#so on a technical level i am not taking more
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Hi, a published author here, I write fic BECAUSE it doesn't need to be as polished or have the same level of technical skill as professional writing, and that makes me a 100 times more creative, because the pressure is off. I discover stuff I love the most when I write fic because it's not as "good".
So please, continue to read and write fic!! Don't take away from yourself or others what's the best thing about it! Anyone can do it and people will love it for the ideas, not the technical skill level!
In fanfic I can do things like write a 10 000 word chapter about characters getting to know each other through 20 questions, which my publisher would NEVER print, and yet it's consistently that type of chapters that people have told me are their favourites, because they, too, are just as obsessed as I am about just letting the dorks talk more.
I can also leave out basically all description and write just dialogue, and people have still told me they could see it right before their eyes, because they already know the relevant settings, they already love the characters and can imagine exactly how they would act and what kind of expressions they would make in that situation. That's a beautiful connection between fans.
Please, appreciate fanfic for what it is! It has so many things that just would not work in professional writing, and a lot of those things are why fanfiction is good.
I get that people want fanfic to be recognised as just as good a hobby as reading or writing other types of things, but the way to do it is not to turn it into something it isn't.
At some point "fanfic can be as good as professional writing" became "fanfic should be as good as professional writing" and that's caused major damage to fandom spaces.
#and when i say i take my fic as seriously as my original writing what i mean is that i'm deeply passionate about it#not that i strive for the same level of technical execution
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So does he, Gallagher.
#honkai star rail#hsr blade#gallagher#i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU#and then blade constantly just being blade as usual#its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but#i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary#but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just#get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better#so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle#funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still#but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me#so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway#one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys#also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out#i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool#and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher#so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought#(no i am not but we can pretend)
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Imagine looking at a character whose entire premise is that in every stage of his life, he's made every version of himself into someone that inspires people to such a degree that EVERY SINGLE VERSION OF HIM has people wanting to literally follow in his footsteps in some way or another.....
And coming to the conclusion that like.....the most important things about him are the sum of all his trappings. His entirely homemade developed from scratch could not exist if not for what he already was and brought with him BEFORE crafting this newest version of himself trappings, with his greatest trait throughout all of it being his adaptability; his ability and willingness to roll with the punches and not try to simply weather any opposition or changes to his life but instead reshape himself as needed to better fit INTO whatever new shape his life and the world around him takes. All while managing to carry the most innate, fundamental and necessary aspects of himself from one version to the next. Thus every single version of himself is different but simultaneously every single version of himself is also undeniably the same person.
The strength of this character, to me, will always be that he can be so many versions of himself, he can become so many things, all without ever actually losing or discarding any of the aspects of himself he considers most essential, the things he's not willing to lose or give up just to keep going. Finding that road not taken by most, usually because most never even think to look for it as an option. But one that he's always able to find because the one trick he's mastered in his tumultuous life is threading that needle of not just digging in his heels in an unproductive way but rather being selective about when and where he makes a stand and decides "this is not a thing I'm willing to compromise about" but here are places and ways I can and will change and evolve and adapt in order to make it possible for me to hold onto these parts and keep them as they are.
And that's why its always so mind-boggling to me that so many writers can't seem to think of anything else to do with Dick Grayson other than invent some new reason for him to just....not be that person, or to like just take the character whose most basic fundamental trait he's NOT about to compromise on is willingly giving up his spot in the driver's seat of his own life.....and make him just a passenger in his own life and stories.
Dick Grayson at age nine....at age nineteen...at age twenty nine....the one core thread running through all versions of him is the only way he's standing back and letting you call the shots for him or putting him on the sidelines in some way is over his dead body.
HOW he goes about that, what that looks like, who he becomes and what aspects of himself he plays up at some times and what traits he lets fall by the wayside at other times when they offer less in service to his primary goal here....that changes constantly. He changes constantly.
But those changes are almost always (or at least they used to be/should be IN MY OPINION) made with the intention of keeping certain things about him or his life as consistent as possible.
