#so i can call medic now
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guys i still use the internet i promise!! i just haven't been drawing a lot lately, but here's a quick doodle of my medicsona as onea them classic tf2 wiki medic render stock images
#ive been messing with his design a little#i love this stupid fps game#also i finally have a premium valve account#so i can call medic now#and i can go HELPPPPP HELPE HELEPEP#i love men#happy pride btw#my birthday is tomorrow :)#ok now actual tags#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 oc#tf2 fanart#tf2 medic#tf2 oc art#tf2 ocs#tf2 mercs
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THIS THING IS SCUUUFFED AS HELL & ITS ALSO THE BEST THING I HAVE ANIMATED THUS FAR. IM SO IN LOVE WITH EMIZEL. JUST WISH I GAVE HIM MORE STUPID TATTOOS. NEXT TIME THO. NEXT TIME. I ALSO LOVE VEX&VIV SOOOO MUCH. charlies flavor of Deranged is my FAVORITE!!
#cw gore#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#ACTULY FINISHED THIS A WHILE AGO. kept going back n forth between trying to work on it more or call it done#in the end i chose DONE!! i worked on this for a full day n a half. NO idea what possesed me but it is NOT happenin again anytime soon#i shall do better NEXT TIME!! in the meantime tho OH MY GOOOOOD WHO WANTS TO SCREAM ABT THE SUCKENING WITH ME#THE FUCKINNN THE FUCKIN THING WITH VEX N VIV BEING THE SHADOW LEADERS OF THE FANGS/DEMONS#OH MMYY GOOOODDD THATS THEIR LIL MEAT GENERATOR... THTS SO FUCKED UP AND COOL UUUGHHH I LOVE THEM...#THEIR FLAVORE IS SO WONDERFUL. I LOOOVE HOW SILLY THEY ARE. MAKING PUNS WHILE PULLIN A SCREAMING VICTIM APART#vex n his lil fashiony art workshop and viv n her sterile n clean doctors office#i bet she doesnt even HAVE a medical liscense. it would be funny if vex did tho. could u imagine#they main MEDIC in tf2 together. viv is the battlemedic while vex only pocket medics for her. COULD U IMAGINE#guh i could go on abt these two forever n ever n ever i LOVE THEMM i gotta draw em more....#OH ALSO before i run outa room. i should say. i took inspiration from a tf2 animation called POOTIS ENGAGED#the animator. Ceno0. uses black bars in the action sequences in SUCH A COOL WAYYY everytime i watch that video i feel inspired#oneday ill make more complex fight scenes... one day....#in the meantime UGHHH I LOVE THE SUCKENING SO MUUUCH CAN I JUST FUCKIN SAAAYY THAT I THINK EMIZEL IS A SMART COOKIE!!#THESE PPL FUCKING FEAR HIM NOW!!! 'SHAMIA SHAMI' IS NOW THEIR MORTAL ENEMY!! POWERFUL ILLUSIONIST. CANT DIE.#THAT PART AT THE END THERE WHERE HE FUCKIN. KILLS HIMSELF INFRONTA THEM. THATS SO AWESOME. THATS SO METAL. AND THEN HE COMES BACK!!#I WATCHED EP 7 ASWELL BUT I WONT SPOIL IT HERE. BUT OMYGOD. EMIZEL IS SO COOL AND CAPABLE N SMART N FUNNY N UGHHHHHH I LOVE HIMMMMM#OKAY THATS MY RAMBLE FOR THE DAY THANKYOU FOR READING. I READ ALL TAGS SO YOU SHOULD RAMBLE TOO. IF YOU WANT. IF YOU CAN.
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The danger is clear and present: COVID isn’t merely a respiratory illness; it’s a multi-dimensional threat impacting brain function, attacking almost all of the body’s organs, producing elevated risks of all kinds, and weakening our ability to fight off other diseases. Reinfections are thought to produce cumulative risks, and Long COVID is on the rise. Unfortunately, Long COVID is now being considered a long-term chronic illness — something many people will never fully recover from. Dr. Phillip Alvelda, a former program manager in DARPA’s Biological Technologies Office that pioneered the synthetic biology industry and the development of mRNA vaccine technology, is the founder of Medio Labs, a COVID diagnostic testing company. He has stepped forward as a strong critic of government COVID management, accusing health agencies of inadequacy and even deception. Alvelda is pushing for accountability and immediate action to tackle Long COVID and fend off future pandemics with stronger public health strategies. Contrary to public belief, he warns, COVID is not like the flu. New variants evolve much faster, making annual shots inadequate. He believes that if things continue as they are, with new COVID variants emerging and reinfections happening rapidly, the majority of Americans may eventually grapple with some form of Long COVID. Let’s repeat that: At the current rate of infection, most Americans may get Long COVID.
