#rueleigh writes

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Steve: *on the phone with Robin* So, Eddie's lips accidentally ran into mine. . .

Robin: What a way to tell me that you finally kissed Eddie.

Steve: Because that's exactly how it happened! He came into Family Video - it was empty, thank God - and he got excited about some news he had, barreled into me, and his lips literally ran into mine!

Robin: Are you sure he didn't -

Steve: No, it was definitely an accident because he shrieked and then ran away.

Robin: Goddamnit, the one time I'm sick, something good happens. What are you going to do?

Steve: Well, I'm looking out the window . . . he's outside my house with flowers in his hand, and he's trying to talk himself up into knocking on the door. Aw, he got me a teddy bear . . . let's see if he knocks.

Robin: I bet he chickens out.

Steve: Robin!

There was a loud pounding on the door.

Steve: HA!

Eddie: *shrieks* JESUS H CHRIST! I CAN'T!

Steve: Goddamnit, he's running way!

Robin: HA! Good luck with that one!

Steve: I'm going to fucking need it.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Spicy Eight were hanging out with the youngest members of the party at Steve's house. Eventually, they had split off and went to hang out in Steve's basement.

A couple of hours later. . .

Robin: Oh, thank GOD, they finally settled down. . .listen, I like a little noise as much as the next person, but damn. . .THEY'RE TOO LOUD.

Vickie: It does feel nicer in here.

Eddie: My ears are no longer bleeding, and considering the music I listen to, you'd think I'd be used to it.

Nancy: They're a little too quiet. . .

Robin: I think you're being paranoid.

Steve: No, she's onto something. . .nothing good ever happens when they're this quiet.

Eddie: *squinting* And at least when they're noisy, you kind of know what they're doing.

Chrissy: I'm sure everything's fine.

Jonathan: Will's down there, I'm sure -

CRASH!

Steve: What the hell was that?!

Dustin: NOTHING! EVERYTHING'S FINE!

Nancy: It doesn't sound fine!

Mike: You're just hearing things, Nancy! There's nothing to worry about!

Eddie: She hears the sound of you breaking shit! Watch your tone when you're talking to your sister!

Will: We're fine!

Jonathan: Will? Are you lying?

The group got up at once and headed towards the basement door. Steve tried the door, but it was locked.

Steve: Okay, shitheads, you have about five seconds to open this goddamn door -

Mike: *scoffs* Or you're going to do what?

Eddie: That's it! No Hellfire for a month!

Dustin and Mike: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Eddie: Fucking watch me! Now open this goddamn door, or I'm going to make it two months!

Argyle: Oh, man, don't you think we should go a little easy on them?

Nancy: They're not going easy on us, and if we did that, then they have the upper hand. They need to open it themselves.

Argyle: That's true. . .I don't know a whole lot about raising teenagers. Vickie, Chrissy, I think this might make us the step parents.

Vickie: What about Robin?

Robin: I'm the cool aunt.

Jonathan: Will, if you open this door now, I can talk to Eddie about Hellfire.

Eddie: Excuse me -

Will: I don't know, Mike -

Jonathan: Mike isn't the boss of you. . .don't look into his eyes. You're stronger than this. . .

There was a long pause and then harsh whispering.

Nancy: Open this door! . . . NOW! I swear, if you don't open this door, not only will you miss out on Hellfire but El, Max, Erica. . . you won't get to have girls' night with Steve and Robin, not for a long time!

Max: BULLSHIT!

El: She cannot do this. She is NOT our mother.

There was more harsh whispering and then yelling before. . .the door was unlocked and opened by itself. The Spicy Eight tentatively walked down the stairs and into the basement. . .

The Spicy Eight: OH MY GOD!

Eddie: IS THIS - DID THIS USE TO BE - WHY DO YOU OWN SO MANY -

Steve: *shrieks* MY SNOWGLOBES!

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The party, of course, immediately accepted Will and Robin when they came out. Dustin couldn't help but ask the question because he's a nosy little shit.

Dustin: *looking at Robin* If you had to pick a man, though, who would you go for?

Robin: Steve. No contest. Only in a parallel universe, though. And parallel me still has to like women. There's no universe where I'm straight. Not that I have anything against heterosexuality.

Steve: Eddie. *everyone stares at him* Oh, was that question not directed at both of us?

Eddie: It's okay, big boy. If I were gay, I'd go for you, too.

