#so i am. quite disappointed in myself

[projectdivaar]

41% on my maths test...

[gnomishness]

The song Brutal by Olivia Rodrigo was written for teenage Kevin Day in the Nest and no one can convince me otherwise.

[bookinit02]

having an entirely unique problem right now where i want to brag about my grad school plans in my instagram caption but my extended family follows me and i have been lying to my parents about my major for the last four years . why have i done this? who knows🙂

[corpsentry]

there’s something so epic about hetero chinese period dramas and i think one part of it is that there is absolutely nowhere in the narrative i could exist.

lately i’ve been on a western media detox— i’ve cleaned english language music out of my playlists and have never been able to stomach western dramas anyway, so that part is easy— which might seem funny, because if i’m in singapore and i hate it and i won’t touch american music then what’s left? the answer is the false binarism of chinese period dramas, at least for me. the badly written ones are misogynistic and stupid and the better ones are less of those things, but regardless the world that emerges is clean-cut and easy to parse. there’s someone to root for and someone to hate. there’s a girl and a boy. there’s the comedy and the drama, the sheer thick drama, the music that signals to you precisely how to feel before the scene even starts going

try to jam a fifth culture transnational transgender they/them with 2 mental illness and 1 autoimmune disease into this world and it simply doesn’t work. and that’s kinda epic lolzers! it’s like watching high fantasy, or super hardcore sci-if. it both represents a simulacrum of the real world and is so far from the reality you know that you understand it as a hypothetical universe, one that disincludes you on principle. i exclude myself from the story and in doing so fangfei from moyuyunjian’s steely gaze becomes all the more important. i give so many shits and laugh and yell and spectate. but i am safe from the eyes of its inhabitants. if i entered the story it would break. so i sit outside of it, clapping by myself

in other news, we gave up on mysterious lotus casebook 16 episodes in. there are many character archetypes in these shows that i can no longer stand; the salacious sexy seductive supervillain lady is not necessarily one of them but the way they did miss ‘this man didn’t even Look at me when all men fall at my knees so i hated him’ ‘no one is allowed to steal buttchin from me’ jiao was way up there. surely a woman can have multiple personality traits and yet you would think from this drama that that is not at all true. and the strange harem that grew around li lianhua despite his absolute loser attitude— like i get it, he’s the gintoki of this show, that’s hot, but the way the women who were into him were written made me want to Eat Horse. it bothered me that di feisheng and lianhua’s homo as fuck dynamic was so intriguing and them + fang duobing was a winning trio but all the women in the show were written like complete fucking ass, and one of the big antagonists being a woman, the stakes throughout were not only lost to me but also Pissed Me Off. also, that case about the corpse flowers dragged on forever and all my pocky wilted

I Just Think, women deserve better in these damn stories. make them slutty as hell, sure, but make them other things too and i mean this in the most generous sense. slutty and proud. slutty and weird. slutty and oblivious. literally anything at all so they don’t come out cardboard flat from all angles. this is why i have a personal vendetta against the ditzy clueless female protagonist as well because if everything stems from the fact that she doesn’t know shit it’s like please someone Please tell her shit i’m on my hands and knees begging. give her more to chew on she’s dying of boredom over there

this is why i liked the so called antagonist of blossoms in adversity best (spoilers ahead). he was cruel as hell to huazhi and gu yanxi’s only parental figure. he was paranoid and selfish and lonely and craved a son’s love from the one person he couldn’t hold onto. in the end he is pushed further and further by huazhi, who won’t give in, to isolate yanxi from the people he loves and to lash out at those people as a way of punishing yanxi. and when he dies it’s because of his own distrust, his own negligent parenting, his absent cruelty from decades of insomnia and lack of faith in his people. but he cries for yanxi, and there’s something so human about that. to think of evil not as a first principle but rather an adjective for a verb that is set in motion by other events. to be honest, i haven’t seen such thoughtful writing in any chinese period drama before or after that and i strongly suspect i will never see such writing again in this genre but man, it was so fucking good (spoilers end).

