#stupid fucking interviews i hate him i hate him i hate him
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yknow, for all those people who use “3x wdc winner vs 3x race winner” as an insult, i don’t think you realise that that’s not exactly an insult.
yes, it’s true that max is a 3x wdc winner, that’s why he’s one of the best. that’s why he’s one of the most respected drivers. he’s got the talent, and he’s got the fast car.
and yes, it’s also true that lando is a 3x race winner, that’s because he just got a fast car. he’s learning. he’s adapting. he’s made mistakes, on and off track, but he’s learning. and the fact that in his first year of getting a fast car, he’s p2 in a wdc is amazing.
max has had a fast car for a long time. he has adapted to that as well. he knows his weaknesses and strengths, and he learns from it and uses it to his advantage. he’s had that time to learn to be in a fast car and win races. i’m not discrediting him. i’m saying that, as every other human on earth, he learned from his mistakes and he’s doing extremely well.
lando got a fast car this year. not even the whole season, in fact. he hasn’t had time to adapt to having a fast car after driving a mid field car for five and a half years. he’s still in that process of adapting. he’s making mistakes, but he will learn from them. he said he needed to work on his qualifying last year, and this year, he’s got 7 poles in total. he’s amongst the few mclaren drivers who have gotten more than 5 poles in one season. that’s an achievement of its own. he knows that he needs to work on his starts. you best believe that next year, he’ll be so much better at it.
he knows that this season he made some mistakes off track as well. but, as compared to the start of the season and now, he’s gotten much more mature, and much better at using his words correctly. the current situation about him saying it was luck was taken completely out of context. but, haters have a small brain, and a low attention span, so they won’t watch the entire interview.
max has had way more experience than lando has. to use that “3x wdc winner vs 3x race winner” for a duo where one has significantly more experience than other, not just in a fast car, but also in f1 overall, seems stupid to me.
max won his first race in 2016. and then, he won his first wdc in 2021. sure, lando has a fast car now, but to put an unrealistic expectation on him to be on par with the greatest f1 drivers almost immediately after he wins his first race is a little too much.
this constant need of people to belittle these drivers, whether its lando or max or literally any other driver, is so surprising to me, because none of yall would even be able to drive an f1 car in clean air for one lap, let alone a full race. especially, not at a speed that they do.
these are my opinions. if you don’t agree, please fuck right off. if you send me hate, i will block you. i don’t give a fuck. if you have something to add or have a counter argument, you’re free to do so respectfully.
#f1#formula 1#lando norris#formula one#ln4#max verstappen#im actually scared to add the max verstappen tag#cause i know that the verstannies will come for my neck#i’d write about unrealistic expectations that fans have imposed on other drivers as well#but i need to do more research#lando and max are my favs#so i know more about them
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thinking about how DAN DESCRIBED THEM AS TWO PEOPLE WHO ‘have known each other for a thousand lifetimes’ AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A CASUAL THING. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE. AN ANSWER TO A QUESTION. AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SEEM SO NORMAL ANS MAYBE A LITTLE FUNNY WHAT A SARDONIC RESPONSE RIGHT?? OH US? ME AND PHIL?? NOOOO WEVE JUST KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A THOUSAND LIFE TIMES. HES A PIECE OF FURNITURE. REMOTE CRISIS MANAGER. RANCH. A FRENCH SAUCE. IN HIS ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR HE IS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING FOND AND PROFOUND AND THEY ARE SO INTRINSICALLY BOUND TO EACH OTHER AND HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER A THOUSAND LIFETIMES??? THIS IS NOT CASUAL PEOPLE MAKE CAREERS OUT OF WRITING AND SINGING AND YEARNING TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHAT LOVE IS BECAUSE ITS SO ALL CONSUMING AND YOU PUT THEM ALLLLLL TO SHAME WITH YOUR STUPID SARCASTIC INTERVIEW RESPONSES AND STUPID FUCKING RANCH METAPHORS
#stupid fucking interviews i hate him i hate him i hate him#that’s FUCKING CRAZY#CRAZYTTT#i hold myself back for saying he can’t hide behind his humor#because i don’t want to pry WHATEVER ITS 2024 I DONT NEED TO JUSTIFY IT#anyways i’m serious though! YOU CANT HIDE DAN HOWELL YOURE SO IN LOVE#YOURE SOOOO MAD#YOU WANTED TO BE EDGY AND ANGSTY SOOO BAD#fuck my stupid phannie life#sorry! no i’m not#sick to my stomach#THIS IS OLD WHY AM I SOOOO IMPACTED#phan#dan and phil
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John Larroquette in Altered States (1980)
#john larroquette#altered states#I'll be honest all I've seen of this movie is this scene and I don't care so no subtitles because I'm only here for his face#so. I have no idea what's going on. but Dr. Wissenschaft???? doctor science?? that's both hilarious and stupid#anyway who gave him the right to be this fucking cute??#this scene was so dark and so blue but my god he looks so damn adorable#somewhere there's an alternate timeline where he wasn't in Stripes and his nose is still fine so he doesn't hate it and -#no I'm gonna shut up that sounds mean#and I hope he's changed his mind about that since that interview in 1990. it's been a long time so. probably.#I'm just seriously obsessed with his face that's all#alex-gifs#my stuff#my edit
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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in class today i felt so incredibly out of place again, why does it have to be so hard for me? and, i like this girl, but every single time we have class she mentions her "autism" while happily chatting with 3+ ppl at a time, completely effortless, while im sitting there, staring and trying to focus enough to even understand the conversation bc there is so much noise around me that i feel like i'm about to either explode or shut down completely and i feel like an alien trying my best to somehow socialize and understand what is going on and really to just get through this.