Argyle: *whispering* Oh, man, Steve and Eddie don't know about bisexuality.

Steve: You whispered that to me.

Argyle: Oh, sorry. *turns to Jonathan* Oh, man, Steve and Eddie don't know that bisexuality exists.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Steve gets a phone call from Eddie one afternoon. . .

Eddie: So, what are you wearing, big boy?

Steve unfortunately thought Eddie was messing with him, so he decided to mess with him back. Steve rolled his eyes.

Steve: *scoffs* Your vest and nothing else, of course.

There was a long silence and then. . .THUD.

Steve: Eddie?

There was a sound of someone else's feet, and then he heard Wayne's voice in the distance.

Wayne: You damn near broke your new Garfield phone. What are you doing on the floor, and why is your nose bleeding?

Another pause, and Steve heard Eddie speak.

Eddie: Steve. . .vest. . .nothing.

Oops, he accidentally broke Eddie. Steve smirked.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Mike: *disbelief* You slept with our dungeon master?

It wasn't the fact that they were two dudes that bothered Mike, but the fact that it was Steve Harrington who slept with their dungeon master.

Steve: Keep up that tone, asshole, and I'll get your precious dungeon master pregnant just to piss you off.

Eddie: *leaning towards Mike* There's 50 bucks in it for you if you make your tone worse.

Mike: You can't get -

Eddie: There's another dimension under Hawkins. It's baffling the things that you can't believe in, but you can believe in that. You need to be a little open-minded, Wheeler.

Mike: 🤨

Dustin: I call dibs on godfather! Ha!

Mike: Bullshit! You can't call dibs!

Steve: *watching them argue* This could have gone worse.

Eddie: *grinning* Still could.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie seemed to have zero impulse control when he's not actively thinking about it. After Vecna Eddie moved in with Steve because he and Wayne didn't have a new place yet, plus, Wayne was living out of a motel. It was not a place for someone with wounds like his. Also, he was still waiting to be cleared of all charges. Steve was well enough to take care of Eddie. The metalhead was still in a lot of pain and on as many painkillers as he was allowed the first time that it happened. Steve was leaning over to fluff his pillows, and his lips were close to Eddie's face. It was all Steve’s fault, really. Eddie was thinking about how pretty his lips were when he decided to grab Steve by the back of the neck.

"What are - MMHH!"

Eddie brought his lips to his, and it was the sweetest kiss that Steve had ever experienced. It had left his lips feeling all tingly. Steve could easily pass it off on the fact that Eddie was high, and that was exactly what he did do. He never brought it up or told anyone about it. . .not even Robin. He really couldn't ignore it, though, when it happened a second time.

Eddie was feeling a lot better and could move around the house a lot more. Steve had finally been able to cook dinner for the both of them after living off other people's cooking and takeout while they both healed. They had finished eating when Eddie lumbered over to him and spun him around, cupping his face.

"That was the best home-cooked meal I've ever eaten - MUAH!" Eddie exclaimed, kissing him square on the mouth. "You go settle down. I'll handle the clean-up, big boy."

Steve had frozen a little. Surely, Eddie knew what he was doing? Since he hadn't brought it up, Steve decided not to bring it up either. . .except when it happened a third time. Eddie was completely healed, and he was able to be let out of the house since he was he officially cleared of all charges. He wanted to meet up with Corroded Coffin at Gareth's since they refused to come over to Steve's house despite the fact that Steve had told them they were welcome anytime. Even though he understood where they were coming from, it still stung that they refused to even try to get to know him. Anyways, Eddie was on his way out the door except for the fact that his keys were lying on the counter.

"Hey, did you forget something?" Steve asked.

"Oh, right," Eddie said, twirled around and kissed him while scooping up the keys. Then he was gone.

Okay, he really couldn't ignore it this time. Steve really needed to talk to someone about the kisses and about how much he liked them. He needed to know what that meant, and he knew exactly what kind of conversation this would turn out to be.

"Eddie keeps kissing me," Steve said as soon as Robin got in the car.

"I'm sorry, what?" Robin said, blinking.

"You know how Eddie's really affectionate," Steve replied. "Does it bother you when he kisses you?"

"Oh, you mean like kissing on the forehead and the cheek? No, I think it's sweet, actually," Robin said and rolled her eyes. "Are you feeling a little insecure in your masculinity because a man is getting a little affectionate with you?"