in the meantime, i’ve dragged my mother to moyuyunjian/the double for the return casting of liu xiening and wang xingyue who are Eating so hard. they’ve got wang xingyue done up with the sluttiest makeup and liu xiening is breaking my heart with her pout and her Sassy Mean constitution and this is a revenge story, yes, but it’s a double revenge story. it’s a grief story. and fangfei is carrying more on her shoulders than lingbuyi imo, and doing so with much more grace too. her step mom’s a dick but she’s a smart, 5d chess playing dick who wears hot shades of green so i’m personally interested enough to keep watching (something lotus casebook DID NOT accomplish with their epic female antagonist…. mein gotte). and the princess too. unhinged as hell but god, so charismatic. and beautiful, with scary big eyes and the sweetest head tilt. fun fun fun! that’s fun character writing right there. the comedy might be too straightforward for my tastes but everything else is kind of hot and sexy And after the coming of age ceremony when jiangli appeared amidst the flowers i felt my throat close up even though we saw her for all of one (1) episode). i was like yes. they got me alright. i Care now

really that’s all that matters isn’t it. we want stories about people we care for. we want to give a shit. why else would we listen to the stories of other people. we are looking for us and the people we love in them

oh also moyuyunjian soundtrack goes hard as hell i love a little three step waltz. here’s a pic from the ‘gym’ for ur time. guten night

[tragedia]

this is winfred listening to bellara talk

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[13eyond13]

.

[charmre]

The more I go through business grad school, the more I realize I don't belong and belong in a more creative field

But, idk how stable the creative fields are right now, so I'm in business school trying desperately to fit in yet not????

:////

[fappellmoan]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

[applejarjar]

Shitstorm of a day

[fragmentedblade]

.

[girlscience]

the adrenaline rush after talking to someone who gives you severe anxiety but the conversation went super well and was super helpful: unparalleled

[cambriancruelty]

CAMBRIAN: I miss card games :( ):

[sadlazzle]

eh maybe i’ll calm down n enjoy the rest of ds3 tomorrow. i FUCKING doubt it tho L M A O

[adore-gregor]

So

[entitled-fangirl]

So eager.

Cregan Stark x wife!reader

Summary: Cregan's usually nervous wife has a little too much to drink.

Warnings: talks of sex, making out, being drunk,

A/n: not a gif of Cregan, but like... girl. Also, based on an ask!!!

Masterlist

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"Surely, you should slow down," Cregan gently suggested as he took the chalice from his wife's hand. 

She giggled when their fingers brushed, "Why would I when I am so thoroughly enjoying myself?"

He set the glass down on a nearby table, "You're a wonder, my love. Let us take you to bed."

A playful look came over her eyes, " 'Take me to bed?' I'd quite like that." She reached up and ran a hand over his chest. She gave him her best bedroom eyes despite the glaze over them from the alcohol. "And tell me what we'd do."

A chuckle escapes up from his chest as he grabs her waist. "We'd sleep." 

Her brows furrowed in disappointment. "Was that a jest?"

He rubbed her hips softly. "No. I'm afraid I'm not. It has been a long night. You deserve rest."

She leaned up on her tip-toes and brushed her lips against his jaw. 

His grip on her hips tightened to hold her in place when she began to kiss and nip at his skin. A low rumble came from him. "Easy, love."

"I want to go to bed with you, Cregan." She whined quietly into his ear, "Take me to bed and have your way with me."

"Gods, you test my self-control, sweet wife." He looked around the busy feast. "C'mon."

She giggled, confident that she had won him over. Their hands intertwined.

The two moved out of the banquet hall and into the corridor. She felt as if she couldn't keep up with his large stride and it caused a blush to creep over her cheeks due to the belief that he was truly eager to make love to her.

She tugged at his hand and he paused to look at her, stopping in his tracks. "Something the matter, lovely? We're almost there."

She stepped up to him and gently pushed him backwards. He let her, giving in as his back rested against a wall. He only stared down at her with a soft look in his eyes.

He knew what she was doing, and he knew she would be completely embarrassed by her movements in the morning regardless, so he decided he wouldn't let her go too far.

She was much too shy normally. Sure, they had completed their marital duties many times, very eagerly in fact, but she was always hesitant to make the first move. She always feared she'd look too unladylike.

So Cregan was silently enjoying this new side of her. The little smirk on his face as he observed her said enough.

She kept her hands on his chest, as if they could truly keep him pinned against the wall, but he humored her. Her body pressed against his as she tried to resume what she had started before. She kissed up his neck and to his cheek agonizingly slow. "Kiss me?" She asked.

He chuckled at that and let his hand move around her waist, the other moving into her hair. "What a lousy husband I'd be to deny that." 

He leaned in but paused for a moment. His hand on her waist moved to her cheek. "You're quite flushed. Are you feeling alright?"

She smiled, "Oh, I feel quite perfect." She kissed his jaw again. "The mere thought of you brings heat to my cheeks. Is that bad?"

"No," he quickly corrected. He pulled her face back so he could look at her again. "But I believe it's the drinks that have affected you."

