#so if i at least got the validation of OTHER people liking it then it would probably push me to write more.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

hii was just wondering what are your thoughts on the black family dynamics (esp considering your dislike for regulus (valid[i wanna ounch him])). I've always seen hcs where sirius is hated by his family which doesn't make that much sense bc he IS a black he has all skills that they consider valuable (cunning, smarts, charming etc etc) and i just don't think that the second he got sorted into gryffindor they disowned him immediately. Also how does sirius view them? Ilysm

hiii ilym anon ummmm. i okay wait. black family dynamic is just so like. big. i have a couple posts on them (druella and cygnus, sirius and walburga, sirius and orion, + others) but like if you have a specific rsp id loveee to yap abt them <33

the hc where sirius hates his family ,,, i do hc he hates them. like he hates bellatrix and narcissa and their parents entirely because he never saw a soft side of them, he hates orion because orion never stepped up to be a father (he was a coward and i will die on this hill), he hates his mother but like. he loves his mother. theyre rsp is the most complicated and delicious. theyre so similar but theyre opposites. sirius hates her for what she did but he misses her like a little kid !!! big thoughts on them i could mkae this whole post on them but whatever.

oh and also respect. like,,, respect is very important for sirius. he hates bellatrix and narcissa but he respects their power and their ambition. he hates his mother but he respects her accomplishments and apathy. he doesn't respect orion. he doesn't hate regulus, but he has no respect for him. regulus was a coward who couldn't take the path sirius paved for him because he wanted to be his parents' prince. he doesn't love regulus because he doesn't respect him.

sirius is brilliant and perfect but that has nothing to do with being a black, his intelligence and charm are a part of him not of his blood,, sure he catches the similarities between himself and his family but it's not because he's just like them it's because he's hyperfocusing on anything that would remind people from where he's from. idk.

yeah no, i think being sorted in gryffindor was like the equivalent of a scandal. he wasn't disowned he was just a disappointment,, at least until he reported back top grades and glowing reviews from his teachers. if sirius wanted to go the black family route he could've still been a death eater from gryffindor ,, idk i think hp focuses wayy too much on houses like why are these 40yo women crying abt a school house 💀💀 sigh

i think i've explained how sirius feels abt the family pretty well ? i should probably make a post on how he views each char in more detail but like yeah <33

[mikilolz2]

How can I stop self sabotaging myself when I come close to shifting?

Hi,

It’s kind of ironic that I’m coming here, considering where my problem started, but I really don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve been feeling different, thanks to Nero Knowledge on YouTube. Yesterday, with a newfound boost of confidence, I came incredibly close to my DR. Honestly, it was one of the best attempts I’ve had in at least eight months—maybe even longer.

I experienced a ton of shifting symptoms. I know people say symptoms aren’t really a thing, but for me, they always show up when I’m close, so I take them as a good sign (since I felt that type of spinning everytime I had “minishifted”). My body started feeling like it was moving, and my bed felt like it was going through turbulence, which was exciting since I’m supposed to wake up on a plane in my DR. It felt amazing—maybe too amazing. I kept telling myself, It’s done. I’ve done everything. All I need to do is fall asleep, and I’ll wake up in my DR. I reminded myself that my frequencies had shifted, and my DR was right there waiting for me. I know the idea of frequencies isn’t super popular in the shifting community, but it helps me stay confident, and it’s something I learned from Nero Knowledge’s videos.

But here’s where it got frustrating. Instead of focusing on my DR, my thoughts started getting more excited about telling my friends that I was making progress and almost there. It’s so stupid because I want to shift more than anything—it’s obviously better than just saying I got close—but after five years of trying, I think I’ve grown too used to daydreaming about shifting instead of actually doing it.

Honestly, it feels like I’ve become almost addicted to daydreaming. Shifting has been my dream for so long that it’s practically my personality now. So why is it that, when I get close, I end up getting more excited about sharing progress with others than actually shifting? It’s like I don’t fully believe I’ll succeed, and I settle for almost shifting instead.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened, and it’s starting to really annoy me. I’ve also developed this habit of comparing my attempts to every story I’ve read. If my attempt doesn’t seem similar, I start doubting its validity or whether it makes sense. It’s so dumb because I know everyone’s journey is different. I’ve even discovered things that work for me but don’t seem to work for most people in the community.

I think I’ve grown too attached to the journey itself—and to the community. It feels like a way I’ve coped. But I hate that I got more excited to say “I almost shifted” than to actually shift. I don’t even like this reality. I’m in the worst depressive episode of my life, and shifting feels like my only way out. Yet, when I finally get close, I somehow sabotage myself.

