#so then today i was like i should go to this because i spent so much money and also this was the thing i had planned to look forward to for | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

greyyson-but-no · 1 day ago

Text

good looking

somehow, even when he was dead asleep, arm lolled off the edge of the bed, jess was gorgeous. the moon was shining in through the curtain that neither of you had been bothered to pull shut when you'd gotten into bed that evening. it gave him a light, a shine that cooled in skin in the summer heat, making him almost ethereal.

you couldn't sleep. the rest of the day had been so incredible, you weren't able to stop thinking about it, and as a result, you had watched him fall asleep and been unable to follow suit.

first it had been a trip to one of the many cafes in the centre of new york, breakfast on him, then a day thrifting through record shops and bookstores together, getting together a good selection of both vintage books and vinyls for the both of you. then, surprise tickets to the strokes' one-off show where you spent the evening shouting the lyrics to reptillia and hard to explain with him wrapped around you, occasional kisses pressed against your neck.

the night had ended wonderfully, as assumed.

only now, you couldn't stop thinking about it. because there he was laying, fast asleep and peaceful. not a single worry in his mind at all. earlier in the day, he'd told you this was one of the best days he'd ever had. you knew a lot about his childhood, growing up, his mum, luke, everyone. he struggled.

but he didn't struggle anymore. it was looking like his book was going to be a hit, you both shared an apartment in new york and he was able to go and see luke whenever he needed.

he stirred, grumbling. "i can feel you staring, babe."

"I'm not..." you laughed, moving a hand to thread through his hair, breathing in the hum he let out at the contact.

"liar." jess smiled sleepily, forcing his eyes open.

you pouted, brushing a thumb against his cheek. "but my pants aren't on fire?"

"you aren't wearing any." he grins, peaking a look under the thin duvet, running a hand around your waist and pulling you close, his lips resting against your neck.

humming, you snuggled into him. "and whose fault is that?"

he squeezed your waist. "guilty, what can I say? you certainly enjoyed it, there's no denying that fact, sweetheart."

"i love you."

"love you too, and. thank you."

you spun around to face him, a hand against his jaw as your eyebrows furrowed. "why are you thanking me? you planned it all, I should be thanking you."

he shook his head, looking over your face in detail. "not just for today. for everything. you saved me."

sending him a warm smile was easy. "you saved yourself, jess."

"but you standing by me made it easier." he mumbled, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. "really, I mean it. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you."

"now I know that's a lie." you laughed under your breath, not quite understanding where this whole conversation was coming from, five minutes ago he was fast asleep and now... "you started the book before you met me, you were a good way through as well."

he paused for a second, breathing in deeply. "i probably would have given up if it weren't for you, you truly saved me."

"honey." you pouted at him.

"hmm, shut up, it's 4 in the morning, of course I'm acting like this, leave me alone." he grumbled, pulling a face at you. "woke me up with your damn staring."

you shrugged, grinning at him. "what can i say? you're good looking."

he laughed lightly, sitting up a little to see you properly. "how long until we have to be up and moving?"

"luke said he'd arrive at around 10."

jess hummed, rolling onto his back and taking your hand in his, staring at the ceiling as he thought. you watched him still, as his eyebrows twitched as the look in his eyes switched between confusion and reassurance. god, he really was gorgous. "so, that means we get up at 10. you know he'll be running late."

"as always." you paused, your face lighting up. "oh! is he bringing lorelai?"

he furrowed his eyebrows. "maybe? i can't remember what the message said now. he probably will."

you smiled, letting your head rest on his chest as his arm wrapped around your shoulder, bringing the two of you as close together as possible again. even with the thin duvet cover, his skin was still warm, and sent that same warmth through to you in the summer nightly chill. "i've still got that jumped I made for her."

"sweetheart, have you ever heard of this brilliant thing called a mail service?" he joked, the corners of his lips lifting.

"wouldn't risk a jumper." you frowned, shaking your head. "especially with the stories i've heard about the stars hollow mail service from everyone."

jess smiled, remembering all his years spent there. all the people met and hated, all the people he met and loved. everyone he ever said hello to and everyone he ever said goodbye to. "you would have really liked stars hollow, i think."

you sat up a little on your elbow, finding his eyes as he looked in detail at the expression on your face. "we could always spend christmas there one year?"