#i feel awful i was so close to just breaking into tears at one point#we had the introduction to greek archaeology course for the first time today and... i hate it#it is so fucking boring#the lecturer is italian and while her english vocabulary is great her accent already makes it hard to understand her but what is worse is#that she completely mispronounces a ton of english words so you constantly have to sorta interpret what she is saying#i genuinely didnt understand at least a third of what she was saying today#and its all “look this painting on this and that vase” and its basically art history and i hate art history i really dont give a shit#and then i felt like i picked the wrong study program and i should just drop out which ofc is complete bullshit bc the courses i have monda#are really interesting as they are about prehistory which i am actually interested in and its ok to not care about certain eras of arch.#we were even told that by one lectures who also didnt give a shit about christian archaeology and was only interested in prehistory#so i know its ok rationally but everything was so awful today that my brain went into doom mode#and earlier my father yapped about the election to my mom while i hid in the bathroom lol and then he said in his horrible condescending#voice how “kamala is so stupid you cant sit her in front of a camera (for an interview)” and how she is “just as dumb as baerbock”#baerbock is a german politician - and obviously a woman#there r a million politicians he could choose from but he went with 2 women#i hate him so fucking much#i am not prone to violent phantasies at all but with him its different#i wish he would just die#ok now that we are so cozy and cheerful in these tags i'm gonna go to bed to spend another shitty day at uni tomorrow goodnight#personal
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it only took 12 interviews i guess for somebody to bring up 9/11 to me
#longer than I expected! I appreciate that. I guess.#anyway we should make a rule where these people don’t get to speak about 9/11 anymore. ive heard enough from White Man From Carolina. stop#there are actually other things you can speak about to a person from nyc. hard to believe but it’s true!#it didn’t happen to him it happened to me! and I know better! I know better!#one of the most insane things about the culture surround 9/11 is that it is simultaneously#valorized in this histrionic performance of grief (for propaganda purposes)#and also like. not treated as a real thing that happened to people. like as if it was a news-only event#it exists in the white american consciousness SOLELY as a rhetorical device. an excuse for islamaphobia hate and violence. war propaganda.#but not as the worst day of my childhood. not as an incredibly tacky topic to introduce in a 20 minute interview with a relative stranger#it only exists on tv. just like all of the monstrous wars we used it as an excuse to start!#who was it who wrote… im thinking of a passage I read about our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq#where the author said because of their distance and the lack of impact on american day to day life the american people experienced them#primarily as a media event#that’s how it always goes I guess! so it fucking goes#I really should know better than to post this but i needed to vent. vent what a stupid word.
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Husbands
Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls
#Venting!!!!!!!!#im just venting idk im tired i have gym everyday and gym gives me massive anxiety so yayy#im kinda just making up for lost time specifically cuz it was around people im not comfortable witb#my family i mean#i was so sore when i got done i had to move a shit ton of furniture and i hit my head on a dresser#im just watching timtoks to make myself cry because i haven't properly cried in like 6 months and with my fucking life thats unhealthy :D#my cat died on Christmas eve aswell!!!#anyway yeah husbands#they're literally orbs from a childrens video game i am 15 i am a sophomore this is stupid stupid fuckin penguin i hate him#no i dont i love him#DOMT WVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ENO BITCH HE HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME#THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE 2 YEARS IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HIM I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY EVERYDAY#i have issues#i just realized i misspelled emo im so tired im not rewriting that im talking bout mk he matches my other intersts more thats why i love him#one of my favorite childhood movies is interview with the vampire ofc i love him#im gonna eat ramen and prepare myself to lie to the nurse tomorrow cuz im not going to gym#i have the biggest urge to just keep thping if only i had this spark in school i hate my brain bro
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just had one of the worst cries of my life i think