[...]
LP: A recent JAMA study found that US adults with Long COVID are more prone to depression and anxiety – and they’re struggling to afford treatment. Given the virus’s impact on the brain, I guess the link to mental health issues isn’t surprising. PA: There are all kinds of weird things going on that could be related to COVID’s cognitive effects. I’ll give you an example. We’ve noticed since the start of the pandemic that accidents are increasing. A report published by TRIP, a transportation research nonprofit, found that traffic fatalities in California increased by 22% from 2019 to 2022. They also found the likelihood of being killed in a traffic crash increased by 28% over that period. Other data, like studies from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, came to similar conclusions, reporting that traffic fatalities hit a 16-year high across the country in 2021. The TRIP report also looked at traffic fatalities on a national level and found that traffic fatalities increased by 19%. LP: What role might COVID play? PA: Research points to the various ways COVID attacks the brain. Some people who have been infected have suffered motor control damage, and that could be a factor in car crashes. News is beginning to emerge about other ways COVID impacts driving. For example, in Ireland, a driver’s COVID-related brain fog was linked to a crash that killed an elderly couple. Damage from COVID could be affecting people who are flying our planes, too. We’ve had pilots that had to quit because they couldn’t control the airplanes anymore. We know that medical events among U.S. military pilots were shown to have risen over 1,700% from 2019 to 2022, which the Pentagon attributes to the virus.
[...]
LP: You’ve criticized the track record of the CDC and the WHO – particularly their stubborn denial that COVID is airborne. PA: They knew the dangers of airborne transmission but refused to admit it for too long. They were warned repeatedly by scientists who studied aerosols. They instituted protections for themselves and for their kids against airborne transmission, but they didn’t tell the rest of us to do that.
[...]
LP: How would you grade Biden on how he’s handled the pandemic? PA: I’d give him an F. In some ways, he fails worse than Trump because more people have actually died from COVID on his watch than on Trump’s, though blame has to be shared with Republican governors and legislators who picked ideological fights opposing things like responsible masking, testing, vaccination, and ventilation improvements for partisan reasons. Biden’s administration has continued to promote the false idea that the vaccine is all that is needed, perpetuating the notion that the pandemic is over and you don’t need to do anything about it. Biden stopped the funding for surveillance and he stopped the funding for renewing vaccine advancement research. Trump allowed 400,000 people to die unnecessarily. The Biden administration policies have allowed more than 800,000 to 900,000 and counting.
[...]
LP: The situation with bird flu is certainly getting more concerning with the CDC confirming that a third person in the U.S. has tested positive after being exposed to infected cows. PA: Unfortunately, we’re repeating many of the same mistakes because we now know that the bird flu has made the jump to several species. The most important one now, of course, is the dairy cows. The dairy farmers have been refusing to let the government come in and inspect and test the cows. A team from Ohio State tested milk from a supermarket and found that 50% of the milk they tested was positive for bird flu viral particles.
[...]
PA: There’s a serious risk now in allowing the virus to freely evolve within the cow population. Each cow acts as a breeding ground for countless genetic mutations, potentially leading to strains capable of jumping to other species. If any of those countless genetic experiments within each cow prove successful in developing a strain transmissible to humans, we could face another pandemic – only this one could have a 58% death rate. Did you see the movie “Contagion?” It was remarkably accurate in its apocalyptic nature. And that virus only had a 20% death rate. If the bird flu makes the jump to human-to-human transition with even half of its current lethality, that would be disastrous.