That's the duality of Dick Grayson that I'm here for. The inherent contradiction of him that COULD allow for endless conflict and breaking new narrative ground in all sorts of ways if mined properly:
His eternal willingness to compromise....but only ever in pursuit of doubling down on the ways he's not willing to compromise.
Forever walking that tightrope in ways that only a kid born and raised in a circus could ever hope to.
#see also: my grinding teeth when people disparage his circus origins#like the only thing its good for is colorful backstory and explaining his acrobatics#THERES. SO. MUCH. THERE.#theres so much EVERYWHERE in every aspect of his backstory and his preexisting comics and yet over and over we get#....what if we just ignored all that and did what the fuck ever as though this character has nothing integral to him or fundamental to say#to be fair my gripes with Taylor are not exactly interchangeable with my gripes with the previous runs#but I lump him in as an extension of them because while evocative of different SIDES of my ennui with these takes on Dick.....#the thing about Taylor's stuff to me (or the parts I read at least) is that its generic as hell while only retaining superficial elements#of Dick's character and stories in order to point to them and say see these are definitely about Dick Grayson. like....only in very surface#level ways. underneath that theyre basically generic superhero adventures that could easily be retooled to be about a pretty sizable number#of other characters. tbh with the whole alfred inheritance thing it honestly felt from the get go#that Taylor was more interested in writing a kinder gentler Batman like a Bruce from one of the animated shows like#The Brave and the Bold who gets along better with everyone else. even the way the Brave and the Bold largely exists to use Batman's#popularity as a star vehicle to platform his co-superhero for the episode lends itself to Taylor's approach in his NW run#with the central figure - only nominally DG imo - basically existing as a platform allowing for the drafting of any other character he want#to write in any given arc or story in a similar way to how Bruce is utilized in Brave and the Bold#anyway. idk idk. my issues with Taylor are not the same as the others exactly but also they are and also I just plain dont like the guy#so I complain about him at any given opportunity even when its not technically as accurate or relevant as it possibly could be#I Am Flawed. its fine though dont worry about it. its called being nuanced
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tbh the reason i even still go to uni is cuz the government pays me a lot of grant money and the disability pay is not enough to live on
#well it is technically for me cuz i got so so lucky with the place i am renting but i do not currently have a lease here so. could end#but yeah like i never meet anyone i want to befriend and it takes up so much of my time and i am constantly#not very intellectually stimulated bc i am still doing lower level classes cuz i can only handle 1-2 classes a semester#i only take 2 cuz that gives me more money but i am almost always bombing one of them#cant see myself being able to do a research job with my inability to send emails and shit
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So one thing I've always loved about uni/studying/learning new things is when you have different subjects or different tiny dots of knowledge and slowly, as you learn more and more, those tiny splashes of knowledge are becoming less isolated, and you realize that it's all connected and - at least with my subjects being in the humanities - you sort of “unlock” this new perspective on a certain aspect of the human condition. And like, that's fun enough and - if I'm being honest - probably my favorite thing about studying already as it is, BUT NOW, now that I've finally gotten back into writing as a hobby this is just ANOTHER dimension for me to expand that knowledge into and to use that knowledge for. And I am absolutely living for it. So happy to be back on my bullshit and so happy to be at a place in my life where these two passions of mine fit so seamlessly together and one passion benefits from the other and vice versa
#god I love that I get to do this#to be less vague: I am taking this course (and a lecture as well) on the aesthetic and philosophy of night darkness dream and imagination#and like that is already SO up my alley you don't even know#but besides getting to learn about the influence of those themes on literature of the 19th century now I also get to practice it you know?#I mean I've always had this fascination for and this... predilection to write about vampires or ghosts or “dark” themes like that#and I just continue to do that now but like???? ugh idk I feel so? /seen/ when I learn about the way people used to do that and still do an#that it's something so... essentially human to be interested in?#which of course technically I knew bcs we have all this media abt these themes. but something about learning /why/ we enjoy these themes an#/why/ there is somehing so very cathartic about engaging with them? something so freeing and so subversive about doing it?#like I love learning things that make me understand myself and my motivations more deeply. also on a creative level#and idk... this is all probably a very jumbled mess but I wanted to share my joy with you in case anyone read up to this point <3#simon.out.#yes this is about the potential wilmon vampire fic I am plotting out rn and yes I am going to be absolutely unbearable about it#vampire wilmon
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yeah yeah i got recommended that Henry Cooldown analysis video whatever. i am still not over people comparing Henry to a medieval knight, NOT even taking the time to unpack that said mental image of a knight is 'mostly' associated with the British Monarchy*, an extension of its Empire that *checks notes* did a long list of atrocities like imperialism and colonialism, and also (multiple) genocides.
