#so many tears so much crying
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The gravest mistake I've ever made is listening to Eyeshine while reading Vol 10 of Trimax
#i thought#WHAT IF WHAT IF!!!!#did it and oh boy#the tears!!!#so many tears so much crying#hahahaha#but I loved it#im telling you it's lethal#if i want to cry immediately i just have to do this#trigun#eyeshine#vol 10#vashwood
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I’m thinking about Mahito’s great great uncle maintaining and preserving a peaceful and beautiful thing in a way that to an outside observer looks tedious and unimportant, hoping to pass the duty off to a successor but ultimately he cannot find one and dies with it.
I’m thinking about the specificity of the blocks being made and handled with care, not with malice or ill intent.
I’m thinking about Hayao Miyazaki, a bastion of beautiful 2d hand drawn animation who refuses to retire.
I’m thinking about a world where animation is so rarely made with love over profit and efficiency.
I’m thinking about how, though the old man didn’t see it, the next generation still hangs onto a piece of that beautiful, tedious thing and takes it with them because it feels important.
I’m thinking about Mahito being told he should forget, but no. He shouldn’t.
#the boy and the heron#the boy and the heron spoilers#tbath#how do you live#hayao miyazaki#studio ghibli#I love seeing a film that I can’t quite process right away and then hours later my brain is like DING DING DING PROCESSED!#fully crying actual tears right now I’m Not Okay#I hope he knows how much he means to so many people
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I asked myself why I failed to notice. It was the first time we'd been apart that long. I found the birthday gifts you prepared for me in my room, from my 18th to my 21st. ...Shut up. I started to think about what you were doing back then. Were you celebrating my birthday all by yourself?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#userrain#uservid#userspicy#userjjessi#pdribs#*cajedit#*gif#do you ever cry about the chen yi that woke up to find ai di gone.#do you ever think about the chen yi that felt ai di's tears on his face and reached up to hold him closer. to comfort him.#who saw & chose in a moment the true ai di that had always been by his side then lost him in the next. & woke up to learn it was his fault#cuz i think about the chen yi during ai di's prison time a lot. i think about him going over so many of his memories#reevaluating ai di's anger and teasing and realizing it was all heartbreak. THAT IT WAS ALL HEARTBREAK.#the guilt...the desperation & need to get through to ai di so he never makes him feel that way again. understanding that he loves ai di too#the way he gently touches ai di's hands and face here... he tied him up to keep him from running but hes being so earnest and SO careful#with ai di's pain & ai di's love. his expressions & the way he takes deep breaths before admitting things out loud like its clear#hes thinking hard abt what he wants to say and how he wants to say it. bc he has to make ai di understand how much he means this#how much he misses him. how much he wants to make this right. how he wants & needs to be by ai di's side forever bc he loves him!#he loves him!!!!!!!!! GOD. i love chen yi.
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timbern interconnected fates but not like by chance but like bernard wrestling with destiny to make sure he gets to have tim in his life
#bear who lost time for years and fucking army crawled his way into getting him back#bear who hung around wayne ent events in the hope that he'd just happen to run into tim and they'd reconnect#bernard dowd who looked fate in the eye and said 'fuck you. tim is my happy ending and if you wanna take that away you're gonna have to#fight me for it'#and tim drake who once he knew what he wanted got tag teamed into the smackdown#tim drake who will crawl through dimensions to get back to bear#tim drake who takes better precautions on patrols now because he's got his bear to come home to now and he'll be damned if he#ever makes bear cry tears over his sorry ass again#tim drake who looks fate in the and says 'i dont care how many times you put a hit on me. i'll come back to him every time.'#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber#the idea of bernard's love being stronger than a universe that had really no plans of putting him and tim back together again makes me#wanna sob. he loved tim so much that it rewrote their narratives. i need to go lay down
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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Sunny watching her dad do so much for other people and wanting to make sure he knows he’s loved in return and going out of her way to make his birthday special for him and going to every single person to have them write about how much they care for him after he thought that no one did and-