"christmas is a special time there."

"sounds like it would be." you murmur. "right, we've got six hours before we have to be awake. are we going to try and go back to sleep?"

he looked over at you. "you haven't slept yet, so yes. you need the sleep. don't think I haven't noticed how tired you've been these past couple days." he leaves a swift peck on your cheek before turning you over and wrapping an arm around your waist, nose buried into your hair.

"goodnight, my love."

"g'night sweetheart." he mumbled, letting the both of you delve back to sleep. life was pretty good. jess was pretty good (looking).

#gilmore girls #jess mariano #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano fluff #jess mariano fanfic #grey writes #jess mariano imagine

54 notes · View notes

cali · 1 year ago

Text

darkraiiiiii

#art #i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to #feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood #and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am #and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept #so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently #smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno...#and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic #so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say #but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain #i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually.#also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely)#+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight #pokemon #darkrai

211 notes · View notes

lunar-years · 1 month ago

Text

.

#tw for death and wakes and funerals and grief #also tmi because I’m using tumblr as my diary again.#as one does. sorry.#so anyway…backstory.#my grandma and grandpa had open casket wakes that are like very traumatic in my memory so when my other grandma died I chose not to see her #(she only had a funeral and no wake)#and I’ve never regretted that #mom had a closed casket wake today with the opportunity for immediate family to see her before they closed the casket.#and because I saw her the night she died and it was very traumatizing I kind of waffled between seeing her or not #then I landed on I should see her because it might help me to see her dressed and cleaned up.#except.#I think it kind of made it worse because she looked nothing like herself and she looked so waxy and cold.#but also if I hadn’t seen her I think I would have spent a long time regretting not saying a last goodbye #so it’s like. I don’t regret it but also think I’ve worsened my own dead mom trauma.#anyway. sorry for the overshare. funeral tomorrow and then I am going to sleep and sleep and sleep.#miss you mommy #ktp

13 notes · View notes

violet-jessop · 2 months ago

Text

two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic

#i feel like my bones are filled with concrete #i spent the day doing all the things i've been putting off #emails to orthodontist and dentist and accountant #found a gp to hopefully get a mental health plan set up with #and went searching for a psych #but fuck me that's been less that fruitful #it feels like a waste of time and energy and money #as soon as you set suicidal ideation as an issue the pool of psychs goes from 1251 to 152 #and adding queer filters to that?#psychology today says go die fag #and of those how many do you reckon is eligible for the medicare rebate?#because i've emailed 4 and of those i think maybe 1 will be eligible #BUT!#they cost so much that even WITH the rebate I'd be paying $130 for a 50 minute session #it's just a waste of money #i could see a therapist every day and still see no improvement #medicare offers a rebate for 10 sessions IF i'm lucky #so that's $1300 for 50 minutes a month #i judt can't see how that's going to do anyone any good #alternatively i can sit down with rika and get my will sorted and that money can go somewhere useful #that math isn't right #it'd be $1800 for 50 minutes a month #even more wasteful #i think i'm better off finding a comfortable and private place to decay #mum might be mental but maybe she was right when she told me i should just kill myself when i was 14 #i've been inhaling smoke for so long

7 notes · View notes

that-gay-guy-from-hell · 8 months ago

Text

Oh hey look-! It's the Blue Man Group!

TLT Masterlist

#Im too tired to come up with a funnier joke rn lmfao #So... Im alive!#Been busy and just... emotions #(like I was on the verge of tears today because i dropped a pen... lol)#But here's some art WIP for y’all #Heard some snippets of Rust’s album and I am so hyped #Like i am gonna go donate plasma so i have the extra cash to buy it asap when it's released #but anyways #I spent nearly 4 hours between 2 days just staring at human skeletons; spines are hard to draw #and YALL CANT EVEN SEE MOST OF IT-#Bonus points for those of you who know what 2 Necronomocons Doc’s book is a combo of #I missed drawing this handsome blue bastard (lovingly)#*pats him on the top of his head*#I love him so so much #/pos..? I guess lol #the living tombstone #tlt #tombsona #Doc #Doc tlt #tlt Doc #the living tombstone Doc #Doc the living tombstone #digital art #digitalart #WIP #art wip #fan art #(color wheel meme WIP btw-- yes i know i started this MONTHS ago *places a finger on your mouth* shhh its our secret)#also the quality drop is abhorrent wtf lmao-- Should be a bit better than the OG but still is a bit wonky smh