As for how I got so close this time, it was really simple: I set my intention. That worked, probably because of the mindset shift I gained from NeuroKnowledge. Once I started experiencing symptoms, I intentionally stressed about small details my DR self would care about—like remembering not to leave a sandwich in my backpack so it wouldn’t go bad. I’m starting to understand what works for me after five exhausting years of trying every single day. I just want to stop this pattern of settling for “almost shifting” and actually shift. I want to be excited about living in my DR instead of about telling people I’m making progress. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone talk about this specific issue in the community, though I might’ve missed it.

————————————————————

Please help me, this seems like such a stupid problem to have. Any advice would mean the world to me. Thank you so much for reading.

p. s. It’s my first time posting on reddit so sorry if it looks confusing

[di-daynamic]

I absolutely do understand and I agree with you on many of those things! I guess there's also the societal pressure to think of - for instance one of the many reasons Emma helps them out is that Jace being a Herondale mattered to her deceased father ("The Carstairs owe the Herondales") and I think a lot of people just called him Herondale despite Jace using the Lightwood name at that point of time. Also subconsciously - in both Clary and Alec's dream worlds Jace is called a Herondale.

Jace also thinks he doesn't deserve to be a Herondale - that's the first thing he thinks of when he says it's not his name - so I love that he takes on the name and dispels that thought-

“Not—my name,” Jace whispered. His blood felt hot in his veins, tightening his throat, choking off his words. He thought of the silver box with the birds on it, herons graceful in the air, the history of one of the great Shadowhunter families laid out in books and letters and heirlooms, and how he had felt as if he didn’t deserve to touch the contents.

The emphasis on family name is very much a Shadowhunter thing and I don't really get it either but I love to think about the characters in terms of it - Charlotte being Consul was the reason the Fairchild line continued through them rather than Branwell, and part of the reason Alec was so worried about his sexuality coming out was the Lightwood name I think, and Kit being less related to Jace than other characters but feeling like more due to both of them bearing the name.

I guess the demon blood thing doesn't annoy me so much because it is alongside other things - the reason Jace isn't like Sebastian is partly the demon blood, but also that he got to the Lightwoods in time--

“The best thing Valentine ever did for me was send me to you,” Jace added. “Your parents, sure, but mainly you. You and Izzy and Max. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have been—like Sebastian. Wanting this.” He gestured at the wasteland in front of them. “Wanting to be king of a wasteland of skulls and corpses.” Jace broke off, squinting into the distance. “Did you see that?”

I mean, Jace has terrible self-esteem so not to be taken at his word, but still.

The reason Jace takes the Herondale name rather than Montclaire is because he doesn't know anything about his mother - he had Amatis, his father's letters and later Tessa to connect to his father's family (also just patriarchy but you know). I also think that quote is more him saying names don't matter than that they do - he's just picking is, and specifies it's not to spurn the Lightwoods, also his family.

I've always seen demon blood as more of a propensity than anything, I guess? Not like angel blood makes Clary and Jace perfect people - Simon is Clary's moral compass quite a bit. Also the fact that Jace literally has demon and warlock blood from Tessa (do you think he could use James' gun?). It was because of his upbringing that Sebastian was really the way he was. He was also connected to Jace - I know he was the 'major' and Jace got his thoughts and feelings rather than the other way around, but there was at least a little in that direction too. He was able to pretend enough to almost fool Clary that all he wanted was to banish demons and be Valentine without the genocidal and maniac tendencies. In the end all he really wanted was Clary too. I think the demon blood being burned away just got him to see everything and himself more clearly - contrasted against Magnus meeting his demonic father right after this. The tragedy of the intersection of you would've always been like this and you could've changed but didn't is what TMI is to me.

Sorry this is rambling and a bit all over the place. And I really hope this doesn't come off as argumentative or anything. I do think Jace Lightwood Herondale is the best name for him, and your points about the demon blood thing are entirely valid. Thank you for discussing it, I love TMI and it's been far too long since I've had to think this in-depth about it (though the Clace and Sizzy University AU fic rattling in my head does help).

