#so very weary
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dingoat · 8 months ago
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[Ugh do you know how HARD this one was for me to figure out when we still have so much BETWEEN THEM to work out??? Have they told each other they love one another yet? Will they, would they? Anyway I did my best and it still hurt >.> ~750 words on the theme of pining for the impossible and a big big problem with bonded souls.]
You're Not Mine
She didn’t want to think about the time drawing to an end, she almost didn’t… want to keep progressing, knowing that every step forward she took in gaining control over her wild half also drew her a step closer to having to… leave.
She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to be apart. She wanted him to come with her even though she knew it was impossible, he never would, and yet she could not stay here forever, the thought of drawing out her return to the fox left her writhing with guilt. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, and yet all she could do was cling onto every moment she had  while it was still there for her to hold.
“Ahuska,” Thirteen’s voice was gently amused. “How about you not dig in those claws like you’re holding on for dear life.”
“Sorry, sorry-” she winced and pulled back her hands from around his waist, folding them self consciously against her chest only to have one of his strong, long-fingered hands wrap around hers and tug it gently back to his side.
She shivered, then sighed, and tucked her face under his chin. “It’s not fair,” she whispered, as she had countless times before.
He knew what she meant. He felt what she meant. And he softly sighed in kind, knowing he could no more lie to her than cut out his own tongue. “It isn’t,” he agreed, moving his hand to rub slow, comforting circles between her shoulderblades.
“I don’t want a life without you in it,” she murmured, her muzzle sleek and soft against his jawline.
And it hurt him, as it hurt her, and he was silent for a while as he tried to find the words that would help her understand why she yearned for the impossible. “Ahuska. I love you, but you’re not mine,” he whispered, but as sweet and earnest as his tone was, he couldn’t guard against the way her heart twisted to hear it.
“Why not, why not? Your heart is big enough for me as well, I know it, I know it…”
“Big enough for your love, maybe,” he said, his hand sliding to the back of her head, fingers weaving through her hair, hoping to soothe her before speaking further. Their hearts shared their melancholy, their wistfulness, their frustration at a galaxy that had pressed them together when they could not be. He tilted his head and kissed the bridge of her muzzle. “Your love, but not your hate.”
“What- what?” She gave her head a fierce little shake against his face. “I don’t hate you. I never hated you, you know I don’t blame you for the way anything happened…”
“Five,” Thirteen said, and the way she twisted against him, her response so deep and visceral that the revulsion echoed in his own heart, only made him more certain.
She hid her grimace by tucking her face between his neck and the cushion, but she could do nothing to keep her own feelings from him. “So what?  You’re not him.”
“But I love him,” Thirteen answered simply. “You have every right to hate him, and I would never ask you to change that, to forgive him for my sake.”
“So what’s…”
“I don’t blame you for your feelings. But I can’t stand to feel them for myself, and I’m sure you don’t appreciate sharing mine.”
She didn’t.
Opening her heart to him had been… oh, it had been everything, to know one another so perfectly, man and bothan and wolf and hawkbat, but she knew how carefully they skirted around the subject of Five. She didn’t want their bond tainted with an awareness of Thirteen’s love and loyalty for him…
And how could Thirteen go to him, with Ahuska’s seething aversion simmering in the back of his mind?
How could she do that to him?
“Don’t,” he whispered, feeling her on the verge of spiralling. “You’re bigger than the mess life made of you. You’ll be unstoppable one day, and you won’t need me.”
She shuddered, and closed her eyes as she tucked herself more closely against him. “But I want you.”
“And right now you have me,” he reminded her as he kissed her on the forehead. Please, gods. He fought to convince himself as strongly as he wished it for her. Let it be enough.
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omtai · 26 days ago
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tumblr ads keep pausing my music. leave tumblr go on pinterest. pinterest has more ads than pictures. leave pinterest go on youtube. ad 1 out of 4 starts playing all four are over a minute long. leave youtube. stare at the wall.
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ahollowgrave · 1 month ago
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i have also been toying with bringing a D&D character, Viatrix, into FFXIV for fun and profit (more fun). This is a rough draft of her normal form, but I like it an awful lot!!
This is just a bonus shot I liked:
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anghraine · 8 days ago
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I was talking to my students and then some family members about how the death of Elizabeth I and succession of James was necessarily an occasion of upheaval, even when it wasn't necessarily violent or flirting with treason or whatever. For one, the death of a monarch that will lead to a new dynasty (even a related one!) is not quite the same as a familiar figure inheriting the country's rule from their parent or grandparent. It's usually a bigger change, with dynamics of loyalties and affiliations shifting around—that's part of the reason Elizabeth delayed acknowledging James as her heir.