Henry is NOT British, he is Irish. Although considering the history of Ireland and how poorly the British Empire has treated them (amongst SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND DIASPORAS), yeah it's NOT surprising that an Irish man like Henry is essentially forced to adopt quote on quote 'British sensibilities' to 'survive'. <- intentional imagery or not, the implications are not lost on me.
Like okay, calling out the comparison is cool but it sure would be nice if people went further to unpack what that means and implies in the long term. you know, like ACTUAL CRITICAL ANALYSIS?!
#I COULD do a whole essay about this. but i don't have the spoons to do so.#this is were i drop the big ball of information about me because fun fact! I am IRISH AND SCOTTISH. AND GREEK. so like.#so yeah i REALLY don't like the british#i hope in alternate universe i make youtube video essays about no more heroes and successfully argue how its about inter-generational traum#shallow rambles#nomoreposting#technically I was quite surprised by being recommended it. but looking at the comments i realised that their interpretation#is like the buy the books obvious surface level analysis of henry's character. not actually. thinking about the deeper things#behind his character. like. are we really going to ignore how his memories were wiped when he was adopted? okay.#to me henry is an example of someone finally confronting their trauma. how they cope is a whole other thing but henry is second#to jeane (the sister) that actually takes the time to confront the trauma although unfortunately this is mostly implied off-screen#travis BARELY acknowledges how fucked up it was for him and his siblings to be split apart and raised by different families#this got really fucking personal and i don't think anyone has actually cared enough to even consider the historical subtext#of these characters but that's just my take.#also i'm not fucking listening to a man explain to me what henry is. you know in a filmbro way. i have my own brain and interpretation and#that is all that matters to me. if you liked the guys video that's fine but honestly i am just not that interested in the essay.#you like henry for the rivalry trope. I like henry for other reasons that are open ended. we are NOT the same.#btw not EVERYTHING is about kill the past. it feels so reductive to ONLY analyse suda's work as a connected series#because it implies each one can't stand on their own merits!! that's NOT good analysis!! his work can stand on their own individually!#*about the whole knight and british monarchy thing there are other knights in other countries but unfortunately we only#think about knights in a VERY british-centric way. just thought to bring that up.#no i wont make a video essay about any of this i value my anonymity.#no i won't apologise for waking up and choosing violence today
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yall i am SO COOKED next year in band 😭😭
#huge yap sesh in tags#im genuinely so below level#i started trumpet in grade 8 and that was well and good#classes were alright but i wasnt taught any theory which was. a choice#ninth grade and i have learned more theory but practically did not take classes.#like. wasnt given the practice time or any instruction#and like. my highest note is a B#well. C technically. but i cant make a good sounding C#and i need to be atleast up to C to even be in the fucking program yall 💀💀#like i am cookedddd#i have been practicing atleast 20 mins daily but i am not being given instruction obviously bcoz school is out. literally just scale sheets#and like i dont think thats enough#but im not motivated because likr im not being given instruction it feels like a chore lmao#and i DONT KNOW if im doing good#anyways rant over#band kid#damien shut up challenge
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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I love running her so so so much. I am so glad I caught this run on camera. This run wasn't as smooth as our first BUT watch Aayla save my ass when I got lost on course with barely a bobble.
