#maybe it is a bit of pms
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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I just had a passing thought about my own stuff from an outsider POV. I wondered if anyone who’s not a huge fan of dick questions why Dick Grayson in most of the stuff I post…
Why all of a sudden Dick Grayson is the bus driver- because I hired him!!! I want to see him! I’m gonna put him in everything!
#you know that one image of shadow saying don’t trust your brain after 9 pm? I get a lot of weird thoughts it’s like im under attack through#self created scenarios but this one got dismissed real quick by how raw and selfish my desire to put my fav in everything#anyways idk why I’m posting this. dick and Damian. dick and cass. dick and Tim. doesn’t the timeline make a lot of sense#oh yeah. I’m going to read Robin jason comics soon so maybe there will be more jason stuff coming. so far everything I’ve been reading with#jason in it are nightwing comics (shrugs)#so he’s basically already grown… and edgy. lol#except for a few comics where he’s baby#I also need to read Steph’s more stuff. being an adult is not great man. you don’t have time to do anything. a bit overrated#except having money part. I like having money
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The cast of Blades of Light and Shadow and their Perfect Match types
Ever since I did my Blades/Elementalists attunement crossover to mark the anniversary of the Blades series, I’ve known I wanted to do something like this to mark the wide release of book three, and I love me some Perfect Match and the types system, so what better way than by incorporating that into a piece?
So the match types you see here are based on what we’ve seen of these characters up to book two, so any character evolution they may undergo in book three is not accounted for. You might also notice that, when deciding each character’s type, I went off of the core four traits instead of the match name or description, unless I needed a tiebreaker.
Finally, MC’s type is pretty subjective, as I’m sure everyone has a different idea of what their MCs are like, so for the sake of this edit set, Raine’s type is based on which traits she displays most in canon.
So, are you swiping right?
#playchoices#blades of light and shadow#perfect match#choices pm#mal volari#nia ellarious#tyril starfury#imtura tal kaelen#aerin valleros#valax#quality edits? in THIS economy???#fun fact you know how I mentioned I went off of the four traits instead of titles/descriptions?#well in Aerin’s case without looking at the traits I would’ve pegged him as a Scholar type instead but the traits said otherwise#and I realized it does fit with how he canonically uses (dry) humor as a coping mechanism. just like Damien who is the canon Joker type LI#so the actual fun fact is that if you go off of the traits he displayed BEFORE he betrayed MC in b1? THAT’S the scholar type#I just thought it was interesting when I noticed that#other fun facts is that the only two ties were with Imtura and MC and that’s when I needed the type tiebreaker#I don’t remember now what exactly Adventurer was tied with for Imtura. maybe Champion for sincerity.#I just know that when I realized I was tied between whatever it was and Adventurer it was obvious to me she should be an Adventurer#I believe MC’s tie may have been with Best Friend for sweetness#but again—between Best Friend and jetsetting Diplomat it was a no-brainer for MC#final fun fact is that I was a bit shocked when Tyril and Valax yielded the same type but as soon as it sank in it felt so obvious#they’re both so driven with their causes to make the world a better place. the fact that they go about it differently doesn’t change that#anyway ramble over shoutout to anyone who got this far
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Done with half my classes so I took a free night to just watch things and chill and draw and wow. Wow
This feels bizarre
#it does still stir a tiny bit of guilt because I could be working on the other classes#but 2 of those classes are practically trivial and I can’t do much about the third until I ask for people’s notes so#eh#still nocturnal though#but going to bed at 6 am instead of 10 am?????#WOW#maybe I’ll even wake up before 3! (pm)#I am doing Excellent
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got the go-ahead from my roommate to finally do the inbox unboxing this wednesday. we're gonna start like half an hour after i wake up and keep going 'til there's nothing left to answer. could be upwards of eight hours even if i'm quick. come join me or don’t, it’s optional. (this post goes up at ~2PM EST if that gives you any idea)
twitch.tv/alphabetcompletionist
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
26/26
#and per se and#the VODs will work. but OBS might still wet the bed. there's no ethernet ports in my room!#my roomie will be out til 2:30 pm which means you might hear him a bit. hope i'll be louder than him#i don't have enough space to download an 8hr+ video to edit it. so that might not happen. god i wish i could tho#...tbh if obs freaking out splits it into hour-ish chunks... maybe#but that's very unlikely
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The new W Corp besties
#my art#project moon#limbus company#fanart#lcb yi sang#lcb ryoshu#lcb hong lu#AUAAAAUUGUGHHH I HATE PM SO MUCH (putting up posters of everything w corp up on my walls)#they're so MEAN i HATE them :wail:#also hi i had these doodled for a little bit but decided to finish them instead of going to bed#i dont really like how any of these (except for maybe hong lu) look but at least the wip wont haunt me anymore#every time pm does something with w corp my friends get front row seats to me straight up dying for a little bit#trios of IDs specifically created to torture me:#last w corp cameo left is rodya when will it be her time#SIGHS i miss them all but pm's gonna need to Not sue unions if they want me to redownload their gacha game#anyways surely there's more than clean up agents over at w corp like dont get me wrong i love the flesh janitors but#what else is there i need to know more about my favorite dimensional space existential horror gore trains#sometimes i dream of drawing every single named wcorp agent in one drawing... maybe some day
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I find it kinda funny that i somehow managed to find like a small group of Heathcliff fans that sorta just constantly reblog each other, no other communication, just one finds a post and reblogs it, and the others just follow suit.
