#and i have some drawing ideas froM LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO that i never drew because i had no motivation or even time Tumblr posts

[triglycercule]

i WAS gonna complain about horror being a skeleton and therefore never able to do the akanbe face but then i remembered. i'm an artist!! i can just DRAW him doing it 😇😇😇 ok but he doesn't have eyelids iKNOW ill figure it out ok

[goomyloid]

What was your process for making the Noelle amv, if you don't mind sharing?

hii! im not sure how eloquently or clearly ill be able to explain it but i definitely have some pictures you can look at!

(the video)

i actually got the idea while i was away on a trip with very limited wifi -- it wasn't Trust Me that i got an AMV idea for first, but instead it was one of 4syu's other songs, There's Nobody. for such a happy sounding song it really made me so sad, to the point where if i tried to sing it to myself id get choked up by the chorus LMAO. it was baddd

but basically i was rapidly trying to find both songs on spotify so i could listen to them offline, and it only took me a few loops of Trust Me and thinking about the original MV to make me go "ohhhh. how can i make this about noelle." And so i did .

i was thinking about doing a storyboard, but in the past, i've found that doing storyboards for animations/AMVs lowkey... kills my motivation altogether... SAD... but i saw the whole video so clearly in my head, and i didnt want to make the same mistake i made before... so i went right to doing quick sketches (while still on my trip...) just so i could get the ideas out of my head

i was torn on what to do with my style at the time, whether i wanted to make it more similar to the original video, or to her canon appearance, or to MY style and how i draw her. i think it kind of ended up as an amalgamation of all three...? at the very least, her light world color palette definitely was more bland and desaturated, like i purposefully wasn't trying to do anything special with her colors.

after that point, and getting maybe a few of the actual drawings done, my motivation crashed again, and i left it all to marinate for nearly a week. it was baking, guys, it wasn't abandoned, listen to me, why are you throwing tomatoes at me,

i had up to about the "I dreamed about that again" animation done and stopped, and it wasn't until i decided to sit down and start editing it anyway that i really got in my groove again. i got all my little assets into a workable state so i could really try to sit down and make the video come to life and all

the really fun part was honestly working on the desktop backgrounds. i really wanted to limit colorpicking from the original video as much as possible, but i decided that making look as similar as possible to the original could help with the contrast i wanted to add later.

i drew these two backgrounds first. i was hoping i could somehow fit the bunker into the second one, but decided to do something different anyway. the second one's ui didn't actually change until later in the editing process.

drawing THESE were fun especially, and im happy with how they came out. i think the dark world icons are really cute still. one thing i really did know i wanted to do from the beginning was to turn the soul/undertale icon into the deltarune one.

i was worried if the shift from the Windows Field Background to the dark world would be too sudden, like you would just blink and suddenly it was all different, but i think it ended up all right...?

the not so fun part was drawing all the different boxes, lmao. it go really tedious by the end, so i tried to reuse as many of the same ones as i could.

a lot of copy-pasting and tracing rectangles for sure.

i also had to make sure the animations didnt Suck. i brute forced those things and used every last braincell i had in order to make those pictures move bros

fun fact. ive never animated hair like this before. or in any complex manner really. i had to use sooo much brain here... heres how it started vs. how it ended up

had my animator gf hype me up thru the whole thing... i was having a great time based on the filenames alone

aaaand then ummmm i edited it. i learned after effects like 1 month ago. never touched it before. i learned it for internship purposes and then used my newfound powers for evil it seems

i split the whole thing up into multiple compositions of course, but i probably could have split things up more... im sorry for having 84 layers on comp 3 its not my fault

editing a video in 12 fps was a fun change though -- very easy for my brain to go frame-by-frame, and yet still some of the timing ended up being off... tis the goomy way

like i said before, i started editing when i barely had half the drawings done, but seeing it all start to be in motion really pushed me to finish it up. and i mean Really. like i finished the whole thing maybe 48 hours after i first started editing.

and...i think that's it? i do a lot of discord art streaming to friends lately but i kinda kept this one more under wraps compared to usual, i think i just wanted to surprise everyone... look guys i remembered how to make a video! and it's three minutes! waow

sorry if this is way more than you asked for LMAO

also, the AMV hit 5k views on youtube today! ive never had a video do well like that so quickly! thank you!!

[exactlymaximumgarden]

what i did for love (jschlatt x reader fic)

chapter 1: ...again!

summary: your broadway debut is finally here after years of working toward it. however, an unwelcome face is quick to crash the party. word count: ~1.3k warnings: fem!reader a/n: please don't yell at me if any of the details about the rehearsal process or whatever are factually incorrect. idgaf!!! all love ofc. also, this fic will (obviously) draw on a lot of material from a chorus line, so i’d suggest familiarizing yourself with the show while reading if you’re not already! not essential tho lol song: i hope i get it - a chorus line ensemble

The first thing you noticed was how, no matter where you performed or for how long, you would never get used to the way the stage lights quite nearly blinded you.

Opening night of your leg of A Chorus Line opened in less than two weeks, and you couldn’t be more elated. For years, this had been your dream. To perform, to be onstage, to be on Broadway. And now here you were. The show was undergoing another revival, a more modern take on the iconic musical. The casting directors had issued an open call to all aspiring stars in New York City to scout some fresh talent. They’d mentioned something about wanting to find unknowns, some unrecognizable faces since you couldn’t keep casting the same people over and over. That would be overkill, they said. That was a no-go. Not here. Not in the big leagues or whatever.

Hell, you were lucky that you even made it past the initial round of callbacks. But if you had told the version of you almost a year ago that was stepping into those auditions for the first time that you were going to be chosen to play Cassie, one of the most prominent roles in the show, you probably wouldn’t have believed it. A whole dance number and song to yourself, plus the most dialogue out of the rest of the female characters? It was surreal.

And now, after months of rehearsals, the opening was just around the corner.

It was no secret that everyone involved was growing increasingly antsy the closer opening night drew. Your castmates were collectively full of a newfound energy you hadn’t witnessed from them yet. It didn’t help that today was the first day of full costumes, plus more light and music cueing. Somehow, the show coming together brought everyone’s moods up by a thousand.

These more upbeat vibes were made evident as the cast stood in the primary assigned formation, one next to the other all in a line close to the edge of the stage. You stood, unable to stop yourself from fidgeting with the scarlet tulle of your costume’s skirt while, out in the audience, the production team buzzed amongst each other with directives, ideas on what to cue next, and how. And those stage lights, those damn lights, bore down upon you. You had to tilt your head down to keep the rays from blaring directly into your eyes.

“Okay!” You were no sooner snapped out of your daze at the booming sound of your director Vanja’s voice from out in the audience. Vanja was a middle-aged woman who’d been raised to become a ballet prodigy. She was not only a seasoned dancer but a strict, dedicated spirit, which was only natural considering her upbringing. She was functioning as both director and choreographer, so she was undoubtedly the most strung-up out of anyone involved in the show, but for obviously different reasons. You squinted, trying to search for her limber figure out in the house, but your vision was obscured from your point on the stage. Her eastern European accent (from exactly where, you couldn't recall) oozed through her words like a thick molasses as she continued, “We will be running ‘At The Ballet’ next. Victoria! Step up, please.”

From your left, your castmate Victoria stepped forward. The tall blonde had been cast as Sheila, the character who sung the first section of the aforementioned song. Since the two of you were sandwiched directly beside each other in the line formation, you’d become quite close during the rehearsal process. “Yes?” Victoria answered coolly, not at all intimidated by Vanja’s demanding tone. You couldn’t help but envy her a little bit for that.

“We will start a couple of lines before the beginning of the song,” Vanja instructed. “Isaiah will prompt you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Isaiah!” Isaiah was another member of the cast, having been assigned the role of Zach, or the director of the chorus line the show centered around. Zach was primarily unseen throughout the show save for a few particular scenes, so Isaiah, the lucky bastard, got to sit out in the house for most of the rehearsals. You couldn’t see where he was located either, but Vanja seemed to have spotted him, as you could hear her advise, “Start from, ah… start from, ‘Better, go on.’ Just after she’s taken her ponytail down, yes?”

You heard a deeper voice clearing their throat, indicating Isaiah was beginning to speak his assigned dialogue. “Better. Go on.” 

Victoria, meanwhile, squared her shoulders in an attempt to rapidly lock into character before reciting her own lines. “Oh, how she did it. Well, first, she took me to see all the ballets. And then, she gave me her old toe shoes, which I used to run down the sidewalk in. On my toes. At five. And then-”

Suddenly, the typically fluorescent stage lights dimmed to a faded mix of blue and purple. It would have been a very serene color combo had it not been for Vanja’s deafening voice cutting Victoria’s dialogue off. “Hold!” she yelled. “That light cue is too early! That is not supposed to happen until the music starts! Who did that? Tech! Who did that?”

As Vanja spat out her rampaging words, Victoria turned her head just slightly enough to make eye contact with you. She sent you a discreet side-eye as if to nonverbally say, ‘She’s crazy!’

At that moment, one of the members of the tech crew stuck his head out from the wings of the stage. You recognized his face considering you’d seen him around so often, but you never caught his name. “Sorry, ma’am!” he apologized with a rueful grin. “That was an accident. I’m trying to show the new guy the ropes.”

New guy?

Judging by the tone of Vanja’s voice instantly calming down, she seemed to grasp the situation. “Ah, the new techie boy?” she queried. “I haven’t gotten to see him yet.”

“Oh, he’s right here.”

Almost as if on cue, everyone in the cast’s head turned towards the wing, where a second head popped out from behind the curtain. Your eyes widened. No way.

The new guy in question donned a polite smile, his oak brown curls cascading down the sides of his face into mutton chops you recognized all too well. His golden-rimmed aviator glasses shielded his glinting eyes. “How’s it goin’?” he greeted sheepishly, and to your right, you heard your castmate Ari suck in a quiet gasp. Nobody ever spoke to Vanja so casually.

No way.

“Hello.” Surprisingly, Vanja didn’t seem to mind so much. Or maybe she was just giving him the pass since he was new. “What’s your name? I apologize, I never caught it.”

“Oh, uh, Jay. Lotsa people call me Schlatt, though.”

No. Way.

“Ah. Pleasure to meet you, Jay.” You could practically hear the smile in Vanja’s words. “Come see me when we take a break so I can properly speak to you.”

“Will do. Sorry ‘bout the lights. I’ll be more careful.” 

Your stomach churned. Why the hell was he here? Him, of all people? Victoria, sweet Victoria, somehow seemed to catch on to your less than enthused reaction. In your periphery, you could see her quirking up a brow inquisitively at your expression. You couldn’t even make eye contact with her. You were too busy staring at Schlatt, fighting to keep your jaw from dropping.

And of course the prick had to notice you.

It happened in a split second. As he retreated back behind the curtain, your gazes met. A stupid grin crept onto his face as he saw you, clearly dumbfounded by his very presence in the theatre. If you weren’t onstage right now in front of all these people, you would’ve lunged at him.

You heard Vanja’s voice once more as the lights returned to their normal cue, preparing to resume the scene, but it all might as well have been a distant echo. Somehow, someway, Schlatt had made his way back into your life after fighting for so long to keep him out of it.

Why him?

next chapter

[rc-writes]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐰

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢 || 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙬𝙤

pairings: jj maybank x reader

warnings: none that i’m aware of

a/n: this is a bit different then what a have been writing, but the idea popped into my head and i just had to write it down. this may or may not just be a writer insert tho lol. i feel like i’m allowed to do that at least once lol. but anyways, i hope you all like this!

Spring was a beautiful time of year on the island. Garden flowers and wildflowers alike all began to bloom painting the town in a rainbow of colors. And while it was very pretty, most people in the Outer Banks on weeks like this could not wait for summer to fully hit so they could go swimming without having to freeze. While the air was getting warmer the water seemed to stay at the same freezing temperature. The spring air made it too hot to wear a nice hoodie, but too cold to jump in a pool.

You on the other hand could not have been more grateful for the cool temperature.

Less than a month ago a local restaurant on the higher society part of the island put out an ad looking for artists willing to paint a mural on the side of their building. It was to be a paid deal and they would throw in a few free meals. Normally many more known artists would jump at the chance to have their art featured on such a well known establishment, but the very short timeframe of two weeks deterred many away. It normally takes a while to come up with an idea good enough for such a big project. And it takes just as long to actually paint said idea.

And while the strict time restraints deterred many away, the offer of money and free food brought you in. That was why you were currently halfway up a ladder, paintbrush in hand, after coming up with a design two hours ago. The design in question being a giant version of the restaurant’s menu with a little painting of each dish next to its name.

“I'm all for defacing public property and all that, but I gotta say that is a weird way of doing it.” A voice from below suddenly called out making you jump and nearly drop your brush.

“What?” You called out, currently trying to catch your breath from being spooked. When you looked down you were met with blonde hair and blue eyes. Now you might have been catching your breath for a different reason.

“Most people just use spray paint if they want to cover the side of some building.” Oh he thinks you’re vandalizing or something.

“Oh, no. I’m actually getting paid to do this.” You correct the guy.

The blonde’s eyes looked around on the wall and spotted very purposeful sketch marks. “Yeah, yeah that makes more sense.”

“I don't think most people would want to spend all day on a ladder painting an entire wall without getting paid.” You joked.

“Definitely not with all those details and stuff. Possibly without the ladder part many would without a second thought if they were just using spray paint. Not that I have much experience with that.” The way he said the last sentence made you think he did in fact have much experience with it. “Anyways, how long have you been at this?”

You pulled your phone out of your back pocket to see what the time was. “About two hours-ish.”

The blonde shook his head in disbelief. “You did all of this in two hours?”

You shrugged, “The building already has a flat color on it, so I only had to mark out where I want to paint and what I want to paint in thin lines of white. It’s a fairly easy design so it didn’t take much effort.”

