#she used to call me a hypochondriac all the time

[transgender-catboy]

body is experiencing a thing (non life threatening, just annoying) and I wanna go to a doctor about it but also not because I don't wanna be told all I gotta do to feel better is lose weight

[mistydeyes]

fake hypochondriac

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hypochondria

hy·​po·​chon·​dria noun

excessive concern about one's health especially when accompanied by imagined physical ailments

summary: If an apple a day, keeps the doctor away then what keeps a pharmacist away? Whatever it is, Ghost wants to eradicate it. This man's small crush will send him to extremes. A sequel to "a panacea"

pairing: Ghost x pharmacist!Reader

warnings: medical/pharmacy terminology, medical inaccuracies, swearing, depiction of wounds, fluff, and flirting

a/n: by popular vote, ghost's sequel won! don't worry though, price's will be coming real soon ;)

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The unit had been a buzz about your work as a pharmacist officer. From clearing Gaz’s congestion to the ridiculous bandage you gave to Ghost, they simply would not stop talking about you. Soap even tried to convince the doctor that he needed to visit you for a malady of reasons but your colleagues were smarter than that. You had to give it to him, the fake food coloring blood applied to his stitches was a nice touch. It became a running joke in the medical wing. Some of your closest work friends even gushed about how the men would talk about you as if you had discovered the secrets to eternal life.

All joking aside, in all your years here, people had called you pet names and made small attempts at flirting but you always had your main goal on your mind: provide the best care so they can stop bothering me. However, one man caught your eye. No one would ever know that the masked man who wore a star bandaid was the one who stole your heart.

Of course, you’d never want anyone to have to constantly come visit you on the pretense of needing medication but you valued the time spent with him. Somehow he ended up needing every single vaccination. From pneumococcal to typhoid, you wondered if you should tell him that these were all voluntary.

Little did you know, he made every effort to miss the optional clinics and went straight to you upon his return. Your soft touch and even softer laugh were like music to his ears. He didn’t know how many people were graced by your presence like this but he tried to make himself the most memorable one.

His younger self would have laughed at his antics. His mother used to say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Even though you weren’t a doctor, he would cut down every apple tree and burn every pie if it meant seeing you daily.

One day, Soap gave him an idea. The team was ending another debriefing with Laswell and making conversation as they left the room. “I wish I could visit the lass but all she does is either give me my meds or gives her whatever you call recommendations” Soap groaned as he lugged the large number of building layouts and files in his arms.

“Pharmacological and non-pharm recommendations, Sergeant” Price corrected. “You better learn their terminology, they didn’t go to school and experience those muppets at the local chemist’s for nothing.”

That was it, Ghost would ask you for some silly non-pharm recommendation like Gaz had and keep coming up with new ailments to keep visiting you.

The plan was in place, following the lunch rush he walked to the medical wing and made his way to the pharmacy.

You stood in the back, answering yet another phone call from a doctor. “As I said before, you need to find out what their reaction is to penicillin and other beta-lactams. I don’t care if they say they have a true allergy, you know anaphylaxis is the only indicator. And no, I’m not ordering something off the formulary just because your patient says they were sneezing after a bout of amoxicillin. Just call me back after you spoke to them and if you really need it, then you know where to reach me.” With that, you slammed the phone down and let out a groan. You knew pharmacology was no doctor's favorite subject but this was antibiotics 101.

Your technician came around the corner, “Captain L/N, is everything alright?”

“You know we’ve been working together for what 2 years now? I’m just Y/N especially back here in this phone call hell.” you laughed as you sat down in your chair. “I’m alright, just another medic trying to get me to order something off the formulary for kicks”

“Well Y/N, there is someone here to see you. Just a soldier complaining of a sore throat. He says the doctors won’t prescribe anything because they haven’t observed anything wrong.” Your tech responded before disappearing amongst the shelves to fill some incoming scripts.

You made your way to the front where you were surprised to see Lt. Riley wearing a face mask (although still with the ghost print). Even though he had been coming for months now, live vaccines had to be spaced out by 28 days, you had not seen his face fully. His eyes were trained down and you noted his surprisingly light eyelashes. He still had the ever-present eye black and you wondered how he kept his lashes so pristine. If it was a mascara or a brand of makeup remover you needed to know!

“Simon,” you spoke in a cheerful voice. By now, you were on a first-name basis. It only took one tuberculosis skin test for him to encourage you to call him by his name. To be fair, when you held his arm gently to measure the area he would’ve told you anything.

“You aren’t due for any vaccinations you know. You’ve cleared me out! I’m sure the doctors would think I’m sticking you for my pleasure and your pain.” you joked. You were teasing but you knew there was no way he was here for yet another immunization.

“Not this time, love. I’ve got this tickle in my throat. It hurts when I swallow and I swear Soap saw my tonsils angry and inflamed,” he replied.

“And the doctor didn’t diagnose you with bronchitis or call for your tonsils to be removed?” you questioned. It wasn’t unusual for them to miss anything but you were realistically unable to prescribe anything to him.

“Well let me take a look. If you want to head over to the vaccination area then you can take your mask off. I’m sure you are familiar with where it is.” With that, he nodded and walked toward the designated area. He appreciated your kindness and that you valued his privacy.

You let your technician know where you’d be and they waved you off saying they could handle the onslaught of soldiers if it came to it.

As you entered the corned-off area, you saw Simon there, fiddling with his mask. You didn’t understand why he was so nervous, how could someone so well acquainted with violence be nervous of a flashlight and quick examination?

“Don’t worry, I’ll sure to be quick. I just need you to remove your mask and open up wide,” you explained and fished in your pocket for your pen light. To any recruit, they would’ve made a cheeky comment to your command but Simon obliged to your ask.

As he lowered your mask, you couldn’t help but admire the man in front of you. He was gorgeous. He looked like he was carved from a model like some Greek deity. His face was adorned by various silvery scars that looked painted on a portrait with metallic paint. His jawline was sharp and his lips were blush pink with an even sharper cupid’s bow. You made sure not to ogle for too long and began your assessment.

As you pointed your flashlight, you examined his throat and tonsils, trying to find if the doctor had missed anything. But when you saw no redness and his lymph nodes weren’t swollen, you didn’t know what to say.

“Hm, well good news and I guess bad news but I’m not seeing anything here. I’m not sure what to tell you but I wish I could help” you said in a defeated tone. You looked saddened by your lack of discovery and this made Simon want to scratch his whole plan.

“But,” you began, as he put on his mask, “my grandparents would always say ‘Y/N, all you need is to get some good rest and have a cup of tea with lemon’” you explained, trying your best to impersonate your best old person voice. Simon chuckled at your attempt. God, you really knew how to brighten someone’s day, and who could not love your sweet, grave voice?

“Sorry to take your time, love, but I’ll be sure to let you know,” he said and stood up before giving you a thankful look.

“The pleasure is all mine, Simon. I try to do what I can for one of my favorite patients,” you replied. You were laying on the flirting hard, something you would lie in bed cringing about later.

With that, he walked out of your little bubble and went about his day. You watched his muscular ass figure exit as you too returned to your day.

Although you thought you had cured him with some good advice, you were visited every other day for the next few weeks as he still had the same complaint. You had recommended everything following each checkup. From spoonfuls of honey and thyme lollies to encouraging hot showers and steam therapy, you were out of options. By what seemed like his 10th visit, you were prepared to march him down to radiology and make sure that this wasn’t some terrible looming illness.

“Still having that sore throat, huh?” you questioned as he walked through your doorway. He nodded in agreement and you picked up the landline. “I’m making a quick call, we’ll get this sorted out.”

“Hi, this is Captain. L/N. I have Lt. Riley here and he has been complaining of a sore throat for weeks. Is there any way the lab could run a throat culture as well as some blood work for me?”

And that’s how Simon ended up in the doctor’s office with a cotton swab down his throat and multiple needle pricks to his veins. He should’ve picked something more benign like reoccurring IBS but then again he might have ended up with a finger up his ass instead of the swab.

Two days later, you received a notification that the results were in. To your dismay, the results showed nothing. The swab was negative for every infection and his blood cell counts were all within normal range.

Frustrated, you told your tech you’d be back and walked your way to Cpt. Price’s office.

You knocked on the closed door hoping not to disturb the man. His baritone voice echoed into the hallway as he told you to enter.

“Hi Captain, sorry to bother you,” you said noting the mountain of paperwork on his desk as well as his extinguished pile of cigars. “But I was wondering if you had noticed anyone else in your unit with a sore throat. Lt. Riley has been coming to the pharmacy for a few weeks now and no one can figure it out.”

“Not that I know of. We haven’t run drills either so I know our quiet Ghost isn’t necessarily screaming at the recruits. He hasn’t come to me either with any complaints,” he explained and leaned back in his chair. He knew that Ghost was wasting your resources so he decided to let you in on a secret.

“As their commanding officer, you know I highly value the word of my men. But I do remember during my school days, that boys would tend to lie about an illness just to get sent to the infirmary and eventually home,” he explained. “It’s no secret that some soldiers, even Ghost, show a fondness for you.”

You blushed at his response, you couldn’t imagine that of all people, the stoic Ghost had a schoolboy crush on you. Hell, you hated your school nurse and always dreaded going to the doctor. You went days before telling your mom that you might have broken your finger during recess (you can still remember her rushing to the emergency room the minute she saw your bruised and puffy finger).

