#societal constructs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blueheartbookclub · 10 months ago

Text

"Unraveling the Human Tapestry: Frank Hamel's 'Human Animals'—A Journey into the Complex Nature of Humanity"

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is a thought-provoking exploration of the intricate interplay between our human nature and the animal instincts that reside within us. This fascinating journey into the realms of biology, psychology, and societal constructs unfolds with a narrative precision that both challenges and enlightens. The title itself serves as a prelude to a comprehensive examination of the dualities that define our existence—a title that hints at the untamed aspects of our being, waiting to be unraveled.

Published in [Year], "Human Animals" is a testament to Hamel's keen intellectual curiosity and his ability to distill complex concepts into a narrative accessible to a broad audience. The title alludes to the central theme—the recognition that beneath our veneer of civilization, there exists a primal essence shared with our fellow creatures in the animal kingdom.

Hamel's exploration begins with a scientific lens, dissecting the biological similarities between humans and other animals. The opening chapters lay the groundwork for understanding our shared ancestry, evolutionary traits, and the genetic links that bind us to the broader animal kingdom. The title "Human Animals" becomes a guide through this scientific inquiry, inviting readers to reconsider their perception of human uniqueness.

Beyond the biological, Hamel delves into the psychological dimensions of our shared humanity. He navigates the complexities of human behavior, emotions, and social structures, drawing connections between our actions and those observed in the animal world. The title encapsulates this psychological journey, suggesting that within our societal constructs, there exist primal instincts that shape our behaviors.

Hamel's writing is not merely an academic discourse; it is a bridge between the scientific and the philosophical. The narrative is enriched by anecdotes, case studies, and historical examples that add a human touch to the exploration. The title serves as a thematic compass, signaling to readers that they are embarking on a nuanced exploration of what it means to be human, entwined with our animalistic roots.

As the book progresses, Hamel ventures into the ethical considerations surrounding our treatment of animals and the environmental impact of human activities. The title becomes a poignant reminder of the responsibility we bear as stewards of the planet, urging readers to reflect on the consequences of our actions on the delicate balance of the natural world.

"Human Animals" is not just an examination of our shared biological heritage; it is a call to introspection and societal self-reflection. Hamel challenges preconceived notions, inviting readers to confront uncomfortable truths about the intersections of humanity and animality. The title, with its enigmatic allure, guides readers through a labyrinth of ethical contemplation.

In conclusion, "Human Animals" by Frank Hamel is a captivating exploration that transcends disciplinary boundaries. The title encapsulates the essence of the book—a multifaceted exploration of the intricate connections between humanity and the animal kingdom. Hamel's prose is engaging, his ideas are profound, and the title acts as an evocative portal into the depths of our shared nature. As readers journey through the pages, "Human Animals" leaves an indelible impression, challenging us to peel back the layers of societal conditioning and reevaluate our place within the vast tapestry of the natural world.

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is available in Amazon in paperback 15.99$ and hardcover 23.99$ editions.

Number of pages: 399

Language: English

Rating: 9/10

Link of the book!

Review By: King's Cat

5 notes · View notes

blondefoxmedic · 2 years ago

Text

Just because you are aware of how constructed societal concepts are, doesn't mean you are free from the pressure of it. Being aware might grant some freedom, but it's not like the concepts just disappear no matter how silly they seem now. You just gotta be aware that it is not your fault they exist and that not you are the problem in the situation that hurts so many blindly. As a genderqueer person you have no choice but be aware of it, so the pain can become more visible, voicable. We do not have the comfort or privilege of blindness. But the privilege of truly fitting the set of unrealistic roles is bestowed on a very small amount of people. And the pressure lays on everyone outside. Now everyone who is visibly and openly breaking the gender binary, is questioning the chase for that unrealistic goal that media and society set for everyone by a tiny group of people. That is uncomfortable, that is angering those who are hurting by it but don't understand why. While those in power of those concepts are profiting to keep it in place and try to get rid of those not only questioning but actively disturbing it.

#gender studies #Societal constructs #prejudices #Queerness #Hurting and healing #Gender construct #Hegemonial masculinity #feminism #transgender #nonbinary #Mun muses

4 notes · View notes

blueheartbooks · 10 months ago

Text

"Unraveling the Human Tapestry: Frank Hamel's 'Human Animals'—A Journey into the Complex Nature of Humanity"

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is available in Amazon in paperback 15.99$ and hardcover 23.99$ editions.