"What?! No, I don't mind getting affection from a man, Robin. You know I hug Argyle all the time," Steve said. "I'm just wondering why Eddie kisses me on the mouth and he doesn't do that with anyone else."

"Stop the car!" Robin screamed, and Steve pulled over the side, parking the car.

"Jesus, Robin!" Steve exclaimed.

"Eddie's been kissing you on the MOUTH?!" Robin asked.

"Yeah. He doesn't do that with you?" Steve asked.

"No, I think that's a treat only for you," Robin said.

"But why? We're both straight," Steve said. "I mean, I'm not trying to complain or anything, it's nice but why is he doing it?"

"You like it when he kisses you?" Robin asked.

"Yeah," Steve shrugged. "If I were into men, I'd be asking him on a date, but I'm not gay, Robin. . .well, maybe just for Eddie. Is it possible to be gay just for one person?"

"I mean, maybe, but I doubt that it's the case here," Robin said. "Usually, I would probably let you figure this out for yourself, but considering how long you kept it hidden that you like Nancy Drew, it might just take a while. . .do I have permission to rip off the band-aid?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess," Steve asked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, how the hell were you so sure about Vickie and completely clueless about yourself?" Robin asked.

"Are you still on it that I totally called it about Vickie being a lesbian before you did?" Steve asked.

"She's not a lesbian, dingus," Robun said.

"Okay, I was pretty sure that you two were dating. Robin, she's clearly into you, so I'm pretty sure you have a shot," Steve said.

"Yeah, we are dating but she's not a lesbian," she said.

"I'm so confused," Steve said.

"In more ways than one," Robin said.

"Robin, we're going to be late for work," Steve said.

"Vickie is a bisexual," Robin said. "She likes more than one gender."

"Oh. . .oh, like David Bowie!" Steve exclaimed. "Right?!"

"Right," Robin said.

"Oh my god!" Steve said. "My Tom Cruise obsession suddenly makes sense - I didn't want to be him - "

"Not to mention, all those times you've stared openly at Eddie along with his posters of Eddie Van Halen and Kirt Hammel. . . "

"Kirk Hammett, Robin," Steve scoffed. "Eddie would rip you a new one for getting that one wrong."

"But you knew it because Eddie did," Robin said.

"I like him," Steve said with wide eyes.

"Yeah, buddy. Are you going to need a minute?" Robin said.

"Nah, I'm fine. I actually feel really good about it," Steve grinned.

"Not even a little freak out?" She asked.

"Nope!"

"Lucky bitch," Robin muttered.

"I'm sorry, the next time I have a realization about myself, I'll make sure to give you the freak out that you deserve," Steve said.

"That's all I'm asking," Robin said.

They spent the morning shift talking about Eddie and what he'd say to him once he got home. Steve debated on giving him flowers or not, or a stuff animal. He decided on a stuffed animal because that was more permanent, as Robin had pointed out. They were just about to take their break for lunch when Eddie strolled in.

"Hey," Steve said brightly. "I was just thinking about you."

"Yeah?" Eddie asked and leaned against the counter. "That's good to know."

Eddie leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. This time, Steve responded to it, cupping Eddie's face as he deepened the kiss. He could feel Eddie smile against his lips. Steve heard Robin scrambling to lock the front door and close the newly installed blinds. Eddie wrapped his arms around him, nearly climbing over the counter to do it. Finally, Robin coughed loudly and they broke apart.

"Hi," Steve said breathlessly.

"Hi," Eddie said. "I got something for you."

He climbed over the counter and sat down in front of him. He pulled out a rock and handed it to Steve.

"It looks like a guitar pick," Steve said with a grin.

"I thought you could use it for good luck," Eddie said.

"That's very sweet, thank you," Steve said, blushing. "I'm going to keep it forever."

"So, your boyfriend did good?" Eddie asked.

"Boyfriend?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, I know we're taking things slow, but I was hoping that you'd consider me being your boyfriend," Eddie said.

"Yeah, uh, it's just - it might be the concussions, but I don't remember asking you out or you asking me out," Steve said.

"Oh, you definitely asked me out," Eddie said.

"Oh, God, Robin. The doctor said if I started having memory problems - " Steve said with wide eyes. "I'd definitely remember asking you out."

"Honey! I'm sure it's fine!" Eddie exclaimed. "Robin was there, she'll tell you!"

