#sometimes i think i might have an eating disorder

[lexytoga]

Headcanons for Loki :

 They don't really smoke, just think it's gross and weird for humans to do

Loki prefers wine than beer, he likes sweeter drinks in general

Loki really can't sleep half the time  cause of the darkness most of the time he doesn't sleep (mobius might have gotten them a light lamp)

  Loki half the time goes to buy outfits from thrift stores he would go to places like Gucci but I feel like he would be offended by the prices 

Loki braids his hair hair before he sleeps mainly to get natural waves 

Loki likes candies a lot, mainly the sour and sweet ones but he didn't like the key lime pie and mostly ate the frosting until mobius gave him a pumpkin pie which Loki loved 

He wears eyeliner and carries eyeliner to fix it

Loki's Jontun form has gloves on cause he can't touch people since he would burn them

Loki mainly crafts his own weapon and powers them with his magic (like a poison knife)

Loki listens to Lana del Rey and sometimes Taylor Swift mainly cause he likes the sad and romantic vibes of it 

Loki weighs like a Frost giant even in his Asgardian form even though he is small the illusion doesn't change his weight (from what I know he is like 500 pounds) so mobius really has a hard time dragging Loki away

On a sunny day, Loki really has sun allergies but it's very light but worse in his jotunn form, it's one of his weaknesses, that the burns really don't heal that fast 

Loki has every birthday gift he was given because it is the only time he feels loved in a way, especially by Thor who would just get Loki a plushie

Speaking of plushies Loki has a bit of separation anxiety, it is not that bad but he does panic when someone he loves doesn't text back, like when mobius goes somewhere unannounced, as kids Thor and Loki would share a room cause of it, sometimes thor had to hold Loki when he sleeps, as an adult thor taught plushies would remind him that he is always with Loki

Loki's grave (the Infinity War Loki) would be visited by Thor every day, he would clean it and put plushies and flowers on the grave

Loki has a lot of pets some of them are Thori (a hellhound from Hel) Ikol (a nod to comic, and a magpie) a snake, and a cat named Clementine 

(This is more like a modern Loki au) Loki would have used his magic to make himself an apartment to stay on earth, Loki would come home to Clementine and hang out with her when he gets home

not really a headcanon but he does have all-speak, speaking all languages (again in the comics)

Loki sometimes wears high heels, but he would conjure shoes if they got uncomfortable

Loki sometimes bakes pies since he really isn't good at cooking, but he learned to bake a pie for mobius so he didn't have to eat from the TVA

Loki would conjiur a blanket on mobius when he would overwork and fall asleep on his desk

Mobius doesn't know how to fight so Loki uses his magic to protect mobius and help him heal

Loki has BPD (borderline personality disorder) but mobius tries to help him and calm him down when he gets angry

Loki usually scoops mobius up and hugs him random moments taking advantage of there height difference

Mobius would give Loki candy or a star after they complete a mission to encourage Loki to be more less violent

Loki doesn't curse at all but he uses more older words like quim and all or he would just mumble in asgardain, he has a habit of going back to old English using "thy" "aye"

Both Loki and mobius love language is touch and glares, Loki would telepathically talk to mobius when they are around people

Mobius loves how Loki would explain in a Shakespeare

As a kid Loki mainly pranked thor to cope with his insecurity, he still does but it was getting better with mobius comforting him

Mobius sometimes feels like he is lesser to loki and thinks he isn't good enough since Loki was a god

Loki would visit a variant of frigga who ofc knew it wasn't her Loki but yet treated him like no other

When frigga met mobius she was noting but happy and knew Loki was happy with mobius and other way around, she was glad her son found some he can be real with

Mobius always treated him equal to everyone and sees him as a lover and a friend, and never used the god title unless Loki wasn't sure of a mission being successful

(please note my version of loki is like a combo of MCU loki and comic loki! Most of these are not cannon in the MCU but it might in comics! and I keep using he/they prounce cause i am confused as hell-)

[meliciousmel13]

WOULD'VE COULD'VE SHOULD'VE

i scare myself sometimes,

⇢ i almost took my life.

warnings: angst with no happy ending.

wc: 1,517 - a little short for my liking but i cut off the parts that i didn't like.

