#and tht was before i ever graduated

[ji-lixie]

hhh

[expectopatronum18]

It's so important to me that the marauders, lily, Snape, regulus, Barty Crouch Jr and everyone from that era who joined the war are dead. It really shows the impact of the war; that entire generation was destroyed in one way or another. Harry at least had adults to support and guide him (aka ppl from the first war gen), to tell him what the war was going to be lyk and at least inform him on what to expect to some degree. The first gen had no one like this tho, everything was happening for the first time, no one even knew about something as basic as the existence of the dark marks on the DEs! They were outnumbered 20:1 and had no proper idea of what they were doing. PPL were dropping around them like flies, no one could trust each other, there was panic and fear all around, and ur loved ones could be controlled and could hurt u if they were under the imperius curse by the DEs. And all of this after they'd just graduated from high school. It's worth noting that even voldemort's indoctrination campaign was seen for the first time ever, it capitalised on pre-existing hatred and divisions in the wizarding society, thus ideologically appealing to a huge section of the society, and created a fascist movement out of it. Naturally, it's a lot for impressionable youngsters without a proper support system or any guidance to understand (tho it obvs doesn't excuse their actions, tht goes without saying). The kids who were just out of school had to be the adults there because there was no one else they could rely on; that whole generation joined to fight in the war at 17. James and lily died trying to protect their baby boy, Sirius was wrongfully convicted and chucked into azkaban, Remus lost all his friends and was all alone in the world, and Snape, despite being a literal DE at first, became a double agent....all of them were 21. Regulus died at 18 or 19 trying to bring voldemort down by discovering his horcrux. Ofc Harry was a child who was thrust into the war too, but like I said, he had adults (no matter how flawed) all the way along to love him and guide him in the right direction, so unlike the characters mentioned above (even James's and Lily's parents died before they were 21). The first generation had to face not just one but 2 wars in their lifetimes, in both of which they were principal actors. Ultimately it's important that none of them made it out alive (if u ignore characters like avery or muliciber who are mentioned only a couple of times). The war was already going on (not on a large scale yet) when they were in school, they practically grew up with it and died because of it. Unlike with Harry's generation, the war completely wiped them all out. Imo Rowling really toned it down in Harry's generation coz the books were written for children, but she pulled no punches with the first war generation, which is probably what makes their story so much more interesting to the majority of us.

[funfactory-moved]

entertaining different ideas of what i could be doing with myself but also realizing i am too stupid to do any of them <3

[honeykaes]

𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐨 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐦 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐕

𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐀𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨

About Albedo: I do this as a part-time job. I’m actually in medical school right now so I don’t foresee this job as a long-term thing as I’m getting ready to graduate. I’ve enjoyed my time here though. It’s given me a chance to learn and observe people’s behaviors.

About Albedo II: You saw someone that looks like me? …Hm. Interesting. My face? Don’t worry about it, sorry I was just deep in thought for a moment.

About Albedo III: If you’re ever confused on who you’re speaking to, I usually wear this necklace around my neck. Why am I telling you this? No reason. Just something to keep in mind heh…

About Kaeya: Ah, right. Kaeya and I have been friends for a while now. He actually tried to recruit me to his strip club but I don’t think that scene suits me. Honestly…I don’t think it suits him either. He’s just…compensating for a lot. I won’t go into details since it’s not my place though.

About Kazuha: He actually was an exchange student at my dorm in my undergraduate school. Quiet fellow. I actually used to illustrate the prose and poetry he would write. I always thought his craft was there and not cooking, so I was surprised when I turned on the TV one day for my step-sibling and saw him preparing a meal.

About (Y/n): Kind fellow. I truly hope that they don’t get too overwhelmed with everyone. In the times they do, they usually come to me. It’s nice to be trusted like that.

𝐏𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐁𝐨𝐲! 𝐆𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐮

About Gorou: It’s finally summertime and my time to shine! I actually enjoy the pool duties at Golden Celeste. A lot of people like to have fun..but it can be a struggle when people are drunk and won’t listen to me. In those cases, I’m the one blowing on the whistle and calling Heizou or Itto if they get too rowdy.

About Gorou II: My shiba? Isn’t he the sweetest! This is Yaki. You can pet him! I don’t mind at all. We’re actually going on a walk now to meet up with (Y/n), if you’d like to join!

About Ei: …A troublesome woman. When I saw she was here, my dog even started to growl. My boss back home, Kokomi got screwed over by Ei’s company before. Needless to say, I’m not a fan at all.

About Yae Miko: Also troublesome! She always teases me! Whenever I go, I feel like she just follows me! It’s so annoying…especially in front of (Y/n), no less…

About (Y/n): I got introduced to them the other day and they’re a blast to be around! I actually rented out the pool for tonight for us to hang out at! N-No! Nothing unsavory like tht w-will happen! I’m a gentleman after all, hmph.

About Kazuha: My best friend! He’s part of the reason I come over here so often. He’s the one who actually introduced me to (Y/n). I have a feeling he likes them though…Ugh, I really hope this doesn’t strain our relationship in any way.

About Venti: God! He annoys me to no end! He’s always doing his summer dj events or whatever and gets the crowd too rowdy in the pool! It’s always my mess to clean up! It’s soo not cool and he doesn’t even care!

𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐫! 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐳𝐨𝐮

About Heizou: Yep, I’m one of the local detectives in town. I’m originally from the countryside in Japan though. Wanted something different and found my way here for some reason.

About Heizou II: I usually patrol this area so I see a lot of the people coming in and out. It’s quite interesting to see all the different characters that work at the Golden Celeste…Is it really the company and Zhongli that keep it together or is there someone else that drives so many business folks to stay? Ugh..I’m starting to get a headache.

About Ei: Ahhh…a strict one that is. Everyone from Japan knows her and her family. An interesting family to say the least. Sisters dead. A bastard son. I’m shocked the media doesn’t talk more about it but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were payed off. That’s how powerful they are.