"I was NOT!" Robin yelled, her eyes going wide. "Or was I? Oh, god, what if I hit my head and I don't remember?! I'd remember my best friend asking out a man!"

"Okay, don't panic, Robin, we'll call Hopper - " Steve started to say.

"You really don't remember?!" Eddie shrieked.

"No!" Robin and Steve yelled.

"Seriously, Robin, you were there, and you turned into a giant duck which, by the way, is rude because you know about my fear of ducks!" Eddie yelled.

"Oh, Eddie, goddamnit, was this a dream?" Steve asked.

"You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, I think it might have been a dream," Eddie said.

"Okay, those looks you've been giving me make a lot more sense," Robin said. "Have you been living in fear of me randomly turning into a duck, like I'm some sort of. . .wereduck?"

"I don't know, your name's Robin, and we've all been through crazy shit. . .anything is possible," Eddie said.

"Aww, and you've hugged me even though you're scared of ducks," Robin cooed.

"Well, it's my fear, my responsibility. It's not your fault," Eddie said and then looked at her. "But you're not, though, right?"

"No, Eddie," she said softly and then affectionately, "You dingus."

"This whole time. . .," Eddie trailed off. "We haven't actually been dating. You never asked me out."

Eddie started to scramble off of the counter when Steve grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Let's fix that. . .Eddie Munson, do you want to be my boyfriend?" Steve asked.

"Fuck yeah, I do," Eddie grinned.

He grabbed the back of Steve’s head and crashed their lips together. Eddie sighed and leaned his forehead against Steve’s.

"No one better fucking wake me up," Eddie breathed and Steve laughed.

"Oh God! I think my nose is turning into a bill - quack, quack!"

"Robin!"

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie: Hey, Robin, you know that fae folklore where some fairies have to count salt when it's spilled in front of them?

Robin: Yeesss, where are you going with this, buddy?

Eddie: Well, if Steve trips in front of a fairy, do you think it would have to count his moles?

Robin: I don't know, depends on if his moles taste like salt or not:

Steve: *walking back into the living room* Okay, got the popcorn! I might have - EDDIE!

Eddie had gotten up, grabbed Steve’s face, and licked the moles on his cheek.

Eddie: *gasps* Robin! It tastes like salt. . .AND butter!

Steve: *blushing* Yeah, that's because I ate a couple of pieces. Jesus.

Eddie: *thinking about counting Steve’s moles* I wish I was a fairy.

Steve: Dude! We do NOT like to be called that!

Eddie gaped at him the rest of the night, trying to figure out if he was a mythical creature or not when actually Steve has yet to tell Eddie he's bisexual.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie: *to Robin and Steve* Who are these people you're gossiping about again?!

Robin: Oh, we don't actually gossip about real people.

Steve: Yeah, we learned that lesson the hard way.

Robin: So, now we make up people and their backgrounds. We gossip about them.

Eddie: I have been invested for over an hour over people who are NOT real?!

Steve and Robin: Yeah.

Eddie: *throwing up his hands* Either write a fucking book or join Hellfire!

Steve and Robin: *looks at each other before looking back at Eddie* Nah.

Eddie: *screams*

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin might platonically marry Steve, though it's not the only reason, just so she can say dramatically in an argument:

"That's it! I'm divorcing you, and I'm taking everything!"

It's usually only said when they're playing monopoly. Steve would respond with:

"Fine! But I'm keeping your last name and the kids!"

"I never wanted them in the first place!" Robin shrieked.

"What a rude thing for our dad to say," Dustin said.

They were eating popcorn and watching the whole thing unfold before them.

"Well, it's not like we don't all have daddy issues," Max said. "Except for Lucas."

"What am I looking forward to with that? Any advice?" Lucas said.

"Don't date older men," Max said. "Especially ones who are old enough to actually be your father."

"You mean the same age as Robin?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah," Max said.

"Damn, there was this cute college guy - "

"Cheating whore!" Robin shrieked.

"And here it comes," Max grinned.

She hollered and flipped the table.

"Yeah, that's right, I cheated. Dustin isn't yours!" Steve yelled.

"I knew it!" Robin gasped.

"Okay, so when Dustin said that things get intense with Steve and Robin during Monopoly. . ." Nancy said, trailing off.

"Yeah, he wasn't kidding," Jonathan said.

Eddie was gaping with Jonathan, Nancy, Vickie, Chrissy, and Argyle while the kids watched from the sidelines.