SYNOPSIS: it's been two months since the two of you broke up. it's new years party and madison wanted to talk.

taglist: @guysimgay164, @madisonbeerssecretwife

an: first fic on here, r u proud of me

The new years party was loud, sounds of chatter and laughs and drinks clicking together.

people talking to other people and drinks served in plastic cups. The glass ones were too dangerous because you can’t trust drunk people with glass and expect it to not break within 1 minute of you handing it to them—that was just your fault.

the air was humid and the smell of sweat and beer filled your lungs. your shoes were sticking to the floor due to spilled beer and you couldn’t find your friends.

you were lost. fully lost. somehow you ended up in a hallway with white doors on either side, some were half open and some had weird noises coming from them. that was disgusting. you wanted to get out, find your friends and hopefully not run into her. or anyone you know.

you finally found the stairs down and the first thing you saw was one of your friends—Allison.

“hey al, you know where ari is? she has my purse and i have my phone in it.” you said, slightly pushing your tight dress below your ass—as if that would scare away the men who gawk shamelessly at any silver of skin.

“huh? no,” she shook her head and smiled softly, “but i think i saw her go to the kitchen, you should look there first.” she said, and you let out a small ‘thank you’ in return.

you walked to the kitchen, and you saw ariana luckily. but she was talking to her. why the hell was she talking to her? no no no. you repeat in your head, turning around and trying to not be found the energetically drunk girl, knowing that if you did she would be glad to invite you into the conversation with your ex.

but of course, that was to much to wish for. and god desired to be cruel. “y/n!” ariana yelled through the music and put down her drink, grabbing your purse and shoving it in your chest. you clutch it tightly, occasionally glancing at her and trying to pay attention to whatever nonsense the blonde was spouting. ariana was friends with both of you but after you and Madison broke up she started hanging out with you more.

“i’m so glad your here i literally didn’t know what to do with it because if i left it on the counter then someone might steal it but also if i just held it with me the whole time then i would have this like bad feeling i don’t know the word but-” ariana was interrupted by Madison walking over to you, with a small smile. you rolled your eyes, and cross your arms. the last thing you wanted was seeing her again. she broke up with you. not the other way around.

“hey.” Madison said—squeaked, her voice cracking and her lips going dry, she had that strawberry lip gloss on and you thought of all the times she would lend you her perfume whenever she went on tour because she knew how much you would miss her scent. when she personally striped all the food labels from the house because of your eating disorder. 4 years that she threw away. you didn’t want to miss her. you desperately didn’t but something inside you spurred when you saw her. you missed her. you didn’t wanna admit it to yourself but you did.

“hi.” you said, and completely change your position hoping that it would make her feel excluded and then she’ll get the hint and leave. but she doesn’t. she just stands there while ariana talks about anything and everything. she stood there and waited for 30 minutes until ariana was done, to finally talk to you.

“hey uh, do you wanna talk?” she said. and you wanted to run away. to never see her again—because that’s all you wanted. to never see her again. but she won’t leave you alone. maybe she wanted to explain herself? why she broke up with you for no reason over text while she was across the world.

it ruined you. first you were exited to see a text from her and then you broke down. your hands were shaking and you were hyperventilating. you couldn’t believe it. at first your thought it was a prank. you texted back ‘is this a joke?’ and she didn’t reply. she left you on delivered. you still remember the whole 2 weeks you were rotting in your apartment. the smell of left over pizza hut and junk food was still fresh in your brain.

you didn’t understand. why why why why why. your friends tried to help. really. they did. but you didn’t listen, no, you ignored them and continued dwelling on her until you thought that the world meant nothing if she wasn’t there with you. you tried to slit your wrists but Allison stopped you. she hugged you and made you food and slept in bed with you so you knew that someone was with you. but also so you didn’t attempt again.

she made you go out the house for the first time in 2 weeks and took care of you like no other. she knew how much Madison meant to you. she was your best friend. and she also contemplated flying to whatever city Madison was in just to punch her in the face. because let’s be real. the bitch really needed it.

in the 4th week you already recovered, but she still hunted your mind. every thought and second was dedicated of think of how much of a horrible girlfriend she was. you went to her favorite restaurant and you couldn’t handle it. the memories were too much to bear, your friends understood and drove to another restaurant. but you still remembered how you two would sit and eat in silence until one giggle is let out and then the waiter tells you to be a quiet.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss- your thoughts were interrupted by your voice, and your brain shut up for a second. “no.” you answer, and you wanted to rip out your throat for saying no.

