#social awkwardness

[ssavaart]

Ever since my videos on Youtube and TikTok started getting popular, people would recognize me out in the wild and then realize that I am SO AWKWARD in person.

I LOVE meeting people... but I never know what to say and I always feel like I've disappointed them afterwards.

So, a few months ago... I printed up cards that I could give to people I meet that has an apology inside.

If you happen to see me, please say hi.

But be patient with me... I'm doing my best to "people" .

Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

Scott

[cutiealls]

[dumplingprincessextraordinaire]

I used to do this but now I chew loudly to assert dominance no matter how quiet it is (I’m just kidding)

[maaruin]

I hadn't really processed that Loid doesn't have an intuitive sense about social norms either. He is just able to think through possible behaviors and pre-plan responses, so that he can pass for a socially competent person.

So, Yor is the fantasy of being socially awkward but being accepted for who you are, while Loid is the fantasy of solving social awkwardness by putting one's mind to it. Anya, of course, if the fantasy of not having to guess what people are thinking.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Nah I’m fine I’m just internally cringing about that slightly weird thing I said ten years ago that nobody remembers but is a core memory for me now.

[deuteragonists-mismatched-socks]

you ever love so quickly and so deeply that you're deeply insecure about scaring people off, even/especially when it comes to platonic relationships because your gauge of how others' feelings develop is completely broken?

how do you turn that off

relatedly, how would one go about separating the thrill of positive human interaction and genuine friendship. asking for a friend

[ytcomments-archive]

[adviceformefromme]

A personal note on anxiety based on my own experiences as someone who lived with crippling anxiety for years..and is pretty much anxiety free at this point..

The bodily signals are not to be ignored. This is your body talking to you, it's letting you know very loudly that 'hey, something is very fucking off, listen to me will you??' and it might be quite literally your whole life. The course you decided to study, the city you decided to live in, the friends you're hanging around with, the foods you are eating, the content you are consuming, the lifestyle you have chosen, the apartment you are living in. Ignoring these screaming signs from your body, does not help. In my experience the more I ignored the more extreme my anxiety got, until i was in panic attack territory.

I had to learn to understand why I was anxious. And without a therapist this can sometimes be quite difficult. A few things I learnt..

1] My social anxiety stemmed from pretending to be comfortable, loud and overly confident when I was in-fact out of my comfort zone. I learnt I am naturally an introverted, especially at work. My social anxiety disappeared when I learnt to lean back in a crowd group setting without fake smiling and performing.

2] Anxiety when dating became a signal that I had inner work to do. Not that I should just ignore it, or have a shot of tequila to settle the nerves. I used to date men I believed where out of my league, because my confidence was in the gutter. My anxiety led me to building my confidence.

3] Anxious about spending time with family (I learnt this recently) this is a sign that you do not want to be around your family so put a boundary in place. Stop people pleasing. I recently cancelled a family trip to visit me for one week because I knew in my heart it was too long. You have less anxiety when you learn to say no.

4] Anxious friends. This one was huge. When you're dealing with your own battles, and your friends are adding to your anxiety, create space. I'm not suggesting cutting your friends off completely but a little distance from the friends that are causing you anxiety can go along way. One of my best friends would cause me severe anxiety and similarly to the point above I lacked boundaries, and the anxiety was my body signalling this to me.

5] Foods that cause anxious symptoms. For me this was coffee. Despite drinking it for years. My adrenaline was peak as I sipped through my morning oat latte. It took me a very long time to remove this from my life.

I also found the more I was anxious the more anxious life got, it was like a never ending pit of anxiety. Work, relationships, social life, foods, family. Everything was extremely anxious. But little by little I started to clear the things causing the dis-harmony in my life. And slowly but surely the anxiety fell away. I would often wonder if this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach would be with me forever and the answer is no. It will not, it does not. There is hope.

So if you have anxiety, please listen to your body. It's not against you, it's just letting you know in its own language that something is off and once you start doing the work to remove the mis-alignments from your life. You can live in a space where you're free from those chest clenching, throat throttling, gut grabbing feelings.

[sleeplessv0id]

I have no hope of a normal way to go about making friends. I have been corrupted, the ultimate power of Autism unleashed.

like, everything I do that normally my friends wouldn't bat an eye at, nothing. The jokes don't land, and when they do, the laughter is AT me, not with me.