Number of pages: 399

Language: English

Rating: 9/10

Link of the book!

Review By: King's Cat

0 notes

fumifooms · 3 months ago

Note

do you happen to have that page that talks about the beauty standards of each race?

Yeah sure. While scavenging pics for this I found this neat reddit compilation & chart & theory talk too. I had um, way more to say than I anticipated (I know you only wanted the one page. I have nothing to say for myself. Like most topics in Dunmeshi things snowball because they’re so interconnected. Mercy…) so, many races and observations are only mentioned near the bottom.

Beauty standards and race in Dungeon Meshi

Not pictured there’s also how elven society is harsh on visibly disabled people, and how the demon took away Mithrun’s silver eyes and ears to take away his pride. There’s also how Senshi might have fit in with the orcs more easily because of the dwarven wide body shape, and how they tend to have more body hair too I suppose. In the extra on orcs we see Senshi living with the orcs and he gets judged because of the hierarchy rather than his looks.

What is fashionable also differs from culture to culture, and there’s how tattoos only seem common with elves, though dwarves and others do also sometimes have some. They seem to not raise much brows, which makes sense since for many essentially they’re for professional (magical) purposes especially with elves. Gender roles also differ in type and importance, but generally they are similar to irl ones for the races we see. Elven society seems to be the least gendered, which would be an unsurprising logical outcome of having lesser sexual dimorphism aka they look more androgynous. Comparing fashions and gender roles and how they affect beauty standards would be a whole other compilation and conversation. Kui has great worldbuilding partially because she’s got such a good grasp on sociopolitics and geopolitics. History affects cultures and beauty standards greatly. Kui’s oneshot Distant Utopia was very eye opening on her way to worldbuild and the consideration she gives these things, I do really recommend reading it.

Out of the big 5, we know the least about gnomes, but their sheet does say both culture and region are similar to dwarves’ and they end up being confused together often, so we can imagine the beauty standards are similar to dwarves’ as well.

I wanted to touch on this in a post eventually, but how one daydream hour page said half-foots tended to be curvaceous like in the artwork below puzzled me for a long time, all the half-foot characters we see during canon are rather slender and lanky after all, Chil’s succubi also being more curvy than plump. Economics are for sure a factor in that I imagine, the half-foots characters we see are all implied to be some flavor of poor or malnourished, as are half-foots depicted as empoverished oppressed minorities in general. Even comparing the artwork with the half-foot sheet’s depicted average half-foot, the ones on the left seem bigger. Wouldn’t it make sense though, if unlike dwarves half-foots don’t have similar naturally wide bodies, yet due to idolizing dwarves they work towards having a similar body shape/type to emulate them?

It’s said half-foots tend to stick to pretty ethnically homogeneous regions (aka half-foots-only communities) unless they move to the big city with ambition to try and make it big (like Chilchuck and his wife & kids did), and that’s interesting imo because then that would mean that in a ton of half-foot communities, they rarely see or interact with dwarves whom they try to emulate. Of course, one thing about beauty standards is that when they get adopted, at one point it stops being "this is how dwarves look and so this is how half-foots should look" and just becomes "this is how half-foots should look", most people feel as though beauty standards aren’t learned but innate, so I figure the half-foots wouldn’t have any problem still seeking dwarvish traits when there are no dwarves around.

There’s also stuff you can glean here and there if you want to extrapolate more. Like how in the race swap artworks, Mickbell is only smiling in the dwarf portrait, and Rin’s elven portrait looks very close to her elven one- Rin who is stated to be beautiful in her profile blurb. Benichidori’s extra does teach us tallmen can definitely have harsh beauty standards, but also since the text portrays her as very dysmorphic that’s likely reflected in her thoughts to a much more intense degree than is common, not an accurate strict baseline to go off. Ah, Kabru’s blue eyes are also why he and his mother lived a rough life in Kabru’s hometown, but that seems to be regional. Good post here on the topic of Kabru’s blue eyes and ties to irl history. There’s a lot to be said about Kabru being a man that in many ways is close to elven beauty standards, and how that might have affected or been affected by his upbringing with elves + his persona as someone that can effortlessly charm most people. Marcille’s section here in this essay also goes into Marcille’s struggles to fit in with the ideal image of an elf.