“I’ll talk to him the next time he comes in, which I hope he doesn’t,” you said, “thanks for the advice. And don’t forget, I always have a pack of nicotine gum for you if you ever decide to quit.” He chuckled and politely shooed you away. As you shut the door, you shook your head as you heard a lighter flick and smelled the familiar scent of a cigar.

Right on schedule, Simon came strolling into the pharmacy. You had just finished chatting with Soap and chastised him for yet another antibiotic prescription. This time it was for an infected foot wound after forgetting to change his socks and wading in still, grimy water during a mission.

As Soap gave you a cheeky smile saying he’d be back, Ghost tried to suppress his jealousy. Why did Soap have to be blessed with a purulent foot wound instead of him? Maybe he’ll try that one next.

“Ah Simon, I’m heading out to lunch if you’d like to join. I’m presuming it’s still the throat issue so I can check it out after.” You said and reached into the fridge under the counter to grab your food.

You made sure to lock up the pharmacy and lower the protective barriers, you couldn’t let anyone access the “good stuff.” Your tech said their goodbyes as they went to the mess hall for some warm food.

It was the dead of summer but today was surprisingly balmy. You knew there were some tables outside so you pushed the exit door and sat down on one side. He sat opposite you as you opened up your salad and half sandwich.

“So, can I tell your story?” you said before taking a bite. He nodded watching you intently.

“There was a time I broke my finger during recess and didn’t tell my mom for the next 3 days. You should’ve seen her face when I revealed my oozing, bruised ring finger. The thought of missing school and recess was devastating so I hid it like a child.” you explained and held up your left hand showing how your ring finger was slightly askew compared to the others. He laughed heartily, which made you also laugh in return.

After wiping some tears from your eyes you went on, “And that’s why my mom was so shocked when I got my MPharm. She always tells my dad that she doesn’t understand how someone so adverse to doctors went into healthcare.”

“We all have our weird obsessions, plus you are a natural,” he said and was almost at a loss for words as you smiled back at him, the sun hitting perfectly on your face and dancing in your hair.

“Anyways, I told Captain Price that story and he had such a different experience. He said that as a young lad, he and his mates would do anything it would take to get into the infirmary and home. I couldn't believe kids were so smart and had the forethought to plan something like that!”

Ghost knew where this was going. He also received notification that the tests came back clear of any illness. He knew the jig was up but couldn’t run away from the confrontation.

“Now, I’m not debunking your mystery illness, Simon. But I just wanted to talk to you privately and ask if there was anything else that you haven’t told me?” You asked and knew you had got him hook, line, and sinker. His eyes glancing around and his sweaty palms were confirmation of your theory.

He took a few moments to answer and you both sat in silence. You finished the remainder of your food and wiped your hands neatly as he stroke the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“I guess I was just finding an excuse to talk to you,” he began to explain and you could see his extremities begin to grow flush. “I, uh, didn’t know how to so once I ran out of excuses with the shots, I decided to fake a sore throat,” he sheepishly replied.

With his confession, you couldn’t help but laugh. And laugh you did. Hard. It took you a minute before returning your composure.

“You know that the other soldiers can just have a regular conversation with me. I don’t bite and I swear I’ve talked Gaz’s ears off about pollen and flowers. I just feel bad now for making you undergo all those tests,” you said gently placing your hand on top of his.

“I do see what you mean though. If I had a doctor as handsome as you, I would have every illness, injury, and question under the sun.” You couldn’t leave him thinking you didn’t reciprocate your feelings. With that, it was your turn to blush.

“It’s rather childish isn’t it?” He said as he gently caressed your other free hand. “Sorry for wasting your time.”

“How about you make it up to me with dinner? I can show you that there’s more than just textbook knowledge to me” you offered, “I know a surprising amount about languages, I can flirt with you in 10 different ones.”

“It’s a date, gorgeous. I’m all ears for anything you have to say,” he said and you both looked like lovesick teens, “As long as you keep this a secret. You know the doctors would never believe me if I actually got sick.”

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After months of dating, you revealed a secret. “After I spoke to Price, I had a suspicion to check your medical record. You know I could see you never went to the doctor right? You never logged any visits for your alleged sore throat.” You said jokingly and lightly punched his shoulder. “I just can’t believe you roped everyone into it. I can have a normal conversation, babe.”

He laughed at your reveal and kissed the top of your forehead. “I just wanted to make sure your university course load prepared you for anything.”

[the-bus-called-graveyard-8]

Madagascar in Nickelodeon Magazine (part 2 of 4)

The second time Madagascar was featured in Nick Mag was in their November 2008 issue, highlighting the film's release that month.

The cover features a conga line of several characters through the reserve, led of course by King Julien.

Madagascar got quite a good treatment in this issue; the rest is under the read more!

Included were nine punch-out trading cards. The pictures on the backs, when put together properly, form the film's poster. The Internet Archive does have a version of the website noted, but nothing loads on it, so we will never know what you call four penguins in the desert.

Next we have a small ad for the film's website, featuring King Julien. This site can be accessed on the Internet Archive here (the games are still playable!).

Next we have an ad for the film's tie-in video game. It has a board game path you could play on with a coin and any small objects as tokens.

These next three are the main articles for the film. To prep viewers for the sequel, we have a quiz about the first film. Full transcript below.

The Beasts Are Back! in Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

In Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, the animals get stuck in Africa when their plan to return to New York City falls apart, and they discover an even wilder world than the one they left behind in Madagascar. Paw through the following pages to get ready for the new movie.

Ready for Part 2?

Prepare for Madagascar 2 by taking this quiz to see how much you remember about the first movie. Answers on page 79.

The animals leave New York City because: a. they want to join the circus. b. they escape from their zoo and get shipped off to a wildlife park. c. they can't afford the rent in New York City anymore.

Where is the crew headed? a. Mount Everest b. Kenya c. A zoo in Washington, D.C.

Their ship goes off course when: a. the penguins take it over and head to Antarctica. b. they hit an iceberg. c. a tidal wave pushes them towards Madagascar.

When crates containing Melman, Alex, Gloria, and Marty wash up on Madagascar, the animals find: a. a kingdom of small, furry creatures. b. that the penguins are running the country. c. an animal-friendly spa.

What do the lemurs call Marty, Alex, Gloria, and Melman? a. The wrecking crew b. The Tennessee Titans c. The New York Giants

Julien is so annoyed by Mort the lemur that he suggests: a. sending him to Chicago. b. feeding him to Alex. c. selling him to a tourist as a hamster.

Alex is banished by his friends because: a. he can't help but see them as juicy steaks. b. they got tired of his constant practical jokes. c. he farts way too much.

At the end of the movie, Alex: a. eats every last animal. b. scares away the Foosa, the lemurs' natural enemy. c. swims back to New York City.

Next we have an interview with the main cast. Full transcript below.

Talking Animals

We chatted with the actors who voice the four main characters.

What is your character like? Ben Stiller (Alex): Alex is a performer. He's used to being the center of attention. He's a good friend, and the camaraderie with the other animals is really important to him. Chris Rock (Marty): He gets bored easily, and he pushes the whole crew. Everybody else wants to stay in the zoo and he's like, "Hey, there's a whole world out there." Jada Pinkett Smith (Gloria): Gloria is very loyal. She's pretty strong-willed, but most of all, she's really fun. She's kind of the mama of the group. David Schwimmer (Melman): Nervous, a hypochondriac, loyal, intelligent, and generous.

How are you like your character? Ben: Alex is comfortable in the city. When he gets into the countryside, he's not used to the quiet. I was like that growing up. Chris: It doesn't take much for me to be bored. Jada: I'm a lot of fun, but I definitely tend to take on the mother role in a lot of the circles that I'm in. David: I'm fairly tall with long eyelashes.

What is your least favorite thing about your character? Ben: The amount of hair that he has. It's a lot of hair care. It's like an hour every morning with a blow-dryer. Chris: Uh, just that's he a zebra. Jada: She could probably exercise a little bit. Not too much—just a little bit. David: His fear of heights.

What advice would you give your character? Ben: Even though we get set in our ways, change is important. Let life happen because then great new things can happen that you would never expect. Chris: I'd tell him to try to appreciate the things he has. Don't go too fast because you can miss some great things while trying to get to the next thing. Jada: I know Gloria likes to eat, which is fine. I would just tell her to make sure she's eating all the right things. David: Have a massage once a week to help you relax.

What would you want to have if you were stuck in the wilderness? Ben: Hopefully, food. And probably a couple of good books—big, thick ones. Chris: A BlackBerry, a Kindle e-book reader, an iPod, and a generator. Jada: A good book and some matches. David: The complete works of Shakespeare, food, fresh water, my girlfriends, and a limitless supply of paper.

What was your favorite line or scene from the movie? Ben: When the lead penguin says, "It's gonna take six to nine months [to fix the plane]," and Alex goes, "Sixty-nine months?" That always makes me laugh. Chris: All the [scenes] with Marty and the other zebras are rally good. Jada: My favorite scene is when Gloria falls in love with this other hippo, named Moto Moto. He asks her out and it's a really cute, flirtatious scene. David: My favorite line is "Aaaaaargh!!!!" My favorite scene is when Gloria saves Melman from falling into the volcano.

