lwoscar123

[lwoscar123]

[lwoscar123]

˗ˋˏ LIVE・ˎˊ˗

synopsis: having just finished composing a song a few hours ago, jihoon starts a live on his phone to sing to those who are feeling a little lonely at night. little does he know, your sleeping figure could be seen in the corner of his little livestream, causing his fans to go crazy.

pairing: ljh x reader

genre: fluff

tags: established relationship, public relationship, idol x non idol

wc: 1.24k

a/n: just a little something short I barely remember drafting at 4am. I haven't written an imagine in months so this was a nice change c: also squeezing a little something out of my braincells before I let my brain melt during the concert in a few days ahhh!!

wondernus' masterlist

“I don’t really do this a lot,” he whispers while leaning forward in his seat to stare into his phone screen he set on his desk, propped loosely between his mechanical keyboard and his miniature sound board. “I usually upload videos, but I wanted to sing to you on live today.”

Thousands of hearts and messages pop up one after another, and Jihoon quickly reads through them as best as he can. Most of them are greetings from fans who are slowly joining his live, and some fans ask him why he’s whispering.

“Why am I whispering? It’s past midnight,” he chuckles. “I’m trying to keep my voice low so I don’t disturb anybody.”

His studio lights are off, and the LED lights color his studio in a lazy purple haze. Fans can see him rolling his seat over to the guitar rack near his work desk and return with an acoustic guitar. He tunes his strings a bit before positioning the capo on the neck of the guitar. He opens his desk drawer to grab a silicone guitar mute to tuck under his strings.

“Are you all getting ready to sleep?" his voice is tender and loving in this interaction. He finger picks a simple but sweet melody as he continues, "I wrote this a few hours ago and just wanted to share it with you tonight. Maybe it’ll bring comfort to those who are feeling a little lonely."

Jihoon was never the type of guy to act so caring in public and private. The most care he would show was to slap you on the back once in a while if you did something right. But him singing his fans to sleep? Him offering comfort in a time of loneliness? These are actions he would never do on his own before you came into his life. Now knowing what it feels like to have someone by his side, to have someone he never plans on letting go, he's become more sympathetic to others. He openly worries and cares for those who need that extra comfort.

“Where’s Yn? Ahh…” he awkwardly scratches his hair and shakes his head so that his hairs fall flat against his head. “Yn’s sleeping right now.”

There are replies about him avoiding the question, but he smiles into his lap while he hugs his guitar closer to his chest.

Despite the fact that your relationship with him has been public for a while, the two of you still choose to keep your relationship to yourselves. As much as his fans want to know more about Jihoon's love life, they respect the privacy of others. However, anybody can notice the positive changes your relationship has on him.

He seems happier - not exactly floating on cloud nine. Jihoon is not the type to do so, but he simply seems happier than he was before. There's a subtle type of warmth he exudes. He's smiling more than usual and pushing Soonyoung off him less in interviews. One time he patted Soonyoung’s hair while Soonyoung was leaning his head on his shoulder. It weirded out the older boy so much that he avoided Jihoon for the rest of the day.

In his studio, there is a tiny framed polaroid of the two of you smiling, cheeks touching and faces squished together, that leans against one of his large Bearbricks standing on his white cubed shelves. One of his minimized tabs on his desktop is a page for a Polaroid film bundle that comes with a mini photo album and a string with tiny clips to hang the photos on the wall. He thinks it would look good on the wall above the couch with tiny fairy lights. He’d probably hang pictures of his studio guests and his pictures of you on the strings once he has time to print them out.

He tells his fans to wait a few seconds while he pulls up the lyrics he finalized after you fell asleep. With nothing in mind but singing the song he wrote with you to his fans, he pulls his keyboard close to him. His phone slowly slides backwards onto his sound board, and his fans see nothing but the ceiling changing colors in slow waves from purple to blue. They hear him click on his mouse a few times before softly gasping when he notices his fallen phone.

He mumbles his apologies while propping his phone against whichever surface he finds. His head turns away from his livestream, checking on something behind him, but he quickly focuses back on his live. The phone is repositioned in a new angle that Jihoon isn’t really bothered to doublecheck as long as he is in the frame. It’s already pretty late, and he doesn’t want to keep his fans up for too long.