#sars cov 2#covid 19#h5n1#bird flu#articles#long covid is def a global issue not just for those in the us and most countries aren't doing much better#regardless of how much lower the mortality rate for h5n1 may or may not become if/when it becomes transmissible between humans#having bird flu infect a population the majority of whose immune system has been decimated by sars2#to the point where the average person seems to have a hard time fighting off the common cold etc...#(see the stats of whooping cough/pertussis and how they're off the CHARTS this yr in the uk and aus compared to previous yrs?#in qld average no of cases was 242 over prev 4 yrs - there have been /3783/ diagnosed as of june 9 this yr and that's just in one state.#there's a severe shortage of meds for kids in aus bc of the demand and some parents visit +10 pharmacies w/o any luck)#well.#let's just say that i miss the days when ph orgs etc adhered to the precautionary principle and were criticised for 'overreacting'#bc nothing overly terrible happened in the end (often thanks to their so-called 'overreaction')#now to simply acknowledge the reality of an obviously worsening situation is to be accused of 'fearmongering'#🤷♂️#also putting long covid and bird flu aside for a sec:#one of the wildest things that everyone seems to overlook that conor browne and others on twt have been saying for yrs#is that the effects of the covid pandemic extend far beyond the direct impacts of being infected by the virus itself#we know sars2 rips apart immune system+attacks organs. that in effect makes one more susceptible to other viruses/bacterial infections etc#that in turn creates increased demand for healthcare services for all kinds of carers and medications#modern medicine and technology allows us to provide often effective and necessary treatment for all kinds of ailments#but what if there's not enough to go around? what happens when the demand is so high that it can't be provided fast enough -- or at all?#(that's assuming you can even afford it)#what happens when doctors and nurses and other healthcare workers keep quitting due to burnout from increased patients and/or illness#because they themselves do not live in a separate reality and are not any more sheltered from the effects of constant infection/reinfection#of sars2 and increased susceptibility to other illnesses/diseases than the rest of the world?#this is the 'new normal' that's being cultivated (the effects of which are already blatantly obvious if you're paying attention)#and importantly: it. doesn't. have. to. be. this. way.
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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I think we need at least one more bnha x dc crossover in a fusion AU way with bad parent Bruce just so we can have Trained Assassin Teen Jason go to UA in a rehab way (because I doubt bnha proheroes are really against killing in certain cases and Jason would flip that shitty distopia from inside out if given the chance, which he should have) and Stain go after Bruce's ass.
Outside Jason's interrogatory room:
Random diplomat: —and so we decided to consult with yourself, since this is... an exceptional case.
Nedzu: I knew there would be trouble to decide a punishment for the Red Hood, but I wonder what makes everyone so uncomfortable.
Random diplomat, who I'm going to call Jeff: Well, that's— why don't you take a look at him for yourself? *Activates one way mirror function*
Jason, a literal teen: *bored out of his mind, spinning in a swivel chair*
Nedzu, not a human but also in charge of a whole full school of teens: Ah. He's younger than I expected. Though that explains a lot of things.
Jeff: It does?
Nedzu: The decision of making Batman face the Joker to force him to kill him, despite his well known irrational protest against killing in all cases, instead of killing him himself makes more sense coming from a traumatized teenager in seek of safety and certainty.
Jeff: I see. Anyways, his age is one of the three reasons why it's nearly impossible for us to come to a conclusion.
Nedzu: Having in count his young age, I assume his life circumstances is other?
Jeff: Yes. The kid was interrogated by an agent with a range truth-type quirk before and— He was murdered. And resurrected, violently. Then spent a year or so under tha care of assassins.
Nedzu, smiling wide: Oho. So that's the reason.
Jeff: For his last antic, yes. Knowing this, it's hard to judge him because no one has gone under similar events before. Specially because his previous life wasn't exactly a normal one either.
Nedzu: By the way, what is the other reason?
Jeff: ...his fans would burn us alive if they discover we put him, a traumatized teen who almost got killed by his father, in prison for killing people who— under any working system— should end in life sentence or penal death.
["Sir, the crowd outside doubled its size."
"Again Ramírez? This is the third time already!"
"There's nothing I can do bout it. They aren't doing anything illegal."
"Anf onef ovf them gahve me a muffin."
"Johansson! Not eating during guard duty."
"He didn't have breakfast, sir."]
Nedzu: So that's the real reason.
Nedzu, already taking the legal papers: If we agree in a few things, then I'm willing to have him in UA to rehabilitate him.
Jeff: Of course.
Aizawa: *enters to Nedzu's office*
Tsukauchi, Jason and Nedzu already there: *turns heads to him at the same time*
Aizawa, a single father of twenty children: Oh no. What did they do now?
Tsukauchi: As far as I know, nothing yet this time.
Nedzu: Aizawa, take a seat. This is Jason, he's going to be part of your class starting today.
Aizawa: Isn't him a bit old?
Jason who has never been normal for a single day in his life: Apparently, I'm seventeen...ish. You should have seen me a week ago. I looked like 19 years old.