My firmest TSC take will always be that Jace should have gone by Lightwood in the end. I get that him being a Herondale makes sense in the grand scheme of the TSC universe (him, Will, James, Kit, and Edmund are all birds of a feather), but his personal arc is far more dependent on the family who raised him. Learning about his biological parents is of course important to him, but calling himself a Herondale doesn't actually feel like a resolution to his identity crisis. TMI is all about rejecting the hatred handed down from previous generations, which is why neither Clary nor Jace identify as Morgensterns. While Stephen was nowhere near as bad as Valentine, he also did even less to shape Jace into his adult self. Robert and Maryse on the other hand actually raised him for half his life, and Alec Isabelle and Max grew up alongside him as his siblings. He's a Lightwood in every way that matters, I don't get why Jace (in-universe) would choose to identify himself as a Herondale when there's nothing tying him to that family but blood spilled before he was born.

Anyways, I'm a Jace Lightwood truther for life, thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | ... |

and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!

if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd

go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.

[piko-rose]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[wheelercore]

Theory with no coherent proof on my part: brenner only visibly ages rapidly when a portal is open.

[echthr0s]

oftentimes there will be a video or article or whatever that is giving advice about, essentially, how to show up more authentically in the world, and there will inevitably be a bit that is like "don't automatically walk into a space with the thought that you'll be rejected". which, on the surface, yeah -- makes total sense. rejection sensitivity does create a sub/conscious energy that either people pick up on and sub/consciously respond to, or just hamstrings your efforts and stifles your personality and makes you appear to not be interested at all (in which case the other party is the one feeling rejected first, so they're just responding in kind).

okay, great. but here's the thing. the idea is that you have this internal belief about yourself, that you're unloveable or undesireable or boring or whatever it is, and you're expecting that to be reinforced by other people. and what the advice is saying, is to not think that way. except... why do people tend to think that way in the first place? self-rejection is a learned behaviour.

I don't actually think I'm any of those things. I think I'm a fucking delight. but the problem is that my body -- the subconscious processes that really run the show here -- does not recognise that as a truth. my body has plenty of experiential data determining that no matter what I think about myself, other people will invariably be less charitable and far less enthusiastic about me, and will respond accordingly. it doesn't matter what I think. what matters is the evidence -- the "reality" as my body interprets it. frankly, sometimes it seems my body thinks I'm a bit of an idiot and is going "yeah, yeah, you're a delight, sure. anyway, back in the real world,"

I think people really put a lot of stock into "just change your mindset!" without incorporating the reality that there's no amount of affirmations or whatever that's going to override repeatedly being treated as if there's something wrong with you or that you're unfit for relationship. at this point, the best I can do is just be frank about this from the outset -- if you are like most people, you probably won't dig me very much. or at the very least, you'll dig me superficially, but the deep stuff will be off-putting to you. if you are not like most people, you will have to put in quite a bit of effort for me to really see and understand that. this is reality. and if that happens enough times -- more than once, that is -- then maybe my body's story will change. but there will never be a guarantee of that, and I can't expect one. beating my fists against brick walls going "but I am loveable! I do have interpersonal value!" isn't going to convince other people of that. they'll just have to come to that conclusion on their own (or not, as it were).

there's got to be a secret third thing -- not self-abandonment and self-rejection, not magically convincing my brain to somehow deny what it knows to be real, but maybe just accepting life as a complexly traumatised and very strange individual who will always be hard to know and hard to love, and that's not a flaw or a condemnation but it is a disability

[catcatb0y]

If anyone heard me talk about some of my 'takes' on inclusivity/diversity headcanons, they would think of me as an asshole- but it's not because I don't want/enjoy/indulge in diversity/inclusivity headcanons, it's because you FOOLS the PERFECT candidate is right THERE!!

[stwaidwen]

.

[aeide-thea]

dipping my toe into fandom discourse here, which is never a great idea, but—i really am baffled by the contingent of fans who apparently want AO3 to not only denounce but ban AI-generated works, as if there were any reliable way to distinguish between mediocre writing produced by a human and mediocre writing produced by an AI…?

[pepprs]

beaver gnawing on wood noises

[running-in-the-dark]

sometimes I just. realise I'll probably never feel normal about money in my life

I grew up poor, but it's not just that. it's that my mother would constantly complain that she didn't have any money, and because I was the oldest and also lived with my dad, she would call me and tell me to ask my dad to give her money. or rather, she'd yell at me to do it. sometimes she'd come over and they'd scream at each other about it. usually not in front of my brothers, I think, but always in front of me.