The blonde looked at you like you were crazy. What do you mean it didn’t take much effort? You drew an entire outline of the place’s full menu in two hours! Never in a million years could he have understood how anyone had enough talent to do anything besides draw a few stick figures.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that, that looks easy.” You laughed at this. “But how long do you have to finish the whole thing?”

“Two weeks.” You sighed, nerves setting in when you remembered again just how quickly you have to do this.

“Only two weeks? To paint an entire wall? Man, rich people are just plain weird.” He then remembered that school was still in and you looked about his age. “Wait, don’t you have school or something?”

“Yep, but I moved a grade ahead so I only have to go half a day now.” You replied. “So I’ll spend half a day in school and the other half here working on this.”

So you were smart and talented, were you sure you were even human at this point?

“Can I help then? You know, to speed up the process?” He had absolutely no artistic ability but the offer just kinda slipped out.

You were taken back by the sudden offer. Why would anyone want to spend hours on end just painting the same wall if they’ve never had any interest in art. Which from how taken back the blonde was by the whole ordeal you assumed he didn’t know much about painting.

“Well,” You began after taking a moment to think. “Considering I'm getting paid to do this and kinda need all the money I can get, I'm going to have to decline the offer.” It was true, you did need the money.

“Oh I'll do it for free.” Normally those words were only reserved for doing something stupid shit like jumping off of something but now he found himself wanting to spend more time with you.

“You’d really want to help?” You questioned. “Have you ever even painted anything before?”

“Well no,” He admitted. “But really, how hard can it be? Since you already have the outlines it's just like coloring in a coloring book, right? Just stay within the lines.”

You laughed at the naivety but decided to give him a chance anyway. Worst case scenario you just have to go over what he did. And even if that had to happen you still potentially made a new friend.

Over the hour the two of you talked about any topic that came to mind. You found out each other’s names, that you both grew up in The Cut, you had dreams of making a living making art, JJ was more of a “living in the moment type of guy” so he didn’t have a big dream as of the moment, you both had the same mindset to go wherever there was free food offered, etc.

By the end of the hour JJ decided that the little area he was working on was as good as it was going to get and looked up to see what progress you had made. Any and all confidence in what he did went out the window once he saw what you were working on. You didn’t think what you had painted was much of anything but in his eyes, it was absolutely amazing.

“How the hell did you get yours to look like that!?”

“My entire life’s worth of practice.” You laughed.

“Yeah, that's just a little bit more time that I have.”

“Just a little?” You questioned.

“Wow, that obvious?”

“Well…” You noticed that the chicken he was supposed to be painting didn’t exactly look like a chicken. “Just a little.” The both of you burst into a fit of laughter at this.

“Well anyways I should probably get going.” JJ spoke up once the laughter between you two died down. “Sorry for wasting your paint on this… uh, abstract chicken.”

“Oh don't worry, it's not mine. The owner had all of this paint and more just sitting in the back room from when they thought they could paint this themselves. They said it's all free game for me to use and that they'll get more later if needed. Well actually that very last part depends entirely on how they like this.”

“Well If they see even half of what I can see I’m sure they'll love it.” The both of you held similar shy smiles at this. “Anyway, I'm glad I got to talk to you before you go all kook with your paintings in those fancy museums in the mainland. Remember who ‘helped’ you paint your first wall when you're rich and famous!” The last line was yelled out as JJ made his way down the street.

You only hoped for one of those things to be true. Having your art hung up where so many people could see was a dream, but you hoped to see JJ again long before that became a possibility.

[herotome]

Special Informal Devlog

Hi-ho, Wudge here! Aaaa. I missed the update last week... as we crawl closer and closer to release, it's become harder for me to write devlogs. I'm making progress every single day, and that makes me so frustrated that it isn't done yet, you know? 😭 Something something curse of perfectionism...

Anyway.

I thought I'd try something a little different with this post by chronicling a specific screen I've worked very hard on, from start to finish!

(Pictured: a preview of where we're gonna end up)

It all began on... August 2021?! Yowza, two years ago! When I posted a poll on tumblr and on itch about how I should handle flirt indicators. The votes were split 50/50 between two popular options, and I was able to surmise that yall would really, really love an option to toggle between the two.

It didn't take me long to figure out how to implement the toggle itself.

The following year (September 2022), I came up with the idea of putting in an illustrated tutorial on how my flirt indication system works - after all, poll participants had told me that they loved the idea and had never seen it before in other games. I was on a treadmill at the time, so I quickly doodled the idea on my phone. It looks like this:

Then when I got home, I did a rough pen draft to solidify the idea...

I worked on the digital version over the next 2-3 weeks, and asked my friends for help with editing the text to ensure clarity.

.... Then I took a looong break from the infographic to, uh.... write, edit, playtest the game, draw expressions for Griffin CG, draw expressions for the landlord, work on a new Clammy Lady sprite, playtest the game again, make all the characters blink, make the first glowing animation for Jade's powers, code in Griffin's CG expressions, stress about paypal making changes in my country, do concept art for upcoming npcs, write some more, playtest some more, draw a birthday picture for Dart, write devlogs every single week, make sure all my files were safely transferred to my new laptop before my old one completely died... etc.

So it was February 2023 by the time I came back around to try implementing the infographic in code :')

... It was functional, but no matter what I tried, I didn't like how it looked with everything crammed into one page.

... Then I got really sick... but after I recovered and did some more work (drawing, writing, playtesting, etc) I came back to the infographic with the intention to learn how to code pages in renpy.

Still didn't look phenomenal, but there's a whole lot more breathing room! This was in April 2023.

I took another "break" (worked on a million other things) and then... FINALLY... in late August 2023, just a few weeks ago, I had an art breakthrough!

I had garnered a better understanding of color and poses, and as a result my chibis became a LOT cuter! I was able to redraw most of them without too much hassle - whereas when I first started, it would take me all day to draw a single one.

I also drew custom heart icons (a plain heart, a golden heart, and a broken heart), figured out how to make text buttons look more fun and intuitive..

And here's where we're at now!!! I still need to draw eyes for Dart.... but I researched and absorbed a lot about screen compositions, and had a rather late realization that I could re-use backgrounds and assets I already have in the game.

That's it for the special edition. I'll update with more soon!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of replies with fandom stuff, then a couple of twst replies.

irregardlessly-tish asked:

A friend message me "YOU FOLLOW THE LEVI X GRISHA PERSON" and I had no clue what they were talking about but then they showed me the two pictures you drew of Levi and Grisha lol. It made me laugh a lot. Then I helped them found the uncensor version of one of the drawings in your pixiv since the link to twitter seem to be broken (I'm a great friend I know/j). I guess you could say they are big fans of your rarepair work!

LEVI X GRISHA PERSON AAAHH 😭 It’s always so funny to learn how people are referring to us; I was the Zevi artist, the Shroudcest artist… For some reason, being a Guriri (wow Grisha’s and Levi’s shipname is cute, I completely forgot about it) artist feels like such a high honour lol Especially because I had no idea there was someone out there invested in this ship. Your friend’s taste is excellent. A huge thank you to them for enjoying our stuff, and a huge thank you to you for helping to find the uncensored version. You really are a great friend hehe.

It’s honestly a shame that even the pixiv version is still censored (albeit not cropped like the tumblr version), because you can’t really post uncensored stuff there… So now only a few people who had saved our snk smut back when it was posted on our now-deleted twitter have it :(

(it’s a bit embarrassing looking back at those sketches and seeing all the mistakes though, yikes)

Anonymous asked:

I want to shake antis by the shoulders and scream at them all the time cause I see them being sooo unhealthy with themselves, and I've BEEN there I know what they are doing and I know it is just going to get them hurt with the same train wreck I got myself in!!

It's the whole problem with black and white thinking where you go "people treat incest shippers like satan himself, so I cannot accidentally enjoy it or I would be evil incarnate too, and adopted/step is the same thing, so I cannot accidentally like that, and found family is basically the same as adopted, so I have to avoid that, and character A called character B his bro one time, so..." that thinking pattern does not have a stopping point!!!!!! It is so unhealthy!!!!!!!!

And then people realize they can't stop themselves from enjoying unhealthy ships, and instead of separating fiction from reality, they just excuse everything abusive about the ship like it is fine and normal behavior because they cannot accept themselves enjoying something that is remotely problematic. It is so much more likely to get people hurt than just enjoying the porn of some fake brothers fucking 😭

Anon! First of all, sorry for replying late; we received your ask about a week ago but I didn’t have enough time to properly address it. Second of all, thank you for talking about it and sharing your experience.

It’s just like you said; people really don’t want to get ridiculed or hated, especially younger people, therefore, they are afraid of liking stuff that is even slightly problematic. And for some of them, if they don’t want their so-called friends to suspect them loving problematic stuff, they’ll act even more aggressive than they should to overcompensate. I feel like when it comes to antis who talk about us specifically, the most vocal and persistent ones are those whose friends called them out for following my accounts or liking my drawings. And this is honestly both sad and pathetic at the same time; I cannot imagine how bad of a headspace this might be. I don’t pity them though lol

We always talk about it, but still: this is a game you can’t win because the rules are always changing. The only thing that never changes is that there is no nuance, once the crowd decide that the ship is bad, it’s bad. Starting out with the basics, age gaps and incest are bad, right? Right. But what if the characters aren’t canonically related but could be interpreted as brothers? Then it’s still bad, right? But what if they aren’t at all brotherly, but one of them expressed that they want to do bad things to the other? Sounds bad, right? And thus, the only type of dynamic that exists is a romanticised version of a perfect gay couple: they are equal in every way, they love each other, they are SUCH DORKS together who fit perfectly to any “redraw this as your ship” meme that’s the hottest thing these days, they don’t have arguments, they don’t have misunderstanding and rough moments. Their personalities, everything that made their relationship unique or interesting completely disappears and smoothes out, and after that it’s not even a ship, it’s just a nice blend that is perfect for consumption because it doesn’t irritate your teeth, your throat, or your stomach. It’s tasteless, it’s boring, it’s nothing, and it’s not about the characters, it’s about deciding which two characters are unproblematic enough to be transformed into blorbos, and if they have some problematic elements in-canon, it’s okay, we’ll just erase those because being unproblematic doesn’t really matter. What matters is to act in a way that doesn’t go against what the rest of them are doing, because otherwise you’re making people uncomfortable, and if they are uncomfortable with you, they feel morally correct for attacking you.

It’s never about characters. It’s always about control, about cliques, about bullying and making everyone afraid to have an actual opinion. It’s about instilling in people’s mind that attacking strangers on the internet makes you a cool person because you are simultaneously a rebel for being so ballsy and brave, and a saint for having moral standards so high that you can’t stomach bad things even if they are fictional.

Sometimes people just have different ships and that’s okay. Sometimes people don’t have any ships and don’t understand the shipping culture, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to feel entitled to this control over the way others consume media and interact with it.

Because it makes the fandom experience boring at best and unbearable at worst.

Sorry, I digress lol What I wanted to say is that you are right, it messes with people’s brains. And it is much more unhealthy than fantasising about the things that are 100% fictional (which is, by the way, a huge part of their appeal).

Anonymous asked:

just wanted to say I love your content a lot, it's a breath of fresh air from all the anti content present in the fandom

You are very welcome, Anon! And thank you so much for your support <3 It means a lot to hear that our stuff is refreshing to you.

Anonymous asked:

Is Lilia sneezing on people on purpose, or is it a sneeze button for him?

(this is related to this post)

We’ll never know, Anon, it’s one of Lilia’s many mysteries…

Maybe it started out as a joke, but then he really began to sneeze on people every time his nose gets booped lol

Anonymous asked:

Where can I see the art for the new Shaftlands event?

I don’t think all of them are fully out yet, but people are pretty active on twitter, so simply looking up characters’ names is probably going to work!

Anonymous asked:

…Quick, someone bully Idia into sending nudes.

And be quick about it because Idia could also quickly change his mind and hack the recipient’s phone to delete the pictures!!

[sleepymccoy]

Hello, hi, I was a patron long ago and had to stop because $$ but was able to rejoin. I really want to reread Risen. Is there a good way to navigate it?

Hi hello! Oh the golden days of me being able to post consistently on patreon. A real highlight of lockdowns, that was ❤️❤️

I havent thought about risen is like years! Which is wild cos it's an amnesiac angel!crowley story, perfect after season 2

I don't think there's a way to access it for free rn, which sits badly with me. I've been thinking about this since reading your ask this morning and what I want to do (for you and me) is post it all on tumblr

However, it's hella long. So I'm gonna spend some time this week (we're very lucky it's mid semester break this week! Cos this'll probably take hours!) Setting up scheduled posts to stagger them a bit.

So yeah, I see that you follow me so keep that up and I will begin posting! I'll tag you in the first installment, cos thank you very much for reminding me about this. I don't want it behind a paywall anymore, that's just silly

Also, the reason I drew risen instead of writing it was cos I had this idea that I could draw Aziraphale pov looking at Crowley as an angel and be reminded of him as a demon. I thought I could echo scenes from the show more and have like two similar visuals next to each other to show the memory. But I never really did that. So now I'm looking forward to drawing a few extras for it too!!