About Ayato: Why is he here? I sorta feel bad for his sister still running the company back home. I wonder what she thinks of this. Is she supportive of him trying to seduce some random person? Interesting stuff, right?

About Itto: Itto… That dolf. He’s strong, I’ll give him that but I need him to use his noggin a bit more. We work together a lot because the idiots he kicks out are usually the idiots I have to arrest by the end of the night.

About Fatuus: They’re the shady company that Zhongli has been working with to build Golden Celeste. I think more of their members are planning to come down to the city more. I wonder how wonderboy Diluc is gonna feel about that.

About (Y/n): I actually haven’t had much interaction with them, but with all the rumors around, I need to meet this person as soon as possible. A grin? What can I say, I’m excited to learn more.

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

yes hi i did bring ducky back. i promised. please love him jst the same im sry he had 2 go fr a while. 

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts.

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.

[concertcs]

hey guys 🥰💌✨🥺💘🌈 it’s me again !! ur old pal hannah !  n this is my angel child tito <3 welcome to loving tito hours <3 

okay so before i jump into this, as a disclaimer i just finished finals week for a 17 credit semester so my brain is just like. tv static and evermore on loop. so if ur looking for an actually well-written, cohesive bio n stats n other fun stuff u can find that in my app which i did in fact write Prior to finals week !  okay on with the show !

okay so tito is the second child born to luis n angela rosario n the younger sibling of sebastián n tbh i know im biased but i love the rosarios sm 🥺 luis was an aspiring musician n angela worked 3 jobs to support them n they had a rly happy life together for a little while :/

tito first got into music when they were in first grade n their music teacher señora coco stayed after school to teach him how to play the piano n they loved it !!  luis was Thrilled bc he swore from the day tito was born tht they were destined to be a musician with him n thus began the dream of the two of them would be a successful father-son duo one day <3

spoiler alert: it did not happen 💔

(death tw) luis was killed in a drive by shooting when tito was 15 😔 n it was rly hard on them 😔 they stopped playing music altogether n definitely went through this moment where they likely pushed away Everyone bc so much of their grief manifested as anger 😔 (end tw)

it didn’t last forever !  but !  the minute that he started to kind of regain his footing, angel was like hey we’re leaving the city !! let’s go !! n tito was like no 💖 bc they wanted to stay in la and salvage what they could of their dad’s dream... so they did

they also went to community college !!  which was when he started to rly start to feel like himself again 🥺 but once they graduated they started working at this radio station to get their foot in the door n it backfired bc they’ve been stuck there for 3 years now... so sorry to them

the day that tito found the killer conclusions cd was actually their 3 yr anniversary exactly which was exactly as depressing as u think it is :/  so to cheer himself up they went to the thrift store for a blind date with a cd which was this tradition that his dad created for them when tito was little (ngl it makes me emotional i wrote a longer thing abt it in my app) n basically told tito that if you picked the most nondescript cd you can find then you’re not being biased n youre just letting the music find you 

and ofc !  as we all know tito’s fate is to get haunted by our fave ghost band !  and here we are !

so that’s the sparknotes version of his bio sdfkdjs here are the hcs i wrote in my app bc i think they say a lot abt him <3

so tito grew up listening to a lot of his father’s favorite latine artists, n luis’s favorite is .. ofc… ricky martin bc he’s from puerto rico and livin la vida loca is a bop !  but tito’s own personal favorite artist is selena. the first Real Song that they ever learned (as in not hot cross buns or twinkle, twinkle little star) to play on the piano was dreaming of you, which is one of his two favorite selena songs to this day. it’s tied with amor prohibido <3

tito loves to dance n they are absolutely shameless about it. they grew up watching their parents samba in the kitchen n he was immediately like Okay Me Too. are they a particularly great dancer? no ❤️ but that does not deter them n what they lack in technical skill they make up for in enthusiasm

very, very, very much a Disaster Gay with the emphasis on disaster. like he Does Not know how to talk to boys at all n gets very flustered n nervous when he does . especially bc i think this is a pretty recent development for them. as in like .. within the last 5 years n it probably took him a long ass time to work their way through bc like. they were a little busy trying to figure out their relationship with gender

which! speaking of! they always knew that they didn’t 100% connect with being a Boy, like… the same way that he could say that he liked green beans sometimes, or they only wanted pepperoni on their pizza sometimes, he only felt like a boy sometimes. it wasn’t that they felt like a girl the rest of the time, though. they just didn’t have the words to describe what they felt like the rest of the time — not until they took their first gender studies class at community college. finding out that there was a community of people who were like him was a huge weight off of their shoulder n also kind of marked the point where they could start figuring out their sexuality

i think tito has a very Cozy home but like .. they just embody a lot of coziness to me in general. he definitely has a lot of plants, n 100% of their furniture n decor are thrifted but he’s a cancer so we know tht means their home n making sure they’re comfy there is very important

tito is very very Very fiercely protective of his people n you have to definitely prove yourself in order for them to let you anywhere near his people. like when the ghosts first showed up they absolutely had to earn their trust before they would let anyone go near like.. allegro mainly. perhaps nocturne also had to win his trust before tito was like Okay with them being around the ghosts bc ksdjfds he’s a cancer at heart n has an unbearable amount of love to give

king of emojis tbh djfksdj i genuinely don’t think he knows how to send a text without an emoji unless they’re like.. actually rly upset.. but Usually big on emojis. every time that he gets the chance to say “no ❤️'' their soul leaves their body a little bit in excitement

tito’s favorite season is winter and every single year when it rolls around they’re devastated that it’s too warm in california for it to snow 😔 he’s never seen snow in his life but he loves it n is very determined to see it one day 

