

Kanato

~translation~

Production had fun again, you can tell. It's more upbeat there is still a sinister vibe here. The constant switch ups within the song all flow so well. I feel genuine despair listening to this chorus, like Kanato is mocking or toying with me before going in for the kill. My only complaint is that the slowing down at the end is a bit of a mood killer.

4. 切断★舞踏会 (KIRISAKI CARNIVAL)

Kanato

~translation~

In terms of character aesthetic, this is sheer perfection. There is a narrative within this song that you need to look at the lyrics for the best experience. The sound effects act as a good way to heighten the story as they match the lyrics. One moment to note it both the chorus and pre-chorus as they act as the extreme ends on Kanato's personality and it creates a great dichotomy when placed together.

3. Q.E.D.

laito

~translation~

My favourite solo song, and the one I constantly visit the most. Laito is a complex character and this song does a self reflection in the best way possible.I would also recommend reading this great analysis by everything laito because I can't do a proper analysis justice. For the song itself, the piano is a great mood setter as it acts as if we are approaching Laito as he plays the piano about to go into one of his many monologues to himself. The intercut from the piano to the guitar is abrupt but it works so well as if there are crack in his facade showing through. The change back to the piano is great too and isn't distracting in any way. I also think this is such an emotional performance, like I can feel the sadness and despair along with almost a self deprecating humour to the delivery. Top notch stuff

2. 罠-If You’re Diablo- (Wana -If You’re Diablo-)

Mukami Brothers

~translation~

I want mention first off that the spoken word from Ruki is such an aid here, the pace is slower, more haunting and despair-inducing in tone. The speaking adds a nice break to the vocals. The chorus in particular packs such a punch its kind of nice to lie on the ground and just let the song envelop you. The lyrics give the impression that there is a mutually destructive relationship here with the Mukami's mentioning of betrayal yet they suck the blood of this person. There is also a feeling of hopelessness that the Mukami's know they can never achieve their goal of becoming Adam.

"I'd been resigned to become Adam since who-knows-when...

I continue to hate this fate, my prayers in zero"

1. Gin no Bara

Sakamaki Brothers

~translation~

And we're finally at the end! This song encapsulates everything that Diabolik Lovers is. Vocally, it's really catchy with such a somber vibe, because that's what DL is. It's a dark series but you can see that darkness with each backstory, the actions these characters take and just the overall hopelessness in this one song. The Sakamaki's all singing together packs such a punch too. There are so many gems in these lyrics, to literally acknowledging the pain and suffering their mothers' caused and coming to terms with the actions they have committed as they fall in love.

"The proof remains on your neck while you sleep quietly Even if an eternal curse awaits me beyond those overflowing tears

I now hold this love and pain in my chest"

*SHOUTOUTS*

I want to give a huge shout out to the following people. They have helped immensely with translation and just overall accessibility to the songs because they would be 1000 times more harder to find without them.

Silvermoon249 (Live Journal)

Asyqin98 Creator (YouTube)

S I s o v o l i (Youtube)

DIABOLIK LOVERS (YouTube)

Dialovers otaka (Tumblr)

Starlight voices (Tumblr)

Cannonette (Tumblr) @canonette

The Precious Sugar Chan (Tumblr)

One final note, I would recommend listening to these with headphones because the audio sometimes does that thing where it jumps from ear to ear and it creates the best effect to be more involved in the atmosphere.

[itsjustthechems]

Some of my Hancock-related headcanons

I've been sitting with a patient for 7 hours and have been slowly losing my mind during that time, so here, have some crazed and sleepy rambling.

• If you explore McDonough's house, in one of his rooms you can find two mannequins — one dressed like Hancock, one dressed like McDonough. The one in Hancock's clothes is laying on the floor, face down, with the one in McDonough's clothes towering over him. This could be attributed to just political beef — maybe McDonough was just pissed about his brother's clear disdain for his policies and lifestyle. However, I interpret this as a sign of deep-seated jealousy. I think Hancock may have surpassed his brother, maybe in several ways during their childhood. Maybe Hancock did well in school — I could see him having a natural knack for math and science, considering his surprisingly high intelligence stat and later interest in experimental drugs (I catch him at the chem station in Sanctuary constantly, fuckin' around with test tubes). I doubt he put forth much effort into school, which was probably even more infuriating for McDonough, who worked tirelessly for grades that still fell short of Hancock's. Maybe their father poorly hid his preference for Hancock ("My pa used to take me fishing here" — me, not us). I could see Hancock developing sharp survival skills, which pleased his parents, while McDonough preferred the comfort of the indoors, or the safer streets of Diamond City. Maybe the jealousy comes from Hancock's general looks and charm. We know from Irma's terminal entries that she liked to meddle in Hancock's memories, and she mentioned how handsome he was pre-ghoul. I could see Hancock unwittingly flirting or even sleeping with someone that McDonough had had his eye on. Whatever happened, one way or another, I think McDonough found some reason(s) to start fostering resentment for his brother at a young age.

• I'm going to go out on a limb here and say witnessing murder is a somewhat commonplace event for most wastelanders. Probably more than commonplace for a troublemaker like Hancock. Thus, I think there's a reason why witnessing Vic murder a drifter was so deeply traumatizing to him. So deeply traumatizing that he felt like he had to shed his own skin and identity afterwards. I think there's a good chance it wasn't just "some drifter" who was killed — I think it was someone Hancock cared deeply for. We know the drifter was male from Hancock's dialogue. So my personal headcanon is that he was the first man Hancock ever loved. I picture Hancock, exhausted and deeply saddened after making several trips between Diamond City and Goodneighbor with displaced ghouls in tow. Maybe this anonymous drifter offers him protection and company on a few of these trips. Hancock quickly comes to admire him — random, strung out drifters don't normally go out of their way to help one another, especially before he became mayor and established some semblance of community. Maybe this guy was Hancock's bi awakening — the two of them engaging in a passionate, drug-fueled haze of a relationship that came to a horrifyingly abrupt end when Vic "cracked him open like a can of cram on the pavement." I think Hancock distances himself from the pain by referring to him only as "a drifter" and leaving it at that so no one will press for further information. I also think that's when he really started leaning into his constant usage of drugs to suppress his trauma. Maybe he's afraid that if he's sober too long, it'll all come back to the surface.

• An unexplored tidbit of Fallout lore is the contents of Hancock's strongroom. It's mentioned by one of Bobbi's cronies that there are "so many boxes" in his strongroom, most of them full of paperwork. Mentioned somewhere in the game. I'm too tired to find the specific quote. But my headcanon is that he still has some memorabilia from his relationship with the aforementioned drifter. Notes to each other, letters full of immature and crude jokes, ideas for experimental drugs, and the only existing picture of pre-ghoul Hancock — a charcoal sketch of him, made by his drifter. I think he is immensely protective of these little artifacts.

• Fuck it, pre-ghoul Hancock had dimples.

I'll reblog and add more as I think of them, because I definitely have more. I'd like to do this for other characters, too.

[buckyownsmylife]

Halo - Bucky Barnes smut

The one where this time, he was the one to save you.

Warnings: smut, oral sex (f), very light reference to past sexual abuse, vague description of dissociating. 

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: so this is for a request I got for touchstarved!Reader. It ended up becoming much more sentimental than I imagined, so not a lot of my dirty talk or the praise the original request had suggested, but I’m really proud of this work. Hope you guys like it. Shoutout to my cousin @whisperlullaby​​ for beta reading this for me! I love you very much!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

It’d been a week since the man with the blue eyes found me in the darkness. I’d been wary back then, too accustomed to the harsh reality that was all I seemed to remember when I thought about my life, so comfortable in the cold and in the pain that anything else seemed dangerous.

I feared growing used to this new life and having it taken away from me, and he seemed to understand that. Everyone else seemed to empathize with my situation to some extent, but no one looked at me the way that he did. Like my pain was his, too. As if he knew what it was like to have everything about you ripped away, only to be left with new parts that were only useful as a reminder of things you hated.

I didn’t know how to feel about that. Most days, I only felt numb, passively watching life play out from a different window than the cell I’d grown up in. Only the scenes here were lighter, the world certainly brighter than what I thought it was. 

Then some days I felt vibrant, powerful emotions that I didn’t know how to interpret, but he was always there to help me. He seemed to know exactly what I needed, and he let me cry against his chest or hit him as much as I wanted before he scooped me up in his arms and rocked me to some sort of sleep.

I don’t think he knew just how much it meant to me, even if he seemed to understand me so perfectly. Hearing his heartbeat against his chest reminded me that mine was still working inside of me. I was still here. Still alive. Still human. Despite what they did to me.

Today was one of the harder days. The patient man - Bucky, he insisted on reminding me of his name, even if I never tried to address him in any way - must have been busy, because I didn’t see him all day. And so I watched the sky change colours, admiring the view I never got to experience before - at least, not that I could remember - but when he found me, I didn’t feel like I was there anymore. 

I couldn’t explain it if he asked me to, but he didn’t. Once again, he seemed to know exactly what was going through my mind, as I hugged myself by the windowsill. “It gets better, you know?” He asked, kneeling before me as he waited until I managed to tear my eyes away from the landscape out there to see the color of the sky in his eyes.

It took me a while to be able to speak. His presence was overpowering to me in a way that didn’t make me feel defenseless or threatened. It was like he intoxicated me, pushed away the confusion and fear to make me believe in a future where I wouldn’t be like this anymore.

“How do you know?” I had to ask, and when he reached out for my hands, I positioned them inside his much larger palms. The way he rubbed his thumbs on my skin slowly radiated warmth up my body, making me relax against the white wall I was leaning on.

“Because I’ve been there before.” It wasn’t the first time he’d confessed that. Even if the details of his story still weren’t made clear to me, I implicitly knew what he meant, just like he knew I didn’t need to know more right now. It wouldn’t do me any good. I already had a lot of my own trauma to work through and taking his on wouldn't make the healing process any easier.

His words did comfort me, but there was only so much he could do. And so when midnight rolled around and I was still by that same windowsill, each hour having taken a part of me that made me feel like I was still here, in this bedroom, I decided it was time to accept his offer.

Every night, before he retreated to his own quarters, he made sure to remind me that his door was always open for him, just on the other side of the hallway. Four steps and I’d be there. If I ever needed anything. If I ever started to feel like I wasn’t there.

I didn’t need to say it when he heard the knock on his bedroom door. Just two beats and he was there, looking down at me. He stared at me for a moment, and then he was pulling me in, hands running up my arms in a way he hadn’t done before. No one had.

“Come.” I followed him without question, without hesitancy. I knew he had the answers to the questions I was bearing. He was the medicine that I needed, and it seemed like it was finally time to heal.

When we stopped by the foot of his bed, he turned to look me in the eye again, but still didn’t release my hand. There was a question in his gaze, but I couldn’t identify it without his help. So he knew he had to explain it to me.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” I automatically nodded, not understanding why he was asking. No one ever had before. But surprisingly enough, my instinctive reaction had him hesitating. He cradled my face in his hands and dipped my head back so I’d look him directly in the eye.

“I’ll need to touch you where they did.” My muscles tensed at the insinuation, and I knew he didn’t miss it. But it wasn't because of the memory of when I’d been touched before, by hands much less kinder and softer than his - it was by the question.

They never asked. They just took from me, parts of me I’m sure I’d never get to see again. And here was this man, standing before what I’d become, with all these scraps of metal and blood, and he wanted what was left. He didn’t just take it because it was there. He actually wanted it.

I just couldn’t understand why. And so I asked him. The look he gave me was so inexplicable I couldn’t even begin to describe it. He looked like he was physically pained to hear my question, and his thumb rubbed softly over my cheek, almost as if he was the one who needed it to calm himself down.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

I watched her carefully, trying to take in each and every part of her while also capturing the image of her entire person all at once. Was this what she had seen when she rescued me from Hydra’s claws?