"Who else isn't mine?! I bet it's both Mike and Dustin. They both could be Eddie's! Look at them!" Robin yelled.

"Babe, I swear, I didn't touch Steve," Eddie said to Chrissy.

"Okay, first off, Dustin and Mike are not actually Steve’s sons, and two, this is just a game," Chrissy said. "Also, Steve can't get pregnant."

"Oh no! Did the doctor say why?" Eddie asked with a gasp.

"Eddie? Did you smoke with Jonathan and Argyle without me?" Chrissy asked.

"Totally," Argyle said.

"The wedding rings were a nice touch," Nancy said.

"Oh, no, they actually got married. I was the witness!" Vickie exclaimed happily. "I got to kiss the bride!"

"What?!"

"We were at Steve's house when Steve's parents came home and immediately started ragging on Steve about what a disappointment he was, that they were his only family. . .blah, blah, blah. Anyway, Robin was like "not anymore" before dragging him out of the house. We went to a wedding chapel, and I watched as my girlfriend married her platonic soulmate," Vickie said. "It was a beautiful ceremony. Didn't you notice that Steve took her last name?"

"I thought he kept calling for Robin whenever someone said Harrington," Jonathan realized. "He was correcting them."

"Buckley!" Argyle laughed.

"Yeah!" Steve and Robin yelled, looking at them.

"Holy shit," Dustin muttered.

"Well, hey, we're no longer bastards," Max said. "Except Mike. There's no fixing that."

"Hey!"

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie was at Steve’s house to swim. He had just taken off shirt when Steve caught a glimpse of his back.

Steve: *sarcastically* Wow, who's the woman who gave you those?

Eddie froze, not wanting to admit that he tried to rescue another raccoon.

Eddie: *smirking* Just some girl I met at the Hideout last night. She's sooo wild!

Steve: *scowled* You're fucking cheating on me, already?!

Eddie: *squeaking* We're dating?!

Steve: Eddie, you asked me a week ago if I wanted to be more than friends with you!

Eddie: I meant best friends!

Steve pressed his hands to his face.

Steve: I can't tell who's the idiot. . .you or me!

Eddie: This is not on you, Stevie, I should have known when you kissed me!

Steve: *putting his hands on his hips* Yeah, no, that should have been your biggest clue. . .especially when you put your tongue in my mouth.

Eddie: This is definitely on me.

Steve: *rolling his eyes* So, who is this wild girl who treated your back like a scratching post?

Eddie: *throwing his hands in the air* It's a raccoon, okay?! It was a fucking raccoon I tried to rescue at the Hideout last night!

Steve laughed.

Steve: You're an idiot, Eddie Munson.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Set after s2. . .in the cafeteria:

Asshole jock: Hey, Harrington, you might want to get your moles checked. . .I think you might be turning into a witch! *laughs*

Steve: And if you're not careful, your dick will get smaller if you take any more steriods. . . Oop, too late. . .and really witch jokes? That's the best you can come up with? You know, if you're going to try and insult me, at least come up with something creative. . .well?. . . I'm waiting. . .

Jock:

Steve: Yeah, that's what I thought. . .You know what witches have that you don't? . . . Fucking magic. . . I can't believe you thought that was an insult.

Eddie: *who witnessed the entire thing* Fuck me.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin burst into Eddie's house, laughing madly.

Robin: It's happened again! Once again, Steve is a mother!

Eddie: What the hell are you talking about?

Steve walked in after Robin.

Steve: I don't know how this keeps happening.

Suddenly, there were quacking sounds coming from behind Steve, and a bunch of six little ducklings followed after them.

Robin: Well, if you had just let them be adopted by the other ducks instead of trying to intervene. . .

Steve: Their mother was shot by an asshole! I couldn't abandon them! Besides, it's Eddie's fault. He's the one who lives next to a duck pond! . . . Eddie?

He had disappeared rather quickly, and they could see his head peaking out from behind the couch.

Eddie: You think I LIKE living next to a duck pond?! Get those evil things out of here!

Steve: Are you afraid of your own children, Eddie? . . . How did I not know this about my own boyfriend?

Eddie: *peaking over the couch* I am NOT the father! I demand a DNA test. *shrieks* ONE OF THEM'S LOOKING AT ME!

Robin: *grinning* Delightful.

