#sorry i really wanted to vent
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How did my life became such a mess so quickly??? Like, two weeks ago my main concern was "does he like me back?" and now there's life and death situations, secrets, losing a friggin scholarship bc I already study something else (i am so pissed at my college right now).
AND
Shy guy was being a sweetie and very supportive but then i felt there was something off last night and i had nightmares and my chemistry professor (whom I didn't like at all) gave me such good advice in my dreams. Shy guy, don't you DARE do what you did in my nightmares i will kick you where it hurts.
AND
i'm so tired.
I might actually want to do some therapy if shit continues to blow on my face like that.
#i'm losing my mind here#sorry i really wanted to vent#also shy guy is probably fine#he's just shy and i'm a bit neurotic right now#anyway a black cat crossed my path yesterday and i'm terrified bc it's not like i need more bad luck
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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Second-guessing
#been overthinking all day today and needed to draw how it feels lately#a bit of a vent ahead#it’s gotten really lonely and almost alienating in a way#and the fandom seems so vastly different#and in a way I dont really feel ok in#i do take the steps to avoid anything that i don’t want to see#but it just feels like what i do is pointless#like what i draw is pointless#i know the more platonic/familial themes in my art will always be overshadowed#but its been a harsh truth ive been hit with#and it’s kind of heartbreaking#i’m forever grateful for the reminders of how my art is like a breath of fresh air#but man is it difficult to not just quit entirely#because it always falls back to: why am I doing this? what’s the point?#i’m sorry I feel like such a whiny loser when I talk about things like this#it’s all jumbled and all over the place but to put it simply it’s been super lonely#i just needed to say something before it completely boiled over#im sorry again
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i don't like the growing opinion that people are being 'too hard' on deku for his failing to save shigaraki.
i've seen quite a few people complaining that a lot of the bnha-critical crowd are being too mean to deku for getting tomura killed, arguing that it isn't really his fault, and that hes a 16 year old child soldier who's been failed by almost every adult in his life, why should we be putting all of this on his shoulders? hes just a kid after all?
and the truth is, they're right. deku IS a 16 year old boy whos had the fate of the world thrust on his shoulders. but the story itself just plainly refuses to acknowledge this.
the narrative doesn't acknowledge how fucked up having a school that trains literal children how to be combo cop-celebrities is. it only tentatively acknowledges the fact that a universe having combo cop-celebrities is fucked up, and even then the only people who ever point this out are antagonists, who are portrayed and treated in-universe as untrustworthy. the narrative doesn't care how fucked up dekus circumstances are. the narrative treats deku like hes a fucking messiah here to touch the hearts of the evil depressed villains with his magical empathetic heart of gold before they get blown up or just sent to fucking superhell for daring to challenge the status quote.
deku isn't a person. he's barely even a fucking character at this point. he's a plot device, and a mouth piece for the objectively shitty themes bnha is trying to spout. the themes that tell you that if you're mistreated by society and want to do something about it, you're a villain. that disrupting the status quote and refusing to repent to some random teenage boy spouting empty platitudes at you means you deserve to get sent to fucking superhell. the themes that portray people fighting for civil change as mass murdering supervillains. the themes that look the audience dead in the eye and can call deku the greatest hero to ever live.
deku, who barely spared a second thought to lady nagant telling him the truth about the hero commission. who spouts meaningless platitudes about heroism and morality at nagant, and aoyama, and toga and shigaraki, when even the thought that he should question the world around him comes up. who's constantly talked about as this truly kind, empathetic person, but hasn't spared an empathetic thought to literally anyone who is classified as a villain. who listened to every authority figure around him except the ones who asked him to question his worldview. who saw la bravas tears, shigarakis various breakdowns, himikos plead for understanding, chisakis catatonic state, lady nagants truth, and barley batted a fucking eye. deku, who killed tomura shigaraki.
people don't criticize deku for failing shigaraki because they just hate deku. people criticize deku because of what he represents. because hes a mouthpiece for the atrocious morals and themes of this ideologically rotten manga. because any character he had was chopped up to bits in favor of the incomplete husk we have now. people criticize deku because hes the main character of my hero academia. theres nothing more damning then that.
