#so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do?

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[polar-bears-making-pancakes]

i think communication is a lot of practising and im really bad at it myself so idk how helpful this tip is but: other ppl are just like you, theyre scared and all have different emotional scars. but irl isnt like the internet and people will not hate and block you if you offend them for saying a wrong thing. and if they do and cant forgive you despite your good intentions then theyre not worth hanging around anyway. so the tip is to remember that people irl are forgiving and nuanced. they are adults, not children anymore who see things in black and white.

(side tangent: where im from its culturally the case that people do not ask others about themselves and its very inappropriate to point out obvious things, maybe its the same thing for you. its not rlly the case that germans are direct, its that if they say sth about a specific topic about themselves, its an indirect invitation for you to do the same thing, but you cant ask them directly, thats very rude. it could seem to some like the autistic dream but i swear its awful and i find it impossible to ask my german autistic friend anything personal (eg. i fear if i ask about her dog she's going to tell me that he died and i'll think i made her feel bad for mentioning it). im trying to unlearn it because not only is it culturally different in the uk, but its also impossible to make friends that way.) (((sorry if i slander germany again its a bit immoral but its how i tell myself im morally superior to my family who thinks i shouldnt live in the uk. )))

so my tip is: get a feel for what you can ask them about. listen to them and what they like, and then ask them about it. it will make them feel loved and appreciated. tell them what you want them to know because they will feel that you trust them and then they can do the same thing for you. its a way of showing them that you love them.

i love you and im asking you how your degree and thesis are going? you were saying that you struggled with it and i know you are very busy atm. i wish you good luck with it <3 you got this bro

hiiii thank you so much for this message and I'm sorry it took me so long to answer

that's the problem, i see consequences of my actions in very much black and white way. as I learnt from my counselor it's because of trauma. and I know I need to unlearn it because most people, as you said, are more forgiving than I am to myself and they are adults. but I still deep down fear that they are going to leave me like when my friends left when we were kids.

ooooh that's very interesting!! I get how you feel, I think, because I often blurt stuff out even without wanting to, that would be really rude, it seems, in that culture. I feel like polish people are really defensive and we are expected to be though. so it's like, if you'd point out someone's flaw, they would, on average, take it as an attack and attack you back. but also our way of shielding our insecurities is to bargain who has it worse. I feel like that's where the stereotype of main trait of polish people being complaining comes from. so I kind feel like I should stay in my lane and not get into people's lives as long as they don't invite me to. I don't want to overstep because I know that if I get involved I want to with my whole being. again, i dislike doing something halfway, it needs to be 1 or 0, black or white :/

thank you so much for the advice 🥹 I love you too

I'll try making myself ask questions, even if I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anyone for anything ever. nad I try get the feel to not ask questions that may make someone uncomfortable, another fear of mine

[hoseokmylovesworld]

Picture of Love | 10

Pairing: Photographer!Hoseok x OC x Producer!Yoongi

Genre/Warnings: Hoseok AU/Yoongi AU/Includes strong language, mentions of sex

Words: 5,340

Summary: Charlotte Galloway is the leader of the up and coming girl band, “She-Bang”, with a side hustle as a photographer for anyone who will hire her.  She meets a fellow professional photographer named Jung Hoseok who helps “She-Bang” realize their dreams and Charlotte to make a love connection along the way.

I pull out my phone as I search for pajamas to wear after my shower and I text Leyah asking where everyone was. 

"We're all in the boys' room watching them play video games"  was her reply. I nod to myself in understanding and head to the bathroom to change into my pajamas for the night, happy to hopefully to get most of tonight to myself as I hear a knock on the hotel door. I throw my pajamas back on top of the dresser for later to answer the door. I sigh as I look out the peep hole to discover it was Darren. I still hate that our relationship isn't what it used to be recently and we basically struggle to keep things cordial between us. I open the door to be greeted by his handsome smile and inviting eyes. 

