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becomingbts · 3 years ago

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Find a Way (15)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: angst-fluff-supernatural-series

Warning(s): deals with suicide and death. If you’re not comfortable with that subject, I suggest you don’t read it. Supernatural au.

3.2k

Summary: “If you accept, you’ll go back in time each time you’ll fail.” “I don’t care, I’ll save her no matter what.”

In 2011, he left everything behind so that he could follow his dreams. Yet, he also left his bestfriend, the one who supported him to go to the auditions, the one who cheered on him, the one who brought him banana milk when he felt down, but also the one who killed herself a day before he finally came back home.

Notes: Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I updated this series, I’m so sorry!! I keep on trying to finalize proofreading and then I get stuck and forget for a while, but I hope you’ll like this new chapter! I plan on trying to make more consistent update as we’re nearing the end of the story! I hope you’ll enjoy it!! Take well care everyone, love you lots!

Admin Dolly

Chapter 14 - here - Chapter 16

Fourth Timeline

"She what?" Jungkook froze, unable to comprehend her words.

"My sister. She died in an airplane crash. She was supposed to come back today from her school trip. I... I was supposed to t-take her home tonight," Jungkook's eyes widened as it finally made sense; it suddenly clicked. The postcard from France, (Y/N)'s sudden departure from work, the fact that no one knew where she had gone... It was all because her sudden departure for Seoul had never been planed this early. She was supposed to leave after work, only during the afternoon to fetch her sister.

Jungkook put his confusion aside even if it finally started making sense; he had to support her, it was more important than him trying to put the puzzle's piece together.

"A-are you alright?" He tentatively asked even if he already knew the answer to the question.

"How am I supposed to be? The only person that stuck to me my whole life just left. How am I supposed to be alright? I swore to protect her with everything that I had-"

"Hey, hey, hey (Y/N) it's not your faul-" she cut him abruptly.

"I could have prevented it from happening!! I should have told her no from the very beginning when she asked me if she could go on that trip, I should have said no! I could have done somet-"

"(Y/N), it's not your fault, listen to me," she went quiet after his sudden yell, startled. His own eyes had also widened, bewildered by the volume of his own voice, yet he knew that he had to cut her rambling. Self-blaming would not help anyone, her sister would sadly remain deceased. How could she blame herself for agreeing to a trip? Of course, she would agree. Jungkook knew better than anyone else that (Y/N) always had to skip school trips because she never got the means for it. It was a given that she would say yes to her sister. "It's not your fault, you wanted her to be happy and not to miss trips like you did when we were younger right?" She looked away briefly and Jungkook got the confirmation he needed. Even if they didn't speak for years, he just knew her and he could tell that she probably used all her savings for her sister to go. (Y/N) had never had the possibility to go on school trips when both of them were younger. When her parents had died, she received monetary help but never got enough to go on trips with the whole class. The provided financial help was supposed to support her in her studies and for her future. School trips were usually deemed as comfort and not as a need. Hence, she had always been left behind while Jungkook had made it his mission to take a lot of pictures for her and to bring her back a present from each trip they made. It always made her smile and Jungkook could still remember the way she cried the first time he brought her back a little present. So it only made sense for her to do everything for her sister to enjoy school trips the way she had dreamed to. "You didn't want her to miss on anything like you had to, right? You only wanted her happiness, how could it be your fault when you only wanted to make her happy?" Jungkook took a step in her direction and for once, she didn't move away. However, her teary eyes refused to meet his and she snorted quietly at his words.

"And yet, it only brought misfortune. Her last moments were in a hospital when she should have had a much longer life. Yet, her lifeless body was lying there, leaving me all alone." She smiled bitterly, tears rolling on her cheeks as she finally let her despair overwhelm her. Wincing at the sight of her tears, Jungkook tried to push his own heartbreak aside to comfort her as he closed the distance between them and draped his arms over her small frame, engulfing her in his warm embrace, trying to console her as much as he could. He didn't know if he could help considering their broken relationship, but if he could, at least this one time, be a shoulder for her to cry, then so be it.

"I'm sorry it happened to the both of you, I'm sorry for your loss (Y/N)." He let his hand wander through her hair, bringing her head closer to him as he tried to hide his own tears. "I'm so, so, sorry."

"I was so happy that t-today would be the l-last day without h-her," she nuzzled her nose against the crook of his neck, seeking warmth and comfort even if nothing but the cold wind was surrounding them. Jungkook felt like her warmth was so far away, her own presence seemed to hold no warmth. Nothing was right, nothing between them was alright, she wanted to hate him for leaving, to hit him for destroying what they had, but if for five minutes she could finally have someone, stay close to him, she would pretend. Pretend that they were fine, that he still was her home.

"W-why did you have to leave?" She whispered as reality crashed down on her. Now she was alone and maybe they would never be fine again. Maybe she would never be alright again.

"I'm sorry (Y/N) if I could take it all back, I would." He mumbled, fully knowing that he couldn't, but he still hoped that he could make it right this time.

"She had promised me that s-she'd never leave me alone as you did." She hiccuped and Jungkook's heart broke at her quiet confession. Her voice was so quiet that he had to focus to properly hear her words as if worried that he would disappear if someone were to hear her.

"And she would have never left if she could have helped it. (Y/N), you were her dearest person. When we were younger, she threatened to kick me out of the house if I ever made you cry (Y/N)," it hurt, and her heart truly had other things to think about but she still smiled a bit hearing his words.

"She told me yeah," Jungkook whipped his own tears quietly before (Y/N) could notice them, "once you left, she didn't even try to keep her hatred for you silent." He sighed with a small smile, imagining well that her younger sister probably didn't try to keep her words sweet, he wondered what she told (Y/N) but he shook his curiosity away.

"Let's leave that bridge, yeah? We should get you somewhere warm, you're frozen." He was rubbing his arms against hers, noting again how cold she was. Hoping that it was only because of the cold, Jungkook let his eyes meet hers and he could see the distance she tried to keep between them.

"I-I don't really want to stay with you, to be honest." She pushed him gently, avoiding eye contact again. She didn't want to sound miserable and neither did she want to sound mean, but the only thought of staying near him suddenly made her shiver. It was hard to suddenly have someone back in her life when she didn't have him for years. She had believed that she would never have him back, and now that she lost half of her soul, she didn't know how to welcome him again. Did she even want to? She wasn't sure, all she knew was that she didn't want for him to be around today. Her head was hurting; she wanted to go to sleep.

"I can understand that," Jungkook's smile slowly vanished as his concern grew. He could understand that she didn't want to spend time with him, yet he still hoped that he would be able to look after her a little longer. However, it didn't seem to be in her plans for now. Again, he totally could understand that as much as it stung, but he still wished that he had more time to watch over her.

"Would you like me to find you a hotel room for tonight? I don't think that it would be wise for you to drive in your emotional state." He asked, already bothered by the idea of her driving. It couldn't be safe for her to drive now. He wouldn't force her to stay with him, but he could always pay for a hotel room for her. He would never mind for her.

"I'm okay... I'll be okay. I... I'll have to. Thank you for... I don't really know, thank you though." She returned her glance as he took her hand into his, rubbing his thumb against her palm, soothingly trying to comfort her. He didn't know how to provide support. She had changed so much and so did their relationship. He didn't know what was okay and what wasn't anymore. Jungkook guessed that he only had himself to blame for that, yet he wished he knew her more so that he could encourage her better. Everything was different from the time she lost her parents and Jungkook felt incompetent to actually help her properly. But he would try his best. He didn't come so far only to give up now.

"I know I haven't been here for the last year's, I've been the shittiest friend that you probably ever had if we don't count Ana-"

"Of course you weren't worse than her, find someone from your size-" she almost laughed a bit as he said the name of 'Ana'. She had been a friend of (Y/N) for some months before she realized that she was trying to basically initiate her to drugs. She had overlooked a lot of red flags for that girl even if she realized rather quickly that a lot was wrong between them. Her sister and Jungkook had greatly encouraged her to cut ties quickly; (Y/N) smiled at the thought. Maybe Jungkook would help remind her of all the happy times she got with her sister before she lost her. She wouldn't let herself depend on him again, but if he could alleviate her pain, even just a little, who was she to take it away from herself?

"Of course I wasn't, thank you for acknowledging that; if you ever tell me that I was worse than her, I would start questioning my whole existence." He smiled back at her, keeping her hands warm as he rubbed them in his.

"You're not that far from her you know?" He almost laughed at her attempt of teasing. Nothing was alright, but maybe if life started being kinder with her, she could start healing. Jungkook would never have the pretentiousness of thinking that he would be her remedy; he had done too much damage already. However, maybe he could be a painkiller. And if he had the opportunity to help and ease her pain, he would do anything for her.

"I'm offended, but I'll act as if I didn't hear that," he smiled warmly at her, "as I was saying, I'm probably the last person that you'd like to contact, but please, come to me if you ever need to. I know I've been shitty. I have gone against everything I always said I'd never become, but I'll try to make up for everything, I maybe won't ever be able to fill up the gap I created between us, but I'll try to be the friend that I've never been, and even if you don't want me to, it's okay, I can bear with us being only acquaintance, I just want you to be happy. I know it's going to be hard, you're probably living your worst nightmare, but please. You're not alone. I can be here if you want me to... If you allow me to. I'm a phone call away, I swear. No more empty promise, I'll make them all worth it. If you don't trust me, I can understand but p-please, just.." he was at a loss of words. He had so much to say and he felt like he wasn't conveying any of it. Jungkook felt like he would never find the good words and he hated it. His promises felt empty even to him, but he meant all of them! He had to get it right, he had to find the words. If he didn't, when would he ever make it right again? However, before he could continue, (Y/N) interrupted him, much to Jungkook's surprise.

"I hope you know that your words will have weight, right?" She asked, unsure of what to say after his speech.

"I know. And I'll bear it this time. Here take this, it's my number, feel free to take it or throw it. Just... Yeah, do whatever you want, the choice is yours, but my words are not empty this time. I mean them. I'm here for you whatever happens." She weirdly still had her hand in his as he gave her the piece of paper he had so carefully prepared earlier this day.

"Did you prepare this in advance?" Her question panicked him a bit, yet she didn't leave room for his answer, "thank you for saying this." She was obviously shaken and he hated himself for not being able to help more. "I should get my car." She finally broke the contact, leaving his arms with a sad smile, and he hoped that it didn't mean that it would be the end. It couldn't, he needed for her to be strong and to go on even if it would be hard.

"Let's meet someday, yeah?" Jungkook hesitated but he asked anyway, hopeful.

"Maybe, yeah." She nodded one last time before leaving, walking away under his warm eyes while he truly hoped that she would be alright. He watched her until she disappeared at the next corner and he finally let out a breath that he had not realized he was holding.

He had broken the loop. (Y/N) was alive, she made it.

Even though her healing process would probably be long and painful, she would at least live, and it was all that mattered. She had his number, the choice would be hers to text him or not. Jungkook prayed for her to take it, he hoped that she wouldn't throw it but he couldn't force her to call him either. He glanced at his phone as he felt it vibrating inside his pocket and he wondered which one of his brothers tried to contact him. However, as he checked his notifications, he already had a notification from (Y/N). Jungkook had already saved her number as he remembered it from the previous timeline, so as he saw her name on his tiny screen, he almost giggled aloud in the middle of the street.

The message wasn't long, nor was it saying that she wanted to see him again. No, instead, she had sent a brief "Hi, it's (Y/N)" but it was enough for him to feel his heartbeat accelerate like crazy, pounding against his chest as he rubbed one hand over his heart in a poor attempt to soothe it down. She had taken on his offer. (Y/N) had contacted him, and even though it didn't mean that they would meet soon or that it was going to be easy to be forgiven or for her to ever trust him again, he would perhaps have a chance and it made him giddy. He couldn't help the smile that grew on his lips. Relief flowed within himself.

She would make it, he would make sure of it. He had to be there for her from now on. He smiled at the possibilities that he could finally think of without feeling his stomach twist uneasily; he could maybe introduce her to his members, maybe take her somewhere nice for a simple walk at night and other things that he dearly missed doing with her. They could go to restaurants, go shopping, even making tourists things. Jungkook didn't care, he'd break every single rule made by bighit if it included her happiness at the end.

So much was now possible and he couldn't keep at bay the excitement that overtook him. He would treasure her the way she deserved. He would man up and not ruin his promises again.

He had to protect her the best way he could. His eyes shut tightly as he remembered what she told him, the final missing piece of the puzzle. Her sister died, it was so strange to imagine it. She died so young, it was unfair. How could sure a pure soul be taken away so easily? Jungkook had tried to push his own shock away the fastest he could because he had known that she would need someone to lean on, not someone who would break after the news, so he had tried to shake it off as long as he was in front of her, yet the reality was now taking a toll on him. (S/N) died, leaving a broken older sister behind; a sister that would have given her life to trade with her if she had been able to.

Jungkook sighed. The news shocked him too, maybe he had never been close to her, but he saw that girl grow up too. He knew her even though she wasn't keen on him, he still knew her pretty well, and it hurt to know that he would never see or speak with her ever again. He had expected to meet her, to have to explain, to face an insurmountable wall that would be the biggest hardship between him and (Y/N), however, she would actually never be there anymore and the realization almost brought him to tears. He wasn't close to her, but she had still been a constant of his childhood. Jungkook felt like something had been stripped away from him despite him expecting to be less affected. Sometimes, death left an unspeakable void, even when one didn't expect it.

Jungkook could only imagine how (Y/N) felt. She had been her entire world, they used to be a duo, an unbreakable one. Yet, fate visibly had other plans and Jungkook wondered why was life so terrible with (Y/N). He sighed again, rubbing his temples a bit, everything was slightly too overwhelming for him. He tried to relax his mind thinking of (Y/N), trying to remember her small smile. She would be okay and it wasn't a mere detail. He finally broke the loop. He did the first step.

Or so he thought as he suddenly and roughly woke up, sweating and panting.

Why the hell did he get back to his starting point?

Frozen into place, Jungkook looked around and immediately recognized his room. He suddenly jolted awake, mindlessly looking for his phone to check the date. As he found it, Jungkook got blinded by the screen but his eyes widened as he read the date on his screen. He was back to square one.

29th April.

The day of (Y/N)'s death.

#jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #magicshopnet #author: dolly #verse: supernatural #bts #bts jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #death #supernatural #reader died #jungkook went back in time #first love

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demonslayedher · 4 years ago

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An Attempted Timeline: Kochou Shinobu

Very open to feedback, because canon is as spread out as Muzan after his first date with Sun Breathing. Instead of tracking the year or distance from current timeline, we shall track this by Shinobu’s age (roughly, in most spots). Despite being centered around Shinobu’s life events, I’m also diving into Aoi’s life, the other Pillars’ timelines of life events too, and doing some conjecture about Shinobu’s deceased Tsuguko. Should be obvious, but spoilers ahead.

Childhood: Raised by kind parents who possessed medical knowledge. Sometime around elementary school age (at the oldest, I’d put her at 11, but probably younger), parents are killed by a demon, house is demolished, and she and Kanae are rescued by Himejima (who was maybe around 20 or younger at the time), who hands them off to the Kakushi. After the funeral for their parents, she and Kanae seek out Himejima for training, and after a little time with them he sends them to separate cultivators (according to the light novel chapter “One Winged Butterfly.”) Training under cultivators usually takes about a year. She and Kanae perhaps passed the Final Selection when Shinobu was around 12-ish, give or take. (For setting and comparison’s sake, Kagaya and Amane have long since already been married and Kiriya is already born.) Whether Kanae becomes a Pillar first or they establish the hospital at the Butterfly Mansion first is unclear, but these events happen relatively quickly. I suspect they might have had access to a lot of savings from their parents. Furthermore, this makes Kanae one of the many Pillars in the recent generation who blows that “it usually takes five years to become a Pillar” Taisho Secret away. (As an aside, maybe the reason the Corp as a whole seems to be full of weaklings is because the current Pillars have sucked up all the amazingness, but I digress.)

The Butterfly Mansion’s hospital was established long before Sanemi became a Pillar (according to the light novel chapter “Signpost of the Wind”). Sometime after Kanae becomes a Pillar, Sanemi becomes a Pillar. Giyuu was a Pillar before Sanemi was; the three of them were the same age. My guess is that Shinobu was around 13 when Kanae became a Pillar, putting Kanae and Sanemi around ages 15ish~17 when they would have had chances to interact. For comparison, Giyuu and Sabito were 13 at the time of the Final Selection, so Giyuu would had already been in the Corp longer than Kanae and Shinobu.

The following events either happened very quickly or unfolded over the course of a couple years:

Aoi (likely the the same age as Kanao) comes into their care (she preceded Kanao since she was there for Kanao’s naming, according to Taisho Secrets and second fanbook)*

Kanao (two years younger than Shinobu but much smaller, and given how petite Shinobu is, I can only assume this is because of how malnourished Kanao was) is adopted as their little sister on some May 19 (the anime seems to put the event in winter, but I assume it was already in production before the first fanbook was published with that detail)

Kanao has ample opportunity to observe Kanae’s Flower Breathing and learn by watching

Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho come into the fold (separately or all at once, though not as relatives)

Kanae is killed by Douma (Shinobu is age 14, one of the only pieces of this timeline we can be certain of). As she wished in her dying moments for Shinobu to live a normal life, she may or may not have had Shinobu as her Tsuguko, or had any Tsuguko at all.

Shinobu, age 14, becomes the head of the Butterfly Mansion household, where she already has five adoptive/pseudo younger sisters. At this point she takes on a cheerful personality, as well as probably set her heart on becoming a Pillar as soon as possible and becoming strong enough to defeat the demon that killed Kanae.

*Aoi’s circumstances are important (and curious) because the second fanbook tells us both that she practiced Water Breathing and that she passed the same Final Selection as Muichiro. Since Muichiro became a Pillar two months after taking up the sword, that means he went almost straight from sword to Final Selection to Pillar. We don’t know how much recovery time he needed after losing Yuichiro at age 11, because he wasn’t among the Pillars in the Rengoku Gaiden, so he perhaps only started practicing the sword closer to late 12 or age 13 (putting Aoi around 14, 15-ish when she passed the Final Selection, and presumably quit the sword right after that). It’s interesting to note what a different relationship Aoi has with Shinobu than Kanao does, especially since Aoi was there first but Kanao was adopted as a sister in a more all-encompassing sense. I suspect (and am putting this in italics for conjecture): Due to whatever circumstances with her Water Breath cultivator (possibly difficulty in housing a lone girl among a bunch of male students), Aoi needed to live elsewhere during her training. The Butterfly Mansion was a good spot, so Kanae and Shinobu agreed, like sponsoring a junior, and in exchange Aoi helped out around the house and hospital. Aoi kept her own last name, as she had her own family to avenge. When Kanao came in, it was purely out of wanting to help an orphan who wound up staying with them instead of being adopted out, which is why she was given a family identity and an opportunity to take the Kochou name if she wanted to (or even Aoi’s family name). They were probably treated differently because of the nature of how they came in and an assumption that Aoi would leave as soon as she entered the Corp. As Kiyo, Naho, and Sumi came in, it was a weird middle ground of whether they were just looked after until something better for them came along or if they were adopted as sisters as fully as Kanao was. Ultimately, they still retained a lot of their identities from before they were orphaned, and it was more of a pseudo-sisterhood, which Aoi had sort of fallen into as well. But, once Aoi entered the Corp and then quit the sword, she probably didn’t feel she could turn to her cultivator for any help, so at that point Shinobu took more full responsibility for her as a permanent household member.

Moving back on to Shinobu’s timeline, if I’m remembering the Giyuu Gaiden correctly (it’s been a while since I read it so I don’t recall exactly), that story took place shortly after Giyuu sent Tanjiro and Nezuko to Urokodaki, and it was also shortly after Shinobu became a Pillar. Since Tanjiro took two years to train after that, that would put her at age 16. Since Kanao joined the Corp in the same batch as Tanjiro, that means Shinobu would have had about two years between becoming a Pillar and taking Kanao as her official Tsuguko (I stress ‘official’ because it comes with distinction Tengen respects, it’s not casual “sure, I’ll look after you” thing). In that time, she had (at least) three other previous Tsuguko, all girls given butterfly hairpins, and who were all killed by demons in that two year period.

Conjecture about Shinobu and these Tsuguko:

Knowing how likely she is to be killed before she has an opportunity to avenge Kanae, Shinobu was likely in a hurry to train a Tsuguko and started trying to pass her knowledge on right away. It’s possible they were even closer in age to her than Kanao, maybe even older, and quite possibly physically stronger. It’s possible they were trained under Flower Breathing cultivators and still used that Breath, which would have given Kanao opportunities to learn by watching. That said, Shinobu doesn’t mention or think back to her Tsuguko often, and they never appear in Kanao’s flashbacks, though their deaths are some of the little pieces that strengthen her resolve to slay demons (she seems to care more about how her pseudo-sisters’ families were killed by them). My guess is that Shinobu made a clear divide between family and work, so as to protect the little girls from getting attached to more people who were likely to be taken away from them. Likely, her Tsuguko and the Butterfly Mansion girls resided in separate spaces and had very little interaction, and their Pillar/Tsuguko relationship was kept very formal so they could all focus on their demon slaying goals (albeit they were probably fond of each other anyway, signified by the butterfly hairpins).