I ended up on the wrong side of a jump and forgot my course for a half second. Then saw he pull in towards me when she needed to take the far jump, so I gave her a signal to push out and she switched back to the correct line and finished the course out strong without any hard feelings for my mess up.
In ASCA you run the course forward and backwards. So between the two courses you had the same set up leading in and out of the tunnel. But what tunnel entry you did changed on course 2. Lots of dogs patterned into the same entry the second round and NQed. Aayla easily pulled in to me when qued and got the correct entry with no issues.
This dog is so so so special. I can't even put it into words. I won't ever get another dog like her (part of me is happy that she is unique and no other dog will be her). I wish so badly her elbow dysplasia never had slowed us down because I want her to have every title she is worth. Without it she could have gotten an ATCH.
I get some comfort that people can see her brilliance when in person. So many pulled me aside to tell me how much they loved watching us run and how special of a dog Aayla seems to be. How fast and in tune she is with me.
#i am so sappy about this#100% Q rate is not common#she was working at a higher level and more technical challenges in AKC so she is ik no way a novice dog#BUT ITS BEEN OVER TWO YEARS#The fact that she could take two years off then run like this?!? getting obstacle discriminations#hold on while i just hug her and cry
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gaming industry blowing up
well i guess its a good thing i never got into gamedev despite wanting to when i was like 14
good thing i went with IT instead
IT industry also blew up and has an extremely competitive entry level market
#i only make good choices. as you can see.#it doesnt help that IT is not a 'money maker' so companies dont want to 'waste' money on it#they want to pay $15 an hour for a degree + multiple certs + experience#man.#and more often than not expect you to drive around in your own car all over the state. man.#ive been searching for a job for like 6 months at this point#willing to take the pay cut#they just dont care#their entry level position only wants people who already are in IT#doesnt matter that ive got my certs and am in the process of getting the degree#doesnt matter that i can answer their technical knowledge quizzes#sigh
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losing the idgaf war
#kommento#// playing spltoon flopping at every level and dying yelling TAKE MEEE take my brain and cradle it nicely take me into your care#// successfully fading into obscurity because im not necessarily popular nd slandering my own name further so it's smeared in history books#// and my legacy dies an untimely death if I ever had one and leave nothing behind and this gas station dissappears into the fog#// that I couldn't be the one in people's mouths when they think about this One Guy that I was no competition to anyone else#// in this so-called 'community' that was so hostile and volatile to me because I had standards and I projected too hard for my own good#// not that ive been badgered or hurt or maimed or anything i dont think i would even still be in this hellhole if that ever were the case#// but im in this specific pocket of fndom are full of freaks and i want to appease most of them and make a name for myself#// —ambitious i know— majority of these people ARE freaks and so the people who are popular ARE freak themselves#// so techincally im trying to appeal to three people but i want more when it's technically not possible#// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going#// i wish i wasnt a hater i wish the things i dont want to see werent so physically revolting that my heart sinks and i see red#// i wish it was a more minor thing where im a hater for about 50% of it and i can Easily Dismiss it#// than hatership being a part of my personality#// that I've earned so little and lost so much but everyone and everything that I've loved is so genuine and real and too much#// that the stakes of doing something is so high like it's gambling itself that I'm not too sure I'm satisfied with my time here#// despite all the things I believed were good that's happened already#// that if I leave right now on the fickle decisiveness of the squirrel in my brain there would be things on this figurative bucket list I#// never have accomplished and I'm not too sure I can come back to do it because of my home that looks like war trenches itself#// all this time and love I've put into this world and I'm stubborn and selfish enough to believe I have not received what I am due#// and that this love and dedication was never received by enough people as I perceive#// sorry for being a baby's first but my time here in this pit of hell has been th absolute worst and most horrid of other fndoms I've been#// and while I practice the inherent belief I am the scum of the earth and the worst person alive#// and that I leave the things I love so much behind with wordless and meaningless abandonment#// I've made so much and shared so much that enough of my love was perceived by others and that#// I've at least left myself some things behind even if it has never reached others the way I humbly wished it to#// lmao like I'm writing an overly dramatic resignation letter and I leave it front desk and when I exit the building it#// either completely disappears behind me or keeps standing but stay unmaintained for the duration I'm gone#// people could still come and go or I could make it disappear myself. I think I've done a good job at making it easy to do that#// sorry for being dramatic ? idk how to give closure on this if the time ever comes or if this Is The Closure