Looking human

Also notable are beastkins and demihumans: Demihumans are all dehumanized which makes people treat them worse. So if you differ from the visual idea of "human" (an in-world subjective categorization just as much as demihuman is) most people do judge you negatively. Elves and dwarves get to fight about which type of human is considered the prettiest, but demihumans are below tallmen and half-foots, they are considered as simply below the beauty contest, incompatible with it.

Onis are perhaps the demihuman people we know of with the least cultural influence on the dunmeshi world, and with the least intensely different appearance than other demihumans—they seem to be technically categorized as human to people not from the eastern archipelago?— but even them are treated as lesser than human, treated as beasts to slain for reputation points or useful strength to have around and command. It’s said their "magnificient horns" and fangs are often shaven off when the oni lives in tallman towns, so you could easily make the argument that onis are denied the right to have their own beauty standards, having to conform to other people’s and going through mutilation to take away features they might otherwise have taken pride in. Inutade was bought by the Nakamotos from a dangerous sumo fighting ring that got one of Inutade’s tooth broken on her first and only fight, and kept as a low ranking servant ever since. Remember when I said different fashions existed in dunmeshi and how those could also affect beauty standards? Like the elves, if you look at the portraits pages which include a lot of characters that aren’t in the story you can see distinct cultures within the same races, for example one young elf is bald which is in sharp contrast with the usual elven long luscious hairstyles, and that’s especially true for onis I think. Maybe not only from different regions but different eras as well… They have a bit of population in the very north of the western continent, so I like to think some of the ogres live in very cold, maybe even subarctic or arctic conditions. The point I’m getting at here is that within a race, culture/ethnicity like with Kabru will also influence them it isn’t just tallmen as a whole, different communities will have differing beauty standards. The oni history blurb and third row first collumn portrait remind me of Mongolia (which historically was a lot of different nomadic communities with different cultural identities as well. Something something, the oni empire experienced a decline and then tallmen overpowered them, and now they’re governed and split apart by stronger social classes & slavers and the richness of culture was hurt for it especially if they have no real community left of their own), but obviously many of them are dressed and look rather japanese, makes sense considering living in/close to Wa, and first row second collumn portrait reminds me of ainus which again would be logical considering geographical placement, though I’m far from an expert. Interestingly, ainus are indigenous people both in Japan and Russia- Perhaps the northern western continent ogres are meant to be closer to Russia than Canada like I imagined? Ok tangent over.

The kobold sheet says they’re especially sought after as slaves because they’re "adorable", but locally in the western continent they’re repeatedly said to be seen more as ferocious and dangerous. The dehumanization is most apparent in the first comic below. The language barrier and conflicts no doubt worsen this by a lot, but I think it’d be hard to deny that their canine appearance makes the dehumanization worse. "They’re ferocious beasts, they’re demihumans, they can’t be communicated with". Most characters in Dungeon Meshi’s world are desensitized to slavery and most characters are prejudiced one way or another. Point being, kobolds are fully removed from human beauty standards, but no doubt for kobolds, other kobolds are more beautiful than humans are. They’re assumed to be an uncivilized bunch, but just like any other people they like to adorn themselves with nice clothes and jewelry and keep themselves clean and groomed; they too take care of their appearance and take pride in it.

And the orcs! This one we have the most contact with in canon, with not only there being foreigner characters from the ethnicity or hearsay of their homelands and culture but full on contact with a community. We get to see up close what they’re like and what they think, and of course in turn they’re our introduction to how demihumans are harshly looked down upon and seen as inferior, less human and thus less worth valuing and less dignified. It’s text that orcs are ugly to most humans and humans are ugly to most orcs. Since I judged they didn’t need accompanying explanation the pictures showing this are in the pictures dump at the top.

God forbid you sell vegetables to orcs my god- but then again they do basically mandate adventurers to kill any orcs they come across so yeah the world isn’t above that even a little bit.

So yes, my main point here is simply that orcs are yet another evidence of the physical ideal of "human" being an important beauty standard for human societies globally.