Which do you like better, the chimps or the penguins? Ben: The chimps. I've always liked monkeys a lot better. Chris: The penguins are funny. Jada: I like both. [Zelda the roving reporter: I like whoever has the best snacks.] David: Penguins!

ZooTube

Next year, Madagascar's penguins will star in their own TV show on Nickelodeon. We asked Jada, Ben, David, and Chris what kind of TV show their characters should have.

GLORIA "Her show would be called How to Be Fabulous, and she would show viewers how she does it," says Jada. ALEX "Alex would have a variety show," says Ben. "He'd do some singing and dancing, and then have a guest on along with one of his friends." MELMAN "In Melman's show, called What Was That?, he would play a superhero who has the power to fly and become invisible," says David. MARTY Chris says, "Marty would host his own talk show and do a monologue every night about what's going on in the world."

Finally, we have a tutorial on how to draw a penguin. The instructions say that this penguin is supposed to be Skipper, but clearly no one told this to the artist.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Heya! I sent in a matchup request before but I kinda rambled off in it (and I think I was on anon too-) so imma try again and be less ramble-y 😅

For Hazbin Hotel please!

-------------

Gender/Pronouns: She/They AFAB

Sexuality: Asexual, questioning-aromantic who would date men/masc

Age: 25

Appearance: 5'11 White Australian with pale as fuck skin, blue eyes with dark bags under them, half my head is shaved the other half long, currently dyed red hair but it changes once it washes out and I get bored of my natural blonde. Slightly chubby belly with average breasts I wanna remove completely 👍

MBTI: INFP-T

Mental Additives: I have autism, clinical depression, clinical anxiety, PTSD and lowkey a hypochondriac.

Personality: I'm told I'm open-minded and easy to get along with. I am also a completely open book who talks about 98% of things I have been through; including trauma and random factoids I have learnt.

I smile all the time, even when crying I find myself smiling sometimes. All I want is for the people I care about to be happy; and I don't always include myself in that list but I've been getting better at doing so!

I don't have a job but I am slowly looking. I think I've just gotten used to not having a job or going to school? It's boring and mind numbing, but the last job I had gave me anxiety attacks. Doesn't help I have no ambitions in life. Except for whatever hyperfixation I'm on!

Yet I also verbally yet playfully threaten violence on friends, but if need be I can't ever throw a punch. I diffuse situations with words and pacifist action (like leaving). But I will use my height and build to be threatening to protect a friend, despite knowing that I can't defend myself. I also break into tears if I feel like I said the wrong thing to a friend or family member. I'm not as scary as I sometimes look or act.

Imma list off words that remind me of my personality since idk how else to explain myself: Helpful, imaginative, leisurely, loyal, protective, self-critical, absentminded, touch-starved, irritable (prob the anxiety talking hopefully), unable to flirt or recognise flirting, quirky, anxioussss!, logical thinker.

Likes: True crime, reading/writing fanfic, my cat, my five birds, my two fish!, I want reptile pets, random facts, the cold (jumper weather), playing all types of video games, watching YouTube, thunderstorms, chocolate, soft drinks, my lil brother, my OC that I shape into whatever fixation I'm on!

Dislikes: Having writers block, drinking alcohol, smelling cigarettes/weed, being called lazy, being compared to others, the heat (remove my skin), drinking water, my lil brother (when he's in mean mode), racists, terfs, literally all dumbasses who think they're better than everyone, routines.

