#sonder thoughts
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blood in the bayou truly is jrwi’s tragedy. like you go in knowing there is no world in which this horror story ends for all of the characters are introduced to. and then the boys have the audacity to go hey. here is a brother. here is a son, and a friend, and someone who has been at war with himself for as long as he has been alive. here is one of the monsters. here is one of the monsters, and he is scared of everything, including himself. here is a legend. here is someone who is committed to a fulfilling life for the people around him. here is the only character that will consistently have some level of optimism in this story. who, against all odds, believes in all the chances a person could need and loves his friends. here is the story where they all die at the end, and here are the characters who have so much ahead of them who occupy it. and they were fucked up for that.
#sonder thoughts#jrwi bitb#blood in the bayou#its 12 in the morning and im delirious but#bitb theme s as always plague me
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killer being like "yeah i know every single little thing about horror and dust" (because he watches them as a part time hobby (freak) (find something better to do)) and then he acts surprised when they do something that he wouldnt expect them to do in his little predetermined absolutely perfect concept of them
like what do you MEAN horror licks spoons clean when he's using them so he doesn't have to get a completely different one for the main course and the dessert. what do you MEAN dust has a lisp even though he speaks fluently and uses even more complex words than killer himself. horror knows how to sew and he often patches up their things without either of them noticing?? dust always wears oversized and clothes that cover him up just because he finds it comfy?? what??? out ra geous???? these guys have small little quirks to them that killer doesn't already know about???? killer immediately wants to know more. so he can expand his internal profile of them of course. not for any other more endearing and sweet reason. not at all,,,,,,,, (:3)
#AASHSHAHHHHH this one is so cute....... this thought. thank you brain for making this thought#it's like killer's experiencing sonder (except he's not aware of his own complexity of life because of his own derealization/personalizatio#actually i dont think this deserves to be a side blog post. this is too damn CUTE#at first the 2 were probably weirded out by killer watching them and now they probably dgaf...... killer comments less than youd expect#but now theyre used to his shit so they do all these tiny things that killer gets to pick up on and learn more about them#its so interesting...... killer can do as much reasoning as he can to try and find a logical reason for why they do these little things#but in the end if the real reason is just because they wanted to or they felt like it then how can killer comprehend that?#how can they just do that so easily and choose to do things based off a whim instead of having a calculated precise reason for personal gai#he wouldnt realize it on his own but noticing those little things coming fron horror and dust who used to be like him could help with the#everything is just a game and i am simply an avatar and the ultimate goal is the win aka be the most powerful#for dust and horror theyve already turned their consoles off. theyre out of their games theyve finished. their goal was just to beat it#(like if horrortale finally got the good ending it deserves because of aliza horror would have finished#if dust beat the player and due to extreme boredom (ITS GOTTA BE EXTREME EXTREME) decides to leave to explore the multiverse)#in killer's eyes theyve achieved their goals. but killer's still playing his game. maybe he IS the game. but eitherway he's not done#like they r. so taking into consideration how other versions of himself act when theyre finished with the game could he act like that 2??#did HE also finish his game and he never realized it? should he be basing these ideas off dust and horror when theyre kinda not the same gu#killer would find so many hoops to jump through to justify getting rid of the everything is a competitive game idea but there would be smth#IDK im just rambling. i gawt this idea from me imagining them fight. ya you wouldnt believe this sweet thing came from trio abuse :3#killer psychoanalyzing dust and horror is one of my favorite things eva. horror would HATE IT (if he were aware#and dust would totally be freaked out and keep to himself incase killer's planning anything against him#but uaaaghhh pretend this isnt canon this is triglycercule's ideal little world where they explore the mv and have fun#killer watching dust and horror sleep because he doesnt feel tired while theyre all in bed#and he's just picking up on how theyre positioned. how they breathe. the little things.......... djdjshahahaaahsushdjwbdsn ssosooooo cuuut#tricule hc#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#dare i say mtt poly. ok i dare say it. but like lowkey he'd do this whether theyre together or not...... killers just weird like that......