I guess now I understood it. Why she stayed, why she cared when I was the broken one. Although we were in very different positions here - I’d fallen in love with her before she was taken, I knew who she really was. But looking at her like this, there was still so much to love. So much of the person I knew, but even the new parts were beautiful too.

“Because I know you need it.” It was the first reason I could think of, but nowhere near the only one. “Because you’re beautiful. Because… I’m the reason you’re this way. And I want to make you feel good again.”

When I leaned down to connect our lips, I didn’t expect it to feel this way. Sweet and innocent, like a true first kiss, regardless of the context, regardless of our entire history together. She didn’t remember it anyway. And so I was gentle, scared to scare her away, needing this almost as much as I knew she needed it.

I remembered what it was like to get out of that hole. I remembered how she pried me away from the fortress I’d built around myself, with soft hands and sweet smiles, until I was tender enough to accept her touch without panicking.

She whimpered when I pulled away from the kiss, and I couldn’t stop the smile that painted my lips at this clear sign that I was making the right choice. This was what she needed, and my touch would bring her comfort. I didn’t have to feel guilty about it.

But still, the feeling was there, bringing bile to my stomach as I kissed down her neck and slowly took her dress with me. Seeing her naked was enough to get me hard - being near her was enough to get me aroused - even if this wasn’t about me. I just couldn’t help it. To be near her again, have the scent of her skin, the taste of her so near me was enough to make my head swirl.

And when I looked up, there were conflicting emotions on her eyes too. Like being naked reminded her of those memories I wish I could erase, but my position elicited another feeling in her, one she couldn’t easily identify.

It was desire. I could never miss that glint in her eyes, because it provoked my body into an instinctive reaction, like it knew what was to come. It knew what I needed to do to satisfy both me and her.

And I wanted her. I wanted to bury myself in her and feel connected again, to finally acknowledge that she was really here, that I got her back. I wanted to occupy her thoughts with feelings provoked by me, just so all she felt was pleasure and nothing else, not the horrors of Hydra, just love and desire.

I needed to distract her, help her reacquaint herself with her own body. Even though I desperately wanted to fuck her pain away, I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. I needed to give her cells the human warmth they so desperately needed.

I knew she needed this. I remembered what it was like to be in this exact position. And this was as impactful to her as it was to me, I realized as I watched her body twitch at the simple action of my hands spreading her legs further apart. It gave me an opportunity to reacquaint myself with her body, even if she wasn’t exactly mine again.

That day would come, I had to believe it. I thought I’d lost her forever, but I managed to find her. She was here now. I just needed to be patient. I needed to bide my time as she slowly readjusted to the real world, and hopefully then we’d get back to where we once were.

But I think no one could blame me for getting carried away. The second my tongue touched her, her knees faltered, and I had to lean her back on the bed just so I could properly lick her lower lips, collect some of her wetness so I could relish in the taste of her again. 

She was too perfect, too beautiful for words, as were the little sounds she released, little gasps and half-moans that she didn’t feel comfortable letting free just yet, but I could work with that. They were enchanting all the same.

It was easy to lose myself to the habit of it all. Swirling her clit, dipping my tongue in her warm hole, slurping every single drop of her juices as they dripped out of her. I’d always loved pleasing her. Being able to do it again was nothing short of a blessing in itself. And although I was dying to feel her hands on me, I knew she needed my touch more than I needed hers.

So I let my hands travel upwards, squeezing her breasts when I managed to reach them. That earned me another gasp and a jut of her hips, making me hum against her pussy. Delicious. It was sweet seeing her like this, so innocent, so uncertain. I was used to her being the one with more initiative - at least at first. It felt like I was unveiling a new side of her I hadn’t had the luck to know before we met.

It only made me hungrier.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I’d never been worshipped before. Or at least, I couldn’t remember anything ever coming close to this. He seemed completely devoted to me and this sinful act we were partaking in, but it didn’t seem that sinful with him.

No, it was almost holy, the way he was breaking me apart by glueing me together. His tongue spread out the liquid that seemed to pour from me, and was now covering the lower part of his face and the insides of my thighs. I had no doubt it was slowly coating the sheets underneath us, but if he wasn’t worried, then neither was I.

Just like he seemed to know what I needed without me verbalizing it, it was clear that he knew what I liked without even trying. And something inside of me told me that I had missed this, this sweet act of passion I couldn’t remember ever receiving, this feeling I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt before.

But when he asked me to watch him, I understood it. I understood it because I saw it in his eyes. This was some ancient ritual and we both had shared it before, in this life or in another one, I didn’t know. I didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was giving this to me now, teaching me that this body was here and it was mine, and it was capable of so much more than pain and violence.

With each swipe of his tongue, he taught me lessons I’d never uncovered by myself. And even so, he had the nerve to ask, in that poisonously sweet voice of his, “Does it feel good, doll?”

He knew it did. He had to know, because I couldn’t say it. And I didn’t know what else to do, either. I knew he expected something from me - I expected something from me, every part of my body was tense and taut, waiting for a snap to undo me completely, but I didn’t know how to let go.

“Don’t worry, I can wait,” was his only response. “It’s alright,” he whispered, face still hidden by my own body. “You’re right where you belong. I’ll bring you here anytime.” And this was the promise that had my world crashing down, and as it crashed, it clenched, thrashed, and throbbed and I couldn’t breathe. 

But I didn’t feel broken.

I was shaking when the waves let me resurface, and when he pulled away, panic threatened to make me scream or lose my voice altogether. Would he just leave me here?

The separation wasn’t long, despite my fear. He came back to bed completely naked and gently cradled me to his chest, and in the warmth of his skin against mine, I felt better than ever before.

“You’re staying with me from now on,” he reassured me in the hug. And entwined as we were, skin to skin, heart to heart, soul to soul, I knew I’d finally be able to sleep again.

[authoratmidnight]

🌻

I really wanna yell about how gosh dang queer Mairuma is and just how, casual it is about all of this so I am.

warning for some mild manga spoilers (tho they’re mostly out of context so)

Like, the last thing I expected from a comedy series about a boy becoming the grandson of a demon after being sold to him was, well, it to be really fucking queer.

Like I joke that Azz is a massive Iruma simp (which he is) but like, he looks at him with doe eyed admiration and longing, he just looks so in love (for godsakes his safeword to pull him from a self induced Wicked Phase is Iruma’s name!) He got the big gay dokis for Iruma it’s so not even subtle.

And even if you want to argue it’s just admiration, we DO have canon instances of not straight romantic feelings on page. Gyari is straight up in love with Kuromu and even stated a desire to marry her (and the only person who was like ‘but you’re both girls?’ was the lone human). And then that arc ended with an ACTUAL HONEST TO GOD LOVE CONFESSION! And it seems like those affections were being accepted (ymmv but I got a ‘I know and understand, now prove it by winning my heart’ sort of vibe).

Also the fact that Gyari jumped right to ‘well I have TWO hands so, what if I just married both’ as the solution to her problem (that Kuromu was gonna marry Irumi, Gyrai was like ‘well I can just, marry both of them! problem solved!) has me wondering if poly relationships are not unheard of or that weird.

Love is love as she said.

And there’s Poro and Delkira. Like, Poro is very much, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a gay man. And super in love with Delkira, the demon king. and from the scenes we saw of them they were close (so it’s not like this was just him, like, pining from afar or imagining things not there) and their interactions seemed really affectionate and loving, so to me it does seem like Delkira did return those affections. Whether or not Delkira is was only ever attracted to him/men we have NO idea so I can’t say for certain that he was gay, but he sure as fuck wasn’t straight lol Side note I really love those scenes cause they’re just so tender.

wAIT I almost forgot Eiko, she got big dokis for Iruma after he saved her at the start of the school year. And then proceeded to get the same reaction later on after Ameli saved her ass so like. She hella bi/pan.

And if you want messy queer folk then you could make a hella strong argument for Kirio being big gay too.

And then there’s gender/gender presentation

people need to stop making fucking trap comments i s2g

Opera-san is literally some flavour of nonbinary or agender-they’ve never been referred to w/ gendered pronouns, only ever neutral ones or by name, are physically androgynous and even wore a combination boys-girls uniform while in school. Heck the author herself refuses to answer the question as to what Opera’s gender is.

In fact it seems like not having one is just as normal, even common, as having one given that ‘other’ was even an option on the character creation screen we saw on a video game so like.

And I made that whole post about Lindy and the devidol games and how his tail didn’t raise any eyebrows at all, which leads me, personally, to believe that transness is another thing that’s just accepted. Like I firmly believe a character could be like ‘hey btw I’m a girl/boy now’ and everyone would probably just be happy for them. It hasn’t come up but like, given everything else it just feels, right.

Even the crossdressing seems to be handled, decently for the most part, I feel. It’s not like ‘ha ha ha a man in a dress’ even tho is a comedy series (or at least like, not in a demeaning, derogatory way, and in fact every time someone’s crossdressed they’ve looked, really good). It was more, everything else that was funny (like w/ the devidol games arc the funny came from the fact that Iruma didn’t tell a single person what he was doing so everyone had to find out by seeing him dolled up on TV! And their reactions, those were what was funny.)

the fandom on the other hand needs a good smacking smh

Honestly I think Nishi is just very bold for realizing she can put her boys in cute dresses and then doing just that. Good for her.

And while a bit more, my interpretation of things, Kalego really feels like he’s some flavour of aspec (arospec mainly, but lbr any aspec would fit him I feel). Which I, as someone who’s aspec (and likes Kalego), quite enjoy.

It just, comes up so casually, so naturally in the narrative, and no one ever makes any sort of deal over it cause it’s just, a thing that’s part of their society. 

It’s just, such a nice surprise and kinda refreshing.

tl;dr Mairimashita! Iruma-kun/Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun is surprisingly very queer on multiple fronts.

[aminiatureworld]

In My Dreams II

Characters: Diluc, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,273

Warnings: Depictions of a panic attack

Premise: The past is many things. Something to admire, something to learn from, something to hold dear. And yet how unreliable it can be, especially in the hands of ghosts.

In which the reader dreams of the past.

Author’s Note: Translation notes and historical references will come after the fic. The history nerd really came out this time around.  

Diluc

You knew that holding onto the past too much was a dangerous game to play. Yet you continued to chase it, desperately looking for something that might finally bridge your present self to the person you’d left behind.

You’d been mostly upfront to Diluc about this obsession of yours. Knowing that your partner also lost his family, it was easier in some ways to grasp onto this shared loss, and to use it as a way to continue on. Not that Diluc ever pushed you to forget your past, as other might have done. Instead he tried to help you, using his not inconsiderable connections to attempt to find as such land that matched the vague descriptions you could give. Though you knew the quest was most likely no more than a wild goose, you greatly appreciated his attempt to help.

However you knew that even someone as kind and understanding as Diluc would never be able to condone something like this.

You rubbed your arms, feeling every inch of the cold musty ruins around you. You’d heard that a sizeable group of Abyss members were gathering here and figured that these figures who boasted of civilizations long gone might be valuable pieces of information. Though sneaking into a gathering of the upper members of the Abyss was perhaps not the smartest thing you’d ever done. It was too late to turn back now however. Ducking into a corner you slowed your breathing, hoping that no one would care to look at the nook in which you were now curled up.

Listening to the slow creaking of the domain you suddenly felt the hairs on the back of your neck standing up as the air grew charged with magic. The room around you suddenly grew completely silent, as if even the walls were aware of something important. Not daring to sneak a peak at what was happening you closed your eyes, willing your senses to focus on your ears.

“My brethren, I’m glad to see you.”

Opening your eyes wide you gathered your control, willing yourself to not immediately turn around. The voice was familiar, its cadence smooth and soothing, polished as marble. It struck something within you, some deep hidden memory that you’d long ago forgotten. Now that memory struggled to the surface of your mind, the sketch of a long ago time.