It is a bit of a shame I never finished the redraw of risen, but I just had to go back to work and it takes so much time to draw comics. It's a fun story tho. Might see a light rewrite now cos I am grown and changed, ya know

Ily

[quibbs126]

So yesterday I found out that apparently in the comics, Peach and Dark Choco are friends, so I drew this

I’ve also been thinking again about Jujube/Dark Cacao since I made that au post with these two a week or so ago, and I remember that someone in the comments said that Peach was Jujube’s daughter. I’m not sure if she actually is, I know that in one of the Bake My Day shorts we see Jujube with a picture of a baby Peach, and their relationship charts imply that there’s some connection between the two, but nothing outright states it. Personally I think Peach could be Jujube’s adopted daughter, like either he found her or she was the child of someone close to him that died, leaving her in his care, but again, nothing’s confirmed. I say it because I don’t think jujubes and peaches are related fruits, but you never know. But this does leave the question of where Peach now stands in relation to Dark Choco, if we say that his parents are both Dark Cacao and Jujube

So I say, adopted/half siblings. They don’t see each other much, as they don’t live anywhere close to each other, but they do meet from time to time. There’s probably a pretty sizable age difference between them, given I think Peach is a teenager while Dark Choco’s an adult (if I had to give them human ages (because I don’t understand Cookie aging), I’d put Peach at 15-17 and Dark Choco around 29, but that’s just my headcanon). They’re pretty close, regardless of what’s going on with Dark Choco (though I imagine for a while he did stay away). I think it’d be nice if from time to time, he goes out to just hang out with her. He tells the other Cookies of Darkness “hey I’m going out to hang out with my sister” and they have no clue what he’s talking about

Edit: I should probably say, considering newer stuff, these are older headcanons, back before I read the comics and decided I liked darkpeach. So uh, these headcanons of them knowing each other having a sibling type relationship and Peach being a teenager are no longer a thing. These are outdated headcanons. Should probably mention this for clarity and people going through my older stuff. Maybe this wasn’t the best spot to put this info, but I thought I should put it as early as possible so that people don’t get the wrong idea

Now I want to draw Young Prince era Dark Choco with a small Peach

With the drawing, I was originally gonna draw Dark Choco with his new outfit, with the assumption that after his desertion, he at least spends some time hanging out with his baby sister, but then I thought “hey maybe we should draw him in his normal outfit more”, so that’s what I did. Assume he’s just out with her on a break. This also means I get to draw regular Dark Choco actually happy. I was also going to have the cape cover up his body, but then I thought “maybe we should actually draw his armor for once, considering you always cover it up”, so again, I did. As for Peach, I think I made her peaches too small? They actually used to be even smaller but then I tried to make them bigger. I’ll work on it

But yeah, I think that’s about it. Hope you like it!

[papermonkeyism]

if this is too personal, skip it, but; from where do you get the inspiration for your body mods, and the dedication to commit to them? :0

( i ask as a veeeeerrry fickle person who can't keep anything about herself consistent for over a year. i've had to have my ears pierced thrice because i keep losing interest in earrings! )

I don't know. There just are some body mods I've wanted as long as I can remember, and now being in my mid 30s, knowing I still want them, I figure it's safe enough to get them.

I've wanted a septum ring for, like, two decades or something. It's an aesthetic I've always liked, although my parents didn't let me when I still lived at home. (and once I moved out I kept chickening out. My parents' opinion on body mods nowdays is "it's your body, we don't own you") Whenever I made WoW characters where septum piercings were an option, I always took it. Etc. I also have several friends with septum rings too, who helpfully let me know what it would be like to have one. Took me making a pact with one of my body mod enthusiast friends to finally drag me to get it done, twenty years later, haha!

Tattoos same thing, though less specific. Always wanted tattoos, just took me a lot longer to decide on what or where. When I first asked my mom about getting a tattoo as a teenager, she warned me about its permanence, and said if I wanted a picture, I should tape it somewhere I could see it at all times, and if I still felt I needed that picture one year later without getting tired of it, I could get the tattoo. I never found a design I'd like long enough. It was great way to turn me away from logos and other franchise memorabilia too. Dodged that bullet!

The first tattoo I got was after my first ever cat died, and I wanted a memory of her. I also wanted the tattoo to have some me in it as well, so I designed an ink splatter (for art has always been part of me) with cat paw prints over it, one in ink, the other an absense of color. I was 29 when I took it, I knew I could never hate the best cat to ever exist in my life.

The second tattoo I took was on my chest. I was 32, had loved dinosaurs since way before even elementary school, and if I still hadn't fallen out of love for dinosaurs in all this time, I think it's a relatively safe bet. Though I did exaggerate its design, with things like a flowing tail mane in absurd proportions, so that if/when science marches on, it can be a magic fantasy unicorn version of a dinosaur instead of a scientifically accurate one, to keep it safe. I also wanted flowers around it, and to make it mean something, I asked my mom to pick her favourite flowers, and gave the list to the tattoo artist to design. (my prompt was literally "horse girl's dream tattoo: late Cretaceous edition")

The third tattoo I took, last week, I was 35. Cats have been very important to me since I was a kid, so it's for the cats I've had in my life. It's also for my love for cats in general, it's for the cat(s) I hope to have in the future, and it's also a personal pagan thing, as a flavour. I drew the cat design a full year and half ago, and I still like it, so it passed my mom's tattoo test from decades ago. Also, since I already have my mom represented by plants of her choosing over my heart, I wanted to have something from my dad on my drawing hand, which is where the lingonberry comes from.

I love nature, always had, and my heart belongs to the forests outdoors. The plant patterns give me life. Now I get to carry them on me as well. They don't have to be perfect, as neither am I, but I am extremely picky about the tattoo artists I choose to do my inks, and both times I've been satisfied.

I have no desire for further piercings. While I do like the aesthetics of ear piercings, they aren't something I wish for my own flesh vessel. (I have, since I was a teen, sometimes toyed with the idea of having my ears made pointy, but at this point in life, I don't really want to go through the healing process. As tempting as the uncanny valley effect is, just don't think I will.)

I have plans mapped out for further tattoos, but no worthy subjects yet. The bracelet on my right wrist will someday extent over the back of the hand. My left shoulder will some day have ink (might ask fir my brother's fave plants), but I'm not yet at a point where I want to disturb the chest tattoo's lily-of-the-valleys. I want a half sleeve covering my left forearm (that's gonna cost a fortune, though). Possibly an ankle bracelet on my left leg. I'll need to find designs I can tolerate having as markings first, though.

I don't know. I have moles that are part of me, few scars, and vitiligo. I like those just fine, and I didn't get to choose them. All scars are stories after all. The ink markings are mine because I chose them, and I have reasons for all of them. They are memories, they are feelings. In a way they are love too. AND they look dang awesome, I still haven't stopped staring at the lingonberry leaves, the artist did such a great job!!

[the-script-demands-it]

Welcome to...

Rad's enormous pile of abandoned MetaWare WIPs/things that ARE finished but I didn't like them/WIPs that I might come back to/other stuff!

Below the "keep reading" button will be a detailing of all of these images! Please be aware that this WILL be an extremely long post, so... Just a warning. There'll be a second post after this that will also contain the rest of the art that I wasn't able to squeeze in here. (Even 30 pics per Tumblr post isn't enough for this...)

Let's start off with the most recently abandoned WIP!

I started drawing this about two weeks after Chris' birthday (her bday is January 4th) and I was really happy with it, but then I had NO idea how to pose Izzy. It's a bummer since I liked how Chris' hair came out, but alas! (Happy belated birthday, Chris!)

Possibility of finishing?: Yeah, maybe. Prob will have to change Izzy's pose if I really want to finish it though.

Oh hey, I posted this a few months ago on my other blog!

Really wish I finished it, but now that I'm looking back on it, there's definitely some improvement to be had here. I don't like whatever's going on with her face. You can tell that I gave up while trying to make the background as well. Poor Hope!

Possibility of finishing?: I'll have to completely redraw this if I plan on finishing it, but I've definitely got a feeling that I'll come back to this someday.

Hmph!

This one's actually pretty finished, I've just never posted it anywhere before because it's such a small little doodle. I like it though! Nari in a Gir tassel hat is always welcome.

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done. Don't plan on editing it!

(This happens on the rude route!)

It's basically just a proof of concept, and a VERY minimal one at that, but I think it's got some merit! Not enough people talk about that Chris Vs Aspen scene, honestly.

Possibility of finishing?: Sometime this year maybe...??? I don't plan on abandoning this forever, I just don't really know when I'll get around to it.

AUTISM BLAST PT. 1

Hey, remember that art I had pinned on my other blog for a while? I was planning on redrawing it, but I only ever managed to complete one part of it until I forgot about it... It's definitely an upgrade from the original version, though I can do better than this nowadays.

Possibility of finishing?: I'm DEFINITELY going to redraw this someday. I need a new pinned post, damn it!

Thx ^]

Okay, here's some context for these two. I got an anonymous ask on my other account saying that they liked my MetaWare PFP and I thought that it would be a great idea if I responded to it with some art and also turn that same post into an announcement for my MetaWare sideblog (this one!), but that of course did not actually happen.

Possibility of finishing?: NO.

Nari looks so... "off" in this picture.

I like how I drew Hope, but ergh... that is NOT Nari. I don't know how I managed to make her look like a completely different character in this one, but I do NOT like it.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, I think I'm done with this pic.

Woah, scary!

I actually touched this one up a bit before sending it here. It used to look MUCH more incomplete, but it's basically done now besides from the hair being missing 'n all.

Possibility of finishing?: I might draw more MetaWare stuff with drastic lighting in the future, but I don't plan on revisiting this specifically.

Le miaow miaows.

I worked on Hope before sending this because she looked kinda off, but I think she looks OK now. You can see that this isn't really what my usual art style looks like. I was trying to mix together the original MetaWare sprite art style and the style SparkBag used in the polaroid anniversary art he made, and I think I did just fine.

Possibility of finishing?: It's basically already done! Coloring it would probably make it cooler, but I don't think I'll ever do that.

This won't be the last time I try to use eyes symbolically.

I still REALLY want to revisit this again. It's great! It's magnificent! I just did NOT have the ability to execute it properly back when I made it a ton of months ago, so I just didn't do it. Still don't know if I do now, but it's worth a shot. (This was basically just another proof of concept, by the way.)

Possibility of finishing?: Absolutely! I'll try to get to this sometime soon this year.

GRILLING START ! ! !

Yep, this was based off of Papyrus' "Dating Start!" minigame! Just another proof of concept or... Okay I don't know what else to call these. Like, they're definitely NOT finished nor are they actual fleshed out sketches, what else am I supposed to call them???? I think it's cool though.

Possibility of finishing?: Don't think I'll be ditching this idea anytime soon. Seems kinda simple to draw too, I'll get to it sometime.

Lookin' pretty cute!!

Context for this one: It was gonna be a 3 part comic or something with Hope drawing Nari's bear fursona. Never actually made the comic though, but I DID make her fursona!!! It's the one right below this one, actually.

Possibility of finishing?: Nope.

BEAR NARI BARI LET'S GO

Personally, I think this is adorable. When drawing people's fursonas I always kinda make them more animal than anthropomorphic, but I think it leads to pretty cute art!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done!

I was just testing out a brush with this one, I think.

It's a cute little doodle, don't have much to say about it though! I WILL say that the bear plushie was a bit inspired by my own plush I have at home, though this one is much smaller than mine.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, it's just a little doodle.

Ingo Nari... Ingri... Angry!?!

iiii really think I made the hat too big. Like... WAY too big. Don't really like how her face came out, but the body itself is pretty OK. I based it too much on Ingo's original pose though, kinda looks like I just put Nari's head on his head LMAO

Possibility of finishing?: This is basically already finished, though I might draw Nari cosplaying as Ingo again. Why not?

(Bonus Ingri!)

Nari in a hoodie!

Don't exactly remember what this was for. Either it was for an AU of mine or someone else's AU. Her front hair's kinda too far down though, I had a bit of a habit making her face REALLY small compared to her hair in my old art.

Possibility of finishing?: Nay!

Wow, Nari with an eye AND eyebrows! Who woulda thunk it.

Her hair is much puffier than previous versions in this one. Why? Dunno. She looks pretty cool AND cute in this though!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already complete.

My polar bear plush makes a cameo in this one! Say hi!

I had to edit this one a SHIT ton before sending this final picture. I wish I had a pin that said "I HATE DRAWING METAWARE STYLE NOSES" because I loathe them. There were other reasons why I didn't like the original version, but I was annoyed with the nose the most. Really happy how this came out though!

Possibility of finishing?: I just finished it right now. (I'll probably be posting this on its own sometime soon)

Some original characters...!? Unthinkable!

This features Lumi (Metolefrul-indus' fan character) and an old version of Rowan (my fan character)! I changed Rowan's design and personality soon after this, so I don't think this interaction with Lumi and Rowan will actually ever happen... Sorry Lumi! 'Twas just a little doodle.

Possibility of finishing?: NEVER.

Last but not least (for this post, anyway), is this Chris and Izzy sketch!

Some pals requested this during a stream and this was all I managed to make of it... I'm so sorry!!!!!!! They were good prompts!!! I'll finish it one day I swear!!!!

Possibility of finishing?: Soon!

PHEW WE'RE DONE FOR THIS POST. We have 20 more to go in the next one! Might post it next week because this is tiring holy hell. Glad to show these WIPs off to the world though!

P.S. I'm going to skip a few images seen in the huge pic at the beginning! Some were already completed and I'll just post those on their own orrrr I just don't want to review 'em.

[valcuda]

Random Crud: Digital Stickers

(I feel like I'm using Tumblr wrong, but I don't know how to use it correctly.)

This post is mainly to share some digital stickers I made a couple years ago. Feel free to share them around, just don't claim them as yours, or use them for things related to AI. You can find all the stickers at the bottom of the post (Hopefully).

Anyways, years ago at this point, a friend gave me an old iPhone 6S Plus, to help me get used to IOS so I could help people when had issues with it, since I'm a tech person (Certified PC Pro in fact!) and thus enjoy helping people with their tech issues.

However, I discovered something absolutely amazing on it! Apps can give you stickers to use in iMessage!!!! I absolutely loved the idea of sending someone a sticker as a reply, instead of a typical text. Unfortunately, the only person I had on iMessage was the friend who gave me the iPhone, but that didn't stop me!