Only then, once I'm quiet, speak only when spoken to, once I've boxed myself up, will they give me the time of day.

After that? I have to prove myself "enough" CONSTANTLY in whatever way so they won't leave me. An old dog performing tricks to keep from being replaced with a newer, cuter puppy.

I'm more confident now, yes, but I can still see just as well as I did before the blank stares before meeting the others' eye, how they look at me, I can hear it in their giggling at what is supposed to be a joke but is really at me.

[ness-rangel]

[justbusterkeaton]

Socially Awkward Buster

Music: If You Wanna Come Back by The Vaccines

[crazycatsiren]

Me, attempting small talk: "Sebastian's actually a zombie because crabs are that shade of red after they're cooked." 🦀

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Day 86 of Writing Something Everyday

(365 Day Challenge)

How do I talk to people?

I fumble, words twisting on my tongue like

vocal acrobatics.

The words I have to give- they're right there.

Yet nowhere at the same time,

How do you translate your heart into English?

What defines exactly how I feel?

I come up with nothing.

So I stay silent...

The acrobats dance on my tongue a while longer until they dive off the tip of it.

The other acrobats slide down my cheek to catch their friends gracefully gliding from swing to swing.

It's all just a drop in the bucket I have at my feet.

~Jenni

[spankingtheatre]

Vigilance Costs Energy

The feeling of being drained after a social event is now so well-known, it's almost an introvert cliche. Sadly it makes introverts seem somehow flawed, like leaky buckets, or faulty batteries that discharge too rapidly.

But what if there was really no inherent fault in introverts at all? Perhaps what really exhausts people - regardless of their inner psychology - is having to maintain a state of extreme vigilance when socialising.

It can't be a coincidence that when we're with friends, our energy seems to last so much longer, despite being naturally more high-tempo than encounters with strangers. Perhaps that's a clue, that when we're comfortable being ourselves, we don't have to suppress the parts of us that we'd rather not show. Putting on an act - now that is exhausting.

Thomas Jefferson's famous quote about the price of freedom being eternal vigilance equally well applies to social situations. We want to be free to be who we truly are, but we're wary of letting our guard down. That's why sexual vulnerability is so difficult.

We are vigilant in social situations not because we lack courage, but because we're not naive. We learn from an early age to be wary of assholes, and those who might take advantage of our nature to exploit us.

Someone who's submissive will be rightly concerned that dominant individuals will take advantage of their neediness. How do we ever know anyone we encounter is saying what we want to hear whilst hiding their true intentions?

It's not that every stranger has a nefarious agenda. We'd be doomed to a lonely fate if we truly believed that. It's just that everyone is driven by their own motivations, and social niceties dictate we don't all lay our most personal secrets on the table the first time we encounter someone new.

Everyone's true intentions are revealed progressively, as we enter the social and sexual dance that leads to intimacy. We learn to place our trust in those who earn it. That's why relationships often begin with a kind of terrifying audition, with both partners hyper-vigilant for red flags - especially if they've been hurt badly in the past.

But maintaining such high levels of vigilance is literally exhausting. We're curating how others see us, in how we act and dress, and what we choose to talk about. We analysing reactions, and adapting how we appear. Inside, our hindsight critic is already berating us.

Yet we can not avoid others forming judgements about us. Even when we play safe, we're being judged, and we may be inadvertently conveying completely the wrong impression about ourselves. We might be passionate inside, but hide it so well that we appear dull and emotionless.

So we shouldn't fall into the trap of wanting to appear perfect in the eyes of others, because we can not possibly know their idea of perfection. Perhaps they just want us to be our most authentic selves, and would be greatly honoured to be trusted with our deepest and most precious secrets.

Until we drop our mask, we'll have no idea if others will find our interests hot or icky. But we can be sure of two things: if we've chosen our friends well, they'll be open-minded and love us regardless, and we burn more brilliantly when we're not hiding our flame.

We'll never quite lose our innate social vigilance, so it's helpful to remember that none of us is actually socially flawed, and it's probably our anxiety about how we're perceived that really exhausts us.

[totallynots8tan]

“Well this is awkward “ I say, making the situation awkward

[my-castles-crumbling]

Me: Yeah, so my friend said...

Narrator: And when they said friend, they meant mutual on Tumblr.