#also I included image descriptions! I did my best

[blueeyedgirll]

cuddles - emily prentiss x bau!reader

this fic includes: fluff, cuddling, only one bed trope (kind of?), vague descriptions of cm typical violence, no beta or proofread we die like emily’s fake death, penelope garcia being the best person to ever have graced the earth, no use of y/n, f!reader

a/n: guys i’m on season 7 now (^_-) also i don’t know how the fbi works SUE ME

“God, what a mess!” Emily exclaims, setting her bags down in the corner of the hotel room.

Unfortunately, due to the horrendously overcrowded convention going on nearby and your latest unsub’s comfort zone, you, JJ, Penelope, and Emily were forced to share a room.

“I can’t believe they could only give us two rooms. Couldn’t we have just stayed somewhere else?” JJ adds, removing her coat and hanging it in the room’s tiny closet.

“Unfortunately, my friends, our administration seems to love us enough to pay for our hotels, but not enough to move us into a company they don’t have a rapport with,” Penelope explains. She removes her hair accessories and piles them on the bathroom counter, her foot wedged in the bathroom door to stay in the conversation. “But it’s like a sleepover! Us girls get to share a room, and the boys have their own.”

“I haven’t had a sleepover since I was 12,” JJ says.

“Me neither,” you pipe up. “So who’s sleeping where tonight?”

Your eyes scan the room. Four girls, two beds, and eight eyes glancing at each other.

“I’m fine with sharing, but I do need to let you know I tend to steal blankets,” Penelope says, placing her accessories in a small box.

“Yeah, I’m fine with anything.” JJ says.

You and Emily briefly lock eyes. If you said sleeping in the same bed as Emily didn’t sound amazing, you’d be a liar. She’d been distracting you from your work and almost all your thoughts for the last few weeks; something about her demeanor, or her dark, sharp features, or that streak of playfulness she lets show on occasion. Whatever it is, it continues to drive you up a wall.

“Well, if none of you care, I want the bed closer to the AC unit because it is a stupidly warm night here.” Penelope steps over to the bed on the right side of the room, unpacking a fuzzy blanket and an extra pillow — how did she fit that in there? — from her bag.

“True that. If you two don’t mind, I’ll sleep closer to the AC too.” JJ says, looking between the two of you before moving.

“Yeah, go ahead.” You say, just a little bit too happy. You tell Emily to go ahead and get comfortable because you’re going to change. She nods as you shut yourself in the bathroom.

You use the bathroom to take a moment, take a breath. Part of you wonders what it will be like, sleeping in the same bed as Emily. The rest of you wonders how you’re going to keep your cool.

You change into your sleep clothes, a tank top and small shorts. The cool air of the room makes the hair on your body stand up.

You walk back out to a dark, silent room. The only light left on was the one to the left of Emily.

“Ready for bed?” she asks.

“Yeah,” you say, climbing into bed and wrapping the soft covers around you. Emily clicks the light off and slides down in the bed.

Before you can even start relaxing, images of the day flash back into your mind. The things the unsub did to his victims. The distraught loved ones of the deceased. The endless papers, leading you to repeated dead ends.

It only feels like a few minutes, but over the course of time, you grow colder and more restless. You toss and turn, trying to get more comfortable, but to no avail. Sighing, you turn to check the time, trying to find an estimate of how much sleep you would get.

The clock reads 4:24. You start contemplating just waking up extra early, but before you can reach a conclusion, you hear a whisper.

“Hey, you alright?” Emily whispers, turning to face you.

You pause for a moment. How honest should you be?

“Yeah, just… cold,” you say.

Emily takes a moment. You think she’s going to get up to grab a blanket, or lend you a hoodie, or anything else, but she scoots over to where you are and wraps her warm arms around your body. She gives you a firm squeeze. You know she knows you’re not just cold.

She starts to move away like it was just a hug. Before you can make a better decision, your hands stop her.

“Do you want me to stay?” Emily whispers.

You nod. Even though the darkness, Emily understands. She moves back to you, tucking your head into her shoulder. She wraps her arms around your middle and pulls the blanket fully over you.

She smells like lotion and coffee and clean clothes. It’s addictive. You nuzzle your head deeper into her, earning a small laugh and her hand making its way into your hair. She runs her nails over your scalp, brushing the hair off your neck.

“Are you okay?” she asks. You just hum, making her laugh again. “Goodnight. Sleep well for me.”

And with her arms around you, hand in your hair, you drift off into a comforting sleep.

bonus — the next morning, you wake up to giggling, which is quickly hushed. the entire day you and emily are the victims of glances and hushed whispers. on the jet home, you finally decide to ask penelope what was up with it. she doesn’t verbally respond, just shows you a picture of you sleeping like a baby, tucked into emily’s chest. at that moment she comes over, smiles, and walks back to her seat.

[yupuffin]

Marine biology nerd reacts to Wuthering Waves fishing minigame! Part 1

Hi, I have a BA in biology with an unofficial specialization in marine bio (my college didn't offer anything more specific) so I love everything that has to do with sea critters, and since my enthusiasm about salps got positive reception, I would love to yap about some fun facts relevant to the obtainable fish present in the new fishing minigame in Wuthering Waves 🐟🌊

We're going to start with the...

Fried Egg Jellyfish

The fried egg jellyfish in Wuthering Waves looks like a pretty out-of-pocket design, but fried egg jellies are, in fact, real animals!

Sharing this photo again of one I took near a body of water in my region -- they do legitimately look like fried eggs. 😂 They belong to the genus Phacellophora and are found in most of the world's oceans. (Not to be confused with Cotylorhiza tuberculata, which is also called the "fried egg jellyfish" but is a different species.)

I'm not sure if it varies by region, but where I live, the best time to see them is between mid-July and mid-August, when they appear in droves -- so I see them often enough that I was positively ticked to see them featured in Wuthering Waves essentially unaltered. The caveat would be the note about them purportedly tasting like fried eggs; while some species of jellyfish are indeed edible when prepared properly, I'm not sure about this one specifically, so I can't say I endorse trying -- and even if they are, they probably don't taste like eggs, as jellyfish supposedly bears little to no flavor.

Yarn Eel

I'm going to guess this one is a play on the real animal called the ribbon eel, which is indeed quite colorful, but not necessarily found in large knots. Apparently, while they don't do so well in captivity, they can live for up to twenty years in the wild! (So, depending on who all is reading this... there might be ribbon eels out there that are your age or older. 👀)

(Image source)

Sob Blob

Many of us might be familiar with the infamous, meme-worthy photo of the "blobfish" on which this critter is quite clearly based. However, did you know that said photograph does not accurately portray what blobfish usually look like?

Blobfish live on the seabed at depths of up to over nine thousand (!!!) feet; to maintain their integrity against the immense pressure at that depth, the blobfish's soft tissues are full of water and fat. So if a blobfish were to get caught in a net and very abruptly moved to sea level, where the pressure is much lower, its "water-logged" tissues effectively explode, giving it the unnatural "blob" appearance featured in the infamous photo.

(Image from NOAA, in the public domain)

This is a real blob sculpin shown in its natural habitat -- and in a much more fish-shaped state! Moreover, unlike the in-game Sob Blob, blobfish don't have a lot of natural predators and can get away with a rather sedentary lifestyle in which they remain largely stationary unless it's absolutely necessary for them to move. Moisturized, unbothered, flourishing.

And, saving probably my favorite featured critter of the bunch for last:

Salp

Salps are much less well-known critters than any of the ones I've described so far, I think! Aside from in Wuthering Waves, I've only ever heard mention of them in the 2007 video game Endless Ocean (of which I was also a huge fan back when I had a Wii). I would say they're not prominent in popular culture by any stretch of the imagination, as far as I'm aware.

Salps are tunicates, a type of marine invertebrate that is nevertheless part of the phylum Chordata that includes all vertebrates, as tunicates possess notochords (the embryonic precursor to the vertebral column), as well as other chordate features, in their larval stage. In this case, the in-game description is at least partially accurate, as salps are a key component of the marine ecosystem and are thought to be a food source for a great many other animals, including fish and seabirds -- though it's difficult to tell exactly which ones, since they're gelatinous and don't leave behind much evidence of being eaten in their predators' digestive tracts. They're also purportedly one of the fastest-growing multicellular animals in the world.

Their life cycle involves an alternation between solitary and "chain" phases depending on the generation. While the salps' in-game entry describes them as sometimes "too small to bother with," IRL the biggest salp colonies can literally grow to lengths of one hundred feet!

(Image source)

That's about all I have time for today! I've got more critters I can talk about, so be sure to let me know if you're interested in a part two 😉

Part 1 (you are here) -- Part 2 -- Part 3

[oviraptoridae]

research & development is ongoing

since using jukebox for sampling material on albedo, i've been increasingly interested in ethically using ai as a tool to incorporate more into my own artwork. recently i've been experimenting with "commoncanvas", a stable diffusion model trained entirely on works in the creative commons. though i do not believe legality and ethics are equivalent, this provides me peace of mind that all of the training data was used consensually through the terms of the creative commons license. here's the paper on it for those who are curious! shoutout to @reachartwork for the inspiration & her informative posts about her process!

part 1: overview

i usually post finished works, so today i want to go more in depth & document the process of experimentation with a new medium. this is going to be a long and image-heavy post, most of it will be under the cut & i'll do my best to keep all the image descriptions concise.

for a point of reference, here is a digital collage i made a few weeks ago for the album i just released (shameless self promo), using photos from wikimedia commons and a render of a 3d model i made in blender:

and here are two images i made with the help of common canvas (though i did a lot of editing and post-processing, more on that process in a future post):

more about my process & findings under the cut, so this post doesn't get too long:

quick note for my setup: i am running this model locally on my own machine (rtx 3060, ubuntu 23.10), using the automatic1111 web ui. if you are on the same version of ubuntu as i am, note that you will probably have to build python 3.10.6 yourself (and be sure to use 'make altinstall' instead of 'make install' and change the line in the webui to use 'python3.10' instead of 'python3'. just mentioning this here because nobody else i could find had this exact problem and i had to figure it out myself)

part 2: initial exploration

all the images i'll be showing here are the raw outputs of the prompts given, with no retouching/regenerating/etc.

so: commoncanvas has 2 different types of models, the "C" and "NC" models, trained on their database of works under the CC Commercial and Non-Commercial licenses, respectively (i think the NC dataset also includes the commercial license works, but i may be wrong). the NC model is larger, but both have their unique strengths:

"a cat on the computer", "C" model

"a cat on the computer", "NC" model

they both take the same amount of time to generate (17 seconds for four 512x512 images on my 3060). if you're really looking for that early ai jank, go for the commercial model. one thing i really like about commoncanvas is that it's really good at reproducing the styles of photography i find most artistically compelling: photos taken by scientists and amateurs. (the following images will be described in the captions to avoid redundancy):

"grainy deep-sea rover photo of an octopus", "NC" model. note the motion blur on the marine snow, greenish lighting and harsh shadows here, like you see in photos taken by those rover submarines that scientists use to take photos of deep sea creatures (and less like ocean photography done for purely artistic reasons, which usually has better lighting and looks cleaner). the anatomy sucks, but the lighting and environment is perfect.

"beige computer on messy desk", "NC" model. the reflection of the flash on the screen, the reddish-brown wood, and the awkward angle and framing are all reminiscent of a photo taken by a forum user with a cheap digital camera in 2007.

so the noncommercial model is great for vernacular and scientific photography. what's the commercial model good for?

"blue dragon sitting on a stone by a river", "C" model. it's good for bad CGI dragons. whenever i request dragons of the commercial model, i either get things that look like photographs of toys/statues, or i get gamecube type CGI, and i love it.

here are two little green freaks i got while trying to refine a prompt to generate my fursona. (i never succeeded, and i forget the exact prompt i used). these look like spore creations and the background looks like a bryce render. i really don't know why there's so much bad cgi in the datasets and why the model loves going for cgi specifically for dragons, but it got me thinking...

"hollow tree in a magical forest, video game screenshot", "C" model

"knights in a dungeon, video game screenshot", "C" model

i love the dreamlike video game environments and strange CGI characters it produces-- it hits that specific era of video games that i grew up with super well.

part 3: use cases

if you've seen any of the visual art i've done to accompany my music projects, you know that i love making digital collages of surreal landscapes:

(this post is getting image heavy so i'll wrap up soon)

i'm interested in using this technology more, not as a replacement for my digital collage art, but along with it as just another tool in my toolbox. and of course...

... this isn't out of lack of skill to imagine or draw scifi/fantasy landscapes.

thank you for reading such a long post! i hope you got something out of this post; i think it's a good look into the "experimentation phase" of getting into a new medium. i'm not going into my post-processing / GIMP stuff in this post because it's already so long, but let me know if you want another post going into that!

good-faith discussion and questions are encouraged but i will disable comments if you don't behave yourselves. be kind to each other and keep it P.L.U.R.

[ramshacklefey]

Murderbot Diaries Aspec Event Entry: The Infamous Shipping Chart Rises Again

Heyo! This here's my entry for the @aspec-tmbd event for the prompt:

The PresAux team get their hands on Murderbot's shipping diagram from ASR and have a fantastic time finding all the mistakes it made because it didn't realize humans could be aspec. Honestly, this is just a framing device for exploring all the possibilities for nuance opened up by adjusting the diagram to include aspec relationships.

(Image Descriptions are under the readmore because they are. Long.

