#// than hatership being a part of my personality
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losing the idgaf war
#kommento#// playing spltoon flopping at every level and dying yelling TAKE MEEE take my brain and cradle it nicely take me into your care#// successfully fading into obscurity because im not necessarily popular nd slandering my own name further so it's smeared in history books#// and my legacy dies an untimely death if I ever had one and leave nothing behind and this gas station dissappears into the fog#// that I couldn't be the one in people's mouths when they think about this One Guy that I was no competition to anyone else#// in this so-called 'community' that was so hostile and volatile to me because I had standards and I projected too hard for my own good#// not that ive been badgered or hurt or maimed or anything i dont think i would even still be in this hellhole if that ever were the case#// but im in this specific pocket of fndom are full of freaks and i want to appease most of them and make a name for myself#// —ambitious i know— majority of these people ARE freaks and so the people who are popular ARE freak themselves#// so techincally im trying to appeal to three people but i want more when it's technically not possible#// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going#// i wish i wasnt a hater i wish the things i dont want to see werent so physically revolting that my heart sinks and i see red#// i wish it was a more minor thing where im a hater for about 50% of it and i can Easily Dismiss it#// than hatership being a part of my personality#// that I've earned so little and lost so much but everyone and everything that I've loved is so genuine and real and too much#// that the stakes of doing something is so high like it's gambling itself that I'm not too sure I'm satisfied with my time here#// despite all the things I believed were good that's happened already#// that if I leave right now on the fickle decisiveness of the squirrel in my brain there would be things on this figurative bucket list I#// never have accomplished and I'm not too sure I can come back to do it because of my home that looks like war trenches itself#// all this time and love I've put into this world and I'm stubborn and selfish enough to believe I have not received what I am due#// and that this love and dedication was never received by enough people as I perceive#// sorry for being a baby's first but my time here in this pit of hell has been th absolute worst and most horrid of other fndoms I've been#// and while I practice the inherent belief I am the scum of the earth and the worst person alive#// and that I leave the things I love so much behind with wordless and meaningless abandonment#// I've made so much and shared so much that enough of my love was perceived by others and that#// I've at least left myself some things behind even if it has never reached others the way I humbly wished it to#// lmao like I'm writing an overly dramatic resignation letter and I leave it front desk and when I exit the building it#// either completely disappears behind me or keeps standing but stay unmaintained for the duration I'm gone#// people could still come and go or I could make it disappear myself. I think I've done a good job at making it easy to do that#// sorry for being dramatic ? idk how to give closure on this if the time ever comes or if this Is The Closure
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