#some people werent there for certain things tho

[thatdeadaquarius]

Harry Potter/Genshin Impact Crossover Fun🎉

for @kiraisastay my beta reader for the big fat Eldritch AU awhile back! :)

“…a genshin/Harry Potter crossover where reader (still fem) comes from genshin (so she has a vision) and tries to fit in at Hogwarts (would love for it to be set around the Goblet Of Fire so the hp characters in that age start maturing and actually understand what happens around them and aren't little kids , plus, y'know, YULE BALL), would also like for the reader to have a more stoic/emotionless personality with tragic past (so like having scars y'knowww) cuz it makes character building a lot more juicy ahah, but you can write it however you want tho!! (this can be funnier to write if you're feeling a lot creative)”

UGH sorry i took forever! im rlly bad at estimating time...

I hope this is a fun read at least, and thanks for much for taking on that eldritch monster fic awhile back lol

☆

Orbit: Long Headcanon/fic-thing (~2k words) - Harry Potter x Genshin Impact Crossover (4th Year)

Sun: Feminine Reader (she/her), Slytherin Reader, Reader is 15-16 year old.

Stars: Harry, Ron, Hermione, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Snape, Viktor Krum, mentions of others.

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Reader has rough past, & Trigger Warnings: vague mentions of scars, Reader has bad relationship with parents.

☆

You’re so fucking happy your Cryo Vision came with you.

You knew you were in a different country, one you definitely had never been to before, but you couldn’t figure out for the life of you where it was at first

Your first guess was Fontaine, but the robes and strange overuse of catalyst weapons (actually, only catalyst weapons??) began to convince you otherwise real quick,

Fontaine was just the closest country you could compare it to

yeah so obviously by the time u realized you shouldn't be waving a sword around, it was too late lmao, u scared the shit out of the potions shopkeeper and had to make a hasty exit

bc for some reason any other weapon than a catalyst is shamed here?? which makes no sense to you, as it seems like their “magic” here could just as easily be channeled into different weapons/items??

u guess not having monsters to randomly fight everytime u just wanna take a walk outside makes for a pretty peaceful world, and specifically this country ”England” or the “United Kingdom”

u had taken a week or so to re-orient yourself to this new world, how only a certain society knew about their magic, how there were no gods here, at least not any u could easily interact with, and that most people your age would be in school still???

while u could choose to pursue higher education or specialize in Sumeru’s Akademiya, basic schooling was still provided in every country in Teyvat up until about 15 years old

but at this point u were willing to do what it took to blend into this world, and u didnt want anyone to be asking how old u were/why u werent in school when you wandered around, so u went to Hogwarts

It also proved to be a good way to acquaint urself with the world/its magic and give u a place to better excuse any social or magical mistakes

But needless to say, u struggled, u had to constantly find some workaround for “magic” from the wands/catalysts in classes

and luckily they took u being a transfer student pretty smoothly, as u were just in time for the “Triwizard Tournament” to be announced and other schools were coming to participate, u easily got accepted in

and the only one who batted an eye at it was the weird old Headmaster, who u already suspected knew more abt u than he was letting on (Dumbledore seemed to have eyes everywhere the more u learned, which made u more suspicious of him too)

you'd been sorted into Slytherin, along with the Russian magical students, (Durmstrang?)

of which you had absolutely no frame of reference for how bad that was, other than being accused of literally being from the Abyss 💀

while the rest of the student body treated u with the basic contempt u learned all Slytherins just seemed to kind of get all the time, ur own house was a little more confusing when it came to you

some were curious abt all the scars, the strange glowing snowflake gem that u concealed on ur hip, what ur country was like and what the magic school over there was like (thank fuck for ur poker face and insane lying skills that made it believable)

(there was absolutely a rumor abt u pulling a sword on Filch at some point, u neither denied nor supported it)

the other half of the slytherins were all uptight about u possibly being a “Muggleborn” and sneered at u every chance they got (some weird blond kid a year or 2 below you??)

or they outright ignored u

tbh u didn't really get much genuine favor between Slytherins just being Slytherins and ur own reputation/cold disposition until Professor Snape saw how good u were at potions a month into this insanity

(it was just basic alchemy? nearly everyone, especially Vision-users, knew how to do it back home? why was it so special here?? u had this kind of question a lot in this world over most things, like the “muggles dont know abt magic” thing, it seem like more trouble than its worth.)

U both got along in the same way a cold-demeanor father bonds with his carbon copy cold-demeanor daughter lol

in which he invited u for tea sometimes out of polite extra teaching for “ur future plans of being a potion master, like myself”

which okay?? u were better than most ur age at potions bc of alchemy (which u learned is taught at higher levels of potion mastery) and its not like you've figured out how to get back to ur world anytime soon

so u just roll with that being ur “future career” for now, it makes the old emo professor happy so u figure why not

And its the first scrap of favor you’ve found here so it works

Tho u did complain at Snape for picking on Gryffindors, saying “ur rlly not helping that Slytherin reputation for tall dark and evil here”

He proceeded to make u clean and reorganize his potion stores for that lol

(Tho he did start to lighten up the more u picked on him abt it, the poor kid with huge round glasses followed you with his huge green eyes for weeks, he seems to be the only one who's really realized ur the one convincing Snape to mellow out)

U begin researching information (thanks to Snape) in the forbidden part of the library abt different worlds/time travel, anything thatd put u close to possibly getting back home

Or, to be honest, a portal would be better, bc youd like to come back here sometimes,

Its not like u have family back home (not any who you'd want to visit), mostly just a few good friends who'd be worried abt u (Childe misses his sparring partner for sure)

Which then leads u to noticing that boy with the black hair and big round glasses (was it smth like,,, harold sculptor? Atp that seems like a feasible name to you bc in this world parents rlly were cruel abt naming their kid “feathery” or smth wild)

Harold and two others, one with fluffy long hair, and the other a redhead,

Were attempting to “spy” on u from behind bookshelves or at tables seated near the forbidden section

U saw them learn the times u came there and how they made sure to match them (tho it seems the redhead got bored easily and begged to eat instead)

You'd actually managed to make friends with some Durmstrang friends in the meantime too

And by that u mean Viktor Krum mostly

Ppl were constantly obsessed with him and he'd managed to escape up the astronomy tower to get some peace and quiet,

Only to run into u reading away, and he'd heard abt ur reputation, and wanted to befriend u

U two got along rlly well, lots of peaceful silences, and chill convos, esp since u guys had some stuff in common

Mostly how ur both foreign to Hogwarts/this country and adjusting still

Anyway that is to say, Viktor teased u abt the ducklings following u around everywhere thinking they were sneaky

And this was a routine u got used to, until it was time for the tournament

You hadnt bothered to put ur name in, u didnt feel like risking ur life for no reason afterall

So needless to say u were pissed when rumors went around abt u putting Harol- Harry's name in the goblet

(u finally learned his name, apparently he's famous for not dying? As a baby?? A powerful tyrant evil wizard wanted to kill him as a baby??? Just,, why)

Not only that but then he was obligated to be in the tournament???