Preservation Aux Relationship Reference Chart

A flowchart depicting Murderbot's "shipping chart" for the PresAux team from All Systems Red. The chart is dark grey with a burgundy border. The names of the eight PresAux members are in grey rectangles arranged in a circles, connected to each other with curved lines with arrows on the ends to denote whether the relationship is reciprocal or not. The lines are color coded, according to a key at the top of the chart, which is as follows:

Color Key:

Green: Friends

Purple: Something?

Rose: Attraction

Pink: Marital Partners

The connections on the chart show the relationships between the PresAux members as described by Murderbot:

Arada and Overse: marital partners

Ratthi, Arada, and Overse: friends

Ratthi and Pin-Lee: unreciprocated attraction on Ratthi's part

Bharadwaj and Pin-Lee: something?

Pin-Lee and Mensah: unreciprocated attraction on Pin-Lee's part

Volescu and Mensah: unreciprocated attraction on Volescu's part

Preservation Aux Shipping Chart 2.0

Murderbot's flowchart, heavily edited by the PresAux team to show a completely different set of relationships. The boxes with the team members' names are now each a different color, and the names are all in different fonts. All the lines except the ones connecting Ratthi, Overse, and Arada have been scribbled out, and even those ones are now different colors and have become different styles of dashed lines.

The color-key at the top of the chart has been updated as follows:

Green: Old Friend

Purple: Close Friend

Rose: Situationship

Pink: Marital Partners

Yellow: Mentor

Lavender: Come Back with a Warrant

There is also now a second key at the bottom of the chart, indicating the meanings of different sorts of dashed lines. It reads as follows:

Three dashes and two dots: Sexual & Romantic

Dots: Sexual & Aromantic

Dashes: Asexual & Romantic

Spaced Dots: Asexual Aromantic

Long dash and two dots: Come Back with a Warrant

The new relationship lines are as follows: (described as color/line meanings)

Pin-Lee and Bharadwaj: Situationship/Come Back with a Warrant

Pin-Lee and Gurathin: Close Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Pin-Lee and Ratthi: Old Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Pin-Lee and Mensah: Mentorship/Asexual Aromantic

Mensah and Volescu: Old Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Volescu and Bharadwaj: Old Friend/Asexual Romantic

Volescu and Gurathin: Mentorship/Asexual Aromantic

Overse and Gurathin: Close Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Overse and Ratthi: Come Back with a Warrant/Come Back with a Warrant

Overse and Arada: Marital Partners/Sexual Romantic

Arada and Gurathin: Close Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Arada and Ratthi: Come Back with a Warrant/Come Back with a Warrant

Ratthi and Pin-Lee: Old Friend/Asexual Aromantic

Ratthi and Gurathin: Marital Partners/Come Back with a Warrant

This version of the chart is also covered in commentary from the PresAux members. The comments are all in speech bubbles, and the color and font of the bubbles matches their names to show who wrote each comment. Comments (listed by relationship):

Mensah and Pin-Lee:

Pin-Lee: For fuck's sake SecUnit! She was my advisor at university!

Mensah and Volesu:

Mensah: Did I never mention we used to be married?

Volescu: We've been best friends ever since the divorce.

Volescu and Bharadwaj:

Bharadwaj: Does a 30 year long frienship even count as "friends" any more?

Ratthi: "Old Friends" means something specific in media.

Overse and Ratthi/Arada and Ratthi:

Ratthi: Should we try to explain this one?

Overse: Did you not read the key, Ratthi?

Overse and Arada:

Arada: Hey, you got one right!

Ratthi and Pin-Lee:

Ratthi: We've known each other since we were three...

Pin-Lee: If you'd ever asked, you'd know Ratthi doesn't do crushes.

Pin-Lee and Bharadwaj:

Pin-Lee: Mind your own damn business.

Bharadwaj: Now, now, it was just trying to understand us better.

Pin-Lee: it was being a nosy asshole and it knows that.

Gurathin (directly from his name): Your faith in my ability to make friends is touching...

Gurathin and Ratthi:

Gurathin: Now, it was not in the info packet. No, we will not be explaining.

Ratthi: You know it's just going to be more determined to figure it out now, right?

Gurathin: It's welcome to try. Pin-Lee's the one who hid the documentation.

Pin-Lee: SecUnit, I am not afraid to sue you for breaches of privacy.

PresAux Shipping Chart 2.0 (No Commentary)

The same chart, but with all the comments removed so it's easier to see the relationship lines.

[twptwp]

Please share

Hello, I contemplated it a lot, I decided it would be best. I will be sharing this beware on a rather big artist here who hurt me personally.

I will write more at the end. Please take care. Warning: the post is very big

Pestkitty is also known as Nopperabou if I remember the name correctly on other platforms such as Artfight and Youtube

*It should be noted this is very blatant lying on that guys part, I was keeping to myself for this entire time and harassed nobody, on the contrary his friends had been harassing me. I regret not writing that more clearly

I don't think I mentioned it in the original post images but I would also like to note at the time I was not an adult yet and it was my first time going on a plane... 11 hour flight completely alone is scary, no family, nobody in my family has ever travelled so far. It was a very big deal

END OF IMAGES

Description from original post on Instagram (it's a lot so I'll make it small):

HI HI PAWB! Lots and lots of people wanted me to put this together, please do share, even if you do not know the people it would be great help. The more people who know the more people who can stay safe. This post is a little overdue but I was gaslit by them into thinking these were not big issues and that I was the one being strange so it took a while for me to gain the stability to put this together, I ended up downplaying my feelings a lot and it wasn't untill somewhat recent when I realised I may be developing a new disorder from their abuse that oh... I was not wrong for my concerns and feelings; these people really are harmful. I do not condone harassment so please do not go messaging these people. Block, share, and move on. Stay safe. That is my internet mission for you🚀

I make this post because they are rather gross and dangerous and have considerably big audiences, people have told me their opinions that they should not have the platforms that they have because their behaviours are dangerous. There is more things they've done that I have not included because I would like some of my own privacy even after my private information was leaked in a comic haha... I've displayed enough behaviour from them to show who they are and what they do though, so this is enough!

This is quite intimidating for me, so, I will be going offline off of this account for a few days and just let this post simmer... Not for too long because I have some awesome art cooking HEHE but YA! If there are questions in the comments my friends will answer for me! Though, I think I've been rather transparent so I don't think there would be any.

I will also be providing more proof in my story, specifically proof that slide 10 IS that guy because quite frankly anybody could be "Instagram user" and they have fabricated stuff against me in the past so I think it would be good to prove it is that account.

Okay bla bla that is all, apologies this is such a scary and serious post especially as I like to keep my account a friendly nice place but ahhh it really has been burning at me. So, thank you for reading so very much. Bye bye pawb!

End of description^

That was a lot! So here is why I'm sharing it to Tumblr:

☆Awareness! NOBODY should have to risk getting close to these people. NOBODY.

☆Better circulation! My Instagram post got over 3000 likes, lots of shares, 100s of comment and many saves so it did very well however after a while things leave the light and become something "of the past". I notice this does not happen so much on Tumblr and things continue to be shared

☆This still effects me. The original Beware is from 3 months ago however I am currently doing this because I was restless from lastnight nightmare (I had a nightmare about these people) and now I'm all nauseous and shaky again! It's 3am and I was panicking a lot so I put this together, I'm yet to rest

And finally....

☆TAGS

I notice that if an image in a tag becomes popular enough it shows up on things like Google! Isn't that cwl! So, if a fan of these people searches for them on the internet the beware could show up which may deter them from the artist. This is great!

Thank you sincerely for your time, it is greatly appreciated. I feel calmer now that I have made this post, I regret not making it earlier but it is better now than never. Nos da ac breuddwydion melys pawb♡

[i-heart-hxh]

Hey! This is purely me and my morbid curiosity asking, but you mentioned you buy in to the pregnancy stone oops baby Gon origin story more than an actual mother. Can you elaborate, even if it falls with what others may have already brought up? I'd love to get your take! (also, I sent a review of your chapter 4 hxhbb fic, but I think it might've been eaten!)

Hi!

So, I do buy into it, somewhat! I think, for the time being, it's the best theory we have on Gon's parentage. There are a few interesting details related to it.

First off, Togashi included this woman with Ging in some of his early HxH concept drawings, from November 1997:

People have speculated that the woman next to Ging might be Gon's mother, however there isn't actually conclusive evidence of this--it's just a theory. It could also be an early design concept for Mito, Menchi, or one of the other female characters from the series, as the drawing isn't labeled with a name or description like some of the others. Or, she could be a scrapped concept even if she was intended at the time to be Gon's mother, as clearly this isn't finalized in any way.

You can read about this drawing a bit more here!

However, of course within the series itself we have no info on who Gon's mother might be, and Togashi did bother to include the Pregnancy Stone card:

Now, an interesting connection with this is that Togashi is known to have read the BL manga Patalliro!, as he based Hiei's hair off one of the characters, Scunky:

(From a doujinshi Togashi released, Yoshirin de Pon!)

There is also an unconfirmed but very reasonable theory that Killua may have been based in part of the character Maraich from Patalliro!, as the basis of both characters is similar and we know for a fact from the above image Togashi has read Patalliro!.

Now, how does this connect to the Pregnancy Stone theory? Well, Patalliro! also has mpreg as part of its storyline (with biologically male Maraich getting pregnant twice through unexplained means, with one of these pregnancies leading to a son), and considering Togashi may have used other elements from Patalliro! as inspiration... You can see where I'm going with this. I do think it's interesting he put the Pregnancy Stone card in the series to begin with, and there's also the Panda Maid card ("excellent at taking care of human children"), and Ging has used a panda plush as a substitute for himself in the Election arc. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Image taken from this post, explaining more about the Pregnancy Stone theory.

My personal feelings now that I've laid all this info out are basically... I've talked a lot about how intentional Togashi's storytelling is and how much attention he pays to things, so I think he planted this knowing people would consider it a possibility, at the very least. We don't have any other theories about Gon's mom that have this much to go off of. It's possible he will reveal more info eventually and either make this more likely or explain Gon's origin in some other, totally different way, but for now I think this is compelling--there are enough pieces that it is a legitimate possibility.

I'm not someone who is interested in mpreg (or any kind of preg, for that matter, LOL), so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this whole situation or the mechanics behind it, but I do think it would be pretty hilarious if this does canonically end up being Gon's origin story after all. Just such a wild way for Gon to come into existence. It'll be interesting to see if we ever get answers with regards to who/where Gon came from, whether it's by Pregnancy Stone or not.

It's a fun topic because it seems so goofy and farfetched initially, but the more you look at it, the more it's like, "Actually..." 🤔

(And thanks again for the review, my apologies that it took me a while to reply!)

[sexyirish7]

Tattoo Parlor Decor Set for The Sims 4

This set was inspired by my personal experience getting tattoos. Some of the signs are those I remember from my friend’s tattoo parlor. While I was excited about getting tattooing in the Business & Hobbies Pack, I did want more in terms of décor objects. I did my best to keep the items as low poly as possible, but be sure to check the poly counts for what your computer can handle.

The building in my screenshots is one I downloaded from the gallery and made modifications so it resembled my friend's tattoo parlor. The username is MickeySimmers and the original build is a NY Pizzeria uploaded on 4/7/25.

When appropriate, objects are available in English and Simlish versions. Simlish font credit to Franzilla: https://modthesims.info/  For new meshes made by me, textures from Blenderkit were used.

SexyIrish7 Phoenix logo credit: © Liliia Marchuk via Dreamstime.com

All items are base-game compatible.

This set includes:

·         Tattoo Counter

·         Supply Cabinet

·         Salty Signs – Small, Medium, and Large

·         Tattoo ink bottles

·         Tattoo ink cups – empty ink cup and cups with ink colors

·         Tattoo ink cup holder

·         Sharps container – Wall-mounted and counter versions

·         Tattoo Coil Machine

·         Foot switch

·         Power Supply

·         Stencil Machine

·         Autoclave

·         Non-sterile Nitrile Glove Boxes

·         Portfolios

·         Consent form

·         Tip Jar

You may view an Imgur album with 31 screenshots of the set here

Creations by SexyIrish7

DOWNLOAD for FREE: SFS

OR at Patreon*

*You must be over 18 to access my Patreon page.

These cc objects are new 3d meshes created using Blender and Sims 4 Studio.

All CC have:

*Ability to search catalog using search terms: sexyirish7 and si7

*Customized thumbnail

*******

CREDITS:

Software credits:

Sims 4 Studio v. 3.2.4.3 (Star): https://sims4studio.com

Blender 4.0: https://www.blender.org/download/

GIMP v. 2.10.34: https://www.gimp.org/

Inkscape v. 1.2: https://inkscape.org/

Thank you to the creators and moderators producing tutorials and answering questions!

*******

TOU:

Do not re-upload and claim as your own

Do not re-upload and hide behind a paywall

Mesh and Image Credits along with descriptions of each item are below:

Tattoo Counter

I was dissatisfied with the number of slots and their placement on the tattoo counter that came with the Business & Hobbies pack, so I modified EA’s The Ultimate Nightstand so that it served as a larger counter and added décor slots to it. There are a total of 3 large slots, 9 medium slots, and 27 small slots. I made some minor modifications to the EA texture for The Ultimate Nightstand but did include all 20 swatches.

Polygon Count: 162

Supply Cabinet

I have long been disappointed with the lack of deco slots in various displays. For this object, I modified EA’s Carina Dining Hutch so that it would serve as an appropriate supply cabinet. I made some minor modifications to the EA texture but did include all 9 swatches. There are a total of 2 large slots, 15 medium slots, and 140 small slots.