Tsukauchi: The doctor said it could be good for him if he could look at himself and see his real age, so recovery girl made a call.
Jason: It was a therapist. I've never had one of those before. And oh boy, wasn't she right? I only jumpscared myself twice this week.
Aizawa, already resigned to parent this kid: Hahhhhh.
Todoroki, going downstairs after a nightmare: *stops*
Jason, in the middle of a stress-baking session: *looks at him dead in the eyes while whisking cream*
Tokoyami, sitting in the dark for no reason: Revelry in the dark.
Jason, finishing yet another cake: More like a feast. Black forest, you two?
Todoroki: Sure.
Dark Shadow: Me three.
Aizawa: Class, due to recent events, you will have a new classmate joining you.
Jason: Sup.
Aizawa: This is Jason. He is—
Todoroki: An excellent chef. Thanks for the cake.
Aizawa, too used to their bs: —technically a criminal. But there were extreme circumstances and the global government agreed to let him free and give him a hero license if he graduates from Nedzu's hellish rehab program. Good luck.
Jason: Meh. Can't be worse than digging myself out.
The whole class: Hiiiih—
Aizawa: I was talking to them. They have a terrible low terror resistance and you can traumatize anyone who talks with you for more than ten minutes.
By the way, in this AU Jason has a healing quirk. Because he deserves it and I like it how it goes with his name. Plus, the angst of baby Jay trying to heal his mom even after she had already died and it's only her corpse.
I was thinking it seemed like a normal healing quirk, but after he dies, resurrect and is thrown into the pit it evolves. As time pass, Jason finds more and more phoenix resembling features in his quirk.
#jason todd#bnha x dc crossover#aizawa shouta#nedzu#todoroki shouto#fumikage tokoyami#they're friends now#this started because i want stain to go after bruce so bad#jason's legal guardian is tsukauchi because they let him choose#the options were some of the pros involved in his case one of the medics and tsukauchi#and he went with tsukauchi bc his quirk can tell if he's lying or saying the truth#so he will believe him if something happened#plus tsukauchi is chill and won't call him out unless is a serious matter#naomasa tsukauchi
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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i deserve to kill insurance companies actually.
#i've been fucking around with this for two weeks now and i want to die#why is it legal for an insurance provider i am paying to decline a medication that i've been on for years#why does a doctor have to fill out a special form to prove that i Really Need this medication. that's just what a prescription is for.#and also why is my doctor's office closed half the week and i can't get ahold of them and they don't call me back#i'm already rationing my meds like this is not sustainable#the real bullshit is that from what i can tell my provider won't even let me pay for it out of pocket. which i don't want to do but. still.#(it's a maintenance inhaler. i still have plenty of my rescue inhaler left so i'm not like. gonna die without it. but i will be very#uncomfortable and pissed off about it.)#part of this is my own fault because i knew switching insurance would cause some Bullshit when i try to get my meds refilled#so i should have started this earlier#but TWO WEEKS SHOULD BE ENOUGH#i just want to find out what i can do bc every day i call and they go “huh that's weird that it hasn't been approved yet. i'll look into it#and then they don't call me back#well uh. with med rationing i have enough to get me to Tuesday so i fucking hope someone actually figures out what's going on today#vent#personal
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( alright so. i spent ~72hrs in the ER but i was actually able to go home cuz my psychiatrist offered to help me get my meds stabilized. but in the meantime i'm gonna be home w my parents away from my apartment and probably gonna have to apply for medical leave through my school. and i can already smell just how much it'll suck to go through that process. but i'm here, i'm okay and i just want to be okay. thanks for being patient with me <3 )
#tw: medical#( i have to be super diligent during this time too & remember it's more about healing than school )#( bc after what happened it honestly can wait )#( even if most of it was my fault for not taking my damn meds )#( & like. i'm a lil unsure of how to feel abt how my supervisor responded )#( i called him thinking it was the responsible thing to do but he was like 'nah the school gotta talk to u first b4 u tell me' )#( which like. i get it. but as i said i thought it was the responsible thing to do as your student )#( anyways. enough about that. i have to get my mind on my goal NOW. )#( which is to get to a more medically stable place with my meds so i'm comfy doing school )#( i was also diagnosed w an adjustment disorder which?? i was like ????? at first )#( but during my 3.5 hr drive i thought about it and i kinda came to like a 'nah this kinda makes sense' stance )#( anyways imma stop rambling now but jsyk i'm here even if i'm not super active this next week <3 )#⠀ ⠀ ♥︎ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒏𝒐𝒂𝒉 𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 ⠀ ⠀ ╱ ⠀ ⠀ out of character.
