#so it's on my mind again

[blujayonthewing]

I wish I had any way of knowing whether people have gotten Weirder™ about my name in recent years or if this has been happening behind the scenes the entire time

I've been going by Jay since I was 11. At the time nobody objected to or questioned this, at least not to me; I found out many years later that Jay is supposedly a "boy's name," but nobody ever said 'you can't use that as a nickname, it's a boy's name' and it went completely uncontested by anyone when I switched. Lots of kids announced some manner of name change at the start of a new school year in middle school; it was all normal and fine. My mom and, you know, grandmas and other relatives kept calling me Jessica, which was also fine! I didn't make a big family announcement or correct any relatives on this, I just wanted to differentiate myself from the half dozen other Jessicas in school.

For twenty years!! This has gone on being perfectly normal! My Real Name™ is an increasingly obscure bit of trivia I get to spring on friends who didn't realize I had one, which is always funny (my brother in law didn't believe me and demanded to see my driver's license). My mom and grandmas have largely still called me Jess, and that's also fine! It's nice, even! There's a particular intimacy there of having a name only my mother uses-- but, crucially, I have never asked her not to, or said that I don't like it. And as FAR AS I KNOW, this has all been true and fine for TWENTY YEARS.

My own feelings about it have never changed, and feel, to me, very straightforward: if I tell you that my name is Jay, and you decide that no it isn't, that is a problem. That's the rule. That's literally it. I had a high school teacher who asked on the syllabus for us to write down if we went by something other than our full name, who was nonetheless UNIQUE among all of my teachers from 6th grade onward in always and only ever calling me Jess, even though I signed all my work Jay, all the other teachers called me Jay, he literally asked whether anyone wanted to be called something else and I answered Jay, and I had him for two semesters. I met a work friend of Justin's once who asked upon introduction whether Jay was short for something, and when I told him it was short for Jessica he took it upon himself to call me Jess instead. This isn't me having a problem with any particular iteration of my name, this is just asshole behavior! I told you what my name was and you said 'no it isn't'. The problem here does not seem complex to me?

But within the last [hand wiggle] handful of years I feel like it keeps getting weirder? Apparently my dad and grandma argued about it at my wedding rehearsal-- she, dramatically, insisting 'I don't care, her name is Jessica, I'm going to call her that ;n;' and my dad angrily defensive that no it isn't, I go by Jay, that should be respected. And I'm sitting here listening to my dad relay this in utter bewilderment like. Well dad I love the energy but I have never been bothered at all if grandma calls me Jessica. I have never even once asked her not to or complained to anyone that she does. But also this is the grandma who HAS called me Jay more often than not?? My mom's mom never picked it up, but I was astonished to hear my dad's mom was acting like this was some New Dramatic Change that she Hated and not a thing she's literally already been doing for, again, twenty entire years. Why are you suddenly making it weird! Last weekend Justin's stepmom mentioned seeing my mom at the hospital where mom works, and how she said something like 'yes I'm Jessica's mom-- wait, no, Jay, she hates it when I do that' and I just?? I literally don't, the only problem now is that people who know me won't know who the fuck you're talking about

all of this and I'm just. I am literally just sitting here. why are we inventing problems out of this two decades later. what is going on

[musicismymoirail]

warnings: talks about family death and grief. just needed to get some thoughts out.

When my dad passed away, everyone gave me advice about grief and pain. About how it would hurt, and it'd keep hurting long after you’d think it would end. How it’ll ease up and then blindside you on some random Tuesday just because. And that was okay. It happens to everyone, and it’s okay to feel grief.

Except it doesn’t happen to everyone. It didn’t for me.

We had a complicated relationship. One of love. One of neglect. One of trauma. He never got over his demons and I’ve always accepted he was a well-meaning but deeply flawed man.

His funeral was sad, but not heart-breaking like people told me it would be. We made jokes and ate pizza outside of the funeral home. I sang Avocado, Baby off-key on the steps in between bites. Lots of people came, and it was nice to see.

The first year, all the holidays he loved and hated, I felt nothing too heavy. Life moved on and no heart-ending grief ever hit me the some way it hit everyone else every so often.

Years later, I only ever remember the anniversary of his death because my cousins still text me well wishes, and I feel like a dick and an awful child for forgetting. It should be important, engraved in my thoughts forever, but October is still the month our dog Duncan died in first in my mind, not the month my dad died.

Grief and pain skipped me, it feels, and I wonder why when people still give me advice and well-wishes, so many years later.

The one exception is my birthday, and barely that. It’s the first hour of my birthday. Because I always remember he’d try so hard to be the first one to text me happy birthday, being so so proud and bragging that he was first.

He never was, mind you. Wrae Ann typically won that race.

But I liked those messages. It was silly but sweet he’d wait up until midnight to 1am to text me. To be first. And still failing. Typical Joe.

And now, my first hour of birthday is only time I feel a bit sad. A bit sorrowful. Not soul-crushingly so, just sad enough to notice.

That sometimes I do miss my dad a bit.

It’ll be gone tomorrow when I wake up though, and I’ll once again feel sad than I don’t feel sadder too.

Grief is weird, and performative grief even more so.

[abd-illustrates]

💛 Training Gear 💛

Some alt fit concepts I doodled for the Heartless Crew a while back and forgot to post! Very rough ideas for what I imagine they might wear to train / work out , plus a couple more fashion-forward fits for the gals. ✌️✨

[DO NOT EDIT OR REPOST TO OTHER SITES / ACCOUNTS] ♻️reblogs are lovely tho!♻️

[chloesimaginationthings]

If Vanny is in the digital circus.. where’s Pomni?

[chalkrub]

dinosaur in a lab coat - would you trust her with operating the centrifuge

[oifaaa]

It's funny how opinions can change over time for instance I used to want Bruce to be a good parent but then I realised how fucking boring that is to read at the end of the day comics are soap operas and I'm here for the drama

[arttsuka]

@wolfythewitch 's gravity fowls au, again...

Mcducket with Tate (when he was an egg)

Stan would sell 'mystery eggs' and it would just be rocks or something

[theartofmadeline]

yes i'm still thinking about the botw champions in 2024

[lotus-pear]

learning to love

[xxplastic-cubexx]

[right to left]

STILL thinking about drunk chess actually

stupid as hell bonus:

[druid-for-hire]

[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]

a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest

Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here

Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭

It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Bernard: i lied. i don’t like sex. put your clothes back on babe and watch my power point presentation about What The Fuck Is Going On Between Batman And Twoface

Tim: …

[chloesimaginationthings]

Can you imagine the puppet scene in FNAF 2…

[egophiliac]

I don’t think we’ve ever seen you draw knight of dawn before 🤔 what are your thoughts about him? Or take?

I've drawn him a couple of times, just really little/in the background. but I should draw him more, I love this guy a lot! I have many, many thoughts about him and the way he parallels Silver...and also I think it is extremely funny that his ghost is stuck in a ring. especially considering where that ring has been for the last 16-ish years.

[scurvyboy]

grunkle fidds au my favorite fake dating rom com