The song he sings is very short. With a simple down, down, up, down, down strum pattern, he sings about the feeling of having somebody he loves fall asleep on him. He describes the fear of moving when someone is resting on his shoulder – too afraid to wake them up. He wonders if they’re dreaming about him, if the version of him in their dreams is a better version of the real him. Casting doubts aside, he ends his song on a note about the difference between dream him and real him is that they chose to be with the real him.

There is a small but cheesy smile plastered on his face as he leans forward to look at the comments his fans are leaving. However, his smiling face turns into one of blatant confusion when he notices the chat box moving a lot quicker than usual. He can barely catch the comments as they zoom upwards along the left side of the screen. His mouth drops open and his eyebrows twist in confusion when the only comments he is able to catch are keyboard smashes and people talking about themselves crying. He awkwardly thanks his fans for staying awake and waves them goodnight before ending his livestream.

When he locks his phone, he turns around to look behind him. He sighs in relief when he sees you sleeping soundly on his old couch. He puts his guitar back on the guitar rack and makes his way over to you. He quietly squats in front of you, laughing through his nose when he sees the tiny pool of drool forming where the corner of your lips touch the cushion you’re using as a pillow. He readjusts his large jean jacket you’re using as a blanket and decides to quickly clean up around him before waking you up to go home with him.

Little does he know the two of you are trending on Twitter. There are screenshots and recordings of his live from when he was singing. More importantly, fans are going wild about seeing you sleeping soundly in the corner of his screen. Not only that, they notice his jacket draped over you, and you’re hugging a pair of matching plushies fans have deduced are supposed to represent the both of you. Many have already guessed that there was another person in the studio with Jihoon when he started whispering in his large studio and turned around to check on something. However, many are even happier to find out that the person was you.

A few hours later, Soonyoung posts a screenshot from the live with the caption: “When will it be my turn?”

forever taglist: @jiminismybabymochi, @anissanightyoung, @bat-shark-repellant, @woozarts, @jaycheoluwu, @staysstrays, @soobin-chois, @anothershorthuman, @hoohoohope, @bibinnieposts, @candidupped, @purpleglassesenthusiast, @seokshook

[lwoscar123]

be my mistake

be my mistake — series masterlist  

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• changbin x female reader, other stray kids members are featured, changbin and felix are brothers, felix is the mc’s best friend.

• non idol au, multiple timelines (past and present), slow burn, past relationship, best friend’s brother trope, exes to lovers, mcs hold grudges. a lot of guilt and a lot of fluff. 

• content: angst (a lot of it). strong language. drinking. trauma. mutual pining. smut (lots of building). fluff. mentions of depression, financial trouble, family issues. contains a scene of harassment (part two). each chapter will have its own warnings.

You’re delighted - you’ve finally found yourself a new job at a local restaurant. It’s everything you need, but when you meet the rest of the staff, you find out the head chef is your ex, Seo Changbin. What was supposed to be easy becomes very, very complicated. As you are both confronted with a forced reunion, you remember meeting him. Getting to know him. Falling in love with him. Him, your best friend’s brother. You’ve spent the past years convincing yourself you’ve moved on - but you haven’t, and neither has he.

• taglist: @tanyas97 ; @ughbehavior ; @softandfluffy ; @changbinluvr ; @bitchoftomorrow​ ; @babybabydoll ; @hyuneater​  ; @ipegchangbin​ ; @valreadsfics​

• author’s note: Hi!! Welcome to this story. I’m glad you are here. Don’t hesitate to send me a message or to ask any questions. I hope you will like what I write. Take care of yourself! 

• part one: you, and a sunrise • part two: you, and a drive home • part three: you, and a whisper • part four: title tba

number of parts has not been decided yet. <3

[lwoscar123]

Where are you?