he’s a Can’t Drive gay 😔 but they grew up in the city so what do we rly expect from him? if we’re being honest with ourselves? nothing! instead they skateboard wherever they can n take the subway wherever they can’t <3 n is very jealous that ghosts don’t need subway cards

when they do happen to go on drives However they are the world’s greatest passenger seat dj .. n Yes it is a very elaborate radio show setup complete with regularly pausing for radio host talk show segments, calling in requests, and made-up giveaway games

they play the piano n the guitar n that’s all right now but i think he would Love to learn a new instrument they just never had the resources or the time 

speaking of music… it is definitely kind of on hold right now as far as actually performing But i think they definitely try to do little open mic night things when they can… perhaps he tried to push for the bar he works at to have an open mic night? idk <3 but even when playing music in public isn’t an option they’re always writing songs (or trying to) at home, usually in the late hours of the night after an evening shift at the bar 

i think tht he definitely still Does speak spanish but like. not as much with other people anymore after their dad passed away. partially bc luis was the primary person who spoke spanish w tito.. angela only spoke english.. so like once he was gone they didn’t really have a reason to speak it.. but Also even when he Does have a chance to i think it feels a little too much like it’s reopening the wound in a way tht tito just tries to Avoid

fictional characters tht inspired tito? julie molina kdsjfdsk <3 also miguel from coco n Honestly both julian And yadriel from cemetery boys

okay im so sorry for all the words <3 if ur still reading this thank u pls message me on discord let’s plot <3

[teddylawrence]

giggles impishly as i whip this up........... a lot of u already kno teddy bt some dont n i am so excited fr the new members does a song n a dance fr them (its an irish jog niall horan style) n fr those tht do kno teddy a few updates r under the read more! Pleathe give this a like if u wanna plot :-)

「harry styles & cis male」⇾ lawrence , teddy, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is an aquarius and 24 years old. he is studying dramatic arts, living in moris and can be charming, optimistic, reckless & melodramatic. when i see him i am reminded of yellow sweaters a size too big, laughter so infectious it carries on for minutes, excited cheering that can be heard throughout the entire party.

pinterest can be found HERE.

TW’S FOR ABUSE, VIOLENCE, CHEATING, ALCOHOLISM, DRUGS, AND ADDICTION BELOW!

stats.

name: theodore ‘teddy’ claude lawrence.

age: twenty-four.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: pansexual.

birthday: february 13, 1996.

star sign: aquarius.

myers-briggs: enfp.

year of study: senior.

major: dramatic arts.

occupation: n/a.

place of birth: syracuse, new york.

religion: agnostic.

background.

annie holland met theodore rydel when she was 15, and by 16 teddy was born, but theodore wasn’t there to see since he left pretty quickly after annie announced the pregnancy /:

ADDICTION/DRUGS TW - he was just a child too basically, and an addict alongside annie, just an all around bad person who was selfish and was more concerned over figuring out how to get more drug money than the fact that his ‘girlfriend’ was pregnant

ABUSE TW - annie took care of teddy until he was around 2 with the help of her parents, but one weekend the neighbours finally called the police when they heard teddy screaming his little head off for 2 days straight - turned out that annie had gone out to score and got too high to head home, so teddy was immediately put into foster care - ADDICTION/DRUGS TW END

for most of his life he was sort of punted around from home to home, shelter to shelter, etc., he found himself in several abusive situations so his childhood? Not Good

he still had a place in his heart for annie though, generally ran away a lot and get kicked out of the homes and shelters he was in bc he was meeting up w his mom - ABUSE TW END

eventually he was placed in the lawrence house when he was 16 and when he first came in, he had a giant chip on his shoulder, just refused to let them take care of him or try to be friends with what would soon become his siblings (there’s a large handful of them)

VIOLENCE/ADDICTION/DRUGS TW - around when he started to warm up to them is another time his mother wanted to meet up - a lot of the time if she did it was just bc she needed money, so when teddy met up with her to say he wasn’t leaving with her and had refused to steal from the lawrence’s for her, her boyfriend attacked him pretty brutally and his mom was too high to do anything about it - VIOLENCE/ADDICTION/DRUGS TW END

after that the lawrence’s insisted on adopting teddy so that he became a permanent fixture in their life and he realized these people were more his family than annie ever was, now he loves and treats them all like they’d been his family his entire life

he’s still quite close w all of them to this day, n his sister maggie (played by neen) even goes to school w him! :-)

details.

truly the most dramatic bitch who has a habit of saying wtvr is on his mind without thinking of consequence cuz he frankly wasn’t raised to have a filter bt he rly does have a heart of gold

head of the drama club at school

has been in like . 2 or 3 commercials before and is tryna work on getting himself out there more bc his dream is to b an actor

more of a Class Clown type than anything else

CHEATING TW - used to have a rep of sleeping around w ppl n everyone was surprised when he settled down w blake (shoutout neen again) bt recently cheated n has kinda . spiralled since LKSHDGKLHSDLGKHD - CHEATING TW END

ADDICTION/DRUGS/ALCOHOLISM TW - struggles w addiction himself quite badly, is a bit of a coke fiend n drinks a worrying amount

spent the summer at home attempting to sober up cuz his parents were starting to get increasingly worried bt he didn’t tell anyone that he got back in contact w annie, at first it’d been to ask how she did it n got clean herself without realizing she’d fallen off the wagon and she was jst a bad influence on teddy if anything

he was supposed to graduate last year bt had to skip exams etc. bc of how bad he’d gotten n now tht he’s back he’s determined to make ppl think he’s ok when he’s obvs . Not - ADDICTION/DRUGS/ALCOHOLISM TW END

connections.

ppl who r in his major?? or r a part of the drama club/school radio he does both :-)

mayhaps a dealer?? wld love someone evil who knows hes struggling to stay sober bt still sells to him anyway/insists he does fr their benefit………. rubs my grubby paws

mayb ppl he was in the system with before…….

exes!! on good or bad terms, he’s not exactly Faithful n also was always attracted to ppl he knew Weren’t Good For Him so something fun cld b done there

friends!!! he’s a social butterfly so needs many friends

enemies/rivals fr wtvr reason

he’s in a needed hiatus from relationships rn all things considered bt maybe crushes? requited or not on whichever side

someone helping him who knows hes struggling quite bad

the Polar Opposite n someone who’s a bad influence on him AND someone he’s a bad influence to?? like someone who wanted to get away from the party scene a bit n he tries to drag them back in to validate him doing wht he shldnt in the first place

[we-are-inevitable]

love and it’s decisive pain

Prompt: "Could you make a modern spin where javid is established but they are hiding it at first. And David’s parents find them and tease them cause they knew already?" (i had to repost this and can’t remember who sent this ask, but thank you!)