"Hey." I blurt out, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey." So you're not gonna make this any easier, okay.

"What's up?" 

"Oh, nothing...Can I come in?"

"Oh! Yeah. Of course." I almost shout, realizing we were still talking awkwardly in the threshold of the hotel room. I stand aside to let him into the room and we move to the bed room area. As I sit on the bed, I get a text from Leyah that just reads "I'm sorry." which I can only assume she's referring to the fact that Darren suddenly showed up at our door shortly after I arrived back when he was originally playing video games next door. And Darren loves his video games. "You had to tell him I was back." I text back quickly.

I put my phone away and placed my attention on Darren. "So what are you up to?" He plops himself onto my bed. "Nothing, just watching some TV." He nods, very obviously trying to figure out what to say next.

"So, Mezzanine tomorrow?" He brings up our gig for tomorrow thankfully. "Oh, yeah! I'm super hype!" We finally settle into a smooth and comfortable flow of conversation. 

Just like old times.

I find myself smiling brightly at the thought that we were able to revert back to being comfortable in each other's company and cracking jokes like we used to...that is until Darren asks about my night. "So how was your night? You're back a little late." He notes. I sigh before answering.

 "Um, it was good. Went on a date." As if you don't already know. 

He nods. "So...did you go out with that Hope guy?" I sigh once more as I drop my head, already losing patience with this conversation. "Yes, Darren." He just nods again. 

"...You've been going out with him a lot..." 

"Yes, I have." I whisper shortly, my attention suddenly glued to the TV. Great an infomercial. 

"Don't hate me for asking this." He voices after a few long moments of silence pass. 

"What?" My head snaps in his direction, knowing what his question would be. 

"Is he... treating you right?" Feigning a pathetic attempt at a concerned face.

"Why, 'cuz you could treat me better?" I say raising my voice.

"I never said that." He rushes to defend himself, cocking his head to the left.

"No, no you didn't." But you were thinking it. 

"I was just making sure you're-" 

"I'm what? Hanging with the right people? That's not your responsibility or your concern-" 

"You're not my concern?" He questioned, getting offended.

"No, I am not." I sneered, my left hand turning to a fist and the right wrapping tightly around the TV remote.

"Char you're one of my closest friends, of course you're my concern-"

"Well I'm not your burden." Or your girlfriend. 

I'm met with silence and a floored yet somber look from Darren so I continue. "So don't worry about my dates with Jay." I march over to my dresser to busy myself with finding an outfit for tomorrow because I couldn't stand to be near him any longer. 

"...So they are actual dates then? Like he takes you out to fancy dinners and shit like that?" I pause and scoff at the indirect accusation and his equally as accusing tone. I know Darren enough by now to know the underlying subtext in everything he threw at me. 

"We haven't had sex yet, if that's what you're asking." I spit at him over my shoulder. He visibly deflates and his body untenses, confirming my suspicions. My eyes roll back into my head as I refocus on shoveling through my drawers. 

"Once again, that is not what I was trying to say. You can stop putting words in my mouth now." He grated sternly, trying to dig himself out of this never ending hole. 

I let my temper get my best of me and allow Darren to distract me from my task as I whip my body around to face him with a newfound animosity inside me, ready to be unleashed on him. "But it is. It is what you were asking and I don't appreciate it . And I'll stop feeding you words when you start saying what you mean." I snapped all while dangerously pointing my finger in his direction. All formality was gone from my voice because of the level of ridiculousness the situation has reached. I was over this conversation before it started and its about time I let Darren know that he doesn't have any sort of claim on me. 

He takes my statement in before shutting his eyes tightly and collecting his thoughts. "Look Char, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Are you? Sorry, I mean? You definitely don't seem like it. Honestly you seem like you got the answer you wanted and now you're trying to find an excuse for me to feel sorry for you. Admit it. You're relieved...You're elated to find out that no one's defiled my body in a month. 'Oh Char's not having sex with anyone? I still have time to make my move.'" I say in a deep voice, giving my impression of Darren as he sits politely waiting for my rant to be over. 