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Today I offer you a crossover of my two current hyperfixations, FNAF and TF2
Glamrock animatronic Tf2 Medic yayyy :D (Mf looks like grown up balloon boy-)
Different versions I tried out before landing on the final ver:
Ref
#tf2#team fortress two#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf glamrock animatronics#concept art#tf2 au#tf2 medic#might make the rest of the team tbh#I also had some game mechanic ideas for this guy!!#idrk much but since he has wheels he is FAST so in order for you to NOT DIE for the rest of the night you have to pop of his wheels#if you pop one- not only is he considerably slower#but he will also make a lot more noise with his limping- alerting you of his presence beforehand#if you pop both- for one that is very mean- but on the other hand now he is basically incapacitated#he will still maybe crawl around to catch you (like monty) but otherwise he can barely do anything to catch you#BUT there is also an off chance that he will call for help with his sirens >:)) and a duo is a lot more dangerous than a single medic#anyways#tw scopophobia#tw staring
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fuck me ig
#right so my pharmacy gets pissy if i try to refill too early#so i waited till the day of to call it in#but now they need to get stuff from my doctor and recommended i call my doctor#so i did that.#and they said it can take up to three days for them to approve a refill.#is it. not just hitting a button???#just ''yeah we're fine w a refill bc this person has been on these medications''?? why three days
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Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.
Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?
Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.
Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.
#source: me#incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes ideas#incorrect quotes prompts#tw: drug mention#tw: drugs#i used to be so small when all i did was heroin and ketamine. since i started drinking (i only started drinking every night because the-#-opiate withdrawal was so fucking bad alcohol was the only thing that kept my legs from kicking all night long and my skin from feeling-#-like it was on cold wet fire somehow)#anyway. when all i did was opiates ™ i was like 45 kg and i’m 165 aka 5’5 like i looked like a sickly model#now it’s only been a month drinking and not doing morphine or some shit and i already gained 12 kg it’s insane i’m like almost 60 kg now#i’m queueing this for a month from now so hopefully it’ll have been 2 months when this gets posted#and like i say i’m an alcoholic cause i don’t think it’s normal to drink like 5 nights a week but i’m not chemically dependent on it like i-#-was with opiates like i’m sober half the time. ive never done surgery while drunk for instance. there was this one time i had just had 4-#-shots in the bathroom in secret cause i was having a panic attack and didn’t know what else to do but anyway.#and they asked me if i wanted to close up on a tubal ligation and i passed on the opportunity even though i was Fine bc idk i just didn’t-#-feel good ab it. which is more than i can say for my professor tbh#like some other medical intern said ‘wow it must be so hard having to be On Call 24/7. like i bet u can’t even drink’#and he said ‘oh come on surgeons have lives too. in fact i drank more than a few beers just a few hours ago lol’ and proceeded to cut-#-someone open#anyway. yeah. i don’t get drunk at work yk#felt like i had to make that clear
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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This will probably get looks from performative and ultimately harmful non-transfems despite my being transfem but-
Some y'alls only interaction with feminist history and theories, radical feminism regardless of its intersectionality and really any feminism deeper and louder and meaner than blatant choice feminism like the barbie movie and whatever TF taylor swift thinks shes got going on is through your occasional and short interactions with terfs and it shows. You call vagina art terfy and it fucking isnt. Its feminist art. Your brainrot is making you a fucking mra. The fact y'all think talking about the man vs bear situation is about/started/ran by terfs (and encouraged some really questionable other transfems shitting on it despite it clearly just being about women's safety and yes all men, not transphobia.), everything from questioning wether certain groups belong in our community to thinking a word is a slur or having a lesbian icon (I have sources don't test me) or not to not liking a certain band has been called "terf rhetoric". I'm all for us Transmascs talking about how terfs affect us cause they absolutely do and their harm to the transmasc community can not be understated but like.... Y'all are not allowed to call Jack shit terf rhetoric anymore. Like nothing. You don't know what it means, you litterally call transmedicalism and sysmedicalism terf rhetoric. Do you mean exclusionist? Say exclusionist. Terfs are not the end all be all hate group. They have a very specific complex mindset that affects so many people in specific ways. Someone hating Neopronouns is not fucking terf rhetoric. It's nbphobia. Holy fuck. Learn what words mean.