#I’m literally crying#I have so many thoughts about this I can’t put into words#sunny is so perfect#the fact that she knows material wrath and gifts isn’t what he needs and instead gets him smth he’ll treasure so much more#I do think he would love anything she gets him but#sunny so clearly loves her pa and wants him to know just how much she loves him and appreciates all he’s done for her#I can’t stop watching the clip of fit seeing the area#I have tears in my eyes#qsmp tubbo#qsmp#tubbo#qsmp sunny
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ACTUALLY SOBBING RN THEY'RE SO CUTE 😭
#käärijä#jesse voss#jeskiedes#jere pöyhönen#jere from vantaa#ACTUALLY SCREAMING CRYING RN TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#after so many jesse stories where his face isn't visible i finally get to see my wife!!! 😭😭😭
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here have a wip of a rat sons comic that i keep tearing up about while writing
(feat. tortoise papa splinter and his rat baby leonardo)
#my art#wip#rat sons#tmnt#tmnt au#03 tmnt#03 tmnt au#yall imma cry#rat sons splinter is a really really good dad#like 03 splinter before him#and i WILL randomly burst into tears about it#like hes not perfect#sometimes he talks through so many layers of metaphors only mikey sort of understands wtf hes getting at#and his refusal to be direct or have favoritism/take sides in arguement can really get old fast#esp for raph and don#who both just want to be told that theyre Right sometimes without leaping through hoops of flowery language#but like#hes such a gentle and goofy papa#he nurtures all his babies interests as much as he can#with fucking endless support and love#and his sons are his absolute number one priority full stop#they never once need to question if he'll be there for them#hes gonna have a bit of a hard time when they get older and start living their own lives beyond him#but hes gonna bury that as much as he can under how amazed and heckin proud he is#of the people his children have grown up to be#ugh im emotional#now there must be an obligatory arc in which he is Taken Away
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Finally got caught up with TADC and to no one’s surprise I’m now uncontrollably sobbing over the tragic doomed loving couple
#OUGH… OUGH!!!!!#TEARING MY EYEBALLS OUR AND EATING MY TEARDUCTS!!!! SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP!!!!#moots will know that this trope is my kryptonite. *stares at heromari collection*#genuinely though. the parallels between these two and heromari are crazy#like SO CRAZY even down to the minor details#like kinger’s wife (queener??? is that canon or fanon I have no clue)#liking bugs and him being afraid of them#but they’re less scary when she’s there. when she was there :((#OUGHH THEY BOTH TURN INTO SHADOWY EYE-FOCUSED TRAUMA DEMON THINGS TOO AGHHHHHH!!!!! AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!#yeah this episode killed me so much#they remind me SO deeply of heromari and anything that does that is guaranteed to make me cry#kinger’s fort being dark so he can try and remember his memories with his wife… AGHHHHHHHH#that scene in episode two where he started to remember things when he had the bucket over his head the FORWSHADOWING JSJDNSNSJZJ!!!! SHEIEJS#ANYWAY yeah I don’t think anyone’s surprised I like this show. and this couple. and these characters. and cried over them#I have so many thoughts about them and the other characters and the show and EVERYTHING but that will be for another post#for now!!!! I cry!!!!!#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc kinger#I would tag wife but I don’t know her name so. ough :(#it’s so sad it’s so tragic ough ough OUGH AGH AGAJEJEJSJSJH.#tadc spoilers#‘you look beautiful honey’ END ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW/j
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.Aventurine. Aventurine. Boy wh y
#★ arin rambles#★ my art#my best friend finished aventurines boss in 1 try#(i was stuck so i never knew what happened after)#wish she never did#im filled with so much sorrow#THE NOTE. THE NOTE THE NOTE THE NOTE#HE. CARES HE CARES SO M#IM DOOMED#IM TOO LITTLE FOR ALL THIS SADNESS#SO MUCH . TEARS . TOO MANY SAD. WHY. WHYYY MEEEE#The note……… Im never ever gonna drop this ever#Aventurine’s story will haunt me forever#(affectionately)#so good….. but like in a painful way. Like ive been crying for 3 days now#today was the worst offense. MY HEAD HURTS STILL#SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE CALLED escape penacony obby!#ill stop rambling now . I need . Rest. Or a ratiorine overdose whichever i find first#i hope my best friends dont see these tags they’ll think im pathetic#And i am. But nobody has to know that#THE NOTE— Okay fine ill stop ILL STOP#hsr penacony spoilers#hsr penacony#penacony#dr ratio x aventurine#dr ratio#aventurine x dr ratio#aventio#ratiorine#hsr aventurine
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Ohhhh boy. I have come with (yet another) Eldritch!Lucifer concept design. It will happen again. Ksnsbef
Inspiration taken from omori/madoka/genshin.
I have so many biblically accurate designs in the drafts bc I just. cannot see Luci with one definite look. Hence the hc that the closer his appearance is to his 'true' form, the more unstable it becomes. my baby would drive quantum physicists mad.