Rating: M (for good measure)

Warnings: Mentions of violence and homophobia (to third party, unnamed characters), vague NSFW concepts, coming out anxiety. feel free to message me if i need to put any other trigger warnings, and i will gladly do so!

Word Count: 2,364

Read on AO3! Fic under the cut.

The decision to never come out was something that David had made peace with long ago.

He had been fourteen when he made the vow. Fourteen and vulnerable. Naive. At first, he had wanted to come out. He had known something was different about him, since the first time he heard Sarah talk about a boy she liked, and realized that what she was describing- what she felt for a guy in her class- was the same way that he felt about guys, too. At the time, he had been twelve, just now starting to realize that liking guys was even an option- and apparently, it was the only option that he saw fit for himself.

At age twelve, David realized he liked men. 

At age thirteen, David realized he liked only men. 

At fourteen, David realized he was in love with his best friend who had just moved to the school.

David had thought about the possibility of bringing it up to his parents, but he had never found the right time, never found the right way to say it. He had even considered trying to tell Sarah first, or maybe even Les, but he figured that Les was too young and Sarah just wouldn’t understand that her baby brother was anything other than straight. Nonetheless, David had made… a plan, per se, of just how he was going to do it. He had written it out and everything- he was going to wait until he left for school one day, maybe kiss his Ma on the forehead and give his Dad a goodbye hug. Then, he was going to walk to the door, yell, “Hey, I’m gay!”, and take off like a shot down the flight of stairs in their apartment building.

It was a plan. He never claimed it was good.

But that was before he saw just what could happen if he did. He saw a news report, of a couple being attacked on the subway for daring to be brave enough to hold hands in public. He remembered seeing the pictures on the TV, seeing the bruises and the bloody noses, and that struck enough fear into his heart that he had resigned himself to being alone. He would lurk in the shadows. Give his unconditional love and support to others. He would be the best damn ally he could be, but after seeing the pain, the heartbreak, the fear in the faces of the men on the TV that night, he knew his choice was the right one. He wouldn’t be able to survive if something like that happened to him.

He had successfully made it three years without anyone knowing the biggest secret of his life. Not even his closest friends knew, even though most of them were in the community themselves. It wasn’t as though he didn’t trust them- no, no, he trusted each of them with his life. Crutchie, Race, Albert, and Elmer, along with many others, had already told him that they would take care of him if anything ever happened. It had been joking, but David didn’t doubt their loyalty for a minute.

But then there was Jack. 

Jack, the guy that David had been crushing on for three years.

Jack, the guy who had the most intense stare, most beautiful smile, most effective puppy dog eyes, most lovely laugh and talent and, God, David could listen to him talk, listen to his accent, for hours on end.

It was Jack that had caused his crisis, who had been the guy behind the story, the guy he wanted to come out for. He remembered the night that Jack told him he was bi, a conversation that had happened at four in the morning one summer night when they were both sixteen. Oh, how Davey longed to tell Jack then. How he longed to lean over, gently cup his cheek and kiss the worries and insecurities out of him. 

Instead, he had just reassured Jack that he didn’t care, that he would always be safe with him, and that he was always there if Jack needed to talk.

They had been in a similar situation about a year later. Another late night, safe on Jack’s fire escape, where they had been for hours watching the sunset and idly talking about the people that passed on the streets below. Jack had kitted it out with everything- some christmas lights wrapped around the railings, two thick blankets laid out on the floor and an old-fashioned radio playing some music behind them. In a way, that fire escape felt more like home than any other place on earth.

It was everything that David had ever dreamed of.

They had gotten pretty silent, but it was a comfortable drop in conversation as they both watched the bustling streets of New York. It was Jack who broke it eventually, taking in a deep breath as he looked down. “‘Ey, Dave?” “Yeah, Jackie?” David asked softly, pushing himself up from his back. He stopped about halfway, kicking his long legs out in front of him, braced on his palms. 

“You… You  know how I told ya, that I’m into dudes?” Jack approached the subject carefully. Davey gulped. His mind immediately went somewhere bad- that Jack had a boyfriend, that Jack had found out that he really only liked women, that Jack had been... hurt. “Well, I-... There’s a guy,” Jack started, and Davey could see him tapping a familiar rhythm onto his knee. Jack did that when he was anxious. “And, well- I like ‘im. A lot. But… But I dunno if he’s into guys, and even if he is, I don’t think I’m the kind’a fella he would like--”

“Are you kidding?”

“Huh?”

“Jack,” David said with a sad grin, furrowing a brow. “Any guy would have to be crazy not to like you back. I mean, have you seen yourself? You’re hot,” David said with a soft laugh, gently nudging Jack’s shoulder with a fist. “Plus, you’re talented. You’re crazy good at art, you can sing and play guitar, you’re wicked smart. Unless a guy just wasn’t into smartasses, I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be into you,” David joked softly, but every word was the truth. He didn’t understand why Jack was so insecure, why he was so self deprecating, but he knew it had been something he had struggled with for a long time.