Polygon Count: 114

Salty Signs

There are 3 files of what I call “salty” signs. The large signs are not as salty, but I wanted to stick with my theme overall. What do I mean by salty? Well, these are signs that are not for the faint of heart and for those with a darker sense of humor. They were inspired not only by signs that I saw at my friend’s parlor, but also by things he and his colleagues would say frequently.

Large Signs: 7 designs (11 total swatches)

Medium Signs: 9 designs (18 total swatches)

Small Signs: 10 designs (20 total swatches)

Polygon Count: 4

The following were used in several textures in all three files:

Caution/Warning Sign Templates by kenshinstock via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/blank-label-warning-caution-sticker-template-set_30903862.htm

Large Sign Image Credits:

Swatches 1-2: Original Artist Unknown. Image from https://razorbacktattoosupply.com/tattoo-studio-feel-the-burn-wrapped-canvas-graphic-art/

Swatches 3-4: Original Artist Unknown. Image from https://www.creativefabrica.com/product/funny-tattoo-artist-hourly-rate-cut-file/

Swatches 5-6: Original Artist Unknown. Image from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/tattoo-artist--218917231881445322/

Swatch 7-8:

Hands, Soap, and Ointment Icons by rawpixel.com via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/coronavirus-prevention-icon-set-vector_30086831.htm

Do Not Touch Icon Image by Myshopsigns https://all-free-download.com/free-vector/download/18_warning_signs_47669.html

No Swimming Icon by Fitri Handayani via Vecteezyhttps://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/51936014-no-swimming-sign-illustration

Bathtub Icon by Fitri Handayani via Vecteezy  https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/51406319-bathroom-icon-with-bubbles-and-soap

Sun and Breeze Icons Images by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/weather-icons-set_709126.htm

Talking on Phone Icon by Mungujakisa Edmond via Vecteezy  https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/25410803-do-not-talk-on-mobile-cell-phone-icon-sign

Swatches 9-10: Tarot Card Images designed by Eight (Elian-James Showell) https://www.eightco.in/

Swatch 11: Original Artist Unknown. Image from https://www.amazon.com/Tattoo-Artist-Tarot-Card-Sweatshirt/dp/B0D8JBHBFZ

Medium Sign Image Credits:

Background images for Swatches 5-8 by All-Free-Download.com https://all-free-download.com/free-vector/download/advertising_sign_templates_retro_shapes_sketch_6849470.html

Swatches 1-2 and 13-14:  Tattoo Gun Image from IMGBIN https://imgbin.com/png/ZNRSzcqv/tattoo-machine-tattoo-ink-tattoo-artist-png

Swatches 3-4: Original Artist Unknown. Image from https://www.amazon.ca/Artist-Tattoo-Artist-Kitchen-Vintage/dp/B0B6DRXFZN

Swatches 5-6: Tattoo Gun Image from IMGBIN https://imgbin.com/png/36i2fKAG/tattoo-machine-body-piercing-tattoo-artist-old-school-tattoo-png

Swatches 7-8: Bullhorn image by All-Free-Download.com  https://all-free-download.com/free-vector/download/megaphone_312061.html

Swatches 9-10: Border by Rawpixel.com via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/vector-set-vintage-elements_3139397.htm

Picture by EA from Business & Hobbies release video

Swatches 11-12: Cheese Grater Image by Macrovector via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/cooking-food-icons_1530806.htm

Saw image by EA

Swatches 15-16: Images by EA

Small Sign Image Credits:

Swatches 1-2, 5-12, 19-20: Caution/Warning Sign Templates by kenshinstock via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/blank-label-warning-caution-sticker-template-set_30903862.htm

Swatches 3-4: Tip jar image by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/jar-background-with-hand-drawn-money_1148170.htm

Swatches 13-14: Image by Printable Designs https://free-printable-signs.com/

Swatches 15-16: Image by by Mungujakisa Edmond via Vecteezy  https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/25410803-do-not-talk-on-mobile-cell-phone-icon-sign

Swatches 17-18: Crying Emoticon Image from CLEANPNG  https://www.cleanpng.com/png-smiley-emoticon-crying-clip-art-no-whining-clipart-546524/

Tattoo Ink Bottles

Due to file sizes, I split these up into 2 separate files. One file has all of the bottles in English, and the other has all of the bottles in Simlish. I modified the EA debug glue bottle. There are a total of 24 swatches.

Polygon Count: 126

Tattoo Ink Cups

There are 2 files for this object. One is an empty ink cup. The other has all of the ink colors as different swatches. There are a total of 24 swatches for the filled ink cups. I modified the water glass object to create these items.

Empty Cup Polygon Count: 107

Filled Cup Polygon Count: 162

Tattoo Ink Cup Holder

When an artist is using a few different inks for a piece, they can sometimes use a holder for the ink cups so the cups do not get knocked over or spilled. This is an original mesh made by me. I have the object set up so that the ink cups (full or empty) will snap to the holes in the holder. Once the ink cups are in, you can move the entire holder to where you want it and the ink cups will go along. Or you can place the holder and then add the cups. While the holders I tended to see were plastic, I decided to make mine a metal version with slight ink stains.

Polygon Count: 208

Sharps Containers

I created 2 versions of sharps containers for this set. I originally was only going to create the wall-mounted one, but then decided to add the counter version of it as well. These are original meshes made by me.

Biohazard symbol is a public domain image

Wall-Mounted Sharps Container Polygon Count: 268

Counter Sharps Container Polygon Count: 106

Tattoo Coil Machine

There are different types of tattoo machines available, but I find the coil machine to be the most recognizable and therefore wanted this version in my game. This is an original mesh made by me. There are a total of 5 swatches.

Polygon Count: 640

Foot Switch

I created a foot switch to operate the tattoo machine with. This is an original mesh made by me. There are 11 swatches.

Design inspired by FK Delta Foot Switch https://www.fkirons.com/products/delta-foot-switch-cosmic-storm

Polygon Count: 57

Power Supply

For this object, I modified the EA Retro Rock of Ages Stereo mesh and texture to create the power supply. I used a few other EA textures to make adjustments to the components of the object.

Polygon Count: 336

Stencil Machine

Unless you allow your artist to freely draw on your skin before tattooing, many use a stencil machine to create the stencil so you can make sure that your tattoo is placed correctly and looks correct before beginning. This is an original mesh made by me. There are a total of 6 swatches (3 designs in English, 3 designs in Simlish).

Design inspired by Vevor Tattoo Stencil Printer https://www.vevor.com/tattoo-machines-c_12593/

Phoenix Image: © Liliia Marchuk via Dreamstime.com

Claddagh Image:  http://clipart-library.com/clipart/8iGbR5bbT.htm

Wolf Image: https://freepngimg.com/png/2674-tattoo-wolf-png-image

Polygon Count: 62

Autoclave

No tattoo parlor is complete without the sterilization equipment, namely the autoclave. For this object, I modified the EA The Schmapple Micro Microwave mesh.

Design inspired by Tuttnauer Valueklave 1730 https://tuttnauer.com/us/veterinary-practices/tabletop-sterilizers/manual/valueklave-1730

Polygon Count: 346

Non-sterile Nitrile Glove Boxes

For this object, I modified EA’s Softy Brand Tissues object. There are 2 box colors available, black and gray. There are a total of 12 swatches.

Non-Sterile symbol is a public domain image

Polygon Count: 40

Portfolios

A detail that I thought was missing was a display of the tattoo artist’s work. In real shops, they can be wall displays or portfolios. I decided to make a portfolio with different tattoo designs. There are 3 swatches of different tattoos. This is an original mesh made by me.

Polygon Count: 262

Image Credits:

Swatch 1: EA

Swatch 2:

Snake and Flying Swallow Images by dgim-studio via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/new-style-tribal-tattoo-collection_1168313.htm and https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/colorful-flying-swallow-template_8136770.htm

Colorful Old School Images by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/old-school-funny-tattoo-collection_1165044.htm

Tribal, Achor, Ship’s Wheel, Skulls, Roses, Dice, Cards Images by Macrovector via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/tattoo-black-white-icons-set_9398078.htm

Tribal Images by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/new-style-tribal-tattoo-collection_1168313.htm

Swatch 3:

Colorful Images on Left Page by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/collection-hand-drawn-decorative-tattoos_1175499.htm

Colorful Vintage Images on Right Page by Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/pack-vintage-hand-drawn-tattoos_1194571.htm

Crossed Swords, Anchor, Skulls, Scorpion Images by Macrovector via Freepik https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/attoo-studio-flat-icons-collection_4430574.htm

Consent Form

I created a consent form on a clipboard. This is only available in Simlish. I modified some EA textures to create the form. The clipboard is an original mesh made by me.

Polygon Count: 90

Tip Jar

Tipping is heavily encouraged for getting tattoos, at least in the U.S. As such, I decided I wanted to make a tip jar for my parlor. I modified the EA debug jar and some different debug simoleon meshes. The result is a tip jar with both coins and bills inside.

Polygon Count: 579

[magidoggie]

A LOOK INTO SHI/HIR PRONOUNS AND THEIR ORIGINS

So I’ve seen people claim that shi/hir pronouns are intersex exclusive (mostly intersex people), and others say they aren’t (mostly non-intersex people)

As an intersex person, I've been confused about this for a while, so I decided to look into it

THIS POST WILL CONTAIN NSFW TOPICS, FURRIES, TALKS OF FETISHIZATION OF INTERSEX BODIES, AND INTERSEX SLURS!

Most of the users of these pronouns seem to be non-intersex people, but there are also intersex people who use them.

I've seen a decent amount of intersex people say that shi/hir pronouns are only ours to use, as they were used against us (like a shortened version of he-she). This would make them basically slurs that only we can reclaim.

I've even seen some claims that Geoffrey Chaucer himself coined these words?? (The chaucer thing, I haven't been able to find a source for. Even so, it is most likely just an old spelling of "she/her")

I’ve seen people say it originated on 4chan. It'd be hard to verify, as 4chan is known for not keeping threads up for long. There are 4chan archives, but I've tried my hardest to look for any combinations of things like "shi" and different terms that could work with it like "intersex" "freak" or "hermaphrodite" . I don't doubt it's been used on 4chan, but I can't find much, and archival sites don't go back far enough.

Regardless, the pronouns seem quite old. One thing I did find under the search of ""4chan" shi hir" on Google, was a.. descriptive post on a furry porn website called e621.net

Okay, 13 years ago, that's a start. It certainly contains the word "herm" (short for hermaphrodite), and the word intersex used with this pronoun.

Godspeed TheShadowfox42 I hope you found the image.

Using Google's "Before:(date)" feature, I searched "shi herm before:2010", and unsurprisingly, I found a lot of furry porn.

Stories on sofurry.com, a furry website that looks to be from at least 2007, if not older. I'll spare you the details, but indeed, there, they use shi/hir pronouns for their "herm" characters. Did these pronouns originate from.. furries?? I put that though aside for now, to look further into other uses.

As it turns out, the journey does not end at 2007. Urban dictionary has an entry from 2003

No slurs here, it looks like a neutral usage. Again, going back to Google. Now, search terms "hir "gender neutral" before:2004"

Many results show up now, now articles rather than furries. American.edu (seems to be a university), Swarthmore.edu (this is a college), both from 2001. jstor.org with a journal article from 1999. Unfortunately I can't read that one, as I have to pay a whole $63 to purchase it. I even found a PDF file from 1994 by core.ac.uk

But, what I've realized now is this is not usage of shi/hir pronouns. All of these use Ze/hir pronouns. I don't know if there is any link, but the last pronoun looking the same must've obscured the results.

From the american.edu article on these pronouns. You can see the usage of "hir" alongside "ze", and below it, the usage of ze/zir pronouns, which seem to be used more today.

Shit.. Doing the search all over again with the pronoun "shi" yields.. very few results apart from people talking about Chinese words.

Wait what about those furries from earlier? The tvtropes.org article does include this:

Chakona space? Chakats? Pronouns he came up with? Admittedly I kept seeing these centaur feline hybrid characters come up quite consistently during this dive, but I had to look into it further.

Oh buddy what did I get myself into. This is from 2001 best I can tell, so we're getting quite old here. I scroll down on the page.

And lower down.

Now this is all very interesting speculative biology, but what I'm focusing on is again, the usage of "hermaphrodite" together with the pronouns "shi/hir". Did a furry artist named Bernard Doove come up with these pronouns.

It gets yet older.. New search, "chakats "shi" before:2001"

Again, Bernard Doove's art from 2000, 1999, 1998,

I find a website called yerf.metafur.org It has furry art, dating all the way back to the mid 1990's, but here, on December 23 1998, is the first appearance of these pronouns on that site.

This Bernard Doove person has been at this project, with these pronouns for a while.

From what I can tell, many of his art pieces, they seem to be quite sexual beings. Quite fetishistic of hermaphroditism at times. (or intersexuality, take your pick)

The other thing I found with my search was a website, furry.org.au/bosshoss/

My search says it's from September 14 1998.

That's certainly some information, but it might come in handy. So Chakat Goldfur provided this website? Who is that? Looking into it, that seems to be a character created by Bernard Doove, that acts as an alter ego. Further down, the person running this website lists some other websites they enjoy. One being "Proxima Centauri", which seems to be another furry artist.