Izutsumi is our glimpse at how beastkins are treated in the world, and in Wa at least that’s ending up being caged and mistreated as part of a freak show. Izutsumi hates her appearance and wishes she could leave the feline part of herself behind to only be human. Interestingly, not that we have a lot of info on them so this is very much a take with a grain of salt situation, but there seems to be less stigma around artificial beastmen, those who can shapeshift at will. The main difference is of course appearance, that most of the time they simply look like average tattooed humans. Artificially creating humans is an illegal practice, and no doubt it’s not well regarded, but being able to hide that makes them less likely to be discriminated at any moment, or even just discriminated less intensely. Again, looking human is important, not only for belonging but for safety’s sake. Beauty standards rule the world with harsh hands.

Mermaids and fishmen

Ok we’re done now right? Right-! But wait… Wait…! Mermaids and fishmen are said to be demihumans too, special separate cases to the main three demihuman species however, which is also represented by how mermaids and fishmen both are in the Adventurer’s Bible chapter Monsters meanwhile ogres, kobolds and orcs are in the chapter World. They’re an interesting topic because they directly tackle this topic, not only in a meta way for the readers but also making characters themselves struggle to quantify their humanity with the goal of knowing wether they should be eaten or not, especially Chilchuck. Chilchuck’s "is it really just a matter of feelings?" mini arc.

The party asking themselves "Should we eat this?" is very common, and often they end up playing a little loose on morality, like eating the red dragon’s meat despite it having digested Falin. Not unsimilarly Marcille freaks out a little over the vegetables they harvested having been grown with fertilizer, aka largely human poo. Half of the motivation of "should we eat this perhaps sentient creature" is out of consideration and compassion, but more strongly and more often, the characters struggle with a sense of taboo at eating something too closely related to humans. Even, feel uncomfortable because of the deepseated impression that eating it would dirty them in some way. Cannibalism is an interesting and relevant topic in many ways, but what I want to mention is how there’s the more or less universal belief that committing cannibalism inherently taints you as a person and turns you more monstrous, morally but also literally depending on some myths such as w*ndigos and onis in some cases, like in Touge Oni. Marcille and Izutsumi both express a fear of eating monsters turning them monstrous. Maybe this is part of what Laios was hoping for, honestly. There are two fears here, if eating a demihuman monster constitutes as cannibalism or not, and so, will eating it taint you because it’s a human, or will eating it taint you because it’s a monster? You are what you eat, until it’s a little too literal. You morally are the means by which you get your food, and you physically are the result of your nutrition. Dungeon meshi manages to mix an exploration of humanity with the theme of food because our relationship to food is very deep and complex, psychological as much as physiological.

In the end, the characters sort of shrug and accept that they’ll never quite understand the world of mermaids and fishmen and how they operate, and what that means about them. Laios is the one always challenging these notions other characters take for granted, it’s not obvious to Laios why people are softer on mammals than other animals and plants, it’s not obvious to Laios why people would be afraid of eating a monster just because it’s a monster, it’s not obvious to Laios why some food is gross to Marcille but not fish testicles, it’s not obvious to Laios why you should immediately regard orcs and kobolds badly.

"Cows are probably closer to humans [aka closer to being human] than fishmen, though they’re clearly intelligent", dehumanization to lessen empathy towards them to be able to eat them. Meanwhile, mermaids seemingly have a less noticeable "civilization" or intelligence, they hunt in groups like fishmen, but they don’t use tools and such, they feel more primal and similarly instinct driven, and yet… Do they attract sympathy more? Mammals, humans, is it because of their nature or because of their appearance?

Both the nature and appearance of fish are ones people don’t typically sympathize with. "Fish don’t feel pain", "goldfish only have 5 seconds of memory", "it’s okay to keep fish in completely empty bowls too small for them until they die from it", so many lies and misconceptions exist that make people less considerate of them. The average lifespan of a goldfish is 10-15 years, the record is 43, but they’re not seen as lives that really matter, so a lot of goldfish die in a few weeks of bad aquarium conditions. There’s a lot of research on animals evolving to look cute and appealing to make some predators want to kill them less and parents want to care for them more, including humans. First good google research result gave me this credible short article on the topic. In Chilchuck’s weighing wether a fishman is far enough from being human or not to eat, "face is 100% fish" is his biggest argument for it being more acceptable. The face, the most important thing for empathy and recognition. The face, the decapitated fishman one that falls into his hands next chapter.