“5 minutes. please.” she said, and you gave her a chance. you walked outside without telling her to follow but she does anyway. the backyard was huge and there were only 3 people helping one person throw up in a bush. they left after a while to get the person some water.

“talk.” you crossed your arms, and waited for her to open her mouth. she didn’t. for what seemed like 20 seconds.

“i’m sorry.” she said, and you scoffed. looking away from her face to look at anything. anything else, because you didn’t want to cry in front of her. that would be pathetic and embarrassing—your throat was tightening up and you hoped the cold air would tell your eyes to stop. please. stop. don't cry.

you looked at her weirdly. as if saying ‘that’s it?’ and you swore you said it out loud because your head was screaming at you and you pictured all the moments of where you would shout and yell and push her. you could. if you wanted to. you could. you had the right to do so—she deserved it. but you couldn’t.

“i’m sorry that i broke up with you over text, i’m sorry i hurt you. i thought that when i went on tour that- that you’d get sick of me or forget about me-” she was crying now, and her voice was cracking.

“why would i get sick of you?” you asked.

“because-”

you cut her off. “why the hell would i get sick of you? i would’ve put in the effort. we could’ve face timed everyday, but no, you thought that the hard part was too hard so you just broke up with me? you should’ve actually tried, at least. and then maybe we would still be together!” the dam broke. all the anger pilled up in 2 months of confusion and resentment.

“y/n.” Madison moved her hand to touch your arm, reassuringly, probably what she was thinking, but it just made you even more mad. she touched you and you couldn’t stand it because you missed her.

“no! don’t fucking touch me Madison.” you said, and she flinched backing away from you. you hated that. that she was afraid of you.

you walk away and madison stands there, arms to her side and tears dry. her face was a mess. mascara smudges and eyes red. you hated to leave her there but if you ‘talked’ any longer then you would be the one in that position.

so you leave. the party. your friends. you called a cab and returned to your empty apartment.

the apartment that was once associated with joy and felicity. now it’s just an empty shell of what it once was. without her. without madison. you watched the fireworks alone that night. with your phone ringing and a miserable void in your heart.

[keirawantstocry]

every day i wake up and i am hungry. what do you fucking mean i need to eat AGAIN i did that shit yesterday. well. two days ago. maybe.

[canisalbus]

I realize this might be a slightly odd ask, but… Out of curiosity, what sort of foods do you think Machete would be fond of? And do you think they’d differ noticeably from when he was young vs once he’d grown older?

He's a fussy eater. He rarely eats for pleasure and dislikes being seen dining in company, but attends formal dinners and banquets if invited, since declining without a very good reason would be at best rude and at worst a devastating faux pas. He prefers fowl dishes over red meat and greatly dislikes sea food (which is just peachy since this is the Mediterranean). Pasta seems to be already a well established part of the cuisine at that point, maybe he's into that. For the most of his life he's eaten rather simple foods so he finds bland soups and broths very safe and comforting. Pomegranates are his fruit of choice, he doesn't have much of a sweet tooth but enjoys candied apricots and figs on occasion.

He's exceptionally bad at holding his liquor, and he can't stand the feelings of unpredictability, disorientation, unsafeness and potential loss of control that being intoxicated causes in him. Unfortunately, drinking plain water was very risky and uncommon, it was contaminated and unsanitary more often than not, especially in population centers. Generally the main drinks you'd consume through the day were diluted wine and beer/ale (this was the case for children as well). Machete tends to prefer wine, which he waters down heavily, and sometimes has it flavored with spices, herbs, honey or sugar. Having even a little bit of alcohol in the mix would kill at least a portion of the bacteria (not that the concept was known at the time, people believed many illnesses were caused by tainted air and foul smells, I mean fair enough, if your water is filthy it probably smells bad too).