(intersectional trans radfems exist, radical feminism isn't terfs and swerfs and historical radfems would laugh in their faces for their idiocy)
#clover speaks#clover vents#hating bi lesbians is not terf rhetoric vagina art is not terf rhetoric medical sexism is not a terf topic#everytime you call some form or bigotry or some form of deep cut feminism you dont know shit about terf rhetoric#another trans person loses their wings#terfs harm people via certain avenues in specific ways#you've turned it into a fucking meaningless buzzword to decribe everything from opinions you dont like to actual bigotry#its basically gotten the exclusionist radical regressive gatekeep gaslight terreatmemt#words that mean very specific real things but gets so overused it means fuck all now#if your explanation for why something is supposed terf rhetoric is just something something splitting the community#something something exclusionary something something heard one say it once then you dont have the authority to fucking talk about it#I've been in the trenches fighting terfs and learning about their veiws and mindsets to accurately fight and rehabilite them#the hell they've actively put me and many other trans people through can not be understated#one called you a name one sent you a hate anon and sudeenly your the master of knowledge? gtfo#the specifics and deep rooted hate and history of that group is serious and every time you call some fucking#meaningless community discourse about if some inane insult is a slur like stupid or freak and call it terf rhetoric#you give terfs more fog to hide in you obscure the enemy that much more#you make it harder to find real actual terfs and their nazi friends when you call a fucking antikin a terf for being antikin#stop comparing other groups to terfs and heres a quick ajd easy way to identify if something is actually fucking terf rhetoric#dose the topic specifically talk about terfs or terfism or transmysogny/transandrophobia in the context of exclusionary radical feminism?#if the answer is yes then their might KEY WORD MIGHT be terf rhetoric involved.#if the answer is no then its not fucking terf rhetoric plain and fucking simple#find another buzzword milo because transmedicalism by definition cant BE FUCKING TRANS EXCLUSIONARY RADICAL FEMINIST RHETORIC#God this fucking community sometimes is so fucking exhausting#reminding me yet again that its mostly young and mostly people who lose their minds when i bring up terfs and racism#and yes you perisex afab trans person who thinks this isnt about you and the random shit youve false flagged as terfy#this is about you and your misusage of a serious allegation and association to falsely claim some terminally online take is terfy#You just make me hold my head in my hands and sigh really loud and try not to send you to the shadow realm#Not everything an alleged terf believes makes something terfism or terfy#please actually learn what words mean before you use them and make an ass of yourself called some tranfem exclusionist a fucking terf psyop
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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March 13 needs to stop being a date.
March 13th, 2023 was the day I came out to my friends IRL. And March 13th, 2024 will be the day I find out whether I have breast cancer or if it’s just cysts (I’m leaning toward cysts, but only imaging can determine that).
😭
#have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning#gotta be there by 7:30 am#one thing I will say— my experience with the medical system as so far been easy#To be fair. I have government insurance. which helps#and I’m also white#but even yt ppl with good insurance have to wait months for an appt#at first. they wanted to schedule me with a PCP in August. I was like: ‘not gonna work. I found a bouncy-ball shaped and feeling mass.’#they then got me in the next day (today)#the physician saw me and was like: yup. that’s a lump. let’s refer you for an ultra sound and a mammogram#also. let’s take your vitals here. we have a lab.#so I was immediately ushered to the lab#they took blood and stuff#and then I called the referral line and at first they were like: ‘we can get you in on May 17th.’#and I said: ‘I understand you’re busy. Our healthcare system is overwhelmed. But I was referred & there’s a large lump in my breast.’#Do you have something earlier?#‘Lemme call the hospitals.’#She called the hospitals and now I have an appointment tomorrow morning
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Me, throughout this entire process of trying to either reunite the owner with this cat or adopt it myself:
#wait 10 days oh no there was a problem!#now wait 10 more days oh no a medical emergency#but still wait 10 days#okay now call chip company but we won't tell you which one it is#heres how you can find it#okay you found it now call but the call options are only for lost and found pets or account issues#okay so go the website but oopsie you can't make an account without the chip number#oh no that belongs to someone else so call or email please#okay you finally got to talk to a representative and they just say to do the pet transfer form 😄 online#which you didn't do at first because it talked about needing notes of transfer from the old owner to the new one#and you don't have that because no one can get a hold of them#but jk those notes we mentioned on the website are actually not needed when you go to fill out the form teehee 🤭#aren't we a silly goody fun company 🤭#i am going to scream
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