To quote @room-surprise: "Chilchuck can't explain why it's wrong to eat the merpeople, even though it's NOT complicated. But the problem is Chilchuck would have to accept and acknowledge that the merpeople might be people? And that's outside of the worldview he passively believes, so he can't just say that, because he doesn't think that's true. But that IS why he "feels" it's wrong. And it's all you'd need to say for Laios to understand! But it would require acknowledging that maybe the way they're treating and talking about the merpeople is wrong."

The idea of Chil not being able to grapple with how maybe some monsters are more humans than they seem, him who had been an advocate of half-foots rights, half-foots who get undermined and treated as inconsequential sacrifices… Grappling with how he could relate to the merpeople’s situation almost, and pulling away because it’s so existentially horrifying. I do not want to see myself into an hostile fish-faced warrior I can’t communicate with. In a way this also relates to Chilchuck being the only party member who doesn’t see Izutsumi as a cat in the relationship chart, the only one to treat her with full human dignity. He knows the struggle to be taken seriously, he knows being infantilized and he knows what it’s like to be treated as less than human.

Below, you will see Chilchuck draws the line of where they become not okay to eat as when "they already look like mermaids". Above, there’s speculation that the algae hair is partly to mimic "the mermaids’ beautiful female form". Is it because mermaids are their enemies and the ambiguity might give them extra seconds to attack or flee? Is it to trick adventurers instead? It’s striking to me that this is what works, with the adventurers. Sure the fishmen are intelligent, but explicitly here, what makes them no longer acceptable prey to Chilchuck is that they look close enough to a mermaid, close enough to human. Mermaids who of course themselves have this form to entice and seduce and charm the adventurers they prey on. Chilchuck considers the intelligence due to the tridents, but most of his internal debate centers around their appearance, and the image of a fishman skewered sickens him. The power of mimicry… Mimic being a beautiful human woman. Mimic being cute, babies being wired to make us feel protective and softened. Half-foots, sometimes pretending to be children for scams or help or avoiding trouble.

The mermaids are only concerned by their differences and not their similarities, and have no trouble treating the fishmen as food rather than peers. To an outside perspective like us, the audience, all these categorization of "more human" and "less human" between onis and orcs and elves and tallmen etc seem stupid and unfounded, but to the people living in Dungeon Meshi’s world, elves may as well be mermaids while onis are fishmen, not alike at all, unworthy of empathy and thus fine to eat.

Ultimately, Dungeon Meshi promotes unity. It’s about seeking to understand the unknown and the misunderstood, the dehumanized and the inhuman. It shows the good that comes from seeking to understand what you do not, even when that’s one another.

#Dungeon meshi #dunmeshi lore #Compilation #Ok… I think I didn’t forget anything. Feel free to point things out or discuss in comments and tags though #Delicious in dungeon #Ik i strayed a bit from the central topic but who knew beauty standards and discrimination went hand in hand /s #Ask me about my dunmeshi kobold oc……….. ask me about my dunmeshi ocs……..#Can we give body neutrality an amen #Tw racism #cw racism #The “what are you talking about Marcille. Senshi is handsome” gag has 2 layers then doesn’t it #Like obvi Marcille is noticing the difference between shapeshifter and og senshi rather than making a judgement #But the elf being *the* one to notice and say “Senshi looks more handsome than usual that’s weird??” may very well be an effect of living #with elven beauty standards yeah #Meta #I wanted to make a post on the half-foots body type thing and the oni mongolian coding and the chilchuck merman thing so #Three in one 🎵 why take the initiative when you can just wait for the tiniest opportunity #Chilchuck tims #Analysis #dunmeshi fishmen #It’s very interesting to think of how there being so many people *that* physically different affects politics and beauty standards #Mimics…. Pacing my room. Pondering. Mimics………#The burnout is over yippee #Ok but for reals though race is largely a social construct. Critical race theory good. Go read Distant Utopia by Ryoko Kui #‘Yeah sure.’ < person who thought she’d just be grabbing like 3 pics and had no clue she’d become hyperfocused for hours #The classic societal obsession for classifying and exaggerating physical traits into boxes of innate goodness vs evil…

248 notes · View notes

rwpolls · 6 months ago

Note

what karma level do you think iterators are at ?