"I met this one at ConFURence 8. Very interesting. (Did I mention shi is a hermaphrodite uni-centaur?)"

(For context, ConFURence is a furry convention held in 1997)

Again, the usage of hermaphrodite, and the pronoun shi. At this point, the website being linked to is long gone, but the wayback machine provides help. The website, http://www.spots.ab.ca/~unicorn/main.htm has been captured all the way back to October 8th 1997.

At this time, the website was under construction. No images are willing to load and haven't been archived, but the description is intact.

So this person uses shi/hir pronouns for their hermaphroditic character all the way back in 1997. There are links to other places where this person used to host their works, but they are all down and haven't been archived. The thread is running thin..

Back to Bernard Doove, the Chakat creator. There must be something more to this. Turns out, there was. On the "yerf" website, I actually found several art pieces that were not picked up by Google.

Febuary 22 1997. Getting yet older. In some art pieces, Bernard references "Forest Tale" and "forest tales", so I went looking for whatever that was.

1995?? you've got to be kidding. It's an adult story involving these "chakat" beings, and sure enough, down the page

Shi/hir pronouns used over and over again.

With the use of hermaphrodite.

But.. This is kind of where it ends. I couldn't seem to find anything older, and I'm not going to contact Bernard Doove over this. Even something as old as 29 years is impressive to me. Bernard Doove states his characters were inspired by other furry artists' creatures of the time, but since it's 1995, there isn't much left for me to find here. Anything before that time is probably lost.

With all the information I have been able to gather, it looks to shi/hir pronouns were created by Bernard Doove who is a furry author and artist. Shi/hir were made to be a midway between "she" and "him" in some way, to be a gender neutral word for hermaphroditic genetically modified beings called "chakats" in his stories. As an intersex person myself, I don't enjoy the use of "hermaphrodite" in such a way, as it's a slur for us. But these types of characters also seem to be very old, and we, and our struggles, were completely unknown to the vast majority of people, even moreso than nowadays.

If you use those pronouns for an intersex person who doesn't use them, it is indeed intersexist, as you are implying we are hermaphrodites.

But as for whether only intersex people can use them? I'm not sure. The original intent doesn't seem be directly linked to intersex people. You could argue that these hermaphroditic characters are fetishized versions of how many people see us, and have seen us for a long time. Afterall, hermaphrodite was, and still is, a common slur for us.

I don't doubt some people have used these pronouns as slurs against us as well, but I also haven't found anything specifically that supports that. It always seemed to be for specific fictional characters that COULD be based off specific intersex attributes

I'm not going to argue one way or the other. This was just me trying to find what I could about these pronouns and their history. Just be mindful of how you use these pronouns, and the connections they have to fetishes revolving around the common misinterpretation of intersex bodies (as in, "having both parts")

Thank you for reading.

I hope you learned something. I know I did, and I now have a headache.

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.12.07] Echoes of Life Official Pamphlet Interview

YUZURU HANYU Interview

Q: How did the theme and concept of "Echoes of Life" come about? A: At first, I roughly thought of using philosophy as the theme. Later, when thinking about what kind of story to tell, I came up with around seven potential ideas in my mind. After filtering them, I ultimately settled on philosophy.

Q: After "GIFT" and "RE_PRAY," how did these experiences influence the theme and subject matter of this new project? A: "GIFT" was a bit like an autobiography. Through my existence, it told the preciousness of dreams. Everyone has dreams, but they might have forgotten them, and working towards those dreams is the meaning of my existence, something along those lines. "RE_PRAY," on the other hand, was about challenging how to express something I particularly like and elevate it along with the theme I wanted to convey. When creating "ICE STORY 3rd," I felt that the game theme in "RE_PRAY" had a strong impact, so the attention to the theme and subject matter would be stronger. I thought that just having a story might not be enough. I considered whether I should use a book, a game, or a town as a medium. After thinking about various possibilities, I concluded that a novel format would be the best, with philosophical elements woven into it.

Q: This time, you can read the storybook before the performance. A: This time, I decided to write it in the style of a novel, using literary style including punctuation and sentence structure, rather than my own conversational tone. Up until now, while I haven’t written in a poetic form, I have directly organized my personal feelings or the emotions of the characters into a story. But this time, I’ve added more situational details and descriptions to the story line. I hope that, by understanding these aspects, the audience can experience the images and performances at the same time. Of course, we’ve thought about how to make the audience feel something when watching the performance even if they don’t know the story. But if they know the story, they’ll be able to understand the details of "Nova" (the protagonist) and the world more deeply.

Also, I feel that reproducing exactly what I wrote might come across as cheap or too indulgent. While thinking about how to present it as a skating performance and create the visuals, I decided to leave the textual descriptions to the text itself. It might be better if the audience reads the storybook first.

Q: How did you write this story? A: I wrote it by hand. I always write by hand, even for "GIFT" and "RE_PRAY." I scribble on loose-leaf paper or blank sheets. Although I don't record the material exactly as it is, I often accumulate the content I want to tell and quotes that have influenced me in the notes app on my phone, and then write based on that. Writing by hand feels like a more direct connection to the brain, and it's easier for the brain to give instructions. Also, when typing on a phone or computer, predictive text comes up, and I feel like my words stop being my own. I don’t want to be led by predictive text, so I prefer writing by hand. Then, as I read it in my mind, thinking "maybe I should delete this part," I type it little by little into the computer. This time, I actually already had a story written, but after deciding on the title 'Echoes of Life,' I started over and wrote a new story from scratch. From writing by hand to typing and editing, I stayed up for three nights straight to complete it.

Q: Writing the story in three days or staying up for three nights is pretty intense! A: This time, I really wanted a cohesive story, so I thought, "If I don’t finish writing it now, the imagery of the story in my mind will collapse." Of course, it’s also because I had a deadline… If I didn’t submit it soon, it’ll be a problem! (laughs)

Q: What did you base your writing on? A: For "GIFT," I was influenced by lyrics from songs I liked. In "RE_PRAY," I was more influenced by instrumental music and the dialogue from games than by lyrics. This time, I read about four philosophy books and five novels. I’m not really someone who excels at writing, and I thought I only know how to write in a conversational tone. The words that come from my heart are very close to how I speak, and I thought if I just wrote them directly as a novel, it would feel too rough. Writing in poetry allows for that kind of expression, but if I'm writing a prose, I need to first internalize the structure of an essay, so I read several novels that interested me. I'm not good at continuously reading text, so I listened to the book's narration while following along with the written words, jotting down parts that I thought, "Ah, I really like this." Of course, this time, I was also influenced by games and lyrics.

Q: What books did you read? A: The books that influenced me the most this time were " The Trouble with Being Born " (by Emil Cioran) and "Underwater Philosophers" (by Rei Nagai). I combined the philosophy of life I learned in university with questions I’ve been pondering since young, like "What is life?" and "What am I?" Through this process, I realized that I needed to study more to fully grasp it, so I revisited philosophy more deeply and based the story on that knowledge.

Q: Are there new programs this time? A: Yes, there are quite a few!

Q: That’s very exciting! Why did you decide to include so many new programs? A: I just thought, "This song fits perfectly here," and chose the music accordingly. It ended up naturally turning out this way. When I worked on RE_PRAY, I arranged the songs the same way. But honestly, the theme of RE_PRAY was, in some ways, a bit bold. Since it was based on a game theme, it was very different from GIFT’s style, so if I had made it entirely based on my own interests, it might have alienated the audience that follows figure skating. So, although I had a lot of songs I wanted to use, I ultimately decided to focus on showcasing the game elements in the first half, and in the second half, I went with a more traditional style, integrating more figure skating-like programs. This ended up aligning with what I wanted to express, which was the duality of life. But this time, since it's a completely new story, I felt that using new programs was the best way to present it. Also, I seem to have become less concerned with overthinking things now. Or perhaps, because this time isn't just focused on my own interests, I thought, "This program works well" and "This song is nice too," so the song selection process went very smoothly.

Q: What is it like working with MIKIKO-sensei and the team to create ice shows? Since 'RE_PRAY' was a tour, we made many adjustments and identified many areas that needed attention. I also felt there were many aspects that required further evolution. Because I’ve spent a lot of time involved with stage direction, I’ve become able to view my performance not only from an acting perspective, but also start thinking, 'Maybe this lighting would be better,' or 'It would be better to add this program after this scene,' and even when creating the story, I think, “It should be shown this way.” I’ve really started to approach things from a more overarching perspective.

Additionally, I feel that I’ve become more reliant on others. There are many more situations where I think, 'This is not my area of expertise, so I’ll let go and entrust my worldview and concept to everyone.' On the other hand, there are places where I absolutely cannot compromise, and this tug-of-war is also a troublesome dilemma, but I’ve started to be able to think deeply about it.

Q: The premiere of Echoes of Life is also your 30th birthday! Happy Birthday! A: Thank you, but it's not actually my birthday yet (laughs).

Q: What are your thoughts on the premiere coinciding with your birthday, and turning 30? A: Of course, I have many thoughts. First, since Echoes of Life is themed around life, birth, and growth, I feel like the overlap with my birthday gives it a fateful feeling. From that day onward, Echoes of Life begins, and I think this mirrors the beginning of my own life in some way. Plus, it starts on a birthday that’s a multiple of 5 or 10, which makes it feel even more like destiny. As for turning 30... well, it’s more like the shift from “almost 30” to “in my 30s” (laughs).

Q: It's exactly 30, huh? A: Yeah, but I don’t feel like my body is deteriorating as I once imagined, and I can still skate so well! And even in this state, I am still needed by many people, and this once again makes me feel so touched, or rather, so happy. I feel that I must push myself and work hard!

Q: I only mentioned your turning 30 because it’s a nice round number, but honestly, I don’t feel your age. What I feel is that since the RE_PRAY tour, you’ve been strengthening your body again, and you seem even stronger now. A: As I got older, my expressiveness deepens, which is something that can happen in any field. But my foundation, the most important part, is as an athlete. I’ve been figure skating for 25 years, and that part of me continues to evolve even at the age of 30. That makes me really happy, and I’m able to still have hope for myself, or rather, I feel anticipation for the future.

Q: By the way, do you remember anything from when you were 20? A: Of course I do! It was during Barcelona Grand Prix Final. I was super restless on my 20th birthday, as if the world would change just because I turned 20. That’s how anxious I was (laughs).

Q: Did the world change? A: Not at all (laughs). After that experience, I feel that even if it’s my 30th birthday, a year or a day will just pass by as a commemoration, and basically, nothing will change. But after all, I am an athlete, so I will definitely feel the changes in my body more and more. DNA will continue to be damaged anyway, so I think there will definitely be changes. However, I don’t think these changes will necessarily happen in multiples of five years. Change will come when it’s time, and the opportunity for change isn’t measured in time units like years. So, I’m relatively optimistic about this aspect. I don’t think, "My body will change at this moment." When I was 24, I really felt that my body had changed deeply, and I was troubled by the thought, "I’m getting old, and I can’t do it." But once I got past that point, I felt, "It’s still early!" "There are so many things I can do—why am I talking about being old?!" "It’s just things I haven’t done yet!" (laughs). I’ve learned a lot so far, and I’ll continue to learn in the future. As long as there’s room for continuous learning and improvement, even if I’m approaching 40—an age generally associated with a decline in physical strength—I think the gains from evolution will far outweigh the losses from decline.

Q: After hearing such inspiring words, I have one more question. Do you remember anything from your 10th birthday? A: I went to Tampere when I was 10.

Q: Oh, that’s when you competed at the Santa Claus Cup in Tampere, Finland, right? A: Yes, when I was 10, it was my first international competition. After winning that first international competition, I was on the plane home, listening to Bridge of Glory and crying... I was looking out the window, thinking, “Have I really made it this far?” And I just cried there (laughs). It’s funny, right? Don’t you think it’s funny? (laughs)

Q: That’s very cute (laughs), you must have been really emotional. A: Yeah, I was really happy. It was 2004, the Athens Olympics were in the summer, so the theme song was Bridge of Glory (NHK’s official theme for the Athens Olympics). I listened to it on my MD player. Every time I hear that song, I remember being in that airplane cabin (laughs). That was when I was at my strongest.

Q: Now, 20 years later, what are your thoughts on Echoes of Life? A: Right now, there are still many new programs that need choreography, and I need to focus on creating them. As the title Echoes of Life suggests, I want to pour my soul into every part of the creation process. Even though the tour means the program will constantly evolve, first and foremost, I want to create the perfect and best performance for the premiere. I will do my best!

MIKIKO Interview

Q: How did you first encounter "Echoes of Life"? A: After finishing RE_PRAY, we started discussing the theme for the new ICE STORY, and Hanyu-kun frequently mentioned “philosophy” and having “words to leave an impression.” When I heard this, I told him, "This really sounds like your style, and it seems like it will be really interesting!" I also said, "It feels like it will be different from past works, which is great." Later, I received a rough outline of the plot, and soon after, I got the full story.

Q: What was your impression after reading the story? A: Since it was written in the form of a novel, it felt lighter to read. However, the detailed scenes and the depiction of emotions in the language were very much infused with the unique beauty of Japanese language nuances, so I thought, "This is really difficult!" (laughs) It was hard to translate it into a performance. Since I was imagining how to bring it to life on the ice while reading, from the perspective of how to express the story, it was really challenging.