#my post#bnha#bnha critical#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#sorry if this sounds really angry. i mean i am very angry at bnha for being such a nothing burger of empty platitudes and wasted potential#but like. that was extremely predictable#bnha wanted to be more than it was willing to put effort into being and so now its just. worthless#so this is just kinda a vent on all my angry feelings abt dekus failure as a character and a protagonist#tomura shigaraki#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha critical#my hero acedamia critical#boku no hero acedamia critical#deku#bnha meta#i mean techinally#mha#mha meta#bnha manga spoilers#bnha manga#long post#well longish
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Constantly torn between my desire to convert and the crushing weight of knowing that I won’t be able to exist in the wider fandom spaces that I love without being constantly reminded that Jews are always guilty until proven innocent post-Oct 7.
#Jk the bleak realization has already set in!#I just. God I just know I’m gonna have to process a whole new cultural trauma and it’s gonna suck because post October 7 it’s inescapable#Like I’ll see a popular creator I look up to for T/ADC stuff suddenly post that fucking chant out of nowhere & I have to choose between#Leaving bc that person obviously doesn’t look for Jewish perspectives bc of bias or staying and marinating in my disillusionment#I mean I’m already feeling the disillusionment no point not going through with it#Sorry I’m not trying to be a nihilist I’m just venting bc I’m really done#Jewish Convert#Prospective Convert#Jumblr#Vent#My Post#Leftist Antisemitism#Okay to reblog#I mean not sure why you would but you can if you want
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guys i just finished my first shift at my first job, could you guys congratulate me.
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#when my family picked me up they didn’t congratulate me bc my little sister was crying that she had waited too long on me to finish my shift#and the whole ride home and night was about her#and no one noticed or congratulated me until i was sobbing and even then the attention wasn’t really on me#i know it might be petty but this is my first job and i just wanted a pat on the back but instead no one even talked to me#sorry for venting#shroom talks
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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I was gonna make a little 'how are we feeling gay people' joke after watching the finale, but I've seen some of y'all are being really bitter about it, and I do not want that negativity in my life. So if y'all cannot appreciate really cunty storytelling that actually makes sense when you pay attention to it outside of shipping goggles, I have nothing to tell you
#listen THERE IS VALID CRITICISM but it's not 'oh but i wanted my ship to be happy in the end#like i feel like i understood the choices they made and the story they told and it's not about liking it or being happy with it#it's about going fucking feral and insane and connecting the dots with yarn on your wall#like come ON if y'all cannot appreciate death's fucking kiss i have nothing to tell you#call me insane call me a bitch I don't care but I'm really tired of media illiteracy due to/under the guise of queer shipping#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#sorry i accidentally vented but if you're reading this you're very sexy 😘
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In veilguard’s main tags no less….
#I don’t understand? I don’t understand! Why did they tag this???#with multiple variations of the games biggest tags???#This is an inside thought#I really don’t know why someone would go out of their way to make our shared fandom space actively worse while knowing they’re doing it#…#hm I’m having a pot and kettle situation aren’t I?#ugh I hate being self aware#ughhhh remember how I was so confident I had created my own bubble earlier?#oh how the fates remind us of our pride#no one going through the Dragon age tag or six variations of it wants to see how you’re needlessly being mean#i’m just venting right now sorry I’m annoyed#if you read this thank you if you didn’t read it also thank you xx#please enjoy the rest of your scrolling endeavors o7
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hey, weird question but am I a bad person for not posting things from my inbox that involve the whole war thing going on? You all know what I mean when I say that, it’s literally all over Tumblr. I don’t want to directly speak of it in a way.
warning: rant ahead
Not because I’m ignoring it. I’ve spread awareness and supported best I can, but I can’t post about their messages because it throws off the whole point of my blog being about AVA/Stickmen or random art I drop. I acknowledge and care about the cause to help these people, I just can’t post them on my blog.
It feels wrong to almost be ignoring their pleas, even though I’ve done literally as much as I can. I don’t know what else I can do. Does this make me a bad person for not posting about them? Probably, or maybe I’m not the only one? It just feels weird - but now I’m just rambling.
Point is, I’m not going to be posting any of that on my blog. Not because I don’t support it, but because I do not want to post that kind of stuff all over my feed. I also don’t want to overwhelm anyone who finds my blog with just depressing stuff like this. My blog is supposed to be a safe space, so I’d like to keep it that way.
#Sorry if this bothers anyone#its just my opinion#you dont have to like it#I just wanted to vent this out ig#Because I see it EVERYWHERE#And it makes me really upset
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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just because your peers are reaching “life milestones” before you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind in life. You’re not behind in life. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not and maybe someday you’ll believe it
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#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#it’s just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids#I don’t even think I want kids!!#it’s just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and I’m envious of that!#and it’s pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know it’s really my own fault#for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where I’m no longer disgusted with my body#ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent#it be like this sometimes
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feeling a little down about myself & my blog lately, i cannot lie.
#ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕄����𝕂𝔼𝕊 𝕀𝕋 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕀𝕍𝔼 / out of character.#i don't feel like i'm good enough nor that people really want to interact with me lately - i know half of it is my own fault#for not replying to ask memes quick enough & i know i get a ton of those - but idk it feels exhausting to not have like .#someone who is ride or die with me about our muses i guess. feels lonely. is the best way to describe it.#i feel like i'm constantly having to fight for my position in people's zones & it's getting really exhausting to me.#which is mainly why i don't bother being active so much lately; i feel as if i've lost interest in chasing people who don't care about -#whether i'm here or not i suppose#maybe it sounds like i'm just whining & i should be happier but i don't know#tumblr hasn't been exciting for me in a hot minute i won't lie#negative tw#vent tw#tbd /#sorry for this super honest vent but it's just how i'm feeling
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one of those nights
#small vent#lately I’ve been questioning things a lot#and this overwhelming feeling of being lonely takes over#and I question myself and my feelings and thoughts on certain things#sometimes i end up thinking im a bad person#the guilt i feel because I don’t do ship art gets overwhelming sometimes#and i end up feeling like an asshole because of it#but I genuinely just can’t (at least not for the gf fandom)#family and platonic moments are just way too important to me#which might explain a small desire wanting to have that but unable to#maybe it’s the aroaceness in me idk#it just gets really lonely sometimes in your own corner#i’m sorry#I know things like this can be annoying but I needed to vent#some more light-hearted things hopefully soon#delete later
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Hii, this isn’t meant as a hate ask or anything, but does it take you awhile to post asks? my friend also reads your stuff and complains about how you don’t always answer asks or answer them after awhile. i tried telling them that you most likely get a lot of asks considering how much you answer already and the fact you have more then 15k followers.
i’m also not sure but i’ve seen other writers saying that asks glitch and once they get the notification they can’t actually see or answer the ask, is that true? sorry if this seems passive aggressive and that it’s really not meant to be and i don’t usually send asks
i explained about it here and here i explained that lately answering asks and being on here feels more like a job than just a hobby. i’m sorry but i’m not machine so you can’t expect me to reply to your asks immediately. tumblr is not my job, i have my own life besides this too and it just really upsets me when people try to pressure me or come into my inbox to complain, when im doing as much as i can while i have personal stuff going on too. thank you for trying to explain my side to your friend though, because it really upsets me that they are complaining about me as if i owe them anything ? i’m trying to answer asks and write as much as i can for free, in my own time, and trust me when i say im trying my best while thinking of my own mental health too. yes i do get quite a lot of asks, which im really grateful about and it makes me really happy! but if i would answer them all, i’d be busy all night and day, with no time for myself anymore. im just really, really burned out right now and on edge and to be very honest i don’t enjoy being here that much anymore because of the pressure i feel. so yes, i probably do get all your asks and no, i don’t ignore you because i want to. i literally just can’t answer everything ! :(
also i just want to mention that not everything i wrote is directed at just you anon. i get asks from other ppl too trying to pressure me or complain and they aren’t always nice. thank you for being so respectful when asking, i appreciate it
#sorry i just really had to vent#cus like i don’t want to sound ungrateful AT ALL. i really loveee that so many ppl want to talk to me 💕#but it can be a bit too much sometimes and i really dont know how to handle it#ugh idk anymore maybe i just need to take a break for a bit 💔
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sometimes i feel compelled to delete this account
#every time i open tumblr i feel so inadequate and irrelevant#it's suffocating honestly#this site is so great at archival. i wish i could use it without feeling sick#someone on strawpage asked me what its like being popular#i dont know. i wish i felt like i had any impact on this fandom and the people around me#i dont think ive inspired anyone or contributed much of value#especially not on here#sorry. my mental and physical health are pretty terrible#every day i feel like im dying#i plunge myself into art and into fictional worlds into some sort of creative production#to try and drown out the inescpable dread#i would like to do something. i need to improve my organizational skills. i need to work harder#i need to improve myself. sorry#im not sure why im sharing this. i dont really want to worry anyone or make anyone feel bad for me#vent#delete later#expressing myself is nice. but i shouldn't because it might hurt people.#life is difficult isn't it? let's all forget about this tomorrow.
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