levels 1 – 5

levels 6 – 9 but not 10

level 10 ( max karma )

it's different for each iterator

iterators don't have karma

nuance / other

#rain world #i actually never thought about this before #my guess would be either max karma or they're completely exempt from the karma system somehow #but still able to grant it to others of course #i do think the view of how karma works in rain world is partly a societal construct only remaining upheld by the iterators #and its actual workings are much more mysterious than what is known about it on the surface level #maybe it's better to view it less like a resource that can be gained and lost and more like a? flow? or a connection of sorts #but because of game mechanics ™ they get implemented like a level/score type thing #my reasoning behind no karma level for iterators is that they are severed from that connection by nature of their inability to participate #in the cycle #SOS being the only one who was able to achieve connection with the cycle by dying #iterators #karmapoll

57 notes · View notes

denkilightning · 1 month ago

Note

ftm jay who first comes out to ras because he knows ras has done 7000 worse things to care

jay: i am not a woman.

ras: ..... alright. what do you wish to be called?

jay: captain.

ras: .... i meant gender-wise.

jay: the fucks a gennderwhize.

ras: ..... i see. if thats okay, we shall settle with he/him for you. and burn all previous records of you.

jay: sounds fun.

ras: would you like to change your name as well?

jay: no.

ras: ....... okay

#evil jay just.. not getting most of societal constructs unless they were categorised by the admin #ras being an old fuck obsessed with traditions except cinder and jordana bombard him with progressive theorem because its fun #every conversation with walker means either reaching nirvana levels of enlightenment or losing every bit of sanity in left in your brain #jay walker #jay ninjago #*ask #anon #ras ninjago #ras' convos with jay are like talking to a weirdly wise 5 year old and jay definitely does that on purpose most of the time

16 notes · View notes

izhape · 12 days ago

Text

me reading people on here genuinely writing think pieces about how cheating is just a societal construct and it shouldn't bother anyone actually so long as you're having safe sex apparently (im grabbing a gun)

#txt #can i be fr. if my partner cheated and told me that i would kill them and tell the judge it's a societal construct to be against murder

15 notes · View notes

jadewritesficshere · 4 months ago

Text

Pretend

Robin Buckley x fem!reader

Contains: Angst to the max, growing up, menstruation (bleeding and all that entails) and puberty, homophobia (related to teasing and bullying), internalized homophobia, hurt no comfort

-This was a way to write my feelings regarding that girl from my life-

When you were young, you were on the playground swinging on a swing when the chains of the swing next to you rattled. Instead of sitting normally, a girl with lopsided pigtails laid on her stomach and kicked off with her legs. "What are you doing?" You quietly asked. "Flying." She held her arms out and giggled, "Like superman."

You watch for a moment as she continues to giggle. It looked fun. You stand abruptly and watch as her smile falls rapidly. She plants her feet, jolting herself to a stop so fast she almost knocks herself to the ground. You can see her face flush and her eyes look away, almost curling in on herself.

But her eyes went wide as she watched you walk around the swing and lay across it. You hesitantly kicked your feet off the ground, felt the swing push into your ribs and stomach. But she was right, you were flying. You could hear the chains rattle and her laughs begin again as she started back up.

Your parents found you both on the swings, laughing and pretending you were flying. You became inseparable, living two streets apart. Running throughout the neighborhood on adventures.

One summer day around ten years old, you convinced her to go rollerskating with you. Her brand new pink helmet and your purple one shone bright as her mother took a picture. Your faces were pressed together with wide grins as your arms were slung over the other's shoulder.

Robin had ended up crashing into you, knocking out your two front teeth as you landed in a jumble on the ground. Robin had apologized profusely, tears welling in her eyes. She grabbed your hand and raced you back home, apologizing profusely the whole way. Your face felt warm with embarrassment. You pretended it wasn't a big deal.

Her mother had jumped as Robin threw the door open so hard it shuddered on its frame. Her mother had held a frozen bag of peas to your face and her soothing tone calmed and comforted you both. It didn't take long for you both to get distracted by Popsicles. Her mother snapped another picture of the two of you then. You both had scraped knees and dirt covering you, but you both smiled (yours had two less teeth).

When you were a preteen, Robin went to a summer camp and you had been sick. She almost stayed, but you convinced her to go without you. Your stomach hurt so bad, you thought you were dying. You were convinced you were when you awoke in your own blood. Your parents had ran into your room when you screamed. Your father had taken one look and turned on his heel and immediately walked out, stammering awkwardly.