U knew there was smth insane abt this school, bringing back this crazy tournament in the first place, somehow getting Harry's name in the goblet,

but u didn't think they were batshit crazy.

(Dumbledore is not helping his case in your eyes, esp as u suspect he’s got Snape involved in his BS too somehow…)

So needless to say you were going to fix this mess since these seasoned “wizard adults” weren't 😒

You snuck into the Great Hall using a high level alchemy invisibility amulet, and used ur Cryo vision to extinguish the Goblet of Fire 💀

It reset the game, and luckily they were able to resubmit the champions to the Triwizard Tournament and hide away the Goblet before it got tampered with again

Lol u got Harry out of it, and it wasnt until later in the library that u get cornered by the Gryffindor fourth year himself

He admits to seeing u under his invisibilty cloak that night and thanks you for getting him out of that hell, poor kid looks so grateful 😭

But regardless of that, he insists u tell him abt the ice spell u used, how u used it wandless, with no incantation, etc.

You just gave him a small smile (his big green eyes look even more shocked behind the glasses, what, was that old professor right? do u rlly not smile that much?) and tell him he owes u one

He agrees and u go on ur way to the forbidden section

(U dont explain the ice, afterall, who would believe him? You werent even that much older, and only “master wizards” could do what u did)

After that, Harry starts to follow u around a lot more,

much to the annoyance of his redhead friend (Rodrick? Rocky? smth with a R-) and the absolute admiration of the younger girl with big hair

the champions start the first trial, and u help Viktor out with a plan to defeat the dragon and get the egg in one piece (u had lots of experience with monsters after all, and Viktor and Snape, who couldn't keep his big nose out of your business, were simultaneously disturbed and yet not surprised by this information)

it works flawlessly, and that's when you notice the new DA teacher acting suspicious

as the champions gear up for the 2nd trial, u help Viktor try to figure out the egg’s secrets,

Both Harry and Hermione have taken to interrupting ur library research time (u finally learned her name, but not the redhead, he seemed a bit rude tbh so u don't care to know)

after brainstorming (well more like talking at the brick wall that was Snape) with the old potions professor over tea gossip time again, u finally figure out how to get the egg open without screaming, and tell Viktor

Who thanks u by taking u to the Yule Ball, but u only manage the first dance before u get absorbed in the food and the cool decor, and u also convince him to gossip with u in the corner too

(u do appreciate having a reason to dress up at least, as you attempt to imitate the Tsaritsa herself with this dress)

U notice further on into the night that Hermione ran out looking upset, and ur “girl’s girl” instinct kicks in, (regardless of ur neutrality for her, u lie to urself) and follow her outside to comfort her

u talk, and tho ur cold demanour did intimidate her a little, after she realized u were genuinely trying to help her, she took u up on the offer, and asked if u two could be friends since she’s “surrounded by stupid Gryffindor boys all the time”

u agreed amused, and convinced her to join Viktor and u in ur gossip session, which Harry (after humiliating himself on the dance floor), joined in later as well

(You may or may not have iced the floor secretly under the redhead’s and the equally annoying prissy Slytherin blonde’s feet, sending them sprawling on top of each other, so neither would come bother u four)

Over the next week you hear from Hermione’s researching/studying sessions with you that Ron did apologize to her, of which u advised her to get revenge on him anyway lmao

Harry at one point came groaning and complaining to you abt Cedric bothering him abt the egg problem, and u went ahead and gave it to him

Finally the next task was here, something abt rescuing smth underwater that mattered to each of the champions

u were immediately on ur guard when Dumbledore called u and 3 other seemingly random ppl to ur office (but u began to connect the dots after realizing one of them was the little sister of the Fontai- French Champion)

only to deflect the spell that would've knocked u out, and instead pretend to be knocked out

u obv kept ur Vision on u at all times, as always, and realized what was happening as the teachers levitated u all out to the lake

Snape snapped about being the one in charge of you, (and lowkey told u he knew u were awake, did he sound a little,, proud?? no, not Snape surely of all ppl)

Viktor did end up fishing you out, which he said u “looked like a very unhappy drenched old tom cat” while swimming to shore, (u awkwardly pat him on the back for thinking ur the best part of Hogwarts, and then smacked him for getting u kidnapped to go into a freezing lake)

and u also ended up helping Viktor rescue the other girl left behind, and froze some of the mermaids’ tails in the water for their trouble

Fleur was so grateful that she came to hunt you (and Viktor too at the time) for helping her and her sister that she came to thank u two again while at the library

which then led to her sometimes hanging around ur table at the library (everyone avoids it like the plague initially bc of you, but now youve got a gaggle of wizards rotating out all the time, like the younger years Harry/Hermione/Ron, Viktor, and now Fleur)

by the time the third trial rolls around, youve taken to bullying the prissy blonde brat a year below you to keep him from not only bothering Harry and Hermione, but also ur own peace and quiet

The other Slytherins are beginning to warm up to you, or at least not actively ignore you, since you’ve been hanging around Viktor Krum, along with gaining favor from Snape more obviously (he’d plopped a singular towel in ur lap after getting out of the lake, and u might as well have “Snape’s Favorite” written across ur forehead for all that means)

(also some of them may or may not find u roasting the annoying blonde bully kid amusing too)

it isn't until u see the creepy retired Aura (or whatever they call their knights) DA professor milling about the castle more, nearer the Gryffindor tower, that you begin to warn Harry to spread the word among his little lion club to not travel alone, esp in the evenings

(u don't like how his weird rolling blue eye looks thru you, it reminds u of Dumbledore)

by the time the third trial is finally announced, you have ur sights set on that weird old man, and end up following him to his classroom at one point,

in which he cracks open a rattling trunk, tosses some food in, and seems to have definitely stolen what you assume to be the Triwizard trophy

he casts a spell on it, and you put on that same invisibiltiy amulet from alchemy to better follow him, and watch him sneak into Dumbledore’s office to return the trophy

(You break the “portkey” spell you find on it)

(you also leave a note behind on the headmaster’s desk to look into a trunk in the new DA professor’s classroom storage, and to be more careful hiring the next one.)

Harry somehow gets sucked into the maze you find out, and you end up sneaking in to save him, using your sword and Cryo Vision to battle him out

(finally, Archons, you didnt realize how much you'd miss fighting monsters)

Aurors descend upon Hogwarts, only just after the trial ends, and Viktor wins (you trained him too well for him to not, and may or may not have viciously sparred with him a little too much for him to not be a little afraid of the consequences of losing after you helped him so much lol)

Just as Harry is taken in by Dumbledore for questioning of how he got trapped in the maze, he runs back to nearly squeeze the life out of you in a hug, he tells you thanks for helping him again (and forced u to promise to teach him sword fighting or “ice magic”)

Then, surprisingly, the entirety of Durmstrang (and some Slytherins??) haul you up into the air with Viktor to celebrate his victory

(You can see Snape snickering at ur misery in the air)

Viktor and Fleur stay penpals, and the “golden trio” (more like “gryffindor triplets”) sticks around your library table

and you think you could start to get used to this, and Harry, Hermione, and Snape had gotten you a Yule/winter gift

(what’s Christmas. and why is everyone obsessed with decorating trees??)