[lwoscar123]

I've been working on a second part for a story I wrote a while ago, but it's hard when I can barely get out of bed

[lwoscar123]

pairing: childhoodbff!Jake x fem!reader

summary: in which Y/N has already accepted the fact that she will never be anything more than a best friend to Jake. She’s fine. She’s kept it all together for so long. However, Sunoo is a force to reckon with and he will do anything in his power to get Jake and Y/N together—Oh, and not to mention Sunoo really hates Jake’s current girlfriend, much to the annoyance of Y/N.

includes: fluff, light angst, crack (as it should!) and Sunoo being the bestest friend you could ever ask for… in his own strange ways.

warnings: cursing oop.

featuring: ENHYPEN, TXT and ITZY

status: COMPLETED

started: may 31, 2021

ended: july 13, 2021

extras (memes): one two three four five six seven

director’s cut: one two

profiles 1 / profiles 2

act 1: sunoo chooses violence

act 2: Y/N MY BELOVED

act 3: selective reading

act 4: my [redacted] senses are tingling

act 5: different typa dumb

act 6: mf I’m no Hypno

act 7: he (allegedly) is jealous your honor!

act 8: on the same wavelength

act 9: 🔊 BULLY HIM 🔊 HARDER 🔊

act 10: club hours (read: chaos)

act 11: NOT THE GOVERNMENT NAMES

act 12: SNITCH!

act 13: worst 3 minutes of my life

act 14: RUN SUNOO RUN

act 15: an inch resting turn of events

act 16: I SAID COLOR

act 17: goody two shoes

act 18: you’re stupid I like that in a man

act 19: damn… I kinda don’t care (🤡)

act 20: www.jakeisafuckingdumbass.com

act 21: not u simping again 🤢

act 22: major bruh moment

act 23: you’re an idiot (affectionate)

act 24: two halves of a whole idiot

act 25: Jake is a furry

act 26: baby I'm not even here

act 27: I got detention again

act 28: @ God why me

act 29: Beomgyu aka the resident idiot

act 30: EXCUSE ME YOU INBRED EMBRYO?

act 31: ight imma head out

act 32: F’s in the chat for Jake

act 33: fan behavior

act 34: there goes our best (?) soldier

act 35: 😔👉🏼👈🏼

act 36: tragic back story: unlocked ✨

act 37: are you stupid or are you stupid?

act 38: ugh mondays

act 39: the aftermath

act 40: good mourning

act 41: fucking finally

act 42 (closing act): OUR boyfriend

[lwoscar123]

I'm so tired I just want to fall asleep and never wake up

[lwoscar123]

BUSTED!

PAIRING

choi yeonjun x fem!reader

GENRE

fluff, crack

WARNINGS

profanities, inappropriate jokes (will add along the way)

SYNOPSIS

bumping into her shitty ex out of nowhere while hanging out with her friends, y/n was determined to show that she was way better off without him. desperate enough, she paid choi yeonjun, a cheapskate stranger she met 5 seconds ago, to act as her rich, classy boyfriend. y/n thought it was fine to change some things about her life to yeonjun (read: everything), cause heck, they don’t even know each other! but why is it that after the incident, yeonjun kept on appearing in her life, finding out the truth about her one by one, in the worst possible way?

CHAPTERS

PROFILES 1 | PROFILES 2 | CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 8 | CHAPTER 9 | CHAPTER 10

TAGLIST 

@robin-obsessed @sjyuniverse @nyangjjunie @todorokiskitten @lunaflvms @iyeonjuni @clarakyunisageek @rinhyun @ladyiove @dear20cm @yeonyeonyeonjun @softylilies @pinkheadflowers @rencarnationofangel @petunialix @woo-minhee02 @navsnct @carolnina55 @bigtittietoji @letmeal0ne @beomslonghair @secretmilkshakefury @gorechoi @mochisnlix @day6andetcetera @soobpricity @fairybinie @butterfly-skinnylegend @yuakagi @soobin-chois @enhacolor @starlitskies0 @linovrl @multi4lifer @tonightletspretend @sebongajju @softpia @summery-bat @youreverydayzebra @blessed-sky @hae06 @en-boyz @rolexjung @bobrouxsky @a1exandra-ray @lilacarat @mybabywearschanel @acciomylove @marsophilia @qiankunslove @taeyongslilkitty @solarswonderland @rubberduckieyourtheone @taehyunsfel

(send an ask!)