“...For sure?” Jack asked, his voice smaller than David had ever heard it. “Jackie, I wouldn’t lie to ya,” He said with a grin. “Everything I said is true, y’know. You’re an amazing man, any guy would be lucky to--”

David was cut off with hands fisting his shirt and dragging him into a kiss.

Time stopped for a moment.

David could feel his eye’s widening, could feel his heart pounding, mind racing a mile a minute. He must have froze, because suddenly, all too suddenly, Jack was pulling away with a flushed face and a look of terror in his eyes. “Fuck, Dave, I’m so sorry, I didn’t--” He cut himself off with a deep breath, immediately turning away from David to face the New York skyline yet again.

David took in a shuddering breath a few moments later. “...Jack, you idiot,” He muttered, and Jack winced, turning to apologize yet again, until Davey pulled him in for another kiss. This time, he was in control. The kiss was soft, hesitant at first, until the both of them got confident enough to take it to the next level.

David had his arms wrapped around Jack’s waist, the angle a bit awkward, until Jack had fixed it by moving to sit in David’s lap. That was when it hit David that this was real. He was kissing Jack Kelly, and Jack Kelly was kissing back.

After that night, they kept things lowkey. David still wasn’t ready to come out to the guys, which Jack understood wholeheartedly. Their relationship may have been a secret, but it didn’t mean tht they didn’t like it. No, sneaking around was fun. Making out in the school bathroom, going on dates disguised as hangouts, even being there for each other on their eighteenth birthdays was something so much more magical than anyone knew. 

They lived in that bubble of safety until they finally told the guys the night after their high school graduation. They had been together for close to a year that night, and it just felt right. All of them were together, hanging out in the park and discussing the crazy graduation parties that had happened the night before. Something must have lit a fire in David, because Jack made eye contact with him as Race was telling a story, and David kissed him in front of everyone else. They had to fess up- after Race finished his agonizingly long story, of course- but David had never felt happier.

That next week, David was riding the high of finally making it. He had a boyfriend, he was officially moving on to college in the fall, and he was finally, finally safe and accepted.

Until that next Friday came along.

David had thought that they had the apartment to themselves. Jack had even climbed through the window for good measure, but David knew that his parents were going on a weekend getaway in Boston, and Les would be at a friend’s house until Sunday, so he didn’t think to lock the door.

It started out as cuddling and watching some old western movie that Jack had fallen in love with, before cuddling turned to kissing, and kissing turned to David pressing Jack down against the bed as he nipped and sucked dark marks onto the tan skin of Jack’s neck. Jack was a blushing mess, murmuring soft pleas as his hands carded through Davey’s dark hair. “Davey, baby, come on, stop teasin’,” Jack muttered pitifully, eyes shutting, before they suddenly flew wide open at the sound of David’s bedroom door opening. “David, we just came back because your father forgot his wallet, and-- Oh, my good Lord!”

The door was shut just as fast as it had opened, and David was so thankful that they were still clothed, until he realized what had just happened. 

He could feel himself visibly paling as he launched away from Jack, hurrying to stand up. “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck--”

“Babe, babe, calm down, it’s--”

Jack didn’t have time to say another word before David was already out the door and down the hall.

“Ma!” David said quickly, chest heaving as he came to a standstill in the living room. He was red faced in shame, and could already feel the tears welling in his eyes. “Ma, it- it’s not what it looks like!” He rushed out, gulping when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Jack, looking just as scared as he did, as he desperately buttoned his flannel to try to cover the marks. “We-- I didn’t-- I thought- Ma, I’m not--” “David.”

David went silent, staring at the floor with wide eyes, refusing to meet his mother's gaze. He vaguely registered his father coming into the room, who stopped mid sentence when he saw Jack and his son.

David could feel his world crumbling, but then he felt Jack’s hand gently grab his, ever so slightly intertwining their fingers. He glanced over at Jack with wide eyes, who looked at him and gave a gentle nod, taking a deep breath. 

Slowly, David looked back up, gulping. “...Mama, Dad, Jack and I--” “We know, dear.” 

“You-- You know?”

David finally took a good look at them. His father was standing behind his mother, a strong hand on her shoulder, but they didn’t look… angry. Or upset. Instead, they were smiling at him. “David, hunny, we’ve known for years. We… found a note that you had written- something or another, of how you wanted to tell us. At- At first, we were… shocked. We didn’t really know what to do, so we decided to wait it out until you told us yourself, we just didn’t expect it to take four years,” Esther added with a gentle laugh.

“It didn’t shock us to find out you were with Jack, either,” Mayer noted, glancing between the two boys. “Jack, you spend an awful lot of time at our house, more than any of the other boys. As long as you don’t intend on hurting our son, you’re part of this family, too.”

That was David’s breaking point.

He couldn’t hold in the sob that rose up from his chest, and though the Jacobs family had never been the most physically affectionate, David found himself running across the room. He pulled his mother into a tight hug, crying softly into her shoulder, and he took in a deep, shuddering breath as she rubbed his back. He pulled away and wiped his eyes, only to be pulled into another hug by Mayer, which was a shocking moment in itself.

One of them must have gestured to Jack to come closer, too, because when David looked over, Esther had him wrapped into a tight hug. David stepped away, and watched with a fond smile as Jack shook his father's hand.

Things seemed to calm down after that, though David still had watery eyes, but he couldn’t help the immense joy that flooded his chest. He gulped and wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist, who in turn began rubbing his back.

“Like I said,” Mayer spoke firmly, “take good care of our boy. Now, we have a reservation at the hotel to meet by midnight, so we should get going,” He said, looking down at Esther, who nodded. 

They said their last goodbyes, but just as the door closed, it opened again. Esther poked her head in and grinned. “One more thing- use protection!” She said quickly, before the door shut with a final click.

David would have been mortified, if not for the bright laughter that bubbled out from the boy beside him. 