I remember how I didn't get anything, ever - and I don't mean luxury items, I mean clothes, underwear, school supplies. one time I asked for a set of coloured pencils because I really liked to draw - they weren't expensive, definitely under 10€, but she got mad and told me we couldn't afford that.

but she went to the hairstylist every 4-6 weeks to get her hair cut and dyed. the few times I went with her (I didn't feel comfortable going usually, because I had anxiety but mostly because I knew it was expensive and I knew we couldn't afford it), I saw how much she spent there (not a lot, but definitely a lot more than anything I got). she smokes, so she spent at least 10€ a day on cigarettes too. but that was fine because she 'never got anything for herself'.

when I desperately needed new clothes (because I literally did not have any that still fit and weren't completely broken), she would only take me to one store - because her friend owned it. I hated all of the clothes there and they were expensive, but she got to pay later or something so that's what we did. she always got more for herself than the few pieces I was allowed to get.

even when I had to move in with her again (not voluntarily), she still made me ask my dad for money. when I asked her to buy food she'd tell me she would do that when my dad sent more money. and it's not like he just didn't feel like paying - at least one of us lived with him until I was like 16, and he had less money than she did. but still. she'd always yell at me because he was so bad and I was responsible for making him give her more money.

whenever I got any money, I spent it immediately, because I knew if I didn't, one of my parents would borrow it (maybe I'd get it back, maybe not).

I don't know. I just don't know how to be normal about it. the stupidest things related to money will trigger memories of being screamed at. it all just feels bad.

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

[astrxealis]

good eve hope u all r well 😇😙💗✨

[inazuman]

itoshi sae x f!reader tags: afab reader with she/her pronouns, jealous!sae, oliver aiku causes drama, oral f!receiving, hand around throat but not really choking wc: 1.6k

There are very few events you go to with Sae, few that he bothers to attend himself at all. It’s the first thing Oliver notices about you, that out of all the partners to his colleagues, you’re the one he’s seen the least of.

The second thing he notices is that even when you’re there, Sae barely speaks a word to you.

He wouldn’t think you minded if he wasn’t really looking. You’re kind and sweet as you make your rounds to the other players and their partners, much better at small talk and remembering things about people (how’s the new dog? Giving you any trouble? A new house! Let me know your address so we can send you a gift.) than Sae has ever been in his experience. But you’re careful to always keep Sae in your line of sight, like you’re always looking to him for something. Approval, or attention, or something that’s sort of like both.

Sae has his back to you, clearly begrudgingly involved in a conversation with Shidou’s arm resting on his shoulder. This is the first thing Oliver makes sure of before he approaches you when you’re alone at the bar.

“It’s been so long,” he comments as he slides in next to you. He makes it sound casual, smiles sweetly, and you respond so easily in turn.

“Aiku-san! It has, hasn’t it?” you immediately perk up at him, and it’s something he can’t help but find quite adoring. You’re quick to ask him about his life, and he lets you play for a bit until he decides he wants to pay it no mind.

“Sae doesn’t really stay with you at these things, does he?”

His voice almost sounds full of pity, it shocks you with how direct it is.

“Ah! Well- we spend a lot of time together, so it makes sense that he wants to spend time with his friends at these things. They’re a crowd! So he’s busy with them, you know?”

You smile nervously, and it’s that little feeling again that gets to Oliver – like you’re waiting for a validating response.

He could give that to you. But you’d have to give him something first.

Oliver taps the rim of his glass, condensation running down. “Mm. And is he busy a lot?”

“I…”

It’s at this moment that you begin to realize how close he is to you. In the hesitation, he cups one side of your face with his hand, your jaw in his palm and his fingers grazing over your cheek. You’re frozen, staring at him in shock. You’ve been Sae’s for so long, when’s the last time anyone has had the nerve to put their hands on you? His hand moves down to your neck-

Sae is quick to replace Oliver’s hand, wrapping his hand around your neck fully, gently and yet without the constraint or tentativeness Oliver had. You can feel the warm of his body behind you as he pulls you in, so close you can smell his cologne.

He’s got his characteristic neutral, nonchalant face on, save for one quirked eyebrow in Oliver's direction. But Oliver knows, he’s seen Sae on the field-

This is Sae when he’s pissed.

 “Happy to have you join us.” Oliver smiles, but this time it’s something a little more wicked. He knew he would come fetch you at some point, but he didn’t think it’d be this fast, that he’d notice this soon.

“You think this is some type of game?” If Sae was a lesser man, the sentence would’ve been spat in Oliver's face. It’s a near thing.

“Ha? Women are never a game.” Oliver pushes his weight off the counter, walks past Sae with a shrug. “Just didn’t think you liked her that much.”