A/N

this will be 70% smau 30% written i think…

[lwoscar123]

— choi beomgyu x fem!reader

After a year long hiatus the once top streamer, L/N Y/N, is back and ready to take her place as #1 again, but she's met with an astonishing find, newcomer Choi Beomgyu has taken her spot and isn't going to give it up so easily.

starting - july 5th, 2021 / ended ‐ september 12th, 2021

genre: e2l 😼, streamer/gamer au!, angst, fluff, & trash talk!

taglist: CLOSED!

press play:

mushu fanatics 🐈🤍 | shawn hyung kai loves you 😩

preview

level 01 - she's backkkk!

level 02 ‐ the charts NEVER lie <3

level 03 - beomies vs lovelys ?

level 04 - let's get this show on the road

level 05 - cool...cool...

level 06 - noodle arms

level 07 - unleash the devil's (wc + texts)

level 08 - he is very beautiful to me!!

level 09 - men and their audacity

level 10 - stupid egg head

level 11 - want me to eat his bird?

level 12 - soobin the waiter

level 13 - tonight's the night

level 14 - the big speech (wc!)

level 15 - the aftermath

Game Over - Epilogue!

enluv reserves all rights to their work. do not plagiarize, translate, or post on any other site.

[lwoscar123]

Why do you reblog your own fics so much?

Because someone might as well!? And look at this. Look. At. This.

Does this look right to you??

These are just the last three fics I wrote. I appreciate the likes, believe me I do, but you have to understand. Likes do nothing for content creators. It’s the reblogs. Because that’s how you find shit on your dashboard. Through reblogs. Not likes. This isn’t twitter or tiktok or instagram. This is a website that’s run by the reblog system.

Reblogging helps content creators put their stuff out there. Why do you think so many people stopped writing fanfic and creating beautiful fanart and edits? It’s because they put in hours of work and don’t get nearly enough notes for their masterpieces. Yes we do this because we enjoy it but like...some validation won’t hurt. A boost of confidence here and there might be all someone needs to finish whatever thing they started and left.

Anyway, I’m still going to reblog my shit...

[lwoscar123]

Am I the bad guy?

[lwoscar123]

PLEASE DO NOT THINK FOR EVEN A SECOND THAT YOUR VOICE WILL NOT HAVE AN IMPACT THIS IS LITERALLY THE BARE MINIMUM

I'm sorry for putting this in the BLM and stop Asian hate tag but in the last few days posts tagged with "Palestine" have not been showing up.

[lwoscar123]

I told the therapist about me posting on tumblr and she said it wasn't safe so I guess I'll just be lurking for now.

[lwoscar123]

I'm going to tell her, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I've been trying to deal with it on my own for years and nothing I'm doing is working. Before I do something that will affect everyone, I'm going to ask her to get me real help. I'm scared I'm so scared I don't want to do it but I have to for my sake I'm scared and I know Noone reads this or cares but It feels good putting things up here and since Noone reads it it isn't hurting anyone

[lwoscar123]

reposting just incase someone might land on my tumblr

Search for Closure

This is the full version of the short story. it is a work of fiction all characters and plot were created by me. I should probably warn you that this story has mentions of suicide and murder, so please read at your own risk. anyway i hope someone enjoys this. if you read this let me know what you think.

 “Are you sure that this can’t wait until after I’m done with college? I don’t think I’m ready yet,” Alexandria said as she stood on the front porch of her childhood home.

 “It’s better to get this over as soon as possible. Besides don’t you want to sell the house? People won’t always be interested in buying it,” her grandfather said putting his hand on her shoulder.

 As she fumbled around in her bag to find the keys she tried not to think back to the last time she was in that house. She tried to find comfort in the fact that if she was able to get through this then the horrid house would no long be there to torment her. 

“There you are”, she mumbled to herself as she felt the cold metal of the keys and pulled them out of the bag. After unlocking the door, she took a deep breath and slowly opened it letting the light devour the darkness that was locked inside for so long.

Alexandria paused in the doorway before turning to her grandparents. “If it’s okay with you guys I would prefer to do this alone.” Her voice heavy, was it fair to refuse her mother’s parents right to see the place where there child had spent her last moments before choosing to end her misery. “I’ll let you come in when I’m done. I’m so sorry.” 

“Alright Dria, just know that we’ll be out here if you need us,” her grandmother said with a gentle nod of her head. Her grandfather nodded in agreement and understanding.