Sticker Series 1!

Operation: Sticker!

(I'm 80% sure this is actually what I called it.) I decided to make some stickers of my characters! Notably, the main characters from Multiverse Heroes, those being: Carrot Man, Potato Man, Skizzy, and Junk-Watt.

Inspired by the stickers from "Sky: Children of the Light", which looked like they were drawn with a crayon or something, I made low resolution stickers, with a crayon brush, and a white outline.

The first sticker I did, was Carrot Man in the typical pose I drew him in at the time, before using that as a template for the rest of his stickers. For some reason, I had the bright idea of making every character have the same set of expressions, though I ended up getting lazy, causing Carrot Man and Potato Man to have more stickers than the rest.

As much as I'd love to share these, there's over 30 stickers in the first series alone. I'm limited to 30 images per post, so I'm gonna be a bit picky about which ones I share for now. If anyone wants the others, I'll share them.

Anyways, I made all the stickers, and went through the painful task of getting them on iMessage, which required a special app, which ignored transparencies. So I had to manually cut the stickers out again, in the app, before I could FINALLY use them in iMessage!

I never used iMessage.

Fortunately, a month or two later, Discord made it so you could have 5 free stickers on a server! I had forgotten about the stickers at this point.

Sticker Series 1.5!

A year later, I remembered about this little project, and decided to revive it.

Carrot Man had undergone a massive personality shift, so I decided to make new stickers for Carrot Man, showing his more stubborn personality. I then remembered they'd be a pain in the ass to use cause I could only have 5 stickers on my server.

One of my friends gave me the idea of making them emoji however! So I went back through, and redrew the stickers with a standard brush so they'd be simpler, and thus look better at smaller sizes. I then made them emoji on the server.

I then decided to pick 5 stickers for the server, and ended up drawing a sticker of Nixie (A character who lasted 2 weeks before being scrapped), cause I only had 4 characters and didn't want to give one two stickers.

I then never used them.

Sticker Series 2!

8 Months later, I remembered about the project again, and decided to revive it once again.

Unfortunately, Multiverse had changed a bit. Junk-Watt was now scrapped, Potato Man wasn't in Multiverse Heroes, and Carrot Man became even more stubborn.

So, I decided to draw a whole new sticker pack! This time, I would only draw 4 stickers of each character, including their default pose. I did this, so none of the characters would have every expression, you'd have a reason to use them all.

The characters I did, were Carrot Man, Skizzy, Jasmin, and Mira (who I have yet to talk about, just think of her as Blue Skizzy).

I then later drew 2 stickers of Fridge, another character I have yet to talk about.

This pack got the most use! As I kept them locally stored on my computer, in an easy to access location, so I could quickly whip them out if the situation ever called for it!

I've used them 5 times.

Sticker Series 3!

Over a year later, I remembered about this project, and decided to make a Tumblr post about it.

Jokes aside I was going to make a whole new sticker pack, and release those stickers on this post, but it took me 2 hours to make 2 stickers of a character, and I'm doing 4 for each new character, and I have at least 5 characters I want to do.

So I'm delaying the release of Sticker Series 3, or rather, I'm posting this post on time, instead of delaying it so I can release Series 3 with it.

Instead, here's

Sticker Collection 1!

(Note: The first sticker of a character is their default expression)

Carrot Man -

Here's Carrot Man with 3 stages of anger! Annoyed, Irritated, and Fucking Furious.

Skizzy S. Vamgon -

(Note: This is the scrapped version of Skizzy, not the Skizzy from Junk-Watt's story)

Here we have Skizzy being bored, sleeping, and the result of sleeping first at a sleep over. (I can't explain the 4th sticker any other way)

Jasmin -

Next we have Jasmin with some sadness! Sad, crying, and sickness!

Mira Ophelia Nightglow -

(This is the first time I've mentioned Mira, I need to explain her in an info dump sometime. Note however that she's scrapped)

Here we have Mira with some positive emotions, before having her heart broken! Welcome to the real world bitch!

Fridge -

Okay, Fridge is an outlier in multiple senses. One, I've been ignoring him in all my info dumps (I've merely forgotten to mention Mira); two, he has no base pose sticker; three, he only has 3 stickers; four, 2 of those stickers are more than just a pose.

Anyways, we have Fridge here exclaiming his battle cry, annoying Carrot Man, and wearing a disguise. (I actually want to make more stickers like Fridge's first 2)

End of Stickers

Okay, that's all for now.

My plan for Sticker Pack 3, is to hopefully get stickers of all my current characters, and maybe some more dynamic ones. I think it'd be cute to have Sophia and Jasmin, or Junk-Watt and Jasmin, hugging, with "Best Mom Ever!" above them. Maybe I could also have Sophia and Rossel hugging, since they're sisters; or Jasmin working on Junk-Watt, or programming something.

I can't make any promises about more dynamic stickers, as those are definitely harder to make, and require a draft, unlike the normal stickers. I also don't know when I'll finish them. (I'll prob end up forgetting about the stickers again, like every time)

I also don't know when I'll get around to talking about Mira, or Fridge. I've been somewhat avoiding talking about Fridge, which has been easy, since he was scrapped for a bit, but he's now been potentially un-scrapped! As for Mira, she was tied heavily to Multiverse Heroes, and Skizzy Vamgon, both of which are scrapped. Unlike Fridge, I just straight up forgot about her!

Anyways, that's all for now!

[sunnybubblezzz]

SUCH A GOOD WEEK

okay well first of all i’ll start with just how great this weekend was. like UGHHESAHDH and then im just gonna say how grateful i am to God because woah im soo happy.

okay well first of all, DUHHH BIRTHDAY WEEK. i genuinely forgot this week was my birthday and MANNASND IM SO HAPPY. like i didnt get to do ALL the things i wanted for my birthday and i didnt get everything i wanted ofcofc but woah this week was amazing.

I GOT TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES. THAT MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE and i got to go with two of my close friends. i was really really sad bc i thought we wouldnt be able to go and i DOOO wish more of my friends were able to come with me.

BUT LIKE IT WAS SOOO GOOD AND I LOVE THE FRIENDS WHO CAME WITH ME.

you guys are never gonna see this but i loved that day and it brought me sm joy you have no idea. PLUS I GOT TO SEE SNOW???

my birthday day was eh BUTBUT EVERYONE SENT THEIR BIRTHDAY TEXTS TO ME AND I NO LIE GOT SOO HAPPY. i didnt expect all my friends to remember idk but they did and i was OVERJOYED.

THEN I GOT TO GO ICE SKATING FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY? it was SOOO nice and was SOO much fun plus that was an amazing time with my friends

and my friend gave me a birthday gift..

I LEGIT SHED TEARS (okay not in front of her but still) LIKE I CANNOT. it was only one person but man sometimes i forget how good it feels to get a gift from someone.

like… im always the one giving gifts but it really really touched my heart to get one from her and I LOVE HER SM AND I CANTTT IT MADE MY DAY.

i love you i really do.

then ofc i saw one of my closest(?) friends (and i lowkey felt we were drifting apart) like FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK BACK TO BACK. okay okay trust me thats a lot for us 💀.

we went to the mall together which was lowkey weird bc she never asks me to hang out like that. AND I GOT THE PERFECTT DRESS LIKE I LOVE IT SMM??

then WE WENT TO THE GENSHIN CONCERT

moment of silence for just how GRATEFUL I AMMM.

i love you SMMSMM for getting me tickets like the opportunity of a lifetime?? ngl i lowkey was kinda mad bc the friend we took wasnt as grateful as i felt she should have been… thats how grateful i was like “how can someone not thank this girlie with all her might”

it was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE and im only sad that one of out other friends couldnt go.

I WAS JUST

AHSDHASHDHSDHHS

IT WAS SO GOOOD

okay and now for one of my favorite moments..

okay so we were taking pics with some of the cosplayers and then this other cosplayer talks behind us… i look behind me, look at her cosplay and immediately say, “YING?” AND SHE SAYS YES???

like in the car we were looking at twitter for who’s going and was AMAZED that ying was and hoped we get to see her. I DID NOT EXPECT US TO?

LIKE I JUST RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER VOICE. the last time i listened to this girls voice was months ago but SHHH that’s unimportant.

what ISSS IMPORTANT IS THAT I SAW HER, FANGIRLED OVER HER, SHE CALLED ME PRETTY, THEN I WAS JUST OVERJOYED.

THENNN I WENT HOME, POSTED THE INTERACTION ON TWITTER, AND SHE SAID SHE REMMBERED ME.. HELLO??

LIKE WHY ARE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HAPPENING TO ME ITS NOT ADDING UP.

i wouldnt call myself an unlucky person (luck isn’t real). but i will say that a lot of unfortunate things happen to me usually and ive just learned to go with the flow. but idk im just just so HAPPY and so GRATEFUL and and im scared that it’ll all get ruined when i wake up but man cant i live in this moment of happiness forever?

then today was just such an amazing day like such a great end to my birthday week i just. im just.

anyway to end it off, one of my friends from a while ago texted me asking if i ever drew this picture for this girl named sarah.. it took a sec, but i recognized the drawing and remembered.

I WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS A LITTLE BIRTHDAY DRAWING I DREW FOR THIS GIRL LIKE YEARSSSSSSS AGO?

she said she really loved it sm, kept it for years, and that i was super nice.

OKAY LIKE I CANT BELIEVE SHE KNOWS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS FIRSTLY. BUT SECONDLY WHAT?? LIKE IM JUST FROZEN WITH JOY SHE KEPT MY DRAWING FOR YEARS? not a rip in sight…

its just SO encouraging and so so idek im just so happy.

then to end it off, the artist WHO WAS MY MOST LISTENED TO ARTIST OF 2024 WITH 2,000+ MINUTES OF LISTENING??? SAID SHE WOULD POST MY SKETCHBOOK SPREAD (inspired by her music) ON HER STORY WHEN I FINISHED IT?

i

i love you God so much.

just i was feeling so down this past idek month or more because i just have such idek its just so much things happen to me and i just have to go along with it and not let it phase me. i feel so much emotions but none of them bring me down yknow? like i have to be happy and i dont FEEL happy…

but this.

this week makes me feel like God loves me and all of these things happened because of Him. I love him and I love all my friends, I really do love all of you guys.

some of you guys DOO get on my nerves, some of you guys ARE confusing, some of you guys are kinda weird, and i do feel like i love some of you more then you love me.. but in the end you guys are my friends. i love you guys.

and i love you God. I love you for everything you do and I dont know why you love me but I’m sososo happy you do. no one will ever love me like you do. thank you for always being there for me. i love you.

and so we end this. i KNOW that ill cry bc of sadness again (probably in the near future ngl) and I KNOWW that this happy feeling wont last. but for right now im gonna treasure it… please ANDDD thank you.

happy birthday to me.

[softiem]

you used to paint his skies (pt. 2)

pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x GN!Reader

overview: The one in which Bokuto is still swearing up and down that he loves you, but the nagging feeling in your chest is too strong to ignore.

word count: ~4.3k

content warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing, MSBY!Bokuto, mildly suggestive scene at the end (no nsfw), our baby Bokuto kind of loses it at the end, don’t let the fluffy interludes deceive you again

notes: I’M SO SORRY FOR LITERALLY BEING DEAD FOR 6 MONTHS,,, Here’s the second part to “you used to paint his skies” :D (I think this is better than part one — at least I hope so). Some people asked to be tagged for this second part, so those will be below. Thank you for reading, darlings ʕ ´•̥̥̥ ᴥ•̥̥̥`ʔ <333

part one.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“Baby?”

Faint sniffles came from Bokuto, whose head was currently nestled on your lap, the two of you strewn across the sofa. His arms were wrapped tight around your waist, as if he were afraid that holding you any looser would cause you to disappear from his arms. His voice was quiet, meek — nothing like the loud, boisterous ball of energy you’d grown to adore, to cherish.

To fall in love with.

Now, here the both of you were, a pile of cracked and fragmented pieces of the love you once shared, desperately grasping at whatever you could salvage from the mess.

You hummed a response.

“Are we gonna be okay?” Bokuto turned his head, his eyes staring up at you — wide, teary, and filled with a broken sense of hope.

In an attempt to avoid breaking down a third time, you cleared your throat. You still couldn’t look down at him, into his eyes that seemed to praise your very existence, even after the pain you caused.

“Please.” His voice cracked.

“Let’s not talk about that right now, Kou-Bokuto.”

He bit his lip roughly, enough to bite into the skin and draw a slight trace of blood. Choking on a weak sob, he nestled his head into your stomach once more. He couldn’t stop you from calling him that name anymore; he’d lost that privilege.

What could he have been asking for? For you to simply just call him your Koutarou again? For you not to leave him and stay in his arms? For you to kiss him and wipe those tears running from his pretty eyes as you tell him you’ll love him forever, no matter what?

Quite honestly, Bokuto didn’t know what he was asking of you; he didn’t know what he wanted from you.

The only thing running through his mind was the fact that he’d just ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.

You.

You, the love of his life. He knew you like the back of his hand.

He knew how, despite your small tendency to be romantically constipated, you tried your best to love him — even to the point of using stupidly cheesy pet names for each other.

– – – – –

“Please, baby!” Bokuto had your hands tightly grasped in his. “I swear, if you do this for me, I won’t ever ask you for anything else for the rest of my life — okay, that’s a lie because I really want ice cream after this, but you know what I mean!”

“Kou.” You drew in a breath. “I’m saying yes to the ice cream later, but those are the cheesiest pet names I have ever heard of.”

You saw the way Bokuto visibly deflated as he heard your soft rejection of his idea.