Typically, you'd see courtiers etc deserting a dying monarch in order to signal their loyalty to the new monarch, even if the old one wasn't actually dead yet. Elizabeth's reluctance to share royal power was fundamental to her reign and her public image, so it's not at all surprising that she would be loath to encourage that kind of desertion in any particular direction.
Of course, another thing that complicates the Elizabeth -> James succession is that she had reigned for a long time (44 years iirc). By the time she was dying, a good number of English people had few personal memories of life under any other monarch, and those who did would remember the abrupt and unstable reigns of her predecessors, Edward and Mary. So James's accession came with uncertainty about what exactly it would entail, and a lot of late Elizabethan/early Jacobean drama in English is very concerned with questions of what obligations the governed owe to their monarchs (obedience? loyalty? are those always the same thing?), but also what obligations monarchs themselves have to their people.
This seemed especially pertinent to Lear, in which multiple characters defy capricious orders from a monarch or other authority out of loyalty: Kent challenges Lear and is banished, so skulks around in disguise to continue serving him, Edgar also skulks around in disguise after Gloucester renounces him and ends up offering what comfort he can to his father, and Cordelia returns to Britain with the French army in her ultimately futile attempt to help Lear. Meanwhile, Lear loses everything, is driven to take shelter in a peasant hovel, and starts to contemplate how his own failures as a king resulted in, well, peasant hovels.
Anyway, now I'm thinking about what a wild figure Elros must have been as, specifically, a monarch to the Númenóreans. He lived for five hundred years. Even his own children (also half-Elves! sort of!) and other descendants who benefited from his lifespan didn't live as long, and most Númenóreans during his earlier reign wouldn't have come near to it. Undoubtedly there were Elves who had known Elros in the First Age who were baffled at him choosing mortality and DEATH, and meanwhile on Númenor, there are all these people living out their extended lifespans under the reign of a half-Elf king who was ruling their people at their birth and would still be ruling after they died of old age. We know Elros retained his half-Elvish characteristics as well, so they've got this visibly Elvish, barely-aging, eternal king who looks like Lúthien as part of the fabric of life for centuries.
Yes, he's literally the first king—but for a lot of earlier Númenóreans, he's also the only king they will ever know. It takes him an incredibly long time to weary of the world as other mortals do. By the time Elros finally gets weary of Arda, and willingly lays down his life and passes to the unknown fate of mortals, Tar-Amandil is stepping into some very big shoes.
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quirkycritters · 5 months ago
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First week’s worth of Art Fight attacks COMPLETE!! (I do friendly fire and revenge pspspspsps)
In order, these are for @peskypawz, @ssseriema, @secretgaygenttomura, @bunbiiit, puritypaws, @little-angelbun, and @artnerd1123 !
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syn4k · 1 year ago
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to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)
#ray's tag#keys' art#undescribed#skeletons#ok to reblog#the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr!#so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear#(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing#that i've ever drawn)#anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav#it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it#that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it.#often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to#especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently#it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow#my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints#but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us)#i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts.#so i put it into a spotlight.#ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients#I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i#a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie#especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones#we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone#or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare#so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone#will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay#we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it#(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont#actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)
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pigin-is-so-rad · 6 months ago
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A completely normal marriage portrait
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clownsnake · 3 months ago
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Is there anyone out there shipping zevlor/halsin bc I feel like that could be very good
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qoldenskies · 2 months ago
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I know it’s normal to his character but there is something so sick and twisted about how in CC we see Leo using white lies to joke. It’s a one-off joke but these lines:
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OH THEY DROVE ME INSANE. Leo is so good at acting and manipulating and gaslighting, and he uses his skill with it so gently with Donnie most of the time, especially because Donnie is worse than picking up on subtexts/takes people more at their word than most. Like—Leo is so careful about not leaving Donnie out of the joke, and in turn Donnie trusts Leo to make it so he can always tell when something is a lie. It’s like Leo has a blade and is gently tapping Donnie with the flat end to make him laugh, and Donnie doesn’t even twitch because Leo’s never so much as nicked him.