#going out soon but idk im just so full of anxiety n everything sucks#ive been throwing up since like 3am too bc im so anxious#like i fucked up last night and it hasnt left my mind#n then i have to join a discord and get interviewed and play a game that i find terrifying bc itll make him happy (first world problems ik)#and now i have to go out to lunch today#which would be great but !!#my jeans are a tiny bit tighter than they usually are which means i gained weight !!!! i havent eaten today so its not bloating !!!#and then i went into the bathroom to look at myself and i saw how bad my eyebags are so i went to put on makeup#but i looked fucking stupid so i took it off and now im just sitting here kinda bawling over how ugly i am#i fucking hate it !! im so disgusting#im so tired i just want to kms and cut#how am i meant to talk to him when i cant stop crying and how am i meant to go outside like this#like im never gonna post my face here but u guys rlly dont know how gross i look#god im gonna meet him in like 4 months dude i fucking cant hes gonna find me so repulsive im going to cry#wtf do i do im so fucked nothing is going to save me#hes just gonna spend like 3 days with me probably fuck me and then just leave me i fucking know it#its so over man its so fucking over someone just run me over with a car#jamie.txt
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Not my mom badmouthing the job I'm really excited to get 🤡🤡🤡
#she's making up shit that wasn't in the job description and guilt tripping me and calling me naive and stupid and lazy and incapable#in an attempt to force me to get a shitty job i hate for not even more money or just a few bucks more that wouldn't make a big difference#i literally just fucking applied for it if i get a response or invitation to a job interview is another thing#she's pressuring me into searching for a job close to where my sister would work and she doesn't even know where exactly that will be#the event agency is just a few minutes drive outside the town it's not like i'm at the other end of county so what's her fucking deal#oh delicious now she's accusing me of taking drugs because i'm 'aggressive' in the last couple of months#well sorry i'm a fucking mental trainwreck thanks to how you and your husband raised me among other reasons#it accidentally slipped out that i smoked a cigaretted once (1) in october and she thinks there were drugs in there#great now she's threatening to burn my face with the pan from the stove what the actual fuck is going on in that cunt's head#i hate her so much i'm having a panic attack in the bathroom and she yells even louder and gets worse#hmmmm what if i killed myself?#she's also like 'and she's too stupid to realize it's over with her ex but she keeps crawling back to him after almost three months'#i just wished him a fucking happy birthday. sorry i have some decency and don't immediately despise someone i loved#mel talks#depressed bitch posting
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I’m going fucking insane batshit psycho killing violence mode (I was supposed to have a virtual interview today at 3:30, my interviewer didn’t show up, then emailed me to say he’s rescheduling it for 4:45 when I was so mentally ready to have it at the original time and now he’s thrown me off my rhythm)
#I STG I WAS LITERALLY CRYING#At first after the first 20 minutes of him not showing up I thought he was just being late on purpose as like a power play or something#I based my entire day on having an interview at 3:30 now I gotta have an interview at 4:45#My stupid dumb little autism brain can’t handle this I hate job interviews I hate trying to be employed#My email: “sure! That works just fine. See you then!” My brain: “AAA I HATE THIS I HATE THIS IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU WITH HAMMERS”
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hhh
#daisy.txt#being hit w tht ‘u dont rly belong anywhere’ feeling again#both irl and online tbh like#irl im too anxious to get a job and idk what to do abt tht. my anxiety hasnt been this bad in years#but the last time i got an interview i ended up canceling bc my anxiety spiked rly fucking badly to the point i was crying#and tht was before i ever graduated#snd idk online im terrified of crossing a line by accident n making ppl hate me#and even then one part of my brain is like ppl are just tolerating u idk what u expect#just this stupid feeling of being left out and tht no one likes me and tht im just wasting all my time#even when i think its not true#ive just always been /too much/ or /not enough/ for ppl and i dont know where tht healthy middle is….#it doesnt rly help tht ppl just. disappear out of my life w/o warning sometimes#thats the part tht hurts the most yknow? and im a dumb bitch whos like ok GOOD then GO#and idk i can trace tht back to ex bestie dumping me entirely bc he got a bf#and me trying to give him space to navigate tht relationship only for him to just… never come back#ifs just a shitty situation and i feel so lost now
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please for the love of god old tys avs fans help a poor fella out
i’ve been hunting down old avs content for tys. specifically when he interviewed the boys at one of the mile high dreams gala and the one where he’s bowling. i have photos there’s gotta be videos of that please i need them
#after being dead for a year im back for hockey i just had to internally process that trade i guess#does help that this bitch is like ooo im gonna be at this bar selling my beer and so i go and im forced to watch more cup final and#AND HES NOT FUCKING THERE I HATE HIM SO MUCH. kidding#im just a little freak weirdo but thats fine anyways i’ve moved on and over#but im still craving old barrie content i miss when he was on the avs#moreso now that he isn’t on my team#and the stupid fucking oeg didn’t give him a video tribute at his first game back im so mad bout that still#anyways yeah i’m just tryna find old funny videos with tys in it. preferably not pre/post game interviews unless its hella funny#i love fun social media engagement#i’d also kill for rookie tys content as well but yeah#tyson barrie#i hope i can tag him….