15 notes · View notes

monster-noises · 15 days ago

Text

Hgggg

Had one of those sundays where i felt just like

A little bit like shit all day

So i didn't really get any of my comic work done and it just kinda became a Lost Day

So now as consequence my brain won't let me go to bed because i did not Satisfy the Requirements as Set Beforehand

But i would like to actually set myself up for a successful week of going to bed on timebl because i haven't the last two weeks and i can Feel it slowly destroying me spiritually, mentally, and physically

But sometimes there js Naught you can do in the face of Wanton Mental Illness

#monster noises #i know i know my meteric for a successful day should not be tied to Productivity #but in my Defense that isn't Exactly what's happened here #i mean #yeah #i'm dissapointed that i didn't get the ball rolling until like 8pm and thus only had an hour to Work #but going to bed issue #is more about me setting the Plan and Expectation that I would do Comic Work today #but i didn't Fulfill that Expectation and therefore the Balance is Off and the Days Not Done #because we haven't Fulfilled the Criteria #i would have this same probelm if I had set aside today as a Relax Day but spent the whole day Stressing Out or Doing Chores/Work #without doing the classic half-day reset #where sometimes i'm In Control enough to realize when the day has gotten away from me and Pivot the Expectations to Just Chilling #then at the end of the day i Have met my Expectations and can just Siddle into bed no issues #but today i was not that Strong Willed #and kept Insisting that i Would get to my comic writing #Just After This Last Thing #but there was always One More Thing #and i felt like i was trapped under a sheet of plexiglass and couldn't fully wake up all day #so there was no pivot #i just stayed Stubborn until i had my dinner - then wrote maybe one page #and put it down for the evening #and that was not enough to satisfy the internal control team #and now i must sit here and Yearn instead of going to Sleep #it is Silly and i wish for it Not to be Happening

2 notes · View notes

im-just-a-simple-tailor · 3 months ago

Text

Hi (: I‘m not dead <3

I actually have been sewing but i haven’t been on tumblr a lot in the past few months because I’ve had so much to do and I‘ve not really had the energy to post about my projects or take nice photos. so. sorry about that

I will be doing some catching up now though so for the like ten people who will read this, expect some posts about what I’ve been doing this weekend (because right now it’s chill but after that, guess what, I will again have very little time for tumblr probably)

<3

5 notes · View notes

triglycercule · 2 months ago

Text

i WAS gonna complain about horror being a skeleton and therefore never able to do the akanbe face but then i remembered. i'm an artist!! i can just DRAW him doing it 😇😇😇 ok but he doesn't have eyelids iKNOW ill figure it out ok

#im going on a short vacation that means prime time to slack off and mtthink #and i have some drawing ideas froM LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO that i never drew because i had no motivation or even time #so now i can do it :3333 lets (me) see if i still even like the ideas #and i have Saturday and sunday and mondayOFFschool and then i leave on wednesday morning ヽ(≧∀≦)ﾉ #and that gives me prime time to draw draw DRAW #and theres like 20 days left of October i really should get to work on that animation meme #i WILL trust i swear #if not i kill myself #jk! (fashion au?)#ive been using kaomojis now. jk killer would too #ヽ(≧∀≦)ﾉ #me taking like a whole week on a shitty hrkl little writing thing when it was leagues easier to just describe my idea #i REALLY had a vision and then i was reminded that writing is boring and that a vision expressed through words cant keep my attention #anyways i finished another little dust doodle of a song that reminded me of him #now it is time to actually get my life together and shower and brush teeth #the only homework ive got is reading a few pages #i have been ON TOP OF MY HOMEWORK since school started bro😭😭😭😭 ive been SUCH a good student 😭😭😭😭#so much free time at home and yet none of it is spent on doing anything but laying down and lazing about #come on! come on! you need to get up! use your brain! PLEASE TRIGLYVERUVLE PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN ENTERTSINMENT #forcing myself to do something i find fun when i have no motivation to get up is so annoying #iWANT to draw iWANT to think i WANT to write (eh) but i just nonono feel like it (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)#tricule rant #actually today i found another song that could fit horror but i just glanced at the lyrics #if i aint mtt pondering at the very least ill be connecting them to songs #new art project is gonna have HINTS of mtt in it. not really but if im aware of them then they exist #i love art class i love learning about art principles i just wish i could apply that shit to my work #well DIGITAL work. doing stuff traditionally always feels so much easier

