#so i can be a little more autistic in how i show that like

[aceing-on-the-cake]

I was going to be reasonable and not analyze this poem to death but they are my favorite poet and I cannot express into words how much I like this one of theirs in particular, so instead you all get to hear my rambling thoughts in the hopes they make sense to anyone else.

First off

I'm well aware they edited it and posted the second version, and that version was amazing, but I feel it's worth pointing out that the original was also by no means bad. These lines. These lines, are good poetry. It still is incredibly vivid in the imagery they're giving us here. It is still, so fucking raw emotionally. These lines alone are ones I could leave somewhere to reread for an entire day and still be hit again and again by how they make me feel. They also said they were feeling vulnerable and needing validation which is why I think this is an important point. Yes, they made the poem better in the editing process, but it was good even before they did that. Editing it just made it so much better.

Second

I don't even know where to start with this line. The ability to find joy amid misery? Misery loves company? But you're not handing your misery and yet commiserating, so can that truly be connected to that phrase? Is there a community to be found even in death? Is death itself the embrace of a hug entirely too tight but a hug nonetheless? I don't know, I don't know what I want to even say about this line, because I'm not sure I want to pick one thing

Next Trauma; Mainly Mine

Jesus christ the religious trauma is hitting me here. I don't think that's the author's intention necessarily, but regardless poetry is a connection once released into the wild, and this will always be my connecton to christianity. He's not wrong to pray, but I would sit nonetheless. He's not wrong to hope, but I too wouldn't often bother. People aren't wrong for their belief in god but it is an endeavor I cannot follow regardless. And maybe that's why Lazarus rose, maybe in the end I'll be sitting alone in a grave with the doors to any after life closed because I chose not to believe, but I can't make myself believe regardless of the outcome.

Brain Itch

Look, look, look, I love christian symbolism and mythology on it's own used to illustrate points. But Icarus??? Combining Icarus with christian symbolism???? And the angels??????? God's sons???????? Are they icarus or his father???????? Are they doomed to fly too close to glory and crumble??????? Or are we icarus and they along with their father here to warn us to not get too close to the sun ourselves???????????

There are not words to express how giddy this line made me. There are not words.

Look

I don't think I even have anything to add here. Just read the words. Because I'm just the words and I don't think there's a better way anyone could've said that.

Then We Have This Entire Masterpiece of a Section

Look, just the slow degradation of holy itself. I am a slut for repetition, but mainly, when it's done well like this so clearly is.

Using capitalization of the lack therefore to where you can physically hear the words getting quieter. Punctuation used in connection to show losing faith. Hope turning into questions turning into bitter resignation into apathetic desperation.

I love this, you should love this, if you didn't love this, reread this

It Always Comes To This Doesn't It

It always ends up with being one straw too short, one minute too late, lessons others have already learned before me, things people have accomplished that I am still scraping coffin-bloody fingers (TM Berklie) against see through walls just to get at.

Does that make sense? I'm not sure it even makes sense to me, but I don't think that matters. Just go read their poem, their words make more sense than mine ever will.

I Think I've Mentioned I Have Religious Trauma By This Point

Which means I don't even need to explain this one. I don't. I refuse to. It's too obvious. Read it yourself.

We're Back to Icarus and I am Here for It

The angels are Icarus. Why are they Icarus? Who is the sun? Is god the sun? Is Death the heat no one was meant to escape once within his grasp? Did the angels pay the price for Lazarus? Or is god paying the price and choosing to keep the angels aloft despite their melted wax? Is that what the christian god is supposed to look like? Is he the one who holds up his sons with their melted wings from an impossible task he himself gave them? Or is he the father who warned his children not to get too close to brightness and greatness but gave them the wings anyways knowing in all knowing power there would always be a point they would fly too close and melt?

(I don't have religious trauma, you have religious trauma)

I. Do. Not. Have. Enough. Skin. Available. To. Get. All. The. Words. Berklie. Has. Written. That. I. Want. To. Keep. Forever. Like. Some. Fucked. Up. Crow. And. This. Is. Truly. The. Travesty.

Regardless, I'm probably gonna make an exception for these.

Again. I Goddamn. Love Repetition. Done Well

I just, that's so good. Like that's the kind of thing that's pleasing to read. It's pleasing to hear. It's pleasing and comforting to be lulled into a sense of sameness that's used for emphasis.

In Conclusion

Berklie is a fantastic poet. Full stop.

This poem was amazing. You already know that if you've gotten to the end of my rambling thoughts because you had to read their poem in the first place to even get here. But regardless, that deserves to be said.

They are a fantastic poet. They craft immaculate poems. And I am convinced honestly they can do no wrong and I will fight the devil, god, and Berklie themselves if any of them disagree with me.

Thank you for coming to this display of autism.

Go read more of their shit

hello i wrote a poem

[funkle420]

i love how so much of the stuff in delicious in dungeon that's not central to the main plot is left up to the reader/viewer's interpretations. it leaves a lot of space for fans to imagine what else happens outside of the plot, especially with how good the world building is. a sentiment ive seen more than a few times is that any character in dungeon meshi can be shipped with almost any other character, and because of how it ends you can even imagine characters who didn't interact much or at all eventually becoming friends and/or lovers, and there's so many ways for fans to imagine what else happens in this world after the story ends. there's little bits of interaction between characters that could easily be interpreted one way or another, but there's no malicious baiting or anything that's intentionally implied without being explicit.

That said, it is a little sad that there's no canon romance between Falin and Marcille, as far as I can tell, cause this type of thing happens so often in stories, where two characters of the same gender have romantic vibes but the writer didn't have the slightest intention of it being romantic. Also a little sad that, as far as I can tell, she didn't intend for Laios to be autistic either...

(to be clear, im NOT mad at ryoko kui here! this is JUST me being sad about the lack of good, intentional representation for queer and autistic people in media and how that conflicts with my appreciation for Kui's writing)

[moe-broey]

Wait a minute

I can literally just put them on my backpack front and center. (Plus a close-up on the cluster of Things where Céline lives!)

[brittlebutch]

finding a character that grates against your nerves and eventually thinking, well, that's not fair, you haven't done anything; why do i dislike you? and then you dwell on this for a while and discover 'oh! you are like me when i was younger' and decide well, i'll simply learn how to love the both of you. power in this.

[giddlygoat]

my brother can make me laugh without moving at all. he can make me laugh on command, just by existing, and there is no physical tell or indication that it is about to happen. it’s like he can will me to laugh and i will. of course we’re not telepathic, but we do speak in unison sometimes. we improvise like no one’s business. we could fool anyone into believing we are psychically linked. when i try to explain it, i sound silly saying it out loud, but i really CAN tell what he’s thinking. we exchange so much information just with a look. he can make me cry laughing and he doesn’t even have to move

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

what i bring to every fandom i’m in is autism and aspecness (especially making popular ships aspec) because no one else is willing to die for the cause

[callingcxrd]

Ohhh I must find someone who Makes Outfits. If I want Earl's entire outfit I need someone who can actually make that. and I need someone in mind so I remember to save my money for it. Does anyone know anybody who Makes Outfits

[waywardsalt]

shut the fuck up i’m thinking about link and linebeck being foils to each other

[illgiveyouahint]

From someone who didn't really like eggs to someone who's excited about the delicious omelette I just made, I sure am making great strides in my pickiness

[queer-crusader]

Nothing brings me closer to the edge of "huh maybe I do have a touch of the autism" than shopping

[corvidiss]

#smile at people #a majority of the time people will smile back and you win Human Points #learn how to compliment people and do it often #Normalcy is a perspective that changes depending on who is looking but kindness and a positive attitude shows the same view to everyone #basic politeness with a little extra effort is amazingly difficult at times #but it goes MILES

Genuinely good advice from @aroace-get-out-of-my-face

can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal

[moe-broey]

I have 13 pages.

[brittlebutch]

i knowww that a child would have changed the landscape of the show too much for it to have ever actually happened but oughhhhhh i want to see Joan and Sherlock platonically co-parent a kid so bad

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[drdemonprince]

If you’ve never been all that disobedient before, you can and should start really, really small. For example, you can wear the slightly revealing or gloriously trashy-looking garment that makes your mom roll her eyes and sigh despondently every time she sees you put it on. You will feel judged and disapproved of when you put it on, but that is fine. Your goal is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and continue with your desired behavior anyway.  Saunter down the steps in that highlighter-yellow Garfield crop top with your chest hair flowing over the neckline, and harness as much courage as you can muster. It’s okay if you feel like a beacon of sin. Just keep it moving. Your emotions are not the target here. Your behavior is. You can feel however you are feeling in the moment so long as you keep acting like you’re free.  Do you have a favorite TV show that a partner or roommate vocally hates? Try watching that show around them without apologizing or defensively joining them in mocking the program. At first, you probably won’t be able to enjoy the show while in their presence. You’ll feel self-conscious about everything they find annoying or cringe-inducing about the show, and so focused on their reactions that you can’t relax. That’s okay. Allow those feelings of embarrassment and guilt to exist and pass through you without giving up. In time, you will be able to ignore these reactions more, and enjoy the activity.  You want to see the needle of discomfort moving down just a little, like Link’s body temperature meter in Tears of the Kingdom when he puts on a breathable outfit in a hot climate. You’re not gonna go from roiling hot to frosty cold in an instant. But after a certain point, you won’t be actively in pain anymore. Things are just gonna slowly suck less, bit by bit, until they are finally okay. That’s true of most major life adjustments, I find.  Probably the best way to develop self-advocacy skills while growing in your distress tolerance is simply by telling other people no. Do this without explanation or hedging. Nitpicky aunt wants to hear all about your dating life? “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” Unreliable ex-friend wants you to do them the tiny favor of moving their entire home gymnasium into a new third story walk-up? “No, I’m not available.” Manipulative shift supervisor wants to cajole you into sticking around for another three hours to close? “No.”  As many advice columnists smarter than me have already intoned, “no” is a complete sentence. “No” requires no explanation. “No” is not subject to debate. “No” can be repeated over and over like a broken record if a disrespectful person acts like they can’t hear it. And you can walk away at any time to make your “no” physical and impossible to argue with, when someone has proven they don’t respect your boundaries. 

you can read or listen to the full piece for free here

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.