I make my way over to where he sits on the foot of the bed and loom over him, making fierce eye contact the whole way. "I have been and will continue to sleep with who ever I want and none of your 'concerns' are going to stop me." I hiss, making air quotations around concerns. I shut my eyes tight in frustration and move away from Darren as he reaches out to touch me. 

How fucking dare he?!

"No!...God, things were going so well! You just had to ruin it didn't you!?" I shout with abandon, wondering how we even got here.

Darren opens and closes his mouth, before actually deciding on what to say next. "Char, I...I know I've been a fucking dickhead lately and I cant seem to stop pissing you off, but you have to know that was never my intention and I do want things to go back to the way they were before."

No you don't. I roll my eyes so hard at this, I fear they'll get stuck. They didn't.

"And I'm sorry I fucked everything up-and not just recently, I know that-I just wanted to be sure that-you have to know I just wanted you be safe...and happy." In the middle of his speech, he makes his way over to me and I allow him to rest his hand on my arm as he shares his sentiment. I take a few deep breaths to calm down and eventually shrug his hand off of me, much to Darren's dismay. I feel the need to distance myself yet again so I drift back to the bed and Darren makes a wise decision to sit himself in the padded chair across from me.

"I just don't understand what you want from me." I start looking down at the carpet and fiddling with my already perfectly manicured nails. "I mean we flirt around each other for a year and a half and nothing comes of it, but suddenly when I finally find someone I might actually be interested in, you decide it's okay to be openly jealous...I'm sorry, but it literally does not work that way."

"I know that Char-"

"You have a funny way of showing it." I deride just above a whisper.

"I realize that, I realize that I've been an asshole-"

"Try douche-nozzle of the year." I interject once again.

"Yeah, that and sometimes, I just don't know how to act when-"

"Yeah, I fucking noticed!" I couldn't help, but laugh out loud at that one.

"Char!"

"What?!"

"Can you please let me speak? Please? I'm trying to apologize here and you are just-"

"Fine, go ahead...Sorry." I brush him off and immediately apologize when I see his annoyed face and realize I had in fact interrupted him while telling him to go on.

"I just...yes, I felt...some type of way when I saw the Hope guy come out of literally nowhere and basically sweep you off your feet."

"Why though? That is what escapes me. Sorry if I missed it, but it just went over my head, I guess." I shrug, my sentence dripping with sarcasm as well genuine intrigue.

Darren focuses on one spot on the floor as the gears almost visibly turn in his head on how to respond to my query. After two or so minutes, he takes a breath and sits up slightly as if to speak, when instead he lets out a hearty laugh. Any hint of curiousity or patience on my face had dropped and promptly been replaced with hostility.

"I suppose now I have to ask what it is that's so funny?" I cross my arms and wait for whatever silly excuse he has to offer. Why do I even entertain this?

"Nothing...Nothing is funny I promise. I...I knew what I wanted to say to you when I walked over here...I knew what I wanted to say when I showed up and knocked...but when I saw you it-it was like everything just left." He created a visual of his words with his hand in a wiping motion and laughed bitterly once more.

I feel my teeth grind together without my permission. "Then tell me what is it is you wanted to say initially. Before the ridiculousness ensued." I mutter ardently, hoping this conversation would end soon.

"You know what, nevermind." He gets up and makes his way to the door, but not before I jump in front of him to stab my finger into his chest.

"You're infuriating, you know that?" I look up at his looming frame with a ferocity in my eyes I haven't released in years. "You come in here with your accusations and your petty arguments, trying to incriminate me when you're the guilty one, Darren! And you know it! Nevermind? Are you fucking kidding me? You owe me that after this stunt you pulled today." I continue to dig my finger nail deeper into his chest with every poke. 