Hi, I love you! I hope you enjoy this! I want everyone to know that this bean is an amazing Mutual, and you should all check them out! Okay, okay, now to the show!

~~~~~ MATCHUPS ~~~~~

HAZBIN HOTEL

Alastor

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Alastor really doesn't care for people in general. If you aren't one of the few he deems good enough, stay out of his way.

That's why he was thrown for a loop when you came along. Is someone so kind and genuine not being scared of him? Who do you think you are?

Alastor is very protective, and though it may take ages to realize he has feelings, he will firmly defend and protect you.

When you and Niffty are hanging out, he feels so proud and almost giddy, an emotion he only feels when murdering normally.

When you fought the Angels, he was in awe of you. Though you needed training from Vaggie, you were fierce and ready to do whatever you could to save your friends.

The first time he snapped at you, he felt horrible, and when you started crying, he was practically a dead man, times two. He spent weeks trying to apologize and make it up to you.

He isn't big on touching or affection, but he shows you he cares in his own way. He is always opening the door for you, cooking for you, and taking you to special events or places.

He supports all your hobbies and interests and even tries to help you find new things to enjoy. This way, when he is busy doing whatever he has to, you are entertained until he returns.

He loves just having lazy days with you in the Radio Tower. There, he can work on his master plans, and you can do whatever to your heart's content.

When he finally accepts he has stronger feelings for you than his regular crew of Mimzy, Rosie, and Niffty, he asks the girls what's happening to him.

They collectively help him confess to you, and when they find out that you two are a lot more similar than they thought, they are thrilled for you two now that you guys have found your person.

If you ever mention physical touch or intimacy with him, he will allow it, but only if you are comfortable with it. Do not force yourself to think it's the right thing to do unless you 100% want it to.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

You had been working with Niffty on a surprise for Alastor. He had been working hard to take down the Vees and especially hard to piss off Vox after a particularly vile comment he made about you. Niffty was out collecting the materials while you were researching how to make a cape, crown, and scepter. Once everything was rounded up and ready to go, you two got down to some serious work. Building your masterpiece for Alastor was moving along well, and you two couldn't wait to see his face.

Sneaking up to Alastors room, you set up the creation. While you were busy making it look perfect, Niffty distracted Alastor. However, Alastor knew that something was off as soon as you weren't downstairs ready to greet him. Making his way to your location, Niffty did her best to stall the tall man, but it was too late. Luckily, just before the door opened, you had set up the display. You remembered before the battle against the Angels that Niffty had dubbed Alastor 'King Roach'. Alastor was a king in your eyes, so you wanted to show him how you honestly thought of him.

There before Alastor stood a mannequin with a deep red cape adorned with blackthorns, a crown made of black cardboard and gold glitter glue, and lastly, a scepter made out of a large stick and one of Lucifer's rubber ducks that looked like Alastor. The man couldn't help but laugh at the creation in pure enjoyment. As he walked over to start putting on the new outfit, Niffty crawled up your shoulder and perched there waiting. Once King Alastor was officially crowned, he bent down and asked, "May I kiss you, my love?" You nodded gently, and all that was heard after the kiss was a 'blegh' sound from the tiny woman perched on your head.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(You had been sitting in the Radio Tower for hours and were ready for fun. However, Alastor was still trying to work.)

Y/N: Can we please do something else, Alastor?

Alastor: Dear, you are always more than welcome to do whatever you please. The most powerful demon lord is your partner.

Y/N: Noooo, Alastor, I wanna do something with you.

Alastor: Hmmmm, is that so, like what?

Y/N: uh uh uh....damn it! You can't put me on the spot like that, Alasor.

Alastor: Alright, alright, come on, let's go to Rosies for some tea and a break.

Y/N: Hell yeah! Field trip!

[bylerserotonin]

The amount of queer coded imagery Eddie has throughout the two IT movies is insane. This is gonna be an “analysis” of sorts to break down some of this imagery. If I missed anything, please comment/reblog and I’ll add it!

Eddie’s character revolves around being a hypochondriac who’s mother has caused him to be afraid of the world. Pennywise manifests as sickness and disease for him. As infection. This is most interesting when it comes to AIDS, which was sweeping the nation during the time of IT, in 1988. To set the scene of the AIDS epidemic, below are some snapshots of tabloids talking about the crisis.

Eddie name drops AIDS during the scene where they’re biking Ben to the pharmacy, and it shows how much fear his mother had placed in him about the epidemic.

“I mean, he’s bleeding all over and you guys know that there’s an AIDS epidemic out there right now, as we speak, right? I mean, my moms friend in New York City got it just by touching a dirty pole in the subway and enough of AIDS blood got into his system from a hangnail. A hangnail!”

The leper perfectly represents his fears of being infected by this disease (as, in his mind, being gay dooms you to AIDS without question). It’s most represented during the flashback scene in IT 2 when Eddie wanders into the basement of Derry’s pharmacy. When Eddie gets down, we get close ups of dirty needles and bags of blood. And as we know, this is one way AIDS spreads.

When Eddie does reach his Mom, she’s begging him to save her, saying “Don’t let it infect me, Eddie.”

The first time Eddie saw the Leper, he was at Neibolt. This is another very heavy queer coding moment. Eddie is chased through the lawn by the leper and reaches the fence. He turns around only to see the Leper isn’t there. In his place is Pennywise, holding a bunch of balloons in a form of a triangle.

The pink triangle was reclaimed by the LGBTQIA community after its use by Nazi’s during the Holocaust. In 1986, some activists in New York City created a poster calling attention to the AIDS crisis with the words Silence = Death and a pink upwards-facing triangle. It has since been used on signs to show that certain places are safe for the Queer community. This triangular shape of the balloons is only ever used towards Eddie in this scene. Everything is very deliberate in the IT franchise, and this is no different. It is clearly to wave at the Queer audience and tell us that Eddie is gay.

The Queer coding doesn’t end there. On Eddie’s red shorts, you can clearly see rainbow imagery.

In movies, clothing can be an integral way to show small details and Easter eggs to those who are paying attention. The costume designers had to go out and pick shorts with rainbows on it on purpose, so of course it must mean something. Another character who wears gay imagery is Richie, who wears a rainbow shirt. Richie is canonically gay and in love with Eddie.

There is also some closet imagery. In IT 2, Eddie and Richie come across the ‘Very scary’ to ‘Not Scary’ doors. The scene shows both of them (closeted men), facing the door, which then turns out to be a closet.

One of the most prominent parallels is during the opening of the second IT. Adrian Mellon and his boyfriend are at Derry’s carnival when they’re attacked and hate crimed. Adrian tries to grab his inhaler, but one of the attackers kicks it out of his hand. Adrian is Eddie’s out comparison. He represents what Eddie was scared of and why he’s still trapped in the closet. Adrian also acts as a cautionary tale and reminds us how truly dangerous being gay is in Derry.

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Can we just talk about how incredibly insensitive and blissfully ignorant some fans are about trigger warnings for these very heavy and touchy subjects? Listen I’ve never been so disappointed in my damn life about this stuff, how are you going to read a comic about all of this heavy stuff that happens to people in real life yet also want people who’ve been affected by said topics to shut up or disengage from the comic completely. Y’all are giving this grown woman too much coddling at this point and it’s distressing, Rachel is a grown woman and it’s not like anyone forced her to put these topics into her story she understands (I hope but I say this loosely) that these discussions can be harder to experience for some people rather than others which is why trigger warnings exist and why you give your millions of fans who all come from very DIFFERING experiences than your own a trigger warning to warn them so their day won’t be demolished.

People have a right to call that shit out and if you don’t need the trigger warning good for you, stop acting like these people are insulting the comic by asking for one. It’s not like people are asking her to make a whole around the world trip in one day they are simply just asking for a damn trigger warning. I’m getting so extremely tired of Lore Olympus fans still not getting or even trying to understand this, these people understand that this comic handles serious things but just because Rachel has been “forgetting” the trigger warnings and they don’t want her allowing her fans to go head first into disturbing content doesn’t mean they want their hand held. Also, for the people saying that they should know when those scenes come up you make no sense anyways because you really can barely tell when scenes like these are coming without a trigger warning. The Demeter thing took me by surprise, so did Hera’s story, so did Demeter’s backstory, so did Hades’ shitty apology, etc. The amount of times that I got blindsided by serious topics such as those being dropped into the comic is way too fucking many to count so please don’t try and hide behind that excuse. There’s millions of fans out there who don’t expect shit like this just because you’ve been studying Lore Olympus and got down the mannerisms of the characters before something disturbing or traumatic is coming up doesn’t mean others do.

I’m sorry if I come off rash or meaner in this post I’m just extremely over this whole thing. I am a person that needs trigger warnings as well and last night I watched a video, thinking it would be funny, that ended up harming me. It was a “health” video and it was basically someone telling the viewers that regular human things happening to you is a sign of a painful death, I remember being so mortified that I felt my blood running cold and my heart pounding in my ears. If you didn’t know I’m very anxious, paranoid, and an overall hypochondriac so I don’t do well with shit like that coming up and randomly making itself known. I know many people probably wouldn’t care but I just wanted to let you guys know why trigger warnings are so useful and important to those that need them. Last night my body entered flight or fight mode just by that video alone and I was absolutely panicked, I was in so much distress and it was all because of one video. It only takes one chapter without a trigger warning to trigger worser things than that and we should all be mindful of that fact.

Again, sorry if all of this is aggressive or mean I didn’t mean anything by it I just wish that fans did better. It’s sad seeing them put down others for genuine concerns and it’s even sadder that Rachel does not do anything about it. There’s only so much toxic positivity you can fill up before there’s no real community left and there’s way too many fans who deserve at least a trigger warning with these things it really doesn’t take long to make and it could genuinely save people from these experiences such as mine.

Moral of the story is if you don’t need trigger warnings don’t bag on people who do, they’re not sensitive you just don’t share the same experiences as them and you don’t know what their background is at all. Be mindful that everyone isn’t you, respectfully.