  I’m back Ma, sorry it took me so long, she thought to herself as she walked in to the entryway almost being taken by surprise when she saw the shoe cubby and coat rack empty. The further that Alexandria walked into the house the smaller she felt. She was suddenly that stunted fifteen year old that was naïve enough to believe that she was enough to make her mother whole again. She tried to keep her gaze forward. She knew that if she acknowledged the silhouettes that they would lead her down the same path that her mother fell victim to.

The shadows were there to taunt her, to bring back feelings and memories that she would rather keep buried and forgotten. The memories that was only full of loneliness and other negative emotions. . 

“Let it go, Andri. Don’t let it control you,” a voice that was warm and motherly said. The voice had startled Alexandria and she almost looked over what it had said when she looked around the empty room in search of the source of it.

 Until she had realized what the voice had called her: Andri, it had referred to her using the nickname that her mother would use in the rare and precious moments where she would come back from whatever world she would escape to and recognize that Alexandria was a person with emotions and that she needed someone to be there for her too. 

The voice that had been there to comfort them through the separation of her parents and had explained to her that it wasn’t her fault they split. The voice that told her they were going to be fine because even though her father had left them she’d at least got to keep the house. That day she had promised the young girl that they would make it just fine on their own and that they will always be together no matter what. A promise that her mother had broke so long ago. Alexandria spent a majority of her time trying to figure out when the promise had lost its meaning.

Alexandria remembered the first and last time she had spoken to her in that voice. God, she wished she could forget them, but they were burned into her mind like a brand. 

The first time she heard that voice being on the night of her fifth birthday. A night that she never discussed with anyone, not even her mother. She was supposed to be tucked away in her bed fast asleep, but a sound had woke her up. It was the sound of the front door slamming closed and the heavy thudding of footsteps. Father, she thought rushing out of bed and out into the hallway. Her foot had just touched the landing at the top of the stairs before she was frozen in her place by a loud crashing sound and her mother’s angry voice.

“How dare you?” Alexandria had never heard her mother sound like this before today. “How dare you bring that man in our house?”

“That man is my brother and he has every right to come here. After all, this house belongs to my family and he is Alexandria’s rea-” my father said, he was rubbing the bridge of his nose something he did when he was trying not to explode. “You loved that man or did you forget that you planned to marry him and not me?”

“He lost that right long before Alexandria was born. When he decided to become a murderer. ” my mother screeched, she was holding a baseball bat using it to distance herself from him.

“The only reason he did what he did was because he was protecting you and you didn’t seem to mind it” my father remarked lip curving up at the end “I mean Alexandria is proof of that isn’t she”

“It was a lapse in judgment” she hesitated “Don’t act like you haven’t had any of those”

“Can’t we stop arguing for one day? I just wanted to do something nice for her.” He sighed, “Can’t we talk about this tomorrow. I just want to go to sleep.”

“Something nice? She doesn’t know him or who he is.” She said blocking his way to the stairs. Scared of being caught, Alexandria scrambled back to bed tucking herself in and closing her eyes.

Ten minutes felt like forever in the quiet darkness of her room before she heard the door slam and her mom make her way up the stairs. Her mother paused mumbling to herself before quietly making her way into Alexandria’s room and kneeling by the side of her bed. “I’m sorry. I can’t lose you again, I’m sorry. I love you, Andri” she whispered her soft voice clashing with the odd heaviness that came with those words.

 Little did Alexandria know, but her mother cried herself to sleep that night. The more and more she looked back on that night over the years the more empty she felt inside and the more alone she realized she was. Who was that man that her father had brought to her birthday party? How did mom know him? What did her father mean when he said she was proof her mother didn’t hate him? Why did she get the idea that her mother wasn’t talking about her when she came into her room that night? These were some of the questions that have come up since that night; questions that she still didn’t have answers to.

She looked up seeing the silhouette of a young girl cower at the top of the stairs hoping that her parents wouldn’t catch her. Alexandria locked eyes with the girl and watched as the girl gasped and then darted into her room. Alexandria followed her up the stairs and opened the door to her child hood bedroom. Her eyes scanned the room looking for the girl, but it was like she had disappeared. Instead her she saw a desk with a chair in the corner of the room, the same chair that her father had sat in when he told her the history of the house 

“Did you know that my great-grandfather built this house?” her father asked a six year old version of herself. To which she responded by shaking her head, her unruly auburn curls swaying along. It was back then that Alexandria thought she was the prettiest. Her skin was dusted with freckles and her bright blue eyes still filled with hope. Back when she was still filled with the innocence of a child.