3 notes · View notes

chiropteracupola · 1 year ago

Text

uh oh lads I think I may have forgotten how to sculpt

#Says Guy Who Has Spent So Much Time In The Ceramic Bowl Mines Of Late...#it is weird being back to polymer clay because it has a Different Squish to it :/#also I haven't made any dolls in uh. A Year.#and I left my good pliers (the ones I use the handles of for sculpture) in my pencil mug several thousand miles away #But By Golly I Am Doing This Anyway. and if I lay hands on a cat-toy squeaker I am putting it in davie's chest mummification-style #<- best analogy I could think of. that or uberheart installation like in tf2...#(...heavy picks up any of the other guys and Squishes and they go SQUEAK...)#today's art adventure #normal men innocent men very small men #<- organizational tag for doll process from now on #quastion for anyone who read this far. do we remember any trinkets the various Guys have that I should make while I've got the clay out

11 notes · View notes

californiaquail · 2 months ago

Text

i wish trying to do things with groups of people was not the most horrible time wasting activity on earth

#just went to local palestine action group meeting because i wanted to figure out if i could carpool to protest this weekend and the answer #was yes but then i spent the next hour and 15 minutes standing in a circle with people repeating the same things back to each other #like ok we are all here because we know it's bad. can we not talk endlessly in circles PLEASE #they did have other things planned but their speaker couldn't make it or whatever but like a bunch of people turned up anyway and i feel #like we could have accomplished something besides talking about how bad genocide is and what documentary they're wanting to show later #i should have known better and just emailed but whatever.....i did connect with someone i can get a ride with who lives in my town but then #they did not offer me a ride back when they left and i wasnt sure if it was socially acceptable to ask so i didnt so then i had to walk 20 #minutes to the bus stop and supposedly the bus is coming in a couple minutes but of course. it won't #i'm so annoyed lmao i'm not going to get home until almost 9 and its going to be pitch black and there are no streetlights and i already #barely know where i'm going #not usually one to experience hanger but i definitely have barely eaten anything today and am angry but maybe for separate reasons #i can't even decide what i want for dinner!!!! goddammit #if i didn't have tomorrow off i might get lost in the ocean fr #me

2 notes · View notes

ereborne · 6 months ago

Text

Song of the Day: May 29

“Evil Like Me” by Kristin Chenoweth & Dove Cameron for Disney's Descendants OS

#song of the day #time is fake! sometimes I'm awake and it's logical to assume that sometimes I'm asleep! and the days must pass but do I ever know?? nope #fuck I spent all day thinking today was the last day of the month and then it turns out it's not even Thursday #sang 'Evil Like Me' with Duncan at the dinner table while I ate the cabbage and I made this cabbage after the work not-a-bbq so #almost definitely that was today!#I fell asleep standing up in the shower again but the drain has been draining very slowly so when I woke up there was water above my ankles #if I flood our house with the water from my shower while I am actively standing in it and I don't notice because it's the only time I sleep #I'm going to shrink myself down and move in with the mice colonizing our neighbor's boat trailer #the mice will never know my shame. Duncan will put cheese sandwiches out in the alley for us and it will be more than I deserve #this is a really good song. very fun lyrical nonsense and also very fun musically to sing. love the idea of Kristin Chenoweth Maleficent #'I have tried my whole life long / to do the worst I can / clawed my way to victory / built my master plan #now the time has come my dear / for you to take your place / promise me you'll try to be / an absolute disgrace'#Nick really doesn't like this song for some unspecified reason--we've asked but he just gets kind of mad? like it should be obvious?#I think maybe he thinks they're making fun of people who sing about like. doing crimes? being bad???????????????#like honestly what could be more punk she's literally Maleficent but go off I guess #I dunno but if I were going to be mad about a Descendants song that I occasionally roam the house over-selling #it wouldn't be a Broadway-star-supported certified banger like 'Evil Like Me'#it'd be goofyass 'Rotten to the Core' where I'm playing four parts simultaneously and pitching my voice up and down like a rollercoaster #love that fucking song it's so dumb and it's so much fun and I get to stomp on the chorus bits

4 notes · View notes

sleevebuscemii · 9 months ago

Text

.