Q: What specific parts did you find difficult to represent? A: For example, the line “a slight cold sweat broke out in my stomach” is interesting to read, but then I had to think about how to turn that expression into an image or a performance. Additionally, like with RE_PRAY, each team member had different interpretations of the story after reading it. While this made it interesting, it also took a lot of time to harmonize. Just like with RE_PRAY, I think we’ll only understand after the official performance, “Ah, so this is what Hanyu-kun wanted to convey!”

Q: Was there anything special in your approach to the stage design? A: Normally, I’m responsible for directing live concerts or choreography for each song. For example, when I choreograph, I want the composers and lyricists to feel that their work is being presented even better and shine even more. The same goes for directing. In Echoes of Life, the original creator himself is performing, so I think the most important thing is to understand his intentions as much as possible. However, I also have to look at the work as objectively as possible. So, I try to view it from multiple perspectives—Hanyu-kun’s perspective when he was writing, the audience’s perspective, the perspective of his most loyal fans, or even someone who doesn’t know anything about him. I incorporate all of these viewpoints into the stage design. During this process, I try to set aside my own subjective thoughts. Even though it may still end up with a “MIKIKO style,” I believe I completely stripped my own biases while creating it.

Q: Did you choreograph for Hanyu in Echoes of Life? A: Yes, I choreographed a new program and also made adjustments to others. From RE_PRAY to Echoes of Life, Hanyu has done a lot of foundational dance training. I taught him all the training techniques that professional dancers go through. I think he’s probably been integrating those movements into his figure skating training day by day. So, when I choreographed for him this time, I felt like his body had almost found a new way of expressing itself. This physical transformation left a strong impression on me.

Q: What exactly was the change? A: Last time, it felt like he was trying to somehow integrate dance into his figure skating body. But this time, it felt more like I was choreographing for a professional dancer. He’s always been great at mirroring movements, so before, he probably focused on memorizing the 'form' of the movements and then forcing his body, which felt awkward, into that 'form,' practicing it repeatedly. Now, however, it’s become more about understanding how to use the body and then adding the 'form' on top of that. This reverse approach, I think, makes it easier for him.

Q: What specific techniques did you teach, MIKIKO-sensei? A: It was really basic, foundational training. Dancers will incorporate ballet techniques, so that was part of it, along with some stretching methods. Also, as a body meant to be appreciated in 360 degrees, there’s a training method where you place a plate on your palm and perform movements without letting the plate fall. Even if the front of the body can ensure the plate doesn’t fall, to prevent it from falling from the back, you need to keep the back flexible. This kind of training helps to create a more three-dimensional body. So-called dance movements are all connected; curves and circles need to be completed in one continuous motion. If a joint is stiff in any part, the movement becomes rigid. And we try to make all movements flow as curves. I also taught him exercises to relieve joint stiffness, so I feel that now his nerves can more effectively reach every corner of his body.

Q: Hanyu has incorporated so many new things! A: He said he was originally self-taught, analysing 'to perform this kind of movement, I probably need to use my body this way.' I think his analysis has come together this time. It’s like he not only solved the current problems but also answered some of the questions he had before.

Q: This is your third time directing one of his ice shows. What is unique about the experience of directing an ice show? A: Ice shows continue to present new challenges for me. One distinctive aspect is that the size of the rink is always fixed, so the challenge lies in creating a unique visual experience within those constraints. While the fixed size can be limiting, it’s also exciting. In contrast to performances with more confined spaces, ice shows offer a generous amount of space to work with. It feels like painting on a canvas full of endless possibilities, and finding ways to transform the rink visually is a deeply rewarding challenge.

Q: You once said at the end of RE_PRAY, “I wonder what kind of work I would make next if I had the chance.” A: While working on “RE_PRAY,” I kept thinking about what might come next. From a visual perspective, I was certainly pondering that very question. As for the story, I felt that Hanyu-kun had fully expressed his own story through GIFT and RE_PRAY. So, I was looking forward to seeing if he would step outside of his own framework and what kind of story might emerge if he did. In the end, he created an entirely new protagonist, "Nova," and wrote a completely different story. I really didn’t expect it to change this much.

Q: As a director, how would you describe Echoes of Life? A: I think it’s a work that can showcase greater potential. In past works, the focus was more on how to showcase Hanyu Yuzuru as an artist and how to design a performance within the framework of figure skating. This time, it feels like the subject has shifted, and the focus is more on presenting a cohesive story. It feels fresh and also makes me feel like I’m being tested (laughs).

Q: Following RE_PRAY, this time you’ll also be touring in three cities. What is the appeal of touring? A: Yes, each venue has different perspectives, so it really tests our ability to adjust once we enter the venue. But the essence of touring is that the same work can offer completely different experiences and feelings in different venues. So, I plan to fully make use of the characteristics of each venue.

Q: One of the venues is Hiroshima, your hometown. A: It’s rare to secure the Hiroshima Green Arena. Echoes of Life explores themes of life and peace, and performing it in Hiroshima, especially around the time when the Japan Confederation of A- and H-Bomb Sufferers Organizations received the Nobel Peace Prize, feels almost like a miracle.

Q: What is it like working with this team? A: While all concerts and stage performances are difficult, the mountain we have to climb in ice performances is something that no other project can compare to. When I first received the original work, I instantly felt like a very high mountain was in front of me (laughs). Facing this towering mountain, we can only take it step by step, and right now, we can’t even see the summit. We can only start climbing from here, hand in hand (laughs). We’ve been thinking about how to make the audience understand this piece clearly within two and a half hours. The fundamental theme of the work is life and the things Hanyu has always cherished, so we must approach it with sincerity. The sense of unity, as everyone comes together to face this challenge, is especially strong.

Q: You’re climbing a mountain whose peak you can’t see yet. A: It feels like starting from a place where nothing is visible, and gradually being able to faintly see a hint of the summit. And when we step onto the stage, there's this feeling of being suddenly pulled to a higher place. The feeling of everyone working together toward that goal is truly joyful. Perhaps it's through this that we experience the value of what we’re doing. People from different fields come together at this point in time. 'How to minimize costs in a short period and complete the work efficiently'—these are the demands of the times. But this work allows us to set those concerns aside for a while, to handle things carefully, and to deliberately choose the tasks that are time-consuming and labour-intensive. That’s ICE STORY. It gives a sense of returning to the original intention. Although returning to that intention is also quite tough for me, this is the essence of ICE STORY. I think this quality may stem from Hanyu’s focus and self-discipline... I believe everyone involved in this work probably shares the same feeling.

Source: https://weibo.com/6473801248/P4gBakkFHhttps://weibo.com/6473801248/P4m5t0zmHhttps://weibo.com/6473801248/P5aCiDUf7https://weibo.com/6473801248/P4ePVBkFG

[dustymoji-aac]

Hello friends! :] I'm Dusty or FREAK. Welcome to my emoji blog! Please read through this pinned post before using my emojis.

But before all the important stuff, here's some info about me!

I'm 22 years old and my birthday is in april. I'm bigender, bisexual, and polyamorous. I use It/?/He/♡/She pronouns.

I have a lot of mental and physical issues so I won't list all of them here, but the most important ones to note are ::

I have DID

I am autistic with medium support needs

I am a part time AAC user

REQUESTS ARE :: OPEN

NEW REQUESTS MAY TAKE A LONG TIME TO GET DONE !! QUEUE IS LONG AND THE INBOX HAS A LOT OF REQUESTS . I DO NOT MIND TAKING AS MANY ASKS AS PEOPLE WANT TO SEND , BUT PLEASE KNOW IT WILL TAKE A WHILE TO GET THROUGH THEM .

QUEUE IS :: PAUSED

While the queue is paused, feel free to send me asks about anything :] might make an ask game while my arms recover

COMMISSIONS ARE :: OPEN

I do not have a DNI, nor do I require credit on AAC apps. However, if you are using my emojis for anything else (including discord, pfps/avatars, simply plural, octocon, etc) I ask that you please credit me by putting "dustyaac_" before the emoji, linking to my tumblr, or otherwise crediting me.

Please do not trace my emojis! I do not mind people taking inspiration from, getting ideas from, or even copying the poses of my emojis, I only ask that you do not trace over them directly.

I am not able to write accurate and accessible image descriptions. I always welcome others adding them to my emojis.

There are some things I am either not confident in my ability to draw or are uncomfortable with drawing. These things are ::

Endogenic terms

TransID terms

Most fandom content (I will make a folder)

Complex Machinery

Detailed Armor

Ocs

Alters

Most of these I will draw for commissions !! Please check my kofi or my commission info post [HERE] for more info !!

Other than those, I will attempt to draw most things to the best of my ability! Including but not limited to ::

Phrases

Objects

Animals

Plants

Weather

Food and Drinks

Folders [MORE INFO + FULL LIST WITH LINKS TO EVERY FOLDER I'VE MADE]

Wordmojis

Emotions

Symptoms

OSDDID terms

Kink terms

Agere terms

Content from the following fandoms ::

○ DSMP

○ Minecraft

○ Pokemon

○ Animal Crossing

○ My Little Pony

○ SCP

○ Analog Horror

○ Homestuck

○ Slime Rancher

○ Madoka Magica

○ MHA // BNHA

○ Creepy Pasta

○ Sesame Street

○ Overwatch

○ Avatar the Last Airbender

○ Adventure Time

○ Steven Universe

○ Stardew Valley

If you aren't sure, send a request anyway! I promise I won't mind :] the worst I'll say is that I can't do it.

My tag system is pretty simple. For my personal tags I put "! +" infront of them. My main ones are as follows ::

#AACOM :: a community tag i made for AAC community posts, emojis, etc

#! + dusty talks :: text post

#! + dusty draws :: emoji post

#! + might remake :: old art or art i wasn't happy with that I might come back and remake

#! + (category) :: "nature", "animal", "food", etc. Describes the type of emoji

#! + resource :: a resource for AAC

#! + not dusty :: a reblog

#! + add to aac :: an emoji i personally want to add to my own aac. emoji creators please let me know if you do not want your emojis reblogged or used this way!

These are the main styles I'll be using. They're called Overworld, Nether, and End. Expect inconsistency! More styles may be added over time.

Any similarities to other art/artist's styles are purely coincidental. I will never trace, copy, or take inspiration from another artist without permission. If one of my emojis resembles another artist's work and you believe I may have unintentionally taken inspiration from them, please inform me so I can either provide credit or take down the emoji.

If you'd like to find me elsewhere, here are my other blogs!

@ineffableangelics :: Agere, weirdcore, dreamcore themed! SFW. Oc Posting!

@printed-paws :: Main, mainly scream themed at the moment. I post most of my art there!

@comingforyourkneecaps :: Spam !! I also post some art there that I'm too shy to post on my main

I interact from @ask2pfrance, it is inactive.

Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day.

If you'd like to send me a tip, please visit my Kofi below !! ♡ I appreciate it so much and it motivates me to draw more :] you'd be helping me and my partner a lot with living expenses

I also take commissions on there !! ^^

My sonas say hi !! Cosette, Pumpkin, and Venii.

[the-hydroxian-artblog]

I love your animatronic toy OC guys so much, they have so much personality to them and their colours are really good (especially umbra)

Thank you! The funny thing about Umbra's design was that while I was developing it about two years ago and had some colors in mind, I described in text what I already came up with to an image generator for fun (shitty unconvincing old kind, vs now where it looks like shit but in a somewhat more convincing way) and it produced something so silly that I made her design better than what I would've settled with out of spite.

More details of my process and anti-AI ranting below the cut, so the examples given won't show up on search results. Google Images is getting polluted too much with slop to begin with.

Let's begin.

In 2022 I was drafting up Umbra's design with mostly concrete details. At this time image generators were newer and much less convincing, and I was a bit less aware of just how unethical they were, so I fed one a text description of what I had drafted for her design out of curiosity. Something along the lines of, "doll of an anthropomorphic owl librarian in glasses, blazer/suit jacket, skirt, corset, high heels, sitting on a bookshelf" and probably a few more terms. Really specific, lengthy prompt.

I try to be open-minded and give new things a shot, but the results were Not Great. Ideally, I'd want to not share the AI pictures at all on-principle, but I feel like it's useful, transparent, and necessary to show them. Both as a means of not hiding anything, but also just to appreciate where the design is at in spite of it.

Outside of this particular collage of Weird Owls, no other pictures on this blog are AI-generated. AI Image Generation is harmful, and I am against its usage.

But hey, two of the generated pictures look close, right? The top left is the closest, and bottom right is second.

That's because they started out worse, and I had to actually erase chunks of them and have the generator fill in the blanks to get anything remotely close to what I wanted. Misshapen limbs, unrecognizable anatomy, fever-dream clothing details, etc. They didn't even have a corset or proper legs until I slapped the generator in the face enough times to make it produce them. I was just using it to photobash, which was such an annoying process, I just went "this is dumb" and stopped. They're literally posed like that because I kept erasing and regnerating their limbs until they looked vaguely in-character. It literally only looks passable thanks to STRANGLING it with human input.

Before I used the image generator, I already drafted her to be night-themed with yellow eyes and something like purple, dark blue, or sky-blue as her main color; the generator making one owl yellow-eyed and purple was a happy coincidence, and the only thing the generative AI "came up with" that I didn't already have in mind or included in the prompt was the light blue shirt, which I did adapt into her cyan shirt and stockings/socks as well. That was a good call. You get One Point, Mr. AI.

...Which still meant that at its absolute best, it was a largely redundant step in the creative process if its contribution was worse than what a randomized palette generator or character creator could come up with.