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angel!reader dressing up as Lola Bunny for Halloween bc it’s drews cartoon crush!!! hehe she gets her shit plowed so good!!
pairing 𐙚 drew x angel!reader (younger!reader)
warnings 𐙚 sex. i kind of hate this but hopefully u will like it <3 drew calls reader bunny during sex oops 🧁
୨ ˚ 👻𓏲 ✿ ┈
you told drew he wasn’t allowed to know what your costume was until you personally showed him. you and him had a halloween party with his friends coming up soon so you figured now was the perfect time; a few days before the party.
“okay coming out.” you shouted from drew’s bathroom. you had nervous butterflies in your stomach, you wanted to impress drew, and even if you weren’t dressed as his cartoon crush; lola bunny, he still would have thought you looked perfect. a ketchup bottle costume would make him happy.
“let’s see it baby.” drew uncovered his eyes, which you told him he could do when you said you were ready. "you did some research huh?" drew giggled, getting up from his seat on the bed, admiring you as you spun around for him. of course taking good long peek at your ass, it looked so good in those white booty shorts you chose.
drew thought it was funny but also adorable how you’d managed to find out who his cartoon crush was, although it wasn’t hard to find. the amount of interviews you watched with drew was quite embarrassing and definitely one thing you’d never admit aloud to him.
"do you like it?" you batted your eyelashes while looking up at him. "do i like it?" drew pulled you closer to him. "i love it baby." he placed a gentle kiss on your lips. which turned into more than just a kiss, very quickly.
before you knew it drew was drilling into you from behind, telling you how nasty you were. that was, politely of course.
“you’re so nasty. you know?” drew’s grip on your hips tightened as you felt him hit deeper and harder inside of you. “i love it.”
“fuck, drew.” you mewled out. if you knew how turned on drew would get from a lola bunny costume you could have worn it ages ago.
“you look so pretty while getting fucked from behind.” drew huffed out, he was out of breath, which meant he was gonna cum soon. “even with that stupid bunny costume.”
“stupid?” you turned your head back to look at him, fully ready to start an argument while drew was literally pounding into you.
“you know what i meant bunny.”
#bookshelf#angel!reader#drew starkey#drew starkey x y/n#drew starkey blurb#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x female reader#drew starkey x you#younger!reader
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Yandere!Maid who looks at the castle in front of him, then the flier in his hands, then the castle again. Unless there was a typo in the address, the job interview should be here. He hesitantly uses the bat shaped door knocker and waits...This place looks so creepy and ominous, was this a prank ? Was it to scare him? Seriously? Sigh…He has had enough of being treated like a fool. As he continues his descent into frustration, bitterness and self-pity, he doesn’t hear the door opening. Nor does he see the butler standing at the entrance until he hears a: “Sorry for the wait, my kind sir. Are you here for the housekeeper position?”.
Yandere!Maid who thinks the butler is telling him a load of bullshit. According to him, the owner of this place is a vampire in search of additional staff members. He resists the urge to scoff. Whatever, if the “mistress” wants to take part in some weird role-play, then so be it as long as he would get paid. The same guy tells him to “please take a seat” in the living room and that “mistress will come and attend to you in a moment”. Soon after his departure, the air shifts. Black particles float around until it materializes something, or rather someone. The poor boy shock and confusion quickly turn into enchantment. Fuck, you are totally his type. This is bad, he can feel his face burning. “Shall we go to my office?”, you ask with a smile.
Yandere!Maid who hates you. Who hates the fact that your personality matches your looks. Who hates how much control you have over him. The other day, your...pet sneezed on him, so he needed another uniform. “It seems that I only have a female one left ”, you told him. “There is no way in hell I am wearing that”, he sneered. “But wouldn’t you look cute in it? Besides, it is either that or cleaning with your normal clothes on until your new uniform arrives here-” “Alright, shut up, just give me that”, he abruptly took the offending dress from your hands and went to change. Since that conversation, his work attire has fully transitioned to said maid outfit. Maybe he becomes a bit too proud of himself whenever he catches you staring at him. And maybe, just maybe he wants to give you a nice view by bending down and taking his time “to clean the table” whenever he knows you are behind him. He will never admit that though.
Yandere!Maid who, one day, demands asks you about your eating habits. As soon as you answer, something regarding animal blood, he turns oddly quiet. You are about to ask what is wrong, but then he surprises you by climbing into your lap. You watch him get comfortable and, with trembling hands, undo the first buttons of his dress. The cherry on top is him pulling on its collar a bit to show a silver of his chest. He now avoids eye contact as he waits for you to take the lead…You are still just looking at him, so, with a blush becoming darker, he snaps at you: “A-are you stupid or something ? Do you want me to spell it out-” “I am just enjoying the view”, you respond with a teasing smile. Before he can sputter more insults, you grip his chin and tilt his head to the side, exposing his neck to your hungry gaze. “But if you insist…Thank you for the meal <3”
Yandere!Maid who has his face buried deep in his pillow while he tries to calm his flustered self down. After you finished drinking from him, he hurriedly got up and scurried to his room without so much as a word. The more he recalls the embarrassing noises he made in front of you, the more mortified he becomes. It was not his fault, it just felt really good and you even pulled him closer and tugged on his hair and-He whines and squirms in his bed as he feels his body turning hot again like that time. The action causes him to feel a sharp sting on his neck. He freezes. That is right. You marked him. You marked him. You marked him.