"You feign innocence and play the victim when you're the one instigating the trouble! You claim you're confused and J-Hope, is his fucking name by the way, you claim he's the problem and the reason why you're feeling this way when really it's you! It's your ego! It's the only child in you that always gets what he wants, it's the ladies man that's been rejected for once in his sorry life, it's you goddammit! How dare you come to my room and make me out to be the bad guy? It's literally not my fault you couldn't man up and stop being a pussy!" Through the inescapable, raw rage and tears that couldn't seem to stop falling down my face, I can just start to notice the absolutely crushed expression on Darren's face at my words. His jaw and fists were clenched, his eyes that harbored unshed tears looked everywhere, but at me. He looked pained.

I'd never seen him so utterly damaged. My hand instantly flies to cover my despicable mouth at the realization that I did that to him. My hand reaches out to grasp his arm and after a few fleeting seconds of contact, he shrugs it off and brushes past me to the door one more time. I all but chase after him and try grasp either of his arms.

"Darren, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't mean any of that-"

He lashes around to face me, his feral, but upset face startling me a bit. I gasp and recoil back, no longer looking to touch him. "Really Char...You didn't mean all that shit?" He demands, incredulously. I shake my head, helplessly. "No, no." I whimper pathetically as I feel more tears begin to blind my vision.

"Just some of it then?" He offers, scrutinizing me. I have no answer and the urge to break down and cry is entirely too strong for me to continue any type of conversation so I just look at my bare feet to avoid his fierce gaze. It's funny how the hot seat can be switched that quickly. A second ago I wanted to slap him and now I just want him to forgive me.

"I'm-I'm just gonna go then-"

"No! Please don't go like this." I take a step towards him, but keep my hands to myself. "I am sorry." I plead.

Darren spares me one last glance before he walks to the door. He hesitates to open it, giving me a sliver of hope, but he comes to his senses and exits quickly to avoid anything else that might slow him down or make him stay.

I stay in place for what seems like five minutes or at least until Vicky and Carrie come into the room. I immediately go to dry my tears and try to get rid of my sniffles because I can't stand the idea of someone seeing my cry over a guy. Especially if that guy is Darren.

"Char! What's wrong?" They cry as they go to comfort me. I practically duck out of their embraces and grab my clothes off of the dresser. "Nothing...where is Leyah?" I clear my groggy, cried out voice. "She's still next door, talking to Darren. He kicked us out." I laugh humorlessly. Of course my best girl friend is Darren's best friend as well and she will most-likely be in the middle of our fiasco. "What happened, Char?" Vicky approaches me, I ignore her question and race to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."

After letting everything out in the shower, I crawl into bed, fully intending to pass out on sight and just forget this whole ordeal ever happened. About thirty minutes after I get out of the shower, Leyah finally comes into the room and she just offers me a kind Leyah-grin before getting ready for bed. Yeah this is bad. 

When I attempt to think of something that might cheer me up other than Leyah. J-Hope immediately pops into my head. I grab my phone and text him about the performance in hopes that he might come see me. I fear the joy of performing might not even be enough to lift my spirits, so I'm enlisting the help of the sun incarnate, A.K.A. Jung Hoseok. He replies quickly saying he'll be there and just like that I have something to look forward to tomorrow.

The next day, I was the first to wake up, as usual, around four in the afternoon and got ready for the day. Not even the excitement of performing at the Mezzanine could put any pep in my step or erase this deep frown on my face. The girls hit the showers one after the other and proceed to do their own thing in the hotel room. Vicky and Carrie give me pitiful, curious looks, hoping I'll confide in them sometime today. Nope.

What concerns me most is that Leyah hasn't even acknowledged me yet, but I cannot tell if it's because she's being her normal self or if she took Darren's side last night and thinks I'm in the wrong and I can't take the suspense. Watching her decide what to wear today in front of her closet, I take the opportunity to approach her.