In that two year period, the following events occur in roughly this order:

Rengoku become a Pillar (around age 18 or 19, and since he was raised practicing Flame Breathing he probably finished the Final Selection around age 12 or 13, so it clearly took him a more normal period of time to become a Pillar. But, despite being naturally gifted with strength his mother recognized, this drives home how hard he needed to work to overcome a perceived lack of “talent.”)

Iguro becomes a Pillar (around age 19 or 20, so he likely had worked at it a long time)

Aoi passes the Final Selection and quits the sword (thereby leaving Shinobu able to leave most of the hospital and household work to her since she’s no longer training), Muichirio becomes a Pillar (around age 12 or 13, genius-level speed at attaining Pillarhood)

Mitsuri becomes a Pillar (around age 18 or 19--a friend, yay! Also someone who became a Pillar way faster than normal.)

On these note, please also me to jump backwards a few years to when Kanae was still alive. Uzui had to have been a Pillar by at least age 18, but given the state of Ubuyashiki’s illness, probably a lot earlier than that, and he probably didn’t take very long to become a Pillar after entering the Corp. Since Giyuu was already a Pillar in Sanemi’s flashback, then he attained Pillarhood by, at the very oldest, age 17, so it took him four years or less. Interesting that in all these four or more years he’s been convinced the position is vacant, there’s no one else who performs Pillar-worthy achievement in the Corp’s most widely used Breath style. That really drives home the difference between the Pillars and the average cannon fodder. (Also worth noting, the Kamaboko Squad’s progression seems to fall somewhere in the middle; right to the very end the Taisho Secrets state how Tanjiro was still far from mastering Hinokami Kagura.)

At late 17 or age 18, two events occur:

Shinobu begins filling her body with poison for the sake of exacting revenge, knowing she will likely be eaten (she began about a year before the Pillar Training arc)

Kanao sneaks out to the Final Selection of her own will and with self-studied Flower Breathing, officially becomes a member of the Corp. Shinobu worries Kanao was just doing this because it’s what everyone around her does, as Kanao cannot express that she’s built her own hatred for demons.

Shinobu makes Kanao her Tsuguko almost right away, making the following changes (conjecture in italics):

Teaching her proper Breathing and sword technique (and the little girls witness her quick progress with blowing up gourds)

Instructing her very simply just to focus on cutting on demons’ heads so that she doesn’t get caught up in indecision on the battlefield

Censuring Kanao a bit for her choice to go against her sisters’ wishes and take up the sword, for now she risks death and giving the other pseudo-sisters yet another person to grieve. Given the risky nature of their work, Shinobu feels forced to treat her the same strict way she treated her Tsuguko instead of treat her as a sister. Kanao accepts this and goes from treating Shinobu as her sister to treating her as her master (calling her “Shihan” instead of “Shinobu-neesan”).

Over the course of the events of canon, Tanjiro and company spend a very large portion of their time in recovery at the Butterfly Mansion (even if a large portion of that time is spent unconscious), they might as well be pseudo-adoptive little brothers. But, I suspect Shinobu bonds more readily with girls. Also in that time, Kanao speeds up the ranks (she attains Hinoto rank, the 7th of 10 ranks, while Tanjiro & co attain the one above that, Hinoe). Furthermore, thanks to Tanjiro’s influence, Kanao also makes leap and bounds in being able to express herself, like something finally broke through. This at last leaves Shinobu somewhat relieved, after maybe five years or so since she first adopted Kanao. By that time she is getting anxious about the impending final battles (and her death, which she has deemed inevitable but purposeful), and she tells Kanao the plan. And then Oyakata-sama is like, “heeeey, so I heard you want to be friends with demons, I got you one, her name is Tamayo.” (It’s possible he already told her he was planning to get Tamayo’s help and wanted her cooperation, but he didn’t actually approach Tamayo about it until after Pillar Training started (though by Kimetsu logic, it’s highly possible that the crow talking to Tamayo took place much earlier than when it was presented). I gotta wonder how quickly they worked to combine their research and if the other girls in the mansion had any idea who Tamayo and Yushiro were.

And then, at age 18 (or likely 19 given the progression of the series and very lengthy recovery periods, heck maybe even 20), Douma. Shinobu dies, Kanao switches back to calling her Shinobu-neesan instead of Shihan, Kanae’s butterfly hairpin which Kanao wore breaks in battles, Shinobu exacts her revenge on Douma while her efforts against Muzan are also in motion and then she reunites with Kanae and her parents in spirit, and Kanao wears Shinobu’s butterfly hairpin in the final showdown and then she makes Shinobu the surprise hero in the surprise final battle to save Tanjiro. It was a really long night, and a really short, busy life.

#Kimetsu no Yaiba #Demon Slayers #Kocho Shinobu #Kochou Shinobu #KnY fandom theories and meta

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jasmariswonderland · 3 years ago

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✨🦢 Danica Ledelle, First Year NRC Student Twisted from the Swan Queen from Swan Lake 🦢✨

~~~~~

✨🦢 Introduction 🦢✨

Name: Danica Ledelle

Other Names: Dani-chan (Cater, Taima and Yuulan), Little Potato/Perfect Swan (Vil), Mademoiselle Chanteuse/Petit Cygne (Rook), Cygnet (Farron), Nightingale (Lilia), Angel Fish (Floyd)

Age: 16

Birthday/Starsign: April 12th (Aries)

Height: 160CM

Eye Color: Topaz Blue

Hair Color: Dark Chocolate Brown

Homeland: Shaftlands

Family: Felix Ledelle (father), unnamed mother, unnamed older brother, Fiona Ledelle (older sister, deceased)

Dorm: Pomefiore/Diasomnia

School Year: Freshman

Class: 1-B (No. 14)

Club: Light Music Club and Black Swans (lead member)

Best Subject: Musicology

Dominant Hand: Right

Favorite Food: Wagashi

Least Favorite Food: Tomatoes

Dislikes: Cold Weather, crowds, feeling unheard, tardiness and prejudice

Hobbies: Ballet, collecting perfume bottles, costume design, visiting museums and experimenting with makeup

Talents: Singing, dancing and flower arrangement

~~~~~

✨🦢 Background 🦢✨

(A/N: Pyroxene is the common fan translation for Shaftlands but since I like both names, in my universe, Pyroxene is the capital)

Danica is the second daughter and youngest child of a successful cosmetic company. Her father is an NRC alumni and second-generation owner of Ledelle Cosmetics, a magical pharmaceutical company that specializes in skin and haircare. Her mother is a talented potionoligist from The City Of Flowers and NBC alumni. She helps her husband with his business but their marriage has often been implied to have been arranged. Abd while they are never outwardly confrontational with each other, the lack of compatibility was pretty obvious to those looking from the outside. Only becoming more strained over time.

Danica’s birth was in part a final attempt to repair their relationship without divorce, to varying degrees of success. She also has one older brother and an older sister named Fiona.

Growing up, Danica was loved by her parents, though they were often perplexed by her. She was a quiet child, even back then, and seemed to realize from an early age that people were watching her. She also noticed all of the praise and attention showered upon Fiona and aspired to be like her in the hopes of receiving praise of her own. When she was five years old, she watched Fiona perform in a ballet and fell in love with the art. At first, Fiona dismissed her little sister’s desire to dance as merely childish mimicry but as she aged and improved, she realized Danica’s passion for it and the sisters became much closer.

Tragically, when Danica was twelve, Fiona was killed in a boating accident, a terrible blow to her and the rest of the family. Consumed with grief, her mother began to turn her attention away from her living daughter, neglecting her without realizing it. And her father turned all of his attention to his son, preparing him to be the third-generation head of Ledelle Cosmetics in time. As a young teenager coming into her own, Danica gradually began feeling incredibly alone and unwanted in her family. Her developing personality and worldview only made things worse as her parents often expressed disapproval with her, all the while praising Fiona’s memory. When in truth, Fiona had sadly not lived long enough for her to really do anything to disappoint her family and what they remembered was merely an idealized image of her.

Thankfully, Danica had a friend in the form of her classmate Taima and when she begins attending TGA for middle school, she befriends Taima’s sister Lilianne as well as Minette, a girl from the Queendom of Roses. Together, they formed an idol club, indulging in their mutual love of music and dancing. In addition to this, Danica was also taking classes at the Pyroxene Royal Ballet Academy with the hopes of joining their company in the future like her sister. All of these things soon brought Danica the love and attention she craved. Unfortunately, in spite of her skills, Danica’s natural shyness makes it extremely difficult for her to be sociable outside of a small circle of friends. She has made many admirers but most unfortunately mistake her introversion for aloofness, and those who envy her, don’t even bother. She’s far from aloof, but she is certainly a complex young woman.

Ultimately, Danica longs to have her parents notice her again and many of her pursuits are a much about gaining their approval as they are for her own satisfaction. One thing she hopes for is to be of assistance to her family’s business, either by improving her potion skills or as a brand model. Before her death, Fiona was the face of Ledelle Cosmetics and they still continue using her image in memory of her.

~~~~~

✨🦢 Appearance🦢✨

Danica is an angelic-looking young woman with bright blue eyes and porcelain white skin that contrasts dramatically with her long dark hair. Her hair is almost always worn loose down her back without headbands or hair ties. She has great pride in her hair and loves to show it off as often as she can. She doesn’t like adding hair accessories because she feels the length of her hair is eye-catching enough. Her neck is also longer than average and its one thing she’s very insecure about, despite Vil and Rook feeling that it’s one of her finest features.

She wears her school uniform with an open blazer, black over-the-knee socks and flat mary jane shoes. If she can help it, she prefers shoes without heels because of the strenuous nature of pointework. Danica also prefers wearing her ceremonial robes with the hood up and only pulls it down when her hair gets in the way. The one unique thing about how she wears her dorm uniform is the matching rosette hair accessory that she also wears with her birthday outfits, a gift from Rook.

~~~

✨🦢 Personality 🦢✨

Though naturally pensive and sweet, Danica is extremely introverted and shy to the point of occasional tears. She longs to reach out to others in a more natural way has spent years of trying to cultivate a personality that her parents would approve of. To the point she sometimes doesn’t fully know what her own thoughts and feelings are, or better yet, what they should be. She feels most comfortable either on stage or around small amounts of people at a time. She lives for admiration and praise and loves performing, but usually waits for others to make the first move in regards to making friends. The exception to this is when she reached out to Epel after seeing how out of place he felt in Pomefiore and offered non-judgemental friendship. But though she is shy, she is not a pushover and when she does speak her mind, she often surprises those around her with her profound level of astuteness and understanding.

During Book 5, Danica progressively begins exhibiting a more assertive nature as VDC stress temporarily strains her relationships with her dorm leaders. It can be implied that a lot of Danica’s more docile traits are as much her own as they are her trying to mirror Fiona’s personality in the hopes of gaining her parent’s approval. And when left to her own devices, she still kind and sweet, but also outspoken and a little cheeky. However, Danica seems to understand her own emotional complexity and does her best to keep most of her feelings to herself, which results in people misunderstanding her shyness for aloofness. Her beauty, talents and background do her no favors as people also often assume she’s pretentious and a snob.

But while she isn’t a snob, she is an unrelenting perfectionist, devoted to the perfection of all that she does, be it performing or doing her daily makeup. She likes to have each of her performances recorded so she can watch them later and critique herself on what to do differently/better in the future. And despite all of this, Danica is surprisingly not very vain either. The only exception to that is the pride she has in her luxurious dark brown hair, which is almost 60CM in length. Her tenacity and personal goals keep her in Vil’s good graces for the most part.

~~~~~

✨🦢 Unique Magic 🦢✨

“Silenced to my whim...

Enraptured to your ruin...

A cursed serenade, my precious Swansong”

Danica’s unique magic is called Swansong. This sung incantation renders its victim unconscious, only for them to wake up completely magicless for a while. If the victim is magicless (like Yuulan), the time they’re unconscious is doubled.

~~~~

✨🦢 Other Skills/Talents 🦢✨

🦢 Dancing ~ Danica has a dream of being the most beautiful dancer in her country and maybe all of Twisted Wonderland. She is well on her way to that as she is already something of a prodigy in her ballet academy, starting pointe work at the tender age of ten. Danica also excels in other kinds of dance, mostly jazz/hiphop and creates choreography for her idol club and the girls team for the VDC.

🦢 Singing ~ Danica can sing exceedingly well and videos of her performing often go viral.

🦢 Sound Magic ~Beyond her unique magic, Danica is skilled with many types of sound-based magic and can manipulate soundwaves through her voice. An example of this is using her voice to silence her footsteps so she can sneak from place to place without being detected.

~~~

✨🦢 Trivia/Lore 🦢✨

(A/N: This section will be updated over time)

Another one of Danica’s skills/hobbies is flower arrangement and she’s interested in starting a line of fragrances.

Her last name is a reference to the mythological figure of Leda who was seduced by Zeus while he was disguised as a swan. The logo of Ledelle Cosmetics, her father’s company, is of two swans joined together so their necks form a heart.

The only one to see Danica off when she left home for NRC was her older brother as her parents were busy with a formal engagement. One somewhat mixed blessing about her parent’s neglect of her is that she has a certain level of freedom that other girls her age don’t always have. She often uses this freedom to visit Sunset Savanna or the Queendom of Roses to see her friends.

Her nickname for Epel is McIntosh, based off an apple that is both sweet and tart with a firm consistency. Needless to say, he likes that nickname way better than Rook’s nickname for him

Between books 6 and 7, terrible outstanding circumstances force Danica to temporarily switch dorms to Diasomnia. But by book 7, the crisis has passed and she is happily back in Pomefiore.

Danica is one of three ocs who I’ve written a potential overbot plot for in the future.

~~~

✨🦢 In-Canon Adventures🦢✨

🦢 Prologue ~ While Danica was upset about Grim crashing the orientation ceremony, she was more upset by the fact that her best friend from TGA, Taima, was sorted into a dorm separate from hers. She decided to take advantage of the situation and snuck off to hang out with Taima at Scarabia, before Rook found her and brought her back to Pomefiore. Later she met Sidonie, who offered to be her mentor as well as a friend for her.

🦢 Book 1 ~ Danica wasn’t really aware of what was going on and didn’t find out about Riddle’s OB until a few months after the fact.

🦢 Book 2 ~ After Trey is injured, Danica and Sidonie create a healing potion for him but while on their way to give it to him, Sidonie comes under Ruggie’s UM and falls down a flight of stairs. The accident is so bad that she’s left bedridden for several days with Danica helping to take care of her. She decides she wants to avenge her decides to help Yuulan and the Heartslabyul boys get to the bottom of this. As a result, Leona is now on her permanent shitlist.

🦢 Book 3 ~ One day while studying in the school library, Danica is approached by the Tweels who try and coax her into making a deal with Azul. She’s wary of them from the start and really dislikes Floyd’s nickname for her, but she’s also desperate to pass her exams. She ends up asking Sidonie what to do and she immediately tells her the dangers in getting involved with the Octavinelle trio. So Danica studies hard and comes out with a 78, not the best, but certainly not the worst.

🦢 Book 4 ~ Danica returned to home to Pyroxene for the holidays and helps her family with a holiday promotion for Ledelle Cosmetics. She doesn’t find out about what happened at Scarabia until Taima tells her. For more about her winter break adventures, read here.

🦢 Book 5 ~ Danica leads the girls’ team for the VDC and oversees auditions with Vil, Rook and Sidonie. For more about her Book 5 adventures, read here.

🦢 Book 6 ~ Danica accompanies Rook, Epel and Yuulan to the Isle of Woe to rescue Vil after the charrons take him and the other overblot students. For more about her Book 6 adventures, read here.

🦢 Other ~ During Vil’s Dorm Uniform vignette, Vil requests Danica dance for the magazine reporters visiting Pomefiore.

~~~

✨🦢 Relationships (As Of Book 5) 🦢✨

A ~ During Book 2, three of Danica’s Pomefiore senpai’s are injured by Ruggie. Sidonie was one of them, and her accident was so bad that she couldn’t walk for a few days. Danica helped her recover but she’s held a grudge against most of Savanaclaw ever since, though she’s more amiable with Jack.

C ~ In his first weeks at NRC, Epel holds a particular prejudice against his fellow dorm mates and tries to find a way to switch to Savanaclaw. Rook introduces him to Danica in the hopes she will help him change his mind and to an extent, she does. Their friendship doesn’t get off to the best start because he resents that Vil more or less leaves her alone and assumes she’s a snob. But one day Epel sees Danica doing pretty well in flight class and opens himself to friendship with her. She helps him with his etiquette and even gives him some meaningful insight as to why the Dark Mirror sorted him into Pomefiore. Because Danica has traveled a lot with her family, she understands Epel’s country dialect and encourages him to speak naturally when they are alone. He also loves Danica’s nickname for him. Unfortunately, Epel’s misogynistic comments during Book 5, especially about dancing, puts a dent in their friendship that hasn’t yet fully healed.

E ~ Unlike Taima, Danica has never met Malleus but heard stories about his might back in middle school and, like many others, fears him.

F ~ Danica also hasn’t interacted with Sebek enough to hate him. Her hatred of him is in solidarity with Taima and will probably lessen over time as Taima.

B and D ~ An extensive look into Danica’s relationships with Vil and Rook can be found here.

✨🦢 Danica’s Relationships With My Other Twst OCs 🦢✨

A ~ Yuulan and Danica are pretty neutral to each other up to book 2. After Sidonie is injured, Danica promises to avenge her and helps Yuulan with with her investigation into the incidents with the other spelldrive players. They bond over the fact that neither had the best relationship with their family or in Yuulan’s case, not having parents at all. Also because Yuulan and Taima are close, Danica likes her by default.

B ~ Iman treats Danica with relative civility, respecting that she comes from wealth and being a fan of her father’s products. But Danica doesn’t like how Iman looks down on Taima, Yuulan and most others at NRC. VDC prep has softened their relationship some though its still miles away from ever being friendship.

C ~ Farron and Sidonie are in the same class and already friends before Danica’s arrival. He takes a quick and strong liking to Sidonie’s kouhai and vice versa. Farron was actually the one to make Danica’s hair ribbon worn with her dorm uniform but unfortunately for her, he was sworn never to tell her who commissioned him. (spoiler alert: it was Rook)

D ~ Danica and Maximilian are pretty civil to each other though Danica feels like he’s a little too snobbish and prone to insulting others. Because of his family’s business in the jewelry industry, he hints at knowing who bought the diamond and sapphire necklace she received for her birthday. (spoiler alert: it was Vil)

E ~ Danica and Vidaria first really interact during VDC prep and while Danica is initially put off by her attitude, she comes to like her over time and vice versa. Danica is very taken with Vidaria in a way that isn’t fully heterosexual. For a while, Danica was convinced she’d never have the chance to be closer to Vidaria due to Sidonie’s hatred for her but between books 6 and 7, Danica temporarily transfers to her dorm and their close proximity forces them to interact more often. As of book 7, they are now fully friends and Sidonie and Vidaria have formed a brief truce for her sake since they both mutually care for her.

~~~

✨🦢Cards🦢✨

(Will be updated over time)

#Meet Danica

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jasontoddiefor · 4 years ago

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As Lightning to the Children eased Chapter 14

Chapter 14 is out! Read on AO3!

Padmé did not call Anakin out when she found him hiding in her living room, arms tugged beneath his knees, his chin resting on top of them. He didn’t look like he had gotten any sleep lately and she was not about to stop him from getting at least some rest.

Instead, he merely put a cup of tea in his hands and went about her work. Halfway through midday, she got the call she had been waiting for.

“Senator Organa,” she greeted her ally and friend. Bail Organa was a good man, friendly and charming on top, and Padmé wondered what would happen if she were to let him meet Obi-Wan sometime. The two seemed like the kind of people who’d get along like a house on fire. “How are you?”

“Quite well, thank you,” Bail replied. He glanced at Anakin once but didn’t further react to his presence. “And yourself?”

“Exhausted, if I’m honest,” Padmé said. “The war hasn’t even truly started and I already feel as if I’ve aged years, but let’s not linger on that. How is your charge?”

“Adjusting,” Bail said. “I offered to take him home to Breha, but he decided that he wanted to stay on Coruscant. I’m not sure whether it’s the proximity to the Jedi or if it’s because he has to protect me in turn for keeping him safe, but I decided it would be beneficial for his health to remain at my side.”

Padmé smiled at him, honestly and truly happy. “I’m relieved to hear that.”

Finally, some good news during this catastrophe. When the Jedi had taken them all back to Coruscant, nobody had been too sure what to do with little Boba Fett. Technically speaking, his father – no matter how undeserving Padmé thought him of the title – was a deceased criminal and there were enough people who wanted Boba to pay for his father’s crimes. Hi status as a clone also didn’t really improve his situation. Padmé would have taken Boba in himself, as would the Jedi, but neither was quite the right fit, and when Bail Organa had offered to take him in, then that was just good fortune.

“If you ever need someone to babysit, I can jump in last minute,” Padmé joked.

Bail smiled and nodded. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, Padmé, but I believe Boba would protest quite heavily against being babysitted.”

“He can be part of my protective detail then,” she amended. “I’m sure he will do excellent work.”

The Council room was dead silent.

“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Qui-Gon asked, allowing disbelief to seep into his voice.

Whereas some of his fellow Masters smiled in tired exhaustion, others only rolled their eyes.

“A new member this Council needs,” Yoda said. “Wise in the Living Force you are and raised a brilliant Padawan you did. A new member of this Council you may be if you accept.”

Qui-Gon wondered what Dooku would say about this. His Master had already departed with his own clone battalion, heading straight to the Outer Rim and into the zones that promised the most gruesome battles. Dooku was a brilliant talker and given his relationship with the Senate, he’d probably be more useful on the Council than Qui-Gon. He had already been on the Council once.

Qui-Gon knew he was stubborn and thick-headed and unlikely to change his mind unless proven wrong. Both Dooku and Obi-Wan had told and shown him so often enough. Qui-Gon wasn’t chosen for delicate and amicable peace talks. He usually went to do the negotiations where they expected things to blow up, and more often than not, they did.

He was not the best option for a War Council, especially when he struggled to wield the Force as he used to.

“Why me?” he finally asked when he didn’t know what other question there was left to voice.

“Love this Order more than anyone else, you do. Had Knight and Padawan Skywalker not found their way here, found your way to them, you would have. Listen well to the world, you do. Not afraid to speak your words, you are. Ready for this, you are.”

Not yet. Speak first. Right a wrong, my dear child, explain your scars—

“I have to talk to Anakin,” Qui-Gon said, his heart hurting at the thought of the youth, yet rejoicing at finally getting a glimpse of the Force again. “I cannot give you an answer before I spoke to him.”

The Masters nodded and Qui-Gon left.

Anakin was easy to find, hiding away in one of the lowest accessible levels of the temple. These days, he was either at Obi-Wan’s sickbed when Obi-Wan was asleep, at his mother’s when she wasn’t telling him to finally go talk to Obi-Wan, hiding away in Padmé’s apartments or down here. Qui-Gon had first thought that Anakin would try to go deeper, search for what lingered beneath the warm marble of their temple, but he never moved from his spot.

“Anakin.”

The Padawan winced when his name was called, then slowly turned his head only to return to staring blankly at his hands. He looked absolutely miserable, tired too. Qui-Gon sighed.

“Do you remember the mission to Naboo? When we accompanied Padmé back to it?”

Anakin gave no sign that he was listening to Qui-Gon, but he decided to keep talking anyway. “When we entered the ship, you collapsed. Something set you off, something incredibly dark and harmful, and, best I could tell, it flipped a switch for you. Revealed something it shouldn’t have.”

Anakin’s hands curled to fists as Qui-Gon sat down next to him. “Obi-Wan and I didn’t know what to do, so we- no, I decided to do what I thought was best. I blocked those memories, dressed them up in kinder images.”

Even now, so many years later, Qui-Gon remembered it so clearly. The chains wrapped around Anakin’s entire body, the sun burning him, reminding him that he was not supposed to be there.

“And then, when you tried to heal me later on, you needed the knowledge that I had hidden from you to do better.”

“To let you die, you mean,” Anakin said. His voice was hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken in days. “It would have stopped me from resurrecting you.”

“Yes,” Qui-Gon agreed. “I would have died and it would have been alright because it was my time. My actions took away something you should be able to recognize subconsciously and I want to apologize for it.”

Silence followed Qui-Gon’s statement as they let his words linger. It was true. That he realized now. Whatever he had done, it had shifted something within Anakin that wasn’t meant to be shifted sideways.

“I think you made me human,” Anakin replied, wings unfurling as bones cracked. “I don’t think I was meant to be human.”

His eyes were still closed, but Qui-Gon could still fill all of them watching him, waiting for a reaction, a confirmation.

“No, you were not,” Qui-Gon replied. “And I’m sorry I made you something you weren’t supposed to be in my fear of what you might have become in that moment.”

“I want to be human,” Anakin muttered. He stretched out his fingers, sharp claws, golden like his teeth, bleeding as if from scratching his arms raw, trying to dissect himself and sew his flesh back together in the right way, anything less hurtful. “I don’t want to be like this. Everything is so loud and I’m always too much and if I get angry, I break the world apart. It isn’t fair that I can feel so much, but I’m not allowed to embrace it.”

“Oh, Anakin.” All thoughts of logically expressing this to his Grandpadawan were forgotten. “Who told you that you can’t embrace your emotions? You just can’t let them become too much. You can’t let them consume you. You need to find your balance again.”

Qui-Gon knew it was a cruel demand to make when he had been so afraid of what would become of Anakin almost a decade ago now. There was no telling whether Anakin would still exist once he found that balance again or whether he’d return to his silent parent. After all, what parent would abandon their child if not because they knew they weren’t needed anymore?

“I’m scared,” Anakin admitted. “I was afraid my mother would be put back together again wrongly if I healed her so I lashed out and murdered all of them in cold blood and then I was scared to lose Obi-Wan and instead he lost his arm because of me and I’m scared that if I try to fix me, I won’t be me at all. I know I can do it. I’ve been looking, I can see where you used your paint on me, but I just—”

Anakin looked up, bright blue eyes staring at Qui-Gon as he cried and wrapped his arms around him, hiding his face in his robes.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Gently, Qui-Gon held onto Anakin. How strange that a being as bright and strong as him needed an anchor as fragile as Qui-Gon. He ran his fingers through Anakin’s hair, humming a melody under his breath he’d been taught years ago on a small Mid Rim planet.

Minutes passed, hours without either of them moving until Anakin’s shoulders stopped trembling.

“I can’t tell you what the right path is, Anakin. You have to decide that for yourself. The only advice I can give you is this question: do you love the Jedi?”

“What?” Anakin’s confusion was painted across his face in broad brushstrokes.

Qui-Gon smiled. “I asked if you loved the Jedi?”

“Of course! You’re my home, my family! How could I not?”

“Good.” Qui-Gon nodded. “Then you will remind yourself of the fact that you love your family and that your family loves you every day and every action you take will be in this knowledge. Do not act against this love in your heart, Anakin, and may it ease the burden on your mind.”

May it guide you well.

Obi-Wan’s hand trembled. He hardly had any control over his new appendage and it frustrated him to no end. He was a perfectionist at heart, had spent hours training his fine motor control to become a Master of his form. He tried to keep his breathing under control, to focus, and not let the pain overwhelm him. If not for his own sake and to resist the temptation of just throwing his lightsaber halfway across the room, then for Anakin.

His Padawan already felt so guilty for Obi-Wan’s injury, he didn’t want to make him feel worse.

He couldn’t stand the thought of looking at Anakin’s sad eyes.

“Rough night?”

Obi-Wan turned his head around to find Shmi standing at the entrance of the training hall. Her injuries had healed well during her stay with the Healers, only a few faint scars across her face and shoulders revealing what she had been through. She was dressed ready for battle, wearing the new armor the Jedi had been given. Obi-Wan had tried it on once and immediately wished he could message Satine and ask her whether he could borrow one of hers for the war. Mandalorian armor was so much more comfortable.

Not that he thought the Jedi should wear any at all.

“Are you shipping out?” he asked.

“Yes, Dooku asked for backup. Apparently, he’s been dealing with a Sith apprentice – a different one than the one you encountered on Geonosis – and intends to chase her down. Someone must take over his battalion. Since he dragged me back home from Tatooine, I’ll return the favor.”

“Take Anakin with you,” Obi-Wan heard himself say. “He needs to get out of the temple.”

“You haven’t talked yet,” Shmi stated, her tone not allowing for any disagreement.

“No,” Obi-Wan agreed. “And I don’t think Anakin will talk to me as long as he hasn’t gotten a proper break. So, please?”

Shmi studied him for a moment, then she sighed. “Alright, but the moment you’re fit for duty, he’s your Padawan again.”

Obi-Wan managed to crack a smile at that. “Of course, I’d never trade him for another.”

#star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #shmi skywalker #fanfic

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wullu · 4 years ago

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First few episodes in, I had a feeling that Flower of Evil could become a part of my 'fave dramas of all time' list but I didnt want to raise my hopes cause you can never fucking tell when a drama decides to turn on you and let you down.

Anyway, no worries here cause Ep 16 just cemented FOE’s place on that list.

I will be honest, I came for the thriller and deception aspects of this drama. But I ended up staying for the romance. As the drama went on, some of the logical aspects of the plot confused me but the emotional satisfaction I got from the romance made up for everything. I swear to god, it really did.

Some thinky thoughts under the cut for why it pinged all the right buttons for me. Strap yourselves in. It’s a long and passionate and somewhat confused essay about why I loved Flower of Evil and why I rated it 10/10

Ep 16 was polarising for a lot of people and I understand why. In some ways, it upended all the previous episodes.

The amnesiac reset was not easy to watch, especially since it put Ji Won in even more agony than before. How much did she need to suffer before the fruits of her love were realized? Howevuh, the way I saw it, the amnesia reset established a few things that I believed the drama has stayed true to, all the way from the start to the finish.

Here is the thing, names carry so much baggage. When children are named after a much beloved and deceased relative, it can be one of two things. One, it is a way to honour an important part of your life but also allow the child to be a fully realized person. The second, the name becomes a prison when it is given to you without any choice in the matter and where you are not allowed to be you.

For Hyun Soo, the name Baek Hee Seong has all these memories and emotions attached to it and while his feelings were not any less real, they are tainted by the foundation they began on. The foundation being a deception.

For Ji Won, his name really doesn't matter. Because at the end, she doesnt view him as Baek Hee Seong or Do Hyun Soo. For Ji Won, he is her chagiya, her person, her husband. And for Eun Ha also, it doesn't matter if her father is Baek Hee Seong or Do Hyun Soo. He’s her father first and foremost and her most favourite person in the whole world.

Both Ji Won and Eun Ha accept him for the person he is and the role he plays in their lives.

But for Hyun Soo, Baek Hee Seong will always be the constant reminder of the very thing that ripped apart the fabric of his family life. That’s not the kind of baggage you want to bring to your relationship. Ji Won remembers so many of the good times they had together .But for Hyun Soo, those moments didn’t feel like his because they weren’t attached to his name. It is Hyun Soo more than anyone else that needs the distinction between the two names. Baek Hee Seong was his life for 15 years and it is also the most horrible reminder of how he hurt Ji Won (a person he loves more than anything else in the world) and Eun Ha by having them become a part of his deception. And he also knows first hand what it means to live with an axe over your head, always ready to drop.

15 years ago, Baek Hee Seong was a chance at a better life, a way to escape the shackles of his father. But over time, the thing he thought would set him free dragged not just him down, but also Ji Won and Eun Ha. More than a physical thing, I consider the amnesia plot point to be a thematic reset. Do Hyun Soo links him to his father, but at the same time, it also links him to his sister (one of the good things in his life).

In ep 13/14, he asks Ji Won why must he suffer all of this? Why must he experience all this pain?

And if you further follow this line of thought, you can see why he’s so angry.

Why must he adopt another persona to adapt to the world? Why wont the world adapt to him being Do Hyun Soo instead? These are very valid questions. Our society is very big on ‘being yourself’, but at the same time, society contradicts itself by also saying you can only be you and acceptable by conforming to a very limited sphere of uniqueness. Hyun Soo knows the fallout of this firsthand.

Ji Won has given him all of her from the start. But he has only given her Baek Hee Seong. By going back to being Do Hyun Soo, he reclaims all the emotions he felt in the preceding 15 years and attaches them to his real self. People said that he was just like his father and a psychopath. But he gets to prove everyone wrong.

He’s capable of love, he’s capable of empathy and emotion and he’s also capable of being loved. He achieves all these things in spite of the legacy of his father’s name and his own name. He is loved just as he is.

Just as Ji Won submitted to the mortifying ordeal of being known, so is Hyun Soo now. He wants to show Ji Won all the original parts of him and love her as Do Hyun Soo And isn’t that the realest indication of a loving relationship? Someone knowing you for being you and still loving you.

And as for Ji Won, time and time again she has made it clear that her happiness lies in Hyun Soo’s happiness. If he isn't happy, she cannot be happy. Does it make her seem sacrificial? Yes. Did she have a choice in it? Also yes. And she made her choice. No one else made it for her. She’s given so much of herself to this relationship, but I don't think there is any other way she would have it. In that way, Ji Won has a very singular sense of perspective. It’s the exact kind of tunnel vision, which when you encounter it in real life, feels extremely annoying and unhealthy, and while in a drama, it is also unhealthy, on the flip side, it’s also grand and tragic and heartfelt.

Because she loved him so deeply and truly, in return Hyun Soo tried to do for her all the things that made her happy. And in many ways, it is the same reaction a child has to unstable parental figure. They do the things that they think will make the person happy. Except here, Ji Won has been one of the most stable presences in his life. Ji Won loved him when he did all the little things for her.

But she also continued to love him even when the exterior began to chip away and the relationship started to destruct. And that is Hyun Soo’s lesson for learning that he doesn't have to be anything other than himself to be loved by Ji Won. She may trip up on his name and call him Hee Seong from time to time, but she loves him for being her chagiya.

Strip away all the extraneous details of this drama and you will see that at the heart of it, this was always going to be a love story that was much larger than the two individuals in it.

Ji Won begins pulling away only in the end because while she wants him to be happy, it finally becomes too much to bear. It’s not that she cannot stand seeing him happy. And it is not that she does not love him or is angry with him. It’s the sickening knowledge that perhaps, all her love wasn’t enough and that the damage that others have wrought was too lasting and could not be fixed.

The amnesia reset was a chance for a do-over, and it is not often that you get one. The first time, Hyun Soo came to her as Baek Hee Seong and that too by sheer coincidence and lettuce be clear, Ji Won’s enduring perseverance as well. The second time, he came to her through intention and intuition, and as Do Hyun Soo. And this is the one that counts. He does not remember creating a life with her but he remembers the way she made him feel. The amnesia reset made him go back but it didn’t change the core of who he was.

So what do we see in the final scene? That in fact, more than anything else, it is Ji Won’s love and the prospect of losing it that sent Hyun Soo off the rails and at the same time, it's her love and the the safety and comfort of her presence that brought him back. And it was the same for Ji Won as well. His potential loss of his love sent her crashing but at the same time, his love also grounded her and raised her up if you will.

The evidence of her love was in all the emotions his body remembered. And the evidence of his love was in the way he came back to her and in the way despite all his statements to the contrary, the most emotion he showed was when they both broke down together in the car.

So, Ji Won needed to see that her love was always enough and Hyun Soo had to realize that he was worthy of it and that he deserved it and that he loved her as well. That the past 15 years weren't some ridiculous fluke.

He didn't have to be Baek Hee Seong to be loved or love Ji Won. He just had to be who he always was, Do Hyun Soo.

#kdrama #tvn flower of evil #flower of evil #moon chae won #lee joon gi #sweet cheesus #i have let myself ramble #but who am i to resist the call of an otp #word vomit #my commentary

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aisakaab2 · 5 years ago

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Lunar Somnus

This is a story mine when I was 14 years old I try to translate to English I hope you like it

The life is such as a dark alley that when you step up on it lights up, that’s why sometimes pick up the wrong path. Just like you're the one that revolves around the future, there's times he can revolve around you, waiting for you with something you don't expect to happen. I know what I say, because everything started to revolve around me at some moment. Maybe it was there where those strange dreams that attacked me began on the nights when the night sky was not greeted by the silver sphere called the moon, and perhaps, it had luminous points, called stars, visible. In those dreams I could see a thick black fog, it seemed such as a smoke from which only I could make out a silhouette and a beautiful, mysterious and unbelievable eyes. These was of an amethyst colour, but before of can do my vision clearer, I wake up startled while a cold sweat ran through my body and my heart throbbed strongly.

Time kept passing and those dreams kept attacking me mercilessly in some new moon nights. Since then things have gotten worse or maybe just, they uncovered the lies. Why I say that? Because my two best friends. A cute girl of the school and the other the sporty. I never thought at first to befriend them, I should have drifted as far away as possible, but I didn't in due course. When my parents told me, we should move I put on my best surprised face instead of joy, I told them that I understood and nothing was wrong. When I entered to my bedroom, I put me to jump and dance When I calmed down, I found that I was alone two days to go, so I started packing my few belongings.

In less than a rooster crows, my days passed. When we get to our destiny, I discovered that we were in Tenerife. Despite having asked them a thousand times where we were going to live, they preferred to keep me in suspense until I got to this amazing house. It had a large patio totally limited by iron gates and concrete walls, whose of apparently granite. The house had doors, windows, balconies, also a large garage. When I entered to the house, I checked it have been decorated for coordinate the modern with the classic rustic. I went to the room, whose had instinctively chosen and was delighted with the decoration.

That night, this strange dream came back for attack me, but there was something new: a symbol and the door of basement of the house where I lived now. When I wake up, for coincidences of destiny I found in front of that old and dusty door, whose was open, until I realized I had my hand on it knob. Confused I entered, I went downstairs, entering the room in complete darkness, feeling the sound of my own footsteps. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, the image of those amethyst eyes returned to my mind. I didn't care about it and walked up to feel... Arena? I looked down, but all it was so dark, I hadn’t my flip flops but I was step on arena and rock. Suddenly I saw some light. I approached the deceased checking that he was a firefly and I carefully opened the window, entered lighting the room. I closer where found the arena, I saw the ground of rock whose there was engraved a full moon with a waning moon and waxing moon. I touched that strange symbol which one appeared a strange light. When that succeeded, I got scared and I decided run away of the basement to my room.

The next day I wake up and I saw in my shoulder blade I had a tattoo same I saw in the basement, a full moon.

The days passed and classes had started at the institute, where I was surprised not be the only new one. A young boy with purple hair and brown eyes, almost black, and other young boy with black hair with grey streak and brown eyes. They were the ones who came in with me.

The dreams were becoming more noticeable, worrying me. One day the boy with black hair with grey streak closed to me. He had a nice voice and for some reason I don't know, it gave me a lot of confidence. We became fast friends, although... he at first said nonsense. Then that boy with almost black eyes looked at me with a strange air, I think he doesn't fall good. He came up to me one day, the night before I had been in the basement. It had been a while without sleeping well and I think it was showing. He told me not to release him and I didn't I knew what he meant.

The days went by, dreams became more frequent and then I did not I held on longer and decided to find out what that basement was hiding. I was to class like a normal day and Jisung, the boy of black hair with grey strakes told me something of release my past. I was very surprised, since they both knew something that I did not know and that worried me. What was being hidden from me? There were many questions without answer.

When I came back to home I went to the basement and I stop frightening. I was going to do? I opened the door and it done a squeal and I close to the beginning of the downstairs. I went down accompanied by the creaking of the stairs thanks to my footsteps, until I touched the wooden floor. I had a flashlight so I was able to head to where the symbol that I saw painted on the rock. Touching it again, a beam of white light came out, giving in a strange halo, I turned off the flashlight, and carefully got up. I could see how the dark smoke that covered the basement battled in a magical way with the white and bluish light coming from the symbol. Worried as I was, I waited until that the light was gone, but the symbol was still shining. I reached out and touched it slowly the full moon shone and I moved my finger around the hoop and the light became so intense that I had to close my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I found me in front of a guy with grey hair and amethyst eyes. He looked me, smiled and he help me to wake up.

-I’m Felix- told me with a smile that made me shudder.

-I’m Y/N- I told.

When I found out it was a ghost, I didn't believe it, until a while later. He told me the story, or part of it, of the moons. They were magical beings, who, when dying, they reincarnated winning a battle. Jisung was the waxing moon and the guy of eyes almost black, whose name was Seungmin, was the waning moon.

Time passed and I liked Felix more and more, even if I kept it quiet, the latter was gentlemanly and gallant. I don’t know how to do Felix came back human…

One day Seungmin and Jisung told me:

-That with the power of the visible moon will be able to save the hidden moon from darkness... but they don't know it.

Months passed and then I understood. I decided to go to the basement where Felix was, despite the multiple feelings that began to attack me, I entered and went down the stairs that were already illuminated. Felix was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. He got up and walked over to me. I could only look at him confused and not knowing very well that do. Let it go? But I... I liked... I just liked. So why me was it so difficult?

- What do you feel? - Felix asked mysteriously, approaching me and caressing my face with his hands.

-I… -I remember trying to say something, but I closed my eyes when I felt the caress and I didn't know how to respond.

-Let me show you what happened -Felix asked me and approached me very slowly face. I felt his breath, his arms around me, his lips brushing mine until turn that simple touch into a kiss.

At first, I did not know what to do, but little by little, I stopped thinking, and my lips joined in a dance that made the kiss turn between deep and delicious. I passed out, I know because his eyes, before falling into his arms, looked at me gently.

When I opened my eyes it was all dark, but I could distinguish like another girl, blue eyes and blue aura surrounding her, she looked at me. That girl said to me:

-You and I are one. I am the blue full moon, and I know everything that you do not remember...

She told me many things. She told me how Felix and I, in a remote past, were together, even though I never revealed my feelings to him. A human, who had virtue of being a medium, he fell in love with me and killed me because he understood that he could never be hers, Felix was sealed and I understood at last.

When I woke up, Felix was holding me. He smiled at me, kissed me and I reciprocated while I whispered that I loved him, he replied that he too and disappeared, something he said that he only expected to know my feelings since he did not know them in the other life ...

Three years passed and I was already in University. I thought I would never see him again. That same afternoon I found out that there was a new student. I felt like it invaded me a tornado of feelings: on the one hand, nostalgia for the past time, on the other, an inexplicable feeling that something new was going to enter my life. And without thinking, like if something pushed me to look in that direction, I saw it. It was him; it couldn't be any other. How a sleepwalker went to him and grabbed his arm. He turned and stared at me. Of suddenly she smiled and hugged me, until that moment I had forgotten to breathe and I felt the air expelled with relief.

-Thanks for bringing me from death. I love you so much that not even death could hold me back- and then he kissed me and I knew that the magic of love existed: "I love you" I whispered.

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shinobirain24 · 4 years ago

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Water and Ice- Chapter 7: Confinement

Neptune opened his eyes to see the town of Argus in an apocalyptic ruins. Since when did he even traveled to the future? Or is this a dream?

Either way isn't a good sign. He keeps walking in the city in search for survivors. Calling out to anyone who might be in high buildings. "Hello?! Anybody there?!" But no one responded.

"What happened while I was away? I don't remember a forecast of earthquakes. I was only gone for two days. Or is it three?" He then remembered that Weiss was with him. "Weiss...hello?! If you can hear me, say something!"

"Neptune?" The blue-haired huntsman turned around to see a familiar man with a scar. Also blue-haired with visors. leather jacket, a sign that he is a Thunderbolt. "Who are you?! Did you do this?" The man isn't responding. But he took off his visors and revealed similar blue eyes as Neptune's. "It's been a while, bro."

"No, it can't be...J-Jupiter." He slightly gasped. "I thought you were dead! Am I dreaming this?" He shook his head.

"What the hell is going on? What happened to Argus? And why are you participating in criminal activities?! For the record, those visors do not look good on you." Neptune demanded.

"You don't get it, do you?" He asked, which confuses Neptune. "I've been playing dead for a while. I suggest you make a run for it before "she" finds you."

"Who's "she?"" Jupiter exits the scene before he could answer. "Hey wait!" He heard another voice.

"Neptune?" He turned to the Argus Park where a statue of the deceased Pyrrha Nikos was standing. It was Weiss. She then runs towards him.

"What's going on?! Who would do this?" Weiss inquired and Neptune wishes he has a answer, but no. "I don't know. Maybe we're dreaming." Then a tidal wave of flood rushes over. Cars, trees, broken glass and other vehicles are washed away. It was too late to escape as the water pulls them with it.

"Dah!"

"Wah!" Weiss grabs Neptune's hand and they held each other tight while trying to resurface from the water to gain air to breath. But then their grip didn't last long when Weiss and Neptune grab onto a lamppost. "Don't let go!" But then their hands slipped, separating them.

"Neptune!" Weiss cried out.

"Weiss!" Neptune shouts back struggling to swim, but the waves sucked him down to the bottom. The salt water has flown into his lungs and they got stuck. Having trouble to breath since it already got into his mouth.

No. I can't breath. Why can't I save anybody? I am a failure. I hated my semblance so much. How come I didn't use it wisely? Neptune thought closing his eyes. Waiting for his "death" to be over with.

Neptune snapped his eyes open with a grasp. "Ah!" Touching his throat like the water is still there. But it wasn't. Pushing his hair above. "Oh man, what a nasty nightmare." He then looked back at the dream where he saw his brother. He looked around to see that he is in the ferry where he was sleeping since he couldn't stand the sight of the ocean.

Jupiter, was that really you talking to me?

A door opened and Neptune looked up to see Weiss standing in front of it. He could tell that she couldn't help but worry for him. "Neptune?" She said softly. Slowly closing the door to move straight to him. She then stop by her tracks to asks, "Is it alright if I can sit beside you?" She blushed in nervousness. But Neptune taps the bed, letting her know that it's a yes.

"Bad dream again?" She asked again. She looked into his eyes. They are deep and beautiful as the ocean's depths. Something that Weiss couldn't keep her eyes off of. He slightly nodded. She placed her and above his. Making Neptune nervous, but he kept his cool.

"Don't worry, you're not the only one with those nightmares. Just woke up from one tonight." Weiss admitted.

"What is it then?" He asked.

"One where my sister challenged me. And in the end, I lost. Dying by her own hands. I wonder if she regrets it, if it really happens. I don't think I want to know at all. It keeps happening every night since I left Atlas the third time."

"Maybe those nightmares could mean something." Then Neptune changes the subject. "This got me thinking, why are you helping me from getting arrested earlier? You know this could mean you're a fugitive too, right?" Weiss smiled and nodded.

"The truth is, I don't believe you're responsible for the wreckage either. As much as l care for Winter, I also care about you. Losing some friends and family are the worse parts of life. Do you think I made the right choice?" Weiss asked. "Even if your brother is responsible, there has to be a reason why."

"That depends. I don't think it's not a right or wrong answer. I'm not sure how to put it this way."

"You're lying." Weiss giggled. And Neptune did the same. "Back in Poseidon Island, you weren't the same person I knew before. Then, I saw what you did to the water. That is your semblance, right?" She asked. Neptune sighed as he didn't want to talk about it. But Weiss' stern look convinced him otherwise.

"Do you remember, back at the Vytal Festival? My team and I fought Team NDGO?" How could Weiss even forget that she came there to cheer for him. Only to see Neptune flirting with the female team. And got angry with him. But she already forgave him for that. But there's something she had already forgotten. "Back then, I couldn't touch the water. Although, my semblance could've been useful." Now Weiss could see where this is coming from. Having an improved image to cover up the fear.

"This all happened when I was 4. I grew up in Argus before we moved to Mistral. It was a place where my family are skilled swimmers. But I was an exception." Neptune stood up and walked a few steps away from the bed. While Weiss remained sitting there as her eyes pointed at him. She is starting to have a feeling that he may not be the Neptune she knew anymore. Many people at Haven and Shade would described him as a goofball. But this time is different. But she is also moved by his mysterious personality.

"The reason why I have unlocked my semblance in the first place is because my traits are rare. The reason why my name is Neptune. My dad, and my siblings have water-based semblances. I don't know how I was afraid of water. But it bothered me when I see it. The day my semblance was awakened, my brother threw me from the pier and it was the most terrifying day of my life." Neptune said sadly. Remembering the images in his head that he couldn't get out. "When he did, my aura have reacted to the water and that's how my semblance came. It took half the ocean to be pulled within me. But the thing is, I couldn't breath, hear or see as it keep getting into my eyes, ears and lungs. Since then, I never go near the water ever again. That's why I have these goggles in the first place. Come to think of it, every time I touched the water, it was pulled into my body, like a magnet of some kind."

Weiss listened to him further, and sees why he was averted to the substance in the first place. It's not often that siblings pushed them around and her heart beats in every word. But one of those things is that her sister is the same for her to become a free woman. But out of concern of his side of the story. She never got near him since they were busy fighting Salem and her minions. Just like everyone else, despite the smiles and happy memories made. They all have a dark side of the past. Beneath a good-looking and flirty young man, is a sad and scared huntsman. "Couldn't blame Jupiter, he only did what he thought was for my own good. He has the ability to turn water into mist. My sister can turn water into ice, which is useful because now nobody would have to buy any more ice packs for her medical team to use. I called my semblance, "Water Attraction." Pretty useful, but also a curse. When I panicked, I pushed the water towards Jupiter. It could've killed him that day. But luckily, he's strong enough to turn it into steam." He then walks to stare at the window, with the ocean sparkling at the moonlight, despite the beauty of the seas, it's also a reminder of the bad memories.

"Two years after my awakening, Sun came along. He found out about my phobia, but he didn't care. It's like he understood me better than anyone else. We both agreed to keep it a secret. He's not only my best friend, but a brother in arms. Before that, Jupiter is the best bro any kid can ask for. We would hang out when our parents were too busy. He went to Haven since I was 14. And man, he's even good with the ladies."

Now I get where he even got his flirting style from. Weiss thought taking a deep breathe, but blushed also. Still how could I resist?

"And since then, he becomes a member of Team ZRVT. The other three members were Zerena Slithers, Roth Mandle, and Tyler Shepard. But things have been different, he spent more time with his team than me. After graduation, they came to my house for meetings. They seemed like really cool people. But one day, Sun and I snuck out of my house to help them on a undercover mission. They didn't know about it, until we arrived in a submarine that belonged to the White Fang. Everything was going good until..." Neptune looks back at the time he made a whirlpool, the same one where it apparently killed Team ZRVT. He and Sun were the only survivors of the accident. "I was thrown into the ocean by a member of the White Fang. While I was sure I was a goner. Jupiter jumps in to get me back into the surface. But when he got closed, my semblance went out of control and made a whirlpool, sucking us all in. Sun and I are the only ones to survive. But Team ZRVT, including my brother are gone. Their bodies weren't found, but the police decides to give up the search and declared them dead." This got Weiss shaken, to think he's was just an ordinary person with semblance, just like her and everyone else. "I was sure that I killed him. It haunted me for the rest of my life. Since then, I vowed to never again touch the water, nor to use my semblance. Until today, when you saw it. I was afraid I might hurt anyone, or even worse. Earlier, Ceres saw the news about the embargo sinking, she then sent me a link. To my surprise, one of the culprits was my brother. Or is it really my brother? That's why I took the mission, to find him and bring him back." Neptune recaps every memory he has, but then overwhelmed by the worse ones he put in his head. Getting lightheaded and fell next to the walls while clinging onto them. Weiss rushes to help him up. "I thought I've shed enough tears for years. Tears will always remind me of water, and the day I lost my brother. But in the end, how much I can hold them, after what happened to Jupiter?" He covered his eyes in shame, tears flown from his lids.

Weiss couldn't help but wanting to keep him away from the bad memories. But none of this is going to stop without any closure. Weiss holds him close. Wanting to tell him some things to assure him. Holding her hand onto his cheek. Neptune uncovered his eyes to look at her. He thought nobody but his best friend could understand what he's going through. But to his surprise, she comforted him with some of the things they have in common. He places his hand on her back.

"Fears are nothing to be ashamed of. But in the end, they became a shell from the environment. You're not the only one who's been going through the dark. You want to know something? You're lucky to have a loving family. But mine was never in a best place, my father only married my mother for her name, my name. He would do anything to manipulate us. But my sister broke free when she entered Atlas Academy. She's the only person who's been there for me, cared for me. Something I wished my mother would've done instead of trying to drink her life away. After my father gave my heir status of the company to my brother, he's making him suffer also. No matter if he sided with him. But with my father in jail, he's been doing better. He just can't talk to me yet. And my mother began to bond with him again. She seems to have forgotten about the past. When my team and I went to Atlas, she was about to become the next Winter Maiden. But it failed when Penny acquired the maiden's powers. But it was a good thing, cause then Winter would've been killed by an assailant. But then my father caused the generator in Mantle to be shut down after making a deal with a madman to gain the victory to the council's seat. But luckily, my mother has evidence. And he went to jail. It devastated my brother as he was the only person he could talked to, despite his sly and cunning smug on his face. What I regretted that day was never protecting my brother when he needed me. Just when Ironwood was about to engage Martial Law to abandoned Mantle in a panic, I could see that Winter believed that her loyalties to her superiors comes first. Since then, we evacuated the people of Mantle. Afterwards, Winter got promoted in Ironwood's place since he resigned. I understood that she has a path she felt the need to follow. So do I."

"I'm sorry. I guess your life wasn't as easy."

"Believe me, it wasn't. I never regret siding with you. But I do regret betraying her." After Neptune feels better from the nightmares. He went back to sleep as Weiss covered him with a bedsheet. She still sat there looking at him, sleeping peacefully. She has the thought about kissing him on the cheek. Leaning her head to place her lips. But she refrain before it happens. No, not now. What am I doing?

Meanwhile, back in Poseidon Island. Winter and her men remained there in search for her younger sister and the supposed "suspect." Now she is worried that Weiss will end up a fugitive again. "Have you found them yet?" She asks two of her searchers. They saluted in response. "No, sir. No sign of the suspect or Ms. Schnee!" She groaned with her palm on the eyes. "How hard is it to find two individuals?! Find them again, and bring them back, right now!" Winter demanded, she didn't mean to be hard on her comrades, but she got extremely worried for her sister. "Y-yes, sir!" They said frantically, scared at the tone of her voice.

She is then met by another soldier, who also saluted her. "Sir, there's no sign of them left. Our trackers on their scrolls indicate that they're no longer on the island."

"What does this mean?" Winter glared.

"They took a ferry and left for Argus, sir." He responded.

"I see." Winter turned away. Not looking at her comrade for a second. "Call Mistral forces. We need Vasilias locked up behind bars. Only he has the information about the Thunderbolts." She ordered. She then closed her eyes. I'm sorry, Weiss. But I cannot let her harm you, not now, not ever. And I can't let that boy be a danger to you. She thought. Then a pilot ran out of the ship. "Bomb! There's a bomb! Get down!" Then they all ducked down as the ship exploded into flames and pieces.

"General Schnee, sir, are you alright?!"

"Forget me, call for back up!"

"Sir! This is Delta-7, our ships' been destroyed! We need assistance!" Another soldier then radioed for help.

#iceberg rwby #neptune vasilias #weiss schnee #rwby fanfic #Icy Seas #Arctic Ocean

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birdlord · 5 years ago

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Every Book I Read in 2018

Again, better late than never??

01 On the Town; Marshall Berman - A freewheeling personal and general history of Times Square, which had some great historical tidbits I’d never read before. I think I would have got more out of it if I were interested in Broadway musicals...

02 Stephen Florida; Gabe Habash - A slim little book that follows a college wrestler. One of those books that is described as muscular, when what they mean is brutal.

03 Green Grass, Running Water; Thomas King - Four plot lines intertwine in a story blending mythology, creation, and modern First Nations people dealing with massive transformational change to their lands. I did sometimes feel like I would have enjoyed it more as an audio storytelling experience.

04 People who Eat Darkness: The Fate of Lucie Blackman; Richard Lloyd Parry - I don’t often read books like this, but this is essentially a true-crime sort of story, about the murder of a British woman who works as a bar hostess in Japan. Parry covers not just her story, but the whole aftermath, which even pulls in Tony Blair, eventually.

05 My Brother’s Husband; Gengoroh Tagame - Weirdly, two Japan-related books in a row! Another culture-clash tale, when the Canadian husband visits his deceased husband Ryoji’s single-parent brother. The couple had never been to Japan while Ryoji was alive, and so the story of slow acceptance (helped along by little Kana’s openhearted curiosity) is suffused with sadness.

06 Ghosts of the Tsunami: Life & Death in Japan’s Disaster Zone; Richard Lloyd Parry - And, let’s make it three! When the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan in 2011, I remember thinking that the reaction seemed so orderly, so...Japanese. But this examination puts you right in the various affected communities, following different people, including schoolchildren from Okawa primary. Like with the other Parry book above, we hear about all of the grief, ghosts and lawsuits that follow the disaster.

07 Mademoiselle: Coco Chanel and the Pulse of History; Rhonda K. Garelick - Once she became famous, Coco Chanel built a scaffolding of lies about her past, and the purpose of this biography is to attempt to see the truth behind them. Garelick concentrates heavily on Chanel’s collaboration with the Nazis, which must have been a challenge given that her company still exists, under her name.

08 Kubrick; Michael Herr - “They speak about the dumbing of America as a foregone thing, already completed, but, duh, it’s a process, and we haven’t seen anything yet. The contemplation of this culture isn’t for sissies, and speaking about it without becoming shrill is increasingly difficult, maybe impossible.” Whoa!

09 Call Me by Your Name; Andre Aciman - I did read this after seeing the film, so as usual it was hard to divorce it from the movie experience.

10 The Left Hand of Darkness; Ursula K LeGuin - A thought experiment about a genderless world, seen from the perspective of an off-planet envoy, who has a range of reactions to the world’s inhabitants. The most enduring section of the book involves a brutal 3-month expedition undertaken by the exiled envoy and a local, a trial by ice, wind and snow. A winter read.

11 Stamped from the Beginning; Ibram X. Kendi - I don’t think I’d really fully grokked the idea that southern white supremacy built itself in order to prevent an uprising of the black and white underclasses, together. The basic rubric of this book is separating American movements, parties and individuals’ thinking into one of three categories: assimilationist, segregationist or genuinely antiracist. Supporting results like abolitionism does NOT make one antiracist, since support could come those with less pure motivations. I highly recommend this one, though it was copy-edited in a pretty haphazard manner!

12 Witches, Midwives and Nurses: A History of Women Healers; Barbara Ehrenreich & Dierdre English - A short book charting a couple of parallel stories, of women healers in Europe being dismissed as witches, and the masculinization of medicine (particularly midwifery and the medicine of birth) in the USA.

13 Her Body and Other Parties; Carmen Maria Machado - Short stories skirting the edge of a lot of genres; horror, science fiction, dark comedy. These are women’s stories, that refuse to be dismissed as chick lit. It didn’t connect with me as deeply as it has for some, but I see the appeal.

14 Look Alive Out There; Sloane Crosley - Largely comedic set of essays by a writer whose earlier work I read, about a decade back. It’s a strange experience, to return to someone who has written memoir that seemed to exemplify that late-2000s era and discover that she - and you - have grown.

15 Homesick for Another World; Otessa Moshfegh - Moshfegh’s choice of words (not to mention her characters themselves) remain utterly revolting. I often found myself looking up, shaking my head as if to say THIS BOOK. Considerably funnier than Eileen, which was the first of hers that I read.

16 My Year of Rest & Relaxation; Otessa Moshfegh - After reading this, I found out that Moshfegh basically set out to get her work noticed by populating it with these vile young women. Well, it worked! Your tolerance for unlikeable main characters will be tested by this rich Columbia grad who decides to prescribe herself into a virtual coma within her NY apartment, at the turn of the millennium. And yes, it ends where you think it does.

17 They Can’t Kill us Until They Kill Us; Hanif Abdurraquabi - This collection of music-related writing is wildly far-ranging, poetic and emotional. For myself, I did find I was more interested in those that were related to bands or musicians I had some experience with myself , which was not always the case.

18 The Bad Food Bible: How and Why to Eat Sinfully; Aaron Carroll and Nina Teicholtz - If you’re a reader of the food media, most of what’s in here will be familiar to you, debunking fears of meat, GMOs, gluten, MSG. The authors keep their own experience, taste and interests very much in the forefront, which ends up feeling smug and irritating.

19 The Mere Wife: A Novel; Maria Dahvana Headley - My knowledge of Beowulf is scant at best, but this retelling stood very much on its own two feet, set in a tony suburb and comparing the experience of two very different mothers of two very different sons.

20 How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays; Alexander Chee - I’m very much On The Record as being against writers writing about writing, but this might just be an exception.

21 Vancouver Special; Charles Demers - A sort of update on Douglas Coupland’s City of Glass, a book I loved and reread many times. This one has both a more historical bent, and an actual political viewpoint, contrasting with Coupland’s Gen X remoteness.

22 Crudo; Olivia Laing - A rushing frantic little novel, incorporating Trump tweets and Kathy Acker quotes throughout. A difficult read so close to the events described, but I can see this being an amazing window into this weird time, once a few years have passed.

23 Hits & Misses; Simon Rich - This might also be on the line of “writers writing about writing” but Rich manages to do so in a charmingly self-deprecating way.

24 2020 Commission Report on the North Korean Nuclear Attacks Against the US; Jeffrey Lewis - Speculative fiction written as a government report, responding, as we all have been doing, to the endlessly unprecedented Trump presidency. It all started with a tweet, of course...

25 A Paradise Built in Hell: The Extraordinary Communities that Arise in Disaster; Rebecca Solnit - This book is intended to counter the idea that disasters (“natural” and otherwise) lead people to indulge their worst sides. Solnit looks at the aftermath of some 20th C disasters like the Halifax Explosion, 9/11 and various earthquakes to find examples of people banding together to help the wounded and homeless, even taking the opportunity to create new institutions when authorities fail to do so. A tonic for a world in which disasters are likely to become increasingly common.

26 How Fascism Works: The Politics of Us and Them; Jason Stanley - When I lived in Scotland in 2010, I went to an anti-fascist rally in Edinburgh, and I remember feeling like those attitudes were closer to the surface over there, where at home in Canada they felt abstract. This book traces how fascist policies lurk within democratic frameworks, and can sometimes metastasize to take over the host. Suffice it to say I was probably wrong then, and I’m definitely wrong now.

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jinniesmeow · 5 years ago

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good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t.

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works.

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at.

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit.

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean.

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes.

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though.

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag.

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah.

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass.

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come.

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am.

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here.

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want.

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try.

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible.

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us.

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me.

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you.

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you��re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you.

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person.

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual.

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you.

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you.

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you.

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity.

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me.

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!!

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots.

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays.

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever.

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you.

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass.

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention.

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia.

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

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whitebutterflywritings · 6 years ago

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My Guardian Angel

Since it’s been so long since I’ve even been on, never mind posted, here’s something I wrote for my grandfather on the 4th anniversary of the day he passed.

Today is the anniversary my grandfather passed away. It’s been 4 years now, but it still feels as if it’s just happened. He was the only positive male figure in my life, and I was the last person he remembered when his Alzheimer’s and Dementia got really bad. When both my parents worked and I was too young to be in school, my grandparents would look after me. They’d take me to the beach, pool, carnival, bowling alley; basically anywhere a kid would love to go. Since I am an only child, it’s even easier to spoil me for them, and so they did, and my grandmother still kind of does. Besides showering me with love, attention and amazing adventures, my grandfather was a coin and antique toy collector, so, on the weekends if there was a show, my grandfather would go while my grandmother looked after me, but later in the day we’d bring lunch to him and I’d have fun helping them sell stuff and finding some cool trinkets. Anyway, what I really wanted to focus on is all the signs I believe he gives me to show his spirit is still around, aka, his way of communicating with me.

Besides antique toys, coins and spending time with me, my grandfather loved gardening and trains. Before he retired he worked for the railroad. His job consisted of sitting in one of those towers and making sure everything was running smoothly along the tracks and, unfortunately, moving the bodies of those who committed suicide. He loved his job, and because of this, I got into trains as well, mainly those types where you could make your own track and push the trains around. Since I was so young, I would make the tracks as simple as possible so I could play with it faster, but, usually my poppop would cut in and make the track more elaborate and then play with me. I also loved to help in the garden, especially picking green beans from the vines and digging in the dirt to find bugs and a new home for a pretty new flower or some sort of vegetable that I’d get to watch grow whenever I’d come visit my grandma and grandpa again.

As you know, when he passed from leukemia, I was already dealing with my recently found depression. Mentally I didn’t feel ready to see my poppop in such a state, especially with how my mom described the way he looked. She told me how his legs were blown up, his skin was changing color, because of all the pain medicine he wasn’t lucid… it just wasn’t how I wanted to remember him. However, it was on 10/12/14 that I decided I was as ready as I’d ever be to say my final goodbyes, but I suppose it wasn’t meant to be, because early that morning, he passed away. My heart broke when my mom told me he was gone. I almost couldn’t believe it, it felt like a nightmare. The last time I saw him was when my grandparents were leaving my house after dinner. Now, since his dementia and Alzheimer’s was so bad at this point, it had been a while since he looked at me with true recognition, but on that afternoon, he looked me in the eyes 100% sure who I was, told me he loved me and hugged me before kissing my cheek. At the time, I was taken by surprise, but it made me happy, now, I feel that was his way of saying goodbye, and it means the world to me. Scarily enough, the night after he passed I had a dream where he was wearing his infamous teal, red and white striped shirt and charcoal colored hat standing on my front stoop and just hugged me close. I woke up in tears of joy and sadness because I really needed his support and love that night.

The other amazingly odd thing that has started happening since he passed is I’ve been seeing butterflies practically everywhere, mainly white. At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I remembered that he had this monarch butterfly encased in clear glass, and he would show it to me every so often, it was something I found interesting, and, because I used to watch the Long Island Medium, I recalled her saying that white butterflies can be used as a sign that a loved one’s spirit is still there, not missing a moment of your life.

Once my high school graduation came, I was sad he wouldn’t be there with me because it was his and my grandmother’s hard work that is funding my college education, but, on the car ride to my graduation and leaving the football field after getting my diploma, a white butterfly followed me or was at least in my view for a fair amount of time. If you ask me, that isn’t a coincidence, to me, it means once you’re gone, it’s only physically, somehow, our spirits stay to support and watch over our loved ones, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. So, the next time you see something that reminds you of a deceased loved one, instead of possibly brushing it off as if it’s no big deal, maybe say or even think a quick hello to that person, because you just never know.

#death #loss #sad #depression #sorry #love #spirit #butterfly #sunshine #trains #garden #memories #happy #i miss you #i hope you're proud #i love you #grandpa

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kawaiibobatea-blog · 6 years ago

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Chapter 14: Exodus

So here I am with another chapter. I like this chapter and while it’s not the exact turning point I was hoping for, I think I got pretty close to my idea and hope I’ll be able to get even closer as more chapters go on.

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Soft exhaled whispers roused Frisk from her slumber. Blinking against the curtain haze beckoning her back to peaceful slumber, she turned over and studied the growing amount of light shining in the curtains. From its current position, it couldn’t be 8 AM. Frisk got up and yawned, staggering to her door. Heading to the bathroom on the second floor, the previously unidentifiable sounds Frisk now recognized as her mother’s soft weeping. Toriel never cried. The only time that Frisk had heard her cry was when she bid her farewell back in the Underground sure that was going to be the last time they’d ever see each other. Passing the original destination of the bathroom, she tiptoed to the outside of her parents’ room and listened in.

“Tori… please don’t cry.”

Frisk identified the groaning of the springs in the mattress. Asgore would always sit next to and comfort anyone who was crying. Someone as big as him couldn’t stand to see anyone cry or even remotely upset. When Frisk was growing up, she kept remembering when Papyrus had called him a “big, fuzzy pushover” and had to hand it to Papyrus; the description was spot on. He was a big, fuzzy teddy bear who was always able to make people stop crying… except for now. Despite her husband’s pleas, Toriel continued to cry—except harder, but still tried to keep it muffled most likely to not wake her.

“I… I thought I was good at it.”

“Tori, you are.”

“If I was, this wouldn’t have happened, would it not?”

“Tori… something has to be wrong. This isn’t right.”

“What about the children?”

Small affirmations of consolation did nothing to make Toriel stop her crying. Frisk bit her lip and hesitated at the doorknob. If she opened it, her parents would know that she had been eavesdropping. It wasn’t a very honorable pastime, she knew. Yet, if she didn’t catch the action happening and she asked her mother later if she had been crying, it would’ve been covered up to prevent her from worrying, which of course in turn would only make her worry more. Weighing her options, Frisk took a deep breath and turned the doorknob cracking the door.

“… Mom?” Frisk murmured. “Dad?”

“F-Frisk.” Toriel said, her voice wavering despite her best efforts to cover it up. “Come in my child.”

The inside of her parents’ room was how it had been all her life on the Surface. It was cozy with a large bed at the center. A small desk decorated the corner with various odds and ends of varying significance littered about the surface. The blue pastel walls were decorated with pictures of different events throughout their time as a family. Toriel was sitting on the edge of her side of the bed, a forced smile on her loving face while Asgore sat next to her with an equally forced smile on his. Slowly, she walked into the room, wiggling her toes in the plush white carpet, eyes turned on it as well. When they first found the place, Frisk had wondered as a kid if they wanted a white carpet, so it wasn’t obvious of how much fur they shed. Over the years, she learned that it was easier for her mother to decorate the way she wanted, but still liked the idea.

“Mom…?” Frisk asked, curling her toes. “Why were you crying?”

“Crying?” Toriel asked all the while, Frisk noticed she was making sure not to let any hint of sadness touch her face. “I wasn’t crying.”

Frisk looked from the carpet and looked at her parent’s faces. Both forced smiles did nothing to hide the sadness and worry that was reflecting in their eyes. She took a step towards them and frowned, not fooled in the least bit.

“Mom… I heard you from my room.” She admitted and then motioned to the spots around her eyes. “Your fur is wet here… Please Mom… I’m not a kid anymore.” Of course, Frisk knew to them she would always be their kid. With the huge age gap between the monsters and humans, it would be fair to act in such a way.

None of the company in the room spoke. A small human girl waited to rebuttal any excuse that her monster parents threw her way. Gazes locked and neither party backed down. Each wanted answers, but for different things. Frisk went over to her parents and knelt on the floor in front of them. She reached out and grabbed onto her mother’s large paw and squeezed it reassuringly. It seemed to be all she needed because tears filled her large eyes before they fell down her face again.

“Oh, Frisk,” Toriel began and used her other paw to pet her daughter’s hair. “I got a call just before we went to bed.”

“From who…?”

“The superintendent at the school.”

“Yeah? What did he want?” Frisk asked, but inside, she was sure she already knew.

“I was told not to come back, that… that I am being replaced.”

Mom…

“You what?”

“I was fired… I am no longer a teacher.”

Toriel started to cry again and Asgore hugged his wife. Frisk stood up and squeezed her mother’s hand. It was all that Toriel had wanted to do and had worked for since they arrived at the Surface. She had wanted to be a teacher and see children smile and learn. For someone to take that away from her…? It was beyond forgiveness. Toriel always took care of the children like they were her own and did not discriminate on any basis; gender, race, wealth, parents, or species. Many years, Toriel had been named the number one teacher at Ebott Academy. To up and take her livelihood away from her, she bet her mother felt like laying down and dying.

“I’ll fix this Mom.”

“No Frisk,” Toriel said and looked at her daughter. “do not get involved.”

“Mom—”

“Promise me, Frisk.”

Frisk and Toriel stared at each other before Frisk sighed and shook her head.

“I can’t.”

“Tori, maybe Frisk can figure out what’s happening.”

“I don’t want my daughter to get involved. I’m supposed to take care of her.”

“Mom… You have taken care of me. Both of you have.” Frisk assured her. “If something went wrong, I have to look into it. I have to at least see why, even if I can’t fix it.”

Frisk was about to leave to get dressed and head out when she was stopped by a warm grip from Toriel. When she turned and looked, her tears had stopped, and her gaze had turned from sad to worried.

“Frisk, my child. While I know I cannot stop you, please let me warn you; please do not get yourself into trouble.” Toriel said softly.

“Frisk. Be careful… Something’s… wrong.” Asgore said, comforting his still saddened wife.

Frisk nodded and went to the door. Just as she went through it she sighed and looked down at the flooring.

“Mom… Dad…” Frisk began. “While I’m gone… check the internet for Ebott’s news the past week.”

Frisk got dressed all the while thinking about what had possessed the superintendent to right out fire Toriel. It could only be more bad news. It seemed like everything was happening one right after another. Usually she was able to get a hold on these situations, but… now it felt like everything was out of her grip and she was powerless. It was one of the worst feelings that she had ever known. Just as Frisk had picked a scarf from her closet, she heard a loud sob from her parent’s room. She hung her head and exhaled shakily, knowing that Toriel was now aware of Rebekah’s untimely demise. She swallowed the lump in her throat while her mother continued to mourn her deceased friend. Quickly swinging her scarf around her neck and putting on her boots at the door, Frisk exited her home and into the silence of the outside.

Frisk huddled into herself, shivering with a bite of wind gnawing at her coat. Ebott was quiet this early which, unfortunately, only fueled the train atop the one track of thought. She tried to focus on something, anything else: the crunch of the snow under her feet, trying to avoid the ice forming on the sidewalks, or even the snowflakes melting on various spots of her anatomy. Toriel’s cries bashed against the small wall she had erected inside her mind to separate her feelings from her duty. Hopefully this had all been a misunderstanding… her mother hadn’t gotten fired, just… just something. Frisk wasn’t sure how the educational system worked as she was buried in her own niche of papers daily. The one thing she was aware of, however, was the injustice that would’ve been carried out had Toriel truly been fired. And, if she was, then for what reason. From her mild understanding of the system; either a teacher quit or was to be proved unfit to teach students. A quick flash of all the small trophies for educational excellence Toriel had earned over the years flashed in her mind’s eye. They weren’t exactly valuable, but they were some of her mother’s most prized possessions. It was proof that she had achieved her dream, and in doing so, were helping children along the way to start the path to their own dreams.

The large gate of Ebott Academy surrounded the school with well-kept topiary now donned with snow hats dotting the just as white lawn. She crossed the rather lengthy distance from the gate’s entrance to the front door. When Frisk yanked on the door, it didn’t want to open as small crystals of ice had formed on the crevice flush against the hinges. With a couple of grunts and a loud crack coming from her shoulder, the academy door was forced open.

Warmth dipped into her body upon entry and Frisk quickly closed the door to keep it in the building and trap the cold outside. She took off her striped gloves and stared at them for a moment before shoving them into her pocket and heading to the stairs to the other floors. With every step, a larger weight settled into her stomach. While she had promised she’d get to the bottom of the sudden termination, it hadn’t rid her of the fear of what she would find. Her heeled boots echoed against the tiled floor with every hesitant step she took in the faculty offices. Many of them she recognized from having been teachers of her own many years ago. Others were replaced with younger teaches as the elder ones retired. She saw her mother’s office door and frowned. She’d get her mother back in that office if it was the last thing that she did. At the very end of the faculty offices, Frisk was met with a door with Bradley Beckett engraved on the plate.

“Come in.” Frisk heard, slightly muffled from the opposite side of the door. Bradley Beckett had been a very understanding and trusting individual in the school system for many years. His hair had visibly grayed over the time that she had known him, and his once broad shoulders seemed to slump and shrink. He hadn’t looked up from the documents he was scanning upon her entry. Even still, she could see the furrow in his brows undoubtedly from whatever news he had received printed on the document seeming to stare back at him just as intensely as he was staring at it.

“Excuse me Sir.” Frisk began. “Could I speak with you for just a few moments?”

Beckett looked up from his desk and took her in with widened eyes. He sat up and cleared his throat meeting eye contact.

“What can I do for you, Miss Dree—”

“Let’s skip the pleasantries Sir.” Frisk demanded. “You know why I’m here.”

“In regard to your mother’s termination, correct?” Beckett sighed and leaned his head against the back of his chair, his lids covering his eyes. Frisk could practically feel how deflated he was from her sudden appearance. Of course, he had to know it was coming sooner or later and whatever had caused this wasn’t going to remain secret—at least not to her—forever.

“Yes.” Frisk affirmed, resolute in her signature determination to right this wrong.

“Miss Dreemurr, I have always tried to be a fair man.” Beckett announced. “Over the years, I have tried to remain neutral and keep everyone happy. After all, we’re all after the same thing here; take care of children and see them grow.” A pause. “That’s what every teacher wants to see, what every parent wants to see.” Opening his eyes and glancing down at Frisk whose attention was captured if rather warily, he continued. “However, I’m only one person. I can’t do everything. I can’t make everyone happy.” His attention fully focused on Frisk, they stared into each other’s eyes each asking and answering multiple questions without speaking. Neither were strangers to peacekeeping and mediating.

“… Who?”

“You know I can’t give you that information…”

“Why? Why?” Frisk begged, tears pricking behind her eye sockets.

“I’ve received many complaints over the past few months from parents.” Beckett breathed. “Many of them were asking for their children to transfer to another teacher’s class. We only have so many teachers for certain grades, and when they were told as such… they demanded higher measures be taken. We tried to hold out for as long as we could, but… yesterday morning, we received a paper from City Hall… detailing the order of Mrs. Dreemurr’s termination.” Beckett took the paper that he had been staring at when she arrived and handed it to her.

The document was a couple pages long, but it might as well have been two lines long. The blatant hatred from the excerpts taken from some of the complaints quoted in the order were overflowing. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brows; shaking her head in utter disbelief. Frisk bit her bottom lip, blinking back tears from the closing of the order.

It is with deep regret that we of City Hall hereby revoke Toriel Dreemurr’s teaching license and terminate her employment at Ebott Academy based on attempting to manipulate the minds of Ebott’s youth and the fears of the parents of these children. In addition, Mrs. Dreemurr is hereby forbade from teaching in Ebott City and barred from ever attempting to regain her teaching license regardless of time passed.

The document fell to the floor while Frisk stood cemented to her spot. Ebott might as well have taken her life. Teaching was the very thing she wanted to do with her life, and she had not only been fired, but she had been barred from ever teaching again. Frisk’s blue eyes darted back and forth along the floor in Beckett’s office as if the answer would be lodged in the grains of the flooring. There were so many things she wanted to say; to scream. To protest. To beg. Yet, nothing would come out. She remained standing, shaking in place. How was she going to break this to her mother? That she had also lost her teaching license and was not allowed to try again. A soft jingling called Frisk’s attention to Bradley Beckett’s hand. The light of the office shined off an immaculate silver key. She closed her eyes, knowing instantly what that was and what she’d have to do next.

“I’m truly sorry to have to ask this of you Frisk…” Beckett confessed. “Will you clean out Toriel’s office? Normally, the teacher would be able to do that, but… I don’t think she could bear to do it even if she could.”

“What do you mean ‘even if she could’?” Frisk inquired. Is there a chance that it could possibly get worse?

“Toriel… isn’t allowed on school property any longer.”

“… Alright.”

The key felt cold in her hands and the tumblers releasing the lock seemed louder than normal as if they were crying as well for the loss of the warm mother and teacher whose office they belonged to. The box dropped to the floor, the weight too much for Frisk to hold on to. Every tiny piece of Toriel’s office had some meaning attached to it; placed just so for a very specific reason solely known to her. When Frisk took off one of the books from the shelf, it felt sacrilegious that she was disrupting her mother’s livelihood because of some monster phobic humans. Book by book, Frisk took them off the shelf, placing them into the box with a systematic approach. On the walls, eleven in total, were photos of every class that Toriel had taught since becoming a teacher. The very first one Frisk took off the wall and saw how happy her mother looked with the children surrounding her with Frisk standing right next to her. A small droplet fell onto the photo, bubbling and magnifying Toriel’s smile. She looked up, blinking rapidly to dry her tears before they could start fully. It was in vain however, as when her eyes lay on the discolored wall where the photo had been the tears fell at full force and Frisk hung her head as they fell to the green carpet littered here and there with white fur.

Frisk trudged through the snow back home. The box clutched in her grasp was weighed down with not only the physical possessions inside, but that of the many memories attached to the items. The smiles, the tears, the happiness, the sorrow. Her knees locked and buckled, sending her crashing into the snow below. Tears continued to fall stinging her cheeks when the cold breeze hit them. Gloved hands clutched harder to the cardboard that held her mother’s life. Her head lolled forward, shoulders shaking with the tremors of her painful sobs. When she became older and more aware of all situations, Frisk had devoted herself to taking care of the very people that had taken care of her through her whole life. Every fear of being a failure washed into her, crushing her like houses beneath a tsunami. She had tried so hard to make things easier for everyone. She had tried so hard to make her friends and her family smile and happy. She had tried so, so hard.

Time was a fleeting thing as it passed without her knowledge of how long she had been collapsed in the snow. She had been there so long the snow had melted around her to seep into the fabric of her clothes. The snow that had fallen onto her shoulders and hat had to be a few centimeters. The sharp pain associated with every intake of air crushed her lungs, begging her to get somewhere warmer. Slowly, Frisk pressed herself off the slushed puddle of snow and took a shaking step forward. With every step she took, she was becoming keenly aware of how cold her body had become. Her legs were numb, it hurt her to breathe, her fingers were frozen and felt like they’d break with any forced movement. Her eyelashes were clumped together, and her face was red from the cold and wind burn. All the way, she kept wondering how she was going to tell her mother what had happened, how blatantly evil the order from City Hall had been. Penetrating her thoughts, were her mother’s cries of betrayal and sadness.

The house that used to be welcoming and loving now felt like the ending of happiness. Once she went in the house and Toriel saw her, she would know without words that the decision was final. With a deep breath that left her with a stabbing pain in her lung, Frisk entered the home. She should’ve been relieved to have the warmth of the home engulf her; welcome her. However, it felt like she didn’t deserve such love and comfort. The warmth was taunting her; making her feel so separated from the comfort. Large footprints came downstairs and stopped at the edge of the stairs. Both Toriel and Asgore stared at their daughter who looked down at the box of memories.

“I tried…” She said. When she looked up, she saw Toriel’s cries renew. Determined to keep her own in as to not worry her mother more, Frisk walked over to them and handed her the remains of her teaching career. Everything that Toriel was, was kept inside that box that she clutched so tightly to her chest. Frisk stared at her mother memorizing everything in the box, no doubt recalling memories attached to each that she was unaware of. “I’m sorry.”

During the past month and a half, the snow had become more furious; more unforgiving. More questions were being risen and less were being answered. The only good news that she had gotten was that Bonnie had been released from the hospital. Yet, when Frisk had tried to go to her home to visit her, she was met with a human running the shop. When Frisk had asked about Bonnie’s whereabouts, the human had displayed ignorance. Whether it was a feint or not she had been unable to determine. Her walks to and from the Ambassador’s Office was met with less and less people and her desk was less and less full of papers. At first, she had been glad to have a break from the overwhelming flood of papers; complaints, thanks, or papers that needed her signature.

“Frisk!” The young woman blinked, stopping the unconscious spinning she was doing in her chair and stared at the people in front of her. “Hey, are you with us?”

“Jason? Adam?” Frisk asked, blinking seeing Jason wave a manila folder in front of her. She adjusted herself in her chair and flinched when the folder was dropped on her desk with a loud thud.

“Hey, you alright?” Jason asked, leaning on her desk and watching her.

“Y-Yeah, of course. I was just lost in my thoughts.” Frisk said rubbing the base of her neck. “So, what’s this about?”

“We need your signature on these papers.” Adam said, nodding his head at the folder with a sidelong glance at Jason.

“That so?” Frisk asked, undoing the clasp and looking at the papers. Inside, detailed were the same papers she had been met with semi-annually. Just detailing the conditions of her renewal as the Ambassador and what the job entailed along with the understanding of the proper channels requests and the like must go through coming in or out of Frisk’s office. It was also an agreement, that although she was the Ambassador to the monsters, that she must remain neutral if she were ever to appear in court trials, asked to testify, etc. “Ah.” She reached into the cup on her desk and grabbed a pen. “Well, I’m glad I have at least something to sign.”

“Been quiet for you lately, huh?” Adam chuckled, leaning against the wall.

“You have no idea.” Frisk said, glancing up at him.

Adam Beckett. The son of Bradley Beckett. He had been in Frisk’s class when Frisk returned to the Surface with the monsters. He had always been kind and caring, even in class. Adam had always been at Frisk’s side and had attended many of her birthday parties growing up. He had also been very close to Toriel, finding a mother figure in her as his own had left when he was three. Adam had retained his calm and peaceful demeanor into adulthood, only choosing to get close to a select few people. His physical appearance was almost identical to his father’s younger version; black hair with green eyes and a shy, white smile. Adam was up for taking after his father once he retired, and if his little chats around the water cooler were to be believed, he was rather excited at the prospect of being able to take over after his father.

“Well, they say no news is good news, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s boring too.” Frisk declared, capping the pen and staring at it for a moment, fingering the tiny places where the covering had been worn down. It had been the first pen she’d ever used as the Ambassador. Back then, it had been used to sign her name to accept the position. A small smile overcame her face. She remembered how excited she had been when Sans had gotten the pen for her. He had told her to calm down, that it was just a pen. He had asked her if all humans got excited over small things like that, or if it was just her. Sometimes she found herself wondering the same thing. Nowadays, Frisk only used it to sign important papers such as renewals or laws that would affect monsters as the ink was becoming sparser. “Anyway, here you go.” She stamped her seal next to her name on the final page and rebolstered the papers back into the folder and handed it to Jason.

“See ya later babe.” Jason said and smirked at her before leaving.

“Well, I better get going. It was nice to see you again, Frisk.” Adam said and took a step towards the door and stopped.

“Is there something else—” Frisk’s voice was cut off when a small package was hastily placed on her desk. The door closed a few moments after Adam’s quick retreat.

The small package was wrapped in red paper and golden ribbon. She looked at the door and then back at the box in her hands. Carefully, she undid the clumsy tape and unwrapped it. Inside was an elongated black velvet box and a smaller package. Her head leaned to the side and she opened the box. Inside was a small picture of them as children. She had both hands up in a V with a wide gap-toothed smile while a shy Adam stood next to her with an awkward smile. This picture was taken just after they had become good friends and she had invited him over to play. Adam was her first human friend and Frisk had been his first friend. Adam had always been taller than all the other kids, which he sometimes got made fun of. Due to his birthday, he was also always the oldest kid in the class and sometimes he got picked on and accused of being stupid. She sat the frame on her desk and smiled, admiring the black frame that said ‘Friends’ at the bottom. Her attention turned to the elongated black velvet box. She opened it with a little force and blinked. Inside was a folded-up piece of paper and a black and gold old-fashioned fountain pen. She took out the pen and saw that the exterior was merely old-fashioned, but she would be able to refill it if it got too low. Frisk took the paper and unfolded it, looking at the awkward letters that had barely changed over the years. The only difference was that it was an elegant awkward.

Frisk,

I bet you were shocked when I suddenly came back to Ebott. I know I was shocked to find out how far the town had come in such a short amount of time. Seeing you after all these years, it made me happy. The fact that you let me come back into your life made me even more happy. The years haven’t changed the fact that I’m still terrible at making friends. The talks around the water cooler have been stereotypically humorous. I just wanted to say, that I really enjoy being back here… With you.

When I was unpacking, I found a box full of memories and memorabilia from over the years. Inside the box, among other things, were two copies of this picture. I think that I accidentally got a hold of both copies somehow, so I wanted to give you yours. The frame fits really well, I think. I hope you do too…

And the pen, well… I noticed that yours was getting old and you were using it less and less. When Dad showed you his fountain pen when we were kids, after lunch in second grade, you were enraptured with them afterwards. So when I saw this one, I knew I had to get it for you. It’s refillable too, but I’m sure that you already noticed that.

That way, you can use this one and use the older one for only the extremely important documents. I remember how happy you were when Sans gave you that pen, so I know how important it is to you. Make sure you save that ink for really important documents. Anyway, I hope you like your gifts.

Happy Birthday Frisk,

Adam.

P.S. My handwriting got a lot better right? And I stopped writing “um” and now I just think it.

Frisk looked at the letter and chuckled a little at the last line. She remembered when Adam and her would write essays for class or just answers to a question, he tended to write “um” whenever he thought it, instead of just gathering his thoughts before writing again. The fact that he remembered all that, she was glad to have him as a friend. When Adam moved, she was sure that she was never going to see him again. Granted, she was old enough to leave Ebott on her own, she had no idea where he had gone. It had hurt her that her only human friend had left, but now that he was back, they could pick up where they left off. She took the letter and smoothed it out and unlocked her desk drawer and placed it carefully in there, locking it back.

Frisk took the pen and looked it over again. Engraved so it could be seen when she wrote was Frisk Dreemurr. Honestly, she didn’t even want to think about how expensive this pen had been. From Adam’s letter, she knew that he was aware that she didn’t care about price and just considered the thought behind it. Gently, she placed the pen into the cup with the rest of her writing utensils.

“Happy Birthday…” Frisk muttered, her eyes shooting open. “Happy Birthday!”

She stood up so fast that her chair flew back and knocked against the wall. It was her birthday! Quickly gathering her coat, scarf, hat, and mittens she quickly put them on during her way to the exit. Frisk ran back towards her home. With every birthday that passed, she seemed to forget more and more about it. She staggered and slid some more of the ice that had crystallized itself on the sidewalk on her rush home. Toriel always baked the best cake and pie in the whole entire world on her birthday. Frisk wished that she could at least try to believe that she couldn’t believe she had forgotten her birthday, but truth be told she would’ve been shocked if she had’ve remembered that it was her birthday. Frisk fell on her butt with a loud grunt and struggled to get up.

“Stupid ice!” She exclaimed, pushing herself up and extending her arms to steady herself. When Frisk had stopped wobbling and was not worried about the possibility of her butt meeting the hard ground again, she tentatively stepped around the patches of ice before running back towards her home.

When Frisk burst inside of her home, she saw a group of her friends along with her mother and father standing in the living room.

“Happy Birthday Frisk!” They all exclaimed in unison, clapping and confetti flew everywhere.

Frisk giggled and admired the small party that had been prepared for her. True to tradition, she could smell the cake and the pie cooling in the kitchen. Streamers were attached to the ceiling and hanging down in various places. Blue and red intertwined giving a wonderful and somewhat nostalgic aura around the living room. Napstablook floated in the corner where his laptop had been perched on a table, plugged into the wall. It looked like it had seen better days from the position she was seeing it from. If she was to get another for him, she wondered if he would accept it or insist on keeping a hold on his old one.

“I’m so sorry I’m late guys. I—”

“You no doubt forgot it was your birthday, correct?” Toriel asked, a small smile on her face.

It had been hard on Toriel since she received the full news of her predicament. Her smiles had become non-existent for a while. Her mother looked like the walking dead and was hardly eating. For a while, Frisk was wondering if she was going to end up burying her mother. Then her smile had returned, but it was extremely rare. Each one was like a gem that the person was gifted and lucky enough to see it. During that step of her recovery, she would start being seen more downstairs and in the kitchen. While Toriel had still cried, the fits came less and were further in between. When she did have an episode, it tore at Frisk and Asgore’s heart. Frisk would hold her mother until she stopped crying. The more time passed, the more Toriel smiled. Granted, Toriel wasn’t fully healed yet and sometimes would still choke up and cry a heart wrenching sob, it was very rare. Just as rare as her smiles had been in the beginning. Frisk was thankful that the news about her teaching career wasn’t enough to snuff out the fire that was her mother’s life and will to live.

“Guilty…” Frisk admitted and shrugged slightly. “But, I came as fast as I could.”

Frisk looked around. Everyone looked tired save herself, Toriel, and Asgore. Even Napstablook looked tired. She wondered how it was possible for a ghost to look exhausted, but at least he wore the look well. Toriel clasped her large paws together and smiled at everyone.

“How about we give Frisk the gifts, while the food is cooling, yes?” Toriel suggested. “Grillby will be here shortly with the food.”

Frisk blushed and sat down on the chair her mother had brought her. This was the second most awkward moment in any birthday party. The first was, and always would be, having “Happy Birthday” sung to you.

Muffet put out a dish of pastries out and handed it to Frisk.

“These are my gift to you, Dearie~” Muffet smiled, showing her trademark fangs. Frisk loved Muffet’s desserts. “I hope you enjoy them. Sorry there isn’t as much this year, I ran out of ingredients yesterday and haven’t been able to go to the store to get some more yet.”

“No, they’re perfect Muffet. Thank you.” Frisk said and took a bite and smiled bright.

“……….oh.” Napstablook muttered from the corner where his laptop was at. “i made you this spook-tacular mix.” He floated over to her and handed her a jewel case with a CD in it. While Napstablook’s music was very different and wasn’t for everyone, she personally loved it. He always put in the perfect amount of thought for each and every song to create the perfect CD for her each and every time.

“Thanks, Blooky.” Frisk smiled. “This is going to be awesome, I know it.”

“This is from Alphys, me, and Mettaton.” Undyne smiled and handed her the rectangle shaped package. Frisk looked at the two who were smiling and ripped open the package. Inside were a couple volumes of Frisk’s favorite manga and a DVD anime series.

“This is amazing, guys.” Frisk flipped through the pages, inhaling the scent of paper. “Thanks so much.”

“THE DVD IS FROM ME.” Mettaton clarified.

“You know me so well, Mettaton.”

“OF COURSE. IT’S THE ONLY ANIME YOU NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT.”

“Oh, here my child. This is from your father and I.” Toriel said and handed her a small black velvet box. It reminded her of the box the pen that Adam bought her had been in. She ran her hand along the top and the side of it. Part of the reason she liked velvet boxed presents was because she would be able to keep the box as well. It was one of her favorite textures. Frisk opened the box and her eyes widened at a heart inside. It was a golden heart locket. She picked it up out of the box and looked it over. Engraved on the front was Frisk. She looked up at her parents and smiled, happy tears pricking the corner of her eyes.

“Thank you, Mom and Dad. I love it.” Frisk said, running her thumb along her engraved name.

“Look inside kiddo.” Asgore said.

The inside was just as beautiful and elegant as the outside. There was a picture on one side of Frisk and her parents. On the other side, it was a picture of all them together. Each and every person in the picture was smiling whether it was awkward, happy, or shy a smile marked every face. Her smile slightly faded, noticing a certain pair of skeletons in the photo who were not present at the current event. Even though Sans and her were not on good times, he had still come to her previous party. Maybe it was just for Papyrus. With Papyrus not here, perhaps Sans didn’t feel the need or the burden to come. Trying not to worry her friends, she smiled and put on the necklace, feeling the heart rest against her skin; close to her heart just like her friends were.

“Thank you. It’s so beautiful. I’ll wear it every day.”

A knock came at the door and Frisk sat up quickly. Could it be…? She went to the door and opened it. Standing on the opposite side was… Grillby. In both of his hands he had platters of food.

“Sorry.” Grillby said just loud enough for Frisk to hear, noticing her disappointed face. When Frisk backed up to let him inside, he walked in and placed the platters on the coffee table. Oohs and Ahs reverberated against the walls with Grillby’s massive food output. Having Grillby’s food catered to her birthday was one of her favorite parts, but… now she just felt empty. She hadn’t even thought of the possibility of Sans and Papyrus not coming. Nor had she thought about how much it would affect her. “There’s enough for everyone, don’t fight now.”

Clamors of forks and spoons clanking against one another filled the air. Frisk continued to remain rooted to her spot, staring at the floor where Grillby had entered.

“NO NEED TO FEAR! FOR I AM HERE!” A familiar voice reverberated against the walls, causing Frisk to look up. The tall skeleton, the cool dude had just flown open the door and strutted inside. “I KNOW THAT YOU MUST HAVE ALL BEEN BORED AND LONELY WITHOUT ME HERE! DON’T CRY!”

“Hey Paps.” Frisk smiled, having three containers of spaghetti forced into her hands.

“HERE! NOW YOU CAN SMLIE FOR I, MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS, HAVE BROUGHT YOU DELICIOUS MORSELS PREPARED DIRECTLY FROM MY HOME!” Papyrus gasped and took the containers back. “WAIT! THE PERFECT PLACE FOR THESE FINE DISHES MUST BE WITH THE OTHER FOOD! TO OUTSHINE THEM!”

Frisk watched Papyrus go to the table and open his container of spaghetti and set it down right by Grillby’s food. Reluctantly, one after another the monsters grabbed some of the spaghetti to put on their plate. None of them could bring themselves to hurt Papyrus’ feelings. She still found it cute that they all loved Papyrus enough to do this for him. His food had gotten better over the years, so one puked when they ate it anymore, it just was rather on the bland side now.

Frisk turned her attention to where Grillby and Papyrus had walked in. No one else came. She didn’t have anyone else to blame for this to be honest. Frisk was the one who said that she hated him first. That he was nothing. To her. To anyone. He would really have to be a glutton for punishment; a true masochist to come here of his own accord after that. She went to the fridge to put the containers in just as the door knocked again.

“AH I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL GET IT!”

Frisk closed the door just as Papyrus spoke again.

“OH! HELLO HUMAN JASON!” Papyrus said. “WELCOME! I HAVE MADE SPAGHETTI FOR FRISK’S BIRTHDAY!”

“Heh… uh… I—”

“OH, AND GRILLBY BROUGHT FOOD AS WELL!”

Frisk entered the living room again and smiled at Jason who had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. She stayed where she was and smiled. When Jason spotted her, he went to her side and hugged her, kissing her cheek and handed her the flowers. The wrapping crunched under her grasp as she stared. The flowers were beautiful; white with four singular petals on each side of the flower. Shockingly enough, when she went in and smelled it, it smelled like oranges.

“These are beautiful Jason.” She said and smelled them again. She had never heard or seen a flower that smelled of oranges. “Did you spray perfume on them to make them smell like this?”

Jason chuckled and shook his head. “No, that’s just the way they are. Cool right?” He asked.

“They are. Let me go get a vase for this.” Frisk said, and the flowers were taken back from her.

“No, it’s alright. It’s your birthday, I’ll go and do it for you.” Jason said and kissed her cheek before heading into the kitchen with Toriel following him.

“I have the perfect vase in mind for these,” Toriel said from the kitchen. Some clamoring echoed into the living room and Frisk fidgeted her nervously. It wasn’t like Frisk had put on a full display of public affection, but she still felt wary. Like… wrong. None of her friends were saying anything that she should feel this way.

“That was so nice of him, Dearie~” Muffet said with a smile, but… it was forced. Frisk felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. There was a text from Fall that made her smile:

Frisk! Happy Birthday! I’m so sorry I won’t be able to come to your party… I got sick a couple nights ago and it still hasn’t gone away. I’ll make it up to you. It’ll be just us girl time. Happy Birthday again!! 😊

The doorbell rang, cutting Frisk’s thought out. Sighing, she went to the door and quickly opening it. The person behind it staggered backwards from the shock of the door suddenly opening. Her eyes had widened, and she remained glued to her spot. Her mind had gone blank and she was unsure what to say or do.

“OH! SANS! I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU’D GET HERE!” Papyrus said, glancing over Frisk’s shoulder making all previous conversations in the living room fall silent.

Before her, Sans was standing in the snow with his blue hoodie zipped up. His hood was up, and the laces of his sneakers were tied for once. Their gazes had locked, and he hadn’t moved either.

“Close the door! It’s cold!” Undyne exclaimed from the inside.

“O-Oh… um… come in.” Frisk muttered and closed the door behind him when he entered the living room.

“I’m powering up the game system, so we can play.” Alphys announced to the room that had fallen silent.

Frisk and Sans stood opposite each other. Before when gazes were locked, now they were doing anything possible to avoid looking at each other.

“… You didn’t have to come.” Frisk murmured, looking down at his shoes.

“i know.”

“Oh.” Frisk swallowed. “Thank you for—”

“…happy birthday.” Sans cut off and held out his hand.

Frisk’s eyes widened. She was met with a single purple flower. The flower had one stalk with multiple purple blossoms billowing from the center, surrounding the stalk as if to protect it. The beauty of it took her breath away. Jason and Toriel had walked inside the living room with Jason holding onto the vase of flowers just as Frisk had taken the purple flower from Sans.

“What’s that?” Jason’s deadpan voice sounded from behind her.

“A flower.” Frisk smiled and looked at Sans. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

Sans looked down and scratched the back of his skull. “hey kid, can—”

“Great minds think alike, huh?” Jason interrupted, his voice strained and deadpan.

“what are ya talking about?” Sans asked and peeked behind Frisk, his once genuine smile turning into a smirk. “that what ya gave her?”

Every other person in the room was silent, even Papyrus, waiting to see what was going to happen between the all but verbally sworn enemies. Frisk was holding onto the purple flower that she had received from Sans while Jason was standing next to her with the bouquet of flowers that he had brought for his girlfriend.

“What of it?” Jason asked, the glares intensifying.

“fitting, for you.” Sans smirked, his gaze not breaking from Jason. His brows had relaxed into the same type of understanding smile Sans had. Frisk didn’t like the smile that either of them had and liked it even less that they had both come to some strange, almost possessed form of understanding. She held onto the flower from Sans close, breathing in the floral scent so much more comforting than the overwhelming citrus scent from Jason’s flowers.

“Why don’t—”

The door flew open, breaking off the first hinge and swaying as numerous men in black armor entered the home, eliciting screams from her friends. The gifts that she had previously sat down on the chair had been knocked over and trampled on. Shards of CD and jewel case flew around like shrapnel, cutting Frisk’s legs and making her stumble. A couple went after Muffet while four went after Undyne. She summoned a spear and held it in both of her hands, swinging with full force at the human who had tried to grab Alphys.

“Come quietly and no one will get hurt.” One of the black clad humans stated.

“You mean like no one got hurt at City Hall?” Undyne exclaimed, swiping at the humans again.

Shots fired as Undyne impaled one of the humans through the arm, rendering it useless for shooting. Asgore stood in front of Toriel with his large trident, smacking a couple humans with it and knocking them unconscious. For every human that was knocked out or incapacitated, more entered. Pictures were knocked off the wall from stray bullets. Small holes were punctured through the paint. Muffet’s scream sent chills down Frisk’s spine. A bullet was lodged in her leg and another had scraped her face. Frisk ran towards her friend but was pulled away by Jason and another human. No matter how many swipes Undyne made or slaps Asgore swung, within two minutes, they were outnumbered. She watched in horror as her friends and parents fell to the ground. Sans had grabbed a lamp and hit one of the humans in the head making him fall.

The fighting had spilled outside the house where more shrieks of pain and sadness resounded through the night air. Asgore pulled at the handcuffs, trying to get closer to Toriel. Her mother was walking peacefully with one of the humans with her head hung. One of the humans had Frisk restrained so she was unable to do anything but watch her friends and family being forcefully ejected from her home. In the distance, lines of humans guiding monsters in cuffs stood out in stark contrast against the white purity of the snow. Frisk fought against the human while Jason was being detained by another. He however looked to have given up already as he stood there with his head hung.

“W-What’s going on?” Frisk demanded, kicking and trying to pry the man’s arm from her body.

“Exodus, Miss Ambassador.”

“What?”

Frisk was dragged, kicking and resisting to take in the full view of this “Exodus”. All around were humans guiding monsters to beyond a hill in the distance. It looked like a greater scale version of the riot at City Hall. Except they were being guided from the city to somewhere different. Families were torn apart and some of the monsters were limping from injuries sustained during the altercation. In the distance, he could see Muffet struggling to stand up from the injury to her leg. Frisk screamed and tore at the man’s arm to get her to let go. She wanted to save her friends, her family, all the monsters. A loud voice from a megaphone boomed, drowning out the cries for a savior and cries of pain.

“Monsters of Ebott City.” The man began. The light from various vehicles obstructing the view. “You are hereby exiled from Ebott City and are relieved of all property, jobs, and titles. You will all be relocated to the Old War District where you shall remain and live your lives with the banishment in place. Any attempt to defy this law will be met with consequence up to and including your imprisonment.”

Frisk fought against the man, reaching down and biting into his arm with all the force her jaw could conjure. She was dropped onto the snow and she began to run to her friends, Sans and Papyrus at the back. They were both following without handcuffs but showed no signs of resisting. Frisk put up her hand to try and block the blinding light, so she would be able to see exactly where her friends were. She shrieked when a loud pain erupted from her head. She grabbed onto her hair, feeling a tight grip around it. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the piece of glass she had managed to grab before they were forced from the house. Slashing with everything she was, she was relieved when the pain subsided, and she had fallen back into the snow.

Frisk ran, wiping away the tears to see better. A longer list of demands was being given from the man with the megaphone. They wouldn’t be able to enter the main part of Ebott City without a human by their side and would only be allowed with handcuffs. Their visits would be recorded; their comings and goings into and out of Ebott City would be monitored and timed. She ran harder, wanting to get away from the demeaning list. Her legs burned with her muscles straining to get to her family. She had just gotten to her family when three humans grabbed her. Each of her friends pulled at their restraints to get to her. She struggled as they held her to where she was truly unable to move another step.

“Who ordered this?!” Frisk yelled. “This can’t be carried out without my agreement!”

One human, whom she didn’t recognize came around her with a smirk so wide she was wondering how his face didn’t crack in half.

“But… you did Miss Ambassador.” The man said, feigning shock.

“W-What?” Frisk stopped struggling. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw all her friends and family stop struggling and look at her. “I would never agree to this!”

A piece of paper thrust in front of her face spoke to the contrary. The long piece of paper outlined everything that was happening, everything that would happen, and the laws that the megaphone man were outlining as they spoke. Down at the bottom of it all, signed right below the Mayor’s name, was hers:

Frisk Dreemurr

Her stamp was even right by her name. She looked over at her friends who held mixtures of different emotions; betrayal, hopelessness, doubt, to name a few. They turned away and were taken towards the Old War district. She was forced to watch the life that all the monsters had built over the years crumble with just a simple name on a signed document; her name. The very name that was supposed to build their lives took it away. Frisk’s cries continued until she was hoarse, and nothing was coming out. All the monsters were out of sight. Then and only then was Frisk let go. She collapsed to the snow below her on all fours. The flower that Sans had given her was a couple paces away, tramped on and bent. Only two little blooms were holding on for dear life. She crawled over to the flower and picked it up, staring at the blooms. She rested back on her heels and hung her head, crying with renewed mourning.

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So I really hope you like this chapter. I actually had a lot of feels writing this and had to stop writing it for a little bit. The imagery I had in my head actually brought me to tears. I hope that--even if you didn’t end up crying--I hope that it still hit you in the feels a little bit.

#Frans #Mikuxmew85 #undertale #trouble #Fanfiction #Exodus #War #Sans #Frisk #Sans x Frisk #frisk x sans

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kristallioness · 6 years ago

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21 Questions about ATLA

I was tagged by @atypicalkataangist. Wow, thanks for including me in this quiz! I've seen others reblog a list of numbered questions similar to these, expecting to receive some asks that they could answer in return. But now I get to do them in one go.

1) Who's your favourite male character?

I'm unoriginal and gonna say it's Aang. Not only because of him being the main character, but also because he was the first boy in the show who I immediately started to like (Sokka was second, Zuko was third in the beginning since he was a villain and I grew to love him more and more along with his character development), the way he balances his carefree, childish personality with his more mature, responsible side, his back story and peaceful culture.. Most importantly, without him, there wouldn't be the second half of such a lovely couple like he and Katara are.

2) Who's your favourite female character?

Katara. She's not only my favourite female character, but favourite character of them all, right from the start and until the end. The moment I saw her I fell in love since she looked really pretty and she wore a braid, just like me. Seeing what a caring, motherly, fierce personality she had (like mine) only fuelled my love for her.

3) What's your favourite quote?

Since Katara's my favourite character, then my first choice would be: "I will never, ever turn my back on people who need me!" Because that's sort of who I am and what I'm like, too. It's almost like a motto that I live by without thinking about it twice. I'm self-sacrificing and try to help my friends whenever they need it and as much as I can. I just remembered another good one, a quote that affected me on a more personal level. I'm pretty sure that only 0.0000000001% of the fandom would choose this one: "I don't care what I look like. I'm not looking for anyone's approval. I know who I am." The best part is, this is something that Toph says to Katara after she's been made fun of for her appearance by a bunch of prissy Upper Ring Earth Kingdom girls. How did this affect me? I started crying when I first saw this scene. Why? Because this was something that I'd been struggling with for years. I'd been bullied for my appearance at school. It used to make me feel worthless, unlovable, alone, probably also the reason why I turned into such a quiet person who doesn't know how to be around real friends. Hearing a blind, tomboyish, badass earthbender say what I needed to hear all along made me understand that it's not true - my appearance does not define my worth or who I am inside.

4) What's your favourite fight?

I knew you answered Katara and Pakku's duel @atypicalkataangist (and that one came to my mind, too, since it is one of my favourites because of reasons), but since I recently rewatched "The Serpent's Pass", I'm gonna pick Aang and Katara beating up that huge serpent. That was some awesome bending teamwork there! I went through all of the episodes in my head, and I gotta say that I also really like the duel between Aang and Zuko in "Bato of the Water Tribe". And one of the first ones where Haru and his father Tyro, along with the rest of the earthbenders, fight their way to freedom in the prison. The ending of that episode always leaves me with such a powerful feeling.

5) What's your favourite episode?

The big finale, "Sozin's Comet, Part 4: Avatar Aang". I sobbed practically throughout the entire episode when I first saw it. The soundtrack playing in the end is so beautiful to listen to and it still brings tears to my eyes. This episode concludes everything the show set up in the most unexpected ways possible. I mean, did any of us foresee Zuko being crowned the new Fire Lord (after you watched the first episode)? Did our hearts break into a million pieces when Katara and Aang kissed and became a couple in the end? Enough said.

6) From which nation would you like to be?

I'm not sure whether this is cheating or not, but since the story of ATLA continues in the comics and during Korra's time, I'd really love to be from the United Republic of Nations. I just love how it's a nation of mixed cultures, I am in LOVE with Republic City (as well as its 1920's aesthetic) and the capital reminds me of my own (Tallinn is also near the sea, has a marvellous silhouette, 4 seasons). Or if not, then my choice would definitely be the Water Tribes. I've explained it pretty well under the description of this drawing of mine.

7) Which element would you like to be able to bend and why?

Easy, I'd pick water since my 2nd choice when applying for university 5 years ago was to become a doctor. I'd like to use my healing abilities to cure people and my graceful waterbending to battle bad guys like Katara!

8) Favourite animal in the Avatar Universe?

I'm probably unoriginal, but I'm torn between the sky bison or the dragons. Oh, and the ostrich horses!

9) Who would you like to be your teacher and why?

I'm thinking it could be either Katara, Aang or Zuko, in this exact order. Katara and Aang would both be really supportive and I consider Zuko to be really wise (remember what he said to Korra before departing? he learned so much throughout the years).

10) What was the saddest moment in the show?

I have an entire list of the scenes/moments that made me cry, let me check.. *reads* Which sad moment made me cry the most, I'mma pick that one.. Okay, I can't decide because there are a few, let me name them: * the ones that stand out the most are all 3 finales * when Katara thought that her mother was alive in the swamp * when Aang enters the Avatar State and wants to kill the sandbenders, but Katara doesn't run away and instead grabs his hand and pulls him back down into her embrace and they cry together * Iroh singing the lullaby to his deceased son on his birthday (my parents have always said that one of the worst things a parent can live through is the death of their own child, so when I saw this scene, I understood what they meant and started crying) * Jet's death * Aang unlocking his heart chakra * almost the entirety of "The Awakening" (because everything seemed so hopeless and going the wrong way, when Katara and Hakoda talked), seriously, this is the most depressing episode in my book and that's why I love it so much * Sokka talking to Toph about how he's forgotten what his mother looks like and Katara is the one who's taken her place * when the invasion fleet was defeated on the Day of Black Sun and Katara knelt down beside Aang to comfort him * Zuko and his uncle Iroh's reconciliation and his speech to Team Avatar before they departed

11) What was the most shocking moment in the show?

You answered the same way: Aang getting shot with lightning. It came out of nowhere. When I saw Katara's face full of hope I thought that now they were going to make it since Aang had the power to face the Dai Li as well as Zuko and Azula. In a split second, everything changed and took a turn for the worst.

12) What was the funniest moment in the show?

There are so many good jokes, how do you expect me to pick just one??? Okay, umm.. when Sokka tried to fight against the villagers who believed too much of Aunt Wu's fortunes with logic and rational thinking (I can relate to him, poor Sokka).. How Aang messed up and unintentionally made Katara upset by insulting her instead of giving her a compliment when they were lost in the caves. Or the time Sokka and Katara had to pose as Aang's parents to go to the principal's office after school.

13) What was the most unforgettable moment in the show?

Maybe the whole scene before Zuko's coronation starts, "Peace" playing in the background, we see friends and family reunited, happy, alive. We witness something few of us could've predicted: the last person we ever thought, who went through and learned so much, is crowned the new Fire Lord. It's such a victorious moment and never leaves me without emotion.

14) Which one is your favourite book?

I have a weird system concerning this. Book 1 was sort of like the start of their journey, the world was slowly being built and introduced to us. Book 2 became much more serious, the characters gained more depth and the stakes began to rise. When I thought it couldn't get any better, I was proven horribly wrong. Book 3 became far more emotional than I ever could've imagined. So it's like my love grew with each book, and I kind of love the last one the most for this reason.

15) Who had the greatest character development in the show?

Everybody developed so much, but I'd definitely say it was Zuko. At first, I didn't really care much about him. Just another villain trying to capture someone for his own personal gain, I figured. But that all changed when I saw his back story in "The Storm". I started to look at him from a completely different angle. I began to understand where he came from, why he was doing this. I saw how much he struggled, how many wrongs he committed. The climax was when he faced his own father and told him: "No! I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own. Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history and somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was! The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation! They don't see our greatness, they hate us! And we deserve it." This is what he learned by spending time as a refugee in the Earth Kingdom, by witnessing firsthand what his nation, what this war was doing to others. And he was determined to set things right by joining Aang and his friends, teaching him firebending and stopping his own homeland from going down this path.

16) What do you love most about Avatar: The Last Airbender?

The story that Bryan and Michael came up with. I have NEVER cried so much, laughed at so many original jokes, heard such gorgeous instrumental music made by Jeremy Zuckerman, the raw emotion behind the voice actors.. every little bit is what makes this story and this series so amazing, fulfilling and perfect.

17) What do you hate most about Avatar: The Last Airbender?

I don't hate anything about the show per se, perhaps more about the way the fandom can act sometimes.

18) With which character do you identify most?

Like I answered in question 2, Katara. Her personality reflects mine the most, we share similar values in life, I love her family (Hakoda and Sokka) because they have such loving relationships with each other (Katara and Hakoda made me emotional several times, and they only had a few scenes together!).

19) Is Avatar: The Last Airbender your favourite cartoon/anime?

Ever since I discovered it, and I think it'll remain as my favourite cartoon for the rest of my life. Nothing can ever impact me as much as Avatar has.

20) Would you want to be the Avatar?

Thinking just how messed up our own world is right now, how my aggressive eastern neighbour has occupied parts of 2 independent countries, how helpless and angry I feel that I can't do anything about it - Y E S. I want to bring peace and balance back to our world, too. And if I had my own loving, supportive partner (like Aang) by my side, I'd do it again in a thousand lifetimes.

21) What's your favourite ship?

I personally ship everything that has been or is currently canon. My OTP is obviously Kataang, though I'm also one of the few friendly multishippers out here. Which means that I don't mind seeing beautiful stuff about Zutara either, for instance. (Seriously, you should check out my tag, there are so many lovely gifsets there, be it romantic or platonic.)

To sum up, thank you once more for tagging me! I'm not gonna tag anyone specific, but if any of you would like to do this, too, then go ahead! It was really fun to reflect back on why I love this show so much.

#personal #shards of Kristal #ATLA

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tenthdoctor-allonsy · 7 years ago

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I just wanted to be like you, dad

Summary: Tony comes home to find his 14 years-old daughter messing with his armor system. He's definitely not happy about it, and a lot of things are said in the heat of the moment. But deep down, he cares for her on his own way of parenting.

Word count: 1851

Notes: This text is part of a series about a character called Jessica Stark who is the daughter of Tony Stark with a deceased journalist. You can check another text about her here.

“Jessica Stafford-Hale Stark, what the fuck are you doing?”

I froze.

“What?”

“Don’t make me ask again.”

Oh, fuck.

At the moment I went downstairs to my father’s workshop and tried to access the system he used to control the Iron Man suit, I didn’t imagine I was going to get caught. Well, there was a possibility, of course, but it was most probable Pepper would find me than Tony himself. I was used getting inside him system without being caught, done that several times before. The last thing I did was to mess with a few of Dummy’s lines of code and program him to go up to my room and bring me food or things I left downstairs and didn’t want to get out of my room to catch them.

But it was time to prove that the genes inherited from the ‘genius’ Tony Stark were somewhere inside my brain. He had graduated from MIT with only seventeen years old, after all. I had already fourteen and done only a few advances in programming and mechanics, I could roughly build a motor and change a few pieces from one of my father’s suits.

I wanted more. People around me demanded more. I wanted to know how the deploy system of the armor worked. I wanted to go out in the quiet of the night and fly throughout the bright sky of New York City. D’you know when teens say that they stole their parent’s car key? Well, I just wanted the keys to the most expensive and powerful flying suit of armor in the world.

“I was trying to… hack the school’s grading system.”

“Yeah.” He raised a brow, skeptical. My dad was standing still in the doorway, car keys in one hand, his black jacket suit in the other. The tie was loose and the shirt collar had several lipstick marks. I was used seeing him like this. “Pepper!” He shouted.

Seconds later, his P.A. and secretary - but let’s be honest, there ought to be something else than just a professional relationship between those two, for God’s sake - went quickly downstairs, wearing a white silk robe and trying to wipe out the somnolence of her face.

“Did something happen, Tony?”

“Not yet, but it’s about to. Someone here going to regret her actions tonight. But remind me, Pep - how are Jessica’s grades in school?” It was clear in his voice that he was a bit alcoholic altered.

“Hm, she’s been… exceptional, last time I checked. A+ in every subject, she’s just as great as you were.” She replied, confused, and crossed her arms, taking the whole scene in and staring at me with an interrogative face.

“So the only logical conclusion here was that you were trying to change your grades to, what, C? Or maybe you’re helping a dumb friend? A boyfriend? You can’t plead the fifth on this, kid, spit it out now.”

“Alright! Okay, I get it, I screwed up.” I raised my hands on surrender gesture, irritated. “And I don’t have any boyfriend. I don’t need to hook up with someone 24/7 like you do.” Despite that, the main reason boys talked to me in the past year was because I was Iron Man’s daughter. They just wanted to see my dad’s armor - which in that case the situation was almost close to the women dad usually brings home, except that is not that armor they’re actually interested in.

“Go. Upstairs. You’re grounded ‘til college. And if I catch you messing with the armor’s system without my authorization I’ll put you at boarding school.” Tony said as he finally moved from where he stood, throwing his coat and keys on the nearest table and pointing his finger at me while he spoke.

“Do it, then. You always complain that grandpa was a horrible father but you’re almost there too.” I didn’t even think before spitting out the words.

Instantly, my father’s posture straightened up. “You have no idea of what you’re talking about, Jessica. You don’t know what was like to be the son of Howard Stark - and believe, I am not even a quarter as bad as he was.”

“Yeah, you’re not. Cause you’re never home anyway. You’re always busy doing whoever knows what in some place no one ever knows where. You were never here when I needed you, not that I can recall anyway.” I was fighting the tears, there was no use for them at the moment and I certainly didn’t wanna cry in front of him. “And when you’re home it’s all about Iron Man.”

“Okay, that’s enough. JARVIS, call The Thacher School.”

“You NEVER cared about me!” I was shouting at him now. “You NEVER liked me!” Pepper quickly made her way towards me, wrapping me in her arms as I stared at Tony in rage, crying, my fists clenched at the side of my body. I didn’t move a muscle when she hugged me.

“You’re ungrateful, you know that? You know that everything I do as Iron Man is for your protection. I put my ass on the fire to protect you and now say that I never cared about you? I’m gonna send you to a place that’ll make you actually miss this house. JARVIS, call a military school.”

“Howard Stark. That’s your name now. Howard, Mr. Howard.” A dismissive smile was on my face as the tears went rolling down my cheeks.

“Jessie, stop it, please.” Pepper tightened her arms around me.

“Coward Stark. Howard, coward, Howard, Howard, Howard, How---”

“JESSICA SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!” Tony screamed and grabbed the nearest piece of metal next to him, throwing it against a monitor and crashing the glass into pieces that were spread in the floor. I jumped at the loud noise, holding my breath and grabbing Pepper’s arms. He had one hand on the back of his neck and he turned his back on us, leaning against the table.

“Tony.” The redhead’s voice was serious. “Enough. Both of you, cut the bullshit.”

“Sir, I have Mr. Fletcher waiting in the line.” JARVIS interrupted.

“JARVIS, hang up the call.” Pepper demanded and my dad turned back to us.

“Pep, don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Tony, shut up. You are listening to me right now. Stop. Scaring. Your daughter. She’s fourteen-- a teenager, for God’s sake! And Jessica, you too. Stop the tease, it’s enough. You were wrong since the beginning of this.” The woman spoke exasperatedly, walking until she stood between me and him.

“So now you’re on his--” I started.

“I am not on his side! You’re both to blame, just shut up!”

“Pepper, you’re proof that she needs discipline. Reed told me more than once that discipline is essential--” He gesticulated as he walked around the room.

“Essential, but not the only thing. There are two other things he says that must walk alongside the discipline. And I know you remember what those things were, don’t you?”

He stared at her in silence and sighed, upset.

“Don’t pretend you weren’t like this when you were fourteen.” Her voice slowly softened, like she was trying to calm him down.

“I was applying for MIT, actually.” He tilted his head to her.

“I’m not talking academically.”

“Hm.” My father glanced at me. I had my arms around me and I was leaned against a table close to where I stood, staring at the floor.

“She’s just a teenager. She just wants your car keys. Goddammit, she just wants to be like… you, Tony.”

I lifted my eyes to him as if to confirm her words. She was right and I didn’t even know how. My feet had been tapping the floor from the moment Pepper let go of the hug, and now she had her back turned on me, talking exclusively to my father. He didn’t say a word, but I could see that a lot of things were going through his head. He stared at Pepper for a long time before fixing his eyes on me. Said eyes that were cold and filled with anger were now different. He was still angry, yes, but he wasn’t that furious or scary anymore. It was like he was studying me. I sustained his look in silence until he sighed.

“Okay. You wanna be like me?”

After hesitating for a couple of seconds, my head nodded in confirmation.

“So that’s the way it’s gonna work from now on:” He clapped his hands together and pointed at me with both index fingers. “The young lady is grounded ‘til she can solve all equations from my first month at MIT.”

“It was- That was not what I was talking about, Tony.” Pepper muttered;

“You’ve saved her ass already, Pep. Let me be a father now.”

He walked toward me and put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a lousy dad. But never ever repeat that I’m like your grandfather again. You really have no idea what was like living with him.” He raised his eyebrow at me, waiting for an answer. “Deal?”

“Deal.” I nodded as I stared at the lipstick stains on his white shirt, avoiding his look.

“Great. Now go back to your room.” Tony walked away from me and Pepper got closer, placing her hand on my back.

“Let’s go?”

“Yeah,” I murmured. And well, I wasn’t angry or sad at my father. I was... I dunno, a bit ashamed of the things I said to him? Also, a little irritated because I wanted to work on his systems. But it felt like I disappointed him, but all I wanted was his approval. I wanted him to see that I was just as smart as his daughter should be.

Tony sat down close to one of his dismantled cars that stood in the middle of his workshop and pulled out the connecting rod from one of the motors. Before we left, I stopped at the doorstep and turned back to him.

“Dad, I... hm, I lo-” I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. You’re not that lousy as a father.”

He turned his chair to face the direction I was standing and winked. “Good night, pumpkin.”

And so I went upstairs with Pepper, who wished me a good night and left me alone on my room. For a couple of minutes, I stood there, lying on my bed and staring at the roof. Then I looked out the windows to the sea. Each second that went by seemed like a minute. I had too much energy to fall asleep.

My feet jumped from the bed and took me to the crystal screens in the opposite wall from the windows, that lightened up the room with an artificial blue light after one touch. A notification popped out. There was a new message for me from my father. I frowned.

“We’ll start tomorrow night with Mechanics and Materials I.

8 o’clock sharp, don’t be late.

P.S.: I.. hm, I lo...ve you too, kiddo.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

#tony stark x daughter #tony stark x daughter!reader #tony stark one shot #iron man #iron man x daughter #tony stark #marvel one shot #marvel fanfiction #iron dad #iron man one shot #jessie stark #tony stark x jessie stark #jessie stark series #avengers one shot #pepper potts

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claudinei-de-jesus · 3 years ago

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The future life

1. Teaching the Old Testament.

When studying the teaching of the Old Testament concerning the future life, it must be borne in mind that Christ's redemptive work has had a great effect on our relationship with death and life.

Christ "abolished death, and brought life and incorruption to the gospel" (2 Tim. 1:10). Christ brought fullness of light and absolute confidence in the life to come. He also brought about a great deliverance of the Old Testament saints of the time, who were kept in the middle state, a deliverance that brought them much more happiness. Although the Old Testament revelation is not as wide as that of the New Testament, concerning life after death, we find that doctrine there.

The Old Testament doctrine on immortality is based on the relationship between man and God. Man, created in the image of God, is endowed with the ability to know God and to have fellowship with him. This means that man is more than an animal, and that his existence goes beyond the limits of time. He was created to live and not to die. But sin brought death to the world and thus to man. Death, in its physical aspect, is the separation of the body from the soul. Death, however, does not imply extinction of the soul. The Old Testament consistently teaches that man's personality survives death.

The man's body was deposited in the grave while the soul went to the place called "Sheol" (translated "hell", "the well", and "the grave") the abode of the spirits of the deceased. It is proved that "Sheol" was not heaven by the fact that it was described as "below" (Prov. 15:24), the lowest earth (Ezek. 32:18), and the middle of hell (they descended) (Ezek. 32:21). That it was not a place of supreme happiness, is proved by the following descriptions: a place without remembrance of God (Ps. 6: 5), of cruelty (Cant. De Solomão 8: 6, Brazilian Version), place of pain (Jo 24:19 Brazilian version), a place of sadness (Ps. 18: 5 Brazilian version), and it was a place from which apparently nobody came back. John 7: 9 (Brazilian version).

* Sheol, not enjoying the brilliance of the person of the risen Christ, is a dark place that inspires fear, and therefore some of the Old Testament saints feared going to that place as the child fears to enter a dark room. (See Ps. 88 and Isa. 38.) Sheol was inhabited both by the righteous (John 14:13; Ps. 88: 3; Gen. 37: 34,35) and by the wicked (Prov. 5: 3-5; 7:27; Joh 24:19; Ps. 31:17). From the case of the rich man and Lazarus, we concluded that there were two sections in Sheol, a place of suffering for the wicked (Luke 16: 23,24) and another for the righteous, a place of rest and comfort (Luke 16:25). However, the Old Testament saints were not without hope. The Holy One of God, the Messiah, would go down to Sheol; God's people would be redeemed from Sheol. (Ps. 16:10; 49:15; Brazilian version.)

This prophecy was fulfilled when Christ, after his death, descended into the underworld of the spirits of the deceased (Matt. 12:40; Luc. 23: 42,43), and freed the Old Testament saints from Sheol, taking them with him to heavenly paradise. (Eph. 4: 8-10.) This passage seems to indicate that there has been a change in this spirit world, and that the place occupied by the righteous awaiting the resurrection has been moved to the heavenly regions. (Ephesians 4: 8; 2 Cor. 12: 2.) Since then, the spirits of the righteous ascend to heaven and the spirits of the wicked descend to condemnation. (Rev. 20: 13,14.) Other evidence from the Old Testament teaching on the future life is as follows:

1) The phrase "gathered to his people" (Gen. 25: 8) or "to the parents", used by Abraham, Moses, Aaron and David, must refer to conscious existence after death and burial, as these men they were not buried in the ancestral tombs.

2) The translations of Enoch and Elijah prove with certainty the existence of a future life of happiness in the presence of God.

3) Christ's words in Matt. 22:32 represent merely a strong expression of the Jews' own belief. Otherwise, they would have no influence on the listeners.

4) The doctrine of the resurrection from the dead is clearly set out in the Old Testament. (Joh 19:26; Dan. 12: 1,2.) 5) When Jacob said, "With tears I will go down to my son to the grave"

* In all these references, the reader must compare the versions of Almeida and Brasileira. (Translator's note).

(literally "Sheol", and thus translated in the Brazilian Version) (Gen. 37:35), by no means did he refer to the literal grave, as he supposed that Joseph's body had been devoured by a beast.

2. Teaching the New Testament.

The New Testament recognizes the existence beyond the grave, in which spiritual life continues under new and better conditions. Entering this life is man's ultimate goal. (Mar. 9:43.) Accepting Christ Himself, the believer in the present life has passed from death to life. (John 3; 36.) This, however, is only the beginning; its fullness belongs to the existence that begins with the "resurrection of life". (John 5:29.) There is life to come (1Tim. 4: 8); now it is hidden, but it will be revealed when Christ, who is our life, appears (Col. 3: 4).

Christ will give the crown of promised life to those who love him (Jas. 1:12). Even the state of those who have died in Christ is better than the present life in him (Phil. 1:21). But the fullness of life, as the land of Promise, and your birthright as children of God, will be revealed at the coming of Christ. (Rom. 8:17; Gal. 4: 7.)

Physical death cannot interrupt the fellowship between the Christian and his Lord. "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he is dead, will live; and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die (John 11: 25,26). With these words Jesus assured Martha and Mary that her brother had not perished, but he was safe. In effect, Jesus said the following: "I loved your brother and had sweet communion with him. Understanding who I am, remembering my power, do you think that I would allow death to interrupt this communion, which for us both was a great delight? "There are many formal arguments in favor of immortality. More than cold logic, what satisfies most is just to know that we are in communion with God and with his Christ.

Let us imagine the case of a faithful believer who for many years enjoyed precious fellowship with the Son of God, heard his voice and felt his presence. Now that he is prostrate on his deathbed, will we then hear the Son of God say to him: "We walk together, we enjoy sweet communion, but the time has come for eternal goodbye"? No, that wouldn't happen! Those who are "in Christ" (1 Thess. 4: 14-17) cannot be separated from him either by life or by death (Rom. 8:38).

For one who lived consciously in the presence of Christ, to be separated from Christ by death is impossible. For those who are united with the love of God, it is inconceivable to separate from that love to enter a state of nothingness and desolation. Christ says to all believers, "Is Lazarus, is anyone, united with me? Does he trust me? Everything that I am and all the power that resides in me will work in your life. Your brother is united to me by the bonds of trust and of love, and since I am the Resurrection and the Life, that power will work in him. " A vida futura

1. Ensino do Antigo Testamento.

Ao estudar-se o ensino do Antigo Testamento concernente à vida futura, deve-se ter em mente que a obra redentora de Cristo tem exercido grande efeito sobre a nossa relação com a morte e a vida.

Cristo "aboliu a morte, e trouxe à luz a vida e a incorrupção pelo Evangelho" (2Tim. 1:10). Cristo trouxe plenitude de luz e absoluta confiança quanto à vida vindoura. Ele também efetuou uma grande libertação dos santos do tempo do Antigo Testamento, que estavam guardados no estado intermediário, libertação que lhes proporcionou muito mais felicidade. Muito embora a revelação vétero-testamentária não seja tão ampla quanto a do Novo Testamento, concernente à vida apos a morte, encontramos ali a referida doutrina.

A doutrina do Antigo Testamento sobre a imortalidade baseia-se na relação entre o homem e Deus. O homem, criado à imagem de Deus, é dotado de capacidade para conhecer a Deus e com ele ter comunhão. Isso significa que o homem é mais do que animal, e que sua existência ultrapassa os limites do tempo. Foi criado para viver e não para morrer. Mas o pecado trouxe a morte ao mundo e, assim, ao homem. A morte, no seu aspecto físico, é a separação do corpo da alma. A morte, entretanto, não implica extinção da alma. O Antigo Testamento consistentemente ensina que a personalidade do homem sobrevive a morte.

O corpo do homem era depositado na sepultura enquanto a alma ia para o lugar denominado "Seol" (traduzido "inferno", "o poço", e "a sepultura") a morada dos espíritos dos finados. Prova-se que o "Seol" não era o céu pelo fato de ser descrito como estando "em baixo" (Prov. 15:24), terra mais baixa (Ezeq. 32:18), e o meio do inferno (desceram) (Ezeq. 32:21). Que não era um lugar de felicidade suprema, prova-se pelas seguintes descrições: um lugar sem lembrança de Deus (Sal. 6:5), de crueldade (Cant. de Salomão 8:6, Versão Brasileira), lugar de dor (Jo 24:19 Versão Brasileira), lugar de tristeza (Sal. 18:5 Versão Brasileira), e era um lugar do qual aparentemente ninguém voltava. Jo 7:9 (Versão Brasileira).

* O Seol, não desfrutando do brilho da pessoa de Cristo ressuscitado, é um lugar sombrio que inspira receio, e, por conseguinte, alguns dos santos do Antigo Testamento receavam ir para esse lugar como a criança receia entrar num quarto escuro. (Vide o Sal. 88 e Isa. 38.) Seol era habitado tanto pelos justos (Jo 14:13; Sal. 88:3; Gên. 37:34,35) como pelos ímpios (Prov. 5:3-5; 7:27; Jo 24:19; Sal. 31:17). Do caso do rico e Lázaro concluímos que havia duas seções no Seol um lugar de sofrimento para os ímpios (Luc. 16:23,24) e outro para os justos, um lugar de descanso e conforto (Luc. 16:25). Contudo, os santos do Antigo Testamento não estavam sem esperança. O Santo de Deus, o Messias, desceria ao Seol; o povo de Deus seria redimido do Seol. (Sal. 16:10; 49:15; Versão Brasileira.)

Essa profecia cumpriu-se quando Cristo, após sua morte, desceu ao mundo inferior dos espíritos dos finados (Mat 12:40; Luc. 23:42,43), e libertou do Seol os santos do Antigo Testamento, levando-os consigo para o Paraíso celestial. (Efés. 4:8-10.) Essa passagem parece indicar que houve uma mudança nesse mundo dos espíritos, e que o lugar ocupado pelos justos que aguardam a ressurreição foi trasladado para as regiões celestiais. (Efés. 4:8; 2Cor. 12:2.) Desde então, os espíritos dos justos sobem para o céu e os espíritos dos ímpios descem para a condenação. (Apo. 20:13,14.) Outras evidências do ensino do Antigo Testamento sobre a vida futura são as seguintes:

1) A frase "congregado ao seu povo" (Gên. 25:8) ou "aos pais", usada por Abraão, Moisés, Arão e Davi, deve referir-se à existência consciente após a morte e ao sepultamento, pois esses homens não foram enterrados nos túmulos ancestrais.

2) As trasladações de Enoque e Elias provam com certeza a existência duma vida futura de felicidade na presença de Deus.

3) As palavras de Cristo em Mat. 22:32 representam meramente uma forte expressão da própria crença dos judeus. De outra forma nenhuma influência teriam sobre os ouvintes.

4) A doutrina da ressurreição dentre os mortos é claramente exposta no Antigo Testamento. (Jo 19:26; Dan. 12:1,2.) 5) Quando Jacó disse: "Com choro hei de descer ao meu filho até a sepultura"

* Em todas essas referências, deve o leitor fazer o confronto das versões de Almeida e Brasileira. (Nota do Tradutor).

(literalmente "Seol", e assim traduzida na Versão Brasileira) (Gên. 37:35), de maneira nenhuma ele se referia à sepultura literal, pois ele supunha que o corpo de José fora devorado por uma fera.

2. Ensino do Novo Testamento.

O Novo Testamento reconhece a existência no além túmulo, na qual a vida espiritual continua sob novas e melhores condições. Entrar nessa vida é o supremo alvo do homem. (Mar. 9:43.) Aceitando o próprio Cristo, o crente já na vida presente passou da morte para a vida. (João 3;36.) Isso, entretanto, é somente o princípio; sua plenitude pertence à existência que começa com a "ressurreição da vida". (João 5:29.) Existe uma vida vindoura (1Tim. 4:8); agora está oculta, mas se manifestará quando Cristo, que é nossa vida, aparecer (Col. 3:4).

Cristo dará a coroa da vida prometida àqueles que o amam (Tia. 1:12). Mesmo o estado dos que faleceram em Cristo é algo melhor do que a presente vida nele (Fil. 1:21). Mas a plenitude de vida, qual terra da Promissão, e o seu direito de primogenitura como filhos de Deus, serão revelados na vinda de Cristo. (Rom. 8:17; Gál. 4:7.)

A morte física não pode interromper a comunhão entre o cristão e seu Senhor. "Eu sou a ressurreição e a vida; quem crê em mim, ainda que esteja morto, viverá; e todo aquele que vive, e crê em mim, nunca morrerá (João 11:25,26). Com essas palavras Jesus assegurou a Marta e Maria que seu irmão não havia perecido, mas estava seguro. Com efeito, Jesus dizia o seguinte: "Eu amava vosso irmão e com ele tive doce comunhão. Compreendendo quem eu sou, lembrando o meu poder, pensais que eu permitiria à morte interromper essa comunhão, que para nós ambos era uma grande delicia?" Existem muitos argumentos formais a favor da imortalidade. Mais do que a lógica fria o que mais satisfaz é justamente saber que estamos em comunhão com Deus e com o seu Cristo.

Vamos imaginar o caso dum crente fiel que durante muitos anos gozou de preciosa comunhão com o Filho de Deus, ouviu sua voz e sentiu sua presença. Agora que ele está prostrado no leito de morte ouviremos então o Filho de Deus dizer-lhe: "Andamos juntos, gozamos de doce comunhão, mas chegou a hora do eterno adeus"? Não, assim não aconteceria! Aqueles que estão "em Cristo" (1Tess. 4:14-17) não podem ser separados dele nem pela vida e nem pela morte (Rom. 8:38).

Para aquele que viveu conscientemente na presença de Cristo, ser separado de Cristo pela morte é coisa impossível. Para aqueles que estão unidos ao amor de Deus, é inconcebível separar-se desse amor para entrar num estado do nada e desolação. Cristo diz a todos os crentes: "Está Lázaro, está alguém, unido a mim? Ele confia em minha pessoa? Tudo que sou e todo o poder que em mim reside operarão em sua vida. Teu irmão está unido a mim pelos laços da confiança e do amor, e visto que eu sou a Ressurreição e a Vida, esse poder operará nele."

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freelanews-blog · 6 years ago

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Of Suicide, Young People & Children (1)

I will like to bare my mind on the recent disturbing happenings. It is no news that in the last few days, we have lost some rather young individuals to the cold hands of death. Regrettably, dying in Nigeria has ceased to become news. News, like I was taught in the hallowed walls of my department in the University, is something prominent, odd, with proximity, etc. Death in Nigeria has become so commonplace that almost none of the news elements makes it worth reporting. Boko Haram killings, Herdsmen, ritual, kidnapping, etc., has made death a commonplace, expected phenomenon that thrives in our clime. …A Suicide Too Many Suicide, however, is something that still baffles us as Nigerians, once touted to be the happiest people in the world. Suicide came really close to home for me, when seeing a friend of a friend whom I can swear from his looks and demeanour to be the last person to contemplate suicide, hang from his neck at the cricket pitch podium of his university. The young man dropped a suicide note which read something like this: “I wish to end the controversy.” Recent spate of suicide in the country has a certain twist to it. What is strange in the recent recorded deaths is that in less than a week, at least four young persons were reported to have committed suicide- a crime where someone takes their life, and a few attempts was aborted. I will not bore you with the long details though. The first is about a 100-level student of the Kogi State University, Ayingba, Miss Rebecca Michael, who allegedly committed suicide after her boyfriend reportedly broke up with her. I gathered that the victim recently gained admission into the varsity’s Department of Philosophy. Premium Times reported that one Loveth, a university admission-seeker recently took her life in Ekiugbo, Ughelli North Local Government Area of Delta State. According to a witness, she was reportedly displeased with the 163 mark she got in the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination, UTME. Like many victims, she consumed three bottles of Sniper, an insecticide. Closely related to this is the attempted suicide by one Segun, also an admission seeker who is, as at press time, reportedly battling for his life having garnished his Sniper with milk. Segun had scored 167 in the last released UTME result. A Niger Delta University student, Aduba Daniel also committed suicide by drinking Sniper after he discovered he had ‘carryover’ in his courses. This came shortly after Ayomide and Ajani Damilola of University of Lagos were reported to have killed themselves following the accusations that they stole clothes in their hostel. While writing this, news filtered in that one Ebuka, a very young man has committed suicide, barely a month to his wedding due to his fiancée’s behaviour-infidelity perhaps? According to an insider, Ebuka took his own life by taking Sniper. Now, this is after recent reports of the suicide of Gospel Singer allegedly affiliated with the RCCG, Michael Arowosaiye. He allegedly over issues that had to do with accommodation. This deceased allegedly hanged himself with his belt. Perhaps, the one that got tongues wagging and people dumbfounded is the suicide of Chukwuemeka Akachi, a final year student of the Department of the Department of English and Literary Studies, University of Nigeria Nsukka, UNN. He was reportedly on his way to graduating with a First Class result when he terminated his sojourn on earth. Now, people have been flooding the young man’s timeline-perhaps to decipher what could make someone so young, handsome, undoubtedly very intelligent, and with a bright future ahead commit suicide. The general consensus is that perhaps, the root of his long standing psychological problem stemmed from his childhood. Pouring through his timeline a few days ago, I was almost tempted to blame his parents for ‘criminal negligence,’ but seeing that I can never have the full picture, blaming anyone will not bring the boy back and the fact that the living must go on living, I decided otherwise. I for one, do not agree that the late Akachi, a self-proclaimed atheist was depressed. Why, among other things, he did not lack more than the average poor student seeing himself through school, neither were his grades poor or did he have emotional issues stemming from a relationship gone sour…at least none that is known. I believe that Akachi had grabbed the theoretical existential philosophy of life. He had come to the conclusion that there wasn’t much to life and continued living is of no use. I also believe that if he had experienced a fraction of the life he has so much ‘theorized,’ he could have been alive this moment. All through his childhood and young adult life, the red flags were everywhere but that criminal negligence blindfolded all that should have noticed. A negligence that allowed a young child pick up certain books to read without guidance, negligence that no observant mother, father or sibling noticed the many attempts of this young man to end his life-not when he consumed kerosene, the petrol episode or the numerous times he flirted with the idea of plunging a knife through his stomach, none! His friends are also complicit in this negligence. “I felt more could be done,” Akachi was said to have posted on his Facebook on May 12. “My mental health has been on life support for a while now. Thanks to those who call. Text. Visit. “Speak to me. May we always remember. May we never forget. You May have added a few hours, months or days to my time here. But you know life support is expensive right?” if these are not red flags, then I don’t know what is. I however deviate. Akachi’s case is not my primary focus but suicide, and how we can help our children steer clear from it. Suicide is a complex issue involving numerous factors and should not be attributed to any one single cause. Not all people who die by taking their own lives have been diagnosed with a mental illness and not all people with a mental illness attempt to end their lives by suicide. People who have died by suicide typically had overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, despair, and helplessness, research has shown. Suicide is not about a moral weakness or a character flaw. People considering suicide feel as though their pain will never end and that suicide is the only way to stop hurting. A 2001 World Health Organisation report on the global challenge laments lack of adequate access to treatment for the mentally infirm by many developing nations. “Constant exposure to severely stressful events, dangerous living conditions, exploitation, and poor health in general all contribute to the greater vulnerability of the poor. The lack of access to affordable treatment makes the course of the illness more severe and debilitating, leading to a vicious circle of poverty and mental health disorders that is rarely broken,” the report states. It, however, says nations should ‘‘de-emphasise focusing on traditional mental health institutions but focus on community care alternatives. Such institutions (formal mental health facilities) lead to a loss of social skills, excessive restriction, human rights violations, dependency, and reduced opportunities for rehabilitation. Countries should move towards setting up community care alternatives in a planned manner, ensuring that such alternatives are in place even as institutions are being phased out,’’ the world body said. Someone has blamed the rising suicide among young people on poor upbringing, substance abuse, and what he termed, “looking for the easy way out.” His argument is that many parents have made things look too easy for their children. Unlike the struggle of the butterfly coming out of its cocoon makes it strong to flap its wings, parents actually remove cocoons for their children. What you now have are young people who run away from the slightest challenges or take the easy way out-suicide. Interestingly, suicide is the second leading cause of death in people ages 10 to 24. Knowing the often subtle warning signs plays a crucial role in prevention. According to the latest data from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 24. Suicide does affect children and adolescents, and avoiding the topic won’t help them learn how to get help if they need it. One of the misconceptions about the discussion of suicide is that talking about it causes children and teens to think about it. The truth is that parents can never know for certain whether or not a child experiences suicidal thinking if they are too afraid to ask the question. Suicidal behaviour in children is complicated. It can be impulsive and associated with feelings of confusion, sadness, or anger. The so-called “red flags” people are cautioned to look for can be subtle in young children. While a young adult might say something like, “You’ll be better off when I’m gone,” for example, a child might say some something like, “No one cares if I’m here.” Studies on suicide and suicidal ideation among elementary school age children are limited and tend to have small sample sizes. This makes it difficult to draw direct correlations between specific triggers and suicidal behaviour. One study published in Pediatrics, however, compared characteristics and precipitating factors for suicide between elementary school children (5-11 years old) and early adolescents (12-14 years old). Results indicated that children who died by suicide more often experienced relationship issues with family and friends (compared to relationship issues with boyfriends or girlfriends for adolescents.) Both groups were likely to suffer from mental health disorders. While adolescents were more likely to experience depression or dysthymia, children were more likely to experience attention deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity. To be continued. Read the full article

#ChukwuemekaAkachi #Suicide

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