For the rest of the night (after stopping by the store and getting yourselves two tubs of ice cream, of course), the two of you sat cuddled up on the sofa half-paying attention to whatever B-list movie was recommended to you. Occasionally, you would hear Bokuto let out a deep sigh, most likely to try and guilt trip you into doing what he asked of you earlier.

Turning your head to face him, you grinned at the little pout on his lips as his eyes bore holes into the TV screen.

“Hey, Kou.”

Nothing. His attention stayed glued to the TV. The only sign that showed he’d heard you was the deepening of his pout.

“Koutaro, pretty boy. I’m talking to you,” you giggled.

Still nothing. You racked your brain for all of the possible ways this could end — every one of them resulted in the same thing.

Sighing, you brought up a finger to poke at his cheek. “Hey, dovey.”

If Bokuto were a dog, his ears would have stood straight up and his tail would have started wagging as he whipped his head around to look at you.

“Say that again,” he demanded, his eyes wide and sparkling and the corner of his lips twitching, just barely restraining a smile.

When you didn’t reply, his fingers prodded at your side — a promise to tickle you if you didn’t humour him right now.

“Say it again! Who am I?”

“You’re my dovey.”

“And who are you?”

You struggled to fight the urge to curl up into yourself as you answered him, “I’m your lovey.”

“And what are we together?” Bokuto brought his face closer to yours, his eyes going back and forth between your eyes and lips.

“We’re lovey dovey.” You completed it with a pair of awkward jazz hands.

With that, Bokuto’s face split into a blinding smile as his laughter rang through the living room. He brought you tight into his arms and buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“Yes! I knew you could do it, lovey!” Your cheeks grew warm as you were subjected to his rain of kisses on your face. 

Pulling him in for one last kiss to your lips, you whispered, “I love you so much, Kou.”

– – – – –

He knew how he was always the first thing on your mind; you’d put him as your first priority without fail, no matter how busy you were, even when he hadn’t put you as his.

– – – – –

Bokuto stared up at the crisp, white ceiling — hospitals were never a fun place to be in. He was broken from his thoughts when the door to his room burst open, revealing you in your ever-ethereal work clothes rushing toward him.

“Babe! Are you alright?” Stopping at the side of his bed, you brought his hand up to place a kiss on his knuckles.

Bokuto let out a light laugh as he intertwined his fingers with yours. “Yeah, it’s just a sprained ankle. Nothing to worry about, honey.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing to worry about’? Your coach said that you’d have to be out for two weeks!”

“That’s not too much! It’s not like I’ll be missing the whole season, angel.”

“But, Kou, you also have to–”

Bokuto stopped your worried rambling as he pulled you down, giving you a soft kiss on your lips and cheeks. He gave you a smile.

“Stop worrying, baby! Everything will be fine because I have the cutest, smartest, and kindest nurse to help me recover, right?”

“And who’s that?” You sent him a teasing look as your hands shuffled through your pockets looking for your phone.

“You, silly!” He paused before staring up at you in concern. “You are going to take care of me, right, baby?”

“I don’t know about that, Kou. Work has been hectic lately.” You pulled out your phone.

“But I’m injured! And I’m your boyfriend too! You can’t just leave your injured boyfriend alone to fend for himself! Baby!” Walking away from his bed, you exited the hospital room, tapping away on your phone.

A few minutes passed before you returned, seeing Bokuto sulking in the hospital bed, a familiar pout on his lips.

Your eyes softened as you gave him a smile. “Guess who just got two weeks off?”

– – – – –

The foundation of your relationship was built upon the fact that the two of you knew each other like no other; you loved each other like no other.

So how had everything culminated into such a mess?

“Bokuto.” You felt the way his body stiffened as you called his name.

“Yes,” he hesitated, “honey?”

“Do you remember what I told you a couple years ago? About what I thought of love?”

Feeling a prickling sensation in his nose, Bokuto squeezed his eyes shut, forcing out a few tears that had collected on his eyelashes.

His voice came out hoarse and weak as he whispered, “I could never forget.”

– – – – –

The sky was enveloped in a cloak of darkness, but not even the onslaught of exhaustion could prevent the two of you from leaning back on the picnic blanket to stare up at the shimmering stars.

“Baby?” Bokuto turned his head to where you lay beside him. You hummed in response, half of your attention taken by the stars.

“What do you think about love?”

You raised an eyebrow, rolling onto your side to fully look at your boyfriend.

The moonlight casted harsh shadows on his face, but the way he looked at you — eyes sparkling with curiosity and the corners of his lips curled into a light smile — softened the darkness surrounding the two of you.

“Where did that question come from?” You raised a hand to lightly trace over the curves and slopes of his face; your thumb caressed his cheek as he leaned into your touch.

“Answer my question first, and then I’ll tell you.” His eyes turned into little crescent moons as he smiled at you. “Deal?”

You pretended to think about it for a few seconds. “Hm, three kisses please,” you said, wiggling three of your fingers.

Bokuto laughed, indulging you with a kiss to both of your cheeks and a final kiss to your lips.

“Okay, okay,” you giggled. “You asked me what I think about love?”

He nodded.

“Well,” you sighed, turning back to face the midnight sky above you, “I think that love is like the sky — the sun, to be specific. It’s always changing, and everything is so unpredictable about it. There’s so much potential for destruction in what the sky holds. But, there’s always one constant. Do you know what it is, Kou?” You looked at him.

“What is it, angel?” His golden eyes glimmered, as if they were holding stars themselves.

Adjusting your position on the picnic blanket (you curled closer into Bokuto, who wrapped an arm around your shoulders), you continued, “It’s the sun. No matter how much it rains or snows or whatever weather catastrophe is happening, the sun is always going to be there. Sure, you can have multiple suns like those Star Wars planets, but…” you trailed off, looking into his eyes. “... I think I’m happy with my one sunshine.”

Bokuto, ever the romantic, pulled you into a nearly-bone-crushing hug as he laughed into your shoulder. After peppering kisses to your neck and jaw, he pulled away to look at you. He sported the brightest smile, but something sparkled behind those eyes of his.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re getting cheesier than me.”

You groaned, leaning away from him, “Shut up, Kou!”

He giggled before placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Now let’s get home before these mosquitoes eat us alive, honey.”

“And then you’ll tell me where you got that question from?”

“Of course, honey! I never break a deal!”

– – – – –

How could he forget what you said? Every word you’ve ever spoken to him, he’s grasped onto like a lifeline, as if they would be your last. He was so close to bursting — so close to pulling himself off of your lap, looking into your pretty eyes, grasping your shoulders, and yelling at you, screaming at you, asking why you would think he could ever forget anything about you. How dare you think he could ever forget anything about you?

But he couldn’t do that. Not to you. Not anymore.

He didn’t realise that you’d gone silent — his world had gone silent — until your sniffles broke his reverie. His arms tightened around your waist as his head nuzzled into your stomach once again; it was a broken act of comfort.

“Honey,” the edges of his voice cracked as he called out for you. “Talk to me. Please. Don’t… don’t stay quiet.”

Being met with another bout of silence was almost excruciating. Bokuto was struggling to keep himself together, to keep his head above the water before he drowned in his thoughts of losing you.

He launched himself up from your lap, grabbing your face with shaky hands. He had tears running down his face once again. His face was blotchy, and his hair was a mess. He was a mess.

“Please, lovey,” he whispered. If you stayed silent just one minute longer, he’d collapse. He was sure of it. Fighting the urge to just sit himself in your lap, pull you tight against him, and beg you not to leave, Bokuto settled with caressing the skin under your shirt.

Finally, you broke the silence.

“I forgot to tell you one thing that night.” You moved your hand from where it was resting in his hair back to your side; he tensed at the loss of your touch.

He swallowed, his anxiety began to pile up once again. “What’d you forget, baby?”

“Even though the sun” — your voice cracked — “is a constant, sometimes it can be too much. Burn too bright and dry up everything underneath the sky. Sometimes...” you paused to take a deep breath, trying to swallow back the lump that was growing in your throat. “Sometimes the sun can do even worse harm than anything the sky could do.”

Bokuto could feel the gradual increase of his heartbeat. He shook his head, his fingers involuntarily digging into your skin. No, no, you didn’t mean that. You couldn’t mean that. If you did he… he didn’t know what he would do.

“I’m sorry, Bokuto,” you murmured, “I can’t stay here any longer.”

You tried to pry yourself out of his grip, but he wouldn’t relent. His arms were shaking as he pulled you even closer into him. He was whispering something to himself.

“Bokuto, I’m being serious.” You tried to keep your voice stable but failed miserably — it all came out shaky, your tone uneven. “Let me go.”

His whispers grew louder until you could finally understand what he was saying.

“No, no. This isn’t real. I love you. I love you. No, don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I love you.”

You called his name. Once, twice, thrice. As you called for him, his whispers grew to full-blown cries.

“Bokuto!”

“I’M SORRY DON’T LEAVE ME!”

But the only thing your eyes chose to focus on was the trail of red and purple leading down his neck.

You felt a prickling sensation behind your eyes, a feeling that had grown familiar to you in the past few hours.

Bokuto caught the wandering of your eyes down his neck, a faraway mist muddled the irises he loved gazing into; he realised what you were staring at, forcing down a choked sob. He clenched his jaw, violently cursing himself for making you feel like you weren’t enough, like you weren’t the one keeping him standing straight.

Like you weren’t his sun, moon, stars, and whatever else you filled the fucking sky with.

He gently moved your head, trying to get you to look back into his eyes and away from the bruised mistake that marred his skin. His thoughts only filled with one thing — “Come back to me, baby.”

Waves of relief crashed against him once you met his eyes.

“Baby– Angel– I’m so– I don’t– Please–” Bokuto struggled to keep his thoughts straight. Not when you stared at him with an iciness that pierced his heart every time he looked back into your eyes, hoping to find even the smallest trace of love left for him.

He let out a rough sigh, frustrated with his inability to speak through the racing of his heart. His hands, still cupping your face, lightly squeezed your cheeks to ground himself. He looked back to you, his eyes swimming with even more tears, trying to send a message to you that he couldn’t put into words.

You looked away from him, focusing on the ticking clock on the wall as you gnawed your lip. A question had been running through your mind ever since he cracked into your resolve to leave and pulled you to the sofa, laying his head in your lap.

Your eyes turned back to him.

“Can you tell me something, Bokuto?”

“Yes, yes, baby, of course. I’ll do anything you want.” He eagerly nodded, a small spark of hope sparkled within him.

“Why’d you lie?”

He felt as though you just dumped him into one of Atsumu’s god-awful ice baths.

“What’re you saying, angel?” His eyebrows furrowed. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Earlier,” you croaked. “I asked you earlier how long you’ve been” — you couldn’t say that word; it’d hurt too much — “messing around.”

A glint of recognition passed his eyes.

Continuing, you forced your voice out, even though it grew weaker the more you tried to hide your pain, “You said that it was just this once. That wasn’t the whole truth, was it?”

Fuck. Bokuto took his hands away from your face, opting to grasp one of your hands in his. He gave your knuckles a kiss before looking back at you, his eyes teeming with unadulterated guilt and desperation.

“I-I knew them before this ever happened. We met at one of the team parties, but you weren’t there because you were at work.” He saw a glimpse of darkness shadow over your face, and his heartbeat picked up again (not that it ever really settled). “But we never did anything! Not until last night, at least.” His voice grew quiet at the end.

“And never once did it occur to you to tell them that you were taken?”

Bokuto’s lips started trembling — no doubt he’d begin crying again. He looked down, trying to avoid your glare, but his grip on your hand never loosened.

“Please, baby. I’m so sorry,” he choked out, “I’m so fucking sorry. I fucked up in the worst way possible. But I promise you, I never did anything with them before. We just talked at that one party. I promise you that. I promise, honey.”

The look in your eyes became even colder, even more distant; something akin to hatred was present as well. No, this couldn’t be happening. His worst nightmare was coming true. You’d finally learned the truth and were going to leave him. You might have called him your sunshine that one night two years ago, but, to him, you were his oxygen — without you, he was truly nothing. Just a corpse of a man, not worth wasting a breath on.

He was losing you. Again.

“I’m leaving, Bokuto.” You roughly pulled your hand from his grasp, ignoring his cries for you to please stop, to listen for just a minute longer. “Don’t you dare try to look for me.”

Bokuto whimpered, following you to where you were trying to pick up your bags in your haste of anger. Once again, he tugged at the straps, trying to steal them away from you, but his arms grew weak at the scowl pointed his way.

His breath quickened, and his heart raced. He was panicking, grasping at straws to have to rethink your choice and stay with him so he could apologise for the rest of both of your lives. He’d spend the remainder of eternity begging for your forgiveness if only you’d just stay with him.

But he couldn’t say a word. Not with his blinded panic, and definitely not with the terrible, agonising look you were giving him as you stared back at him.

Was this how you felt when he’d walked out on you last night? Hopeless. Defenseless. As if you weren’t even worth a grain of sand underneath the other’s shoe.

“Lovey, I’m sorry!” Bokuto cried out one more time, hoping that he’d reach out to whatever small piece of love you still held for him. “I said I’m sorry! Please just forgive me, don’t leave me. Please! I’m begging you! Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it a million times over. Just, please,” he quieted to a whisper, just barely reaching your ears, “stay with me, and we can get through this together.”

His face crumpled as he heard your responding scoff.

“There’s no more ‘together’ for us, Bokuto.”

Your words stung — well, they stung as much as a gunshot or a knife to the heart would sting. He pressed on, desperate to get you to hear him out.

“I’m your sunshine, right? Your dovey. Your babe. Your pretty boy. Your Koutarou. Right?” He gripped onto the hem of his shirt, balling his hands into fists. “No matter what you call me, I’m yours. And I always will be. Even if you leave me right now, I’ll never stop looking for you. You know why?”

You stayed silent.