"Hey, Leyah. Can I talk to you?" I whisper, hoping the others in the next room can't hear me. She turns to me with a bored look on her face. "Is it about Darren, by any chance?" She droned. "Yes."

Leyah sighs loudly and a knowing smirk appears on her face. "You don't have to prove anything to me, Char. Darren may be my best friend, but so are you and to be honest, you were both dead wrong." I can't help, but chuckle at her incredibly true statement. She focuses back on her clothing as she continues. "He should never have even come over here last night and if I'm being honest, it's my fault he did-sorry about that by the way-"

"It's not your fault-"

"And I hear you said some... offensive things." Her eyes focused on nothing in particular, as if she was reliving Darren telling her what happened here. I look down guiltily. "... Yes." I mutter.

"... But nothing that wasn't true." She offers me a humorous side eye. I fight the urge to laugh again as I reply. "Even so, I shouldn't have said them. He looked really upset and... I don't know how to fix it."

"You're upset too... no?"

"Yes, I am... he seriously rubs me the wrong way sometimes, but I know I really fucked up."

Leyah suddenly gives me her full attention with one hand on her hip and one resting on her wardrobe. "I'm proud of you."

Her reply made my eyes pop out of my head and my brows stoop down low. "H-huh?"

"I'm proud of you." She repeats. "I thought you would have held a grudge 'cuz he hurt your feelings-"

"I refuse to admit he hurt my feelings." I immediately defend and Leyah just points at me and tilts her head, as if to say 'That! That right there.' I just roll my eyes in response.

"I'm glad to see you actually trying to make amends is what I'm saying."

"Thanks... I'm glad to see you showing emotion." I utter sheepishly to the ground.

"Hey, I can... emote." Leyah makes lazy jazz hands to enhance her argument and I huff out a laugh.

"Yeah, okay... thanks, Leyah. This is why I love you."

"Ew, your welcome." She cringes and continues to look for an outfit. I just laugh at her and make my exit. As I'm about to exit the room I hear Leyah mumble just under her breath "Love you too." and I feel a blinding smile split across my face. Caught ya.

I look back at the night stand clock and realize it's almost time to go and I'm made aware that I have a favor to ask of Leyah. I spin back into the room, startling Leyah.

"Oh, would you mind checking on the guys for me?" I try to show off my best set of puppy dog eyes. She basically deflates and give me a 'you can't hide forever' look, but agrees anyway.

"Thank you so much." I sang and went to leave the room again, but not before letting Leyah know what I heard. "Oh, and I heard that!" I toss over my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She whines in the distance.

The girls and I join Darren and Kyle in the hotel garage to pack the van. When the job is done and the crew makes their way inside, I notice Darren stay behind to make sure everything was secure and I decide to strike.

"Hey, Darren. Can I talk to you real quick?"

Darren barely acknowledges me, clearly still pissed off from last night, and looks around the garage before making brief eye contact with me.

"I don't know if now is the time Char." He says quickly before heading to the driver's seat and I grab his arm before he can enter.

"Okay, after the gig then?... Please?" I squeeze his arm gently and turn on the puppy dog eyes again. He sighs and looks to his far right at nothing of importance. "Sure, Char." He uttered as if it hurt him to give in to me.

"Thank you." I whisper before we part ways and head to the venue.

The Mezzanine is thankfully already packed with bodies from wall to wall, almost more than the last time we were here and I hope it's because they're here to see us.

Aubrey, the club manager, welcomes us as we enter through the back entrance around 7:50 PM. "Hi! I'm so glad you guys could come and play for us, I've heard good things about you guys."

I thank Evan mentally for the promotion as I shake Aubrey's hand. "Thank you so much for letting us perform!" I say in my bubbly leader-voice.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the Mezzanine actually have stage hands to help the music acts set up. This place is more official than I originally assumed. That left me too much time to avoid Darren backstage, as if he wasn't already doing the same thing to me. 