“I know that our plans are continuing smoothly. Soon we will able to Khaenri’ah, and topple those who so callously left it to smolder, having lit the flame themselves. We will one more emerge into the world, no longer required to hide our faces.”

The words passed through you, intangible as air. What were they talking about? Nothing was making sense, not one word was something you could interpret. And yet the voice seemed almost an explanation in itself. If you knew who was talking then you’d find out the answers, or at least some of them. Vraning your head ever so slightly you looked up, jerking back slightly in shock as you found amber eyes staring right at you.

The person who was talking was immensely familiar, everything about them echoed with a long gone familiarity. Looking out of place amidst the rank and file members of the Abyss he exuded a cold sort of confidence, a determination to see his words realized. Staring at him you noticed the emblem which embellished the scarf he wore around his neck, a golden eagle which seemed to move with the fabric. A part of you was tempted to run, but you found yourself frozen, trying desperately to process the figure which danced before your eyes.

The young man said nothing, gaze shifting as he calmly began to speak again, though you couldn’t hear his words over the pounding of your heart. When his gaze once more passed yours he grinned an understanding sort of grin. It was as if you two were cohorts in some sort of pranks of scheme, rather than complete strangers who stood on opposites ends of an invisible struggle. The gesture confused you, and you found yourself sinking back to the ground. Putting your head in your arms you took a few deep breaths. You would figure out what was going on. It was alright, there was a logical explanation for this. Perhaps he just wanted to finish up this odd gathering before turning his minions upon you.

And yet the order to attack never came. After what must’ve been at least an hour the young man declared the gathering over. The air filled with the familiar mark of waypointing, and soon the ruin was once more deadly quiet. Straightening your back you studied the wall opposite of you, sure that you were dreaming a confusing sort of dream.

“You can come out now.”

You jumped, freezing as you wondered what to do. You thought that you were alone, yet he remained. Was this the moment, had you truly just been tricked.

“You don’t have to be so afraid.” Laughter drifted to your ears. “I promise the rest are gone.”

Slowly turning around you peered over the broken wall once more. True to the young man’s word there was no one left, only the two of you.  Standing up slowly you summoned your sword, still not trusting the person in front of you.

“What is it?”

“That’s the last thing I expect you to ask.” The young man was smirking now. “Surely there are more important things.”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“You wound me! Have you truly forgotten the face of your family.”

The words felt jagged, almost accusatory. You stiffened, face twisting into a scowl as you moved your sword slightly forward.

“You’re a liar.”

“I assure you I’m not! Why, I cannot believe you truly have forgotten so much. Is it just me, or have we all been banished from your thoughts?”

Reaching into his pocket he threw something at you. Catching it you stared at the egg, mind full of half-incredulous questions. The egg was evidently a work of ambition and love, its outer shell the color of the night. Diamonds crept up the sides of the egg, embedded into gold that shone even in the dark of your current place. There were four portraits embedded into the sides, studded with diamonds and crowned with stars that seemed so bright and silverly you were almost afraid to run your fingers over them. Something that seemed to be monograms sat underneath the portraits, but the script evaded your understanding.

Shifting your gaze to the portraits you found an even greater surprise. The person staring back at you, a small smile on her face, was you – though you couldn’t recognize the complex dress in which you’d been painted. The portrait was such a good likeness it took your breath away, the miniscule brush strokes truly the work of a master painter. Rotating the egg slowly you recognized the young man in front of you as the next model. Sporting what could only be some sort of military uniform, small medals of red and blue lined up on top of a blue sash, he seemed to be joking with the artist, his cocky smile offset by the stark lighting of his eyes. Next was a woman, somewhat who could only be this boy’s mother. He face was set in a straight line, her expression one of regal aloofness, as if she was thinking of something very far away. She was wearing the same sort of dress as you, though hers was much more complex in nature. The clothing screamed importance, as if to confirm the expression on her face. Lastly you found yourself looking at the portrait of someone who was presumably the boy’s father. Surprisingly under dressed her wore the same uniform as the boy, the only distinction being the number of medals. No crown sat on his head, no sign of any particular regal bearing shone in the portrait; instead there was a tiredness about him, a cloud which betrayed the fact that he was ultimately quite unworthy of remembrance.

“Do you remember now?”

You looked up wildly, denial fighting with realization as you shook your head. This wasn’t remembering; remembering was something else entirely. Remembering wasn’t the feel of the world sinking around you, remembering wasn’t losing faith in the world around you.

“Are you telling me that this means nothing to you?” Accusation flooded the boy’s speech as he glared at you.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I, I don’t trust this.”

“Always the same sister.” The boy’s tone was mocking now. “You always were the suspicious one, and as unambitious as our poor father once was.”

“Was?”

“He’s changed his tune quite a bit. He had too, of course. How could anyone stay so weak after surviving what we survived?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about death. Or as close to it as one can get I suppose. You should know this, you were there when they stormed the place, when they took us away. You were there when we were ordered to the basement.”

A flash of memory danced in your vision, speeding up your breath as you were overtaken by sudden panic. Swaying slightly you screwed your eyes shut, letting out a cry of frustration when the memory only grew stronger. You were dancing for a moment, spinning around with the boy in front of you as a distant melody drifted upon the air. Then you were inside an unfamiliar place, the new space so claustrophobic it squeezed the air out of you, the windows, having been painted over, offered no reprise. Then it was midnight and you were shuffling outside. The stars seemed so distant; they’d stared cold and unfeeling down as you shuffled behind a familiar figure, entering a door which seemed so familiar.

You leaned against the stone wall, trying to find some sort of reprieve in the cold damp of it. Forcing your eyes open you stared once more at the strange boy in front of you. His expression was one of ill-concealed triumph, mixed with barely suppressed rage.

“Do you see now? Do you see what they did to us? A wonder any of us escaped at all, then again I suppose those wretched idiots had no sense of magic. They were after all a bunch of thugs.”

“Where… where was that place?” You heaved slightly, feeling as if the ground was floating underneath you.

“Somewhere long destroyed. No point in thinking of it now. There is only this world after all. This world and the destruction that seized it as well. Only this one can be saved.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Khaenri’ah! The city struck down by the gods who could contemplate no power except their own! Their people suffered the fate of ours, should they not get the revenge we will never be allowed?”

“You’re mad.”

“Am I? Or are you just the same coward as always?” The boy shook his head. Pointing to the egg in your hand he back away. “You can keep it. Think of it as a memento, a way to contact me. If you ever wish to see right, well, I’ll be waiting.”

And then he was gone, so fast it was as if he’d never existed, as if he’d suddenly turned to dust. Sinking to the ground you pushed scalding air into your lungs, watching helplessly as your vision spotted around you. What had you done, oh gods what had you done?

The return trip to the Winery was an excruciating one. At first panic had been your only sensation, as you half stumbled, half crawled your way out of the Abyss’ lair, stopping every few minutes to lay down as to not pass out. The moment you got into the open air you made your way towards the nearest stream, waterlogging yourself in your hurry to pour icy water down your throat. Collapsed on the back you stared up at the sky. It was still night, which meant Diluc was probably guarding Mondstadt. You prayed to Barbatos that he wouldn’t notice your absence, for how could you deal with your shame? You’d been so foolish. How could you have ever expected things to turn out well? Now you were simply paying the price for your arrogance.

Finally lifting yourself up from your position you stumbled the rest of the way to the Winery, careful to keep your mind blank, afraid of what might happen if you let panic once more set in. Tears pricked in your eyes as familiar vines appeared within your sight, and you could’ve cried for joy upon opening the sturdy oaken door and crossing the threshold of the place you’d learned to call home. Creeping upstairs, hoping desperately that you hadn’t managed to wake any of the other residents, you breathed a sigh of relief when you entered the familiar bedroom which you’d grown to call you own. Sinking down onto the coverlet you let out a soft sigh, finally letting tears fall as you drifted off to sleep.

 -------

Yet your dreams refused to offer you any sort of reprieve. Finding yourself in a darkened hall you silently passed a variety of rooms, their imposing grandeur a familiar one. Someone seemed to be whispering a song in your ear, though when you turned to see who it was no one appeared.

“How can I desert you, how to tell you why.”

Reaching a room even grandeur than the rest you stared at the chairs that sat on dais on the opposite side from where you entered. They shimmered as if a mirage, and when you went to approach them two figures seemed to appear out of thin air. The man and the woman that were painted into the egg gazed at you with sad eyes, each saying nothing as you continued to make your way towards them.

“Let me have a moment, let me say goodbye.”

“Who are you?” You called out to them. The woman turned her head, as if ashamed of your lapse of memory. The man stood up slowly, arms reaching towards you slightly. Hurrying your pace you moved to meet him, spurred on by some unrecognized emotion.

“Harsh and sweet and bitter to leave it all.”

You as you reached the man he vanished, red ash falling softly to the ground in his wake. Gasping in horror you watched as the woman did the same. Suddenly the dream began to crumble, burning itself away to reveal nothing but black. Dropping you into an eternal night you couldn’t escape.

“I’ll bless my homeland ‘til I die.”

You bolted up, mind struggling to place where you were. Looking around you, your eyes were met with the familiar comforts of your home. A soft light drifting through the crack in the curtains, the foretelling of the dawn.

Besides you Diluc stirred. Sitting up slowly, rubbing his eyes in a gesture which made your heart squeeze, he glanced at you through sleep eyes.

“Is there something wrong, my love?”

You meant to say no, to assure him that you’d just had a strange dream. Yet the softness of his voice was contrasted so with the venom of the young man and the silence of the people who seemed to have been your family that you found yourself cracking. The sobs were soft at first, but soon you found yourself wailing, not caring how your hoarse voice pierced through the quiet of the Winery.

“My love?”

Diluc immediately wrapped his arms around you, saying nothing as you continued to sob into his chest, staining his nightshirt with tears as you cried out all the tears you could possibly contain. You felt like the world around you was shattering, like nothing was real anymore. You felt as if all you had held to was suddenly gone, and nothing remained but searing contempt.

“It’s alright, it’s alright.”

Diluc carded his fingers through your hair, whispering soft words of comfort as your sobs diminished. Finally you felt completely spent, and as you relaxed in his arms you felt a sudden surge of tiredness, washing over you and calling you once more to the perilous depths of sleep.

“May I ask you what’s wrong?”

You fought your fatigue, disconnecting yourself slightly as to look Diluc in the face. Could you tell him what had occurred? Could you lay bare your weakness, your shame, your guilt? A part of you recoiled at the idea. And yet, as you stared at Diluc you found yourself recounting what happened, shaky breaths accompanying your soft confession. Lowering your gaze you spoke of your night, grateful that Diluc never let his arms leave you.

“I see.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Why should you be sorry?” Lifting your gaze you found Diluc’s eyes raw, his expression one of surprising honesty.

“I was selfish, and I didn’t expect the consequences of my action. All I could think of was the past, of getting back what I’d once had.”

“And is that not a natural thing?” Diluc took a deep breath, hold on you tightening slightly. “If I could not remember what had happened to my father – if I woke up one day in an  unfamiliar place with nothing but a sense of loss – I would go to the ends of the world to find what I’d lost. There is no crime in wanting your loved ones home, even when you cannot recognize them.”

“And yet it seems the only survivor has turned into a monster.”

“Does that make your past love for him any less? Do the bonds of family immediately cut the moment our loved ones turn rotten?”

You thought back to the young man in the ruins, to his mockery and his impatience. You hated him, you hated what he was doing. And yet you missed him, you somehow missed him so much. Turnign towards the nightstand you opened the small drawer. Pulling out the egg you’d been given you examined it in the dim light. How beautiful it was, how different from the image that had been put in front of you.

“Do you wish to forget what you have remembered?” Diluc’s voice was filled with nothing but kindness.

“No.” Even if it embarrassed you to say, you knew it was the truth.

“Then don’t forget it.”

You smiled, placing the egg once more in your drawer. Though it had only been a few words, though this terrible night hadn’t been erased from your memory, you somehow found yourself much lighter. Turning to Diluc you pressed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“Thank you.”