Yeah, this was a happiness he could get used to, he thought as he pulled Jack in for another kiss. 

[excvlsior]

about: *rosa samuels.

basics.

full name: rosalind florence samuels meaning of name: rosalind = ‘pretty rose’, florence = ‘blossoming in faith’ nickname: rosa, rosie by a rare few age: 21 date of birth: august 6, 1999 hometown: rochester, new york nationality: american ethnicity: honestly idk where the samuels r originally from bt they’re definitely whitey’s from europe gender: cis-female sexuality: bisexual spoken languages: english, fairly fluent in french and spanish as well profession: just a student tbh

appearance.

height: 5′9″ eye colour: blue hair colour: strawberry blonde voice: fairly deep and raspy i’d say........ soft spoken but loud at the same time idk hw she does it jst truly projects when she speaks its impressive tattoos: blue heart inside her ring finger, matching with lana and freya piercings: two piercings per lobe, right cartilage clothing style: big shirt big pant combo to the max. lots of baggy sweaters, usually bright, her fav is her rainbow turtleneck, likes baggy pants a lot too mostly corduroys, has a lot of overalls, doesn’t really like dresses or skirts in the slightest

health.

physical ailments: endometriosis neurological conditions: anxiety, ptsd allergies: dust sleeping habits: used to have a pretty regular sleep schedule Before everything that happened w tatiana now she’s a bit more as the kids say, self destructive but tries to get like at least a good 6 hours if she can exercise habits: she doesn’t rly at all unless it’s like when she attempts to roller blade or occasionally rides her bike but i dnt think she’s ever gone out of her way to exercise sociability: pretty fkin introverted n doesn’t rly like/wanna be around most people.......... she’s that friend where after a sleepover the next morning when the ppl hosting r like ok i planned a nice day fr us :D she’ll already b packing her bag like. i cannot. i will see u in a week. drink / smoke / drugs: yes / no / super rarely

personality.

positive traits: ambitious, daring, eloquent, genuine, humble, independent, meticulous, passionate, resourceful, tough, witty negative traits: abrasive, blunt, coarse, erratic, hostile, judgmental, overemotional, paranoid, ruthless goals/desires: she wants to be a prof really badly, really wants to know what happened to tatiana (rip sis), plans on traveling the world once she’s graduated hopefully with her best friends, she’d like to be more open and responsive to ppl one day bt . baby steps. fears: being vulnerable with people who don’t deserve it, the Male Gaze, men in general frankly >_>, living an unsatisfying life hobbies: rollerblading, painting, knitting, baking, singing<3 get it open mic night hosting queen, in the uni’s planet earth club, student government, thts all i can think of rn bye habits: lots of eye rolling (rude ass), purposely starts to stand with proper posture when she’s trying to ‘talk down’ to someone, plays with the tips of her fingers a lot, chews the skin of her bottom lip, also chews on pencils a lot when she’s deep in thought, openly flinches and/or glares when someone touches her that she doesn’t know well/likes

favourites.

weather: when it’s snowy but without wind chill so the air’s crisp and pretty from falling snow but not overly freezing colour: pink and purple music: a lot of alternative/indie stuff, hozier, florence + the machine, the 1975, also into boy bands/girl groups, spice girls, backstreet boys, one direction, a sucker for them all. movies: dramatic romances tbh, the twilight series being a big fav bc she’s a woman of taste food: stir fry<3, trying to become a vegetarian even tho she’s not even close to being one so she eats a lot of stir fry n will b like i love my vegetarian diet<3 then eat a cheeseburger 2 hours later drink: hot chocolate, red wine

relationships.

father: john samuels, he’s a pastor (blegh) but rosa’s a total daddy’s girl (hate that term jst gave myself the ick) n she knows it, grew up super close to her dad n their relationship is only jst starting to become a bit strained now tht she’s being a bit more adventurous and taking advantage of her freedom but they’re still pretty cool mother: i dnt think . james n i ever discussed wht their moms name is bt either way her n rosa r nowhere near as close as she is w her dad.......... her moms jst a bit disappointed shes not the Elegant Lady she expected of rosa n is a bit put off by her tomboyish ways bt their relationships more We Ignore Each Other than actual confrontations siblings: viktor<3 hey king, tatiana (rip queen) pets: i dnt think they hv any........... significant other: n/a family’s financial status: like pretty . middle class i think

extra.

zodiac sign: leo mbti: istp - the virtuoso enneagram: the investigator temperament: choleric hogwarts house: ravenclaw moral alignment: chaotic good primary vice: pride primary virtue: dilligence element: earth

[1kook]

i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before but is church boy jk in school? does he work? what does he do when he’s not busy at church?

to be honest none of this info ever rlly mattered for the plot so all I ever decided was tht he graduated college w some unnamed liberal arts degree

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

[rorysfm]

hllo demons n nerds ! i’m sage, coming 2 u live frm the est gutters! i am... v excited to be here but i am literally the worst at intros so i’m jus gonna diiiiive right into rory below ! 

(ISABELLA JONES, CISFEMALE) - Have you seen AURORA LEBLANC? RORY is in HER SOPHOMORE year. The DANCE AND SOCIOLOGY MAJOR is 19 years old & is a LIBRA. People say SHE is LIVELY, MAGNETIC, IMPULSIVE and UNRELIABLE. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HER PARENTS ARE COVERING UP THAT SHE WAS KICKED OUT OF YALE FOR PLAGIARISM AND NO OTHER IVY WOULD ACCEPT HER, SO THEY BOUGHT HER WAY INTO YATES

ok,  so.. rory is a brand new muse of mine so.. pls bare w me while i sort her out. if u want to skip the mess below & just vibe check her.. here’s her pinterest!