[addictivepsychology]

Day 109

I’m really sick of my job

Every day something is wrong

It’s never just okay

Everything is never just ok

There’s always chaos and we’re to blame

They’re kids, it’s supposed to be chaotic

In the most fun way

I need alcohol

Fuck this

Fuck this job

Fuck your guys for making me feel not worth it

I want to cry so bad

On my lunch

When I go home

I just can’t

I’m going to my bosses house tomorrow though, the one I like, the one with the brains

There’s the big boss,

Then the smart one,

Then the other one

The other one doesn’t like me, she’s rude to me, and she has favorites, which obviously isn’t me anymore

I feel like she’s scared of me, nervous of me to say the least, and

I’m not sure why

Kind of

I guess I’ve always been a little intimidating to people in the workplace,

Like I go for the throat

Because I will if I have to

Especially if you’re my boss doing something you’re not supposed to,

But I haven’t been to that point yet

Yet

You know what’s annoying to,

They aren’t directly going to much bad in my direction, they’re mostly okay to me,

It’s everyone else,

Because they trust me,

But it’s kind of not fair

But I guess it is

I don’t want this position when everyone else wants it but wants to use me as the puppet for it,

I’m so much happier doing other things like babysitting and driving,

I love kids, I love making a difference,

But this, this is not love or kids or making a difference,

This is pleasing my boss ,

An adult human who can’t regulate her emotions,

Who can’t effectively communicate her wants and needs,

Who can’t delegate tasks based on an educated decision,

Oh yeah , a kid threw up today, poor girl,

And two kids got hurt, had to call all their parents,

I think I talked with 5 parents today,

Whatever, that’s the least of my worries,

That’s the easy part,

I’ve always gotten bad advice from the other boss,

The smart one gives me good, sound advice so I try to ask her.

But the other boss gets mad when I talk to the smart one saying that she’s my head person so why am I talking to other people,

I fucking hate that work is taking up this much space, but for now,

This is life

I guess I’m looking for other jobs,

Maybe I’ll float doing uber deliveries and babysitting while looking for remote work,

I’m just so sick of waking up to go to bed,

And trying to be on someone else’s eating schedule

And sleep schedule

And schedule

I’m just tired of living for other people

I want to live for myself

We talked on the phone last night and this morning

I always have fun in our conversations,

You make me laugh, and keep me entertained

As much as you keep yourself entertained

And as much as you make yourself laugh

I’m glad you read these

I have one person to talk to about literally everything

And doesn’t judge my decisions

Who’s supportive

I can’t believe you still talk to me after knowing everything

I guess you’ve shown me that I can be accepted for all parts of me

I have trouble feeling that way when bad shit happens,

I’m not worth what other people tell me, I’m worth what I value in myself

I’m always excited to talk to you again

ButI still wonder what you look like,

Would we meet In person by first look if we saw each other,

You say you can pick me out of a crowd but I don’t think you could,

I guess because of my height maybe,

Im so fucking tired,

I need to wash my hair,

I should workout,

I’ve eaten too many calories today to not workout,

Fuck,

I just want to cry, drink, and sleep,

Maybe that’s what I’ll do,

But workout first

I don’t have enough time for anything tonight

Maybe I’ll drink in the shower

This is useless

I hope their mom comes home soon

I’m babysitting twins who are in 4th grade

I love them

But parents always stay out later than what they tell me

Finally home,

Got my ice cream

Did my little short full body workout

Have to shower

I feel like I have no time

Finally showered, having a drink

Feeling so

Much

Better

Someone’s I drink to see if I have anxiety

Sometimes I become a hypochondriac and forget that shit just happens

So having a drink calms me down and reminds me that I’m fine

And that if something is really wrong with me, the alcohol would make it worse

But only one, then I need sleep

I’m exhausted

Princess

Only a few more days until our weekend!

It feels like forever since I’ve seen you

It’ll be a few weeks in between each time I see you

But that’ll make it that much sweeter

I ruin anything close anyways

I enjoy what we have

I enjoy what I have

I have to finish packing and wash my hair and get ready,

That’ll be tomorrow and Thursday

Friday will be the work party then the long drive

I’ve been talking to a lot of my friends often

And it’s so nice

To be reminded that I have girls who support me

I love them so much

I finally have some women friends

And now I might move away

It’s usually how it works out though

It’ll give me a reason to drive and stay somewhere else

Which is what I love

Right

Being anywhere else

Since I was raised in chaos

I’m excited for my personal life

My work life can fuck off

[semperreformanda]

life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me ��🤠

[dream-of-wanting-me]

I deserved so much better than the therapist I had a couple of years ago.

I said the words 'executive dysfunction' to her, because I have had a hard time doing things since childhood. Not certain categories of things but all things. Living life has been difficult.

She dismissed that with "no, executive dysfunction is a serious issue that autistic people have".

Which reminds me of another word that hung between us: hypochondriac. She called me that. Because I was very worried about my health as a poor, single, lonely woman with an autoimmune disease in the middle of a global pandemic.

The woman who refused to wear a cloth mask during our sessions, doubted the official covid numbers, and refused the vaccine "because she's not a Guinea pig" told me I was a hypochondriac.

Let alone the fact that she asked me "why do gay people have to parade their identity".

I was the Guinea pig. And in many ways, her experiment failed.

[denimbex1986]

'Writer Simon Stephens, Producer Sam Yates, Designer Rosanna Vize and Actor Andrew Scott collaborate to pare down an old Chekhov play to its essence.

I arrived at the preview without having looked at the synopsis and was initially discombobulated as Scott appeared first as a slightly drunken doctor trying hard to avoid a half empty bottle of vodka and then suddenly became a woman with a stub of a cigarette hanging over her lip. My first reaction was that this was some woke production where men can become women if they fancy.

But after a little while, as no other actors appeared on stage and Scott appeared to transform into various characters with a slight change of gait, a moderation of voice and tone or by adding or subtracting a small prop – a cigarette stub, a dishcloth, a pair of sunglasses – I soon realised that he was playing all the parts. Also, the film does put up names as each character starts to talk.

Chekhov’s Russian farm has become an Irish Potato farm and Vanya is Ivan (he wears the sunglasses) who as the eldest son has inherited the farm from his dead sister Anna and is slogging his guts out to make the potato farm productive while paying a land rent to his brother-in-law, Alexandra, the once famous but now fading film director, is idolised by their slightly batty mother, Elizabeth, and has married the younger, very beautiful Helena – adored by everyone and secretly lusted after by both Ivan and Dr. Michael who is at the beck and call of the hypochondriac Alexandra. Sonia (she always wrings a dishcloth) who is the homely daughter of Alexandra and his late wife, Anna and Ivan’s niece. She adores Helena and is madly in love with Dr. Michael. Maureen (with the cigarette stub) and Liam, are the two faithful servants who see everything and provide ironic commentary on the family and the goings-on in the household.

Scott moves effortlessly between these characters and is quite mesmerising. There are a couple of musical interludes – two of my favourite tunes – Ne Me Quito Pas or If You Go Away in English and a brief tinkling on the piano of ‘Chopsticks’ which brought back so many memories of my own childhood playing it with my sisters. I didn’t find them distracting – they seemed to add to that feeling of nostalgia for better times lost or ached for. ‘Seize The Day’ is indeed the message of this play.

The staging by Rosanna Vize is pared down to the basic necessities to suggest a large homestead on a country estate and a nod to its Russian influence with a swing, high slits of windows which reminded me of an orthodox church and the ubiquitous bottle of Vodka. For me, this focuses one on the tragicomedy unfolding before us on stage rather than being distracted by the furnishings and props of a usual stage set...'

[fardell24b]

Spider Quinn 11 The Huntsmans Part 1

11 The Huntsmans

“Good Morning, Students! I’m proud to announce that the annual La-awndale High Spelling Bee will be held this Friday!”

Quinn knew she was going to do well at the spelling bee. However, she didn’t expect that Sandi would sign up too. “What?”

“I can spell!” Sandi said.

“I know that,” Quinn said..

“But that’s not the reason why I’m signing up. That is because you’re doing it!”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Sandi said.

“That’s not a good reason!” Quinn objected.

Sandi turned away in a huff.

“I’ll show her!” Quinn declared as she headed towards the library.

Meanwhile Daria and Jane met up on the roof.

“Trent said you called last night,” Jane said.

“Yes,” Daria said. “It’s that I realised that we haven’t been meeting up outside of school for the past month and half.”

“That’s untrue,” Jane said.

“It is, since that Jenna visited you have been busy. First with your mother, which is reasonable, but now this project whatever it is, is taking up all your time.”

“I’m still working on it. It will probably go on indefinitely,” Jane said. “And don’t say you’re not busy. I know you helped Joey and Robert with their business plan.”

“But that doesn’t take up all my time.” Daria said with annoyance. “This is taking up all of yours.”

“Not all of my time,” Jane said.

“But a lot of it. Do you have anything to show for it.”

“I do, Morgendorffer. You can come over this afternoon, and I will show you something.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” Daria said. There was then some awkward silence.

‘What is going on with Jane?’ Daria wondered as she headed to her next class. She wasn’t sure. ‘I’m still grieving Dad. Not as much as Quinn, but…’ She looked at some of the other students as she passed them in the hall. ‘I’m sure most of them wouldn’t be like Jane was,’ she thought. She saw the girl, Anna, whom Quinn was mentoring, talking to the hypochondriac next to a couple of lockers. ‘Not them.’

“Quinn?”

Quinn turned from the dictionary she had been looking at. “Brittany?”

“I heard that Sandi had signed up for the spelling bee,” Brittany said.

“Yes. She’s being her spiteful self.”

“I can help.”

“Stacy and Tori will be here shortly,” Quinn responded.

“Oh, I’ll stay anyway.”

“Sure.”

“I also heard something on the radio about a cheerleading team going missing in Oakwood,” Brittany said.

“You can tell me more about it later.”

“Of course.”

Stacy and Tori found Quinn pouring over a dictionary.

“A A R D V A R K Aardvark.”

“What is this, Arthur?” Tori asked.

“The thought did pass my mind,” Quinn quipped.

“So, you want us to help you with the longer words?” Stacy asked.

“Yes,” Quinn answered.

“We can do that,” Tori said.

There was then a sound as Brittany fell, “Oops!”

“Brittany?” Tori asked.

“Sorry, I was looking for something high up,” Brittany answered.

“Oh,” Stacy said.

Half an hour later, SpiderGirl and Ninja Talon both left the school and headed towards the Creek.

“So, what is this about a cheerleading team that’s gone missing?” SpiderGirl asked, once they had arrived.

“The Honeybees, that is the North Oakwood High team were scheduled to arrive in Middlebury last night, but they didn’t show.”

“So, you want to investigate?”

“Yes,” Ninja Talon answered.

“It’s going to be difficult.”

“I know that there is wide countryside around Lawndale.”

“Yes,” SpiderGirl said.