That's already putting the ethics of it aside, like carbon emissions, data pollution, using artists' and photographers' work without credit or permission, the incentive to plagiarize, flooding sites like deviantart with slop, Willy Wonka Shit, etc etc etc. When people say "you can use AI as a tool though", this ordeal was enough to convince me that it's more trouble than its worth, even in its most ethical usage. I feel gross for having even tried. I wish I knew what sources went into the creation of those Weird Owls. It'd be better for research if the right people could be credited.

Nothing else on this blog is AI-generated or ever will be. The art below is purely my own (2022 vs a few weeks ago)):

Actually drawing Umbra and solidifying her design was far more rewarding than having an image generator vaguely approximate my own ideas. I wanted her to look really special, so I used a black cape and pants, gold highlights and buttons, and blue undertones to make something more distinct. Also, neck floof. Very important. I wanted the head in particular to look distinct and original, going with bold black streaks to really help her look distinguished.

I also have certain inevitable Hydroisms for Fancy characters like her; most apparent in these designs for Chasey and Kaita from even longer ago, which were more of an influence than anything else. (Old art of mine from like 2021, Kaita ref looks wonky but Chasey still holds up nicely):

Most of Umbra's other design elements were already commonly used with established ocs like Kaita, like her shape language, corset, skirt, heels, etc. It was my previous work with Chasey that inspired the use of gold buttons and highlights.

Umbra is also now a bluer shade of purple partly to distance the current design from that ordeal. All things considered, I'll probably make her more indigo next time. I already wanted her to have a wide color range from the get-go (Featured below is, again, purely my art from 2022:)

I may use a different colored shirt and stockings in the future. I like to think she has many different shirts and clothes based on the different stages of the night sky, from dusk to dawn, and the painting I made in the top right there was an exploration of her range in different lighting.

All in all, it's frustrating. I'm proud of her design, but explaining all of this is annoying, because it's technically all relevant to showing how her colors were picked and how the design was made. I still technically have AI to """Thank""", in the way you thank a bad experience for encouraging you to make things better out of spite.

[plague-karm]

Right time to analyse this shit because god dammit I have been silently making theories about this show the second I saw the premise I’m about to become the most annoying person on the planet on god so LETS GOOOOOOO-

First things first the animation looks fucking phenomenal (let Kevin Temmer cook, that man can do no wrong). Also Caine the guy ever, he is the silly and I love him wholeheartedly, he’s just a fucked up little guy who’s living his best life fr.

And also NEW CHARACTER HELLO.

They do be circling though.

THE SILLIES ARE HERE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO 🎉🎉🎉

Smiling Gangle spotted ten seconds before disaster, no thoughts head empty indeed.

ALSO I WASN’T EXPECTING STUFF OUTSIDE THE CIRCUS BUT IT’S A WELCOME SURPRISE WHOA

They have come to steal your credit card information.

The thoughts I had of Ragatha being the lone brain cell keeping everything together were completely correct I CALLED IT- (it has been said by Gooseworx that she has been there the second longest so she’s probably gotten used to the zaniness by now…maybe)

A door that leads to a void?

Maybe it has something to do with this room in the teaser trailer? Possibly.

Tumblr sexyman spotted.

''If there was a way to leave I'm sure we'd have all left by now''

They're ✨suffering✨

This caught me off guard when I first saw it lmao (holy FUCK I love Zooble's design, they're everything to me).

''Welcome to your new home...AND your new body...''

So they're aware that they were human before they entered the circus? That's interesting considering what happens in a few seconds (I'll get to that soon). It's also worth mentioning that Gooseworx has stated that their clothes ARE a part of their bodies.

Case in point...

At the end of the character introduction compilation Gooseworx posted to their YouTube channel Pomni is heard saying something along the lines of

''How do I...take this...headset off?!''

I saw a few people theorizing about her talking about a VR headset and that was how she entered the circus to begin with (I had the same thoughts until very recently). However, considering how much of the visuals and character designs are based on old media (also a teaser image was set up as the menu screen for a retro game), I'm beginning to think that this isn't the case.

So it's incredibly likely that Pomni is actually talking about her jester headpiece since she can't take it off.

This scene is probably the first time Pomni sees her new body, pinwheel eyes and all.

''I'm fine with whatever, as long as I get to see funny things happen to people''

I love him he's so unbothered.

I'm sad that we didn't get to hear any dialogue from them but I can't wait to see them in the pilot! Kinger is love, Kinger is life.

''After a while you start to realise that you really can't leave, and constantly chasing an unattainable goal will start driving you a little crazy''

She's a little fucked up actually wow who saw that coming.

It sounds like Ragatha tried to leave a few times and just resigned to her fate after a while, her description DID say that she was the ''sweetest little optimist in the digital circus'', so maybe she's told the others that escaping is impossible and that they should make the best of their situation instead? (Also the framed picture of the right looks like some kind of void, a lot of void imagery here).

Also, Gooseworx released this image a short while ago and it has the same background that Ragatha had while she was talking so she's DEFINITELY talking to Pomni here.

''OH GOD! WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER MY NAME?!''

EXCUSE ME? Okay time for some more speculation. I knew that their names definitely weren't their real ones but I wasn't expecting them to forget them!

Now, since the premise is said to be centred around Pomni and the others getting messed with by AI and their traumas, maybe instead of forgetting what their names were, they actually REPRESSED their memories from when they were human due to the trauma they went through? (Which would include their names)

I don't buy that they've COMPLETELY forgotten who they were (Zooble is aware that the body they're in isn't the one they used to have so I'm guessing everyone else knows that too.)

I'm guessing that their human lives absolutely SUCKED and they've now repressed their trauma to the point where they can barely remember who they were in the human world, this is just speculation.

''Thank goodness this is all a dream, right Pomni?''

What a sassy little guy (it's so weird hearing Michael Kovach sound so reserved, he's normally feral as hell playing these kinds of characters). The little mannequin symbol on the door is probably there for when new people stumble into the circus.

She's definitely seen some shit, I wonder what it could be though?

OH MY GOD THERE'S MORE OF THEM 😭

Wow this background looks...oddly normal. The only thing I can think of this being is Pomni witnessing a flashback of her human life before she showed up in the circus.

''You completely lose sight of who you are and why you're even alive and when you reach your breaking point something REALLY terrible can happen''

OH? Okay speculation time again. This is the closest hint we've gotten to what exactly one of the gang's traumas could be. Ragatha may have forced herself to stay positive in really shitty situations during her human life which likely lead to a lot of negative thoughts which eventually lead to her doing...something, I'm not sure what though, maybe it lead to her losing an eye? (Maybe her new body represents that?) I'm not sure. Maybe this is why she's been in the circus for as long as she has, instead of dealing with her feelings and existentialism, she instead continues to try to be someone who's more adjusted than they actually are.

Again, this is all just speculation, maybe it's just an Infinity Train type of thing where they can't leave until they learn to accept what they went through and how to work through it healthily idk.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Well, I'll tell you what I think it is.

I think it's this weird tar like tentacle thing from the teaser trailer, I don't see what else it could be.

And I'm 90% sure that whatever it is, it's connected to this room, and I think that THIS is gonna be where we'll be seeing what the gangs traumas are (Ragatha looked TERRIFIED when she was grabbed so if this was the case I wouldn't be surprised). I'd also like to speculate that this could possibly be another AI. There's Caine, Bubble, and whatever the hell those little shape creatures are, so it's very likely that other AI does exist, we just haven't seen them yet.

But who knows? I'm probably looking too much into it.

Woah new background, he is angy.

I would go into another theory I have about how their designs may hint at what trauma they have but I've spent over an hour writing, compiling trailer screenshots, and speculating every individual frame while suffering with chest pains I wanna go to bed

Holy shit that took WAY longer than I thought it would. I cannot WAIT to watch the pilot, this show has become one of my most anticipated projects of the year over the last few months and I can't wait to see what it has in store.

TL;DR: The trailer looks fire 10/10 can't wait for the inevitable Pomni plushes.

[canonically47]

so... those boxers, huh?

(click for better image quality!)

oh my GOD you guys @burrotello's AU is SOOO good!!!!!! the TADC fandom just has the best artists, every AU i've seen is so creative and fun and this one is an exception because IT'S. EVEN. BETTER.

i cannot express how much i love her artstyle and how much expression she can convey through her art.. so i'll just link the boxer AU masterpost here and let you guys see for yourselves!

for now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: toby and diane! you already know toby if you know me and/or my involvement in the TADC fandom - my OC, very strongly based on agent 47. diane is a new face, though, because she was created with the intention of being toby's handler! (she's based off diana burnwood, obviously.)

the duo and a description of their relationship:

some design notes:

toby is 150 cm (which is his height in the TADC universe as well), while diane towers over him at 187 cm.

since toby is based off a rubber duck, which is meant to be a gag, i decided to incorporate that into his defense - it's meant to act as a way for the opponent to be unable to see him, since he's so small.

his homing briefcase is his ultimate attack. it's a good thing there's not any water in the boxing ring, or we'd be seeing players drop dead left and right!

also to bounce off toby's duck self, diane is a fox because, well, she's a sly fox! she's based off diana even more than toby is off agent 47, because, while i take a lot of liberties with toby (make him swear more than 47, make him act wayyy more caring and open than he does in hitman), diane is literally almost the same. her wits, sarcasm, beauty, everything is kept in this awesome fox lady. (it was also my first time drawing an anthropomorphic fox, which was sooo fun! i did some warm-up, messy sketches too. i swear the furries are gonna claim me soon, drawing anthros is sooo fun you guys.)

toby's fighter name is "agent T" because i didn't want it to be THAT obvious by naming him 47, but... his HP speaks for itself. i know his stats just SCREAM "mary sue", so SUE ME. he's a damn good fighter!... if only the fight club was fair, then he'd get the proper compensation.

there are a lot of references sprayed throughout their descriptions that i haven't even begun to cover, including lines of dialogue. can you find them? 👀

bonus transparent pngs (featuring injured toby):

[misscammiedawn]

Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid 2

This post contains discussions and descriptions of severe dissociation that may be triggering to those who experience those symptoms and details themes of abuse, war and alcoholism please be kind to yourself when reading. Full game spoilers for NitW and MGS2.

In my Media, Myself and I series of posts I've been talking about depictions of Dissociative Identity Disorder in media. Highlighting good representation because I think it's easy to tear down what doesn't work, but showing what does is a very teachable moment. Best way to increase understanding and tear down stigma is to show understandable and relatable examples. Even if they're imperfect.

To that end, I wish to take a mild distraction from talking about identity focused symptoms of dissociative disorders and do some posts on elements of dissociation which aren't highlighted as often, particularly not well.

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder is on the dissociative spectrum and the symptoms are experienced within forms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Identity DIsorder.

To borrow an info-graphic I utilized in my Hypnosis and Dissociative Disorders essay a while back

Source: Mayo Clinic

The brain processes the world and our association within that connects the concepts of "Me" and the concept of "Reality" and integrates them so we are able to process external reality and express our internal reality.

When we look at our hand we can look at it and understand "this is my hand", the shape of it, the sensation of proprioception, the knowledge that we are able to move it and it will move based on our innate intention. There is no process of "I want to move my hand, I am going to move my hand, my hand is moving" it all happens as part of one seamless process.

A practice within hypnosis for creating a sense of dissociation required for trance states is to have a person look at their hand and turn the phrasing from "my hand" to "that hand". Gradually having a person look at a thing until our brains stop processing it in relation to our surroundings until it "detaches" as a way of temporarily removing critical filters in an effort to lead a person to an altered and suggestible state.

A good example of this one can experience without assistance is to stare into a mirror for an elongated period of time. Our brains are always attempting to process a large amount of information and presents context to you that changes "those images on the mirror's surface" into "my reflection", it's why we are able to feel familiarity as a sense. When we perceive something that activates those associations the relevant information automatically filters in our mind and presents the concepts associated with the stimulus.

If we stare at the same reflection for too long those associations begin to disintegrate and we begin to view them divorced of the contexts we hold for them.

For those who suffer dissociative disorders, this is the root of why someone with DID will not "recognize" their reflection or why a person may not feel familiarity with something/someone they are aware of.

Dissociative amnesia is a topic I wish to cover in a future essay but it is also included in this process. Essentially when we dissociate our minds lose the ability to effectively filter what we are perceiving and relate it to our selves, our memories and our experiences.

Derealization is what happens when that critical filter between the external world and our internal perception breaks down. It's when we are not processing the world as being something we are engaging with. This may present as a disconnection between our perception and our understanding, for example "my hand feels like it's larger than it looks" or it can be a complete disconnect from what is happening in your present reality causing you to feel like you are in a dream. In extreme cases you lose your ability to relate your actions from consequences.

Let me tell you, having this happen while you're behind the wheel of a moving vehicle is terrifying and I hope no one reading this ever has to experience that.

I should also note that these symptoms tend to get dramatically worse the more you focus on them. In my own life, if I have a sensation that parts of my body feel incompatible with my inner perception of them then the vague dysphoria can blossom into full dissociation if I try to examine the feeling in any depth.

For an everyday version of it, think about the sensation of Deja Vu and how it feels like you have already experienced something which is happening in the present. During that state you are dissociated enough from processing your present reality that it "feels" like you've already experienced it, despite the knowledge that you are currently in the moment.

All of this is to give a vague view of what Derealization is and what it feels like.

Today I want to share two pieces of media that include a character overtly experiencing these symptoms and how the fiction displays the character experiencing this internal experience so that an external audience may understand.