Diluc said nothing, merely leaning down to kiss you as well. Cushioned in the familiar sanctuary of his arms you allowed the darkness of your encounter to drift from your mind.

 -----

Drifting off to sleep you found yourself once more in a corridor, face to face with the man who was once your father. You stared at him, wondering if he would disappear again.

“Are you truly happy as you are now?”

“Yes.” Somehow you knew it was the truth.

“I see,” the man nodded, a slight smile flashing across his face, “then we shall keep you no longer.”

Leaning over he kissed you softly on the forehead. Next to him now stood the woman who was one your mother. Smiling now, a smile which utterly transformed her melancholy aura, she wrapped you in a hug.

“Do not forget us.” She whispered.

Even as the words were spoken you knew that you never could.

--------------------------

The egg that I used this time around is a reference to Faberge eggs. The tradition having been started by Alexander III giving an egg every Easter to Empress Maria Feodorovna, the tradition was continued by Nicholas the second - who gave an egg to his wife and his mother every year. Each egg is a masterpiece of innovation and creativity and is breathtaking in its aesthetic and in the mechanic of hiding its “surprise”. The two eggs I used as reference were the Alexander Palace Egg (1908) and the Twelve Monogram Egg (1896).

The song that I referenced this time around was “Stay I Pray You” from the Anastasia musical. Highly recommend.

The parents are based off of Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna. I do not have time to go into them because we will be here for 300 years. The dresses I mentioned are traditional Russian court gowns. An image will be linked in the reblog.

[whine-cellars]

Oriented Aro-Ace (+ADHD): A Diatribe 1/???

LONG POST AHEAD

I don’t know how well I’ll be able to convey my thoughts here, but here it goes. There’s a lot of facets to the aspec experience but I hope this addresses some that may not be talked about as much and helps someone feel a little less alone.

So as the title states, I’m ADHD and oriented aro-ace, specifically straight-oriented. When I was in high school, I thought I was straight because there were boys that I thought were cute. I had ‘crushes’ in the sense that I would never go up and talk to them, just want to stare at them from afar and have them come up to me out of their own volition. If you just read that and think that this doesn’t sound like what a crush actually is, then you’re absolutely right. These I don’t refer to crushes anymore; rather, they were hyperfixations fueled by aesthetic attraction, for when they faded, there were little to no lingering feelings. In fact, most of the guys that I felt this way about I now find either unremarkable or outright unattractive (aesthetically). I also think I wanted their attention as a form of validation because I felt quite insecure at the time about how I looked. 

I figured out I was ace and aro in quick succession during my first year of college. While it was pre-vaccine and in the midst of online classes, I don’t feel like the isolation made me ace, because I’m still ace now, and the US is much more open than it was at the time. Discovering my asexuality was the easy part, though. For roughly five months I wasn’t sure what romantic attraction was and whether I felt it or not. The answer revealed itself after a series of visits to a (straight) guy friend’s place. The first time I went over there was because I was very touch-starved and just wanted to be held; we made out during the subsequent two visits. We had been friends for five or six months at that point and he was one of the first people that I came out to as asexual. The first time we made out, I could tell that he was interested in doing so, and out of curiosity, I closed the gap. My only concern about doing so was that I would ‘ruin the friendship’. Surprisingly, it wasn’t really ruined and I discovered that I actually enjoyed what we were doing. Conversely I felt none of the proverbial fireworks or rush of emotions when I kissed him; rather, my brain was just directing my body to move in a certain manner, as if we were ballroom dance partners. 

Before we made out, there was a solid platonic connection, but now there existed something more intense, what I’ve come to call an ecstatic attachment (https://azejournal.com/article/2019/8/16/aro-ace-desire). I felt like he was my familiar, so to speak, like someone that I could connect more deeply than I had been able to before, someone I felt close to and safe with on an elevated level. I didn’t want to spend my life with him, I just wanted him to always exist in it. I expressed this in ways that allos would interpret as romantic (baked goods and Shakespeare quotes), but I could confidently say that I was not in love with him.

Physically, the experience made me realize the existence and extent of my sensory interest. I define sensory interest as willingness to engage in sensual activities given a certain physical appearance, i.e. sensual desire triggered by  aesthetic favorability. (The aesthetic favorability does not go away as a result, in case that wasn’t clear). 

Using a chemical reaction equation as a metaphor for how my feelings changed in this instance have proven rather helpful; instead of trying to box myself into certain types of attraction, I’ve had more success delineating how certain events changed the feelings I was experiencing at that time. 

Having taken the reactants 

a, a solid platonic relationship (friendship) 

and b, aesthetic favorability (can span from aesthetic appreciation to attraction)

and added the reagents:

c, physical connection

and d, trust, 

The resultant reaction produced: 

e, ecstatic attachment, 

and f, sensory interest   

While it might be total over-analysis, I found it helpful to just sort out what was going on in my head. 

Over the course of this situation-ship, I told myself “yeah, we’re just friends who make out” because we had kept up our friendly rapport, not realizing that it might have meant something different to him. Several weeks later he ghosted me, but I wasn’t heartbroken at all. I was angry because I thought we were friends and to me, friends don’t treat each other like that. When we reconnected several months later, he apologized, and we were able to parse out what had happened with no hard feelings. He’s still a good friend, and there’s not any guy who I trust more in regards to sensual activities. He was always very conscientious about consent and respectful of any boundaries I set. The whole situation was lightning in a bottle, if I’m being honest. I can’t replicate the circumstances that led to what happened or the exact way I felt at the time. While I really enjoyed the products of that reaction, I may not ever feel that attachment again because it was the first time I’d ever interacted with someone that way and there was a massive level of novelty attached to the experience. Nevertheless, I don’t regret my decision to venture into the unknown at all.

I had been close with someone like this before (my second-ever date) but never at this intensity and duration. Because I participated in these activities most people designate as romantic but didn’t feel any romantic feelings, I realized that I was most likely aromantic. I still have doubts, though. I often feel like I’m not aromantic enough since, despite being averse to a romantic relationship, I enjoy media with romance in it (albeit critically) and am not opposed to making out. However, it’s important to remember that action does not equal attraction and there are no experience-based requirements/restrictions to be aro or ace. If you’re questioning especially as an aspec, please don’t feel like you have to measure up to the ‘standard’ aro or ‘standard’ ace experience (lord knows I certainly don’t). That’s why it’s a spectrum. There is no standard! Everyone is unique! Feel your feelings! Make up your own terms! There are so many kinds of interpersonal connections and types of attraction out there, so don’t worry about having it all figured out. I identify as straight-oriented aroace because, to me, it is the most applicable term to succinctly convey how I feel: I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone, but men just hit ~different~. I may feel differently about the accuracy of my current label but it’s okay if it changes, whether that happens in 13 days or 30 years.

anyways that’s it for now thank you for tolerating my abuse of parentheses and overly verbose rambling  <3 (no romo)

[shihalyfie]

What's your favourite character song for each series?

Ooh, tough question!

I'm going to start off by cheating a bit and saying that I actually prefer the songs on the 10th anniversary album (The Bridge to Dreams) to most of the actual character songs for their respective series, both because I just think I like them that much more as actual songs (musically speaking), and because I think they encapsulate not just each individual character but also the themes of the series they come from. As a 02 fan, Tomorrow is a particular weakness of mine (especially since it has bonus Miyazaki Ayumi on it!)...

For some answers closer to what you're probably looking for:

Adventure: Walk on the Edge (Yamato). Well, this is a pretty textbook answer, but I can't deny the impact of it being a very good song with the extremely killer line of "I'd rather walk on the edge of a knife"...and hearing it directly in 02 helped solidify it in my head harder.

02: Focus (Takeru). So this one has a funny story because of the unusual reputation it's gotten among the fanbase as supposedly being a shipping song, and I completely understand why because, for lack of a better way to put it, the language used it in it is pretty heavily, uh, "loaded" (and while it's still been often perceived this way even by Japanese fans, the more well-known English fan translations of the song's lyrics escalated it a lot by phrasing it in ways that made it borderline impossible to see it any other way). Actually, if you look at the context clues, it's probably supposed to refer to Takeru working through his trauma regarding Patamon and constantly worrying about him, and in fact a lot of the lyrics doesn't make sense unless it's about that, plus a lot of the "I can't admit it" sentiment that would normally be easy to read romantically in any other context has strong relevance to Takeru's own character arc of having issues admitting anything in general, and when you think about it, a character song having actual pertinence to Takeru's story in 02, especially 02 episode 35 (which, under this interpretation, the lyrics toe very closely to), probably makes a lot more sense than sudden romantic implications in a series that wasn't exactly big on that. (I know the merch lines are developed separately from the series, but still, every other song in the Best Partner series is very character arc-relevant.) So it's honestly pretty fascinating to me that, the way I see it, they made a song about this kind of topic, but the way they phrased it made it get read this differently...also, it's a surprisingly intense song, isn't it? I like it a lot as a song (musically speaking) too. Takeru is a very intense person indeed.

Tamers: Moon Fighter (Ruki). Honestly, I think out of all of the Best Tamer albums, Ruki and Renamon's is just too powerful in general, don't you agree? Ruki is very cool. The song is very cool. I wish I could say something more eloquent than this, but I was too overwhelmed by Ruki's coolness to do so.

Frontier: With Broken Wings (Kouichi). This one feels like another go-to answer, but the way it was used in the series itself, plus Suzumura's incredible singing skills, just makes it too irresistible.

Savers: Friendship!! (Ikuto and Falcomon). I know the songs I just listed above are all solo songs, but I really do think partner duet songs are a very vital centerpiece of the franchise, and having them really is important! Especially in the case of Ikuto and Falcomon, given their unique background in terms of Savers, it's lovely having something so precious (and the melody is quite catchy too).

Appmon: Hallelujah (Haru and Gatchmon). Honestly, this was a really tough one because I truly feel the Appmon songs are on a special level of exquisitely made -- the way the duet voices play off each other, alternate, and harmonize is on a completely different level -- and I actually sat in front of the screen for several minutes deliberating on this. In the end, I went with this one because it's the one that sticks in my head the most and is easiest to sing along to (also, it was used in the finale!).

[cosplayinamerica]

Princess Daisy : pencils_and_pincushions // photo: that_fedora_photographer

I’m a Canadian cosplayer who has been cosplaying since 2007. I’ve had a love for Victorian fashion since I very young age (my little kid brain basically made the connection that Victorian dresses = women dressing like Disney princesses IRL), but the thing that kickstarted my desire to learn sewing was going to a fabric store with my mother when I was in my senior year of high school and seeing a Butterick pattern catalogue that had Victorian-inspired costumes. Almost instantly I had a lightbulb moment that if I learned to sew, I could actually wear those big fancy gowns I loved.   

I entered university and, over the next few years, spent my free time reading and learning everything I could about sewing. In 2007, my best friend invited me to Anime North - she was going as a gothic lolita-inspired version of the Queen of Hearts, so I decided I would make a Mad Hatter to accompany her.

I was so excited that I jumped in completely head-first, and it ended up being my first foray into both sewing and pattern drafting. In hindsight it was wildly ambitious for a first project (and I’m still a little surprised that I actually pulled it off!), but I’m so glad that my enthusiasm made me persevere and psh through the challenges, because I learned a ton from that experience and ended up with a cosplay I was thrilled with.

I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time and being so happy when I realized I’d been able to bring something to life from my imagination. When my friend and I got to the con, things only got better from there - the atmosphere was so energetic and colourful thanks to all the amazing cosplays, and it was filled with so many fun, enthusiastic, and friendly people. From that day I was officially hooked on cosplay.

I’m part of the Toronto Steampunk Society and, each year at Fan Expo Canada, we hold an Annual Costume Challenge where we pick a theme and encourage people to make a costume based on the theme. A couple of years ago, the theme was ‘steampunk video game characters’ and one of my friends in the TSS, Modern Myths Cosplay, thought it would be cute to do Princess Peach and Princess Daisy.