#lcb heathcliff#cant wait for canto 6 part 3 in a bit#and to be emotionally destroyed and the almost inevitable fight against distorted Heathcliff#canto vi spoilers#canto 6 spoilers#spoilers in the tags#PM has already given us a mechanic that removes sinners from the party in 5.5.1#they can do it here and i dont know who im gonna replace him with#limbus company#...just reminded myself that im gonna need to get back to analyzing the sin affinity of the new heath IDs i havent covered#and maybe the ones ive already covered since we now have a lot more info about him
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2024 reads / storygraph
Charlie Tangaroa and the God of War
book 2 in a middle grade series about a boy whose father is a Ponaturi (sea-goblin)
charlie and his brother are back living their normal lives - until a visiting scientist is stabbed in a local campground, right before a meeting between iwi and the government over local resources
they try to investigate and quickly learn that Whiro, atua of chaos is involved, sowing discord between various groups, and they have to figure out a way to solve things before anyone else gets hurt
cover & illustrations by yours truly!
#Charlie Tangaroa and the God of War#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#my art#middle grade books#aotearoa books#a fast paced and fun addition to this series that’s full of te ao Māori#and relevant real world issues re: mining/forestry; the recent storm damage; indigenous rights; our shitty racist profit-driven government#the PM being a shady ceo? yeah don’t we know it.#love the characters. love the familiarity!#I appreciate the discussions about questioning things and not falling for propaganda/ideologies#dealing with complex topics of the mining/forestry industries and environmentalism vs local jobs and communities.#also. love the use of fark in a MG novel lol to get around using Too many swear words (though tbh there is quite a bit actually)#(you just don’t see much of that in US MG…)#I am always hesitant about like eco-extremist group narratives#(like. portraying protesters as misinformed/violent even if they have the right ideas in theory) though clearly the intent here#was more about discussing misinfo and white eco groups not considering other perspectives etc. and tbh it’s a minor background thing#just youknow. many thoughts on the whole revolutionary-group-did-violence-so-it’s-ALL-bad-actually trope#and things that are similar (even though that’s not really what’s going on here…anyway)#(but I guess with the contrast against cops/military…..I would love the book to be equally critical of those lol)#(but maybe will in future)#anyway that IS a minor thing comparitively just putting down my thoughts lol!#god i had to draw MULTIPLE cars AND horses. the bugs made up for it tho
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#the current malaise better just be how busy i am at work#possibly +pms#because omg i do not want to do ANYTHING#not my chores not my hobbies not anything#i just want to lie in bed until i have to get up again#in related news maybe i need to step away from fandom for a bit#not real sure it’s sparking joy right now#we’ll see#just watch i’ll start my period on like saturday and suddenly everything will be fine again
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Actually throws my street at night memory at you
Wearing a coat of some kind, barefoot, may have been walking on gravel or just uneven road, the light is very dim despite there being gas lamps Everywhere, it's windy and rainy but currently not getting rained on (so under an awning or scaffolding?) Just kind of wandering in the dead of night trying to get as far as possible from where we were
huh. this is very interesting to me
#to me its also barefoot but some sort of like. rough sort of rock sidewalk#it also isnt the dead of night but it feels like 8-10 pm ish. the rain hasnt started yet either but its definitely going to#and also yeah with the uneven light#this is fascinating#it may not be exactly the same road but maybe a similar area..... or it is the same road and im just a tiny bit dumb /lh
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sits bolt upright in bed. i need to put tim drake in a blender
#rimi talks#the ''in bed'' is a joke btw its 8:42 pm im not in bed yet. it came to me while i was stirring my tea just now#i havent put tim drake in a blender since NOVEMBER. jesus. i need to get on it ive been centrifuging kon nonstop lately#well i have a bit more kon centrifuging to do (finishing tcos). but after that maybe#what are my current wips... do i have any tim drake chambers of torment...#OH I DO I HAVE THE ONE WHERE HE GETS THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF HIM <3333 ok that one is up next after tcos
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Hi everyone. I will try to slowly in private my old art since it seems to be something I have to manually do…
I wrote a super long post about how I’ve been trying to process everything: feelings regarding the impersonation, feeling of violation of boundaries, this weird sensation of adjusting to different perceptions of my online self when to me, I’m just a random regular guy.