(Fun fact, apparently Ancient Romans had more or less perfected the art of winemaking but by the Middle Ages a lot of the techniques had been lost. During the Renaissance wine was generally very low quality and the way it was fermented and stored (making the switch from sealed ceramic amphora of the Antiquity to those iconic wooden barrels) meant it would only stay good for a year at best and the taste would start to deteriorate within the first couple of months. Vintage wines weren't a thing, the best stuff was fresh. Apparently European wine was pretty bad for hundreds of years and would only start to improve again around 1800s. Or at least that's what I've gathered, I could be wrong, I'm not a wine expert).

Europe hadn't quite adopted tea yet and he narrowly missed the time coffee began to spread to his corner of the world (I bet he would've loved both of those, with the help of caffeine he could've been twice as much of a jittery sleepless wreck). I've read that people would distill sage and drink the resulting concoction with hot water to create this very tea-like minty drink, that sounds like something he'd like.

[blackh0letempest]

To the kids currently going through abuse from their parents, keep pushing forward. You will get out. You will. It feels huge, it's a lot to think about. You will probably make mistakes. But there is not a single living independent adult that hasn't made mistakes in handling their finances, taking care of themselves, etc. The sooner you get out, the sooner you can start to learn who you are when you aren't being abused, and that self is deeply worth knowing. You are worth the effort.

[lovelesslittleloser]

People should be more afraid of asexuals, because they’re the only people that are immune to one of the seven deadly sins

[nomairuins]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[soultoken-archived]

american comics are wild, man.

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[energysoda]

OW OW OW JAW HURT

[nanowrimo]

4 Tips for Autistic Writers

Autistic writers can face unique challenges when it comes to writing. NaNo Participant Auden Halligan has tips to handle some of those challenges!

So, you’ve just sat down at your desk, all ready to work on your next chapter, but you just can’t seem to start. Something is itching at your brain, and no matter how hard you think, you can’t figure it out. For autistic writers, that itch might be even harder to get around when compounded with autistic inertia, introspection issues, and sensory processing disorder — even if we were super excited to get started, sometimes the stumbling blocks are enough to keep us from going anywhere at all.

Here are four tips to identify your struggles and work around them rather than against them as an autistic writer!

1. Schedule your writing time appropriately

While keeping a schedule can help you stave off unwanted change in your routine, the need to switch to another task when the clock strikes the hour sometimes feels like a monumental task, one that eventually becomes detrimental to your creative pursuits.

If switching tasks is the biggest hurdle to your writing, setting a designated writing time with no other plans around it could do the trick. Oftentimes, just one hour of time to transition from doing dishes to sitting down at your computer to write is exactly what you need to get past that point and find your writing headspace.

2. Make sure your sensory environment is right

Sometimes getting into that writing headspace is harder than normal, but you can’t put your finger on a reason. Chances are, you’re not quite ready until you have your sensory needs met and you can fully focus on your story.

Personally, I like to be on the couch with my water bottle, a playlist at just the right volume, and a comfortable jacket or hoodie on. For you, the ideal sensory space might involve a desk and a snack, a pet nearby, and a quiet room. For others, it could be outside or even at a library or coffee shop. Autistic people are all different and so are their sensory needs, so this one is super subjective — do what works best for you!

3. Take breaks often

Writing can be exhausting, and if you’re struggling to keep going, you might need to take a pause. If you’re like me and struggle with remembering to hydrate and eat once you’re deep in a task, use your break to get some water and a snack. If you’re having trouble staying focused, get up and move around and stim or go outside to give your brain a reset. If you feel like you’ve gotten some good progress done, however small, reward yourself — do something related to your special interest, dance with a pet, and celebrate your little (or big!) win!

The pomodoro method is a good way to keep yourself from working too long without a break, and if that doesn’t work for you, methods like the Eisenhower method with breaks interspersed and even simply inserting breaks into your scheduled writing time are just as valid.

