ji-lixie

[ji-lixie]

[ji-lixie]

i miss golcha

[ji-lixie]

FOR REAL, just straight up facts

cr:  @rilakkarina

[ji-lixie]

the thing that’s the most wild to me about any demographic of men thinking they are ontologically incapable of misogyny is that not even women are ontologically incapable of misogyny. you can be extremely marginalized and still be able to leverage misogyny to your advantage if there is even one woman or girl who ranks lower than you do in the gender hierarchy.

you would think everyone would learn this having been a child and seeing how the most marginalized girl you knew was treated at school. kids with almost no legal power at all can get away with assaulting a disabled girl, a black girl, a poor girl, a gay or bi girl, a trans girl, a girl from a family with a targeted faith practice in her country, an immigrant girl, a nonverbal girl. the social ladder people climb is girls who are collectively selected as Okay To Abuse.

[ji-lixie]

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless

[ji-lixie]

idk anything about f1 but 5'3" f1 driver man..... i would treat u right-

[ji-lixie]

whats stopping me from impulse dyeing my hair

[ji-lixie]

[ji-lixie]

No nuance the normal option is only one and i want statistics to prove to my parents that something is deeply wrong with them

[ji-lixie]

[ji-lixie]

So, it's not a moral failing to be bad at what I'm about to describe. But collectively, most of Tumblr is bad at identifying polls that function as bait for bigotry and harassment. Polls that, either intentionally or unintentionally, encourage people to spew hatred about a marginalized queer sub-community — because that sub-community is considered, at least by some, an acceptable enough target.

Most of us have probably seen that polyamory poll go around (as of September 2024). Fewer people have probably taken a look at the notes on that poll — and in many ways, that's for the best, because a lot of the notes are fucking vile. I won't link the poll itself, but content warning for threats of domestic violence and suicide in just this sampling. I don't know enough about the poll creator to make assumptions towards their intent, but that poll was functionally bait, acting as encouragement for people to spew vitriol and bigotry.

And none of this is specific to that individual poll! In December 2023, a single person made a series of polls about friends with benefits, and the "question" of whether aromantic heterosexual cisgender men were queer — and those polls led to huge waves of arophobia and sex negativity (inseparable from, let's be honest, some mask-off radfem shit). On top of that, multiple polls about people's feelings towards sex, or experiences with such, have turned into a festival for bashing both asexuals and virgins — insofar as the people doing the bashing use those words as anything but interchangeable insults.

Polyamorous people. Aromantic people, especially aromantic allosexuals. Asexual people, especially those who are virgins or sex-repulsed. That's a clear and obvious trend — they're all people who do relationships differently. People whose relationships and identities are considered "cringe." Who are considered acceptable targets to mock within the queer community. Making fun of "polycule drama," making fun of "queerplatonic," making fun of a-spec microlabels.

So many people who call themselves sex-positive refuse to extend that positivity to polyamorous people and aromantic people. To casual sex, to sex without monogamous romance. They insist that the polyamorous, the aromantic, are in fact the predators, the abusers, the degenerate queers that the conservative pearl-clutching queerphobes were right about. They tack on asexuals to the "abuser" category, too, because allegedly no one could ever be happy in a relationship with an asexual; because allegedly it's manipulative to your partner to refuse sex! Meanwhile, asexuality and sex repulsion are conflated with the completely different concept of sex negativity, twisting the language of sexual liberation to demonize asexuals further...

And yes, polls play a role in all of this! Of course, not every poll about sexual experiences, for one example, is a poll intended to bait or to harm people! But if they blow up, there is a high risk of people feeling emboldened to comment things like: "so many people are okay with casual sex, or multiple sexual partners! this is what's wrong with the world, it's all just toxic hookup culture!" Or if not that, then things like: "look how few people on this virgin loser website have had sex! this is what's responsible for cultural sex negativity! they'd all be better, more progressive queers if they just got laid more!"

And that's not even getting into the obvious, and obviously intentional bait. The "cishet aromantic men" poll, most egregiously. Clout-chasers hide behind the veil of "I'm just curious about people's opinions!" and then, put out a poll catered to the most rancid, exclusionist, verging-on-radfem opinions. At the very least, catered to platforming them seriously, when people inevitably feel emboldened to say that shit they've been thinking.

And "emboldened" really is the key word here. These polls increase the social acceptability of saying cruel shit about polyamorous people, a-spec people, and whoever else becomes the queer community's acceptable target of the year. The groups discussed in this post are by no means the only popular targets for harassment and exclusionism, but they are some of the most egregious examples I've seen personally, and they are tied together by their non-normative approaches to relationships or lack thereof. Moreover, the groups overlap — I am personally aromantic and asexual, not polyamorous — but even then, my struggles with amatonormativity overlap with those of polyamorous people.

And I bring this up because for years, I've witnessed popular Tumblr bloggers attack a-specs and polyamorous people within the same posts. With the same tactics, using cringe culture in addition to demonizing alternative types of relationships. Now, polls are another weapon for harassing us. And, it is... absolutely exhausting.

Of course, there's obviously a sliding scale of how prone polls can be to harassment. I don't think polls just asking about people's sexual experiences need to be totally anathemized and blotted off the face of the earth, for example — but you know, maybe consider searching OP's blog for "asexual" and some other keywords before you reblog one?

Furthermore, maybe just don't reblog polls about "does X count as LGBTQ," even if you're in support, because you're still legitimizing the poll to begin with. Maybe proceed with caution with posts that mention polyamory, even if not in an inflammatory way, unless maybe you know that OP is polyam themselves. Maybe block, obviously don't harass, but just silently and unceremoniously block people that make a lot of clout-chasing polls about controversial queer issues.

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I'm not an expert on catching these red flags myself — the first time I saw the polyamory poll, I ignored it just because it was irrelevant to me as a non-partnering person, not because I clocked it as something that would generate hate and threats. So really, if I do have a plea to end on — it's just to listen to people, polyam and a-spec and otherwise, when they say that some post is generating hate and threats towards them. And then, maybe, try to learn some red and orange flags from the experience.

None of us are part of every queer sub-community that Tumblr loves to harass. We all have blind spots, and that's inevitable, not a failure of you as a person. But after seeing so many of these bait polls go around, after seeing multiple rallying effects in the communities followed by people letting their guards down, and circulating a slightly different bait poll... well? I just hope that eventually, people will be willing to learn.

[ji-lixie]

You know that as long as you treat celibacy, abstinence, virginity, prudishness, and modesty as bad, backwards, or inherently harmful things you are never going to end acephobia, right?

You know that as long as you treat lovelessness, sex without love, sex without commitment, low/no empathy, and friendlessness as bad, backwards, or inherently harmful things you are never going to end arophobia, right?

You know as long as there is acephobia there will be arophobia, right? You know as long as there is arophobia there is acephobia, right?

You know as long as any form of aphobia exists everyone’s right to consent is in jeopardy, right?

[ji-lixie]

250304 swimming_roo: 3월 4일, 오늘은 우리 별루 생일인뎅 🎉 엄마 생일 지났다고 빛이나는 친구한테 오늘 케잌을 선물 받았지 뭐야~~~😍 고맙뚭니당 🎂

[ji-lixie]

This is a wheel with 250 fandoms, people, topics, specific words, etc. Spin it once.

Whatever you landed on has completely disappeared from Tumblr. Any posts including or referencing it have vanished, and none will ever be made again. No one else notices its absence, and no one else will ever ask about it.

[ji-lixie]

TREASURE TikTok update (24.02.2025)