...
Don't drink from anyone else, ok?
#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere male#male yandere#fem reader#yandere oc#soft yandere#yandere#dom reader#sub yandere#sub!character#sub character#masochist yandere#yandere oc x y/n#yandere oc x you#yandere oc x reader#oc x reader#yandere insert#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere original character#oc#yandere blog#yandere boy#suggestive#yuugoingdark#yuuwriting
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stupid appendix | oscar piastri
pairing: oscar piastri x reader
summary; oscar piastri biggest fan (his girlfriend) goes crazy when he wins his first grand prix, and she isn’t there to see it.
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 761,305 others!
yourusername: it’s race week again, except i’m praying oscar doesn’t win because i’m getting my appendix taken out and if he wins, and im not there, i will go fucking ballistic. 
view comments below!
oscarpiastri: wow, thanks for all the support! 🥰
yourusername: i love you with my whole heart octopus, but if you win and im not there? i will never forgive you.
oscarpiastri: and what am i supposed to do if i start leading?
yourusername: stop, and let everyone pass you!
oscarpiastri: so i won’t be doing that! lovely conversation 👊
yourusername: YOU NEVER LOVED ME
user1: why’d she just call oscar octopus?
yourusername; that’s his name?
user1: no..his name is oscar?
yourusername; he was born octopus jack piastri, but got bullied a lot, so he changed his name to oscar when he was 16 😓
user1: really?
yourusername: yeah, and i would know!
user1: ig…LOL who names their kid octopus?
yourusername: RIGHT??
oscarpiastri: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I CHANGED MY NAME. MY NAME WAS NOT OCTOPUS.
user1: oh…well now i’m embarrassed
user2: don’t be, she’s done this to at least 30 fans now
maxverstappen1: don’t worry, i’ll make sure he doesn’t win 😏
yourusername: thank you max! you’re my only REAL friend <3
landonorris: excuse me?
yourusername; tell me lando, would you throw oscar into the grandstands to prevent him from winning this race?
landonorris: no?
yourusername: FAKE
landonorris: okay, you know what, it’s not MY fault that you decided to take your appendix out THAT DAY.
yourusername: I DIDNT DECIDE IT. IT WAS FORCED UPON ME.
landonorris: RESCHEDULE THE SURGERY FOR THE NEXT DAY! 
yourusername: wait.
oscarpiastri: NO. you will be having that surgery on sunday. and you will not being rescheduling.
yourusername: I HATE YOU OCTOPUS
oscarpiastri: you can hate me all you want, you’re still getting that surgery.
user3: on one hand i want oscar to win, on the other i dont think yn will recover if she isn’t there to witness it
charles_leclerc: i would try to stop him from winning but i don’t think i have a fast enough car for that
yourusername: it’s okay charles! i’m sure ferrari will bounce back in no time :)
charles_lelcerc: really?
yourusername; no…
charles_leclerc: nice talk! :(
user4: when you want to comfort your friend but you can’t lie for shit
user5: normally i pray that oscar will win a race, but today, ill do the opposite, just for you yn 💕
yourusername: thank you!!
user6: she is dead serious. she honestly doesn’t want oscar to win.
yourusername: i’ve never been so serious in my LIFE.
user7: no i get it, imagine going to every single on of your bfs races and the ONE time you don’t go he wins???
user8: i’d start to believe i’m back luck
carlossainz55: imagine having to get your appendix out 🤣🫵
yourusername: right? that’s so embarrassing 🤣
user9: you two are the LAST people too be talking
user10: oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️ oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary 🕯️
user11: AMEN
user12: LOUDER
user13: preach!
oscarpiastri: @/yourusername, you see what you’ve done?
yourusername: beautiful work guys! oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️
oscarpiastri: 😐
— race day!
— post race interview!