As soon as the instruments are set up, the girls and I take the stage and give the Mezzanine the best performance they ever saw. "We are She-Bang! Goodnight!" I yell into the mic at the end of our set, receiving an even louder, enthusiastic reaction from the crowd. I guess they were here for us, that or we just gained a lot more fans.

After we dismantled the the equipment and the regular club music started pumping from the speakers, the group decided to stay and party for a little while, as usual. We all grab drinks from the bar and hit the crowded dance floor.

I can't help, but dwell on the fact that I didn't see Jay in the crowd tonight. Not that I could detect many faces, but his, I could usually pick out of the bunch. He is one of a kind. He didn't even bother to text me or call and tell me he couldn't make it and that's what actually pissed me off. But we aren't even together so I guess I can let up a little bit with the 'not calling' mess. J-Hope is a busy man, he probably got caught up in something.

I find my own place in the sweaty, gyrating throng of people and shake off the unnecessary thoughts, literally. As I look up from my tipsy stupor, I spot Darren from across the room. How we got so far apart is beyond me and I was thankful for it, until he began to make his way towards me and I started to panic. You asked for this, Char, it's now or never.

But as I mentally prepare myself for this conversation I see Darren's eyes narrow on something behind me. He stops in his tracks and his neutral expression turns to one of anger as I feel a pair of hands cover my face, gently from behind. I'm overtaken by fear just before a familiar cologne fills my nostrils and a beautifully deep voice fills my ears. "Guess who?". I turn around immediately in wonder, all thoughts of Darren gone from my mind. I am met with J-Hope's handsome, smiling face and his wandering hands on my hips. Not a second later we were each devouring each other in a messy, tangled kiss.

"I missed you." I breathed out heavily once we departed.

You just saw him yesterday.

Shut up.

"I missed you too." He laughed easily.

"I thought you weren't coming for a minute." I wrap my arms around his neck and we instinctively sway to the music.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I got caught up with something for work. I missed most of the set actually, but I made it! You guys sounded amazing... from what I heard." He finished timidly.

See? Overreacting as usual.

"It's okay, Jay. I am glad you made it. So now you can dance with me." I said flirtatiously, pressing my body closer to his.

"Of course." Was his response as he held me tighter and moved to the beat. Jay and I take after the crowd and grind our bodies together. I press my backside to his groin and roll my body on his and I can feel his reaction through his jeans, causing a smug smirk to grace my lips. All the while, Jay is tending to the weak spot below my jaw, causing my legs to slightly weak.

I make a conscious, but split decision to request that Jay and I take this party elsewhere. We've known each other for a few weeks now, it's obvious we're sexually attracted to each other and it helps that Jay is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. And I haven't gotten laid since a week before we met. What's holding me back? 

The only reason I haven't pursued him this way before was because I wanted to take things slow since I actually might have feelings for him. Who am I kidding, I definitely have feelings for this kid. But I don't want to be his girlfriend, if that makes any sense. That word still stirs up anxiety in me. Jesus please take the wheel.

I open my eyes and intend to lean up and share my raunchy ideas with Jay, but I'm distracted by Darren's disappointed gaze from where he sat in the back of the club with Leyah nursing her drink and minding her own business directly next to him. 

We share a few more moments of silent, tense conversation until Leyah realizes what he's staring at and literally grips his chin in her hand and turns his attention towards her. After Leyah has a couple choice words with Darren, without responding, he decides to take a seat at the bar and mind his own business as well. I send Leyah a nod in thanks, then I hear J-Hope's smooth voice in my ear.

"Everything okay?" I quickly turn around to face him fully. "Everything is fine." I answer and place a sloppy kiss to his lips promptly as incentive for my next demand. Before I can open my mouth, J-Hope beats me to the punch.

"You wanna get outta here?" He asks as he strokes my cheek gently with his thumb. "I thought you'd never ask." My blissful reply causing a smile to spread across his face. "Just lemme tell the girls and we can go." He nods and follows me to the back of the club.