“He built this house as a way to prove the strength of the love he had for my great-grandmother” he started “when he had first asked her to marry him all those years ago, she had told him that the only way she would marry him was to prove that his love was strong enough to last forever”

“But how did that prove anything it’s just a house? It’s not even that big.” She said, she wished she could go back just for a while. Her parents might of fought often, but at least she had someone who actually cared.

“It might not be big or even good looking but it serves its purpose doesn’t it. It has been here way before either of us and even though it has been through a lot it is still here” he explained with a soft smile. “My father and his siblings were raised in this house and so were his children. In fact my mother gave birth to my younger brother in this very room.”

“You forgot me.” The little girl says and her father raises his eyebrow “I’m growing up in this house too!” she says pointing to herself, her crooked smile on display.

“You remind me so much of my brother” his voice going soft

“What was he like?” She wondered “I didn’t know I had an uncle”“ Have, he is still alive you know” he corrected her “Believe it or not but you met him before. He came to one of your birthday -”

“Alexandria say goodbye to your father, it’s time for him to leave” her mother interrupting. Alexandria wasn’t at all surprised when her parents had begun arguing as soon as the door to her bedroom closed.

 It wasn’t even a week after he told Alexandria that story that he just stopped coming to visit all together. She knew that he was tired of the constant arguing, but that didn’t mean he had to leave her all alone. There were plenty of ways for him to spend time with her without having to deal with her miserable mother. It was back then that she should have realized that it was just a house and that if it had a choice it would probably leave her too.

She waved her hand to disperse the shadows and the memory that had clouded up her train of thought. As she headed out the door and into the hallway she noticed that the door that led to her mother’s room was wide open for what felt like the first time in forever. She was never allowed to go into her mother’s room. 

There’s no one to stop me anymore she thought to herself as she marched into the bedroom. Halfway into the room her march turned in to a jog and she jumped onto the bed. As she landed a cloud of dust flew up from the mattress and sheets. 

“I should have really thought that through” she said going into a coughing fit. She looked around trying to spot anything out of the ordinary as her coughs died down and she waited for her breathing to return to normal. After finding nothing of interest she stood up from the bed and meant to head out of the room.

 As soon as she took another step her foot got snagged on something and she face planted the hardwood floor. Regaining her composure she sat up and turned around looking for the culprit only to find a box labeled Andri.

“What are you doing under mom’s bed?” She questioned the box as if it could answer. “You should be in my room”

She grabbed either side of the box and was surprised when it offers more resistance than expected. “You’re a heavy little guy aren’t you?”

 She pulled with all her might and still had to struggle, but she had finally pulled the box all the way out. She folded the flaps back and was surprised yet again when all she saw was photo albums. She pulled out the first one and used her sleeve to wipe the cover so that the cover was clear enough to read “The Martin-Arnott Family Album ….hmm”

As Alexandria opened the photo album she was greeted with a picture of a teenage girl in a hospital bed holding a baby that was wrapped in a blanket with a teenage boy sitting in the chair next to her. The teenage girl had shoulder length dark hair that was all over some strands stuck to her forehead due to copious amounts of sweat. Her slightly tan skin and clear complexion worked together to give her the illusion that she was glowing. She gave off this amazing energy that made you completely look over her messy and tired state. She was very petite and being combined with her baby face made her look slightly younger than she actually was. She still looked amazing even though she just spent hours giving birth. She knew the girl was her mother at least that much was obvious, but she looked so unfamiliar almost like a whole other person.

The teenage boy on the other hand was a completely different story. They looked like polar opposites. He was pale and his skin had a yellowish tint to it that made him appear to be anemic. His skin was dusted with an obnoxious amount of freckles no matter where you looked and his short hair was orange? He was of average height and build.  He should have looked out of place sitting next to her mother but oddly enough they complimented each other. Instead of staring at the camera he was staring at the girl and Alexandria suddenly felt a pain in her chest.