. . .
liked by mclaren, lewishamilton, landonorris, and 719,014 others!
oscarpiastri: first grand prix win. incredible 🧡
view comments below!
carlossainz55: congrats oscar 👍
estebanocon: great job mate, first of many 👏
user14: oh i’m crying
user15: omg i am too, the tears just won’t stop
user16: first it was him winning, then it was him apologizing for winning, and now it’s yn not being there for him 💔
landonorris: congrats bro!
user17: OH OSCAR PIASTRI, OH OSCAR PIASTRI, OH OSCAR PIASTRI
user18: waiting for yn to wake up and raise hell
user19: she’s going to wake up from anesthesia and this is going to be the first thing she sees 
yourusername: what was the one thing i asked you not to do?
oscarpiastri: baby you just woke up, stop making your mom write for you, and rest
yourusername: ONE THING OSCAR. I ASKED FOR ONE THING.
oscarpiastri: stop making your mom write for you, she probably feels very uncomfortable right now
yourusername: i do - the mom
yorusername: STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT OSCAR JACK PIASTRI. YOU ARE SOOO NOT INVITES TO MY OSCAR FIRST WIN PARTY
user20: i know that anesthesia is hitting real hard 
user21: i want to go to oscar’s first win party
yourusername: @/maxverstappen1 AND YOU. I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HIM WIN
maxverstappen1: i’m sorry yn. i have failed you.
yourusername: …its okay max, you’ll get him next time
maxverstappen1: thank you yn ❤️
oscarpiastri: WHOS SIDE ARE YOU ON??
yourusername: NOT YOURS.
yourusername: stupid appendix.
carlossainz55: me and my homies all hate our appendix’s
user22: you don’t have one?
carlossainz55: 😐
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, 691,047 others!
yourusername: absolutely gutted to have not been there for his first win, nonetheless OCTOPUS JACK PIASTRI IS A FUCKING RACE WINNER
view comments below!
oscarpiastri: you will see me win in person love, i know it 🧡
yourusername: i love you octopus
oscarpiastri: i love you more
user22: he’s not fighting the octopus?? softie
user23: maybe she’s dying and wants her too be happy in her last moments… OMG YN ARE YOU DYING???
yourusername: NO??? i’m perfectly fine, the surgery went perfect!
user23: oh, then yeah he’s a softie
user24: worst maiden win ever
user25: SPEAK ON IT
user26: it would’ve been so much better if yn was there :(
charles_leclerc: glad your surgery went well yn!!
yourusername: thank you charles 👊 congrats on p4, your getting up there!!
charles_leclerc; thankfully! i could not handle any other bad week in the car 😞
user27: none of us could charles. none of us could.
maxverstappen1: can i congratulate oscar now?
yourusername: i guess 😒
maxverstappen1: YAY OSCAR 🥳🥳
user28: why is he acting like he wasn’t one of the first to congratulate him in person?
maxverstappen1: SHHHH YN DOESNT KNOW THAT
user29: “her health comes first.” oscar jack piastri you SOFTIE
user28: i desperately need a video of yn waking up from surgery and finding out oscar won.
oscarpiastri: i have one, there was lots of cussing, snot, and tears
yourusername; SHUT UP OCTOPUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT
user29: SHE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ALL HIS BIG WINS, AND THE ONE TIME—THE ONE TIME HE WINS IN FORUMLA FUCKING ONE. SHE ISNT THERE. GOD I CANT TAKE TJIS
yourusername: see, you get it 😞
. . .
notes; my post on oscar’s win!!! super super super proud of him <33
#oscar piastri social media au#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 social media au#f1#oscar piastri x reader
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could use a push |carmen berzatto x reader|
prompt: sometimes carmen needs persuasion to finish his tasks. sometimes you have to persuade him.
part of the carmen x social media manager au. the two other works follow me and fall into me can be found here <3
contains: smut. slight voyeurism-ish?? oral male receiving. super sweet and smutty. social media manager!reader. carmen hates doing tasks lol.
“Carmen,” Sydney turned, carrying a large tray of vegetables that needed to be prepped, expertly dodging the other chefs working on the line. Carmen gave a huff of a grunt, not bothering to look up from his own prep, too in the zone.
“Chef,” Sydney huffed, firmer this time, catching his attention when the tray smacked on the counter next to him. “Someone’s in the office for you.”
“Me?” Carmen blinked, brows pulling in a deep frown. “No, not f’me-”
“-Yes, for you, Chef-”
“-No, that’s Richie’s job. Cousin,” Carmen leaned back, shouting towards the swinging doors.
“Carmen, will you- there’s someone in the office for you. Ok? They’re here for you, not Richie.” Sydney muttered, shaking her head in annoyance.
Carmen paused, looking at Sydney. “What’re you doin’?” He asked.
“What?”
“No, what’re you doin’?” Carmen repeated, eyes narrowed at her skeptically. “No-No one should be in my office. I’m not doin’ the interviews for bussers, that’s Richie, so who’s in the office? Hm? What’s goin’ on?”
“Nothing’s goin’ on, jeez.” Sydney rolled her eyes. “There is someone in the office for you.”
“Yeah? Is it-it’s Fak? Is he fuckin’ with me? Gonna walk in there and what? Gonna spray some shit on me like we’re fuckin’ fourteen-”
“-What? No.” Sydney frowned. “I don’t- Look, I was told not to tell you who’s in there because it’s a surprise, ok? It’s not bad. Just- Can you go in there? I don’t know why they asked me to do this, but I’m clearly not good at the whole surprise thing, so just do me a favor and go see for yourself.”