…that is until Hermione looks over your shoulder one day at your usual reading table, and points to a book you’ve chosen for research,

saying “if you need to make a portal somewhere, that’s the book you should be looking in.”

☆

i hope you liked it!! and that it wasn't too much of a clusterfuck/chaos that was barely readable 😅

again, thanks for being patient with me, and here's finally ur payment for dealing with my ass lmao

Happy late new year!!

Safe Travels Kirarisastay,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

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If your tag didnt work, idk why!!

Maybe make sure your a "searchable blog", or make sure u didnt give me a side blog?

(Tumblr is against tagging/DMing side blogs, only main blogs usually can)

[sakiblack]

Soft yandere Aonung x reader

Aonung x reader

Aonung is a jealous boy so you better be careful what you do.

Human or not he will be obsessed. If you came with the Sully family he will love your strange details. Your tail is thin? He loves to play with it. Your skin is dark blue? He will admire it and say you remind him of the sea.

The first time he would see you he would not think much of it. I mean just cus he cant look away from you means nothing. He might be mean to your siblings when your there but he wont dare say one bad thing about you and if his friends try they will come out looking like an Ikran just attacked them.

»Your spacial« is what he would say when you ask him why he doesent make fun of you.

I could see you not liking him at the start espacialy when he was picking on Kiri but trust me this boy will do anything to get you back.You wanna see the spirit tree? He will take you there. You like the forest? He will take you there. Anything to make you love him again.

If you were a human it would be another story tho. His mother would not like you at all and would make sure to make a big deal when she would see you for the first time. But this guy would just stare. He always thought humans were ugly but you werent even close to ugly. He would not talk to you apart from a good morning when he sees you. It would be hard to even know he likes you but if you look really hard youd see it. How he always stares at you when everyone is learning how to swim since he is scared you will drown. How he only ever said morning to you. Its the small things he does to show you your spacial to him.

The confession would be pretty simple. He would slowly start to touch you since just staring at you is not enough for him anymore. And then one day he would just say it. No romantic things or words just an »I see you« and thats it. But the second you say yes this guy will lose it. He is not big in affection but you loving him back just made him change his mind. Be ready for a lot of touching and kissing. It does not need to be in a sexual way he just wands his hands on your body.

Dating him would be pretty normal apart from him wanting to kill anyone who even looks at you it would be great. He does not like touching when people are around but if they arent watching or if you two are alone hes like a little puppy. He would parcticaly beg you to touch him.

There is not a lot of nicknames he would use for you since he just likes some like : my forest girl/boy , Hì’i ( which if im right means sky) and pretty pet.

He loves to take you swimming just seeing the sea life with you is amazing for him. But when it comes to sexual stuff he is pretty calm. Takes his time getting you in the mood and does not go fast. That is till you say certain things like moan his name or pull his hair. But the one thing that would make him go crazy is pretty simple. All you have to do is whisper an i love you in your human language(For example: ti amo in Italian or if your navi just say i love you in english) and he will lose it.

His favorite places have to be behind his tent ( he might not like people seeing you two but just the thought of you trying to keep quiet not wanting to let others hear is amazing to him) and in one of his caves( and he has a lot of them mostly to take you there and have some alone time)

All in all he is actualy not bad. He might glare at others for staring at you but he wont hurt them unless you want him to. He loves you and what ever you want would be yours even if you wish for someone to die he will do it. Might as well not even think about it as long as your happy.

[cumulo-stratus]

BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

[saltynsassy31]

no cus i totally understand your frustration, ive also quit splatfests for the moment until they get an overhaul

i suggest if you feel close to getting hateful to either shiver or shiver fans then maybe quit for a while for your own sake cus ive felt a lot better after doing so, im still really sensitive to negative comments towards frye or rude ones about shiver winning but taking some time for myself has made me feel infinitely better

ive been close to hating shiver before bc of how cocky and rude them and their fans can be but it doesnt really do anything but sour your enjoyment of the game more, so its really not worth it

i do have to say though, anyone who says "its just a game" reaaally needs to understand the frustration of people OTHER than them, sympathy is something a lot of people forget about when it comes to things that arent real life. just because it doesnt affect you doesnt mean everyone can shut off their attachment to the game or a character like a light switch; a lot of the time you dont know whats going on with them. i myself am really attached to frye cus i am hashtag autism creature and he brings me comfort, so anyone being rude to me about shiver winning really REALLY gets under my skin. its not entirely (if they were serious, if they werent then its not at all) their fault, but nintendo fixing the frustration of splatfests constantly keeling in one direction (which theyre supposed to do anyways but they havent) would definitely fix the issue. we need to find a way to have nintendo fix this, not attack anyone else for what bundle of pixels and text theyre attached to.

not everyone has really thick skin and if we want splatoon 3 to be more hospitable then we should try to cut down on the general splatfest bullassery in public spaces (being overly cocky and rude/blaming others in a way with no basis or truth behind it). its not something everyone can always do since we arent all perfect, but if we make steps in that direction then we could help more people enjoy the splatoon community rather than being eaten up by toxicity and spite

i didnt word all of this entirely correctly so like interpret ad best as you can cus im eepy but yeah.

a fye for u to enjoy (also ur anon is off btw)

u dont have to but for the sake of not being harrassed id appreciate if u didnt tag with public tags

👏👏 PREACH

I don't want to quit playing it, I do enjoy splatfests, to a certain extent, i like going with my friends and i made a lot of new friends through it, it's like, the online community that I'm having a problem with

I don't hate shiver, I thought I did but I can't, she is still a comfort character (tho Frye is like, my obsession besides being my comfort character cuz I am also part part the 'tism XD), in a way, I like her dynamic with the group at least, she annoys me, yes, very much so, but I don't hate her

And I don't hate people who like her either

Who I do hate is people being mean about it, I had turned off anon cuz of a stupid person who was going around every frye support account anonymously just saying mean stuff and praising shiver as the best, I just forgot to turn it on, so thanks for reminding me 😅

Saying that "It's just a game" is so annoying to, tell that to the football fans, they go just as crazy if not more so

Splatfests are ment to be fun! You should be able to enjoy the splatfest without having to worry about people fighting

I don't like fighting with people, I hate how angry I become, how mean I can sound sometimes, I usually just vent without interacting

At least she won in Japan, so that is one other win under her belt, I just wish she'd win more in the future 😔

Oh also I almost didn't participate in this splatfest either and I did only because I haven't had time to play and I haven't finished my catalogue yet 😅 I usually use splatfests to up my catalogue quicker lmao

Also, don't worry, I won't tag anything that could get you harassed, if anything does happen, please block for your health, I don't want anything happening to you, you seem very sweet ;w;

Edit: also YOUR FRYE PLUSH IS SO CUTE! I've been seeing people get her but idk where to buy her!!!! Where'd you get it? :0

[mueritos]

Hey. Idk if this is me growing up or just being disillusioned with inter celebs etc. Im a 23 yr old trans man so I grew up and was inspired by chella on the YouTube community. But now I just…don’t like chella man anymore. I feel like…he became an industry plant? Over the pandemic asking fans for money to send to him directly to help others and not showing where the money was going exactly incident as well as just becoming older I noticed he seemed to almost want to become the next Keith haring or basquiat? He almost…now seems very fake? He takes deals with brands to be representation but doesn’t do much to call out certain brands for their faults etc.