I loved the idea and, after more discussion, we decided to do a steampunk twist on the Super Smash Bros Brawl version since it was fancier and seemed to lend itself well to a steampunk interpretation. Though Daisy isn’t officially in Brawl, my friend was fortunately able to dig up some fan edits of Peach in Daisy’s colours, so with that we were set.

I usually make my outfits myself, but since my friend and I wanted to ensure our cosplays matched, we decided to work collaboratively and divide things: I would create the bodices and accessories for both gowns, and she would create the skirts and crinolines.

I started off by drafting the base bodice patterns. Since I draft all my costumes, I used my existing bodice block/master patterns for myself and drafted a bodice block from scratch for my friend based on her measurements. One neat thing about working this way was that it basically turned into a girls’ weekend where I was able to teach my friend more about pattern drafting, which ended up making the process unexpectedly fun and memorable.

After I finished fitting my friend’s bodice block, I got to work drafting our bodice patterns based on the reference pics we had collected. Being able to tackle both bodices ended up working well since it enabled me to draft them in a way that made them visually match identical while taking our respective body shapes into account.

A couple of mockups and fittings later, we had an idea of how much fabric we needed, so we went fabric shopping. My friend suggested that we go with richer, more regal-looking tones instead of strictly game-accurate colours, so when we found a place selling gorgeous peau de soie and sparkle organza, I was instantly sold on a gold and burnt orange colour scheme.

We split the fabric based on our respective portions and worked on them separately. I cut and sewed the bodices, which was fairly straight forward but time-consuming! The part that sticks in my mind the most was the center front panel because it had so many pieces and layers - two types of satin, two types of organza (including one that had to be ruched to the base panel in multiple places), five rows of lace, interfacing...and that doesn’t even include the lining!

I also created our jewelry and crowns. The brooches and earrings were made from filigree settings that I painted, glued gems, and attached pin backs and earring hooks to, and the crowns are made from craft foam painted in gold acrylic, with embellishments assembled from painted filigree stampings and gems.

My friend created our cage skirts from 1/4 PEX pipe and brown grosgrain ribbon, which ended up being the perfect hoop skirt material since it was cheap, lightweight, and strong enough to support the huge, heavy skirts. She cut and sewed our skirts (including attaching meters and meters of trim that I’d painted white to better match the game colours) and she also made our bloomers.

The gowns were a huge undertaking and, thanks to work and general real life eating up time, we did end up engaging in the dreaded con crunch, but fortunately in the end we were able to get them to a state where they were pretty and wearable!

The response at the convention was absolutely amazing - I don’t think I’ve ever had a costume elicit the reactions that Princess Daisy did. We figured that, since we were cosplaying the princesses from Mario, there was a good chance we might be recognized, but the thing I wasn’t prepared for was how genuinely happy and excited people were, especially when they saw us together. We literally had kids waving at us from across the street when they spotted us.

Even grown-ups loved it - we were frequently stopped for pictures, and even a couple of the folks in the dealer’s room who were running booths would break into huge smiles and ask for pictures. Plus, people loved the steampunk twist and were delighted when they realized how much our costumes matched.

The best, most heartwarming response to my Princess Daisy cosplay happened when I met up with some other friends and one tapped me on the shoulder, pointed behind me and said, “I think she wants a picture with the princess.” I turned around and, standing a few feet away, was this adorable, super shy little black girl who was staring in my direction. My heart instantly melted and I went over to her and had a little chat and took a picture with her.

As a black cosplayer who has run several panels on BIPOC cosplay and spoken about the importance of diversity and representation in cosplay, being able to show that sweet little girl that someone who looks like her can be a princess - and showing kids of other races that Princess Daisy can be black - was a vivid reminder that representation does matter.

Since I got into the hobby, cosplay has been a big part of my life and has positively impacted me in so many ways. It has been an incredible creative outlet that has given me the chance to express myself, and it has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people - many of whom are now among my closest friends. However, I think one of the most rewarding things about cosplay has been how it has allowed me to provide BIPOC cosplay representation and visibility within my local cosplay community. I often do Afro-steampunk cosplay, and one of the most unexpectedly moving things I’ve experienced has been other BIPOC saying to me that seeing my outfits make them feel like they can cosplay.

It has been humbling and has motivated me to get more involved in the cons I attend. For the past several years I’ve run panels on diversity in cosplay/steampunk as well as sewing and cosplay construction, which has enabled me to share the knowledge and skills I’ve learned. I also lead the steampunk section of the Anime North Fashion Show, and I’ve made a point to recruit as diverse a roster of models as possible. I’m happy that we’ve been able to showcase steampunk looks inspired by various cultures including Chinese, Indian, and Morrocan.

Another plus is that the sewing skills I’ve learned from cosplay have come in handy in other areas of my life. It has been fun - and surprisingly empowering - to be at a point where I can use my sewing ability to create one-of-a-kind outfits for formal work events (like office holiday parties) that make me feel pretty and confident.

Something I’ve frequently mentioned during my BIPOC cosplay/steampunk panels is that the simple act of showing up to a con or event in cosplay can have an impact because you never know how much that visibility can inspire other BIPOC to get into the hobby, so my advice to anyone wanting to get into cosplay is to do it! Overall I have found it to be a fun, creative, energizing experience.

While I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had overwhelmingly positive experiences while cosplaying, I recognize that, unfortunately, BIPOC do sometimes face harassment and outright racist comments (especially online) that can make getting into the hobby seem scary. Finding welcoming, supportive spaces in person and online can be a big help (the POC Cosplay group on Facebook is great for this) - plus, thanks to things like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay, there is more visibility and inspiration out there than ever before.

The other thing I’d add is to treat each cosplay as a learning experience. Being able to work so closely with my friend on creating a cosplay was a completely different creation process than I’m used to, and it was really cool to be able to learn from each other’s different working styles and experience. It was great to teach her pattern drafting and see how happy she was to learn skills she could apply to future cosplays, and I was so excited when she showed me her PEX pipe hoop skirt method. Looking back on my Princess Daisy cosplay makes me smile because it’s almost like a physical representation of the fun we have cosplaying together.

[sargassostories]

into the fire

my @fisstech-and-succubi exchange fic, for @limerental lmao-- your prompt was my #1 choice and I was sooooooo nervous to discover it was yours! I have done my very best to not write PWP.

summary: In the fallout from an evening between Yennefer, Eskel, and Geralt, Eskel is wondering what all this means, Yennefer is in full-defense mode, and Geralt still has something to ask his brother, but he's not sure how. And because unfortunately she loves him, that's Yennefer's problem. 9k.

content warnings: Eskel and Geralt are “brothers-in-arms” just as they are in canon, but refer to each other as “brother” throughout. This fic explores a brotherfucking kink between them. If that’s not for you, I don’t recommend reading on! Also: mention of Yen’s suicide scars + an interpretation of how she feels about them, magical cock clones, piv sex, cunnilingus implied, a lot of cocksucking, some anal fingering implied/barely described, the mysterious vial of oil, and of course, pegging and first time bottoming.

Eskel stared at the fire in his room at the inn, trying to forget—or perhaps remember—what had happened, when he heard Geralt approaching. Although Geralt was nearly silent, Eskel could pick out his brother’s soft foot-falls in a crowded marketplace, recognize the slight shuffle on every second left step like it was a heartbeat. His own ticked up a beat.

He tilted his head as he heard Geralt enter the inn and stop to order beer. He heard Geralt’s heart pounding as he softly took the staircase up and—Eskel knew—followed his brother’s scent to the room at the end of the hall. Eskel opened the door before he knocked.

“Wolf.”

“Eskel,” he said, lifting the drinks. “Can I…?”

And Eskel gestured him inside, to a surprisingly plush seat at the surprisingly grand fireplace, and accepted the tankard of ale.

“Just beer tonight?”

Geralt just smiled quietly and nodded as he drank deeply.

“Nice room you’ve got here.”

Something in Eskel began to coil at the pleasantry. He’d thought— he didn’t know what he’d thought. That maybe Geralt came to talk, to clear the air.

“Must be doing well out there, brother,” Geralt continued, and Eskel looked up to see him considering him from the rim of his mug.

He felt… he didn’t know how he felt. There wasn’t a word among “angry” “happy” “sad” “anxious” “jealous” “frustrated” that could adequately untangle this, this feeling he’d done something terribly wrong, overstepped an unforgivable bound, and yet also the same kind of feeling of a contract gone bad, a light purse, an alderman with a knife under a table. He’d never, ever felt that way with his brother before. Just thinking about it made his chest feel full of raw, hot meat fresh from the slaughter. So he went with:

“S’pose so.”

(read more on ao3 on the reblog!)

[ichigo-daifuku]

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil [2]

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Pairing: Diavolo/F!Reader Genre: Soulmate AU, Fake Relationship (?), Misunderstandings, Fluff, Angst, Suggestive Themes

Synopsis: During a confrontation between Diavolo and a certain witch who harbors unrequited feelings for him, he declares his intention to ask you to stand beside him in reigning over the Devildom someday. You conclude only one logical explanation for the insanity he uttered: this is his way of discouraging the witch from being so persistent. Although clueless, you play along and become ‘lovers’ with him.

Inevitably, your existing attraction for Diavolo grows, but the distinction between truth and lies, the crisscrossed lines of the right and the wrong, and the question of what’s real and what isn’t, begin to plague your mind and stir up trouble for your relationship with him with each passing day.

Entangled within the woven threads of soulmates and a royal prophecy, this is the story of the Demon Prince and his future Queen: you.

1 | 2 | 3 Chapter 2: Hear No Evil Word Count: 6.5k

To say your week was eventful would be an understatement.

It was no secret that wherever Diavolo went, eyes followed. Even if demons walked on eggshells with him, word about him spread from one mouth to another rapidly, both news and rumors alike. Now, your circumstances mimicked his own. When the two of you would be spotted together, all hell ensued. Once, Diavolo walked you to your classroom, and by the end of the day, everyone—including Belphegor, who had skipped classes—had knowledge of what happened. As the days passed, you slowly fell into the normalcy of such occurrences. The reason for it was when you were in Diavolo’s company, the last thing you cared about was the eyes trained on you, as strange as it sounded. On a positive note, it contributed to the fabrication of your relationship and made it more believable. No one had questioned either of you about it yet.

The most awaited day of the week arrived, Saturday.

You awoke in a good mood, undeniably filled with anticipation of the events today would bring. As you watered the Mirage Flower on your windowsill, the item resting beside it caught your eye: a note. You finished your task and took the crisp white envelope in your hands, flipping it over to see the crimson wax seal on its flap. While you were expecting the RAD logo to be stamped on it, the sigil was one you were positive you’d never seen before but felt strangely acquainted with.

With utmost care, you unsealed the envelope, and in the card, the sender had written:

Bewitched, I was, on the fateful day you and I met.

The familiar penmanship was all you needed to confirm it was, indeed, from none other than Diavolo.

You’d be lying if you claimed your heart didn’t flutter when you finished reading that single sentence, but that was a normal response, wasn’t it? Such a romantic sentiment was written in a note for you, and it was from an admirable man—of course, you’d be moved by it. As you breathed in and out to curb the initial surprise you felt due to the content of the envelope, you tapped behind the paper with your index finger, thinking.

Diavolo loved games, and he was entertained the most by being their mastermind.

This is a riddle, you thought. What a strange way to ask someone out.

You chuckled, both amused by his antics and by the way the gears in your head turned to figure out the meaning behind his words. Months ago, the demon brothers had insisted on coming with you to the Demon Lord’s Castle when you were invited there for tea. Perhaps, it was because, back then, Diavolo had requested for your company in the same manner that you found the answer in no time.

Quietness ruled over the RAD campus on weekends, a stark contrast to the busy picture it painted on weekdays. The area remained open, though, permitting industrious students to hole up inside the library and club members to work on their extracurricular activities. 