Is this what she looked like when she was truly happy? Who was the boy next to her and why did he look to be related to her father. Under the picture was the caption “Emily Martin and Jacob Arnott with their new born Andri. (1989)” Emily? That was her mother’s name, but who was Jacob Arnott? Who was Andri? Did she have an older brother?  She hastily flipped through page after page until she got to the middle of the photo album in her hands and saw another picture with the same people, but now they were older. 

The same teenage boy was now a young man whose hair had been grown out and was styled in such a way that it reminded her of the long hair that James McAvoy had for his portrayal of a young Charles Xavier in X-men. His hair had now darkened to a nice auburn and his skin had finally reached a healthy color. He still had all those freckles though. In his arms was a toddler who also had bright orange hair that was all over the place. He looked almost exactly like the man holding him but instead of his father’s blue eyes his eyes were grey.

 The young woman, who still had the appearance of a teen despite being older than the male in the picture, was sitting outside on the porch of the family house in the background as if she had been watching them run around. The caption under the picture read “Me and my two beautiful boys outside enjoying the summer breeze (1993)” 

Alexandria placed the album to the side of the box and picked up the second photo album entitled “The Arnott Family Album #3”. She didn’t waste any time flipping through pages and just opened it to a random page to see a picture with my mother and father in cap and gowns it must have been their high school graduation. Jacob was also in frame carrying Andri in his arm the caption reads “Emily (17), Scott (18), Jacob (15), and baby Andri (10 months) (1990)” 

 She closed the album, placed it on top of the other one, and reached into the box once more this time her hand found a slip of paper. When she pulled it out and flipped it over to read it, Alexandria was suddenly overcome with a sick feeling. It was a news paper clipping and the headline read “serial murderer found dead after breaking into the Arnott family home 5 dead total, 1 severely injured”

On the night of February 5th, the serial killer ‘The Surgeon’ broke into the Arnott family home and wreaked havoc. By the time Emily had woken up and become aware of the fact that there was an intruder it was too late. He had just finished dissecting her 12 year old son and had already killed the other family members that were home at the time. She had called out for her fiancé Jacob forgetting that he had went out with his older brother Scott to drink and unknowingly alerted the man of her presence. 

He was on the other side of the upstairs hallway and making his way to her, when Scott and Jacob arrived at the scene. They were alerted to the horrible situation when they saw that the door had been kicked in. Scott had decided to stay outside and call the police. Jacob worried about his fiancé and son entered the house and upon hearing Emily’s screams raced upstairs to their shared bedroom where the man was now standing over her about to strike. Jacob engaged in a struggle that resulted in him being stabbed twice and the suspect bleeding out from multiple stab wounds. By the time that the police arrived the suspect was dead and Jacob had gone into shock from excessive blood loss. 

The list of dead in result of this break in is: Thomas Arnott (52), Edith Arnott (53), Faith Arnott (20), Andri Arnott (12), and Greg Barley (age unknown)

Alexandria didn’t know what to believe anymore she checked the date on the paper and it said February 7th 2001. She had been born February 9th of the following year. Was this Jacob person her real father? She thought turning to look into the mirror on her mother’s dresser, but this time instead of seeing her own reflection she saw a man’s. A man with long ginger hair, an abundance of freckles dotted his face and his grey eyes seemed to glare into her. You’re just a replacement it seemed to say.

Alexandria quickly looked through the box once more to see if there was anything else of importance and found a huge pile of letters addressed to her from her biological father. She picked up the bundle and stashed it in her purse, so she could read it in the privacy of her room back home later on. 

“Please, just let it go and forgive me” The voice pleaded. Alexandria rolled her eyes 

“Forgive you” Alexandria screamed as she desperately looked for something to throw or punch “you want me to forgive you for lying to me my whole life” 

 “Shut up. You’re not real. Shut up” she said and turned to the man in the mirror who seemed to be taunting her “you’re dead”

“Please Andri” the voice begged

“Don’t call me that” she roared and stormed out the room and down the stairs “I’m sorry” Alexandria’s eyes were drawn to the entry way.