“Maybe I could to suggest to Ms. Li that the Squad visit Middlebury High?”

“That’s an idea.”

“I’ll do it first thing tomorrow,” Ninja Talon said.

“In the meantime, I’ll see what I can find out online.”

Ninja Talon headed off home quickly, whilst SpiderGirl headed to the closest cybercafe.

Quinn couldn’t find much more than what she had been told. ‘Then I hope Brittany would be able to get to Middlebury tomorrow,’ she thought. She then accessed a forum she had frequented before her father’s passing.

Lawndale Local Web Forum

‘But which subforum?’ she wondered after she had logged in.

Latest News

‘That would work.’

There wasn’t anything. ‘Of course not! There hasn’t been enough time.’ But there were other forums she could check.

Oakwood Web Forum

She looked through the news section and found that there wasn’t much more than what Ninja Talon had said. ‘Right,’ she said as she sighed off.

SpiderGirl patrolled for an hour before heading home.

While she was doing that, Daria arrived at Casa Lane.

���Hey, Daria,” Trent said as she came in. “Janie is waiting in her room.”

“Thanks Trent.”

Daria entered Jane’s room.

“Hey, Daria.”

“So, what is this project that is taking up your time?” Daria asked.

“I have some of it right here,” Jane said. She then drew Daria’s attention to her easel. Where there was a map of Lawndale with various markers on it.

“So, all of Lawndale?”

“Yes, the streetscape of Lawndale, Jane Lane style!”

“I see,” Daria said. She looked at the map. There wasn’t any real pattern to the markers. “Looks rather random.”

“I have to start somewhere. I have done some sketches,” Jane said. She grabbed them from a drawer and gave them to Daria.

As Jane switched on Sick Sad World, Daria started going through the sketches. They were of the points marked out on the markers. She looked at the map again. ‘Here in Howard Drive.’ She thought. She saw that the corresponding sketch was of the thicket across the road where they had seen the flashing lights that week that Mr. DeMartino was mistakenly arrested. ‘Does she still think that was a UFO?’ She wasn’t sure. ‘Next one.’

It was right outside the school, looking east towards the Creek. Both had the usual Jane Lane flare. ‘No difference there.’ She continued through the various sketches.

“Still no pattern,” Daria murmured.

“What was that?” Jane asked.

“There doesn’t seem to be a pattern.”

“It’s art, there doesn’t have to be.”

“So, you’re just picking places in Lawndale at random?” Daria asked.

“I guess so,” Jane said in a strange tone.

‘She’s hiding something,’ Daria thought, but she didn’t really want to press. ‘I will find out at some point.’

“Mostly points of interest.”

“I can see how the woods across the road can be.”

“I haven’t seen any flashing lights there again,” Jane said.

“That’s good,” Daria commented. “So, there were other unusual happenings at these other places?”

“Yes,” Jane answered. “Inexplicable, hard to understand things.”

“Sounds more like a Spiral lyric.”

“I’ll be sure to tell Trent that.”

“But what are these things?” Daria asked.

“Various things. Sometimes it’s just places SpiderGirl was seen at. One time she was carrying a girl from Lawndale High,” Jane said. She took out a newspaper cutting and handed it to Daria.

It wasn’t anything she didn’t already know. ‘Wait! This is the girl Quinn’s tutoring, Anna, I’m sure it is.’ She wasn’t sure what to make of that. “So, this is what is taking up your time?” she asked.

“More or less,” Jane answered.

‘There’s still something she isn’t saying,’ Daria thought. But she still didn’t want to press, so they continued watching that episode of Sick Sad World in an awkward silence.

Quinn arrived home and turned on the TV in the loungeroom. Some game show was on, but she knew that the local news would be on after it.

However, the phone rang. “Hello?”

“Quinn! Is any one there?” Brittany asked.

“Mom’s not home and I don’t think Daria is either,” Quinn answered. “What is it?”

“More information about the missing team came on the radio,” Brittany added. “They were on their bus. It left Oakwood, but it didn’t arrive in Middlebury. The state police didn’t find any evidence that there was a crash on the interstate or other roads nearby.”

‘Sounds like she’s quoting the newscaster verbatum,’ Quinn thought. “So, the bus just disappeared.”

“Yes. They’re looking into the driver’s history, but…”

“That might be a red herring. It could be anything.”

“I’ll still see if the squad can go to Middelbury tomorrow,” Brittany said.

“Good, and I’ll try to get in touch with my LDPD contact tonight.”

“You have a contact in the Lawndale police?”

‘I bet she was twirling her hair as she does,’ Quinn thought. “More like an acquaintance,” she clarified.

“Ooh!” Brittany said. “Oh! Ashley-Amber’s here. See you tomorrow!”

Daria left Casa Lane shortly before five. She still wasn’t sure what was going on. All she knew was something to do with that project was taking up Jane’s time. ‘I hope that’s all it is,’ she thought.

“Something up, Janie?” Trent asked when Jane entered the kitchen and turned up the radio.

“I think Daria is suspicious,” Jane answered.

“In what way?”

“I’m not sure in what way! But she was looking at the map and the sketches. I told her the cover. But she wants to know more, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should tell her,” Trent said.

“No! ‘Hey Daria, I have started going out into the night to protect people in Lawndale as a vigilante.’ She would think I was crazy.”

“If you put it that way.”

“I’m not going to tell her,” Jane said.

“News at Five. A cheerleading team from Oakwood is still missing despite police searches of the roads between Oakwood and Middlebury.”

“Missing cheerleading team?” Jane asked curiously.

“They are continuing their search throughout the county, and especially closer to Lawndale.”

“I have to find out more,” Jane said.

“Of course. But you can’t go out of Lawndale by yourself. ‘The Shadow’ hasn’t a vehicle.”

“I suppose we could find a way to disguise your car or the Tank.”

“Maybe, but that would take time,” Trent pointed out.

“Of course.”

Half an hour after dinner, SpiderGirl went on patrol, hoping to find Officer Peterson. She stopped at the courthouse clocktower. ‘But there hasn’t been any real pattern to our meetings,’ she thought. She looked around the various shops that surrounded the grounds of the courthouse. Most of them were closed for the night. One of the downtown pubs was doing frisk business. ‘Maybe if something happens, she would come,’ she wondered.

She didn’t have to wait long. She heard sirens to the east, over the Creek in Lawndale Flats. “Of course,” she groused, as she swung off in that direction.

Peterson saw SpiderGirl arrive at the scene. “Sorry SpiderGirl, it’s too late.”

“What happened?” the vigilante asked.

“There was a domestic dispute…” She answered, trailing off when she saw in her body language that the other knew what she meant.

“Right…” the other commented.

“So, the survivor is taken into custody and there are no minor’s present. There’s nothing else to do.”

The superhero was quiet for half a minute.

“SpiderGirl?”

“Anyway, I was wondering if you know more about that missing Cheerleading team than has been on the news.”

“I’m afraid not,” Peterson answered.

“I will investigate, but it will take some time.”

“The more people on the case, the better.”

SpiderGirl headed back across the Creek, to where she would usually meet Ninja Talon.

Trent entered Jane’s room to find that she had moved the map of Lawndale to her bed and was sketching a car on the easel. He could see that it was meant to be his Plymouth Satellite. “You’re designing a disguise?” he asked.

“Yes. I figured that your car would easier than the Tank.”

Trent laughed and coughed.

“And I’m sure it runs better too,” Jane added.

“One that is easy to apply and remove?”

“Of course.”

“Good,” Trent said.

“I don’t think this will be ready tomorrow. This is more long term.”

“Of course.”

SpiderGirl had waited for half an hour when Ninja Talon arrived. “I knew you would be here,” the latter said.

“My source said that they have no further information.”

“So, It’ll be up to me tomorrow?”

“Yes, unless the Shadow somehow knows,” SpiderGirl responded.

“Sure.”

They talked for a short while longer before going their separate ways again.

Lawndale Sun-Herald

Tuesday January 23, 2001

Cheerleaders From Oakwood Missing. Large Search in Progress

SpiderGirl put aside the paper. There still wasn’t anything else in the article compared to the news reports from the previous evening. ‘But maybe something will happen today.’ She then left the café and continued to school.

“Ms. Taylor?” Ms. Li asked upon seeing Brittany outside her office.

“I was wondering if the squad could go over to Middlebury in place of the missing team?” Brittany asked.

“I’ll have to think about it,” the Principal answered. She didn’t want to refuse right away without investigating the situation with the competition first.

“That’s OK.”

“I’ll let you know sometime in the day.”

Brittany nodded and left. “See you later. Ms. Li!”

Brittany ran into Quinn after Homeroom. “Ms. Li said that she would think about it.”

“That’s good,” Quinn responded.

“I’ll probably hear back from her by the end of the day.”

“I’ll be in the Library with Angie.”

“Of course,” Brittany said.

“Class, we’re going to engage in a journalism exercise over the next few days,” O’Neill said.

‘That doesn’t sound good,’ Daria thought.

“You will pair off and prepare for an interview in class on Friday, along with a report on the other person and their family.”

‘Still doesn’t sound good,’ Daria thought.

“I have prepared this box with all the names of the students in this class.”

‘That’ still not good.’

‘I will shake it up then draw out two names at once.”

[akaiuchiha]

Chapter 5 (English): Alabasta Here We Are, The Meeting

Zeff finally set foot in Alabasta 2 days later. The past two days had been incredibly awkward and the little group took Yan to the doctor almost immediately. His situation hadn't worsened but it also didn't improve. 

The chef was followed by Patty and Carne who decided to stay with him for the time being while the rest of the crew had started to wander around. They were at Nanohana right now and according to Kehos, who still dared to speak to him, the doctor he told him about was living there. 

From what he could see, Nanohana was a port town, which meant he would probably be able to find a navigator willing to come with him. 

Zeff knew the Strawhat Pirates had helped Alabasta. They talked about how a marine named Smoker had apparently saved the country from the warlord Crocodile but he also knew that Monkey D. Luffy had been there and Zeff knew better than to trust the Marine's propaganda. He was quite sure Luffy had been the one to help them all, it was who he was, he did as he wanted, and the rumor of Princess Vivi being their friend was enough for him to be certain of that.

And if Luffy was the real savior, then that meant the people would probably help him if he said his son was part of Luffy's crew.

However he didn't take that for granted. 

“It's freaking hot here. How are we supposed to survive ?!” Patty said with sweat rolling from his forehead.

“I don't know, maybe because they are locals ? Use your brain for a second.” Zeff replied with a grunt.

“It must be the heat frying his brain cells.” Carne while grinning.

“Oh for God's sake shut up.”

When they reached the city centre, they were surrounded by all the noises, colors and smells coming from the shops, the clients and life itself. Zeff had no idea how to find the man he was looking for. He never took this path when he sailed the Grand Line the first time. He had no other choice than to ask people if they knew where to find him.

Apparently, Carne had the same idea and went to a stall where a woman, probably in her twenties, was selling spices.

“Excuse me Madam, would you know where we could find a man named Koil? He's a doctor.”

“I don't know him but you should ask there.” She showed him a stall held by a man and his wife. “They are known as the hypochondriac couple. They think they have every disease that exists and they went to many different doctors. They might help you.”

He thanked her and this time, Zeff went first. The man seemed to be fifty-something and so was his.They both looked anxious when they approached and took a step back.