Night in the Woods is a 2017 narrative driven adventure game by Infinite Fall. It follows two weeks in the life of Mae Borowski, a 20 year old cat suffering from severe anxiety who has dropped out of college and returned to her childhood home, an impoverished Western Pennsylvania mining town named Possum Springs.

There she moves back in with her parents and reintegrates with the rural community of Possum Springs. She spends time with her childhood friends, talks to the locals and tries to solve the mystery of a severed arm found in town. All while having vivid dreams on a nightly basis and dealing with the an ambient level of judgment from her parents, friends and community over her perceived irresponsibility.

Where Mae is trying to solve the mystery of the severed arm and the secret cult that hides within Possum Springs, the audience has some other mysteries to solve attached to the attitudes of some of the residents. Mae's parents and friends constantly pressure her to explain why she felt it necessary to drop out of college when so much was sacrificed to get her there. There is also "The Incident", a mysterious event in Mae's past, ominously hinted at when Mae's next door neighbor warns...

"No one's forgotten who you are and what you did, you know. Small town polite's all you got, kid."

The player is left in the dark as to the circumstances that paint Mae's reputation in town and throughout the course of the two weeks we begin understanding more about Mae's past, the circumstances behind her return to Possum Springs and the reasons those around her harbor a mild resentment towards her.

There are some potential supernatural elements relating to Mae's dreams and the nature of the cult but I feel it is best to stick to the grounded elements of the plot for the sake of this essay.

The Incident, it is revealed, is that 6 years before the game Mae beat another kid with a softball bat. Seemingly unprovoked. It earned her the nickname "Killer" and shaped much of the way people in the town, including Mae's own parents, view her.

"Why did you beat Andy Cullen?" and "Why did you drop out of school?" are questions people constantly demand of Mae and it forces her to become defensive and prickly to those around her. There's even a sequence involving a heated argument between Mae and her mother when the latter drops her kindness and patience over the matter and demands answers that Mae refuses to give.

To give the game away without fanfare, Mae suffers from extreme dissociation.

She's ashamed of it, afraid of it and the local town doctor, who I will discuss shortly, has no meaningful way of helping her deal with it. Mae is left to journal about her feelings with no meaningful way of understanding her symptoms or preventing them from crippling her. It is not even referred to as dissociation within the plot of the game, though those who are familiar with derealization will recognize it easily.

If you wish to see the conversation where Mae confesses her condition, it is about 4 minutes long and will provide some context, though I will brush over the description if you do not have time/ability to watch and listen.

Mae describes a time when she was playing videogames and felt an intense empathy towards the characters on screen. She felt like she knew them intimately and at a certain point something "broke", she came to understand that the characters she had been so connected with were not real. She was not actually connected with the events happening on screen, it was all a game.

And in understanding that she felt alone and abandoned on her side of the screen and the sensation spread out to the view outside of her window. The trees blowing by in the wind were as fake and distant as the characters in the video game. She had memories and attachments and associations with that tree, but looking at it from her window she could see that it was just a tree. Just an object.

"Just shapes"

This disconnect spread into every aspect of Mae's life and all of the associations she had built between herself and the world around her had vanished and she found herself in a world that she no longer felt attached to in any meaningful way.

"Just like this meaningless bulk of... stuff."

She felt alone. Abandoned. Overwhelmed by the simultaneous enormity and emptiness of everything.

The next day during the softball match she cannot even remember how it happened but she ended up ontop of the mass of shapes that was Andy Cullen and... that was The Incident.

Mae's family lost a lot of money paying off the medical debt for Cullen's family and everyone's attitudes towards her turned cold. She was sent to Dr. Hank for therapy... and this is where I take a break to discuss the causes of dissociative disorders and how badly Mae was let down.

The root causes of DPDR are the same as other dissociative disorders in that extreme abuse, neglect and continued stressful situations cause the mind to put up barriers and break associations to protect the self from harm. To boil a complex idea down to a few words consider the mind saying "This is not happening to me." as a way to prevent pain from an experience.

Where identity based dissociation focuses on the words "to me" and removes the self from the harmful events, derealization focuses on the words "this is not happening" and rejects the events outright, refusing to process the context behind what is happening.

Much of the game's story is told through implication and one must peel back layers in order to get a full story. At first glance Mae may seem like a normal young woman from a rural community in the rust-belt and question what could have been enough for her to develop a dissociative disorder.

First off, don't do that. No one owes anyone a justification for their condition and there is no such thing as "traumatic enough" to be valid for a diagnosis. What a person experiences is what they experience. But Mae is fictional and the core of her character is having an under-treated dissociative disorder. Half the reason I wanted to write this entry was because her depiction of it is deeply relatable and can be used well for teaching what goes into a person developing PTSD and dissociative disorders; most depictions seem content with sexual abuse or violent deaths.

For Mae, it's a lot more subtle and all too human. At least, for a cat in a world of anthropomorphic animals.

Mae's mother, Candy, never went to college and always regretted it. She feels like her life hit a dead end and she has remained in the mining town of Possum Springs decades after its mining industry faded out. She works as a receptionist at the local church, spends all day reading True Crime novels and had a number of miscarriages before finally giving birth to Mae, her "miracle baby".

Mae's father, Stan, was working with the mine when it closed down and has since been bouncing between job to job trying to keep his family afloat, especially after the medical expenses from The Incident, the subsequent remortgaging of the house and Candy's dreams of sending Mae to college. Stan tries to be a good father but hates his job, is always working and it is revealed he used to be an alcoholic.

Lastly you have Mae's Grandfather. He is dead before the game starts. Mae loved her granddad very much and his influence can be felt throughout the whole game. He would read to her, pay attention to her and teach her things. One of the game's DLC chapters even involves him reading Mae a bedtime story.

Also grandpa Borowski was a union man and collected the teeth of an employer who tried to abuse the workers. That doesn't really play in to my essay as Mae does not discover this fact until the events of the game but I am not going to go without hyping up a man for taking teeth.

Mae misses him so much that even 6 years after she was asked to keep a journal by Dr. Hank the first page reads "RIP Granddad" and as the game goes on the following can be found inside:

This information is drip fed to us through organic and relatable moments. For instance, Mae reveals her father's alcoholism while she is drinking too much (sidenote, she is underage for the location she lives) at a party.

The idea is to give a full and rich view of Mae's life and show that she may not even recognize the trauma for what it is and was.

For instance, we know from the start that Mae has crippling anxiety. This could easily be linked to the expectations of Candy putting her hopes and dreams of college on her "miracle baby". Before Mae was even born she had expectations placed upon her for being the long wanted child of a mother who wanted her baby to do all the things that she never could.

For neglect you have the fact that both parents are forced to work in abundance to maintain their lifestyle and pay for Mae's college in an economically depressed community. Mae spent a lot of her home life alone, feeling pressured by her mother and literally scared of her alcoholic father.

Both parents are good and loving and kind parents. But they failed in some regards. Sometimes you can want the best for someone you love and do everything you can to provide the best life and a failure to listen, adapt and accommodate can do more harm than anything.

Her grandfather eventually passed away, taking her positive links away in her home life and after The Incident she was ostracized from the community and forced into further isolation. Socially anxious, outcast and without her supportive grandfather, she eventually is given an opportunity to go to college. Something her childhood friend would have literally killed for an opportunity to do in her stead.

---and she drops out.

---and upon returning no one will get off of her case about it.

This damned statue did it.

A statue so loathesome to Mae that it appears in her nightmares and she relives the fantasy of smashing it to bits with a baseball bat.

If you watched the above video (or have played the game) you will know that the statue was made up of several shapes and was installed at Mae's college.

The sight of this statue terrified Mae to the point of which she would spend entire days holed up in her dorm room either not eating or gorging pizza and sleeping for days at a time.

Being away from the familiar sights and people of her home town made her dissociative symptoms go into overdrive. At home she knew that The Tree that had lost all meaning and association to her was still the tree that she played with when she was young. She knew that her parents are the people who raised her. Even when she saw them as "dead shapes" the memories persisted and she could endure.

At college it was nothing but strangers in a strange land and a statue comprised of shapes reminding her that everything was shapes.

But they sent her to therapy, did they not? Why wasn't she being treated?

Dr. Hank is a small-town doctor he is the physiologist, he is the dentist, he is the psychologist. He is the doctor. The only doctor and he has no idea how to treat someone with severe symptoms like Mae.

In town Mae can talk to a character named Selmers every day. Selmers is a self-styled poet with depression and also being seen by Dr. Hank. In discussing both mental healthcare treatment and depression with Selmers the player can learn that Dr. Hank treats all forms of mental illness the same. Essentially "journal until you feel better". The town lacks the structure and framework to provide help to someone like Mae.

In other words she has been untreated this entire time and removed from her support network and sent off to college, she could not handle things. Of course she was going to fail under those circumstances.

The game does a remarkably good job of displaying how DPDR can impact a person, especially as it is linked to anxiety and depression, and creates an empathetic narrative about what it must be like to live with that condition.

Sadly it offers little in the way of answers for treatment. In reality treatment involves psychotherapy and creating a structure of coping mechanisms for how to handle episodes and ground oneself. This can come in the shape of breathing exercises, kinesthetic sensation fixation, identification exercises ("name all of the blue items you can see" "name all of the items that begin in A") but above all else, getting a grip on what emotional triggers one has and learning to resolve them will help.

For Mae, being away from home is a trigger for her. Home isn't going to be the same place and people forever. She needs to be able to get on top of her symptoms in order to cope. Dr. Hank was not helping her with that.

The game ends on a bittersweet note that Mae may end up spending her whole life in Possum Springs purely from fear of leaving her zone of familiarity.

Unfortunately the narrative is about clinging to a dying town and how unsustainable it is.

We do not know what will happen next. The structure that failed Mae has only gotten worse in the 2 years since she left for college. Her parents may end up selling the house because they cannot keep up on the payments and on a long enough timeline Gregg and Angus will move away (should their relationship survive the effort to escape) leaving Bea and Mae to watch Possum Springs continue to decay.

Part of Mae's journey is accepting this inevitability and not fighting it, but choosing not to abandon the town regardless. After all, she can't stray from it without a risk to her mental health.

The game offers no answers. It simply shows a slice of hard reality for those who live caught in the trap of decaying towns, economic collapse and mental illness without support structures and treatment. but it does a very good job of providing an empathetic case that an audience can relate to and sympathize with the symptoms of.

But what about a game that tries to make the audience feel the same way that the character does...?

Metal Gear Solid 2 is a 2001 self-proclaimed tactical espionage action game developed by Konami.

It tells the story of a secret military operations agent code named Raiden who is attempting to save the US President from a terrorist group called Dead Cell. There is much more to it. But I am attempting to be brief.

Metal Gear is absolutely frustrating for me to write about in this essay series because their research tends to be fairly good but their sensitivity often comes off as actively malicious at best.

In terms of conditions, symptoms and sensitivity to emotional triggers, Raiden is on paper a fairly decent representation of dissociative disorders developing in those who grew up in war. In practice he has a murder alter named Jack The Ripper who breakdances with 3 katanas.

I promised I would stick to positive depictions only and so I will stick only to the final 2 hours of Raiden's first appearance.

At this point in the game the president is dead, we have learned that the terrorists were really after a giant battleship that houses a powerful AI which is going to be used to censor the internet to control the flow of information and control the populace. Raiden has met up with protagonist of the first Metal Gear games, Solid Snake, and has managed to install a virus into the AI system that will corrupt the data and prevent it from controlling the internet.

In order to get on the battleship, Snake betrays Raiden and hands him over to the terrorists.

Thus begins the final act of MGS2.

It is imperative to understand that these events happen in rapid succession right after the AI is infected with a virus.

Neither the audience nor Raiden are given an opportunity to truly process all of the rapid fire information that we are hit with.

MGS2 has a metatextual narrative about the nature of sequels and audience expectations. Many of the events happening within the story are intimately playing upon our familiarity with the series, recreating circumstances from both Metal Gear 2 and Metal Gear Solid. Part of the critique is that players are looking to simply recreate the experience of the first game and the narrative goes out of its way to punish Raiden (and thusly the player) for trying to "be" Solid Snake. Much of the game has been mired in failure and any wins we have received are either negated in a cutscene following our gameplay victory or are displayed as being ineffective next to Solid Snake who is forever being displayed as the better protagonist.

So when Raiden wakes up in a torture chamber directly designed to look just like the Shadow Moses Island torture chamber from Metal Gear Solid 1 (and both dialogue and graphics of that cutscene are displayed briefly) we, the player instantly assume familiarity with the concept. To drive that point home the player is forced to survive a button tapping mini-game which is sprung upon us out of nowhere (there is no tutorial. The game expects your familiarity with the concept and thusly does not need to explain it - as a side note it is impossible to die in this minigame, so a lack of familiarity does not impact gameplay, only narrative experience)

All while the only surviving villain from the first game directly says in dialogue "We're also inside the memory of Shadow Moses"

The cutscene also has Raiden face to face with the main villain who recognizes Raiden as a child soldier he helped raise to fight in an African conflict. For the first time we are able to view Raiden, view Jack as his own man outside of his similarities to Solid Snake. We find out he is a child soldier with an impressive kill record who was raised with other child soldiers, drugged and forced to kill in a conflict that he had no personal connections to. He claims "I was given a gun and told to shoot, if I refused then I was the one who would be shot."