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I'm not allowed on tiktok anymore. Or YouTube shorts. Or I assume Instagram reels though I've never watched them. I will just scroll and scroll and scroll and completely lose track of time and suddenly it's 5am and I'm so dehydrated that my mouth feels like a desert
#katy liveblogs life 2023#i had like 4 hours of sleep last night#am i weirdly more rested yhan when i get 10+? yes#am i still also exhausted? also yes#and i have evening dnd tonight uhg#but its a fun one! our noble warlock is hosting a masquerade ball... im assuming to seduce our bard#but also i only realised that was the plan because of their tiktok (which is what got me on the tiktok binge)#because i am such an oblivious aroace#so of course so is my dnd character lol#though she (and i) totally shipped the warlock with our paladin...#before the player decided he didnt want to play the paladin anymore and switched to an artificer so our paladin walked off into the sunset#trying to find himself after basically killing our dnd worlds version of zeus?#also he was taking levels in barbarian too#idk man dnd comfuses me sometimes#apparently my wizard is stupid because her intelligence is only 12... our bards is 15#i have no idea what im doing. clearly.#but its the only time i see people other than my mother (even if its through a screen and technically my sisters friends)#anyway rambling#katy rambles in the tags
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omori's inclinations towards self isolation is so realistic and similar to my own it's almost disturbing and very nearly triggering... very. nearly.
#not really a vent jus. hm.#its not surprising or anything. omoris a good game. its been praised for how it deals with and portrays this stuff.#im watching the sleepy crest black space ii vid#my shut in life will turn into a rock /lyrref#thinking about it is a little difficult. its hard to without becoming. consumed.. with desires i know. can be destructive#that said are but i changed it to 'can be'. so i can have plausible deniability when i relapse into madd&shut in and pretend its ok ^^#because i know its not good to anticipate failure or relapse or whatever. but its like. that desire feels so base level for me.#its the safest i feel and relapse is inevitable and.... welcomed. almost. it cant last because i have people whod be hurt by it.#so welcoming it doesnt feel dangerous. i have people with me that i have a duty not to shut out. (i can wait until they leave me just fine)#but i like making friends. so i know realistically its somewhat unlikely ill ever feel like i dont have a 'duty' not to shut in for others.#and my family actually like..... has a substantial relationship with me now. but i think my dissociation can take care of that problem#rather easily. ive always planned the potential for them. not my friends though. so i cant shut in yet ^^#though i do technically..... have a plan if even they become too unbearable as well. that goes back.. years at this point#but it has less to do with disconnection on my part and instead more to do with festering disconnection on their part#i know whats good for them i know whats good for me and thats hikikomori ^^#haha i jus said that cus it rhymed lol ignore me#does the post above even hold up at this point.#well. i think so. i dont think the game itself is triggering. i think im digging this well myself. and its not like ill be stuck here#i dont feel as though i am going to be consumed either. i think im just making noise. for the post. and to talk about this experience#since its something i struggle with quite a bit. but i dont tell my friends or stuff about it. because that feels..... mean. almost#like. oh ya by the way i fantasize a lot about you leaving my life. ya you should feel bad for me or something. idfk#really. really. the only feeling i have thinking about this shut in life is...... almost warmth. i think.#i dont think i could ever see the idea completely negatively. ive lived in a haze of drugs daydreams secrets and self isolation before.#its just. safe. it doesnt matter how the days blend together. your brain crowded and constantly foggy with dissociation.#youre somewhere else. somewhere where these things dont matter... those things help you get there. theyre tools of equivalent exchange#give your life up and you can create a new one. that idea had always permeated through my life in a manner of styles#but this is probably the most.... sensical and safe manifestation of that idea ^^#anyways. i like chatting about this stuff with people who relate#so hmu i guess.#vent in tags