4. Don’t be afraid to skip around

Another thing that often trips us autistic people up is needing to follow the story down its natural progression, from start to middle all the way to the finish. But inevitably, once we’ve gotten past the initial excitement of having the project started, we hit a stumbling block…and the project gets abandoned. I’ve left behind countless projects because I lost interest after hitting a scene I wasn’t excited for after just a few chapters.

To combat this, try writing out of order! Skip ahead to the scene directly after your stumbling block. You could also skip to the next scene your favorite character is in or even to the climax if it helps you move forward. If you’re having trouble putting your first words down, try writing a random scene in the middle of your story to get into the groove of writing your characters.

Alternately, if you can’t abide by the out of order method and really need to get your characters from Point A to Point B, try putting the scene you’re stuck on in brackets. For example:

[Character 1 and Character 2 fight over the decision to kick Character 3 off the team. 2 leaves in anger.]

It’s simple, efficient, and gets you out of that particular rut so you can keep moving toward that sweet, sweet conversation you’ve wanted to write since Day 1.

Now go forth and write, my friends!

Auden Halligan is a creator through and through. She’s been writing her entire life, but didn’t start participating in NaNoWriMo until 2017–right now she’s working on developing a TV series (or two!) and has several novels and short films in the drafting phase. Auden is currently a college student studying film production and hoping to minor in disability studies. You can find her on her very sparse Twitter at ink.and.spite. Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

If you’re an autistic writer, check out the Pillow Fort in the NaNoWriMo forums! It’s a group for people who are neurodivergent, have disabilities, mental health concerns, or physical challenges that affect their lives.

[seireitonin]

Dating Toby?? Like is he clingy, jealous or protective of his partner??

(I don't know....this is my first time doing these things.....)

Toby brain rot :3 this is how I see Toby mixed with some canon information! (I’m gonna try to keep it realistic)

What would it be like dating Toby?

Toby’s life is filled with tragedy

Abuse, death, murder, mental illnesses, being a slave to Slenderman

It’s all bad

So when he finds you, someone that accepts him and loves him despite all that, he’s not letting you go

He’ll do anything for you

I mean to the point it’s unhealthy

Because hes obsessed with you

Like really obsessed with you

He’s super touchy, not only because he likes to feel close to you, but it keeps him grounded

That’s important to him because his disorders/ mental illnesses cause him to hallucinate or space out

He’s not gloomy he’s actually upbeat but when he remembers something from his past or the current state of his life he goes through episodes of depression and mood swings

They can get really intense and as you’re with him you’ll learn how to support him through it

Just laying with him, making sure he has water and reminding him you’re here for him will help lots and lots of physical affection

If his mood swings get violent he’ll isolate himself from you but it’s heartbreaking to hear his suffering

His swings can go from extreme anger to intense sadness to reckless happiness

Since he hasn’t had much kindness or interaction in his life he doesn’t have the best social skills

He’ll say whatever is on his mind with no filter and that includes you too

So he’ll say mean things unintentionally a lot because he doesn’t understand how what he says can be hurtful

And he might try to call you sensitive for it too

“Ugh you’re overreacting I didn’t even say anything that hurtful. It’s just what’s on my mind”

He literally doesn’t understand how it can make you feel because he’s a bit detached with emotions

It’s gonna take a while for him to understand but he loves you so he’ll try to understand for your sake and will work on apologizing

He can also just be rude or a jerk sometimes in general

Toby likes just spending time with you to the point where you’re connected at the hip

He won’t say he loves you with words but he says it with his actions

He brings you gifts, holds your hand, goes on walks with you, holds you and try’s to be better for you (even though it’s really hard because he’s set in his ways)

He talks a lot so sometimes you’ll just listen and smile

Since he can’t feel pain, when he gets back from missions you’ll have to help him check for injuries to make sure he’s okay

He doesn’t say it but he appreciates it

Sometimes he’ll just stare at you because he loves you so much, taking in your every detail

He notices everything about you, from your body language, how you tan in the summer and lighten in the winter, he even knows how many times you breathe in a minute

Toby eats a lot of instant ramen so be prepared to eat a lot of that at first but you start to cook for him because he needs to eat better

Toby never expected to have a girlfriend since he’s a lot to handle but he liked the way you handle him

He’s full of himself literally thinks he’s gods gift to earth so sometimes he puts himself before your relationship but he’s trying to change that

He’s really funny especially if you like dark humor

He’s a jealous man. You’re his no one else’s

If someone even looks at you romantically he’ll go crazy on them

Remember, Toby is still a murderer and enjoys murdering

Chasing them down and threatening them and if it escalated kill them with a smile

He does it all for you. Everything is for you.