She leaned her cheek into his palm. "Are you going to love me or not?"

"You know I love you." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. 

It felt heavy, a pressure that was grounding her. 

She reciprocated his motions with ease. It was second nature to her. 

His hand in her hair pulled down gently which tilted her head further up to him. She groaned lightly, "Take me, husband."

"You know I can't," he whispered.

"Please."

"You beautiful woman, I can take you to our bed, but I will not take you tonight."

She pecked his lips again, "Can't I do anything to change your mind?"

He grinned as his thumb brushed her cheek. "No, my love. I'm firm on this." At her disappointment, he continued. "But I will walk you to our chambers. Does that fair with you?"

She hummed in thought. "Are you angry with me?"

"No. Not at all. But I know you well enough to know you'll be entirely embarrassed by everything you've done so far."

"You're certain?"

"Very much. Now, let's get you some rest."

She pressed one last kiss to his lips before giving in.

He intertwined their hands and pulled her down the hall again. Eventually, they made it to their room and he made quick work of getting her into her nightgown. 

"You'll stay?" She asked him when she pulled the furs over her. 

"I'll stay until you fall asleep. I fear I didn't give a proper goodnight to the lords in the banquet hall, so I'll do so after I know you're finding rest," he said as he sat on the bed.

"You're sure I can't have you tonight?" She tried one more time.

"You can have me all you wish for in the morning."

She grinned, "That's a promise?"

"It is. Now, sleep."

True to his word, he stayed with her until she began to lightly snore.

…

The next morning, her eyes creaked open then closed once again due to the brightness coming from the window. A groan left her mouth.

"Late start today, I see?" Cregan's voice echoed.

She forced her eyes to open.

Cregan stood from the sofa in their chambers and moved to her. "I'm sure your head hurts."

Her voice was low and groggy, "No, I'm fine."

He chuckled, "Well, when you sit up, I'm sure it will."

"Why would it?"

"You don't remember?" He asked in surprise.

Her cheeks flushed. "Did I make a fool of myself?"

"No, beautiful. Though, it was close." She moved to sit up and he rushed to her, caressing the back of her neck as she did so, "Easy."

Exactly as he had guessed, pain felt as if it was splitting her head in two. She let out a whine and covered her eyes again. 

"C'mere," he cooed. As he sat next to her, facing the headboard, he leaned her body into him and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's only the aftereffects. I dare say you drank much more than I believed your size could manage."

She wanted to speak, but the pain felt too great, so she groaned instead.

He reached out and grabbed something from the nightstand and pulled her away from him carefully, "Here."

She eyed the cup in his hand and shook her head, "I don't want to drink anymore."

His confusion turned to amusement. "This is water."

With that, she took the cup and gulped it down, relishing in the way it soothed her dry throat. 

He brushed her hair back from her face. "Any better?"

She hummed and leaned back into him. 

"Any other pain besides your head?"

As if on cue, there rose a horrid taste in her saliva that she hadn't noticed before. 

"Lovely?"

"Hmm?"

He became more concerned. "I asked you a question."

"No, just… just my head."

"Oh, you're an awful liar."

"Cregan, please," she muttered against him.

"I had the maester brew you a tea. Should be here soon. Tell me what else is hurting you."

She was fighting with herself as the bile rose. 

"Hey," he pushed. "Speak to me."

She let out a whine. 

He kissed the top of her head. "C'mon."

"I…" she paused and pulled away from him quickly, scrambling to get away from the bed.

"Wait. Wait!" He tried to grab her but he missed. 

She dropped to her knees by the chamber pot and waited. Sweat dripped from her forehead and her fingers shook as she opened it. Lucky for her, it had been cleaned earlier that morning. 

He immediately moved to her and knelt down beside her. His hand rubbed up and down her back.

She finally bent down and hurled into the pot. 

He grimaced but forced it down. He reached up and tried to pull her hair away from her face. 

She leaned back and let out a light sob. 

He wiped the sweat from her forehead. "It's alright. You're alright. Think you're done?"

She sniffled and nodded. 

He helped pull her up onto her shaky legs.

Once back on the bed, he pulled her to him, letting her cuddle into his side.

"I suppose you don't want me this morning," he teased her.

Her face turned scarlet. 

"Shame. You were so eager," he continued with a smirk. "We'll get you that tea, and you can rest again. How would that fair?"

She only nodded. 

"I've got you, sweet girl. Don't you worry."

Silence consumed them for a while before she spoke, "You think maybe later then?"

"What?"

"When I feel well enough. Don't tease me if you won't follow through."

That got him scarlet.

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