I’m still processing it but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want something I love so dearly to be tainted to the point of feeling like I should just blow up everything. I miss posting and I miss reading tags, I miss reading comments… I miss seeing the little snippets of thoughts.
There is still good in that and I still like comics. I want to thank everyone who’s been incredibly supportive so far. I like sharing a space with passionate people who love things I love
#I don’t mean for this to sound like a serious post. it kind of is but it’s also kind of not. it’s that don’t trust your brain past 9 pm bit#I do actually want to unprivate my old stuff…#: ( ACTUALLY I AM REALLY TIRED OF THINKING TOO MUCH. we’re doing a reset or trying. no more thoughts no more anxiety.#we move forward. live laugh enjoy. through brute force and will that is of questionable strength.#I actually rewrote this post like 3 times because I kept thinking who cares about what I think but maybe in this harsh world we need#communication and sincerely. maybe we need to be brave and say we’ve just been really confused and not sure of what to do#SINCERITY*#this is my equivalent of stabbing the flag on the moon. I WILL POST ON TUMBLR AGAIN. I WILL NOT FEEL WEIRD ABOUT IT. holding my ground
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being in a m o o d (tm) sucks-
i just wanna oiurgkhreailijgkustfijlkigjrerk but i cant cause of finals week :(
#v says random shit#late nights with v#i have a final due at 9 am#its 11 pm here rn-#okay on the topic of the post#its a bit different from my regular moods(tm)#im gonna be honest its probably cause of the vid he uploaded the other day-#cause ive never seen pure unfiltered joy like that from him before-#(okay maybe ive seen it twice but the last time was like in june-)#only one person even knows what i mean by mood#maybe two(idek ww)#i would make a separate blog to ramble but idk what email i would use-#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#anyways i uploaded a tiktok with several clips from that vid and currently it has 1.3K views and almost 200 likes#z and s the duo ever#if either of them notice the vid im gonna scream/pos#okay i should actually work on my final
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Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME
#da#nooo but I am so saddd it's so much easier to show stuff off irl 😭#if it could look even halfway decent I've considered doing flip throughs of sketchbooks on video#except I draw in pencil and cameras hate that and want me to explode#idk it is truly just better to somehow gain access to my terrible trove of sketchbooks#no but man that sounds like such an ideal hang out. get all my oc lore by sitting on my floor with me as we go through the archives#gosh I should count how many I've filled up at this point#I love that the number increases exponentially as the years go on#like I think 2018 began the precedent of 4 a year minimum which was kinda wild#another ridiculous difficult project I have given a lot of thought to: combing through every sketchbook and either redrawing#or printing off important story related bits and compiling them all into a convenient binder. maybe binding them into a book.#anyway it's pretty much all a drag no matter how you slice it#come to my HOUSE and look at my CREATURES#u don't know this bc I've learned to be silly sneaky but I have stayed up wayyyy too late AGAIN#but I've scheduled this to post at a normal time so you'll never know. unless you read the tags. but that's its own punishment isn't it#hey bonus enticement to look at my boo stuff that doesn't get on the blog. there's smut. and you KNOW I'm a coward who shan't ever post that#actually we'll be lucky if I'm not the same coward in real life too#it's only Dick and Vinny. they get rights. i don't care if anyone else has sex. I don't care if I have sex.#the one song I hope I don't have sex. I hope we both don't have sex. that's actually Vinny though.#I'm more sex favorable and sex positive than he could ever be#y'know this is a very 4am convo to have and actually how prepared am I for this to live in a pm afternoon time#welp. maybe I should stop being addicted to tags and letting loose all my secrets#I shan't grow I shan't do better and I shan't ever change. this is the da promise <3
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i am having many thoughts on how Dazai's humanity has shifted from his pm days to now, at the ada, and how this has effected his relationships with various people in different ways and i--
#hello yes i do have a big assignment due today#why do you ask?#dazai is a damn parasite and i can't stop thinking about him#but just. JUST#one example#skk in the pm days#such an interesting dynamic and i love them#but#BUT#i don't think any sort of real relationship could have ever happened#Dazai was actively pushing away his humanity at the time (perhaps one day i will elaborate what i mean by this)#versus now#Dazai is more in touch with his human side#still confused and a bit lost#but more human and more open (which is to say. he sort of expresses himself. sometimes.)#so 22 skk can be something so much more#the way he interacts with Atsushi vs Aku is a very very good example of the ways he has changed#and the ways he views humanity in himself and in those around him#and don't even get me started on him and Kuni or Ranpo or--#bsd#anyway#back to suffering uni work#but i will (maybe) come back to this with more cohesive thoughts
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