#soft reminders

[ed-recoverry]

Some of my favorite posts on r/BenignExperience from the past week

Thanks to the tumblr post that made me aware of this subreddit. It makes me smile.

Part two, part three, part four

[nando161mando]

Your daily reminder that the culture war is there to distract us from the class war and it's working

[sanobermasood]

when your heart becomes heavy, let it pull you down into sujood.

[rosecoloredknight]

[anoptimisticknight]

[alicewritten]

create something with your own hands and let it go without expecting it to be perfect and maybe you’ll calm down

[transcendragon]

Be Still for A Moment (reminders #4) - the next in my reminders series. I actually really like how this one came out. It’s soothing to me

My original art made in Procreate, image description in alt text

[creatingnikki]

things to remember in 2024

i. more quiet time, more silence. more shavasana, more stillness.

ii. keep promises you make to yourself. everyone else can be disregarded — the promises they make, the promises you make to them.

iii. there is no "should do this" or "should be that way" as a universal rule book. your experiences and lessons teach you what are your values, preferences, and takes on life and people. you don't need to convince others of them, you don't even need to most times articulate them to follow them and do as you please.

iv. things that increase your risk of chronic health (mental and physical) issues: sitting, smoking, and situationships. your legs, lungs, and love life deserve much better.

v. 'the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment'. fight the instant gratification, the fomo, the yolo. do the healthy thing for you in the moment, every moment.

vi. go to the salon, the bookstore, the train station, the beach, the bakery more than you go to the bar, the boy's house, and self doubt/loathing.

vii. travel even if you don't have a big budget and cannot do everything you'd want to in that destination because you do now want some travel experiences and stories while you're still in your 20s. make it a priority now, you don't want to feel bitter later.

viii. stop trying to frustrate and confuse yourself so much. you are both the vivacious, warm, kind, person and the somber, detached, pensive person. it's not one betraying the other. it's both you — the sunflower and the black orchid.

ix. ask people of things, it's no virtue to only give and not take. however, don't be so sensitive or shattered if not given or denied. people don't have as much power over your heart as you believe. your heart is happily vacationing on the moon most months of the year away from this worldly chaos. it's your ego that cannot take it. acknowledge the role of your ego, learn to understand it so that you can work with it.

x. do the cringe things. post a hundred reels on Instagram even if you get five likes on each. cringe at that part of you that cringes when you do the things you want instead of cringing at yourself. when you do that you're viewing yourself as a third-party judging yourself and honestly love aren't there thousands out there to do that job already? so then you stick to your job — support yourself no matter how you decide to live your life.

xi. love and romance are not the centre or purpose of your life. you are. the genre of your life is neither rom com nor tragic passionate romance. it's slice of life. love and romance will happen when it happens and will be one part of your life. but all the other parts? they belong to you — to your art and writing, to your joy and exploration of yourself and this world, to your family and friends, to food and cats, to travel and music, to peace and sleep. live a full life.

xii. set processes for your routine that streamline everything and make it easy. your morning work commute, your night skincare, going over your monthly budget, saving and investing for your goals, how you organize your life and time. and when problems show up, simply problem solve. don't take it personally, try to not feel dejected and doomed. and for the times you do, don't try to fix anything. take a shower, eat a good meal, go to sleep.

xiii. when setting boundaries, and when those boundaries are crossed, you don't have to break your head trying to get the other person to change their behaviour. instead, you should change your behaviour. if they cross a boundary, then that should be your cue for a behaviour change, a decision. don't be at the mercy of another's understanding and compassion to have your life be aligned to your needs and values.

xiv. three steps taken > three hundred steps planned. pausing for three months > abandoning for three years. three people you love and who love you > thirty people who are fluff. idk why three is the magic number here but you get the gist. moderation, my love, and balance. regulation and removal.

xv. cut out the noise. you'll figure out more of what that means as you begin to do it. it's social media, yes. it's societal conditioning, yes. but it's also the things your loved ones say despite having the best intentions at heart for you. it's the things the younger you believed and thought and wrote. it's the friends and lovers who come and go and don't really know you well. it's all of it. you have to cut out the noise. build noise-cancelling headphones for your soul over time and carry them with you everywhere.

[lettersbycandlelight]

[beamingdesign]

I’m ready for this new era of me

[ed-recoverry]

Though we all know asking for consent is absolutely MANDATORY in all sexual encounters, you have to also be prepared to respond to the request of consent honestly.

That means being ready to say no if you don’t want to do what your partner is asking.

Yes, it is your partner’s responsibility to ask for clear, sane consent.

But it’s also your responsibility to provide an honest answer.

Which means saying no even if you feel bad about it.

Which means saying no even if you are a chronic people pleaser.

Which means saying no even when you’re are terrified to say say.

You don’t have to physically say no, you can say another word or make a certain signal or sound to convey that you are not giving consent, but you NEED to communicate that no.

As much as both you and I wish our partners could read our mind, that is not reality.

If you you say yes when you’re really thinking ‘I don’t know, if you say yes when you’re really thinking ‘no, stop,’ you need to say something.

Ofc it’s then on your partner to then respect this response, stopping and not guilting you for saying no.

But the point is that consent is something that needs all parties to participate. If you are on the receiving end of asking for consent, you need to be honest.

I get that it’s scary.

I get that you might feel awkward.

I get that you just don’t like saying no.

But speaking your mind during sex is integral. Being honest about your feelings has to happen.

Sex is supposed to be a positive experience. Saying no will keep it positive for everyone involved.

***EDIT: This is advice only when all parties are fully aware and actively participating. None of this is relevant when it comes to any non consensual sexual activity where you physically could not convey that ‘no.’ This only applies to consensual sexual activity. ***

[iamenoughonmyown]

Reasons to Recover #9

Graduating with an Msc psychology degree and attending my convocation ceremony ❤️ ( it's a big deal for me)

[sanobermasood]

Accountability is so important to me!

Nobody is perfect, but ain't no way you about to convince me that my reaction to your actions is the problem!!

[rosecoloredknight]

[anoptimisticknight]

[ardent-reflections]

If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.

Charles Bukowski