“You know I love you, right?”

He looks at you covered in blood

Toby likes it when you wear his sweaters

He wants a family one day and hopes you can give that to him

He’s possessive over you but does it out of intense love and obsession

He wants to keep you safe by any means necessary because he’s so used to losing the people he loves and he really doesn’t wanna lose you

Toby drives a pickup truck and likes to drive you around in it

He likes to sit in the back of it with you and look at the stars in an open field

Since Toby’s older his tics have calmed down but they’re still there and he still has the occasional tic attack

You’ll have to help him through those because sometimes he can’t even talk when he’s having one

Stuff he can squeeze, ice pack on his forehead and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself

He’s happy you don’t see him as a burden like everyone else did

He’s never letting you go

He didn’t know he could feel love this intense

[cheesesoda]

calling you out based on your favorite triplet!

it’s ya girl back at it again with the call out posts

cw: mentions of mental health issues, sexual trauma, and EDs

nick: if you’re a nick girl/boy/person, i get the feeling you’re the oldest. you sometimes tend to feel sorry for yourself and then you feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself and it becomes a vicious cycle. you probably have either dealt with body image issues or an eating disorder (idk every nick person i’ve met has dealt with that). you’re probably pretty insecure and you constantly compare yourself to all your friends and it’s tearing you apart. you have a hard time accepting compliments because you simply don’t believe them. i think there’s a lot you don’t talk about but then you blame others for your secrecy and feel bad for yourself, as if they just don’t understand. maybe try letting people in and let them have a shot at trying to understand you. you’re not an enigma.

songs you remind me of:

prom queen by beach bunny

not strong enough by boygenius

idontwannabeyouanymore by billie eilish

sippy cup by melanie martinez

orange juice by melanie martinez

tv by billie eilish

matt: if you’re a matt girl/boy/person, you’re probably the quietest one of the group. you possibly grew up without many friends and you often feel left out or unseen. you were the quiet kid and never really talked. you’re very nurturing and you try to take care of all your friends because you want them to know you see them. you’ve most likely dealt with mental health issues (specifically anxiety and/or depression). you tend to overthink a lot and you probably have a lot more to say than you actually say. you were probably the one who walked on the grass, the one who was the photographer but never in the photo, and the one who sat alone at lunch. as a kid, you went unnoticed but now you’re not. as a result, you end up purposely excluding yourself from your current friend group(s) because it’s what you’re used to and then you end up isolating yourself but you don’t realize that you’re doing it to yourself. i hope you’ll see that people do notice you and they do care about you. you’re not invisible.

songs that remind me of you:

the archer by taylor swift

chosen last by sara keys

letter to my 13 year old self by laufey

nobody by mitski

afraid by the neighbourhood

everything i wanted by billie eilish

chris: if you’re a chris girl/boy/person, i think you grew up too quickly. you probably had to start looking out for yourself at way too young of an age and now you have a hard time accepting nurturing and loving treatment. i get the feeling that you were sexualized from a young age too and you probably have some sexual trauma. as a result, you act hypersexual because it’s what you’ve been made to believe you’re supposed to be. people don’t take you seriously, probably because you are the funny one or the pretty one but you’re actually very observant and analytical. you notice things most people don’t. you’ve often been the butt of the joke in the friend group so now you make fun of everyone else before they can make fun of you. you might come off as mean but i think you’re just scared of being vulnerable. you definitely have commitment issues which probably stems from your childhood trauma (including but not limited to family issues). you end up getting yourself into dangerous or unhealthy or self destructive situations because it’s what you’re used to and you think it’s what people expect from you. you don’t have to follow your self fulfilled prophecy. you don’t have to be what others tell you that you are.