Throughout the game, Raiden has been getting phone calls from his girlfriend, Rose, who serves as the mission analyst. When the villain, Solidus, reveals Jack's history she calls him to ask more about this and Jack at first pushes away the memories, claiming that "they" wiped his memories and that he experiences nightmares only to give a vivid and emotionally description of his experiences as young as 6 years old killing for no reason other than he was told to.

Rose attempts to comfort him, to say that she wants to share the burden of his past, Raiden refuses, blocking everything out and pushing Rose away, claiming that he cannot afford to start a family.

Children are a huge emotional trigger for Raiden. This is displayed heavily in the future games of the series.

Overall this is an extreme example of a backstory that would give an adult severe PTSD and forced to confront his past, Raiden is emotionally primed to have a complete dissociative break from reality.

But presently I am not writing about how Raiden experiences derealization. I'm writing about how the player experiences it.

We know that Raiden has been trained in virtual reality to prepare him for this mission. When we see cutscenes describing this we are shown footage of the previous Metal Gear games, particularly the virtual reality training missions from the PS1 game.

The implication is very much that Raiden has played the same games that we ourselves have. The Metal Gear Franchise has an interesting meta-narrative going on that displays games are released in order of declassification with an early conversation in MGS4 mentioning that the events of MGS3 (which takes place in 1964) were declassified recently in the game's present of 2014.

Raiden has played the Metal Gear games. We have played the Metal Gear games.

And the game itself is overtly recycling moments from earlier entries of the series and trying to highlight this fact.

Right after we put a virus into the AI.

Things got really weird from the moment we insert the disc to infect the system.

Escaping from the torture chamber our character is completely naked and runs to the next area. We are given a loading screen.

Ominous music plays and we receive a phone call from Campbell, the mission control from both this game and the previous Metal Gear games. He speaks with a distorted voice. He stutters, telling you that you must proceed with your m-mission. He notes that in your current condition you will not be able to attack or "enter the hanging mode"

He continuously spouts the mission objective and says your role is to take out the terrorists. Raiden demands to know why he keeps saying "role" and Campbell replies

Raiden then notes that he has never met Campbell in person. He has only spoken to him over long distance communication.

Should you return to the torture room the title card will be switched with the name of Japanese rail stations. If you pause the game you are treated to a "map" of Arsenal Gear:

The image is from Glauben, Wissen und Kunst der alten Hindus

All while Campbell calls you every few steps to order you to turn the game console off, recycle further lines from previous Metal Gear games (as well as show footage from them) and your radar is replaced with voyeuristic footage of a young woman sunbathing.

The enemies are now wearing thick armor with no humanizing characteristics and they fly about with inhuman power while wielding katana that can block machine-gun fire.

The floor has scrolling text floating across the surfaces something that the series uses for the VR stages to signify you are in a training stage.

The game is pulling out all of the stops to make sure you are confronted with the reality that you are playing a video game while the character within the video game is experiencing the same information.

He meets up with Snake who reveals he has the unlimited ammo bandana from completing MGS1, all but confirming this is a video game. Much of the information in this segment can be justified in-game. I literally cannot sidestep the fact that a flesh and blood man pointed at a piece of headgear and said "Unlimited ammo". I almost wanted to skip over it as it's devastating to my point about how the game tries to pull you and Raiden out of reality.

See to Raiden, he can no longer be certain if any of this is happening or not because of his experiences with VR. With everything collapsing around him, it feels reasonable to assume that the AI Virus is breaking down the universe around him. With full knowledge of the plot, we the audience can know that everything is happening and the virus has infected his augmented reality elements that make up the in-game HUD. But Raiden doesn't know that and the player on first playthrough cannot fully know it either.

It's almost reasonable to assume that the entire game is taking place within a VR Simulation.

Virtual Reality has long been studied as having links to DPDR with a number of scientific studies examining the link.

The connection is very much there though typically VR only influences a mild sensation of derealization when playing, though to those prone to dissociation they may experience more rapid and powerful effects with prolonged exposure.

Raiden tells Snake what is happening and how his grip on reality is falling apart, going as far to doubt whether his girlfriend, Rose, was ever real either. Snake has no idea how to verify for Raiden that the things that are happening are real and tells him to just keep moving forward and figure it out. He also provides Raiden with a sword.

In the metatext, this is a symbol for Raiden gaining his own unique playstyle. As long as he is emulating Solid Snake he cannot succeed but when he accepts himself as his own person and embraces his unique gameplay mechanic he is able to break free from the narrative and actualize as his own person.

In the sense of the derealization episode, it gives Raiden an opportunity to mow down the wave after wave of "Tengu Soldiers" who come after him and Snake.

Metal Gear is a franchise that doesn't like it when you kill people. Here it has handed you a sword and told you to go to town with an unlimited supply of anime ninjas. The game lightly insisting "it's a video game, it makes no difference how many people you kill" and to flaw the game's philosophy for a moment, the only penalty is a ranking when you beat the game. MGS3 is the one that actually hits you with consequences for in-game murder.

As Raiden stands on a platform with Snake the game continues to devolve and a custom Mission Failed screen appears, mimicking the standard game over.

Gameplay continues inside the small box that typically displays where you died, you can die on this screen.

You then fight 25 copies of the giant mech in a recreation of the photo area from the Metal Gear VR Missions and the world's most convoluted plot reaches its crescendo point with every character betraying everyone else before Raiden has to kill a cybernetic US politician with a sword for the first but not last time.

The sequence takes about forty-five minutes to an hour thirty depending on your play style. The plot is too much and has a layer of metatext on top of it regarding the nature of audience expectations and sequels along with a haunting premonition of what the internet would become.

There are a lot of reasons to praise and a lot of reasons to hate the ending of MGS2. Personally I adore it. But one thing that truly cannot be stated enough, especially back in 2001, is how the game intended to make the player feel during that final section.

It's not enough that Raiden was having a complete dissociative episode, losing grip on his reality, it's that the game was designed to make the player go through those emotions at the same time as the character.

I was going through a really rough patch at the time. It was a few months before I was kicked out, my ties with my mother had been cut off, my dad was in a ward and suffice to say where my head was at the time? The immersive dissociative experience this game offered worked like a charm. Though external factors had a lot of influence.

DPDR is weird in the sense that everyone dissociates. It's a natural and normal thing, but disorders that are born from an excessive amount of disconnect between the self and reality tend not to be relatable experiences. Displaying a character losing their grip on reality is not an easy thing to do.

When we see someone say "I don't know what's real any more" in a piece of media we have empathy for their situation but it's not easy to have the audience in the same mindset as them.

Another hauntingly good example is Perfect Blue which I will likely not discuss in detail in this essay series because the content is a little too dark and the depiction of Dissociative Identity Disorder is not flattering in the slightest.

But the movie does depict an actress whose reality is blurring in with fiction by having a series of interactions happen one after another and revealing that the entire scene was part of a television shoot, with every subsequent scene piling on the confusion between what is happening on camera and off camera.

I can think of other examples of characters experiencing derealization episodes. Some even have fairly good depictions of how someone can be driven to that point, such as the slowburn of Bojack Horseman Season 5 where a number of circumstances pile on until the title character has an episode. The problem is... every single depiction that is coming to mind right now ends in either stigmatizing depictions or violent outcomes.

Heck, even Mae and Raiden up there had violence attached to their dissociation.

If there's one thing I want to make clear as I go through these essays, it's that those who have mental illnesses featuring dissociation are usually trauma survivors and are far more likely to be the victim of violence than the perpetrators of it.

I'm happy with the two examples of derealization I've written about today, NitW for the realistic depiction of the origins and impact and MGS2 for taking the player along for the ride; but I'd still love to see an example where a break from reality did not end with blood.

Please send me an Ask if you can recommend any.

-

So... that about brings it to a close for my little ramble on DPDR. I've a few other entries in the essay series on the back-burner. Next will likely be a breakdown on how Umineko handles recontextualizing memories. I've gotten a few paragraphs of that drafted out already.

These essays are really a bit of self-indulgence for me, though so they happen when they happen.

Thank you for reading.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Why Temple Grandin is NOT my Hero

Hello everyone,

As the title says, I wanted to talk about Temple Grandin. I got to meet her when I was 12. She seemed very standoffish (which isn’t surprising). I did some research on her for some time and I’ve come to realize that she isn’t the best autism advocate. According to this article:

As a believer in functioning labels, Temple Grandin believes in preserving “high functioning” autistic traits while eliminating “low functioning” traits through Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and cures and even special diets for autism, such as wheat free and dairy free. ABA is a harmful early intervention that causes PTSD in autistic adults and attempts to eliminate autistic behaviors and replace them with neurotypical behaviors, which causes distress and emotional and psychological harm in autistic children and adults who undergo ABA. The Association for Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABAI) even endorsed electric shock therapy at the Judge Rotenberg Center, the only care facility in the United States to use this horrific form of “treatment.” The fact that Temple Grandin divides autistic people into those that should be “preserved” and those that should be “cured” is a very harmful and ableist belief, and this view is damaging to the pro-acceptance and neurodiversity movement.

Article will be below:

Clearly she supports ABA therapy, which is harmful to autistic people. Plus she also mentions how she thinks autism can improve in time. Which…isn’t how it works. You can manage your traits and symptoms, but you can’t necessarily “improve”. Your autism is your autism. It’s not going to change.

While she did do some good work for the world, I cannot bring myself to support her advocacy. If you aren’t advocating for all autistic people, higher needs included, then you aren’t advocating for us at all.

Some autistic people have high support needs. And she doesn’t seem to understand that, and thinks it can magically improve is the gist I’m getting here. That’s not how it works. You don’t “improve” an autistic individual. You “support” them. No matter where they are on the spectrum.

According to another article I found:

Temple Grandin believes that "high-functioning" autistics are talented, intelligent, and necessary to human survival, while "low-functioning" autistics cannot function or live independently, and thus should be cured in the present and prevented from existing in the future. Both I and others have thoroughly deconstructed the false dichotomy of high and low functioning, but suffice it to say that such claims not only reinforce ableist hegemony, but also reinforce a capitalist notion of success and value in that only people who can produce are worthy of inclusion in society; all others are burdens.

That’s all I wanted to share. I will leave the source below if anyone wants to read it. I find this very disappointing because I looked up to her when I was younger.

[roleplayhonestybox]

Just had the weirdest experience ever of my RPing career.

Dude I’ve been writing with for a long time, probably the better part of half-a-year, just sent me a zip file. Inside of it, it contained one document and then a folder. The document said READMEFIRST, so I did. He also reiterated when he sent it to me to read the doc first.

Let me preface that this guy has been nothing but a gentleman for the entire half year I’ve known him. We’ve vibed together since day one. We’ve never shared photos of one another. He’s literally been my best friend and best RP partner for the span of time. Our writing styles work so well together and I just. I really thought he was awesome. And now, I’m just sort of broken and at a loss as to what I should do.

The document I opened started with a single-typed page. He essentially went into detail saying this was a half-year anniversary gift. I couldn’t remember for the life of me the day that we met, but he remembered, which I thought was shocking. He said that he’d been collecting these for a long time as sort of like a memento/gift of our time together, which I thought was so super cute. I literally thought this man was rizzing me.

He went on about how he loves how open I am, how we mesh, great partner, blah blah blah. All the usual stuff. Says how excited he is for the next six months, and hopes I enjoy.

I open the next folder, and it contains another document and 134 images.

I have my settings to where my image icons are set to small so I just see the file and the name, so I didn’t see the images immediately, but they were numbered 1-134. So, I go to open the document. My brain was on overdrive by this point. I thought he somehow was commissioning people for artwork of our characters (he told me he’s loaded prior and loves to support artists), and I was just so excited.

Open the document. And it’s just. Pages and pages and pages of detailed descriptions of him LITERALLY. GETTING OFF.

It would be, like: “[date it happened] 1. [roleplay excerpt of mine]” and then it would go into gratuitous detail of how his orgasm felt, what he was thinking of, and imagining me as my OC in that instance, and then rate it out of 10.

I only skimmed, but I caught sight of him sometimes going back to previous passages that he denoted as his “favourites”. So he’d go into detail about how different or better it felt.

I thanked the good Lord above that I had my image files small because that meant that I had over 100 unsolicited dick pics (including…him finishing) sent to me immediately. I didn’t open a single file to check and see if it’s not just an elaborate prank because this happened probably an hour ago and I don’t know what to do.

He messaged me about 20 minutes after I said I was unzipping the file and basically said: “Well, what do you think?”

I honestly don’t know what to think. I haven’t said anything back to him, and he hasn’t messaged me, again. I don’t know what to do, either. I really love what we have and our characters. If he would have told me he liked me, I may have felt flattered and maybe beige flags but still, like…he has never once said or done anything out of line. He’s been so patient and great and just. I am literally sitting here in shock.

I even cried a little bit because I just feel?? Extremely violated?? And it’s just so out there and strange and I don’t know what to do. I just needed somewhere to vent. I feel like I have to block him, but now I’m wondering it he’s capable of anything else? I use a VPN and haven’t given him any information that could dox me. And, also thank God that I use a separate account to RP with.

Should I just ghost him? Should I confront him? Should I just block? Should I change my RP account completely? Has this happened to anyone else before? 😭 If anyone has any advice, I will surely take it…

BLOCK HIM. REPORT HIM.

I wouldn’t confront. I would remove yourself entirely from that situation and prioritise your safety.

Please anybody add advice. The mods here are more than happy to try and help the anon if they want to contact us in DMs.