Leisurely, you strolled along the garden and entered the building without bumping into anyone you knew. Once inside, you recognized a few demons and nodded to them as a greeting while navigating your way to the answer to the riddle: The Student Council Room.

The door let out a small creak as you pushed it open. Since Diavolo was nowhere to be found, you stepped inside and opted to look around for any signs of another envelope. Despite having a lot of papers and writing implements, Lucifer’s area was the tidiest. The square-shaped tube of the tinted lip balm Asmodeus had been frantically searching for yesterday was on his table. Meanwhile, a stack of overdue assignments Belphegor ‘forgot’ to bring home was on his desk.

You roamed around the room until you reached the space you had landed on when you were transported into this world. Standing still, you raised your head, your gaze meeting the podium Diavolo had occupied, the place where he greeted you. It was the very first time your eyes landed on him. In absolute clarity, you could picture the scene of your meeting and how he looked like back then. He was tall and proud, his eyebrows scrunched together in worry at your discomfort at being summoned so suddenly. Most of all, he was regal, as if the place he had been standing on was not a student council podium but a throne.

“This takes me back,” you commented, feeling nostalgic after realizing how far you’d come. You’d learned many things from your stay and met friends more precious to you than anyone else. In the past, if someone told you what kind of relationship you’d be sharing with the Demon Prince months later, you would’ve laughed and brushed them off. “Now, where could that envelope be?”

You stepped aside and moved forward. The stairs led you to where Diavolo had been on that ‘fateful’ day. Footsteps tentative but thrilled, you approached his seat, halting and pulling the chair out. You stood in the place where Diavolo belonged; high up, the sight offering a clear view of what was happening below. Your gaze zeroed in on the center of the room, the spot you stood at a while ago, where he first landed his eyes on you. It hit you that you were looking at that place from his perspective. What did he think of you back then?

“‘ Bewitched, I was, on the fateful day you and I met, ’” you uttered and caught yourself having thoughts you shouldn’t have. Sighing, you shook your head, picked up the envelope on Diavolo’s desk, and muttered, “Why is he so good at this?”

You unsealed the envelope and read the next riddle:

The greed and lust I harbor for you know no bounds.

How in the Devildom were you supposed to interpret that message? If you were surprised by the previous riddle, then you were flabbergasted now. You had to remind yourself multiple times: it was a riddle; nothing more, nothing less. Based on the emphasis he had given the sins in the message, the clue laid in the two members of the Seven Rulers of Hell: Mammon and Asmodeus. Intrigued by the events he had in store for you, you contemplated the riddle’s meaning further and descended on the stairs with the intent of going home. Before you could forget, you grabbed the missing lip balm Asmodeus left on his desk and decided to return it to him and ask him for any clues Diavolo might have given him.

Once you arrived back at the House of Lamentation, you went straight in the direction of Asmodeus’s room, but surprisingly, you met him along the hallway.

“Asmo! I found the tinted lip balm you’re looking for in the Student Council Room,” you stated, handing him the item.

He accepted it gratefully, his eyes wide. “Oh, my… I must have left it there a few days ago. Thanks for bringing it!”

“Sure thing,” you replied. “Where are you off to, by the way?”

“Glad you asked! The Into The Devildom collection I designed is going to be launched soon, so I’m meeting some partners for it.”

“Wow, congratulations! I’m looking forward to seeing your designs!”

“Oh, thank you, darling! As crazy as this sounds, the executives suggested Mammon as one of our models, so he’s going to attend the meeting, too.”

“Wait! What did you just say? Mammon?”

“I know, right?” His facial expression morphed into one full of disbelief and exasperation. “Well, I mean, even if he’s scummy off-cam, he does justice to clothing on-cam, so I have high hopes for this campaign... but don’t tell him I said that!”

“Yes, yes, of course…”

The request Asmodeus made barely registered in your mind as you figured out the place connected to both the Avatar of Greed and the Avatar of Lust: Majolish.

The Majolish VIP Room lived up to its name; it was nothing short of glamorous.

After going to an AkuDonald’s drive-through, Mammon, Asmodeus, and you—or as you liked to refer to yourselves: TEAM PARTYYYYY—headed straight to Majolish while chatting about random topics and gossip. Once inside the rose-colored establishment, Mammon and Asmodeus parted ways with you to attend their meeting. You were about to search for clues from the racks and shelves when a staff member approached and escorted you to a sitting room to serve you tea and snacks.

Minutes after partaking of the refreshments, the head stylist welcomed you to the adjoining VIP Room, where, at the moment, you were sitting inside and waiting. You stared at your reflection in the grand vanity mirror. All its lights were turned on, and it was an image you’d only seen in Hollywood movies back in your world. After you were all glammed up with flawless makeup, a staff member under Asmodeus brought an ensemble from his unreleased Into The Devildom collection. You tried to refuse, but after a phone call from the designer himself, insisting he wanted the best clothing for you on your ‘momentous’ date, you relented and expressed your gratitude for his thoughtful gesture.

“My lady,” the head stylist called. Although everyone in this place had been referring to you using this title since earlier, you were still unused to it. The head stylist offered you the item in their hands. “Lord Diavolo asked us to give you this envelope after you’d chosen your outfit.”

You smiled and received it. “I see. Thank you so much.”

“I wish you both a wonderful time,” the head stylist replied and left to give you privacy.

You opened the envelope, wondering what the riddle would say. Since he led you here to prepare you for your date, this would be the last note, wouldn’t it?

Meet me at the place where we first shared dinner, my princess.

I will be waiting.

— Diavolo

‘My princess.’

He called you his princess.

Your heart did a complete somersault at that. 

Unexpectedly, the riddle—if you could even call it one—was more straightforward than the previous two you’d received. You placed the card back inside the envelope, putting it together with the other two inside your clutch. Clearing your throat and fixing your posture, you stood and adjusted your clothing. You were nervous again, but you were ready.

A sleek black car waited for you outside, ready to take you to your destination: Ristorante Six.

“You look even more beautiful tonight,” Diavolo remarked.

He smiled at you from across the table, his appearance dashing though he was only in a plain dress shirt and slacks. He took the champagne flute in his long fingers, your eyes refusing to miss the way his arm flexed at the movement and how his throat bobbed as he took a sip of the beverage.

“I have you to thank for that,” you gulped and managed to reply. “The staff at Majolish were all so nice and accommodating.”

“That’s good to hear.” He placed his glass on the side and leaned back to his seat, his eyes trained on you. “Did you enjoy the riddles?”

You let out a laugh. “I can’t say I didn’t.”

“I’m glad,” he said, the smile on his lips shifting into a frown. “To tell you the truth, I initially planned for us to enjoy a day together in the human world… but when I asked Lucifer for advice, he told me it wouldn’t be pleasant if we were to run into a certain witch…”

Ah, you thought, wondering what that would’ve entailed. However, wouldn’t it be better for Maddi to see you and Diavolo together for her to be deterred? When you contemplated the matter further, you supposed that would be dangerous—for you, at least. Honestly, you would’ve been fine with a simple dinner, but knowing Diavolo, the fact that Ristorante Six was empty save for the two of you was his way of apologizing and making up for the breakfast Maddi ruined. “You don’t need to worry about that. I really enjoyed today. It’s my first time going on a date in the Devildom.”

“That makes me happy,” he stated, visibly relieved and pleased. “We can still go, next time.”

Next time. The implication he wanted to go out with you again made your chest thrum with anticipation. “Yes, you’re right. Next time.”

He reached across the table and took your hand in his, his thumb brushing your knuckles. “Thank you for agreeing to go out with me.”

The scent of roses swirled around the room. The romantic atmosphere enveloping the two of you was intoxicating—as if it was an invitation for you to give in to the thoughts and emotions looming over your mind and heart. Was it those riddles that got to you? Or was it Diavolo himself, whom you’d always admired from afar?

You smiled at him and let your fingers hold on to his own tighter, just for a moment.

As you expected, Diavolo insisted on taking you home. You didn’t mind—no scratch that—it delighted you he’d offer, as your dinner with him felt strangely short. You’d spent a considerable amount of time during the day figuring out the riddles, a period longer than your two hours of dinner. While the five-course meal left you satisfied, your conversation with him was so enjoyable that it felt brief. It wouldn’t take that long to travel from Ristorante Six to the House of Lamentation, so you figured a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.

Soon, you arrived at your home. Diavolo entered the gates of the House of Lamentation with you in comfortable silence. Once the two of you stepped on the porch, you offered, “Do you want to go in and say hi to everyone?”

“Hm?” Diavolo was lost in thought as he gave you an indecisive stare.

“Diavolo?”

As you stared back at him, it dawned on you. You’d witnessed this scene a thousand times in human world movies before, and with his interest in the pop culture of your realm, he had, too. You used to think it was nothing but a ridiculous cliché, but now, you weren’t so sure about that anymore.

“Can I kiss you good night?” Diavolo asked in a low, husky voice.

You had no way of concealing the surprise etched on your face. Even if you expected the question, the thought of kissing him was surreal. You never dared to dream of it, yet here he was, truly asking you if such a thing would be fine with you. The demon brothers would be watching somewhere from one of the tall windows, you had no doubt about it, burning with curiosity about the date between the human they shared a pact with and the Prince they swore their loyalty to. You had agreed to be a part of Diavolo’s charade, and your first date went well. This was natural.

You nodded. “Okay.”

Closing your eyes, you leaned into his warmth as his palm made its way to your cheek and curved at your jaw. The gentle pressure of his lips on your own lasted for a mere second, and the loss of contact prompted your eyes to open, the desire for more reflected in your eyes… and his.

In front of you, Diavolo revealed the rare sight of his vulnerability. You’d never known it before, but there was a limit to his seemingly perpetual composure. As you gazed at the undeniable flush on his cheeks and the hesitation painted all over his countenance, the longing to see more of this version of him led adrenaline to spike in your veins.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and whispered, “Do you need me to do more?”

Diavolo’s eyes widened at your astute inquiry, but he made no move to deny it. “Will you?”

The question sounded like a challenge, but underneath that layer, it was a plea. He wanted this, and you did, too—even if it was only for show.

“I can,” you confirmed, “if you’d like me to.”

At your agreement, his hesitation dissipated. He leaned in and brushed your lower lip with his thumb. “If you continue to tempt me like that, you need to prepare yourself for the consequences.”

“I’ve been prepared for them. Ever since I said ‘yes’ to you.”

You closed your eyes as Diavolo bent his head and pressed a gentle kiss on your lips. It was a real one, this time, and you returned it enthusiastically, throwing caution to the wind. His palm moved past your cheek, down to your shoulder, pausing on the small of your back until it settled around your waist, fitting your bodies together. His warm tongue slid past the seam of your lips to meet yours, deepening the kiss and awakening a wave of desire inside of you.

Before it could get out of hand, you broke the contact of your lips on his. You caught your breath while Diavolo leaned his forehead against yours. Your lips stayed a hair’s breadth away from each other’s, sharing warm puffs of breath and brushing as you whispered, “Good night, Diavolo.”

“Good night, my princess.”

The first kiss you shared with Diavolo had been the beginning of many.

A certain thrill hung in the atmosphere whenever the two of you were in the vicinity of each other. More often than not, your encounters would lead to the two of you leaving hand in hand to move to a more private setting as everyone watched. Although there was no reason for you to continue your charade behind closed doors, the moment your eyes met his, kisses followed. When your relationship with him took a physical turn through your heated kisses, your attraction to him inevitably grew stronger.

Being the heir to the Devildon’s throne, Diavolo was a busy demon. Despite this, he would still take you on dates. You’d gone to Ristorante Six a few more times. There was an instance when he wanted to go to AkuDonald’s, and you were more than happy to introduce him to your favorites. Your date at Hell’s Kitchen went well, too. How he managed to find the time for these things, you had no idea. The following dates you went with him were accompanied with gifts, and soon, across your bedroom’s shelves and beside your pillows, various plush toys from Cranesanity rested—all acquired personally by Diavolo. It was both amusing and endearing, his interest in that game.

