#like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing
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#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like.#like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner#or get invited to a birthday party#i just want someone who will go to target with me#or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like.#something that Actually feels intimate…idk#but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today#or. i spend my saturday alone.#like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something#like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing#but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this#and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated#sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed#at like. moving to a big city and making it work#but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd#i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!!#anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time#m
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