Carmen huffed, wiping his hands on the clean towel next to him, craning to see his office from his spot. He looked at Sydney with a deadpan expression. “If I get sprayed with some shit, Chef.”
Sydney rolled her eyes in annoyance, turning to pass the prep to the chef beside her. Carmen looked carefully to see if anyone around him was lurking, hiding in the shadows to watch him get ambushed so they could have a laugh. He felt like he was twelve again, Richie and Mikey always fucking with him so he’d get red faced and embarrassed just so they could laugh at him.
Twisting the knob to the office, Carmen let the door fall open before he stepped towards it. Thankfully, there were no signs of shit falling from the ceiling, nobody hiding in the shadows. Instead, sitting in his office chair was a much more pleasant surprise- you.
“Hey,” Carmen’s face lit up, lips curling in a greeting. “What- I didn’t know you were comin’ today.”
“I decided to surprise you.” You smiled back. “Ambush you, really.”
“Ambush?” Carmen snorted lightly, shutting the door behind him. “What’re you ambushin’ me for?”
You stood, letting your arms wrap around his waist in greeting, lips brushing his before he took your mouth in his fully, kissing you sweetly just like he had this morning. “Mm,” You sighed, pulling back quicker than Carmen would have liked.
“I came to ambush you for content.” You batted your eyes sweetly at him, feeling his shoulders fall under your touch. “Because you were supposed to let me shoot the new menu items this week and you still haven’t.”
“Baby,” Carmen huffed, pulling a hand away from the small of your back to rub over his forehead. “I-I don’t- Why do I have to be in them?”
“Because people want to see you, Carm.” You glared at him lightly. “They see Marcus and Tina and Sydney all the time, and they want to see you too. You’re the head chef.”
“Yeah, but-but why? It’s so fuckin’ stupid.” Carmen grumbled, huffy already, the start of a bickering fight you’d had a million times before. To say Carmen was camera shy was an understatement.
“Why is it stupid?” You put your hands on your hips. “People want to feel connected. They want an inside look. They want to feel like they know you and they’re a part of something. That’s what gets people to come.” It was the same argument, every time. Carmen knew it, he understood it, he just… Well, he didn’t like it.
“I’ll prompt you on everything to say,” You grabbed at him, trying to coo at him, coax him into finally letting him do your job. It was easier before the two of you were dating, before he was comfortable, when he’d suck it up in the name of professionalism.
“All you have to do is cook me a dish, and answer my questions, and that’s it! It’ll be done in no time, and you can pick whichever one you want from the summer menu.” You ran a hand soothingly down his arm, over his toned bicep, trying not to drool at the definition.
You could feel Carmen swaying already, turning into your touch, teetering on relenting. “Does it have to be a video?” Carmen grumbled, looking at you with pleading eyes. “‘M already behind and I-I need to do some prep, and-”
“-Don’t lie to me.” You frown at him. “I asked Sydney before and she said you were all caught up for the day. Ahead, actually.” You lifted a brow in challenge.
Carmen huffed, turning to look over his shoulder, cursing Sydney in his head. “I know your games, Berzatto.” You poked his tummy lightly, trying to lighten his mood with playfulness. The last thing you needed was him to be so sulky during the filming, ruining the content. ��Know all your tricks, so don’t even try them.”
Carmen let out a half huff, lips pursing in a tight line in defeat. He was so pouty, petulant, really, but you decided against teasing him about it.
“One video?” Your hand slid up his chest, cupping his cheek gently, pulling his eyes back to yours, heart fluttering when his gaze was on you. “One video and… and I’ll make it up to you.”
Carmen’s heart stuttered, leaping with excitement he tried to swallow down. “Yeah? Make it up to me how?” He muttered, voice dropping low to a near gravel.
Your lips twitched, pulling at the corners of your mouth in a wicked, triumphant smile. “If you do the video for me today,” You purred, slowly pulling away, slinking towards the door. “I’ll owe you something later. Whatever you want.” Your lashes batted in suggestive playfulness.
Carmen’s palms itched with excitement, swallowing around the growing lump in his throat. “Yeah?” He tried to keep his voice steady, keep it from cracking to show his eagerness. “W-What’d you have in mind?”
You shrugged sweetly, clicking the lock on the door. “Oh, that’ll be up to you, Chef.” You grinned, Carmen’s posture going rigid with thrill.
“But if you promise after this you’ll do my video,” You stepped towards him, toe to toe with each other, though neither touched the other. “I’ll give you a little taste of what I had in mind for later.”
Carmen swallowed, nodding furiously. He’d blame the blood rushing from his brain to his cock as the reason he agreed so easily, the reason he was persuaded without much fight. You lifted your brows in an amused question.
“Yeah? You’ll do it for me?” You tilted your head to the side gently.