BACKGROUND

born and raised in greenwood, south carolina to oliver and lauren leblanc. her parents were high school sweethearts who were voted most likely to get married and have a dozen kids running around

they stopped at 2 because they jus... their kids were a handful but rory will tell you they stopped after her bc they hit perfection :~) 

her mom’s family teetered between lower-middle class, her mom entering a bunch of pageants to bring in some extra cash for them. 

her dad’s side on the other hand, is where all the connections are baby!!

the leblancs come from a long long line of being wrapped up in the political world. governors, members of the state senate, mayors, advisers... you name it - a leblanc has had that position. 

her dad’s goals were no different than the rest of his family’s ... some would say even bigger bc he wants to do what no other leblanc was able to do, which is... run for president. (yes hello.. rory as the future first daughter?)

growing up her parents were honestly... not the best. like above all else they put oliver’s career above their kids and it wasn’t not being there for an important recital, or a parent-teacher night; it was being there for all the wrong reasons.

 every little thing they did was calculating to make the leblancs look like the perfect family. hugs and words of encouragement loud enough to filter through the room aimed at their darling children only for them to turn cold and criticise every single thing they did wrong as soon as they got into the car. it was pretty clear that oliver and lauren were a team, and their kids were just props. 

when rory was 12, lauren started making monthly appointments at the hair salon to dye rory’s hair blonde... she had a standing appointment every tenth of the month to have her roots touched up

rory’s mom jus rly... pushed rory on her looks and enrolled her in pageants, debutante balls, anything that showed off rory’s looks... lauren pushed her towards it.

rory and her brother declan stayed in their hometown for school until college bc their parents thought it made them look like more of wholesome family so instead of sending them off to boarding schools in london or new york, they opted for private schools in south carolina

both of them were of course pushed into going to well renowned schools, their grandfather had pushed them into going to yates since he, himself had been part of calloway and they were practically legacies and while declan followed thru with it... rory watched the cinderella story one too many times and like hilary duff..... sis went to princeton for political science!!!

only it ended up in flames bc tbh she was like a bull in a china shop, the freedom of not having her parents around to judge every single thing she did? or pushing her into doing things she hated? she od’d on FREEDOM. rory rly just did her own thing, kinda spiralled out of control.. never hard drugs but lots of drinking and partying.

she ended up getting put on probation and was flunking nearly every course. the pressure really got to her (like she knew her parents would get involved if you got kicked out or if she failed all her courses) so she ended up plagiarising an essay ... but gueSS what!! she was caught and her parents got involved anyways.

her parents ended up being able to keep things ... quiet by paying off the teacher that had caught her. the dean also agreed to stay mum about it (after accepting a hefty cheque), so nothing ever went of her record, nothing would ever be documented of this mishap.

but... it’s likely people still talk and while rumors can’t be proven, it still stopped rory from getting into yale, harvard and columbia when she tried

finally with her grandfather’s pull and the promise to build yates a new library with the next 5 years... rory was accepted just as declan had graduated. 

PRESENT

pulled up to yates in her vintage baby blue mercedes benz convertible from the 60′s

she’s brand new to yates, and switched out of political science.

out of all the activities and hobbies that her parents tried to push her into, dance was the only one she actually enjoyed doing and fell in love with 

her parents let her major in it, as long as she did a double major.. so sis took sociology because why not?

spent her summer dancing with the new york ballet company in their production of a midsummer’s night dream. 

honestly.. loved it but also was lowkey bummed out she missed out on a proper summer

right before declan had graduated, rory had come up for a campus tour and ended up partying at yates for a weekend

probably got herself into a bit of trouble, and probably made a nice little impression on a few people!

PERSONALITY

honestly.. chaotic good. she’s always been a little more on the wilder side than declan.. a little more carefree and daring and just always needed to be told to behave

in fact has a tattoo that says BEHAVE  on her forearm, that she got one night back in princeton. 

that said, she’s very good at playing her part in the family

dubbed as the golden girl... bc she is just that kind of girl that has a magnetic pull to her, a smile that could combat the sun and just naturally very charming and genuinely nice?? very good a convincing you without being manipulative about it

does only angel by harry styles play when she walks in the room? possibly.

the kind of girl that you spend weeks thinking about after one (1) conversation

still gets her hair dyed blonde the 10th of every month, bc her mother has convinced her she is just not meant to be a brunette :/ 

honestly.. she’s insecure abt a lot of things because of her mom  :/

has really great posture and etiquette from all those pageant days. also really good at making cranes out of dinner napkins from being bored at functions her parents forced her to go to

would probably throw hands if she caught someone talking badly abt her brother bc she’s protective of him

very much a hopeless romantic, gets heart eyes very easily and likes to chase until it isn’t fun anymore and falls in love with multiple people a day. 

tragically likes country music :/

promised her brother she wld.. try to be good and stay out of trouble but i reckon.... she won’t plagiarize an essay ever again but everything else? the partying? fair game.

CONNECTIONS

tbh i will take anything yall will give me... i am @ ur service serving rory on a silver platter to u

i’m also big on chemistry so we can just see where things go as well since rory is new to yates this could be fun!!

a few people she met while she was visiting last year.. someone she clicked with and they stayed in touch, maybe someone she flirted with but doesn’t remember then (even tho she’ll pretend she does!), someone she hooked up with perhaps? someone she spent all night talking to? 

a brother’s friend she’s met a couple times? 

good influence/bad influence

family friends

family rivals

cousins could be fun

a roommate

a tutor?

tinder matches? hook ups, flirtationship .. anything angsty!!

friends!! pleathe i will take them all.. a girl squad would also be quite fun!

ok.. that’s all tht my lil brain can come up with.. im sorry this is so long and such a mess but hmu if you’d like to plot!! 