You had the talk then. You already knew about it but it wasn't something you thought about happening to you. You noticed the difference at the end of the summer. You were taller and had started wearing a training bra. But if you thought you had grown, it was nothing compared to Robin. Your mouth had dropped when you saw her again and had to look up at her. You pretended you were mad she had grown taller then you before hugging her tightly.

When you were a freshman, you and Robin went to a sleepover. Normally, you two would share the same bed. Awaking in the morning with Robin half sprawled on top of you. But that was when it was just two of you not a room full of girls. Everyone was giggling and talking about their crushes. "Who do you like?" One of the girls asked.

You hummed, pretending to think. "Well, i do like my lab partner, Josh," you finally declared. The girls chorused a round of Oohs. "What about you, Robs?" You locked eyes with your friend. "Oh uh..." Robin's eyes darted to the ground. "Oh come on, we all know who Robin likes!" Mary, or was it Marcy, declared. Robin's face paled and she stammered," What? No uh, it- it's not-" "Steve Harrington! You're always staring at him!"

The girls were giggling and laughing, going on about Steve and how cute he was. You watched as Robin relaxed, smiling. You pretended you weren't upset that she hadn't told you, her best friend.

When you were a sophomore, Robin was in band while you weren't. You were seeing her less and less. You threw your books in your locker as Tommy made excuses as to why he wouldn't be able to do his part of the project you were assigned. You barely paid attention until his arm darted out in front of you, peeling the picture of you and Robin off the inside. "Buckley? The band geek?" Tommy snorted. "Hey!" You tried snatching it out of his hand but he held it above his head.

"Why do you have a picture of Buckley in your locker?" Tommy asked, peering into the photo. "We're friends, do you not have any?" You asked snatching it out of his hand as he showed it to Carol. "I don't have pictures of Steve in my locker," Tommy defended. "Well maybe you aren't friends," you shrug.

"Or maybe you like Buckley?" Tommy declared, loudly. You could feel others eyes on you," What? No." Carol grimaced and looked at you," Ew, you like girls? We have the same gym class. Oh my god, are you like perving on us?" You could feel the stares growing. "Fuck no!" You threw the picture in your locker and slammed," That's weird! She's weird! I would never like her! As if!"

You turned your head and saw Robin staring at you. Her eyes with tears. Your mouth dropped open to say something but you hesitated. Robin turned and walked away. You pretended you didn't feel sick as you watched your friend walk away.

You were a junior when Starcourt Mall opened. You went to get ice cream when you saw Robin. She was rolling her eyes at her crush, Steve Harrington, but smiling. She locked eyes with you and her grin fell. You waved tentatively, but she turned and went back to talking to Steve. He kissed her forehead. You pretended that you didn't care, hurt and guilt blooming in you.

You left that summer. You thought Hawkins, Indiana was far behind you. You heard about Starcourt burning down, but you went through your senior year and college pretending like Hawkins never existed.

You had just got your degree when you ran into Steve Harrington at a bar in Indy. His swooped hair and hazel eyes looked you up and down, not an ounce of recollection in his eyes. "Sorry about that," he grinned at you," Can I buy you a drink?" Before you could respond, a person barreled into him. Robin.

She clung to him as she rambled about something, trailing off as she realized you were standing there. "Robin..." you blinked. She seemed settled. More sure of herself. It had been only a handful of years, but felt like a lifetime. "Y/N." Her tone betrayed nothing. Steve's eyes darted back to you, widening with realization. "Hey," You hesitant smiled," You look great Robs." "Thanks." You pretended not to notice the glance they shared. Steve invited you to sit with them.

You were glad he did because you got your friend back that night. You had drunkenly sobbed in her arms, apologizing. She had bawled holding you to her, forgiving you. Steve corralled you both into his car. You pretended like the alcohol was barely making you nauseous, getting warned by Steve not to barf in his car.

You wish you could say you could remember every time you hung out after that. Every moment. But there were far too many. Your wall was filled with pictures of you and Robin. Your hand shook as you looked back down at the pale purple invitation in your hand. Cordially invited to the marriage of Robin Buckley and-

You looked back at the wall. Pretending not to be effected. A tear slipped down your cheek.

That's what you did best. Pretended. From the very start.

You had pretended you were flying as a child as if your entire worldview didn't shift and fall out from you as you met the prettiest girl you ever saw. As you felt drawn to her in a way you hadn't felt before, even if you didn't understand it then.