songs that remind me of you:

goddess by laufey

labyrinth by taylor swift

safeword by tv girl

don’t miss me by claire rosinkranz

brand new city by mitski

first love/late spring by mitski

[anticanonsposts]

König my bbg

I truly think this man would be so obsessive about your best interest…..

cw: allusion to disordered eating, lack of self care hehe, nsfw under the cut, mdni

he is for sure the partner to get very upset when asking you what you have eaten during the day, and you respond with coffee and a bag of cheetos.

coming from someone who needs to eat so much just to maintain his weight, he cannot wrap his head around how you are still functioning. 

he will refuse to cuddle you until you get up and eat SOMETHING, this goes the same for water, he will bring you an entire glass and sit like a disappointed parent until you finish it.

he quite literally wants nothing more than for you to take basic care of yourself, and give yourself everything you need to simply function 

sometimes when you are staying up late, mindlessly scrolling on your phone he will just complain and say that HE is tired

he's figured out that this works better than to beg you to go to sleep for your own good

NSFW under the cut mdni

early on in your physical relationship his head was buried between your legs and at one point it sounded like you were sobbing, and could barely catch your breath

this lead to you very fucked out and frustratedly looking down at him as he was gazing up at you with nothing but concern, having stopped what he was doing 

you giggled and assured him that you were fine 

one time you two are fucking in doggy but like sitting up, he takes a breather and you cant reach your water bottle so he leans back to grab his and lets you take a swig while he’s holding it (idk why but for some reason someone holding a water bottle while you drink from it seems hot to me, idk my brain might be broken)

after sex, after a bit of cuddling of course, he is adamant that you go pee, he doesn't want you getting a UTI and will literally lift you off of him if you resist or pretend to be asleep. 

also….man is girthy ok

he refuses to give you his entire dick all at once or without a warm up/foreplay 

he knows how you are supposed to feel, that you aren't supposed to be too tight, the last thing he wants to do is hurt you when he’s supposed to be making you feel good. 

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

[rainystarters]

๋࣭ ⭑𓆩✧𓆪🗡ྀ࿔ 〖 and other stories . . . 〗 a collection of dialogue + action prompts inspired by angela carter's the bloody chamber and other stories. some prompts usfw. add +reversed for the muse receiving the meme to perform the action instead. adjust details as necessary.

dialogue :

are you sure you want to marry him?

oh! how you must want me!

soon.

i had never been vain until i met you.

anticipation is the greater part of pleasure.

all the better to see you.

what is that key? the key to your heart?

every man must have one secret, even if only one, from his wife.

all is yours, everywhere is open to you.

but now... what shall i do now?

my darling, i cannot wait for the moment when you make me yours completely.

there is a striking resemblance between the act of love and the ministrations of a torturer.

you are in some great distress.

any bride brought to a castle should come ready dressed in mourning.

oh god. i can smell the blood.

i thought all these were old wives' tales, chattering of fools, spooks to scare bad children into good behavior!

can't it wait until morning, my darling?

who can say what i deserve or no?

i've done nothing; but that may be sufficient reason for condemning me.

i have a place prepared for your exquisite corpse upon my display of flesh.

good fellow? i am no good fellow.

forgive me for robbing your garden!

all she wanted, in the whole world, was one white, perfect rose.

and what else was there to be done?

they are the death of any tender herbivore.

so late! you will want sleep.

you will come back to me? it will be lonely here, without you.

i will come back. soon, before the winter is over.

i am sick and i must die.

if you'll have me, i'll never leave you.

i think i might be able to manage a little breakfast today.

i have lost my pearl, my pearl beyond price.

if you are so careless of your treasure, you should expect them to be taken from you.

for all my pride, my heart is heavy.

if you wish to give me money, then i should be pleased to receive it.

i shall twist a noose out of my bed linen and hang myself with it.

you are a woman of honor.

nothing human lives here.

we have dispensed with servants.

take off my clothes for you, like a ballet girl? is that all you want of me?

