#spicy incorrect quotes

[aynavaano]

You: Hunter, can you bring some sweets for me when you are out getting supplies ?

Hunter: Yes Ma’am.

You: Oh…

Crosshair: OHHH. So that’s what you two have been up to.

Tech: It is not unusual for people in positions of power to have a desire to submit.

Crosshair: Speak for yourself. Hunter, clean the fresher.

Hunter: *huffs* that’s NOT how it works.

[lavenderstobins]

stranger tweets part 19

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all previous parts: [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 5.5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11] [part 12] [part 13] [part 14] [part 15] [part 16] [part 17]

[writersmorgue]

Lunar. This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

[criminally-obsessed]

STEVE: Oh, to be a bored heir to the throne who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener. EDDIE: Oh, to be a cute gardener who secretly places roses in the heir’s room because they are in love with them. ARGYLE: Oh, to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener up the wall for their secret deliveries in the middle of the night. ROBIN: Oh, to be the heir’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other. NANCY: Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending. JOHNATHAN: Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the heir’s personal life and who dies of dysentery at age 23.

[rogueddie]

Onion Headlines 2.0

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

More Agatha All Along Incorrect Quotes!

(except these ones mostly have no actual source and just came from my brain :) )

⚠️Warning for some mild sexual content and mentions of alcohol! ⚠️

Teen: So did dying and coming back ultimately make you less afraid of death?

Lilia, taking a long sip of her wine: No, but learning she sometimes calls Agatha ‘Mommy’ in bed did.

*the coven, doing some spring cleaning*

Jen, who is perfectly capable of lifting it herself: Alice, can you come move this for me?

Alice, wiping some sweat off her forehead: Sure, Jen.

Jen, watching her from across the room: Mmm. Delightful.

Agatha, whispering in her ear: Pervert.

Jen, casually watching television: I don’t understand why TV producers have to put those warnings at the beginning of the episode, telling people not to recreate what they see. I mean, this guy’s trying to parachute off his own roof so he can steal fruit from his neighbor’s yard. People aren’t really THAT stupid in real life, are they?

Alice (a former first responder), lounging in her lap with her eyes closed: Yes, they are.

Lilia, watching out the window as Teen and Agatha climb up to the roof: Yes, they are.

Agatha: Are you two seriously crying over a cartoon meant for preschoolers?

Alice, wiping her eyes: No.

Teen, rewinding their episode of Bluey: Yes.

Jen, stalking into the room: AGATHA!

Agatha, rolling her eyes: What the hell are you upset about NOW?

Jen: YOUR WIFE JUST BIT ME!

Agatha: Uh-huh. Sure.

Jen, brandishing her arm: LOOK.

Agatha, spitting out her drink: Wait, what the hell- Rio, you ACTUALLY bit her?!

Rio: Her perfume smelled tasty :3

Agatha: Kid, we need to talk.

Teen, sighing: Are you about to give me a lecture on consent and safe sex?

Agatha: Huh? How did you know?

Teen: I’m not stupid. Did you really think I didn’t notice that condoms mysteriously started appearing in the bathroom cabinets when I started bringing Eddie over?

Agatha: What makes you think the two things are related?! Those could have belonged to anyone in this household!

Teen: YOU’RE ALL LESBIANS, AGATHA! WHOSE WOULD THEY BE?!

Agatha, who’s incredibly drunk: Y’know what I love about women, Alice? Kissing’em. Loooooove it. My mom tried to beat it outta me, but she couldn’t. Still a girl kisser over here.

Alice, who’s also seriously drunk: Amen.

Agatha, wildly gesticulating: Smelling her perfume, grabbing her ass, feeling her grab MY ass…TITS…

Alice, nodding sagely: Good. All good.

Agatha: Winding your fingers through her hair, pulling her closer…

Alice: Losing me there.

Agatha: What, Jen isn’t into hair pulling?

Alice:

Agatha:

Alice:

Agatha: …I now recognize my mistake.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Vaggie: Hey, babe. Can you come here?

Charlie: Oh, sure! (Shuffles over to Vaggie sitting on a chair)

Vaggie: Closer?

Charlie: .....Okay? (Shuffles closer)

Vaggie: .......Closer?

Charlie: Babe, if I was any closer to you, I'd be IN your lap.

Vaggie: Yeah, that's the point. You deserve to sit in your throne like the Princess you are~

Charlie: (full body flushes) Asdhcksisndbsksd!!!!

[criminalmindsfanantic]

JJ: Can I have a bite of your ice cream?

Emily: Sure, just don’t use my spoon, use yours

JJ: Em, you do realize that I’ve put my tongue down your throat before

Emily: *starts blushing and stuttering an excuse*

JJ: You have asked me to literally spit in your mouth, but sharing a spoon is too much for you

Emily, burying her face in her hands: I- yeah, no I’m going to shut up from now until eternity

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie: So, Chrissy's made out with Steve at a party once, I know for sure that Nancy's kissed Steve. . .is there anyone in this room besides myself who hasn't kissed Steve?

Of Jonathan, Argyle, Vickie, Steve, Chrissy, Nancy, and Robin. . .only Jonathan and Vickie raised their hands. Everyone looked at Robin in surprise.

Robin: *shrugs* I was curious. . .I still don't like men like that, if you're wondering.

Jonathan: Wait. . .Argyle, when did you kiss Steve?

Steve: A couple of months after he got here, he lured me into his van with weed, and we started talking about our hair. . . Well, one thing led to another. . .

Eddie: Damn. . .I feel left out.

Steve: Well, you can always change that.

Eddie: *to Chrissy* Baby?

Chrissy: *laughing* Go ahead.

Eddie leans over and kisses Steve.

Argyle: Schmackin.

Eddie: Vickie? You want a hit?

Vickie: *laughing* I'm good with only kissing Robin, thanks.

Steve: *grinning* I'm not for everyone.

[choutoile]

Alice (smirking as she notices Agatha walking a bit stiffly): Rough night on the Witches' Road?

Agatha (rolls eyes): Very funny.

Rio (deadpans): Not as funny as Agatha trying to sneak around this morning. holds up a very red item So… do you want your underwear back?

Agatha (groans): You could've just… kept it!

Jennifer (grins): Oh, well this just keeps turning out to be more entertaining.

[mycadences]

Gwyn: Is it true that an Illyrian's wingspan has a positive correlation with their lower genitalia? Azriel: Their what? Gwyn: Lower genitalia. Penis. Dick. Cock. Phallus - Azriel: *dryly* I know. Why are you asking me this? Gwyn: It's for research purposes. Azriel: ... Uh-huh. Gwyn: Really. Do you want to be my test subject? Azriel: *stares at Gwyn dumbly* Gwyn: If you're not free, I can ask Balthazar - Azriel: *immediately* I'm free. Free is my middle name. What do you need me to do?

[storywriter12]

You and daryl getting hot in the bedroom

You: have you got protection?

Daryl:yeah never leave home without it (pulls out a knife)

You:no... Daryl I ment a condom

Daryl:oh.... Oh no I don't have one on me

You:🤦

[7ndipity]

Namjoon: hello 911? I think my friend's trying to poison me

Y/n: how many times do I have to tell you, it's fucking SEASONING!

[writersmorgue]

No ❤️

Thank you @yourlunarspice for submitting!!!!!!!

[buddiesronance]

[marsdeathdefiances]

Diomedes: Do you have any kinks?

Achilles: Peace and quiet

Patroclus: Actually. He likes having his-

Achilles: *putting a hand over his mouth* Peace. And. Quiet.