You had pretended it wasn't a big deal when your teeth got knocked out, because you wanted to seem cool to Robin. Your palm sweaty in hers as she led you home. Your heart was beating fast for some reason you hadn't quite realized yet, but you liked holding her hand.

You had pretended you were mad she grew taller because you couldn't believe how good she looked. How you felt awkward and were growing pimples but she looked so good. You hugged her tight, liking how she felt wrapped in your arms.

You pretended you weren't upset she hadn't told you about her crush when you truly were. You had thought you didn't like anyone and just said Josh, because you only thought about Robin. You thought she felt the same. Hearing Steve's name was a shock to your system. And that was when you realized you liked her.

Your stomach had fallen, all the ideas of the future you created came tumbling down. Because of course two women living together and growing old together wasn't normal... of course people got married and did other things. Because of course Robin liked Steve Harrington, you had seen her staring.

You had pretended you didn't care about the picture, about her. You wanted to crawl out of your skin, feeling the stares and whispers. You weren't ready to face it. A part of you hated yourself, for hurting her and for liking her. You pretended you didn't feel sick and like you wanted to bawl watching her walk away. You wanted to scream at yourself because this never would have happened if you were "normal" like your parents wanted.

You pretended you didn't care about Steve kissing Robin's forehead, when you wanted nothing more to rip his perfect hair out. You wanted to kick him in the balls and be the one to kiss Robin's stupid perfect face. You wanted to throw yourself at her feet, begging her to forgive you. You wanted to kiss her senseless, which you quickly tucked back away in it's neat little box. Because women shouldn't kiss other women.

You pretended like your heart hadn't stopped when you heard about Starcourt, when you thought she may have been a casualty. You stole your parents' car and drove back to Hawkins to make sure she was okay. As soon as you saw her with Steve on her front porch, you drove straight back. You cursed him but was also thanking him, because you knew he had helped save her given the state of the two of them.

One day in college when you finally stumbled into a gay bar and cried, you pretended you weren't thinking about what could have been. About how it was okay and that you weren't odd or weird. That there were others just like you. You pretended like you didn't think of her all the time. That every time you kissed someone you compared it to her. That you wished when you opened your eyes you would be staring into hers.

It was fate running into them at that random bar. You had decided to go hear some band play. It was chance but you thought it was fate. You pretended you didn't feel the years of guilt at hurting Robin roll off as she said she forgave you and misses you. You pretended like you didn't imagine a future with her again, as if Steve wasn't there.

You had pretended the alcohol had made you nauseous, but really it was Steve Fucking Harrington having everything you wanted. It was seeing Robin giggle and him helping her into the car, when it should have been you.

You didn't want to not have her in your life. You were glad at any piece she was willing to give you. You wanted to get on your hands and knees begging like a dog for even a scrap of her.

Taking pictures and hanging them up so at least a piece of her lived with you. The time she ran a marathon with Steve and had collapsed into you fake dying. The time you snapped a picture where she had passed out on your couch under your blanket.

She never knew that you had gotten the date you met tattooed on your rib, the same spot the swing had dug into you. So at least a part of her was always with you. That you had always kept that picture her mom took of the two of you after roller skating as kids, because you could see even then your eyes alight with love for her.

It wasn't fair. You were gone for her the day you met, even the years you couldn't admit it out loud. She had stolen your heart from you, something you would have willingly given if she asked. But now her heart was given to someone else. Getting married.

You were too late. Because you never told her the truth. Because you never told her you loved her. You never were honest with her about liking women.

But you would smile and pretend it was all okay. Even as you crinkled the lavender invitation, even as tears rolled down your face, you smiled. Pretending like nothing was wrong. Because that's what you do best, pretending.

#The school stuff happened to me and I was like aha as if and I saw her face and was like wait #And I just knew it was over and I had no clue what that feeling even was at the time #And when I finally realized we already had went our separate ways...no reunion..#There will eventually be a part two that turns this hurt into comfort but im in a mood tonight #Maybe this will resonate with someone else and if so I just want you to know I understand and I am sorry #But love is amazing and it is worth it and you do deserve it #I'm just in a mood tonight....also there is no such thing as normal just the societal norm and construct #Jade is Talking #robin buckley/reader #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #Robin Buckley/you #Angst

11 notes · View notes