#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like.#like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner #or get invited to a birthday party #i just want someone who will go to target with me #or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like.#something that Actually feels intimate…idk #but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today #or. i spend my saturday alone.#like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something #like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing #but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this #and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated #sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed #at like. moving to a big city and making it work #but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd #i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!!#anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time #m

5 notes · View notes

sudokuplayer · 6 months ago

Text

i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be

#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him #it's getting so cold too #all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me #also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here #and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often #(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic #so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward #then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular #i've been so sad and moody and angry #i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel #can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate #i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad #nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared #i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead #...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy #it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive #the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it #he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house #and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too #i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious #i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house #i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me #but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something #maybe it is a bit of pms #📓

4 notes · View notes

lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago

Text

Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

#turns out that I was not drawing from an unlimited spoon supply when I spent spoons so fast #and instead was overdrawing #because at 5:59 I thought ‘oh you know I’m a bit tired I should lay down’#and then spent almost six hours in Nap Hell as I laid down too tired to get up and take my sleep meds #but also not really sleeping consistently. like dozing except I didn’t want to.#woke up ~11:50 and apparently sent some very misspelled messages to my friends #took sleep meds. and then passed out until morning.#so… I’ve learned something here. such as ‘even if you feel fine. you know you’re spending too many spoons. slow down.’#I’m gonna try to go to bed early tonight too #and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.#just gotta get these labs done first #the exhaustion is partially also my fault bc instead of going to bed after getting home from the airport #I did in fact go straight to DND and played until midnight because DND is Monday nights now.#but in my defense. I had napped on the plane. so I didn’t feel v tired.#but yeah I shouldn’t have done that bc that meant I was operating on a Significant Sleep Deficit yesterday and still had a lot of tasks #that absolutely could not wait. I needed food bc I didn’t have any in the house and needed laundry bc all my wearable clothes were dirty.#and I’d been in class since 9:30AM and went straight to the store from my last class and then straight to laundry after putting away grifos #and STILL FORGOT TO GET GAS #it’s fine I’ll get some today after chemistry or smth on the way home

10 notes · View notes

spamtoon · 7 months ago

Note

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

#bright spark #<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky #the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE #SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you #to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this #is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay #nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are #honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang #spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main #cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her #own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally #i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel #like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything #with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite #finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives #happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared #to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that #respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a #method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy #excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going #sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay

2 notes · View notes

dontmeanyoudontmissit · 7 months ago

Text

So anyways my plan for the next two months is to kickass at work while I get another job and then leave their asses.

#I'm so mad about this #I've been at this company for 6 years and for the most part everyone I've worked with has been great #Easy to get along with. Smart. Caring.#I've had some not so great bosses and every once in a while I've encountered problem people #But repeatedly one person (not in my vertical but a key person in my org)#Has repeatedly made me feel like shit. Even if she claims to mean well or whatever #I absolutely never feel like we're ok the same team. It always feels like it's her team or death #Which is not an environment I thrive in #And then her boss (who is also my bosses boss) either feeds into that or exacerbates it #I wish I had had the words during our engagement survey because I'm not the only one who feels this way #So many people go into a meeting with her expecting to talk about one thing and instead she asks for something else entirely #It consistently feels like she has no trust in her team and she does not want to foster a culture of 'we're in the same team'#She is fostering a culture of 'im the boss so I'll dictate exactly what I want and I am free to change it at any time'#So. Anyways. If you know of companies hiring in their product or portfolio space hit me up.#I spent 10 hours trying not to cry at work today and then had three separate little cries #Going to going with my boss a little about taking a week off soon #He's going to be alarmed and concerned but like. He should be.#(my boss is generally great my only complaint is that he hasn't figure out how to work with his boss yet so that's compounding my issues.#But that is not all on him. And he has never once made me feel like we're not on the same team)#Blah blah ok. Tomorrow I work and then do the life shit I didn't do today #The day after that I do a second pass at my resume #And use a working block at work to figure out what I want (and sketch out my teams pain points and potential solutions)

2 notes · View notes