Sae clicks his teeth, looking like he swallowed something unpleasant. He squeezes your neck a little tighter.

“Let’s go. I’m sick of this.”

~

“Sae-san, I-”

“Quiet.”

It’s not said aggressively, not like a command, but he still watches the way you go silent immediately in the elevator down. Even though you want so desperately to say something, to make things right. You are good to him. He knows it too.

“Oliver likes to mess around,” he sighs, one hand rifling through his hair, an air of exasperation. You don’t entirely get it, but it’s as close to it’s not your fault as it gets with him.

It’s in the silence of the car, darkness illuminated only by headlights and traffic lights, that Sae finally allows you to speak.

“Do you think I don’t like you enough?”

Your eyes go wide immediately, your hands waving in front of you. “W-well, it’s not- I know you’re really busy! And you barely go to these events, so you should spend time with your friends.”

You’re too nervous to notice it, but he watches, listens to you with full intent. His finger taps against the steering wheel.

When he parks and gets out the car, you don’t wait for him to open the door for you. Something in that irritates him, makes him frown. He throws his keys into the bowl in the entryway with a jangle, and when you turn around from taking your shoes off, he’s already in your space.

His hands are on your waist, pressing you against the wall. You try to protest but he silences it with his lips on yours, his hands on the back of your thighs and hoisting you up. Your purse falls somewhere on the ground. But you don’t care. You can’t care, because Sae is hot and heavy against your mouth and between your legs. He presses you into the wall further, grips your thighs tighter, holds you up easily with one arm as he wraps one hand around your neck and kisses the remaining exposed skin.

It's only for a moment before his hand moves back down to roam under your dress, pulling your panties down fervently, the way the fabric sticks to your slick already is something he doesn’t fail to notice. Makes him wonder if he really has been neglecting you.

He tucks them in his pocket and then he’s falling to his knees. You think you whisper his name but you can’t tell over the shuffling. Your feet never touch the ground, he lifts you until your legs are resting over his shoulders, holds you up like this. You try to tell him, “Sae, we’re gonna fall,” (he wouldn’t drop you, don’t you know?) but he doesn’t say a single goddamn thing. Just bunches your dress up and presses his mouth to your cunt.

The broken moan you let out is nothing short of song to him. There’s nothing to stabilize you except for grasping his hair in your hands. You’re a little scared, but he doesn’t stop you, doesn’t reprimand you. If anything, he presses deeper into your cunt. Swipes his tongue up from bottom to top. Makes you sob with the way he zig-zags his tongue up your slit all the way to your clit. He’s always like this – a tease, in control. He holds your arousal in his hands and on his tongue and he knows how and when to make you drip, in a way that ensures only he’s able to drink.

It's sickening, the way he makes your mind fog immediately, makes nothing exist but him in this moment. He does it a few more times before he relents. This is meant to be a reward, after all. An apology, maybe. He presses his tongue to your clit and kitten licks a few times. Envelops the bud in his mouth and swipes over and over, grips your plush thighs tight. You don’t know how long he does it because you feel like you can’t breathe, breath coming short, gasps that are like drowning. He watches you through it, your chest rising and falling, your hands shaking in his hair.And then he speeds up and your core tightens and your body comes crashing, first up, and then down. He holds you steady against the wall as you whine, your hot cum drooling into his mouth that he swallows up willingly, tight core finally relieving.

You heave as you come to your senses, nails scratching at the nape of Sae’s hair as he laps your oversensitive cunt, making you jolt. He licks you clean before he lets up, taking a deep breath. He kisses each side of your inner thighs, and then once more on your clit for good measure, smiling as he hears your broken whine once again.

He finally lets up. Holds you tight so you don’t slump to the ground. He kisses you deeply, lets you taste yourself on his tongue, makes out with you until you’re out of air.

Don’t think I don’t like you. He wants to tell you, but instead he wraps you in his arms, presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Why don’t you go shower first and get in bed, and I’ll meet you there?” His voice is gentle, actions soft, pressing another kiss to your cheek.

You look up at him doe-eyed. “Don’t you wanna-?”

“Mm. Later. You go first, okay?”

You’re too wobbly and wrung out to protest, so you go when he gently leads you both to the bedroom.

The words get stuck in his throat as he closes the bathroom door for you. I really do love you.  

He hopes you might already know.

author's note: sorry to make oliver a bit of a villain in this LMAO in his head he’s just tryna save you from what looks like a failing relationship! if anything he’s your knight in shining armor <3 too bad that didn’t work out how he wanted it to hm