The last time she had heard her mother use that voice was the morning of the day her mother died. Alexandria had woken up late and was rushing around trying to get ready quick enough to catch the bus. She had just finished stuffing her newly printed English paper into bag trying to be careful not to crumple it when she remembered. 

“Oh! I almost forgot, you’ll be home later today right? I need your help filling out some information for applications for some summer programs I was interested in.” She called. She was now at the front door and in the process of shoving her feet in her shoes, when her mother responded. 

“Yeah I will be, but maybe it would be better if you didn’t apply to any summer programs. Something might come up and it’ll look bad if you applied, but can’t attend”

Maybe if Alexandria had woken up on time and wasn’t rushing to get to the bus stop on time, she would have been able to catch what her mother had actually said and the double meaning behind it. But at last Alexandria didn’t she had just assumed that all she said was yeah. She didn’t realize what her mother had said it until she was in her math class and even then it was far too late to do anything because she was trapped in school for another five hours. When she had rushed home instead of being greeted by the smell of her mom’s cooking she was greeted by what she at first thought was an empty house

 “Ma? Ma where are you?” she said as she checked the kitchen and then went to go look in her room. 

“Ma.” She hoped that maybe she had gotten tired and went to take a nap.

“Ma!” or she was taking a shower and couldn’t hear her calling her.

“Mom” her heart was racing now as she reached for the curtain that separated the living room from the rest of the house. She closed her eyes slowly pulling the curtain to the side.

“Mo-”she choked on the word. She slowly opened her eyes and at first her heart dropped with disappointment, but soon that was washed away with anger. How could she be so selfish after all that we’ve been through? I thought she said she loved me? If that was true how could she just leave me? 

Believe it or not she didn’t cry when she found her, not when she turned to go get her phone to call the police, nor when she had to explain what happened, not even when they cut down her body and covered her with tarp. No, Alexandria decided that 6 months later, when she was introducing herself to her classmates at her new school that that was the perfect time to cry. 

“Come here” the voice called beckoning her to the living room. She walked on her shoes feeling heavier and heavier, until she was in the same spot she stood that night, the air feeling the thickest as if she reach out and hold it in her hands. She suddenly dropped to her knees feeling her throat constrict as if the air had turned tangible and shackled her in place.

Alexandria felt the atmosphere start to shift as she was finally beginning to see what her mother had been suffering through and understand that it wasn’t her fault that her mother took the actions that she did. It was just that she wasn’t able to cope and she couldn’t live with the guilt of forcing her problems onto her daughter and that it was crippling her growth.

“Just let it go, I’m sorry for everything,” the disembodied voice that Alexandria believed to be her mother’s begged her. By the end of apology the voice faded out and she knew it wouldn’t come back this time. The house was now the only physical remnant of her the mother and the relationship they had. This house had been here for her mother when she needed it and now it was here to support her. Alexandria knew that in order for her to truly begin to heal and be able to grow any further that she would have to let go of everything that burdened her. She had to first admit to the true feelings that were involved in her mother’s death and the relationship they had when she was alive. She had to acknowledge that she felt the tiniest bit of relief when she found her mother’s body hanging there when she had returned from school and that she had held a deep resentment toward her mother while she was alive and even a while after her death.

She had to forgive her mother because she now knew that it wasn’t her mother’s fault for abandoning her long before she had physically left the world. That her mother was too weak to mother a broken child. When she was a mother that refused to let go of the child that she had lost so long ago. Alexandria wished she could bring her mother back for just long enough to tell her she was sorry that she was so selfish and that she forgave her because she finally understood what she was going through. Alexandria walked out of the house with a new sense of purpose and a new understanding of her mother because she had gained the knowledge that she hadn’t failed to fill the role of a good daughter, there was just some problems that the love and support of a daughter couldn’t fix. She also left promising herself that she would find her real father if he was still around and find out if they shared any other similarities other than their physical appearance.

“You know what,” she said walking over to her grandparents who were patiently waiting for her to come back. “I’ve decide that I’m not going to sell the house. It holds too many important memories” The weight that she had been carrying for years had finally been lifted and her relationship with her mother repaired. She was going to keep the house in the family and return it to the man it truly belongs to, but they didn’t need to know that.

[lwoscar123]

I wish I had a family that respected my boundaries

[lwoscar123]

good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