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yall best be glad im not a sports fan or else i would be like 100x crazier about f1
#like what do you mean consistent content and fuel for like ever#what do you mean a thing that inherently has drama chaos love and pain#what do you mean a thing that regularly has friendships and connections with years of history#if i had the energy for it yall would know no rest from my brainworms and my feels#i know some of yall like that shit though and i love yall for it#anyway#i am like three steps away from the edge#i genuinely was so excited when i heard oscar won#no idea how the race went down all i cared for was that my guy got another win#so like i could get to that level#and this type of sport is much more interesting to me than other ones#so it’s very much possible just not with my current level of adhd and depression#if i abandoned all my other interests i would be deep in the trenches of the technical shit#like that is so cool to me#i would take so much time to learn how everything works and what you can and can’t do#i am unfortunately a humanities girlie at my core and have no time to dedicate to transitioning#but i would love to understand it all#not just be able to know the terms but like be able to understand how these things work and how it all functions#alas#life is more than just one thing#you can tell that if i were a super rich never had to work again vampire i would spend years just learning different fields#bite some cute toys along the way before returning to The Thing
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#dot post#ignore Morg#at this rate I'm going to have to start doing a paragraph break per sentence#I am not sure how my forum post got misunderstood that badly#but somehow my ''I know it's not possible to Y - but what about doing X?''#got a reply as if I had said ''Can I do Y and X?'' Which is not the question I asked.#Like I know it's technically inconsequential but it drives me nuts on like an autistic level#because of a few reasons#but mainly because there's a mode of communication (speech) where I put a lot of effort in to make sure I don't miss a ''not''#because of my shit hearing#like I have a Method that more than compensates for my hearing#so it drives me a little nuts when someone misses one of my ''not''s in any mode of speech#in the way that tracking mud indoors drives someone who takes their shoes off at home to keep their carpet clean nuts#don't get me started on how hard it is to order a hamburger - emphasis on the lack of the word CHEESE - in the united states#the english language needs to replace ''no'' and “not” with seven syllable words or something#we deserve the inconvenience if it ensures that people stop missing those#[I am being facetious but gahhhhh]
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Suiren is Aplatonic
#bc I said so. argue with a wall#she's my character I can do what I want#look once I realised I was spec and claimed a bunch of identities under that umbrella#I began wanting to give some of them to my characters#alasie fulfills my aroace rep needs and honestly that's enough for now#bc with how prominent family is in my stories I can't really go for afamilial#but it very recently occured to me that suiren straight up doesn't have friends#of course for the most part it's because of trauma and her entire community hating her#but even after her recovery.. I just never gave her a friend?#she has her family + people like opal and bolin who are considered family and kuvira. that's it#the only friend she's ever had in my multiverse of madness is alasie. and even then 'friend' is pushing it#they would only know each other for a few weeks before Suiren has to bail and probably didn't interact all that much#and honestly. even in utos I don't see her as someone who'd go around making friends#maybe there are a few people who she's on good terms with but not quite on friendship level#if any of that makes sense#and hey. why am I making excuses. suiren is mine if I say she's aplatonic then she's aplatonic#she feels romantic/sexual and familial attraction but not platonic. end of story#but since she does have that thing with alasie I will say that she's once again like me. plato-indifferent aplatonic#though technically I’m demiplatonic but yk. same difference#she doesn't care much either way whether she has friends or not and will care if she has them. but more as a person than a friend yk?#she is a kind and caring person by nature even though her demeanor hides it. it comes with her set of beliefs#so she will care for and love people. but not consider them friends#it's nearly midnight so I'm yet again on tumblr with my batshit insane takes#sotrl suiren
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