On a Sunday afternoon, weeks after you began your dangerous affair with him, Diavolo invited you to come over for tea in the Demon Lord’s Castle. Much like how it began after your second date, he had asked you in a way you’d consider normal, this time, through a text message. Either way, if he was the one who invited you, you’d be delighted to accept.

With the inky view of the Devildom outside the sitting room window, you sat across Diavolo, a round ornate table full of pastries between the two of you. The freshly brewed Ceylon tea by none other than Barbatos, a culinary legend, was warm and fragrant in your teacups. One of the best things in the Demon Lord’s Castle was the food. Barbatos’s cooking was the best, truly fit for royalty, and worth every praise you’d heard about it. As Beelzebub would mention now and then, from being served such food alone, Diavolo was lucky to have Barbatos as his butler.

While eating, Diavolo brought up how the RAD Newspaper Club contacted him and asked for his approval for your photo in the academy’s courtyard to be published. Before giving them a response, he wanted to know if you had any objections or conditions for Mephistopheles to take into account.

“I have no problem with it, honestly. It would be better if the denizens knew, wouldn’t it?” you responded after giving it some thought, meaning every word you said.

Diavolo nodded, considering your answer.

“What about you? What do you think?” you asked.

“I’d like nothing more than to let everyone know about us. Not that they don’t know already, but officially, I mean.” Diavolo chuckled and handed you a printed copy of the photograph for your approval. “We look like quite the pair, don’t we?”

As you examined the picture, a smile made its way to your lips, a tiny, if not bittersweet, one. You, Diavolo, and the Mirage Flower were at the center of the frame. On the surface, the two of you looked like a couple in love; convincing, real. You knew better, though, and that reality left a pang in your chest. “We sure do.”

A celebratory ball was going to be held at the Demon Lord’s Castle in honor of Diavolo’s prophesied ‘Queen.’ In other words, the ball was going to be held to honor you. The situation was similar to what happened some time ago when the demon brothers, through their gratitude, made you the guest of honor during Diavolo’s birthday. It lessened the nervousness you felt and replaced it with anticipation.

Still, it would be nice to thank Diavolo for everything he had done for you. You looked back on the facts you’d learned about him in the past few months and listed the arts, cute animals and items, and sweets as the things he was partial to. His tastes were eclectic. When you first met him, you wouldn’t have guessed he considered flowers and small animals to be comforting.

In the end, you decided to go for the ‘sweets’ option. Macarons and cupcakes would be nice, wouldn’t they? Both of them would be cute and sweet. You decided to experiment with a few trial batches before making a final one to give Diavolo as a gift on the day of the ball. 

Luke, who you were convinced was truly your guardian angel, was more than happy to assist you when you asked him for help.

Once your classes were dismissed, you returned to the House of Lamentation with Luke. After he demonstrated how to make macarons and cupcakes, you sat side by side and chatted as you waited for the pastries to bake.

“So,” Luke began out of the blue, “you’re really dating Lord Diavolo, huh? I couldn’t believe it when I first heard about it.”

While you had experienced telling white lies to children back in your world, at the moment, you found it difficult to believe how you were lying to an angel. “Haha, yeah. It’s been a while.” 

“I’m still not over the fact that a good human like you ended up being destined for a demon all along! Even if that demon is Lord Diavolo…” Luke frowned. He had always been like this, worrying about you, a human who was constantly surrounded by demons. To him, now that you were going to be Diavolo’s Queen, your entanglement with demons had become inexorable.

You couldn’t help but reach out to him and ruffle his hair. He was truly an angel, a good kid.

“H-Hey,” he complained but did nothing to move your hand away, “stop that!”

“Thanks for worrying about me, Luke.” You smiled at him reassuringly and patted his shoulder. “Everything will be fine. As you said, Diavolo and I… well, we are destined, after all.”

The sound of the timer prompted your heads to turn to its source. Luke’s face lit up as he excitedly grabbed his mittens and skipped to the corner of the room. The heavenly scent of pastries wafted all over the kitchen as he drew the oven’s door open.

You, however, stayed in place and merely watched, once again having difficulty believing how you lied to an angel.

Diavolo’s trusted footmen fetched you from the House of Lamentation to the Demon Lord’s Castle. 

Over the last few months, you’d developed a sense of familiarity not only with Diavolo’s staff but also with the ins and outs of his grand home. You’d stayed over numerous times that the guest room you frequented in was now assigned as exclusively yours, with your personal effects in it, serving as your room. Aside from your possessions, brand new designer clothing purchased by Diavolo—which were, unexpectedly, all in your size—as well as makeup, accessories, toiletries, and everything you could need, occupied the walk-in closet.

“Is this really necessary?” you had asked him when you found out about his shopping spree, worry trumping the other mixed emotions you felt at the sight of more gifts.

“I want to give all the best things to you.”

“If you say things like that, I…”

“Don’t you think my future Queen deserves the best of the best?”

“...Right, of course.”

Diavolo’s Queen. That person was not you. You sighed and reminded yourself he was the Demon Prince. He had an eternity’s worth of money to spare, purchasing these items was nothing to him. He prepared this for the Queen in the prophecy, a partner deserving of such luxury. When you eventually had to use some of the items for attending events with Diavolo, you told yourself you were just borrowing them. You handled everything with care and returned them to their original place after use—as if your hands never touched them at all.

You arrived at the Demon Lord’s Castle and found yourself sitting on the plush sofa inside Diavolo’s study. After recently having a vision of Diavolo playing hooky, Barbatos requested for you to keep an eye on him, insisting his master would listen to you. Barbatos asked you to make sure Diavolo would finish his tasks before the two of them had to leave for a meeting with important figures of the nobility in the Devildom. You obliged, having nothing else to do on a Friday night, preferring Diavolo’s quiet company over the club music and neon lights in town, which would no doubt be full of demons unwinding tonight. While you scrolled through Devilgram, liked your friends’ photos, and laughed at funny videos, Diavolo went through his stack of papers diligently. As the pile grew smaller, he hummed to the tune of a song from Mononoke Land, which piqued your attention.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” you commented. 

“I am.” He nodded happily. “You’re here, after all.”

You smiled at him. “I’m glad.”

Diavolo signed his name at the bottom of the page he was working on and placed his seal on it. After the wax dried, he closed the folder and placed it to the side, leaning back against his seat with an exhausted sigh.

You glanced at him and asked, “You’re finished?”

“It seems so,” he replied, checking the grandfather’s clock in the corner of the room, “and with a few minutes to spare, too.”

“Barbatos will be pleased. Congratulations!”

He chuckled and shifted his gaze back to you, a mischievous smirk on his lips. “Don’t you think I deserve a reward?”

“Maybe,” you played along coyly. “What kind of reward do you want?”

“Something only you can give me.”

“Such a thing exists?”

“Yes.” He gestured to you with his fingers, beckoning you over. “Come here.”

You locked your D.D.D. and left it on the sofa, standing up and stepping in front of his desk. “What can I do for you, Diavolo?”

“You can come closer.”

You circled the desk until you were beside him. “Here?”

“Not quite.” He took your wrist and encircled your waist with his arm, pulling you into his lap. “Right here.”

You shifted and found a more comfortable position with your legs hanging from the side of his knees. “That’s it?”

“No.” Diavolo brushed your hair aside and caressed your cheek. “Kiss me.”

Gladly, you thought but ultimately chose actions over words as a response.

Your lips had long been acquainted with his, but every single time remained as a sensual experience that left you wanting for more. Sometimes he’d be slow and gentle, taking his time to savor your taste, while other times had been quick pecks on your lips when either of you would be busy and in a rush to say goodbye.

But now, the kiss the two of you were sharing could only be described as passionate. Your palms rested on his shoulders, and slowly, you wrapped your arms around him, closing in your bodies toward each other. His lips moved against yours so greedily—lustfully—that you felt sinful as you reciprocated, drowning in his warmth.

When you pulled away to catch your breath, his arm tightened around your waist, and his mouth swept over your cheek, leaving a trail of kisses in its wake until his lips found your neck. He kissed you softly, his tongue darting out to dampen your skin before nipping and sucking at it.

“Diavolo,” you closed your eyes and whispered, not wanting to make noise but unable to hold it in.

“Let out your voice,” he said, moving his lips downward after leaving a lovebite on your skin. “I want to hear you.”

His long fingers unfastened the button of your blouse, giving him more access to your body. As he moved to the next button, however, a loud knock on the door caused the two of you to freeze.

“My Lord,” Barbatos called. “It is time for us to leave.”

Without waiting for an answer, the sound of footsteps echoed on the empty hallway and faded as Barbatos gave the two of you privacy.

He knows, doesn’t he? That Barbatos, you thought, internally panicking. You moved away from Diavolo and fixed your hair and clothes. Even though your mind was all muddled now, you managed to casually tell him, “I guess it’s time for you to go.”

Deep inside, you were anything but calm. Your head replayed the events that occurred minutes ago. That was a close call. Too close. What in the Devildom were you thinking? Seriously… 

It always irked you how times when, after sharing a kiss, Diavolo appeared to be unbothered existed. You preferred the vulnerable expression he had shown you during the first time you agreed to kiss him. Still, you were curious, and you turned your head to peek at the face he made tonight, but nothing could have prepared you when your eyes met his.

His gaze on you was full of desire, an emotion you’d only seen on him in flickers before; a speculation you doubted but was now a blatant truth. He stepped closer to you and pulled you in a tight embrace, letting you feel the extent of his arousal as he stroked your hair and inhaled your fragrance.

“We’ll finish this next time,” he whispered.

And then, he sealed his promise with a kiss.

After seeing Diavolo and Barbatos off, you opted to go home instead of staying longer in the Demon Lord’s Castle. You needed time to think, and being in a place full of memories with Diavolo didn’t help in clearing your mind.

You’d long accepted your attraction to him. If you were to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with a soulmate, every detail would be the same as the romantic affair you shared with Diavolo, except it would be real. Tonight, you had to face the music and admit it to yourself: you wished it was.

The situation was getting out of your hands, and at a loss of what to do, you grabbed your D.D.D. from your pocket and dialed a reliable friend’s number, knowing this decision would change your life.

As insisted by the angels, Solomon went to town to order takeout for dinner instead of experimenting in the kitchen. That was when he received your call. The two of you agreed to meet up at Hell’s Kitchen, as you spontaneously decided to purchase food for the demon brothers as well. It had been a while since all eight of you had gone for a meal there. Solomon wasn’t in a rush and had time to spare, so he was more than happy to sit down with you for a chat as you waited for your orders to be processed.

“Shall we have a round of Demonus tonight?” he asked, leading you to a nice, secluded table in the corner of the room.

“Sounds good,” you replied with a nod and took the seat in front of him.

After some idle chat, a waiter brought two horns of Demonus for you and Solomon.

With his elbows on top of the table, Solomon rested his chin over his folded hands. He broached the subject with a smile, “So, what did you want to talk about? Spells? Pacts? Demons? Recipes?”

You took your time in replying, not having uttered this word in this world before. “I’d like to talk about… soulmates.”

“Soulmates? Well, that’s something I didn’t expect.”

“Yes, I… I wanted to know if there are demons who have soulmarks.”

“How come? By any chance, do you have a soulmark?”

It was difficult enough for you to acknowledge you had one, but if you wanted to acquire information from Solomon, your best bet at the moment, you had to come clean about your situation. “Yes, I do.”

“Does Lord Diavolo know?”

“No, this is a secret I’ve never revealed to anyone before.”

Solomon contemplated the situation you had given him. “That is certainly complicated.”

You sighed and took a sip of your Demonus. “I know.”

“I hate to be the one to break it to you. I’ve been around for a long time, but I’ve never met a demon with a soulmark.” 