I approach Leyah, who seems to have been ditched by everyone already. "Hey, where is everyone?" Leyah puts down her drink and nods at Jay behind me. "Scattered around the club, they didn't leave, don't worry."

"Good. Well, Jay and I are gonna head out. Ya'll gonna be okay without me?"

"Yeah, sure." She shrugs, her hooded eyes and usually bored demeanor told me that she would be just fine without me, indeed.

I chuckle. "Is Darren okay?"

"He's... Darren. Didn't like what he saw too much, but... what are you gonna do?" Her eyes drift to Darren, sipping his drink morosely at the bar. She tried to shrug off the pity she felt for her best friend for my sake.

"Alright, well, I'll see you guys later." Leyah just waves in response and goes back to sipping her drink and browsing her phone.

J-Hope and I make our way through the crowd, to his car and once inside, he turns to me. "Have you eaten?" Oh.

"No, I haven't." I say, feeling out the situation.

"Oh, well, my friend told me about this neat restaurant on 9th. Would you wanna go? Or did you have anything in particular in mind?" He finishes with that hopeful smile. Yeah, your place.

Attempting to conceal my shock, due to Jay asking me to dinner instead of to fuck, I force my face into a kind smile. "Nope, anywhere's fine." It's okay, we can wait an hour to get some.

We travel for about five minutes to the place J-Hope mentioned. He finds parking, opens my door for me and leads me to the entrance with his hand rested on my lower back as usual. Above the entrance is a barely lit up logo of the restaurant's name; Taste Me. I tilt my head slightly in intrigue at the name, but shake it off. My attention is then brought to the view through the window of the establishment. It is hard to make anything out through the dark veil of the curtains, except that there is candle light and it is empty inside. I grow more and more suspicious of this place the closer we get, but I keep my thoughts to myself as Jay seems pretty excited about this place.

As we walk in, my suspicions, though I'm not sure what they are, are confirmed. The room was a small square shape with a door directly to the back and the walls were a rich, dark wood. Oak? Mahogany maybe? I'm not sure. The lighting in the room was pretty dark. There was only one small chandelier and a few candles on two brown, pub tables near the windows. In front of the door sat a young, blonde, woman dressed in all black on a bar stool who was scrolling through her phone. Okay.

It had great potential to be a quaint little restaurant... if only it had furniture... and food... and people.

Jay and I approach the woman who doesn't bother to look up from her phone in the slightest. "Excuse me." He tries to get her attention after a few moments of awkward silence. She looks up in a fright, as if she had no idea people had just walked into the building. "Yeah?" Is she says with a hint of annoyance in her voice. I know she didn't.

"We'd like a table for two please, if you don't mind." Jay demands, getting a little annoyed himself.

The girl's eyebrows sky rocket, so as to communicate that she has no idea what he's talking about. "What?" she mutters in shock.

"I said may we please have a table for two... please." He repeats, losing patience. I fight back a smile at the sight. The blonde also seems to be fighting back the giggles as she endeavors to come up with an answer to the question. "Uhhh... erm-I..." She continued to stammer.

Oh, for the love of God.

"Do you have any tables available, or not?" I snapped at her, just wanting to get this over with. I'm trying to laid here, lady.

"Um, sure." She finally forms a complete thought, though she is still fighting off laughter and it's pissing both me and Jay off. "You can just-just go through that door and someone should be there to help you out." She pointed to the door directly behind her.

"Thank you, I guess." Jay says and lets me drag him through the door. As I turn the knob and open it, I can hear the world's worst hostess let out a whimsical laugh from behind us and J-Hope let out an authentic gasp. We allow the door to close behind us as we stand there in complete awe.

Suddenly, I'm overcome with equal amounts of amusement and embarrassment as I burst out in a fit of laughter.

Taking in all of the different types of dildos, vibrators, plugs and costumes I realize J-Hope and I are standing in the middle of one of the biggest adult toy stores I have ever seen.

This is rich.