Idk anymore

I give Chella credit in that he was one of the few transmen that I looked up while I was young, especially with him being BIPOC. Showing him to my family helped them understand me. But that's where the inspiration kinda stops, because it was painful to be surrounded by years-in-transition trans men online when I was absolutely nowhere I wanted to be. That was a me problem tho. But I also didn't know much about his whole donation incident.

Ig heres what I have to say. It's not great to view other people as your justification of your morals. We don't know how people have had to live or how they live now, we don't know what decisions they have to make, and we dont know what kind of fears or goals they have. Chella is allowed to do whatever he wants with his art or his modelling career, just like how I genuinely believe anyone else in the world is capable of making the right decisions for themselves (even if we dont like those decisions!). Im not really concerned with figuring out if hes an industry plant or a "class traitor" (lol) or even if he's "fake". To be honest, I'm all for BIPOC folks getting their $. Does that mean I enjoy seeing wealthy BIPOC folk perpetuate classism and racism? No. Just cuz someone is succeeding for themselves doesn't mean people cant critique them. I guess what Im saying is I see waaay too many people online take the things they enjoy and the people they follow as projections of their morals: "no! stop [Insert celebrity name] you're being problematic and its makes us fans look bad!" Like....Okay lmfao. People are grown adults and are going to make decisions for themselves. Just because you might enjoy a celebrity does not mean your morals are based on how good of a person they are.

and youre allowed to not like the same things anymore just like how people are allowed to change, for better or for worse. I think within online communities there is way too much pressure on "looking" like a good person versus actually being one...because sometimes BEING a good person makes you look absolutely vile in terms of online spaces/communities love of isolating, removing, and deleting "problematic" (and vulnerable) people from their spaces with no trial, discussion, or attempt at conflict mediation. Yea yea I do think people have every right to be criticized just as they have every right to make whatever decision they want, but what Im trying to get at is to really stop viewing anyone with a platform as someone you can other once they dont meet your standards. This is not the same as denouncing or critiquing someone for really egregious behavior (white supremacy, harrassment, bullying, interpersonal violence). Once you kinda start living by your own morals without needing other people's actions/behaviors to justify/define them, you learn to focus on building connections rather than destroying them.

again, this is a much nuanced topic and you prolly werent expecting me to go into this. but ive grown over the years and have engaged in some nasty and vile mob mentality behavior that i just dont vibe with anymore. im not really the kind of person now to speculate online or publicly what other people are doing or should be doing or whether theyre problematic or not. I don't really care about Chella man or most celebrities rn. People r just gonna be people, and I will always have empathy for those of marginalized identities. Free will, autonomy, and self determination goes both ways, but so does accountability, transformative justice, and reconciliation.

but also like kill ur idols lol

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

hm. ive thought im possibly autistic before, and i have almost a blackout on the bingo, (just one i couldnt mark, the "even if you know they don't care" phrasing in the one about infodumping, if i know someone doesnt care abt what im talking abt id rather die than speak. or i keep starting a sentence, but they keep replying to other people and not me? guess ill die repeating the first few words/(sometimes i drop it and stop trying to say it. but it's still there rentfree in my head for HOURS.)).

i researched everything i had or thought i might have so fuckin much at that time. (4ish years ago. my focus at that time) i almost made my summer project for a credit about autism, i was looking at articles so much. (some were nd author 4 nd readers, but theres way too many allistic article writers and not nearly enough neurodivergent ones.). its hard to express certain things in the questionnaire [especially since i answered "how i feel today" when i took it, i took it before seeing the "answer like its your worst case day" post about diagnoses, but also symptoms no questions talked about]

yet?? the time i tried getting diagnosed, they said "no autism! just depressed" even tho so many of my traits are neurodivergent related symptoms and nowhere near depression related symptoms

(tbf, i now, few years later, think its adhd, not autism. which also fits most of my symptoms convergently, and my dad thinks he might have too but wont test, so genes fit that as well. so "no autism", but ALSO NOT "just depressed". also also i had a friend in middle school diagnosed with adhd, she shared her meds with me once, (dont remember context for why), and they helped. they worked as they were meant to. dont allistic people usually get high off adhd meds though? either way, i had too much going on that WERENT typical depression symptoms, that i included on the questions, for it to "just" be depression.)

...shit, do anons still have a character limit?

Hi there,

I’m not sure what question/advice you’re trying to ask, but I agree that there needs to be more neurodivergent writing.

I’m sorry if this didn’t answer your question. Feel free to send a message if you’d like.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[horrorvampirebatbite]

now that ive slept on it, i can share my thoughts and feelings, after remaining miraculously unspoiled for nearly a whole year. wah

overall however rushed.... Certain aspects of the ending were, i think what was salvaged in the end result + with the addition of the epilogue, it ties loose ends up nicely. i can not get over how stupid all the twists and turns with the emperor were tho; i think it matched the natural flow of the story to expect some kind of betrayal from him, but to side with the netherbrain as a result of what, my character not trusting him? thats so funny im sorry. throwing away what hed been working towards taking down for nearly his entire ilithid life, all cuz he put a whim on some rando and felt kind of embarrassed and cringe when they werent vibing with him for withholding important information and being the manipulating manipulator.

the only way it could make sense to me were if his true motives from the start were to take control of the brain himself, and when i refused to give him the stones alas foiling his plans, he opted to work With the brain as the next best thing aligned to his true intentions. thus his big betrayal moment happens regardless. but nothing explicitly suggested as such with the choices i made i wouldnt know yet myself if that were the case with the other endings. i do still think thats a bit stupid tho, its like theyre just hinging his character arc on well ilithid = evil so. ok should i tell orpheus to kill himself after he offered to turn to save what hope remains of his people being free and in turn the world. nodding my head.

tbc i don't hate the emperor i just think how they tied.. all that up with him was a bit lacklustre. for what started off as such an interesting concept however annoyingly over the top his manipulating was lmao, he couldve been a very compelling antagonist. only to fumble the momentum of that potential so badly toward the end, instead he becomes like. evil villain no.7 or something

[obscureother]

the f/orth.

Though this post is going to be kind of odd compared to other posts i normally put, the fourth has become important enough for me to throw out on there. we're going to ignore how it is technically the fifth now on central time, i got home late from the fireworks lolol.

this is your heads up for the very long post, though it does have relevance to f/os if that would be relevant to keep reading for you.

below the moon.