And then Leo tells him he’s crazy. He’s hysterical. He’s being weird. You’re making things up and losing your tools. Yeah you really were in the wrong “but thanks ilysm.” You were only in the closet for a few hours. God you’re terrible at taking a joke. Leo stabs him over and over again and Donnie doesn’t even realize it because Leo’s never so much as nicked him so Donnie doesn’t realize he was being cut into until it was killing him. Just. Oohhh Donnie trusted him entirely with his little heart and Leo squeezed until it stopped moving.
YES THIS!!!!!!! and then in ME leo chooses to lie to him again, even though it's something he's so guilty about doing because he was the main one responsible for the gaslighting (he was the ringleader of it all, something about how he already fell into a leadership position before it was even put on his shoulders being so apparent here, especially as someone who motivated/hyped the others up,,,,,) because he thinks he's out of options, that its the only thing he can do to make things a little better. he's perpetuating the cycle he's trying to break out of as a self-fulfilling prophecy; does the intent even really matter when its so clear the effect is going to be the same? was there any right answer?
even though its definitely a cognitive distortion created from the tragedy of what happened, maybe leo did have somewhat of a point when he said donnie trusted him too much. he laid out the means to his own undoing on a silver platter and refused to take it away even as he bled out on the floor; for such a complicated person, donnie makes his love so simple and unconditional, and that's fine, of course, as long as nobody goes out of their way to hurt him--- that's how the family's always functioned, hasn't it? as terrible as raph was under the effects of the curse, he was correct when he said that things only work in their family when everyone plays their part. its interesting how easy it is to push over one domino and let the rest fall, how fragile peace can be with just one slip-up, one mistake... it almost reminds me of something else that happened =)
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septembriseur · 4 months ago
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If you are considering doing something really cool and fame-adjacent when you are 21-23 years old, please know that, no matter what else you do, for the rest of your life that will be the first and only thing about you that other people are interested in.
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clegfly · 4 months ago
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“Of course you have an Other Brother,” he says, waving off her denial as he opens some nearby cabinets. “Who else would I be if I wasn’t?”
Small WIP sketch of the Other Brother from IDKSomethingClever99’s fic “Mari in the Pink Palace”!!! OMORI and Coraline are my two biggest interests ever so this fic was like winning the lottery for me. Not to mention how good it is… please go read it ragh
#omori#omori au#omori sunny#coraline#this fic cured my artblock and writing block partially too is there anything it can’t do#Idksomethingclever99 what are you PUTTING in this thing it’s like a drug in the best way possible#Anyway this is a really lazy and terrible other brother design… I had so many other ideas for his outfit#I had wanted to keep the bug motifs the other mother has in her outfit as well as referencing the recital#Cause. You know#mari’s perfect world#Where he gets good at the violin lmao…#But I got lazy so here was a very simplified design I made#Fingers yearned for rest couldn’t draw complicated ideas I had…#Anyways anyways love this fic#So much#god#i fucking love how mewo is portrayed too#She’s like a weary mother trying to give some tough love to her kids landkrk#She’s such an asshole but I say that affectionately#Not to mention the fact that she didn’t info dump like the cat did in coralline to mari because she was more focused on getting her home-#-and safe from the beldam than actually telling her what he was doing… christttt#And yes I will still call him the beldam#Them??? Idk djdjdjej#I also love how all the other friends are gahhhh… I can’t WAIT to see their other forms when mari’s getting the eyes#Fun fact this drawing was originally meant to be a redraw of that one scene with the cocobugs#Since it’s super pretty and I wanted to draw it#But it’s not in the fic yet (next chapter I think?) and the author takes a lot of creative liberties which I LOVE so I wanna read the scene#First before attempting to draw it#But I really hope they lean into the uncanniness of Sunny of all people surrounding himself with bug imagery#Since that goes against what mari knows about him a LOT and will further cement that something is NOT RIGHT with this guy
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no-light-left-on · 8 months ago
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I often wonder about the quote-unquote logistics of Corvo the Black/Emily the Butcher endings. Emily makes more sense to me, in a way, carving her way through the empire only to come back with blood caked under her fingernails and realising that she did everything her father refused to do 15 years ago. but why did Corvo have a similar choice?
what happens to the statues later? does Emily keep her father trapped in stone? does Corvo look at his daughter, frozen in the moment and considers freeing her? is he at his deathbed when he finally reaches out and cups Emily's cheek, freeing her into a carcass of an empire that he gutted for her, in her name, in the name of her mother?