Carmen nodded, a flush creeping up his neck. “Yes, fuck, yeah. I-I’ll do it.”
You grinned, sliding your hands down his arms, towards his torso. “Thank you, baby.” You hummed sweetly. “You want me to give you a little sneak peek of what I had in mind for tonight? A little thank you for now?”
Carmen bobbed his head furiously, swallowing a shudder when your hands slid over his lower belly, slowly towards his waistband. “You want me to give you a little taste then?” You whispered, a purr in your tone that had Carmen throbbing, aching behind the zipper of his jeans.
“Please,” Carmen croaked, jaw tight trying desperately to stay quiet.
You grinned triumphantly, hand sliding and cupping over his bulge, palming him through his jeans. “Alright, since you asked so nicely.” You batted your lashes at him, holding his gaze as you sank to your knees in front of him. “I’ll give you a taste.”
Carmen’s head tipped back in pleasure, swallowing a breathy moan that threatened to escape, eyes darting around the small space of his office. The door was locked, the blinds shut, but still he had a nagging fear that Richie or Sweeps or someone would bust through the door, catching the two of you in the act. His veins pricked with tingling excitement at the thought, heartbeat thudding in his ears when he looked down at you through his lashes, watching you pull him from his boxers, pumping his length.
“Mm,” You moaned quietly, soft lips pressing even softer, feather-like kisses up his shaft.
“Do-Don’t tease me, baby.” Carmen whispered, voice tight in a groan. You looked up at him innocently, eyes rounded sweetly. “Please.” Carmen added.
“I won’t.” Your breath ghosted over his cock, leaving him shivering at the sensation. The pad of your thumb swiping over his already leaking head, spreading his release around. “I’ll make it quick. Just relax, Carm. I’ve got you.”
Carmen slid a hand over his mouth, muffling a moan when you licked a stripe up the underside of his cock, tongue swirling around the head. His teeth sank into his knuckles, head tipping back towards the ceiling at the sensation.
“Oh, fuck, fuck, fu-uck.” Carmen muttered, your free hand pumping his length, slowly taking his tip past your warm lips. Your eyes stayed on him the entire time, rounded and eager to please, eager to watch him be pleased.
Carmen’s free hand moved to the top of your head, cradling it gently as you sucked him off, cupping his balls and massaging them. You’d always been so good at this. He’d told you that from the beginning, heart nearly exploding when you’d smiled sheepishly and asked him, “really?” in the sweetest voice he’d ever heard.
From then on, Carmen had never failed to sing your praises- in anything you did, but especially when you gave him head. Now, he fought back the urge to groan loudly, to look down at you and say filthy, sweet things that would have you squirming, thighs rubbing together. Anywhere else but here, he would have, but he couldn’t risk the others hearing.
Instead, he moved his hand to cup your cheek, hollowed and full with his length, thumb brushing over your cheek bone sweetly. “You’re makin’ me feel so fuckin’ good, baby. S-So fuckin’ good.” Carmen rasped, clenching his hips to keep them from bucking when you moaned around his lengths, sending shockwaves of pleasure straight to his core. He was close, you both knew it.
You pressed the pad of your thumb gently down the seam of his balls, hitting a sweet spot Carmen didn’t even know existed until he met you, a breathy whine of a moan catching in his throat.
“‘M close, baby. “M- Like really fuckin’ close.” Carmen whispered, brain beginning to fog, ears starting to buzz with a dull ringing that always came with his orgasms.
You picked up speed, head bobbing at a fast rate, up and down his length, swallowing him further and further, gagging when you took him a little too far. You always looked at him with embarrassment, a little sheepish when you’d do that, like he didn’t beg for you to do it again, like he didn’t bust every time you did.
“Shit, shit, shit, ‘M-” Carmen’s mouth fell open dumbly, eyes blowing and glazing with ecstasy, a strangled gasp and moan filling the room as he came, spilling his load down your throat. You kept pumping him through it, milking his length onto your tongue, hot release onto your taste buds while his body shook with pleasure.
Carmen’s shoulders heaved, rounding with exhausted pleasure as he slowly came down off his high. You waited until he looked back at you, eyes meeting yours to swallow. Carmen nearly fainted right then and there at the sight.
Thirty minutes later, you were set up with your camera, the two of you giggly and sweet in your own corner of the kitchen, while Carmen eagerly filmed your video. Even feeding you a bite when he was finished with the dish, beaming at your praise.
#thebearer#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto x reader#the bear#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto social media au#carmen berzatto x social media manager!reader#carmen 'carmy' berzatto#carmy smut#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto fluff#carmen berzatto x reader smut#carmen berzatto smut#carmen berzatto x fem!reader#carmen berzatto x female!reader#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto imagine#carmy the bear#the bear hulu#the bear fx#carmen berzatto fic#the bear fic#au carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto blurb#carmy x reader#carmy berzatto smut#the bear s3#the bear season 3
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