🌑

forgive me for the odd wording of the blog, i go through these weird things where fear comes from certain letters or words to me for these kinds of things. moving on. .

i was doing some thinking on the fourth of july. i realized that though im not very patriotic, there's still some part of me that does look forward to the fourth. dont get me wrong, america is cool, freedom, woo. but, im not really super into that kind of stuff for identity or waving flags or whatnot. not my thing, though there was always something about fireworks that entranced me and often left a mark on my goofy lil brain blob. ive got numerous memories related to them. those i wont go into because theyre personal and yall dont need to read through all that. the thing im getting to though, is that all those memories moreso related to family than patriotism or "freedom woo, eagles with guns," woh-woh.

one of those memories, the relevant one to this blog, is that of when i told my mom that i had f/os.

ok listen, so fictional crushes in general arent new to her. she's known about every fictional crush ive had ever, even the worst ones. (cough, looking at you, 🥞 + 🥓, cough.) Though mom didnt always care for those movies or those topics, those goofy characters i got into and wouldnt shut up about for months or even years at a time, she always supported me. she was the one who told me "someone's gotta love the villains." that it's ok to be into weird, morbid, dark shit or horror, or gore, or whatever. that even tho she didnt think robert englund was hot in the slightest, OR bela lugosi. . gerard butler, he was ok tho. she would always be there for the goofiness about them i had. she got me merch of them, movies, those things i related to them for. i've got a cool mom, guys. for those who need one, ill share but you cant keep her cos i need to keep the cool mom that bore me.

the thing that really gets to me sometimes tho (in a good way) is that, for a long time, ive worried that something was wrong with me. . like on the brain blob? because it took me a long time, but evidently she and everyone else think that i could be on the spectrum or something else is "wonky" (how i call it). the problem is the older i got, the more self-aware i became, the more uncomfortable and nervous i got because there's these things that go on that i dont know or understand how to respond to or handle. things i didnt used to have problems with before that i knew about, things i cant tell if just got developed later or came from college stress or what not. so when i suddenly started coping with pretending these fictional people existed around me, i was really tentative about it. of course im not delusional, but you dont really hear about anyone other than kids having "imaginary friends" (or something similar). im not a kid anymore. i used to have them like lots of others, but it was never to this degree. . because times were simpler, maybe. my brain blob didnt overthink, things werent so complex on the inside or outside of me. it scared me. i thought something was wrong, that i was losing my mind or something because they felt like they were becoming subconsciously ingrained in that wonky brain blob of mine. on top of other things, i was really nervous. i only ever talked to one person about it. shout out to the bestie who knows, you really helped me a lot through that kind of stuff while we figured out that, oh, we're not the only ones who pretend our fictional crushes/interests exist. therapist recommended? ok maybe its not so bad.

but for my mother, i was still scared to tell her. the f/os were becoming such a big part of the things i was doing, how i worked on the inside and they were involved for coping, comfort, things i would do behaviorally because i was communicating or interacting with them through the wonky brain blob residing in my skull box. i wanted to tell her, to share those things with her or to bring it up to a psychiatrist at some point (or both really, cos my mom would be there for that too. we've talked about it for a long time now.) but i was scared she would think i was fucking delusional, some loony to throw in the loony box to get better, yknow? that i talk to people, i pretend their real?? who, wtf??

but my mom, though after a long silence while i explained it to her how long i'd been having them and who they are, how they come to be, what they do for me. . she told me it was ok. that i wasn't freaking loony. that people cope differently, that people grow up at different paces or that its ok to resort to childish things for comfort because things are tough and so long as they help me, that it would be ok. that i know they're not literally real, that im choosing to pretend these people exist or however i do that, so long as im ok. for something so vulnerable, so scary for me, that meant a whole lot. that was on the fourth of july last year.

since then, my mom goes so far as to even interact with my f/os by touching their objects associated with them, to talk back and forth to them through me, to let me babble about them or talk about them. she knows some of their names, who or what they come from, how they work to some degree. the journal i have (the real f/o journal, not the tag), was one that she bought for me knowing it would be used for those f/os or for me to talk through it to them or draw things of them, do whatever i would with but that it would all be centered around my f/o for however it would comfort or bring me joy. she signed that journal for me, alongside the numerous "signatures" from those f/os and read their messages. she pointed and asked about the things they "wrote," smiled at their messages or the doodles of them. for that reason, i felt so safe with those f/os and what they were that i could go forward not being so fearful of myself. that it helped me to further bond with my mom about other things, to feel more of a closeness or security with her because of how good she was to me for those f/o things.

there was even one of my "worst" f/os present on that fourth of july. she knew who and what he was, i told her he was "sitting there" with me on the hood of the car when i told her that these odd fictional men lived in my brain blob and that they would "exist" through my daily life for the past few months. though she still told me that it was ok. that i would be ok, that so long as no one was getting hurt, those f/os would be ok to have for however long i would have them.

for those of you who get worried or embarrassed of having f/os for whatever reason that would be, know that its ok. no one gets hurt, no one gets effected by them. they're there for you, that's the most important thing of them. mom said so.

good fourth of july to you guys who celebrate it, be that for cool moms, friends, or whoever is there for you. the not-real ones, too.

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

[darudedogestorm]

Ok maybe i will make an intro/reference post for some of my primary OCs

doesn't contain their full info as for a few of them that would be a bit Too much... feel free to ask me more about them tho i would be so happy

also now realizing these are like. entirely pokemon ocs. oopsie

sorry if the formatting is strange and offputting its because tumblr doesnt like me that much

avi

guy who found meaning in life thru aminals :) (pokemon) basically struggled a lot, felt pretty worthless, volunteering at the local pokemon center kind of turned his life around

if pokemon werent real he’d be a dog guy. but he’s a cyndaquil guy

projects an image of a casually tough guy

works at a pokemon center :)

basically works with the system that rehomes/releases surrendered pokemon. like if you’ve ever ‘released’ a pokemon into the wild, he’s part of the group of people who handles 1. can it even Be released into the wilderness (for example it might be too habituated to life with humans to be rereleased safely), and 2. depending on the answer to question 1, where is that thing going

i have a whole system for this but it’s not entirely finished

2 beautiful babies (his quilava), little red and big bea

they are from a puppy mill situation :( brought into the center as part of aforementioned shelter/release program

^ the reason little red is a shiny

also the reason he found meaning in life <3

#fosterfailures

wurmple kid/skipper

one time i had this dream that i was lance’s kid (yes the indigo league champion lance) who was like super obsessed with wurmples and dgaf about dragon types and he was lowkey disappointed in me about it. and this became my oc

literally like 8 years old

obsessed with wurmples (based off of me in elementary school who was obsessed with dogs)

he likes other bug types by extension but NOTHING will beat wurmple. nothing.