“Because I am just as much your sun as you are mine.”

His words echoed in your mind — that twisted, gnawing feeling came back in your gut. You knew that if you stayed for one more minute, it’d be over for you, and you’d go running back into his arms that always held you so tightly. Into his arms that smelt like home. Into his arms that made you feel like you were on top of the world as long as he was by your side. Into his arms that held onto another once the two of you reached a rough patch.

You made your decision.

“Koutarou…” His head snapped up to look at you, his eyes wide and glittering with a false sense of hope. “I’m sorry. I have to leave.”

There was another feeling growing within Bokuto. It was ugly, festering in the deepest parts of his mind — coming from a place that refused to acknowledge his faults. This feeling, it blamed

you. Why would you hurt him like this? How could you hurt him like this? You said he was your sunshine, your dovey, your Koutarou! How cruel could you be to lead him on, calling him ‘Koutarou’ again? You said you loved him!

“Don’t leave me!” He raised his voice. This feeling was taking over him, and it was angry. “If you leave, I’ll-I’ll…” His voice trailed off as he tried to regain control of himself.

Your brows furrowed. He still had the energy to yell, huh?

“You’ll what?” You took a step toward him. He looked away from you, trying to avoid your burning gaze. “Tell me, Koutarou. What will you do if I leave?”

He shook his head; you knew what that meant — “I won’t say it.”

“You’ll go back to them, won’t you?” you scoffed. “Have fun, Koutarou.”

Adjusting the straps of your bags, you gave him one last glare before moving toward the door once more.

That feeling came back in Bokuto’s mind, and it was stronger than ever. Pounding against the walls he built up, it roared, telling him to make you regret hurting him, make you think twice about leaving him. Bokuto was panicking, his will to beg you to stay was growing weaker as the feeling inside him became increasingly angry at you for causing him so much pain.

He knew he’d regret the next words he’d say to you, but that realisation came a second too late.

“I’ll never forgive you!”

You froze. Turning back around to face him, your eyes narrowed. “What?”

“If you leave me, I’ll never forgive you!”

His eyes were burning into you, a raging fire behind them.

“You’ll never forgive me?” you spat.

As quickly as the fire grew, it was extinguished as Bokuto’s expression morphed into one of shock.

“Wait, baby, I didn’t mean it! I promi–”

Dropping your bags by the door, you strided toward his figure. Pushing him against the wall, you pulled him in by the collar, melding his lips with yours.

The kiss was rough, angry, desperate — an amalgamation of everything you’ve felt in the past few hours going back and forth with Bokuto.

You pushed yourself into the space between his legs as he finally recovered from his shock and tried to match your tempo, his hands pulling you close into his body. Your teeth clashed together, and you had half the mind to bite his tongue in your mouth, but you held back.

Raking your fingers through his hair, you pulled his head back, ignoring his small, pained whine. The offensive mess of red and purple blotches still covered the expanse of his neck. A scowl grew on your face.

Bokuto yelped as he felt your lips latch onto his neck, sucking your own bruises over the ones already existing from his escapade. You were rough, unrelenting in your nearly-primal way of claiming him.

Trying to ignore your satisfaction from hearing his whimpers of your name, you pulled away, looking at your series of marks covering the ones from his other lover. The two of you were left panting — him trying to meet your eyes and you trying to avoid looking at him at all costs.

Leaning into his ear, you placed a gentle bite on his lobe. He tensed ever-so-slightly.

“You’ll never forgive me if I leave?” you hummed.

His hands that were under your shirt, roaming across your back, froze.

“B-Baby, wait, I didn’t–” He tried to plead with you until your next words completely shattered what was left of his broken, battered heart.

“I think I can live with that.”

You quickly backed away from him, evading his attempts to grab at your waist to stop you from leaving, and picked up your bags by the door. Looking back at him one last time, you nearly broke your facade.

After all he’s done, you still loved your Koutarou — no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise — and seeing him on his knees, sobbing, begging you not to leave for the umpteenth time, your will was wearing thin.

“Goodbye, Koutarou.”

The slam of the front door echoed across the remnants of his shattered heart and all he had the strength to do was cry. Pulling at the strands of his hair, he sobbed, begging into the air, weeping with no one to listen to him.

Without you, his world had no sky; everything was bathed in the shadow of your absence.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

tags: @katelyns-stuff @random-fandom-girl-24

[some-messed-up-writing-for-you]

Holy crud, prompt #12! Now I wanna see Hench man downgraded to "Villian's Personal Play-Toy," if you know what I mean. 😉

(EDIT: The zalgo text messed up the post on mobile, but I fixed it.)

Request #22

Warning: nsfw, non-con/dub-con, body horror.

Ask, and ye shall receive!

Also, this is just a couple of words away from 3k. So it's another longer one!

Hope you enjoy! ('Cause I had a fucking blast writing this.)