when I first heard of the endings I thought that if you reach very high chaos, you are locked into this choice - Corvo or Emily tries to free the other and the stone just doesn't budge. they are trapped. the quest is over but the world knows that the bloodshed was extreme and this is the punishment they have to face
#li.txt#dh#dishonored#kinda like the high chaos brigmore witches ending#there is no reason for corvo to kill daud if you finish BW in high chaos. but he still does. because the world Knows#but the very Active choice of the player and by extension the character to take the throne and keep their last family locked in stone....#its certainly a choice. and it makes me wonder about many a thing#i really wish we got more info#karnaisbear mentioned that itd be cool if we got comics expanding on alternate endings and like arkane. arkane can we please get those#I just really wanna know What It Was Like to live under the rule of Emily or Corvo in the very high chaos endings#and the fact that it seems like they can still free the other person? that adds so much more angst and tension to it#is there a time limit? do years pass and does corvo grow old and weary and thinks that yes#he has done his job and he has done it well. and the empire is righted and he can hand it back to emily now#and he cups her cheek and it remains cold marble#and all he did was for nothing#and he cries#(can u tell ive been reading thru the corvo the black tag)#not to mention something similar to that but with emily!!#imagine she grows old! older than corvo was when he was frozen!#the century is coming to a close when she finally frees him and she is older so much older and corvo will have to live with losing her#in every single impossible way he has lost her#and then he gets to bury his daughter#these tags got so dark wtf
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desultory-novice · 1 year ago
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Where comes the idea that Kirby "needs adult guidance?" When has Kirby been shown to ever need guidance by anybody outside of the extraordinary circumstances of Rainbow Curse and Mass Attack?
Kirby is always the one doing the guiding. He's at the head of the party. He also isn't native to Dream Land and we're left to assume he cared for himself perfectly fine before arriving there in DL1.
(Let's not be so quick to remove "traveling" from "traveling youth." Remember that the travels Kirby have been on are inter-planetary ones. This isn't the anime where he was a sleeping infant. The series tells us he's been on galactic adventures before arriving on Popstar.)
Kirby IS a childish character, of that there is no doubt. They are quite likely to be a childish child! But Kirby is no one's dependant.
Kirby is perfectly capable of surviving alone, on their own, in situations that have toppled kingdoms. He can also logic out what is going around him with only loose context. In fact, he picks up on complex situations like Susie's and Taranzas really fast.
Kirby can be young. How young is up to each individual person. If it's your HC or you want to write familial relationships with him and the cast, by all means, write him as whatever is cutest/most fulfilling!
But for the series in a general sense? The evidence of Kirby needing other's supervision, protection, and guidance isn't there.
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druidonity2 · 1 year ago
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2021 Shadowlands fanart.
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#Garrosh follows this with something like 'yeah your not but maybe i am' so i sorta take the quote out of context but#I remember Anduin being very upset about the mere idea hes compaired to Arthas#Its always seemed to me that his similarities with arthas are something that lowkey bothers him because so many only see that in him#Of course people hurt by Arthas will be a bit weary of a human boy with blonde hair who claims to champion the light and justice#Especially one who is a prince of an important human kingdom#So its something hes self-conscious of and is keen to prove people he's not destine to fail#Which is why#even if he didn't become another Arthas entirely#what happens in SLs is so much more traumatic to him#He hurt people he cared about#he hurt innocent souls#((and his situation of mind control is more akin to sylvanas' then arthas but does he see that that way? Or do his fears blind his view?))#And blizz didnt go into detail what this meant but Arthas was used against him literally#My headcanon is that Anduin knew and could feel it and hear arthas in the sword#but in the cinematic anduin is surprised by arthas' soul appearing so canon says anduin didnt know#He dissappers because he is unsure if the bad feelings he felt orignated from him or zovaal or arthas so#prehaps he is afraid that everyone was right to be weary of him#Maybe he didnt end up as arthas at the end of shadowlands but that doesnt mean he can't still go down a dark path#he is afraid he is more capable of becoming an unjust and cruel leader then he thought he could#His people have every right to be upset that he abandoned them#but they dont know that he left because he was afraid he could hurt them and feel joy from it
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triple1st · 1 year ago
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forever thinking about how this is romana's last conversation with the doctor
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sewer-rabbit · 6 months ago
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I get why some people are upset about the rat grinders being killed (and in a meta way I kinda agree) but with how constantly stressed and exhausted the bad kids have been for the past year this just feels like a tipping point
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