all cats are cynics.

you read my thoughts, my love.

the woods enclose. the wood swallows you up.

all will fall still, all lapse.

it is easy to lose yourself in these woods.

i thought that nobody was in the wood but me.

there are some eyes can eat you.

sometimes the birds, at random, all singing, strike a chord.

eat me, drink me.

dive in and fetch it for me.

now you are at the place of annihilation.

and she is herself a cave full of echoes, she is a system of repetitions, she is a closed circuit.

can a bird sing only the song it knows or can it learn a new song?

beauty is a symptom of disorder, of soullessness.

a single kiss woke up the sleeping beauty in the wood.

be he alive or be he dead.

coffee. you must have coffee.

welcome. welcome to my chateau.

i rarely receive visitors and that's a misfortune since nothing animates me half as much as the presence of a stranger.

this place is so lonely.

now the village is deserted.

often i am so silent that i think i, too, will soon forget how to do so and nobody will ever talk any more.

i must apologize for the lack of light.

you have such a fine throat, like a column of marble.

i am condemned to solitude and dark.

i do not mean to hurt you.

i will be very gentle.

and could love free me from the shadows?

i've been waiting for you in my wedding dress, why have you delayed for so long.

you will feel no pain, my darling.

so delicate and damned, poor thing. quite damned.

the end of exile is the end of being.

it is a northern country; they have cold weather, they have cold hearts.

the devil is as real as you or i.

do not leave the path.

you are always in danger in the forest.

they are as unkind as plague.

fear and flee the wolf; for, worst of all, the wolf may be more than he seems.

besides, aren't you afraid of the wolves?

actions :

clasp. from behind, the sender places their hands over the receiver's eyes.

opera. through opera glasses, the sender watches the receiver.

choker. the sender fastens a gemstone necklace around the receiver's neck.

carriage. the sender locks the receiver in with them in their train compartment.

spine. the sender presses a kiss to the back of the receiver's bare neck.

cigar. the sender leans in and blows smoke in the receiver's face.

ermine. the sender wraps the furs around the receiver tighter as the snow falls.

keys. the sender silently enters the room and listens to the receiver play piano.

harem. the sender undresses the receiver before a collection of mirrors.

lazy. the sender brings the receiver breakfast in bed.

call. the sender calls the receiver and bursts into tears upon hearing their voice.

note. the sender discovers a love letter sent to the receiver from a previous lover.

death. the sender finds the receiver with the body of their latest victim.

hospitality. the sender watches from the shadows as the receiver take refuge from a storm in the sender's seemingly abandoned home.

servant. invisible, the sender feeds/washes/cares for the receiver.

hearth. the sender and the receiver talk past midnight by the fire's light.

hands. the sender falls to their knees before the receiver and kisses their hands.

bouquet. the sender has a hundred white roses sent to the receiver.

reunion. the sender lays eyes upon the receiver for the first time in an age.

bad luck. the sender hangs their head having lost a bet to the receiver.

voice. the sender sends their valet to speak their desires to the receiver.

powder. the sender dresses/makes up the receiver before an important night.

stallion. the sender grabs the reins of the receiver's horse and leads them away.

weep. the sender cries at the sight of the receiver in such a state.

dry. the sender brushes a tear from the receiver's cheek.

flush. the sender pinches the receiver's skin, watching it redden with blood.

prey. the sender guides the receiver's hands as together they skin a rabbit.

song. the sender sings and the receiver is spellbound, their feet following their song's command.

caught. the sender locks the receiver into a cage.

green. by the sender's command, the growth begins to take over the receiver.

tarot. the sender tells the receiver they are doomed to a sad fate.

stain. the sender touches the bloodstain on the receiver's white negligée.

wild. the sender rides hard through the night, chasing the receiver.

thirst. the sender sinks their teeth into the neck of the receiver.

china. the sender pours tea for the receiver and offers them biscuits.

blemish. the sender explores the receiver's skin and finds the mark of a witch.

wolf. the wolf reveals themself to be the sender before the receiver.

muzzle. the sender kisses the monstrous mouth of the receiver.