“If you want to buy something, do it quickly.” The wife said while crossing her arms.

“Do you know a doctor named Koil?” Zeff asked.

“Why do you want to see that liar? He's good for nothing, I have no idea how he became a doctor. He's not even able to tell us what we got!” The man started to spew on the doctor.

“Sir, we just want to know where to find him.” Patty added, clearly tired of his nonsense.

“Oh, easy. You go up the street and it's the worst house you'll see. How dare he call himself a doctor…I swear this man….”

Zeff, Patty and Carne didn't hear the end of their speech, they had left the moment they had told them where to go. 

“What the hell was that. People just can't take what changes have happened to them now.” Patty said.

“Patty, you know it's not easy for them, right? It's a paranoïa, and even more, it's something regarding mental health, just like other more known problems like anxiety. It's something that IS a sort of disease but not the kind they think they have.” Zeff explained while looking around to see if the house was here.

“I don't understand how this works.” Carne said.

“You don't have to understand a problem to be able to have empathy. I thought you knew better not to judge someone different from you.” 

Zeff ended the conversation on this bittersweet note. He had to say, he was frustrated by their reaction. Yes it was tiring and the couple hadn't been kind with them, but still. 

Everyone had problems and everyone had a different reaction to said problems. Maybe he should do more mental health awareness on his ship, he had a kid who probably had anxiety after all. 

They arrived in an area where there were less people and more houses. They had left the market area and now were in the living part of the city. Carne saw a kid running around with a ball and went to talk to him.

“Hey kiddo, do you perhaps know a man named Koil?”

“Uncle Koil?” The kid asked while taking the ball in his hands.

“I don't know? Is he a doctor?”

“Yeah! Uncle Koil heals everyone here! He's the best!”

“I see well, we'd like to see him, could you lead us?”

“Follow me!”

The three men glanced at each other, nodded and followed the little kid. He was still playing with the ball and humming while taking them to the doctor's house. But from what the kid had said, if the man was an important person, the chances for him to  go with them were low.

The kid stopped right in front of a big house with a plate near the door. 

“It's here!”

“Thank you kiddo, you're a good little one.”

“My mom always says that!” The kid giggled with a big smile on his face.

“And she's right. Now we have to go inside, thank you again.” Zeff said and couldn't stop the wave of nostalgia this kid brought with him.

They entered and were immediately faced with a huge entrance hall. Children's drawings were hanging everywhere and a lot of furniture, chairs, tables, shelves, everywhere.  

Patty took the lead and went to the door on their right and opened it. Inside there was a bed with a desk and medical supplies. It was probably where he worked.

They closed the door, turned around and were faced with a small man, with grey hair and a beard, wearing glasses and clearly not happy to see them.

“What do you want? Why are you rummaging?”

“You must be Koil, right?” Patty asked.

“No I'm the king you fool.” The man answered with a poker face.

“Really funny old man.” Carne said.

“Enough you too. We didn't know where to find you and a little kid showed us the way. Can we talk to you?”

“Tss..follow me.”

They went upstairs and entered what was the man's office.

“Well, what do you want from me. I don't heal people for free.”

“We are searching for a doctor to set sail with us. Would you join us?” Patty finally said.

“Ah! Pirates I see. I won't.”

“We're not pirates..we're a restaurant crossing the Grand Line.” Carne mumbled.

“As if I'd believe you.” Koil crossed his arms and glared at Carne.

“A man recommended you to me and said you'd understand if I told you about the situation.”

“Which man? I know plenty of them.”

“Kehos. Him and his friends sailed with us from Whiskey Peak to Nanohana.”

Koil raised an eyebrow and seemed more interested. 

“Kehos, the man who looks like a puppy?”

“Yeah him.”

“Ah I see.”

The doctor sighed and sat down. Patty and Carne seemed to be uncomfortable and they were fidgeting with a scowl on their face. Zeff wondered who taught them social manners because they clearly lacked here and he had been a pirate.

The chef sat down and was soon followed by his staff.

“Why do you need me?”

“You see, I'm sailing the Grand Line but we don't have a doctor and a navigator. I plan on finding a navigator here too but for now a doctor is our priority.”

“In what world did you think it was a good idea to do what you're doing?” Koil scoffed.

“In a world in which my son is in danger.”

By the look Zeff's answer created on the other man's face, it was a good explanation.

“Your son?”

“Yes, my son. He's part of the Strawhat Pirates and I'm sure you've read the newspaper.”

“Ah. The one getting married… I have kids too, they grow up and have their own lives now.”

“Don't even dare thinking that my son is willing to get married for his birth family.”

The air around them was tense and everything was about to snap when the little kid entered with four people they knew oh so well.

“Uncle Koil! Uncle Koil! They're back!”

“I can see that. Great timing you four.”

“Don't tell me…” Yan, finally on his two feet, said.

“I see you've met the chef.” Tara added.

Now, the situation was even worse. It was almost as if a spark would ignite the room. It was Kehos who broke the silence.

“So they told you about their problem?”

“Of course. And you thought I'd follow them.”

“Well…yes?” Kehos said hopefully.

“My boy, you're too naive.”

“But you saved us! You can save them too!” Kehos replied.

“You four were kids left alone in the desert!”

“Well their friend is in danger! It's just like for us!”

“No it's not!” Koil almost screamed.

Kehos gasped and took a step back. Yan looked at him and squeezed his shoulder before exchanging a look with Tara and then he started to speak.

“Old man, as much as I dislike them, they saved me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I…I had an allergic reaction on their boat to something I had never tasted before, no one knew and that man over here saved me. We just came back from the doctor and because I had been taken care of, my condition easily improved.”

“I didn't know he could talk that much without being hostile.” Patty whispered to  Carne.

“Shut up you too let them speak.” Zeff told them.

Yan seemed to be embarrassed by the whole situation. His cheeks were two shades darker and he kept bouncing from a leg to another. Eri had been silent the whole time but if eyes could kill, they would all be dead.

“Uncle Koil, please follow them. They saved Yan like you saved us and as much as I'm wary of them, I can't deny they did help us and that the allergic reaction wasn't entirely their fault..” Tara said.

“I still think this is a bad idea.” Eri mumbled.

“You think everything is a bad idea Eri.” Kehos replied.

Koil watched them intently before he closed his eyes. Silence came back and now they were all waiting for the man's reaction.

After what seemed hours, Koil opened his eyes and looked at Zeff with a resigned face. 

“Fine, I'll go with you. But don't expect me to be kind with your crew. I'm merely doing it because the kids asked me so nicely.” The sarcasm in his voice could be easily heard.

“Then it's settled. Our boat looks like a giant fish.” Zeff said while standing up.

“A fish…how ridiculous.” Koil rolled his eyes. “I have to prepare everything for my departure, get out of my house.”

“Thank you uncle Koil!” Kehos happily added and seemed to be seconds away from jumping on the man to hug him.

“Yeah yeah, you owe me a favor, kids.”

“As always…” Eri ended the conversation by leaving the office.

“We'll leave when the Log Pose is set. You can do everything you need in this span.” Zeff told Koil.

“Near the port you should be able to find a navigator. They're all too willing to leave this place.” Koil grumbled.

“That we'll do.” 

They all left the office without looking back. At least, it was one good thing for them. 

[avatar216]

Inside Out 2 Is Just Not Great in My Opinion

I finished watching inside out 2 yesterday and I can say I really did want to like it but I just didn't. I honestly think it suffers from the same pacing problems as episode 1 of season 3 of the Orville called Electric Sheep in the way that after a while it just started to feel like we were just jumping from scene to scene without an actual full consistent follow through of each scene. I didn't give two s**** about any of the new emotions in fact I thought all of them were kind of insufferable. I think anxiety is just a more tyrannical version of joy and joy did not in fact seemingly understand nor fully go through her character Arc of the last movie in understanding that other emotions matter namely anger, disgust, and fear. There were many scenes in this movie and in the last one where I just kept going why isn't disgust responding to this and why isn't anger responding to this instead of sadness or joy. I won't lie I've never suffered from anxiety and though I definitely had to deal with intensely strong anger and disgust to the point that I've actually done terrible things because I couldn't escape the triggers when I was younger but then again who can escape the trigger of someone singing happy birthday to you and you wanting to tell them to go die because the sounds of their and others voices is like a knife to your eardrums. I do realize that I have misophonia and misokinesia now, which this movie ironically actually set off because of some of the dialogue.  

Nothing says entertainment like fight or flight and anticipatory response, which are not necessarily anxiety and I think that's something this movie doesn't really get. I still think Joy is an absolute dictator and as someone who had to deal with a friend absolutely trying to force positivity on me along with his belief in happiness I can tell you I still despise her as a character because all she does as a character is remind me of my years of pain of researching positive psychology and psychology in general and realizing a lot of therapists and psychologists are just out of touch with Society. I do understand the movie is not trying to represent a childhood like mine of absolutely being enraged because I was basically treated like a slave who was expected to give my money to my family every single time I got any and when I finally stood up for myself I ended up with bruises. Happiness was the thing they used to control me and when I met friends who did the same thing I told them to go f*** off. So no I don't really approve of movies spouting this rhetoric that happiness and joy are the greatest thing when they are the things that people use to subjugate their family members. As I see it where there are happy smiling faces there is Darkness behind closed doors.  

Getting back to the actual movie: like I said I think Joy along with anxiety this time around are basically just tyrannical to all the other emotions. I also think Riley is a vapid and shallow person who could easily just be called follower in bold letters because that's what she is at the end of the day a meek weak pathetic follower. I know what people are going to say, but she's a 13 year old girl and I can tell you when I was 13 I wasn't that much of a follower even though I wanted to fit in in the online Pagan community. In fact I was 13 when the first movie came out, but I don't know maybe it's because I already went through puberty way before I ever turned 13.  When I went through puberty I just cried a lot and felt very alone because honestly I didn't have anyone since I was homeschooled besides my cousin and I 100% did not feel like I could talk to my mother because she just constantly invalidated my feelings of any pain and would call me a hypochondriac and still does which is one of the reasons I've snapped several times over the years. 