assumes he’ll one day grow up to be a wurmple. it’s his dream

non wurmple related fact: retreats into his beautiful mind palace during times of stress and if he cannot do so he will explode. the wurmple obsession may be a manifestation of this. just like me fr

puzzle enjoyer :)

i wrote up a thing for one of those 50 question ‘tell me about your oc’ things for him but it would be too long to put here LMAO

in a nutshell:

arachne

spawned from my mono bugtype run of pokemon platinum

girl who is basically a bug

views herself as the general of an army of bugs with which she will one day RULE THE WORLD

engages in mithradatism (consumes the poison of her bugs in hopes that she will grow immune)

it has landed her in the hospital once but like that’s whatever. all that hospital trip taught her was that she should be more careful with her doses as opposed to not dosing herself at all

her starter was a spinarak (spinnerrella) who she used to wear on her back, like a backpack

spinnerrella evolved into an ariados so now she just wears one of her shedded exoskeletons from when she was still a spinarak. one day when she’s taller and stronger she’ll let spinnerrella on her back again but for now they must be apart

connie

i dont even know where to start

spawned from a pokemon roleplay with a friend. 10 page google document

works in conservation/ecology

where she got her name (she is #epic transgender) (and #fail bad at names)

current project is dealing with the slowpoke in azalea; after the team rocket poaching incident, there was an increase in naturally tailless slowpoke (“natural” selection, those without tails weren’t poached and were more likely to reproduce before dying). it’s her job to figure out if this is a problem that needs attention, as well as study any other effects the population may be experiencing

being blackmailed out of doing her actual Dream project, which is working to reintroduce the johto starters back into their natural habitats, which they are extinct in

blackmailed by a certain business man for whom this would not bode

has the most insane fucked up family in the world and doesnt even know about it

has a baby teddiursa that she takes care of :) don’t ask her how she got it

if i wrote Everything i had about her here this would be way too long. as it is an introduction rather than a story recap

i have art of her :)

[wildheadtendsherhair]

2023/02/02

Skin Picking

Havent been on here a while since ive been picking so little, its hard to remember to post! Ill take that as a partial win. But anyway, can you guess why im back? Yep, its day 0 again. And surprise surprise, my skin is bumpy and red again. When i was still on my streak, its amazing, i could use however much lotion i wanted and not breakout. It truly wasnt any products, it was just me touching my face all the time. I still got blackheads, but they were so hard to see because they werent red. I was disappointed to to figure out that acne pads arent enough to get rid of blackheads. I think i have to at least scratch off the top layer? I dont know. Grr! Honestly tho when blackheads arent angry i find i dont mind them much. Hardly at all, actually.

Hair

Great. Still so short! I still look like a fairy pixie, but sometimes by nightfall i just look like an oily unkempt person, and its not because of sebum. Just something about the uneven ends and the short length. Tempted to get it cut, but theres not really any good options? Cutting off and inch would probably dramatically decrease the frazzledness, but not comletely eliminate it, *and* it would be an inch shorter. I only have four inches! I wish i kept more track of how fast my hair grows. Ive heard half an inch is average. See heres the thing people dont think about when trimming hair—its inherently temporary. If you trim half an inch, thats one months worth of growth. By the end of the next month, you'll have grown another half inch. But, the growth will be uneven. So youre back to where youve started, right? No wonder it felt like i could not grow my hair out past a certain amount once my mom started making me get "the split ends cut off". Itll probably all be worth it when it gets long. Unkempt but cool & cute wild animal [insert pic of Power]. That said, i do wonder how long itd need to be to get the dorky but clean Queen's Gambit haircut…

Diet

Still doing Weight Watchers. I hecked up this week, ate under. Ended up binging last night. But it was the first time in a long while, so im proud of what ive accomplished. Silver lining, i mean. It was a very sucky experience being that full. Painful, even. But ive recovered! And im gonna be more liberal with my points earlier in the day. No point in being cautious if i can always eat 0-point foods at the end of the day, and it becomes an imperative to not if im regularly hitting the end of the day with spare points. It was a bit of a successful experiment, because i wanted to see if me eating under naturally would hurt me later, and, well… But im a little worried, because me eating whatever and "lots" this morning has only led to a normal breatfast of ten points. And ive been eating until about an hour ago, so i may not be hungry for a timely lunch. :( But i am feeling peckish for a sub, so maybe soon ill order one and not shy away from the sauce. My point target isnt a minimum, its a, well, *target*! Wow! What a riddle!

Mood

Ive been on edge this week, after a week of feeling phenomenally well. I blamed it on work, but, maybe it was my eating? Or its a factor? Hard to say. I do have quite a few things started that i havent finished, and i think those are hanging on my mind; go long enough and it become tiring but you forget why. Its a hypothesis. Other than that, its been a great week. Started a cool playthru with some friends (and its a japanese project too), checked out warhammer for the first time and had a blast, study group has been great, i got back into DDR, and might go with a cool girl this weekend, i drew for the first time in forever and it turned out great (oh man i love my apple pencil). Fruitful month, january was. I might just need to remind myself to and practice relaxing. Worked for my sleep!

[klngmax]

contribution of stoopid rps that have came up in our crazy server there are probably people im missing im srry

@ateloist @nmbh1 @builtperil @guiltycharge @an-ordinary-roach @voidfcllen @failedwish

[m-joys]

Donnie x Anxious Mutant S/O

@bevkin :hi!! I just found your blog and I really like your writing with your hc!

I want to send in a request so I hope this is ok,, Can I request for a scenario with Donnie and a mutant s/o (gender neutral is ok) who's very quiet because they don't want to scare others, maybe they also have a scratching habit from the neck due to anxiety, they could be based on a reptile of some sort, I haven't seen alot of people with a mutant reader so I hope this is ok!

wordcount:

A/n: Did I stray away a bit?Yeah. Is it absolutely awfull? Not quite I would say.

---

Its been almost four years since you've met the turtles and even longer since you've last been in contact with other humans. Sudden mutation which disabled your abillity to live a normal life has taken a big toll on your somewhat already strained mental health. Along with trouble getting used to the new form of living, the building insecurities about your brand new look werent helping much.

Some of the weight has been lifted off of your shoulders since bonding with the turtles, majority of it being since you've gotten close to the purple nerd in a romantic way. Even while you have still been just friends, you've felt the most comfortable around him as he's shown you that you can lean on him whilst he respects your personal space and boundaries. He made sure that he and others listened and respected what you had to say even while your voice was the quitest in the room. Even when you didnt voice it, he still asked for and appreaciated your input on whatever the topic may be. What more, listening to you telling him your opinion on his hand crafted trinkets or future plans has been especially dear and enjoyable to him.

As a mutant himself, hes obviously very aware on how you may feel about your appearance and tries hardly to show you that it doesnt matter what people think as long as youre still your good-intentioed self. It goes in hand that hes noticed your scratching habbit and, while it does pain him to see your unhealthy coping mechanism, he tries to gently, almost secretly, approach it and help you without overwhelming you.

You have been sitting quietly on the pillow overflowed bed in his room thats convenietly connected to the lab. The two have been separated by just a heavy steel door that even Donatello himself sometimes has a hard time pushing. Its been two years of your blossoming relationship with the purple clad and it only came as natural to start sharing the same space and move into the same room.

While yes, you have gotten better over time generally, but the anxiety that followed you before your mutation was still present. Managing it has been for a great portion under control along with not letting it get to you too much, yet one thing you seem to not be able to get rid of is the constant scratching your neck had to endure out of habit. Already having tried things like fidgets, cutting your nails, taking deep breaths of which none had worked, you've quietly gave up on stopping it much to your lovers dismay.

This week, tho at first glance avarage, had many small slip-ups that have greatly builded up in a large, seemingly burning, pile of cripling nervousnes that takes control over you especially when you're alone with your own thoughts. Sitting in a uncomfortable positin with your knees thightly against your chest with your arms hugging them, cold sweat seemed to constantly drip down your forhead and under your oversized found clothing. Eyes pacing in all directions folowing your brain, your hand secretly found its way to your bruised and damaged neck. Anxiety blurring your thoughts enough as to pay no mind to your harmfull doing.

It wasnt your first time something like this happened, and you were certain it wasnt the last. Anxiety attacks have slowly exited your life over time as you've worked on your health, but now seemed that youre on the werge of choking on seemingly thick air which would allow heavy sobs to escape behind your eyes. Your state has made the world irrelevant and the only thing you could focus on are the blury sheets infront of you.

Not having noticed your partner entering the room, you jumped and almost winced at his sudden touch of pulling your hand away and pressing it on his lips. "Im here" he reassured as he sat himself behind you enough to lean you on his plastron whilst still holding your hand. Even tho your state has easen at the thought of him being there for you, your hand gripped and burried its nails into his as if its beinf restricted. He didnt mind if it meant you'll calm down.

Slowly turning you around so he could connect with you better, you instictively burried your face in his neck as to inhale his ever calming scent. Patting your back he moved your head so you could listen to his much slower heart beat as to help calm you down. You've been together for a while and there wasnt any issues, but sometimes he does whish you would be more vocal about what you needed and when you needed help but theres plenty of time to work on that as long as your willing.

"Its going to be okay, I"ll make sure its okay"

[mountain-man-cumeth]

What did you mean by devs being American causing an issue with worldbuilding? Your essay was good reading, I'm just a little confused. Can't an American write fantasy inspired by roman history?

ofc they can, i didnt wanna go off on a tangent as the post was long enough but i can elaborate here:

vesuvia is not rome. i mean when you look at bgs, the visage seemed to be lifted from greek/persian architecture 600 BC-400 AD. blending of these two characteristics is actually very fascinating and accurate to how civilizations evolve. the time period they were going for cant really be pin pointed as easily tho, since some inspiration seem to be taken from 1400 AD baroque (palace gardens, sign posts, etc) and i dont think its an issue either, there are 2000 y/o structures that people still inhabit to this day with modern modifications and i think its fine on its own. the problem arises not from the aesthetics but with the application, imo:

- gladiatorial fights or combat as the entertainment of masses ended at around 200 AD (could be earlier, but it was after christianity made it roots at roman empire)

- some things like the stove and teapot became a thing at 15th century and it even then stoves werent a common household item for another hundred of years or so i believe.

now this matters a Whole Lot. there is a society in the mindset that is A THOUSAND YEARS behind its technology at the very least. dont get me wrong, violence as entertainment persists to this day but here we have a very specific sort of entertainment that is most primitive, using very primitive tools. its like depicting early 2000's having public hangings as a pass-time.

a non-american likely wouldnt have made this mistake solely due to exposition. because we have a general idea of what falls where, as we have museums and monuments full of our history. we keep seeing remnant in our everyday life

on top of that, vesuvia being depicted as this busy city bustling with different cultures still FEELS like its forcing the reader to assume that POC are minority. as we don't get to meet any "vesuvian" that is not white-coded. and the main cast that is foreigner never speak in any dialect or use different mannerisms, they feel assimilated in a dystopian kind of way even, which is and has never been the case for any metropole. they look diverse but they dont act diverse. theres no colour as to their customs aside from decor. muriel having tapestries, nadia's sister dancing in a certain way etc. is new to MC but its left there. and this separation of cultures as all or nothing is a strictly american issue, north american even. i cant even understand eastern turks and this indian, arab, kazakh, slav and scandinavian understand eachother perfectly at all times. when i log in to raid w my mates we argue for 5 hours over the proper way to drink tea. i havent been able to comprehend any word our serbian gm said in 5 years.

this is just an observation and i may be wrong since i only interact w american culture thru media/internet but i get the feeling that left leaning american society in general is too reluctant to get their hands dirty. by this i mean meddling with foreign cultures. the white people are not allowed in certain communities (often for rightful reasons) and the immediate assumption is that its same everywhere. its not though. in most places people are happy to share their cultures, customs, make fun of eachother for their traditions... its more like an awkward family reunion. some have vendettas and some are just vibing. when its not at the verge of extinction, you dont have to protect these values with your life, they can be played with. when my partner calls it "greek coffee" i get riled up but its not offensive, its all abit of fun. Bcs neither him nor czech ppl are personally responsible for the erasure of my culture or anything. my culture still persists.

in truth, to be true to a culture will sometimes have to make others feel uncomfortable. some parts of foreign customs are odd, it makes sense to the people exercising them as its a normal part of their life but for an outsider it can be grotesque or absurd. it can range from taking your shoes off on your way in to chopping of lambs' heads in the streets. but no, vesuvia doesnt feel remotely as chaotic, it doesnt feel like it has its own deep rooted identity in the world of arcana. cast looks like those diversity pamphlets of universities. they don't have any variety, they dont smell odd(yes, its a thing. the smell of peoples sweat differs by diet), they dont cook/eat weird shit, listen annoying music, they are just... american with a very british kinda aristocratic twist on satrinavas.

feel free to correct me, i am not too familiar with every which culture or anything, these ramblings are more of an observation than legit reconstruction

[single-malt-scotch]

it is funny seeing now what ppl have surged in popularity in fandom, namely the ppl i watched years back mindcrack era that i dont feel like even got that much attention in the (much smaller) fandom. like at least fandomwise i never felt like bdubs or etho were that popular in regards to fics and stuff, mostly comparing to others at that time- tho bdubs and his later roleplaying (bteam) did gain him more attention i think. and like, nebtho was certainly a dyanmic ppl liked but it was otherwise pretty contained to those few moments and the fics were very much nonexistent even tho that fun pair. when i did see etho it was often with team canada as a whole. and in similarity w bdubs i feel like etho got more attention during more of that kinda phase (but nothing comparable to now). and ofc im speaking from experience of the ever tiny tumblr community... undoubtedly ppl leaned towards certain guys and it just kinda encouraged more focus on those people.

but i was curious if i could see how correct my memories were. while ao3 is a thing with tags im not sure if itd be skewed due to other things these people are in, so i thought itd be interesting to go to the salad and take a look since it was one of the most contained places for mindcrack fics i used back then

(under the cut bc this got even longer. sorry i can shut up abt fandom analysis and how things change <3)

some of these tags usages can be like... minor appearances. but at first i was surprised to see bdubs with a whole 478 tagged fics... but then the etho tag has a whopping 895. i think hes mentioned in a lot of fics in passing, but still thats a lot more tagged than i wouldve thought in the end. but i can say i really do remember bdubs getting very little attention in the fic area back then so. some of the other notably highly tagged people were beef (601), guude (753), kurt (731), nebris (662), pause (715), vechs (985), and zisteau (860).