Part 1

~~~~

A day had gone by, and then another, and then some more, weeks started flying by, and Henchman was on the verge of a panic attack 24/7. Their Master had yet to bring up what had happened, and they weren't sure what to do. Should they say something? They honestly didn't want to, but it was starting to take a toll on them.

As their legs took them down the familiar path to Villain's study room, worry began gripping at their heart again. While it was nighttime, it was still fairly early. It wasn't time for their report yet. The villain had just called them over on their own.

And the henchman feared what was in store for them.

Suddenly, they subconsciously came to a stop and grimly realized that they had reached their destination. Taking a breath, Henchman steeled themself and lifted their hand to knock on the doors.

Only for them to open on their own. They creaked as they moved, even though they had never made as much as a squeak in the past. A shudder went through the human's body. This was it, wasn't it? What else could it possibly be?

Knowing they had no other choice, they entered. The room was dark, only dimly lit by some candles scattered around and the light coming in from the hallway. It gave the place an eerie vibe, and the henchman really wasn't liking this. Taking cautious steps, they moved deeper inside.

THUD

The doors suddenly slammed shut, startling them and making them turn around out of reflex. They could faintly hear the sound of the lock clicking as their eyes adjusted to the low light level. Letting out a breath they didn't realize they were holding, they turned around to face the room again.

As their head turned and their eyes took in what was in front of them, it took them a second to register the dark silhouette and glowing eyes standing right in their face and staring right into their soul.

With a yelp, they jumped back, hitting the wooden doors behind them and getting themself cornered. Before they could utter a word or plea, there were lips on their own, their arms getting pinned at their sides, as a pair of clawed hands landed on their waist, going up and down, caressing their body.

A muffled whimper managed to crawl out of their throat, answered by a deep growl, which drew a terrified shiver from them, their stomach tying itself into knots in their fear. Another clawed hand appeared, this one going to their face, cradling their cheek sweetly at first, before using its thumb to make its way past their lips and between their teeth, forcing them to open their mouth wide, letting the villain deepen the kiss as their tounges met.

The monster's tongue was inhuman, long, and pointy. It curled around the human's own, squeezing it. It explored every corner, grazed every tooth, every gum, and as Henchman began running out of oxygen, it dipped closer to the back of their throat, threatening to choke them, almost triggering their gag reflex.

When their lips at last parted, they were both gasping for air, Henchman the only one of the two who actually needed it to live. They wanted to say something, but Villain gave them no chance as they twisted the henchman's head to the side, giving themself better access to their neck.

That slimy tongue trailed from the base of Henchman's neck, all the way up to their ear, in which the villain whispered, "Since we had so much fun playing together the first time around, I thought we'd play again."

The human's legs got forced apart, the other's knee grinding into their crotch, drawing shaky gasps from them, as their Master pushed their bodies flush against each other. They whined lightly as sharp teeth gently nibbled on their earlobe. Hands glided to their hips before Villain continued, "But this time, I'm on top."

Another growl shook Henchman to their very core as the villain pulled them into another rough kiss and dragged them away from the doors. By the time their back met with the soft cushions of the couch, they had already gotten tangled in a sea of limbs.

There were hands all over them, trailing across their body. They tore the human's clothing off them, throwing it to the side so that they could run across their skin uninterrupted. The touch quickly became overwhelming, Henchman's brain becoming overloaded and clouded.

They shook, a quiet moan slipping past their lips as a claw softly traced down their sex. The monster could so easily cut into them, could make it hurt if they so desired. Henchman had seen the way these same claws tore into Villain's victims, shredding the flesh apart like it was nothing. The way these very hands snapped bones like old dried-up twigs. It made their chest tighten with dread, the possibilities terrifying them to no end.

Their mouths separated again, the henchman trying to gulp down as much air as they could through their soft gasps, with the villain still teasing at their privates. They looked up at the monster, the sight of their Master looming over them making them shiver even more. The hungry glint in the other's eyes growing alongside their terror.

As a hand wrapped tightly around their throat, and another one pulled at their hair harshly, tilting their head back and exposing their neck, Henchman whimpered as their Master spoke.

"Yo̯̔u hav̥͝e no id̺̋ė͜a͉͑ wh̪̀ȁ̫t̘̓ ̜̈i̞̎t's͟͝ ḽ̄ike ̖͋t̕ͅö̱ be ̝̐a̱͡ṫ̲ sõ̗m͎̋e͉͘one else'̯͐s͖̿ m̢̌e̪͊r͖̕c̺͆y͈̚."

The human swallowed the lump in their throat, seeing their own words come back to bite them, just like the villain. The beast leaned down, the hand at Henchman's throat moving away, letting them wrap their jaws around their neck. As Villain's sharp teeth grazed their neck, the henchman started struggling out of instinct, their primal fear of death awakening at the thought of the monster biting down and ripping their throat out.

Unfortunately, all their fighting earned them was a warning growl that vibrated through their entire being and more hands grasping at their body, completely pinning them down so that they couldn't move even an inch. They choked on their spit as Villain added a bit of pressure to their bites, the human whimpering beneath them, too terrified to form coherent words or try to beg as hot tears decorated their face.

The monster's voice danced across Henchman's neck, drawing more mewls from them as they continued from earlier, "B͓͗ủ͎t̰̅ d̬̅on't ŵ͓ǒ̢ř͜ry..."

The human's legs suddenly got spread apart, somehow making them feel more exposed. The familiar sound of a zipper entered their ears, and they yelped as their body got jerked forward, their face meeting with the villain's crotch, and- that- that wasn't like that before!

"I̜͑ wil̖̔l̛̜ ̎ͅsh̗̉o͉̍w̧̐ ͔͞you e̛̯xaç̇t̨̀ĺ̬ỳͅ wḫ̿ä̫́t ́͜iṭ̕'̧́s̻͊ ̣̎l͙̊ik̈ͅe."

A tentacle-like appendage had replaced the regular human genitalia the monster had before, and Henchman whimpered as its tip prodded at their lips. Their fearful eyes moved up to meet Villain's gaze, refusing to open their mouth. The hand still tangled in their hair tugged, but they still refused to obey. It was only when a hand trailed up their thigh did they gasp, caught off guard.

The villain's slithery dick wasted no time slipping inside the human's mouth, and, for a split second, the henchman considered biting down on it and regretted the thought instantly as one of Villain's hands grasped at their delicate sex, threatening to dig their claws into it. Henchman threw their idea aside right away, frantically begging inside their head that the monster not do it.

A small smirk made its way onto their Master's face in response as they pulled the claws away from the human's fragile body part. They shook as the villain ordered, "T̖̍h͎̽en̮͠ ̼͑s̨̈ų̾c̰̄k."

Henchman obeyed this time, granted they've never done this before, so they tried their best. But judging by the low moans coming from Villain, they'd say they were doing a decent enough job.

A pleasured gasp slipped past the monster's lips as the human sucked a certain way, so the henchman continued doing it that way from then on, making the villain close their eyes and tilt their head back blissfully. The sight of Villain just sitting on top of them, fully dressed and using Henchman as their- their toy, their plaything-

It truly showed who was in charge here.

Even- Even back then, all those weeks ago. Their Master had let them do all of that. They let the henchman have their little moment just so that they could show them where their place was, show them that they weren't in control.

Villain was in charge, and Henchman was below them.

As they finished that thought, the human gasped as a hand suddenly but slowly stroked their sex, the monster's voice echoing all around them.

"Goo͎͝d~. ͕̈V͌͜ery̧͌ ͎̑ĝ̲o̩̚ȯ̪d~. ̛̲Yo̘̾u f͍̕iñ͈ȁ̰lly ͛͟lë͢arn��̖è̩d͔̅ youṛ̍ place~."

The henchman shivered at the unexpected praise, moaning around their Master's shaft, adding to the villain's pleasure. Hands gripped their asscheeks, squeezing firmly. Another pair of hands trailed up their spread legs, teasing the inside of their thighs.

"Wh̺͌at a̐͜ g̭̽ó̗o̗͊d p̼̄e̫̓t y̛͚o̦̊u ͢͝are͙͝~."

Sucking vigorously at Villain's dick, Henchman's breathing began turning shaky. All the touch, pleasure, and praise was rising that sweet feeling in their guts, drawing them closer to an orgasm.

"D̡͆o ̟͑ẙ̮ou ̛͈wan̗̈t̚ͅ ̮̄t̠̋o co̘͘me, ̟̾pe̓͢t͓̋~?"

"Y-Yes! Please, Master! Please, let me come!" - the henchman shamelessly begged inside their head, making the monster chuckle.

And cruelly stop touching them.

The human whined at the loss of touch but was instantly distracted by another tug on their hair. As the villain took their cock out of their mouth, they gasped for precious air, watching as the other pulled them back to their previous spot and leaned down again, bringing their faces closer.

Villain's hot breath made their skin tingle. They gulped as their eyes locked and the monster roughly grabbed their chin, saying,

"Y͖̒ơ̖u̻̾ ̛̩d̪̍o͖̔n't g͙̒e͕͒t͂͢ ͂͟to com̪̆e̛̜ u̪͊nl̞̕e̩̎ss ͓̐I̧͡'̘͂v͕͛e d͇̂ec̻̾id̘͞ed ̤̃th̭̊á͈t ȳ͈ou'v͔̀ẹ̈́ ̰̈́eaṙ̻ne̡͝d̠̈ i̛̹t͇̒."

Inhaling shakily, Henchman tensed up as their Master moved back, positioning themself at their entrance. They whimpered as the villain's tentacle dick teased at their hole, running small circles around it before slowly slipping inside them. At the very least, it was still slick with their saliva, but the way their muscles were forced to stretch around the other still drew soft, pained cries from them.

Futilely wiggling in Villain's tight unyielding hold, the henchman mewled pitifully. The monster leaned forward and locked their lips in a kiss lighter than the previous ones, granting them a shred of their mercy by giving them a moment to adjust.

In hopes of making this at least a bit less painful for themself, Henchman kissed back, trying to keep their Master pleased. By doing so, they earned themself an approving moan and a pair of hands trailing up their sides, drawing a pleasant shiver from them.

As their mouths separated, the human breathed shakily and hissed as the monster began moving, slowly gliding in and out of them. Although terrified of the idea, they tilted their head to the side, exposing their neck to Villain, who wasted no time lightly digging their sharp teeth into the henchman's delicate flesh, drawing blood.

Henchman's breath hitched as the monster's tongue slid across the fresh bite marks, lapping up their blood and making their wounds sting in the process. They were, however, once again rewarded for their good behavior as a hand moved up their inner thigh and paused at their crotch, beginning to tease at their sex softly.

A groan vibrated against the human's neck as the villain sped up. The henchman gasped at the change in pace, the pain slowly turning into pleasure. They moaned and whined as their Master thrust into them with rough, sharp pushes of their hips and shivered as the monster began to growl in their ear. "Yo̳͐u̥̓ h́ͅa̫͗v̠͌e̘̓ nó̟ i͈̐d̝̓e̬̿a..."

Claws dragged down Henchman's spine, making them arch into Villain. "...Ḧ̹ow̩̽ ̙͆ḣ̨ar͈̀d i̜͐t wa̺͆s..."

They cried out as the hand at their sex sped up, bringing them closer to their finish. "...N̳̅o̻͐t to͈̍ ͚͡j͔͂ů̻st͈̑ ̹͡ǵͅra̰̎b̛͕ y̜̌ǫ͑ụ̓ ͕̕a̻̔nd ̲́f͓͂u͓̓cḱ͈ y͎̐ou̥͋ se̘̔n̔͟sele͓̓ss back̟̀ ̱͡theņ͂..."

Breathing heavily, the human shuddered as they finally reached their-

Wait, why- Why couldn't they orgasm? They were there! They knew they were! They-

They heaved as the monster sped up more, the sound of their skin slapping together echoing inside their head. Another shudder coursed through them as the villain continued to stroke their genitals, forcing their pleasure to build up. Amidst it all, they managed to form a drop of concentration and could vaguely feel Villain's magic wrapped around their sensitive parts.

The- The villain was forcefully stopping them from coming!

Henchman had at some point closed their eyes but had now opened them again. Looking to their Master with desperation, they went to speak, to beg them for release, but before a word could leave them, another tentacle came from somewhere unknown and shoved itself into their mouth, keeping them from talking.

They whimpered around the slithery appendage as Villain locked their gazes. "...You ̭̇loȏ͕ked s̭̑o fu̮͛ck̨̈i͙̓ng à̬dor͙̐ab̨͊le..."

The tentacle began sliding in and out of their mouth, in rhythm with the human's Master, who gasped at the sensation, drowning themself in pleasure as they continued to ruthlessly fuck the other. "...S̅͜o̎͟ ̘́ad̢̈o͕͑rạ̃b̛̭le... th̺̓i͚͒n̬͝kin̡͗g̜͘ yǫ̑u h̫̽ad̓ͅ ̨̊p̮̍o̘̓w̻̍eṙ͕ ov̞͋è͖r̹͆ m̟̏ĕ͔.."

Hot tears once again started to fall down Henchman's face as the pleasure became overwhelming, their body begging for release. Their eyebrows furrowed in a pitiful manner as they silently pleaded with the villain with their eyes, unable to form coherent thoughts. The monster shuddered at the sight, and with a few more good thurst came long and hard inside their plaything. Even the tentacle inside the henchman's mouth ejaculated, and they obediently swallowed their Master's seed.

As Villain's orgasm ended and they slowly came down from their high, their movements began to slow down, until eventually coming to a stop. Well, except for the hand that still teased at Henchman's sex, though much slower now.

Sliding out of the human, the villain gave a small pleased sigh and watched as the other gasped once their mouth was empty, as their body violently shook from their need for release.

Lightly running a finger up and down the henchman's sex, Villain asked, amused, "N̛̲ow ̱͋t̞̒he͔̋n, ̃͟wḧ͙́at h̯͡a̬͐ve you͈͊ ḻ͞e͎̐ar̨̎ned ̺̔tọ̔d̻͛ạ͡y, ͇̔H͖͋ê͔nc͖̽h̘͡man?"

"T-That- Ah~ That y-you're in c-charge, Master!" - Henchman cried out in reply.

"A̭̽nd̳͡~?" - the villain pressed, grabbing the human's chin and locking their eyes. The hand at the other's sex touching with more force.

"A-And that I- Ah~ I- I have no c-control over y- AH~ you! I- I only exist to s-serve you, Master!"

Holding their faces a breath apart, Villain murmured, "An̝̋d̐͢ ͍̉if͔̒ I'm̙̆ ̪̀your ̘͠m̯̋a̹͝s͊͢te̖̽r, wha̗͞t̻͑ ǎ̦re yŏ͜u to m̭̅e?"

Whimpering and with their tears slowly blinding their vision, the henchman answered.

"I-I'm your pet, M-Master."

"Ye͌͟s~. An̢̾d̲͑ y͂͢ou'r̯͑ȅ͈ a ̛̗v͙͋er̜̀y ̼̎ğ̤ǫ̔od p͇̈e͙̅t~."

Henchman screamed across the entire room as the magic wrapped around their sex finally vanished and as their Master began rapidly stroking them, drawing out their orgasm to the max. Their entire body shook as they finally got the release they were in desperate need of for so long now.

Every one of the human's muscles flexed and spasmed as they chanted "Master! Master!" over and over again. They could barely breathe as the monster gave them an order.

"M͕̈́y̨̚ n̩̂ā̦͈͎̒̏m͚̝̾́̋ͅẽ͕̯̔... ̭͎͖̻̄̋͐̃Ś̨̱̓̐̚͜ͅA͉͔̬͗̄̎Y̬͚͇͂͡͝ ̢͍̰̞̿̇͆͗M̛̘͇̌͢͞͠ͅY̰̗̥̐͂̕ ͍̗̲̣̲̻̂̆̈̅̀͟͝͡Ṉ̛̳̖͈̦̻̆͊͋̚̚͟͡A̡̧̞̜͉̘̲̋̋́̐́͆͡M̼̣͎͓̫̬̆͛͆͘̕͟͞͡E͚͔͖̝̞̜̘̎̊̽̿̆̾͞!"

"VILLAIN!"

Shouting the beast's name, again and again, Henchman lost themself in their lust. They were yelling so loud, no doubt the whole lair could hear them at this point, crying out their Master's name with nearly religious devotion.

They kept this up for as long as they could, but eventually, their throat gave out, too tired to scream more. At that point, the villain's hand, at last, left them, but it still took their body a solid five minutes of spasming until their high came to an end, Villain watching them twitch beneath them all the while.

Once the human's body managed to calm down, their eyelids fluttered closed, and the many arms holding them let them go and retreated back into the villain's body. As Henchman struggled to catch their breath, their Master leaned forward, gently took hold of their chin, and locked their lips in a soft kiss. They weakly kissed back, so exhausted they could pass out any moment.

When their mouths parted for the last time tonight, Villain lifted themself off the couch and put their dick back in their pants. As the henchman lay there, they were startled by something falling on top of them and opened their eyes to see that it was a fluffy blanket, one presumably materialized into existence by their Master.

Tilting their head to the side, they looked at the monster, slightly confused, as they cradled their face with one hand and answered their unspoken question. "Since you've been so good, I'll allow you to rest here~."

"And then, once you wake up, you can give me your report~." - the villain added with a small grin, letting go of Henchman's face and giving them a gentle boop on the nose.

"T-Thank you, Master..." - the human managed to reply. With a small chuckle, Villain walked off to the side and sat down in a plush armchair. A book appeared in their hands as their body relaxed.

But before they could begin reading, the henchman uttered, "M-Master...?"

"Yes?" - the monster asked, calmer than the human had ever seen them before.

"I... learned one more thing today..." - they explained, eyes slowly closing.

"Oh? And what might that be?" - the villain pressed, genuinely curious.

"I learned... that... I'm into some weird shit..."

Villain's amused and gleeful cackle was the last thing that entered Henchman's ears as slumber took hold of them, a small smile decorating their tired lips.

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me.   I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker. 

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour . 

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back. 

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ” 

The phone rang, startling both of us. 

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.” 

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered. 

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days. 

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing. 

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped. 

I resisted the urge to sob out loud . 

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying. 

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her. 

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me. 

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter. 

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either. 

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently. 

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed. 

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ” 

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table. 

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones. 

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it. 

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie. 

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need. 

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself. 

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss. 

 How was your day, Kookie?  (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.  

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands. 

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms. 

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with. 

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it? 

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.  

Love like that had never been in the cards for me. 

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt. 

 The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it. 

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me. 

But love? Being in love with someone? 

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook. 

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death ) 

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like. 

Because I would never know what he had lost. 

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball. 

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded. 

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers. 

I swallowed and stared at him. 

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him. 

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34.  Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said . 

I scoffed. 

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly. 

Jungkook frowned. 

“What?” 

I glared at him. 

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink.  “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl. 

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ? 

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .” 

That made him pause. 

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.  

 I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great. 

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening. 

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies. 

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me. 

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant. 

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.” 

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper. 

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother. 

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?” 

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me. 

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely. 

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife. 

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not. 

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?” 

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.” 

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way. 

Mrs. Jeon frowned. 

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind. 

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple. 

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting  pregnant?” 

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out. 

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly. 

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable. 

 Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again. 

 “ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.” 

 Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match? 

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine. 

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back. 

 If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again. 

Like ships passing by each other in the night,  I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were. 

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard. 

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned. 

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone. 

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely. 

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist. 

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly. 

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.” 

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no. 

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?” 

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed. 

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..” 

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry. 

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying. 

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding. 

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar. 

He gave me a small smile. 

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently. 

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously. 

He gave me a quick little smirk. 

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked. 

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what? 

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep. 

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open . 

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted. 

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending  down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming. 

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. 