#eldritch lucifer morningstar#see one body is not enough. turns him into a planetary system#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer morningstar#flakes art#not described#undescribed#might rework this later. to probably hopefully render him ksjsjdjdkdk.#fun facts abt this lil guy right there#1) the 'planet' he's holding is shaped like an apple. :)#2) aurora borealis can be seen in the area his wings do not cover#3) related to 2). due to instability in his angelic energy field thingy (his angelic and demonic sides not meshing well together)#there are probably soo many windstorms in there#if someone compares him to a vagina again I will cry /lh#“see that's why he gets along so well with vaggie” -🩹 NOOOO NO NO NONONO#edit: okay nevermind the symbolism is great actually#edit edit: him emulating the birthing process him recreating an entire ecosystem out of himself within himself#him clutching at any shred of familiarity he can find#no matter how broken or dysfunctional. no matter if it's barely holding itself together. no matter if it means he has to tear *himself* int#he misses home he misses his family so much screams#him trying to recreate what they once had but there's a big gaping fucking hole in the sky and the living reminder of what happened#constantly replaying around#and if he focus hard enough he can still feel himself Falling#it's all on a subconscious level but anyway. Yeah#flakes rambles#there's def more to say but it's 6am already...hahaha eepy time#edit edit edit: okay in a sense this is less like a 'true form' and more like a physical manifestation of his psyche#BUT STILL#OKAY EEPY TIME FORREALSIEs
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Our ragged, bloodstained girl in red. Flesh stained teeth, earth crusted nails. An animal-girl.
Girlhood knows red. She knows of blood and the hollowing hunger that resides in the pit of stomachs. She knows her way around organs and the fresh scent of danger. Girlhood knows of red eyes, red hands, red tongue licking a full, satisfied smile.
Red waits with the Creature resting on her grandmother’s bed. It lies with one paw over the other. It yawns and sleeps and bares its neck. It waits for inevitability. Fear wears the clothes of love.
“If you cannot eat, you will die. This is the Law.”
Tears swell at the corners of the girl’s eyes. Who are these tears for, my child? Humanity lays at the corners of her eyes. She wipes them with the back of her hand.
Hunger and hunger and hunger grips the girls stomach. Starvation. Instincts. Animal.
She lays the iron weapon into the Creature’s skull.
Red Riding Hood devours her shadow. She rips apart fur, finds the critical spot where the meat comes apart the easiest, where the heart pounds and fades the quickest.
She splits the skull apart, pulling the strings that have tormented her Story many times told. She strays the path and follows her instincts. Animal.
She eats. She eats and drinks and swallows. Bright red. Raw meat. She picks the fur and guts out of her teeth. She wipes her mouth on the collar of her white dress and her hands at her thighs. “My teeth were made to eat you”.
Unrecognisable child. People fear you the way they feared the Big Bad Wolf. What have you done? Predator claws and ears grow from her body. Alien, familiar. Maturity, mortality, humanity, innocence— the blood at the end of girlhood.
“I met death, and Death wants me to live.”
#dimension 20#neverafter#girls face the consequences of mortality and humanity at such a young age and are forced to mature so much quicker#we’re familiar with blood. we know a type of death#we know the death of innocence. we know the death of girlhood#we cry tears of pain and hunger and discomfort and fear from such a young age#ylfa snorgelsson represents so many different aspects of girlhood and maturity#ylfa snorgelsson#plu’s d20 rambles#d20 analysis
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'Shikamaru’s breathing was erratic now — she could see it in how his chest rose and fell — but he managed to hold still otherwise. Temari took a slow breath in the hope he might try to copy it.
“You’ll beat Mischa like you always do, and I want you to. You don’t have to question that. Not ever.” She frowned as he pressed the heel of his palm against his brow. “Don’t hide,” she said. “I already know none of this about the chess, Shikamaru. You don’t have to pretend it is.”
“I’m not pretending.”
“Then don’t be proud.”
Grandmaster on ao3 by @notquitejiraiya
#there are so many parts from thisnchapter that i want tk explore#and half of them are just shikamaru crying#(or about to cry)#this imagery of trying to hold back tears and crying through smoking is such a delicious and unique one 😍#little baby shika only 20yrs old and hes got so much grief/emotions to contend with 😭#particularly in this scene 👀#you MUST read Grandmaster!#shikatema#naruto#i love gm shikatema so much#grandmaster#nara shikamaru#notquitejiraiya#losing my mind week 16
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who else up crying over dragon age rn
#this time it was taash#the first gender conversation#there are so many parallels between what they say and how it feels to be a lesbian and it made me emotional#particularly the part about feeling stupid when dressing feminine#and i LOVE the option to say 'i like being a woman but if you don't let's talk about that'#because that's so true!! like i can have really similar experiences to taash and still feel comfortable as a woman but they don't!#and i just think it's a really lovely reminder of the value of queer shared experiences#lesbianism as a form of nonbinary gender is something i've been reflecting on a lot lately and it's just cool to see that acknowledged#i love feeling seen and understood especially by a character i love so much#thank you taash thank you trick weekes i am crying tears of joy#dragon age spoilers#taash
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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Wow I love animated movies they make me so happy!
Me watching Inside Out 2 and The Wild Robot:
#I watched inside out 2 last night and the wild robot today and holy shit so many tears but it’s so good#the wild robot#inside out 2#crying#i cried so much
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