[lcofowler]

THE CHARACTER STATISTICS

FULL NAME — leopold kristoff fowler

NICKNAME — leo pretty exclusively methinks........ one of his brother’s used to call him krissy to annoy him n stopped after leo finally punched him over it snickers

D.O.B. — november 12th, 1996

LINK TO THEIR PINTEREST BOARD OR TAG ON YOUR BLOG — board | tag

STAR SIGN / MOON & RISING — scorpio sun, sagittarius moon, virgo ascending

MBTI — estp - the entrepeneur

MORAL ALIGNMENT — chaotic neutral

MARITAL STATUS & SEXUALITY — single & pansexual

LANGUAGES — english & dutch

TALENTS / HOBBIES — guitar, bass, drumming, partying titters, soccer, wastes way too much time making tiktoks

TOP 5 MUSICIANS — creedence clearwater revival, dababy :/, elvis presley, run the jewels, glass animals

FAVOURITE BOOK — has he ever even read a book................. a genuine good question. definitely liked some comics tho, like the walking dead ones probs

FAVOURITE FILM & TV SHOW — hes tht person whose fav movie is like . step brothers or something. like i unironically think leo loves tht movie n im sry abt it. he jst doesnt rly care wht he watches at all bt stupid humour like tht wld probs entertain him enough if he was watching something on his own / was attached to the walking dead cuz of the comics but otherwise doesn’t watch too many tv, probs watches marj’s Soaps w her whenever he has free time

FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME — i dnt kno much abt video games. he was probs more of an outdoors than video game kid bt feel like he’d like games w a story like life is strange or dumb ones tht rnt taken seriously n u can jst play simply on ur laptop like coming out on top or tht old computer game façade

WHAT DID THEY DO THIS PAST SUMMER? — worked A Lot to make up fr the damage he’d done after his last Episode at a local grocery store, jst hung out n partied w friends mostly otherwise

WHERE HAVE THEY TRAVELLED? — florida n new york mostly in the states before connecticut, amsterdam a lot, greece and italy as well

DO THEY TAKE ANY PRESCRIPTIONS? — has been given a fuck ton of mood stabilizers to try n hes only jst recently started Actually taking carbatrol tht hes been prescribed after basically being begged to by his aunt n uncle

DO THEY HAVE ANY DIAGNOSIS’S? — bipolar i, adhd

FICTIONAL CHARACTER THEY ARE MOST LIKE? — stu from scream (minus the murder lawl), jj maybank from outer banks, valerio from elite, ransom from knives out (minus the murder once more this pattern is getting scary)

ARE THEY EMPLOYED? WHERE DO THEY WORK? — yes they work as a florist at his aunt n uncle’s flower store fowler’s flowers! steve was so proud of all his hard work this summer he promoted leo to supervisor! :D

WERE THEY POPULAR IN HIGH SCHOOL? — he was definitely talked about, but he also went to like 5 diff high schools, people jst basically heard rumours n saw the stupid stuff he did n if they stuck around to see it it was merely bc they wanted to see if he had the balls to go through with his next stupid plan instead of with the intent of friendship or anything like that

DO THEY DO DRUGS? — ya he kinda jst does wtvr

DRINK? — too much yes.

SMOKE CIGARETTES? — not as much as he used to

SMOKE WEED? — a bit mostly if someone else offers it up

WHERE WERE THEY BORN? WHERE DID THEY GROW UP? — he was born in tallahassee but grew up between there n manhattan a lot depended on wht parent wasnt sick of him yet titters

DO THEY PLAN TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL? — he doesn’t even kno if he’s gna make it thru his undergrad

WHAT ARE THEIR PLANS POST-GRADUATION? — there are none..... he wldnt b surprised if he jst ended up working at fowler’s flowers fr the rest of his life hes jst so comfortable there n has no idea wht hes gna do.

PARENTS NAMES — renata & archibald (mom n dad), marjorie & steven (aunt n uncle, current guardians)

DO THEY HAVE SIBLINGS? NAMES & AGES? — Yeth theres augustus (28), mikhael (26), vaughn (21), n willhelm (18)

DO THEY HAVE PETS? TYPES & NAMES? — mitzie’s a tortoiseshell cat tht lives at marj n steve’s tht he does love quite dearly bt thts it

ARE THEY RELIGIOUS? WHAT IS THEIR RELIGION IF SO? — lawl no, his dad is 7th day adventist tugs my shirt collar but leo hated it growing up, is pretty spiritual tho thanks to marj n steve

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE THEY SLEPT WITH? — god. a Lot. 100+ frankly idek........ he jst doesnt care.

WHAT VEHICLE DO THEY DRIVE? IF THEY DON’T DRIVE, HOW DO THEY TRAVEL AROUND TOWN? — he doesn’t have his own car but he borrows his aunt n uncle’s if they’re not using it, rides his bike around a lot

DESCRIBE THEIR FASHION — so . insanely all over the place. jst doesn’t care. once wore a pair of his aunts leggings to a fkin funeral bc he didnt have anything clean. wore a crop top he made with the words ‘this is what gay looks like’ to a job interview. a sweater that said ‘big dick is back in town’ to a family reunion after he hadnt seen his immediate family in like . a year. jst a lot of absurd thrift store finds n wtvr he wants. patterns tht dont match. very proud of his neon green dr martens w aliens on the side. anything loud rly.......

DO THEY PREFER TO BE BEHIND THE CAMERA OR IN FRONT OF IT? — either/or

DO THEY BELIEVE ANY OF THE STORIES ABOUT RADCLIFFE? WHICH ONES? — not really, but he pretends he does and relays them all to his aunt to freak her out bc she RLY believes them

DO THEY THINK THE MOTHMAN IS HOT? — yes<3

A QUOTE THAT DESCRIBES THEM — “It is an act of rebellion to remain present, to go against society’s desire for you to numb yourself, to look away. But we must not look away.”

A SONG THAT THEY WOULD RELATE TO — morning in america - jon bellion

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out). 

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse. 

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts. 

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.