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@sondering-thoughts
Oh, you're absolutely right! The Vagastrom students mentioned they'd normally go to Clementia to get things exorcised! That completely slipped my mind!! Good memory!
So Clementia likely specially dealt with spirits kind of like how Hotarubi specially deals with Japanese anomalies and Mortkraken specially deals with anomalous illness?
Also I'm kind of assuming that they lived in the Cathedral, not Dionysia or Ultio. But people who work with spirits and possessions living in a Cathedral makes even more sense--I mean most of the dorms and their surrounding locations kind of reflect on the nature of the house and its students, and the traditional house is Hotarubi so they couldn't live in like a Japanese temple or there'd be thematic overlap lolol
#sondering thoughts#tokyo debunker#danie yells at tokyo debunker#had to wait hntil i got home to run a search on the localized chapter 2 file instead of trying to manually find out what part that was lol
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How sweet and beautiful it is,
My friend,
My love,
To have lived a life that brushed past yours.
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Every day I wake up and it's like I fall in love more with the world. I don't know how else to articulate it .
There's always these feelings of warm fuzzies every time I witness the beauty of mundanity or human creativity/compassion or something. it's like everywhere I look, it feels like I'm cradling a newborn kitten in my hands. It's wild.
Really wish ppl didn't make fun of me for it tho, or call me a stupid idiot for being "too soft" Grew up thinking there was something wrong with me lmao.
#i can't help how i feel Everytime i go outside man#i see a bug and suddenly there r a million thoughts in my head about thier existence and place in this lifetime#its even worse when i see some random person#sonder and the endearment that comes after is such a funny lil thing yk#im ok now ig still sucks getting made fun of for having a heart tho#splatter rambles#i need to sleeeeep
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tagged by @godsentk
albums in rotation:
tagging @dj-a-a-ron @theyhateke @lunapalm @honeyincarnate @cxntco @reggimuffins @blondiiebaby
#pusha t#daytona#sampha#lahai#sonder#too late to die young#asap rocky#testing#music#hip hop#rap#rnb#r&b#r&b/soul#@reggimuffins#i was looking for what you tagged me in for days but could not find it#thought you lost your blog#but i see it now#will share that one in due time
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i think its really funny how ive almost perfectly dodged cultural christian guilt about some things but am so aggressively not immune to others. i was the only person in my college class able to casually say "yeah i think this theory is encouraging women to do erotic or sexual writing". also i do believe every bad thing that happens to me is my fault and i have to perform labors to make up for it
#wow look something original!!#sonder psychoanalysis moments#of course some of this is also the Anxiety#but i really do wonder how my brain managed to subconsciously pick up protestant guilt and be like#ooh we can incorporate that. into our mental illnesses#it IS helpful that sometimes i can hear a negative thought pattern and just go 'THOUGHTS AN 1800S AMERICAN EVANGELICAL WOULD HAVE. INVALID.#but its also weird that my brain is mimicking those patterns so specifically at all. yknow
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Everyone has such a complex life. They have goals and ambitions. They are striving to meet their goals. I don’t have that, and i feel like I’m constantly missing out. I have done nothing with my life and i don’t have goals. I’m miserable.
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Sonder...
It was Saturday night and my family was resting in the bedroom. My father and little sister laid out on one side of the bed playing ludo.
I was combing my mother's hair as she played with them. While doing so, I realised she had a little bald spot on her head. The spot wasn't too obvious normally, but now when I saw it, I was hit by a sudden realisation.
My mother's growing old.
And thus began my train of thoughts on how she had a whole (not entire but a big chunk of) life behind her that I never witnessed.
How was she when she was 15? Did she dance in her free time? Did she blush when she saw her crush?
Did a boy break her heart when she was 17? Did she hate her life when she was 19? How would she cry, laugh, cringe at a certain situation?
She lived a life. Good or bad... it's gone. Does she feel grief about it like I do? Would she do it differently? Is she happy with us? I wouldn't know.
" come, play with us!" She asked me, drawing me closer. And then I realised, I had just experienced sonder... But not for a stranger, but my own mother.
Yes, the answers to these questions remain unknown... and I am afraid that the answers will not be pleasant to hear. But all I can do for her younger self - a stranger- is to give her a good life ahead.