“You good?” 

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down. 

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid. 

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened. 

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it. 

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

 I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection. 

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself.  He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened. 

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak. 

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly. 

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.” 

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of,  but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.” 

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red. 

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag . 

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already. 

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning. 

What had i gotten myself into. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes. 

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed. 

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?” 

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard. 

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed. 

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook. 

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace. 

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed. 

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief. 

“i... i never knew.” 

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.” 

I swallowed . 

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information. 

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared. 

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up. 

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed. 

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “ 

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason  to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides,  your time with Jungkook is finite right?” 

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “ 

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly. 

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly. 

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends  date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her  portrait over the mantle. 

I followed his gaze and swallowed. 

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply. 

Jin hesitated. 

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.” 

I nodded. 

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless.  But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.” 

Jin gave me a surprised look. 

“What do you mean?” 

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.” 

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly. 

There was nothing else i could say to that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees. 

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who. 

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat. 

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in. 

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants. 

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin. 

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him. 

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned. 

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. 

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips. 

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness. 

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little. 

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends. 

It would be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine. 

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps. 

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh.  I felt sick at the very sight of it. 

its because he’s drunk ,  I told myself.  He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.  

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile. 

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered. 

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. 

Glaring at him, 

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice. 

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.” 

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?” 

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.” 

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist. 

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me. 

“Heejin?” He slurred. 

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly. 

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded. 

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped? 

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband . 

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk. 

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat. 

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that. 

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire. 

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane? 

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he?? 

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered. 

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room . 

 If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real,  a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building. 

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor. 

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling. 

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing. 

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?” 

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath. 

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten. 

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight. 

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear  to know exactly where his mouth was behind me. 

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.  

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter. 

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it. 

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly. 

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief. 

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted. 

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned. 

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his  mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant. 

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned. 

It was going to be a long night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed. 

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “ 

I took a deep breath. 

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?” 

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “ 

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling. 

“I have something for you. “ 

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table. 

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.” 

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed. 

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him. 

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.” 

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees. 

“i hope you make the right choice.” 

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow! 

.@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki--life   @somewhereinthestarss  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom 

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 12 - Bad Surprise [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Sometimes plans have to change.

Series Masterlist

Every job required something from people, and your job was no different.

Being a spy was not a conventional profession, everyone knew that. You were expected to be on the move all the time, be a good liar, be a good fighter, be whatever the job told you to.

And most important of all; never show fear, which you were usually fine with. You had learned long ago how to keep your calm in times of crisis. You had even managed to keep your calm facade when your last mission required you to play Russian Roulette with a target in order to keep your cover.

But this? This was something else.

Bucky cleared his throat to stifle a laugh as he looked down at you.

“Is it just me or are you using me as a human shield against a peacock right now?”

Your eyes snapped up at his for a moment before you turned your gaze to the peacock again, taking a subtle step to Bucky’s right to keep him between you and the animal.

Coming to the zoo was his idea, and you thought it could be a fun experience. You had never been to a zoo before, and it would count as one of the old times dates, so you were almost giggly by the time you got there.

Right until now.

“I think peacocks don’t have souls.”

“Alright.” Bucky sipped his coffee while you tried to ignore the fear bubbling at the pit of your stomach, eyeing the peacock that walked around the area behind the fences.

“I’m serious,” you insisted “What if it attacks me?”

“It’s not going to attack you Y/N.”

“It could,” you said, “It looks like it wants to attack me.”

The peacock fanned out its feathers all of a sudden and let out a squawk, making you jump out of your skin.

“Fuck!” the curse left your lips and Bucky’s eyebrows rose, an amused grin pulling at his lips.

“Sorry!” you said quickly, “Sorry, I…I don’t trust peacocks.”

“You got mugged in a dark alley and got shot, and a bird is where you draw the line?”

Correction, you were once held at gunpoint by the Italian mafia and peacocks were still where you drew the line.

“That’s not a bird.”

“….Peacocks are birds.”

“No, that’s the devil looking like a bird,” you said, “In-in bird shape. Bird shaped demon.”

“Okay, how about we see some other less threatening animal?”

“Let me check—oh my God Bucky they have sharks, I love sharks!” you said, waving the brochure in his face and he pulled his brows together.

“Sharks fall under the less threatening animal category?”

“Of course they do!” you said, looking at the brochure before looking around, “I think the aquarium is over there, let’s go.”

You grabbed his hand to entwine your fingers with his as you both started walking towards the huge blue structure.

“So I feel like I shouldn’t ask because I know you can’t exactly tell me the details,” you said, “But you’re not going on another mission soon, are you? This week?��

“I don’t think so,” he said, “Why?”

“I’m kind of planning something.”

He tilted his head, “What are you planning?”

“Not a club, relax.” you said, “Although I find it quite ironic that you’re this unstoppable brave superhero with super strength who gets intimidated by dancing.”

“I’m not intimidated…” he grumbled under his breath, making you giggle.

“Whatever you say,” you sang, and reached the entrance of the huge building and you pulled your hand out of his.

“Excuse me sir, is the aquarium still open?” you asked the security guard by the door and a small smirk appeared on his lips.

“Yes but it is closing in ten minutes sweetheart.”

Sweetheart?

Jesus Christ….

You smiled politely at him, batting your lashes.

“Oh—“ you took a look at the sign, “I just want to see the killer shark and we’ll be out. In five minutes. Please?”

He eyed you up and down but seemed to snap out of it when Bucky cleared his throat behind you as if warning him, making the guy gawk between you two.

Even you had to admit you seemed like a quite unusual couple. You were wearing a short white sundress with ruffled sleeves and sweetheart neckline with your hair loose while Bucky looked as if he was there to kill someone, a complete opposite of you with his dark jeans and black leather jacket as well as leather gloves.

You didn’t even have to turn your head to know that he was glaring at the guard before the guy shifted his weight, then stepped aside.

“Enjoy.”

“Thank you!” you said, grabbing Bucky’s hand as you led him inside. He followed you without any objections whatsoever, in complete silence as the sight of blue filled your vision along with many fish swimming behind the glass.

“You don’t even see it, do you?” he asked softly and you pulled your brows together.

“Hm?”

“Does anyone ever say no to you?”

You approached the label by the glass, “You do.”

“Do I?”

“All the time,” you nodded, still reading the label but your head shot up when you felt him tug you by the hand. A giggle escaped from your lips as he turned you around so that you could look up at him, then wrapped his arm around you to scoop you up, making you squeal.

“Bucky!”

“All the time?”

“Put me down!” you said, your laughter echoing in the empty aquarium halls and he tilted his head.

“Not until you explain yourself,” he teased you, “All the time?”

“Sometimes, sometimes!” you said quickly, “Very rare times I might add!”

“Mm hm, I thought so.”

“If you drop me, I swear to God—“ you started but was cut off when he pulled you into a kiss, making you wrap your arms around his neck. He took a step with you still in his embrace and you gasped as you felt your back hit the thick glass, but every single protest you could think of seemed to disappear from your mind as you lost yourself in the kiss. You raked your fingernails over the nape of his neck, making his grip around you tighter-

Then someone coughed.

Bucky pulled back instantly and you turned your head to see another rather annoyed technician leaning on her hip, watching you with her brows raised.

“Aquarium is about to close,” she said, pointing at you, “Take it elsewhere.”

Bucky put you down and you tried to fix the skirt of your dress, trying to look presentable.

“Sorry!” you said as Bucky mumbled an apology beside you as well, and the technician shook her head and walked away, talking about how she wasn’t getting paid enough for this. You covered your face and let out a whine but Bucky chuckled, causing you to lower your hands to stare up at him.

“Why is this entertaining for you?” you exclaimed and he held your wrist, gently steering you to the exit.

“Come on.”

“We can never come here again, ever.” you insisted as you followed him outside. It didn’t escape your notice that he bumped his shoulder into the security guard’s quite hard, almost knocking him over on your way out and your jaw dropped.

“That was mean!”

“Nah, he had it coming. Are you hungry?”

“But you could get in trouble. Besides, he was a nice guy—“

“Uh huh, a nice guy who was ogling you.”

You pulled your brows together, pretending to be confused, “Oh I’m sure you misunderstood.”

He tilted his head and pulled you closer to wrap his arm around your waist, then brushed his lips against yours, making you sigh.

“Bucky, it was mean and you can’t just kiss me to distract me—”

“I can try,” he murmured to your lips before kissing you again and you looked up at him when he pulled back with a grin.

“Fine,” you admitted, still pouting. “I’m hungry. Starving actually, let’s eat something.”

                                                    ***

You were finding it harder and harder to convince yourself it was time to go home after every date with Bucky.

Scratch that, you were finding it harder and harder not to invite him upstairs.

But of course, you would have to report it back to the General and discuss the further strategies with him and for some reason, it felt more of a betrayal than this whole thing.

Surprisingly enough, it was something you wanted and not something you would will yourself to do because of the mission. There was no denying it, he was an attractive guy and you really liked spending time with him and you kept having dreams about him and whenever you were with him you had this lightness in your mind, as if you were a different person.

A better person, maybe.

You shook your head at your thoughts and left your apartment to knock on Keith’s door.

“It’s me, open up.”

You heard footsteps before he opened the door and a boyish smile pulled at his lips at the sight of milkshakes in your hand.

“Jesus, finally!”

“I made it at home, can’t promise it’s good,” you said as you walked past him into his apartment and stepped into the living room, “What are you watching?”

“James Bond,” he grinned at you, “Hey, have you ever tried milkshake with gin?”

“No?”

“Me neither, let’s try it.” He said, taking the big glasses from you to pour gin into them. You sat on the couch and took a look at the screen.

“How many times have you watched this again?”

“Like a hundred,” he handed you your glass and you took a sip.

“Not bad,” you commented, putting your feet up on the coffee table. He sat beside you, keeping his eyes on the screen.

“What did you do today?”

“Had a date.”

“With Barnes?”

“Yeah. At the zoo.”

“He took you to the zoo?” he asked and you nodded.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And peacocks are fucking scary,” you muttered, “And hey, we learned that Bucky is the jealous type.”

“The guy was dating people back at 40s, I could tell you that much myself.” He snorted, “Chloe says you went on a mission with Julian?”

You slipped a little on the couch, “He’s an asshole.”

“I know. Is he really that bad in bed?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “Nah as much as I hate to admit, he’s pretty good. Unfortunately.”

“So top or bottom?”

“He goes either way to be honest, that comment was more about me.”

“About you?”

“Yeah, I like to be on top.”

“Suddenly everything about you makes sense,” he murmured and you took another sip of your milkshake.  

“Don’t try that with Barnes though, the guy is from 1940s. He’s probably used to missionary only, you don’t want to give him a heart attack,” he wiggled his brows, making you scoff.

“Shut up.”

“Chloe is right, maybe you should go full on vintage on that when the time comes.”

You turned to look at him.

“Speaking of Chloe,” you said, “Anything you would like to tell me?”

Keith’s grin faded slightly and he shifted his weight, “Like what?”

“Bringing her coffee, taking her out to the field…” you trailed off, “What gives, man? I thought we had a deal.”

“We never had a deal,” he defended himself, “You slammed me back during training years ago at the academy and told me not to even think about it when you saw me looking at her.”

“No,” you shook your head, “Five years ago, in Ireland. That undercover job, the one that almost got you killed? We made a deal.”

He swallowed thickly, looking down at the milkshake before taking a sip. “Y/N…”

“Keith, you can’t,” you insisted, “She deserves a normal life, a normal family and kids and a dog and stuff.”

“I know,” he ran a hand over his face, “I know.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re a spy,” you said, “You said it yourself, spies die like flies.”

“Not all of them,” he said, “General is still alive. He has a family.”

“Yeah, one in a hundred,” you said, “Face it. That’s a very low possibility for us.”

“You don’t think you’ll get to grow old and have a family and all that?”

You pulled your brows together.

“No,” you said, “Of course not. I’m probably going to die in one of these missions.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“Keith, I can’t have any of those,” you said, “I can’t. I…it’s impossible.”

“Don’t you want to?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” you muttered, “I made my choice ages ago.”

“Y/N,” he sat up straighter, “Do you want to?”

With a very bad timing, your imagination went overdrive and a strange scene flashed before your eyes. You laughing in Bucky’s arms, watching two kids playing in the garden-

You shook your head, trying to shake off the thoughts.

“I could never have that,” you stated simply, “You might love Chloe and you might also be lucky enough to have her love you but…it’s not the same with me.”

“I’d say Barnes loves you.”

A bitter smile pulled at your lips and you bit inside your cheek, taking another sip of your milkshake.

“He loves someone who doesn’t exist,” you managed to croak out, “He loves my cover. He could never love me.”

                                                           ***

Spending the night at Keith’s and drowning your sorrows in gin and milkshake meant that you would have a killer hangover the next day. Unlike Keith, you didn’t have the luxury to sleep until the noon, seeing that you had a cover job to keep so for the whole day until noon, you walked around like a zombie.

Coffee helped though. Just a little.

Thankfully it was a slow day at the shop. After serving a couple of people, you had nothing to do other than seriously considering sticking your head in the freezer to get rid of the hangover.

“Long night?” Tara asked as she walked past you to put the straws into the cup and you nodded, groaning.

“Remind me not to drink, ever.”

“I make that promise to myself every Monday, does not seem to work.”

You chuckled, “Have you ever tried to mix gin into milkshakes?”

“No?”

“Don’t,” you shook your head as you helped her to move an empty milkshake container into the kitchen. “It’s a terrible idea and I’m experiencing the consequences of that mistake right now.”

“That sounds like a fun night though.”

“Fun night, terrible morning,” you let out a laugh as you walked out of the kitchen but as soon as you did, your eyes caught the sight of the man in the shop. Your smile was wiped off your face as the familiar anger filled your system.

Jesus Christ, this day sucks.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you asked and Julian had the audacity to shoot you a grin.

“Whoa cute outfit,” he said, eyeing you up and down, “Holy shit I didn’t even know I was into this whole thing, I’m having an epiphany.”

You looked over your shoulder to see if Tara was still in the kitchen, then turned to Julian.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was craving milkshakes,” he stated, “Hey, would you recommend Lavender Macaron?”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

“I think I’m gonna go with Lavender Macaron, makes me think of France,” he said, “Fun times.”

“Fun for you maybe.”

He shot you a look, “Come on Y/N, we didn’t leave the honeymoon suite for two days. That was the greatest-“ he lowered his voice, “Mission I’ve ever had.”

“You’re putting this entire operation in—“ you started but stopped talking as soon as Tara walked out of the kitchen. Julian raised his brows for a moment before smiling at her and you went under the counter to grab his arm.

“Y/N, is everything okay?”

“Just peachy,” you said as you dragged him out of the shop, and he heaved a sigh, following you.

“No I’m serious…” he said with a chuckle as soon as you both stepped outside, then motioned at the uniform, “This is something else.”

“Why are you here?”

“I heard that it was good, I did not think it was this good.”

“I’m seriously two seconds away from punching you.”

“How come you never dressed up like this for me when we were dating?”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you insisted and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I was around.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“Believe whatever you want,” he said, “Your shop has good rating, although I’m beginning to believe it has less to do with milkshakes and more about the waitresses.”

“Julian I swear to God—“ you started but you were cut off when someone cleared his throat, making both you and Julian turn your heads. Your stomach dropped as soon as you saw Bucky watching you two with a frown and you withdrew your hand from Julian’s arm.

“Bucky,” you breathed out, “Um-hi.”

“Hi,” he said without taking his eyes off Julian, and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

He was trying to decide whether he was a threat to you.

“I didn’t…I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I figured I could drop by,” he said, crossing his arms, “What’s going on?”

Fuck.

Fuck, you had no idea how to turn this around. Thankfully neither of you had said anything about the mission, so it was more than likely that Bucky just knew you knew each other, but other than that, your cover wasn’t blown.

“Nothing! Nothing at all, he’s just—“ you stammered, trying to come up with an explanation, “He’s um—“  

“Oh come on Y/N, don’t be one of those secretive people,” Julian said, “You hate secrets. You’re Bucky, right? I heard about you.”

Bucky just raised his brows, his glare on him unwavering but even if it was quite chilling, Julian was a trained assassin just like you were, so he was used to it. Instead he curled his lips, looking between you before offering him his hand.

“I’m Julian,” he introduced himself, shooting you a grin as if you two shared an inside joke “The evil ex-boyfriend who’s gonna take her from you.”

Chapter 13