“I see. That’s…” Sad? Unfortunate? Heartbreaking? What were you supposed to say when the disappointment clouding your mind felt so heavy?

“I’m sorry,” Solomon said sincerely.

“It’s… It’s nothing. I’m alright.”

He took a sip of his drink and allowed you to process the information he had given you. As you did, you couldn’t help but dwell on another matter that continued to plague your mind. After a few minutes, you decided this would be the best moment to ask.

“Solomon…”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Have you heard about Diavolo’s prophecy?”

A sly smile made its way to his lips. “Let’s just say having pacts with seventy-two demons has its perks.”

That caught your attention. He knew something about it. “Will you tell me?”

“Why not ask him yourself?” Solomon suggested. “It’s something that concerns you as well, doesn’t it?”

There had always been a sense of camaraderie between the two of you as the only humans in the exchange program. Revealing the fact you had a soulmark was one thing, but telling him about the secret you shared with Diavolo was another. Still, if you were to receive the answer your gut feeling told you that you would receive, there would be no need to worry about that any longer. 

“I’m going to tell you another secret.”

Solomon nodded encouragingly. “And it will remain as one.”

His quip made you laugh, but the amusement faded in the blink of an eye, the words you were about to utter weighing you down.

“The truth is, I’m just a stand-in for whoever is the one in the prophecy,” you confessed. “I’m sure you’ve heard of her, but Maddi… well, long story short, Diavolo had to drive her away, but she steered the conversation to the prophecy, and I happened to be there, so…”

Solomon peered at your face, his expression grave. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes, I was there. That’s what happened.”

“And the demon brothers don’t know, so you can’t ask them yourself.”

“That’s right.”

He leaned back and crossed his arms. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”

Relief washed over you at his agreement. If Solomon ended up refusing, you didn’t know who else you could approach.

Solomon cleared his throat and divulged, “It was long ago, so the version of the story varied, but from what I’d gathered from the different sources I had, one thing was constant: a witch had a vision of the future when the Demon Prince was born. It was said that Diavolo’s Queen would be the bridge to his goals, and only when the Queen would rule by his side would he be able to see them into fulfillment.”

This was the revelation you needed, the answer you sought after. If the prophecy was made when Diavolo was born, it meant that he had been waiting for his Queen for millennia.

It must be lonely, you thought, but loneliness was something you never saw on him. 

While you never cared about finding nor ending up with your soulmate, it was a different matter with Diavolo. The Devildom would always be his number one priority. To figure out the dream the prophecy was referring to was easy: for the three worlds to live peacefully in coexistence. He’d expressed that many times before. The establishment of the exchange program was a stepping stone to actualize his vision, but he was still waiting for his Queen, a position vyed by many but was in your wrongful hands.

It would be fine to continue pretending to be his Queen if you weren’t in love with him… but you were. How could you continue kissing him and wishing every caress of his lips was sincere? It was as if you were a traveler with a parched throat who spotted an oasis from afar, only to discover it was a mirage once you reached it. Even now, a flicker of envy sparked within you for the nameless, faceless Queen of the Devildom he was bound to have by his side. At once, you discarded the thought and decided it wasn’t a good feeling to have, to covet him, who is destined for someone else. It would be wrong of you to continue pretending to be someone you weren’t, especially since someone who might be out there already existing, deserved this place. 

Solomon’s worried voice roused you from your reverie. “You seem shaken. Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m fine,” you responded with a shaky voice. “It’s just… a lot to take in.”

“What do you plan to do now?”

“I’m going to break things off with him.”

“You say that, but will he let you?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” You let out a sardonic chuckle. “It’s not like there was anything going on between us, to begin with.”

“Hmm…”

“Solomon? What is it?”

“Oh, nothing.” He shook his head and smiled. “I’m curious to see how this unfolds. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you.”

Yes, breaking things off with him would be the right thing to do. After all, you couldn’t help but imagine yourself in Maddi’s shoes as Diavolo blatantly rejected your affection. The thought alone was painful enough. Before that could happen, you’d part ways with him in amicable terms and through your own will. The exchange program was going to end soon, anyway. Truly, there was no point in holding on to him any longer. This would be for the best.

You would set things straight and end your arrangement with him the next time you planned to meet each other: at the upcoming celebratory ball at the Demon Lord’s Castle.

Notes: I went through a writing slump for a while, so I decided to work on a few shorter pieces before writing this chapter. Finally, it’s here! To those who had been waiting for this, I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you for your patience! ♡

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

Obey Me! Masterlist | Main Masterlist

[encosy]

Eren Yaeger: A theory why the person devoted to freedom is in fact the least free character of all. (up to ch. 136)

Questions that lead me to this theory: Why did Eren behave so strangely? Why did he isolate himself from the rest? Why the hell did he decide to end the world? And why did he never really try to find another way?

“What about you is free?” - Chapter 134

So, despite the flood of possible theories people came up with, I couldn’t find any that provided satisfying answers for several contradicting moments. It had me reading the manga after all and musing three days and nights until I settled with a surprisingly simple approach that I haven’t yet found among the common theories. The short answer for Eren’s weird behaviour and decision for apocalypse remains the same: “Because I was born into this world”. But, in a different way of interpretation. If you don't want to read the long version, there's a summary at the end as well ;)

 So far, this quote had been mostly interpreted as justification for the freedom to live, and the freedom to fight for survival. It’s the ultimate justification for Erens decisions, no matter how despisable they are, since he's fighting for their own survival. Yet, it sounds somewhat odd from Eren Yaeger, who had always been anything but a philosopher to begin with. Why wouldn’t he justify his decision with “because they will never leave Eldia in peace”, “because it’s the only way to end the war”, “because they had taken everything from me” or simply “because we have to keep on fighting”. That would have sounded much more like him, but not such a cryptic statement.

With the latest chapters, it became apparent that Eren was indeed severely suffering under the guilt and notion of destroying the world. So why would he not think of a different way? Why don’t we see him talk to his friends and discuss alternatives? Why does he never even try to find a solution? If anyone, it would be Eren to fight against a future he didn’t want to accept, no matter how small the chance of success. But all he does is to refer to the inevitable, unchanging future. The only spark of rebellion shown is in the pathetic attempt to safe one boy, which again end in him stating that "the future doesn't change"

The idea that Eren is in fact not free to choose their future first struck me during his conversation with Rainer, where he claims they were both the same. Yes, they had both believed to do the right thing, to be a hero, but ended up with nothing but guilt, the wish to be judged upon and to finally put an end to it all. But in that moment, Eren had yet the chance to decide. It would have been so easy to accept Rainer as scapegoat for his revenge, but he only acts as if his decision was already set in stone. He never looked angry with Rainer to begin with. So it clearly wasn’t revenge he had in mind when attacking Liberio. In fact, he was simply moving forward and carrying out Zeke’s plan which would eventually lead him to his true goal: To eliminate the enemy.

Who or what exactly is the enemy/ enemies? (As far as I know, there’s no difference in Japanese language) First, it’s the titans, then the Marleyans, but now it seems to be cycle of life, death and hatred itself. Rainer, Zeke and Eren all came to this conclusion and even the last season’s opening song suggests this true motive: “Destruction, regeneration, you are the real enemy” (-My war-).

“Because I was born into this world” - reinvented

Chapter 121 underlines yet again that this phrase contains the central key to Eren’s motives. After all, it’s all it needs to thwart the great plan of Zeke – the most sharp-witted character that had been fooling everyone else throughout the whole story. Zeke’s demise came from assuming that Eren had been brainwashed by his father, hence believing it was possible to change his mind. And that’s totally legit since no normal person would be born “like this”, showing such hatred and craving for freedom from birth. In fact, the story shows no other character than Eren who despises the walls, even though he’d been living a fairly comfortable life.

Zeke probably realized in that moment: Eren was never a normal child (Carla: “He’s already great because he’s born into this world). That doesn’t only refer to his character traits and motives, but he even proves that when opposing Zeke in the other world. First, by freeing himself from his shackles, and later when he stops Ymir (Zeke: “It’s pointless, Eren. Once Ymir, the founder begins to move, nothing in this world can stop her.”). This gives two options: Either, Ymir is not the founder, or Eren is not of this world (or both). And since the idea of Eren being the true founder for whatever time-wrecking reason is far too screwed for me to grasp, I’ll stick with the latter option. It could be what Carla refers to as well, and a reason why his titan looks a lot more devilish than any other shifter before.

What does Eren really want?

When chapter 122 “From you, 2.000 years ago” responds to the very first chapter’s title, it seems very likely, that the original message was from Ymir to the present. When Eren finds her, he already knows that she had been suffering and waiting there for someone – most probably him – (“Is it you who led me here? You must have been waiting. All this time.”) and shows deep empathy by going as far as to hug her by choice (at this moment, I can’t remember him showing such affection to anyone else before, but feel free to correct me). It looks as if his intrinsic will to fight for freedom has led him to this single moment of importance, where he frees Ymir from her curse to serve the power of titans.

Interestingly enough, even though everyone knows that she gained back then, no one knows yet what the devil wanted in return. Seeing that Ymir is not at all the almighty deity, but not more than a slave, it’s likely that this was not her wish at all, but part of the bargain she now has to endure “into eternity” (as determined by the first king). Perhaps Eren symbolizes the in-time reincarnation of the devil to fulfil the bargain. But more likely, Eren was created ‘like this’ because he was the first chance in the timeline to enable her liberation (my wild guess is that Ymir herself sent him, but it could as well be the devil, the true founder, a twisted part of a past Eren or all of them at once. I don't think it doesn’t really matter who exactly started the whole ordeal.)

In chapter 122 he finally reveals he wants to “put an end to this world” to do so. He repeatedly says that he will destroy the world, but he never once said he wanted to do it, or that he wanted to kill all the people. As I see it, “putting an end” refers more to breaking the cycle than to committing omnicide.

So. What if Eren had never been in a position to make decisions, but Ymir? It looks like her motives are surprisingly simple, not more than a ‘normal person’s’. All she ever wanted is to be loved. She sacrificed everything, her life, and her humanity – even her freedom to die. But no matter what she did, she was only used for humanity’s (Fritz’s) greed. Over the course of the millennia, she gathered the hatred to destroy the world, but Eren is in no position to stop her because it goes against his destiny. In fact, Eren is quite graphically displayed as a puppet on strings. I think that’s also why Eren acted so strangely around his friends. Ever since seeing the entire future, he had been well-aware that he can’t do anything about Ymir and the apocalypse, but he hopes they are capable of ending him, and he went as far as to insult them only to make their job easier. Already back in ch. 84 when they had to decide between the life of Armin and Erwin, Eren claims to know it will be Armin to safe humanity, not him. This suggest again that Eren does not think of himself to be acting for the right cause, but rather as the (literally) spineless key for Ymir.

To summarize: Seeing just how tormented Eren was by what would happen, how he tried to subtly encourage his friends to judge and stop him, and how he didn't show any semblance of his defining will to fight a future he didn't want, I now believe that Eren has never been the one to make decisions in the first place, but a key destined from birth to only serve one purpose: To free Ymir and end the era of titans. The quote "I was born into this world" thus doesn't act as justification for his decision, but as reference to his key role for the inevitable.

Soo, feel free to prove me wrong or correct mistakes. After all, there’s only so many quotes I remember and it’s natural to see the world with a subjective filter once you have an idea in mind. There are still several details that don’t seem to quite fit, but this is the best conclusion I could draw.

Also, taking this theory further to the present plot of chapter 136 and possible endings, my suspicions are much more vague. But there's one more detail I picked up and would like to share:

Just before Ymir is about to die in her tale, someone says “You’re free”. It would fit Isayama’s sense for loops that Ymir, who had escaped death (= freedom) from being hunted down, now finally ends her prolongued life by being killed (= freed) by Eren Jäger. I think it would give more credit to his name than the usual reference to hunting (more specifically, eradicating) titans.