But it's heartbreaking to know that my mother was a little girl once who had no care in the world and now all I see is a restless, tired woman.
Thoughts?
#mother#thoughts#my thoughts#prose#my love is mine all mine#hope#late night thoughts#family#sonder#moon#my writing#Spotify
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I got a writing challenge
Pick a character in a show or movie or comic that's completely insignificant- really just there for filler- and write a little story about them
#And if you#include what media you chose#Really go for sonder#Writing#writing challenge#writing prompt#Random thought
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and what if i said summer mobility aid user. what then.
#sonder thoughts#i just think . summer and doug qpr solidarity in having to use mobility aids#that and there isnt any way with her powers she doesnt have chronic pain in this essay i
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its a little sad, though, the irony of it all—amagai was the one who protected suzaki at first, taking a bat to his bullies and coming back to suzaki when he was crumpled and alone at the docks, making promises to each other to see the sky together. years later, and that previous care has vanished. now it’s suzaki returning a childhood favour over and over again while he’s left longing for reciprocity. if i pay that mercy back, i’ll get it again. and i’ll spend another hundred years paying back that kindness, too. all the while amagai’s forgotten the shape of his hands in suzaki’s and the way the sun kissed their skin while youthful naivety licked at their heels. just sad. suzaki’s left chasing a fever dream with flushed skin and the impression that love is something he has to survive. something has to give eventually.
#high & low#high & low the worst x#high and low#high and low the worst x#suzaki ryo#amagai kohei#suzaama#i'm well due for a rewatch of this movie#and then maybe i can get myself to write the second chapter of sonder remiss#just thoughts#writing
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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"That people found the surplus psychic bandwidth to consider—or even worry over—anyone else’s interior seemed a bit of an unheralded miracle. Cyrus read on a website once that there was a word for this: sonder. “The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.” Incredible, how naming something took nothing away from its stagger. Language could be totally impotent like that."
— Kaveh Akbar, Martyr!: A Novel (Knopf, January 23, 2024)
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Sonder on the web
I read a fanfic on ao3 a month ago that was so incredibly good I just could not get enough, so naturally when I finished it I went and browsed through the authors other works. You see this author had completed the fanfic I´m talking about, in March 2020 (it´s like a fucking time capsule it´s hilarious) and then immediately a week later started uploading another fanfic of the same ship but then abandoned it after a month. I of course binge read that fanfic as well knowing that it was unfinished and was still devastated when I finished it. The thing is I got so morbidly curious about this that I looked them up and found their tumblr which they also hadn´t been active on since they abandoned the fic. This has been haunting me ever since for some reason.
It´s just the thought of this anonymous stranger that has written such extraordinary (and popular!!) works just disappearing out of nowhere after being extremely active in said fandom since 2019 (on multiple platforms!!) What freaks me out is that they stopped updating at the same time they stopped posting here.
I guess what I´m getting at in this extremely long ramble of a post is that I´ve always felt at unease because there are so many people on the web that I´ll never get to know (because they have a life unlike me). You can forget that there is decades worth of all sorts of content about people and their lives, opinions and problems, still available on the internet when social media constantly shows you only the freshest up to date stuff from people who are still active.
I´ve always been curious about all the people I see on random blog websites, that haven´t been used since 2007, that we´re wondering about the same niche thing I just looked up. I´ll never know where these people are now.
(I´m just sour that that fic probably won´t get updated and my insatiable thirst for this specific authors writing style will never be quenched.)
#ao3#archive of our own#fanfiction#fandom#fandom things#rant#random thoughts#sonder#thank you for coming to my ted talk#It is five am please forgive me#had to dump my thoughts somewhere so that I could sleep
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Having a random moment of “oh, I’m me.” All these aspects of my life, character traits, hobbies, relationships, and identities… are mine. Are me.
Fuck.
#existentialism#existential crisis#sonder#gender#gender identity#identity#autism#Austistic#being trans#is wild#and a bit existential#my reflection is me#but different than I thought#it’d be#but I like being her#I am her#what god made me responsible#for this personhood#sapience is a bitch
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