leaving vechs at #1, etho at #2, and zisteau at #3. i was not a vechs reader but goddamn he really was everywhere fandom wise i recall, so that adds up. z and etho were definitely people i saw getting more attention at the end of my mindcrack era too (mostly z with vechs). of course some of this again should be taken w a the note that there are likely a lot of background appearances/minor ones. regardless, to know that even some of them were mentioned enough to add up like that is kinda wild when you think about it. i had some blinders on because i cared mostly about kurt and zisteau, and no surprise they have been tagged 700-800 times either- sms wasnt the most popular, but i know it came up quite a bit.

i did take a quick look at the mindcrack tag on ao3 but it houses wayyy less fics (466 right now) than the salad so, i guess its a better idea, mostly because it is what was popular back when these ppl werent as popular!

but in terms of now??? what got me back to watching these guys was being surprised at a post about bdubs that had like, 5k notes. so obvious things have changed A Lot. i mean hell. the salad has 2,578 fics tagged. ao3 has ummm 10k+ hermitcraft fics and 3k+ last life fics.... and for both etho and bdubs, theyre tagged in over 1k hermitcraft fics (2k, if you count last life as separate). actually an even more amusing comparison is Doc- on salad theres 213 tags and hes never someone i considered writing about or reading about (shockingly i did write him once) but in the hermitcraft tag on ao3 hes up as one of the most tagged with 1,940.

i find it so interesting how things change direction. bdubs was kinda early on the rping ideas and its no shock people caught on to him more- but etho is someone im surprised has exploded in popularity now? but also not? like im surprised interest like now didnt catch on until recently. the way people have molded a character and Vibe with him now Makes Sense. i think i always saw him in similar ways years ago, but that fandom attitude hadnt caught up, the fanbase was too small. but its wild to go from a few sporadic fics focused on one of these guys to like..... very very consistent interest, headcanons, fan art, fics, etc. fucking wild.

[melody-of-lost-souls]

What is your opinion about Sasuke saw a shadow of his family in Team 7?

I mean, yes, he genuinely cared about everyone. He considered both of his team mates as his precious comrades. He even listened to Kakashi and calmed down a bit, after his fight with Naruto on the Hospital Rooftop. Kakashi even passed him an all important Jutsu called Chidori which he used till the very end.

No matter what, he considered everyone as his family. How come Sasuke could easily sever his ties with Sakura and Kakashi??

Hi! Thanks for the ask ♥

I think you answered your own question right there. "A shadow of his own family"

Yes, he cared somehow about all of them and we all know how this affected him, with the -logical- thought that Bonds will make him weaker.

-From here this is my interpretation about Sasuke's insight and perception towards his Family.-

How could he easily sever his ties with Sakura and Kakashi? Yet with Naruto he couldnt.

I think we should look back at how Sasuke saw his own family back then.

We know that the person Sasuke loves/ed the most is Itachi -and Naruto- and this Love, and addmiration, but also certain resentment that after the tragical events turned into a burning Hate, werent born because of one day to another. Sasuke loved his family of course he did, but the person who played a big role in his life such as Motherly-Fatherly- and Big Brother roles was just Itachi.

Itachi took in charge Sasuke's breeding, while yes Mikoto did her role as mother while providing food, comfort, adn etc; Itachi also did this, he helped him to walk, play, feed, and a big etc, and also he played the role of teaching him the limits, when wasnt the time to play, to train, when his work was first, when he did the forehead poke, putting distance, but also embraising and stoof for him when time needed.

So Itachi's figure was the most important influence for Sasuke; that's why when the massacre happens, what hurted the most for him was Itachi's betrayal, with the posterior Sharingan evolving due to the lost love that turned into Hatred. I'm not saying that he didnt suffer the death of his parents, of course he did and he longed them, them as a whole; nonetheless, the fact that his most beloved person decided to kill other persons he also loved, was the architect for the sasuke we know.

What kept him alive the most was the desire of revenge, to consolidate that Love he once felt -and stil feel- for the person he must and should hate.

As we see then , Itachi represented a lot of roles in Sasuke's life, and somehow Sasuke found certain parallelism with Itachi in Naruto, as he confessed in Vote2, he felt the urge of becoming better, to walk to this person's side, to get stronger so he can be a proper equal. This doesnt mean Sasuke saw Naruto as his brother, but he found in Naruto what he loved in Itachi, and also the warmth of the family

What does this have to do with team 7?

Sasuke couldnt sever his bond with Itachi, same as he couldnt with Naruto. Even tho we saw Sasuke remembering his family ,all of them in a family picture, in the end the most important person-of that frame was Itachi as he -in ep 478- was ready to join Itachi's side.

So, he could sever his bonds with the rest of Team 7 say Kakashi and Sakura, because Naruto had and portrayed everything about his family, in his single self as he was "similar" to Itachi. Similar yet different.

What did Sakura and Kakashi had to offer to Sasuke? Sakura never understood him, we can not say he projected and saw in her something that resembles to Mikoto because they are in not way similar-not physical not symbolical- and with Kakashi, he was just on his own tune. Some say that Sasuke saw Kakashi as a father figure and...well no. Kakashi is not like Fugaku -his real father- not like Itachi either -the symbolic figure- // Yes Kakashi was an important person for him, as he taught him one of his signature jutsus, but he just was his master. Kakashi and Sasuke relationship wasnt like Naruto and Iruka. Let's say he was like a sort of uncle? if we want to put a "tag" for him.

Team 7 gave him the warmth that any kind of group(where you feel belonging) can provide, you can have different kind of groups in your life and consider them as a family.He cared about them of course, because he didnt want to re-live the trauma he once suffered.

But Team 7 was this, a shadow of his family, a glimpse, which at that time was enough. Nonetheless, the spark and flame that ignites team 7 was always Naruto; if you take Naruto out of team 7, and let Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi to interact together...Well i really wonder if sasuke's perception about them will be the same, as a family...

Do you think Sasuke would be really glad, and relief if the team were just the 3 of them? Maybe yes, he would work with them but to feel the level of Bond as with Naruto? I really wonder.

-------

When he was with Naruto on "the other side" he was fine with it because he was with him, simple as that, or say he could join Itachi's side in heaven/other spiritual plane. Because again, those two were and are his most precious people...One is the whole concept and role of his family as he was mother, father and big brother, and the other is his other half.

What else could he need or gain from kakashi and Sakura? And i'm not saying this in a roasting way, but kakashi and SAkura are absolutely in other frequency/tune than Sasuke.

Sasuke is so ...ethereal and his ties to the world were really easy to cut because he didnt feel such attachments. So what could Kakashi, someone who just...lives (which it's okay for kakashi himself) and Sakura, someone who is very shallow and also desires physical things such as seen his dick and being his girlfriend and just that ,I dont want to understimate this kind of personal wishes, because we all have earthly-desires naruto did too, but sakura had only this to offer for him., offer him? In any case they offered the same things as Mikoto or Fugaku, wouldnt still be enough.

"We are never so defenseless against suffering, as when we love" Freud

So I think that's why he could sever his ties with them , hope it could be understood.

I first think it in spanish and then in english xD

Maybe I forgot some things to add, if that's so then i will add them later if they come to my mind