Steve: Don't worry. . . *cooing at the ducks* Mummy still loves you.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin: You know, as a lesbian, I've never hit on a guy before.

Steve: *squints* Where is this going?

Robin: I'm just saying, what? Because I'm a lesbian I'm not allowed to hit on a guy.

Steve: *confused* No one's stopping you?

Robin: *checks her watch* Next guy that comes in.

Steve rolls his eyes. The bell above the store rang as Eddie walked through the door. Steve froze, and Robin grinned.

Steve: Oh, no.

Eddie walked towards Steve, but then Robin pushed her way in front of him.

Robin: *winks* Hey, pretty boy, you're talking to me today.

Eddie: Okay, what is this?

Robin: Your hair looks great. . . I kind of just want to sink my fingers into it. . . Pull on it in all the right ways. . .really make you scream. . .big boy.

Eddie: *panicking* Am I in the wrong universe?! Is today opposite day? What memo did I not get? Steve, Robin, did you actually manage to switch bodies, or is that still just a joke?

Robin: Are those new pants? They look good on you.

Eddie: *shrieks*

Robin: . . . They'd look better on Steve’s floor.

Steve: Robin!

Eddie: *sighs in relief* Thank God!

Steve: She's not wrong, though. You are a pretty boy, your hair looks great, and your pants definitely would look better on my floor.

Eddie: 😳

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin stormed into Steve’s house to find him cuddling with Eddie on the couch.

Robin: I knew it! I knew I'd find you here with him!

Eddie: I thought you said she'd be cool with this!

Robin: You think I'd be cool with being replaced as Steve’s platonic soulmate?!

Steve: What?! No, that's not what's happening here! I'm just fucking him romantically, I swear!

Robin: *sigh of relief* Oh, thank God. What are we watching?

She wedged herself in between them.

Eddie: You're a dramatic couple of bitches, aren't you?

Steve and Robin: Yeah.

Eddie: *grinning* I fucking love you, guys.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Dustin, now a fully fledged hormonal teenager, was sneaking back into the house after sneaking out when a lamp came on.

Claudia: Dustin Henderson! What sort of time do you call this?

Steve: *turning on another lamp* Yeah, Henderson, what sort of time do you call this?

Dustin: Steve! What are you doing here?!

Steve: *crossing his arms* Your mother called me, she was worried out of her mind!

Another lamp flickered on, and Eddie whirled around in the swivel chair, petting Tews.

Eddie: You only get one mother, Henderson, and you choose to disrespect her. . .on this night. . .the night before her birthday.

Dustin: What are you doing here?!

Eddie: I was with Steve. . .in the middle of doing naughty things to him when he got the call. We were both worried!

Another lamp came on, revealing Argyle sitting on the couch.

Argyle: What do you call this sort of night?

Dustin: *sigh* Am I going to regret asking this? What are you doing here?

Argyle: I was with Steve and Eddie. . .they let me watch sometimes.

Dustin: That's on me, I asked. . . Okay, anyone else going to turn on a goddamn lamp?!

Another lamp flickered on in the hallway, and Wayne stumbled in.

Wayne: *rubbing his eyes* The hell? Oh, there's already a bunch of lamps on. . .why the hell are there so many lamps on? Claudia, when did you get so many lamps?

Eddie: Oh. . .I brought this one from Steve's house. . .Uncle Wayne, what the hell are you doing here?!

Dustin: And why are you wearing my mother's robe?!

Claudia: Oh, we were going to tell you and Eddie. . .it was just so nice, just the two of us.

Wayne: Kind of felt like we were teenagers sneaking around. . .

Dustin: Okay, since you two were sneaking around and I was sneaking around. . .does this mean I'm off the hook?

Wayne: That's not how this works, son.

Dustin: Damn it.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin walked into Steve’s house to find him sitting on the couch, not moving.

Robin: Why the hell aren't you answering your phone?

Steve: I'm not allowed to move, Robin.

He pointed to his lap. Eddie, in bat form, was curled up fast asleep.

Robin: It's not illegal, Steve.

Steve: Yeah, no, it definitely is.

Steve grabbed a pillow and showed it to her. It said: If Eddie falls asleep in your lap, you're not allowed to move. Underneath it was a picture of a bat.

Robin: Did you stitch that on a pillow?

Steve: That makes it illegal, Robin.

Robin: Oh my god. . .so explain to me again how you're not in love with him.