I wish anger and disgust had more to do because as I said above I think they are the ones who should be reacting in certain situations and in fact I don't understand why disgust didn't just use anger as a blowtorch like she does in the first movie to get them out of the bottle because that's what actually happens when you bottle up your emotions; anger and disgust come out first. I honestly see no reason why they're needed to be new emotions when it seems like fear and disgust actually covered embarrassment and anxiety in the first movie. In fact disgust is still the most socially aware one and cares a lot about what's happening socially. I feel like if they wanted to choose new emotions they really should have chosen what you would actually expect if you were going through puberty lust, romantic love, shame, and hate. I get not wanting to cover lust because this is a family friendly movie and you wouldn't probably be able to take a child under the age of at least 9 to it. However, my sister took my niece to see this movie and they just said it's very sad.  I would definitely agree but that's because it's a movie about a girl basically developing an anxiety disorder, which just turns her into a vapid and shallow follower as I've said. I don't think the movie actually handled that plot very well because her friends just forgive her for ditching them as if she wouldn't do that again in the future when she makes other new friends at her new school. I don't really like that this movie just gets wrapped up with a nice clean bow in that regard. I also don't really think any of the other new emotions had anything to do especially ennui and embarrassment. Envy just honestly made me cringe because what Riley was about to do is basically gross/creepy at best and downright illegal at worse. It's not funny if someone wants to touch your hair without your consent since this does actually happen to people like me who have curly hair all the time. People think it's okay and they're prerogative to just touch us because they like the way our hair looks or feels. No honey, that's assault.  

Overall, I think the movie was okay and I would say that disgust and anger were my favorite characters as always. I just wish that they would have shown Riley actually suffering some consequences for treating her friends like crap. 

[theverminqueen]

Hey. I gave the Institute my statement a while ago, but I thought posting it publicly might help a few other people who're on the road towards their Becoming or whatever it's called. So. Here goes.

Statement of Vermin Burton, regarding the circumstances of their infection and the measures they took to treat it. 

Statement begins.

Did you know that rats didn’t actually cause the Black Plague? It’s a very common myth, but the rats themselves were just carriers. It was the fleas, hiding in their fur, nestling in carpeting or woodwork or flesh. The fleas took the infection from rats to cats to dogs to people. A third of Europe died, but not a single flea ever did. 

My mom’s house used to have a flea problem, and I do mean a bad flea problem. I could barely walk to my bed without getting bitten by dozens of the little fuckers, and even then, I wasn’t safe. They’d crawl under the covers with me, burrow under my skin, drink and drink until there was nothing left. A cruel comfort, but more than I ever got from that bitch who called herself my mother.

Yes, yes, my mother, I’m getting there, just give me a minute. My mother was a horrible parent. She was a hoarder, neglectful, and often emotionally unstable. She put me on regimens of pills that did nothing but make me sick while continuing to ignore all the actual mental and physical problems I was struggling with. I dropped out of university for her, and she never gave a damn. I hated her. It took me a long time to realize just how much.

I’m not sorry she’s dead. It was going to happen sooner rather than later, with the way that she lived. So then, why do I feel so bad about it?

It started with the tick. Just an ordinary little tick that latched onto my ankle for a moment. I was walking across our lawn – unmowed, of course, she never bothered to take care of it, so I was always the one who had to mow it – and caught a tick digging under the hem of my jeans. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I plucked it off and went on with my day, but the bite didn’t go away.

 I picked and scratched at that thing for weeks, and it just kept spreading, up my legs, over my arms, around my neck. Ticks kept popping up everywhere I went, clinging to my hands, my feet, my face. I was so tired all the time. I could barely move. I couldn’t keep up with the house, and since I was the only one that ever cleaned the house, things started to get unlivably bad. I’m talking open pill bottles, used needles, things like that. I think I saw a dead cat covered in fleas once. 

But that’s not important to your story, is it? 

I shaved off every bit of hair on my body, thinking that would make it better, or at least make it easier to spot the bugs. For whatever reason, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for my mother. I'm still not sure why a shaved head mattered to her so much, but she came up to me and she just started screaming. I’m not even sure what she said, I just remember all that shouting. I couldn’t get away, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even think with all that damn noise.

I don’t know how it happened. One minute, she was there, she was my mother, and the next minute, she was screaming, covered in those awful bites, looking so small and sick. My mother was never small. Low metabolism runs in our family, and we gain weight fast. But by the time she finally died, she was as skinny as I am now, with all her blood drained out of her.

It was the tick. It was that fucking tick.

I ran, of course. I had to leave that house, or I’d die there. But the bug problem just got worse and worse. I washed myself obsessively, but I could never seem to get clean. I took drugs. I saw doctors. They all told me I was crazy, a hypochondriac and a maniac. But I knew, I just knew it was the bugs. 

The rats were the only thing that saved me. One of them came up to me in an alleyway someday and started nibbling on my hand. I freaked out, of course, getting bitten by a rat fucking hurts, but when I looked down and saw its mouth, when I heard that crunch between its teeth, I knew it had been trying to save me. It bit down and dug those ticks out of my skin, made a meal of me to save itself. I’d found the only treatment I could count on.

It wasn’t just the rats, of course. Possums also seem to like me. The one in my hoodie pocket right now, Morty, would protect me with his life. I met one named Martin that I thought was just really fat. Turns out he was pregnant, and a couple weeks later, he had six joeys. I love them all more than I’ve ever loved a person.

I ran into a bat a couple weeks ago, and she’s been useful. My little eye in the sky, if you will. Keeps her ears peeled for dogs and cops and other things that might try to hurt me.

I really don’t know how to cure this disease. I don’t know how to make those bugs go away. The most I can do is try to gain back the ground I’ve lost.

I’ve been eating better, though I suppose that’s not relevant to you. And the vermin are all looking much healthier than they did back when I found them. That’s what I call them all collectively, the vermin. They’re vermin like me, and they’re a part of me. I don’t think I’d still be alive today without them. 

Thank you for taking this. If you ever get in contact with anyone who has resources, medication that might help treat this condition, please let me know. I really need an out.

Statement ends.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw:hallucinations, religious themes, abuse

Seeking: reassurance and advice if any can be given

So, I hallucinate. I feel like bugs are crawling on me and biting me, I hear things such as it sounds a muffled conversation happening in another room while I'm home alone. I see shadow people and animals. Hear footsteps and feel like things are either jumping on my bed or violently shaking it. Along with being touched and feeling like someone is always behind me, about to grab me. And I've desperately tried to rationalize it as I'm a minor im still growing and so is my brain so maybe it's just my brain changing. And my mom is no help she just tells me I'm in tune with the spirit world. Lately all of it has gotten a lot worse like I can't sleep and when hone alone I'll sit frozen with some sort of weapon in hand and just watch the room because I'm so scared even when I know it's not real. And the one friend I trust to talk to about this is religious and they say its demons, and I should pray. I know they mean no harm by it. The problem is that I also used to be religious so it strikes an extra chord of fear and guilt into me when I'm already on edge and feel like I'm losing it, like at that point I'm desperate and about to get extra pious if it would make it stop even if I dont believe in it. I'm just so scared and tired. I feel terribly childish because this has actually made me afraid of the dark again which is really embarrassing at 15. But seeing and feeling things in the dark is so much worse and I lose so much sleep and I'm already often not in a good place mentally due to so many things and the lack of sleep makes everything so much worse. I can't get help because I would have to talk to my mom and tell her why and she already sees me as a hypochondriac so she doesn't take me seriously and she thinks the hallucinations are spirits. And I'm not willing to tell her about my mental state due to my lack of trust for her since she is abusive, or at least I think she is, which is according to anyone I've told about her. Because like I can't bring myself to trust her again. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive her. I've been beaten for simply crying too loudly and I was pretty little at the time maybe 4 or 6. She knocked the qind out of me by throwing i a water bottle at my stomach when I got frustrated with homework and because I had asked for help multiple times to no avail. I was like 9. In more recent events I've been punched for simply standing in the wrong place at the wrong time while she was in a bad mood. She through a glass at my head, missed and now there's a dent in the wall. We got I to an argument about who knows what, but she threatened to beat me with the belt, and I was so stupid for this, but I grabbed a bat and threatened to hurt her if she tried. And that was so stupid because maybe I would have gotten away if I had had just shut up. She took the bat from me beat me across the back with the belt. And I ahet myself so much for this, but when I'm scared I laugh, and I started laughing. And in the past this has benefited me because it weirded her out but this time she got angrier and hit me in the back kf the head with the belt buckle. After she left she kept coming back to try and restart the argument and I didn't react because reacting never helps and usually escalate to a beating. But I got called stuck up and other things and u think eventually I started arguing back and she pinned me to the bed and started punching me repeatedly which left my arm all black for like two weeks. Then she started throwing my candles at me, which are really heavy and bruised up my leg. And another time she nearly backed the truck into me after she yelled at my to get out and for the next month or two threatened to do it again. Then she eventually tried to tell Me it was an accident, but I don't know what to believe because she threatened me. She's just done so many things. I'm sorry if this is too detailed or triggering or anything I just really needed to get it all off my chest.

-Nyx

Hi Nyx,

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been experiencing. I wonder if the hallucinations you experience are exacerbated by the abuse you've been suffering and the religious comments that may be enabling them. It definitely sounds like your mom is abusive physically and emotionally and that makes me concerned about your safety and wellbeing. I strongly recommend reaching out to a crisis line such as 741741 or 988 and they can help you get in touch with more appropriate resources from there, whether it's SCR or a shelter. Please also feel free to browse this spreadsheet of alternative crisis resources. If anyone has any other recommendations, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun